5 Signs YOU ARE NOT a Narcissist
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- Опубликовано: 28 июн 2024
- Link to my best resources:
linktr.ee/narcabusecoach
CHAPTERS
00:00 introduction
01:09 1.Hoovering
04:12 2.Screaming, yelling & Shouting
06:49 3. SLIENT TREATMENT
09:10 4.Speaking your truth
11:19 5.Depending for support on somebody outside the relationship
Link to my best resources:
linktr.ee/narcabusecoach
Thank you. This is so refreshing to know! WHEW!
Hi, I am so thankful for this help . I am in totally distress living with this narcissist, even aging and more demanding he does not slow down. Inset strict boundaries already but just being with him sucks the live out of me. He did so many cruel and devastating and humiliating things to me like even moving his favourite prostitute into our house to live with with us about 6 years ago which was the most humiliating experience in my life and when he did that he did even demanded to take care of her and cook for her…..my case is so complicated as I came from a different country ,! And after he convinced me that that is the way how it works in his country now my downfall started and I got to my lowest point in my life. But I am now on my way to recovery still with the narcissist but took his power away as I decided to stand up for myself and learn and learn and learn.!I had and still have no chance to leave
He is an aging narcissist now and not getting even better. Thanks for that video. I am alone in a foreign country and i am determined to gets through this. I have no friends with I can talk about these things, whenever I tried I got the message that I am the problem in the relationship and I should just accept him who he is…..
It destroyed my health, my social contacts , even my hobbies I used to like to do. I Am grated and thankful for every advice I can get as long as it is according to my personal situation. Thanks again, I will never give up on me, although the narcissist says that I am dumb and garbage , I know who I am. So that’s a good start I think
@@tinapeters5299the community of us who have experienced and are now knowledgeable and well educated about narcissistic abuse are here for you ❤
My narcissistic friend, if you can call him that actually goes by the nickname Dishy. He prides himself on the able to tell people off and tell him exactly how it is. I want to tell him another name for Dishy is just rude, but it was start some kind of chaos if I did.
I thank God for you for educating us 😢😢
Sign number 1: you are watching this video. ❤
❤❤❤
😂
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That's not always the case.
That is a lie, narcissists use to learn how empathics moving to do their abuse more efective.
5 signs someone is not a narc:
1) They question whether they are a narc, something a real narc would never do.
2) They have love, empathy, kindness and compassion - virtues a narc knows they don't truly have, but pretend to.
3) They end up going to therapy to fix problems created by the narc. A narc would never go to therapy when they are the crazy ones making everyone else go crazy.
4) They don't leave people out in the cold - a narc can and will do that over and over again without remorse.
5) They are not con artists. All narcs are con artists and vice-versa.
Especially LOVE the first one as that is all I knew before I saw this video. Now I have even MORE validation! 🎉❤
Well said!
Ohhh narcs go to therapy. If they think it will prove a point or if they can use it as leverage
Omg I did think I was hovering! Pouring my heart out…holy crap….
@@hannahward4703 Yes! If it adds to their projected image of what a wonderful person they are and that they are the victim they will, to manipulate others!
One sign is if you apologize. Narcissists never apologize.
No. My ex-wife cheated on me, but she never apologised or even sounded sorry. What did you expect? I have to satisfy my needs ...
My mom never apologized. She's gone now. I'm healing. She apologized after she died. I heard her audibly. I'm at peace.
They don't accept they have done sth wrong
They love non apologies though... I'm sorry but (insert how it's actually your fault here)...
@@jasonlow6943 What i have to insert?
I had almost started to believe that I'm the narcissist. Thank you
@@denisequinn9015🙏💛
Yeah that's actually waht they do they make you feel like the worst person that ever existed.
Me too
Same here
@@mr.vargas5648It's called, "shifting the blame," They do all the crapolla, then make it look like You did it, or You're to blame.... 🙄 Don't fall for their Nonsense!!! 💗
Narcissist will break your self confidence and make you codependent.
Exploitive. Guard yourse.
And sometimes after making you codependent, they get bored and just throw you away to fend for yourself with no support system left in your life, because they destroyed that too.
So true
@@elfinshell4758 word. I'm channeling Tina Turner...and thriving bound
The way how they use is compliance testing, cold fight, Cliff break up because of the small fight, narcissist rage to let you shut up, play the victom etc. then you will gradually lose hope to agasint them, like learned helplessness
In the end you just feel stupid for ignoring all of the red flags, or loving them despite what they have done.
So true.
The shame that I stayed so long like that’s all I deserved…still not over the trauma. 😢
“loving”
This is where I am .
I can't even call myself stupid because this is a parent which I have no control being born into.
I hate that they accuse you of their own filth!
Yes they do!!
THEY ARE so fucking evil!! 😢
Quite so.
They do the cruelest things to you. You finally react. You feel guilty. Then you realize I'm human. Think. Still, you never said or did the things they would do. Why? You're a decent human with boundaries!
They can justify robbing and poisoning your environment then laughing at you behind your back that they get away with it.
In some cases I think they deserve a prison sentence. it's so twisted.
They keep 🫵🏾 on edge, on a scale of 1-10 they keep you at around 8-9..{poking and prodding] {NARC SUPPLY}then trigger 🫵🏾, to ‘play victims’ when you react to ‘being poked at prodded at’ and SPAZZ TF out🤦🏾♂️🙆🏾♂️, may record or video for their smear of 🫵🏾 campaign…or around others, see he /she ‘victimized me’.
😩😡
So much information here' can remember in desperation mimicking their behaviour in order to get through to him what it was like, he didn't like it and when I explained my strategy he was indignant and said "that's a load of bo@**x" which left me frustrated and caged. The silent treatment was dreadful and yes remember using it to protect myself.,which again he was not happy about. Thank God I'm out of it 15 years, took ages to recover and I'm still healing, but it's great. It's not easy, I wouldn't recommend the process but I'd recommend the outcome. Probably the best way is acknowledgement of the grief for the unmet needs and eventual gratitude for not being in that situation any more
Thank you 🙏🏼😊
They really make u believe that you are the only cause for any bad happenings in their life.
Yes and if you dare call them out for their bad behaviour they start acting like some drama queen.
Yes, then you finally realize that calling them out is a waste of time. I found out the hard way. They want to lie about you and insult you, because they think it's the truth. But tell them the truth and they think it's an insult or lie.
@@lizh1988 Its their lack of emphaty that makes them like that.
@@mr.vargas5648 ✔️
I got blamed for EVERYTHING. No responsibility whatsoever.
I think the main difference when the victim does similar things to the narcissist is that their actions are defensive while when the narcissist does them, they do it in a predatory way and taking the initiative to turn the relationship toxic and dangerous.
Exactly
100 million % correct !!! 👍
100% true.
This! A narcissist isn't going to defend themselves like this. They will find a way that doesn't make them look weak.
This is what happened to me! The Narcissist wanted to make me crazy.They will not stop until you land up in hospital 🏥 or they want you to die! They are the crazy ones, I left and I'm getting a divorce.I'm also seeing a Psychologist.
I really felt that when you spoke about LONG PARAGRAPH's. That is one thing I am MOST ashamed about. I live with very few regrets, but I do regret and am embarrassed by the countless LONG letters, emails, and messages I have sent trying to explain my position to an overt narcissist. There have been many. Both narcissists and paragraphs. So many wasted words that should never have been labored over. So thank you for validating that this happens to other survivors as well. The reactive abuse #2 as well. So many times of yelling and screaming, trying to get a point across to no avail. Now I am in a perfectly healthy relationship and I don't think I've ever had to raise my voice in over 7 years. So it is what the narcissist brings out in you.
Omg yes!! I wish I would have not tried as hard . It didn't make a difference and only gave him more fuel to gaslight, blame and belittle me .
Me too.
Same.
Yes, long paragraphs might've been futile. But at least you got your peace of mind or closure or got it out at least.
Thank you for speaking out....Blessings and peace. Be kind to your self start to enjoy your journey of life...
Sign 6: you seek out information on narcissism to try to find ways to improve yourself, because, dang it, you did all sort of dumb things after escaping that household, and people would be perfectly right to call you a narc!
Thank you for a very very welcome presentation. I'll keep trying to improve myself.
Yuuup, had a potentially narcissistic roommate that had me genuinely thinking it was my fault and that I was being narcissistic so I’ve been researching narcissists for months. Thank goodness I’ve finally convinced myself I’m not but for awhile I was so convinced I was like “nah you gotta be narcissistic bc you keep denying that you are and that seems narcissistic” 😂 fuckin hell
Part of what the narcissist wants is for you to become toxic like they are. Part of the way you can fight back is to not allow yourself to become that way.
True! They consider someone who becomes like them as a validation of their own actions.
@@chrisantoniou4366 They also know that your strength is in your purity.
Easier said than done
Because they don't want to go to Heaven, but they don't want to be alone in Hell, so they invite you to go with them.
@@real_hello_kitty Misery loves company, so they say.
I think questioning if you are a narcissist automatically means you are not- narcs never question their behavior. Danish, you have helped me heal so much! I can’t thank you enough❣️🙏🏻
Oh no. My ex would take Facebook quizzes and post the results to prove she wasn’t one
People that deny being one.. odds on 666 your the devil.
What about the coverts?
megan I don't think so. If you are questioning if you are a narcissist, that means you somewhere in between narc and non narc (toxic victim). Many empaths are actually toxic .
A non narcissist like me, knows for sure I am not a narcissist, because I know right vs wrong, I know my moral values. If you know God & if you know you are in the right, then you know you are not a narcissist.
@@real_hello_kitty Narcs always think they are in the right.
If you go out of your way to avoid hurting anyone even when they have hurt or harmed you, you're not a narcissist. If you genuinely care about people, you're not a narcissist. If you pray for people including your enemies to be healthy and happy even if it's not with you or despite what they have done to you , you're not a narcissist.
It's me. I pray for her well being and her quick recovery. I also feel bad for leaving that house when she was unwell having back pain. I always think that she must b feeling lonely now, how will she manage living alone as she is Lil introvert type. How will she go out for a walk alone or to buy groceries or on a trip as she always needed me for all that. I also think about my father in law as he loves me and he is old. How will he feel if he gets to know that m not living with her.
Your video's make me feel less guilty and less lonely in the journey. Thankyou 😊
Me too as I’ve been sexless for over 18 years as that how she punished me or most likely was having an affair. I stayed for 6 reasons as that’s how many kids we had, but they’re all adults and I’m running for the hills
“Narcissists cheat regardless.” 😂😂😂😂
If someone is in a sexless relationship and then have an affair doesn't mean they are a narcissist.
@@aralsea1 you have always choice. To get out from the marriage
Oh my god, screaming and shouting is so me. I feel constantly pushed to a corner and started this behaviour - I always feel so miserable and bad even in the moment I do it! More after it! I always question myself, why couldn't I just stop it or shut up!
Basically I love peace and that is not aligning! I was always confused!
Me too
She always used to tell me: "it has nothing to do with me, if that anger and rage wasn't inside you, you wouldn't have acted this way" , which always got me more pissed, but over time it starts fucking with your sanity and you start questioning all your motives
How does one come back to clarity? In your experience.
@@user-dc3ww7yz2xsame thing happened to me. You have to “purge” them from your memories, your emotions and your thought patterns they installed in you via their abuse. It can take time to do so. So it’s best to work on yourself, forgive yourself for falling for them, (there are so many different kinds of narcissist. Each one of them have different ways of tricking people into their BS.) You have to realize, you are not the only one who has had to endure a narcissist. Makes it easier to let go of how they eff’d with you. So don’t rush into another relationship until you get them out of your system. You don’t need someone to heal you, that you hope can love you… You need to heal yourself, once you have done so, work on yourself, date yourself, and treat yourself. Work on your goals, and you’ll see eventually that you start attracting different types of people who aren’t narcissist. Then you’ll find somebody that can appreciate and respect you, and vice versa. It is going to take time, discipline,& patience. Take time to rest and relax, work out at the gym, find new cuisines to experiment with, to enjoy, take time to read on some books on psychology, Human Behavior, how to be observant of peoples physical behaviors, etc. Knowledge is the best thing you can do to assure yourself, in those times where you have doubt, so when you hear that little voice inside your head that “used” to be them, mocking you and verbally and emotionally abusing you, you can tell that voice to go eff itself. Do not go back to them. Do not be friends with them. Do not share Netflix accounts with them…basically do not share anything with them and disappear. Any friends or social media, you’re going to have to make a change, delete account, unfriend some real friends. Don’t forget that narcissist will also play their friends like fools/chess pieces, friends do not notice that they are narcissist, because the narcissist wants to make sure that they always look like they’re a good person, and they know how to pretend, so you have to cut ties and every where you established something together. Don’t hate yourself, don’t belittle yourself, don’t talk down to yourself or think negative things about yourself. That was something they were doing, something that you do not have to continue doing to yourself even after you rid yourself of them. And that’s what I meant earlier when I said you have to purge them from yourself. Hope that helped.
Omgosh I'm going through this now ... I'm doubting myself all the time .... I don't know wat is right or wrong anymore.... I feel Soooo confused... So I feel for u... It's hard xoox
I resonate 💯 with the “disappearing” of the victim, making you feel you don’t matter- but demanding you do all this fecking work for them! Personal and professional experience with these evil crazy people!
Exactly, 100 million %. Been there. Through that. 🙄🙄🙄
The narc is feeding off of you and they need you more than you know. Their literally feeding of off your energy guys😩
They are energy vampires
Shaykh nurjan on youtube speaks about this. They are nefarious beings, autho bilahi Mina shayton neerajim
For this very reason , I call them energy vampires !
Facts
💯 I always felt so drained and exhausted in the relationship. I had to be absolutely everything for him, and I felt more like his mother than a partner, smh.
My intention with no contact, is to protect myself. I don't want anything, to do with that person or those hurtful people anymore
Speaking my truth, is acknowledging my own unique reality
They keep telling people, I ghosted them when they discarded me abruptly
Confirmation to no. 4
No. 5, confirmation but it was a friendship 💖 not a relationship yet, until after the relationship was over with the previous person. We respected boundaries and he uplifted me in the most loving and healthy ways before the narcissist tried to taint my name with that valuable friend 💐
I hear ya!
So true. One of the sadest things about dealing with a narc is that you lose yourself and act out of characters as their behaviour shakes you to the very core. They try to guilt trip you and make you feel like the villain when they do something bad. It gets old pretty quick. Being who they are is the worst punishment ever, we don't need to waste any more time on them. Good riddance.
This was me 5 years ago. You are not alone if you are watching this, reading this. You are human and you are a survivor ❤
This is a critical healing primer for those victims who question themselves or are accused of being a narc by their perpetrator. This definitively clarifies that we are NOT the problem; we're only safeguarding ourselves. Thank u again, Danish! ❤
By their "Predator" also... 👍😘!
Yes 💯 Amen
In the End of everything I decided to really Walk away and never look back. When he blamed me, for to be everything that he ever was... in the view of all the red flags I didn't want to look at. But in that very moment, I knew exactly what he was. He was never gonna see me again. I turned my back and without a word dissapeared from his entire World. - Stay Strong Everyone.. ❤
Narcissists, gaslight, cheat, steal abuse, etc. etc. that’s the difference if you don’t do these things you’re not a narcissist even though you may have a big ego
Narcissists are teenagers, I'm not a teenager. I may act like one once in a while, but I'm not perpetually stuck like that; confused about who I am, obsessed with material things, socially idiotic, delusional, defly ignorant of any ounce of responsibility.
They are not teenagers! THEY ARE EVIL!
Scary thing is that describes exactly how my nobody brother is. He is 23 and still acts like that in every sense of the word and what do ya know, he's even been trying to hit on minors. Exactly why I moved from family, nobody wants to put up with grown adults who refuse to take accountability and accept responsibility.
Is anyone else done with figuring out what makes these demons tick? I must be healed because I dont give a sh!t anymore of whats broken in them, in me that caused this dynamic. All I can focus on is what keeps me happy, healthy and functioning. I dont give a f*ck what their latest plan or drama is-I have a life and theyre not allowed in it. End of their story, fresh start of mine! Thanks Danish for helping me to get here!
I’m still trying to build my life away from them, but I’m mostly done trying to understand the motives behind their actions. My dad spent 40 years trying to understand why my mom did the things that she did, and he couldn’t figure it out entirely. All he wanted was a peaceful life, to enjoy his time with his kids and with her, and she wouldn’t let him have that peace.
If he couldn’t understand her motives after putting in all that time and energy trying to work with her and help her, I’ve got no chance and I’m better off just getting the hell away from her.
Especially now that my dad has passed on, I’m the main target that she’s trying to make things miserable for and break me down even further. All while blaming me for being broken.
I don’t have the energy or the will to deal with it anymore, and whatever relationship we may have had isn’t worth losing my peace.
I’m looking forward to healing further and finding myself again, because most of myself has been lost for a long time and I’ve been living as a shell of who I once was. I want to be my whole self again.
@@elfinshell4758 It's super hard, and you're going to feel guilty as Hell for awhile because it sounds like she's older. You MUST go No Contact. Take away all of the history, particulars and it's down to your life or hers. The Narcissist forces us to make this decision and they don't care if they literally kill you in order to have control.
You have to accept this and move on away from her so you can start living or you'll always be trapped.
Good luck to you!!
Me too I just don’t care anymore
@@elfinshell4758 good luck and we'll wishes to you. We've been through Hell and now that we know it, have gotten out of it, we can move forward and start living. It's not easy but at least it's our life now-not their's to toy with.
My narc treated me so badly. I lost my self-esteem at first.
You learn to argue and trick just like the narcissist. You would never stoop to their level.
I have always worried that I was the narcissist but hearing you Danish, I know for sure now that I was not. Thank you for validating me.
CLARIFY, is the word that came to my mind!!! This video Clarifies that we're Not the narcs.
I've been pushed, Till I scream, At the beginning I'd freeze couldn't fight back .
“You are not a n. when you are acting in a biologically correct way to their narcissistic abuse.!!! ❤❤❤❤Thank you !
I have been holding myself accountable for things that make no sense nor am I responsible for.
I wish I could like this video 20 times lol. My negative behavior has definitely been a response to the toxicity I've experienced.
Yes you get fed up pushing your buttons and torturing you you get angry, it changes you
I hate to think that the narcs 'won' by bringing me down to their level...making me look like the crazy one, when really they are. It's a lot worse when they have evidence of you reacting. In my case, it went viral in my neighborhood and now I'm being targeted by all the narcs who know where I live and work. Since everyone thinks I'm the problem, they know they can get away with their bad behavior and no one would believe me. Recently, I started recording these people...word is spreading and several of them are scared of being exposed and are on their best behavior....but who knows how long that will last, probably not for long. In fact, they are likely going to use that against me too...another reason why I'm crazy or should be avoided.
Crazy times we're living in!
Hang in there!
Damn. I hope you are seeing an amazing counselor. I’m a survivor of 23 years of abuse. Sending hugs.
Love and hugs to you.
This video made me cry.
And it also made me feel unlovable, because no one tried to save me (in fact, instead, people laughed at me and made fun of me, which is the opposite of being compassionate).
I still feel like I deserved all of this.
Same😔 A lot to think about
I know how you feel. In still alone after all the abuse I suffered. Non of my family or former friends invited me at Christmas or came to visit me at my birthday. My own parents and brothers do not even know where I live. I got a lot of kindness from new people I met.
Guys!! Remember, you CANNOT control their emotions. After I realized this, my pleasing nature changed towards him. I stopped worrying if what I was doing would upset him because I knew I was doing nothing wrong. He'd try to make me feel bad constantly. Then, I started gray rocking and now he's struggling not getting constant praise. I am not accepting terrible behavior, putting me down, pushing me, breaking stuff and name calling anymore.
@@anonimous7099 Yes it is so ironic that strangers are kinder to you than your family. It is really mind blowing and people always find it almost impossible to believe your family is so horrible to you. It is incredibly painful that you want to deny it yourself.
You didn't deserve what happened to you and you aren't unlovable. The way you were treated by those who should have shown care and compassion and supported you was wrong and says more about them than it does about you. There will be people who will love you and support you and who won't laugh at your pain or blame or shame you for bad things that have happened to you. They *are* out there and you *do* deserve love, support , empathy and compassion, even if you may not have found it yet. Please don't give up or blame yourself, you were never at fault for any of the abusive treatment others have given you.
After surviving a marriage to a narcissist and going to therapy I asked my therapist, “am I a narcissist? Do I have narcissistic traits?”
She replied, “the fact that you’re asking this should be your answer.”
Not to hurt them but to SAVE YOURSELF BC you know they are not able and or ready to really love- too much work! 😊
after decades of this horror...I learned to walk away the minute someone attacks me...or even if they attack someone else....I choose to not live with or in a situation that has hate/anger/fear. My world and what I want is Love...if it has to be alone so be it.
Reading through Lobaczewski's "Political Ponerology" gave me my first clue, about a decade ago. He said psychiatrists dealing with psychopaths in the USSR reported an urge to "gargle with something strong" after talking to them. I came to recognize a concerted search for the remote control button on me--provoking guilt--as the most important clue. I distance myself after that. It doesn't catch all of them, but it catches the ones that matter: the ones that want to use you.
I couldn't have worded tht better 💯💯💯
Sign number 1: you clicked on this video.
Thank you for this Danish. Yes, yes and yes! I can tick all the boxes! I left the narcissist after 33 years, and some people asked me why I stayed so long. Like most survivors, I had a million reasons to stay, and a million reasons to go. I am 8 years away from the narcissist, and almost two years blissfully married to the man I was to be engaged to back in 1977. We found each other again after 39 years apart, and he didn't marry anyone else. Back in 1977 his last words to me were, "I will always wait for you"...he did! He has been with me through the darkest of days, and helped me find myself again. He is funny, strong, affectionate, compassionate, empathetic, romantic, a great listener, my best friend, lover, confidante, and soul mate. It has been an extremely difficult, painful, and exhausting journey back to me, and to freedom, but all of that is in my rear view mirror now, as I move on, with my foot on the accelerator. 🤗❤🏃♀️💨🏃♀️💨
I am so glad your are happy and loved now. Praise your time again. Bravo
Thank you! I cheated on the narcissist boyfriend of 10 years to show myself that I at least had control of my body. But I knew that it was wrong and I carried a lot of guilt.
Big hugs. I definitely relate to that.
I can relate to that too but it was less than a year but thank God I left him
You could have just left
@getincarihavecandy I tried, but he stopped me. It's not always that easy. He intentionally trapped and isolated me. That's what they do.
@CherrysJubileeJoyfully I too also resorted to this as a last ditch effort to regain any sense of who i was, i think at that point i was hoping he would just finally take my life or leave indefinitely with no reason to return, i was desperate and searching for any loop out but the guilt I hold on too is immeasurable, i feel you, your are not alone and I hope you heal from your trauma ❤
I lived with a Narcissist for 3 years, competely threw my perception of relationships, and now 10 years later im still single and struggle with meeting new people. Trust is the hardest thing, as my guard is always up. Really pleased to find this channel, and find there is a whole network of support to help with this. Im getting there, :) I was thinking it was me for a while, but once i realised what was going on i just left immediately. Took a number of goes, as they became nice etc, cycle, and i gave them another try., Big mistake,.., Im now happy, and moving on..........
Married 35 years to a narcissist and I have the same issues of trusting anyone as she on paper looks like the perfect wife, till you see the true her 😂😂😂😂
I have never heard anyone address #5 at all and I'm so glad that you did. The qualities we look for in a relationship disappear because they were never there to begin with. After years of abuse and neglect we're thirsty for the love and respect we deserve. Morally, it's not the right thing to do but realistically, it just might save our sanity. Thank you for your professional information and your down to earth opinions. It's what sets you apart from the rest.
2.56 relatable..the long paragraphs 😢n the shame afterwards to have been so desperate..the betrayal when the long paragraphs were ignored n ridiculed instead of being heard
same...he admitted he didn't read them 'too many words'
This video found me at the right time. Thank you Danish. May God Bless you
Narcissist, flee from conversations, fights, do you know why?
This is a common trait. You will stand your ground they will not.
Thank you for this video. Narcissists cause so much chaos that they can make you feel like u are the crazy one. The way you explained these 5 signs gave me a lot of relief.
I felt like a narcissist for the simple crime of wanting a day to celebrate my marriage. But I learned that narcissists can't handle it when someone else is receiving praise or recognition.
My brother screamed at me on the dance floor at my wedding in front of everyone. I cut him out of my life. My mom kept telling me it was my fault for making him my best man and wanted me to apologize to him. Total lunacy. I cut her out of my life too. I'm much happier after a lifetime of my brother being put on a pedestal, and being held to insane standards.
Finally a video that explained my exact situation. I did everything she wanted but never got communication, empathy or any type of physical passion. Everything was on her time. I felt so emasculated when she kicked me out of the house we had just bought. Now I'm on my way to bigger and better things.
Needed this today, I feel like I'm angry all the time.Hes making me into a person I don't want to be.
Accurate representation of the narcissistic relationship.
They leave u when u need them most. They block u then add u again and when u speak ur truth then block them they will show up at your door and cry. They talk the most shit too
Shaykh nurjan on youtube
They aren't humans.... it's so painful
Thank you for setting me free today. God has indeed bless you to set the captives free today!
Thank you for talking about sign #5 . You are the first I ever heard talking about this! I 💯 agree to do your best to get out of the narcissistic relationship before getting into a new one. I’m so glad you acknowledge that the stepping out by the non-narcissistic partner is something forgive-able. Those of us who didn’t stay faithful to a toxic partner are not entirely to blame for this, and deserve to have a loving relationship with someone healthy!
YES! The difference between speaking your truth and running a smear campaign! And YES! My parents said some great things ABOUT me to make it seem THEY must be such great parents, but of course they didn’t say them to me and used all the abusive tactics you mention @Danish - all to help themselves play the victim when I refused to take more of their abuse!
That is exactly what narcissistic parents do.
That's exactly what's happening to me at this moment. I've tried to leave this person four or five times now. I always seem to get reeled back in with this person. I've lost someone who I thought was my friend with the smear campaign. I've become numb to this feeling now, though I've cried my eyes out in the past few days uncontrollably. I still feel guilty as if the ending of our marriage was caused by me. Just two days ago I was guilt tripped into giving this person money. As soon as they had cash in hand, I started to get berated and yelled at.
Thankfully this time around I've got more than just my parents telling me their opinion of this person. I've got a friend that was actually a witness on our marriage certificate telling me what this person was doing to me was sickening. The kids I stepped up to be as their father also have seen it and have been pointing it out(there's two of them) who still love me but want nothing to do with their mother. It's sad to see that, but I'm happy they've told me they'll always love me for stepping in and stepping up to be their dad. I'm not going back to this person again to ruin my life again and turn my back on my family like I have several times before.
I think about this at least once a day. I have many of the characteristics that makes me dislike my mother. The main diff is that I'm self aware to a point where I excessively ppl please but the constant focus on my actions and feelings make me feel very self absorbed.
Beautifully said. Thank you so much I love your videos and is helping me healing day by day.
I wait videos everyday ❤
The last one… wow. I am the last person to cheat, but I did this and it was out of desperation and a means to leave the narcissist.
We need this video, thank you 🙏🏻 I’m doubting every day.. it’s horrible and I need truth & clarity of mind. Your words as reassuring and clarifying. Thank you
Its alot harder when you are married and have at least a child with the narcissist... my wife left our home on october 24th and she signed a lease with another man about a month later... legally I cannot no contact because she has rights to the kids this stovetop is definitely red hot but have to keep touching lol and can't throw alot of fits because I have our kids and she abandoned them its been over 90 days with minimal amount of contact. She's spent 4 hours our less with them anytime shes came over or taken them and 4 hours was once and normally her visits or calls last about 30-60minutes. Please keep your head up and just accept what is and try your best to be your best!❤
I go silent, because I get tired of him talking over me, I can only get a few words out and he does this every time. So, I just quit talking, I give up. Then later on he brings it up and tries to make me feel guilty. Now he brings up the fact that I am a Narciccist, I give up on trying to say anything any more because he uses everything against me, even tells me I am a Hitlar type person. If I ask a question I am attacking him, then comes the screaming, he gets right in my fact and screams.
ACCUSATION, NOT “fact” …Stay strong!
I would if I could, but can't so will have to wait, till time comes I can.@@jbrown2908
Not fact! I guess you know something I don't!@@ekdaufin1485
Danish... THANK YOU ❤. After 32 years married ... this malicious malignant narc 😢 attempting to devastate my life AND God gave me you. Grateful ☺️
22 years.🤦🏾♂️🙆🏾♂️😩
I admit I did Hoover or watched some former friends or ex’s who deeply hurt me, ghosted without a reason, lied, misinterpreted me, some I suspect are narcissist. While I accept I’ll never see or hear from them again, it does bother me knowing they are in a relationship or married and I wonder if they will ever break up because the one who hurt me I feel doesn’t deserve to have anyone and they are too immature to be in a relationship. On the other hand, there’s a good chance those people are causing drama to their loved ones too. Still, it bothers me that those relationships last longer with them than with me.
Don't worry, you're normal.
They wanted to end things, I was more willing to work things out, try to fix whatever issues they had with me. Some of them I did feel it was better to keep my distance because it seemed anything I said or do might set them off.@@jbrown2908
Thank You so much. I'm not running a smear campaign but I am speaking up. I am defending myself because I was the vicitm.
But THEY are acting like the victims of MY finally speaking up after decades. They are lunatics! They dished it out for decades while I defended them or just left them alone. Now I'm the bad guy. There is no sense here.
God bless you always Darnish.
From JANESVILLE, WISCONSIN USA
Thank you for saying that we're not narcissists for reacting in ways that we don't stand by. I started saying things I regret and got upset for myself for it. It's so nice to hear that this is a normal reaction for psychological abuse. I don't act this way to any other person, only to this person
"It was trying to unalive you" I love this Guy.
Thank Danish 🙏
Most of the mom doesn’t want to tell about their narcissistic husbands tourcher to others because their children would be justified as a narcissist.
I have been suffering with a narcissist husband in all aspects for 33 years couple life. But i always tried to hide the real situation for the sake of my children and most of us who blame me. Your advice in this video to tell the truth but it would never be possible for me and many other mom. Thanks
My husband of almost 7 yrs he gave me the silent treatment. I felt so unworthy of his love (I know now he 1stlove bombed me!) I was sad, angry & waited for good behavior to return. I learned from many RUclips videos all who & what he is. He said I was a liar, a cheater & a thief! Everything I found out he was! I’m giving myself the permission to be happy! I’m planning an exit. Wish me well & keep me in your prayers please. Be well. We can survive these ppl & fully recover with time & education!! Lotsa love ❤️
In the beginning I thought he was gonna say if you don't subscribe, you are a narcissist 😂
Btw this was one of the best videos made so far...
Really needed to see this today, thank you.
I can 100% relate to all of this, minus the “stalking”/“checking up on people.
All this is very painful and damaging to my being. I’ve come to learn that my entire family are narcissists. My mother is a “covert” narcissist. My dad was an “overt” narcissist. My younger sister is an “overt” narcissist. And I believe that my older brother is a “covert” narcissist or at the very least has strong narcissistic tendencies.
I’ve been the “scapegoat” my whole life and nothing I say or do can change that. All I want is the financial ability and freedom to separate myself from these people and cut all ties.
I feel like I’m constantly being “poisoned” and attacked. 😞
So true. He’d talk over me for hours about all the things he hates. I’d eventually snap from frustration. I couldn’t understand how anyone could have so much negativity. He tried to play victim after cheating on me too.
Keep making these videos, the ones that help those stuck in these sick cptsd mind games, that's where the wall is and there is very little help out there for it
You and Richard Grannon are about it ♡
@@jbrown2908 I honestly think she's a shill, she barely knows one type of narcissism, all her videos say the same thing and have the depth of a kiddie pool
I honestly think she's a net negative in the space, she sends people backwards. Go look at Grannon, he's the real deal.
I cannot stand her, not even a little, she spews victim narrative garbage that only serves to keep people addicted to watching her content over and over, feeding their victim feels, never giving them the tools to escape
I'm sorry, I have very strong feelings about her ♡
The unfortunate truth is, to get rid of a narcissist, so you can be yourself again, you have to behave just like them. Be selfish, self-serving, don't care about anybody, but yourself. Then, you can, in your own space & time, recover who you once were. He was so wrapped up in status symbols, when I wasn't remotely materialistic, he constantly told me that his friends "wouldn't allow their woman to behave like you". Behave like what, having ambition, wanting a fulfilling career, having friends, going out, going on holiday with my friends, just once a year, like he did with his friends 4 times a year, my striving to be independent (futile), oh, THAT behaviour? I made him pay me to leave, on top of everything else, he'd financially abused me - I told him to write the cheque for my rented flat. When he cut up rough, I reminded him, that in 2 years just for his mortgage, he'd had £8,400 out of me. I told him that £850, compared to that, was a drop in the ocean. He's some other woman's problem now, the one he cheated on me with a year into our "relationship". I do not feel sorry for her!
Sir, you have such a calming voice and i feel so validated by this. this is exactly what im going through. A few years ago i started online dating and met someone who i thought was my soulmate. They love-bombed me so much (though i of course had no idea what that was at the time and this was my 1st ever relationship so i had no comparison either) but they had a sad story that i truly believed that i was going to save them and that everything would be alright. But then gradually slightly off things started to happen and then become bigger and more frequent. At first they were tiny just questions like if they have such bad trust issues then why do they put so much faith in me and why are we moving so fast im not really comfortable with it this feels off but again i had no comparison so i kept going. Things were great for awhile but then i had boughts of emotional emptiness without them that i noticed but kept searching for reasons that meant it meant nothing online because i wanted that to be true. I now believe this was some form of dependancy that had begun as the more i saw them the worse and longer these boughts and feelings became. But again there was no real reason i could see so i thought i was unreasonable for feeling unhappy. Then more things happened, pressure to not break up with them and being forced to promise not to, saying i am the reason they stopped self harming and that they are alive (versions of this emphasis kept coming over the whole 2 years we were together) and even very early telling me that i was making them feel very dumb as a thing i should be ashamed of and stop when i was just being myself. Being extremely self conscious, i felt bad and apologied. And thus it continued. More and more reasons they found to blame me that for so long i didnt even realise were unfair or gaslighting because i very easily believe ive done wrong. They never apologised for a single thing unless it was in front of other people. My parents started noticing how they were expecting them to practically wait on them hand and foot and drive them anywhere when they visited and leave loads of their things strewn around our house starting from their first visit apparently because they didnt have room for them at home. (Most of these things were gifts i had given them that theyd sworn they loved) And then finally it got so bad that even i noticed my feelings of hurt and questioning. They picked on me for the littlist things and then other things that id done once accidentally and theyd done many times intentionally, most of which id asked them to stop (some multiple times) and theyd apparently forgotten. And rhen they hit me twice on the hand last month, both because i was just truing to help them and then they justified it by saying 'well you know i hate being helped i hate having to repeat myself' when they left i was broken with internal turmoil and so upset and confused. It was only when i spoke to my therapist that i at last realised it wasnt me. When i finally confronted them (my partner) about their actions, their first remark was 'i dont remember that' and then 'oh but i didnt mean it' and then went on about how bad they were feeling not leaving out it was because of me. I broke up with them yesterday. It was a long horrible journey of manipulation and broken trust but its videos like this that are going to get me through it so i hope this comment (with a very short version of what happened but im aware its already very long) will help someone too. You are not alone and there is hope for the future. Thank you for reading! ❤
I am currently going through number 3 with my gf right now. She has been using the silent treatment on me since yesterday afternoon. Stonewalls me when she doesn't agree when I tell her how I feel or how I am being treated.
The "guilt" is gone, thanks to hours of tears, prayer to understand, and your videos!!!
Thank you!
p.s. I send your videos to my kids that dont talk to their mother...
Well phew!
I was worried that I was a narcissist. 😂😂😂
As a victim this channel has help me so much im so glad im not alone
😭😭😭this is exactly what happened in the end of the relationship and I feel so foolish now for writing to him now he has no power over me anymore except I will still be looked down on by my family for being in the relationship to begin with and then I lied something that was against every rule I had was I was not a liar until I did it to be with him
Oh Danish thank you for explaining it so well it really hit home hard on this lesson 😭😭😭so foolish I was
Needed that video! Thankyou Danish! Your videos have been life saviour.
Bless you, Danish. This helped me so much! Thank you!
My father was floored and dumbfounded once I started mirroring the way he speaks to me.
It didn’t come naturally to me, BUT after years of being spoken to lower than Sh!t. I learned how to.
It was worth it lol
I'm recovering from a 2 year friendship that exposed me to his narcissist behavior. One year of always questioning myself, thinking I was the problem and I was the horrible friend, when I was under his control. I finally stopped talking to him and it was the best decision I made. I have left a toxic community who supported him and am working on healing. It's going to be tough, but stay strong. Things will get better. ❤
Jesus came and took me away. No more guilt just out to Achieve~100% Peace Now. Within.
Thank you! This is awesome! It is part of the pain and healing, go into survival mode to endure the situation. This is NOT the way to live 24/7 I realized. 4 1/2 yrs no contact. This describes how i mirrored at the end of it all in survival mode. 100% spot on Danish! Yes felt like a ghost. All items apply! Add as you cite previously; illness(es)/chronic minor aches and pains, hair loss etc. that take time as a part of healing time needed.💥💫
After watching the explanation about silent treatment vs, going no contact , I feel 100% better about my decision to go no contact and no longer questioning myself . It is certainly going to take time to heal but your videos are most reassuring ! Thank-you for sharing them .
Except 5th I enjoy living with my emotional support cat❤
I was wondering too if i was one couse i was acussed that i never did enough
Strange how I googled this topic earlier. I've dealt with narcs who use projection & falsely call ME the narcissist for fighting back for what they robbed me of.
My mother used reactive abuse on me since a small child.She turned people in my life against me at a small age .I didn't even know. Now I have gone no contact . It's took a while for me to find inner peace. What a wicked women. I've had to train myself that all women aren't like my mother. I feel so horrible for anyone dealing with this nightmare. She stole my father from her best friend and cousin at the time.She stole her best friends husband and I question if she's slept with her sisters husbands because is 62 and still give her money.
❤ all of the above Thank God I am discarded by vicious narc husband ! Moment I started to become aware of his abuse & said “ NO” I saw his true colors