Show them how confident you are. Example, my narcissistic boss asked me how I felt about loyalty. I told her "I am loyal to principles, not people. People can be dishonest. Principles are reliable." Hearing those words, she looked like she was having a stroke. She fell silent and limited contact with me after that.
@@tlovesgreens8244 thing was, she fired me eventually, but I knew that was going to happen. But the powers that be finally caught on and fired her. At least I escaped with my self esteem.
Isnt that terrifying though? I said a very similar thing to a psychiatrist I had who was textbook NPD (among other issues including substance abuse) and he took offense to it and became passive aggressive insisting that I was trying to make him feel stupid. It is so strange what sets off a narcissist yes there are obvious things but there are weird human like traits that they despice for some reason in others.
@@nateo200 it can be, but I try to approach my life by keeping my integrity. I think it's important to stand up to toxic people/situations even if I may pay a personal price doing so. I told her the absolute truth about what I believed about loyalty. I left the conversation not feeling "oh boy, I zinged her", rather that I stayed consistent with my integrity. There's a price to pay for that. I'm willing to pay it.
@@MaxNiederle I always have. That psychiatrist no longer has a job. I no doubt took a ton more abuse from setting boundaries and confronting what amounted to abuse and medical malpractice but I think it was worth it. But you describe it well, it wasn’t about insulting the guy or getting revenge just accountability especially given how truly outrageous my situation was as it involved one of his unstable residents who did plenty of damage. I seriously cannot even believe what I went through actually happened at times because it is psychotic but you have to remember that NPD folks usually have antisocial traits especially the covert narcissist cebrebral type academics men.
@@nateo200 oh yes. These people are shuffled through the system. They get fired then go on to bigger and better jobs. Ultimately, even those these folks are sick, it all comes down to power versus the truth. Individuals are usually oriented to one or the other. Some to both, such as Gandhi, Jesus, Martin Luther King, but you see what happens when you have the courage to tell the truth. I much prefer to "gray rock" these sick folks when I can, but if there are other people involved who are being hurt, (especially when I'm in a leadership position), I resist/stand up/fight
1. Do not take the bait. - Don't wrestle the pig. 2. Stick to your truth. 3. Create organization. Narcs love chaos. 4. Use their image and insecurities against them. 5. Focus on healing yourself. On rebuilding your life. They failed to destroy you.
For me, the healing came instantly. The second I saw a list of behavior patterns that matched my experience EXACTLY, it was a wonderful moment of Cathartic RELIEF. Like the end of a saga where I finally learned, whodunnit. Don't be INVALIDATED, ever.
I walked away, blocked and moved on with my life. I will not give a Narcissist even a millimeter of my life. Once I find out someone is a Narcissist, I am done. I am not playing any games with a demonic spirit disguising as a disorder.
When I was happy at the complicated and painful first birth of our daughter, I was thrilled because she was so beautiful born on a special religious Sunday. He was violent sexually, psychologically and physically towards me and the newborn inside the flat. When I asked him why he was doing all that I was crying all the time, he answered: "I enjoy to screw up your mind."
@@brigitanovinec439 I was cooking my husband something new for dinner that I thought he would really like, and he kept pestering me to the point that I accidentally messed up the recipe. It was a mistake that couldn't be undone. I was so frustrated that I dumped it all in the garbage disposal. After a cry in the bathroom, I asked him why he did that. His answer was: "There wasn't anything good on TV." We had only been married for 6 months at that point. As time went by, the attacks became more frequent and more vicious. If he had been that way when we were dating . . . .
I didn't understand for many years that I have been living with a bunch of narcissists. My mother-in-law, (who is now deceased), my husband, some of his friends, and almost everyone who works for him. Pls pray that I can find better friends and relatives who truly value me, and move on with my life, because such abuse for more than 20 years has drained me. I don't want to suffer emotionally and physically anymore.
My wife and I are suffering from my narc mom. Just yet she came and said KEEP FEEDING YOUR FILTHY FAT WIFE.. and even though she is pregnant and suffering health issues...but I remained silent...we are like valued 0 and suffer heavy abuses from our own mom I discovered is actually a narc.. it hurts so bad I wanna destroy everything 😭😭😭
If we don't know what is happening to us by narcissists people, then we think it's us. It isn't us. Don't suffer anymore. I have been reading and listening to bruce lipton, neville goddard and dr. joe despensa. They have helped me tremendously as well as Danish. Whatever we think about, we bring about.
The way I tortured them is by mirroring to them their own behaviors (short of being abusive) then ignore and not react to their tantrums. Then I go no contact and live my life with joyful success; not as revenge but because I want to maintain my peace. ✌️
My narc used to throw big man tantrums. So as soon as I noticed he's on his way to one, I would say go and throw your tantrum away from me. And ignored them totally.
You could repeat their child like remarks back to them. They speak as of they are the leaders of junior high "mean girls " groups...lol. They do not behave like adults....even the Narcissist men....they behave like a "mean girl "...it's so dumb.."Everybody hates you "...Adults know we can not know who Everybody hates....that's gaslighting and say they can not reason. The more they lie, the more they need to lie in the future. Lying causes them to need to believe their own lies...and it emotionally stunts them. They behave like they are in junior high...lol.
I took my revenge on the Narcissist I was with for 18 years by leaving. Packing my belongings into a moving truck,getting in,not looking back and leaving. No grey rock,no angry words,no discussions. Just gone.
1. Ignore them. 2. Don't react to subtle insults. Act like you didn't even understand the insults. They will eventually say something explicit. You can then file an official complaint. 3. Do not rely on them for anything. 4. Find new friends and cut the narcissist loose. 5. Make your own decisions without consulting them. 6. Do not take their free advice. Do your own thing. 7. Decline their "help" which we know comes with a lot of strings attached. 8. When they need you, make them wait. Do not drop whatever else you are doing and rush to their help. 9. Protect your time and boundaries. Never let them violate either. 10. When they trash talk someone else, do not join in. Just be like whatever. 11. Become friends with people the Narcissist hates most. Do not cut ties with anyone based on what the Narcissist says.
What if they trash talk about me? I know I should ignore it but it's easier said than done. I gained weight because of the stress they put me in :(. I kept remembering the image of them gossiping about me, things that were not true
1.) Child stuck in an Adult's body. 2.) Ignore them. Don't argue with them. Tell them their behavior is unacceptable 3.) Tell them "That is your opinion" or That tells me a lot about you". 4,) Organize your life and your home. 5.) Use their personal 'image' against them.
@@deneyacarter6779 Yes, take their favorite toys away. Ignore their behavior. And put them in time-out. And if you have to talk to them, always be polite but 'chuckle' before you answer them. Laughter is like nails on a chalkboard to them. lol
@@mikejohn0088 Depends upon 'which' type of NPD you are dealing with. If it's in person & they are violent; then they will stock you, break down doors, assault you or even try & rape you. If it's over the phone; take you time & dissect them piece by piece. They'll come back everyday, thinking they'll win the next fight. I call it, "Their daily beating". They get so frustrated, they'll scream, cuss & throw down the phone. I just laugh. That will make them so mad, they will get physically sick. And when they see, you've moved on with your life and your are doing better than they are; that pisses them off.
@@deneyacarter6779I wonder if that's why you grandma never let's me throw anything away and has spent the past 2-3 years telling me "not right now" whenever I try to go through and separate clothes I can't wear.
Point 4 says: Use their image against them. That's basically playing psychological games. Not gonna end well with a narcissist. You're right, when it comes to the rest of the video though.
Take away their supplie and stay silent and give them no attention good or bad..they will torture themselves wondering all the possible. Scenarios of you retaliating against them etc..they trust bo one but the really will not trust you being dead silent and not chasing after them etc...al they care is supply its a drug to them..they do not care about you or the other supplies...they just don't..they really are miserable inside ..and that's on them amd not you
The video is about situations where you are confronted with narcissism and there's no way out. Like on the job or so. Family situations. Iow where you are kinda forced to have to deal with them. I like his take on that, you will have to make sure they can't get to you. One way of doing that is making sure you are effortlessly getting under THEIR skin. It's not torture for the sake of torturing... more to send a signal : 'back off'....
I tortured my narcissistic ex my simply not taking his baits. He tried making me jealous, nothing, he tried to get me to chase, nothing, he tried reverse psychology, still nothing. When he ghosted, l left him to it, no phone call, no begging, so when he ran and saw l wasn’t chasing, he eventually came back and tried to start the process all over again with his love bombing. This process happened on and off throughout the years because l did not know who he was. Now with education and an epiphany, the truth was stripped bare. I was completely disgusted and walked away for the first and the last time. I know who l am. I am not just an empath, l am a super empath and so much more. Narcissists anger me and even though l know l still have some healing to do, my narc ex has no chance in getting away with playing his Jedi mind tricks on me again.
1) don’t take the bait 2) deflect when they try to gaslight you and don’t react! My truth is known to me 3) narcissists hate organization but thrive on disorganization. They hate stability. 4) use their image against them. They want to be accepted and validated ✅ 5) focus 🧘♀️ on your life and rebuilding your life! -best one ☝️ of them all. Get out of the abusive cycle 🔁 . Step out if the bubble 🫧 they put you in. Thank you so much 😊
My sister and I bought a home and acreage considering my sister's daughter living with us. We found she made our neighbors think she owned our home. Then she had three large dogs caged in her bedroom. At 5:00 am her dogs started to bark and made noises to go outside. Of course, not being trained, they used the deck and she never cleaned the deck. Well, I had enough! At 5:00 am, I played Italian music loudly. Then I told her to clean up after the dogs. Then she started to slam the doors. My sister and I decided to kick her out. We told her, she went into a rang. She called the police and lied, saying we were abusing her. She never paid for rent, utilities, food, etc. She moved, never repaying us for the thousand of dollars. She is on her fourth marriage now. We feel sad for her husband who will have hell and very little left money.
Dear dr. Bashir, I am an italian psychiatrist and psychotherapist, very impressed by your ability in describing narcissistic interpersonal functioning! You are cristal clear. Bravissimo! 👏👏👏
overcoming the own drama with such parents is the best ever study, no psychiatrist study can be replacement. I am glad for you as one from the sea of psychiatrists that is given him a price! Well done.
I’ve shut down a narcissist who was trying to change my decisions with their flawed thinking simply by saying gently but confidently, “I don’t believe that” and looking directly into their eyes. The clarity I had in that moment must’ve shown in my eyes, and their face completely changed out of surprise and being put in their place. The great thing about this is that I was telling them they were wrong, and they couldn’t say I was wrong, because I made it about individual beliefs.
Ideally.... But some family relationships aren't as cut and dry. They may have children you love and want to a show what a healthy adult looks like. You may work for them and not have another option right now. You may be disabled and not have options (often happens in the way the US healthcare system is set up. Disability services are based on previous year income which, if it includes the narcissists income, could disqualify someone for services and health insurance. Medicare takes 2 1/2 years to take over from the date someone is declared legally disabled.)
@@aleafox1675if you live with them put on headphones 🎧 make sure they look like these it creates a barrier between them trying to communicate with you try it out works like a charm
The thing is, it’s so difficult to be joyous around others and look like you are ignoring them, otherwise you look like the bad guy. People don’t see the gaslighting, the twisting, the lies, the false promises, the name calling - they just see you being distant and unfriendly
@@CannabiscloudsSs That's right. My MIL is a narcissist and she only cares about herself. I've had to deal with her for the past 25 years. She is pure evil.
When I finally realized I was dealing with a narcissist, every time he said something crazy, insulting, or lied, I stopped arguing. I just smiled and said “Okay” and walked away. This made him insane. It truly did torture him.
When I did that...he thought I agreed with him. And after a while in another conversation when he said you agreed with me why now you are doing differently. I said, I was just hearing your upset speaking I haven't even talk or argue with you.
Try not to become a narcissist by reversing the role. It's also important to realise that when someone has more insight or risk associated with a situation, then being clueless or non caring can wrongfully be associated with narcism. Always remember that a narcissist is out to destroy you. What this guy is trying to do is just a reverse role. You cannot cure narcism. You have to ask yourself, how can I contribute not to be one myself. This is why we need to get to know ourselves before we go out and control the emotions of others.
One of the most important lessons I learned from these videos is that they thrive on your reaction to their bad treatment of you and the chaos and inconsistent behaviour they subject you to. My reaction to days of love bombing and then radio silence for weeks would be to get angry. I started acting like I hadn’t noticed they hadn’t got in touch but also became aware of how they wanted me to feel and didn’t fall into the trap. Just lived my life without bothering. Your reaction to their maltreatment is sweet fuel to them. They use it to portray themselves as victims to their enablers. Trust your instincts about them. Love shouldn’t feel confusing and toxic. Real love and connection is natural and reciprocal.
It's crazy making. Like whaaattt? Don't you have anything more productive to do with your time?? Cuz I sure do! We need to be given awards for trudging through the madness. Hopefully, the end reward/result is finding freedom and learning how to never get in a similar relationship again.
Yup yup yup-still feel a bit of a twinge when walking back or away from a narcissist, and end up dodging incoming slings and arrows from any mutual friends/acquaintances/family members concerned about MY mental health…they work tirelessly to isolate and ignore me and when I do recuse myself from their circle they turn around and insist on devaluing me and my reputation to others. It feels like a trap because I cannot explain how I do not wish to tolerate the treatment I receive nor witness the poor behavior and treatment of others because it would cause more drama and distress for myself and others. Those who don’t/can’t/won’t see through the narcissist’s superficial charm and caught up in the cat and mouse pursuit while narcissist toying and abusing them unable to understand my position. Triangulation always a part of unhealthy dynamics. I don’t wish to contribute. I do know better than to be open about my feelings in this kind of situation, but I feel a little guilty or uncomfortable when I’m not being entirely honest in response to the inevitable “concern” inquiries whenever I need to disengage from narcissistic environment. Accept they’ll always need to blame my “failures” or “problems” for the distancing. But i don’t like it.
but what about your heart? mind understands but heart still attached emotionally/ i am very caring empathetical and loving, i understand all the red flags but hard to let go mentally. Sometimes i think maybe i just overthink, maybe i just should stop watching all these videos and anxiety comes. Than watch these videos, relief comes, than anxiety and fear of thta i let go my person comes again
@@cynthiaestrada8318 That's a personal choice that I chose to take. I cut contact with any family member that disrespects my boundaries and shows themselves to be toxic!!!
@@OlhaBendzar But in the end, you know the advice is correct. The fact is that you probably care more about the narcissist than the narcissist cares about you.
My sisters and father are narcissists. I've gone no contact for 5 years now with my sisters & 2 years no contact with my dad. I've worked hard to be happy. I look at it this way. Happiness is like a garden. It takes a lot of work so if you have a dead rose bush then you pull it out. Best decision of my life.
Same with me. Narcissist sister I have t spoken to on 2 1/2 years and a Narc father but he is 96 I can’t go no contact but I don’t see him that often. It’s hard but it’s the best peace to help ourselves. Stay away from them..
@@3-DtimeCosmology It doesn’t matter if your mom is narcissists or not. She is your mother. At least you have to respect her endeavour gave when you were a child. I totally agree you are a narcissist and toxic.
This is so true. #5, I went back to school and became a registered nurse. After that I no longer wanted to participate in any of his narcissist's games. I was no longer "Fun" to him. He gave me the silent treatment, forbid me to take a job, wrote a daily schedule by hour of what I was suppose to do, and "upped" his head games and bad treatment towards me. I made great friends in school and at my hospital job. My new life changed me and he went CRAZY! We were married for 13 yrs and I finally started doing what I wanted. He divorced me in about 6 months or so. It was still very painful for me, if you can believe it I still wanted to stay married. I was so brain washed by him. I thank God every day that he helped me out of that horrible existence. When you are out of it, at least for me I started seeing how toxic it truely was. I can't believe another human being could treat me like that and I forgive myself for letting him do it all those years.
Free at last, free at last, thank God Almighty, free at last! Good for you. I was together with my wife for 40 years before finally having had my share of lies, abuse. manipulation, control, panic attacks, and gaslighting. She became even angrier while we were going through the divorce because I was no longer under her control and just laughed at her attempts to regain dominance over me. After the divorce became final, I went through a period of time realizing just how much she had been controlling my every day life. At first I thought to myself, how could I have been so ignorant not realize this was happening to me? After reading up on the behaviors of narcissists I became aware of just how good they are at creating chaos. It's hard to see things for what they truly are when you're in a constant state of turmoil and upheaval. Stay on your current course and enjoy your newfound happiness and freedom.
I had a narcissistic ex wife. Dont miss her at all. Sanity is much more valuble. Now I have a great wife. Also sister look into islam and revert, eternal happiness in this life and the afterlife Almighty willing.
The way to torture a narcissist is to give them silence treatment, stonewalling , don't defend , to justify , don't explain and don't personalize from my knowledge and understand sychology!!! Don't ever take the bait !!!
@@usernameisunavailable8270 absolutely!!!! Stonewalling is inappropriate and awful act toward healthy individuals !!! Narcs have ruined millions lives in this universe especially kids and young adults , kids are dropping out of school due to the abuse and bullies that they have encounter during they school years etc....knowledge and education is crucial for every human being to acquire so that toxic and delusional people won't ever come close to you etc...
I have no problem giving Narcs harsh truths or even a cup of STFU. Bully's can't take what they dish out and will go moonbat crazy when you ignore them.
To put it simply, the best way to make a narcissist's life hell is to just do your best to live a good life without them. As the old saying goes, living well is the best revenge.
I have the problem that my narcissist family members stole my part of the inheritance I got. I just don’t want to give up that money. I can’t start a new live until I got that money back.
@@SN-bl6xmThey’ll do anything to keep the money because you want it. Your only real option is to live without the $. When they lose control you shall win. My wife has our children where I can’t see them easily. When I stopped acting as desperate as I actually feel she got the older one a cell phone so he can call me. She doesn’t want to lose the connection but control it.
Pretending to diagnose others is just the start of your problem. Wishing hell on others deserve some rethinking. Following bad advice is popular. Congratulations!
I met a woman a year ago who was a narcissist. When I eventually discovered it I did something incredibly mean. I allowed heer to think she had me uder her thumb, then I called her out, and turned the tables around so to speak. I was so angry that I had lived a life under the thumb of a narcissist parent, and the a husband, I wasn't going to put up with it and I was going to teach her a lesson! And I did!!!! She doesn't have many friends, hummm, wonder why? LOL
Lol, Yes!! Man when you get to the point where you just shut them down by NOT engaging in their "tantrums" & goin on with ur day like it NEVER happened, they becime humble bc they cant understand. I also learned to with hold ANY kind of praise or admiration, that nearly killed him. Then I mimicked his behavior and gave him his own replies and low blows. That REALLY confused him 😆. I'm almost ashamed to say just how low and ugly I did become but the results were AWESOME bc he couldn't figure out how to manipulate me. I even got to the point I basically stays with my daughters and watched my grandkids but would "visit" him and grace him with my presence for a day or night. Apparently I did it so very well in this continued for about 3 or 4 years till eventually we ended up moving into an apartment beside my daughters that was mid April of this year by the following month he was with the neighbor in the apartment across the hall who's supposedly a Christian and knows the word so very well and now they've been together for about 2 to 3 months. What amazes me is I guess she's narcissistic too because they've been together about 2 or 3 months and act like they're married and I'm the crazy ex-girlfriend trying to interfere I think they're both batshit crazy I'm enjoying the show cuz he keeps running over here to my daughter's house and calling my daughters and texting my daughters about me give me money every week give me cigarette money it was insane and it's still going on but I finally did beat him in his response was doing this behind my back trying to embarrass and shame me and make me fight for him. Which I did not. And that's actually made it worse he can't accept that I'm not upset and heartbroken I want to beat her ass because I treated her like a friend she doesn't have a car she was a single mom with two kids I brought her cigarettes brought her clothes brought her daughter brand new shoes I mean I'm not bragging just telling you how I treated the woman truly with respect is a friend and then how she did me. But watching these two fruit loops together they're going to do each other in and I am getting some popcorn and a drink and I'm going to sit down and watch this show cuz they're going to destroy each other and God's going to let me watch it
I’m confident with everyone except my narcissistic daughter. Now that I’m educated on narcissism she’s in for a major wake up call. Her bs isn’t going to work anymore. I think she already has a feeling. She withholds my 1 year old granddaughter so I don’t ever ask about her anymore. It’s supply for her to have me beg to see her. I’ll have to get to know her when she grows up more.
They cannot stand to see us regain our light (the light they have always hated us for) because it’s utter, objective proof that we’re stronger than they are. It’s the worst kind of narcissistic injury, and it tears them apart.
We are stronger because we want to heal and to work on ourselves. We want to learn how to love ourselves in order to love others in a healthy way. We are curious to look inward even if scared, we want to grow and have courage. They don't want that. We might have been abused like some of them but we don't punish the world for it..we have a strong desire to heal our inner child and we do not lose our humanity and integrity. Abuse is no excuse. ❤️🤗
So much true. Few months ago they broke me completely and thought I was done. I gray rocked for about 2 or 3 months and they are losing their shit and me gaining my light. It's really rejuvenating experience. They broke me twice already 3rd time again now woke up. They are not able to do jack shit 😅
I was dating a narcissist for 2 years. I threw her out 3 weeks ago. My house is clean, my kitchen is organized, my stress is considerably lower, and my dogs are happier and healthier. My life is better. They will try to show you what you wanted from them after everything is said and done. They will pursue in the same way they did when you first got together. They will try to prove that they've changed. The only thing that's changed is that you're not under their thumb anymore. They did not change. They know how they are, and they know what they're doing. Do yourself a favor and do not fall for it.
Did the same after 5 yr of being judge and critizise i would never think i would let a women do that to me but like you since she gone grass have start to grow again in my life ...
The same happened to me with a guy I was so in love with! After living together I realized what a narcissist he has and throw him out!! Thank God I did it! My dog appreciates highly ❤
I'm coming out in the open here, I'm not a victim but a narcissist myself, I identified it long ago by writing my thought patterns out in Google, I had 2 failed relationships, which I take the blame for, decided to not get married and keep only a few friends where I give more and take less. However what has healed me greatly is my love for animals, in unconditionally giving food daily to dogs/cats and sometimes cows (lifelong vegetarian, now vegan), I've greatly come to realize that life is about giving, to fill a place with love where there is none. I like to think I'm reformed now, but I'm not taking chances, I've completely cut out the need for drama or manufactured insecurities, I'm grateful that I have food, clothing and shelter and will help animalkind till my last day on earth. Narcissists reading this, please give back to this earth, your soul will be at peace. Male here.
I had a crush on a girl who was a narcissist. Too bad I thought she was beautiful but she only cared about herself and her work. I'm glad I never dated her.
I was married to a narc psychiatrist and he would diagnose me with mental disorders. He told me I was bipolar. Every time I I made an appointment with an independent psychiatrist and she said I wasn't bipolar. She wrote me a 5 page medical report which I gave him. He never talked about it again.
That sounds so heartbreaking. All the stories I read are just scary. The narcissistic mother of my boyfriend (who has adhd) controls his use of meds. That makes him feel so bad. I don't know what to do anymore
The reason he is a psychiatrist, is probably to get his "narcissistic supply" from his patients. Feeding off their vulnerabilities. Might be a bit hard to understand. They will not be getting much better under his care.
I found one of the easiest ways to drive narcissist crazy is to act unimpressed when they tried their hardest to impress you. And then show interest in stuff they think is stupid.
I grew up with a narcissistic father and mother. Both different types but narcissist. My childhood was a mess and filled with physical and emotional abuse. I subconsciously have always been doing every single thing you just mentioned. and today is the first time all my actions feel validated. Many times a third person might never understand the reason for your actions because they don't recognise the narcissist. I'll put down in points how I handled things. It might help someone. 1. No matter what my parents said or did, I built a reputation for myself for being a brutally honest person. I realise how important this was because narcissists will do anything to discredit you and label you as something you are not. My honesty earned me an unshakeable circle of friends and a support system (including teachers, my parents' friends and in-laws) that stood by me despite my parents going behind my back to antagonise them. This includes my husband as well. He is my biggest cheerleader and the strongest wall my parents have to face now to get to me. He will protect me at all costs. 2. Despite numerous attempts at gas lighting and manipulation, never in my life have I questioned or second guessed myself. My support system made sure of that. I always stood my ground and voiced out when I felt they were wrong (and gotten beaten up for it). This self-confidence played a major role in always being able to understand when I was being manipulated. I always was like this. I didn''t learn this or work towards it. 3. I'm extremely organised. And I keep things written down just in case, because somehow I always knew my parents would end up creating issues. I knew my shit at any given point. I made sure there was never a single complaint from school or work or any place else. I am meticulous. My thoughts also are exactly the same. I have always depended on logical thinking because as a child, their actions and abuse never made any sense to me. So no matter what happens, I would logically break things down in my head. This helped me so much to stay ahead of them. 4. My parents are extremely social and their social image their priority. I didn't realise it as a kid, but as a teenager I understood the game. So I would bring up all serious topics, such as marks, choice of subjects, college, job, boyfriend, money, literally everything in front of their close friends, who always took my side. They had no choice but to accept what I'm saying, because their friends would say that they found nothing wrong with what I was saying. Even when I introduced my boyfriend to my parents, I made sure their friends knew he was coming along and they said they will hold down the fort if things go sideways. Thankfully, it was all hunky dory. 5. I'm currently living in another city, married happily, with a large set of friends. I have blocked my parents on all social media because they didn't get the memo that it was pointless trying to manipulate my in-laws or husband against me. I have a life that is completely detached from them. I had disengaged with my relatives a long time ago. But non of them carries a grudge because they know my parents. They still keep me in the loop when an important family event is happening despite knowing that I wouldn't turn up. This is their way of saying that are there for me even if I don't communicate with my parents. If you have reached this far, that you for reading. I have been in therapy for a few years now and I'm presently in the happiest phase of my life. Not all my issues have been sorted out, but I'm working on them. I'm honestly just proud of myself that at no point in my life did I let them define who I was/am. :)
Sending you much love , positive Energy n happiness all the way from AFRICA, KENYA, MOMBASA, DIANI BEACH. Wishing you n your family all the Best in life May your journey of Life be filled with much joy, happiness n Laughter. May all your Dreams come True
I have left my narcist husband without informing him. I simply told him i would visit my brother for the weekend. I then stept out of the door and never came back. He is extremely angry since i also took my savings and my camper van. He is without a job for 10 years. I had a fulltime job as a business controller, all my savings are mine. He can't demand a cent through the divorce. He can't claim my camper. So now he needs to pay his rent for his house, he needs to pay for his car. He cannot live in my money or salary anymore. And i fled, far away. I live in my camper van in another state and he can't find me. He is so very angry,! He is trying to regain control but nothing works! I am so enjoying my life now. Okay, i don't have a home anymore. I quit my job and i am living of my early retirement plan but i'm happy and content because I am free of him
Keep on living your life for you and not your ex. I was in a similar situation and finally after 40 years of being together I just announced "I want a divorce". Best thing I ever did. After making that statement I felt like I had just been released from prison and had also regained my eyesight. I now clearly saw all the things she had been doing to me for years and years. When she tried to use those same tactics again, I just laughed at her. Never ever let another narcissist into your life, even for a moment.
The worst part is that children that are psychologically abused by narcissists won't hear this information until they are old enough to seek it out, if they live that long. The damage done in the first seven years will shape their entire life. But no one is addressing this angle.
I have a narcissistic coworker who I turned in at work, I had logs of dates/times and brief explanation of what happened. She was covertly harassing and then gaslighting me. I got her on a recording calling me a bitch when everyone else left the room for their lunch. She doesn't know about that. She was told not to talk to me and not to talk about the situation. She immediately did, and I just let it happen because at work, to assume something won't keep quiet and eventually get out is naive. I've had to work by her again and she's got some flying monkeys trying to do her dirty work, but luckily they're all pretty tame and I can handle them. At the same time they're such stupid people. She told them she got in trouble for something she never said, that I made up. Then she's playing the sob story of, "I don't understand why X hates me so much!" And those people will ask coworkers I'm close to, why does she hate her, and they don't respond. But here's the thing: she's claiming I allegedly made up things that she said, and then she can't figure out why I'm mad at her and won't talk to her....umm if that were true, why would you want to speak to that person?!?!?!? I haven't spoken to her since February, and started ignoring her existence in July after reporting her. She is STILL acting like an absolute fool to try to get me to look at her, like that's some kind of win. She will not stop, I'm about to go say something about her again. She peaks her head around the corner to watch me, like you're 68 years old, retire and hang out with your grandkids!!!
My husband died a few years ago. I wish, so wish, I had found you before. So much of what you say resonates with me. I was so beaten down by him, now I’m free. Late, after 43 years of marriage and abuse and trying to come to terms with my life. I now know that he was a narcissist, everything was about him.
Wow what a life you going through most women are abused for long time especially when the kids are involved my friend still suffering almost for 40 years but soon will be the end because he is cheating with his mistress
Narcist is a jezebel spirit/demon this demon possesses both men and women it is a high ranking demon meaning it is a king or a queen in the spiritual realm. When they possesses someone they want praise, services and obedience this is a high ranking demon which suck out all the confidence of the target. They manipulate everyone around you. By highlighting your mistakes and while they are always right.
The way I tortured a narcissist once was by making alliances with others close to them. They don’t want the people they try to control to be friendly because they know nobody likes them.
And also they don’t want people who know them connecting the dots , they pin people against each other especially knowing that in small talk you won’t ever find out what they been saying about you
Oh yeah I went after all the guys who rejected him including his ex. Gonna try to bang him next week (being gay makes being a narcissist way easier but also getting revenge against them afterward).
That last one is 🔑 lol They hate when you turn your pain into power. Just take a break off social media, heal, and improve your actual life for you, NOT THEM 🤷🏽♀️
This is what I did too. I lost the will to live with him…4 years later I started my own online business as a professional artist and am working making good money and things are not perfect by any stretch but I’m doing so well and have my health back, looking fly while he got fatter and made new friends and a new community. He thought I needed him so much and acted like his below average looks were actually in the 9’s and 10’s and that I wasn’t good enough for him 😂 I know he felt upset and offended when I ran into him months ago because I could feel that I hurt him the next day! That didn’t feel good but I don’t regret it. He isn’t a safe person and the level of disrespect he threw at me…dude does not deserve a single second of my time or energy
i confronted a narcissist about their behaviour and it all was redirected to me and at the end i was apologizing instead of them. they have this twisted way of making you feel gui;ty for something theyve done playing victim card
As a child of a narcissist father, #1 is so hard. As the scapegoat daughter, I always had to be my own advocate, which fed his controlling behavior. He got pushed around at work, so he had to let it out on someone, which is me. I spent my whole life defending myself from what he said that I was.
@mississipi…taking a free psych session? Damn, girl. Get ahold of yourself and share with a private psych. You need one to get thru the hell you harbor ❤
I'm so sorry that you had to go through so much but I'm also happy to see that you are into the solution. May God richly bless you and your recovery process.
sorry Sweetie. I kind of know this one, it is "projection". my Dad was really afraid of his mother, therefore grew to hate women (he was afraid of women and for good reason) so he punished them by cheating on them. but he was tortured with his mother and later i found out why (totally broke my heart) anyway, he was horrible to me as a kid (I won't go into details) and beat us bad while my mother would stand by (secretly happy, a true narcissist, trust me). we need to forgive ourselves and we start to see how we attracted this into our lives and how it is okay to love ourselves. go to God, in the language of your own heart and pray for help, God is there for us. He helps me and I used to hate myself, so I know. God bless you to heal soon.
I went from BLIND, to SEEING it was never my fault -whatever HE did but I was blamed, to ANGRY because I was manipulated for yearssss , to now looking forward to quickly recognize and point out to him what narcissistic thing he just did. Then ignore him like he did to me for years and move on to happily do whatever I like doing. I am so happy gardening, with friend, my dogs.
Ignoring them hurts their huge sense of grandosity and ego. Also, saying "no", walking away, going silent, and ignoring them hurts them as well. Also, I found for myself is when you talk with no emotions, kind blah, short simple replies, "yes, no, or maybe" with a pause before you answer speak in a low key monotone voice like a robot it shocks them and they don't know what to think and say. It catches them off guard.
these are exactly the things I have been doing myself just recently! And can confirm they 100% work. I only wish it didnt take decades and an emotional collapse to figure it out but better late than never eh
@@konsyjes, I know it works. Short simple answers talking in a monotone voice with no emotion like a robot they are surprised and don't know what to say as you are interacting with them in a different manner something they are not use to and catches them off guard. Always use pauses before you answer them and between words. Make your conversation short and simplified and leave. They sre stunned and don't know what to make of it.
The problem with trying to ignore a narcissist when they start their stuff is that they can become violent because you are ignoring them. When a 4 year old is trapped in an adult body those tantrums can become dangerous. If your narcissist becomes violent, I recommend leaving the house to walk away and do your own thing. Don't go back until they're calm. Better yet, don't go back at all.
true, be self protective, think ahead, they think slowly........but always be ahead of them and make your plans to escape your hell soon as you can. that's my plan!
Mine would become violent at the drop of a hat. He wouldn't let me leave, to the point of letting the air out of my tires, taking my phone, slamming the door in my face, pulling the shoes off my feet and throwing them in the yard. All of which was done in the presence of his own mother and twin brother. Who did NOTHING! Then left me, curled up in a corner on the floor while he was pouring water on me... How does one handle THAT?
Throughout my entire 5-year relationship with my narcissist, I drove him crazy by holding him accountable, revealing all his lies, holding on to my truths, and also fighting back against his gas lighting. I loved and hoped for our friendship, but that was my downfall. SO, the best thing I could do for myself was to go no contact...and it has been 6 months now of no contact. He has reached out to other folks (that he uses) to try to get info on me. I've used screenshots of his own words (and pics) against him...and that drove him mad! NO CONTACT is the best way!
That friendship thing is a bug-a-boo isn't it? Did you finally have the big epiphany? Mine went something like," Wake TF up!! Why would I ever want to be Friends with someone who treated my so abominably! Duh!!" From that moment onward it was easy to stay away.!!
@@sunnyadams5842 That's exactly what happened with me. One day I just told myself I'm not taking any more of his crap, lies, deflection, gaslighting, nothing at all. And I let him go that day.
When you stop caring about them and the relationship. The dynamics shift. The goal is indifference. Once there boy does life get better. They want you to stop loving them subconsciously. They want to be a nobody. They respect you when finally you see them as invisible Treat them like they’re insignificant. They’re starving to be “Nothing to you”. Help them have that dream. It’s wonderful to see them become in your eyes what they always knew to be true about themselves. NOBODY that’s where everyone finds peace.
When I stop reacting and went gray rock that’s when I took my power back I am no longer depressed they had me even worse than depressed I have to sadly admit I’m better now thank you for what you do
Be careful using gray rock because I used gray rock for many years my emotions were dulled I let everything just wash over me to the point where I didn't react so sometimes you have to make a stand and go no I'm not doing this anymore
One time he told me he wanted a divorce. At the time I was shocked. I went up stairs. I decided to agree with him. And say I also want a divorce so how good is that...we both want a divorce. I put on Rolling Stones music and 💃 danced. And behaved super excited. Well Toddler brain Narcissist changes his mind really fast. Now he does not want a divorce. Later he tries to force me to move to another state. I said no, I will not move there. So..lol, he tries reverse psychology on me. Puts on his arrogant voice and says ' you were not invited to move '. Me to him : well thank you for sharing 😊. Always remember you are not dealing with an adult.
I tried using the grey rock technique with a family member and it was interesting. They started to go into discussions that are abusive and I didn't react, just nodded along. Then they kept trailing off to other topics and eventually in the middle of a sentence they pause to tell me I look tired. Trying to get a reaction. I just responded with, 'no, I feel fine.' At that point the discussion was over and they wondered off LOL.
I instinctively reacted in all those ways with my narcissistic husband…grey rock, walked away from drama and tantrums without an argument. Result… he discarded me and found someone else. It hurt for a while, but I’m doing great and much happier now.
#1 method I use: Give someone (not the narc) a sincere compliment while in the presence of a narc. Uplift this person, it MUST be truthful and sincere to work. I did this while golfing. A narc was acting up, ruining everyone's fun, instead of addressing the adult baby I started complimenting another person in our foursome. I meant every word btw, the look of confusion and fury that came over the narc was priceless. It is now my goto move and has worked every time.
I am honest about their behaviors with friends and loved ones because hiding their abuses because they shame you is how they continue to have power over you.
100%. When the narc used to have me in tears, he would actually laugh. 2 weekends ago he was really winding me up, I was in my bedroom and he stood inside the door so I was a sitting duck really, he ranted and ranted then asked if I was getting upset in a smarmy tone, I just smiled, unknown to him I have been secretly recording him since the end of June with over 130 clips of his nonsense which is now with the police. I’m glad he did choreograph the pantomime that day because I then went out and bought a motion sensor camera and put it in my room, I’ve had no bother now, I told him it was recording him every time he walked in the room and Its more or less peaceful since. I move out in a couple of days then see what the police say as what he has done is not only domestic abuse, it is coercion and that has been a criminal offence in the U.K. since 2015.
@@SKBSKBSKBSKBSK not always true. I have been the recipient of Top Drawer support from the Sheriff's dpt in my County. The Chief of the town police is now a close friend. He has become my staunchest supporter and I've gotten to school him in Trauma stuff. That was a REACH at first. He didn't want to hear it. He thought my narc daddy was my backbone through my nightmare. He has seen the light and now this little backwater town in New Mexico is pretty much Trauma Intolerant. We know the signs and how to respond.
I was in a similar situation, but I had no way to record, I wasn't allowed a phone or any other type of recording devise. I hope your doing better now.
Wow! This is golden advice! Thank you Danish for helping me realize that my older brother - who always gave me what sounded like good advice that was meant to help me - actually wanted to see me fail, and when I didn't it was torture to him. I haven't had any contact with him for almost 10 years now but I still think about all the time I spent with him believing he actually had my best interests at heart. I am still struggling to get his voice out of my head. My mother always stopped me from trying to discuss our obvious problems with him and now I understand she was protecting me, because if he knew what hurt me he would have used it to hurt me more, so she stopped me from telling him how I truly felt. I used to think he and I could have worked out our problems if we had only talked about them, but now I realize my mother knew that was impossible and helped me avoid further pain and suffering by keeping me from opening myself up to him. Thanks, Mom!!
I celebrate everything the narcissist hopes and expects me to be insecure about. Turning fifty, having belly fat, being hard of hearing. “I’m fifty!! How nifty!” “Love my belly fat, it’s like a bank to make sure I have enough to afford my bosom” “I can’t get sweaty I just used my lady rogaine” They are baffled by how you can laugh off and just accept such things in life when they can’t handle dropping a spoon
Why is it so important for them to remind us of our age.my 60yr old narcisst who is out of shape had the audacity to put me down when I turned 40.how annoying.
This works spot on. Nothing bothers a narcissist more than realising that their mechanisms of control over you no longer work. It is beyond frustrating for them if you: - don't get scared at their aggression anymore, laugh at their anger outbursts instead of cry, stop pitying them when they try to play on your empathy, and just live a good wholesome life, that they always wanted for themselves but were too caught up in their web of lies, deceit and immaturity to have. They may become awfully jealous of you being at peace so guard yourself.
@@womblytenrecpetit2845 I speak for all of humanity. We are all narcissists, some more than others. Those who don't admit and claim to be only good empaths are the worst :)
@@oddtoresundkvist3996 I don't think you have understood the context of this. Of course humans have some level of self love (the english translation of narcisism) which is important to survival. However narcissism as a disorder is something completely different. You cannot label all of humanity with a psychological disorder.
I don't know if this counts as torture but some years ago I decided to completely ignore my aunt's "advice" and left home. According to her, I wasn't ready to be on my own, but unknown to her, I had already been through that kind of manipulation before and calmly I packed my things in front of everyone in the house and got away. Never in my life had I felt so proud of myself.
Thanks for the video. I had a narcissistic boss for 20 years. Last year I quit. He was insecure because he was quite short and he was in a position that he was in no way qualified for (i.e., he inherited this private company because his elder brother died. He didn't have any relevant qualifications, so he was afraid of me because I was actually qualified in what our company did. He didn't promote me because, by his own words "your culture is wrong" (he was Japanese, I was Caucasian). Because I wasn't promoted I started ignoring him. He got mad and insulted me in end of year assessments saying things like, "Why can't you take care of yourself, a six year old can take care of themselves". I did not rise to the bait, just sat there looking at him bemused. He got angry and yelled. I walked out quietly and never came back.
Freeze them out, ignore them, show zero care over their drama. Then tell them you enjoyed the days off from having to interact with them when they gave you the "silent treatment" to try to "punish" you. Also, tell them you don't care how they feel since all the drama is their issue - not yours. Demand an apology each time they start drama. If they try to humiliate you in public in front of others, verbally put them in their place in controlled, professional tones and language and remind them that trying to tear you down to make themselves look good reveals their own problems - not yours. And of course, everything @Danish recommended 😊
Whenever I stood up for myself I was told I was being stubborn because I'm an Aries... any little way they can find to make you the problem they will find it, completely disregarding their lack of accountability... I CANNOT stand them!!.
Aries here too,my gf of 4 years use to accuse me like that.She says i m toxic,selfish and manipulative because she is the real one being such way.I have gone no contact after a silly fight and she shows signs that she wants to chase her. Now i am a rock, she eventually will come when she misses my validation she craves
@@GreekRedpiller This sounds harsh but let her starve of your validation... highly likely others will already be giving her the validation she craves.. orbiters who were "harmless" in my case... the hypocrisy and double standards from these people is abominable.. literally no reasoning with them and they have zero logic... keep being a rock man... we deserve better than what we had with them.. funny because those words she used to describe you.. haha.. thats the EXACT words I used to get.. throw in devil, psychopath, serial liar, coward and bully... when you look back at who they are, you realise they are describing themselves when calling you all these names.. have had to start writing up my experience just to make sense of it all...
No reaction drives them crazy, but mirroring them, and using their own push and pull back on to them at the same time messes with their mind on a big level. For example how they give you heaps of attention but then start ignoring you, when they are giving the attention, match it, mirror it, but as soon as they withdraw it, mirror it in the exact timing and don’t show any emotional reaction. I just recently started using this technique and it’s crazy how much they can’t handle their own behaviour
I wouldn't put much thought about it as a number of reasons could explain why this is happening unless I was aware you were intentionally trying to hurt me which would just make me sad. The perception I had idealized of you would die and a new one would be created. Narcissist don't just create false perceptions of themselves but others as well.
@@apatheticxmindsetx3549 I’m unsure what you are saying here. When always placed in circumstances of reaction abuse, it’s important to learn how to protect yourself. How to not react. If you are talking from the viewpoint of a narcissist, who does these things and trying to change the narrative of why you do such things you opinion is not welcome. If your trying to teach me something as a survivor I’m all ears I’m just missing your point. I will never again listen to the view point of the abuser. That’s dangerous territory, their narrative is never for the benefit of people trying to survive them.
@@aishalipham2855 why am I automatically associated as a abuser just because I have vunerable narcissism? Or as if I haven't been subject to emotional or physical abuse throughout my life? I'm giving you a perception of what I've seen others with npd talk about as well as my own perception and what I know about the disorder. Leave the person if you veiwed them as toxic or abusive. "Torturing" anyone with a cluster B disorder, it's not a good idea. Expessally if they have no awareness of their disorder. Reactive abuse isn't a example of defense. It's reactive and impulsive affecting anyone regardless. Not a premietited idea to get back at someone. Was this person actually diagnosed with a cluster B disorder or traits associated?
@@apatheticxmindsetx3549 I speak against anyone listening to the sob story of a narcissist. They torture people, we finally learn how to fight back. I will engage with you no further.
Discovered this on accident or intuitively I guess. I may be a wee bit autistic but with a narcissist mother, sister and ex, it’s laughable that he thought I didn’t know what he was up to. Must’ve thought I wouldn’t love him anymore if I did know since he apparently isn’t capable of unconditional love like that on his end. But the more I mirrored, the more chaotic, cruel, childish, critical, combative, needy, manipulative, desperate & unpredictably he behaved until I totally couldn’t handle living in all of that even with all of the effective self-protective strategies you can imagine. Actually grateful that I triggered him so bad by becoming independent and happy…. that was the only way I was ever going to find the strength to save myself from that situation. Now I feel like I had just after moving out of my mothers house….. Every day is a glorious drama-free blessing and I’m on cloud nine until I get caught back in those dumb neural networks that he built in my head. Healing every day. So grateful. Thanks Danish! It’s always good to remember that I am not alone in the crazy-making experiences. ♥️🙏🏼✨
What I did: 1. Recognizing mind games and limiting contact. 2. Notify authorities & professionals of abuse history growing up. 3. Self-Growth in, Interpersonal Skills, Financial independence. 4. Stabilizing me as a Person and refusing to become what the Narcs are conditioning me to become. 5. Acknowledging that you can't fix those who don't want to be fixed. 6. Refusing to owe respect to those who don't even give it, including those in the narcissistic family cult.
Just saw this video and I loved how you explained everything so clearly. After 12 years I finally ended this disfunfunctional relationship I was in. He acted like a child. Thought he was so good looking. The gaslighting was to much. I lost who I was. I am finally getting back to me and I deserve so much better. When I told him No no more I felt so powerful. I found my voice.
I am so proud of you. Congratulations!! 🎉 it took me almost 8 and I felt guilt for staying so long, my favorite thing my lawyer said was “at least it wasn’t 9”!!! ❤
I learnt about these traits in him and decided to stop reacting.I could clearly see him checking if I had any reactions to his wreckless behavior. Finally that day he left saying a lot of bad stuff like he no longer wants to stay, half expecting me to beg him. After he left I have never looked back. He begged for me to be back with him but I did not budge. Thank you for exposing these traits.
Misleading title for clicks. It's not how to torture them, it's how to recognise their 5 main traits & deal with them to survive them. This IS one of the most succinct & accurate videos I have seen here, to inform of how they are & how they manipulate you & how to deal with them. Thank you.
I was going through dark phases created by people,I blamed myself, now I can understand it has nothing to do with me. I'm normal. You are doing wonderful job sir. Thank you for reminding me again sir. 🙏☺️
@@karlabritfeld7104 yes, very true. I did the same after watching and learning from sir's videos and examined whole situation by starting myself and then others. I came to know that many of my friends, family members and people from society was narcissist to me. Thank you for your care, kindness and efforts to make time for my comment. ☺️🙏
Again another EXCELLENT video. When I'm ignored/discarded. I double down on ignoring them. I don't call or ask for any explanation. In the end, this is my peace. No more smoking mirrors or chaos!
One of the biggest weapons they use is the threat of public humiliation or character assassination. Let them know that you hold evidence to expose their lies (documents, pictures, videos, testimonies, etc.) and that you would be willing to present it.
Simply not giving a fuck is better 😂 "I will tell people you eat boogers" damn bro thats crazy thats why it doesnt rain during the summer anymore cause your attention starved ass makes rumors about me 😂
Have a family member who likes to constantly belittle my interests and problems, so I've started doing the same to him. The outcome so far has been a day filled with charged silence every time, but that's still better and gives me immense peace. Also, the silence is a blessing.
@@normanbell-br7nf absolutely, especially when they think they can get away with just about anything. Having them knocked down a peg and brought back down to reality, even if only temporarily, is a feeling I can't even describe.
When dealing with narcissism, you should know that it’s not personal. “It isn’t personal” is one of those cliches used to cushion all kinds of bad actions taken by people who need an out for being immoral, but in this case it actually gets near the truth. Narcissists don’t know how to love or be a friend; they can’t afford to spare the energy to learn, because they’re always in a state of high emergency, cataloging potential threats and redoubling their defenses. When they claim to love you, it means nothing. They may even think they mean it, but they don’t understand the concept - they can’t feel it. They never attach to you or anyone else. Other people are paper cut-outs to the narcissist, like those cardboard figures of celebrities you pose next to for a selfie. Narcissist value their own children only as mirrors of themselves. When they destabilize you or attack you, it means nothing. They are stuck in an endless conversation with themselves, in which you are an inanimate object, to be assigned their own faults and used as a surrogate punching bag for their hatred of themselves. When they toss you out, it’s no more meaningful than a junkie tossing away a needle; when they try to reel you back in, it only means that they tired of the new drug and need a hit of the old. None of this is personal. They’re too terrified to have personal relationships, opting instead for extraction of admiration from a subservient partner whose range of action they strictly constrain. This is not personal. None of it. The narcissist does not know who you are - it doesn’t know how to know other people. Like the vampire or the chainsaw-wielding creature in the horror film, it’s from another world, bereft of the concept of human connection. Additionally, My ex narc managed to never get caught! However , he was “ hiding “ in plain sight! You notice the strange behaviors ( tilting phone screen so you can't see what they're texting , needing privacy for all calls and hanging up quick if you walk near them , telling insignificant lies when there's no need to , etc ) and you just feel a bad vibe! They have all sorts of tricks because they've been doing this stuff for so long! I later found out he was cheating on me with his ( 5th ) ex wife and another girl who worked at a nearby restaurant! through this forensic expert Metaspyhub@gmail. com...
Wow! That’s the best, most comprehensive summary of a narcissist I've ever come across. I have a huge issue with my Mum and it’s only recently, following Meghan Markle comments, that I have started to question my Mum. I've always excused the sad childhood she experienced and subsequent tough life. But she’s 86 now and her childhood stories are now threadbare. Having spent a week visiting, quite recently, I found myself having anxiety attacks when the phone went or relatives were pressuring me to give her a call. I think they were feeling similar anxiety, so it isn’t easy to escape her constant badgering. If I don’t answer the phone, she gets my sibling to badger me. Then I learned she contacted my eldest daughter, feigning concern over me.😡. Honestly, I’m so done with it all. I’m exhausted.
I did all of this and he endured just two weeks, he left after 13 years, he didn’t even fight foe the house, furniture nor savings … its still bittersweet😢
Toward the end of those relationshits, I gave up trying to reason, beg, explain, etc etc. I got to the point that I would pretend I was ignorant of facts, that I didn’t hear them, would use their exact words/excuses back to them. They HATED their own behavior directed back. The utter contempt in their face while you use an innocent “oh I didn’t know/I forgot” routine.
Literally the look on their face when they have an episode is so gross. The way they look at you with contempt and hatred while lying directly to your face and yet 2 months ago you were “the love if a lifetime”. Disgusting
... please .. stop 'acting' like the narc, and then justifying that behaviour. this is a very dangerous path to take. if you mirror their toxic behaviour it is likely that you will develop narcissistic traits of your very own. stop going down to their lvl to interact, and to engage in juvenile 'pay back' behaviour. come on ppl think about it, is better to grey roc and implement ur exit plan, and get far, far away from the narc. a lot better than to being painted with the same brush as them.
@@jayford1482 ... i think should rename this vid .... 5 ways to train a narcissist. ... do u ppl listen to self.... its scary. there is not any reason i can imagine where i think displaying narc traits ... productive .. helpful or right ! there is no righteous indignation that justifies acting the same as a narc. so, why is it okay for u to do it then..? and sounds like u play... who can be the bigger bully.. nobody wins that game .... the bully's put in lot of effort tho. i think i have learnt what i need to know
I mirrored. But this was a mistake. Could return tit for tat. The problem is that over many years of mirroring. I had trained myself to react this way. This caused me to be toxic in other areas of my life. And eventually gave me vagal response issues. Adrenaline damage. Mass chemical imbalances. For this behavior was not consistent with my core beliefs. Trauma bond extraordinaire. As well. It gave her all the ammunition to crucify me any time and any place that could benefit the mask. I know more than most just how tempting and easy it is to justify an eye for an eye. I beg of you all. Let God handle the revenge. Everyone speaks of being better than you were before. Only in my reliance on God for strength. Not if you take the path I took. 20 years.let that sink in. My mind is broken. Physically. This road is NOT worth the potential damage. I found it easy at first to win the battle. Their self gaslighting makes them much more capable of winning the war. Leave! Forget revenge! You cannot do more to them than they will do to themselves. Thank you all for listening. I pray that I might have helped someone choose a better path. Thank you Danish for your content. God bless.
You're so right. When I mirror it makes me feel grubby, a low version of myself. And then I see the hurt on their face and I implode. Much better to walk away (if feasible) and leave it in the hands of God. I hope you find peace, love. You sure deserve better.
The way I tortured a sociopath (which is like a narc x 100) is I just started doing little things that I knew they wouldn't like...and they couldn't do anything about it! Just stupid little things and I wouldn't stop when they tried to get me to stop...drove them nuts so they eventually left. They couldn't win. Not sure if they could see/realize that THIS is exactly what they do to others! Sort of a 'see how YOU like it!'. It was amazing to watch.
How do you do it and not have them be angry and abusi ve with you? I know exactly hiw to annoy him but the consequence would leave me emotionally beat up...so Im curious. The only way I can think of is to do things without him discoverin that I was the one who did it.
@@satsumamoon It wasn't a romantic relationship. I would just say cut all ties if possible with them and move on. Not worth getting revenge or getting emotionally beat up etc.
What kind of sociopath did you run into, check me out am prosocial born chemically different. It's not all negative so wonder? :) Defender for the innocent. Or we are all the same am curious to know what you think of prosocial? c=
Dear Mr Bashir you have undone the harm by many '' specialists' that paint the narcissist as undefeatable thereby doing so much harm to victims of Narcissitic abuse.We are really grateful.
I have been around enough narcissistic abuse throughout my life time ,and can honestly say each one of my scumbag family members has had the chance to kick my ass to the ground. When I finally got up,another would kick me to the ground. I have spent a good portion of my life on the ground and all those years of crawling taught me how to( stand up)for myself. I can say though,from all they have taken from me,I know that if I were to get knocked down again,this time I am not afraid because I learned who I really was all those years ago when I crawled,and now I run. I have seen that side of no self esteem and self hatred because I allowed the wrong people into my life. Through my self loathing I found myself and can say after many years on the same road,I love myself.Just because people are family,does not guarantee love and approval and emotional support. The very people who claim to love you are the ones who want you to hate yourself,suffer and be miserable. Let's love ourselves because we deserve it,and because self love is the best defense against a raging narcissist.
Thank you for sharing your story, that means a lot. I'm sorry you had to live thru all that. I can def relate - toxic abusive families are about the worst roll of the dice one could ask for... and you're absolutely right - self love is their kriptonite!! Peace and stay strong out there comrade 🙏🏾 🖤
... i spent a large part of my life 'trapped' by narc's in my family ... the narcissist can not love, to them love = weakness .... they can feign love ... act it out ... but.... it is always conditional ... [even to a child from their primary care giver] .................................. Sigh.
I grew up in a narcissistic family and was deemed the scapegoat for as long as I can remember. I cut ties as soon as I could and never looked back. My husband is now realizing his family has strong narcissistic tendencies and is going Grey rock with them and soon cutting ties. The moment he started showing any bit of success, they would turn on him. We're both healing one day at a time.
I’m now realizing my mother is a narcissist. I’m so glad I chose to live and not end my life years ago from all that hate she dumped on me. I learned how to ignore her bad behavior and focused on myself. Now she’s turning family against me for not talking to her 😂
It's true dear, not all adults / elders are mature or respectable as they teach you in school - 'Respect elders!' Some don't even know the reason why they become a parent! Surely they do it just to prove to others and show off their parent status - 'see i also can raise and have my own family, My family my children better than yours see my babies are my trophy against all my competition! in a word they are worse than animals..🍷👶
I’ve been commenting on a most appropriate topic on RUclips. Not critical you read it now. Later when you have time works just as well. I was responding to someone who said they have a mother who’s a narcissist. Same. I haven’t spoken to my mother since the Boston Marathon bombing. But even before that she had been spewing her hateful words and turned my brothers, who are now in their 60s and financially dependent on her (they’re now in their 60s!), against me. I had shown them only love and compassion. I’m happy to report I have a solid relationship with my sister. I was in my mid-late 50s when I began to figure out what was happening: Because I am a highly sensitive person/empath, I had given control of my own precious and finite resources-my time and attention-over to my mother by caring too much about something I had, and will continue to have, ZERO control over-I can’t control anyone except myself. I started thinking and reflecting: If I can’t have absolute dominion over own my life now (in my 50s at the time), then when? Tomorrow? Next year? Before I die? When?? What was I holding out for? For someone else to value my life more than I did? I developed a philosophy which has become my mandate: MY life. MY rules. NO bullies. NO exceptions. This light-bulb moment had a bonus: It helped me then-and now-quickly identify individuals who are malevolent/selfish/bullies whom I had allowed to infiltrate my life but who truly did not merit the privilege of being included in it. You must view inclusion in your life as something special. Truly. If YOU don’t regard your life as a special and sacred gift and which ONLY YOU get to decide who you’ll share it with, who will? If YOU don’t currently regard the epicenter of your life (hint: that’s you) as the most valuable asset you’ll ever own and have dominion over now, then WHEN? When will you “get it.” Your life is a priceless treasure. Not everyone deserves access to your time and attention, including those who are unwilling or unable to pay the price-respect and consideration for your autonomy over your own life. Your time and attention should be reserved for ONLY those who value and appreciate them. We have NO time to spare on coddling, indulging or tolerating others unless they’re your YOUNG children (NOT adult children). The exception: You work in a social services or related field, or some similar walk of life which you. get PAID to do. What you do on your own time should not be considered an extension of your job. My life is so much less stressful since I established this motto and made it a mandate by which I now live my life. I have been so much happier. I’ve let go of worrying about what they think of me and bc I no longer interact with them (also since the BMB) I don’t have to be careful of innocently saying or doing something that will trigger their anger or jealousy. This also goes for anyone whose path I may cross. To you, the person reading this, I sincerely hope you “get it” WAY before I did. NOTHING is worth forfeiting dominion over your own life. May you ever be the benevolent ruler of your dominion that is your life. Blessings.
Sometimes ignoring isn't the best tactic, in some situations in can imply consent and make the narcissist escalate. In those situations what you do is pretend to ignore and document whatever they are doing, to expose them, or confront, when they don't expect you to.
I need you to know how important you are to endless amounts of people across the globe. You’re hard work and efforts change lives daily. Please accept all our love and appreciation for the love you give to us everyday. You save lives and deeply impact the world. ❤
Damn. Your #3 is spot on. I have a narcissist who I have very nearly scraped from my shoe now, and I do now remember how everytime she found out that I had a schedule or a plan, she would find a way to insert herself and wreck my schedule or attempt to guilt trip me for sticking to it. Sowing chaos at every contact. Life has been so peaceful now that I don't have to include her in anything.
You're so lucky to break free from this narcissist person. I wish the same for me. It's hard because we are Asian.. it's not easy to just leave and cut her off even though she is very mean and abusive.
My mother is a classic narc. Only realized it really in past few years. Maybe she was covert before, but with age and the death of ppl controlling her like her in laws and parents and aging of my father, she has become full blown. Many friends have even left her, she thinks it’s bc me not becoming a doctor. 😂 Her friends/aunties have told me it’s bc of her backbiting and bad character. I truly realize that my happiness is her doom. It’s disgusting bc as a mother I don’t understand how anyone can be like that. But she is. I am the only daughter, and as soon as I went to college she viewed me as competition down to flirting with boys who liked me etc. Sick. I thank God for RUclips vids for spreading this info.
You torture them by telling them exactly what they are. Sneaky, liars, manipulators. I told my ex Narc those things very calmly and he freaked out and I actually witnessed his reverting to a childlike personality and his demanding I TAKE IT BACK those exact words. It was tragic, the wounded child showed itself.
Actually they do! They instantly freak out, divert & talk about you & what you do & how you caused them to do what they do to you! Both my wife & my mother, who hate each other. And while on the outside they seem different, they are so so so alike in so many ways. It's ironic, they say a man will find a woman like his mother. However they are worse than just narcissistic, they have sociopathic tendencies too. Both self identify as empaths too. Lol! Belong here empath clubs, websites. Probably where all the sociopaths meet up daily.
@@corvettefever360 They belong to clubs that are diametrically opposed to what they know they are. They know they are not normal and want to project normalcy to others by using that club as a mask. Also they are in touch with potential supply.
@@corvettefever360 identifying as an empath is a huge red flag, almost every person I've known who did turned out to be a narcissist. Maybe only people who lack empathy think it's something that would make them special and not something the majority of people should and do experience.
Don't waste your time torturing a narcissist or trying to torture one. Think of yourself and what the relationship is doing to you already. Walk away. Ghosting them forever is the best thing you can do for your own mental health and due to their self-grandiose and inflated ego, it's difficult for them to accept that you dumped such a prize as them, (in their mind anyway). If you do this, be aware that you could get a nastygram text or email or voicemail and possibly threats. Just take note of them and keep the threat in paper form or if it's in voicemail then record it on a different recorder and save all of them in case they follow thru. Narcissists can get nasty when they don't get their way. They tend to have abandonment issues also.
The last thing you said about being the best version of yourself is the biggest threat to a narcissist is true. They tried to come back when they saw a glimpse of it. You no longer seeking their validation is what kills them the most.
I have spent the last 26 years with a narcissist. He constantly saying that I’m crazy, but it’s the other way around. I’ve told him that he’s a narcissist and he thinks it’s funny. He’s actually proud of it.
Yeah my husband says lam crazy if l make the slightest mistake when lam formulating an idea when we communicate. Or if I can't calculate large numbers in my head instantly as he can still do at 74 yrs of age with a strong fotographic memory. So lam crazy because my Dr terminated my drivers license because l had tripped on my door step hit the door and got small hash on my forehead that week l had a recheck appt he saw it and ask well what happened l told then l see him on his computer jotting things down then two weeks later l receive a DMV letter saying my license terminated. I been to twice filled put countless medical forms done the paper trail,spoke to my Dr saying l need my drivers back this caused so many problems and I cannot live like this nor does my husband care to transport me anywhere l need or want to go.Npw intake the bus and walk to nearby Walgreens down the street. I 've decided of l never get my Pisces back then lam getting those new electric bike that are all the rage.
The xhusband used to tell his friends & coworkers even my family that I was crazy & not the sane person that they knew I have always been .sadly they are relentless with their propaganda that many believe them.
When they talk, picture them in a straight jacket and speaking behind bars in a mental institution. It puts things into perspective.
Exactly right! It took an outsider's shocked assessment of the situation to show me that he really is dangerously unhinged.
😅🤣😂! That's funny
😅🤣😅yesss lol
ABSOLUTELY BEST ADVICE I EVER READ OR HEARD!!!!!!!! THIS COMMENT CHANGED MY WHOLE LIFEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!
mine are , sitting on toilet, with trousers and knickers around ankles......and they are men.
it works for me...
Show them how confident you are. Example, my narcissistic boss asked me how I felt about loyalty. I told her "I am loyal to principles, not people. People can be dishonest. Principles are reliable." Hearing those words, she looked like she was having a stroke. She fell silent and limited contact with me after that.
@@tlovesgreens8244 thing was, she fired me eventually, but I knew that was going to happen. But the powers that be finally caught on and fired her. At least I escaped with my self esteem.
Isnt that terrifying though? I said a very similar thing to a psychiatrist I had who was textbook NPD (among other issues including substance abuse) and he took offense to it and became passive aggressive insisting that I was trying to make him feel stupid. It is so strange what sets off a narcissist yes there are obvious things but there are weird human like traits that they despice for some reason in others.
@@nateo200 it can be, but I try to approach my life by keeping my integrity. I think it's important to stand up to toxic people/situations even if I may pay a personal price doing so. I told her the absolute truth about what I believed about loyalty. I left the conversation not feeling "oh boy, I zinged her", rather that I stayed consistent with my integrity. There's a price to pay for that. I'm willing to pay it.
@@MaxNiederle I always have. That psychiatrist no longer has a job. I no doubt took a ton more abuse from setting boundaries and confronting what amounted to abuse and medical malpractice but I think it was worth it. But you describe it well, it wasn’t about insulting the guy or getting revenge just accountability especially given how truly outrageous my situation was as it involved one of his unstable residents who did plenty of damage. I seriously cannot even believe what I went through actually happened at times because it is psychotic but you have to remember that NPD folks usually have antisocial traits especially the covert narcissist cebrebral type academics men.
@@nateo200 oh yes. These people are shuffled through the system. They get fired then go on to bigger and better jobs. Ultimately, even those these folks are sick, it all comes down to power versus the truth. Individuals are usually oriented to one or the other. Some to both, such as Gandhi, Jesus, Martin Luther King, but you see what happens when you have the courage to tell the truth. I much prefer to "gray rock" these sick folks when I can, but if there are other people involved who are being hurt, (especially when I'm in a leadership position), I resist/stand up/fight
How to drive a narcissist insane:
1: Ignore them.
2: Live your own life.
3: When they push back, start at #1 again.
👍🏻
Perfect!
Ignoring the is the best method. It’s also called “gray rock” by some people.
Perfect! This is what works on the narcissist father I was cursed with. My life is not his.
Wow. This is exactly why I got sacked by two different bosses.. and for nothing - in my mind. Now I understand why!
1. Do not take the bait. - Don't wrestle the pig.
2. Stick to your truth.
3. Create organization. Narcs love chaos.
4. Use their image and insecurities against them.
5. Focus on healing yourself. On rebuilding your life. They failed to destroy you.
For me, the healing came instantly. The second I saw a list of behavior patterns that matched my experience EXACTLY, it was a wonderful moment of Cathartic RELIEF. Like the end of a saga where I finally learned, whodunnit.
Don't be INVALIDATED, ever.
Just by being alive pisses ppl off. Yes I'm here! Uall made me this way don't start complaining now!
I walked away, blocked and moved on with my life. I will not give a Narcissist even a millimeter of my life. Once I find out someone is a Narcissist, I am done. I am not playing any games with a demonic spirit disguising as a disorder.
Great analogy!
Ain't that the truth
AMEN!!!!!!!
I did the same! I dumped him without explanation . I just stopped responding then I blocked him….
My dia am in there
This guy is like Batman dedicating his life to disrupting and making life hell for narcissists. I love it.
Definitely!! The hero we needed 😂😂😂
Seriously, I get so giddy watching his videos. The techniques work so far. I finally got dude out of my house 😊
@@theresn01here that’s awesome! ❤❤❤❤😊
😂😂😂 great comment it made me lol.
Yes He is batman I love him soo much
I've learned the less you tell them the better, because they'll use anything you say against you, especially if it's something you're happy about
Yes, it's hateful!!!
When I was happy at the complicated and painful first birth of our daughter, I was thrilled because she was so beautiful born on a special religious Sunday. He was violent sexually, psychologically and physically towards me and the newborn inside the flat. When I asked him why he was doing all that I was crying all the time, he answered: "I enjoy to screw up your mind."
This is where you bring in the police. @@brigitanovinec439
You are so on point
@@brigitanovinec439 I was cooking my husband something new for dinner that I thought he would really like, and he kept pestering me to the point that I accidentally messed up the recipe. It was a mistake that couldn't be undone. I was so frustrated that I dumped it all in the garbage disposal. After a cry in the bathroom, I asked him why he did that. His answer was: "There wasn't anything good on TV." We had only been married for 6 months at that point. As time went by, the attacks became more frequent and more vicious. If he had been that way when we were dating . . . .
I didn't understand for many years that I have been living with a bunch of narcissists. My mother-in-law, (who is now deceased), my husband, some of his friends, and almost everyone who works for him. Pls pray that I can find better friends and relatives who truly value me, and move on with my life, because such abuse for more than 20 years has drained me. I don't want to suffer emotionally and physically anymore.
In my case my narcissists are my own mother and aunt
My wife and I are suffering from my narc mom. Just yet she came and said KEEP FEEDING YOUR FILTHY FAT WIFE.. and even though she is pregnant and suffering health issues...but I remained silent...we are like valued 0 and suffer heavy abuses from our own mom I discovered is actually a narc.. it hurts so bad I wanna destroy everything 😭😭😭
Our sincerest prayers are for you. You are a very brave person.
You need to value yourself no need to expect value from those people
If we don't know what is happening to us by narcissists people, then we think it's us. It isn't us. Don't suffer anymore. I have been reading and listening to bruce lipton, neville goddard and dr. joe despensa. They have helped me tremendously as well as Danish. Whatever we think about, we bring about.
"You're entitled to your feelings" is a favorite of mine. A normal person feels respected by that, a narcissist freaks the hell out.
I’m going to have to use that.
Me too!
I would add.....even if your wrong!! Sit back and enjoy the mental breakdown😅
Meh. Not a narcissist and this seems like a really douchey thing to say to anyone. You might be narcissisty yourself.
"I'm okay with you being wrong about me"
The way I tortured them is by mirroring to them their own behaviors (short of being abusive) then ignore and not react to their tantrums. Then I go no contact and live my life with joyful success; not as revenge but because I want to maintain my peace. ✌️
That's a killer blow...
My narc used to throw big man tantrums. So as soon as I noticed he's on his way to one, I would say go and throw your tantrum away from me. And ignored them totally.
You could repeat their child like remarks back to them. They speak as of they are the leaders of junior high "mean girls " groups...lol. They do not behave like adults....even the Narcissist men....they behave like a "mean girl "...it's so dumb.."Everybody hates you "...Adults know we can not know who Everybody hates....that's gaslighting and say they can not reason. The more they lie, the more they need to lie in the future. Lying causes them to need to believe their own lies...and it emotionally stunts them. They behave like they are in junior high...lol.
🙌🏾🙌🏾yessss
@@LR-yu3mx that’s awesome! Much prayers for you🕊️
I took my revenge on the Narcissist I was with for 18 years by leaving.
Packing my belongings into a moving truck,getting in,not looking back and leaving.
No grey rock,no angry words,no discussions.
Just gone.
Respect
Perfect
Bold decision❤
1. Ignore them.
2. Don't react to subtle insults. Act like you didn't even understand the insults. They will eventually say something explicit. You can then file an official complaint.
3. Do not rely on them for anything.
4. Find new friends and cut the narcissist loose.
5. Make your own decisions without consulting them.
6. Do not take their free advice. Do your own thing.
7. Decline their "help" which we know comes with a lot of strings attached.
8. When they need you, make them wait. Do not drop whatever else you are doing and rush to their help.
9. Protect your time and boundaries. Never let them violate either.
10. When they trash talk someone else, do not join in. Just be like whatever.
11. Become friends with people the Narcissist hates most. Do not cut ties with anyone based on what the Narcissist says.
This is gold
What if they trash talk about me? I know I should ignore it but it's easier said than done. I gained weight because of the stress they put me in :(. I kept remembering the image of them gossiping about me, things that were not true
@@thefallinourboys9742 Speak your version of truth with courage and confidence. Then move on.
Yes, ALL OF THESE
This was so good. I had to take a screenshot and send it to myself as a reminder
@HomemadebyMotherHope u find a way soon ...sorry to hear that💔...that might really painful and stressful..
1.) Child stuck in an Adult's body. 2.) Ignore them. Don't argue with them. Tell them their behavior is unacceptable 3.) Tell them "That is your opinion" or That tells me a lot about you". 4,) Organize your life and your home. 5.) Use their personal 'image' against them.
Yup, if they act like a child, treat em like one.
@@deneyacarter6779 Yes, take their favorite toys away. Ignore their behavior. And put them in time-out. And if you have to talk to them, always be polite but 'chuckle' before you answer them. Laughter is like nails on a chalkboard to them. lol
6) Bail out. They will eat you above the waist.
@@mikejohn0088 Depends upon 'which' type of NPD you are dealing with. If it's in person & they are violent; then they will stock you, break down doors, assault you or even try & rape you. If it's over the phone; take you time & dissect them piece by piece. They'll come back everyday, thinking they'll win the next fight. I call it, "Their daily beating". They get so frustrated, they'll scream, cuss & throw down the phone. I just laugh. That will make them so mad, they will get physically sick. And when they see, you've moved on with your life and your are doing better than they are; that pisses them off.
@@deneyacarter6779I wonder if that's why you grandma never let's me throw anything away and has spent the past 2-3 years telling me "not right now" whenever I try to go through and separate clothes I can't wear.
Don't try to "torture" a narcissist. It's not worth the energy. Just stay as far away from them as possible and you will live a much happier live.
He is not talking about any sort of direct torcher...but telling to do best about yr life and be away.
Point 4 says: Use their image against them. That's basically playing psychological games. Not gonna end well with a narcissist. You're right, when it comes to the rest of the video though.
Take away their supplie and stay silent and give them no attention good or bad..they will torture themselves wondering all the possible. Scenarios of you retaliating against them etc..they trust bo one but the really will not trust you being dead silent and not chasing after them etc...al they care is supply its a drug to them..they do not care about you or the other supplies...they just don't..they really are miserable inside ..and that's on them amd not you
The video is about situations where you are confronted with narcissism and there's no way out.
Like on the job or so. Family situations. Iow where you are kinda forced to have to deal with them.
I like his take on that, you will have to make sure they can't get to you. One way of doing that is making sure you are effortlessly getting under THEIR skin. It's not torture for the sake of torturing... more to send a signal : 'back off'....
Torturing the narcissist only makes you a toxic person.
I tortured my narcissistic ex my simply not taking his baits. He tried making me jealous, nothing, he tried to get me to chase, nothing, he tried reverse psychology, still nothing. When he ghosted, l left him to it, no phone call, no begging, so when he ran and saw l wasn’t chasing, he eventually came back and tried to start the process all over again with his love bombing. This process happened on and off throughout the years because l did not know who he was. Now with education and an epiphany, the truth was stripped bare. I was completely disgusted and walked away for the first and the last time. I know who l am. I am not just an empath, l am a super empath and so much more. Narcissists anger me and even though l know l still have some healing to do, my narc ex has no chance in getting away with playing his Jedi mind tricks on me again.
Ah, the power of nothing. It's the very opposite of supply! Just not caring at all is the biggest and best revenge.
I used the same tactics, and it's so satisfying to be free from such abuse, to heal.
As they melt in their own poisonous toxic acid.
“The dark side”
great for you, hope you good.
🥂🍾🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗
Ignoring them is torture in itself. So be it.
1) don’t take the bait
2) deflect when they try to gaslight you and don’t react! My truth is known to me
3) narcissists hate organization but thrive on disorganization. They hate stability.
4) use their image against them. They want to be accepted and validated ✅
5) focus 🧘♀️ on your life and rebuilding your life! -best one ☝️ of them all. Get out of the abusive cycle 🔁 . Step out if the bubble 🫧 they put you in.
Thank you so much 😊
Yeah, right.
Incredible advice. Thank you.
@@angelos.1957 thank you for your comment
@@PraveenSrJ01 You're so welcome! Thank you for the great work you do. We need you.
Brilliant synopsis
Stay calm. If they want to end a relationship, agree. Walk away. Drives them nuts.
My sister and I bought a home and acreage considering my sister's daughter living with us. We found she made our neighbors think she owned our home. Then she had three large dogs caged in her bedroom. At 5:00 am her dogs started to bark and made noises to go outside. Of course, not being trained, they used the deck and she never cleaned the deck. Well, I had enough! At 5:00 am, I played Italian music loudly. Then I told her to clean up after the dogs. Then she started to slam the doors. My sister and I decided to kick her out. We told her, she went into a rang. She called the police and lied, saying we were abusing her. She never paid for rent, utilities, food, etc. She moved, never repaying us for the thousand of dollars. She is on her fourth marriage now. We feel sad for her husband who will have hell and very little left money.
I did that I walked away kicked me out over and over again then I left and now she's controlling me by keeping the kid away.
Dear dr. Bashir, I am an italian psychiatrist and psychotherapist, very impressed by your ability in describing narcissistic interpersonal functioning! You are cristal clear. Bravissimo! 👏👏👏
overcoming the own drama with such parents is the best ever study, no psychiatrist study can be replacement. I am glad for you as one from the sea of psychiatrists that is given him a price! Well done.
You are a doctor and spelled crystal, cristal? I don't understand?
@@pidry2002 English is not his first language, respect to people that speak other languages Mr pidry
@@incorruptus yes, no emotional charge towards narcissist, no reaction is sign of the healed personality.
@@pidry2002 Seriously? He's Italian, English is likely not his first language. What don't you understand?
I’ve shut down a narcissist who was trying to change my decisions with their flawed thinking simply by saying gently but confidently, “I don’t believe that” and looking directly into their eyes. The clarity I had in that moment must’ve shown in my eyes, and their face completely changed out of surprise and being put in their place. The great thing about this is that I was telling them they were wrong, and they couldn’t say I was wrong, because I made it about individual beliefs.
Silent treatment and maintaining a positive attitude with everyone besides them. Been using this simple technique my whole life.
That is so hard to do when you have to live with them.
Ideally.... But some family relationships aren't as cut and dry. They may have children you love and want to a show what a healthy adult looks like. You may work for them and not have another option right now. You may be disabled and not have options (often happens in the way the US healthcare system is set up. Disability services are based on previous year income which, if it includes the narcissists income, could disqualify someone for services and health insurance. Medicare takes 2 1/2 years to take over from the date someone is declared legally disabled.)
Okay.😅
@@aleafox1675if you live with them put on headphones 🎧 make sure they look like these it creates a barrier between them trying to communicate with you try it out works like a charm
The thing is, it’s so difficult to be joyous around others and look like you are ignoring them, otherwise you look like the bad guy. People don’t see the gaslighting, the twisting, the lies, the false promises, the name calling - they just see you being distant and unfriendly
Another thing that makes a narcissist go speechless is giving them only one word answers. 😊
True, less is better, if not thé best
That pisses me off after I put deep thought into a nice message getting a one word answer, just shows you dont matter to that person 😂😂
@@CannabiscloudsSs That's right. My MIL is a narcissist and she only cares about herself. I've had to deal with her for the past 25 years. She is pure evil.
And the one word is NO 😂
@@COINsimp2024 The word my MIL hates the most. And I say it often. She doesn't like me and I couldn't care less. 😃
When I finally realized I was dealing with a narcissist, every time he said something crazy, insulting, or lied, I stopped arguing. I just smiled and said “Okay” and walked away. This made him insane. It truly did torture him.
Oh I recently did this an he was so confused cause I wouldn't argue or say anything it ate him alive
When I did that...he thought I agreed with him.
And after a while in another conversation when he said you agreed with me why now you are doing differently.
I said, I was just hearing your upset speaking I haven't even talk or argue with you.
They can take "okay" as a win
They don’t like that lol! We are so brave!
Try not to become a narcissist by reversing the role. It's also important to realise that when someone has more insight or risk associated with a situation, then being clueless or non caring can wrongfully be associated with narcism. Always remember that a narcissist is out to destroy you. What this guy is trying to do is just a reverse role.
You cannot cure narcism. You have to ask yourself, how can I contribute not to be one myself.
This is why we need to get to know ourselves before we go out and control the emotions of others.
One of the most important lessons I learned from these videos is that they thrive on your reaction to their bad treatment of you and the chaos and inconsistent behaviour they subject you to. My reaction to days of love bombing and then radio silence for weeks would be to get angry. I started acting like I hadn’t noticed they hadn’t got in touch but also became aware of how they wanted me to feel and didn’t fall into the trap. Just lived my life without bothering. Your reaction to their maltreatment is sweet fuel to them. They use it to portray themselves as victims to their enablers. Trust your instincts about them. Love shouldn’t feel confusing and toxic. Real love and connection is natural and reciprocal.
Same for me, gave me so much peace. Watched him struggle and I did or said nothing🤣🤣🤣
Like 101 here
It's crazy making. Like whaaattt? Don't you have anything more productive to do with your time?? Cuz I sure do! We need to be given awards for trudging through the madness. Hopefully, the end reward/result is finding freedom and learning how to never get in a similar relationship again.
She got me by behaving like a victim. I started to question myself. That was the trap.
Yup yup yup-still feel a bit of a twinge when walking back or away from a narcissist, and end up dodging incoming slings and arrows from any mutual friends/acquaintances/family members concerned about MY mental health…they work tirelessly to isolate and ignore me and when I do recuse myself from their circle they turn around and insist on devaluing me and my reputation to others. It feels like a trap because I cannot explain how I do not wish to tolerate the treatment I receive nor witness the poor behavior and treatment of others because it would cause more drama and distress for myself and others. Those who don’t/can’t/won’t see through the narcissist’s superficial charm and caught up in the cat and mouse pursuit while narcissist toying and abusing them unable to understand my position. Triangulation always a part of unhealthy dynamics. I don’t wish to contribute.
I do know better than to be open about my feelings in this kind of situation, but I feel a little guilty or uncomfortable when I’m not being entirely honest in response to the inevitable “concern” inquiries whenever I need to disengage from narcissistic environment. Accept they’ll always need to blame my “failures” or “problems” for the distancing. But i don’t like it.
The best thing you can do with narcissists is remove them from your life completely and never give them a second more.
but what about your heart? mind understands but heart still attached emotionally/ i am very caring empathetical and loving, i understand all the red flags but hard to let go mentally. Sometimes i think maybe i just overthink, maybe i just should stop watching all these videos and anxiety comes. Than watch these videos, relief comes, than anxiety and fear of thta i let go my person comes again
💯💯💯💯💯
What if that narcissist is your family member? Just leave?
@@cynthiaestrada8318 That's a personal choice that I chose to take. I cut contact with any family member that disrespects my boundaries and shows themselves to be toxic!!!
@@OlhaBendzar But in the end, you know the advice is correct. The fact is that you probably care more about the narcissist than the narcissist cares about you.
My sisters and father are narcissists. I've gone no contact for 5 years now with my sisters & 2 years no contact with my dad. I've worked hard to be happy. I look at it this way. Happiness is like a garden. It takes a lot of work so if you have a dead rose bush then you pull it out. Best decision of my life.
Same with me. Narcissist sister I have t spoken to on 2 1/2 years and a Narc father but he is 96 I can’t go no contact but I don’t see him that often. It’s hard but it’s the best peace to help ourselves. Stay away from them..
Haven't had any contact with my narc mother and her enabler(my father) for 25 years!
Feels good 😎⛵
@@3-DtimeCosmology
It doesn’t matter if your mom is narcissists or not. She is your mother. At least you have to respect her endeavour gave when you were a child. I totally agree you are a narcissist and toxic.
Similar story here. The longer you go the easier life gets
I have a narcist sister and mother.I can't avoid them because they depend on me for living
This is so true. #5, I went back to school and became a registered nurse. After that I no longer wanted to participate in any of his narcissist's games. I was no longer "Fun" to him. He gave me the silent treatment, forbid me to take a job, wrote a daily schedule by hour of what I was suppose to do, and "upped" his head games and bad treatment towards me. I made great friends in school and at my hospital job. My new life changed me and he went CRAZY! We were married for 13 yrs and I finally started doing what I wanted. He divorced me in about 6 months or so. It was still very painful for me, if you can believe it I still wanted to stay married. I was so brain washed by him. I thank God every day that he helped me out of that horrible existence. When you are out of it, at least for me I started seeing how toxic it truely was. I can't believe another human being could treat me like that and I forgive myself for letting him do it all those years.
Free at last, free at last, thank God Almighty, free at last! Good for you. I was together with my wife for 40 years before finally having had my share of lies, abuse. manipulation, control, panic attacks, and gaslighting. She became even angrier while we were going through the divorce because I was no longer under her control and just laughed at her attempts to regain dominance over me. After the divorce became final, I went through a period of time realizing just how much she had been controlling my every day life. At first I thought to myself, how could I have been so ignorant not realize this was happening to me? After reading up on the behaviors of narcissists I became aware of just how good they are at creating chaos. It's hard to see things for what they truly are when you're in a constant state of turmoil and upheaval. Stay on your current course and enjoy your newfound happiness and freedom.
I had a narcissistic ex wife. Dont miss her at all. Sanity is much more valuble. Now I have a great wife. Also sister look into islam and revert, eternal happiness in this life and the afterlife Almighty willing.
The way to torture a narcissist is to give them silence treatment, stonewalling , don't defend , to justify , don't explain and don't personalize from my knowledge and understand sychology!!! Don't ever take the bait !!!
Problem is, stonewalling is also a form of abuse. But I guess it's only healthy to do it to narcissists.
Very dr ramani
@@usernameisunavailable8270 absolutely!!!! Stonewalling is inappropriate and awful act toward healthy individuals !!! Narcs have ruined millions lives in this universe especially kids and young adults , kids are dropping out of school due to the abuse and bullies that they have encounter during they school years etc....knowledge and education is crucial for every human being to acquire so that toxic and delusional people won't ever come close to you etc...
I have no problem giving Narcs harsh truths or even a cup of STFU. Bully's can't take what they dish out and will go moonbat crazy when you ignore them.
Doesn't this make anyone mad? Lol
To put it simply, the best way to make a narcissist's life hell is to just do your best to live a good life without them. As the old saying goes, living well is the best revenge.
Truer words were never spoken 👍.
I have the problem that my narcissist family members stole my part of the inheritance I got. I just don’t want to give up that money. I can’t start a new live until I got that money back.
@@SN-bl6xmThey’ll do anything to keep the money because you want it. Your only real option is to live without the $. When they lose control you shall win. My wife has our children where I can’t see them easily. When I stopped acting as desperate as I actually feel she got the older one a cell phone so he can call me. She doesn’t want to lose the connection but control it.
@@jackjones9460 Hang in there. Kids grow up. She can't retain control forever. Maintain a good relationship with your kids. Be peaceful and wait.
Pretending to diagnose others is just the start of your problem.
Wishing hell on others deserve some rethinking.
Following bad advice is popular.
Congratulations!
Not too long ago I said to the narcissist “There’s what you believe, & then there’s the truth.” -dead silence!
#s 3 and 5 are really important. Narcissists are very insecure, but if you’re confident in yourself you’re like kryptonite to them.
I met a woman a year ago who was a narcissist. When I eventually discovered it I did something incredibly mean. I allowed heer to think she had me uder her thumb, then I called her out, and turned the tables around so to speak. I was so angry that I had lived a life under the thumb of a narcissist parent, and the a husband, I wasn't going to put up with it and I was going to teach her a lesson! And I did!!!! She doesn't have many friends, hummm, wonder why? LOL
Lol, Yes!! Man when you get to the point where you just shut them down by NOT engaging in their "tantrums" & goin on with ur day like it NEVER happened, they becime humble bc they cant understand. I also learned to with hold ANY kind of praise or admiration, that nearly killed him. Then I mimicked his behavior and gave him his own replies and low blows. That REALLY confused him 😆. I'm almost ashamed to say just how low and ugly I did become but the results were AWESOME bc he couldn't figure out how to manipulate me. I even got to the point I basically stays with my daughters and watched my grandkids but would "visit" him and grace him with my presence for a day or night. Apparently I did it so very well in this continued for about 3 or 4 years till eventually we ended up moving into an apartment beside my daughters that was mid April of this year by the following month he was with the neighbor in the apartment across the hall who's supposedly a Christian and knows the word so very well and now they've been together for about 2 to 3 months. What amazes me is I guess she's narcissistic too because they've been together about 2 or 3 months and act like they're married and I'm the crazy ex-girlfriend trying to interfere I think they're both batshit crazy I'm enjoying the show cuz he keeps running over here to my daughter's house and calling my daughters and texting my daughters about me give me money every week give me cigarette money it was insane and it's still going on but I finally did beat him in his response was doing this behind my back trying to embarrass and shame me and make me fight for him. Which I did not. And that's actually made it worse he can't accept that I'm not upset and heartbroken I want to beat her ass because I treated her like a friend she doesn't have a car she was a single mom with two kids I brought her cigarettes brought her clothes brought her daughter brand new shoes I mean I'm not bragging just telling you how I treated the woman truly with respect is a friend and then how she did me. But watching these two fruit loops together they're going to do each other in and I am getting some popcorn and a drink and I'm going to sit down and watch this show cuz they're going to destroy each other and God's going to let me watch it
I’m confident with everyone except my narcissistic daughter. Now that I’m educated on narcissism she’s in for a major wake up call. Her bs isn’t going to work anymore. I think she already has a feeling. She withholds my 1 year old granddaughter so I don’t ever ask about her anymore. It’s supply for her to have me beg to see her. I’ll have to get to know her when she grows up more.
They cannot stand to see us regain our light (the light they have always hated us for) because it’s utter, objective proof that we’re stronger than they are. It’s the worst kind of narcissistic injury, and it tears them apart.
We are stronger because we want to heal and to work on ourselves. We want to learn how to love ourselves in order to love others in a healthy way. We are curious to look inward even if scared, we want to grow and have courage. They don't want that. We might have been abused like some of them but we don't punish the world for it..we have a strong desire to heal our inner child and we do not lose our humanity and integrity. Abuse is no excuse. ❤️🤗
Wow!, nicely said...
They? You mean we, everyone is a narcissist. Some more than others :)
🍀🦋❤️ Narcissit mania -ERA🍀🦋❤️
So much true. Few months ago they broke me completely and thought I was done. I gray rocked for about 2 or 3 months and they are losing their shit and me gaining my light. It's really rejuvenating experience. They broke me twice already 3rd time again now woke up. They are not able to do jack shit 😅
I was dating a narcissist for 2 years. I threw her out 3 weeks ago. My house is clean, my kitchen is organized, my stress is considerably lower, and my dogs are happier and healthier. My life is better. They will try to show you what you wanted from them after everything is said and done. They will pursue in the same way they did when you first got together. They will try to prove that they've changed. The only thing that's changed is that you're not under their thumb anymore. They did not change. They know how they are, and they know what they're doing. Do yourself a favor and do not fall for it.
Did the same after 5 yr of being judge and critizise i would never think i would let a women do that to me but like you since she gone grass have start to grow again in my life ...
The same happened to me with a guy I was so in love with! After living together I realized what a narcissist he has and throw him out!! Thank God I did it! My dog appreciates highly ❤
@@annafyssa375I was about to say “May God bless you” then realized you already are without the narcissist in your life. May you enjoy the rest of it!
I'm coming out in the open here, I'm not a victim but a narcissist myself, I identified it long ago by writing my thought patterns out in Google, I had 2 failed relationships, which I take the blame for, decided to not get married and keep only a few friends where I give more and take less. However what has healed me greatly is my love for animals, in unconditionally giving food daily to dogs/cats and sometimes cows (lifelong vegetarian, now vegan), I've greatly come to realize that life is about giving, to fill a place with love where there is none. I like to think I'm reformed now, but I'm not taking chances, I've completely cut out the need for drama or manufactured insecurities, I'm grateful that I have food, clothing and shelter and will help animalkind till my last day on earth. Narcissists reading this, please give back to this earth, your soul will be at peace. Male here.
I had a crush on a girl who was a narcissist. Too bad I thought she was beautiful but she only cared about herself and her work. I'm glad I never dated her.
This guy knows what he’s talking about!!
Straight to the point!!
Narcissists are controlling , disruptive, jealous of our success!! So true 👍👍
I was married to a narc psychiatrist and he would diagnose me with mental disorders. He told me I was bipolar. Every time I I made an appointment with an independent psychiatrist and she said I wasn't bipolar. She wrote me a 5 page medical report which I gave him. He never talked about it again.
That sounds so heartbreaking. All the stories I read are just scary. The narcissistic mother of my boyfriend (who has adhd) controls his use of meds. That makes him feel so bad. I don't know what to do anymore
@@Sound-EaterDo a good research on how to handle a narcissist. She is never going to change. Good luck.
Wow 😮
The reason he is a psychiatrist, is probably to get his "narcissistic supply" from his patients. Feeding off their vulnerabilities. Might be a bit hard to understand. They will not be getting much better under his care.
@@Tom-ef9yp that is wild! Sounds like a movie
I found one of the easiest ways to drive narcissist crazy is to act unimpressed when they tried their hardest to impress you. And then show interest in stuff they think is stupid.
Lol goodness 🤣 it really works to.
"Revenge is a dish best served cold" Bring on the ice!
😂😂😂 You don’t know how much I need this laugh …You’re absolutely right
Truth!
Will definitely try this.
I grew up with a narcissistic father and mother. Both different types but narcissist. My childhood was a mess and filled with physical and emotional abuse. I subconsciously have always been doing every single thing you just mentioned. and today is the first time all my actions feel validated. Many times a third person might never understand the reason for your actions because they don't recognise the narcissist. I'll put down in points how I handled things. It might help someone.
1. No matter what my parents said or did, I built a reputation for myself for being a brutally honest person. I realise how important this was because narcissists will do anything to discredit you and label you as something you are not. My honesty earned me an unshakeable circle of friends and a support system (including teachers, my parents' friends and in-laws) that stood by me despite my parents going behind my back to antagonise them. This includes my husband as well. He is my biggest cheerleader and the strongest wall my parents have to face now to get to me. He will protect me at all costs.
2. Despite numerous attempts at gas lighting and manipulation, never in my life have I questioned or second guessed myself. My support system made sure of that. I always stood my ground and voiced out when I felt they were wrong (and gotten beaten up for it). This self-confidence played a major role in always being able to understand when I was being manipulated. I always was like this. I didn''t learn this or work towards it.
3. I'm extremely organised. And I keep things written down just in case, because somehow I always knew my parents would end up creating issues. I knew my shit at any given point. I made sure there was never a single complaint from school or work or any place else. I am meticulous. My thoughts also are exactly the same. I have always depended on logical thinking because as a child, their actions and abuse never made any sense to me. So no matter what happens, I would logically break things down in my head. This helped me so much to stay ahead of them.
4. My parents are extremely social and their social image their priority. I didn't realise it as a kid, but as a teenager I understood the game. So I would bring up all serious topics, such as marks, choice of subjects, college, job, boyfriend, money, literally everything in front of their close friends, who always took my side. They had no choice but to accept what I'm saying, because their friends would say that they found nothing wrong with what I was saying. Even when I introduced my boyfriend to my parents, I made sure their friends knew he was coming along and they said they will hold down the fort if things go sideways. Thankfully, it was all hunky dory.
5. I'm currently living in another city, married happily, with a large set of friends. I have blocked my parents on all social media because they didn't get the memo that it was pointless trying to manipulate my in-laws or husband against me. I have a life that is completely detached from them. I had disengaged with my relatives a long time ago. But non of them carries a grudge because they know my parents. They still keep me in the loop when an important family event is happening despite knowing that I wouldn't turn up. This is their way of saying that are there for me even if I don't communicate with my parents.
If you have reached this far, that you for reading. I have been in therapy for a few years now and I'm presently in the happiest phase of my life. Not all my issues have been sorted out, but I'm working on them. I'm honestly just proud of myself that at no point in my life did I let them define who I was/am. :)
Sending you much love , positive Energy n happiness all the way from AFRICA, KENYA, MOMBASA, DIANI BEACH.
Wishing you n your family all the Best in life
May your journey of Life be filled with much joy, happiness n Laughter.
May all your Dreams come True
Thank you for sharing! Some parts sound just like my struggles with my Mom and the ways I handled it. Wish you happiness!
Same now realizing its my brother who is my best friend
You are a true warrior, the strength and discipline u showed is commendable.... consider writing a book to help others, seriously. ✊
@majakolonja4266 Why not?....
I have left my narcist husband without informing him. I simply told him i would visit my brother for the weekend. I then stept out of the door and never came back. He is extremely angry since i also took my savings and my camper van. He is without a job for 10 years. I had a fulltime job as a business controller, all my savings are mine. He can't demand a cent through the divorce. He can't claim my camper. So now he needs to pay his rent for his house, he needs to pay for his car. He cannot live in my money or salary anymore. And i fled, far away. I live in my camper van in another state and he can't find me. He is so very angry,! He is trying to regain control but nothing works! I am so enjoying my life now. Okay, i don't have a home anymore. I quit my job and i am living of my early retirement plan but i'm happy and content because I am free of him
Good for you. You are amazing.
Good for you ma'am..be strong
You're a queen 👑
Keep on living your life for you and not your ex. I was in a similar situation and finally after 40 years of being together I just announced "I want a divorce". Best thing I ever did. After making that statement I felt like I had just been released from prison and had also regained my eyesight. I now clearly saw all the things she had been doing to me for years and years. When she tried to use those same tactics again, I just laughed at her. Never ever let another narcissist into your life, even for a moment.
Nice work
The worst part is that children that are psychologically abused by narcissists won't hear this information until they are old enough to seek it out, if they live that long. The damage done in the first seven years will shape their entire life. But no one is addressing this angle.
How to bring children them out of this shit
Not every narcissist has traumatic childhood. Many were spoilt as kids with no accountabilities for wrongdoing
@@JasmineBliss Yup, that was my mom, little princess, rich daddy's favorite.
so so so right !!!!!
Exactly
IGNORE IGNORE IGNORE them
Then ignore some more ❤
And start laughing when they talk. Do not give them what they want. I cut them off completely
101%true ignore,avoid,dodge,run,hide, don't answer phone or door.😁✅
Yep.. eventually they will find a new victim. Oh and they will let you know when they do too
I have a narcissistic coworker who I turned in at work, I had logs of dates/times and brief explanation of what happened. She was covertly harassing and then gaslighting me. I got her on a recording calling me a bitch when everyone else left the room for their lunch. She doesn't know about that.
She was told not to talk to me and not to talk about the situation. She immediately did, and I just let it happen because at work, to assume something won't keep quiet and eventually get out is naive. I've had to work by her again and she's got some flying monkeys trying to do her dirty work, but luckily they're all pretty tame and I can handle them.
At the same time they're such stupid people. She told them she got in trouble for something she never said, that I made up. Then she's playing the sob story of, "I don't understand why X hates me so much!" And those people will ask coworkers I'm close to, why does she hate her, and they don't respond. But here's the thing: she's claiming I allegedly made up things that she said, and then she can't figure out why I'm mad at her and won't talk to her....umm if that were true, why would you want to speak to that person?!?!?!?
I haven't spoken to her since February, and started ignoring her existence in July after reporting her. She is STILL acting like an absolute fool to try to get me to look at her, like that's some kind of win. She will not stop, I'm about to go say something about her again. She peaks her head around the corner to watch me, like you're 68 years old, retire and hang out with your grandkids!!!
My husband died a few years ago. I wish, so wish, I had found you before. So much of what you say resonates with me. I was so beaten down by him, now I’m free. Late, after 43 years of marriage and abuse and trying to come to terms with my life. I now know that he was a narcissist, everything was about him.
Wow what a life you going through most women are abused for long time especially when the kids are involved my friend still suffering almost for 40 years but soon will be the end because he is cheating with his mistress
Narcist is a jezebel spirit/demon this demon possesses both men and women it is a high ranking demon meaning it is a king or a queen in the spiritual realm. When they possesses someone they want praise, services and obedience this is a high ranking demon which suck out all the confidence of the target. They manipulate everyone around you. By highlighting your mistakes and while they are always right.
I almost wish I could say that..the abuse I endure daily is so saddening..I don't want hate in my heart or wishing bad on the narc but it's difficult
Start living your life now honey, and enjoy EVERY day and everything is thee best revenge!!!! You deserve it, big time!!❤🎉😊
@@countrygirl63baker64 i am waiting to be free if God willing it will be soon
Best way to end an argument: Agree.
Ignore them. Silence is Golden
The way I tortured a narcissist once was by making alliances with others close to them. They don’t want the people they try to control to be friendly because they know nobody likes them.
That is so true ❤😊
This definitely works.
Even basic and short polite conversations (not about the narcissist) can hinder their flying monkeys.
And also they don’t want people who know them connecting the dots , they pin people against each other especially knowing that in small talk you won’t ever find out what they been saying about you
Oh yeah I went after all the guys who rejected him including his ex. Gonna try to bang him next week (being gay makes being a narcissist way easier but also getting revenge against them afterward).
Natasha, did people believe you? Did they stop their friendship with your narcissist?
That last one is 🔑 lol They hate when you turn your pain into power. Just take a break off social media, heal, and improve your actual life for you, NOT THEM 🤷🏽♀️
And that’s what I did
This is what I did too. I lost the will to live with him…4 years later I started my own online business as a professional artist and am working making good money and things are not perfect by any stretch but I’m doing so well and have my health back, looking fly while he got fatter and made new friends and a new community.
He thought I needed him so much and acted like his below average looks were actually in the 9’s and 10’s and that I wasn’t good enough for him 😂
I know he felt upset and offended when I ran into him months ago because I could feel that I hurt him the next day! That didn’t feel good but I don’t regret it. He isn’t a safe person and the level of disrespect he threw at me…dude does not deserve a single second of my time or energy
Block them and ignore them as if they don't exist. That will trigger them, let them drown in their own anger.
12 years lost
now I live my own life and I am finally thriving
i confronted a narcissist about their behaviour and it all was redirected to me and at the end i was apologizing instead of them. they have this twisted way of making you feel gui;ty for something theyve done playing victim card
No literally
Kicking these people to the curb and ignoring them, blocking them and anyone who knows them is the only way to reclaim your serenity.
OH....so true!
🎯🎯🎯
100% agree ! Why spend your energy on a narcissist? No need to "Torture a Narcissist".
Best advice 🙇♂️
Easier said than done right
As a child of a narcissist father, #1 is so hard. As the scapegoat daughter, I always had to be my own advocate, which fed his controlling behavior. He got pushed around at work, so he had to let it out on someone, which is me. I spent my whole life defending myself from what he said that I was.
I have same mother
@mississipi…taking a free psych session? Damn, girl. Get ahold of yourself and share with a private psych. You need one to get thru the hell you harbor ❤
I'm so sorry that you had to go through so much but I'm also happy to see that you are into the solution. May God richly bless you and your recovery process.
My Dad was the same way right up to his death
sorry Sweetie. I kind of know this one, it is "projection". my Dad was really afraid of his mother, therefore grew to hate women (he was afraid of women and for good reason) so he punished them by cheating on them. but he was tortured with his mother and later i found out why (totally broke my heart) anyway, he was horrible to me as a kid (I won't go into details) and beat us bad while my mother would stand by (secretly happy, a true narcissist, trust me). we need to forgive ourselves and we start to see how we attracted this into our lives and how it is okay to love ourselves. go to God, in the language of your own heart and pray for help, God is there for us. He helps me and I used to hate myself, so I know. God bless you to heal soon.
I went from BLIND, to SEEING it was never my fault -whatever HE did but I was blamed, to ANGRY because I was manipulated for yearssss , to now looking forward to quickly recognize and point out to him what narcissistic thing he just did. Then ignore him like he did to me for years and move on to happily do whatever I like doing. I am so happy gardening, with friend, my dogs.
good for you I hope I can do that for me! :) stay safe
It is difficult I have cried for a month I know I want out but my heart is failing me😢
Ignoring them hurts their huge sense of grandosity and ego. Also, saying "no", walking away, going silent, and ignoring them hurts them as well. Also, I found for myself is when you talk with no emotions, kind blah, short simple replies, "yes, no, or maybe" with a pause before you answer speak in a low key monotone voice like a robot it shocks them and they don't know what to think and say. It catches them off guard.
these are exactly the things I have been doing myself just recently! And can confirm they 100% work. I only wish it didnt take decades and an emotional collapse to figure it out but better late than never eh
@@konsyjes, I know it works. Short simple answers talking in a monotone voice with no emotion like a robot they are surprised and don't know what to say as you are interacting with them in a different manner something they are not use to and catches them off guard. Always use pauses before you answer them and between words. Make your conversation short and simplified and leave. They sre stunned and don't know what to make of it.
The problem with trying to ignore a narcissist when they start their stuff is that they can become violent because you are ignoring them. When a 4 year old is trapped in an adult body those tantrums can become dangerous. If your narcissist becomes violent, I recommend leaving the house to walk away and do your own thing. Don't go back until they're calm. Better yet, don't go back at all.
true, be self protective, think ahead, they think slowly........but always be ahead of them and make your plans to escape your hell soon as you can. that's my plan!
Violence can always be met with self defense.
Mine would become violent at the drop of a hat. He wouldn't let me leave, to the point of letting the air out of my tires, taking my phone, slamming the door in my face, pulling the shoes off my feet and throwing them in the yard. All of which was done in the presence of his own mother and twin brother. Who did NOTHING! Then left me, curled up in a corner on the floor while he was pouring water on me...
How does one handle THAT?
@200130769 how does 5.5, 130 pounds, defend against 6.4 280 of absolute rage?
@@dianagoode676 God made man, Samuel colt made man equal. Guns can allow the smallest woman to protect herself from the largest man.
Throughout my entire 5-year relationship with my narcissist, I drove him crazy by holding him accountable, revealing all his lies, holding on to my truths, and also fighting back against his gas lighting. I loved and hoped for our friendship, but that was my downfall. SO, the best thing I could do for myself was to go no contact...and it has been 6 months now of no contact. He has reached out to other folks (that he uses) to try to get info on me. I've used screenshots of his own words (and pics) against him...and that drove him mad! NO CONTACT is the best way!
That friendship thing is a bug-a-boo isn't it?
Did you finally have the big epiphany? Mine went something like," Wake TF up!! Why would I ever want to be Friends with someone who treated my so abominably! Duh!!"
From that moment onward it was easy to stay away.!!
@@sunnyadams5842 That's exactly what happened with me. One day I just told myself I'm not taking any more of his crap, lies, deflection, gaslighting, nothing at all. And I let him go that day.
When you stop caring about them and the relationship. The dynamics shift. The goal is indifference. Once there boy does life get better. They want you to stop loving them subconsciously. They want to be a nobody. They respect you when finally you see them as invisible Treat them like they’re insignificant. They’re starving to be “Nothing to you”. Help them have that dream. It’s wonderful to see them become in your eyes what they always knew to be true about themselves. NOBODY that’s where everyone finds peace.
When I stop reacting and went gray rock that’s when I took my power back I am no longer depressed they had me even worse than depressed I have to sadly admit I’m better now thank you for what you do
🙌🏾🙌🏾
WORD
Same here. It ended up in a divorse after nearly 30 years but so much the better for me now.
Be careful using gray rock because I used gray rock for many years my emotions were dulled I let everything just wash over me to the point where I didn't react so sometimes you have to make a stand and go no I'm not doing this anymore
One time he told me he wanted a divorce. At the time I was shocked. I went up stairs. I decided to agree with him. And say I also want a divorce so how good is that...we both want a divorce. I put on Rolling Stones music and 💃 danced. And behaved super excited. Well Toddler brain Narcissist changes his mind really fast. Now he does not want a divorce. Later he tries to force me to move to another state. I said no, I will not move there. So..lol, he tries reverse psychology on me. Puts on his arrogant voice and says ' you were not invited to move '. Me to him : well thank you for sharing 😊. Always remember you are not dealing with an adult.
You made me smile. I love your strength and humour. Bless you sweetheart.
I just realized that I am married to a child.
@@queenefuah444 Me too🙄
They can only regulate their emotions by being abusive to you- hope you escape soon.
@@Tarnishtha Gosh ladies!! They are so PATHETIC!!.
I tried using the grey rock technique with a family member and it was interesting. They started to go into discussions that are abusive and I didn't react, just nodded along. Then they kept trailing off to other topics and eventually in the middle of a sentence they pause to tell me I look tired. Trying to get a reaction. I just responded with, 'no, I feel fine.' At that point the discussion was over and they wondered off LOL.
wandered off not wondered off.
Absolutely....Brilliant.....It must have been hilarious to watch. They are disgusting animals...... Good for you....!!
My mil and her gang of aunts would do just the same..i started ignoring the whole lot and over the years the gang itself fell apart😂
I did the grey rock for the first time during a small family holiday party & it was awesome. I couldn’t believe how effective it was.
😂😂🤣🤣
I instinctively reacted in all those ways with my narcissistic husband…grey rock, walked away from drama and tantrums without an argument. Result… he discarded me and found someone else. It hurt for a while, but I’m doing great and much happier now.
#1 method I use:
Give someone (not the narc) a sincere compliment while in the presence of a narc. Uplift this person, it MUST be truthful and sincere to work.
I did this while golfing. A narc was acting up, ruining everyone's fun, instead of addressing the adult baby I started complimenting another person in our foursome. I meant every word btw, the look of confusion and fury that came over the narc was priceless. It is now my goto move and has worked every time.
I am honest about their behaviors with friends and loved ones because hiding their abuses because they shame you is how they continue to have power over you.
100%. When the narc used to have me in tears, he would actually laugh. 2 weekends ago he was really winding me up, I was in my bedroom and he stood inside the door so I was a sitting duck really, he ranted and ranted then asked if I was getting upset in a smarmy tone, I just smiled, unknown to him I have been secretly recording him since the end of June with over 130 clips of his nonsense which is now with the police.
I’m glad he did choreograph the pantomime that day because I then went out and bought a motion sensor camera and put it in my room, I’ve had no bother now, I told him it was recording him every time he walked in the room and Its more or less peaceful since.
I move out in a couple of days then see what the police say as what he has done is not only domestic abuse, it is coercion and that has been a criminal offence in the U.K. since 2015.
Next step restraining order like I did honey best thing ever...save urself not him
police won’t help you, they have better things to do
@@SKBSKBSKBSKBSK not always true. I have been the recipient of Top Drawer support from the Sheriff's dpt in my County. The Chief of the town police is now a close friend. He has become my staunchest supporter and I've gotten to school him in Trauma stuff. That was a REACH at first. He didn't want to hear it. He thought my narc daddy was my backbone through my nightmare. He has seen the light and now this little backwater town in New Mexico is pretty much Trauma Intolerant. We know the signs and how to respond.
I was in a similar situation, but I had no way to record, I wasn't allowed a phone or any other type of recording devise. I hope your doing better now.
@@aleafox1675 thank you Alea, yes I’m doing great now, I’m away almost 3 months. Sorry you had to go through this carry on with a narc.
Wow! This is golden advice! Thank you Danish for helping me realize that my older brother - who always gave me what sounded like good advice that was meant to help me - actually wanted to see me fail, and when I didn't it was torture to him. I haven't had any contact with him for almost 10 years now but I still think about all the time I spent with him believing he actually had my best interests at heart. I am still struggling to get his voice out of my head. My mother always stopped me from trying to discuss our obvious problems with him and now I understand she was protecting me, because if he knew what hurt me he would have used it to hurt me more, so she stopped me from telling him how I truly felt. I used to think he and I could have worked out our problems if we had only talked about them, but now I realize my mother knew that was impossible and helped me avoid further pain and suffering by keeping me from opening myself up to him. Thanks, Mom!!
I celebrate everything the narcissist hopes and expects me to be insecure about. Turning fifty, having belly fat, being hard of hearing.
“I’m fifty!! How nifty!”
“Love my belly fat, it’s like a bank to make sure I have enough to afford my bosom”
“I can’t get sweaty I just used my lady rogaine”
They are baffled by how you can laugh off and just accept such things in life when they can’t handle dropping a spoon
🤣🤣🤣dropping a spoon.. I can relate. It's truly pathetic how they are emotionally stunted🤦🏾♀️
Why is it so important for them to remind us of our age.my 60yr old narcisst who is out of shape had the audacity to put me down when I turned 40.how annoying.
They HATE when U LOVE YOURSELF and hate even MORE when others LOVE YOU😜
More power to you 😃
Fifty and fine!!😍
This works spot on. Nothing bothers a narcissist more than realising that their mechanisms of control over you no longer work. It is beyond frustrating for them if you: - don't get scared at their aggression anymore, laugh at their anger outbursts instead of cry, stop pitying them when they try to play on your empathy, and just live a good wholesome life, that they always wanted for themselves but were too caught up in their web of lies, deceit and immaturity to have. They may become awfully jealous of you being at peace so guard yourself.
They? You mean we right. We are all narcissists, some more than others :)
@@oddtoresundkvist3996 LOL speak for yourself honey. :)
@@womblytenrecpetit2845 I speak for all of humanity. We are all narcissists, some more than others. Those who don't admit and claim to be only good empaths are the worst :)
@@oddtoresundkvist3996 I don't think you have understood the context of this. Of course humans have some level of self love (the english translation of narcisism) which is important to survival. However narcissism as a disorder is something completely different. You cannot label all of humanity with a psychological disorder.
@@womblytenrecpetit2845Spot on!!!
I don't know if this counts as torture but some years ago I decided to completely ignore my aunt's "advice" and left home. According to her, I wasn't ready to be on my own, but unknown to her, I had already been through that kind of manipulation before and calmly I packed my things in front of everyone in the house and got away. Never in my life had I felt so proud of myself.
Thanks for the video. I had a narcissistic boss for 20 years. Last year I quit. He was insecure because he was quite short and he was in a position that he was in no way qualified for (i.e., he inherited this private company because his elder brother died. He didn't have any relevant qualifications, so he was afraid of me because I was actually qualified in what our company did. He didn't promote me because, by his own words "your culture is wrong" (he was Japanese, I was Caucasian). Because I wasn't promoted I started ignoring him. He got mad and insulted me in end of year assessments saying things like, "Why can't you take care of yourself, a six year old can take care of themselves". I did not rise to the bait, just sat there looking at him bemused. He got angry and yelled. I walked out quietly and never came back.
Freeze them out, ignore them, show zero care over their drama.
Then tell them you enjoyed the days off from having to interact with them when they gave you the "silent treatment" to try to "punish" you.
Also, tell them you don't care how they feel since all the drama is their issue - not yours.
Demand an apology each time they start drama.
If they try to humiliate you in public in front of others, verbally put them in their place in controlled, professional tones and language and remind them that trying to tear you down to make themselves look good reveals their own problems - not yours.
And of course, everything @Danish recommended 😊
🙌🏿 I'm taking all these tips
Yep let's tell people we don't care how they feel. Wonder why narcissistic people exist? Maybe it could be traced back to apathetic people
Fantastic ❤
Spoken like a true narcissist
@@ScottyHugefellow 🫵🏻🪞
Whenever I stood up for myself I was told I was being stubborn because I'm an Aries... any little way they can find to make you the problem they will find it, completely disregarding their lack of accountability... I CANNOT stand them!!.
One Aries ♈️ to another. We are a hand full! 😂
♈️ 💜
@@StormsHurt Yeah you all are. Says the ♊ Gemini. 🙂😄
Aries here too,my gf of 4 years use to accuse me like that.She says i m toxic,selfish and manipulative because she is the real one being such way.I have gone no contact after a silly fight and she shows signs that she wants to chase her. Now i am a rock, she eventually will come when she misses my validation she craves
@@GreekRedpiller This sounds harsh but let her starve of your validation... highly likely others will already be giving her the validation she craves.. orbiters who were "harmless" in my case... the hypocrisy and double standards from these people is abominable.. literally no reasoning with them and they have zero logic... keep being a rock man... we deserve better than what we had with them.. funny because those words she used to describe you.. haha.. thats the EXACT words I used to get.. throw in devil, psychopath, serial liar, coward and bully... when you look back at who they are, you realise they are describing themselves when calling you all these names.. have had to start writing up my experience just to make sense of it all...
No reaction drives them crazy, but mirroring them, and using their own push and pull back on to them at the same time messes with their mind on a big level. For example how they give you heaps of attention but then start ignoring you, when they are giving the attention, match it, mirror it, but as soon as they withdraw it, mirror it in the exact timing and don’t show any emotional reaction. I just recently started using this technique and it’s crazy how much they can’t handle their own behaviour
I wouldn't put much thought about it as a number of reasons could explain why this is happening unless I was aware you were intentionally trying to hurt me which would just make me sad. The perception I had idealized of you would die and a new one would be created. Narcissist don't just create false perceptions of themselves but others as well.
@@apatheticxmindsetx3549 I’m unsure what you are saying here. When always placed in circumstances of reaction abuse, it’s important to learn how to protect yourself. How to not react. If you are talking from the viewpoint of a narcissist, who does these things and trying to change the narrative of why you do such things you opinion is not welcome. If your trying to teach me something as a survivor I’m all ears I’m just missing your point. I will never again listen to the view point of the abuser. That’s dangerous territory, their narrative is never for the benefit of people trying to survive them.
@@aishalipham2855 why am I automatically associated as a abuser just because I have vunerable narcissism? Or as if I haven't been subject to emotional or physical abuse throughout my life? I'm giving you a perception of what I've seen others with npd talk about as well as my own perception and what I know about the disorder. Leave the person if you veiwed them as toxic or abusive. "Torturing" anyone with a cluster B disorder, it's not a good idea. Expessally if they have no awareness of their disorder. Reactive abuse isn't a example of defense. It's reactive and impulsive affecting anyone regardless. Not a premietited idea to get back at someone. Was this person actually diagnosed with a cluster B disorder or traits associated?
@@apatheticxmindsetx3549 I speak against anyone listening to the sob story of a narcissist. They torture people, we finally learn how to fight back. I will engage with you no further.
Discovered this on accident or intuitively I guess. I may be a wee bit autistic but with a narcissist mother, sister and ex, it’s laughable that he thought I didn’t know what he was up to. Must’ve thought I wouldn’t love him anymore if I did know since he apparently isn’t capable of unconditional love like that on his end. But the more I mirrored, the more chaotic, cruel, childish, critical, combative, needy, manipulative, desperate & unpredictably he behaved until I totally couldn’t handle living in all of that even with all of the effective self-protective strategies you can imagine. Actually grateful that I triggered him so bad by becoming independent and happy…. that was the only way I was ever going to find the strength to save myself from that situation. Now I feel like I had just after moving out of my mothers house….. Every day is a glorious drama-free blessing and I’m on cloud nine until I get caught back in those dumb neural networks that he built in my head. Healing every day. So grateful. Thanks Danish! It’s always good to remember that I am not alone in the crazy-making experiences. ♥️🙏🏼✨
What I did:
1. Recognizing mind games and limiting contact.
2. Notify authorities & professionals of abuse history growing up.
3. Self-Growth in, Interpersonal Skills, Financial independence.
4. Stabilizing me as a Person and refusing to become what the Narcs are conditioning me to become.
5. Acknowledging that you can't fix those who don't want to be fixed.
6. Refusing to owe respect to those who don't even give it, including those in the narcissistic family cult.
Just saw this video and I loved how you explained everything so clearly. After 12 years I finally ended this disfunfunctional relationship I was in. He acted like a child. Thought he was so good looking. The gaslighting was to much. I lost who I was. I am finally getting back to me and I deserve so much better. When I told him No no more I felt so powerful. I found my voice.
OMG!!!! It took you 12 years!!!!! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
I am so proud of you. Congratulations!! 🎉 it took me almost 8 and I felt guilt for staying so long, my favorite thing my lawyer said was “at least it wasn’t 9”!!! ❤
A good looking face can hide an ugly heart.
Giving them the silence treatment. They hate that but eventually it is the number one strategy for them to leave you alone. Ignoring them forever.
I learnt about these traits in him and decided to stop reacting.I could clearly see him checking if I had any reactions to his wreckless behavior. Finally that day he left saying a lot of bad stuff like he no longer wants to stay, half expecting me to beg him. After he left I have never looked back. He begged for me to be back with him but I did not budge. Thank you for exposing these traits.
Almost like they live off of attention...
Misleading title for clicks. It's not how to torture them, it's how to recognise their 5 main traits & deal with them to survive them. This IS one of the most succinct & accurate videos I have seen here, to inform of how they are & how they manipulate you & how to deal with them. Thank you.
I was going through dark phases created by people,I blamed myself, now I can understand it has nothing to do with me. I'm normal. You are doing wonderful job sir. Thank you for reminding me again sir. 🙏☺️
Always examine yourself. Always. Don't be quick to blame others without looking at your own motives first.
@@karlabritfeld7104 yes, very true. I did the same after watching and learning from sir's videos and examined whole situation by starting myself and then others. I came to know that many of my friends, family members and people from society was narcissist to me. Thank you for your care, kindness and efforts to make time for my comment. ☺️🙏
@@kameshpickls So, everyone around you is the narcissist and you are the victim?🤔🤔
Again another EXCELLENT video.
When I'm ignored/discarded.
I double down on ignoring them.
I don't call or ask for any explanation.
In the end, this is my peace.
No more smoking mirrors or chaos!
It's also mind blowing how they lie about anything including price of their clothes or whatever childish nonsense
🎃
Things to take caution is that (and often theres a thin line) to beat the monster, not to become the monster ourselves.
Thank you very true !!!
not everyone can be a gray jedi
Don’t let them change you
You slay them with bread crumbs. The least effort has the greatest effect. It's a skill do be mastered.
I have been in such darkness, dark thoughts. Thank you for helping me climb out this time.
One of the biggest weapons they use is the threat of public humiliation or character assassination. Let them know that you hold evidence to expose their lies (documents, pictures, videos, testimonies, etc.) and that you would be willing to present it.
Simply not giving a fuck is better 😂
"I will tell people you eat boogers" damn bro thats crazy thats why it doesnt rain during the summer anymore cause your attention starved ass makes rumors about me 😂
Have a family member who likes to constantly belittle my interests and problems, so I've started doing the same to him. The outcome so far has been a day filled with charged silence every time, but that's still better and gives me immense peace. Also, the silence is a blessing.
great to mimic these individuals isn't it
@@normanbell-br7nf absolutely, especially when they think they can get away with just about anything. Having them knocked down a peg and brought back down to reality, even if only temporarily, is a feeling I can't even describe.
@@zandavanrooyen5388 are you an artist or musician Zanda
@@zandavanrooyen5388this isn't mature or healthy. They really are conditioning you to be just like them. You should get out of that situation ASAP
I ignore, stay optimistic, make plans without them, and be opposite of the energy they give out.
Resist the devil, and he'll flee. Pride comes before a fall, so resist or void them. Good video.
When dealing with narcissism, you should know that it’s not personal. “It isn’t personal” is one of those cliches used to cushion all kinds of bad actions taken by people who need an out for being immoral, but in this case it actually gets near the truth. Narcissists don’t know how to love or be a friend; they can’t afford to spare the energy to learn, because they’re always in a state of high emergency, cataloging potential threats and redoubling their defenses. When they claim to love you, it means nothing. They may even think they mean it, but they don’t understand the concept - they can’t feel it. They never attach to you or anyone else. Other people are paper cut-outs to the narcissist, like those cardboard figures of celebrities you pose next to for a selfie. Narcissist value their own children only as mirrors of themselves. When they destabilize you or attack you, it means nothing. They are stuck in an endless conversation with themselves, in which you are an inanimate object, to be assigned their own faults and used as a surrogate punching bag for their hatred of themselves. When they toss you out, it’s no more meaningful than a junkie tossing away a needle; when they try to reel you back in, it only means that they tired of the new drug and need a hit of the old. None of this is personal. They’re too terrified to have personal relationships, opting instead for extraction of admiration from a subservient partner whose range of action they strictly constrain. This is not personal. None of it. The narcissist does not know who you are - it doesn’t know how to know other people. Like the vampire or the chainsaw-wielding creature in the horror film, it’s from another world, bereft of the concept of human connection. Additionally, My ex narc managed to never get caught! However , he was “ hiding “ in plain sight! You notice the strange behaviors ( tilting phone screen so you can't see what they're texting , needing privacy for all calls and hanging up quick if you walk near them , telling insignificant lies when there's no need to , etc ) and you just feel a bad vibe! They have all sorts of tricks because they've been doing this stuff for so long! I later found out he was cheating on me with his ( 5th ) ex wife and another girl who worked at a nearby restaurant! through this forensic expert Metaspyhub@gmail. com...
Women are always crying victim on these videos 😂😂😂
Hey ladies. Dont date this one.
@@westernsellers9148men are too
Wow! That’s the best, most comprehensive summary of a narcissist I've ever come across. I have a huge issue with my Mum and it’s only recently, following Meghan Markle comments, that I have started to question my Mum. I've always excused the sad childhood she experienced and subsequent tough life. But she’s 86 now and her childhood stories are now threadbare. Having spent a week visiting, quite recently, I found myself having anxiety attacks when the phone went or relatives were pressuring me to give her a call. I think they were feeling similar anxiety, so it isn’t easy to escape her constant badgering. If I don’t answer the phone, she gets my sibling to badger me. Then I learned she contacted my eldest daughter, feigning concern over me.😡. Honestly, I’m so done with it all. I’m exhausted.
@@westernsellers9148#Narcissist alert !!!
I did all of this and he endured just two weeks, he left after 13 years, he didn’t even fight foe the house, furniture nor savings … its still bittersweet😢
Toward the end of those relationshits, I gave up trying to reason, beg, explain, etc etc. I got to the point that I would pretend I was ignorant of facts, that I didn’t hear them, would use their exact words/excuses back to them. They HATED their own behavior directed back. The utter contempt in their face while you use an innocent “oh I didn’t know/I forgot” routine.
Literally the look on their face when they have an episode is so gross. The way they look at you with contempt and hatred while lying directly to your face and yet 2 months ago you were “the love if a lifetime”. Disgusting
Haha
... please .. stop 'acting' like the narc, and then justifying that behaviour. this is a very dangerous path to take.
if you mirror their toxic behaviour it is likely that you will develop narcissistic traits of your very own.
stop going down to their lvl to interact, and to engage in juvenile 'pay back' behaviour. come on ppl think about it,
is better to grey roc and implement ur exit plan, and get far, far away from the narc. a lot better than to being painted with the same brush as them.
Oh shittt i used to Do this all the time! Nothing shuts them up more than saying or doing exactly the bullshit they start.
@@jayford1482 ... i think should rename this vid .... 5 ways to train a narcissist. ... do u ppl listen to self.... its scary. there is not any reason i can imagine where i think displaying narc traits ... productive .. helpful or right ! there is no righteous indignation that justifies acting the same as a narc. so, why is it okay for u to do it then..? and sounds like u play... who can be the bigger bully.. nobody wins that game .... the bully's put in lot of effort tho. i think i have learnt what i need to know
I agree with some other comments extreme narcissists aren't worth your time and energy, walk away, and stay away.
I mirrored. But this was a mistake. Could return tit for tat. The problem is that over many years of mirroring. I had trained myself to react this way. This caused me to be toxic in other areas of my life. And eventually gave me vagal response issues. Adrenaline damage. Mass chemical imbalances. For this behavior was not consistent with my core beliefs. Trauma bond extraordinaire. As well. It gave her all the ammunition to crucify me any time and any place that could benefit the mask. I know more than most just how tempting and easy it is to justify an eye for an eye. I beg of you all. Let God handle the revenge. Everyone speaks of being better than you were before. Only in my reliance on God for strength. Not if you take the path I took. 20 years.let that sink in. My mind is broken. Physically. This road is NOT worth the potential damage. I found it easy at first to win the battle. Their self gaslighting makes them much more capable of winning the war. Leave! Forget revenge! You cannot do more to them than they will do to themselves.
Thank you all for listening. I pray that I might have helped someone choose a better path.
Thank you Danish for your content.
God bless.
That's right. They are doing harm to them selves. We need to escape and trust God and pray for your enemies 🙏
Thank you for this.
So true. They are miserable people. No revenge. Just go find your life and be happy that will kill their ego.🙏
You're so right. When I mirror it makes me feel grubby, a low version of myself. And then I see the hurt on their face and I implode. Much better to walk away (if feasible) and leave it in the hands of God. I hope you find peace, love. You sure deserve better.
@@isobelR1618 I am finding more and more every day. Thank you.
When you said “torture,” I was thinking more along the lines of “water-boarding,” but I guess this works just as well. 😂
🤣🤣🤣
I like your idea better. Lol
waterboarding....
I was thinking more of applying Sharia law upon all humans.
Hahahahhaa this would work far better. I hear you
🤣🤣🤣🤣
The way I tortured a sociopath (which is like a narc x 100) is I just started doing little things that I knew they wouldn't like...and they couldn't do anything about it! Just stupid little things and I wouldn't stop when they tried to get me to stop...drove them nuts so they eventually left. They couldn't win. Not sure if they could see/realize that THIS is exactly what they do to others! Sort of a 'see how YOU like it!'. It was amazing to watch.
How do you do it and not have them be angry and abusi ve with you? I know exactly hiw to annoy him but the consequence would leave me emotionally beat up...so Im curious. The only way I can think of is to do things without him discoverin that I was the one who did it.
@@satsumamoon It wasn't a romantic relationship. I would just say cut all ties if possible with them and move on. Not worth getting revenge or getting emotionally beat up etc.
What kind of sociopath did you run into, check me out am prosocial born chemically different. It's not all negative so wonder? :) Defender for the innocent. Or we are all the same am curious to know what you think of prosocial? c=
Classic Narcissist behavior silly... vindictive, provocotive and with nefarious intent... look at you go!! Well Done! Good Boy! Making Mommy Proud!!
@@slthbob to who is this comment halirious.
Dear Mr Bashir you have undone the harm by many '' specialists' that paint the narcissist as undefeatable thereby doing so much harm to victims of Narcissitic abuse.We are really grateful.
I have been around enough narcissistic abuse throughout my life time ,and can honestly say each one of my scumbag family members has had the chance to kick my ass to the ground. When I finally got up,another would kick me to the ground. I have spent a good portion of my life on the ground and all those years of crawling taught me how to( stand up)for myself. I can say though,from all they have taken from me,I know that if I were to get knocked down again,this time I am not afraid because I learned who I really was all those years ago when I crawled,and now I run. I have seen that side of no self esteem and self hatred because I allowed the wrong people into my life. Through my self loathing I found myself and can say after many years on the same road,I love myself.Just because people are family,does not guarantee love and approval and emotional support. The very people who claim to love you are the ones who want you to hate yourself,suffer and be miserable. Let's love ourselves because we deserve it,and because self love is the best defense against a raging narcissist.
Thank you for sharing your story, that means a lot. I'm sorry you had to live thru all that. I can def relate - toxic abusive families are about the worst roll of the dice one could ask for... and you're absolutely right - self love is their kriptonite!! Peace and stay strong out there comrade 🙏🏾 🖤
... i spent a large part of my life 'trapped' by narc's in my family ... the narcissist can not love, to them love = weakness .... they can feign love ... act it out ... but....
it is always conditional ... [even to a child from their primary care giver] .................................. Sigh.
I grew up in a narcissistic family and was deemed the scapegoat for as long as I can remember. I cut ties as soon as I could and never looked back. My husband is now realizing his family has strong narcissistic tendencies and is going Grey rock with them and soon cutting ties. The moment he started showing any bit of success, they would turn on him. We're both healing one day at a time.
With narcissism family is a liability, not a benefit.
You have no idea what you're talking about. Get some help.
I’m now realizing my mother is a narcissist. I’m so glad I chose to live and not end my life years ago from all that hate she dumped on me. I learned how to ignore her bad behavior and focused on myself. Now she’s turning family against me for not talking to her 😂
I’m so glad you didn’t end your life. 🥺❤ Keep living, being joyful, and creating beautiful memories with those you love.
My mother turned the family against me too. She dis owned me and gave the $ to my cousins. So glad she is dead!
I’m sorry you went through this awful abuse from your mom!…very glad you’re still with us and have a chance to thrive and live in peace.🦋
It's true dear, not all adults / elders are mature or respectable as they teach you in school -
'Respect elders!' Some don't even know the reason why they become a parent! Surely they do it just to prove to others and show off their parent status - 'see i also can raise and have my own family, My family my children better than yours see my babies are my trophy against all my competition! in a word they are worse than animals..🍷👶
I’ve been commenting on a most appropriate topic on RUclips. Not critical you read it now. Later when you have time works just as well.
I was responding to someone who said they have a mother who’s a narcissist.
Same. I haven’t spoken to my mother since the Boston Marathon bombing. But even before that she had been spewing her hateful words and turned my brothers, who are now in their 60s and financially dependent on her (they’re now in their 60s!), against me. I had shown them only love and compassion. I’m happy to report I have a solid relationship with my sister.
I was in my mid-late 50s when I began to figure out what was happening: Because I am a highly sensitive person/empath, I had given control of my own precious and finite resources-my time and attention-over to my mother by caring too much about something I had, and will continue to have, ZERO control over-I can’t control anyone except myself. I started thinking and reflecting: If I can’t have absolute dominion over own my life now (in my 50s at the time), then when? Tomorrow? Next year? Before I die? When??
What was I holding out for? For someone else to value my life more than I did? I developed a philosophy which has become my mandate: MY life. MY rules. NO bullies. NO exceptions.
This light-bulb moment had a bonus: It helped me then-and now-quickly identify individuals who are malevolent/selfish/bullies whom I had allowed to infiltrate my life but who truly did not merit the privilege of being included in it. You must view inclusion in your life as something special. Truly. If YOU don’t regard your life as a special and sacred gift and which ONLY YOU get to decide who you’ll share it with, who will? If YOU don’t currently regard the epicenter of your life (hint: that’s you) as the most valuable asset you’ll ever own and have dominion over now, then WHEN? When will you “get it.”
Your life is a priceless treasure. Not everyone deserves access to your time and attention, including those who are unwilling or unable to pay the price-respect and consideration for your autonomy over your own life. Your time and attention should be reserved for ONLY those who value and appreciate them. We have NO time to spare on coddling, indulging or tolerating others unless they’re your YOUNG children (NOT adult children). The exception: You work in a social services or related field, or some similar walk of life which you. get PAID to do. What you do on your own time should not be considered an extension of your job.
My life is so much less stressful since I established this motto and made it a mandate by which I now live my life. I have been so much happier. I’ve let go of worrying about what they think of me and bc I no longer interact with them (also since the BMB) I don’t have to be careful of innocently saying or doing something that will trigger their anger or jealousy. This also goes for anyone whose path I may cross. To you, the person reading this, I sincerely hope you “get it” WAY before I did. NOTHING is worth forfeiting dominion over your own life. May you ever be the benevolent ruler of your dominion that is your life. Blessings.
Sometimes ignoring isn't the best tactic, in some situations in can imply consent and make the narcissist escalate. In those situations what you do is pretend to ignore and document whatever they are doing, to expose them, or confront, when they don't expect you to.
I need you to know how important you are to endless amounts of people across the globe.
You’re hard work and efforts change lives daily.
Please accept all our love and appreciation for the love you give to us everyday.
You save lives and deeply impact the world. ❤
Damn. Your #3 is spot on. I have a narcissist who I have very nearly scraped from my shoe now, and I do now remember how everytime she found out that I had a schedule or a plan, she would find a way to insert herself and wreck my schedule or attempt to guilt trip me for sticking to it. Sowing chaos at every contact. Life has been so peaceful now that I don't have to include her in anything.
You're so lucky to break free from this narcissist person. I wish the same for me. It's hard because we are Asian.. it's not easy to just leave and cut her off even though she is very mean and abusive.
Same here.
She got married the day before I got married.
Every time I moved she made sure she was moving the same time to pull help away from me.
My mother is a classic narc. Only realized it really in past few years. Maybe she was covert before, but with age and the death of ppl controlling her like her in laws and parents and aging of my father, she has become full blown. Many friends have even left her, she thinks it’s bc me not becoming a doctor. 😂 Her friends/aunties have told me it’s bc of her backbiting and bad character. I truly realize that my happiness is her doom. It’s disgusting bc as a mother I don’t understand how anyone can be like that. But she is. I am the only daughter, and as soon as I went to college she viewed me as competition down to flirting with boys who liked me etc. Sick. I thank God for RUclips vids for spreading this info.
My mom was one two, at least she is resting in peace now 😂😂😂
ur mom must be pretty hot
@@jclarke1411 dont fish for compliments its cringe af
Your mother is not a narcissist.
@@jclarke1411 why do people think that jealousy is a valid reason for calling someone a narcissist
You torture them by telling them exactly what they are. Sneaky, liars, manipulators. I told my ex Narc those things very calmly and he freaked out and I actually witnessed his reverting to a childlike personality and his demanding I TAKE IT BACK those exact words. It was tragic, the wounded child showed itself.
Fabulous.. they get really distressed don't they?
Mine was called me mommy, I just sat there in shock 😲...
Actually they do! They instantly freak out, divert & talk about you & what you do & how you caused them to do what they do to you!
Both my wife & my mother, who hate each other. And while on the outside they seem different, they are so so so alike in so many ways. It's ironic, they say a man will find a woman like his mother.
However they are worse than just narcissistic, they have sociopathic tendencies too. Both self identify as empaths too. Lol! Belong here empath clubs, websites. Probably where all the sociopaths meet up daily.
@@corvettefever360 They belong to clubs that are diametrically opposed to what they know they are. They know they are not normal and want to project normalcy to others by using that club as a mask. Also they are in touch with potential supply.
@@corvettefever360 identifying as an empath is a huge red flag, almost every person I've known who did turned out to be a narcissist. Maybe only people who lack empathy think it's something that would make them special and not something the majority of people should and do experience.
Don't waste your time torturing a narcissist or trying to torture one. Think of yourself and what the relationship is doing to you already. Walk away. Ghosting them forever is the best thing you can do for your own mental health and due to their self-grandiose and inflated ego, it's difficult for them to accept that you dumped such a prize as them, (in their mind anyway). If you do this, be aware that you could get a nastygram text or email or voicemail and possibly threats. Just take note of them and keep the threat in paper form or if it's in voicemail then record it on a different recorder and save all of them in case they follow thru. Narcissists can get nasty when they don't get their way. They tend to have abandonment issues also.
The last thing you said about being the best version of yourself is the biggest threat to a narcissist is true. They tried to come back when they saw a glimpse of it. You no longer seeking their validation is what kills them the most.
I have spent the last 26 years with a narcissist. He constantly saying that I’m crazy, but it’s the other way around. I’ve told him that he’s a narcissist and he thinks it’s funny. He’s actually proud of it.
😂😂😂 If he's proud to be called a narcissist, then his IQ and EQ are at sub-zero levels!
Yeah my husband says lam crazy if l make the slightest mistake when lam formulating an idea when we communicate. Or if I can't calculate large numbers in my head instantly as he can still do at 74 yrs of age with a strong fotographic memory. So lam crazy because my Dr terminated my drivers license because l had tripped on my door step hit the door and got small hash on my forehead that week l had a recheck appt he saw it and ask well what happened l told then l see him on his computer jotting things down then two weeks later l receive a DMV letter saying my license terminated. I been to twice filled put countless medical forms done the paper trail,spoke to my Dr saying l need my drivers back this caused so many problems and I cannot live like this nor does my husband care to transport me anywhere l need or want to go.Npw intake the bus and walk to nearby Walgreens down the street. I 've decided of l never get my Pisces back then lam getting those new electric bike that are all the rage.
The xhusband used to tell his friends & coworkers even my family that I was crazy & not the sane person that they knew I have always been .sadly they are relentless with their propaganda that many believe them.
My husband is also.
They always say you're crazy. All the time.