Это видео недоступно.
Сожалеем об этом.
Dismissive Avoidant: 5 reasons why they will LEAVE | Coach Court
HTML-код
- Опубликовано: 14 авг 2024
- In this video, Coach Courtney Gatlin gives 5 reasons why a dismissive avoidant will leave.
Book a Session! www.fruitfulse...
Join Coach Court's Patreon:
/ coachcourt
Donate to Support the Channel's Growth and Longevity:
linktr.ee/iamc...
____
Thank you for the overwhelming love and support on a channel that was purely created as a labor of love. This has turned into an amazingly supportive community so please feel free to subscribe!
____
On my journey of healing, I came across 5 books that changed my life and I want to share them.
You can get them here:
Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment - Amil Levine: amzn.to/3L1BERs
The Power of Attachment - Diane Heller PHD: amzn.to/3wsqbGy
Attachment: 60 Trauma-Informed Assessment - Christina Reese: amzn.to/3Laxirf
Homecoming: Reclaiming and Championing Inner Child - John Bradshaw: amzn.to/3L6K2iA
Change your thoughts, change your life - Dr. Wayne Dyer: amzn.to/3LbeTul
____
Learn more about the Dismissive Avoidant Attachment with this PLAYLIST:
• The Dismissive Avoidan...
____
Public Facebook Page:
/ iamcoachcourt
Instagram:
/ iamcoachcourt
___
#dismissiveavoidant #coachcourt #breakups #healing #5reasons
Only 5 reasons??
Of course there are more. I kept it at five so the video wouldn’t be so long.
@@IamCoachCourt I was kidding bc there are so many doubts for them.
A relationship with a DA is a dead end unless and until they recognize their need for change and actively pursue it.
Not communicating why they're angry and just blocking is just plain shitty behaviour. Giving them the excuse of attachment trauma is just a cop-out. They know damn well what they're doing is hurtful, they just choose not to listen to that voice in their head and do what they want anyways.
Personally, I will always strongly believe that there is a strong overlap between dismissive avoidant and narcissists, on the spectrum of moderately to severely... I say this because it’s only those with absolutely no heart that will detach, ghost, block, withdraw from people to save their own feelings and “avoid” being hurt. They don’t care for the heartbreak that can cause someone, it’s a “rather you than me” type thing and to me, that is why there is a strong link between them and a narc. If DA’s had ANY inkling of empathy, they would not do the things they do, staring you bold faced in the eye. And if it comes from a place of “fear” as I’ve heard so many defend, then DA’s should make it their life goal to actively do the work and go and get therapy, because they are consciously aware of what they do & how they behave when they feel overwhelmed, so why not stay out of peoples lives until you can commit & function in a healthy manner? DA’s to me are literally like being fully aware they have an STD but still going around sleeping with people. What a messed up mentality...
We don’t ask to be pursued relentlessly by an avoidant & promised certain things, only for them to completely out of the blue, blindsight you and dump/ghost you because all the while they’ve give you the impression they are committed, but internally know they aren’t. A special kind of f***ed up if you ask me.
So for that reason people, I feel so passionately that both DA’s AND narcissist will ruin your lives. The fact that there are even traits in both that resemble one another in the first place, it’s plain faced clear that there is a overlap.
You consciously know you have a disease, Attachment trauma is subconscious.
I think DA’s honestly feel like everyone is like them and they don’t know they are ‘damaged’ emotionally; it will likely always be very difficult for them to feel their emotions fully or trust, even with therapy. : /
Even if you told them they hurt you they won’t admit it or change the behavior or even try that is the line between subconsciously hurting someone and consciously hurting them...they do that they’ll repeat the things that bothers you or even makes you depressed...
Not only that but there’s some kind of abuse going on in the relationship you may have with them...like they’re warm and caring in the beginning and then they go cold completely for no reason...so you try your best to make them warm again...you’ll break your boundaries you’ll quit a lot of things I saw so many people doing this for them!
You know why they have no empathy?..it’s slightly different from narcissists...it’s because they believe that your emotions are your business and they fear you making them responsible for your feelings...and also because they avoid their own feelings they’ll feel uncomfortable when you show yours...and a lot of it is coming from a dark place within themselves..
So crazy that I supported. Then I was ignored. So I backed off. I was told I pressured him. This is good because it highlighted my approach. He would not communicate what I did. But there were so many unknown violations on my part that by the time it was ended on his part, I was blind sighted. I just think some of our traumas are rooted so deep, once a person reaches older age, it's solidified.
DA's will never change unless they get therapy. I was in a relationship with a man which began when we both were in our mid 50's. I think it lasted for many years because we never lived together. He recently broke up with me using an excuse that "I needed a husband and that just wasn't him." Well...marriage had never once entered the conversation during whole relatioship. Within the last two years i had to take on additional caregiving responsibilities for a family member and I noticed the distancing as I attempted to rely on him for emotional support. He pulled the plug one day and was as cold as ice...it was like the 9 years we were together never even existed. It's been 5 months without any contact....
Yes, same experience. They turn cold as ice with no explanation. They don’t think they owe anyone anything or think relationships will last or it’s worth it.
I am truly sorry for your pain-
9 years, he'll be back. DAs usually start to come around 6 to 9 months after a breakup. Remember when he comes back, he's still the same DA person. All you can do is have a non-threating, non-demanding, blame game conversation with him and stick with your boundaries.
@@rolotomassi5139 I really don't think he'll return...prides himself on being very disciplined. I was as supportive as anyone could be but he never really explained what he desired in the relationship. Thanks for your comment...
Sheesh...I just with through this. My heart is hurting. No explanation or nothing.
Brilliant Content. DA ex shut down & ghosted after we moved in together after a 4 year relationship. Your content is fantastic & helps knowing more about the DA’s patterns , as its easy to blame yourself with the “ old what was wrong with me chestnut 🌰 “ love and light going your way 💕
Thank you Jayde!
Yeaa, no empathy for someone who breaks other peoples heart because they are afraid of POSSIBLY having their heart broken...
He left me. I accepted his decision with grace. Then he came back a month later 🥴
🥴
This is extremely insightful. My ex husband has all these qualities and it makes sense why it didn’t work.
I definitely think my ex was a combination of fearful and dismissive, she had traits from both. Thanks for the video and insight Coach!
No problem Daniel!
So if they find the person who they care about who has the characteristics they are looking for, is there hope they'll start to lean secure? As someone who leans AP developing a more secure attachment, I often wonder if being a relationship with my DA boyfriend is worth it. He's actually become more affectionate and shares his thoughts/feelings alot more than when we first got serious and it's only been 9 months. He has actually expressed himself that he instantly feels inadequate when anything is mentioned to better the relationship or I express my needs. He also recently agreed he would do couples consueling but he doesn't know if he's up for individual consueling. Though it's a challenge I know from his friends and family has not be as vulnerable before. So I feel there are good signs to try an continue to see where it goes. Don't want to be a fool though if DA's are impossible to maintain healthy relationships with.
Great, content. Thanks for sharing,🙌 cool shades too 🤓
Thanks Andrea!
Thank you much for the heads up
Coach I'm always commenting on your topics man real good cop topics I appreciate that I was with a DA and she kept saying after a while she's not in relationships that long and as a man I was like yo I can I can get it right but found out it was almost like sabotage the relationship and like I said I was puzzled until I started watching you and you getting straight to the point.
I study this stuff relentlessly to help give you clarity
Perfect! I'm DA and that's pretty precise.
Thanks for the confirmation!
Can there be more nuanced videos on AP attachments that add variables like age, family interference, etc. things that may impact or trigger them and how they respond in the relationship from outside influences?
I can give 30000 from having a square closet to smelling like roses.
It is never ok for them.😂😂😂😂
Still posting great content ! Love the videos.
It’s good to see you Renée! ☺️
Thank you! This makes a lot of sense and is very helpful 🙏
You got it!
Thank you for sharing.
Absolutely
Spot on
If a DA is not ready to commit fully (but is romantically/sexually involved) how would they handle their girl or guy beginning to date others?
I understand they fear labels/commitment but if you start dating other people(to get your needs met, essentially) will the DA be able to trust you or see you as a partner in the future?
It will matter little to them what you do ultimately. It’s about them- not you. They have the attitude “you do you” and each person stays in their own lane. If they can’t give you more and meet your needs, they will tell you to go after it because that’s what they would do with no regret. Ultimately, if the DA isn’t ready now, a few months or years later won’t make a difference. Time doesn’t help them. Instead, time and natural expectations that come with time further activate their fears.
@@sshuteandrew he’s definitely making progress and we’re becoming so close (it’s just been at a snail’s pace). The person that you’re describing sounds different than my turtle. He’s incredibly sensitive, gentle, kind, on the inside. I tell him he has a hard shell but a squishy center.
I’m getting to know him on a deeper level than I have with any other person.
He shuts down when he’s hurting. It comes off as cold or even callous. It took me a long time to understand this.
@@Cathy-ux9xd Yes, it does very much matter. DAs seek safety, trust and support (despite not being able to return the behaviors). I totally believe one must form a emotional bond (not physical or sexual) to "win" a DA.
@@rolotomassi5139 thank you. I think you’re right. I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m at the point where I just need to focus on healing my own attachment style and learning to love and nurture myself. I’m just praying I’m strong enough to do so.
No, they will see it as confirmation that you’re not trustworthy or loyal. That’s how I would have previously looked at it. As avoidants we are constantly looking for confirmation that the relationship is too good to be true. What I would say is if you and your DA are not exclusive, then you’re better off cutting things off. They won’t see you as a serious option for a relationship whilst they’re comfortable with the current set up. Though be warned. Walking away is no guarantee that we will chase.
Ultimately, do what is best for your mental health and emotional wellbeing.
What about their fear of intimacy?
Hey! I kept it at 5 but we know there are more!
Sometimes I wonder if my DA is on the autism spectrum. Do you think this is a possibility?
My baby has autism. He’s only four so I don’t have experience with adults with autism but how they have difficulty with physical touch and relating their/communicating feelings is similar.
@@Cathy-ux9xd I think you are on to something
@@adoptioncorner1984 I mean, it makes sense. Sometimes affection that I give him seems to overload his senses. Plus he has trouble communicating his feelings and relating to mine.
@@Cathy-ux9xd I completely understand been dealing with one for 3 years and the same thing happens. Affection is too much. But yet in the beginning he came on very strong. I asked him was that painful for him to do and he said yes. So he was uncomfortable doing that but he did it anyway. That's how they hook you then they can't keep it up because in reality it makes them uncomfortable 😔
I have a questions. Is there a solution to a couple that actually mirroring each other after a breakup? And If there is what's the answer, to turn our backs on each other?
If you’re the man, take a step forward and be vulnerable. See where she stands.
My DA left because I wasn’t mature enough. And now I really wish I can turn back time :(
Being friend with her is a bad idea right?
It’s just confusing because I need to show support to them but I can’t if I’m not her friend
Not about you at all…about them.
You will never be good enough. It is not you..
How long do their relationships typically last?
Depends how stupid and low esteem their their partner have. 😂😂