Subtle Signs they’re actually a Narcissist
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- Опубликовано: 5 фев 2025
- • Are they a Narcissist ...
If we want to set ourselves up for relationship success, we have to know the subtle signs of narcissism. Narcissistic people can be very good at hiding their red flags at the beginning of a relationship, so that means we need to be even better at spotting them.
02:14 Lovebombing
06:08 Boundaries
07:33 All their ex's were crazy
10:08 Words don't match actions
12:20 Center of Attention
13:35 The ruin special events
14:53 They label you as "too sensitive"
15:40 They gaslight you
16:10 They use your vulnerabilities against you
17:00 Always the Victim
19:14 Unable to take constructive feedback
19:55 How to Handle Conflict with a Narcissist
21:30 You're confused all the time
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#narcissism #redflags #narcissist
I sent myself a text message every time there was a red flag. That way I could brace against gaslight and count the number of times I felt like sh*t
I talked to my friends every time there was a red flag. That's how I know Im not going crazy.
@jtl9283 that works for me now, but it was tough when i was younger. Im just kinda immature, having expectations my friends dont agree with, telling me to loosen up. Now that they are all married and not accepting bs and only wants a kind gentleman, they are more on the same page with standards. None of the husbands and bf are perfect though. They all have their worries. Infidelity, poor, etc.
Smart
I LOVE THAT! thank you!
YES.
We all forget details, after the events. No-one carries around a diary. Or remembers things with total clarity. Sending yourself a text message, leaves a paper trail for yourself, so that you can come back to it, and have a more accurate and deeper reflection.
It's not just for relationships. Do this for work. There are toxic people all around us, and they can have an affect on our livelihood wether its money, career, love, or relationships. Keeping tabs is usually frowned upon by narcissistic people, they loathe accountability.
If someone stuffs you off, ignores you, makes bs excuses. It does not matter if they are a narcissist or not. Don’t tolerate that behaviour. Boundaries within yourself are all that matter. No I will not tolerate this. Yes I choose myself!
For sure 💯
THIS!!!!
When you give them a taste of their own medicine, their rage is a massive tellale sign! SeeyaLoozer!
Currently going through this. Needed to see this comment!!!!
Good point 👉 👈
They can dish it, but they can't take it.
Amen!
Totally true and when you can’t take it anymore and open your mouth n say what you think! They rage and discard
100% they want to hurt u and hurt u and demand and demand but boundaries and leaving them without supply to abuse.. is like/ u fucked up
yup !
Your mom takes it
He really didn't like it when I gave his same energy back to him.
This is exactly what I experienced too. Reflected that crap back unconsciously.
He called me a narc when I returned to him the emotional BS he gave to me. Def ended badly for me lol.
😂it’s truly nuts 🎉the most offensive cannot possibly be thick skinned as we’ve been prone to 5:28 withstand the offense yet the smallest thing 5:48 takes them to such shock and 6:26 well that’s just hilarious ❤ 6:39 ❤I’ve found humor to be one helpful tool
I have found the best way to deal with a narcissist is being passive then walking away from all his BS and never turning your head.
EXACTLY 💯
The gaslighting and then breadcrumbing is so diabolically destructive and painful
Indeed. Mine was breadcrumbing me and when I asked her if she was still on dinner, which she said she was gonna take me to for my birthday, she blamed me for the lack of communication despite her barely giving me any and then broke up with me right before my birthday party and blamed me for everything.
And unfortunately, it is often very effective. Intermittent reinforcement is the strongest kind.
The intermittent reinforcement that is breadcrumbing creates a kind of addiction that makes it even harder to break free and then recover. But breaking free and recovering IS possible.
And the worst are the mind games.
@ indeed. The mind games mess with you the most, especially when there's a shift in texting patterns.
"Single isn't alone. Single is single. You need to have a rich life separate from a relationship. Being in a relationship isn't where your value is found." SO MUCH THIS!!! My brother has finally found someone and they've been together nearly two years now, for the first time in his 40 years of life. My father made a joke about how he 'finally has a life now' and my brother was rightfully pissed. Can you imagine your entire life's story so far, 40 years of it, invalidated and reduced to nothing just because you didn't have some kind of stable romantic relationship dotted throughout? That the experiences, the trials, the successes, and relationships you had outside of the romantic meant nothing or didn't amount to anything until you 'got a girlfriend'???
My dad was also 40 when he met my mom..his family likewise thought that he was going to be miserable forever for not having a woman, and were sooo happy to see him finally getting married..turned out the woman was a narc and ruined his life. He will never say he regrets it, because of us children, but she sucked his life force out of him and I'm convinced he would've been happier and less alone, if he was single.
✅️
I don't understand how to have a rich life without relationships. We all need each other. We need community in order to have purpose. And having intimate relationships is the richest part of life. If we really didn't need a relationship then no one would chase relationships. Everyone seems to say things like "you don't need a relationship" but yet they all chase relationships or secretly want them. No one wants to be alone unless you're a hermit or just very detached. For me being alone is a curse. I don't like it. I don't like not having someone to relate to, admire, give to, try to understand, have adventure with, share with, etc.
Well said 👏
But widowhood is such a lonliness void, I miss the intimacy and sharing repair jibs that I dont have the strength for.
Its took me 2 yrs build a life for myself and still building, retired but found a new "hobby career" working on building that. Trying to be thankful for all that I have rather than bemoan what I dont.
😘
@@smokingcrab2290Find things that excite you, give you a sense of achievement,
This has been my way,
But I do get lonely at times esp, when another starts going avoidant,
Dont Chase, Attract!
I 😭for a few days, then get back to doing ME!
Put ME First !
All the best to you 😘
Yes, the chronic confusion was very strange and draining.
Draining is the word. Exhausting and demoralizing.
That's their goal. Whether or not they know it (and I think they do.)
Soooooo draining and confusing to live in. He’s been gone two year and I don’t miss it at all.
Bro I divorced my ex narc/dismissive avoidant and I am STILL in the confused rumination stage.
But what I'm doing now is I'm giving myself new life milestones to look forward to which gives me hope and a sense of direction and that takes my mind off of her and allows me to believe in myself without her. She had me so beaten down and twisted up always telling me I wasn't a real man. Even though I worked full time and ran a business full time. She did nothing and never worked. Just let her mom watch our 2 year old son while she got fatter.
@ I’m literally sending you a hug. 💞🫶🏼 it’s been 2 years now since I made my narc move out and I am definitely still going through some confusion rumination. You aren’t alone and as a provider you likely weren’t a bad man ✌🏼
After getting out of a terrible one-sided relationship, single feels so much better. ❤ being with someone who didn't understand me, see me, or hear me was absolutely more lonely than being single.
Recently divorced from such a person as well. It’s weird how quickly my mood changed, friends have been telling me that I’m back to being my usual bright self, strangers stopped asking me what’s wrong all the time, heck, I feel less lonely too, my reflux is gone, my sleep is better, it’s amazing!
I had a nightmare a few days ago in which she was like a ghost possessing me riding on my back, but I wasn’t afraid of her, I just laughed it off and I’m proud of myself for that.
I was in a 15 year relationship of that with my ex husband. I've been single for over a year now. I've been working on myself by taking courses on how to set boundaries and going to therapy, plus many other healing practices and education. A few weeks ago I met a wonderful new man who is the opposite of my ex and a truly good, kind, honest person. 😊❤
What I found crazy was after years of debt with my ex after being single for a year or so I'd saved up about £5k!!! I LOVE not being in debt. My ex was terrible with money and would borrow from friends and family.
@ woooooow, that’s insane!
It’s the on again and off again that kills me. It’s being abandoned then love bombing all over again.
It’s being emotionally tortured 😢
I had to walk away from my ex who I think he has narcissistic personality. He broke up with me for the first time and came back. Love bombed me and then constantly fight because I was not accommodating and broke up with me again at his discard stage. Before I learnt his disorder, it was very hard to let this RS go but now, I can accept what is going on.
emotions aren’t constant
So.many times during my 8 year relationship that I lost count.
No Contact since September 2024..
The deceit. The manipulation. The LIES.
Never again with him. That book is CLOSED/DONE/FINISHED.
YES,
It Really frkn hurts like hell but I am healing..
"do you want to scare a narcissist? Talk about your feelings and your boundaries"
I totally agree with this. Thinking about my last relationships, things went South when I started opening about my needs. Unfortunately I have an anxious attached style so this would happen in a stage of relationship when it was too late to protect me. But now I am speaking my boundaries and needs right away and it's a kind of test to spot what person am I dating. This technique made already few people leave immediately and I am so happy to have spared myself that agony again
For me it never worked out, I talked my boudaries and they see it as a challange to push them, made me even more dissapointed. Best for me is not expecting relationships and just beeing there, letting them speak where I'm the judge. Actually, if you do that, many people will call you narcisist, because you really use your boudaries.
Every single time I talked with my ex wife about my boundaries and my needs she would either get angry and flip her lid, or she would shut down, or she'd gaslight the crap outta me. She always told me I was needy or whiney. She always told me I was insane and needed a psyche eval. She utterly was breaking down my psyche into something she could control. And it was the worst most isolated and emasculated place I was ever in.
@smokingcrab, That’s so awful, I'm sorry you went through that. Whenever someone tells you that you need a "psychological evaluation" when you voice your concerns, feelings and boundaries in a vulnerable and respectful (non-blaming) way, that's abuse, full stop.
Reason why I’m alone and im 41, I talked about my feelings from the get go and see that they don’t listen , get annoyed are disrespectful etc after meeting them once or twice you just know as soon as you speak your mind .
Cool video, My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love her so much I can’t stop thinking about her, I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her, but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss her and just can’t stop thinking about her.
its difficult to let go of someone you love, i was in a similar situation, my relationship of 12 years ended, but i couldnt just let him go i did all i could to get him back, i had to seek the help of a spiritual counselor who helped me bring him back
Amazing, how did you get a spiritual counselor, and how do i reach her?
Her name is Suzanne ann walters, and she is a great spiritual counselor who can bring back your ex.
Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked her up now online. impressive
Don’t be a simp and take her back. Hit the gym, hit the weights, take walks, go out & have fun. Grieve the relationship. She’s getting her back blown out & creampied. Love yourself. You don’t miss her. You miss the “idea” of her and who you thought she was. DO YOU!
The first person a narcissist lies to is themselves. They'll convince themselves of wild stuff and when they run into reality, delivered by you, they get mad. It's akin to telling someone their god isn't real. They are their own god in their head (in control), and when you tell them they're a regular flawed person they can't deal.
I remember how she used to say she thought of other people as "non-playable characters," while she literally said the universe gave her as a gift. Laughable now.
Holy cow this is exactly why my marriage ended. My narc cex wife worshiped herself and her family. I'm talking EVERYTHING was about them. She tossed me to the side and barely gave me the attention I needed. Always breadcrumbing me and communication was wretched. And when it drove a wedge between us she just pushed me away even more. I essentially shattered her dream of building a dollhouse with her parents. Because she was meant to live life with her husband, not them. Then I learned she had a very wierd attachment to her narcissistic dad, and even admitted he's a narcissist to my face. He called her fat and made her cry and I called him out on it and she defended him and got mad at me for standing up for her.
this video is so important! a narcissist definitely has the goal of control, not connection.
Well said.
@ thank you! i was just repeating what he said 🥰
@@lotsofloveariya😊 well still a great call out. That ever elusive connection with a narcissist, like chasing your own tail.
@ oh i agree completely!!! always going around in circles.
I always wanted to connect, my ex wife never did. She just wanted me as a disposable accessory to her life she wanted control of.
These videos have brought me out of the fog of my toxic marriage. I never saw the patterns of our fights and seeing the signs of him being a narcissist and avoidant has opened my eyes.
I agree! It's literally weight lifting off my shoulders.
You nailed it!
Took me 20 years before I even heard about narcissistic abuse. Wow...Fit like a glove. Always had this little ray of hope that it will get better but nope. Moving on 💪🥳
I always get love bombed but as time goes, you learn and gain experience and you get better each time in reading them.
Was the love bombing happening right from the beginning or later on? I've had both happen. The ones who do it immediately are easier to weed out.
Me too ….people love to love bomb me
I would bring up situations in our relationship that I was depressed and unhappy in our relationship it would usually turn into "What about me?" or "How do you think I feel?" She was always good at deflecting.
Totally identify! I hate that.
They are ALWAYS the victim, ALWAYS!
@LisaEichler-Johnson so true.
@@SnapsTF2 mine had a massive rage shouting fit at me early in the morning like day before NYE unexpectedly, I asked why he was doing it specifically now and could he just calm down n talk. I told him it scared me when he was angry, held out my hand to show him I was shaking.. his response was ‘how do you think I feel’ he continued to pack his stuff, ‘he was saving himself’ 🙄 the absolute BS I put up
Same for my ex wife. She'd treat me like absolute garbage then say "you did it to me!" even though I spent a month watching my behavior very carefully. Nothing was ever enough and everything was always my fault.
my first video of yours, I subscribed. I'm gonna call out one thing, narcissists absolutely always tell half truths. It takes a while to discover this unfortunately, but they are not capable of intimacy and they like the control that keeping secrets and knowing secret stuff provides. Narcissists will always lie to you, usually by omission. They will leave out important details to skew what really happened and how you think of it. Once you detect this, it's a huge huge red flag. Don't ignore that, and consider talking about that in your other videos if you haven't already.
Language is one of the greatest tools. Do not let them control reality. “Your dad always knew you better.” = I never spent time with you or got to know you as a person and I use pleasant sounding words to rewrite history to think it was a good thing I neglected my son.
🎯 deceptive, deflective, disdainful...
I will say, when listening to people, I will say that there's a difference between "that's nothing, I've been through worse" and using your past experiences to relate with somebody over similarities while also acknowledging differences.
My ex wife used to like saying that phrase.
One of the long list of things why she’s ex and not wife.
“You have no idea what i’ve been through”
I used to hate that but now I have to resist laughing out loud at that response. Of course I don’t know what you’ve been through i’m not experiencing your experience! 😂
If your boundaries are disrespected, they're not for you
Indeed. My narcissistic ex's mask came off when she tried guilt tripping me for "leaving her" when I was going home at 10 PM when I was tired and had work the next morning. Yes, WORK. This was after spending the whole weekend with her and I was gonna see her 2 days later. She pulled the same BS 2 days later when I came to her other side of the family's christmas celebration and continued guilt tripping me because I couldn't spend the night as I had my own family christmas the next morning and had to get my my family's gifts and be ready by 830 am. According to her, I'm her bf and should stay over more, when I was already spending the night 1-2 times a week. She also said that if I'm at her house, it's assumed that I'm automatically spending the night. She also expected me to initiate sex without her saying anything. I told her that needs to be communicated. She then said, no it should just happen naturally and if we had a better connection, you'd know when to have sex without me saying anything and it's your fault. Yeah...no thanks. That almost sounds like entrapment into being a rapist or sexual predator.
@@jtl9283 sounds to me like you’re not ready for a relationship.
@ excuse me? So setting healthy boundaries and wanting healthy communication means I'm not ready for a relationship?
@@jtl9283 are you any good at listening to your partners needs? Also sounds like you are the one in control of the relationship and resent her
A couple of days ago, I was honest with my co-parent about how he was a taker in our relationship. He turned it around to say that I was, etc. I stopped the whole thing by texting, "You're right about everything. I'm to blame for everything 🙏🏻" He knows I am done arguing. Now he won't communicate with me in any way. What a blessing! And I can still call our son directly. ❤🎉
9:07 ❤❤❤❤❤ 9:12 🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉great points ❤ 9:26 ❤
They are so masterful at twisting the truth. Praying for peace for you and your son.
I got love bombed in the beginning and I also got love bombed when I was packing my bags and also when I did leave and the person who wanted me back. They sure know how to put on the charm when they've lost you or are just about to
wow exactly the same 10 year relationship she was bad just for sex at the beginning which was to love for me because she split up with her ex and got a restraining order nine years down the line just kind of pulling away from her we had a little boy and she kept pulling me back in with sex until she found somebody else ready to take her on I’ve been fishing around for awhile then to get me arrested restraining order move in with this other guy having round the family home within two weeks moving in with three monthshe’s a shrimp and I know him little **** restraining orders off started arguing in the last two days, but she’s getting a buzz off every way
I also noticed on dates with narcissists and even before, the questions they ask always revolve around them and how you fit into their lives. It feels like I am at a job interview trying to “earn” the reward of their attention.
I’m adverse to it now that I have gone through my healing, but I have fallen into the trap too many times. If they are not genuinely trying to get to know you for the sake of a genuine connection and are “interviewing” then I suggest you run.
Super point! Thanks for sharing that thought.
Or if you find yourself feeling interrogated.
100%! When i met this guy and we were getting to know each other, he'd notice things about me and always say "that's a huge green flag for me!" as if I was interviewing for him. Meanwhile he had all these red flags a week in.
I've had relationships where it feels like an interview for the whole relationship. Like you never quite earn real love or respect and must constantly prove yourself. It's frustrating and exhausting.
@@Lana-Dumais I got some weird interview questions e.g 1) what's the most you have ever weighed - means if I get fat he is gone/ while he has a big belly 2) do you have any health issues - meaning if I have any health issues he will be gone - meanwhile glaucoma runs in his family all his older folks end up blind!!!! Amazing LOL!
About two years ago, I got out of a long term relationship with someone who exhibited many of the key signs, behaviors, and patterns of a covert narc (though I did not know what that was at the time). I spent years trying to figure out how I was the “problem” and fretted constantly over what I could do to make things better. It was a chaotic and manipulative rollercoaster ride that lasted far longer than it should’ve and caused a lot of trauma and harm. Like you said, at the end, wow, she became much more abusive and chaotic and she took no accountability for her behaviors (even cheating) and blamed me and those in her past. I am very fortunate that I am out, worked on healing, loving myself, and forgiveness. Then I entered a healthy relationship and, wow, the differences are quite stark. Thank you for the work that you do!
Coverts are the worst. Very hard to walk away from. Good for you!
My ex wasn't a narcissist per se but she was extremely avoidant. Any conflict or deep communication would trigger her. Even if i was crying about something in my life like my dads cancer diagnoses. She would shut down, isolate and disassociate. It was incredibly frustrating, anxiety inducing and confusing. Always made me feel lonely. I feel SO MUCH better after leaving her.
Yeah, trauma does that to a person over time. Avoidant people have a hard time acknowledging it. I think avoidant people get labeled as narcs a lot. Narcissism is becoming a pop culture blanket statement for people with low emotional development.
I'm there now.
@TGrigor92 I agree with that. It took me a while to realize it. But it's not like my ex was holding back from giving me the empathy and emotional support I needed...it was that she did not even have it to give. She wasn't raised with it and did not possess the skillset or even knowledge of how to provide it.
@@barbarian02003 Sorry to hear that. It can be really damaging to us, the partner wanting emotional connection. Avoidants just do not even have the ability too. It's not you. It's that they don't even have it to give.
It’s horrible not to feel validated or loved.
Never argue with a fool, onlookers may not be able to tell the difference. - Mark Twain
He has done everything you mentioned. He's gone now!
If you stay with one long enough they will make you toxic. Run!
Is it possible for another person to make YOU toxic? 🤔
@@jamestennell1063 Yes.
An autistic or neurodivergent person *might* say "Oh I had trauma/bad day/bad experience too!". Check the other flags. Neurodivergent people tell similar bad stories as a way of saying "I have experienced this as well and I understand and empathize with you". We don't get social cues the same way, but we do care. :) And for those neurodivergents watching, PAY ATTENTION. Autistic people are VERY vulnerable to narcissistic abuse! It's not called "autistic mate crime" for nothing!
Huh. I've never heard this, and it makes sooo much sense. I always felt like I attract narsscissts and didn't know what the reason was. But this explains a lot. Thank you for sharing this comment. ❤
Thank you for sharing this comment ❤ I too never knew this. It makes a lot of sense to me as a asd person...I could never understand it.
Yes. I'm late diagnosed autistic, and I've only ever attracted narcissists and toxic people. I'm easy to use and betray. So, now I'm working on my attachment style and not dating again anytime soon. If ever. Going through a divorce from a narc, right now, and it's the worst thing I've ever gone through.
This was something I was debating raising myself. Folks in the Neurospicy space can also unintentionally trigger a lot of these flags because we process stuff differently.
One thing I've observed in my personal experience (AuDHD and wife is AuDHD as well) is that when you communicate that the way somehting was said felt a certain way, we will shift that communication style instantly.
Yeah. That was exactly my thought. :)
Thank you for this great video! I have realized only 5 years ago that I was brought up by a narcissistic mother who was ALWAYS right and I was always wromg. I have been critisized my whole life by her even about the way I walk. I did not know anything about narcissism until I was 50 years and had had a relationship with a narcissist and a friendship. They were all different. The one who love bombed me I thought he was the one and I married him, what a bad mistake. I really had to learn the hard way about narcissism, but now I recognize them and see through their lies and and manipulation. But I have to admit there are a lot of selfish men out there who only like to talk about themselves and as soon as I see this pattern and they are not interested in me I am done! I have said to a man on a first date : "do you recognize that you have been talking for 2 hours about yourself and did not ask me anything? "Then I paid my bill and left. I do not spend more time on them. I have developped myself and learnt to love myself and respect myself. Respect is huge in any connection and Iearn a lot about your video' s about narcissism and I love the humoristic role playing video's as well! Thank you for bringing awareness about this huge topic in society as the world is full of narcissism nowadays and I do not put up with that anymore! I rather be by myself in peace and harmony!
I have found that talking about my boundaries just made me a challenge. Holding boundaries is where it got tough.
Next time, don't talk about your boundaries. Just set them. If they're not accepted by the other, walk away. Boundaries are non-negotiable....that is, you do not discuss them. The end is the end.
It's def tricky. If you have to be around them at times for the kids they take any opportunity. I have tools to go inside myself. One is I start dancing like Elaine in my head to lighten my heart and stay non reactive 😁
THIS
It’s absolutely crazy to me that the one time I felt like I had truly met my perfect match and “soul mate” the relationship where I felt seen, heard and validated for the first time…he was just a narcissist. It truly makes me believe that this type of love doesn’t actually exist.
My lord this hurt my soul to read.
I've never seen it. I can't even imagine being treated with love and respect.
Mind blown! Everything that you mentioned happened in my last relationship. He yelled for me and my child to leave and not return, and then sent a detailed text to my family and friends about dark and personal things that I had entrusted to him. Then he called me the abuser. Love is blind, but I am focusing on healing and hoping for a brighter future! Requesting prayers for our journey to recovery, please and God bless you.❤
This is so validating, thank you! I was with him for 5 years and never deserved his cruel treatment.
“Nothing bad will happen by taking your time” 4:16 one red flag I noticed when dating a narcissist was how good they were at pressuring me to date them and there was always this underlying feeling of “something bad will happen if you don’t make a decision right now / if you don’t agree to date me right now”. It was never explicitly said in that way, but they were good at giving off that energy. Thanks to videos like this I now understand that if I get that feeling again - like I should really give them a chance, or else, this is a major red flag.
I think there are more people out there that are emotionally immature than are clinical narcissists. And NPD takes a trained clinician to diagnose. Emotionally immature people are very damaging and destructive.. and have most of the stereotypical features of NPD…
Agree that there are people using this word lightly, for anybody that they felt offended by, and there also are a lot of people demonstrating the traits, especially immature people. But narcs are also adept at getting under the radar of a qualified therapist. They see the doctor for a one hour session and can totally charm doc into believing their partner is the problem.
A person can have multiple doctorates in psychology and related subjects, but it's still not the same as having life experience. You know a narc after having lived with them. They make life impossible. When you know you know.
The likelihood of a narc going in to a therapist to achieve his/her diagnosis of NPD, is virtually zero, laughable actually, due to the very nature of the disorder.
The first person to discover this thing experienced it in real life first, before being able to write the very first dissertation or thesis. I wonder how long they weren't taken seriously too. Question of what came first, the chicken or the egg.
'Peter Pan Syndrome'. Not a clinical diagnosis but considered to have traits tightly linked to narcissism.
@ agree 100% they are great at going undetected
Absolutely. It’s a popular teaching currently coming to light about narcissist qualities- listen to all the experts on it. They don’t want it to become something we just willingly throw around. Some people have narcissistic _ traits _ and emotional immaturity. They’d probably be willing to grow. But we have to recognize how we feel.
@ my mom is emotionally immature and not willing to change… she has a lot of NPD/BPD traits but hasn’t been diagnosed. Every time I think she’s changed it’s really just a trap… grrrrrr…
But she’s not diagnosed so I’m not willing to call her a personality disorder
"You're worth more than any fight we had". Wow. What powerful words! Wonder what it would feel like to hear them...Jeep Flower Child
My ex would say things to me while he was drunk and then suggest I was “remembering it wrong” 🥺
Same here!❤
Gaslighting.
@@candicecrawford2996 I had the opposite, once my ex took issue with me when I had had a few drinks, I’m such a happy drunk and do remember exactly what I say as it’s usually soppy. He gaslit me trying to accuse me of saying stuff I hadn’t! Bc I was ‘so’ drunk. But bc I stood up for myself and refuted his accusations, he screamed for ages until I was in tears and threw me out! It was an awful experience
Thinking back to the beginning the signs were all there but due to my young age and maturity level I didn’t leave the relationship for years !
Same! Compassion for ourselves!!!❤
Exactly the same. We didn’t know. I spent almost two years in that relationship
I got a masters degree with some parts psychology in it and I'm in my thirties and still got manipulated, gaslit and didnt feel like myself anymore after serveral months, they are mad clever at hiding their schemes, it's not your fault.
I was well into adulthood, overall pretty mature with my life pretty together and I still lost 20 years! Give yourself grace, they are just VERY broken people!
Mine's the opposite. I was older than him. I didn't know about these things (narcissism, lovebomb...). I thought I knew what I was getting into. Now we have broken up. He initiated it. And we are in no contact. I still feel myself wanting to get back together with him but I know I'm doing well each day...
2:20 1. You’re getting lovebombed
6:09 2. You don’t feel safe to talk about your boundaries
12:23 3. They have to be the center of attention
13:38 4. Everything is a competition
16:12 5. They use your vulnerabilities against you
17:03 6. They are always the victim
21:35 7. You’re confused all the time
Thank you Jimmy.. you mentioned so many really good points in all those signs.
These videos are triggering to me as they bring back horrific memories, but the education is invaluable. Thank you.
Same, it's really tough to listen to. But it must be done. It has to be faced head on with no fear.
Agreed. Let's all heal in healthy ways. God speed❤
Thank you for your videos, they are so very helpful
So kind of you :)
"How much time and energy am I going to give someone who's shown they dont value me or my feelings?" Yes, right there. That thought has been such an Eureka moment for me. It's so simple yet profound. Thank you.
"If an apology is not met with changed behavior, then it's either manipulation, or that person simply isn't able to or interested in changing anything about their behavior." Jeez. I adore your channel but I have an additional, or potential alternate view based on my own experience. It could be they're truly giving it everything they have, but they simply lack the tools, and self knowledge, self talk, and self parenting required to successfully permanently make the changes they truly do WANT TO make for you. My ex "tried and tried to get through to me" (both of us likely fearful/ disorganized), and literally left a 5+ year relationship because neither of us had firm boundary talk and healthy (and relatively simple) boundary tools and bonding tools. Either way, I guess I would have found this aspect of your channel years ago. Keep it up - you are literally doing God's work. Namaste. 🙇♂️ ❤❤
It's not another take in all honesty, but it's good to hear your story of an attachment disorder and someone who has not healed from it. What's your describing is someone who is not NPD but has an attachment disorder which Jimmy often talks about here on his channel.
Yep. Nobody's perfect and it's inevitable to f up sometimes. But the most elaborate apologies are worthless if absolutely nothing is done to address the issue.
Not arguing with you. Just telling the world that if they apologize and never change then they are manipulating you or are incapable of change. Avoidants are manipulating reality too to avoid interaction, aka change.
Brilliant, Jimmy; I love how you circled back to how we need to prioritize how we love and respect ourselves
Thank you for acknowledging that we are forever changed by these relationships and like someone who can walk but maybe not ever run again. That really resonated for me and felt reassuring in a really sad kind of way. The world feels less safe now after knowing him but knowing his kind is out there makes me better able to protect myself. Never again.
Psychedelics are just an exceptional mental health breakthrough. It's quite fascinating how effective they are against depression and anxiety. Saved my life.
Can you help with the reliable source I would really appreciate it. Many people talk about mushrooms and psychedelics but nobody talks about where to get them. Very hard to get a reliable source here in Australia. Really need!
Yes Jefshroomies , I have a similar experience with anxiety, depression, PTSD, and addiction, and mushrooms have significantly contributed to my recovery and being clean today.
Is he on goggle ?
Jefshroomies is the man
On goggle ?
Excellent content Jimmy ...
Excellent. Healthy relationships are ALWAYS about mutual respect. Period.
The enemy of our souls always, always starts with CONFUSION and builds from there.
Do NOT second guess yourself! Take people at face value and not their potential. Listen .. and more importantly, OBEY that still small voice within because that IS God trying to guide and protect you!
When people SHOW you WHO they are ...
Believe them!
🙌🕊️🕊️
This video is exactly right, I have experienced all of this, the only solution is to get away if we can.
Thanks!
He said I was his soulmate and made for him, but he treated me like a pawn when I am a Queen.
Just a reminder that at the core of narcissism is *not* excessive self-love and esteem but the opposite. All narcissists have deep rooted self hatred and the worst self esteem.
While I wouldn’t say they are “bad people” or go into finding people with malicious intent, to them they genuinely believe they are unable and incapable to feel good about and validate themselves-hence why they look for others for that supply of esteem and validation. In other words, they are too caught up in finding their “magical elixir” that they don’t care who they hurt or what they have to do to get their fix. Unbeknownst to them, that magical elixir is already in their possession but they *choose* not to see it- and you can’t make them see it either.
On point!
It's paradoxical. They loathe themselves but also have a grandiosity complex, believing that they are essentially God.
Supply is essentially validation or anything that allows them to attempt individuation from a 'mother figure' which they apply to you. NPD is deeper than most people realise - it's complete and utter agony in a self defeating spiral that cannot be escaped. People with NPD live very unfulfilling and sad lives. The reasons psychologists don't detect it all that well is because they don't use child psychology on adults, of which a narc is always stuck in the infantile stage of 2-12 years old.
Professor Sam Vaknin is the leading psychologist on this topic, and he's even diagnosed with NPD. I would recommend his videos.
You're right. Someone else said narcissism is self hate disguised as self love. It couldn't be more true.
Spot on 🎯 👏🏾 👌🏾
Some narcissistic people are actually awful , demonic really with the levels of deceit and manipulation . ❤
The video explains how narcissists manipulate relationships through love bombing, gaslighting, and control. They resist boundaries, play the victim, and use your vulnerabilities against you. Protect yourself by trusting your intuition, setting boundaries, and not reacting to their games. Healthy relationships are built on mutual respect and accountability.
Its always good to hear Jimmy. I like how he says these things. He cares about people. Ive been abandoned by one now both sisters, for no good reason. When it pops up for me, I need remind myself: I did nothing to deserve that. Like he says : They would never let you treat THEM that way.
Thank you, Jimmy! This has been more helpful for me than the 5000 other videos I have watched on Narcissism. I left my 21 year marriage over 3 years ago and haven’t wanted to date since. I think that is because I’m afraid of the same thing happening and I could get sucked in by the love bombing. For you to simply say that it’s impossible to see the difference between love bombing from a narcissist, and the average person was really such a relief! Seems like such a simple point to make, but nobody else is saying it. It made me think back to the first time my ex-husband let the mask slip. At that point, he was already living with me, I would’ve had to kick him out and as a sensitive empath, that wasn’t going to happen at that point “all he had done for me”. Living together too soon was where I made a wrong turn. Thank you so so much for helping me understand that.
Same here. My narc actually pressured me to move in after dating for 7 months. I should have known better.
@@sarahhoffman7840 same here. 17 years finally kicking him out in September. Working to finalize divorce. I’m so much happier and feel like myself again.
@@cyndimoring9389where are you from tho? It seems to me totally normal to live together after half a year or a year of dating
Would like a video on recovering after long term a narcissistic relationship.
@@georgeshomodi3498 agreed, that would be normal to me too. It was sooner than that for various reasons. He wasn’t a homeless unemployed person or anything like that, very financially successful, but it “made sense” at the time. 😣
Also find value in yourself not just the relationship. True.
These narc signs apply to most all relationships, including neighbors and friends. They do the same stuff.
He would always use "you are being unwilling to compromise." when I brought up my non negotiables. Acted so high and mighty about it too.
That’s a classic manipulation tactic. Flipping the script to make you feel like the unreasonable one for simply having boundaries. Healthy relationships respect non-negotiables, they don’t try to argue them away. Glad you recognize it now 👍🏼
This is so true about boundaries. I told my ex I did not want to have sex because I was still a virgin. I was raped because he chose to not respect my boundary. The oxytocin made it further confusing. Remember your boundaries are for YOU and they need to be respected at all times. I felt the loneliest in an abusive marriage where I experience marital rape. Gross human beings.
My question is - how do you learn to trust yourself after years of being told you’re the problem and sustaining narcissistic abuse? Even with the cold hard facts, I still question everything I feel and can’t seem to allow myself to believe that I’m not the issue anymore.
Sameeeee
Jimmy deserves every single subscriber, every single good thing the world offers. Kind people need to protect themselves from those who are not so kind!
After mine, I never dated again. 20 years ago. I didn't trust myself to not be fooled again.
Also had a covert narc mother, which never helped me self esteem (so of course, even crumbs of attention worked).
I didn't learn about narcissism or psychopathy until the break up. I didn't even know my mother was covert narc until recently. The emotional blackmail, triangulation, tantrums all confirmed it.
Me too. Needy, covert Mom, several terribly toxic relationships, its really just a lot to overcome.
@@palalechat If I compare the damage over the longer term, the covert mother really did the core damage.
The abusive (malignant) ex did do damage, severe ptsd for a year or two, but I was able to recover and move on (knowing it wasn't me).
@StrawberryFieldsNIR thank goodness you are free from abuse.
@ Not yet. May have finally gotten rid of the ex husband, but the mother is still in the picture.
It's still death by a thousand cuts with that one, not a day goes by that I don't get put down or criticised. She is now mid-80s, and has never changed, except now she uses DARVO when challenged, because her old tricks don't work. Watching the clock on this one, if you know what I mean.
@StrawberryFieldsNIR I went no contact on mine about ten years ago. It's not an easy path but it's the one I chose. Living with that decision every day, never really knowing if it was the right one. Like "they" always say, there is no winning with a narcissist. Most of the time I feel like such an outcast in the world. No partner, no family to speak of, just a shit ton of ghosts. But growing up in my family, if you can call it that, prepared me all too well for being alone. Very self reliant. Strength and a weakness.
Unbelievably I wandered into a fast, furious relationship with a narcissist last year. I say unbelievably because I had avoided a few others over the past few years and thought I was "savvy and immune". Nope. Fast forward after six months of increasingly controlling behavior and continual criticism, I had spent two weeks on the verge of a panic attack., Then when I just knew I had to get out, without easing into it at all, I broke it off suddenly. Was he sad? Did he cry? Did he want to know why? No. Instead he was PISSED. He gave me daggers, and in a harsh, staccato voice, up in my face, he strongly stated one last command, "Don't ever do this again to somebody else!" Yep, one last attempt at control. Whew. So glad I'm out. Jimmy, your video information is priceless. I've used much of what you've posted to help me understand what happened and begin to heal from six months of psychological manipulation and systematic devaluing.
Finally I got pushed far enough to make the break. 35 yrs. What have I got to show for it? A broken wrist and 3 beautiful children.
The end.
Whoohoo I can't wait for my next chapter.
So happy that you gave yourself freedom!
31 years for me, haven't done it yet, but I am in the process! Excited for my new fresh life , anything will be better than this!!
Thank you Jimmy for this insightful and very concise content!
Amazing advice Jimmy , I experienced every single thing you have said and seen with a malignant covert narcissist , I learned the hard way but that’s all behind me now and I have my peace and happiness again 😊
These points you made sound so familiar, Jimmy. My rat-bastard of an ex-husband was clinically diagnosed borderline, but he really had a lot of narcissistic features.
Narcissism is part of BPD.
Am sorry but rat-bastard made me laugh out loud. I apologise.
There's no reason to apologize. I'm glad you were able to laugh.
You have covered everything here that is essential to hear. Thank you for all you do to keep us in tune in this type of relationship.
*It's pretty tough for an Alligator to keep up it's table-manners at Thanksgiving ... **_for very long_*
I think there is a fine but huge difference between being dominant - toxic, disrespectful and mean on purpose or feel a legitimate disappointment towards your partner with accusations and an analysis of immature behavior that you hold against your partner at some point in the conversation. If your bf promised 100000x to do something, and he let's you down in a lot of ways, you can honestly tell him into his face what you think this behaviour is for you, without being the "toxic one". Because many "victim narcissist" gaslight you and turn the tables when you hold them accountable and play the victim and make you the bad person just because you tell them off about their hurtful behavior. Many outsiders fall for this twist when narcissists tell them their heartbreaking version of lies.
THANK YOU for the video! It brought up some NOT so great memories, but it also brought up how GRATEFUL I am for God LITERALLY getting me FREE from it (nothing short of a miracle)
Now (over a decade later) I'm in a relationship where Neither of us EVER thought we'd be in a relationship again. We NOW know what a healthy, loving 1 looks/feels like 💗 THANK YOU again!
Thank you so much Jimmy. I didn’t know much of anything about narcissism before dating one. I recall pointing out in a text fight within first few months that he doesn’t take accountability. He didn’t respond. I didn’t see it as a VERY strong red flag. He picked a fight about nothing every 2 or 3 weeks. Huge red flap I missed. I’ve learned it’s important for me not to get physically intimate too soon. When I do, i get far too attached and give too many chances…to give the bare minimum of what I deserve.
Underwent these. Painful experiences. But got good lessons.
It makes you a much better person if you use it to avoid these people. And lift up people who are not.
This is exactly what I needed to hear! Amazing. Thank you for your empathy
Over 22 years of narcissistic abuse and I've taken my power back. Thank you so much for this empowering video. Spot on. I'm excited that I'm finally placing myself first and creating the life of my dreams ❤️🦋✨🎉
Thanks, Jimmy. As a young man, this will help me, in my journey to find my wife. 😊
Same
This is so sweet of you! You will be successful and happy in love with such an open heart and mind🙏🏻❤️
I've had to discover these techniques by trial and error throughout my childhood. Now I'm 25, and I've learned not to take the bait. I'm constantly practicing how to have healthy relationships with friends, mentors, co-workers, parents, and siblings since my ingrained programming is toward co-dependency and self-sacrifice to make relationships "work". I started my awakening at 14 when my brother passed, and it's been a slow, arduous journey to get to a place where I'm comfortable being myself in safe spaces and know how to protect my energy from people who don't have my best interests in mind. One really huge plus is that all these red flags give me a terrible feeling in my stomach, making it impossible to ignore. Thank you for the insights and reaffirming words. Thank you for the work that you do; know that it is making a difference in at least one person's life. Judging from the comments, I would have to say many people's lives. Thank you ❤
17 years and I finally escaped
👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
That’s a long time too endure such abuse, Im sorry you had to endure that for so long
Yes! Let the healing begin.
@@kilianwilhelm8238 I know and thank you. It takes a lot of courage to make such a change giving everything up but it’s worth my peace of mind and tranquility.
30 years Soni feel this.
Thank you again Jimmy. This is so beautifully articulated and exemplified. I recognize these signs I have seen in people. How many times did I also ask myself if I was embodying these as well. It is so challenging to recognize our own patterns, thoughts, behaviors, emotions. Let alone in others. I have found myself to be incredibly challenged in my relationship with my teenager daughter. I can definitely see some of these signs in her father and in her. The rock method is hard to do when you it’s needed in a relationship with your own child. I really appreciate your effort and dedication into sharing and elevating through your experience and gifts. Thank you Jimmy and everyone here for your love and support through this community .✨🤍🤗
Thank you, Jimmy. I've learned a *lot* about myself, and your videos are teaching me and my fiance how to be kinder to ourselves and each other.
In some cases your defiance and boundaries are a challenge to them and then the love bombing or at least acting normal, loving and kind, is being used.
Everything you describe is so on point!
Love this video, like all your other videos. Thank you.
This video is so helpful 🙏🏻✨ Thank you for putting the time into making it and sharing it 🙏🏻✨
My covert narc husband is always the victim of actions he creates. He accused me of "hitting" him when I put my hand on his back and asked him to move forward because he had stopped at an entryway blocking myself and other people from getting in. I was in shock at the manipulation which of course put me on the defensive (what he wanted all along).
I was dating someone who grabbed my hand and hit himself with it (This happened multiple times). He was "playfully" acting like I hurt him by moving my hand, and hitting himself. He then said, "oww, why do you keep hurting me?" I should have known that was a red flag, even if he was just playing the victim. At one point, I did tell him how his actions hurt me (on something else, when he pushed me past my boundaries) and he said he never meant to be "that guy." He never apologized. Later on, maybe a week later. He did the same thing that hurt me in the first place.
Now he is my ex, and we work together. I can tell he is acting like a victim, like a puppy. He's purposely ignoring me to try to get me back. It is killing me trying to stay away because I feel like I'm withdrawing from an addiction.
I love your way of explaining this problem and yet explaining solutions to this dilemma. Ive never heard of a better explanation of what i experienced yet I know I must take responsibility for allowing it. Education is everything and your teaching style is awesome. I hate labelling I learn best the way you teach! 🧡
apparently he had to rebuild trust after cheating on his wife. Idk about you, but I would never trust someone who cheats on me and then unprofessionally talks about relationships, especially if that person talks about narcissistic relationships.
Thank you so much for this video and all your work. You are helping out so many people! 🙏🙏🙏
Thank you ,I agree. If they try to push over my boundres, by,by. I'm not choosing them! Some think that's harsh! But boundary are respect for yourself.
Friends should feel they safe enough to talk to each other. A solid romantic relationship should start as friends, shouldn't they??
Thanks Jimmy this video is much needed for people so that they can spot the red flags earlier on and learn from past mistakes? To avoid further heartbreak and disappointment in future connections! 😊💖🙏😊.
Thank you, Jimmy. Just. This is everything everyone should know.
I really value all the contents you bring out for people.
I think this also is the same advice for friendships and family as well. Many of us started out with family that had these tendencies which put us more at risk for then meeting and allowing these types in our life. At least I have anyway. There came a point when while I had low contact with my family, I looked around and realized that the majority of my friendships were not actual friends. They just took and took and took until I was so done. So I began just letting go or anyone who was toxic and began the long journey of only accepting people into my life who put the same energy into me as I did to them. Also, haven’t dated in years. Was way too comfortable with this kind of personality and expecting so much more and knowing and believing in my worth is an ongoing journey.
Same
Thank you so much for these videos!! You truely are a lifesaver. I got out of a horrible relationship with a narc and I wish I knew of your videos then. You are ABSOLUTELY right with everything you say. Now, I share your videos with female friends who are going thru similar situations and they all appreciate them. They help, a lot!
I learned a lot watching this video and about myself watching this video. Thank you.
the hardest part is trying to get out when you know and see all of these signs. been trying to fully detach for over two years, after the first 6 months blew up with toxicity after all the lovebombing happened
Love bombing is so tricky. Because I have been in good and bad relationships. They actually always start the same. Love is a powerful force and makes people silly. Even healthy people.
I think there's no real way to avoid hurtful people. I think the only real thing you can do is give people one less chance than you are naturally inclined to
It's awfully hard to have fun dating when it's not fun.
Thank you - this is super helpful💕
Thank you for this video i just got out of a narcissistic relationship. As soon as I started the "judgements criticisms" which was just a small question. He kept doing worse judgments about everything I did, my upbringings, my clothes, my body, my being yet he was so nice helpful and charming before till it got worse. I was always at blame it was my fault for him to not express his word of thought better or his foreigner heritage yet he lives in Canada (i do to) for 8 years now he had no excuse for treating me that way. There was fun time but he avoid allot of things. I make mistakes too but i had my breaking point it was making me feel awful. No one deserve to be treated poorly.
Yeah… I definitely belittled him towards the end but it’s because he was so terrible that I’d lost all respect for him. He was every one of these and I was so confused and exhausted by the behavior. Even still I couldn’t bring myself to leave. I was my very worst with him and could see it. That’s what finally got me to leave. I’d never acted that way with other people and haven’t treated anyone like that after him… So happy I got out of that awful situation.
Knowing your worth is the ultimate shield against narcissists. When you truly value yourself, red flags stop looking like ‘challenges’ and start looking like exit signs. The key is self-trust and strong boundaries. Who else learned this the hard way?🚩
EXACTLY TO EVERYTHING! 😊 Love your content and approach!
Thanks
Wow this was amazing, I felt so related. Thanks to your content I opened my eyes and had the courage to walk away. Now Im working on myself.