All predators are able to sense your fear. They fear your courage. What makes you their target is your fear. If you live your life like you don't give a cr@p about anyone or anything, no matter how powerful or influential those loser narcissists pretend to be, they won't bother you. And even if they do, record your every interaction with them and make it public. After all, they came to pick a fight with you. If everyone does this, these organized gang-stalking, smear campaigns and orchestrated dramas would be rendered futile.
We should make a page for all narcissistic abuse survivors to make friends w one another. We know what we all went through and we understand one another
@@leih9266 Good idea. It will make people aware of their tricks. If everyone becomes aware of all of their tricks their vile tendencies wouldn't thrive. There is a forum on psychforums website related to NPD. But I am sure we can come up with something better like, maybe a website exclusive for the survivors of abuse by dark tetrad personality types?
I sadly agree. Ive been tryung to make more new friends and its so uncomfortable! I left one group when I got a bit paranoid, but Ive got many other reasons to move as well!
@@gazieshi think you dont. For me narcissists are in your life to teach you a lesson. When you meet someone who will be trust worthy, you will know and you will be able to trust again slowly
Me too. Wish you peace. Why does this happen to people to be betrayed? I sometimes have the feeling that people enjoy betraying and fooling me. I just dont get it.
@@rahulm2827 WE don't understand it because hurting others hurts us. We feel their pain. Narcissists do not, they actually derive great joy from others pain. I have seen the smirk on multiple narcissists face as they try to hurt me. (I believe 50% of people are narcissists today. maybe more) No way we can understand it because we cannot be like them.
I have learned that not everyone deserves my energy and attention. I have family that I love and trust, but other than those few individuals, I prefer to be alone. Most people aren’t always who they seem.
I have had to explain this to my partner dozens of times. He sees me as a beautiful, compassionate person and wants me to share that and help people. No. My compassion and beauty is for my found family, which consists of three people. I will not invest in anyone else. I will not be run over and taken advantage of ever again. I don't want new friends. I don't want new relationships. I'm happy and content with what I have. The rest of my energy is for me.
I have difficulty not shaking when someone is friendly. Have just recently dropped to nars, who frankly were frightening. I feel bad that I didn't see it sooner.
Here I thought I was weird because I really don't have any friends.. gossip irritates me, I call it out when I see it, and people avoid me like the plague. I have found a relationship with God, though, and that's more than enough for me ❤ I pray for anyone that is out here still having to deal with evil people like this and I hope you find a way out.
@@stefaniakonstantinidou981start to speak to God and say you want to have a relationship. Learn Gods ways and try to read the Bible and his spirit will enlighten you more. God is so loving, merciful and has a great sense of humour. He wants respect though and for you to make an effort with him. Like any relationship really. On my journey I read, listened to others experiences on you tube, listened to praise music, old hymns etc. You may feel like you are breaking along the way as things change and shift and God heals you. ‘But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you ‘ Matthew 6:33. You will be helped in every area or your life, it won’t always be easy and we have things God wants us to learn but you will always be provided for. ❤
I used to be so trusting. I loved everyone. After all this, my trust died :( Edit: I think it's okay to be in a place where you don't trust no one till you heal. I healed and found trust in different friends, my family again, my old friends and even my now husband. But it wasn't easy, at all. I had to explain so much on why I get scared, hurt and triggered. But I decided that I'm a person who loves and my past wasn't going to keep me from love. But after I thought I healed, I got betrayed even more. That one was difficult as well. So I dunno, I understand if people just want to be alone. Because it's peaceful. It was for me. But it's also good to take steps to heal. I'm in the middle of healing from the second round of betrayal. It really turns my stomach but I do still have my other friends, my husband and my family.
@MissNancy I trust myself as far as I can jump, and that's a lot farther than my trust goes for anyone else. My self-doubts were part of my depression that has finally been kicked. I never knew how damaging depression could be, and I'm very happy that part of trauma from narcissistic abuse has recovered fully.
@Kelli-ru7yy building yourself up while forgiving yourself will protect you from others who want to harm you. I had to forgive myself for all the times I kept going back, and TRUST in myself that I was making the right choice to stay away from the narcissists I know. It's a good feeling knowing the strength is from within and all the fear can be overcome.
The only people I trust are people who have been through narcissistic abuse and didn't become a narcissist because of it. But there's almost none of those in our society
Thank you, Danish. It took me a while to realize that the people around me were not genuine. Finally, in my 70s, I am all alone and content. I am a survivor of narcissistic abuse after 30 years of marriage. I always thought if I treated people respectfully I would receive the same in return, but I WAS WRONG. NO friends, not even family. I am an empath. Everyone used me, abused me, disrespected me and I had to put a stop to it. Their behavior affected my emotional and physical health. Now I can sleep without medical aid. No more stress those relationships caused me.
Thanks for sharing your testimony and journey. It helps to hear about others who survived such tremendous pain and emerged in the other side. May you continue to be blessed beyond measure.
It's so nice to come across someone of the same age as me, going through this. I married my first narc at 16 to escape my step father and brother in law. After our divorce 6 years later. I had a 5 year relationship with another quieter and not so physical narc. After that came who I thought was the love of my life and the worst narc of all. We were together 35 years, now apart for 7. I've recently had to block him, should have gone it ages ago but legal issues stopped me. 2 days after Christmas I had to block his sister. I love being alone and camping has become my thing but I can't seem to shake the fear and I do get lonely at times. I fear life and fear I'm not capable of feeling safe or at peace with life. Fear that something terrible will make my world come crashing down. I think I am as healed as I'm ever going to be, but I hope for more.
Betrayal trauma was the hardest part in leaving the narcissist, admitting that this person did not love me. Yes, the venomous black filth that comes out in therapy after narcissistic abuse has helped me find myself again. Never give up, no matter how many years go by. Be grateful in the change and self-love that will one day find you attractive to genuine authentic people. It cannot ever be underestimated how much the narcissists in your life take from you, your life energy itself. It is very painful, even to think about in passing thoughts of the past. Please be true to yourself and give yourself what you need that nobody else can give you. ❤
@itzkmarie87 like a covert narcissist, a narcissistic abuse survivor is sometimes hard to find, but we are here. I'm back visiting this channel after a little time away from RUclips, and I find that love and acceptance here shining bright just like before. It's a welcoming feeling. ❤️
@@norcal1009 The more I get to know myself and see what I’ve tolerated the more love I have for myself instead of the under covering of shame I carried for poor choices.
@@Privatenospyingthat is a wonderful growth statement and lifetime accomplishment.❤ Thank you for sharing with me. Being a survivor can be a sharing experience just as much as letting go to point love to oneself. I believe that if I stay on my true path, it is all I will ever need now, thankfully. I affirm daily that I will not suffer at the hands of the narcissists anymore nor give them the satisfaction of knowing me now after all the abuse. 😊
These videos are so validating. My narcissistic parent passed away and my 2 siblings have taken up his legacy. Rather than be punished by them until the end of my life, I have chosen to disengage, no contact. Makes me so sad but MAN I feel safe and content! Thank you!
@hnelson5609 I can relate to my family members lost to narcissism, and it's heartbreaking. They are still caught up in the trauma invoking games , rituals, and abuse. Being no contact is difficult but worth every second of the rest of my life. It's seriously not worth it to be a part of that now that I'm recovering from trauma and have beat depression on my own and with therapy. I've tried to help others, but they don't listen. Being a survivor means I can never go back to that life of a narcissistic family, but rather stand my ground for contentment and peace, staying true to myself always.
My own reluctance comes from having been so demolished on the sensory front that I get overwhelmed now by most interactions simply because I’m so depleted and drained. While I do enjoy socialization it also has an adverse effect on me now in that I end up with sensory overload and then it takes me days to get self regulated again, often needing extra sleep and quiet down time.
Once i started realizing who i was with, i noticed that even my friendships and some family were also highly toxic as well. The same issues that had me with the narc are the same ones that had me in one-sided and narcissistic friendships as well. My circle is significantly smaller now but healthy.
Yep. I realize that everybody who I ever thought was my friend was basically taking me and putting me into abuse situation just like my parents did. I was nothing to every friend I've ever had in life
I now trust no one and never will again. If only I knew what I know now back whenever. Women are backstabbers and gossips. Men are shallow, liars, and narcissists. I havve my dog, my home, movies to stream and educational podcasts to watch. That's it, and I'm better for it. The downside is that my heartis black and full of hate and anger and I don't think I'll ever get back. Don't know if I'll make it.
The mental abuse my toxic family put me through since childhood caused social anxiety and low self esteem. You can't build real friendships if you're not your authentic self. I was in survival mode whenever interacting with others. Shockingly, I've realized my uncle wanted to control my self esteem as a woman which impacted my social life. When I was happy abt making male friends at school, he was acting jealous as if he wanted to be the only source of male validation in my life after my dad's passing. Then I've realized this guy played with my self esteem since I was little girl, making me feel worthless 🙄
@@TejubescDM it's awful how one's own family can destroy a child for life like that!! My mother destroyed my life and my sister's life. She just plain hated me and made sure she manipulated everyone else to hate me as well. I was the family scapegoat and she convinced everyone that anything that could possibly be imperfect in a child, I had. But she was terribly jealous of my sister, made her the golden child while simultaneously destroying her in a completely different way. As a child I thought this was all normal. But as I neared adulthood and learned more about other families I became to realize just how horribly we were all treated (my father included) and it led to complete distancing of the entire family. No love in our family at all.
Damn Danish. That hit home. I was subjected to a narcissistic abusive relationship before/during/after the Covid crisis & now as I am healing/recovering, I have little to no motivation to make friends or attend social functions. It is just safer, from my current perspective. It never occurred to me that this is just another symptom. Thank you for your informative videos. Sending you lots of love! ❤ 🇺🇸
i ain't gonna lie, i cry when you said my friends are my dog and three cat's /: same here to bro i feel that sh*t in and outside of my heart Empathy. Always remember this the narcissist doesn't want you to have any friends. but they have friends who are fake and not real. you have to make friends. it's part of your healing journey.
I am struggling with being able to maintain all the relationships I have. I am 2 years divorced after a 22 year marriage with a covert narcissist. My anxiety and fear makes it so that just getting through the day feels exhausting. I am thankful that the friends I do have now understand when I disappear at times. I would love to go out more but I just can’t yet. Thank you for your videos, they help.
My narcissistic husband is always telling me “ know one likes you “ but he’s the one people don’t like . I told him once that’s ok with me because I don’t need anyone to prop my ego up like you do !
This is so painful😢 to hear. My narcissistic father always said the same things to my mother and me. I hope it might be possible for you (in the future) to divorce your narcissistic husband.
We've become suspicious of so many people. It seems that as soon as something comes out, it alarms you, and away we go. We mostly become comfortable being to our self's. We come to like ourselves and value our time, space, our pet to ourselves. Being truthtellers really alarms others as truth is scary. It's me and my little dog against the world 😅.
Ask them to do something for you. Something small. Something you would do for them with no hesitation. If they are narcissistic or otherwise toxic, it will ALWAYS go at least 1 of 4 ways (though sometimes these reactions may compound): They will act as though they didn’t hear you. Depending on how long you’ve been in the relationship, you may ask again. If it’s been long enough, you’re likely to drop the request right then and there. They will promise to do it, but never follow through. If you ask again or remind them, they will usually have some kind of excuse. In these cases, they will still never actually fulfill their promise. Their excuse is not a reason for lagging, it is the reason they should be absolved from all expectation whatsoever. Often this excuse will be meaningless or an outright lie.If you don’t buy their excuse, and tell them so, you will experience the wonderful segue into reaction. An argument will ensue The argument will be your fault. It could be a small back and forth contending against your request, or it might quickly devolve into them screaming at you. You never know which it will be. They might even say outright that you should never ask or expect anything from them. Usually they will express that you are asking too much, hurting them in some way (financially, emotionally, insulting them, etc), or attack your character. The argument will only end when you relinquish your request + apologize, or start ignoring them completely. If you can ignore them long enough, they may apologize to you. However, the conflict will never feel truly resolved. At this juncture they may actually end up giving you what you asked for. Often this does require you admitting that you don’t really need it, or that you would be fine with what they suggested instead. This leads us to reaction They give you what you asked for, BUT There is ALWAYS a catch. It might be small. They show up late with no apology. They buy you what you wanted, but it’s the wrong color, model, brand, etc. They take you where you wanted to go, but pressure you the whole time you’re getting ready because you’re going to be sooo late. Then they want to leave early anyway. It might be worse. They do it out of anger, and make a big display out of it to scare/hurt you. They hold it over your head until you do something for them first. Or, later on, they use it against you. “I did x for you, so you should do y for me.” No matter what, you never actually feel fulfilled, happy, or loved when they do something for you. Somehow, even from the getgo, there was this deep-seated feeling of guilt and fear, this sense that the “special” things they were doing for you weren’t so special at all. Eventually, you become afraid to ask for anything. You’ve been conditioned to believe you deserve nothing. Ironically, or not, the less demands you make, the worse you will be treated. Moreover, Catching a cheating spouse might be difficult, and knowing what local laws say you can and cannot do might be even more difficult. To simplify the process, consider hiring a private investigator to do the sleuthing for you I genuinely appreciate how incredible you are and your work! Thank you for a job well done digitalinvestigate@gmail. com
I don’t accept breadcrumbs anymore. And I’m a nice person and it’s cost me a lot . I’m learning to say no to be silent and to stop anticipating others needs. I’m retraining my brain to put myself first. It’s so wonderful being alone I feel my mind body and heart are finally healing. I need this alone time to rest my mind and now I fill my days with hobbies and necessary duties but no longer do I look for someone to help and up lift I give that time and attention to me. 61 and now learning how to care for myself with compassion. It’s a gift only we can give ourselves. ❤️👍
But I must say it's also okay to want to heal alone. Many people asked me why didn't I think about getting into another relationship. I am after all divorced now. But I didn't feel like it. Having good male friends is the limit to where I want it to reach. Some people heal better in isolation.
Yep, I'm a complete loner. Not 1 single real life friend mainly because I am so terribly socially anxious. But also because it's just easier in many other ways as well. There isn't a single photo of me with 'friends' since I was a teenager and only 1 was I actually close to. I'm now a senior citizen and I don't see this life as a hermit ever changing.
@sineriafrankenstein7316 it's not a shock to me anymore how people who were my friends have been ok not staying in touch. They come back to me with FB, but maybe I thought more of these relationships than they did. I've never wanted to fit into a "ranking" system, so I don't try very hard. It's a waste of energy just to be someone's friend and do what they want you to do. I also find it easier and even more fulfilling as well to spend most of my time alone and only speak to people when I feel like it. ❤️
Aside from my narcissist isolating me from family and friends, I don't have many friends because I'm a damaged human being who trusts nobody and who forgot how to engage in healthy, normal conversations with normal people.
They isolate you on purpose to have more acces to abuse you. Sick I have been alienated like this first from "family" from narcs and then psychopathic ex (and narcs in the Community) treat me like leper based off lies and slander 🤷♂️ just haters..
My mother is a narcissist, and I avoid her at all cost. Even with friends I choose my words carefully. I have a deep fear of being punished if I say the wrong things and don’t please them. It is exhausting, so I prefer my one company.
@karabomoalusi8810 I did, but in the last relationship I was in being quiet was actually a strength. He constantly wanted to fight, at first I would fight back it was new to me. However when I noticed how toxic the fighting was and it wouldn't achieve any progress I just went silent.
I'm still learning who I am and I don't trust myself enough yet to let other people in as I cut off toxic relationships. I've been clay for other people to mold as they see fit my whole life and I don't trust myself not to fall into the same pattern. I love being alone.
This video is simply blowing my mind. You have brilliantly communicated the essence of how someone who has been mentally and emotionally assaulted by a narcissist doesn't have friends and consider other people with distrust based on their experience and lack of desire to be in relationships with other people.
I am so happy that I soon enough noticed that's something is wrong with that person. They wanted to drive me away from the people I liked. They were so jealous... But as time went on, they slowly unmasked themselves. And in the end I ripped that mask of them, metaphorically speaking. After I had to constantly had to walk on eggshells and nothing I did was correct. I was called manipulative and mean...for no damn reason after they passive aggressively held me accountable for their emotions... I wish everyone of you who went through much worse all the strength in the world. You are important and loved. And you can bring something to this world that no-one else can. ❤ So hold on, you deserve all the peace and love in this world and let no one tell you how much you are worth excdpt for yourself!❤
This was so helpful and this entire time I was thinking something was wrong with me. I often find myself like I can’t connect with people, and I often feel like I’ve forgotten how to even talk to people. I feel like I’ve been messed up by my narcissistic mom, and that if she caused me so much pain, why should I expect any better from others? I feel so broken.
yes sir ...many men and women very much interested to have friendship with me because of my positive nature and happy always ... But I avoid everyone and live alone ...I like loneliness I am very strong and bold enough .... But I suffered lot and lot to get cured mentally I am in my own house He is in his own house I meet him like friend and come back to my place
Thank you for your validation of what we have been going through. Healing takes time and patience and discernment of who are the people we are meeting.
This is golden information. Thank you for this. It's helped me a lot. IDK but until the past 5 years, I don't remember friendships and/or relationships being so complicated. I guess I was always too trusting. I mean who knew that telling someone what your favorite color is could wind up being information they'd used against you. My point is people are just too complicated for my liking nowadays. I'm good withy dog, lol. I take people in moderation from a distance.
My mother. What you said about them isolating you from your support systems, oh boy. Every time I would form a friendship in childhood, she literally moved me schools. I went to 7 different schools. In high school, if she caught me messaging someone about her on messenger to tell them about the abuse, it was the biggest betrayal and I was in the wrong and how could I speak about my mother this way? So yeah a real lack of support. I am my own support system now, at 34 years old. I have a therapist and thankfully I have a beautiful partner and son now. My partner gets it because his mum was also abusive, and we have been healing our trauma, simultaneously and together.
Interesting! When the narc and I met, we both felt friendless. Over many unhappy years with them, I unexpectedly began to make several close, trustworthy friends. And the narc? I am their (the narc’s) only close friend. Funny how that happened. I’m so grateful that it did. I guess that understanding that the narc IS a narc, I was able to grow. Oh, the narc tries every trick to insert their self into my friendships. I DO NOT LET THAT HAPPEN.
This is a very long comment but worth a read.. At 22yo I took a vacation, by myself. I rented a small cottage by a lake for three weeks in the Fall (my favorite time of year) There were only 5 other guests staying where I rented and they were all in the main motel further up the hill, ..all the other cottages around mine were empty. No one else bothered to take advantage of the private beach on the lake of this place, ..so I had it all to myself. ..and the cottage had a nice little fireplace which I used every night. I took this perfect, wonderful vacation to get away from everyone/everything, and learn about or figure out 'who' I am, and what I truly want, .. without any outside influence or input. Up until that time, I was always constantly surrounded by people who were nagging me, asking me to help them, to do things, .. people who seemed to have this constant need to be surrounded by people, .. people who couldn't handle or didn't like to be 'alone' for any amount of time. I felt mentally and physically drained/exhausted. I even had to let people know I wouldn't be around for a few weeks, ..and the badgering of non-stop questions was extremely irritating, .. everyone demanding to know "where are you going?", "what's going on?", "you're just taking off by yourself?why?" .."this is just weird"..etc. I just told them, "I'm just taking off for a few weeks, that's all" ..and they were all annoyed that I wouldn't give any further information.. actually angry with me. Not one person said, "oh that'll be nice, I hope you enjoy it" They were all just angry and weirdly defensive about the whole situation. When my vacation was over, I began the process of ending all of those relationships, which was 'interesting' to say the least, ..and the rumore/stories which spawned from all of them were really bizarre, ..I became the most talked about and public enemy #1 for all of them, ..the one person who was always there for all of them for many years with very little reciprocation. My life changed significantly for the better from then on, I found an instant feeling of being truly content. No more constant, outside drama, ..no more constantly being caught in the middle of disagreements and being lobbied to take sides, ..just so many aspects I did not miss at all. ..I could actually breathe for the first time in many years of my life. It took me those three weeks alone to finally realize, ..that THE ONLY true friends I ever had in my life, were/are two of my male cousins. (the only two male cousins on my father's side) ..every other person in my life, as far as friendships went, everything was all about 'them', ..doing for 'them', listening about 'them' and about 'their' probles, being there for 'them', etc., ..like vampires feeding off me physically, mentally, etc.. ..I wasn't allowed to have a moment of peace with these people, even calls in the middle of the night, frequently.. like a 24/7/365 emergency help/support line. ..but never the other way around the very few times I needed the same. Removing myself as a garbage bin and punching bag for a whole lot of extremely toxic people, was the best thing I ever did for myself.
God, you speak the truth to my thoughts and worries. I still envy that my sister feels "good?" in her 37 year marriage. My counselor says that she "settled" (doesn't ask for much) but it still bothers me because I couldn't get what she has. I feel like a relationship failure.
Ironic because relationship failure means you've settled. You've given up on the idea of relationship and went fora facsimile which is what narcissists offer. True relationships are rare, take pride that you love yourself enough to hold out for the real thing.
OMG. You are SO ABSOLUTELY RIGHT about what most friendships are about. So true. It's very difficult to know or to find someone who will be a true friend.
This video is a gift . I did not realize how much damage this narcissist did to me. Worst case scenario. I have been dropping all my toxic friends. Im about to plan a move to another state at the age of 62 to god willing start new life and new honest real connections or i will be alone but not lonely. I never realized im always in worst case scenario but thanks to your video i will look forward to sunshine not clouds all the time.
Hey danish please make a vedio on TELEPATHIC ATTACKS after narc relationship when u somehow start to heal and start beliving in yourself finally gather the courage to heal and start something new(education,job,bussiness) and suddenly start to doubt yourself a clip running in your mind of them manipulating you "oh you are not capable of doing it you might fail" You start doubting yourself even if you believe in yourself the thoughts are very strong and feels like a telepathic attack even after years of leaving the narc.....
Danish Bhai you literally tear me up every single time my self love gets a bit increase and in motion you're the reason I look at myself with compassion when all I'm wounded and emotionally numb just surviving in a dark place of heavy depression what should I say to you all I would say is that you're there in this darkness as a shine and hope of light you're that for me as I'm totally lost but my prayers from my wounded soul will never stop for you d just say may Allah bless you with good health and mental health may you never see any problem ahead in life Ameen be happy and be the light to out guidance like thus forever
We learned early on not to trust, but we still did, and ended up marrying the very same person;then for dozens of years you are ' hibernating'; and then spring comes and by then you're simply over it
Thank you Danish ! Your video makes a lot of sense. I didn’t even realize that I felt that way. I thought it was because a was an introvert. It is really costly to me, especially if I have to be in a group. I cannot stand the superficiality anymore : it is a lot of nonsense. Lately, I was betrayed by a group of people and I decided to be finally very cautious before trusting people. Please continue to make those eye opening videos, and God bless you !
I enjoy being alone most of the time, I enjoy being around people too but without talking anything , bcz I end up complaining always whenever I have conversations with someone! Or it seems like i live on another planet bcz no body can understand what I go through! I always feel like am being forced to do things or blamed wrongly because that's how I grew up😢! So it makes me preferring being alone bcz I became distrustful towards everyone, I was betrayed since my childhood and nobody can understand that whenever I say it , they think that I am being hateful and unforgiving towards others! So, I chose silence and being a close friend to myself.
Thank you I need'ed to be reminded this because some people mostly family use this against me saying I dont have friends but I have so much trauma .. all you said is 100 % me 😮😢
I am wonderful socially and love being around other people and letting them shine. But, I am not interested in friends of any sort. Working in hospitality is the best- time limited relationships and you'll never see them again! I know I am warped but I try to look at my issues as strengths...growing up in a narcissistic mess I am awesome at anticipating anything that might go wrong and heading it off at the pass, as well as anticipating people's needs :)
May I ask what kind of job you are doing? I have been a flight attendant for 30 years and currently not working, but I have always worked as a flight attendant and before that as a waitress in a restaurant. I loved it at the time but did not know anything about narcissism, I am very social and now sick home for 6 years and do not know what kind of job to work in when I am recovered. But I had the best job as a flight attendant, vey social, every flight different collegues and different passengers of course, very hard work and long days though!
My problem now is that i seem to have no motivation. My place is such a mess that i dont want anyone to come over. I live in a small town i do not like. I came here to be with the narcissist. I haven't spoken to him in a year now, and i dont intend to. I am realizing why my childhood was so miserab my mother was a narcissist. Im 73 now and i wish i had known sooner. I dont know if i will ever be close to my family...im not close to my family of origin. Not really. I wish i could be closer to my son and his family. But it's like i don't know how. I want to move to live closer to them, but i worry that they might not want me there. Im trying to get out of debt and save money to move - but i keep thinking that if they need the money i am saving i would give it to them and stay up here in the wintry north alone. Because i want them to be happy, and i worry that they would not be happy to have me around.
Thank you so much. I thought I might be psychopathic or antisocial because I’ve become quick to cut people out when they don’t fit me. But you’ve perfectly captured exactly it: I don’t want any more fake, shallow relationships where we have to fake who we are or put down people. I want relationships with other productive people who encourage others and want to grow and build. I don’t want fluff. I want depth. And I don’t have time or energy to spend on fluffy people, because I’m doing my damndest to recover and make money and keep afloat. So thank you very much. I was afraid. Now I’m not.
I repeat to myself: "you are in your house, or you stay in your soul". I prefer, actually, read or listen good books. Its a kind of friendship for me. And if I need rest ans sleep, I'll go rest and sleep.
I was wondering if I was becoming autistic (something I know you are born with, not become) because of the difficulty I am having in making friends or reconnecting with old ones. I feel safe and comfortable alone in my house and have no desire to interact with others. This video came to me by chance, it is not in my language, but I understood everything so clearly and it did me so much good! Thank you so much for your talent and wisdom and for sharing this so masterfully and in such a simple way.
I'm really grateful for you making this video! I struggle to name my emotions or situations and watching it I just gasped over and over like "it's in words!!!"🥺
.. because dealing with a narcissist teaches you to really 'look' at people, their behaviors, etc., and you begin to notice 'who' / 'what' they truly are. I guess one could view this as the one 'good' result of dealing with a narcissist.
I've always struggled with friendships since I was a kid. Toxic, unhealthy, emotionally neglected relationships take too much of a toll on one's psyche and energy. After the discard and smear campaign it's become clearer to me just how untrustworthy people are. Now I have very little expectations of people and prefer to be alone. It's just not worth the investment. Sad truth is, after narcissist abuse, there's just so much grieving that takes place. Grieving lost innocence, trust in others, belief in love, belief in one's worthiness to be loved, etc. After weighing risk vs reward, it's been better for me to stay alone. At least I know what to expect and there's no disappointment.
Thank you I came to the realization that I don't have any friends after my cat died a few days ago. I relied on her for companionship. I had a narc step mother growing up and narc Ex that made me question everything
Love this! Its beneficial to establish healthy friendships with people who aren't under the influence of the narcissist. Avoid the Narcissist and their flying monkeys.
@scousemouse9715 I'm trying. But it runs deep. Superficially I manage it but the devastation is coming to the surface, it's becoming unmanageable and I don't know what to do about it. The harm has been so great it isn't something that one can 'just let go' of
57 yr old guy here, divorced twice. Severally abused for decades, discovered in therapy 3 yrs ago. I definitely went through where you are. Shedding old trama can be hell. Be patient with yourself. Remember someone else poured the bucket of paint over your head on purpose. Our purpose is to cleanse ourselves off peacefully in the quietness of ourselves with proper guidance. Recovery takes a good while. This teaches us not to walk under ladders. In fact, it teaches us to avoid those demanding to be "bigger" than us. That would be the narcissistic ego. To quote No more Mr nice guy... had I known my own self-worth, my two exwife s never would have made it past the second date. That's powerful. I physically shake, especially when triggered, recovering from c ptsd. I lost everything, including my kids, I nearly off'd myself but decided to live for me and no one else, per the therapists suggestion. The sooner you're able to spend your mental energy on yourself for good, the sooner you'll see they are losers and not worth the time you EVER gave them. Narcissists are everywhere. It gets better. Slowly, I'm recovering... I chose to stay single and fix my broken self for attracting very broken people. I was taught to forgive... I forgave red flags, instead of running like hell away from the non-repairable.
@danielmcgrath4751 hi there, many episodes of therapy helped me find myself again. It's hard because it's a journey that can feel lonely, and coming back home to myself took a lot of energy, but it was worth it and necessary to do for healing. In the beginning, I thought just being away from narcissists would make me feel better. Of course it didn't, and the pain had to come out, all of it bottled up inside me. I have learned that the pain is not mine to keep. It's not a punishment or guilt trip or sacrifice. What recovery from narcissistic abuse really has been is no less than a battle of good over evil, self over others. To fill the void of loneliness or endless distractions, it's important to stay committed to your goals and stay free from abusers. That pain inside won't just disappear, and I know it's hard to do alone. Seeking therapy, making your own choices, and relearning what's best for you makes a positive difference. I have hope that you can do this ❤️
I have three friends, one who has been through similar experiences as me, and I met through work - twenty plus years ago, and re-met after I finished with my covert ex-husband .Plus two Christian friends who are loyal , confidential and I am comfortable being around... that I met after my marriage ended. I love all three...
I believed narcissist survivors got no friends. Soon as they find out the narcissist husband or wife is rude and nasty. They got turned off, and they stayed away. As for me, having a narcissist husband, he's not very friendly, but he can't stop me from having my friends once in a while. I'm a person who is very selective in making friends. I don't know how I ended up with the narcissist. I'm questioning myself every now and then. I was very naive about narcissism. I don't know anything about it until I'm in this relationship. It hurts. Thank you to all the experts in narcissism online. They opened my mind that there are evil people among us.
Thank you for these insights, I was always wondering why it’s difficult for me to make friends. Last week my narcissistic mother died. I feel ashamed to say (though it’s true) that it’s a relief for me that she can no longer badmouth and isolate me from my family.
Thank you very, very much! Narcissitic sighs/behaviours are popular. Albeit.... it's not something new like social media. It has been through generations. It's not spoken enough I think. Especially talking about survivors. their problems are different, and they run deep. You explained it so simple, but so on point! I'm happy. ....thank you.
I'm very protective over myself because l have experienced betrayal from the closest people around me. I was even told from my partner after a disagreement that, "l need to go find some family and friends"! When they know some of the things l've experienced in my life.
Wauww that is so heartless to hear this from your own partner! That makes you wonder, in fact that is what narcissist do, the information that you told them in all the confidence and then use it against you! I have also experienced betrayal from my father, sister! And I always continued to trust new people, but it has cost me alot since the last friendship with a covert narc, Before that one I did not knqw what narcissism was....
I've spent the better part of my adult life without close friends. Even in high school I didn't hangout with too many people. Too much stress in dealing with others especially when they seem to always have drama or complaints about their life or the gossipy discussion about others, which usually makes me realize they very likely talk about me to others. Seems like in the past couple of decades people have no idea what real friends are. People seem to only like others if it's all good times & partying & using those that are good hearted for money or sex or just an ear to listen to the whining about their bad choices. No real connection to others, no interesting and intelligent things to discuss or activities to do. My husband even watched this go on with many of his so-called "friends"; everything is so fake and cold.
It's almost 3 years since I got rid of the narcissist I still come up with memories I had become so isolated after dealing with the narcissist for 16 years I don't know how to do friends anymore and I don't trust anybody anymore I used to have people over for dinner parties and get together with friends on weekends going on outings and all of that stuff because of the narcissist all the social things stopped I lost almost all my friends and then during and after The Break-Up I really found out who I could trust which is no one.
That is so sad to discover who you can trust and not isn't it? I also was a very social person and still am, but no friends anymore which I wonder sometimes how that did happen, I think all kind of reasons...but it is not always easy for me. I would love to have a real friend, but trusting someone is a real thing. Sending you all my best wishes!
I had a narcissistic mom who hated me, didn't want me, and an abusive dad who took his pain out on me. Then, I married a boy just like my mom, because he needed and loved me. I thought. The truth is actually he needed me - 3 words he once sent me "I need you" ..but only until he found a new source. Then he tried to discard me and it frightened me so badly I became his doormat, he doubled the campaign to destroy me..until the children left home. Then once again he found a new victim and made her his world..and got mad at me enough to physically attack me. 36 years and when I woke up I knew it was over. It has been 12 years of peace, struggle and education. But worth it. I have people I know, but no real deep friendships locally...
I’m older, I only have one friend, but I love my alone time.. I’ve had great true friends and worked around hundreds of different people with all kinds of cultures, genders, backgrounds etc..now on retired and I’m so busy reading, learning, painting, playing piano, etc, exercising, so I may be alone, but I’m not lonely, I love being able to do the things I like, by myself..
It is way more than losing trust and time does not help. 20 years of emotional psychological abuse, even starting to doubt your self BREAKS you. And ALL the people who fell for his evil stories during our divorce, your OWN friends for many years….you lose it all. I have my 3 sweet beautiful smart daughters, my 2 biggest friends, my dogs and I will NEVER EVER let somebody invade my life. I love the fact that I don’t have to doubt anymore, finally peace in my heart. It took a LOT of therapy and PTSS therapy (very tough) to rebuild myself. No one will ever again destroy that. Btw, I have a covert narcissistic mother as well, who I have not seen in 10 years. I am not their emotional (and physical) boxingbal anymore. ❤
After going through a very tough relationship for 2 years, 3 women I know were being too caring. I put my walls of protection up and didn't want to interact with them. One of them I explained what I had been through and this fuelled her to keep sending me texts asking am I okay, I didn't like this and found it annoying after a few months. Then because I didn't reply to one of her messages she gave me attitude on another message. I blocked her. At times I felt bad for not being readily available to these people but I'm healing and wish they would understand smothering is the wrong approach.
Both of my parents are narcissists and my mother is constantly telling me it's not normal to not have friends. All friends I had in the past begrayed me the same way my parents did and chose their abusers and/or addictions over our friendship. I've never kept more tban 1-2 friends at a time because I'm an introvert and I have self love, something narcissists don't have. My sense of worth doesn't lean on having a massive group of fake friends like it does for my mother. I hear her conversations with them and they're sickening. Nothing but gossip and backstabbing before she shows up to a party full of all the people she just slandered. I don't have friends because I'm my best friend, I refuse to enable bad behavior or repress any part of myself to make other people comfortable and after all the abuse I've endured, I simply don't want anyone disturbing the peace I've fought for. I'm focused on my art and attracting a good man to father my children. I have next to no room for friendships in my life and have far more to offer someone than most people with large friend groups who allow themselves to be negatively influenced by others
Break The Trauma Bond With a Narcissist
www.emotionalabuserecovery.com/breaking-the-trauma-bond
The worst part is that people assume there must be something wrong with you if you're always alone. You become a target of more abuse.
Unfortunately, yes. More abuse and gangstalkers/flying monkeys etc.
All predators are able to sense your fear. They fear your courage. What makes you their target is your fear. If you live your life like you don't give a cr@p about anyone or anything, no matter how powerful or influential those loser narcissists pretend to be, they won't bother you. And even if they do, record your every interaction with them and make it public. After all, they came to pick a fight with you. If everyone does this, these organized gang-stalking, smear campaigns and orchestrated dramas would be rendered futile.
Yes , You’re so right ….. It’s killing 😔
We should make a page for all narcissistic abuse survivors to make friends w one another. We know what we all went through and we understand one another
@@leih9266 Good idea. It will make people aware of their tricks. If everyone becomes aware of all of their tricks their vile tendencies wouldn't thrive. There is a forum on psychforums website related to NPD. But I am sure we can come up with something better like, maybe a website exclusive for the survivors of abuse by dark tetrad personality types?
After going no contact with the narc, I have trust issues now. I prefer to have NO FRIENDS as it feels safer and I feel more free.
How do you overcome that?
I sadly agree. Ive been tryung to make more new friends and its so uncomfortable! I left one group when I got a bit paranoid, but Ive got many other reasons to move as well!
Same here
@@gazieshi think you dont. For me narcissists are in your life to teach you a lesson. When you meet someone who will be trust worthy, you will know and you will be able to trust again slowly
.....you sound like me....😊
I have to endure everything on my own. I was betrayed by friends, colleagues and the like. I suffer from anxiety. Life has been tough.
Most people will betray us.
I hear you !!
Me too. Wish you peace. Why does this happen to people to be betrayed? I sometimes have the feeling that people enjoy betraying and fooling me. I just dont get it.
Same here!!!
@@rahulm2827 WE don't understand it because hurting others hurts us. We feel their pain. Narcissists do not, they actually derive great joy from others pain. I have seen the smirk on multiple narcissists face as they try to hurt me. (I believe 50% of people are narcissists today. maybe more) No way we can understand it because we cannot be like them.
Fake people want fake friends to boost their egos. I am not going to put up with it anymore. ❤❤❤
I have learned that not everyone deserves my energy and attention. I have family that I love and trust, but other than those few individuals, I prefer to be alone. Most people aren’t always who they seem.
I have had to explain this to my partner dozens of times. He sees me as a beautiful, compassionate person and wants me to share that and help people. No. My compassion and beauty is for my found family, which consists of three people. I will not invest in anyone else. I will not be run over and taken advantage of ever again. I don't want new friends. I don't want new relationships. I'm happy and content with what I have. The rest of my energy is for me.
Rel, narcissists do teach us that
I am alone. I am not lonely.
I am alone and I am desperately lonely. I have to face the truth behind which is a lot of betrayal to now address what I wanted to deny.
peace, at last!
Took me a while of being alone and not be lonely.
Same here and i m happy
The loneliest and most difficult time of my life was when I was married to a sociopathic narcissist.
100% !!!!!!!!!!!
I have difficulty not shaking when someone is friendly. Have just recently dropped to nars, who frankly were frightening. I feel bad that I didn't see it sooner.
I've been through this so much, I prefer to be alone most of the time now ❤
Here I thought I was weird because I really don't have any friends.. gossip irritates me, I call it out when I see it, and people avoid me like the plague. I have found a relationship with God, though, and that's more than enough for me ❤ I pray for anyone that is out here still having to deal with evil people like this and I hope you find a way out.
Those are not people who are friendship quality anyway. I would rather be alone than settle for a low-level fake friendship anyway. 🎉❤😊
How did u get a relationship with God and what s this?
I’m the same 🙏
@@stefaniakonstantinidou981start to speak to God and say you want to have a relationship. Learn Gods ways and try to read the Bible and his spirit will enlighten you more. God is so loving, merciful and has a great sense of humour. He wants respect though and for you to make an effort with him. Like any relationship really. On my journey I read, listened to others experiences on you tube, listened to praise music, old hymns etc. You may feel like you are breaking along the way as things change and shift and God heals you. ‘But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you ‘ Matthew 6:33. You will be helped in every area or your life, it won’t always be easy and we have things God wants us to learn but you will always be provided for. ❤
@quasimodo614 thank you so much for this reply. I v seen great changes already..thank you
I used to be so trusting. I loved everyone. After all this, my trust died :( Edit: I think it's okay to be in a place where you don't trust no one till you heal. I healed and found trust in different friends, my family again, my old friends and even my now husband. But it wasn't easy, at all. I had to explain so much on why I get scared, hurt and triggered. But I decided that I'm a person who loves and my past wasn't going to keep me from love. But after I thought I healed, I got betrayed even more. That one was difficult as well. So I dunno, I understand if people just want to be alone. Because it's peaceful. It was for me. But it's also good to take steps to heal. I'm in the middle of healing from the second round of betrayal. It really turns my stomach but I do still have my other friends, my husband and my family.
@@Kelli-ru7yy Same. I don't feel like I connect with anyone anymore, much less trust them. Maybe we didn't trust ourselves enough.
Exactly!!!!
@MissNancy I trust myself as far as I can jump, and that's a lot farther than my trust goes for anyone else. My self-doubts were part of my depression that has finally been kicked. I never knew how damaging depression could be, and I'm very happy that part of trauma from narcissistic abuse has recovered fully.
@Kelli-ru7yy building yourself up while forgiving yourself will protect you from others who want to harm you. I had to forgive myself for all the times I kept going back, and TRUST in myself that I was making the right choice to stay away from the narcissists I know. It's a good feeling knowing the strength is from within and all the fear can be overcome.
Trust issue.
I like being alone ! No unnecessary DRAMA.. i can entertain myself in peace . There's so many things you can do and learn in life in peace.
.,.... you sound like me....😊
I try to convince my self of the same thing, but I do not like that MUCH being alone. I don't think anyone does, honestly.
I trust no one now. I prefer protecting my energy..
I am the same! God bless you! There Are still a lot of good people, but I do understand your feelings. I need to find a support group!
Here too
@@maria2852 God Bless You too ❤
The only people I trust are people who have been through narcissistic abuse and didn't become a narcissist because of it. But there's almost none of those in our society
Thank you, Danish. It took me a while to realize that the people around me were not genuine. Finally, in my 70s, I am all alone and content. I am a survivor of narcissistic abuse after 30 years of marriage. I always thought if I treated people respectfully I would receive the same in return, but I WAS WRONG. NO friends, not even family. I am an empath. Everyone used me, abused me, disrespected me and I had to put a stop to it. Their behavior affected my emotional and physical health. Now I can sleep without medical aid. No more stress those relationships caused me.
Thanks for sharing your testimony and journey. It helps to hear about others who survived such tremendous pain and emerged in the other side. May you continue to be blessed beyond measure.
It's so nice to come across someone of the same age as me, going through this.
I married my first narc at 16 to escape my step father and brother in law.
After our divorce 6 years later. I had a 5 year relationship with another quieter and not so physical narc.
After that came who I thought was the love of my life and the worst narc of all. We were together 35 years, now apart for 7.
I've recently had to block him, should have gone it ages ago but legal issues stopped me. 2 days after Christmas I had to block his sister.
I love being alone and camping has become my thing but I can't seem to shake the fear and I do get lonely at times.
I fear life and fear I'm not capable of feeling safe or at peace with life.
Fear that something terrible will make my world come crashing down.
I think I am as healed as I'm ever going to be, but I hope for more.
@@rosieobi9260watch Tim Fletcher please
@@rosieobi9260 next step is to forget them and then realize that you still survive without them
Normal rules of human engagement don't apply with narcs. I made the same mistake as you, but I have learned.
I was not a huge fan of friendships before the 17 years of a narc. I now actively avoid making friends now. The peace is beautiful.
Betrayal trauma was the hardest part in leaving the narcissist, admitting that this person did not love me. Yes, the venomous black filth that comes out in therapy after narcissistic abuse has helped me find myself again. Never give up, no matter how many years go by. Be grateful in the change and self-love that will one day find you attractive to genuine authentic people. It cannot ever be underestimated how much the narcissists in your life take from you, your life energy itself. It is very painful, even to think about in passing thoughts of the past. Please be true to yourself and give yourself what you need that nobody else can give you. ❤
Yes so true
I'm definitely in a space of "quality vs quantity". Seeking to be around authenticity which seems to be on the verge of extinction.
Stay strong ❤ they’re out there!
@itzkmarie87 like a covert narcissist, a narcissistic abuse survivor is sometimes hard to find, but we are here. I'm back visiting this channel after a little time away from RUclips, and I find that love and acceptance here shining bright just like before. It's a welcoming feeling. ❤️
@@norcal1009 The more I get to know myself and see what I’ve tolerated the more love I have for myself instead of the under covering of shame I carried for poor choices.
@@Privatenospyingthat is a wonderful growth statement and lifetime accomplishment.❤ Thank you for sharing with me. Being a survivor can be a sharing experience just as much as letting go to point love to oneself. I believe that if I stay on my true path, it is all I will ever need now, thankfully. I affirm daily that I will not suffer at the hands of the narcissists anymore nor give them the satisfaction of knowing me now after all the abuse. 😊
@@norcal1009 💜💫
Yes im always alone like moon in sky
It's often no bad thing :)
Same ☪
Same here friend, same here
Beautiful
And the provider of light to the traveller. Bless you.
These videos are so validating. My narcissistic parent passed away and my 2 siblings have taken up his legacy. Rather than be punished by them until the end of my life, I have chosen to disengage, no contact. Makes me so sad but MAN I feel safe and content! Thank you!
@hnelson5609 I can relate to my family members lost to narcissism, and it's heartbreaking. They are still caught up in the trauma invoking games , rituals, and abuse. Being no contact is difficult but worth every second of the rest of my life. It's seriously not worth it to be a part of that now that I'm recovering from trauma and have beat depression on my own and with therapy. I've tried to help others, but they don't listen. Being a survivor means I can never go back to that life of a narcissistic family, but rather stand my ground for contentment and peace, staying true to myself always.
💯
So true I don't have any trust or interest in others anymore
My own reluctance comes from having been so demolished on the sensory front that I get overwhelmed now by most interactions simply because I’m so depleted and drained. While I do enjoy socialization it also has an adverse effect on me now in that I end up with sensory overload and then it takes me days to get self regulated again, often needing extra sleep and quiet down time.
Social hangover
I am alone all of the time
Lucky
I’m sorry hun. Work on love and friendships slowly at your pace 🙏
So am I, so I get ya.
God is the best friend a man can have
Once i started realizing who i was with, i noticed that even my friendships and some family were also highly toxic as well. The same issues that had me with the narc are the same ones that had me in one-sided and narcissistic friendships as well.
My circle is significantly smaller now but healthy.
Yep. I realize that everybody who I ever thought was my friend was basically taking me and putting me into abuse situation just like my parents did. I was nothing to every friend I've ever had in life
I came to the same conclusion.. now I have just a few close friends and I prefer it this way. Wayyyyy less unnecessary bullshit
I now trust no one and never will again. If only I knew what I know now back whenever. Women are backstabbers and gossips. Men are shallow, liars, and narcissists. I havve my dog, my home, movies to stream and educational podcasts to watch. That's it, and I'm better for it. The downside is that my heartis black and full of hate and anger and I don't think I'll ever get back. Don't know if I'll make it.
The mental abuse my toxic family put me through since childhood caused social anxiety and low self esteem. You can't build real friendships if you're not your authentic self. I was in survival mode whenever interacting with others.
Shockingly, I've realized my uncle wanted to control my self esteem as a woman which impacted my social life.
When I was happy abt making male friends at school, he was acting jealous as if he wanted to be the only source of male validation in my life after my dad's passing.
Then I've realized this guy played with my self esteem since I was little girl, making me feel worthless 🙄
Shame on him and shame on everybody who sit and watched you suffer
@@TejubescDM it's awful how one's own family can destroy a child for life like that!! My mother destroyed my life and my sister's life. She just plain hated me and made sure she manipulated everyone else to hate me as well. I was the family scapegoat and she convinced everyone that anything that could possibly be imperfect in a child, I had. But she was terribly jealous of my sister, made her the golden child while simultaneously destroying her in a completely different way. As a child I thought this was all normal. But as I neared adulthood and learned more about other families I became to realize just how horribly we were all treated (my father included) and it led to complete distancing of the entire family. No love in our family at all.
Damn Danish. That hit home. I was subjected to a narcissistic abusive relationship before/during/after the Covid crisis & now as I am healing/recovering, I have little to no motivation to make friends or attend social functions. It is just safer, from my current perspective. It never occurred to me that this is just another symptom. Thank you for your informative videos. Sending you lots of love! ❤ 🇺🇸
❤
My friends are my dog and three cats. After three decades of narcissistic abuse by my spouse, I have no desire to make human friends. 😢
Many would not understand but my dog is my best friend. Always full of love and acceptance
😢😭
i ain't gonna lie, i cry when you said my friends are my dog and three cat's /: same here to bro i feel that sh*t in and outside of my heart Empathy. Always remember this the narcissist doesn't want you to have any friends. but they have friends who are fake and not real. you have to make friends. it's part of your healing journey.
@@eden7440For me my cat 😺❤️😸
I just focus on my hobbies now and i have multiple of them! ❤
Good for you 🎉🎉🎉🎉 God bless you ❣️
I am struggling with being able to maintain all the relationships I have. I am 2 years divorced after a 22 year marriage with a covert narcissist. My anxiety and fear makes it so that just getting through the day feels exhausting. I am thankful that the friends I do have now understand when I disappear at times. I would love to go out more but I just can’t yet. Thank you for your videos, they help.
9 years divorced after a 33 year marriage to a narcissist, after 21 years with a narcissistic parental family. Finally healing, content to be alone
Put your Trust in Christ Jesus and he promises he will help you. 🙏
My narcissistic husband is always telling me “ know one likes you “ but he’s the one people don’t like . I told him once that’s ok with me because I don’t need anyone to prop my ego up like you do !
This is so painful😢 to hear. My narcissistic father always said the same things to my mother and me. I hope it might be possible for you (in the future) to divorce your narcissistic husband.
@@aliceroberts1980 that's good what you told him. I wonder where they get off saying those things to people? It's lame.
Why are you even with him?
Yes Nobody IS Like you...Others leave him😘
That's hilarious 😂 I bet he got pissed
We've become suspicious of so many people. It seems that as soon as something comes out, it alarms you, and away we go. We mostly become comfortable being to our self's. We come to like ourselves and value our time, space, our pet to ourselves. Being truthtellers really alarms others as truth is scary. It's me and my little dog against the world 😅.
In my case cat friends 🙂👏
Me and my little dog too. We have a wonderful time!!
Ask them to do something for you. Something small. Something you would do for them with no hesitation. If they are narcissistic or otherwise toxic, it will ALWAYS go at least 1 of 4 ways (though sometimes these reactions may compound): They will act as though they didn’t hear you. Depending on how long you’ve been in the relationship, you may ask again. If it’s been long enough, you’re likely to drop the request right then and there.
They will promise to do it, but never follow through.
If you ask again or remind them, they will usually have some kind of excuse. In these cases, they will still never actually fulfill their promise. Their excuse is not a reason for lagging, it is the reason they should be absolved from all expectation whatsoever. Often this excuse will be meaningless or an outright lie.If you don’t buy their excuse, and tell them so, you will experience the wonderful segue into reaction.
An argument will ensue
The argument will be your fault. It could be a small back and forth contending against your request, or it might quickly devolve into them screaming at you. You never know which it will be. They might even say outright that you should never ask or expect anything from them. Usually they will express that you are asking too much, hurting them in some way (financially, emotionally, insulting them, etc), or attack your character.
The argument will only end when you relinquish your request + apologize, or start ignoring them completely. If you can ignore them long enough, they may apologize to you. However, the conflict will never feel truly resolved.
At this juncture they may actually end up giving you what you asked for. Often this does require you admitting that you don’t really need it, or that you would be fine with what they suggested instead. This leads us to reaction
They give you what you asked for, BUT
There is ALWAYS a catch. It might be small. They show up late with no apology. They buy you what you wanted, but it’s the wrong color, model, brand, etc. They take you where you wanted to go, but pressure you the whole time you’re getting ready because you’re going to be sooo late. Then they want to leave early anyway. It might be worse. They do it out of anger, and make a big display out of it to scare/hurt you. They hold it over your head until you do something for them first. Or, later on, they use it against you. “I did x for you, so you should do y for me.” No matter what, you never actually feel fulfilled, happy, or loved when they do something for you. Somehow, even from the getgo, there was this deep-seated feeling of guilt and fear, this sense that the “special” things they were doing for you weren’t so special at all. Eventually, you become afraid to ask for anything. You’ve been conditioned to believe you deserve nothing. Ironically, or not, the less demands you make, the worse you will be treated. Moreover, Catching a cheating spouse might be difficult, and knowing what local laws say you can and cannot do might be even more difficult. To simplify the process, consider hiring a private investigator to do the sleuthing for you I genuinely appreciate how incredible you are and your work! Thank you for a job well done digitalinvestigate@gmail. com
I don’t accept breadcrumbs anymore. And I’m a nice person and it’s cost me a lot . I’m learning to say no to be silent and to stop anticipating others needs. I’m retraining my brain to put myself first. It’s so wonderful being alone I feel my mind body and heart are finally healing. I need this alone time to rest my mind and now I fill my days with hobbies and necessary duties but no longer do I look for someone to help and up lift I give that time and attention to me. 61 and now learning how to care for myself with compassion. It’s a gift only we can give ourselves. ❤️👍
Just last night I was wondering why I am so alone when I used to be with many friends. Thanks!
From now on I only want everything that is real✨️🔥😌
But I must say it's also okay to want to heal alone. Many people asked me why didn't I think about getting into another relationship. I am after all divorced now. But I didn't feel like it. Having good male friends is the limit to where I want it to reach. Some people heal better in isolation.
Yes I m with a narcissist who can divorce me at any point but now I m no more afraid I m alone and happy I don't want more chaps
I don't make new friends but i appreciate so much the friends i have. I love my friends.
Yep, I'm a complete loner. Not 1 single real life friend mainly because I am so terribly socially anxious. But also because it's just easier in many other ways as well. There isn't a single photo of me with 'friends' since I was a teenager and only 1 was I actually close to. I'm now a senior citizen and I don't see this life as a hermit ever changing.
@sineriafrankenstein7316 it's not a shock to me anymore how people who were my friends have been ok not staying in touch. They come back to me with FB, but maybe I thought more of these relationships than they did. I've never wanted to fit into a "ranking" system, so I don't try very hard. It's a waste of energy just to be someone's friend and do what they want you to do. I also find it easier and even more fulfilling as well to spend most of my time alone and only speak to people when I feel like it. ❤️
Aside from my narcissist isolating me from family and friends, I don't have many friends because I'm a damaged human being who trusts nobody and who forgot how to engage in healthy, normal conversations with normal people.
That's horrible and terrifying.please change that a little
They isolate you on purpose to have more acces to abuse you. Sick I have been alienated like this first from "family" from narcs and then psychopathic ex (and narcs in the Community) treat me like leper based off lies and slander 🤷♂️ just haters..
You should try and join forums and Community online for narcisistic abuse victims ❤
You are so right on! Loneliness is a manifestation of our culture. It takes alot of energy and as a survivor I am tired. Thank you
My mother is a narcissist, and I avoid her at all cost. Even with friends I choose my words carefully. I have a deep fear of being punished if I say the wrong things and don’t please them. It is exhausting, so I prefer my one company.
The first one I was with told me that no one wanted to hear what I had to say. I just learned to be quiet.
It sounds like they wanted to take your voice. I hope you recover soon. I was once in that situation however I have learnt to speak up for myself. ❤❤❤
@karabomoalusi8810
I did, but in the last relationship I was in being quiet was actually a strength. He constantly wanted to fight, at first I would fight back it was new to me. However when I noticed how toxic the fighting was and it wouldn't achieve any progress I just went silent.
@talithamarko4291 I hear you 🫂.
I'm still learning who I am and I don't trust myself enough yet to let other people in as I cut off toxic relationships. I've been clay for other people to mold as they see fit my whole life and I don't trust myself not to fall into the same pattern. I love being alone.
This video is simply blowing my mind. You have brilliantly communicated the essence of how someone who has been mentally and emotionally assaulted by a narcissist doesn't have friends and consider other people with distrust based on their experience and lack of desire to be in relationships with other people.
I am so happy that I soon enough noticed that's something is wrong with that person. They wanted to drive me away from the people I liked. They were so jealous...
But as time went on, they slowly unmasked themselves. And in the end I ripped that mask of them, metaphorically speaking. After I had to constantly had to walk on eggshells and nothing I did was correct. I was called manipulative and mean...for no damn reason after they passive aggressively held me accountable for their emotions...
I wish everyone of you who went through much worse all the strength in the world. You are important and loved. And you can bring something to this world that no-one else can. ❤
So hold on, you deserve all the peace and love in this world and let no one tell you how much you are worth excdpt for yourself!❤
This was so helpful and this entire time I was thinking something was wrong with me. I often find myself like I can’t connect with people, and I often feel like I’ve forgotten how to even talk to people. I feel like I’ve been messed up by my narcissistic mom, and that if she caused me so much pain, why should I expect any better from others? I feel so broken.
yes sir ...many men and
women very much interested
to have friendship with me
because of my positive nature
and happy always ...
But I avoid everyone and live
alone ...I like loneliness
I am very strong and bold
enough ....
But I suffered lot and lot
to get cured mentally
I am in my own house
He is in his own house
I meet him like friend and
come back to my place
Thank you for your validation of what we have been going through. Healing takes time and patience and discernment of who are the people we are meeting.
I love being alone it a power thing fake everywhere I see it I feel it my circle is very small
This is golden information. Thank you for this. It's helped me a lot. IDK but until the past 5 years, I don't remember friendships and/or relationships being so complicated. I guess I was always too trusting. I mean who knew that telling someone what your favorite color is could wind up being information they'd used against you. My point is people are just too complicated for my liking nowadays. I'm good withy dog, lol. I take people in moderation from a distance.
You're one of the very few people that seem to understand my situation. Good video.
My life story... Being alone is waaay far more better than sacrificing ur peace and energy in wrong way👍 once again great vedeo Danish
My mother. What you said about them isolating you from your support systems, oh boy. Every time I would form a friendship in childhood, she literally moved me schools. I went to 7 different schools. In high school, if she caught me messaging someone about her on messenger to tell them about the abuse, it was the biggest betrayal and I was in the wrong and how could I speak about my mother this way?
So yeah a real lack of support. I am my own support system now, at 34 years old. I have a therapist and thankfully I have a beautiful partner and son now. My partner gets it because his mum was also abusive, and we have been healing our trauma, simultaneously and together.
Eternal Musics and lively plants replaces all fake relationships and you are in peace in your own world 😌
Interesting!
When the narc and I met, we both felt friendless. Over many unhappy years with them, I unexpectedly began to make several close, trustworthy friends. And the narc? I am their (the narc’s) only close friend. Funny how that happened. I’m so grateful that it did. I guess that understanding that the narc IS a narc, I was able to grow. Oh, the narc tries every trick to insert their self into my friendships. I DO NOT LET THAT HAPPEN.
So much truth in this video really explain why I am the way I am now.
This is a very long comment but worth a read..
At 22yo I took a vacation, by myself.
I rented a small cottage by a lake for three weeks in the Fall (my favorite time of year)
There were only 5 other guests staying where I rented and they were all in the main motel further up the hill, ..all the other cottages around mine were empty.
No one else bothered to take advantage of the private beach on the lake of this place, ..so I had it all to myself.
..and the cottage had a nice little fireplace which I used every night.
I took this perfect, wonderful vacation to get away from everyone/everything, and learn about or figure out 'who' I am, and what I truly want, .. without any outside influence or input.
Up until that time, I was always constantly surrounded by people who were nagging me, asking me to help them, to do things,
.. people who seemed to have this constant need to be surrounded by people,
.. people who couldn't handle or didn't like to be 'alone' for any amount of time.
I felt mentally and physically drained/exhausted.
I even had to let people know I wouldn't be around for a few weeks,
..and the badgering of non-stop questions was extremely irritating,
.. everyone demanding to know "where are you going?", "what's going on?", "you're just taking off by yourself?why?" .."this is just weird"..etc.
I just told them, "I'm just taking off for a few weeks, that's all"
..and they were all annoyed that I wouldn't give any further information.. actually angry with me.
Not one person said, "oh that'll be nice, I hope you enjoy it"
They were all just angry and weirdly defensive about the whole situation.
When my vacation was over, I began the process of ending all of those relationships, which was 'interesting' to say the least,
..and the rumore/stories which spawned from all of them were really bizarre,
..I became the most talked about and public enemy #1 for all of them,
..the one person who was always there for all of them for many years with very little reciprocation.
My life changed significantly for the better from then on, I found an instant feeling of being truly content.
No more constant, outside drama,
..no more constantly being caught in the middle of disagreements and being lobbied to take sides,
..just so many aspects I did not miss at all.
..I could actually breathe for the first time in many years of my life.
It took me those three weeks alone to finally realize, ..that THE ONLY true friends I ever had in my life, were/are two of my male cousins. (the only two male cousins on my father's side)
..every other person in my life, as far as friendships went, everything was all about 'them', ..doing for 'them', listening about 'them' and about 'their' probles, being there for 'them', etc., ..like vampires feeding off me physically, mentally, etc..
..I wasn't allowed to have a moment of peace with these people, even calls in the middle of the night, frequently.. like a 24/7/365 emergency help/support line.
..but never the other way around the very few times I needed the same.
Removing myself as a garbage bin and punching bag for a whole lot of extremely toxic people, was the best thing I ever did for myself.
Yes, this was a excellent read, thank you for taking the time write.
God, you speak the truth to my thoughts and worries. I still envy that my sister feels "good?" in her 37 year marriage. My counselor says that she "settled" (doesn't ask for much) but it still bothers me because I couldn't get what she has. I feel like a relationship failure.
Ironic because relationship failure means you've settled. You've given up on the idea of relationship and went fora facsimile which is what narcissists offer. True relationships are rare, take pride that you love yourself enough to hold out for the real thing.
I bet she envies you and your peace of mind more!
@Privatenospying I've thought about that too ... I'm not responsible for anyone except myself and my little homestead.
@ until your caught in a toxic family web of mind games - you’ll never know how good you have it.
The very fact that individuals can be persuaded based “favoritism” versus evidence goes a long way in the realization of humanity’s unhealthy views.
This is so validating. I enjoy my own company most. U articulated exactly my experience. I have no patience for inauthentic people.
Good words, Danish. The silver lining of surviving narcissism is a genuine commitment to engaging only in what's real: Win/ win, or No Deal. Cheers.
"I'm talking about the illusion that you thought was your reality."
Wow. You really get it 😊
OMG. You are SO ABSOLUTELY RIGHT about what most friendships are about. So true. It's very difficult to know or to find someone who will be a true friend.
This video is a gift . I did not realize how much damage this narcissist did to me. Worst case scenario. I have been dropping all my toxic friends. Im about to plan a move to another state at the age of 62 to god willing start new life and new honest real connections or i will be alone but not lonely. I never realized im always in worst case scenario but thanks to your video i will look forward to sunshine not clouds all the time.
Damn... do you have a spy cam into my life? This feels so accurate. And I appreciate so much knowing I'm not insane. ❤
This was very validating
Hey danish please make a vedio on TELEPATHIC ATTACKS after narc relationship when u somehow start to heal and start beliving in yourself finally gather the courage to heal and start something new(education,job,bussiness) and suddenly start to doubt yourself a clip running in your mind of them manipulating you "oh you are not capable of doing it you might fail" You start doubting yourself even if you believe in yourself the thoughts are very strong and feels like a telepathic attack even after years of leaving the narc.....
Danish Bhai you literally tear me up every single time my self love gets a bit increase and in motion you're the reason I look at myself with compassion when all I'm wounded and emotionally numb just surviving in a dark place of heavy depression what should I say to you all I would say is that you're there in this darkness as a shine and hope of light you're that for me as I'm totally lost but my prayers from my wounded soul will never stop for you d just say may Allah bless you with good health and mental health may you never see any problem ahead in life Ameen be happy and be the light to out guidance like thus forever
We learned early on not to trust, but we still did, and ended up marrying the very same person;then for dozens of years you are ' hibernating'; and then spring comes and by then you're simply over it
Thank you Danish ! Your video makes a lot of sense. I didn’t even realize that I felt that way. I thought it was because a was an introvert. It is really costly to me, especially if I have to be in a group. I cannot stand the superficiality anymore : it is a lot of nonsense.
Lately, I was betrayed by a group of people and I decided to be finally very cautious before trusting people.
Please continue to make those eye opening videos, and God bless you !
Thank you. Now I understand...❤
I enjoy being alone most of the time, I enjoy being around people too but without talking anything , bcz I end up complaining always whenever I have conversations with someone!
Or it seems like i live on another planet bcz no body can understand what I go through!
I always feel like am being forced to do things or blamed wrongly because that's how I grew up😢!
So it makes me preferring being alone bcz I became distrustful towards everyone, I was betrayed since my childhood and nobody can understand that whenever I say it , they think that I am being hateful and unforgiving towards others!
So, I chose silence and being a close friend to myself.
Thank you I need'ed to be reminded this because some people mostly family use this against me saying I dont have friends but I have so much trauma .. all you said is 100 % me 😮😢
I am wonderful socially and love being around other people and letting them shine. But, I am not interested in friends of any sort. Working in hospitality is the best- time limited relationships and you'll never see them again! I know I am warped but I try to look at my issues as strengths...growing up in a narcissistic mess I am awesome at anticipating anything that might go wrong and heading it off at the pass, as well as anticipating people's needs :)
May I ask what kind of job you are doing? I have been a flight attendant for 30 years and currently not working, but I have always worked as a flight attendant and before that as a waitress in a restaurant. I loved it at the time but did not know anything about narcissism, I am very social and now sick home for 6 years and do not know what kind of job to work in when I am recovered. But I had the best job as a flight attendant, vey social, every flight different collegues and different passengers of course, very hard work and long days though!
My problem now is that i seem to have no motivation. My place is such a mess that i dont want anyone to come over. I live in a small town i do not like. I came here to be with the narcissist. I haven't spoken to him in a year now, and i dont intend to. I am realizing why my childhood was so miserab my mother was a narcissist. Im 73 now and i wish i had known sooner. I dont know if i will ever be close to my family...im not close to my family of origin. Not really. I wish i could be closer to my son and his family. But it's like i don't know how. I want to move to live closer to them, but i worry that they might not want me there. Im trying to get out of debt and save money to move - but i keep thinking that if they need the money i am saving i would give it to them and stay up here in the wintry north alone. Because i want them to be happy, and i worry that they would not be happy to have me around.
I have no friends, none I can trust. It's lonely at times.
Thank you so much. I thought I might be psychopathic or antisocial because I’ve become quick to cut people out when they don’t fit me. But you’ve perfectly captured exactly it: I don’t want any more fake, shallow relationships where we have to fake who we are or put down people. I want relationships with other productive people who encourage others and want to grow and build. I don’t want fluff. I want depth. And I don’t have time or energy to spend on fluffy people, because I’m doing my damndest to recover and make money and keep afloat. So thank you very much. I was afraid. Now I’m not.
I repeat to myself: "you are in your house, or you stay in your soul". I prefer, actually, read or listen good books. Its a kind of friendship for me. And if I need rest ans sleep, I'll go rest and sleep.
I was wondering if I was becoming autistic (something I know you are born with, not become) because of the difficulty I am having in making friends or reconnecting with old ones. I feel safe and comfortable alone in my house and have no desire to interact with others. This video came to me by chance, it is not in my language, but I understood everything so clearly and it did me so much good! Thank you so much for your talent and wisdom and for sharing this so masterfully and in such a simple way.
It's hard to trust folks these days. I was let down by so MANY because of their wickedness.
I'm really grateful for you making this video! I struggle to name my emotions or situations and watching it I just gasped over and over like "it's in words!!!"🥺
.. because dealing with a narcissist teaches you to really 'look' at people, their behaviors, etc., and you begin to notice 'who' / 'what' they truly are.
I guess one could view this as the one 'good' result of dealing with a narcissist.
I've always struggled with friendships since I was a kid. Toxic, unhealthy, emotionally neglected relationships take too much of a toll on one's psyche and energy. After the discard and smear campaign it's become clearer to me just how untrustworthy people are. Now I have very little expectations of people and prefer to be alone. It's just not worth the investment. Sad truth is, after narcissist abuse, there's just so much grieving that takes place. Grieving lost innocence, trust in others, belief in love, belief in one's worthiness to be loved, etc. After weighing risk vs reward, it's been better for me to stay alone. At least I know what to expect and there's no disappointment.
Thank you I came to the realization that I don't have any friends after my cat died a few days ago. I relied on her for companionship. I had a narc step mother growing up and narc Ex that made me question everything
Love this! Its beneficial to establish healthy friendships with people who aren't under the influence of the narcissist. Avoid the Narcissist and their flying monkeys.
Yes this really hit home for me as well. I'm still very angry about it, the anger and the sorrow are eating me up inside.
Its not your fault so stop it. You will get free. God bless.
@scousemouse9715 I'm trying. But it runs deep. Superficially I manage it but the devastation is coming to the surface, it's becoming unmanageable and I don't know what to do about it. The harm has been so great it isn't something that one can 'just let go' of
57 yr old guy here, divorced twice. Severally abused for decades, discovered in therapy 3 yrs ago. I definitely went through where you are. Shedding old trama can be hell. Be patient with yourself. Remember someone else poured the bucket of paint over your head on purpose. Our purpose is to cleanse ourselves off peacefully in the quietness of ourselves with proper guidance. Recovery takes a good while. This teaches us not to walk under ladders. In fact, it teaches us to avoid those demanding to be "bigger" than us. That would be the narcissistic ego. To quote No more Mr nice guy... had I known my own self-worth, my two exwife s never would have made it past the second date. That's powerful. I physically shake, especially when triggered, recovering from c ptsd. I lost everything, including my kids, I nearly off'd myself but decided to live for me and no one else, per the therapists suggestion. The sooner you're able to spend your mental energy on yourself for good, the sooner you'll see they are losers and not worth the time you EVER gave them. Narcissists are everywhere. It gets better. Slowly, I'm recovering... I chose to stay single and fix my broken self for attracting very broken people. I was taught to forgive... I forgave red flags, instead of running like hell away from the non-repairable.
@danielmcgrath4751 hi there, many episodes of therapy helped me find myself again. It's hard because it's a journey that can feel lonely, and coming back home to myself took a lot of energy, but it was worth it and necessary to do for healing. In the beginning, I thought just being away from narcissists would make me feel better. Of course it didn't, and the pain had to come out, all of it bottled up inside me. I have learned that the pain is not mine to keep. It's not a punishment or guilt trip or sacrifice. What recovery from narcissistic abuse really has been is no less than a battle of good over evil, self over others. To fill the void of loneliness or endless distractions, it's important to stay committed to your goals and stay free from abusers. That pain inside won't just disappear, and I know it's hard to do alone. Seeking therapy, making your own choices, and relearning what's best for you makes a positive difference. I have hope that you can do this ❤️
I'm 50 and scared to death of being in a relationship I have massive panic attacks when I'm out so I mostly stay inside
I have three friends, one who has been through similar experiences as me, and I met through work - twenty plus years ago, and re-met after I finished with my covert ex-husband .Plus two Christian friends who are loyal , confidential and I am comfortable being around... that I met after my marriage ended. I love all three...
I believed narcissist survivors got no friends. Soon as they find out the narcissist husband or wife is rude and nasty. They got turned off, and they stayed away. As for me, having a narcissist husband, he's not very friendly, but he can't stop me from having my friends once in a while. I'm a person who is very selective in making friends. I don't know how I ended up with the narcissist. I'm questioning myself every now and then. I was very naive about narcissism. I don't know anything about it until I'm in this relationship. It hurts. Thank you to all the experts in narcissism online. They opened my mind that there are evil people among us.
Thank you for these insights, I was always wondering why it’s difficult for me to make friends. Last week my narcissistic mother died. I feel ashamed to say (though it’s true) that it’s a relief for me that she can no longer badmouth and isolate me from my family.
Thank you very, very much!
Narcissitic sighs/behaviours are popular. Albeit....
it's not something new like social media.
It has been through generations.
It's not spoken enough I think. Especially talking about survivors.
their problems are different, and they run deep.
You explained it so simple, but so on point!
I'm happy. ....thank you.
Most people are so superficial these days. They are all living up to the adverts.
Yes. Validating. Thank you. God bless you.
I'm very protective over myself because l have experienced betrayal from the closest people around me. I was even told from my partner after a disagreement that, "l need to go find some family and friends"! When they know some of the things l've experienced in my life.
Wauww that is so heartless to hear this from your own partner! That makes you wonder, in fact that is what narcissist do, the information that you told them in all the confidence and then use it against you! I have also experienced betrayal from my father, sister! And I always continued to trust new people, but it has cost me alot since the last friendship with a covert narc, Before that one I did not knqw what narcissism was....
I've spent the better part of my adult life without close friends. Even in high school I didn't hangout with too many people. Too much stress in dealing with others especially when they seem to always have drama or complaints about their life or the gossipy discussion about others, which usually makes me realize they very likely talk about me to others. Seems like in the past couple of decades people have no idea what real friends are. People seem to only like others if it's all good times & partying & using those that are good hearted for money or sex or just an ear to listen to the whining about their bad choices. No real connection to others, no interesting and intelligent things to discuss or activities to do. My husband even watched this go on with many of his so-called "friends"; everything is so fake and cold.
It's almost 3 years since I got rid of the narcissist I still come up with memories I had become so isolated after dealing with the narcissist for 16 years I don't know how to do friends anymore and I don't trust anybody anymore I used to have people over for dinner parties and get together with friends on weekends going on outings and all of that stuff because of the narcissist all the social things stopped I lost almost all my friends and then during and after The Break-Up I really found out who I could trust which is no one.
That is so sad to discover who you can trust and not isn't it? I also was a very social person and still am, but no friends anymore which I wonder sometimes how that did happen, I think all kind of reasons...but it is not always easy for me. I would love to have a real friend, but trusting someone is a real thing. Sending you all my best wishes!
I had a narcissistic mom who hated me, didn't want me, and an abusive dad who took his pain out on me. Then, I married a boy just like my mom, because he needed and loved me. I thought. The truth is actually he needed me - 3 words he once sent me "I need you" ..but only until he found a new source. Then he tried to discard me and it frightened me so badly I became his doormat, he doubled the campaign to destroy me..until the children left home. Then once again he found a new victim and made her his world..and got mad at me enough to physically attack me. 36 years and when I woke up I knew it was over. It has been 12 years of peace, struggle and education. But worth it. I have people I know, but no real deep friendships locally...
Wow, you're describing my situation so exactly. Thank you for sharing. It's reassuring to hear i'm not crazy.
I’m older, I only have one friend, but I love my alone time.. I’ve had great true friends and worked around hundreds of different people with all kinds of cultures, genders, backgrounds etc..now on retired and I’m so busy reading, learning, painting, playing piano, etc, exercising, so I may be alone, but I’m not lonely, I love being able to do the things I like, by myself..
It is way more than losing trust and time does not help. 20 years of emotional psychological abuse, even starting to doubt your self BREAKS you. And ALL the people who fell for his evil stories during our divorce, your OWN friends for many years….you lose it all.
I have my 3 sweet beautiful smart daughters, my 2 biggest friends, my dogs and I will NEVER EVER let somebody invade my life. I love the fact that I don’t have to doubt anymore, finally peace in my heart. It took a LOT of therapy and PTSS therapy (very tough) to rebuild myself.
No one will ever again destroy that. Btw, I have a covert narcissistic mother as well, who I have not seen in 10 years. I am not their emotional (and physical) boxingbal anymore. ❤
After going through a very tough relationship for 2 years, 3 women I know were being too caring. I put my walls of protection up and didn't want to interact with them. One of them I explained what I had been through and this fuelled her to keep sending me texts asking am I okay, I didn't like this and found it annoying after a few months. Then because I didn't reply to one of her messages she gave me attitude on another message. I blocked her. At times I felt bad for not being readily available to these people but I'm healing and wish they would understand smothering is the wrong approach.
Both of my parents are narcissists and my mother is constantly telling me it's not normal to not have friends. All friends I had in the past begrayed me the same way my parents did and chose their abusers and/or addictions over our friendship. I've never kept more tban 1-2 friends at a time because I'm an introvert and I have self love, something narcissists don't have. My sense of worth doesn't lean on having a massive group of fake friends like it does for my mother. I hear her conversations with them and they're sickening. Nothing but gossip and backstabbing before she shows up to a party full of all the people she just slandered. I don't have friends because I'm my best friend, I refuse to enable bad behavior or repress any part of myself to make other people comfortable and after all the abuse I've endured, I simply don't want anyone disturbing the peace I've fought for. I'm focused on my art and attracting a good man to father my children. I have next to no room for friendships in my life and have far more to offer someone than most people with large friend groups who allow themselves to be negatively influenced by others