I know it is such a coincidence! That 48min video about us staying in a relationship from what we idealize it to be rather than what it is came right on time, I took it with me and had the "hard conversation" the next chance I got. My partner said it came as a surprise and showed some worries about compatibility so I gave her some space to think it through. Now I started to have thoughts if I am forcing things and if I should still go with it even though my partner doesn't seem that excited about it. They haven't replied yet but just the delay is making me not so sure about it anymore and then this video drops 😊
@ I don't know what the outcome of your situation will be, but I wish you strength and wisdom to face it and overcome it. All of these situations feel horrible, but they need to be lived through. In my case, I had a partner with whom I thought I was compatible on all levels. Until her ex-partner showed up again and she started to have doubts about whether she wanted to be with her ex-partner or with me. She ended the relationship because I didn't deserve that (which, by the way, I'm very grateful to her for, because I probably wouldn't have had the strength to make the decision), and I agree. I don't deserve that. But it still hurts a lot. I thought she was THE girl, now I'm grieving that disappointment and disillusionment.
I'm glad you mentioned parenthood and how the inability to be honest with and accountable for oneself in a relationship can deeply affect someone's life.
It's such a big problem. I was once as insecure as the people who are causing me heart ache. So I feel like it's extremely true, because I can relate back to a previous version of myself. And see how their behaviour is similar to mine 20 years ago
This is so great!!!!!! I use to watch your content years ago, it’s so amazing to see you matured and speaking from a true place of someone who gets it. The cookie cutter “love yourself” dating advice is so tiring to those who have been married for years and don’t seem to understand dating now days is not the same! Love these levels- so insightful
We were on level 3. He admitted he likes me but doesn’t know about long term. The chemistry is there. We are so compatible in many things. I thought he liked me because he was so insistent during the initial stage, then it turned out to be a fwb situation. We kept going back and forth if we should cut ties off. I’m just hurt that he doesn’t see me as someone who is capable to be a wife for him. 😢 Being in your 30s (turning 30 soon) is really tough to be especially in today’s dating scene. I regret not having a high school sweetheart. I was too focused on school and my future.
The majority of people don't have a happily ever after with their high school sweetheart. Think about how different you were back then, vs what you know now! You bring all of your life experiences (including being single) with your current self to your future relationships. Wishing you the best of luck. Keep going!
If someone doesn't want you early on, the question is if you feel it's worth pursuing since people change as times go on. The beginning should be the strongest feeling, as it typically fade.
@@ethant5363 took us to today to cut each other off. Told him to only contact me if he knows what he wants and he is sure about it. I told him I will delete his number. He kept mine. Once I move on, I’m out. No coming back. This guy tested my patience to the T. I thought I found the one yet it was another lesson for the book of my life. It’s been really rough. Makes me question what’s wrong with me yet I know I’m just playing pity party. Oh well… better be single at 30 than being someone’s doormat. 😟
@@okashi10 My brother has been with his wife now for almost 15 years. Two years married, the other years were LDR. I believe in true love and it can grow if you water each other’s hearts everyday. I just wish my parents weren’t so strict with me having a boyfriend. My college male friends who wanted to pursue me before are all married now. When I asked why they didn’t court me, they said the same thing “You put study first, so I respected it.” Nothing wrong with my life now but I am nowhere near to where I wanted to be at 30! 😣
Reframing it ... Never thought about it, I was stuck in the "what if, if only, we could/would...". I needed to hear this, no matter how good some things were, the bad stuff made us incompatible. (MIN 14-18)
Love this! So inspiring! My mind has been completely consumed by thoughts of him. It’s been six months since he left, and the pain of losing him feels like a physical ache. The laughter, the memories, the adventures sadly, it’s all gone. I’ve tried everything to distract myself, but the harder I try, the more I find myself thinking about him. How do people let go and move on? It’s been months, yet the memories of him are still so vivid. I miss him more than words can say.
I grew up with no parents, I made ALL the mistakes, I will sit down with my 15yo child this evening and watch this mind blowing life lesson I never learned, put together in perfect simplicity. Thank you Mathew. I grateful I didn’t go another day without hearing this 💚🙏
It's because I left first in 2020 and a lot more complicated but yeah then after a short while they choose someone else. I understand now. Time for me to love myself.
Amazing, Matthew. It's 2.30 a.m. here so I won't blather on. I'm 70 anyway, so the whole biological clock thing is not my reality now. I'm watching a couple in the reverse situation. Very young woman not ready to settle down & older guy desperately wanting a family. Both strong charismatic types. Damn it's hard to watch from the sidelines.
I haven't watched this yet (as of writing this comment) but I saw the title and immediately went "ohno." Knowing how Matthew ALWAYS somehow posts stuff that reflect my life at the right time lmao HE'S A WIZARD
Yeahh.. but not everything is about the future.. most of the time it doesn't happen the way you wanted and sometimes what you wanted wasn't the best for you anyway... I think is important to live in the present, and enjoy the present... so many people and relationships you won't get to enjoy because they didn't fit with your agenda...
My question: What if you have a guy who doesn't consistently communicate every once in a while? Then he says he wants to be with me. However, it doesn't feel like he does with his actions he doesn't try to get to know me better, it's very surface level, and I consistently tell him my boundaries it just feels like it's falling on deaf ears I care about him yet I think it's time for me to walk away just not sure how to tell him without triggering him I want to end things without it being chaos or drama what what I say and how would I do it please any advice ❤
It seems like you aren’t telling him your boundaries. You’re making bids to him. A boundary is something you show to someone, not something you tell them more frequently than is reasonable to you. Remember that it’s not a boundary for you unless you walk away because of it.
You know the answer to this yourself as actions speak louder than words. Don’t waste time on manipulation and avoiding what you really want, just tell him you’re done and stop texting. It’s all you can do for yourself
My boyfriend chose to move out of the country and leave me behind in the US, thinking we can do long distance. I realize now long distance doesn’t work for me. This is very eye opening. 😢
I'm sorry but that sounds like love bombing in such a short time. Some men will do everything to pursue you and then lose interest. That has nothing to do with you but with themselves. Now you're stuck emotionally with them and they can play you like an instrument. I'm sorry but he's not the one for you. Cut it and grieved the relationship with no contact and you'll find the real deal. This one isn't it. The right men won't do that to you. Also you have just wasted a few months and not your life to somebody who's not sure. All the best to you ❤️
@@ireefree2024 thank you ♥️ I agree! Things started off slow so it didn’t seem like love bombing but looking back on things it definitely seems like it. Yes I’m moving on 💕
IM so curious i just saw a video where matthew said he wouldnt date a girl unless she offered to pay on their first date. Im wondering if he still thinks this way… did your wife offer to pay on the first date! has your pov changed?
Umm 🤔 then there is soul connections. Love isn’t enough as if you can’t talk about hard things and go deep then you can only love from afar but never up close. The other part is if they are in another relationship then it never/ hardly ever works because when they get bored they will do the same thing again. I have a no monkey brushing policy and my soul connections so far have always been in relationships with other people so I walk Away once I realize what is going on. Do I stop loving them or caring? Nope but I must stick to my policy and stand my ground.
Wow that’s harsh. Why doesn’t he just break up with you if he feels that way. Leave that man, you deserve someone who wouldn’t talk to you that way and making you feel like shit.
Comment from another perspective: I'm in my 40s, knew I don't want marriage or kids since I was 10, still don't want it (I do want a serious relationship). I think of myself as pretty easy to get along with. However, I'm single, because at that moment when I say that I don't want marriage or kids they all run away! And the men are supposed to be afraid of marriage and kids?? Or I simply find the ones who want that? But every. Single. F*ckin. Time?? Seriously??
Some men probably think that if a woman doesn't want marriage then she isn't capable of commitment (which is stupid but ok). Maybe it's the timing when you say that?! Too early and or they don't know what else to contribute to the relationship as most woman want marriage and kids?! Or you simple attract the type of men who wants marriage and kids.
![I.N "HALLUCINATION" | [Stray Kids : SKZ-PLAYER]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/n5B5q1Hwt_U/mqdefault.jpg)
Deep down, you know it already. Since an end is inevitable, let go sooner rather than later. You'll save yourself a ton of heartache.
I just did too
But you want to maximise the sex
You need to go on time, you need be confident to go on time
The right person for us is the person that chooses us, the person that doesn't chooses us can never be the right person 6:12
Is the right job the company that chooses to hire you?
@@dampergoldenrod4156 yes. Beggars can't be choosers.
@@dampergoldenrod4156 a lifelong relationship only works when both people don't give up on each other
I don’t know how you do it. But you always post the content that I really need in the moment that I really need. Thank you for all your work Matthew
I know it is such a coincidence! That 48min video about us staying in a relationship from what we idealize it to be rather than what it is came right on time, I took it with me and had the "hard conversation" the next chance I got. My partner said it came as a surprise and showed some worries about compatibility so I gave her some space to think it through. Now I started to have thoughts if I am forcing things and if I should still go with it even though my partner doesn't seem that excited about it. They haven't replied yet but just the delay is making me not so sure about it anymore and then this video drops 😊
@ I don't know what the outcome of your situation will be, but I wish you strength and wisdom to face it and overcome it. All of these situations feel horrible, but they need to be lived through.
In my case, I had a partner with whom I thought I was compatible on all levels. Until her ex-partner showed up again and she started to have doubts about whether she wanted to be with her ex-partner or with me. She ended the relationship because I didn't deserve that (which, by the way, I'm very grateful to her for, because I probably wouldn't have had the strength to make the decision), and I agree. I don't deserve that. But it still hurts a lot. I thought she was THE girl, now I'm grieving that disappointment and disillusionment.
Wow, Mathew, your ability to reframe the deep disappointment of a lost love dream is remarkable and special.
Agreed
I'm glad you mentioned parenthood and how the inability to be honest with and accountable for oneself in a relationship can deeply affect someone's life.
It's such a big problem. I was once as insecure as the people who are causing me heart ache. So I feel like it's extremely true, because I can relate back to a previous version of myself. And see how their behaviour is similar to mine 20 years ago
Spot on! Love is NOT all we need, it's compatibility.
This is so great!!!!!! I use to watch your content years ago, it’s so amazing to see you matured and speaking from a true place of someone who gets it. The cookie cutter “love yourself” dating advice is so tiring to those who have been married for years and don’t seem to understand dating now days is not the same! Love these levels- so insightful
Oh I so hear you...what a minefield it is dating now!
We were on level 3. He admitted he likes me but doesn’t know about long term. The chemistry is there. We are so compatible in many things. I thought he liked me because he was so insistent during the initial stage, then it turned out to be a fwb situation.
We kept going back and forth if we should cut ties off. I’m just hurt that he doesn’t see me as someone who is capable to be a wife for him. 😢
Being in your 30s (turning 30 soon) is really tough to be especially in today’s dating scene. I regret not having a high school sweetheart. I was too focused on school and my future.
The majority of people don't have a happily ever after with their high school sweetheart. Think about how different you were back then, vs what you know now! You bring all of your life experiences (including being single) with your current self to your future relationships. Wishing you the best of luck. Keep going!
If someone doesn't want you early on, the question is if you feel it's worth pursuing since people change as times go on. The beginning should be the strongest feeling, as it typically fade.
I'm 54 and in the same situation. I understand...I never met my person in school either.
@@ethant5363 took us to today to cut each other off. Told him to only contact me if he knows what he wants and he is sure about it. I told him I will delete his number. He kept mine. Once I move on, I’m out. No coming back. This guy tested my patience to the T.
I thought I found the one yet it was another lesson for the book of my life. It’s been really rough. Makes me question what’s wrong with me yet I know I’m just playing pity party.
Oh well… better be single at 30 than being someone’s doormat. 😟
@@okashi10 My brother has been with his wife now for almost 15 years. Two years married, the other years were LDR. I believe in true love and it can grow if you water each other’s hearts everyday. I just wish my parents weren’t so strict with me having a boyfriend. My college male friends who wanted to pursue me before are all married now. When I asked why they didn’t court me, they said the same thing “You put study first, so I respected it.”
Nothing wrong with my life now but I am nowhere near to where I wanted to be at 30! 😣
Very true, personal values have to be considered no matter how great we feel together
“What makes you think you know everything about your story?!!!” Pure gold Matthew!! Thank you!!
Relationships are like farts, if you need to force them, it's gonna be sh*t.
Reframing it ... Never thought about it, I was stuck in the "what if, if only, we could/would...". I needed to hear this, no matter how good some things were, the bad stuff made us incompatible. (MIN 14-18)
Love this! So inspiring! My mind has been completely consumed by thoughts of him. It’s been six months since he left, and the pain of losing him feels like a physical ache. The laughter, the memories, the adventures sadly, it’s all gone. I’ve tried everything to distract myself, but the harder I try, the more I find myself thinking about him. How do people let go and move on? It’s been months, yet the memories of him are still so vivid. I miss him more than words can say.
I grew up with no parents, I made ALL the mistakes, I will sit down with my 15yo child this evening and watch this mind blowing life lesson I never learned, put together in perfect simplicity. Thank you Mathew. I grateful I didn’t go another day without hearing this 💚🙏
The last two videos couldn't have been uploaded at a better time than this. Thank you so much ❤
I agree!
Same
Ticking all 4 check boxes is as easy as stumbling across a 4 leaf clover. 😂
Maybe I needed this...thank you ❤ Mathew, you've helped me a lot, I'm really grateful to you
On point as always my brother. The biggest conundrum is are we learning from the wisdom you are imparting or we like to play it " safe?".
Mathew you are my brother from another mother- love from 🇮🇳 India
It's because I left first in 2020 and a lot more complicated but yeah then after a short while they choose someone else. I understand now. Time for me to love myself.
I love this and you can even apply this to friendships too.
Right qualities wrong person. Keep yourself open to meeting your person.
Amazing, Matthew. It's 2.30 a.m. here so I won't blather on. I'm 70 anyway, so the whole biological clock thing is not my reality now. I'm watching a couple in the reverse situation. Very young woman not ready to settle down & older guy desperately wanting a family. Both strong charismatic types. Damn it's hard to watch from the sidelines.
This is the BEST video you've EVER done and rhis helped me SO much.... I don't know how to thank you!! ❤
I haven't watched this yet (as of writing this comment) but I saw the title and immediately went "ohno." Knowing how Matthew ALWAYS somehow posts stuff that reflect my life at the right time lmao HE'S A WIZARD
you need a yes. so true. before anything else.
Yeahh.. but not everything is about the future.. most of the time it doesn't happen the way you wanted and sometimes what you wanted wasn't the best for you anyway... I think is important to live in the present, and enjoy the present... so many people and relationships you won't get to enjoy because they didn't fit with your agenda...
I love this point of view!
How are you always resonating with my exact love life situation? 😭😂😂
"Are you drinking poison expecting the other person to die?" Wow.
You're saving lives. Thank you!
My question: What if you have a guy who doesn't consistently communicate every once in a while? Then he says he wants to be with me. However, it doesn't feel like he does with his actions he doesn't try to get to know me better, it's very surface level, and I consistently tell him my boundaries it just feels like it's falling on deaf ears I care about him yet I think it's time for me to walk away just not sure how to tell him without triggering him I want to end things without it being chaos or drama what what I say and how would I do it please any advice ❤
this is my literal exact situation 😭
It seems like you aren’t telling him your boundaries. You’re making bids to him. A boundary is something you show to someone, not something you tell them more frequently than is reasonable to you. Remember that it’s not a boundary for you unless you walk away because of it.
Just walk away. Don’t need to tell him anything, you have told enough and he dissent care. You don’t own him any explanation
You know the answer to this yourself as actions speak louder than words. Don’t waste time on manipulation and avoiding what you really want, just tell him you’re done and stop texting. It’s all you can do for yourself
@@liususan4018
"doesn't"..
I so needed to hear that, thankyou so much for sharing.
Thanks it’s been spoke. You need to be chosen not almost chosen. Lots mislead their faith and hope. Please save it.
My boyfriend chose to move out of the country and leave me behind in the US, thinking we can do long distance. I realize now long distance doesn’t work for me. This is very eye opening. 😢
Merry Christmas
I clicked so fast when I saw new upload noti lol....gonna be useful topic for me.
First cmt btw!! 👋🏼
This video came out just as I am going thru it.
Hi Matthew, why compatibility stands after the commitment (at stage 4) and not before it?
0:33 Four Levels of importance
Well we were at level 4 then all of a sudden he says I don’t want to marry you anymore 😢 oh well
That’s hard…how long were you together before he said he didn’t want marriage anymore?
@ thank you. Not long actually! 5 months… still a little sad tho but glad it wasn’t longer
I'm sorry but that sounds like love bombing in such a short time. Some men will do everything to pursue you and then lose interest. That has nothing to do with you but with themselves. Now you're stuck emotionally with them and they can play you like an instrument. I'm sorry but he's not the one for you. Cut it and grieved the relationship with no contact and you'll find the real deal. This one isn't it. The right men won't do that to you. Also you have just wasted a few months and not your life to somebody who's not sure. All the best to you ❤️
@@ireefree2024 thank you ♥️ I agree! Things started off slow so it didn’t seem like love bombing but looking back on things it definitely seems like it. Yes I’m moving on 💕
The right person is the one who chooses us
IM so curious i just saw a video where matthew said he wouldnt date a girl unless she offered to pay on their first date. Im wondering if he still thinks this way… did your wife offer to pay on the first date! has your pov changed?
Strange. At least offer to pay 50/50 or for your part, that's good manners imo
@@ashton1952omg I realized i totally typed it out wrong. He said he wouldnt be with her if she DIDNT offer to pay
Umm 🤔 then there is soul connections. Love isn’t enough as if you can’t talk about hard things and go deep then you can only love from afar but never up close. The other part is if they are in another relationship then it never/ hardly ever works because when they get bored they will do the same thing again. I have a no monkey brushing policy and my soul connections so far have always been in relationships with other people so I walk
Away once I realize what is going on. Do I stop loving them or caring? Nope but I must stick to my policy and stand my ground.
He just said it right now. I asked him are your feelings fading of me? He said : Long gone. Stop keeping ask all the time. It’s annoying.
You need to leave him then.
Wow that’s harsh. Why doesn’t he just break up with you if he feels that way. Leave that man, you deserve someone who wouldn’t talk to you that way and making you feel like shit.
❤❤
Yeah, I thought that was insightful that he started with such a question re biological clock! Wow
Comment from another perspective: I'm in my 40s, knew I don't want marriage or kids since I was 10, still don't want it (I do want a serious relationship). I think of myself as pretty easy to get along with. However, I'm single, because at that moment when I say that I don't want marriage or kids they all run away! And the men are supposed to be afraid of marriage and kids?? Or I simply find the ones who want that? But every. Single. F*ckin. Time?? Seriously??
You just need to find your woman, who doesn't want kids either
Some men probably think that if a woman doesn't want marriage then she isn't capable of commitment (which is stupid but ok). Maybe it's the timing when you say that?! Too early and or they don't know what else to contribute to the relationship as most woman want marriage and kids?! Or you simple attract the type of men who wants marriage and kids.
If you were gonna do something different you would have done something different.
The guy likes mature women who are older but isnt ready for kids????? That’s contradicting
He likes older only for sex. She is just a number on his "body count". So I don't see nothing contradicting.
💙