7 Reasons Why a Narcissist Doesn't Love Their Children
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- Опубликовано: 14 июн 2024
- Children who grow up in a home with a narcissistic parent often experience significant damage. If you're a child of a narcissistic parent, then this video is for you.
Chapters
00:00 Introduction
01:35 1.narcissistic parents show affection for public approval
02:46 2.Idealization of the toddler stage
04:00 3.They love the control and compliance
05:01 4.Their love is very conditional
05:55 5.They utilise children as leverage
07:14 6.you are used to display a perfect family image
08:28 7.They exercise favoritism and create a rift
09:10 Conclusion
The narcisistic parent demands that you love them while treating you like shit. They would not understand why you hate them. It is all your fault.
That was my M-I-L. But my mother was worse. Went NC and have absolutely no regrets. They’re both deceased and I’m still healing from both of them. I hope you’re healing too.
Yes!
💯 stated!
*Coward User Name !!!*
Yes, you are right!
I remember sitting between my arguing parents each saying (about me) “I don’t want her” “I don’t want her, either” during their divorce. Needless to say how this impacted my self-esteem, poor relationship choices and fear/avoidance-based decisions MY ENTIRE LIFE. I’m now 60 and am reclaiming my life. MY life. This channel helps so much! 🙏
Woah! That must have been so tough to hear from them.
Absolutely disgusting of them. 😢. Im sorry this happened buy glad that you are choosing to make YOU happy now. ❤
Wow... The level of cruelity is astonishing. As if you didn't even exist or matter in any way. It was all about them being disgusting and broken, and was not at all about you not being lovable. That was never the case. It takes so long to fully own that it was their brokenness all along, not yours. I'm still working on this and hoping my subconscious mind gets this. I'm still trying my hardest to heal but it's so hard. I'm so sorry your parents did that to you. I wish you full healing and wholeness.
My mother said something similar about myself and my brother to my father during an argument. I think some people just shouldn’t have children
I am so sorry, I went through that, and still so sometimes with different situation. I am so glad you are able to live your life now. I am 41 and trying to also. Please know that you are so very loved. Lots of love to you! ❤❤❤
THE IDEALIZATION OF THE TODDLER STAGE. My jaw is on the floor. This is all my mom. “You were so fun when you were little.” She only loved me until I could think for myself.
Yeah,me too!!! I was always told “ you were so cute - as a little girl”, like I’m some kind of monster now. ( I’m 70 and so called father is 90 ) I’ve been away from him for 30 years- now I’ve got to take care of him 😣😣😣😣😤😤😤😤. My parents divorced when I was 4 yrs old - my mom took my brother ( 2 yrs younger & handicapped) with her & left me with the asshole. **** I don’t fault her - I’m glad she took my brother away from this monster!!! ( my brother became handicapped because he was thrown against a hot radiator - trying to protect mom from the monster. ). I tried running away at 6 yrs, 8 yrs, 12 years & finally at 18 - legally I could. When I left at 12 years, I tried to get into the house to get something to eat - the locks were changed. I slept in a neighbors garage - under their boat. Went to school - eventually he was arrested for child endangerment. I saw him again at 21 & 44 years. Now - ALL that trauma haunts me - having to return to live in that f’en house. He has no friends - just a few students that admire him. I’m relying on” the grace of God” to get me thru this “ shit-show “. Not only do I have to deal with the monster - but also 3 squatters that he allowed to live there - *** they’re finally out, but all their crap is in the basement. “Arg “...."
I certainly don’t need this at my age....
I hope the loser dies soon
„I was so obsessed with you back then.“ 😒
Exactly. As you get older it all starts to increase the criticism and pain and rejection. The control is suffocating.
And they keep trying to treat their adult children like toddlers regardless of how old they get
This is my sister with both of her kids and my NARC ex with his daughter (16 now ) and has no use for her she is closer to me than him. And when we met, my youngest, my daughter was 4 and for a few years he "adored" her especially to my family and his family and friends. She is almost 11, and we recently finally split and he's barely interacted with her the last 3 years. They are both evil ( my sister and my ex).😢
It’s a curse I would not wish on my enemies. Love and light to all survivors 🙏🏻✨
Thank you friend I'm one of them 😢
Me too. From birth, until for about a year ago (I'm 60 years old now), I was surrounded ONLY by narcissists and psychopaths. It's incredible what I survived, and that I survived without being brain damaged.
Same here I got away when I saw what they were doing to my son.
@@IMWeirain most cases it's the mother
My father is this.
The first step to recovering from the abuse of naursasist is knowing you are not the problem. Amen
amen!!!
Great information. Please do one on husbands and grandkids
And that… the narcissist has never loved you because they don’t know what real love is or how to love.
Which isn't easy at all. Especially if tou dont have a comparison in your environment, through other healty family members or good friends.
@@jasminschmalzl847 But you know your different and you can be better. Sometimes we have to venture out on our own in order to create a better way. It can be lonely and hard but you will get there eventually. Like being a pioneer for a better life and for positive change.
I was raised by 2 narcissists. I was never hugged, never told “I love you”, never encouraged or supported. I never felt loved and never got any affection whatsoever. Only criticism and put downs. They really broke me. Same thing when I married my narcissist husband. I am finally realizing this and how I disassociate from life. I’m finally trying to heal.
Me too, so similar to yours….thank u…i am not the only one suffering…
PLEASE DON'T LET THEM BREAK YOU ANYMORE!!! YOU ARE LOVED AND APPRECIATED QUEEN!!
You just told my story. You are not alone.
I’m sorry. For what it’s worth I’ll be ur dad. I have experience raising a 2 y/o daughter thru 50/50 coparenting.
All you gotta put up with us lectures, chores n dad jokes.
Other than that you’ll get all the love, support, n hopefully something in common we can share ^_^
I was raised by a narcissist mother but my dad was so beaten down by her verbal skills, that he would beat me at her will. I never got hugs either. I was the black sheep of the family because I was born a sigma male. I do not accept hierarchy that is imposed. That is why they hated me but, even with the beatings, I grew stronger each day because I am INTJ-A sigma. You need to get out of your marriage if still in it. Those people are broken and have no path to wholesomeness apart from Jesus but they don't see themselves in need. My mom claims to be a christian, yet once said to me "you crucify me more than Christ was crucified." That is blasphemy and an utter lack of any kind of understanding of her own need for Christ. Run away. I am able to deal with my mom because since I little I saw her as broken. My grandmother would give me hugs and no beatings. So, it was clear how broken she was, even to a 5 year old boy.
I once tape recorded how my mother (the matriarch of our clan) spoke to me whenever we were alone. I played it back to family who hadn’t previously believed me. Everyone FROZE for 10 seconds and then went back to their conversation as if nothing happened! It was like their brains said, cannot compute so ignore what you just heard. I realized many things at that point in time.
We are all surrounded by enablers 💔
they went on like nothing happened because they are all narcissists or enablers. a lot of us have families that are all narcissists.
I once had an argument with my narcissistic mother. She would accuse me and say the most horrible things to me.
Then I simply parrotted her word for word, straight back in her face. She flipped her shit and said "How can you talk to people like that?!" I simply replied "Those were literally your own words to me."
She was lost for words, but then she started screaming. Suddenly my grandmother walked in and said "You two shouldn't be in the same room.."
No, my grandmother is not a narcissistic, she's the only one in the family who actually supports me, the black sheep
YEP this is my family!
A lot of family members are uncomfortably aware but say nothing because they don't want to come under fire themselves. Either you go along with the naricissist or you are their enemy. There's no middle ground to the narcissist.
I'm 64 years old and my mother still does this stuff. She will never stop. She will never see me as an intelligent, independent person.
Should have gone no contact years ago. Just saying.
You’re right. She never will. Can you emotionally shut her out?
HI, right there with you. I'm sixty one years old and my mother will never change either. She refuses to recognize any achievements I"ve made in my life and actually expected me to move back home to take care of her, disrupt my entire life for her, even after finding out I had a heart attack and need help myself. By the way, I"m the scapegoat and she "can't stand" me. My sister, the golden child, is an RN and lives about fifteen minutes away from our mom. I live several states away from them ( on purpose) Bless you and me for all we have been through emotionally with these narcissists.
I have found, also a a survivor and as a professional who treats narcissistic abuse, that when you cannot get away from the parent for whatever reason, I work to predict the behavior. We talk in sessions about doing a game or even a bingo card about what the narcissistic parent is going to say, usually at family events. Predicting the behavior allows us to separate from the negative, narcissistic comments and lessen their emotional impact. Hope this can help you.
@@michellebazin7988 that’s a fantastic idea!! 🙌🏻
I was raised in a narcissist family. You have no identity of your own, and when you try to create your own identity....all hell breaks loose. Thanks for your video. 👍🇺🇲
So true.
Yep, such a horrible thing
You sure nailed it!❤
Daniel Mackler has a lot of great valuable insight on these things too.
When my father died I was broken for a year. After two years I felt much better , and now after 9 years I don't miss him. Not at all. Which I think is kinda strange, but maybe he had narcisstic traits . He was a very dominating personality. He would start arguements at dinner time (I hated sitting down for dinner with him present). He would be in charge of my finances, even into adult hood. I was not working, and as far as I remember when I was 15-16 trying to get (temporary) jobs I would receive criticism from my parents about the way I dressed, the way my hair was styled, too much makeup etc when heading to interviews . He would also complain if talked about wanting to go work in a flower shop (not my daughter) . My sense was that it shamed him. I never ended up working , ended up on disability and my dad took over my accounts (which he had set up when I was early 20s). I did end up being a perpetual student as I was raised believing that only the highest degrees possible are worth it. I felt worthless while I had no degrees, and now with a MS I still feel worthless.
I don't remember ever having a face to face converstation with him where I felt like an equal. It was more like being called in to talk to the boss at work.
Off course he never said he loved me , but that could have been his generation. He also never hugged me, unless told to do so by my mom. Ended up very akward hugging. My mom is more gentle but maybe to the point where you are expected to protect and take care of her. I feel like I never gained independance. Now at 50 I'm still living in a house they bought for me and my brother, my brother also still doesn't work . I just feel my life is wasted from the start. But I'm still not convinced they are( and were) narcs just too controlling. They did like to treat us like 5 year olds still to this day. I think it also stems from a sense of being needed. My world will collapse if anything were to ever happen to my mom. Is that trauma bonding? She is loving in private . So I think it's just narc traits . Which most of us display probably.
I feel like society normalizes narcissistic parents too. Each time I've talked about the following points I am met with the idea that "oh, but they are your parents and it's like that sometimes." The gaslighting goes beyond the immediate family structure it seems.
thats because they don't know how severe their narcissistic level was. everybody has some level of narc in them, its whether mild or severe. those severe could never do self-reflection.
Oh I forgot your privileged and it’s like that sometimes 😂
YES, IT DOES. It's one of the reasons it's such a frustrating conundrum when therapists and other people who really are trying to be helpful practically shout at us "YOU MUST FIND SUPPORT!!" but when other people outside the family gaslight us like that -- where the h*** are we supposed to find that support???
@@spaideman7850 that's not true no matter how often it is repeated. Not EVERYONE is narcissistic to some degree and it's just the "level" of narcissism. Narcissists prey on those of us who possess no narcissistic traits. We're their ideal person.
The difference between "having narcissistic traits sometimes" and "being a narcissist" is that the traits are nearly always based on some triggering context, without which the person is getting along otherwise, perhaps for years. This does not make the person a narcissist. A narcissist is someone whose behaviors are always, always, always narcissistic as to form an adult lifetime of consistent patterns, often getting worse with age. To say everyone has some level of narcissism is essentially saying everyone is a narcissist, and this is not correct.
I was never loved by my mother. She was distant and cold. As a child, I always wondered what I did to make her hate me…. a very sad and disfuncional state of being
Omg!!!!! This is my childhood . Each item is precisely how I grew up. NEVER understand what was true and what was false. My mother would take one side on an issue in public and the complete opposite at home. So confusing we all walked on eggshells around her. She seemed always angry. She was an expert at shaming me and mocking and making fun of me. She absolutely crushed me to my core. I did not find out she was narcissistic til I was 45. Years and years of therapy did not help a whole lot. My professional life was good. I educated myself, went to college. Personal life was a wreck. I have never recovered. I am 75 yrs old now and still suffer. She ruined my life and stole it from me. Too late for me now. I cried when I read this because it is EXACTLY how my mother was
You are still alive. Don’t let her steal the rest of the time you have left! Do what you want, what you can, what you THINK you can, and do not care what the others might say. You still have life left. Take it back.
I can understand what you have been through, the pain is always there and you always wonder how your life would be different if you were raised by a normal parent… I know it’s harder now but try to do whatever you loved to do as a young person or child to bring joy to your life
Know how it feels.
I think a lot of people in the pathway of narcissists (like children) begin to train themselves not to feel the pain. It can take multiple decades to get good at it but I do believe it helps because it frees the mind and emotions to explore and enjoy life. It's like cutting the anchor loose and sailing away.
Through Christ there is still hope and a peace
My parents didn't love me unconditionally.. I felt it.
We are more educated, now about this age old tragedy of shame they downplayed and turned into history repeating on us.
I look at the reasons and try to forgive. Forgive in the name of modern therapy. To no avail. We are more educated in modern times about how wrong using and abusing people has become. No!
We ar bigger and better than that stupidity that has ruined so many people. We can love unconditionally like the buddhist says. The less control you try to have, the more ability to change you will have.
To say, break the history and love better as you wish to be loved and if it is not reciprocated, you are not loving the person you need. Move on, and find the one who loves you for your whole worth.
We all do. But then, we learn to love ourselves
Me too friend me too I’m so sorry
Same here
I'm sending you a BIG warm hug and tons of love. I feel your pain by your words. You sound like a sweet., sensitive, lovely person who deserves to be loved to bits and pieces❤❤❤
My mom literally sabotaged my green card and told me she was glad to do it. The worst part is I married a woman like her and didn't know it till it was too late. I escaped my marriage mostly unscathed. She sabotaged my green card too. Now I'm forty, moms passed and I'm divorced rebuilding my life. I have zero tolerance for any type of toxic or narcissistic behaviors
Good for you! I'm proud of you!
@@jenmayo777 I'm grateful for the kind words. Life isn't stable at the level I'd like but I'm working towards it. Your good energy lends momentum and transformations to help with the goal. Thank you.
Holy shit bro my mother did the same thing
Instead of helping me get my green card as a young kid
She choose to pay 10k for her boyfriend green card
He left her and not together anymore
I left the house at 17 and I’m 27 haven’t talked to her in 10years 💕
@@realjcoop182 the world is your's to do with what you will. It helps to remind ourselves after living for other people so long. You got brothers out here you'll never meet that love you and want you to be happy.
Good
My mom hated me and had my dad and brothers pile on. When I showed artistic talent early on and people would give me art supplies, she threw them away and wouldn't let me take art classes in school. When I was sick or injured, she wouldn't take me to the doctor, but my brother was rushed to the clinic for the slightest ailment. I walked on broken bones and, when I my brother knocked me over in a bike race and I was gravely injured with a TBI and bleeding wounds, she told the neighbors who had rescued me from the street and taken me home in their car, "Don't bring her in the house: she'll get blood on the carpet." It's a nightmare to grow up like this. I rebelled inside and made my own life, but the pissed off, suicidal 4 year-old terrorized little girl is still her with me. Thanks so much.
Boy, is this 💯% correct! I grew up with a narcissistic mother and this describes my hellious upbringing just exactly. Narcissists don’t have the capacity for love because it’s always only about themselves.
I could never ever call or text my mom about a problem im having without her making the situation completely about herself.
yes…!
Yes!!!!!
Normals for a personality disorder.
Weirdest thing, they can't give of themselves!
Same!!!
When they tell you they love you, what they really mean is they have a very long list of detailed requirements for you to unconditionally comply with.
Yessss
I agree. I love you really means I love what you can do I for us.
And I "love you" when it suits us when it doesn't suit us then we don't care about you.
My father was a vocational high school teacher. He came home every day and took a nap for two hours. Me and my golden child brother had to be quiet for 2 hours. Then dinner. Then he read the paper after dinner. If you needed help with homework forget it. It was soon time to go to bed. See how he made himself emotionally unavailable to us. I just had this conversation with his cousin's wife. Last night. She tried to make excuses and said he had a bad childhood. His parents were narcs. That is no excuse. He denied me tutoring when I was failing Algebra in the 7th grade which later cause me to fail Algebra in college. He physically abused me. Pulling 4 of my bottom teeth out with pliers at age 5.My teeth had long roots on them. He was a failed oral surgeon. He did not have a license to practice. He was a dental assistant and had actually dropped out of the program at the time. My mother allowed all of this craziness
She was a narc to. I could have bled to death. I should have been taken to a dentist.
@@elizabethmadron1336 OMG!!! Baby teeth?? WTH?!? That's horrifying and nobody helped you!! That's traumatizing just to read
I will never understand people who deliberately hurt a child. Those kinds of thoughts never cross my mind
My jaw dropped when you mentioned the toddler stage part, I've been searching everywhere for someone to touch on this! My mother was obsessed with me as a toddler, but as soon as I started developing some independence and my own sense of self, she very quickly shifted over to grooming me to give her grandchildren.
As young as 8 years old she would tell me how excited she was to be next to me when I give birth, she'd try to pair me up with boys, and she would touch my stomach and breasts inappropriately when she would talk about me having a baby. For years I was that girl that was vehemently against having children to overcompensate for the pressure she put on me. She just made me feel so gross about it, and imagining her reaction to me announcing a pregnancy made me sick to my stomach. I still feel uncomfortable touching my own stomach in front of people because of her.
My cousins who are all older than me have all been starting their families in the last few years and she immediately flew out to see their babies. The pictures she sent back of her holding them made me sick, you could just see it in her eyes that they're toys to her. She constantly sends me pictures of my cousins' babies, I can tell she's living vicariously through her brother who's getting to enjoy grandfatherhood. I don't want her anywhere near my future children, she does not deserve to be the beloved grandma that she wants to be and I will not give it to her.
If anyone else has had a similar experience I would be delighted to hear it! I don't often hear of others with this specific experience.
Both of my parents have gotten nasty and demanding of me about when I'm going to give them grandchildren. I've never wanted kids, BUT they never wanted us kids around except when we made them look good. How are they entitled to tell me what to do with my body and life, especially after how they treated me growing up? I told them to go bother my sister. She's the one who said she wanted kids and got married.... but she is a nasty narcissist herself, and came to realize that she would have a hard time putting herself first if she had kids. Instead, she's basically "baited" a girl from a local trailer park with gifts and such, now to the point that she makes the kid call her "Mom". The kid's own mom had a history of some drug use and I think a felony, but even though she has allowed her kid to stay with my sister and her husband and such, that doesn't make her my sister's child. It's especially sickening when she brings the kid to our elderly parents house and the kid has to call our parents Grandma and Grandpa- it is nothing but manipulation because my sister wants EVERYTHING when our parents pass. The trailer park girl is just a pawn in her nasty game.... and she learned that kind of behavior from our parents...
@@AB6731 Oh man that's rough, your sister sounds like a complete nightmare! I totally relate to you though about your parents only wanting you around when it's convenient for them. My mother isn't a super mean nasty type of narcissist, but she very clearly only sees children as shiny toys to play with and she gets bored once they start displaying autonomy and personality. It makes me sick to my stomach to imagine letting her have that grandma fantasy when she's done so horribly as a mother. She doesn't deserve it.
I think it's common. 'The happiest years of my life were when you were little.' She's recently given up on her psychologist as she thought she could get me sectioned for refusing to do as I'm told at 43! She's now obsessed with trying to get my child removed from my care. Absolute monster.
Are you sure this wasn't an ethnic thing? Some Europeans hope for or expect large families, and that's the norm - aa woman to be married with family. Here, though: independence and growing out of our backgrounds while respecting it is the norm with or without marriage. Just trying to figure this out using culture as part of the background to the answer.
I did not experience the severe pushiness around grandchildren from her (although I did from her father, my grandfather, starting at age 13) although I knew she wanted them. But, I was constantly compared to my 2yo self. She constantly bragged on my younger self to anyone who would listen. Worse, anytime I didn’t know something, or didn’t do it right, the constant refrain was ‘but you knew this when you were 2!’ I grew to be very resentful of my 2yo self. It seemed to me that I sure must have had my life together as a toddler 😂 far more than was realistic for a toddler to do or know.
Instead of being upset about how garbage my parents are, I'm going to focus on making sure I don't turn out the same way.
Never in my life has anybody so perfectly described my family. I was the scapegoat and the truth teller. It was brutal. Thank you for the clarity.
I am the truth teller too! They can't handle the truth though.
Me too, still fighting
Same.
Same.
I grew up hearing "you used to be so cute, idk what happened" or "we found ya in the trash pile (burn pile) i r3alized when i was older it was a joke because my white mom had belizian dark skinned kids and then had to move back to her American home town. So they were joking I was burnt.
So many narcs in my family and mom is the golden child, not a narc, but so traumatized she totally dissociates and she also chose to be with a physically abusive and angry narc throughout my childhood from age 7 and for my whole life after :(
Absolutely true. My ex-mother-in-law only loves my ex-husband for what he can do for her. She loves to brag on him being a Doctor. She says “people can’t believe I raised a doctor.” I want to tell her she is wrong on that, she raised a son that became a cheating, abusive husband and father. Medical school made him a doctor.
I'm sure she would mention something to take credit for the medical school, like she paid for it. And blame your actions on pushing him to cheat, and provoking him to abuse, etc. They never have accountability when someone else is negatively impacted by their actions.
She raised a jerk who made it thru med school and continued to be a jerk.
Cheating is common in the medical field
That must have been horrible. Sending you wishes for lots of love and hugs in your life.❤
@@CrackrocksteadyNo it's not
This is precisely why I ended a 20 year marriage. Besides all the other abuse I/we endured, realizing the children were merely “props” to him, made me see that he didn’t care at all.
I also went through a 16 year marriage. Finally free and seeing so much more of what kids and I went through with a narcissistic controller in our lives.
30 year marriage. Two kids. Serial cheater, manipulator, control freak, liar, and overall a soulless narcissist.
Do they see their dad does he make an effort to see the kids I don’t want to go around my child’s father at all
Thank you for making this video! Your descriptions of how a narcissist parent uses her children and seems to be fueled by the tension and hatred she fosters between siblings. Unfortunately, but weirdly fortunately I knew at an extremely young age I was different because my mother allowed and encouraged my elder brother to bully me before I could even walk or talk. It got worse and worse as we got older. At 10 I begged the Children's Aid Society to get me out, but to no avail. It then became unbearable at 15 when I left home. I knew I broke the cycle when I became a dad, because the love I have for my 2 sons is the only true feeling of love I've ever had. Over the past 45 yrs, 30 of which I lived in a different country, I've tried several times to repair relationships with my family, yet not a single thing has changed. My emotional life had been a mess for most of my life until I knew I was going to be a dad. Ended up becoming an author of an emotional literacy book for kids and a parenting coach. There is hope for us black sheeps!😊
If your parent is a narcissist, you are like an accessory to be shown off. You might as well have been a new purse or pair of shoes. 🙄
Yeah. Or instead like a new looking antique car with a life sized life looking doll in it.
It has taken me 66 years to realize how much I have been abused by my mother and my siblings, her golden children. Nobody sees what I have been through but as you say, I have to live in my own truth...I have to keep myself distant as much as possible..
I'm 66 years old, my father is narcissistic .
@@bettyhibbert3340 so sorry to hear that. The damage these parents cause lasts a lifetime, at least in my case.
I did the same thing my mom is narcissistic too.
The golden child will never admit it because that would mean that they have to admit that they are not special and just treated better and it's unfair. They probably see the difference in treatment but justify it in that the scapegoat deserves it and they deserve to be treated better because of how amazing and wonderful they are. My brother was a golden child and thinks he's the best ever. I'm no contact and my life is much less painful.
@@MsMaryPatricia
I can't believe how many people are living with similar problems to mine. I have 2 brothers and 1 sister: all golden children who could do no wrong. I could do no right. My self esteem and reputation have been trashed by the self righteous mindset of these bullies who will never repent of their wickedness and will never respect me. I am beginning to pick up the broken pieces of my life and start creating a life without them. Unfortunately, I can't make a complete break without hurting other people I truly care about. But, less is more! Less involvement, minimal socialization, expect nothing, set myself FREE and live the best life I can without looking back!
Brilliant video. It’s about my mother from A to Z. When I was 16/17 I visited a girlfriend of mine’s home and I met her mother and for the first time in my life I found out what a REAL loving parent felt like. Back then it was a mind blowing experience and also a very depressing realisation.
“Children are placed in the centre of adult issues. They become the therapist. They become the mediator…” this describes my childhood to terrible perfection. The wedding anniversary of my (both deceased) parents just passed. It is still a traumatic day. My narcissistic mother placed all her failed expectations of my father into me and my sister. I realise now how incredibly inappropriate it all was. Hugs to you all. Thank you Danish. I have just come across your channel. It’s very accurate… very healing.
How did your mother place all her failed expectations of her husband on you and your sister? I am estranged from my borderline husband of 26 yrs and I hope that I haven't done the same to my children
They conveniently show affection and abuse in public depending upon their mood and who they’re performing for at the time.
Yes this! 😢
ESPECIALLY during the Holidays....😢 my BDay is on Christmas Eve but I have not Celebrated it nor Christmas (I miss Tamales) nor New Yrs and my fave.....not even Thanksgiving (I miss Cooking) I have Celebrated these Holidays for x6 yrs
It's super lonely but Peaceful
@@Timenow1 I’m originally from NY and I miss the food too.
Yes, especially infront of their relatives they don't mind being abusive towards their children.
Absolutely!!
I'm in tears reading all these comments, mostly from people my age (older than 50) and how it impacted our lives. We grew up not knowing what was wrong with them and how it caused so much pain and destruction in our lives. I pray that each and every one of us can heal and spread love in this cruel world.
😢
We just thought it was normal to be neglected, punished, beaten and abused. 9:58
The world is not cruel but some people are. Choose your own "family" through healthy friends and abandon those who abuse you, regardless of "blood" relations.
Wanted to say I'm 38. But I don't know anyone like me. Interesting
Amen..it's not a life sentence
This video is extremely accurate and spot on. When I was a kid, I used to have this friend that was very intelligent. She noticed that my parents wouldn’t let me have any identity but I as a child, wouldn’t agree to see it for what it was. As time passed, being an adolescent I started developing my own sense of self and all hell went lose. They implanted the thought in my mind that I was being rebellious because of that one friend. I now understand with therapy that they seemed like healthy and loving parents just because I was agreeable. They were never that way, it just uncovered itself when I became a bit older
I've had two narcissist parents too. I'm 62, just figuring things out the last couple of years. Married a covert. It's rough, struggling everyday.
My childhood felt like being held captive by my hostile mother.
Sorry you went through this,me too!! 100% both of the people known as my parents were narcissist's.
Totally. Daily physical and verbal abuse. I remember her making me watch the movie 'Mommie Dearest' and her saying "See, you don't have it that bad." Or the movie 'Sybil', and again her saying 'See? You aren't mistreated'. Later, when she'd call my name, I'd often respond with "Yes, mommie dearest?" We both knew what I meant.
I literally snuck out and ran away at 20 years old from my mother. Because I felt that way and was
terrified of what she would do.
Same. I always wished she was never even there, it would have been a lot better.
@@nancysavard4322 How horrible. Gaslighting you. So sorry.
I remember as a child, in the early years of being a teenager, being uncomfortable with my father's affection, but without realizing why exactly I felt this way. I realized years later that his love was conditional, and that I was uncomfortable with it because it was fake. He doesn't love me; he loves to control me.
Yes, you were uncomfortable because he was a virtual stranger. I'll bet he never got close and played physical games with you - probably never read you a story. My wedding photo describes you and me... the photographer wanted a picture of my dad and me alone. We stood side by side and then he said "look at each other", and I turned but felt myself pull my body back, away from him. In the picture he is standing straight and I am bent, in a real effort to get away from him and be able to look at him in the eyes - so close! My love and thoughts are with you. Have a really happy life, you deserve it.❤
I get it. I remember not understanding why I didn’t feel comfortable calling my mother “mom”. I never did because I now realize that she didn’t want to be one. You’re not alone.
Yes yes yes. I am 52 years old and my son's asked me why out of the 3 family portraits hanging over the stairs the only one my dad is smiling in is the one I am not in. I am the oldest of 8 and only recently learned why I was outcasted from the family. I am definitely the family scapegoat and it extends to my children. So sad. But it is what it is.
@@carlwhitaker7953 WOW! I'm 58... same here!
Narcissists don’t make ice cream in unconditional love flavours for their children do they?
This is so true. I am an only child. Both my parents are narcissists. I was belittled and used as a scapegoat when a child. The marriage was a deeply unhappy one. I have had many years of therapy and can now accept this. Remember NONE of this is your fault even when they tell you it is. Narcs never take responsibility and never grow up. I went N/C a long time ago. I do love my parents and I forgive them and move on. I keep contact to Christmas and Birthday cards. I am happily married with no children.
THANK YOU for helping us understand! My mother was the same with me & I never understood why, yet I DID subconsciously recognize that it MUST have all been just an "ACT" or a "fake facade" or a "fake script" that they expected us to play in front of others, because we ALWAYS got into trouble if we could NOT "pretend" along with them that our family was SO "happy," while innocent children were secretly being abused. I realized that they did NOT love the family, after they shunned me for addressing the hurtful, dysfunctional, destructive behavior, hoping that we could all work together to FIX it, so that we COULD be a GENUINELY happy family.
My mother used to give me the silent treatment. And she’d say “I love you, but I don’t like you”.
The feeling is now mutual!
Some people you can only love from a distance.
My mother would say the same thing...im 62 and still carry that hurt.
I love you, but don't like what you do.
that is harsh. ugh. you have to love them but sometimes family can be so hurtful
@@kengaroo5170 I hadn’t done what she wanted because I’m not a mind reader. Thing is if you want your kids to love you and respect you, don’t scream at them constantly and then maybe they’ll start thinking
“oh mum could use some help, I’ll do the dishes”
But instead we were too scared to do anything because it was always wrong 😑
I have come to the conclusion that my mother never loved me. My siblings and I grew up never receiving hugs. When we got older and she tried to hug us it was awkward and cold. The years of projection, gaslighting, and physical/verbal abuse. I feel like I’ve been robbed of years of my life. She manipulated lied and caused so much confusion and turmoil in my home. Yet, I still love her. I was groomed and trained to be a mom before my time. In essence I became the parent to my mom and I am relearning that she is not my responsibility.
Good for you ❤
You speak for many, I'm sure. Thanks for putting it into such a direct and sussinct way.
Many parents, of course, we're raised the same way. I'm not sure if they had the tools in the past to understand what was being done to them so they could possibly prevent the nonsense from being passed on. I'm glad we can heal.
Scapegoat here of WHOM had been programmed by the Narcopathetic Parent management systems. This GOAT Escaped less than a year ago...😮
You were robbed. I’ve learned by God’s grace to pick up the pieces….. I am free, can recognize narcissists and got healing.❤️🎉
Interesting
I wish i could hug every person who grew up w parents who made them feel unworthy of love. It’s so far from true. and I hope you can find the love within yourself so you can find your person and/or soulmate, whichever you believe in who will never make you doubt yourself or your purpose in this crazy narcissistic world. ❤❤
the evil parents clearly didn’t find it in themselves and so they take it out on their biggest blessings in life which isn’t fair. Be the one to break that cycle!!!
Thank you sir. You have opened my eyes to the cause of my mother's inhumane treatment for my entire life. She is also very jealous. You have explained the lies, lack of affection, control issues, and really why i feel unattached & disassociated from her. The attention, the trophy, the use & misuse. In this short presentation of yours, you have summed up my entire life. Unfortunately, we live together. She is still trying to destroy my life. I am going to move out of here & leave her far behind. Thank you for opening my blind eyes! She has been a hideous parent.
My mum is the same. The worst part is my whole family is and left me alone with her. They know she is abusive but they don't do a thing. Instead they laugh and mock me. I'm looking for places now to get out and away from this highly toxic family. I hope to never hear and see them again. Only God ❤ can help and guide us now.
Im the scapegoat in my family and you described my mother to perfection. Ive given my family up for good. It was the only way to escape the abuse.
My aunt sneaked through after 2 years of me blocking my mother. She is all for my mum now as her own daughter just discarded her recently. My mother's family are cruel. I had my say with said aunt and now I'm healing all over again after being triggered! It's best to never give them the time of day ever
I was also the scapegoat in my family, and after telling my mother to essentially go and F herself after 44 years of straight up abuse and then being ignored, unless she wanted money, I let the healing begin and I’ve never felt BETTER. I would be happy if I knew she was reading this. I hate her with a passion.
@@user-kg3tm7ue1s your mother's family sounds alot like my mother's family. Sorry u had to go through that it really is horrible. I'm glad u were able to go no contact with them.
@tommymack4372 Thank you Tommy. Yes, forgiveness is key, but it is best to stay away as it causes you to feel negative and angry and have to start all over again. Sometimes it's best for all involved - love them from a distance and pray their hearts soften 💕
same, always treated the blacksheep of the family despite excelling in academics and other stuff, rn im in the middle of academic slump and basically has no motivation to study, i hope things get better for all of us who suffer from narcissistic parents
This is absolutely correct. My mom only loved me in public. At home she didn't want me and wished she had an abortion with me cuz she told me. She humiliated me every day. The verbal and physical abuse was beyond horrific. The name calling was sometimes inconsolable. My sister and I would cover each other's bruses and welts from being beat just a few hours before school. My sperm donor only liked me if everything was ok. He was never there. He's a drunk! He only cares about himself and his money. They never loved me. I am not them. My kids are everything to me. God, never let me be anything less than the best mom I can be for my kids and grandkids. Amen, 🙏🏼
Love how you think ❤
You were soo much stronger than her! I always heard the excuse "I had it worse when I was a kid"! Now that I'm older and confront them, all they do is turn into one big sorry excuse... Stay strong and God bless...
My mom used to tell others in public stupid things we kids did to embarrass us (every child makes mistakes, but she would laugh about it). Once old enough I had to scold her to stop doing it. She did, but what a pain in the ass until she stopped.
Thank you. The full truth at last. I still can’t go to my small town due to the way she defamed me from birth and I am 81. Difficult to recover.
Same here....my mother used me like a slave 😢
You describe my mother and family perfectly. My mother manipulated my father as you describe. He was not a narcissist. Not only is my mother abusive but physically violent as well. She used our eldest sister as you describe to control we other three siblings. For the protection of my family we cut all contact with her over twenty years ago. I have one sister who tells me she has never changed. Stay away from people who are narcissists. They will destroy you if you do not.
You don't have to stay away from people with malignant narcissism. Learn to set strong boundaries and quit being a people pleaser like myself. Learn from Marty Glenn, he's the best
Have you noticed most comments are about narc mothers?
Doesn’t surprise me one bit. Now, I disbelieve almost everything a woman claims or accuses others of. My survival skill is guilty until proven innocent when it comes to women. It’s a shame but that’s the only way I could through it sanely.
This sounds so much like my father. In public he will be all loving and comforting, but the minute we are in our private space, getting a hello from him is a blessing. I excel in school, I would show him my marks but he will always dispute them and say perhaps I cheated that's why I got higher marks, but unbeknownst to me when he's at work, with friends or family he always shows them the very same marks and tell them how proud he is of me but to me I'm always belittled and tortured with words.
I’m 37 yrs old and now I understand why our life was so disfuntional. Both of my parents are narcissist 😢
OMG
Yep, likewise, and I understand completely. Have you reached the point yet where you feel that you have no alternative but to distance yourself, and completely cut ties with both of 'em (presuming they're both still living)? Painful as it was, that was when I first began to feel 'free' and become my own person.
I understand
Both of mine are as well. They enable each other in a sick way. But they are both narcissist. It really messed with my head. Thank GOD for the man's RUclips channel to help me understand my trauma.
Narcissist parents are lethal! It’s the grace of God that the child doesn’t become demon possessed, but walk out “normal”….. ME! 🎉
And me , endured a whole family of ( them ) .
But some end of being demonic just like them & it's usually the golden child
My mom tried to give us children a “normal” life…. she didn’t know what she was up against! But God said …. this far and no more!! 🎉🎉🎉🎉🙏🏾❤️
Ditto. They couldn’t take my soul because God owns me. 👍🏼⚖️🙏🏼
Indeed is a Grace of god to not be om a crazy Narc like them.💯Grace og God
I've only recently realized how many narcissist family members I have. 😂 so many things you said are 100% on point. Wow that brings a lot of clarity to me. Thanks for sharing.
Hugs for you Danish! I'm so sorry to hear both of your parents were narcissists! 😢
I truly thought I was alone in the world living with a Narcissistic mother! It turns out there are thousands and maybe millions of us. I am a 69 year old lady that was used and abused by this " Thing" until I was A shell of a human. Thank you for your insight.
Yup. Mom was a monster. May she rot in hell!
You are not alone and I feel your pain.
Have you noticed in the comments it’s mostly about narc mothers?
Having a "perfect little girl " was what she really loved
I had 1 narcissistic parent and the other passed when I was 10 weeks. I'm now on the path of Bhakti Yoga, and I love you, unconditionally. ❤ We all deserved better.🙏
It is never easy to be around a narcissistic parent. I am sorry for the loss of the other parent. Sending a lot of love and healing
@@narcabusecoach and mine back to you.
@@CherrysJubileeJoyfullyHare Krishna 😊he will love you unconditionally .....❤
@@satyabhamakrishnan108 Krishna blesses my heart every day. That is why I can love everyone unconditionally. My love goes out to you as well. 🙏💕
Good video you left out how they mess with the siblings by switching there favouritism temporarily creating more conflict amongst the siblings so they always feel like the other was more loved
Yup, my brother and I discussed this a lot throughout our childhood. Good thing we were smart enough at a young age to catch on quick.
This makes so much sense now. When I was young my mom used to always say I was a lovely girl, I was a quiet child, I could spend hours coloring, I help my mom from the day she brought my sister home and helped care for my sister and I was only 19 months older then her. I never truly felt love from either parents. When I became a teenager things changed because I did not want to study what she felt i should study. Mom always said to me it is not that she did not love me, but she had no stories of wrong doing from me as a child, I was obedient, a cry baby at times, but always polite. I went to college and worked 2 jobs to get me through it as my parents could not afford college, I have 2 diplomas, one in science the other in nursing (I am now a retired nurse. I left home the age of 21, as I was making 80 $ per week and mom charged me 25 $ per week for what she called room and board, but I did laundry, dishes, every task in the house while my sister did not further her schooling beyound high school, she went to bars, smoked like my parents, got home drunk and did not work and had no tasks. I left because I felt I could do better on my own, which I was right, but my mom got so mad when i moved out, even when I decided to become a nurse, she would say you'll never be a nurse your a cry baby and cry when you see blood. Well this cry baby became a nurse and worked ICU, ER and all floors in hospital at some point in my career. But my mom accused me of not taking time off from work for holidays and that my career was ruining my family dynamic, surely I could be off holidays (she never understood why I had to work shifts and be on call and working holidays). I always saw myself as the black sheep of my family, I was not like them and they reminded me of this all the time. When I left home I realized I was much more then any of them tried to bring me down. I gained wt over time and mom ket saying "youwere such a pretty girl growing up and was never fat, as if being overweight made me ugly. I wish I would have known about narcissistic parents as both of them were. I was so afraid of my dad as mom would say wait till your dad comes home. But in retrospec she made us believe he was a monster, since age 12 she stated she would leave him and take me with her. My mom last year past away, she had stopped speaking to me for months (was not the first time either), then my sister calls me saying mom wants to talk to me as she is now dying and had less then 1 year to live, she wanted to be at peace with me for me not to go through what she did when her mom died and she had stoed talking to her. Well that same phone call she tried rehashing the past twice, i told her if she wanted eace we had to leave the past behind, 1 week later I was on the phone with her and knew something was off, so I called my sister who stated it was her pain medications, but 3 days later she had a stroke, and 2 days later another one which rendered her unconcious till she passed that same night. Because of Covid restrictions i had not seen any family members since Dec 2019, then I watched my mom gasp for air for 12 hrs straight, dad sent me home and she died 2 hrs later. I never felt peace but tried to give it to her, even on her dying bed I spoke to her in case she could hear me, told her what I knew she wanted to hear, but 20 hrs later while at home I broke down and asked why I was never good enough for her, why did I feel like i did not belong to this family, why she hated me so much to treat me badly, what did i do to her for her to treat me that way. Well this video now answers all my questions. I never felt loved from them because they did not love me except as a child I was a model child, good grades and some even called me teachers pet, so while I did things their way i was the good girl, once i chose my own path I was the one who distanced myself from them and purposely worked to not be with them, according to them. A few months later I made my peace with my mom in a dream and ever since then I feel so much better. My dad and I speak once a week (before she died we rarely spoke unless he picked up the phone, I was there for them when she died, dad, sister and niece, dad saw the real me I guess as he treats me much better now, my spouse states my mom poisonned his mind against me and now he sees who i truly am. I do feel a difference with my dad now, I feel respected and in his own way loved, which my spouse stated he felt my dad did love me but mom got in the way. I always felt like the black sheep of this family, still do when it comes to sister and niece. But I am at peace with myself. I retired in 2020 age 55 because of health issues, applied months before Covid came along or was even learned of. I ended my career while on sick leave the last 6 months. Life is easier now, sad to say that it took my mom's death for me to finally feel alive, but it is what it is. I always stated I would never bring a child in this world which would suffer more then I have, I have 18 diseases with no cure, some since birth, 5 are autoimmune and hereditary. I stuck true to myself, I was not going to have a child just for the sake of having one. I love children, but there was no way I was going to make a child suffer as I have. Now I have adult children through my spouse, who love me for who I am, the eldest is autistic with learning disabilities, his mental age is 5 yrs old, he is stuck in the body of a 33 yr old man, to me he is my eternal child I never had myself, bringing a smile on his face is all that matters to me, being retired he is home with me now while his dad works, he also loves me in his own way. I get more love from the 3 stepsons and my spouse then anyone ever showed me in my life, now I know what love is suppose to feel like, what a family does for each other. Too bad I had to wait till i was 50 yrs old to find this out, I am 58 now. Now knowing this narcisistic parents and siblings helps me understand and have peace knowing I can never be good enough for them, but I am good enough for myself, I did good in life 35 yrs in health care taking care of others, made a difference in many lives, I feel accomplished and loved and it is all that matters, I made something of my life, worked hard for it, sometimes had 3 jobs to get by, but was worth it. I am also a DV survivor and childhood abuse survivor. I am at peace now.
Good for you. I am pleased you have found love from your 3 stepson and husband.
Your story was well worth reading. You are being blessed. I am sure you already know that by now 🕊🙏🏻💚
My narcisstic mother started to be extremely violent since I started "growing up" at the age of 13/14. It only got worse and worse, progressively as I grew into the teen and early adulthood. She clearly hated the fact I exists and told me that very clearly many times, using eg words "I could abort you" or "Kill yourself" etc. It ended with me moving since I only had a chance and before that, she used to threat me with death literally (until I was afraid to sleep and eat or drink anything from the kitchen that she could access. I was only drinking tap water and eat what freshly brought home from the store, as she suggested would poison me and she was a doctor and had many medicines in home). I'm pretty sure, she never ever loved me. She may like some aspects of being mother and "owning" someone who was admiring and loving her unconditionally, until it lasted, but she also dropped me in grandparents house for years. She eventually took me home, when I was around 7. Then, the horror started. I remember developing insomnia, horrible stomach cramps that lasted for hours and other health issue that no doctor could diagnose, beside severe OCDs and depression. Then, eating disorders came, beside I turned from quite a social being into an introvert, extremely shy, insecure and scared person that passed through depression, EDs, addictions, severe panic attacks, huge problems with socializing, unable to stand for self and give people a healthy boundaries etc.
We lost contact with each other for almost 8 years and I was getting better. I got a dream job, a nice apartment and some dignity, until she came back (due to her divorce with my stepfather that also didn't give a single s+it about me. It was all about her, because all the sudden, she needed help and support) and AGAIN turned my life into hell. For the 4 years she was "back", she achieved to make me loose almost everything, beside the panic attacks came stronger than ever, so it literally made normal life impossible for some time. She made me a WRECK. After she tried eventually to ruin me also financially, so I would stay homeless, I finally cut the contact again. I felt a HUGE relief. Nothing can be compared to that peace, when I don't have to deal with her anymore. I just wish it was sooner, but I also know I would have huge guilt if not the last drop of what she attempted on the end. I never felt so light since 4 years, I do after I cut her off. I wish to warn you all - NEVER let the narcisst come back a ruing your life again. Don't believe in their tears and promises - they DO NOT change.
My 14 year long headache departed WITHIN ten minutes of demanding my mother not say she loves me. Four months plus & no mom or her headache with me either.
I’m so sorry you had such a rough childhood! Please stay no contact and never let her come back ever again!
Ohh this is my story also 😔😔😔
What a strong person you are just putting your experience into words is a testament to your strength....be well 💪
Oh my heart hurts for you reading that. I am so sorry.💔
I once mentioned to my parents that PARENTAL love is (and should be) unconditional. They both answered at the same time: "Since when?" That explained EVERYTHING!
Unconditional from YOU, to them they mean
@@Agameda1Don't forget you "OWE" them respect too 🙄
@@anniep6248 oh dear, oh dear, don't forget you don't know me or my situation or how much respect I have for them - and myself.
@@anniep6248classic enabler.
@@Agameda1 that was meant as sarcasm. Most narcs I've met feel they are owed undying love, respect, loyalty, etc. My narc mother used to scream at us at how we "owed" her respect while telling us we were lucky she was letting us live with her till we were 18. We were little when she started telling us the day we hit 18 we were out on the street. All 3 of her kids left home before we hit 18.
This resonates so much with me and my narc mother that it makes me cry… It’s so unfair for a sweet child to be unloved just for being… Thank you.
Thank you. I didn't even get the fake affection as a toddler. I was the last child born and the golden child had already been chosen. Yes, the narcissist was so controlling that the golden child even took their old job to follow in the narcissists footsteps/also studied to be an RN etc. It has been very damaging to all us kids. Even though we are all over sixty and some closer to seventy years old, we feel and show the effects of our loveless childhoods.
I never realise my mum is a narcissistic. How i wish i had known all this earlier. Awareness in this topic is very important to young adults.
23😂
Yes I only found out when I was an adult. I no longer have any contact with her it's a blessing. Hugs to you 🤗
*CoWard Name & a Hater of God!!!*
Very. It destroys them, especially as the Munchausen Syndrome and self-sabotage set in.
100% well said!! Me too
You have literally described my childhood. How I wish the internet had existed when I was at an age where I could have realized the truth DECADES earlier. I might have had a chance to develop more self-esteem and made much better choices. I could have started healing at an age where it would have made a difference in my adult life. I remember when I realized the parents of friends loved their children in a way mine did not but for the life of me I couldn’t figure out why. I never drank, skipped, did drugs. I never disobeyed in any way. In fact I excelled at everything I did; principal flute, majorette captain, honors society, etc. So if I was doing all that and still not worthy of love I must then just be INHERENTLY unworthy. As a person I didn’t deserve love. Ask me whether my first husband was basically my parents. I cry wishing I had a do-over. Do yourselves a favor. Go no contact as early as you possibly can. ❤
It's sad but true. My aunts and uncles told me they didn't think my mother was going to let me grow up if you know what I mean.
They're just never going to change. Constant recriminations never any hugs never told good job. To this day she's the same at 87 years. Everything's my fault. They are just not going to change
This is why I'm so grateful we have people like Daniel Mackler to shine light on this stuff for a lot of people.
My life, summed up. My mom has left a legacy of manipulations,lies,pain, favoritism etc. I realized I married my mom twice ,first with an overt narc and then a covert narc. I am kinda suspicious of men , don't want to be hurt again .
You just explained my “TOTAL “ Life… mother had me sterilized to protect her image etc…I feel nothing for her except responsibility in taking care of her because she gave birth to me although I can NOT remember her ever giving me a hug. She hugs all in family except ME… she is 91…Psalms 23 and 27🙏🏽😇🙏🏽
You still owe her for diapers. Lifelong debt that you can never pay back but they don’t tell you that.
And these women feel that if you truly loved them, you’d die first.
You're talking about MY mother! And it hurts so badly!! I was always the "black sheep" in our family of 6. Four kids. Thank goodness for my dad, who ALWAYS showed me unconditional love.
The ‘Golden Child’ vs the ‘Scapegoat’ child really hit me hard, my brother’s definitely more “cherished” by my narcissist father and he ended up becoming a narcissist himself, where I fell down the ‘people-pleaser’ route for many years.
This one is complicated for me, because I was the golden child pre-adolescence and my younger sister with the scapegoat. The roles switched after I became a teenager.
Wow I know a people pleaser who married one narcissist after another, with the last of whom he had two sons. She is raising her oldest to be like herself.
@@TielMama777 he’s improving his situation. Finally. Had to diminish who he was for years in order to minimize the damage on the kids. It has been a hellish time attempting to raise kids with a narcissist. He now knows what she is, but before he used to make excuses for her, like even saying that her calling him names came from a place of love. He has grown a lot.
I realize that I also fell for their tactics. They truly are master manipulators. So we have to forgive ourselves for giving them too many chances, appreciate the knowledge we possess now, go on and enjoy our days.
@@leonab545The way they become skilled (though often unconscious) manipulators was almost always (if not, always) their way of surviving in their own family unit growing up, to receive conditional "love" and not be neglected. Daniel Mackler talks about this better than I could here. It's a cycle and people like us are breaking them one at a time. Bless your souls.
@goopybonez My Older Sister was the Golden child, I was the scapegoat, the one who was always used for everything.
Reading comments, wow, so many of us. I grew up thinking that I was alone in this planet. Sociopath father and cover narc mother. I ended up getting married to a cover narc (what a surprise). But never gave up, I have a decent happy life. I'm 56. And helping my kids to go through all this. My 19 year son is the one who showed me this videos. Thank you Danish!!
This issue is taboo; it feels dangerous to mention it outside certain channels.
It feels clandestine and shameful.
It would be easier to talk about witchcraft than talking about the witches in disguise we all know behind doors.
@flacabal you’re in a big family of children who have narcissistic parents. I have found support through the comments in these videos and it’s comforting that we are not alone and that we are worthy of love and a good life. I wish you all the very best.
My first husband who was a lovely man, the father of my child, died when he was 35 years old and my son was 15 months old. Within a few months a man who worked at the same company as my husband made a beeline for me. He couldn’t have been nicer at the start. Nothing was too much trouble. We later married. At first he was good with myself and son but as my son grew older that was when the control started. I left my husband 2 years ago. I feel so guilty and sad that I subjected my son to ex’s behaviour for so long , which has had a big impact on him. I just wish I knew what a narcissist was years ago. Having said that I had been so beaten down by ex I wouldn’t have had the confidence to leave at that time. There seems to be an awful lot of narcissists around. Why is that? 😥😥
*Hi Bot!!!!*
@@Justice_TRUTH_Martyr
Huhhh
WHAT?.....!!!?
what ARE you talking about.....
My daughter is currently dealing with this from her narcissistic mother… She turns 7 years old tomorrow… Her mother’s rejection stands out to her even more because her older brother (18 years old) was never rejected by her mother. She was a great mom to him, but somehow she morphed into a completely different person about a year after my daughter was born. At age 4 my daughter asked me “why is mommy nice to my brother but not to me”…. She felt it… Children see and hear and understand more than most adults would believe.. This situation is by far the most difficult and most painful situation I’ve ever experienced in my entire life because it’s not happening to me, it’s happening to my baby girl. I can’t fix it, but I can and will do whatever it takes to help prevent her mother’s issues from affecting my daughter’s future as much as possible by being a level headed non-dysfunctional presence in my daughter’s life. As a parent, it is critical for me to do and say the right things, and be whatever my daughter needs me to be at any given moment to ensure that she doesn’t normalize her mother’s behavior or assume responsibility for it. I know she’s confused and I know she wants answers, but I can’t explain the unexplainable to her. I can’t help her to rationalize behaviors that are selfish and irrational. But what I can do and will always do is be there for her and make sure she knows she is loved. For the rest of my life I will dedicate my entire existence to her. My love, my time, my effort, my energy, and my undivided attention belong to her and will always be at her disposal whenever she wants or needs them. Overcompensating for the void her mother created will become a part of my daily routine. My sole purpose in life is making sure my daughter is safe and feels loved every day til the day I die. She is my reason. I she is my everything. She is my one and only daughter, and she will always be daddy’s favorite flower. Irene Rose. I will love her unconditionally for the rest of my life and I would go to war with any entity no matter the odds, and will die on my shield if need be, in order to protect her.. I love you Irene… ❤
RUclips'u açtığım zaman karşıma narsizm ile ilgili yüzlerce video çıkıyor. Ama sadece sizin videolarınız diğerlerinden çok farklı. Her zaman kimsenin aklına gelmeyen konuları ele alıyorsunuz. Bunun için size minnettarım. ❤
I have a narcissistic dad who after age 3 totally disconnected emotionally from me. He came home from work and the atmosphere in the house completely changed, you needed to make yourself as small as possible in order to survive. My mother is very Co-dependant, mostly towards my dad but also on me now I’m older. She will keep the peace with whoever provides her the most financial security. She definitely loves and has empathy for people and is very nurturing but this is stifled by trying to keep favour with my dad who discourages any of that behaviour and punishes her constantly for caring for others like her grandchildren . Now I’m older I consider my trauma bond with my dad to be truly resolved, I see fully who he is and he knows it and as a result we barely speak or acknowledge each other. His punishment is to disconnect, act like you don’t exist, give you the silent treatment, ignore my children - and that’s fine by me. He forgets I’ve lived my life not in his favour and have become accustomed to it. My kids don’t even bat an eyelid. My mum who still lives with my dad however is stuck right in the middle, but that is because she valued his financial security over her mental well-being and she kept being sucked back into the abusive cycle - now they’re quite old it would be unwise to leave despite their relationship being extremely disfunctional. All I can do is provide a safe space for my mum and almost be there for her like a parent. She can stay with me whenever she wants and has her own room and en-suite and she has a key and is welcome day or night. My dad hates that. My biggest win against my narc parent is being self sufficient and being a treat to his control by providing the same level of security for my mum should she ever need it. I know he doesn’t care about me one bit. It’s not even that he doesn’t care, he doesn’t know me, he doesn’t see me, I’m invisible, I’m a blind spot. I don’t even blame him, his biggest punishment is being himself. It must be painful living in his mind, being that insecure, being so fragile. I just wish my mum could be free of it as it’s exhausting for her but she has a deep trauma bond that I can’t force her to break, only she can do that if she was ever ready and willing and able. The way to defeat them is with unconditional love and I unconditionally love my mum and my children and he can’t take that away from us even though he tries daily. He’s a parasite trying to suck the joy and the love from everyone and everything and that’s how I see him whenever he (rarely) makes an appearance, like a gross blood sucking parasite that one day will lose all the blood supply he needs to keep him living and he will die like a shrivelled up worm gasping for other people misery to feed on and finding none. Nobody’s here. He’s alone and nobody wants him time, his money, his favour, his opinion - nothing. He is what he was always scared of being - insignificant and unimportant. And despite what people might think reading this, I don’t wish that upon him. I just knows it’s inevitable. You can’t put out that much putrid toxic energy into the world without it making you sick. For all those suffering internally from the souls crushing realisation your parent(s) never loved you and never will. Let it be their sickness, not yours. Love everyone, love yourself and love hard.
Use it as a model of how not to be
In that way you can become a better person ..hi from Australia
The suffering has made you a better and more emotionally intelligent human being x
Your mother is lucky to have you. It’s so loving that you make space for her, but understand why she hasn’t left.
Sounds to me like you still carry alot of trauma using RUclips as a therapy session. You are in denial. I bet you struggle with having functional relationships. Cant keep a man around.
My dad passed away a couple of weeks ago and I’ve been having so much cognitive dissonance since the memorial. So many people got up and shared positive experiences with him, all of which where completely counter to mine. Thank you for writing this post ! It describes my life in large part - the disconnection at age 3, the treatment, mom playing peace keeper. Growing up my mom was the dominant one who was cold, controlling, and callus and I thought she was the narcissist. They both come from alcoholic families, so the ACOA knowledge has been helpful. This has clued me into think my Dad was a covert narc and my mom’s behavior was extreme co-dependence. He had a goddaughter born before me that he LOVES. Now I realize it could just be that she has always idolized him and doesn’t threaten him in any way and that feeds his narcissism. He has been threatened by me since I could read, openly hostile in person unless he needed me for something, but otherwise I don’t exist. It was devastating because he engages and treats his goddaughter like she is his own (so much that my mom and her dad think he is his). Thank you - this has helped me explore a new possibility that this may not be because I’m not good enough.
Wow! This described my mother spot on. I am the only person in my family who understands my mother is a narcissist (I'm the scapegoat). They all are brainwashed and gaslight and think that I am the problem. When I finally realized and came to terms with the fact that my mother did not love me, and actually hated me lividly, it changed my life. Allowed me to let go of so much. It is a hard thing for a child to come to terms with, they will lie to themselves and find reasons to convince themselves that their parent loves them because it is such a heartbreaking thing for a child to know.
I’m in the same boat. My mother has turned my siblings against me. And my father has been abused by her for so long it’s just normal to him. He doesn’t see it as abuse. I’m the only one who can see things clearly. It’s heartbreaking.
You came to what it took a wonderful therapist to get me to. “If they were not related to you, are they people you would seek out to be friends with?”
I was horrified ‘NO!’ She let me just sit with my answer. They were liars, telling me who I was and they had no idea, bringing up the past but changing it to elevate themselves. I couldn’t buy any gift that EVER pleased them but anything they did, acted like it was the kindest, most elegant thing ever. They were exhausting.
@@katyjahn1353 It's hard when you're the only one that can see it. It's like they are brainwashed beyond approach. And when you try to get through to them they just act like you are crazy. The only thing that has helped me is distance. It took a long time for me to come to terms with the fact that they were never going to wake up. EVER. It's sad but you just have to eventually learn to let them go.
Same here everyone now thinks I'm the problem. Some of her family members knows that she's a liar but they still somehow scold me
Yep. I grasped and understood that my mother was a narcissist in my 20s and went no contact. So of course the narcissist makes sure that the rest of the family are brainwashed even though they know at heart she doesn’t love them. All relationship are for utility to them.
This explains my mother in law perfectly. Use her granddaughter to manipulate everyone in the family to get what she wants or needs. Pins sibling’s against each other for family drama which she loves. Mother in law definitely
the puppet master. I see her other children with the same personality style as her. I also believe father in law is a narcissist just not as demented as the mother in law. So proud of my husband finally walking away from his mom breaking the trauma bond. No he is at peace finally at 60 years old. We are both very happy in life. No more DRAMA and LIES.
Idealization of toddlerhood shook me. I did not even realize it. I have a mom who I think is NPD. Just figured it out a few weeks ago. I am 31 but she is treating me as if I am a preteen boy who needs to be controlled and regulated. My dad is not a narcissist, but he is an enabler, asking me to sacrifice for her.
My parents not only want to erase my individuality, they want me in the ground for not being their puppet, it's disturbing how demonic these creatures are. Great video, Danish.
Totally disturbing. And yeah, it's cuz they're full of demons. As a believer in Jesus, I began to realize it's totally demonic. And what's wild is they lie to themselves and others so much, they begin to believe their own lies, act like nothing happened, like they have no clue, and expect you to believe their bs too.
I am pretty sure my mom wants me to die before her
Same
Same here. They wish bad on you. Lol
Same
I was about 11 when I read the Greek myth about Narcissus, and my teacher said and explained about Narcissus and how it was where the name of narcissism comes from, and what that was. I thought wow, that sounds exactly like my father.
Most of my life I thought my mother was a huge enabler to my father, but I realized later, she was a covert narcissist. She even took time to put a letter in her will, that was to accuse me of all the evil things she had done to me over the years, telling me it was all my fault. I figured out I was the scape goat by the time I was 7. I'm adopted, they went out of their way to find a child to scape goat, I wish I had been adopted by decent human beings and not the monsters who harmed me regularly.
Wow! and I always wanted someone to adopt me! When I was a child, my mother never allowed me to get close to her, I could never hug her. She said that this was pure hypocrisy and falsehood. She never gave me love or listened to me. She made fun of me with everyone, it seemed like an innocent joke, but it wasn't. She never said something nice or sweet about me, if she talked about me it was to make fun of me. When I was a teenager, she was no longer satisfied with despising me, then the real and terrible hatred began. Sometimes she would leave me without eating for 3 days, she would yell insults at me, she would tell me that she was ashamed of me... and even though I was a good student and I was decent, she always yelled at me how embarrassed she lived thanks to me. She is still alive and I take care of her, she is already 85 years old, and I have always felt the pain of so much verbal and sometimes physical abuse. Once with tears in my eyes I told her "Why didn't you give me up for adoption?" and the answer was that I am bad, ungrateful for everything she did for me. We were raised by monsters
@@MariaHernandez-rc2eq You have my sympathy. That must be very difficult to care for someone so toxic.
@@MariaHernandez-rc2eqsounds very similar to mine but my dad always made sure my brother and I were fed. I believe it was because of him I turn out a non narcissist. He showed me some meaning of empathy and unconditional love. I miss him.
@@thevindictive6145
At least we now know that we weren't the problem. My blessings to all those who were abused, who never received a hug of love... God in his infinite goodness abundantly reward all the victims of narcissistic mothers.
You are right about everything you said. The difficult thing is they succeed to destroy the family and separate the children from one another which in most cases is irreparable.
You're so correct, sadly time does not heal the pain of having such a parent/parents. I won't bore you with what my mother and brother did. I take my childhood experiences as a lesson of karma. Which was of no use when I married a man who outdid both as a narcissistic husband. Am now just me and my rescue dog. Have never enjoyed the simple freedoms of life more. I wish you all well in the hope that others do not endure what I have. These videos are a god save for many
Not only do they not love you, they will convince you that they do, and you could grow up thinking those toxic behaviors equal love, and it will leave you as a permanently confused and damaged adult.
Edit: Please do not leave advice about whether or not you can heal, it is entirely subjective and not up strangers on the internet, it's great if you've experienced your own form of healing, but please do not try to force your personal progress on to others, everyone is different, recovery is not a one-size-fits-all kind of outfit. If someone says "please drop it" then respect that.
Edit #2: The persistently negative comments are a great example of toxic people. Even when politely asked to stop, they don't. Even when I put a notice asking for them to be respectful, they don't. A huge thank you to those who ARE mature and respectful, who don't feel the need to confront a stranger over the internet about their personal opinion. You are much appreciated.
Yep. Then we go out and find toxic partners.
I feel my granddaughter will be hurt by her narc father
OMG, are we ever damaged goods! And we didn't even know about it till Danish explained.
There favorite go to is "I love you unconditionally", they don't know the meaning.
Not permanent. Healing is possible.❤
When I was about 10, I was tired of my mother's lack of affection and her aloofness. I asked: "Mum, do you love me?". She was quite annoyed and barked: "Of course I do, aren't parents supposed to love their children".
Sorry for that terrible lady who happened to be ur biological mom ..😐😐😭😭
@@spdadventurer1754 Thank you. So am I. I loved my mother a lot but her mind was made differently to mine; she just thought differently than most mothers.
that is a crazy sentenc elol. And then they wonder why the relationship is colored for the rest of their life. get that yardstick treatment
I understand. I asked my mother if she loved me and she said "you are my child" in an angry tone. You are alone
@@ladyloungealot5119 I get u totally i have had both narc parents, my dad is no more and after his passing my mother is behaving better than before as she has no one but me to call her a family. I used to get horrible.nightmares about my parents...one of which included my mother eating me while blood drips down her mouth, m not mentioning much here as it will take books n books to write so much shit, I started journaling since I was 18 and that was my only therapist and endless tears
This is true. I know a woman whose ex husband is so toxic that he actually tried to legally stop / block their child from attending a prestigious, highly selective preschool, because it would cut into his parenting time one day/ month. Even the court said he was out of order and sided with the mother. For the record, parenting time consisted primarily in the child sitting in a room by herself, watching television and/or playing on an iPad, unmonitored no less.
My father actually drew out “the family circle of trust” from the movie meet the parents. There’s no love in that when you can’t laugh at it and it’s not used as a joke. I was sitting with him 6 months beforehand when we watched to movie together
In terms of discipline; he told me the reason I’m finding some success is because “he got a hold of me really young” he would scream and belt way to hard for a 5 year old- scared the crap out of me.
My mother taught me that only animals show unconditional love
I was raised with two narcissistic parents. I am now 48 and my life is considered to be of no value to my entire family including extended family. I have no right to a life of my own and am considered selfish to ever say `No` or set boundaries. The abuse of a narcissistic family will only end when they pass away.
"The abuse of a narcissistic family will only end when they pass away." Or when you set a boundary that includes no-contact, and please don't be afraid to do that. Let them go before they pass, and let them be dead to you. You'll mourn, you'll get over it (faster than you ever thought you could because, let's face it, these are not good people) and you'll find your life started at 48. Late, but not too late.
I'm sorry that you were not treated with the love and compassion you deserved. I know this from my own experiences with my parents. It caused me a lifetime of pain and self doubt. I hope you find peace in your life. We have to give ourselves the love we needed and didn't get. We have to be the parent to ourselves we wished we had when we were kids.
I was the same. My advise is to be “selfish”. It will seem strange at first, but You’ll be surprised to find that nothing bad happens and in fact people will like you more. Of course what seems selfish to you is just normal to others. You have to learn to be your own loving parent to yourself ❤ Don’t wait. Life is short. My mom lived to be 99 and I was 71.
@@lillianbarker4292 OK, that's a horrible thought after another afternoon of abuse from my mother. Who now thinks a minor brain bleed--absorbed the afternoon it happened--excuses 50 years of awful behavior to me that's now ramped up to screaming when I can't assist fast enough. I've advised her as of today that neither of us are tolerating it any more and if she's going to yell, we're leaving. I left.
Same. ... everything is what can we use you for
I was a mirror projection for my mother. When I rebelled in highschool my favorite way to push my mother's buttons was to look ugly or plain. It drove her into all her narcissist rage. I didn't/couldn't stop chewing my nails until I went no contact in my 30s. So much better now.
thats ironic my NM would be happier with me looking plain or ugly.
They never have balance. You must be a perfect show off to attract new supply or the opposite.....They don' t give you nice clothing and makeup.....So that YOU stay their supply.
They don't have any balance or middleways in anything.
You are perfectly correct, yes this happens to his children, and now saying the children aren't his
This was the best explanation I've found this far. Thank you! Im sorry for what you endured as a child. You deserve love and admiration, and you are worthy. Godspeed. 🙏🏼
I have never heard my mother described so perfectly. Thank you. Can’t say I feel better, but I know that it’s not my fault. I’m 70 now, bout time I find this out!
69 and still dealing with the nonsense. You think you’re over it and then something triggers the past.
Seventy two and just figuring it out. I wish someone would address birth order. I was the scapegoat, in the middle , between a sister three years above and three years younger. I was such a chump……….
@@Kipper388 My husband was the first born but his brother was the golden child. Husband died 3 weeks short of his 68th birthday.
Same! My mother to a T!
Yes, same here!
Both of my parents were narcissists too, and yeah...they didn't love me...at all. I'm an only child, and also the scapegoat. I've learned how to be alone, and be fine with it. Especially now days because it seems like the level of narcissism in people has taken over, and it seems like they're everywhere. It makes it hard to meet good friends.
I am here we can be friends. I'm not a narc
I’ve had the same parental experience…both narcs, only child, scapegoat….and feel the same way …narcissism is rampant in society…hugs 🤗
The hardest part is trusting people to even think about being friends. They really do a number on your emotions and I do not feel friendships are worth the risk. 😢
I think that most kids of a double narcissist household just want to be alone . It took me a long time to break that . A lot of work .
@@NCrdwlf how did you do it? Because yes I’m a recluse hermit although I crave friendship and companionship 😢😭…I think it wouldn’t “bother” me so much if the world wasn’t in such chaos….but because the world seems or is so scary right now, being so alone brings me even more anxiety….I am stuck in a mental prison
When I was young, and my mom was affectionate for the public, I was always fooled into thinking she had changed - until we got home and she returned into the abusive narcissist
I was close to my father as a little girl and my mother ripped me away from him. She never loved me. I don’t know what feels like to be loved, cared for, and properly nurtured by a mother. My parents divorced and she always used me against him. My father had some narcissistic tendencies after he remarried another woman who hated me just for being his daughter… it was so messy. I only remember the dad I adored as a child-it’s quite vague. My heart was broken and it still breaks as I try to navigate life with all of these underlying issues. Even though I forgive them, I’m still dealing with all that in so many ways. It really has had a major effect on me and my life. It’s a really silent suffering we carry.
"Children become the therapists of their narcissistic parent ..." Yeah. That's so true. From the age of 12 till young adulthood, I set down with my mother, sometimes daily and for hours (!!!), trying to understand and to help her with her depressions ... This was one of the many non-physicals abuses I had to endure. Try to imagine a 14 year old girl, that desperatly tries to explain her mother in hour-long daily sessions, that she should not kill herself ... The other way around, when I wanted to talk about something, even something little and light hearted, I knew from early age, that I had to express myself in no more than 2 or 3 sentences, because the attention span of my mother was (and still is) not existent. Only logically, because it is something NOT about her, that it is not valid.
Absolutely!!! For some of us it begins much earlier. I remember working very hard to cheer my mother up when I was a toddler. I was suicidal by age four.
Aw man, same. I don't think people who haven't gone through this understand how much of a burden it is and how it turns you into someone who learns that their own struggles will never be as important as anyone else's. It makes it very difficult to ask for help.
Exactly the same. EXACTLY.
Wow! You explained it so well!
@@XiaoGuanYin104im so sorry. i hope ur doing ok now.
It's heartbreaking to think about the damaging effects that narcissistic parents can have on their children's emotional and mental well-being. This video serves as a reminder that we must prioritize the safety and healing of those who have experienced this kind of trauma, and work to create a world where children can grow up feeling loved, supported, and valued for who they are, rather than being used as tools to bolster their parents' egos.
Right
If only we could acurately identify them and stop narcissists from reproducing.
Yessss..I was always asked..are you working.....when she never worked her whole life as married into wealth and dad abused her..yet she never left him....then never disciplined my older sis who bullied me
Well said ...need of the hour
Um ya think? Where do you thing we should start?🙄
I am 67 and was the golden child. WHAT AN EXPENSIVE ROLE! I am finally getting many of my gifts such as music, back again. But love in all its forms were successfully swept off of the plate by my 2 narcissistic parents in my childhood, except for friendships. Am working through all of this with the help of friends and God.
Hi Danish, I can’t even imagine how much you went through with both parents narcissistic. Just one for me, I’m already at the brink of breakdown, and didn’t want to live. Thank you! Your sanity and bravery give me hope!
It is so hard to come to this realization. To grow like that and then the same happens to the grandchildren. This is a long game they play. It is pathetic.
Thanks for remind me that ..
I just stopped talking to my mum for this reason! I'm breaking that cycle... stuffed if I let that happen again. Not to my kids!
@@jobella85 When I turned fifty I was told to just be civil. Have brief visits. But they have health issues now. I only have one sibling and he makes it here twice a year, some years once. He has been here more in the past year. I'm trying to figure it out. Thanks.
@@jobella85 This goes beyond my parents, it's my children and extended family. We have watched our aunt, uncle, greats, cousins pass. We will still be there for each other. At least the ones that get it.
I absolutely knew my mother didn't love me, and there was proof after she passed away, she hated my sister and I her journals were full of just how much she hated us. in a way. We both felt so vindicated in our feelings towards her because we knew all along, and you would have friends and family say. Oh, no, she does love you deep down. No, she did not.
People don’t understand. I tried telling My aunts how my mom doesn’t love us (my siblings and I) and she tells me oh she says she loves you guys so much.. people who did not live the abuse will never fully understand
Thank you Brother, I experienced all these and I feel bad about the time I wasted/ 13 years / waiting for the situation to change. But a narcissist never change.I am greatful to God for staying alive.
I was raised by two narc parents, and i experienced all of these.
And now I have been living 20 years with narc husband. I am ending it now. My kids are suffered enough.
My siblings thought I was the golden child. Years later my sister and I had an open talk about our experiences with those people. They divide their kids against each other to compete for mom and dad.
That divide is real. I haven't spoken to my brother since 2005.
I suspect the same in my family.
That was my childhood. Minimal hugs. But we looked great in public! I wasnt the golden child. She made fun of me and my friends and everything about me, because it was wrong like my height, or funny looking- like my freckles, as in stuff you have no control over, like who your 8th grade English teacher is. Then- After my parents divorced, my mom waited till I was 18, then took my siblings and moved to another state while I was at work. I lived with relatives. That was a few decades ago.
My brother was the Golden Child -now Narcissist too. Didn’t realize until my Parents were both dead about the Golden Child. Now he has an older Sugar Momma Girlfriend. He doesn’t need anything from me, so he doesn’t bother with me. And because of my Parents we were never close.
So so true…..
Same here, born and bred by narcissistic parents, I am the rebel in the family so you can imagine the amount of abuse I faced whilst growing up.
same here. my narc mom had influenced all my relatives and cousins and spread vicious rumours about me, trying to force me to crawl back to her and call her 'My Queen, i obey'. Now I'm a Despicable Villain in my relatives eyes. I have no intention to proof to these stupid relatives that she's the real villain because they are easily influenced by sob stories, especially with tears. Truth will prevail, but until when, nobody know. I'm ok to be the villain in the eye of stupid people, its cool.
Same here. I’m still the ‘black sheep’ at 50 yrs old. It’s ridiculous.
@@buildertrash4102 yep...100% true....i simply don't take shit from anyone any more...
@@tartanrocker5926 same here. If people don't like that then they can go kick f'n rocks.
@@spaideman7850At least you're Free & now you can have healthy relationships with healthy people!!!!
Thank you so much for your expertise. The Lord informed me of much of this information in your videos, years ago, only it was not packaged in the term of narcissism. It was more along the lines of demonization, which you also discussed in one of your other videos. I have been in a very unhealthy marriage for over three decades. I lost my youth and joy with this person. I believe the Lord used your videos on this subject matter to confirm my decision.
May the Lord bless you for your passion towards mental health and emotional healing.
They use your children ~ The very one's you love the most ~ To literally devalue YOU as the real loving and sincere parent. It's the most devastating experience to ever happen in your life. Truly💔
I finally started to heal when I realized my covert narc mother never loved me. She pretended to ‘love’ me by ‘worrying about me. That then required everyone around her to ‘comfort’ her bc she was so ‘worried’. It was a constant and total hijack of my plans, whatever they were. This is a minor detail of her constant cruelty but it’s on track with the topic here about ‘love’ from a narc parent. She’s been dead 20 years and every time I think of her, I’m SO glad she’s dead.
I say, Rest In Peace, as there was NONE...when you were alive!
Yep, so glad they are dead. No guilt whatsoever & zero shame in saying it.
Sometimes I'll shout to the universe... "I'm still HERE you BASTURDS, I'm STILL HERE"
That’s actually the title of a book out recently by Jenette McCurdy
“I’m Glad My Mom Died.”
@@annechen103 I'm sure I can relate to the content of that book! The year after my mother died, I happened to be at a women's brunch near mother's day. The hostess asked us to go around and each share what we liked best about our mothers, in honor of the upcoming mother's day. At first I was mortified and considered making an excuse to leave right away. But the truth was burning within me to set me free and when it was my turn, i said, "my mother was the cruelest, most predatory person I've ever known and I am SO glad she's dead." The hushed silence was very loud and I just let the shock of it hover without apologizing. In true Midwestern style, the next woman shared some nicety about her mom after the awkward silence and it all slipped into the expected range of denial. However, afterwards, another woman came up to me and thanked me. She said she and her daughter were not currently getting along well and she would never want her daughter to say such a thing - and bc of me speaking my truth, this woman said she was going to make amends with her daughter that day and forever reconsider the importance of their bond. So. Victory! And Who knows? Maybe that's the whole reason that whole to thing happened?
I can’t count the times I wished my narc mother was dead. She’s like a cockroach.
Both my parents are narcicists and I am deeply traumatised realising this too late after many years of loving them unconditionally and getting nothing back
It’s not too late. You don’t need them. Love and cherish yourself for having survived. There are lots of us ❤
I know the drill.. but you should cherish the fact that you didn't ragequit on the game of life like many others in our situation did. You have the cabability to cope with very heavy mental stress and massive amount of relativation mechanisms. This puts you in a situation where u can help other people that have problems in life. Living with 2 narc parents is like living in a golden cage where the outside is made of gold and the inside is made of the rotting pest. Nobody wants to live such a youth, I know it because i've been there, with all the troubles and issues you can imagine, and as the cherry on the cake there was also alcoholism involved in my case. I've learned to accept my parents for what they are, I now make sure they don't put my in a situation i don't want to be, and if they try to "charm" me i just expose the truth instead of "acting along", so my father now knows his charm won't work on me anymore, and my mother; well... I've been and keep promising the world and myself that i'll throw a party on the day she dies. I don't want to see her alive anymore, at all. To me she's not my mother anymore, she's just a person who had the luck to have carried and delivered me to the world. She's a false person that doesn't care about lying to her own kids, stealing from them, betraying them, etc etc.. so I've decided to ban her from my game-of-life-server/biome until the day her character dies and the account gets closed...
I'm in my 40s now, and it took me until my 30s to realise the whole truth, to uncover all the wrappings and see what has actually happened and why i struggled so much with having friends and what was at the base of that. You can't change the past, you can only try to influence your future by changing your views and actions in life. Doing so finally brought happiness and rest into my life... I'm single by choice atm, been for a very very long time, but that gave me ample time and opportunity to work on myself. I've had long relationships and i've learned a lot thanks to those, sadly not all good news there as i was in the state of changing my behaviour and then ended up being cheated on 3 relationships in a row. I deserved the punishment of that, because i cheated a few times in my first true love relationship; I now know why i did that back then, it was wrong but i was just 18, finally away from daily the toxic situation i was living in. I didn't know what love felt like, how precious it was what i had with my GF. I truly loved her, but i was like a 6 yr old kid who was released in a candy shop without any boundaries. Suddenly i noticed that lots of girls liked me, especially the friends of my GF; they were just jealous but i didn't realise it back then... I always felt sorry and bad for what i've done to the girl that really was the perfect match for me, but life tought me well after that... I finally properly grew up, I'm blessed that the 10 years i needed to fix all things in life don't show in my looks, I look at least 10yrs younger than my actual age and I believe that's also somewhat my ACTUAL mental state of age, I don't feel like i'm 40+ but more like at early 30s. I guess karma has forgiven me and has granted me an extra chance because i've shown to myself i'm clearly not that person anymore and truly chose to folow a path of rightousness, even it that's the harder path to walk. I could use my charm-powers on other people too, but i don't want to be a narcisstic person so i've become the person that always states the truth. About myself and others, I don't care WHAT they think about me, at least they know i'm speaking the truth and lies don't work on my. I've made friends getting very pissed at me because i said certain things, then a few months later they return and tell me they've changed because how i told them what they actually were ignoring about themselves. They hit a wall, then woke up and realised i was only helping them by telling the hard truth. Not everyone likes me, they don't have to, but at least everyone who knows me in real life is 100% sure that I won't lie to them and won't misbehave or take advantage of them. From my very youth I had the feeling that life was like a "test"; somehow this feeling never completely went away. It's the only result i'm interested in, i don't care about money, status, whatever. I only care about how I could do something to help other people, to keep my karma balanced on the right side. I'm not rich, neither am i living on the streets. I've got my vices, but I don't damage myself or others with those. I have happiness in my life, and yes i could have a better life if i really wanted to, but i'd be doing things to gain advantage which could hurt others, so i rather don't get rich like others do (which is: on the backs of other people). I know i'll end up OK in my next run on game-of-life, be it in this universe or another one; who knows... Good luck to you and all other people who lived under the stress of a narcist; it's never simple, but never forget you're not the only one who had to endure it, and for some it's even a lot worse. Once you can take control of your life, own it and learn to place the things in perspective, accept your past and try to live a life that makes you and others around you happy (again). It's possible but it can take some time to see the correct picture. Don't blame others for what happened to you, in the end the narcist is a sick person living an eternal life of unhappines. Don't fall for the trap to live that way too, step out of it and try to put other people before yourself; if you can do that, you'll notice that after a while life starts throwing the good stuff at you and there's no use to "pretend" you're better than anyone else... We're all equal, somehow half the world seems to forget that. My toilet-droppings smell just as nice/bad as the one from the president of any country. (probably mine smells better because i don't eat massive amounts of food; i'm healthy and have no fatlumps on my body, but that doesn't make me a better person or a person of more value. We're all humans, but money and status has pushed humanity out of a lot of people)
❤
Please don't get into narcissist relationship ...heal yourself set strong strong boundaries then you will get a good spouse
It's not too late. Look at the comments: some people in their 20s and 30s but SO many in their 40s, 50s, and 60s.
You may have to go through a grieving process. But sounds like you are an affectionate person. Be proud of that!
There is a difference between positive regard and absolute unconditional love. Somewhere in between is the balance that will keep you healthy. You can still feel SOME affection towards your parents, and positively regard them in SOME areas.
I hope this gives you some comfort.
There are lots of great videos on YT about recovery from narcissistic abuse.
WOW ! Your video was the most clear, concise, relatable video on narcissism I've ever found. You were speaking about my so-called 'family,' from whom I've cut off contact for years. This video just appeared suddenly this morning, so I take this as a sign that I was meant to hear what you have to say about this devastating loveless way of growing up. Thank you. Note: My mother didn't pretend to love me in public, as she preferred to humiliate me in front of her friends and relatives and acquaintances. She even humiliated me in front of a friend of my own and, as a result, that friendship ended. I never again invited a friend to meet my mother. Even though my mother is now dead, her voice, accusations, insults and humiliations swirl around in my head
New here. Interessting channel.
First of all I'm sorry that you had to grow up like that, but I'm glad to see how well you cope with it.
Then I want to say that my father is a narcissist. The grandios in public always. At home mix of grandious, vulnerable or even malicant.
I forgot many things from my childhood. I think for self protection. But my father clearly had a huge negative impact on me, my oetsonality, my own mental health struggles and the first 37 years of my life and the stupid decisions I' ve made.
I just recently understood everything and started to heal/recover.
Wishing everyone well!