I tried comment but comment box wasn't opening somehow.. I agree totally.. My father would also do that.. He would say in front of us k wo dekho us lrki k hips kitnay achay haen.. But I don't know I felt more hatred for my mother for not shutting him up for such garbage.. While she was the victim herself..
I was an only child. My dad worked outside the home & was an alcoholic . My mom stayed home. They argued constantly. I used to sit inside the bedroom closet to try & shut out the yelling. They used me as a message bearer. When I was 10, I broke my foot (compound fracture) but neither me nor my mom told my dad when he got home from work. He asked me to change the tv channel & I had to crawl on the floor to do it. We went to the hospital after that. No wonder I don't like to bother anyone when I have a problem. And I try to always be nice to little kids as I may be the only smile they see. I'm 68.
I was the black sheep. The narc mother, Woman who bore me, Disrespected my father big-time. He was not an enabler as I hear others talk about. He stayed for the children. He was a workaholic And avoided her when he was home, going out to the garage to work, Watching the news, Back out to work in the garage, And straight to bed He was a gentleman who never raised his voice And a man of impeccable integrity, whom everybody commented what a good man he was Her treatment of him Along with everything she did Made me want to be like her as my goal for almost everything. Also made me love my father so much more It was his character that I’ve pattern after. I loved him so much and still do He sacrificed his life for his children If he would’ve left, The story would’ve been much more of a horror. It was so lonely and traumatic He was such a good man He passed when I was 22 I’m 61 Every time I think of him, Instantly, I feel him with me more than if you were here physically I got to be the one looking into his eyes When he took his last breath I am my father’s daughter. I have three sisters And two brothers. She pitted them all against me I haven’t had many Girl Friends In my life I was a feminine tomboy I’ve always had A big appreciation for men, For their strength, Wisdom And how they protect women I’ve been Brutally Repeatedly Raped kidnapped for two days And had narc relationships Traumatizing me and breaking my heart big time. I only found out what a narc was Four years ago When the mother died. I had gone no contact Shortly after my father died and moved out when I was 16 having very little contact with her I wondered if it would be debit devastating to me, With all kinds of pain flooding And surfacing Or if I would feel nothing, Which was the best I could guess I felt nothing, except relief, Just as I imagined, But never knowing how great that relief would. I’m glad she’s gone It’s like that final part, It’s done and buried I had healed a lot over the decades prior to her death, Working on it But the other thing that happened, In researching narcissism, The conditioning and trauma, and how it affects, And narcs Suck you and set you up for all their trauma, With your responses For that to occur….. I’m not saying that the target of the narc is responsible Or attracts that person. Our nervous systems and psychology are condition from the narc parent But we don’t attract them like a magnet They shake out in target And do What the parent narc did , Create New trauma Sure, it’s confused with the past trauma, But we didn’t attract them Target, loving and vulnerable people And find out Our past trauma. Despise and hate As well as thrive on Breaking down independent people Who don’t let people control them They undo all the work you’ve done over the years No wonder The vast majority of my adult life has been isolated Never knew what I was doing wrong or how I ended up with such cruel sob’s, So I did the only thing I knew how, I protected myself I never had children are married. For anyone who read this, Don’t let the nurse do that to you I’ll spend my life alone To die alone The rest of the way, Because now, Even though I am healed - So much healing after finding out how narcs operate and what they do to us how we allow them in, now I would be able to Find the right person But never Letter narc within a mile of me, Cutting them off fast. I see them I also see the controlling nature and Weaknesses that are not Quite narc in others, Steering clear of these kind Take the time to heal And don’t isolate yourself That’s what the narc wants, To leave you permanently damaged so you never share yourself and you’re never happy. I had healed so much since I went no contact forty years ago. Learning what nurse were, Studying it very thoroughly And how it affected me Made sense with my whole life And has given me such incredible peace that I’ve never known before. That’s what you haven’t store for you, And you can have happy Relationships and marriage, Just like everyone else But you must do the healing first, Or you will still be at target. I pray that everyone reading this that has endured these devils heals And find all the peace joy And happy relationships That they deserve. And if you have any narcs in your life, go No contact, Be smart about it, Because it’s the only way that you will truly heal. You’ll know Who you are Like never before
My mom would totally character assassinate my dad behind his back. He was a narcissist himself, but he somehow knew how to control it and put it all into his business. He had his moments, sure, but she told us things we shouldn’t have been involved with.
Both my so called parents were narcissist's. The house was a living Hell. My Brother & myself were torchured by the father. Worse the mother did nothing to protect us. Personally I was PTSD quite a bit, had to GUESS at was normal. They were guilty and would have been Prosecuted but nothing came of it. I prayed to GOD, if you don't put a stop to this abuse of my brother Tommy & myself....I will Never Believe in you. The following Saturday, my father was in a car accident he hit a concrete light post and went through the front windshield ,instantly killed. Praise GOD,JESUS & HOLY SPIRIT. ❤❤❤
I had a heartbreaking experience with my narcissistic mother . They take a scapegoat ( it was me) . Everything was my fault. I was stupid , dumb and ugly ( wich I’m not, but I believed it ). Than they take another child and put it on a statue ,this child will become a narcissist to !They try to pit the children against each other to prevent that the children click togheter.
@@marliesluyten8686 Hopefully you can begin to heal. Tim Fletcher is excellent for that. I'm sure you don't want the narcissist to win by crippling your ability to live a full life and be wound free.❤❤
My mother ALWAYS enabled my abusers. BOTH my parents were narcissists. She tried several times to kill me by getting my father worked up into a rage and I was the scapegoat. Miraculously with a LOT of work and therapy, I've healed. And the healing is ongoing. LOVE your channel, much love from New Mexico USA! ❤🧡💚
Had exactly the same mother - she saved up stories of transgressions including my being responsible for whatever my siblings did wrong because I didn’t stop them! I’m sorry you went through that terrible stress & pain - waiting for stepfather to come home and beat me - sickening fea4 of anticipation.
Please, please, please pray for me to be able to save my daughter from malignant narcissistic father, costudy case in February, we need all the aid we can get, I believe in prayer, pray to the God of all creation for this, much love, thank you!! 🙏🙏❤️❤️
Jen write down specific memories, events or conversations you can remember. Show these to your daughter, she will correlate those events with you as she would have witnessed much of the destructive experiences. Then explain either now or later what NPD is and how to avoid those types of people in relationships orat work. Their arrogance is their downfall
Children are narcissists servants or trophees. I grew up in a culture where children are ALWAYS in the wrong no matter what happens to them. If they are beaten, disrespected, assaulted, abused, controlled, etc "they may have done something to cause it". That is how people pleasers are made. Because of that, each time someone treated me poorly, I instantly apologized and assumed I deserved it.
The truth in this video is too powerful for me. My parents did these things to me so badly. I couldn't even get through 3 minutes of the video because it is so true and painful for me. Let the healing begin.
Whenever you talk about your childhood, I always wonder how you made it out with a clear mind and a sense of right and wrong. You suffered so much, and you took those experiences to do positive things. You are really an amazing man and you are doing such important work for others. You deserve a gold star. Haha remember those?
My mother did exactly what you said in your video. Told me to “shut up” and that I had a “big imagination” when I told her my father, her husband was molesting me. She continued to have a relationship with him and his abuse continued for years. Also she was perfect and all sweetness around other people’s children, even calling one child her “third” daughter. She confided in me about her work drama when I was a teenager, and I learned to listen, because that’s how I avoided her hostility. The list goes on….Thank you for your video. It’s helpful reassurance that I did the right thing by going no contact very recently.
My job was to always make everything better and fix it. My parents were very silent and distant. Very tence all the time with no release. But no physical abuse, so we were lucky.
I have experienced my father and other members of my family make me believe I was responsible for sexual abuse. I was made to apologize to my abuser for the trouble I caused. They've lied to me, gaslit me and gave me no sense of self worth, consequentially through out my life paired with abusive friends and partners. The more harshly I was treated, the harder I tried. I see it all so clearly now.
I still remember telephoning my Mother to tell her I was expecting a baby( bearing in mind I was married) I was absolutely shocked by her response 😥 she said "get rid of it" and then followed by " have a hot bath" I also wonder if that is why she was so emotionally detached from me because I wasn't wanted. Thankfully my Husband and I and our (then) young Children moved far away from her....
@@hnsfamily Ah bless you , my Mother passed away 2021 ( I never shed a tear) and I was told that she was still verbally abusive to the Nurses/ carers. I don't know how old you are? I suffered years of anxiety and now I'm able to control it. I wish you well on your healing journey.x
@@June865my mom died in 2016 and I remember having to try and smooth things over with the nurse manager bc my mother was so verbally abusive to her staff. Before she went into the surgery she didn't survive, she apologized to me and my sister "for everything" I was saddened but relieved when she passed. I'm still healing from a lifetime of pain.
They take away your childhood.Very true.very very true.I was used for kitchen work for physical labour.I was not allowed to play.I was beaten up mercilessly for playing.My mother was very gentle and kind with all other children in the world except me😢😢😢😢
My husbsnds mother walked around naked in front of her children AND their friends. My son reported she did this to him ( he's a step grandchild) & this really upsets me!
my mom would have complete conversations with my ycounger brother while she lay exposed in the bathtub. she would encourage us to come in the bathroom and talk about random stuff with her she was bathing. it always felt icky. i am such a prude with my children now.
Being with my ex narc for the past 8 yrs. made me observe this very pattern. I think they wanted to feel very important in a way that is disturbing. Instead of building trust with their intimate partners, they destroy the trust that they built with you (in that case lying when they tried to put you in their pedestal). Once they have a committed partner, they can’t stand being loved authentically by one person. Instead they go on and prey on other women that is susceptible to their love bombing. My ex narc was a compulsive pursuer in a relationship. He would go back and forth to the women he were involved before or try to meet women in complicated situation so that going public isn’t an option while having you as their main supply. In the end they destroy the very person that loved them. They are like toddlers testing your love for them. Showing and telling them you love them isn’t enough, they will cheat on your face to make you feel inadequate even if you are more than they deserve. They want to test your love for them so they keep hurting you and when you have enough of their abuse, you leave. Then they tell you, ‘you never loved me because you abandon me’. Well in fact it’s their actions and narcissistic behavior that made you leave or in other cases they discard you and will give silly reasons of the discard. Mine would use, ‘she’s crazy’, ‘she’s a nega-star’, ‘she insults me’, ‘she cheated on me’ et al. So with this pattern of infidelities and emotional abuse (who knows what else) it’s better to walk away. I did walk away and is now rebuilding my life with our daughter. We are struggling financially because I’m not earning enough to provide for my daughter but now we get to laugh and bring with us sunshine every day. No lies, no abuse and no fake love. We only live once, forgive yourself and move forward but never forget the lesson that narc abuse taught you. That is to respect yourself to walk away from what’s hurting and destroying you. That you deserve a life of solitude, happiness and love. Hugs*** :) Additionally I got to know about my narc husband bad ways when I reach out to a private detective digitalinvestigate@gmail. com for help he did a perfect work for me I can see everything he’s doing on his device.
My ex is a narcissist and I stayed with him for 25 years too long!!! We have 3 daughters they're grown now but all of them are emotionally damaged because of what they endured from their father when they were growing up!!! You're 100% right on all 5 thank you for the video!!!
Can really relate to you friend . 22 years I was tied for . Its by GOD'S grace that led me to research and convince myself that I wasn't mad but had been isolated abused and put under a spell . I have four children with him 2 of which are daughters and I will encourage you to have open honest communication with them as it is quite confusing to unravel a false sense of reality and abusive patterns and behaviours . It's not easy & it's not impossible . The word impossible says I'm possible anyway . And with GOD all things are possible . Sending love , strength and healing to all . GODS SPEED ❤
When I was 7 I asked my mother why the kids at school are bulling me. She told me that they are jealous and that I should ignore them. I was bullied until I was 14.
Ditto. My mother also enabled my siblings to do the same at home. I tried to stand up for myself, she took me to the GP and was put on medication to calm me down.
@@Doobeedoo-xd1mw yes, we are told that we are the problem when they have pushed us to the edge so we get angry. I'm sure I was not the problem but I still doubt myself, that's what gaslighting does to you.
And they will never protect insist it's ur fault and if u didn't say anything the issue wouldn't have occured I learned to be passive aggressive so I don't get beat
You reminded me of my childhood. I used to work in the the house and in the garden and the only time I rested was when I was sleeping at night ugh! I learned that tough physical labour does not make anyone rich
🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯Thank you Danish!!! I was so irritated when my ex refused to respect my request for him to stop buying so many tiny toys for our only son! He'd buy buckets & tubs of tiny toys which meant my son's room, & other areas would become a complete mess, I asked him to purchase books &/or to develope a savings account instead, take him on Father /Son trips, plus get down on his own hands & knees on the floor & help clean all of that up. Instead of helping with child rearing, or spending any quality time to engage with our child like I repeatedly asked him to, he would buy endless things that would eventually end up allover the place...I tried telling him that certain things should be rewards for accomplishments, but I never realized his intentional goal was to spoil our son. You're absolutely right! I can't tell you how many times I'd go to take a nap, expecting him to make sure that our child got to bed on time, to wake up & find that he not only didn't have him go to his room, but alllowed our child to go 3-4 hours past curfew. My narc ex acted like the entire concept of a curfew was foreign and he couldn't tell me what time our child was supposed to get to bed! You're right, my narc-ex never ever yelled at or disciplined our son in ANY way. I'm the one who had to create boundaries, guide our son to maintain them, while fighting with my ex to have boundaries & limits exist in the first place. Now my son is a teen & wants nothing to do with the narc parent because he never actually tried to be a caring, engaged, protective or supportive parent. And I'm divorced 😊
This is my husband now. I keep separating repeatedly but the spoiling and the over the top cuddles and kisses honestly terrify me of what he is trying to do this child. It looks like he is trying to make him into a monster and it is working. It stops as soon as I separate. I am holding the line this time. I am so done. He is so chaotic and permissive. So messy and slobbish. He whispers and slobbers and kisses him like he used to kiss me when he was trying to seduce me. It is absolutely disgusting and horrifying to me! I am glad he is gone so I can enjoy our Christmas
I have experienced all of these with my husband towards my daughter. He would speak to her in whispers whenever i was in the other room and he did not have any boundaries. He would groom her to be his carer, always claiming he was so ill. I had to take her and run. Now he has his group of solicitors fighting me for custody and visitation. He has even stopped me from leaving the country with her claiming child abduction. Truly an evil monster. 😭
@calmkarma1 I pray that you get all the support you need for your child to be safe & for you both to come out of that situation victorious. That sounds like covert narcissism & there may be some other things going on between you & your husband that may be grounds for divorce if you felt the need to flee. Consider your options & possible outcomes. There are national holiness for victims of domestic violence that may be able to offer you some guidance & assistance.
You sound very strong, good for you not giving in to that control. There are some good books now at childs level about coercion, emotional abuse, focus on child getting in touch with How do they Feel. Good luck to you, I know you will do your homework 🤝🕯️🌟🫂
Definitely my stepfather. Growing up whenever my mother wasn’t around he would whisper things to me and took advantage of me as his maid. The superiority complex was his biggest trait. When I would tell my mother he would deny everything then later in private justify his actions at me.
My ex-narc was best friends (and actually the only friend) of his mother. They both blow up every relationship they have so now they only have each other. It always bothered me how he’d be naked in front of her often. She’d brag about all the women he’s been with in her bed at her open plan condo- with her in the next room listening to him entertaining women. It’s sick. So sick.
I lived through all these growing up with my narcissistic dad. There are so many memories that resurfaced after listening smh. But I thank God for exposing what I didn't know and now thriving in my healing journey..
Thank you for your video. I experienced the # 2 : once I had my birthday party when I was 6 or 7 years old. My mother turned me into the maid for the invited children and meanwhile, my mother played happily with a 9 month old baby girl. And # 4 : the son of our neighbours was 14 years old and he locked me and him in my room. Then he touched my xxx without asking me and then forced me to touch his xxx. My mother managed to enter my room while this happened, saw what was happening and, instead of rebuking the son of the neighbours, she left the room with a bright smile on her face. # 3 didn't work that well with me, because I didn't like to watch TV and therefore she couldn't manipulate me this way. What I notice also is the lack of affectionate gestures. But when we were in the presence of other parents, she played the affectionate mother with me. Courage to everyone
My narcissistic abusers were always my mother and sister. My mother supported my sister's verbal, mental + emotional abuse. She'd be on her side. She'd laugh. She didn't care if I complained. My sister was SO spoiled. She's 61 yrs old now and is still 13 emotionally. Tantrums, cussing, slamming doors. You bring light to the darkness, Danish. Thank you!
After working and then drinking, until early in the morning, a narcissist wandered into the children’s room. They were sleeping. He got angry when I asked him what he wants in there. In his intoxicated state, he could fall anywhere really. There he was, in the dark, a huge man walking on a slant. I noticed however, how little I trusted him near the children. He usually had little to do with them, as if they were strangers and not his family. That was an uncomfortable feeling, which never went away. I couldn’t sleep well after that. I was always on watch.
My mother forced me into an adult roll at 10 by playing stupid at the attorney's office. When she was filing papers to divorce my father, i had to answer the attorney's questions because she pretended not to know the answers--dates, disputes, etc.
I have experienced some of those behaviours with my parents. I was the best friend of my mother until I shared her vision of the world. When I didn't meet her expectations, she didn't want even to hug me. It was the same with my sister, my mother avoided hugging her even as greeting and didn't express happiness seeing her. The main problem was that everything was critisised without expressing care or empathy.
Everything is spot on. I have experienced these with my narcissistic husband. He has traumatized my son, our son. No good father would verbally, physically, mentally abuse his child and show care and tenderness to his siblings' children
My mom was exactly like this my entire life. I haven't been her child, I was her therapist, I raised my brothers for her, she always comes to me with problems she should be talking to her friends or a therapist about. Presently, my daughter and I live with her, my daughter is Autistic and I recently found out I am also Autistic. My mom will start arguments with me in the morning when she is clearly really mad at herself for wasting time and running very late, then kiss my daughter's head on her way out and go "I'm sorry you had to wake up to your mom yelling, I hope you have a better day."
@@homesteadgamer1257 I am also autistic, I thought you might find this interesting as I did: my therapist recently said that if there is an autistic person in the room the narcissist will always find them (to abuse). This explains why I have had so many horrible encounters with narcissist bullies!
Dear Bashir, you speak from the heart and from your own experiences and that come in my heart. Or better to say in a dark room were I nobody let in. But suddenly there is an advocate for that child in this dark room and I can put on the Light. May the Lord bless you in all ways.
Absolutely, my fraternal grandmother would give gifts to her favorite son and his family in front of the rest of us. No gifts were given to her other children and her grandchildren. 😒 My parents worked my brothers and me into the ground. They love to pay for stuff and hold it over your head for the rest of your life. My mother still brings up how awful her pregnancy with my twin brothers was. She's 80 and they are in their late 40s. My father plays favorites with his children and grandchildren. I repeatedly told how mature I was as a child. I started babysitting my brothers at age 11 while my mom went to get gas or pick up a few groceries. My father had prostate cancer in 2020. His cancer surgery left a big scar on his stomach where they removed the tumor. Yes. They went in through his stomach. When my niece and nephew visited for the first time after surgery, he yanked up his shirt and showed them the scar which made most of us uncomfortable. My nephew was 12 and my niece was 6. 😒 Those examples are just a few.
Personally I have ZERO (!) memories from my childhood because of my narcissistic parents and my narcissistic brother. > Endless fights for NO reason at all, from morning to night. Putting me in between those fights saying "Won't you take part? Who is right and who is wrong" > Constantly causing me to feel guilty about everything. > Constantly making me feel that I owe them my life, and everything i do in life. My father actually told me many times that I have no right for ownership because everything i ever own, will be made because he allowed me to stay in his house and paid for my food and for my school. Therefore anything i make in my life is because of that >Never being satisfied from my efforts. If I got 15/20 grades: Why did you get bad grade? If I got 19/20: Why didn't you get 20? If I got 20: How many others got 20!!! Madness!!! > Never ending tasks all day long. During summer holidays when every child was playing i had to "study" for 1-2 hours every day just to "become better". So i had to watch everyone else play in summer from the window while i was doing math or physics, etc. >Zero respect about my feelings >Zero respect about my program and schedule >Zero respect for my childhood. Therefore i have ZERO memories of that childhood. I have probably trained my mind and memory to delete everything in order to protect my self throughout time. Last time i spoke to my parents is when i went and told them that there is a good chance that i might have cancer! My mother replied: "Oh, do you have health insurance" And my father replied: "Oh. what are we going to do with the family business" 😁 Then he told me that if i needed money for my condition the easiest way would be to help him construct a building for the family company so i can get part of the profit in two years 😁 And to finish it up they went on telling me (the day i tild them i might have cancer), how ungreatful i am, for everything they have done for me and that they have detailed lists of expenses they have done for me throughout my childhood 😁 Sad and sick human beings ! Thankfully I have my own business for almost 10 years now. I naver speak to them. I have zero contact with them and i live the happiest days of my life. A bit sorry that i have no memories from my childhood, but still I'm finally free
I have experienced most of that. Unfortunately, I only came to realize a lot of this recently. Because this was my experience growing up, it was a blind spot for me. I have a hard time recognizing emotional abuse. I also have a hard time setting boundaries because I didn't even know what that was until recently. My mom is still at it. My husband is the same. Working on getting out of the situation. I felt so stupid when I realized what was happening and that it took so long for me to see it. I know I am not stupid, but that's how it felt. I'm trying to reclaim my life, and set a better example for my daughter, so she doesn't have to experience the same thing.
I'm grateful that my dead attempted murderer Exfiance admitted to me from the very beginning that he could never be a Dad to my children. It was a warning that helped me let him go when he kept insisting I give my sons to a relative in Florida & move to his family beach house in North Carolina with him. Thx.🙏
Years back... my son was diagnosed with ADHD and autistic tendencies. Father always resented him. Now I think many of the behaviors came from the insane treatment. I hope someday the scales fall from my son's eyes. Blessings 🙌
My parents always tries to self actualiz their self unknowingly through me, they didnt know what they did or how much much pain they layed on my shoulders, they still dont, but they know how much i love them, and i know how much they love through their own heavy trauma growing up, i becane blessed with a birds eye view that i learned through self inquiry, were all one life as the one soul knows, let unconditional love breath you and your family back to life again❤️
I feel really sad i was abused the very thing i hate i feel i could be in some ways 😢 ..i want to be the parent to my child they deserve i want to be a better person & version of myself for them
Cold, distant, no communication, no attachment, lack of empathy and Abandon their children. Especially if you deny the narc access to you they automatically scapegoat their children and discard them because you the Mother denied them access to their abuse. Ill prefer my children because the narcs scapegoat and absent than being There and treating the child like they dont deserve anything nice. Luckily I am a single stay at home mom and the absence of my ex didn't affect my son or ruin him because I filled that space his father didn't. Yesterday he called claiming he missed his son and I asked him, what do you miss about your child?? He couldn't name anything he missed because he has no attachment with the child and he is absent. My son is thriving and living life to the full without any chaos or drama. My ex hates my guts because am extremely protective towards my children and never allowed him abuse them and I always had boundaries. Its 100% better raising your children alone than raising them with a cold monster like a narc. He isolated his child from knowing his family or getting close to them. He got to Nigeria and automatically he knew the way to the shops to buy nice things for them but when it came to his own child this man didn't know what the child likes to eat or want but his nieces and nephew whom he hasn't seen for years he automatically knew what the liked to eat. Disgusting. Underdeveloped brats that's what they are.
When we sold my grandmother’s house, I found coloured paper stars decorating a cold dirty shed. My mum said she used to spend a lot of time playing in there to avoid her parents shouting at each other, and she was confused by my sadness about that story. My mother could never show emotion or communicate with me but she took us to science museums and taught us so many interesting things.
I'm 56, 57 in a month. 2 years ago I told my mom, never to contact me again. My story is very complex, my friends cant do that kind of deep talk. So I really miss someone I can talk to. That could be a start....😐
Babies also cry randomly. I prefer practical ways to recognize these people, not things that may be also random. I saw somewhere that they smell bad and I was just shook. 😂 Like yeah people, 😅. That can't be right. Good people smell bad sometimes too. Those kinds of things are not good tests for the condition.
This is my story. Between my mom and dad. Being my mother's therapist and trying to stand for her against my father. And being emotionally, mentally and sometimes even fisically abused by him. She was supoused to protect me, not the other way around. There’s more to the story but… 😪
I didn't feel to be encouraged to my passions/hobbies but I was very supported to learn/study those areas, that was a dream job of my parents in the past. I realised it after many years and couldn't believe that there was no real care in their behaviour but more fullfilling own dreams.
Husband's narc mom allergic to everything, so she could not clean. He says he spent his Saturday's cleaning all day as a youth. Now as an adult, he won't clean much or pitch in around the house.
I grew up with a covert narcissistic mother. It's amazing to me to see how well you came out. In your situation with these two parents. In my case, of course, everyone in the family followed the narcissistic rules. And treated me accordingly. The worst thing my mother did to me was not the destruction she did to me personally. Which is as you just described. What hurt me the most is that she destroyed my daughter, her grandchild, so much. And the daughter thinks I am the bad person. My covert narcissistic mother did everything with their manipulation.
My mother picked up my daughter when she was 2, she was repeating in her ear over and over again “grandma loves you. I asked her “what are you doing”. She said “this is how you brainwash them”.
I can absolutely confirm every single word, every incident. My parents abused me emotionally, psychologically, physically, my husband abused our son emotionally, psychologically, projected his own emotional abuse by his mother onto me through our son. If Jesus had not reached me in 1987, I would not have survived these destructive life patterns. But thank my LORD, HE has restored me wonderfully.
just buy listening to this video i felt mountains of heavy feelings were removed off my shoulders , i felt each words of this video as if my childhood was a movie in front of my eyes, every single word you said i have been through as well
There are some non narcissistic partners of narcissists that don't seem to understand why friends would avoid the two of them. It's because of the narcissist one we have to endure in exchange. No thank you. If they are together, we have to cut ties with both of them. The victim partner seems oblivious to that very reason. Whenever I meet couples like that, I feel very much disappointed also by the "normal" one that I don't see normal anymore. I'm sorry for that blunt comment but it's how I feel and maybe they will make them realize something they might deny. Accepting that toxic relationships have collateral damages on the victims' surroundings and I'm not even talking about their children that are stuck with both of them.
I got lots of slighly comments about things I loved and lots support/encouragement for those my mother loved. She said she cares about my job and my future but it shouldn't have been conditional
How very true Danish . Your wisdom is born of experience and helps to validate others experiences. It also shows them and me that you can move beyond their distortions and heal. I was going through a divorce in 2000 with a malignant narcissist. The judge ordered both of us for psychiatric testing. I showed up armed with the truth. And what did my 5 year old son’s father do? The day prior he went out and purchased every toy, trinket and sugary processed food for our son. The day after the exam he returned it all with our son in tow. When I was able to pick him up I heard about this cruelty on the ride home. Knowing that a boys identity comes from his father, it was then I coined this phrase. “I am really sorry you had to experience that. It might not be what your best or my best would be, but it is your father’s best. “. Over the years I used that a lot while raising him. I never put his father down because it in essence would have put my son down and I truly loved my little man as a son.
Oh my goodness me. All of this has happened to me - and the last one happened to my mother. My step mother used to promise us we could go out with our friends (to a nice quiet child's tea, reading comic books etc). But when it came to the day, she would change her mind and say we had something else to do that day. She also used to make us do ALL the chores around the house - Sunday dinner was a biggie - we had to make sure we had all the right pots and pans and vegetables ready for the dinner to be made, and bring her a cup of tea in the morning. And we used to dust and hoover and clean the kitchen floor before school. We used to be able to 'get into' a programme on the telly, then she would say, half way through the series that it wasn't right for us to watch it, so we couldn't watch it anymore. Then she used to take turns in praising either one of us (we were 3 kids, I was the eldest), and denying or rejecting the others (by telling them off for whatever she happened to not agree with that week). We had a running joke amongst ourselves saying "Who's turn is it to be favourite this week/day?" There were loads of other things that happened, like she tried to hit my brother with a stick and it was the first time I stood up and shouted "No!" - to that, she threw herself on the floor and started to cry. We three kids just looked at her in shock. I felt a little sense of pride kick in, that was when I began to feel a little bit of power - I think I was 12 at the time. And then my mum had the awful experience of being abused by her brother - she told her mum, but her mum told her she was lying. It affected mum all her life. She married dad, who was a drinker and a gambler, she had post natal depression, then she divorced and married a man who isolated her. For instance, she used to deliver cars all over the country, and she had a lot of friends - but they soon whittled down to nothing as she never saw them anymore, because he kept complaining about them. And she never drove again, because he would shout at her whenever she changed the gears, or turned a corner. Her confidence went way down. She used to cry to me on the phone every Sunday morning while he was at the car boot sale, saying "He's absolutely horrible and I don't know what to do!" I didn't know what she could do, except I kept telling her to stand up and say "No", which was probably the wrong thing as she was so weak and fragile and fearful. Always trembling and wishing everyone could be 'happy'. My step father was 'transferring' his narc attitude on to me as my mother died (starved herself to death), but I wouldn't take it and didn't make the effort to go and see him after she left. That's when my sister had her in with my step-father. Although my sister and brother had not even bothered with mum and our step father at all for 40 years, I kept visiting them both (travelling on the train from London, and then my own car up the M40 motorway every month). It came to a point when my sister convinced my step-father (the narc/sociopath) that I was the nasty one, and he changed his Will (my mum wanted everything to go to me, as I was the only one who had bothered to visit and call them). So, in 2021, I was left with nothing after he left this earth by throwing himself off of a car park building. Tears are streaming down my face as I write this, as I'm only just coming out of all this trauma and recognising it for what it is. It's quite awful, as I find myself trembling on occasions and my stomach feels sick, and I can't trust anyone. I haven't wanted to go into another relationship - since 2008. Incidentally, I did train to become a counsellor, for one reason only: to help my mother through her pain. I wanted to understand what was going on. The thing is, I always thought I was the narc. My sister said I was, and told everyone else I was. Even my best friends who turned against me. I began to believe it because of the way you've described how the narc ends up - alone and in debt - as that's how I've ended up. I'm 61 now, I live in a van because I have no funds to pay for a flat/house and I've applied for over 60 jobs in six months, but no joy. Will have to ask the govt for help soon, although I'm sooooo reluctant to go that route. Trouble is, my sister wasn't bothered about that. She's lived off of govt aid all her life - they even paid the interest off of her mortgage (and it was an endownment mortgage). So, she has the funds from that and my mother's home (I've not been allowed to have anything - not even a photograph or any of the things I bought them over the years). I've knelt on my knees and prayed to God to forgive them... and asked Him to show them His light at least... I can't hate them. But I have released them with love. I did keep wondering if it was me, and if so, could I he shown the truth. I'm slowly rebuilding my own life now. It's a struggle, but I'm getting there.
I have experienced that spoiling and enabling thing from the other parent towards my child - effectively alienating me from my own child. Equals child abuse.
Yes, I've experienced all of the things mentioned in my childhood too. Turns out, my father figure is a rapist and probably murderer. Still have to get him into jail.
This is all so true. The lack of boundaries and explicit conversations began so young, I remember attempting to act out these scenarios with my friends when I was maybe 4 years old. I never really knew it was common for a narc to defend/befriend your abuser. It happens in adulthood, too, because I’m NC with my NM and my ex husband has her stay at his house to visit from out of state. The two got really close after I got the order of protection while he was involuntarily committed due to attempting repeatedly to break into my house and unalive us all. With the supportive testimony of my NM and his flying monkeys, he was able to get the judge to believe I was the abuser and crazy. A little sprinkle in my food at a restaurant while I was in the restroom and suddenly I “had a drug problem I wouldn’t take accountability for” so he got primary custody. Unless someone out there is a great lawyer who wants to help me, I’m going to have to walk away from my kids.
This is the saddest situation to witness I must add I have never meant Anyone who isn't a narcissist in some way only like a handful of people In my whole life actually who are total opposite But Is it either or? A bit of both All or not at all Or does everyone have a bit of everything but knows how to balance or zero it out and say I'm not going there today it's Really confusing and heartbreaking Thank you for video
My mom was My baby and still is. My mom gossip about My dad to me. I was a therapist to My mom. Im so sorry, its fucking hell. I didn't had a childhood. Now im falling apart 😢
Everything that you said in this video is accurate to the T! I constantly argue with my boyfriend about listening to or watching vulgar content around his children and he he gets upset with me. Those now teens are jacked up because of him.
Oh my gosh, every time I think I’ve heard the best reality of children of a/both narcissistic parent/parents from you, it gets shockingly close to my reality that I had no idea were that damaging and relatable (I wish it wasn’t as a common especially for children). Thank you and I’m so sorry you experienced this, though I am extremely grateful for your content.
I really cannot remember how my parents reacted when my aunt's boyfriend used me, but when I told them about adulthood, they didn't believe me. And my brother who was there too when it happened, minimalist the act. I was about 5 or 6 years old. My father and my mother both ignored me when I was a child. I have 3 brothers and they were and still are "better" than me, for my parents mind. They can do anything and still their behaviour is ok. If i would do the same things, I'm the bad guy 😅 I'm grateful that I have not translated my parents actions for my own children. Yes, I have done wrong doings but not that traumatized. I'm so grateful for that! We went divorce four years ago and in order to survive I had to give up my children's chastity. I didn't abandon them and they know it. They know that moms have to heal and rise again and find a way to earn money so I can get them back. I have PTSD. And I'm going to find my way, like I always do. I miss them a lot. But thank God for phones so we can message and call everyday. We have been out of symbiosis for 7 months now. 😅 I needed this time on my own. I had no other choice to make 'cos I have no support system.
Danish, thank you for sharing this.....I really understand your history as I too have endured this....years later I finally get it ! Its now 6 years since I walked away from both parents. Now I give love to myself xx
Oh, yes. My narcissistic birth mother did all of these to us from a very young age. She refused to wear clothing or cover up with a towel before and after using the shower/bath. It was embarrassing and wrong. She would come home late at night from wherever she had been and no matter the time of night she would scream at us and roughly yank us kids out of bed and beat us while we were forced to clean the house for her. I was te oldest and by the age of 8 yrs old I was cleaning the baby and making her bottles and feeding my middle siblings. By age 10 I was cooking and doing the laundry. She pulled us out of school when I was 12 years old and we were forced to be homeschooling. When she left us behind for the day, she would leave a page long list of chores and school lesson to be completed before she returned. If everyone had finished their list she would beat us if we weren't cleaning. My younger siblings ran away and hid from her in the neighboring forest and streams and I was left to bear the brunt of it, to protect the little one. Each of us left home at an early age and each of us are severely traumatized
Thank you SO MUCH! I will use this information for self-healing and healing my children. To no surprise, I chose narcissist partners, and my 2nd husband put my children through SO MUCH, until I understood and left for good.
Everyone around me kept telling me all my life that I was really put together and wise for my age. I could hold a conversation with my 50 years old professor in my 20s. My husband kept telling me that I can't possibly know so much about people and always be spot on about their behaviour and antics because I was too young to know. I kept telling him that I knew because I had lived it before. I knew how to deal with a narcissistic boss and recognise a manipulative friend or partner because I've ok lived everything like that before. At some point I said "I haven't asked to have a sh@tty childhood, but that's what I got, and I had to become a quick learner otherwise there were reprocations, constantly." I'm the kind of person that thinks every possible move I could take in my head and what it's going to cost me before I take a decision, because as a child, I had to have every decision taken to perfection. I lived in constant anguish and fear. Being in stressful situations doesn't even affect me the way others are, because I was always in some kind of a difficult situation to be handled within my own house. People praise me for my "nerves of steel" and every time someone mentions it I hear a voice in my head screaming and crying because of what I had to swallow to just be in that family. No wonder I could never lose weight even though I starved myself or went to the gym religiously, my costisol stress levels were constantly hitting top! And, about the discipline of our children.... My soon to be ex-husband never tried to ensure a boundary, he was always the "good parent", while I am the awful one. He is always fun and games, being the perfect parent, like constantly living in "Bluey's show", while I was the one constantly reminding the simplest rules of the house, of school, correcting behaviours and picking up the on doing things in a certain way so our children learn to behave. Oh, i was labelled difficult and disciplinarian and nit being fun and a friend to my children. Well, first of all I'm a parent, there should be limits and control, kids need a controlled safe environment to flourish. And I have even studied that as a kindergarten teacher. I am praised in my work but when I transferred the same practices at home, i was ridiculed and viciously picked apart, to the point he told me that I must be crappy at my job, i obviously care more about my job than about my kids and I train them like dogs to obey (because I used positive reinforcement) and that I must have everything my way. And when I was saying that my way is proven to be working by the bibliography he always dynamited the conversation with awful scenes of wrecking havoc around him and telling me that I was personally attacking him because he was the scientist in that house and I was merely a know-it-all teacher.
Can't remember when I didn't feel like the only adult in the family as a child. The earliest memory was at the age of 5yrs when my Best Friend was killed by a semi on the hwy. She told me all the horrific details & I couldn't grieve for her as NM has emotions to deal with more important than mine. Always being the mediator & confidant for them too was such pressure on a child. They take away ur childhood by either forcing you to stay a child or forced to grow up fast. These ideas can change at any moment with a narc. Had to cut ties after she harmed her grandchildren & tried to cover it up. 🤬
I believe I turned out the opposite of my mom because of my father. I now know he knew what she was. He would go behind her back & love us kids. He would apologize behind her back for the treatment we suffered. He got caught once & he suffered greatly because of it. I know that he intentionally was an enabler because he wanted to keep his family together. He was the most kind, long suffering person I will ever know. He created the person I am today. He has passed & I now am the one to take care of an old bitter women, who still gives abuse. I tolerate her only because she gave me life. But now I don't take the abuse. I treat her like I would treat a bratty child who will now conform to boundaries because she can't take care of herself. Others have abandoned her. I do what needs to be done to care for her, but she fights with venom . She will never change. I now totally ignor the verbal assults & know she will never enjoy life. She created this situation. I will due my duty till the end. My husband says she will throw venom even with her dying breath. I feel sad now, not for me anymore, but she never will have true fulfillment & peace in this world. Maybe in the hereafter also.
Thank you, for this powerful episode. I experienced childhood trauma bc of narcissistic older (much older/large age gaps) siblings, who were extremely abusive, including (for one of those specific abusive siblings) sexually. And, when my husband passed away, I had a male friend/more of an acquaintance, younger than me, tell me that he didn't know whether he wanted me, or my daughter, more. And he became extremely inappropriate, like inappropriately touching me, for ex, when my teen daughter was present. That guy is like 15yrs younger than me & is a narc, who wanted me to basically be his mommy/sex maiden. This was a common thing that kept occurring, after my husband passed away. These weirdos would stalk & harrass, and commit crimes against me (including sexual crime) while also trying to convince me to become their gf, while also trying to convince me that they be suitable step-father for my daughter. I was never even interested in any of them; but they became desperate for me, bc I was recently widowed; & they thought they could swoop in, to take advantage of me, financially & sexually, while I was still in a bad emotional place.
Gaslighting is not always the way you describe it. Gaslightjng is often done in a nice way. Said in a nice but sarcastic way. They always want to look good and make you look crazy
You are partially right about the fact that you never will live a happy life in your childhood under the toxic shadow of a narcissistic father or mother ! But my childhood was kinda happy though my mother was a terrible narcissist ! In the sixties nobody spoke about hyper activity, but, of course, it didn't prevent me from being a hyper actif boy ! And than i remember that nearly no thought could reach my mind, till my eleventh or twelfth birthday ! In my youth it became more and more possible for me to fool around with other people, with my friends, so i could free myself from the toxic environment of my parents ! I have to say that i remember my childhood and my adolescence as good and sometimes happy with darker periods ! Even my adult life was rather good than bad ! Perhaps we should accept things how they are ! I complained much but i succeded to overcome it, so that i'm not victim anymore !
This is my husband now. I keep separating repeatedly but the spoiling with so many tiny toys with many tiny peices. No boundaries at all, no rules ever! and the over the top cuddles and kisses honestly terrify me of what he is trying to do this child. It looks like he is trying to make him into a monster and it is working. He yells and hits and his dad seems to enjoy watching it happen! It stops as soon as I separate. I am holding the line this time. I am so done. He is so chaotic and permissive. So messy and slobbish. He whispers and slobbers and kisses him on the neck and ears and everywhere, like he used to kiss me when he was trying to seduce me (which he has stopped). It is absolutely disgusting and horrifying to me! My son was not like this until I let this guy back into our lives now he is often saying and doing inappropriate sexual things! I think it’s grooming truly… their bond does seem very sexual to me. And he is two. I am glad he is gone so I can enjoy our Christmas.
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I tried comment but comment box wasn't opening somehow.. I agree totally.. My father would also do that.. He would say in front of us k wo dekho us lrki k hips kitnay achay haen.. But I don't know I felt more hatred for my mother for not shutting him up for such garbage.. While she was the victim herself..
Can you also talk about how the Narcissist start mirroring people they target?
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I was an only child. My dad worked outside the home & was an alcoholic . My mom stayed home. They argued constantly. I used to sit inside the bedroom closet to try & shut out the yelling. They used me as a message bearer. When I was 10, I broke my foot (compound fracture) but neither me nor my mom told my dad when he got home from work. He asked me to change the tv channel & I had to crawl on the floor to do it. We went to the hospital after that. No wonder I don't like to bother anyone when I have a problem. And I try to always be nice to little kids as I may be the only smile they see. I'm 68.
❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤ Looooots of loooove and hugs .
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A narcissistic parent teaches disrespect for the other parent through example. Truly evil and heartbreaking.
There commonly is no "nice parent" or "good parent" as many say though. It's sometimes just one is more @busiv3 and either way one is an enabler.
I was the black sheep. The narc mother, Woman who bore me, Disrespected my father big-time. He was not an enabler as I hear others talk about. He stayed for the children. He was a workaholic And avoided her when he was home, going out to the garage to work, Watching the news, Back out to work in the garage, And straight to bed He was a gentleman who never raised his voice And a man of impeccable integrity, whom everybody commented what a good man he was Her treatment of him Along with everything she did Made me want to be like her as my goal for almost everything. Also made me love my father so much more
It was his character that I’ve pattern after. I loved him so much and still do He sacrificed his life for his children If he would’ve left, The story would’ve been much more of a horror. It was so lonely and traumatic He was such a good man He passed when I was 22 I’m 61 Every time I think of him, Instantly, I feel him with me more than if you were here physically I got to be the one looking into his eyes When he took his last breath I am my father’s daughter.
I have three sisters And two brothers. She pitted them all against me I haven’t had many Girl Friends In my life I was a feminine tomboy I’ve always had A big appreciation for men, For their strength, Wisdom And how they protect women I’ve been Brutally Repeatedly Raped kidnapped for two days And had narc relationships Traumatizing me and breaking my heart big time. I only found out what a narc was Four years ago When the mother died.
I had gone no contact Shortly after my father died and moved out when I was 16 having very little contact with her I wondered if it would be debit devastating to me, With all kinds of pain flooding And surfacing Or if I would feel nothing, Which was the best I could guess I felt nothing, except relief, Just as I imagined, But never knowing how great that relief would. I’m glad she’s gone It’s like that final part, It’s done and buried I had healed a lot over the decades prior to her death, Working on it But the other thing that happened, In researching narcissism, The conditioning and trauma, and how it affects, And narcs Suck you and set you up for all their trauma, With your responses For that to occur….. I’m not saying that the target of the narc is responsible Or attracts that person.
Our nervous systems and psychology are condition from the narc parent But we don’t attract them like a magnet They shake out in target And do What the parent narc did , Create New trauma Sure, it’s confused with the past trauma, But we didn’t attract them Target, loving and vulnerable people And find out Our past trauma. Despise and hate As well as thrive on Breaking down independent people Who don’t let people control them
They undo all the work you’ve done over the years No wonder The vast majority of my adult life has been isolated Never knew what I was doing wrong or how I ended up with such cruel sob’s, So I did the only thing I knew how, I protected myself I never had children are married. For anyone who read this, Don’t let the nurse do that to you I’ll spend my life alone To die alone The rest of the way, Because now, Even though I am healed - So much healing after finding out how narcs operate and what they do to us how we allow them in, now I would be able to Find the right person But never Letter narc within a mile of me, Cutting them off fast.
I see them I also see the controlling nature and Weaknesses that are not Quite narc in others, Steering clear of these kind Take the time to heal And don’t isolate yourself That’s what the narc wants, To leave you permanently damaged so you never share yourself and you’re never happy.
I had healed so much since I went no contact forty years ago. Learning what nurse were, Studying it very thoroughly And how it affected me Made sense with my whole life And has given me such incredible peace that I’ve never known before. That’s what you haven’t store for you, And you can have happy Relationships and marriage, Just like everyone else But you must do the healing first, Or you will still be at target. I pray that everyone reading this that has endured these devils heals And find all the peace joy And happy relationships That they deserve. And if you have any narcs in your life, go No contact, Be smart about it, Because it’s the only way that you will truly heal. You’ll know Who you are Like never before
My mom would totally character assassinate my dad behind his back. He was a narcissist himself, but he somehow knew how to control it and put it all into his business. He had his moments, sure, but she told us things we shouldn’t have been involved with.
Spot on Danish. Narcisists torment their children emotionally, psychologically, spiritually and physically in all ways possible.
SHE SURE DID!😢
Both my so called parents were narcissist's. The house was a living Hell. My Brother & myself were torchured by the father. Worse the mother did nothing to protect us. Personally I was PTSD quite a bit, had to GUESS at was normal. They were guilty and would have been Prosecuted but nothing came of it.
I prayed to GOD, if you don't put a stop to this abuse of my brother Tommy & myself....I will Never Believe in you. The following Saturday, my father was in a car accident he hit a concrete light post and went through the front windshield ,instantly killed. Praise GOD,JESUS & HOLY SPIRIT. ❤❤❤
Yup they take away your childhood. It is extremely damaging
I had a heartbreaking experience with my narcissistic mother . They take a scapegoat ( it was me) . Everything was my fault. I was stupid , dumb and ugly ( wich I’m not, but I believed it ). Than they take another child and put it on a statue ,this child will become a narcissist to !They try to pit the children against each other to prevent that the children click togheter.
In a Nutshell!
This is my story. I'm so sorry you were the scapegoat as well...
@@taratarat5818 It made me strong but also TO independent. I can’t live in a relationship. I don’t trust anybody. But I ‘m good on my own .
Golden child is groomed to become a jezebelic. Scapegoat is the Annointed generational curse breaker, or could be if they let themselves.
@@marliesluyten8686
Hopefully you can begin to heal. Tim Fletcher is excellent for that. I'm sure you don't want the narcissist to win by crippling your ability to live a full life and be wound free.❤❤
My mother ALWAYS enabled my abusers. BOTH my parents were narcissists. She tried several times to kill me by getting my father worked up into a rage and I was the scapegoat. Miraculously with a LOT of work and therapy, I've healed. And the healing is ongoing. LOVE your channel, much love from New Mexico USA! ❤🧡💚
Had exactly the same mother - she saved up stories of transgressions including my being responsible for whatever my siblings did wrong because I didn’t stop them! I’m sorry you went through that terrible stress & pain - waiting for stepfather to come home and beat me - sickening fea4 of anticipation.
Please, please, please pray for me to be able to save my daughter from malignant narcissistic father, costudy case in February, we need all the aid we can get, I believe in prayer, pray to the God of all creation for this, much love, thank you!! 🙏🙏❤️❤️
Sending you God’s favour to train her up in the way of the Lord in Jesus name🙏🏾meaning He’ll grant you your daughters custody.
May God protect and bless you❤
Jenhari I wish you and your precious daughter nothing but positivity peace and love ♥️
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Jen write down specific memories, events or conversations you can remember. Show these to your daughter, she will correlate those events with you as she would have witnessed much of the destructive experiences. Then explain either now or later what NPD is and how to avoid those types of people in relationships orat work.
Their arrogance is their downfall
Children are narcissists servants or trophees. I grew up in a culture where children are ALWAYS in the wrong no matter what happens to them. If they are beaten, disrespected, assaulted, abused, controlled, etc "they may have done something to cause it". That is how people pleasers are made. Because of that, each time someone treated me poorly, I instantly apologized and assumed I deserved it.
Exactly.😢
The truth in this video is too powerful for me. My parents did these things to me so badly. I couldn't even get through 3 minutes of the video because it is so true and painful for me.
Let the healing begin.
And Continue! ❤
Whenever you talk about your childhood, I always wonder how you made it out with a clear mind and a sense of right and wrong. You suffered so much, and you took those experiences to do positive things. You are really an amazing man and you are doing such important work for others. You deserve a gold star. Haha remember those?
My mother did exactly what you said in your video. Told me to “shut up” and that I had a “big imagination” when I told her my father, her husband was molesting me. She continued to have a relationship with him and his abuse continued for years. Also she was perfect and all sweetness around other people’s children, even calling one child her “third” daughter. She confided in me about her work drama when I was a teenager, and I learned to listen, because that’s how I avoided her hostility. The list goes on….Thank you for your video. It’s helpful reassurance that I did the right thing by going no contact very recently.
I’m so sorry this happened to u - it was evil and not your fault
My job was to always make everything better and fix it. My parents were very silent and distant. Very tence all the time with no release. But no physical abuse, so we were lucky.
And, oh the favoristisness.
Danish, thank you. This is all very painful.
I have experienced my father and other members of my family make me believe I was responsible for sexual abuse. I was made to apologize to my abuser for the trouble I caused. They've lied to me, gaslit me and gave me no sense of self worth, consequentially through out my life paired with abusive friends and partners. The more harshly I was treated, the harder I tried. I see it all so clearly now.
Omg!!!
@@mariaknought5522 There ARE no CRAZIER people then the...NARCS which are also the foot soldiers of satan..
My heart and prayers go out to all the children of all ages,for their strength and their innocence.🙏💜🙏❤️Amen 🙏
Amen❤️
Amen
I think that your heart goes out to promote your hobby horse: religion.
I still remember telephoning my Mother to tell her I was expecting a baby( bearing in mind I was married) I was absolutely shocked by her response 😥 she said "get rid of it" and then followed by " have a hot bath" I also wonder if that is why she was so emotionally detached from me because I wasn't wanted. Thankfully my Husband and I and our (then) young Children moved far away from her....
My mommy is liek urs too. I say hi to her now but never chat with her. I’m trying to heal and live nayelf
@@hnsfamily Ah bless you , my Mother passed away 2021 ( I never shed a tear) and I was told that she was still verbally abusive to the Nurses/ carers. I don't know how old you are? I suffered years of anxiety and now I'm able to control it. I wish you well on your healing journey.x
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@@June865my mom died in 2016 and I remember having to try and smooth things over with the nurse manager bc my mother was so verbally abusive to her staff. Before she went into the surgery she didn't survive, she apologized to me and my sister "for everything" I was saddened but relieved when she passed. I'm still healing from a lifetime of pain.
@@AngiO-f1s wishing you a continuous healing journey x
They take away your childhood.Very true.very very true.I was used for kitchen work for physical labour.I was not allowed to play.I was beaten up mercilessly for playing.My mother was very gentle and kind with all other children in the world except me😢😢😢😢
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Me too 😭
So sorry you went through that.
Praying you find healing and comfort in your journey
I’m so sorry u had to endure such abuse God loves you and that was not His plan for you
My husbsnds mother walked around naked in front of her children AND their friends. My son reported she did this to him ( he's a step grandchild) & this really upsets me!
That is some devil behavior
That is disgusting and psycho.
My mom also walked around naked in front of me. I hated it and it grossed me out.
my mom would have complete conversations with my ycounger brother while she lay exposed in the bathtub. she would encourage us to come in the bathroom and talk about random stuff with her she was bathing. it always felt icky. i am such a prude with my children now.
It wasn't a family member, but a family friend who sexually abused me and I was told that "I ruined his life", never what about my life
😢
Being with my ex narc for the past 8 yrs. made me observe this very pattern. I think they wanted to feel very important in a way that is disturbing. Instead of building trust with their intimate partners, they destroy the trust that they built with you (in that case lying when they tried to put you in their pedestal). Once they have a committed partner, they can’t stand being loved authentically by one person. Instead they go on and prey on other women that is susceptible to their love bombing. My ex narc was a compulsive pursuer in a relationship. He would go back and forth to the women he were involved before or try to meet women in complicated situation so that going public isn’t an option while having you as their main supply. In the end they destroy the very person that loved them. They are like toddlers testing your love for them. Showing and telling them you love them isn’t enough, they will cheat on your face to make you feel inadequate even if you are more than they deserve. They want to test your love for them so they keep hurting you and when you have enough of their abuse, you leave. Then they tell you, ‘you never loved me because you abandon me’. Well in fact it’s their actions and narcissistic behavior that made you leave or in other cases they discard you and will give silly reasons of the discard. Mine would use, ‘she’s crazy’, ‘she’s a nega-star’, ‘she insults me’, ‘she cheated on me’ et al. So with this pattern of infidelities and emotional abuse (who knows what else) it’s better to walk away. I did walk away and is now rebuilding my life with our daughter. We are struggling financially because I’m not earning enough to provide for my daughter but now we get to laugh and bring with us sunshine every day. No lies, no abuse and no fake love. We only live once, forgive yourself and move forward but never forget the lesson that narc abuse taught you. That is to respect yourself to walk away from what’s hurting and destroying you. That you deserve a life of solitude, happiness and love. Hugs*** :) Additionally I got to know about my narc husband bad ways when I reach out to a private detective digitalinvestigate@gmail. com for help he did a perfect work for me I can see everything he’s doing on his device.
I am thankful eveyday this channel exists.
Same. I'm 40 now still in the clutches of my mother.
As someone else commented this is a difficult video to watch as it stirs up memories of your lost childhood and trauma 😢😢😢
My ex is a narcissist and I stayed with him for 25 years too long!!! We have 3 daughters they're grown now but all of them are emotionally damaged because of what they endured from their father when they were growing up!!! You're 100% right on all 5 thank you for the video!!!
Can really relate to you friend . 22 years I was tied for . Its by GOD'S grace that led me to research and convince myself that I wasn't mad but had been isolated abused and put under a spell . I have four children with him 2 of which are daughters and I will encourage you to have open honest communication with them as it is quite confusing to unravel a false sense of reality and abusive patterns and behaviours . It's not easy & it's not impossible . The word impossible says I'm possible anyway . And with GOD all things are possible . Sending love , strength and healing to all . GODS SPEED ❤
Why can't we dont learn about this in educasion, its more important than everything else
When I was 7 I asked my mother why the kids at school are bulling me. She told me that they are jealous and that I should ignore them. I was bullied until I was 14.
The exact thing happened to me too!
Ditto. My mother also enabled my siblings to do the same at home. I tried to stand up for myself, she took me to the GP and was put on medication to calm me down.
@@Doobeedoo-xd1mw yes, we are told that we are the problem when they have pushed us to the edge so we get angry. I'm sure I was not the problem but I still doubt myself, that's what gaslighting does to you.
And they will never protect insist it's ur fault and if u didn't say anything the issue wouldn't have occured I learned to be passive aggressive so I don't get beat
You reminded me of my childhood. I used to work in the the house and in the garden and the only time I rested was when I was sleeping at night ugh!
I learned that tough physical labour does not make anyone rich
🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯Thank you Danish!!! I was so irritated when my ex refused to respect my request for him to stop buying so many tiny toys for our only son! He'd buy buckets & tubs of tiny toys which meant my son's room, & other areas would become a complete mess, I asked him to purchase books &/or to develope a savings account instead, take him on Father /Son trips, plus get down on his own hands & knees on the floor & help clean all of that up. Instead of helping with child rearing, or spending any quality time to engage with our child like I repeatedly asked him to, he would buy endless things that would eventually end up allover the place...I tried telling him that certain things should be rewards for accomplishments, but I never realized his intentional goal was to spoil our son.
You're absolutely right! I can't tell you how many times I'd go to take a nap, expecting him to make sure that our child got to bed on time, to wake up & find that he not only didn't have him go to his room, but alllowed our child to go 3-4 hours past curfew. My narc ex acted like the entire concept of a curfew was foreign and he couldn't tell me what time our child was supposed to get to bed!
You're right, my narc-ex never ever yelled at or disciplined our son in ANY way. I'm the one who had to create boundaries, guide our son to maintain them, while fighting with my ex to have boundaries & limits exist in the first place.
Now my son is a teen & wants nothing to do with the narc parent because he never actually tried to be a caring, engaged, protective or supportive parent.
And I'm divorced 😊
This is my husband now. I keep separating repeatedly but the spoiling and the over the top cuddles and kisses honestly terrify me of what he is trying to do this child. It looks like he is trying to make him into a monster and it is working. It stops as soon as I separate. I am holding the line this time. I am so done. He is so chaotic and permissive. So messy and slobbish. He whispers and slobbers and kisses him like he used to kiss me when he was trying to seduce me. It is absolutely disgusting and horrifying to me! I am glad he is gone so I can enjoy our Christmas
I went through similar things with my parents, Danish. Thank you for sharing because it helps me & others feel validated & less alone. ♥️
I have experienced all of these with my husband towards my daughter. He would speak to her in whispers whenever i was in the other room and he did not have any boundaries. He would groom her to be his carer, always claiming he was so ill. I had to take her and run. Now he has his group of solicitors fighting me for custody and visitation. He has even stopped me from leaving the country with her claiming child abduction. Truly an evil monster. 😭
@calmkarma1 I pray that you get all the support you need for your child to be safe & for you both to come out of that situation victorious. That sounds like covert narcissism & there may be some other things going on between you & your husband that may be grounds for divorce if you felt the need to flee. Consider your options & possible outcomes. There are national holiness for victims of domestic violence that may be able to offer you some guidance & assistance.
You sound very strong, good for you not giving in to that control. There are some good books now at childs level about coercion, emotional abuse, focus on child getting in touch with How do they Feel. Good luck to you, I know you will do your homework 🤝🕯️🌟🫂
@@calmkarma1 you be careful.. bond with your daughter❤️....I pray safety over you in Jesus Christ name!
Am so sorry
Definitely my stepfather. Growing up whenever my mother wasn’t around he would whisper things to me and took advantage of me as his maid. The superiority complex was his biggest trait. When I would tell my mother he would deny everything then later in private justify his actions at me.
My ex-narc was best friends (and actually the only friend) of his mother. They both blow up every relationship they have so now they only have each other. It always bothered me how he’d be naked in front of her often. She’d brag about all the women he’s been with in her bed at her open plan condo- with her in the next room listening to him entertaining women. It’s sick. So sick.
Wow! That’s messed up! Glad he is your EX
🤢🤢🤢🤮🤮🤮
No boundaries
Emotional invest
I lived through all these growing up with my narcissistic dad. There are so many memories that resurfaced after listening smh. But I thank God for exposing what I didn't know and now thriving in my healing journey..
Thank you for your video. I experienced the # 2 : once I had my birthday party when I was 6 or 7 years old. My mother turned me into the maid for the invited children and meanwhile, my mother played happily with a 9 month old baby girl.
And # 4 : the son of our neighbours was 14 years old and he locked me and him in my room. Then he touched my xxx without asking me and then forced me to touch his xxx. My mother managed to enter my room while this happened, saw what was happening and, instead of rebuking the son of the neighbours, she left the room with a bright smile on her face.
# 3 didn't work that well with me, because I didn't like to watch TV and therefore she couldn't manipulate me this way.
What I notice also is the lack of affectionate gestures. But when we were in the presence of other parents, she played the affectionate mother with me.
Courage to everyone
My narcissistic abusers were always my mother and sister. My mother supported my sister's verbal, mental + emotional abuse. She'd be on her side. She'd laugh. She didn't care if I complained.
My sister was SO spoiled. She's 61 yrs old now and is still 13 emotionally. Tantrums, cussing, slamming doors.
You bring light to the darkness, Danish. Thank you!
Yes my sister and mom try to gang up on me too I ignore my sister and my mom just I say hi bye , I’m focusing on myself
After working and then drinking, until early in the morning, a narcissist wandered into the children’s room. They were sleeping. He got angry when I asked him what he wants in there. In his intoxicated state, he could fall anywhere really. There he was, in the dark, a huge man walking on a slant. I noticed however, how little I trusted him near the children. He usually had little to do with them, as if they were strangers and not his family. That was an uncomfortable feeling, which never went away. I couldn’t sleep well after that. I was always on watch.
Most child sexual abuse happens at the hands of people who are drinking or on drugs.
such parents create a new generation of emotionally crushed people (the plague of these times)...🤕
Society seems to pass generational terrorism onto all children rich or poor.
😢
May God protect all the kids...
My mother forced me into an adult roll at 10 by playing stupid at the attorney's office. When she was filing papers to divorce my father, i had to answer the attorney's questions because she pretended not to know the answers--dates, disputes, etc.
I had to deal with this !!!!
This is REALLY sick !
I have experienced some of those behaviours with my parents. I was the best friend of my mother until I shared her vision of the world. When I didn't meet her expectations, she didn't want even to hug me. It was the same with my sister, my mother avoided hugging her even as greeting and didn't express happiness seeing her. The main problem was that everything was critisised without expressing care or empathy.
My mother enabled my narcissistic father to completely alienate me when I was a toddler and child...continues until today
Everything is spot on. I have experienced these with my narcissistic husband. He has traumatized my son, our son. No good father would verbally, physically, mentally abuse his child and show care and tenderness to his siblings' children
they are just horrible people on all accounts. i never met a narc that didnt make the world a worse place.
Sadly not many recognize this or want to admit it. If more people saw them for who they are and didnt enable them they wouldnt be so bold...
Oh you are so right both of you.
@@yuu_miran yea and honestly they'd have to change or be alone. that's the one cure for them.
#2 also done by narc siblings treating other families better 😢
My mom was exactly like this my entire life. I haven't been her child, I was her therapist, I raised my brothers for her, she always comes to me with problems she should be talking to her friends or a therapist about. Presently, my daughter and I live with her, my daughter is Autistic and I recently found out I am also Autistic. My mom will start arguments with me in the morning when she is clearly really mad at herself for wasting time and running very late, then kiss my daughter's head on her way out and go "I'm sorry you had to wake up to your mom yelling, I hope you have a better day."
Insane...
May my Lord Jesus Christ helps you and your daughter to be able to live away from her as soon as possible.
@@CoreeParis i appreciate this, thank you.
@@homesteadgamer1257 I am also autistic, I thought you might find this interesting as I did: my therapist recently said that if there is an autistic person in the room the narcissist will always find them (to abuse). This explains why I have had so many horrible encounters with narcissist bullies!
Dear Bashir, you speak from the heart and from your own experiences and that come in my heart. Or better to say in a dark room were I nobody let in. But suddenly there is an advocate for that child in this dark room and I can put on the Light. May the Lord bless you in all ways.
Absolutely, my fraternal grandmother would give gifts to her favorite son and his family in front of the rest of us. No gifts were given to her other children and her grandchildren. 😒
My parents worked my brothers and me into the ground. They love to pay for stuff and hold it over your head for the rest of your life. My mother still brings up how awful her pregnancy with my twin brothers was. She's 80 and they are in their late 40s.
My father plays favorites with his children and grandchildren. I repeatedly told how mature I was as a child. I started babysitting my brothers at age 11 while my mom went to get gas or pick up a few groceries.
My father had prostate cancer in 2020. His cancer surgery left a big scar on his stomach where they removed the tumor. Yes. They went in through his stomach. When my niece and nephew visited for the first time after surgery, he yanked up his shirt and showed them the scar which made most of us uncomfortable. My nephew was 12 and my niece was 6. 😒
Those examples are just a few.
Yes bloody bampot I hope u don't bother with him now ❤
It's devastating 😔
Personally I have ZERO (!) memories from my childhood because of my narcissistic parents and my narcissistic brother.
> Endless fights for NO reason at all, from morning to night. Putting me in between those fights saying "Won't you take part? Who is right and who is wrong"
> Constantly causing me to feel guilty about everything.
> Constantly making me feel that I owe them my life, and everything i do in life.
My father actually told me many times that I have no right for ownership because everything i ever own, will be made because he allowed me to stay in his house and paid for my food and for my school. Therefore anything i make in my life is because of that
>Never being satisfied from my efforts.
If I got 15/20 grades: Why did you get bad grade?
If I got 19/20: Why didn't you get 20?
If I got 20: How many others got 20!!!
Madness!!!
> Never ending tasks all day long. During summer holidays when every child was playing i had to "study" for 1-2 hours every day just to "become better". So i had to watch everyone else play in summer from the window while i was doing math or physics, etc.
>Zero respect about my feelings
>Zero respect about my program and schedule
>Zero respect for my childhood.
Therefore i have ZERO memories of that childhood.
I have probably trained my mind and memory to delete everything in order to protect my self throughout time.
Last time i spoke to my parents is when i went and told them that there is a good chance that i might have cancer!
My mother replied: "Oh, do you have health insurance"
And my father replied: "Oh. what are we going to do with the family business" 😁
Then he told me that if i needed money for my condition the easiest way would be to help him construct a building for the family company so i can get part of the profit in two years 😁
And to finish it up they went on telling me (the day i tild them i might have cancer), how ungreatful i am, for everything they have done for me and that they have detailed lists of expenses they have done for me throughout my childhood 😁
Sad and sick human beings !
Thankfully I have my own business for almost 10 years now.
I naver speak to them. I have zero contact with them and i live the happiest days of my life.
A bit sorry that i have no memories from my childhood, but still I'm finally free
I have experienced most of that. Unfortunately, I only came to realize a lot of this recently. Because this was my experience growing up, it was a blind spot for me. I have a hard time recognizing emotional abuse. I also have a hard time setting boundaries because I didn't even know what that was until recently. My mom is still at it. My husband is the same. Working on getting out of the situation. I felt so stupid when I realized what was happening and that it took so long for me to see it. I know I am not stupid, but that's how it felt. I'm trying to reclaim my life, and set a better example for my daughter, so she doesn't have to experience the same thing.
I'm grateful that my dead attempted murderer Exfiance admitted to me from the very beginning that he could never be a Dad to my children. It was a warning that helped me let him go when he kept insisting I give my sons to a relative in Florida & move to his family beach house in North Carolina with him. Thx.🙏
Good video, painful content, important to cover, be aware of and prevent in the next generation
Years back... my son was diagnosed with ADHD and autistic tendencies. Father always resented him. Now I think many of the behaviors came from the insane treatment. I hope someday the scales fall from my son's eyes. Blessings 🙌
My parents always tries to self actualiz their self unknowingly through me, they didnt know what they did or how much much pain they layed on my shoulders, they still dont, but they know how much i love them, and i know how much they love through their own heavy trauma growing up, i becane blessed with a birds eye view that i learned through self inquiry, were all one life as the one soul knows, let unconditional love breath you and your family back to life again❤️
Each line you said is true 😢😢
I feel really sad i was abused the very thing i hate i feel i could be in some ways 😢 ..i want to be the parent to my child they deserve i want to be a better person & version of myself for them
Cold, distant, no communication, no attachment, lack of empathy and Abandon their children. Especially if you deny the narc access to you they automatically scapegoat their children and discard them because you the Mother denied them access to their abuse. Ill prefer my children because the narcs scapegoat and absent than being There and treating the child like they dont deserve anything nice. Luckily I am a single stay at home mom and the absence of my ex didn't affect my son or ruin him because I filled that space his father didn't. Yesterday he called claiming he missed his son and I asked him, what do you miss about your child?? He couldn't name anything he missed because he has no attachment with the child and he is absent. My son is thriving and living life to the full without any chaos or drama. My ex hates my guts because am extremely protective towards my children and never allowed him abuse them and I always had boundaries. Its 100% better raising your children alone than raising them with a cold monster like a narc. He isolated his child from knowing his family or getting close to them. He got to Nigeria and automatically he knew the way to the shops to buy nice things for them but when it came to his own child this man didn't know what the child likes to eat or want but his nieces and nephew whom he hasn't seen for years he automatically knew what the liked to eat. Disgusting. Underdeveloped brats that's what they are.
When we sold my grandmother’s house, I found coloured paper stars decorating a cold dirty shed. My mum said she used to spend a lot of time playing in there to avoid her parents shouting at each other, and she was confused by my sadness about that story. My mother could never show emotion or communicate with me but she took us to science museums and taught us so many interesting things.
I'm 56, 57 in a month. 2 years ago I told my mom, never to contact me again.
My story is very complex, my friends cant do that kind of deep talk.
So I really miss someone I can talk to. That could be a start....😐
Babies cry around them. 😢
I saw the darkness even more when my mom was around my grandson. We don't hang out with grandma anymore.
@@m.bodtcher1908 She was probably giving him evil looks.
TRUE 😢
Babies also cry randomly. I prefer practical ways to recognize these people, not things that may be also random.
I saw somewhere that they smell bad and I was just shook. 😂 Like yeah people, 😅. That can't be right. Good people smell bad sometimes too.
Those kinds of things are not good tests for the condition.
@Suuyi-o2z Well, tell me something that is then?
This is my story. Between my mom and dad. Being my mother's therapist and trying to stand for her against my father. And being emotionally, mentally and sometimes even fisically abused by him. She was supoused to protect me, not the other way around. There’s more to the story but… 😪
I‘m almost 40 and only recently learned, what boundaries even are 😢
I didn't feel to be encouraged to my passions/hobbies but I was very supported to learn/study those areas, that was a dream job of my parents in the past. I realised it after many years and couldn't believe that there was no real care in their behaviour but more fullfilling own dreams.
Husband's narc mom allergic to everything, so she could not clean. He says he spent his Saturday's cleaning all day as a youth. Now as an adult, he won't clean much or pitch in around the house.
I grew up with a covert narcissistic mother.
It's amazing to me to see how well you came out.
In your situation with these two parents.
In my case, of course, everyone in the family followed the narcissistic rules.
And treated me accordingly.
The worst thing my mother did to me was not the destruction she did to me personally.
Which is as you just described.
What hurt me the most is that she destroyed my daughter, her grandchild, so much.
And the daughter thinks I am the bad person.
My covert narcissistic mother did
everything with their manipulation.
My mother picked up my daughter when she was 2, she was repeating in her ear over and over again “grandma loves you. I asked her “what are you doing”. She said “this is how you brainwash them”.
I can absolutely confirm every single word, every incident. My parents abused me emotionally, psychologically, physically, my husband abused our son emotionally, psychologically, projected his own emotional abuse by his mother onto me through our son. If Jesus had not reached me in 1987, I would not have survived these destructive life patterns. But thank my LORD, HE has restored me wonderfully.
This is so true,how can one raise morally upright children with a narcissist? I used to wonder why he does all that but now I understand.
just buy listening to this video i felt mountains of heavy feelings were removed off my shoulders , i felt each words of this video as if my childhood was a movie in front of my eyes, every single word you said i have been through as well
There are some non narcissistic partners of narcissists that don't seem to understand why friends would avoid the two of them. It's because of the narcissist one we have to endure in exchange. No thank you. If they are together, we have to cut ties with both of them. The victim partner seems oblivious to that very reason. Whenever I meet couples like that, I feel very much disappointed also by the "normal" one that I don't see normal anymore. I'm sorry for that blunt comment but it's how I feel and maybe they will make them realize something they might deny. Accepting that toxic relationships have collateral damages on the victims' surroundings and I'm not even talking about their children that are stuck with both of them.
I got lots of slighly comments about things I loved and lots support/encouragement for those my mother loved. She said she cares about my job and my future but it shouldn't have been conditional
Dear Danish, God bless you! Thank you for sharing strong man! God is beside you in your healing proces! 🎉❤🎉
How very true Danish . Your wisdom is born of experience and helps to validate others experiences. It also shows them and me that you can move beyond their distortions and heal. I was going through a divorce in 2000 with a malignant narcissist. The judge ordered both of us for psychiatric testing. I showed up armed with the truth. And what did my 5 year old son’s father do? The day prior he went out and purchased every toy, trinket and sugary processed food for our son. The day after the exam he returned it all with our son in tow. When I was able to pick him up I heard about this cruelty on the ride home. Knowing that a boys identity comes from his father, it was then I coined this phrase. “I am really sorry you had to experience that. It might not be what your best or my best would be, but it is your father’s best. “. Over the years I used that a lot while raising him. I never put his father down because it in essence would have put my son down and I truly loved my little man as a son.
This is a 3-generation story. I am trying to break the cycle. Hoping my brothers will heal. ❤
Oh my goodness me. All of this has happened to me - and the last one happened to my mother.
My step mother used to promise us we could go out with our friends (to a nice quiet child's tea, reading comic books etc). But when it came to the day, she would change her mind and say we had something else to do that day.
She also used to make us do ALL the chores around the house - Sunday dinner was a biggie - we had to make sure we had all the right pots and pans and vegetables ready for the dinner to be made, and bring her a cup of tea in the morning. And we used to dust and hoover and clean the kitchen floor before school. We used to be able to 'get into' a programme on the telly, then she would say, half way through the series that it wasn't right for us to watch it, so we couldn't watch it anymore.
Then she used to take turns in praising either one of us (we were 3 kids, I was the eldest), and denying or rejecting the others (by telling them off for whatever she happened to not agree with that week). We had a running joke amongst ourselves saying "Who's turn is it to be favourite this week/day?"
There were loads of other things that happened, like she tried to hit my brother with a stick and it was the first time I stood up and shouted "No!" - to that, she threw herself on the floor and started to cry. We three kids just looked at her in shock. I felt a little sense of pride kick in, that was when I began to feel a little bit of power - I think I was 12 at the time.
And then my mum had the awful experience of being abused by her brother - she told her mum, but her mum told her she was lying. It affected mum all her life. She married dad, who was a drinker and a gambler, she had post natal depression, then she divorced and married a man who isolated her. For instance, she used to deliver cars all over the country, and she had a lot of friends - but they soon whittled down to nothing as she never saw them anymore, because he kept complaining about them. And she never drove again, because he would shout at her whenever she changed the gears, or turned a corner. Her confidence went way down. She used to cry to me on the phone every Sunday morning while he was at the car boot sale, saying "He's absolutely horrible and I don't know what to do!" I didn't know what she could do, except I kept telling her to stand up and say "No", which was probably the wrong thing as she was so weak and fragile and fearful. Always trembling and wishing everyone could be 'happy'.
My step father was 'transferring' his narc attitude on to me as my mother died (starved herself to death), but I wouldn't take it and didn't make the effort to go and see him after she left. That's when my sister had her in with my step-father. Although my sister and brother had not even bothered with mum and our step father at all for 40 years, I kept visiting them both (travelling on the train from London, and then my own car up the M40 motorway every month). It came to a point when my sister convinced my step-father (the narc/sociopath) that I was the nasty one, and he changed his Will (my mum wanted everything to go to me, as I was the only one who had bothered to visit and call them). So, in 2021, I was left with nothing after he left this earth by throwing himself off of a car park building.
Tears are streaming down my face as I write this, as I'm only just coming out of all this trauma and recognising it for what it is. It's quite awful, as I find myself trembling on occasions and my stomach feels sick, and I can't trust anyone. I haven't wanted to go into another relationship - since 2008. Incidentally, I did train to become a counsellor, for one reason only: to help my mother through her pain. I wanted to understand what was going on.
The thing is, I always thought I was the narc. My sister said I was, and told everyone else I was. Even my best friends who turned against me. I began to believe it because of the way you've described how the narc ends up - alone and in debt - as that's how I've ended up. I'm 61 now, I live in a van because I have no funds to pay for a flat/house and I've applied for over 60 jobs in six months, but no joy. Will have to ask the govt for help soon, although I'm sooooo reluctant to go that route. Trouble is, my sister wasn't bothered about that. She's lived off of govt aid all her life - they even paid the interest off of her mortgage (and it was an endownment mortgage). So, she has the funds from that and my mother's home (I've not been allowed to have anything - not even a photograph or any of the things I bought them over the years). I've knelt on my knees and prayed to God to forgive them... and asked Him to show them His light at least... I can't hate them. But I have released them with love. I did keep wondering if it was me, and if so, could I he shown the truth.
I'm slowly rebuilding my own life now. It's a struggle, but I'm getting there.
Gratitude for sharing your gifts for healing the Divine Chosen Collective Soul Tribe Soul Family 🙏💯 Resonates I love your energy
I have experienced that spoiling and enabling thing from the other parent towards my child - effectively alienating me from my own child. Equals child abuse.
"A Narcissist's worst nightmare, lol." Luv it!!!!
Yes, I've experienced all of the things mentioned in my childhood too. Turns out, my father figure is a rapist and probably murderer. Still have to get him into jail.
This is all so true. The lack of boundaries and explicit conversations began so young, I remember attempting to act out these scenarios with my friends when I was maybe 4 years old. I never really knew it was common for a narc to defend/befriend your abuser. It happens in adulthood, too, because I’m NC with my NM and my ex husband has her stay at his house to visit from out of state. The two got really close after I got the order of protection while he was involuntarily committed due to attempting repeatedly to break into my house and unalive us all.
With the supportive testimony of my NM and his flying monkeys, he was able to get the judge to believe I was the abuser and crazy. A little sprinkle in my food at a restaurant while I was in the restroom and suddenly I “had a drug problem I wouldn’t take accountability for” so he got primary custody. Unless someone out there is a great lawyer who wants to help me, I’m going to have to walk away from my kids.
Wow, Danish. I'd swear you've met and know my father. You describe my entire life with him to a tee! I wish I had heard these things 45 years ago.
This is the saddest situation to witness
I must add
I have never meant Anyone who isn't a narcissist in some way only like a handful of people In my whole life actually who are total opposite
But
Is it either or?
A bit of both
All or not at all
Or does everyone have a bit of everything but knows how to balance or zero it out and say I'm not going there today it's
Really confusing and heartbreaking
Thank you for video
Thank you, Danish!
All of this resonates so much!!
My mom was My baby and still is. My mom gossip about My dad to me. I was a therapist to My mom. Im so sorry, its fucking hell. I didn't had a childhood. Now im falling apart 😢
Everything that you said in this video is accurate to the T! I constantly argue with my boyfriend about listening to or watching vulgar content around his children and he he gets upset with me. Those now teens are jacked up because of him.
Oh my gosh, every time I think I’ve heard the best reality of children of a/both narcissistic parent/parents from you, it gets shockingly close to my reality that I had no idea were that damaging and relatable (I wish it wasn’t as a common especially for children). Thank you and I’m so sorry you experienced this, though I am extremely grateful for your content.
This encourages me so much. Thank you for sharing!
I really cannot remember how my parents reacted when my aunt's boyfriend used me, but when I told them about adulthood, they didn't believe me. And my brother who was there too when it happened, minimalist the act. I was about 5 or 6 years old. My father and my mother both ignored me when I was a child. I have 3 brothers and they were and still are "better" than me, for my parents mind. They can do anything and still their behaviour is ok. If i would do the same things, I'm the bad guy 😅 I'm grateful that I have not translated my parents actions for my own children. Yes, I have done wrong doings but not that traumatized. I'm so grateful for that! We went divorce four years ago and in order to survive I had to give up my children's chastity. I didn't abandon them and they know it. They know that moms have to heal and rise again and find a way to earn money so I can get them back. I have PTSD. And I'm going to find my way, like I always do. I miss them a lot. But thank God for phones so we can message and call everyday. We have been out of symbiosis for 7 months now. 😅 I needed this time on my own. I had no other choice to make 'cos I have no support system.
I'm so glad I didn't have a brother!!!
Danish, thank you for sharing this.....I really understand your history as I too have endured this....years later I finally get it ! Its now 6 years since I walked away from both parents.
Now I give love to myself xx
Oh, yes. My narcissistic birth mother did all of these to us from a very young age. She refused to wear clothing or cover up with a towel before and after using the shower/bath. It was embarrassing and wrong.
She would come home late at night from wherever she had been and no matter the time of night she would scream at us and roughly yank us kids out of bed and beat us while we were forced to clean the house for her.
I was te oldest and by the age of 8 yrs old I was cleaning the baby and making her bottles and feeding my middle siblings. By age 10 I was cooking and doing the laundry.
She pulled us out of school when I was 12 years old and we were forced to be homeschooling.
When she left us behind for the day, she would leave a page long list of chores and school lesson to be completed before she returned.
If everyone had finished their list she would beat us if we weren't cleaning.
My younger siblings ran away and hid from her in the neighboring forest and streams and I was left to bear the brunt of it, to protect the little one.
Each of us left home at an early age and each of us are severely traumatized
Thank you SO MUCH! I will use this information for self-healing and healing my children. To no surprise, I chose narcissist partners, and my 2nd husband put my children through SO MUCH, until I understood and left for good.
Everyone around me kept telling me all my life that I was really put together and wise for my age. I could hold a conversation with my 50 years old professor in my 20s. My husband kept telling me that I can't possibly know so much about people and always be spot on about their behaviour and antics because I was too young to know.
I kept telling him that I knew because I had lived it before. I knew how to deal with a narcissistic boss and recognise a manipulative friend or partner because I've ok lived everything like that before. At some point I said "I haven't asked to have a sh@tty childhood, but that's what I got, and I had to become a quick learner otherwise there were reprocations, constantly."
I'm the kind of person that thinks every possible move I could take in my head and what it's going to cost me before I take a decision, because as a child, I had to have every decision taken to perfection. I lived in constant anguish and fear. Being in stressful situations doesn't even affect me the way others are, because I was always in some kind of a difficult situation to be handled within my own house. People praise me for my "nerves of steel" and every time someone mentions it I hear a voice in my head screaming and crying because of what I had to swallow to just be in that family.
No wonder I could never lose weight even though I starved myself or went to the gym religiously, my costisol stress levels were constantly hitting top!
And, about the discipline of our children.... My soon to be ex-husband never tried to ensure a boundary, he was always the "good parent", while I am the awful one. He is always fun and games, being the perfect parent, like constantly living in "Bluey's show", while I was the one constantly reminding the simplest rules of the house, of school, correcting behaviours and picking up the on doing things in a certain way so our children learn to behave. Oh, i was labelled difficult and disciplinarian and nit being fun and a friend to my children. Well, first of all I'm a parent, there should be limits and control, kids need a controlled safe environment to flourish. And I have even studied that as a kindergarten teacher. I am praised in my work but when I transferred the same practices at home, i was ridiculed and viciously picked apart, to the point he told me that I must be crappy at my job, i obviously care more about my job than about my kids and I train them like dogs to obey (because I used positive reinforcement) and that I must have everything my way. And when I was saying that my way is proven to be working by the bibliography he always dynamited the conversation with awful scenes of wrecking havoc around him and telling me that I was personally attacking him because he was the scientist in that house and I was merely a know-it-all teacher.
True, as a kid you have no reference for judgment of your parents. That happens later.
Can't remember when I didn't feel like the only adult in the family as a child.
The earliest memory was at the age of 5yrs when my Best Friend was killed by a semi on the hwy. She told me all the horrific details & I couldn't grieve for her as NM has emotions to deal with more important than mine. Always being the mediator & confidant for them too was such pressure on a child. They take away ur childhood by either forcing you to stay a child or forced to grow up fast. These ideas can change at any moment with a narc. Had to cut ties after she harmed her grandchildren & tried to cover it up. 🤬
I believe I turned out the opposite of my mom because of my father. I now know he knew what she was. He would go behind her back & love us kids. He would apologize behind her back for the treatment we suffered. He got caught once & he suffered greatly because of it. I know that he intentionally was an enabler because he wanted to keep his family together. He was the most kind, long suffering person I will ever know. He created the person I am today. He has passed & I now am the one to take care of an old bitter women, who still gives abuse. I tolerate her only because she gave me life. But now I don't take the abuse. I treat her like I would treat a bratty child who will now conform to boundaries because she can't take care of herself. Others have abandoned her. I do what needs to be done to care for her, but she fights with venom . She will never change. I now totally ignor the verbal assults & know she will never enjoy life. She created this situation. I will due my duty till the end. My husband says she will throw venom even with her dying breath. I feel sad now, not for me anymore, but she never will have true fulfillment & peace in this world. Maybe in the hereafter also.
Thank you for your videos. I love watching them. It's so validating.
With children a narc has a big problem.deep down in his heart he does not love them and the only time he will show them "love" is when smearing you
Thank you, for this powerful episode. I experienced childhood trauma bc of narcissistic older (much older/large age gaps) siblings, who were extremely abusive, including (for one of those specific abusive siblings) sexually. And, when my husband passed away, I had a male friend/more of an acquaintance, younger than me, tell me that he didn't know whether he wanted me, or my daughter, more. And he became extremely inappropriate, like inappropriately touching me, for ex, when my teen daughter was present. That guy is like 15yrs younger than me & is a narc, who wanted me to basically be his mommy/sex maiden. This was a common thing that kept occurring, after my husband passed away. These weirdos would stalk & harrass, and commit crimes against me (including sexual crime) while also trying to convince me to become their gf, while also trying to convince me that they be suitable step-father for my daughter. I was never even interested in any of them; but they became desperate for me, bc I was recently widowed; & they thought they could swoop in, to take advantage of me, financially & sexually, while I was still in a bad emotional place.
Gaslighting is not always the way you describe it. Gaslightjng is often done in a nice way. Said in a nice but sarcastic way. They always want to look good and make you look crazy
You are partially right about the fact that you never will live a happy life in your childhood under the toxic shadow of a narcissistic father or mother ! But my childhood was kinda happy though my mother was a terrible narcissist ! In the sixties nobody spoke about hyper activity, but, of course, it didn't prevent me from being a hyper actif boy ! And than i remember that nearly no thought could reach my mind, till my eleventh or twelfth birthday ! In my youth it became more and more possible for me to fool around with other people, with my friends, so i could free myself from the toxic environment of my parents ! I have to say that i remember my childhood and my adolescence as good and sometimes happy with darker periods ! Even my adult life was rather good than bad ! Perhaps we should accept things how they are ! I complained much but i succeded to overcome it, so that i'm not victim anymore !
Everything you said, is my experience. So glad I’m not crazy.
This is my husband now. I keep separating repeatedly but the spoiling with so many tiny toys with many tiny peices. No boundaries at all, no rules ever! and the over the top cuddles and kisses honestly terrify me of what he is trying to do this child. It looks like he is trying to make him into a monster and it is working. He yells and hits and his dad seems to enjoy watching it happen! It stops as soon as I separate. I am holding the line this time. I am so done. He is so chaotic and permissive. So messy and slobbish. He whispers and slobbers and kisses him on the neck and ears and everywhere, like he used to kiss me when he was trying to seduce me (which he has stopped). It is absolutely disgusting and horrifying to me! My son was not like this until I let this guy back into our lives now he is often saying and doing inappropriate sexual things! I think it’s grooming truly… their bond does seem very sexual to me. And he is two. I am glad he is gone so I can enjoy our Christmas.