You go along with the tormenting behaviors because you don't know better and, at the same time, are trying to stay safe for fear of the consequences of not supporting the narcissistic parent. Oof.
This is something I really struggle with. I am 46, was married for seventeen years, successful career, divorced, etc. The last few years I developed some health issues, and my mother and step dad also developed some health issues. So I moved back in so we could all help each other. I had kinda forgotten why I moved out at 18, and moved states away. It is just as abusive as it ever was. I am always treated as a child, love bombed them gaslit. I am isolated from everyone. I have my own tiny home, and just like when I was five years old I was not allowed my own space. My mom opens my mail, paychecks, and medical statements. Two weeks ago I was informed, point blank, if I didn't discuss sensitive medical issues which are me and my docs business, no one else, She Would Make Things Up for her FB gossip. Her words. I have been threatened with eviction if I don't comply with medical records. Disinherited. I have both of those in writing, she texted them to me. My ex wife cheated on me with my former best friend. We divorced, but over time we are civil. We remember the awesome times, and she is happy. My mother texted me, "your ex wife and friend are just laughing at how pathetic you are! Lololol". Yeah, I screanshotted that one, and my ex came down on my side hard. But, my mom and step dad still have serious issues. And they need help. So, with eyes wide open and a clear head I am gonna be a punching bag. Literally and figuratively. (When I reported the last physical assault, she told me it wasn't assault if there wasn't a bruise. I kept the text.) Please, see me as a cautionary tale. Do not do what I did. It isn't worth it. For me, I have committed, and this is the last public complaint I will make. Mean people have a very hard time learning to not be mean.
@@farrellvanessa If you can't be around the narcissist, why would you let you're children be around the narcissist ?🤔🙄, narcissists don't even care about their children.
Its so funny that you say this. I left my relationship two years ago and just the other day, I realised that I haven't an angry word with anyone since I moved home. Its like a layer of anxiety has been removed, I'm not hypervigilant anymore AND I'm trusted to make my own decisions without judgement. :D
You didn't want to leave the relationship, because you care(d) deeply about this person. But you have to leave in order to find someone who cares deeply about you…
@@victoryamartin9773mine too. I was the reason he HAD to pursue that woman. If I could be like her he’d love me but I was too awful. He’d come back once I changed. I’m still single 5 years later.
This "I'm sorry" you've heard a million times that loses all meaning because there is no actual changed behaviour after that.. it's like the Groundhog day of abuse, it makes you go crazy at times. I'm glad it's over for me. Anyone out there trying to get out of this type of toxic relationship, I wish you success in finding peace in your life again ✨️✨️ You can do it ❤
@@marielilylaborde4376my husband left yesterday. He has a habit of packing and leaving for a few weeks, maybe two months at the most. He comes back, says sorry, waits a few months to leave again. I’m exhausted. He says sorry all the time but doesn’t really mean it. He doesn’t want to argue all the time, but he’s not changing anything and think is normal for me to do it all and for him to come and go as he pleases. I’m absolutely exhausted.
And then when I was still reeling from the hurt he “apologized” for, he’d say, “I said I was sorry! Why can’t you get off it?” Before I knew it, I was apologizing to HIM. 21 years and 6 months. NEVER AGAIN.
These people make you die inside....we are the walking dead....I wouldn't have survived without Jesus...however, staying single keeps me sane. I pray for all of you to be free and healed!!❤🙏
How ironic! My husband & I found Jimmy a while back and said we were going to watch a short or video minimum 3 days a week and then discuss what we thought, how it applied to us did we learn oubout ourself or relationship....my husband "never said that" a couple days later when he saw it on the calendar (my handwriting of course, per his instruction, or should I say, his suggestion, bc he'd " forgot to write it down and ur handwriting is better" only got it to be twisted around into my being a psycho crazy person making up stories probably bc my mom abused me and I just naturally want to sabotage anything good in my life and thatscokay, he understands...".... Ironic bc about 1 yr after marriage, my daughter confessed to me that she wished ahe had a spy camera to set up bc she thought he might be poisoning me!!! About 4 months after moving in together I slowly be Me disabled, unable to walk and 100s of doctors, surgeries, etc & no solid answers.
But do you understand that abuse is almost PREDOMINANTLY NOT EVER even physical. Like you are bound to be way more abused in non physical ways because people tend to be ignorant to what all abuse is considered.
making a mistake even a huge one is not, however, abuse. It's a mistake. There's a difference. A mistake means you have to decide it you can live with it after the changed behavior. Just my thought. I forgave a HUGE mistake. I did not tolerate abuse for an instant and I will never forgive it. (2 different situations and people)
@@Cy-bz9jh yep and making the mistake of not pressing charges is not one I will ever make again. Extenuating circumstances mitigate statutory report times against agencies especially if the reports were made correctly and then mishandled by officials, intentionally or not.
To everyone out there in the same situation as me! Please listen to yourself, trust your feelings and your own intuition. If a person constantly makes you feel like crap, unloved and unvalued. It's bacause the are treating you like crap and it's because they don't love and value you. It's NOT because you are not tolerant enough of their BS. It's NOT because you have too high expectations of a partner and it's NOT because you're not good enough. It's probably the total opposite. You are TOO TOLERANT of their BS. You have TOO LOW expectations of your partner. And you are TOO GOOD for them. Give yourself all the love you tried to give to them and you will live happily ever after! 🥰❤ Blessings from Sweden!
I'm currently going through a divorce with a narcissistic partner and everything he's saying is everything that was happening to me. Everything was always my fault and putting me down. For someone in prison he showed no Appreciation for anything that I did for him.
Currently in the same boat as many others in this comment section. But i'm leaving him! I started writing everything down almost a year ago just so that he will not be able to manipulate me any further. I kept going back to my journals to see if I was really the problem. I wasn't. Got my action plan ready a month ago after 3 years of marriage and 1 year of love-bombing/dating him. Will be gone by the next month's end and will hopefully never look back. It's not easy but this community is giving me strength. Sending lots of hope and hugs to those in need. We got this!❤❤❤
I’m at 2+ years of fleeing from my last narcissist. I still have occasional PTSD. I’m in a healthy relationship now, 8-1/2 months, and I’m scared to death I’m wrong again. I look for red flags everywhere…under rugs, behind curtains, I’m in love and terrified. So far, things keep getting better and better, yet I’m still apprehensive most days. When will the shoe drop? When will he have enough of me and turn into a monster? I’m 66 now and I’m still healing from a lifetime of emotional and physical abuse. I pray daily that that is all in the past. I wish us all here the best lives ever. Let the healing begin!
Situationship is a relationship, just one where they alleviated their sense of being responsible for their impact on your emotional safety. Hope you find healing in therapy and confidence to not settle for any violations of boundaries, or for less than you desire/need to feel loved and respected!
Been there, my friend. It really was a one-sided caring relationship. Even though, it was only 3 mos and no sex. I was told I was too much of a challenge for him, so he discarded me. I realized I needed to understand all the red flags and the dysfunctional attachment types. The pain and damage was deep. It helped me to see the unhealed parts I carried from childhood. Please don't blame your beautiful empathic self and I commend you for doing the work...keep going. Also, please be careful to share only with experienced therapists, Jimmy's advice, and the comments shared here. Unless someone has gone through this they have no idea nor will they give good advice. Recovery took me 6 to 7 months and I'm an Energy Healer/Artist. Rumination sucked...as I'm an Aquarian and we need to know why. In reality, he could never love and never took responsibility to change. I am positive he is well aware of what he does. Stay strong @KatlegoAnne
Best thing that I have read this week is that loving unconditionally does not imply being unconditionally tolerant. That resonates so deeply and I hope it does for someone else too. It is possible to heal.
YEP. Shadow work here involves healing with BOUNDARIES, and when you have standards and boundaries you have to also have CONSEQUENCES, and you hold to your consequences, bc they protect you, and for someone who is mutually respectful- they protect the relationship too. Top Gurus in the field in: Dr. RAMANI (YT channel is a life saver and community of narc survivors), TARA BRACH for self acceptance and healing with self love, GABOR MATÉ for discontinuing the patterns of people pleasing, BRENE BROWN for shame. You are not alone, and for many of us it started in childhood❤ Stay Strong!
So true! My therapist has been telling me lately that in a healthy environment, people argue and move on. Not tolerating everything is part of a relationship. So even if we don't see eye to eye in a topic, we still love each other at the end of the day. And this is something I have never experienced in my life with my narcissistic mother! Any time I don't agree with her, she would give me the silent treatment, or throw a tantrum.
Cool video, My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love her so much I can’t stop thinking about her, I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her, but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss her and just can’t stop thinking about her.
its difficult to let go of someone you love, i was in a similar situation, my relationship of 12 years ended, but i couldnt just let him go i did all i could to get him back, i had to seek the help of a spiritual counselor who helped me bring him back
How many narcissists, ended up calling YOU a narcissist and said that YOU are manipulating them, when all along they are the one manipulating you. It’s insane all I can do is laugh
Agree. The physical damage that occurs is horrid. I got breast cancer and my surgeon said it mostly related to high-stress levels. I also almost died from liver failure, not to mention other things, like the fight or flight. Those health issues arose during separation from my narcissistic spouse. My emotions are so disregulated. Sorry, I could go on. Much love and healing all of you!!!
The hardest part was when I had to grieve myself, who I once was. I didn’t want to say goodbye, especially when all I had was me after the abuse ran its course. I didn’t want to accept the disassociated, emaciated body, lacking identity, reflecting back in the mirror- because I wasn’t sure if I could ever rebuild.
The gas lighting, blame shifts, guilt trips, & ridiculing are just as bad being called names, or physically abused. My ex is hot and cold and inconsistent with a baggage full of drama. This guy is awesome. He just described everything I'm going through right now. God bless this guy and his work. Thank you. I needed to hear this today.
After decades of gaslighting, invalidation and emasculation, I no longer know who I am, what I like, or even like my old hobbies. If I tell myself to just be myself, but I no longer know who that is
Do you remember any interests, hobbies, music, art, movements/exercises that you like even just a little bit? That's a clue, and directions and steps you can take to pour back into your own cup. Remember to give yourself grace and allowance to be bad at these things, it's part of the journey to finding your joy!
I’m just out for good of a 20 year relationship, I’m the empath in an empath/narcissist dynamic. It takes work but you can rebuild yourself and take your life back. Never even consider for a second going back. It will never change
What about when you were a child? What did you like, or what interested you? Give your inner child what they always wanted 💖 but from yourself, not from others
I was finally able to leave a 40 year marriage, just 2 1/2 years ago. Hearing you discribe what my life was like, makes my heart race. It took years to understand what was happening. These types of people mess with your whole psyche. They are so damaging. No one ever talked about this kind of thing before. It's hard to understand how someone can be so manipulative and unempathetic, like they have no soul. I was also raised by a narcissitic mother.
42.5 years married here. Divorced 7.5 years now. Never even knew the word narcissist till after I left him. Betrayal Trauma also fits my situation. Hugs to all.
I understand where you coming from: mum was toxic and have had lots of toxic friendships and relationships. I settled and had children with my ex believing that I deserved to be treated badly because I was faulty
I'm 24 years in and it has also recently been revealed to me what she is. I always knew that there was something "off" about her, but now, thanks to videos like these, I've planned my escape. I filed for divorce weeks ago. This whole situation is sad and just sick. I can't believe I gave 24 years of my life to her. I also recently found out she had a 15-year affair. I'm out!
Never, ever play "fair" with a narcissist. They thought you were a mere pawn on their elaborate emotional chessboard, nothing more. They still think that. They will always think that. You also deserve someone who can resolve conflicts without lying to you, script-flipping, and double-script-flipping (falsely accusing you of falsely accusing them).
How do u react in gaslighting in a hospital scene that I have 7 months of not being admitted and I need to be operated ,and I'm just needing now ,a chronic illness should not be treated lightly but I' love advocating ,who is feeling FEAR and knowing ur going to get sicker because my family also is not that support system ,yes they care all that u said I've been around not safe ,I'm not going to take it lightly ,,good luck people
Thinking your in survival mode and taking the man pants and healing from hosputao l trauma ,I'm pretty sure people would put honecare ,well I'm relying people 20 years ago it was not his way ,everyone is NOT difficult ull know in 5 min u talk to someone
I went back. Now im so depressed that i cant get out of bed. I pray God will help me to get away one last time. And this time be strong enough to stay away. It os hard with no friends or family.
You want love, don't be depressed. Have faith that God doesn't want us to suffer and that he has someone for you. Don't give up, be kind to yourself 😊 your worth it. Try and make a plan and get away, they purposely get us almost addicted to them because when we do leave it feels like we are going to die, it just hurts and trust the process. I promise you can get through it, it will probably be one of the hardest things that you will have to do, but after time you will heal and be able to breathe again.
I was in a similar boat recently. God was telling me for a full year to leave this man. I had a string of “bad luck.” With the sky. The last straw was my shark attack at the beach. He said that I ruined the vacation on the first day and the first hour. I was in the ocean, and both of my feet were attacked by a shark that the locals saw. I didn’t see it. he treated me terribly the whole entire time. He did it everything that he was supposed to do but with a blind rage. He had different plans for the vacation… From the looks of the camera, equipment, and tripod. Once I could get away from him (on a remote island in North Carolina), I didn’t look back. I also had loved him with everything I had, and thought I had met the best man possible! Like my friend said… When a person shows you their true colors, don’t stick around for another episode of it. My pastor said “it’s not the first time. God used a fish to get their attention. Lol.
It is not easy to be alone, but it is easier than alone with someone. The latter is cruel, and gradually might bring us to very very dark thoughts, and god forbid, further. Go!! Please, go!! I was able to do that, but never was able to fix my physical health as I suffered for too long emotionally. Just go…
God will help you He did me. I grew up with a narc mom so if I was able to break free you can too. It was like I wasnt even me and I said God please help and He stepped in. I am so much better today and was a mess of a person and suicidal. You can do this!!!❤
I had never heard of narcissistic abuse. I thought my ex husband just didn't know how to love and was abusive. After i left him I was single for ten years. I didn't go out or date. Then I found the man of my dreams. I thought he was loving and amazing. As soon as we got married and he moved in, the nightmare began. Turns out that he is a narcissist as well, and I am in the same abusive pattern. I am embarrassed and ashamed. I don't want to leave my current marriage. Every day is the same, though , with him criticizing me and putting me down. He ruins every holiday. He has never acknowledged my birthday, our anniversary, or mother's day. I can't stand to be around him.
I'm so sorry that you feel like you can't leave but you must! I've been there with my ex, not having my birthday or mother's day acknowledged too. Sending you love ❤
I was reading your comment thinking it was my own! I did this exact thing. It’s something we attract…but that doesn’t mean we deserve their abuse. I promise you..if you just ask yourself..what would I tell my son or daughter to do if they were in my situation. I would tell them they need to leave to save their future mental health. I broke off my second marriage a year after he moved in. Your body will reject them before your mind. It’s very hard to make that leap; but I know it’s a must; or I will end up too weak and broken to walk away. Sending you all the courage and light you need to move on. Save yourself. Save your energy. Keep your sanity intact. ❤
I was married 40 years. When I left, I lived in my car for years. I found that I even tolerated abuse and mistreatment from casual friends. I'd rather be alone in my car than with any abusive person, spouse, lover, or friend. Work on healing before you make any decisions, but make your decision based on what is best for you.
I promise, while there are many narcissists out there, and everyone has their narcissistic moments, there ARE MEN WHO WILL TREAT YOU WELL! There are men that will resolve conflict respectfully, who will put you first and accept the love you offer them. I know it's hard to leave! My heart and prayers go out to you! I'm a life coach and see so many people who allow fears to hold them back, it's so so so normal, and you can work through your fears and find love and peace and your beautiful self! I see people do it all the time! Hang in there!
Defensive, Attacking, Reverse Victim, Offender. All of it. Any time I expressed how I felt, with an "I" message, he would become immediately defensive and when, once, in the middle of a video conversation,he got angry because I didn't agree with him, he told me to f'ing be quiet in anger and when I told him I wasn't ok with being spoken to that way, he hung up abruptly! Then he said it was my morals or ego that caused me to be upset and he hadn't done anything wrong and wasn't sorry. He also told me I should look at what I did to make him act that way! And how he was a victim of me telling him how I feel and he can't make me "happy". Total emotional immaturity. Now he is trying to hoover me back in. But I am done. For good.
I am so proud of you! Life gets better after you leave for good, trust me. I left my abuser 2 moths ago and i feel so free now. Praying for your safety and for your happiness❤️
A narcissistic x is like a pair of designer shoes that are too small. You love them. But you don't want to wear them. Just your list of questions triggered me. I dont know if I will EVER be able to date again, but at least I saved myself.
You can date again, but do it very differently this time and Very, very slowly... Don't agree to sleep with a man for very long time - at least for over a year or until you will definitely be sure that he is very serious and Not playing about you... Most of men will fall off,when you will have that attitude, but don't worry about it and take it easy... Just keep dating randomly and one day you will meet the one... But, that might happen sooner than you think... Untill the time when a man offered a marriage or showed a proper and very consistent loving and caring behaviour towards you, until then and only till then, just treat him only as a friend and don't romanticise him or them...
You can date again, but do it very differently this time and Very, very slowly... Don't agree to sleep with a man for very long time - at least for over a year or until you will definitely be sure that he is very serious and Not playing about you... Most of men will fall off,when you will have that attitude, but don't worry about it and take it easy... Just keep dating randomly and one day you will meet the one... But, that might happen sooner than you think... Untill the time when a man offered a marriage or showed a proper and very consistent loving and caring behaviour towards you, until then and only till then, just treat him only as a friend and don't romanticise him or them...
When I was in it, I didn’t understand what was happening. I was never good enough, too sensitive, and totally crazy. He drilled that into my head and I didn’t know if I was coming or going. I made notes of every conversation so I could come to him with facts about what happened. And he would still leave me confused and upset. He broke up with me 3 years ago. I had no where to go and no one. It was the hardest thing I have ever been through. It wasn’t easy. But I can say that now I am the healthiest and happiest I have ever been. Thank you for this video. It felt like you were talking to me and repairing and validating my personal pain.❤ there can always be strength and healing.
I relate to you so much. When he broke up, it was actually funny that I had no idea who I was anymore. Its been 4 years. Last year he texted again when he broke up with his new gf and asked me if we could meet. I knew all his tricks. I knew not a word he says means anything. Yet when he said he is depressed, I felt bad and made the worst decision of my life to meet him. He is back with his ex now. And my healing journey is back to square one. How pathetic! I hate myself!
@_iam1533 Don't hate yourself. This is how they operate. Leave everyone in a damaged state. You know better for next time. Hang in there. Healing feels like it's taking forever...butbone day you will be on the other side and healed and happy!
I am you 3 years ago, after 16 years I left his house with nowhere to go. Lived with my mum until I moved into a rented apartment last Monday. It's been difficult, I am glad to hear that you are doing much better and hope I will be the same.
I used to make notes too! In conversations with him i realized i would never say the things i wanted to before because he dominated every conversation in very subtle ways and just turned everything around leaving me feeling like i was SO wrong. Then i started writing down what i wanted to say and read it to him. It didnt help, he just said i was remembering stuff wrong or that i was at fault or whatever. It was horrible. Now thinking back on this stuff i always get a feeling of being trapped in my chest.
@@Clleonie every second, time moves forward. You are always healing. ❤️🩹 grief isn’t linear and it won’t always feel like it, but it’s true. Best to you love ❤️
I want to share, I left my narcissistic relationship of 20yrs two years ago. Healing is an upward spiral. I do still love him, he's the father of my children. I just love him like family. I realize now how younger version of me trauma bonded to a boy who reflected my father wounds. I do still love him, I do blame myself for not having self worth and boundaries. I had to find myself and love myself more than how much I wanted to please others. I had to learn to be a little selfish. I'm still learning 😌 Trust the process, it's worth it. You will be loved correctly when you believe in your heart, you deserve it.
Yeah. I'm finally learning the part about our nervous systems. It's really hard to finally accept the fact that mine is simply wired poorly. I mean, I am more like a quintessential "man's man" at least in many aspects and scenarios. But I'm also wired (probably from childhood trauma, like everyone else, I'm finding out) for closeness and a tight bond with my "significant other." I want to be linked tightly with that person. And I want to get excited at the mere thought of her. But I want it to be reciprocated. Which for the first several years it was. It was wonderful! But I can't be the only one continuing to put that effort in, right? I mean, this person is supposed to be my "partner" in life... With all things. But after 17 years of staying and fighting for the relationship, no matter what. Keeping it together and as wonderful as I possibly can... I'm still left with basically nothing. Wanting and needing more, that I just can't seem to get. Always left feeling alone, to hurt and to deal with these things on my own. With the reaction being that classic "I'm sorry I didn't know" or "I guess I don't understand" act! Still. Smh Which, I'm now guessing, is maybe true. Maybe she just doesn't get it, or understand those types of deep feelings? That's a really hard thing to accept, though. So I'm basically hanging onto threads, atp. Of what was, and of what I'm hoping "could be." It's difficult to actually face the fact that it's not enough. When you do genuinely love that person. Who, at their best, feels like your home or your comfort. What makes it worse, as a man, is the way others react or dismiss your feelings. Especially as a pretty tall, "muscular or fit" looking guy. I'm not sure on how to describe it... But you get treated like you're just being weak. Or that you're being a baby about things, when you truly care. When you express deep hurt & pain, you get the eye rolls and the dismissive statements, from anyone you try to talk to about it. Which leaves you feeling so lost, and completely trapped within yourself. With no hope and nowhere to turn. At times it feels like I'm coming out of my skin, it hurts so badly and feels so hopeless & helpless. I've gotten a tiny bit better, I guess? Maybe? After the last few months of totally falling apart, that is. But I still have a many moments where I feel absolutely crushed by the pain of it all. And by the obsessive thoughts about everything, from the entire relationship, that I just can't seem to shake. Oddly, it's mainly the good thoughts & memories that pop up the most frequently, and just won't seem to dissipate or go away. Which makes it even harder. Even though I know how irrational it sounds to others, I can't imagine having to be without her, or having to find someone new. Having to admit, to myself and everyone else, that I was this wrong about it all. For this long! Ugh. It's just overwhelming. Especially when I think about the trash state of the dating world that seems to be out there. Just the thought of having to get back out there, into all that, feels exhausting! 😫 Anyway, I'm clumsily trying to say that I get it. And I commiserate. I'm sorry that you, and so many others, have also had to go through this also. It feels like it just shouldn't be so common, as it is! But maybe that's just the childlike dreamer in me, that longingly wishes for a more ideal world? Idk? 🤷🏻♂️ I wish you all the best. I'm sure you'll be fine though. It seems easier for attractive women, from my standpoint. Although, I guess that could be a misconception also?! Lol That's just the way it always appears to us men, anyway. It is crazy though, the way opposites tend to attract. Which it seems is exactly the reason we get hurt, or that it ends up so bad. Strange, painful lives we live, huh.
Amen Pauline - if I have to choose a silver lining with leaving was this- The Romantic feelings are dead - now healing from all the other stuff that happened.
This intriguing video serves as a poignant reminder of the heartache I've been enduring since my 7 year relationship came to an end 4 months ago. My cherished partner, the love of my life, made the difficult decision to part ways, leaving me consumed by thoughts of him. Despite my earnest attempts to win him back, I find myself facing frustration and an overwhelming sense of emptiness, unable to envision a life without his presence. Despite my efforts to move on, I'm compelled to confess my lingering feelings and longing for him here
The process of releasing a loved one can be an uphill battle. I can relate, having navigated a similar journey when my 8 year relationship dissolved. Despite the heartache, I refused to relinquish hope and embarked on a quest to win him back. Turning to a spiritual counselor for assistance, I found guidance that ultimately led to our reconciliation.
All I wanted was to have a family … after 32 years of a toxic marriage, I left home, .... I “lost” the abusive husband… my 2 adult children, friends and even the dogs... now I'm alone. Thank you for your words❤
I am so sorry beautiful. Remember it was not you, they have a massive void in their hearts and don't care about anything but fulfilling their needs. Don't let it poison your heart, set your boundries and go love again ❤
I want to thank-you for your content. It took me 23 years in an isolated, neglectful, hurtful, manipulative, emotionally abusive relationship with a narcissist to realize that, one person cannot care enough for two. One person cannot love enough or try enough for two. I wish I could have those years back, but live and learn. Between you and learning about the love languages, I've learned so much about myself and how to value myself. Still don't trust myself enough to try again, but I know that I deserve respect. You've helped give me the language to benefit any relationship. Thank-you.
I was in a relationship with a narcissist for 11 years. Now after 2 years, I am dating someone new, and it's horrible although it is a wonderful person. I'm only now realising the real after-effects of this previous abusive relationship, the fears, the doubts, the insecurities, the big problem of trusting someone again without thinking bad things.
@@more_crispy it's very hard. And few people can understand us. Ive had that experience and the new person was really unable to deal with how hurt and confused I was and made it all about him. No matter what, some of us understand. We just have to remember that. We are ok
Firstly sorry for the 11 years of abuse you suffered. I did 8 and I can understand somewhat. After 3 years, I'm still not ready to date. I know I'll either choose the wrong person or potentially ruin something special by not being emotionally stable enough.
Two years after leaving I also tried dating. Dated a man for about a year that I actually felt safe with. That was so scary. It felt wrong that he was kind to me. Like I was always waiting for the ulterior motive. First time we fell asleep cuddling I had a panic attack because he fell asleep without any expectations of me. Feeling safe was such a foreign feeling that I just bawled like I did something wrong. We only lasted a year (no one's fault, just not enough in common), but I learned so much and decided I needed time to work on myself, my fears and insecurities. I won't settle now until I find a relationship that makes me feel safe.
He could apologize very well, it seemed so genuine, but I wasn't allowed to tell him how it made me feel, because he apologized and it was supposed to be all okay...
@@Lotusawj it felt and seemed like a heartfelt apology but eventually I realised that it was just talk... A real apolgy implies change in behaviour, which there wasn't....
I left a 10 year relationship earlier this year with who I believe is a narcissist or at least shows traits. Everything in this video is so spot on about how confused I was and how it made me question if I’m faking being a good person and am actually the narcissist. She finally cheated on me and the lack of accountability or straight up blaming me was the last straw and I left and moved home with my parents. I’ve started building a relationship slowly with one of my best friends and she’s so kind and gentle and patient with me, and always makes sure to encourage healthy and open communication between us. I’ve never been treated so selflessly before like this. It was extremely hard and hurt like hell to be the one to walk away, especially because she made me feel so guilty for not staying and trying harder (even though I tried like hell while she just made me feel bad or like I was “too much”). But leaving my ex was the best thing to ever happen to me. I’m the happiest I’ve ever been and feel so free.
No one understood how me, a man, could say I was hurt emotionally by a vindictive female narcissist I was in a relationship with. Behind closed doors, it was blatant. In public, I was chastised, berated and made jokes about at my expense, often in front of other friends. Always walked 30 feet in front of me, never holding hands in public. I got accused once of 'not introducing her fast enough'. So many signs, of a classic narc were evident. I really am taking time to heal, I can't see me in a relationship until I get through this. She's tried to hoover me a third time, several blow ups over the littlest things, all my fault of course. I decided this was the last time. Not easy, the trauma bond was strong and I struggle still.
Hi there, I get it. Same for me w my ex. Hei, to encourage you, it's a sad miserable cruel world out there who doesn't get it many a times, men also go thru suffering and pain, we re talking ab a spouse here... That shows you were authentic and loved her. Focus on ur healing and self love and be w the ones, few I know, that get you. Blessings
My heart goes out to you. When I've witnessed abuse, physically or verbally, by a woman towards another man, I've always called it out. I think American culture almost encourages women to complain and be nasty towards their partners and I think it's terrible. It's VERY common. We have to hold each other accountable in society.
Holy crap this came up in my feed today. I got him out yesterday August 1st. I went back twice already in the past. I'm done. He has nothing to bribe me with any longer. I don't want his affection or trips or money. Thank God I'm free. I woke up to peace and calm today. Amazing. 6 years. Wow. Even the cat had trauma bonded to him. Kitty is so mellow today.
Well, that's nice of you to say we're not broken but I feel broken. They crush your spirit. Make you feel ugly, unattractive, worthless, useless. I remember my partner saying he was 'damaged goods' once. That's how he made me feel by the end. So now, mostly, I stay home.
I'm so sorry that happened to you. I just wanted to say that you are so much more in the eyes of Jesus and He truly cares about you.❤️ "For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made" (psalm 139) "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." (Psalm 34:18)
It took me a few months of being out to really realize how bad the relationship was. And I felt like I could finally breathe again!! Lots of therapy, lots of RUclips videos on narcissism to educate myself, and I am healing. It. Gets. BETTER!! You CAN leave your abusive, soul-crushing, lying, crazy-making, toxic narc! And you deserve your freedom and hope and joy and peace and love waaaaaay more than you think you do!
How do you always do that? Reach me in my core, make me cry and feel understood? How?😢 Your channel is one of the most helpful I ever found. Thank you for all you do. It's a healing experience, truly. Thanks Jimmy
Hardest thing in the world to do. I finally had met 'the one' who was my reward for all the previous crap. Was so hard to accept that this was just yet more crap, and 'the one' is yet somewhere else, if they exist at all. The grief of the false dream is nearly worse than the abuse
I am never going back to the disrespect, the yelling, slamming doors, emotional, financial, mental, abuse. It took me 9 yrs until I finally called it done. I loved him so much so I tried over and over again. I hung on to him until it and me "died."
He doesn't even understand what he did to me. He didn't understand my pain. He lied and he broke boundaries many times. He says he knows he has a problem but isn't willing to seriously look at it.
I finally give up on my Nac ex after trying millions of times in past 5 years. My kindness and patience and forgiveness did not make him better,but gave him enough courage to treat me even worse .this kind of person ,they don’t have ability of reflection.they won’t change .you are the only one fighting in this relationship and making all the compromises.you always feel rejected ,insulted ,devalued ,belittled ,not enough, not loved and so on ….i watched other couples in the street wondering why it can be so hard to just have a loving partner like that .
I was raised by narcissistic abusers. My exhusband was one. Two years after I left him I got into another one. Left him after 6mths. Was beginning something that lasted 2wks before their lack of respect and the imbalance made me decide to just end it before it begins. Mabe one day I'll be in a healthy relationship, but until then I fill my own cup. Thanks Jimmy.
@@derrevolutor6347 Way to make someone feel like shit for their decisions. It takes time to see how someone really is, and they even said they are now getting away from people like that, so good on them. Let's try to be kind m'kay?
@@paulaneary7877 not entirely true, i dont know what kind of person OP is. However i can see a pattern, OP seems to be pushing the idea that the men she picked turned out to be the same. Maybe take a retrospection to understand what is the underlying cause making OP turn to the same type of person all the time? So much self work that needs to be done. Because in the end, it is OP choices.
😢OMG. I am trying to end my going on 3 year situationship with a narcissist obviously. TY so much for opening my eyes and showing me I’m not alone in this. I’m living every aspect of this in my never seemingly going to end nightmare. TY. I believe you just saved my life. ❤
I ghosted mine after trying and going back to him about five times. I feel bad especially considering at one point in the three years together, we were engaged and so close but then I think you know what? We were actually never close..it was just an illusion and when a person abuses you even emotionally, you don't owe them anything.
Thank you, the “feeling safe” part really hit home with me…narcs don’t care about you feeling safe, protected, or respected. So sad. Also, I agree, better to let go than to keep psychoanalyzing them. It’s a true waist of time. Either they’re for you or they’re not. Better to recognize it & choose to protect yourself.
Agree, the feeling safe part was a new way of looking at it for me and really resonated. I never felt safe. I'll use that as a benchmark in future with new people. If they make me feel unsafe like that, I'm gone. (Unsafe as a separate thing from the strangeness and new-ness of being treated well, because I know that for those raised in abusive households, safety and kindness and feel kinda weird. But that is distinct and different to that awful pain of feeling emotionally unsafe with a narc)
25 years, 20 married to him. My husband isn’t a narc, he is emotionally immature with no introspective qualities. He keeps trying to fix his outward persona instead of healing his core wounding. I have watched him reinvent himself many times, but he eventually goes back into his depression, blames me for his unhappiness, brings out his laundry list of my flaws and how I made him this way (I didn’t-his long term friends told me years ago he is jealous-that’s just how he is), and he still wants me to do all of the changing to save our marriage and be a better partner for him. Bruh, I did do all of the changing and accommodating. Now I am no longer willing to just acquiesce to his version of events. They shift with his moods, and what is most convenient for him in the moment. Logic has left the building, but “logic” is tool he uses to shut me up. I am glad to see a man here that has gone through it, too, not because of your pain, but because you are committed to learning and healing. I admire that. Have a good one.
Oh god..that's so horrible... for me im just in highschool but my ex ok he was narcissistic af not only that I also got physically abused stalked around bullied he spread lies and rumours about me he silent treated me and was always the victim, made someone naive and sweet and strong like me break down in front of the whole school oh my god can you imagine this guy was 16 years old...
@@magiveemSo sorry you had to experience that, no one deserves it. Like most of us, you're probably a very kind & empathetic person that was targeted. You're young and have that on your side, so learn from the lesson now and set those healthy boundaries. You deserve the best in life. You don't want to learn this in your 50s after 27 years of a traumatic marriage & the guilt of what you put your children through. It hurts too much. 😢 Blessings to you ❤
I was raised by narcissistic parents, attracted narcissistic female relationships. Was bound and determined to heal from this by getting professional help. Found a specialized trauma therapist. Turned out to be the most incredibly intelligent covert narcissist/ emotional manipulator. Robbed me of my life savings. Imagine these people trained to make a living in the mental health field... shouldn't be legal.
That’s insane. I feel for you. No one should be taken advantage of by a mental health professional. It’s an imbalanced dynamic just on its face, and an intimate one because you are vulnerable. Thank you for sharing so we can be forewarned. You are kind for doing so.
Being with my ex narc for the past 8 yrs. made me observe this very pattern. I think they wanted to feel very important in a way that is disturbing. Instead of building trust with their intimate partners, they destroy the trust that they built with you (in that case lying when they tried to put you in their pedestal). Once they have a committed partner, they can’t stand being loved authentically by one person. Instead they go on and prey on other women that is susceptible to their love bombing. My ex narc was a compulsive pursuer in a relationship. He would go back and forth to the women he were involved before or try to meet women in complicated situation so that going public isn’t an option while having you as their main supply. In the end they destroy the very person that loved them. They are like toddlers testing your love for them. Showing and telling them you love them isn’t enough, they will cheat on your face to make you feel inadequate even if you are more than they deserve. They want to test your love for them so they keep hurting you and when you have enough of their abuse, you leave. Then they tell you, ‘you never loved me because you abandon me’. Well in fact it’s their actions and narcissistic behavior that made you leave or in other cases they discard you and will give silly reasons of the discard. Mine would use, ‘she’s crazy’, ‘she’s a nega-star’, ‘she insults me’, ‘she cheated on me’ et al. So with this pattern of infidelities and emotional abuse (who knows what else) it’s better to walk away. I did walk away and is now rebuilding my life with our daughter. We are struggling financially because I’m not earning enough to provide for my daughter but now we get to laugh and bring with us sunshine every day. No lies, no abuse and no fake love. We only live once, forgive yourself and move forward but never forget the lesson that narc abuse taught you. That is to respect yourself to walk away from what’s hurting and destroying you. That you deserve a life of solitude, happiness and love. Hugs*** :) Additionally I hired a private detective Metaspyhub@gmail. com. Once I knew what the narc was up to, it got easier to get over that lying, cheating, sack of doo doo, loser. I didn’t need closure from the narc, I paid for it. Best money I EVER spent!
After five years and many videos, yours is by far the most impactful, powerful, reasonable, doable that I’ve ever encountered. Thank you for your caring words and sound safe advice that make me feel like a whole person again. Your voice is soothing is easy to listen to and understand and really take in. You don’t mince words or give unreal situations. And you see both sides. So glad I found your channel. ❤ P.s. I love dating myself, doing or not doing what I want, coming/going as I please and living with a wonderful doggy who gives me unconditional love that I never felt I got. There’s nothing wrong with not finding a replacement relationship. I found it within myself and I’m home free.
Whether it's a new partner or a friend, as soon as the person isn't respectful and doesn't feel sorry for it, i walk away without even arguing; I don't care if there's an official "narcissistic" diagnosis or not. But I'm still traumatized and stuck with some family members... Also losing my son due to his narcissistic father feels like a permanent broken heart.
As for ''official diagnosis'', as this is not biology etc. but matters of the mind, there is nothing that can replace life experience in truly knowing what NPD is, not even an arm's length list of degrees. It's the one disorder that makes everyone around thems life impossible not their own.
I feel for you I worry about that all of the time and can imagine the pain. That feels so unfair because it's like they've been poisoned from seeing things as they are while at the same time wondering why they don't feel emotionally safe or afraid to tell him anything
People do throw around narcissist a lot, even narcs themselves do it. But one of the traits for sure is they never take accountability for anything, and they never truly apologize to people... It's like their brains can't compute because they seriously lack emotional empathy. That's really what a narc is, a person that lacks the ability to feel empathy even slightly.
This is exactly my relationship. He kept telling me over and over that I was crazy. I was starting to believe him. I can relate to every single thing that you said in this video. What a tangled web they spin. Thank you for the validation and for breaking my pain and confusion into understandable pieces. I have a lot of healing to do, but I can see it now.
Relationships are hard. But I've discovered that there's always a solution to every problem. Five years ago, my wife and I were facing divorce because of issues in our marriage, but we managed to resolve them. It was challenging, but we made it through.
I genuinely want to be happy as well. I'm in a relationship, and even though we're apart, I can't think of life without her; my love for her is solid. I really want her back, and I'm committed to making it work. We've tried different things, like therapy, to mend things.
I appreciate your direction. I'll swiftly look her up online. Thanks. I'm hopeful that following this course of action will bring about positive changes for me too; her absence is deeply felt.
If only one person is trying to resolve an issue, it will not work...and that's exactly what happens when someone is in a relationship with a narcissist. The only resolve they want I'd what feeds them....not what feeds BOTH people.
It takes time but self love and healing gets you back to a better place. You will never be the same but understand what you were was allowed this type of person in. It’s an opportunity to build a new bridge for yourself and discover your better self. Build bonds with a sp who truly values you. That fantasy you had of that person can be found for yourself without them. When you give yourself that love you’ll be surprised what type of people you attract. Take the leap and don’t look back. You deserve it
It was so internalized that the only way I could be loved if it was earned. I grew up all alone, striving to be “perfect”. I did everything I could. When I was with my ex, I cried to Heaven above me. I pleaded. I tried so hard. I only asked for kindness, some form of peace and safety. But it was never granted to me. I felt so stupid for even asking, and I believed I didn’t deserve it.
Jimmy you are spot on with this. After 20 yrs our relationship was the best it had ever been as long as I followed the rules. I made a good friend and realized that was as good as it was ever going to be and that wasn’t enough for me. I wasn’t happy, I had re-made myself into the person my partner wanted me to be. I had lost who I was. With the support and help of my friend I ended the relationship. It was the hardest thing I have ever done but was also the best thing I have ever done. It’s been 29 years since I left and I’m so glad I did. When I look back on it, instead of wishing I had left sooner I try to think of the courage it took to do it. Jimmy- Thank you for your channel, your advice for having healthy relationships, and examples in navigating conflict in a positive manner. ❤
I’m speechless. I almost feel a sense of shame because I should’ve already known what to look for in a healthy relationship. But I’m just now getting around to learning what that is from this video. In an American society so inundated by looking for the red flags, it’s hard to know whether the green ones even exist. And that’s where I start making concessions and looking the other way when narcissistic tendencies show up. Because of my relationship with my father, I had a long-held belief that green flags (or good men) don’t actually exist, so I have to “take what I can get.” Bless you for making this video. I will read over these notes that I’ve taken until they’re etched into my heart. I cannot take another heartbreak or another run-in with a narcissistic man. Thank you, God bless you. It’s a wonder that this video popped up in my recommended. It was nourishment to my soul! ❤️ When I get married again (and yes I’m okay with being single forever if that’s Gods will, but I choose to have hope and faith!), you and my therapist will receive a great deal of credit 🌸
8 years of narcissistic abuse . I lost my job all of my savings all my friends and family including my hope to live. I really do not know what to do next. So hurt broken lost and confused rite now 😢💔
I pray you have found some hope. You are not alone. I promise you❤. Please reach out and ask for help from someone safe, even if it’s only a therapist. Sending you prayers of peace and healing ❤️🩹.
After she got caught cheating. I was called crazy, it was my fault, I was a drunk and I wasn’t affectionate enough. The blame shifting and smear campaign started years before the divorce. When you move on and implement the no contact rule. Heal yourself and don’t look back.
Yes a narcissist will harm your ability to relate to people...lose trust...I use to be open... but evil people are just waiting for you to say something that can be used against you...They are ruinous...having had many in my life I feel destroyed by their all out attack on the psyche. They appreciate nothing... and expect everything... Nothing works with a narcissist... run away
I just left an abusive relationship last week... listening to all of this is really helpful! Is affirming that whatever I was feeling was right and I'm not crazy for asking consistency and vulnerability! I made the best decision of my life!
For me, I realized it was my fault for not recognizing the signs. I grew up with a narcissistic mother. So I thought it was normal. Now that I know better, it is very easy to spot the signs and keep moving. I actually thank my narc ex for teaching me this.
This video rings so true! The more I have listened to videos about narcissism, the more I worried it was me who was the narcissist. I got so angry and yelled at him in our fights. The person I became and the few names I actually ended up calling him shocked me. I have never called anyone names or gotten so mad or screamed at anyone like I did him... My ex knew what to say to bring it all out. I ended up stonewalling him and giving him the silent treatment to cope. It made him wild. He needed my reaction, and since has told all my old friends how crazy I am. No one wants anything to do with me. He is a vulnerable narcissist who plays the victim card and never takes responsibility. He would take the few things I ever did wrong or lied about and would throw them in my face when I would try to give him some constructive criticism. I tried so much to help him grow and be a better person, little did I know he wasnt capable of that. He would take my words, twist them around and all of a sudden, I was the one with the problem. Everytime. I shut down and stopped bringing stuff up. As long as we didn't talk about the problems, we could coexist. The shame I felt when he touched me, the hatred I felt for myself over not being strong enough to RUN!!! I convinced myself I stayed for my step son and so the family didnt get ripped apart. Partly yes, but really my self esteem was too low, I hated myself cause every time I tried to break up with him, he refused and I allowed it. Until he finally agreed with me one night that maybe we didn't belong together. I changed my fb status to separated and started talking like we were broken up and how we would deal with moving. Not the healthiest but I jumped on my opportunity. Its only been 3 months and I still feel the shame, and self hate. One day I shall be healed. It just takes time.
I am so sorry you are still recovering. But I hope that when you realise the value to yourself that you will be your best friend ever. Your story resonates with me 100%. Except I am still coexisting but I love me, I realise that I am valuable to myself and others deserving of kindness, around me. I reached an empowering stage where silence is about peace and not proving my point or defending myself. I actually give a darn about what others think of me, good or bad, and I am OK, I will be OK. I don't need others to validate me. I am/was lacking courage and means in order to move forward, for me. And this is what I am working on right now. Small steps. Good luck on your path.
Thank you Jimmy, from the bottom of my heart. It's so good to hear those words "YOU are valuable." So many of us have never heard them. You are doing a very valuable service. 💚
I divorced the narcissist father of my First two kids 20 years ago and I clicked on this video because I feel like it left me with a stain that I will never recover from. I pretend or try or believe I’ve healed but this needs more attention than it’s ever gotten. Even in two years of therapy, we never talked about him. The only time we did, my therapist asked me why I cared at all about my interactions with him .😮 on the rare occasion that we interacted - the kids by then were 20. I have cut him off but like I said feel seriously BROKEN In Spirit by that experience
@@DSW-dq5bx i think Laura was the one who did not bring the Subject to the conversation but if the relationship caused so much harm i believe to talk about self is most important but about him also
Eventually with time and healing you will let it go something so much better out there and now you know the red flags most don't or their entangled in the behavior of narcs
Yes! I absolutely EXPLODED because I was pushed to that point. This video made SO much more sense about my ex and our break up. It's been over a year and I found someone who's exactly the "safe person" you describe! So glad I found him and this healthy relationship. ❤
I recently exploded. It took 14 months. After three months the cracks appeared Everything was a problem. My male friends, my clothes. I work in a gym and I wear leggings for work, but according to him that's inappropriate and all I was doing was trying to draw attention to myself because I'm a wh@re and a sl@t. He would bring me flowers to apologise and then abuse me again for something else. I couldn't keep up with the list of things I couldn't say or do. But finally I flipped. I kept all my knowledge and all his lies I caught him in and then threw them at him, all at once. He didn't know what to say. I left and felt a huge relief, but for a short time. Because he didn't leave . Texts and turning up at my gym. So when I blocked him, he turned up at my house. He wanted to talk. When he didn't like my answers he went straight back to abusing me. I have now had to contact the police. He twisted everything, I heard him change a whole story Infront of me. I was lucky I had a random person at the gym witness what he had done because he had turned a whole scenario on its head and accused me of lying about it. The memory and distorted reality games they play is awful. I had a stroke six years ago, so before I left that day, I made it clear. This is not the hill I'm willing to die on, you are not worth it. Go get help and stay away from me. It's still not over, for him, but for me. I will never look back.
Thank you for posting this! It definitely validated how I felt and what I did. The trauma bond was SO strong but then it became extremely toxic. Just removing my partner from the house started my emotional regulation and healing.
This honestly felt like it was made just for me. I have no words to tell you how absolutely ridiculously spot on you are with what you’re saying, when I compare it to my current situation. Some very lucky people will have you as a therapist in their lives. Thank you. From the heart; thank you. You have no idea how much this video meant for me. Bless you and your channel.
I was never allowed to be frustrated or angry. If I showed frustration I was going to get a lecture about why I wasn’t right to be frustrated and how I was actually the one that did something wrong.
I was in a relationship for 8 years with a narcissist. I didn’t realise it at the time but now I do. We were together for 8 years and no one except his family knew. He broke up with me 5 times in those 8 years, and every time he came back to ask me to get back together it was always with a list of what I needed to change about myself in order to be “loveable”. It was 8 years of being ignored, made to apologise for stuff he did to me. Being accused of breaking my ankle on purpose to ruin our holiday. Being called physically repulsive but then asked for s*x. There was lots more but everyone here knows the drill sadly. I finally figured out why I kept having awful relationships. I practically raised myself. My parents ignored me to the point I was sexually abused by a relative when I was 6 years old and no one even noticed or cared. I have had therapy ongoing for years on and off, and now I am in a great place. I am happy on my own now. I have self respect and I actually care about me.
I like the way you teach, build up, He was worse then a narcissist, I still have flashbacks and trauma in my body 😢they are demon possessed, good love giving serving does not work with them. They abuse you steal from you cheat and play victim. I wished I knew then what I know now I am just mellow kind it’s not because I don’t have boundaries It’s because I have empathy
You attract yourself into the situations that align with the energy you put out!! The most important thing you can do after a toxic relationship is self-reflect - ask yourself what part you played and call yourself out on your own toxicity. Work on yourself and heal before entering into a new one. You’re not always the victim, you’re not always right, you’re not always the innocent one.
People that were together with a narcissist need to learn how to receive. They know how to give, but they need to receive too. Love is giving and receiving... Not just giving or receiving... When you understand this you will find the right partner...
Oh my God, it was the worst pain I ever experienced. I wish this video came into my life a year ago. I took time to heal to go through the herd. The pain the want and the hate. This was beautiful because I learned how beautiful I am and how deeply profoundly I could love. I also had time to recognize the patterns that I allowed when it came to my ex. I still have fear of running into him or getting one of those unidentified calls. It's a journey but it was a journey that makes me even stronger as a woman.
Hope can make you hold on for years without your needs being met. Awareness is key! Thank you so much for the kind words and for spreading awareness. It’s been a while since I’ve been validated like this and I can’t thank you enough. I’m listening and I hear you and I’m getting stronger every day. You help clear up so much confusion. Thank you! You are making a difference!
This video I like and needed to hear over 20 years of dealing with narc behavior is at it end done door closed and not opening, I see I was blind know I know what the red flags are ,
Although leaving a narcissist is the best thing you can do for yourself, there are also multiple reasons why that may not be possible (I.e., religious reasons, financial reasons, etc). That’s when you have to come to terms with the kind of person you’re dealing with and fully accept they will never change. Get therapy (if able), communicate with your friends and support system, get yourself out of the house (volunteer for something that’s important to you) basically create a life for yourself and find people and things that give you purpose and peace.
When you’re raised with gaslighting and emotional neglect, it’s hard to recognize it as not normal.
This is me 😢
You go along with the tormenting behaviors because you don't know better and, at the same time, are trying to stay safe for fear of the consequences of not supporting the narcissistic parent. Oof.
This is something I really struggle with. I am 46, was married for seventeen years, successful career, divorced, etc. The last few years I developed some health issues, and my mother and step dad also developed some health issues. So I moved back in so we could all help each other.
I had kinda forgotten why I moved out at 18, and moved states away.
It is just as abusive as it ever was. I am always treated as a child, love bombed them gaslit. I am isolated from everyone. I have my own tiny home, and just like when I was five years old I was not allowed my own space.
My mom opens my mail, paychecks, and medical statements. Two weeks ago I was informed, point blank, if I didn't discuss sensitive medical issues which are me and my docs business, no one else, She Would Make Things Up for her FB gossip. Her words.
I have been threatened with eviction if I don't comply with medical records. Disinherited. I have both of those in writing, she texted them to me.
My ex wife cheated on me with my former best friend. We divorced, but over time we are civil. We remember the awesome times, and she is happy. My mother texted me, "your ex wife and friend are just laughing at how pathetic you are! Lololol". Yeah, I screanshotted that one, and my ex came down on my side hard.
But, my mom and step dad still have serious issues. And they need help. So, with eyes wide open and a clear head I am gonna be a punching bag. Literally and figuratively. (When I reported the last physical assault, she told me it wasn't assault if there wasn't a bruise. I kept the text.)
Please, see me as a cautionary tale. Do not do what I did. It isn't worth it. For me, I have committed, and this is the last public complaint I will make. Mean people have a very hard time learning to not be mean.
First my mother, and now my daughter…what a loser I feel like.
I agree 👍🏼 It's a long process of dislearning/relearning the false/right markers in relationships
“Here I am, narcissist free. No one complaining. No one criticising. No one lying, cheating. Drama free.”
Thank God. There is light.
Unless you've had kids with them... 😕
@@farrellvanessa If you can't be around the narcissist, why would you let you're children be around the narcissist ?🤔🙄, narcissists don't even care about their children.
@@irenemorley75 I didn't "let" him be around our kids. I left. But having children with a narcissist ties you to them, even when you leave.
Its so funny that you say this. I left my relationship two years ago and just the other day, I realised that I haven't an angry word with anyone since I moved home. Its like a layer of anxiety has been removed, I'm not hypervigilant anymore AND I'm trusted to make my own decisions without judgement. :D
@@farrellvanessa haven’t left yet. This is my fear also
You didn't want to leave the relationship, because you care(d) deeply about this person. But you have to leave in order to find someone who cares deeply about you…
Ya that's what my husband said to justify divorcing me. He even went so far as to say he deserves to be loved by someone else.
First we have to care deeply about our self
@@victoryamartin9773 True, blaming and gaslighting.
@@stephanieparrish8648 let go of the traumabond. So there is space for yourself.
@@victoryamartin9773mine too. I was the reason he HAD to pursue that woman. If I could be like her he’d love me but I was too awful. He’d come back once I changed.
I’m still single 5 years later.
Narcissist say I’m sorry as a form of manipulation, not because they genuinely feel sorry
This "I'm sorry" you've heard a million times that loses all meaning because there is no actual changed behaviour after that.. it's like the Groundhog day of abuse, it makes you go crazy at times. I'm glad it's over for me.
Anyone out there trying to get out of this type of toxic relationship, I wish you success in finding peace in your life again ✨️✨️ You can do it ❤
25 years of...sorry but you ( insert 3 hour conversation)
@@hotcomodity21 Never once heard a "sorry". Lookimg back, I am happy for that. It would have only been another lie - more pain.
@@marielilylaborde4376my husband left yesterday. He has a habit of packing and leaving for a few weeks, maybe two months at the most. He comes back, says sorry, waits a few months to leave again. I’m exhausted. He says sorry all the time but doesn’t really mean it. He doesn’t want to argue all the time, but he’s not changing anything and think is normal for me to do it all and for him to come and go as he pleases. I’m absolutely exhausted.
And then when I was still reeling from the hurt he “apologized” for, he’d say, “I said I was sorry! Why can’t you get off it?” Before I knew it, I was apologizing to HIM. 21 years and 6 months. NEVER AGAIN.
These people make you die inside....we are the walking dead....I wouldn't have survived without Jesus...however, staying single keeps me sane. I pray for all of you to be free and healed!!❤🙏
Bless you❤
Yes, I was dead inside too . I’m going through a divorce with a narcissist.
I concur, staying single is better ...... Or trusting the Lord with specific Jesus qualities that will fulfil the relationship.
I survived without Jesus.
I wish this information would be addressed towards all types of relationships and not applying to only "a partner."
A narcissist slowly poisons your soul.
Yes. So very true.
💯 🎯
That’s so true, they are blood sucking vampires.
How ironic! My husband & I found Jimmy a while back and said we were going to watch a short or video minimum 3 days a week and then discuss what we thought, how it applied to us did we learn oubout ourself or relationship....my husband "never said that" a couple days later when he saw it on the calendar (my handwriting of course, per his instruction, or should I say, his suggestion, bc he'd " forgot to write it down and ur handwriting is better" only got it to be twisted around into my being a psycho crazy person making up stories probably bc my mom abused me and I just naturally want to sabotage anything good in my life and thatscokay, he understands..."....
Ironic bc about 1 yr after marriage, my daughter confessed to me that she wished ahe had a spy camera to set up bc she thought he might be poisoning me!!! About 4 months after moving in together I slowly be Me disabled, unable to walk and 100s of doctors, surgeries, etc & no solid answers.
after i walked away from my narcissistic ex, i changed his name in my phone to TERMITE bc he eats people away from the inside
NEVER EVER return to a partner who abused you in the smallest amount for ANY reason.
But do you understand that abuse is almost PREDOMINANTLY NOT EVER even physical. Like you are bound to be way more abused in non physical ways because people tend to be ignorant to what all abuse is considered.
making a mistake even a huge one is not, however, abuse. It's a mistake. There's a difference. A mistake means you have to decide it you can live with it after the changed behavior. Just my thought. I forgave a HUGE mistake. I did not tolerate abuse for an instant and I will never forgive it. (2 different situations and people)
Woops
@@SquishyGrayMatter You spelled indict incorrectly. I can see why you'd say woops.
@@Cy-bz9jh yep and making the mistake of not pressing charges is not one I will ever make again. Extenuating circumstances mitigate statutory report times against agencies especially if the reports were made correctly and then mishandled by officials, intentionally or not.
To everyone out there in the same situation as me! Please listen to yourself, trust your feelings and your own intuition. If a person constantly makes you feel like crap, unloved and unvalued. It's bacause the are treating you like crap and it's because they don't love and value you.
It's NOT because you are not tolerant enough of their BS. It's NOT because you have too high expectations of a partner and it's NOT because you're not good enough. It's probably the total opposite. You are TOO TOLERANT of their BS. You have TOO LOW expectations of your partner. And you are TOO GOOD for them.
Give yourself all the love you tried to give to them and you will live happily ever after! 🥰❤ Blessings from Sweden!
I needed this today ❤❤❤
Thank you so much ❤😭
😭
I'm currently going through a divorce with a narcissistic partner and everything he's saying is everything that was happening to me. Everything was always my fault and putting me down. For someone in prison he showed no Appreciation for anything that I did for him.
@@crystalbond2574 sounds familiar... stay strong
They think they are better than you. So let them be better without you.
Currently in the same boat as many others in this comment section. But i'm leaving him! I started writing everything down almost a year ago just so that he will not be able to manipulate me any further. I kept going back to my journals to see if I was really the problem. I wasn't. Got my action plan ready a month ago after 3 years of marriage and 1 year of love-bombing/dating him. Will be gone by the next month's end and will hopefully never look back. It's not easy but this community is giving me strength. Sending lots of hope and hugs to those in need. We got this!❤❤❤
Mine would always say " You think you are better than me? ".
No just leave him , why would anyone want to stay with a narcisist?
Brilliant advice. A narcissist will never question their own behaviour, only yours.
This is spot on!! Exactly what I experienced and so many others.
Apathy is more cruel than hatred. I left to save my sanity.
Same. 7 weeks since I left. Hope you're doing well.
I'm at 11 weeks! 🎉@@Clleonie
I’m at 2+ years of fleeing from my last narcissist. I still have occasional PTSD. I’m in a healthy relationship now, 8-1/2 months, and I’m scared to death I’m wrong again. I look for red flags everywhere…under rugs, behind curtains, I’m in love and terrified. So far, things keep getting better and better, yet I’m still apprehensive most days. When will the shoe drop? When will he have enough of me and turn into a monster? I’m 66 now and I’m still healing from a lifetime of emotional and physical abuse. I pray daily that that is all in the past. I wish us all here the best lives ever. Let the healing begin!
@@petmom74 just make sure you always keep a sense of independence, your own place, your own friends, your own money.
@@khakininja how are you after 11 weeks ? Are you no contact with your ex ?
Worst part: it wasn't even a relationship. It was a situationship. But the damage he left. I'm going for therapy next week
Situationship is a relationship, just one where they alleviated their sense of being responsible for their impact on your emotional safety.
Hope you find healing in therapy and confidence to not settle for any violations of boundaries, or for less than you desire/need to feel loved and respected!
Those suck all the more
Been there, my friend. It really was a one-sided caring relationship. Even though, it was only 3 mos and no sex. I was told I was too much of a challenge for him, so he discarded me. I realized I needed to understand all the red flags and the dysfunctional attachment types. The pain and damage was deep. It helped me to see the unhealed parts I carried from childhood. Please don't blame your beautiful empathic self and I commend you for doing the work...keep going. Also, please be careful to share only with experienced therapists, Jimmy's advice, and the comments shared here. Unless someone has gone through this they have no idea nor will they give good advice. Recovery took me 6 to 7 months and I'm an Energy Healer/Artist. Rumination sucked...as I'm an Aquarian and we need to know why. In reality, he could never love and never took responsibility to change. I am positive he is well aware of what he does. Stay strong @KatlegoAnne
@@margeebarth3196 wish you were my friend 🙏 thanks for sharing
Right
Best thing that I have read this week is that loving unconditionally does not imply being unconditionally tolerant. That resonates so deeply and I hope it does for someone else too. It is possible to heal.
I needed to hear this. Thank you
YEP. Shadow work here involves healing with BOUNDARIES, and when you have standards and boundaries you have to also have CONSEQUENCES, and you hold to your consequences, bc they protect you, and for someone who is mutually respectful- they protect the relationship too. Top Gurus in the field in: Dr. RAMANI (YT channel is a life saver and community of narc survivors), TARA BRACH for self acceptance and healing with self love, GABOR MATÉ for discontinuing the patterns of people pleasing, BRENE BROWN for shame. You are not alone, and for many of us it started in childhood❤ Stay Strong!
Thank you Jimmy, that was such a help to me. Thank you, thank you. Liz.
Thank you
So true!
My therapist has been telling me lately that in a healthy environment, people argue and move on. Not tolerating everything is part of a relationship. So even if we don't see eye to eye in a topic, we still love each other at the end of the day.
And this is something I have never experienced in my life with my narcissistic mother! Any time I don't agree with her, she would give me the silent treatment, or throw a tantrum.
Cool video, My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love her so much I can’t stop thinking about her, I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her, but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss her and just can’t stop thinking about her.
its difficult to let go of someone you love, i was in a similar situation, my relationship of 12 years ended, but i couldnt just let him go i did all i could to get him back, i had to seek the help of a spiritual counselor who helped me bring him back
Amazing, how did you get a spiritual counselor, and how do i reach her?
Her name is Shelly renee white , and she is a great spiritual counselor who can bring back your ex.
Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked her up now online. impressive
Holy shit, the bots have reached a new level of low, I didn’t think that was possible!! 😡😤🤬
How many narcissists, ended up calling YOU a narcissist and said that YOU are manipulating them, when all along they are the one manipulating you. It’s insane all I can do is laugh
💯 😅
@@JaxakaNicoleWaters They can't help tell on themselves, everything is a projection, every accusation a confession.
Exactly
Exactly
😂😂😂😂 " Narcissist" has too many -syllables - for him to pronounce!!
He's more of a one - syllable guy!!
( Not kidding!!)
🤣🤣🤣🤣‼️‼️
And physically. The damage to my health living in a constant state of fight or flight will take years to heal.
It really does ( I’m sorry) 😔😔
Let’s talk about that healing process!!
I feel your pain with empathy. I pray you seek and find a safe place to heal.
Agree. The physical damage that occurs is horrid. I got breast cancer and my surgeon said it mostly related to high-stress levels. I also almost died from liver failure, not to mention other things, like the fight or flight. Those health issues arose during separation from my narcissistic spouse. My emotions are so disregulated. Sorry, I could go on. Much love and healing all of you!!!
my adrenals have been stuck in fight or flight for 13 years
My heart goes out to anyone who had to deal with this!!!!!
Yes mine two but you have to be strong enough to leave and grow and move on with your life you have to get up
The hardest part was when I had to grieve myself, who I once was. I didn’t want to say goodbye, especially when all I had was me after the abuse ran its course. I didn’t want to accept the disassociated, emaciated body, lacking identity, reflecting back in the mirror- because I wasn’t sure if I could ever rebuild.
He didn t call me names nor was he rude or aggressive, but the silent treatment, broken promises and ridiculus excuses said it instead of him.
This
The gas lighting, blame shifts, guilt trips, & ridiculing are just as bad being called names, or physically abused.
My ex is hot and cold and inconsistent with a baggage full of drama.
This guy is awesome. He just described everything I'm going through right now. God bless this guy and his work. Thank you. I needed to hear this today.
THIS. It’s insane how many people are going through this bs
If you've had healthy relationship , it's not you
Ditto
The discard and devaluing is devastating. It was never an equal relationship.
After decades of gaslighting, invalidation and emasculation, I no longer know who I am, what I like, or even like my old hobbies. If I tell myself to just be myself, but I no longer know who that is
Do you remember any interests, hobbies, music, art, movements/exercises that you like even just a little bit? That's a clue, and directions and steps you can take to pour back into your own cup. Remember to give yourself grace and allowance to be bad at these things, it's part of the journey to finding your joy!
There is much hope ❤
I’m just out for good of a 20 year relationship, I’m the empath in an empath/narcissist dynamic. It takes work but you can rebuild yourself and take your life back. Never even consider for a second going back. It will never change
What about when you were a child? What did you like, or what interested you? Give your inner child what they always wanted 💖 but from yourself, not from others
@@Cee_Forceyes
I was finally able to leave a 40 year marriage, just 2 1/2 years ago. Hearing you discribe what my life was like, makes my heart race. It took years to understand what was happening. These types of people mess with your whole psyche. They are so damaging. No one ever talked about this kind of thing before. It's hard to understand how someone can be so manipulative and unempathetic, like they have no soul. I was also raised by a narcissitic mother.
I hear you! 30 yrs with one, argghgh
34 years, and raised by BPD. Awful.
42.5 years married here. Divorced 7.5 years now. Never even knew the word narcissist till after I left him. Betrayal Trauma also fits my situation. Hugs to all.
I understand where you coming from: mum was toxic and have had lots of toxic friendships and relationships. I settled and had children with my ex believing that I deserved to be treated badly because I was faulty
I'm 24 years in and it has also recently been revealed to me what she is. I always knew that there was something "off" about her, but now, thanks to videos like these, I've planned my escape. I filed for divorce weeks ago. This whole situation is sad and just sick. I can't believe I gave 24 years of my life to her. I also recently found out she had a 15-year affair. I'm out!
Never, ever play "fair" with a narcissist. They thought you were a mere pawn on their elaborate emotional chessboard, nothing more. They still think that. They will always think that.
You also deserve someone who can resolve conflicts without lying to you, script-flipping, and double-script-flipping (falsely accusing you of falsely accusing them).
How do u react in gaslighting in a hospital scene that I have 7 months of not being admitted and I need to be operated ,and I'm just needing now ,a chronic illness should not be treated lightly but I' love advocating ,who is feeling FEAR and knowing ur going to get sicker because my family also is not that support system ,yes they care all that u said I've been around not safe ,I'm not going to take it lightly ,,good luck people
Thinking your in survival mode and taking the man pants and healing from hosputao l trauma ,I'm pretty sure people would put honecare ,well I'm relying people 20 years ago it was not his way ,everyone is NOT difficult ull know in 5 min u talk to someone
I went back. Now im so depressed that i cant get out of bed. I pray God will help me to get away one last time. And this time be strong enough to stay away. It os hard with no friends or family.
You want love, don't be depressed. Have faith that God doesn't want us to suffer and that he has someone for you. Don't give up, be kind to yourself 😊 your worth it.
Try and make a plan and get away, they purposely get us almost addicted to them because when we do leave it feels like we are going to die, it just hurts and trust the process. I promise you can get through it, it will probably be one of the hardest things that you will have to do, but after time you will heal and be able to breathe again.
Same
I was in a similar boat recently. God was telling me for a full year to leave this man. I had a string of “bad luck.” With the sky. The last straw was my shark attack at the beach. He said that I ruined the vacation on the first day and the first hour. I was in the ocean, and both of my feet were attacked by a shark that the locals saw. I didn’t see it. he treated me terribly the whole entire time. He did it everything that he was supposed to do but with a blind rage. He had different plans for the vacation… From the looks of the camera, equipment, and tripod. Once I could get away from him (on a remote island in North Carolina), I didn’t look back. I also had loved him with everything I had, and thought I had met the best man possible! Like my friend said… When a person shows you their true colors, don’t stick around for another episode of it. My pastor said “it’s not the first time. God used a fish to get their attention. Lol.
It is not easy to be alone, but it is easier than alone with someone. The latter is cruel, and gradually might bring us to very very dark thoughts, and god forbid, further. Go!! Please, go!! I was able to do that, but never was able to fix my physical health as I suffered for too long emotionally. Just go…
God will help you He did me. I grew up with a narc mom so if I was able to break free you can too. It was like I wasnt even me and I said God please help and He stepped in. I am so much better today and was a mess of a person and suicidal. You can do this!!!❤
I had never heard of narcissistic abuse. I thought my ex husband just didn't know how to love and was abusive. After i left him I was single for ten years. I didn't go out or date. Then I found the man of my dreams. I thought he was loving and amazing. As soon as we got married and he moved in, the nightmare began. Turns out that he is a narcissist as well, and I am in the same abusive pattern. I am embarrassed and ashamed. I don't want to leave my current marriage. Every day is the same, though , with him criticizing me and putting me down. He ruins every holiday. He has never acknowledged my birthday, our anniversary, or mother's day. I can't stand to be around him.
I'm so sorry that you feel like you can't leave but you must! I've been there with my ex, not having my birthday or mother's day acknowledged too. Sending you love ❤
I was reading your comment thinking it was my own! I did this exact thing. It’s something we attract…but that doesn’t mean we deserve their abuse. I promise you..if you just ask yourself..what would I tell my son or daughter to do if they were in my situation. I would tell them they need to leave to save their future mental health. I broke off my second marriage a year after he moved in. Your body will reject them before your mind. It’s very hard to make that leap; but I know it’s a must; or I will end up too weak and broken to walk away. Sending you all the courage and light you need to move on. Save yourself. Save your energy. Keep your sanity intact. ❤
I was married 40 years. When I left, I lived in my car for years.
I found that I even tolerated abuse and mistreatment from casual friends.
I'd rather be alone in my car than with any abusive person, spouse, lover, or friend.
Work on healing before you make any decisions, but make your decision based on what is best for you.
You can leave this man!
I married 3 narcissistic!
Live and learn. Love yourself enough to take care of you❤
I promise, while there are many narcissists out there, and everyone has their narcissistic moments, there ARE MEN WHO WILL TREAT YOU WELL! There are men that will resolve conflict respectfully, who will put you first and accept the love you offer them. I know it's hard to leave! My heart and prayers go out to you! I'm a life coach and see so many people who allow fears to hold them back, it's so so so normal, and you can work through your fears and find love and peace and your beautiful self! I see people do it all the time! Hang in there!
Defensive, Attacking, Reverse Victim, Offender. All of it. Any time I expressed how I felt, with an "I" message, he would become immediately defensive and when, once, in the middle of a video conversation,he got angry because I didn't agree with him, he told me to f'ing be quiet in anger and when I told him I wasn't ok with being spoken to that way, he hung up abruptly! Then he said it was my morals or ego that caused me to be upset and he hadn't done anything wrong and wasn't sorry. He also told me I should look at what I did to make him act that way! And how he was a victim of me telling him how I feel and he can't make me "happy". Total emotional immaturity. Now he is trying to hoover me back in. But I am done. For good.
I’m sorry
Sadly I can relate with your story
Gaslighting then blaming you
When you won’t accept it as your fault
I can totally relate to your story, this happened with me too. Virtual hugs ❤
It sounds exactly like my ex
Wow you could have been describing me. We’re done !
I am so proud of you! Life gets better after you leave for good, trust me. I left my abuser 2 moths ago and i feel so free now. Praying for your safety and for your happiness❤️
A narcissistic x is like a pair of designer shoes that are too small. You love them. But you don't want to wear them. Just your list of questions triggered me. I dont know if I will EVER be able to date again, but at least I saved myself.
Spot on! I've got a couple of pairs like that!😅
I'm not interested anymore in trying to manage someone's baggage. I'll travel life alone.
You can date again, but do it very differently this time and Very, very slowly... Don't agree to sleep with a man for very long time - at least for over a year or until you will definitely be sure that he is very serious and Not playing about you... Most of men will fall off,when you will have that attitude, but don't worry about it and take it easy... Just keep dating randomly and one day you will meet the one... But, that might happen sooner than you think... Untill the time when a man offered a marriage or showed a proper and very consistent loving and caring behaviour towards you, until then and only till then, just treat him only as a friend and don't romanticise him or them...
You can date again, but do it very differently this time and Very, very slowly... Don't agree to sleep with a man for very long time - at least for over a year or until you will definitely be sure that he is very serious and Not playing about you... Most of men will fall off,when you will have that attitude, but don't worry about it and take it easy... Just keep dating randomly and one day you will meet the one... But, that might happen sooner than you think... Untill the time when a man offered a marriage or showed a proper and very consistent loving and caring behaviour towards you, until then and only till then, just treat him only as a friend and don't romanticise him or them...
@@OrianaAnjou 💝
When I was in it, I didn’t understand what was happening. I was never good enough, too sensitive, and totally crazy. He drilled that into my head and I didn’t know if I was coming or going. I made notes of every conversation so I could come to him with facts about what happened. And he would still leave me confused and upset. He broke up with me 3 years ago. I had no where to go and no one. It was the hardest thing I have ever been through. It wasn’t easy. But I can say that now I am the healthiest and happiest I have ever been. Thank you for this video. It felt like you were talking to me and repairing and validating my personal pain.❤ there can always be strength and healing.
I relate to you so much. When he broke up, it was actually funny that I had no idea who I was anymore. Its been 4 years. Last year he texted again when he broke up with his new gf and asked me if we could meet. I knew all his tricks. I knew not a word he says means anything. Yet when he said he is depressed, I felt bad and made the worst decision of my life to meet him. He is back with his ex now. And my healing journey is back to square one. How pathetic! I hate myself!
@_iam1533
Don't hate yourself. This is how they operate. Leave everyone in a damaged state.
You know better for next time. Hang in there. Healing feels like it's taking forever...butbone day you will be on the other side and healed and happy!
I am you 3 years ago, after 16 years I left his house with nowhere to go. Lived with my mum until I moved into a rented apartment last Monday. It's been difficult, I am glad to hear that you are doing much better and hope I will be the same.
I used to make notes too! In conversations with him i realized i would never say the things i wanted to before because he dominated every conversation in very subtle ways and just turned everything around leaving me feeling like i was SO wrong. Then i started writing down what i wanted to say and read it to him. It didnt help, he just said i was remembering stuff wrong or that i was at fault or whatever. It was horrible.
Now thinking back on this stuff i always get a feeling of being trapped in my chest.
@@Clleonie every second, time moves forward. You are always healing. ❤️🩹 grief isn’t linear and it won’t always feel like it, but it’s true. Best to you love ❤️
This helps . It's like you love them but you know deep down they weren't there at all.
They often project their shame on to you.
Watching this with tears and pain. Thank you Jimmy for your support.
me too, I'm struggling
I want to share, I left my narcissistic relationship of 20yrs two years ago. Healing is an upward spiral. I do still love him, he's the father of my children. I just love him like family. I realize now how younger version of me trauma bonded to a boy who reflected my father wounds. I do still love him, I do blame myself for not having self worth and boundaries. I had to find myself and love myself more than how much I wanted to please others. I had to learn to be a little selfish. I'm still learning 😌
Trust the process, it's worth it. You will be loved correctly when you believe in your heart, you deserve it.
This is so powerful and so beautiful thank you. I commend your courage and appreciate you for sharing so very much. Bless you. 😊
The light at the end - and during. You are inspiring and a beautiful writer. Thank you for sharing!!❤️
Yeah. I'm finally learning the part about our nervous systems. It's really hard to finally accept the fact that mine is simply wired poorly. I mean, I am more like a quintessential "man's man" at least in many aspects and scenarios. But I'm also wired (probably from childhood trauma, like everyone else, I'm finding out) for closeness and a tight bond with my "significant other." I want to be linked tightly with that person. And I want to get excited at the mere thought of her. But I want it to be reciprocated. Which for the first several years it was. It was wonderful!
But I can't be the only one continuing to put that effort in, right? I mean, this person is supposed to be my "partner" in life... With all things.
But after 17 years of staying and fighting for the relationship, no matter what. Keeping it together and as wonderful as I possibly can...
I'm still left with basically nothing. Wanting and needing more, that I just can't seem to get. Always left feeling alone, to hurt and to deal with these things on my own. With the reaction being that classic "I'm sorry I didn't know" or "I guess I don't understand" act! Still. Smh
Which, I'm now guessing, is maybe true. Maybe she just doesn't get it, or understand those types of deep feelings? That's a really hard thing to accept, though.
So I'm basically hanging onto threads, atp. Of what was, and of what I'm hoping "could be."
It's difficult to actually face the fact that it's not enough. When you do genuinely love that person. Who, at their best, feels like your home or your comfort.
What makes it worse, as a man, is the way others react or dismiss your feelings. Especially as a pretty tall, "muscular or fit" looking guy. I'm not sure on how to describe it... But you get treated like you're just being weak. Or that you're being a baby about things, when you truly care. When you express deep hurt & pain, you get the eye rolls and the dismissive statements, from anyone you try to talk to about it.
Which leaves you feeling so lost, and completely trapped within yourself. With no hope and nowhere to turn.
At times it feels like I'm coming out of my skin, it hurts so badly and feels so hopeless & helpless.
I've gotten a tiny bit better, I guess? Maybe? After the last few months of totally falling apart, that is. But I still have a many moments where I feel absolutely crushed by the pain of it all. And by the obsessive thoughts about everything, from the entire relationship, that I just can't seem to shake. Oddly, it's mainly the good thoughts & memories that pop up the most frequently, and just won't seem to dissipate or go away. Which makes it even harder.
Even though I know how irrational it sounds to others, I can't imagine having to be without her, or having to find someone new. Having to admit, to myself and everyone else, that I was this wrong about it all. For this long! Ugh. It's just overwhelming.
Especially when I think about the trash state of the dating world that seems to be out there.
Just the thought of having to get back out there, into all that, feels exhausting! 😫
Anyway, I'm clumsily trying to say that I get it. And I commiserate.
I'm sorry that you, and so many others, have also had to go through this also.
It feels like it just shouldn't be so common, as it is! But maybe that's just the childlike dreamer in me, that longingly wishes for a more ideal world? Idk? 🤷🏻♂️
I wish you all the best. I'm sure you'll be fine though. It seems easier for attractive women, from my standpoint. Although, I guess that could be a misconception also?! Lol
That's just the way it always appears to us men, anyway.
It is crazy though, the way opposites tend to attract. Which it seems is exactly the reason we get hurt, or that it ends up so bad. Strange, painful lives we live, huh.
Thank you to share your story, Im almost there ! I need the courage and the strengt to do it ! ❤
I left the narcissist, and the relationship ran its course to where there's no way I ever want to go back to hell.
Amen Pauline - if I have to choose a silver lining with leaving was this- The Romantic feelings are dead - now healing from all the other stuff that happened.
This intriguing video serves as a poignant reminder of the heartache I've been enduring since my 7 year relationship came to an end 4 months ago. My cherished partner, the love of my life, made the difficult decision to part ways, leaving me consumed by thoughts of him. Despite my earnest attempts to win him back, I find myself facing frustration and an overwhelming sense of emptiness, unable to envision a life without his presence. Despite my efforts to move on, I'm compelled to confess my lingering feelings and longing for him here
The process of releasing a loved one can be an uphill battle. I can relate, having navigated a similar journey when my 8 year relationship dissolved. Despite the heartache, I refused to relinquish hope and embarked on a quest to win him back. Turning to a spiritual counselor for assistance, I found guidance that ultimately led to our reconciliation.
Impressive! How did you manage to connect with a spiritual counselor, and what's the process for me to reach out to her?
Allow me to introduce Suzanne Ann Walters, a highly skilled spiritual counselor known for her expertise in rekindling past relationships.
Thank you for this invaluable information; I've just checked her out online. Very impressive indeed!
Same. I would have walked to the ends of the earth for him. 😢
All I wanted was to have a family … after 32 years of a toxic marriage, I left home, .... I “lost” the abusive husband… my 2 adult children, friends and even the dogs... now I'm alone. Thank you for your words❤
the lovebombing really got me omg - he was the first guy i ever told that i love and he BROKE me
I am so sorry beautiful. Remember it was not you, they have a massive void in their hearts and don't care about anything but fulfilling their needs. Don't let it poison your heart, set your boundries and go love again ❤
You will find love again. There are good men out there (I'm one of them!) so just persevere. 6 days is fresh but you'll get through this.
I fell for the love bombing too. I didn’t know it was love bombing. In therapy learning how to recognize this
Same with me, but with a woman
No he didn't break you coz you're still here and healing/healed and strong
I want to thank-you for your content. It took me 23 years in an isolated, neglectful, hurtful, manipulative, emotionally abusive relationship with a narcissist to realize that, one person cannot care enough for two. One person cannot love enough or try enough for two. I wish I could have those years back, but live and learn. Between you and learning about the love languages, I've learned so much about myself and how to value myself. Still don't trust myself enough to try again, but I know that I deserve respect. You've helped give me the language to benefit any relationship. Thank-you.
I was in a relationship with a narcissist for 11 years. Now after 2 years, I am dating someone new, and it's horrible although it is a wonderful person. I'm only now realising the real after-effects of this previous abusive relationship, the fears, the doubts, the insecurities, the big problem of trusting someone again without thinking bad things.
@@more_crispy it's very hard. And few people can understand us. Ive had that experience and the new person was really unable to deal with how hurt and confused I was and made it all about him. No matter what, some of us understand. We just have to remember that. We are ok
Firstly sorry for the 11 years of abuse you suffered. I did 8 and I can understand somewhat. After 3 years, I'm still not ready to date.
I know I'll either choose the wrong person or potentially ruin something special by not being emotionally stable enough.
Two years after leaving I also tried dating. Dated a man for about a year that I actually felt safe with. That was so scary. It felt wrong that he was kind to me. Like I was always waiting for the ulterior motive. First time we fell asleep cuddling I had a panic attack because he fell asleep without any expectations of me. Feeling safe was such a foreign feeling that I just bawled like I did something wrong. We only lasted a year (no one's fault, just not enough in common), but I learned so much and decided I needed time to work on myself, my fears and insecurities. I won't settle now until I find a relationship that makes me feel safe.
We have to be the ones who save us !!!!
He would laugh at me when he brought me to tears. I never knew this existed. Someone enjoying another person’s pain.
Oh my gosh, that sounds so demonic! You poor thing! 😭💔
He could apologize very well, it seemed so genuine, but I wasn't allowed to tell him how it made me feel, because he apologized and it was supposed to be all okay...
@@madeleinegravett dus hé realy apologize? Because most of them say: I’m sorry you feel that way and that’s not an apologi…
@@Lotusawj it felt and seemed like a heartfelt apology but eventually I realised that it was just talk... A real apolgy implies change in behaviour, which there wasn't....
An apology without changed behavior is a manipulation.
this, thank god that bs is over. wishing y’all healing if y’all need it
I left a 10 year relationship earlier this year with who I believe is a narcissist or at least shows traits. Everything in this video is so spot on about how confused I was and how it made me question if I’m faking being a good person and am actually the narcissist. She finally cheated on me and the lack of accountability or straight up blaming me was the last straw and I left and moved home with my parents. I’ve started building a relationship slowly with one of my best friends and she’s so kind and gentle and patient with me, and always makes sure to encourage healthy and open communication between us. I’ve never been treated so selflessly before like this.
It was extremely hard and hurt like hell to be the one to walk away, especially because she made me feel so guilty for not staying and trying harder (even though I tried like hell while she just made me feel bad or like I was “too much”). But leaving my ex was the best thing to ever happen to me. I’m the happiest I’ve ever been and feel so free.
This story made me teared.
No one understood how me, a man, could say I was hurt emotionally by a vindictive female narcissist I was in a relationship with. Behind closed doors, it was blatant. In public, I was chastised, berated and made jokes about at my expense, often in front of other friends. Always walked 30 feet in front of me, never holding hands in public. I got accused once of 'not introducing her fast enough'. So many signs, of a classic narc were evident. I really am taking time to heal, I can't see me in a relationship until I get through this. She's tried to hoover me a third time, several blow ups over the littlest things, all my fault of course. I decided this was the last time. Not easy, the trauma bond was strong and I struggle still.
Great decision making on your part. Very courageous.
Hi there,
I get it. Same for me w my ex.
Hei, to encourage you, it's a sad miserable cruel world out there who doesn't get it many a times, men also go thru suffering and pain, we re talking ab a spouse here...
That shows you were authentic and loved her.
Focus on ur healing and self love and be w the ones, few I know, that get you.
Blessings
That is a classic description of NPD.
My heart goes out to you. When I've witnessed abuse, physically or verbally, by a woman towards another man, I've always called it out. I think American culture almost encourages women to complain and be nasty towards their partners and I think it's terrible. It's VERY common. We have to hold each other accountable in society.
I see and believe you.
Holy crap this came up in my feed today. I got him out yesterday August 1st. I went back twice already in the past. I'm done. He has nothing to bribe me with any longer. I don't want his affection or trips or money. Thank God I'm free. I woke up to peace and calm today. Amazing. 6 years. Wow. Even the cat had trauma bonded to him. Kitty is so mellow today.
Well, that's nice of you to say we're not broken but I feel broken. They crush your spirit. Make you feel ugly, unattractive, worthless, useless. I remember my partner saying he was 'damaged goods' once. That's how he made me feel by the end. So now, mostly, I stay home.
I'm so sorry that happened to you. I just wanted to say that you are so much more in the eyes of Jesus and He truly cares about you.❤️
"For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made" (psalm 139)
"The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." (Psalm 34:18)
@@erikamattsson6235 Thank you, that's very kind of you ❤ ✝️
You don’t deserve this ❤
It took me a few months of being out to really realize how bad the relationship was. And I felt like I could finally breathe again!! Lots of therapy, lots of RUclips videos on narcissism to educate myself, and I am healing. It. Gets. BETTER!! You CAN leave your abusive, soul-crushing, lying, crazy-making, toxic narc! And you deserve your freedom and hope and joy and peace and love waaaaaay more than you think you do!
Can't stop crying 😭much love to you all from Germany ❤
It gets better with time
Don't cry please xxxxxx 😢I feel your pain believe me
@@seg6629 Thank you so so much 👏unbearable pain. God bless you. You have a wonderful heart dear unknown friend ❤
@@brigitte2217 xxxx bless you sweetheart, xx I'm here for you xxx
I feel it too xx
@@seg6629 Thank you. I can feel your pain also 😞
How do you always do that? Reach me in my core, make me cry and feel understood? How?😢
Your channel is one of the most helpful I ever found. Thank you for all you do. It's a healing experience, truly. Thanks Jimmy
This one hits hard..every "you felt this.." "this happened.." I'm like check, check. Ugh.
❤❤❤
❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
Yup. From being love bombed to being dismissed
I will never repeat! I will be single until I am whole again and healed.
Been 7 years an I'm no we're near healed,but I'm much better, I feel for you, keep looking after yourself
Idealize. Devalue. Dismiss=Trauma Bond.
Break the cycle.
Healthy boundaries
I think the hardest thing to do is be able to walk away as soon as you realise this person isn’t good for you
Hardest thing in the world to do. I finally had met 'the one' who was my reward for all the previous crap. Was so hard to accept that this was just yet more crap, and 'the one' is yet somewhere else, if they exist at all. The grief of the false dream is nearly worse than the abuse
I am never going back to the disrespect, the yelling, slamming doors, emotional, financial, mental, abuse. It took me 9 yrs until I finally called it done. I loved him so much so I tried over and over again. I hung on to him until it and me "died."
Hi Tammy, how's your day going with you?
Me 2 I was a walking corpse. Dead he sucked the life outta me
He doesn't even understand what he did to me. He didn't understand my pain. He lied and he broke boundaries many times. He says he knows he has a problem but isn't willing to seriously look at it.
I had to check if I wrote this. I know I didn't but I don't even trust myself anymore. Thank you for saying exactly how I feel. ❤
This sounds just like my now ex....so hurtful
Literally mine too, did we date the same person? 😂
@@Sky22_00😂
You've been God sent. Thank you for speaking light in my darkest hour.
I finally give up on my Nac ex after trying millions of times in past 5 years. My kindness and patience and forgiveness did not make him better,but gave him enough courage to treat me even worse .this kind of person ,they don’t have ability of reflection.they won’t change .you are the only one fighting in this relationship and making all the compromises.you always feel rejected ,insulted ,devalued ,belittled ,not enough, not loved and so on ….i watched other couples in the street wondering why it can be so hard to just have a loving partner like that .
I was raised by narcissistic abusers. My exhusband was one. Two years after I left him I got into another one. Left him after 6mths. Was beginning something that lasted 2wks before their lack of respect and the imbalance made me decide to just end it before it begins.
Mabe one day I'll be in a healthy relationship, but until then I fill my own cup.
Thanks Jimmy.
seems like you have a talent picking them
well
When your raised by it im sure its harder to pull away from it
@@derrevolutor6347 Way to make someone feel like shit for their decisions. It takes time to see how someone really is, and they even said they are now getting away from people like that, so good on them. Let's try to be kind m'kay?
@@derrevolutor6347 🤐
@@paulaneary7877 not entirely true, i dont know what kind of person OP is. However i can see a pattern, OP seems to be pushing the idea that the men she picked turned out to be the same. Maybe take a retrospection to understand what is the underlying cause making OP turn to the same type of person all the time? So much self work that needs to be done. Because in the end, it is OP choices.
😢OMG. I am trying to end my going on 3 year situationship with a narcissist obviously. TY so much for opening my eyes and showing me I’m not alone in this. I’m living every aspect of this in my never seemingly going to end nightmare. TY. I believe you just saved my life. ❤
You are very precious and strong and you will come out of it, stronger!
Jesus loves you and He wants to help you in this journey. ❤
I ghosted mine after trying and going back to him about five times. I feel bad especially considering at one point in the three years together, we were engaged and so close but then I think you know what? We were actually never close..it was just an illusion and when a person abuses you even emotionally, you don't owe them anything.
I'm finally free! For the past several years I wasn't; I couldn't leave them. Then, finally, I woke up today totally emotionally free! ☺️
Thank you for this video and information. I was given the best advise .- let them go so they can have their karma. Get out of the way and stay safe. ❤
Thank you, the “feeling safe” part really hit home with me…narcs don’t care about you feeling safe, protected, or respected. So sad. Also, I agree, better to let go than to keep psychoanalyzing them. It’s a true waist of time. Either they’re for you or they’re not. Better to recognize it & choose to protect yourself.
Agree, the feeling safe part was a new way of looking at it for me and really resonated. I never felt safe. I'll use that as a benchmark in future with new people. If they make me feel unsafe like that, I'm gone.
(Unsafe as a separate thing from the strangeness and new-ness of being treated well, because I know that for those raised in abusive households, safety and kindness and feel kinda weird. But that is distinct and different to that awful pain of feeling emotionally unsafe with a narc)
They don't. They don't make any attempt to make you feel secure.
Man you aren't lying, it leaves deep deep scars.
I'm blessed to not feel anything but glad she's gone!
14 years of misery!!!
25 years, 20 married to him. My husband isn’t a narc, he is emotionally immature with no introspective qualities. He keeps trying to fix his outward persona instead of healing his core wounding. I have watched him reinvent himself many times, but he eventually goes back into his depression, blames me for his unhappiness, brings out his laundry list of my flaws and how I made him this way (I didn’t-his long term friends told me years ago he is jealous-that’s just how he is), and he still wants me to do all of the changing to save our marriage and be a better partner for him. Bruh, I did do all of the changing and accommodating. Now I am no longer willing to just acquiesce to his version of events. They shift with his moods, and what is most convenient for him in the moment. Logic has left the building, but “logic” is tool he uses to shut me up.
I am glad to see a man here that has gone through it, too, not because of your pain, but because you are committed to learning and healing. I admire that.
Have a good one.
27 years and 10 months for me
Oh god..that's so horrible... for me im just in highschool but my ex ok he was narcissistic af
not only that I also got physically abused stalked around bullied he spread lies and rumours about me he silent treated me and was always the victim, made someone naive and sweet and strong like me break down in front of the whole school oh my god can you imagine this guy was 16 years old...
@@magiveemSo sorry you had to experience that, no one deserves it. Like most of us, you're probably a very kind & empathetic person that was targeted. You're young and have that on your side, so learn from the lesson now and set those healthy boundaries. You deserve the best in life.
You don't want to learn this in your 50s after 27 years of a traumatic marriage & the guilt of what you put your children through. It hurts too much. 😢
Blessings to you ❤
@@simplyblessed7036Same here. Praise be to God I'm finally free! No more drama, only peace ❤
I was raised by narcissistic parents, attracted narcissistic female relationships. Was bound and determined to heal from this by getting professional help. Found a specialized trauma therapist. Turned out to be the most incredibly intelligent covert narcissist/ emotional manipulator. Robbed me of my life savings.
Imagine these people trained to make a living in the mental health field... shouldn't be legal.
Oh my gosh!😢 ugh! I’m so sorry that is deep. Whew! That burns. Bless you in moving forward.❤
That’s insane. I feel for you. No one should be taken advantage of by a mental health professional. It’s an imbalanced dynamic just on its face, and an intimate one because you are vulnerable. Thank you for sharing so we can be forewarned. You are kind for doing so.
That IS illegal. Report them to their state board.
Report it
Its wild how many of us are out here that this is all true for...
💙💙
Being with my ex narc for the past 8 yrs. made me observe this very pattern. I think they wanted to feel very important in a way that is disturbing. Instead of building trust with their intimate partners, they destroy the trust that they built with you (in that case lying when they tried to put you in their pedestal). Once they have a committed partner, they can’t stand being loved authentically by one person. Instead they go on and prey on other women that is susceptible to their love bombing. My ex narc was a compulsive pursuer in a relationship. He would go back and forth to the women he were involved before or try to meet women in complicated situation so that going public isn’t an option while having you as their main supply. In the end they destroy the very person that loved them. They are like toddlers testing your love for them. Showing and telling them you love them isn’t enough, they will cheat on your face to make you feel inadequate even if you are more than they deserve. They want to test your love for them so they keep hurting you and when you have enough of their abuse, you leave. Then they tell you, ‘you never loved me because you abandon me’. Well in fact it’s their actions and narcissistic behavior that made you leave or in other cases they discard you and will give silly reasons of the discard. Mine would use, ‘she’s crazy’, ‘she’s a nega-star’, ‘she insults me’, ‘she cheated on me’ et al. So with this pattern of infidelities and emotional abuse (who knows what else) it’s better to walk away. I did walk away and is now rebuilding my life with our daughter. We are struggling financially because I’m not earning enough to provide for my daughter but now we get to laugh and bring with us sunshine every day. No lies, no abuse and no fake love. We only live once, forgive yourself and move forward but never forget the lesson that narc abuse taught you. That is to respect yourself to walk away from what’s hurting and destroying you. That you deserve a life of solitude, happiness and love. Hugs*** :) Additionally I hired a private detective Metaspyhub@gmail. com. Once I knew what the narc was up to, it got easier to get over that lying, cheating, sack of doo doo, loser. I didn’t need closure from the narc, I paid for it. Best money I EVER spent!
Thank you 🦋
Scam
A narcissist is a nightmare and a predator who seeks prey for the fun of it and ruines their victims' lives!
After five years and many videos, yours is by far the most impactful, powerful, reasonable, doable that I’ve ever encountered. Thank you for your caring words and sound safe advice that make me feel like a whole person again. Your voice is soothing is easy to listen to and understand and really take in. You don’t mince words or give unreal situations. And you see both sides. So glad I found your channel. ❤
P.s. I love dating myself, doing or not doing what I want, coming/going as I please and living with a wonderful doggy who gives me unconditional love that I never felt I got. There’s nothing wrong with not finding a replacement relationship. I found it within myself and I’m home free.
Dogs are the best comfort that i have also,found because they know how to love . ❤️
Whether it's a new partner or a friend, as soon as the person isn't respectful and doesn't feel sorry for it, i walk away without even arguing; I don't care if there's an official "narcissistic" diagnosis or not.
But I'm still traumatized and stuck with some family members...
Also losing my son due to his narcissistic father feels like a permanent broken heart.
As for ''official diagnosis'', as this is not biology etc. but matters of the mind, there is nothing that can replace life experience in truly knowing what NPD is, not even an arm's length list of degrees. It's the one disorder that makes everyone around thems life impossible not their own.
I feel for you
I feel for you I worry about that all of the time and can imagine the pain. That feels so unfair because it's like they've been poisoned from seeing things as they are while at the same time wondering why they don't feel emotionally safe or afraid to tell him anything
If you don't mind me asking - when you say "lost" your son are you speaking to the relationship with him?
People do throw around narcissist a lot, even narcs themselves do it. But one of the traits for sure is they never take accountability for anything, and they never truly apologize to people... It's like their brains can't compute because they seriously lack emotional empathy. That's really what a narc is, a person that lacks the ability to feel empathy even slightly.
This is exactly my relationship. He kept telling me over and over that I was crazy. I was starting to believe him. I can relate to every single thing that you said in this video. What a tangled web they spin. Thank you for the validation and for breaking my pain and confusion into understandable pieces. I have a lot of healing to do, but I can see it now.
Relationships are hard. But I've discovered that there's always a solution to every problem. Five years ago, my wife and I were facing divorce because of issues in our marriage, but we managed to resolve them. It was challenging, but we made it through.
I genuinely want to be happy as well. I'm in a relationship, and even though we're apart, I can't think of life without her; my love for her is solid. I really want her back, and I'm committed to making it work. We've tried different things, like therapy, to mend things.
I appreciate your direction. I'll swiftly look her up online. Thanks. I'm hopeful that following this course of action will bring about positive changes for me too; her absence is deeply felt.
Welcome.
God bless you. Society needs good and holy men to stand up and protect their families. God is going to abundantly bless you.
If only one person is trying to resolve an issue, it will not work...and that's exactly what happens when someone is in a relationship with a narcissist. The only resolve they want I'd what feeds them....not what feeds BOTH people.
It takes time but self love and healing gets you back to a better place. You will never be the same but understand what you were was allowed this type of person in. It’s an opportunity to build a new bridge for yourself and discover your better self. Build bonds with a sp who truly values you. That fantasy you had of that person can be found for yourself without them. When you give yourself that love you’ll be surprised what type of people you attract. Take the leap and don’t look back. You deserve it
It was so internalized that the only way I could be loved if it was earned. I grew up all alone, striving to be “perfect”. I did everything I could. When I was with my ex, I cried to Heaven above me. I pleaded. I tried so hard. I only asked for kindness, some form of peace and safety. But it was never granted to me. I felt so stupid for even asking, and I believed I didn’t deserve it.
Jimmy you are spot on with this. After 20 yrs our relationship was the best it had ever been as long as I followed the rules. I made a good friend and realized that was as good as it was ever going to be and that wasn’t enough for me. I wasn’t happy, I had re-made myself into the person my partner wanted me to be. I had lost who I was.
With the support and help of my friend I ended the relationship. It was the hardest thing I have ever done but was also the best thing I have ever done. It’s been 29 years since I left and I’m so glad I did.
When I look back on it, instead of wishing I had left sooner I try to think of the courage it took to do it.
Jimmy- Thank you for your channel, your advice for having healthy relationships, and examples in navigating conflict in a positive manner. ❤
I’m speechless. I almost feel a sense of shame because I should’ve already known what to look for in a healthy relationship. But I’m just now getting around to learning what that is from this video.
In an American society so inundated by looking for the red flags, it’s hard to know whether the green ones even exist. And that’s where I start making concessions and looking the other way when narcissistic tendencies show up. Because of my relationship with my father, I had a long-held belief that green flags (or good men) don’t actually exist, so I have to “take what I can get.”
Bless you for making this video. I will read over these notes that I’ve taken until they’re etched into my heart. I cannot take another heartbreak or another run-in with a narcissistic man.
Thank you, God bless you. It’s a wonder that this video popped up in my recommended. It was nourishment to my soul! ❤️ When I get married again (and yes I’m okay with being single forever if that’s Gods will, but I choose to have hope and faith!), you and my therapist will receive a great deal of credit 🌸
8 years of narcissistic abuse . I lost my job all of my savings all my friends and family including my hope to live. I really do not know what to do next. So hurt broken lost and confused rite now 😢💔
I pray you have found some hope. You are not alone. I promise you❤. Please reach out and ask for help from someone safe, even if it’s only a therapist. Sending you prayers of peace and healing ❤️🩹.
After she got caught cheating. I was called crazy, it was my fault, I was a drunk and I wasn’t affectionate enough. The blame shifting and smear campaign started years before the divorce. When you move on and implement the no contact rule. Heal yourself and don’t look back.
Yes a narcissist will harm your ability to relate to people...lose trust...I use to be open... but evil people are just waiting for you to say something that can be used against you...They are ruinous...having had many in my life I feel destroyed by their all out attack on the psyche. They appreciate nothing... and expect everything... Nothing works with a narcissist... run away
Best way to deal with a narcissist? Get away. Like 500 miles away.
@@bluetopguitar1104 2,000. My parents first of all. It really helped
500 isnt quite far enough ima need about 1500
EXACTLY
He’s nearly 4,000 miles away. And he still hurt me like this.
I zigzagged across the US and never set down roots for long. I finally settled down about 2000 miles away and that's not far enough.
I just left an abusive relationship last week... listening to all of this is really helpful! Is affirming that whatever I was feeling was right and I'm not crazy for asking consistency and vulnerability! I made the best decision of my life!
For me, I realized it was my fault for not recognizing the signs. I grew up with a narcissistic mother. So I thought it was normal. Now that I know better, it is very easy to spot the signs and keep moving. I actually thank my narc ex for teaching me this.
It's called breaking chains not your fault for that
This video rings so true! The more I have listened to videos about narcissism, the more I worried it was me who was the narcissist. I got so angry and yelled at him in our fights. The person I became and the few names I actually ended up calling him shocked me. I have never called anyone names or gotten so mad or screamed at anyone like I did him... My ex knew what to say to bring it all out. I ended up stonewalling him and giving him the silent treatment to cope.
It made him wild. He needed my reaction, and since has told all my old friends how crazy I am. No one wants anything to do with me. He is a vulnerable narcissist who plays the victim card and never takes responsibility.
He would take the few things I ever did wrong or lied about and would throw them in my face when I would try to give him some constructive criticism. I tried so much to help him grow and be a better person, little did I know he wasnt capable of that. He would take my words, twist them around and all of a sudden, I was the one with the problem. Everytime. I shut down and stopped bringing stuff up. As long as we didn't talk about the problems, we could coexist. The shame I felt when he touched me, the hatred I felt for myself over not being strong enough to RUN!!!
I convinced myself I stayed for my step son and so the family didnt get ripped apart. Partly yes, but really my self esteem was too low, I hated myself cause every time I tried to break up with him, he refused and I allowed it. Until he finally agreed with me one night that maybe we didn't belong together. I changed my fb status to separated and started talking like we were broken up and how we would deal with moving. Not the healthiest but I jumped on my opportunity.
Its only been 3 months and I still feel the shame, and self hate. One day I shall be healed. It just takes time.
I am so sorry you are still recovering. But I hope that when you realise the value to yourself that you will be your best friend ever.
Your story resonates with me 100%. Except I am still coexisting but I love me, I realise that I am valuable to myself and others deserving of kindness, around me. I reached an empowering stage where silence is about peace and not proving my point or defending myself. I actually give a darn about what others think of me, good or bad, and I am OK, I will be OK. I don't need others to validate me.
I am/was lacking courage and means in order to move forward, for me. And this is what I am working on right now. Small steps. Good luck on your path.
Wow! You said all that I tried to say to my daughter last night. I shared this with her because you did 100% better! Thank you. ❣️🌼
Thank you Jimmy, from the bottom of my heart. It's so good to hear those words "YOU are valuable." So many of us have never heard them. You are doing a very valuable service. 💚
I divorced the narcissist father of my
First two kids 20 years ago and I clicked on this video because I feel like it left me with a stain that I will never recover from. I pretend or try or believe I’ve healed but this needs more attention than it’s ever gotten. Even in two years of therapy, we never talked about him. The only time we did, my therapist asked me why I cared at all about my interactions with him .😮 on the rare occasion that we interacted - the kids by then were 20. I have cut him off but like I said feel seriously BROKEN In Spirit by that experience
Not a good therapist if they don't allow you to discuss the abuser and what happened to you.
@@DSW-dq5bx i think Laura was the one who did not bring the Subject to the conversation but if the relationship caused so much harm i believe to talk about self is most important but about him also
Crap therapist
Eventually with time and healing you will let it go something so much better out there and now you know the red flags most don't or their entangled in the behavior of narcs
Yes! I absolutely EXPLODED because I was pushed to that point. This video made SO much more sense about my ex and our break up. It's been over a year and I found someone who's exactly the "safe person" you describe! So glad I found him and this healthy relationship. ❤
I recently exploded. It took 14 months. After three months the cracks appeared Everything was a problem. My male friends, my clothes.
I work in a gym and I wear leggings for work, but according to him that's inappropriate and all I was doing was trying to draw attention to myself because I'm a wh@re and a sl@t.
He would bring me flowers to apologise and then abuse me again for something else.
I couldn't keep up with the list of things I couldn't say or do.
But finally I flipped.
I kept all my knowledge and all his lies I caught him in and then threw them at him, all at once. He didn't know what to say.
I left and felt a huge relief, but for a short time. Because he didn't leave . Texts and turning up at my gym. So when I blocked him, he turned up at my house. He wanted to talk.
When he didn't like my answers he went straight back to abusing me.
I have now had to contact the police. He twisted everything, I heard him change a whole story Infront of me. I was lucky I had a random person at the gym witness what he had done because he had turned a whole scenario on its head and accused me of lying about it.
The memory and distorted reality games they play is awful.
I had a stroke six years ago, so before I left that day, I made it clear.
This is not the hill I'm willing to die on, you are not worth it.
Go get help and stay away from me.
It's still not over, for him, but for me. I will never look back.
Thank you for posting this! It definitely validated how I felt and what I did. The trauma bond was SO strong but then it became extremely toxic. Just removing my partner from the house started my emotional regulation and healing.
That pisses me off more bc i really tried for over 3 years and see he never wanted or cared truly.
@@athenafarrell5127 💝
I tried 11 years😢
So grateful I left. I couldn’t have done it without a great therapist, videos like this, and other safe people.
This honestly felt like it was made just for me. I have no words to tell you how absolutely ridiculously spot on you are with what you’re saying, when I compare it to my current situation.
Some very lucky people will have you as a therapist in their lives.
Thank you. From the heart; thank you. You have no idea how much this video meant for me. Bless you and your channel.
I was never allowed to be frustrated or angry. If I showed frustration I was going to get a lecture about why I wasn’t right to be frustrated and how I was actually the one that did something wrong.
Yeah it's then projecting when you get upset like you have the problem I don't think so I know so it's them with the problem
This is exactly the pep talk I need while processing my breakup and healing. I'm going to listen to it repeatedly and often.
I’m listening to this right before I see my awesome therapist. There’s hope and help for EVERYONE! Please don’t lose hope
I was in a relationship for 8 years with a narcissist. I didn’t realise it at the time but now I do. We were together for 8 years and no one except his family knew. He broke up with me 5 times in those 8 years, and every time he came back to ask me to get back together it was always with a list of what I needed to change about myself in order to be “loveable”. It was 8 years of being ignored, made to apologise for stuff he did to me. Being accused of breaking my ankle on purpose to ruin our holiday. Being called physically repulsive but then asked for s*x. There was lots more but everyone here knows the drill sadly.
I finally figured out why I kept having awful relationships. I practically raised myself. My parents ignored me to the point I was sexually abused by a relative when I was 6 years old and no one even noticed or cared. I have had therapy ongoing for years on and off, and now I am in a great place. I am happy on my own now. I have self respect and I actually care about me.
Congrats Tabitha!
Awesome
I like the way you teach, build up, He was worse then a narcissist, I still have flashbacks and trauma in my body 😢they are demon possessed, good love giving serving does not work with them. They abuse you steal from you cheat and play victim.
I wished I knew then what I know now
I am just mellow kind it’s not because I don’t have boundaries It’s because I have empathy
You attract yourself into the situations that align with the energy you put out!! The most important thing you can do after a toxic relationship is self-reflect - ask yourself what part you played and call yourself out on your own toxicity. Work on yourself and heal before entering into a new one. You’re not always the victim, you’re not always right, you’re not always the innocent one.
People that were together with a narcissist need to learn how to receive. They know how to give, but they need to receive too. Love is giving and receiving... Not just giving or receiving... When you understand this you will find the right partner...
I had to let go to protect my family .
I don't want that evil Jezebel back and never did. That relationship nearly cost me my life.
Oh my God, it was the worst pain I ever experienced. I wish this video came into my life a year ago. I took time to heal to go through the herd. The pain the want and the hate. This was beautiful because I learned how beautiful I am and how deeply profoundly I could love. I also had time to recognize the patterns that I allowed when it came to my ex. I still have fear of running into him or getting one of those unidentified calls. It's a journey but it was a journey that makes me even stronger as a woman.
Hope can make you hold on for years without your needs being met. Awareness is key! Thank you so much for the kind words and for spreading awareness. It’s been a while since I’ve been validated like this and I can’t thank you enough. I’m listening and I hear you and I’m getting stronger every day. You help clear up so much confusion. Thank you! You are making a difference!
This video I like and needed to hear over 20 years of dealing with narc behavior is at it end done door closed and not opening, I see I was blind know I know what the red flags are ,
Although leaving a narcissist is the best thing you can do for yourself, there are also multiple reasons why that may not be possible (I.e., religious reasons, financial reasons, etc). That’s when you have to come to terms with the kind of person you’re dealing with and fully accept they will never change. Get therapy (if able), communicate with your friends and support system, get yourself out of the house (volunteer for something that’s important to you) basically create a life for yourself and find people and things that give you purpose and peace.