Ruminating about your narcissistic ex
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- Опубликовано: 15 окт 2024
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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
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I ruminate because I'm still kinda shocked at what I allowed in my life. You are really under some hazy spell the whole time. Losing yourself is so painful.
Jackie James
So true , you ruminate thinking about why you allowed such BS , especially if you are a strong person who never tolerate nonsense. You beat yourself curse yourself everyday for letting someone walking all over your head
I agree.....I ruminate over what caused me to have such low self esteem to have this narcissist on a pedestal for decades... and how I was gas lighted, stonewalled, smeared for decades...only the last year figuring it all out, and I am really pissed, BUT equally angry at myself.
Faxxxx
Yes, I feel like I've had to go back to the beginning of my life, break down my identity, analyse everything one by one and build a new identity! Like a death! Scary! I feel like an empty, nothing, not even human!
Jackie James -Exactly. You said it!
We ruminate because we can't believe that we fell in love with a lie.
It is hard to believe that a person that claimed to love you so much can destroy your life. It's unbelievable that such beings roam planet Earth.
Yes it's very painful to realize we was alone in the relationship.
I felt that way about a job where I was a caregiver for children, I had dreamed of doing that. But the boss was a narc.
This hit me deep
I'm in such a bad place, sometimes I just keep crying wondering what was true, if he even felt anything. And other times I'm just trying to let it go
Aisha I can totally relate. He just turned his back on me after 3 1/2 years and started dating and sleeping with other people. No closure, nothing.
I walk around with a lump in my throat. I am such a sad person now.
"Rumination is ... trying to process something that doesn’t make sense."... Powerful!
Maurice Achach yessss
That's why 'it' endlessly circles the brain... Nope brain says "Can't land here, nor here, not there either" out, out of my head, I'd rather be dead!
Yes! I feel like a computer trying to make a calculation and coming up with the wrong answer every time, in spite of seemingly having all the data.
You can give a lot of sense to abuse by understanding the way it's received and integrated. Basically, we're forced to consider abuse NORMAL in order to survive. Many of us simply pay it forward without thinking: e.g. humiliation in hierarchies, bullying in power-relationships, physical abuse in sports, military etc.
@@wilbureastern1115 nice shot, shouldn't you be here in Canada by the train tracks? Better not to pave it forward by insulting others, it's the more mature route to take!
"The healthier the relationship, often the less the rumination when it ends" wow.
WOW is right. The difference is mind bending. TY
True. Best relationship I ever had ended quite respectfully and kindly. I had memories not rumination because the relationship had been honest and healthy.
I keep coming back to the question DID I EVER MEAN ANYTHING TO THIS PERSON AT ALL? Months later I still feel like I am in shock. I guess because I just cannot understand that anybody could be so callous and unempathetic. It’s hard to accept that nothing was as it seemed.
No we were just a convinience we did not ment anything to them and believe me noone means anything to them and noone will
The rumination is almost like an endless grieving process. I’ve come to believe that narcissists simply look for people to facilitate and enable them, so you meant something in that regard, but they are so insecure and so self-obsessed that they simply can’t truly care about anyone else in a meaningful, reciprocal way. It’s all about what you provided them with, which is some form of validation, which they can receive through any stimuli that makes them feel important. It could be affection, attention, gifts, or anything of that vein. It could also be something less obvious, like a time they were there for you, for any simple reason, like maybe you needed a ride somewhere and they gave you one, which can over-inflate their sense of self or make them feel like they are indispensable.
It took me months to simply make small progress after ending my relationship, but there were a few true turning points:
I had to forgive myself. I had to apologize to her, simply because I am ultimately responsible for my actions and I didn’t feel good about how I treated her, regardless of the fact that it was a response to how I was being treated. I had to thank her for the good things. And then I had to ignore her reaction to my apology and expression of gratitude. The anger, resentment, sadness, longing, all the emotions, all they did was allow her to retain power in my mind. I had to let them go. And then I decided that I had spent x-amount of months where every day was about her, so I was going to make a day that was all about me. I was going to be selfish. Luckily, it was my birthday, so my friends and family were happy to facilitate my selfishness for one day. If she came to mind that day, I said to myself “no, today is my day. I get to have a day.” After doing all of that, things finally started getting better until eventually I felt mentally free again. I still think about her, but not in any hypothetical or emotional sense, and it doesn’t distract me from my life anymore. It all just feels anecdotal now. I hope you find your way there
@@Mike-ge7pe Thank you. I am getting there...
I felt that. I'm going through the same.
💯
I just want to say that at least one reason why the rumination goes on and on after a narcissistic relationship is because there is no logical conclusion to the story that you play out in your head over and over and over of why this happened and how could this person have done this.
And most confusing of all, how did I not see this coming!
Yeap!. 4 years of being just lost. I don't remember those years at all.Dr Ramini said 6-9 mths?!?. I was lost for years!
I for more than 30 years
Ever since
The worse was that i didn t know it😯
@@drzarin1545 I stopped seeing everyone that I knew because they were destroying me emotionally. Cut off all contact with my ex, even though we had a child together. Changed my ph number,changed my address,changed my car (he was following me everywhere even though he had re-married, he still wanted control of everything. He would ruin new jobs for me etc) I went to volunteer at a library,met new friends and they helped me alot.
This is the best i ever heard on the issue, there s nust no logical explanation to all that happened pffff
@@sonjawilliams989 me too... it just feels like you can't or just wont get satisfaction from life anymore when moving forward... therefore trying to stop dwelling on it would be the best thing, but its easily said than done so I can't really say it like that but I guess when you meet the right person at some point of in your life time, I have hope, believe and trust that it will change our lives from then onwards... with me I just haven't found that person yet...
Perfect timing. I swear RUclips is my therapist they monitor my every thought.
Right?! 😄
Shyfe2much4u right 😂😂 I feel the same way. My actual therapist is always impressed about how much I know about this mental illness 🤣🤣
Shyfe2much4u that’s scary lol
Hairfullofflowers it’s not a mental illness
Dewi, ahhh but it is.
I find I ruminate a lot because there is a part of me who wants to believe that the narcissist wasn't really a narcissist, but once you realize you wasted so much time on a narcissist, you just want to take time for yourself and your own goals and hobbies. I'm even at the point now where I'm afraid of opening up to anyone because as an empath, I'm afraid I'll just subconsciously attract more narcissists.
This is EXACTLY 💯
I can totally relate to your experience
There are many reasons for rumination. First, you reflect to understand. Most narc breakups are very messy. They are not mutual. They are a surprise. And, they offer no closure. You long for answers to explain and to learn. Second, healthy people tend to focus on the positive. Without a realistic balance of all the bad they did to you, you tend to hold on to the dream. We often forget in discussions that there is allot of good times in these relationships; very special and unique good times. Finally, you seek confirmation of your instincts. Many times you are not 100% positive they are mentally ill. If you are lucky enough to catch them in bed with someone, in a big lie, or they are also physically abusive, it might be easier to stop rumination. Proof helps comfort the uncertainty of the partners character or mental health. But without some way of assuring they are sick, you tend to look within for the cause of the breakup. Its important to remember that the relationship didnt magically appear to be toxic. A switch doesnt go on one day and the manipulation is clear. Understanding this brutally malignant illness requires constant and continual thought which doesn't stop the day you part ways.
It took me about 2 yrs to stop the sad rumination. Not sure you can do anything about it. Sure, stay busy and such...but your heart & brain requires time. Remember, you are not the only person this has happened to. We have tons of company. Grieve, cry...however long it takes. Then, suck it up, dust yourself off and you're ready for better times ahead!
Patrick O'Day Awesome advice. Sorry to share such an experience.
Great text James. I always had a feeling that I couldn’t trust her. If we had discussions about it i left with a feeling that i have problem. This give my some explanation. Thank You
Thanks for that explanation James. It helps. Honestly..I saw it month one..the only person who was lying was me to myself..
James Gerboc you are so spot on! The dream is hard to give up!
What I ruminated about the most was this question “Why they try to hurt me? What did I do?”
Julie Thank you
Go to the Bible and learn about DEMONIC INFLUENCE. ThAt will answer your question!
@@DatDyme980 where is that in the bible? Can u please elaborate ?
I wish I could give you a hug
in our last days arquin i will tell him , why me, what did i do to you, i never did anything u, when it you that keep messaging first when we started being online friends, i gave u the chance to date me... i open u up my trust, i never did nth bad to you....
I’m just still pissed.
Same here.
I'm hurt and pissed
I'm mad at them because I can't even get closure or help them. The person that they made up doesn't even exist
So are we. But it gets better one day. It's all part of the healing process.
Good 4 you! Being angry is a step to acceptance. I dont like it when people want you to always be positive you have to be angry it's natural and healthy! Your going through it and that means you will get through it.
I liked the part about "healthy people take responsibility"
I ruminate about the lovebombing phase, even when that was over, we would have good ‘moments’ everyday. So I still question whether it was me that was the problem. But I know I could never do enough.
Brian, they provoke certain behaviour and later panish you for acting the way they wanted you to act. So it does really feel like you're the problem but it really is just a bunch of lies and manipulation
nokiaa6120 yes! Exactly!!
Same here! Trying to understand if it was a real phase or if it was manipulation since day 1
They put all their effort into love bombing you the first month then it’s downhill from then
Bryan they weren't good moments. Just moments absent of abuse.
I don’t understand why I was so easily fooled. That is what bothers me the most.
Brilliant people have been fooled. Be kind to yourself.
It happens.
About rumination: I just read my 2019 diary and i was so embarrased to see 70% of the text was dedicated to ruminating, questioning the break up, going back and forth in my mind and obsessing, paragraph after paragrpah, monthly bullet points, oh my. It was so PAINFUL ro re read (not bc of the cont, but because of seeing my obsession, like a broken record). All I can say is I vowed 2020 NO MORE, not one line.
Sounds like you're making progress to me.
When I journal I still write down all the pain that's troubling me but I immediately rip those pages out bin them and keep the other journalling :) sometimes I journal nice stuff but it's addictive/cathartic writing about the abuse lol
It realises so never say never! Just allow those feelings to flow into the page then RIP THEM OUT! feels good too haha
I fell the same way... I will burn all of them.
I learned the cognitive dissonance phase is the constant back and forthing, it's part of the healing process and nothing to be ashamed of. Look how far you've come. I keep my journaling to notice repeat thoughts or feelings, triggers, insights and revelations. It's like a written milestone, lol
@@casperinsight3524 thank you, great advice! May you be blessed and happy :)
This was really the worst thing once i decided to end it. Just replaying in my mind how I never stood up for myself when I was treated like trash. I ruminated so much because I felt the fear and anger that I let it happen to myself
Thanks Dr Ramani, your advice is so timely for me..and so is the reassurance that we're not deficient ❤
He sent me a “holiday Hoover “ . “ I’ve been thinking about u...miss you” . With my knowledge I new he was lying. My saving grace is knowing that he has a personality disorder and that I’m a good person and refuse to have him dangle a carrot and future fake me. I’m better than that and not falling back into his black hole
Liz, I get them as well and understand. Stay strong!!
Oh what did you do? Mine sent me a similar voice mail on the 13th december "I miss you baby, call me back" I've isolated myself in the past month or so as much as possible but knowing he reached out when I thought he was done shook me up a bit and I was worried I might start forgetting . It's the first time he's been "nice" since we were over. When he wasn't and still after horrible it was unpleasant but easier to see who he is and it made me second guess but I know I need to be strong. This will take time though, I'm focusing on positive stuff but for me personally solitude is the most I can cope with right now. I really wish ne hadn't left that voice mail. What did you do when yours reached out?
vvelvettearss I played along with his bs ... but I knew he just wanted fuel. He had not contacted me in months...he went back to his ex last feb and is still with her. I’m so over his bs and I pray that girl wakes up someday. My peace is knowing I have done nothing wrong . He’s the damaged one and will never ever change...
@@vvelvettearss I have blocked her number. I suggest you do the same so you don't even get phone messages. Mines sends me emails through an encrypted server. I don't open them. I sit and remind myself about how nutty I felt with her, how strong I was before I met her and how much happier I am now that I don't have to question my reality. I also learned that when I begin to ruminate, if I re-route my thoughts for even just a minute, I can reduce the confusing thoughts I have. In reality, I don't miss her, I miss the fantasy of what I thought we were. Stay strong. It's better without them. It just temporarily sucks. Be well!
Its like you start to be able to feel their energy through their texts, and then nothing they say even means anything to you anymore. That's where I am. He'll say the right words via text, but the sincere energy is not there and the action rarely follows the words. Narcissist remind me of babies but their grown.
1. Confusion due to gaslighting
2. Guilt due to gaslighting
3. Breach of trust
4. Anxiety disorder
Very helpful video. Thanks, Dr. Ramani!
I feel like they almost rewire your brain, through their systematic devaluation, with intermittent affection, always has you hoping this time the affection will stick. Intermittent reward is the most effective way to condition someone. So, when you leave, you are mow dealing with a desire for affection, and when it doesn't come, wondering how you can make it come. It's a recipe for losing your sanity. So, basically, leaving a narcissist comes down to saving yourself, literally. Fortunately we have wonderful people like you who can help us get bqck on an even keel. Thank you.
They're sad sad losers!
It's one twisted addiction alright
Your phrase "intermittent affection" really struck me. My ex would turn his affection off and on (depending on when he wanted sex). I felt like a doll being picked up and played with, then discarded in a corner when something more interesting came along.
This comment really hit home for me. I feel like. my whole personality has changed because of her, because of the constant up and downess. She has a diagnosed personality disorder, but she tells me she think I have one. But it's cos I am so beaten down from the way she has treat me. I'm totally broken x
Nicely said
"lots of anxiety, lot's of uncertainty."
I have been ruminating most about how tricked and stupid I feel for letting her into my life. For believing what I now see were clearly lies. I'm angry and sad at how careless and cruel she is, yet how much I find myself missing her, and fantasizing about the times when she was good to me.
Rudy, check out Dr Ramani’s video on euphoric recall. 💪🏼💐
@@lorettanericcio-bohlman567 will do, thanks.
I was in a marriage for 30 years, and the constant narc behaviour had driven me to doubt myself in every aspect, but I never doubted 1 thing, our love for one another & that's why I stayed. Now i've been seperated for a year, and realise my views and emotions were so idealistic and far from realistic. We didn't have love in our relationship. Love is respect, honesty, trust and helping one another, and you don't get that in a narc relationship. Rudy your answer is in your text "fantasizing". that is what you would like it to be but isn't. your relationship facts are she is a liar and cruel and you are sad, angry (because you are hurt) and you want to hold on to the crumbs of "the times she was good to me" Sorry man, but that ain't good enough to hold on to.
I totally relate to this
I'm going through exactly what you're going through here right now. Any advice?
It took a year and a half almost two years of, therapy, reading, watching RUclips and another relationship to finally see the light at the end of the tunnel. Hang in there if you are still going through it. Hope you make peace with it. It’s the only way out.
I think the ruminating is because we compromised so much to keep trying and attempting to fix the problem but the problem was never us. The behavior that I should have immediately walked away from was shocking. Yes, total confusing drama. It was totally sick. It just took super long to see how sick it was and the harmony I deeply desired was impossible.
I've been ruminating for years. My mother is a narcissist. Thank you for this timely message. ❤
Same here. And my father as well. I still ruminate
Bingo!
yes they are who they are, dont ever change, My Dad died, Mom is now in nursing home. I finally decided I have a lot of good things in my life, can't have everything, um, so let it go, let it go cause I can't fix it.
I find myself ruminating over the incomprehensible conversations and why I allowed myself to entertain them when I was perfectly capable of shutting them down. "Incomprehensible conversations" is actually an understatement.
My healing came from changing the way I thought about ruminations and used them to start healing. In my opinion, ruminations are the key to healing. Trying to push them away with changing thought and medicating is no different then not dealing with your problems and repeating the same destructive patterns of being a victim. I found that through understanding ruminations that you will find your wounds, learn boundaries, self respect and heal. The brain is very smart. It’s ruminating for a reason. Dive into those ruminations. What you resist, persists. I used my ruminations to my advantage. I would think that with what I learned for myself about how to use them then a therapist would see them as an amazing key to unlocking the true self and to heal. I’m not a therapist or recommending anyone to take my advice, I am just stating what I learned by understanding my brain and why it was ruminating and how I used that to my advantage.
Very well said! I've learned who I am, my strengths, my shortcomings. I'm still a good person, willing to take this experience and use it for growth within myself.
That's great j man I agree . It seems it happens whether we want it too or not , perhaps it needs to get out of our system fully and completely . What would you say about ruminating focused on regret? Ie sine mine reached out I'm fighting against the weaker side of me with several thoughts. 1 - I find it so hard to believe and comprehend that all his nice moments where he was caring were simply an act, I Just can't fathom that there was nothing genuine there , you would have to be a sick sick person to act out love and it not be real at all....Perhaps it was , my gut is that it was real at the time but he is so mentally disordered the bad overrides the good , in the end I will never know what he really thinks
2 now he has reached out to be since breaking up (which was bad) what does that mean? He hasn't been nice in months so what the heck did he want after saying he's too busy to talk why reach out now??
3 - as much as it's senseless I wish the best for him in the future I really do , there's a part of me that just wantshim to get well to move on and apologise to me if we ever happen to cross paths again but given what I've seen I'm aware sadly it's really low chance that will happen, even for his nice moments he will just go back to his old self. That's the sad part for me, I think I'm confused and just want closure perhaps but the thoughts of him being good sometime are really hard to shake
Sorry for the long ramble
I think you are right. The ruminations must serve a purpose to teach us the lessons of life. After so much ruminating I've learned to not let the fantasy in my head of what I wanted and hoped for to over take reality.... that by processing the emotions, ulitmately they stop having energy behind them and much more able to use the experience as a growth opportunity. I beleive that as long as we are still feeling energy from the narcissistic relationship, we still have work to do to develop into fully functioning people because you dont see wise mature people letting these kind of people to put them into a tailspin, so thats what I am cultivating when I ruminate, and so I parent myself, and say to myself it's ok ...I will know better next time. All people make mistakes, no bodies perfect, I am enough and I deserve a healthy relationship.
ruclips.net/video/ezfJ2ToHeXU/видео.html
Dear object of my rumination,
I forgive your behavoirs which I have taken as what you believed to be normal dating behavoirs. After all this time, you either can't see how hurtful it is to act that way or the avoidance of feeling shame of behaving badly prevents you from putting your self in my shoes and learning how your behavoir impacts other people. Since waiting for you to understand me and the likelihood that this doesnt bother you to have treated me this way, because of your deep entitled attitude, me not letting it go gives you a lot of power in this situation, so I am prepared to do the emotional work to let it go.
Also, I do love you as I love all people, and love means to me to support people where they are at, avoid judgement and not have fantasies of their suffering. I felt a lot of sadness and anger but this was an opportunity for me to learn to be a more compassionate person and not do onto other people as you did to me.
I've learned that being the victim at your hands is as narcissistic as you lying to me... and I am ready to let that go.
I've avoided several men with narcissistic tendancies since I met you and so I benefited by developing my narcissistic detector. Also narcissistic people avoid me because I don't validate there narcissistic tendancies by avoiding taking a victim stance, entitlement, selfishness or superiority.
You are not aware of how your behavoir impacts other people, and as much as I had hoped to help you learn how to sustain friendships, this is something you need to learn for yourself as a part of your own development. Thinking I could teach you the skills to have a healthy relationship put me in one up position and frankly, a boundary violation. You are an adult now and your development is your responsibility.
I heard want you wanted and I encourage you to continue on your path of development.
I understand the reality of behavoir change is people usually talk the talk before walking the walk... and now its time for me to walk the walk, be mature and let go of my grudge, let go of my fantasies that your relationship will end and that your children never talk to you again... all this is immature and narcisistic and I commit to being loving person by praying for your happiness.
I ruminate because I just can't believe he could be so sweet and kind and so mean at the same time. And so passionate and so cold at the same time. It just makes no sense.
Dr Ramani is such a blessing for all of us. I’m extremely grateful for everything that you’ve done to help us deal with narcissism.
I have been in such a dark place. Finding these videos helped me so much. I cannot thank Dr Ramani enough. I also thank all those that left comments. It helped me to realize that I'm not crazy and I'm not alone. My heartfelt thanks
Thanks for this, Dr Ramani! Friends do not understand what we are going through, and can make our ruminatings much worse! We need to be careful whom we share our narc abuse stories with. Because no one who has never been through what we have, could possibly understand us
So true. People who didn't go through the experience can never truly understand. Stay strong.
I agree, some of my friends say thats just how men are, then it puts me in another cycle of ruminating smh. I stopped sharing with all my close friends
We only need one or two true friends who get it. Radical acceptance, realistic expectations, modified contact and not to personalize; these are our tools to get by with them
Narcs!
Ain’t that the truth!!
Daniella Tan So true
10 years I've wasted and he literally ghosted me...he had me like hypnotized! this was not a human being..a pure evil master piece..im still ruminating for over 1 year now..
wow hypnotized is how i felt when i was with him..... i would say very demonic
Marine i know how you feel..i was led to believe i was the love of his life and so i considered him mine..so much confusion and humiliation ive been through..wish i was wiser and smarter to see though his deceptions..lets just hope we heal fast
Yes we just have to remember the bad and not the good of them because we tend to only see the good.
10 yrs here too 2 yrs out with a wonderful man but that evil vampire still lurks
What a way of describing it... so true. It's like our agency is completely severed... it's degrading and painful
I feel like having a good cry after listening to this, I wish I had Dr. Ramani before. It took me 3 years of suffering from insomnia because of rumination. I quit my job and just stayed at home for 16 months practically became a recluse. Gradually, my sleep became normal again and I stopped ruminating. Now its all coming back and I am struggling to sleep again. I am determined more than ever to learn more about narcissism and have my life and myself back.
@@ErikaLaGrande I agree 100% We all must face the root of the cause. It's never pretty but it's the only way to finally begin to move on.
I'm struggling with sleep too it's horrific.
Sounds like you have really come to terms with it all, thank you for sharing ✌💗
I feel you. I had a similar reaction to all of this crap.
Same here its been 2 months since he discarded me ...i deactivated all social media changed my number but im in terrible grief amd despair its a paralysis of my entire being...i cannot work or function i lost my job from the sheer inability to go!! Its been 2 months and the pain doesnt subside...my whole life collapsed ...its a terrible addiction because all i do is feel im still in love with a person that used me! I didnt even know what it was until i searched...💔😢 He did everythingggg the criteria for a narcisist is i didnt even know how to define it...i ruminate all day still while my life is falling apart
I immediately felt relieved once i knew that she was a narc. But days later I found myself obsessed with the whys behind it.
I want you to know, how grateful I am with you for this video. I don't want to spend the rest of my life trying to understand what the hell happened. I am done. But I understand better. Thanks to you for that.
I ended up ruminating because I wanted to know the "why" . What kept me coming back 5 times is trying to figure out the "why". By the 5th time I started watching these videos and it helped me cut things off for good.
This message came at a time when I really needed to hear exactly this. Thank you!
It happens to me the most when I'm in a place that we've had lots of memories, when similar situations happen -- either to me or to someone else, or when I'm in a place (like driving home from work) where I used to prepare myself for our evening communications together. I get flashbacks in my head and it's like I'm reliving it...I have to remind myself it's over and that I'm in control now. It's really hard to get myself out of the pattern if panic, pain, and confusion. ... working on it but your videos really help!
You are experiencing emotional flashbacks with all of these triggers...to be expected after all that trauma! Read complex PTSD by Pete Walker- it is life-changing and every way best of luck and it is the only way but you will be better than you ever were before it's not overnight cure but something we work on for the rest of our lives- if I can get through my nightmare anyone can- just keep seeking and realize the true focus is on YOU! in a good way of course! Xo...also Lisa Romano, Melanie Evans and Richards Grannon all have had super helpful info as well as Dr R.- keep at it- and use as many different resources that will help you...you are stronger than you know!
@@aking4766 Thank you so much! I appreciate your advice and will look more into it!
@@naenae7776 absolutely!!!! By paying it forward it helps us to give some meaning to the suffering we went through, and to spread awareness that we can use what was the worst point in our lives as a HUGE wakeup call from the universe to become SO much stronger and the best versions of ourself...it feels great to no longer be a people pleasing doormat and to know my true worth-for the first time in my life- so thx N, lol...we got this! 😁💜💪
A King, Melanie TONIA Evans 😂
Exactly I feel the same ... Every evening I feel so empty unless I get busy in something... It kills me when I think about him and not meeting
Yes rumination and obsession is what I am still going through. I feel stuck emotionally on certain days. The confusion and toxicity doesn’t easily get off me!
It’s been five years and still a day still doesn’t go by I don’t think about it. I wish there was a pill or something I could take to just erase it from my mind. He has even married wife #4 and I have convinced myself he finally found the right one, that it was all my fault and I deserved the abuse. There is this horrible side to me that wants his marriage to fail so it will confirm he is the problem and it’s not my imagination.
I can almost guarentee the new woman is in a state of confusion right now. These people only get worse. She's in for one hell of a ride.
The number one damaging characteristic of a narc is to convince their victim that everything was their fault. NO. Remember this and keep telling this to yourself. It was NOT your fault!
#4 wife! They’re you go he’s definitely the problem
Please K Ireland, don’t go down that rabbit hole. Only thing worse than being discarded by a narc is playing along in their illness. Be careful because WHEN not IF their marriage fails you sound ripe for supply. 💐
Zahimi Ibrahim I heard this today!
It’s been 5 weeks and I am so tired of thinking about it.
I have spent this time trying to make sense of it and learning as much as I can.
Im grateful for the knowledge I now have, but exhausted.
I want to move on quicker, but know this will take time.
The rumination is awful!
I know exactly how you feel, I come back to these videos to understand and accept the healing process.
Sending you healing powers ♥️
Wake me up when rumination ends, and not a second earlier! Done!!!
This is very true! I've had healthy breakups and healthy ends of friendships and I have always been able to accept this, and usually can maintain some level of contact with that person but with more boundaries. With narcissist ex-friends and ex-relationships it takes SO long to regain that sense of self trust and it takes a lot of acceptance and peace in my heart to recognize it takes time to purge toxicity. Healthier friendships don't require that sense of purge, there's a sense of respect and boundaries that don't make me sick like how narcissistic people have
💯 agree. It makes me more confused 😕
For anyone still struggling after many years, I was married to my narc for 6 years but it was my formative years. He was my first boyfriend, first kiss, first everything and his betrayal was gut wrenching. We had a child together so the torture continued until my daughter couldn’t handle his mind games anymore and cut him off. That’s when my healing began. 6 years of painful marriage and 15 years of mind games afterward...I’m not free but I not scared anymore.
Way to go sugar! You're strong, smart and brave! You're a great mom, your child is very lucky! Xoxo
🙌🏻🤗
Josee Noel Thank you! I needed that!
Wow- I did 9 years, two kids, one fraud, three kidnappings, 4 trials, 22 motions, no child support, she became a hooker and hired someone to kill me. After the 9 years and divorce it still took another 10 years to get her out of my life. One blessing is my kids seem to be doing alright despite all that, glad the court gave them to me. My parents were also narcs so its been a long haul. Now I live da island life in beautiful Nanoose Bay BC
omg im so sorry u went through that... i guess my situation was like a bread crump compare to urs.... i am happy ur healing and ur better and stonger , sending u lots of good vibes
Ruminating about how dare he treat me like he did when I treated him so well!!!
The peace you have from being able to stop ruminating and be free of the narc forever is priceless.
Wonderful message, Dr. Ramani. In my experience, rumination is the minds attempt at closure. It’s going on 10 months now since no contact and I’m really turning a corner. I’m starting to see the narc as an extremely damaged young child in a mans body who was simply never modeled or shown how to be a decent human being. I’m now feeling better and letting things go. I’m really glad the rumination phase is waning. There is a bright light at the end of the narc tunnel!! Hallelujah!!!
This is my story: we broke it off at the end of 2018. So a little bit over a year, and this New Year’s Eve I remembered how sad I was then.
When we broke up the I thought we did it as a mostly common decision, as in we needed to grow yet needed to do so on our own.
Six months after the break up she sent me the longest message I will ever receive. Describing, weirdly enough in chronological order our relationship and everything I did wrong. At times she mention how she had some input and messed up, but 90% of it all was still my fault.
In addition she rubbed it in my face how I was not like the other guys she was seeing now.
All in all it was really heartbreaking, yet have been to therapy over 6 months. And now feel like I can move on, at least to the point where I don’t obsess over it all.
I want to write this to someone who’s experiencing something similar, and to say that it has taught me a lot about myself, this healing process. And that there is an light in the end of tunnel :)
She’s either a narc or the cruelest woman around. Ick!
Loretta Nericcio-Bohlman yes, the whole thing is still very confusing. But I see her as a very small person who has the need to put others down, in order to feel superior. She was in my eyes a covert narc and it’s in a way easier to let go of something which you know would of never worked out anyway, at least not in a healthy way
@@unknownjoker7826 good job on dissing her. Been through that experience. Believe it or not she was doing therapy and she introduced me to psychotherapy. I even went to the same therapist! I'm still doing therapy for me because I found it helps me with my past trauma (my father is a covert narcissist), but man do they make you crazy in thinking you have problems. Fucking hell. I couldn't even sleep well and had to get sleeping pills from a psychiatrist! Ditch them. No mercy. They deserve nothing. Turn around and never look back!
@@alexandrugheorghe5610 you seem to be brave to face your past traumas! At first I also had trouble sleeping and eating. I don't know man, I felt like i could "lover her to life" but that void within themselves, isn't someone elses issue to fix but themselves. I think it's this empitness that causes narcs to behave the way they do. Doesn't justify their behavior in anyway, but trough understanding I have found it easier to let go of my own frustration. Be well man!
@@unknownjoker7826 you're a kind and decent human being and you deserve much more than that. Thank you for your kind words. 🙌🏻✌🏻
Please talk about how to overcome trauma bonding, Doctor Ramani.
Now I understand the narcissist behaviours and the way he thinks.Sometimes, I wonder do narcissistic ppl genuinely bad?No hope at all? For me, it’s really hard to accept that ppl can be so cruel and mean to someone who loves him.
Me too tina. My take on it is the good moments are real to them in their head, it's too hard for me to believe it's not bt because of their disorder they are prone to forgetting and their thoughts hijacking the good moments and twisting their perception so they seem to flip. It's up to you what you believe though
Tina, check out Sam Vaknin video titled “The narcs inner world and their intimate partner: new directions” interesting. Also check out saying bye bye and thanks for setting me free to find someone that deserves me 💪🏼💐
Hard and long to understand our opposite nature!
I didn't know there was a word for this. It took me three full years of telling almost everyone I came in contact with my terrible story / Odyssey, before I was able to even start to let it all go.
Im so glad you made this video. I ruminate over things like this especially when someone behaves like an ass for no apparent reason then tells me, no it didn't happen like that. Im glad to hear the rumination is normal and it is about trying to understand a situation that makes no sense. Thanks
Listen to this lady, she is bang on the money, worth her weight in gold. You are a real person, your narc is not human, it does not have the human emotions or human tools that you have, your narc is a life destroyer, an emotional vampire. Only when you truly understand this you will put your narc behind you and live your life again and be the amazing person that you are. Thank you Dr Ramani
Been ruminating for yrs but trying so hard to stop it.Thank you for video.
These comments are just as helpful as the video itself. It's very isolating when no one understands. Especially being male.
Excellent topic doc! After ending the most horrific experience of my life, I was left just totally baffled. I consider myself to have a healthy self esteem and to be fairly well put together. I've learned that there is no closure on the horizon. I don't believe the awful things he said because they were not true. I loved this person and they hurt me deeply. There was no repair that could save my marriage.
I think about the love bombing phase, when everything seemed so perfect. I wonder if he thinks about me, misses me at all. I wonder if he's found someone new. I hope he finds peace within himself, fully aware that for him, this cycle will just continue with all relationships that he has after me.
It's been just over three months no contract. Serenity has returned to my life! Because I have compassion and empathy, I speculate that that is why I ruminate. Something the narcissist does not possess. Good people, trusting people, are vulnerable to being used because of their kindness. We get taken advantage of.
I would not wish an experience like this on my worst enemy (if I had one).
Each day is getting better, I'm moving forward and on with my life!
Thank you God.
D
Big D, I told my spouse “I would have taken a bullet for you and you would have shot me with one”. Truly, truly heart breaking
Loretta, how ironic. I had to get a restraining order finally. Behavior was escalating. It was no longer safe here in my own home that I worked so very hard for. Too unpredictable and I was fearful of being shot by him in a drunk rage. There were guns in the house. My son was also here. Insanity!
Big D, I certainly didn’t mean to make light of the shooting thing. Hard to know what this bunch is capable of, really. I hope you have a good support group and tons of “witnesses” to your story. 💐🌈
Loretta, my husband was found guilty of brandishing a weapon and HE was shot 9 times 3 years ago. I know that you're comment is well intended! Kinda brings to light the fact that these relationships are not only toxic, but can be deadly. I did everything for this man, was the only one who supported him, had any faith in him. He's gone now 3 mos, guns are out of the house. Had to turn them in to PD. Like were told, the discard, all we are is trash, an object. They have no love, only anger, hate, rage.
Rock on, strength on!
My rumination is about what happened and how I can NEVER allow that again. I'm in the ANGRY stage.... I know the stages of grief and soon I'll be in acceptance... I'm surrounded by healthy people and so I'm blessed!
OMGosh this is right where I am, my husband and I have been married for 40 years and we have been separated for 5 months and he has moved on. Everyday I think of the rejection and why. It is horrible.
Brenda Dunn relationships are more superficial to them, which is why they can move on so quickly.
I’m there with you. Know it gets better with time and that him moving on is helpful to you so that you can heal and he won’t bother you. The feeling of rejection is so hard to overcome. But know that he discarded you because he knew it would affect you and in some twisted way him knowing that is supply. Don’t give him that supply. Focus on you and live your life so that you are truly happy. It’s hard but only focus on you.
Narcs do move on quickly they often have a woman already they are seeing when they are with you. Yes it feels crap when they skip off happy and leave you behind like rubbish! But in time they will do the same to the other woman, they never really love.
Waw, my husband and I have been together for 7 years, we have also been separated for a few months and he has also moved on. It is difficult for me to understand my feelings, they fluctuate so much between, anger, hurt, depression and missing a part of him that I realise now may have never existed. It's all confusing, I am still processing it all. I can't imagine what you must be going through but I wish you all the best in rediscovering yourself and finding healing.
40 years? Sheesh and I thought I had it bad after 6 years. My heart goes out to you honey.
Thank you for this video. I think the rumination is from sheer shock and confusion that everything was false. I’m definitely coming out of this phase, sick of trying to make sense, when none of it made sense! Sense of the lies and the cheating. I became extremely I’ll under the narcissist and was diagnosed with CVS, interestingly as soon as our relationship was coming to an end my symptoms stopped. The impact of these relationships are devastating. Here’s to thriving!
This has helped me so much recognise and understand why I have found it so hard to let go of bad relationships. I have always tried to find out what I did that caused the breakup and it drives me crazy thinking. My ex has tried three time with me and devalued and discard me all the time I am in a whirlwind of confusion other ex bf have moved on he always comes back to mess with my head. This has really helped me understand why I find it hard to let go.
No contact my friend
Lack of closure and honesty from the narcissist is what gets me the most
💯 agreed
I catch myself checking out . I am not at all the same person. I am triggered daily... many times a day. I should have hope that this to shall pass. The best I can do for now is to plug into utube. You and a few others have saved my life. Thank you Dr Ramani ! We are all so very grateful ❤
"You're trying to process something that doesn't make sense" ~ yes 🙌🏻
What’s crazy is that I will be having a good day and something will remind me of a time we had together and the ruminating starts. Questioning why I left and why he cheated, and if it was me?? I’ll be ready when I forget him altogether.
Lies and Infidelity is a very serious issue to deal with and it’s a major threat to most marriages and relationships.Scars left behind from a narcissist husband is hard to erase from the mind. I was reluctant at first about finding the truth about my cheating husband but I’m glad I finally took the courage for it .I got help from Cyber Hack Solutions as he helped clone my cheating husband’s phone and I got access to all his phone call logs, emails, text messages both deleted texts and also social media chats; whatsApp , Facebook, Instagram without having access to his phone because he is mostly out of town due to the nature of his work and I was able to track his location too, all I provided was his phone number to this wonderful hacker. This was very revealing for me as he’s a serial cheater until I got into his phone and ended things.I’m glad to uncover his, lies, secrets and Infidelity. You can contact this amazing Hacker David via gmail (cyberhack003) or text and call on his phone and WhatsApp : +15303784744
It's been 18 months and I keep having these cycles of rumination. I really needed to see this.
I’ve been ruminating for years. :(
My ex narc died but I'm still ruminating.
my desire I’m sorry. I don’t know how to move forward otherwise I’d tell you. I know it gets better over time but for some of us it seems to take 7 years. :(
Hopefully, you have a couple of close friends that you can talk to about this. I’ve leaned on one friend heavily over the last 5 years and it’s made us super close.
Julie That is wise. Thank you. 🙏
I finally tried Zoloft and I think it’s helped a bit.
Same. 3 years now. The horrors of trying to date makes it harder. If they're not a narcissist, they're looking for the perfect guy.
The smear campaign / betrayal / was the big thing with me. 3 1/2 yrs..... Just coming out of the darkness. Biggest frustration is well meaning people giving me 'advice' not understanding the effects of narc abuse. Thank goodness for channels such as yours. They got me through the most traumatic days of my life.
That’s my struggle for me right now, I discarded him, but I just can’t get it off my mind, be so glad when I stop thinking about him, but the love is about gone and the missing him. It’s been 6months now. 15 yrs of hell but I know it will get better and be gone sooner of later..I’m not going to let it block me from other things in my life, he can go straight to hell far as I care, I forgive and myself, I just want my life back, and I will get it back..
It's interesting how YOU use the word "discard". People break up or leave. Narcissists discard.
Something that helped me was to know that I didnt miss him, I was missing the person that he created to play me along. The person I loved does not exist. Repeat this a few times a day to help you remember why you left him.
Hang in there...youre not alone.
Lies and Infidelity is a very serious issue to deal with and it’s a major threat to most marriages and relationships.Scars left behind from a narcissist husband is hard to erase from the mind. I was reluctant at first about finding the truth about my cheating husband but I’m glad I finally took the courage for it .I got help from Cyber Hack Solutions as he helped clone my cheating husband’s phone and I got access to all his phone call logs, emails, text messages both deleted texts and also social media chats; whatsApp , Facebook, Instagram without having access to his phone because he is mostly out of town due to the nature of his work and I was able to track his location too, all I provided was his phone number to this wonderful hacker. This was very revealing for me as he’s a serial cheater until I got into his phone and ended things.I’m glad to uncover his, lies, secrets and Infidelity. You can contact this amazing Hacker David via gmail (cyberhack003) or text and call on his phone and WhatsApp : +15303784744
@@lmm2047thankyou 🙌
OMG! I WAS MARRIED TO A NARCISSIST FOR 30 YEARS and I've been ruminating for 33. I have been doing everything you listed. What has helped me the most is what you have said over and over "you are not crazy and it is not your fault". You told me that ruminating is trying to make sense. Toni
OMG... You just described ME!! I am sooo guilty of this. I have been ruminating my EX GF for over a year now. I often cannot believe the severity and duration of my thoughts. My confusion started when I was discarded by her. It all happened when I called her out and challenged her. Boom! Done! The jig was up and she then gaslighted me... I've spent hours upon hours wondering what my relationship would have been "IF" I just kept my mouth shut. Instead, I let my (some call it anger) guard down and just went-off... I later apologized profusely but it was too late.
Thank you Doctor for this video and your amazing work and observations. 👍
It has taken me months to realize I didn't do anything wrong. But "they" have an uncanny way of making you believe it's all your Fault!! They have zero accountability!
I am going through the EXACT THING! Guilt and self blame. What if I had kept my mouth shut or obeyed when he told me to do or not do something. It has been 3 months. I even went as far as kneeling to beg for forgiveness. It takes the constant reminder from friends telling me that I'm not the problem to keep my sanity.
Ruminating cause you’re still processing , healing & saying “ oh that was a lie too!” Things he said that come back to you & realizing more lies. You realize more cause you are still healing.
*Sees title*
That's me!
I needed to ruminate about my ex husband in an effort to learn about the red flags that I missed. Back then, narcissism wasn't such a topic of discussion.
Married 34 years. Together for 39 years. Ex met someone 15 years younger than me at work - had gaslighting, Ex was always acting very moral- hated lying, etc. Lost our friendships- hard not too ruminate. I think my TOP divorce atty was repulsed. Judge read the ex the riot act in court when he wanted to cut my alimony to $1 a year. He was VP of a television network. My family paid for him to go to school, helped us buy our first home and a lot more. Yes- I ruminate.
wow you just described me. I was married to a narcissist for 15 years and I can’t get over our issues. We share kids together he’s remarried and love bombing the new wife. It’s so hard to let go of all of the issues the blame and the gaslighting. I have anxiety now and i never did before. We also have 2 autistic kids so i have more than one reason to have these anxiety issues. But when he verbally abuses me know i still think he’s right. And and I feel haunted by him because even though he’s gone i fear his verbal abuse over something he would have criticized me for. It’s been a year and a half.
Confusion is the best way to describe it. The rumination happens because it's a puzzle that MUST be figured out for your survival, and since Mom can't both be my caregiver AND my enemy, the record skips forever and ever and ever.
Wow! Been obsessing about a narcissist ex for about a decade now...very timely video will help in my recovery...
I was married to a narcissist for 36 years. I don’t think about him much, but I still have nightmares about him 6 years later. Does anyone else have nightmares about the narcissist?
After 14 years of daily rumination over my ex (we were "together" for 8-9 years), I realised that what she did to me really had nothing to do with me at all. I was just the sucker she chose to do it to. This realisation ended the rumination phase... Woohoo!
Wow.. 14years. That's scary. I never want to go beyond 6months. I'm in the 3rd month.
@@Rere-O Forget about trying to figure out why eveything went to shit, and what you did wrong and could have done better, etc, and just get on with your life. Do that and you'll be "free" in no time, relatively speaking...
Sigh.. it's so difficult. God help me. I'm still on shock
@@Rere-O I commented in one of Dr. Ramani's other videos that the hardest part after the final discard, was the realisation that I was mourning the loss of someone who never existed. I wasted 14 years trying to figure out what went wrong with someone who wasn't even real to begin with. In the end, it turned out that out it was little, if anything factual, to do with me. Bascially, she tagged me as a sucker, and I refused to be manipulated and play along. I actually asked her once if someone else had the managerial job that I had at the company we both worked for, if they'd the one standing here (at the time). I don't know it this helps, but the fact is that when it's over, it's over, and ruminating, which usually leads to overthinking, or even going back will only makes things worse. Honestly, they don't deserve our misery.
@@Rere-O Same with me, still in shock. It's been little over 1,5 months since I was discarded, kicked out of the house & left for someone else. I don't want this misery lasting for years.
How are you doing now?
Super helpful video. Finally more videos on how to maintain no contact, how to stop thinking about narcissism and how to move on with your life and focus on other things
Julie hey Julie, so good. Yea I also noticed once you understand the core of narcissism there is no need to engage in more videos. For some reason it throws me back unnecessarily and the advice from videos themselves can become addiction. 😂
Terrific video, Dr. Ramani. Great observation: "Healthy people take responsibility."
I've realized that I ruminate over what "could've been"..how "good" I imagined it...using the "good" memories to fill in where all the bad was...until I realized I had completely lost myself and well...still healing ❤❤❤❤😇
I do that. I don't even want to be with him anymore. Weird.
Right?! It's soooo weird. I only started ruminating now he's met someone else. I don't even want to be with him. I actually was the one to leave. It's been 2 years post separation and all of a sudden I find myself ruminating 😳
I felt broken and in pain for weeks after my experience until I realized what had happened and what narcissistic abuse is. Knowledge set me free. It really is power.
I was ruminating all day today and feeling defeated then I open youtube to see this on my home page...perfect timing 💜
Spot on about the lying. Things I ruminate the most is the new supply(his ex), and the little details he left behind about his cheating.
We know narcissist are careless. Looking back there were red flags and hints everywhere.
I’m out of the relationship almost 2 months now, still get triggered time to time...
I became a stalker on social media on my ex narc for some time. ☹️ I’ve been narc free for 1 year and still miss him sometimes. We were together for 4years, but I love my life now ✨🙏 never a narc again!
We all miss a lot of things in life, like some times we miss when we were kids, missing our exes from time to time is ok, but understanding how much better off and happy you are without that, plus always you can have better experience s with some one new
Don't look back.
Lies and Infidelity is a very serious issue to deal with and it’s a major threat to most marriages and relationships.Scars left behind from a narcissist husband is hard to erase from the mind. I was reluctant at first about finding the truth about my cheating husband but I’m glad I finally took the courage for it .I got help from Cyber Hack Solutions as he helped clone my cheating husband’s phone and I got access to all his phone call logs, emails, text messages both deleted texts and also social media chats; whatsApp , Facebook, Instagram without having access to his phone because he is mostly out of town due to the nature of his work and I was able to track his location too, all I provided was his phone number to this wonderful hacker. This was very revealing for me as he’s a serial cheater until I got into his phone and ended things.I’m glad to uncover his, lies, secrets and Infidelity. You can contact this amazing Hacker David via gmail (cyberhack003) or text and call on his phone and WhatsApp : +15303784744
Omg ... you are wonderful and you have just explained my life ... rumination is driving me crazy 6 months later .. I was so confident, but now I second guess everything. Yes I didn’t know what gaslighting was..? Lying 🤥 was huge... but he would forgot about the lyes he had already told. Yes, I’m an anxious person... Thank you so much for making me realise rumination it is normal. I will seek extra help... love 💕 you Dr Ramani x
This couldn’t have come at a better time!
I've just started to ruminate after 30 years of my separation.
Back then I didn't even know what a narcissist was. I felt the pain of the separation, of the end of a family, of the pain of my children...
Lately I've been watching these videos on RUclips about narcissism and I've realised that I was a victim and all the things that happened to me have come back to my mind and to my heart. I don't undrstand how I took all and even wanted to continue my life with him. I've started going to a therapist.
I agree on in the past I had healthy relationships and moved on.
I ruminate about how we divorced and he was sneaky, lied, cheated and moved on quickly with a woman he cheated with.
I forgave him but he was doing something with her behind my back for who knows how long.
I want to move on and appreciate your feedback. Some days I feel like I'm going crazy.
I didnt deserve any of this but know now that I am becoming so much stronger and I feel free.
The "trust" is a hard one for me.
Blindsided and sucked in!
Ruminating the shock of how someone can have no empathy towards you. That you are being left and not being liked anymore.
I wouldn’t call it ruminating so much as processing. The guy was a world class actor. On a certain level I think I used this long term “friendship” to work through a lot of previous issues and when it was over it was over. My gut instincts were right (as incredibly hard as he worked at proving me wrong) and when I finally walked away I understood. Narcissism is real and so is narcissistic abuse. And our society is saturated with it. For me the processing involved accepting this and learning how to step away immediately, when I saw the signs.
My husband told me at the beginning of December 2019 he’s divorcing me in January 2020. We were together for 35 years and married for 27 years. What you say in your videos really helped me up to now. THIS video even more. EVERYONE believed we were THE couple because that’s what he always TOLD me He is suppose to be taking care of me. So after he told me I thought he was making a joke! Then I was shocked and sat on my bed and thought about all the reasons he gave me and tried thinking about when did I do what he said I did and didn’t do, and it drove me to almost take my life, because I just couldn’t understand anything of what he said.
He's a coward I'm sorry to hear what you've endured. He's not authentic
Sometimes it hits me that I wasted 20 years of my life with that crazy person and I will never ever get those twenty years back. I feel like I finally got out of a prison that I was never supposed to be in. Luckily and sadly, I started recording conversations for the last two years of my marriage and it was the best thing I ever did. Being able to play back conversations where she was trying to gaslight me into believing I was crazy helps when I start to have doubts. My kids don't trust anyone now and I find it hard to even care if people are telling the truth or not. We don't put any faith in anyone. We have each other, we understand what we have been through regardless whether or not anyone believes us.
I was having this issue for quite some time after the end of my relationship with a narcissist. It wasn’t until I became acquainted with an ex of his in where she and I began to talk about our past with him. That’s when a sense of calm and closure swept over me. It gave me the clarity I needed to know I wasn’t crazy. She too experienced everything I had gone through and we gave each other the affirmation we needed that he was the problem...NOT US! It was freeing.
Thank you. This video comes on time , to the worst moment of my life. I just want this sad feeling goes away. I dont want him back but i cant stop thinking and cannot tolerate that he starts dating again after just a month
Rumination is the most crippling thing I've ever experienced. Been ruminating for years (still in the relationship) and it has stripped away my sleep, my hobbies, and focus when I work. I thought I had OCD but I've only recently realised my partner is a narcissist. Hoping I can get better and stop ruminating so much.
Thank you for helping me lighten the load. It's taken me years
what needs to replace rumination, is going back and understanding each situation for what it actually was rather than what the narcissist convinced you it was.
I hate this so much. The emotional flashbacks are crippling. I sway from feeling compassion for this monster, to wanting to completely destroy him.
I hear you ❤
Your videos help me pass my rough nights, rumination is really tortured.
yes I still can't believe that she had a guy on the side, for most of the 40 years and I didn't even realize it because of all the gaslighting, how could that of happened, and how could I have cheated myself, out of having a better life.
You didnt knowingly cheat yourself, but finding out you had been/lied to, that I'm guessing would be the most frustrating, the lack of respect to let you have what you deserved, underhand abuse- the cow!
Daniel, when we know better we do better. I’m sorry for ALL the gaslighting you must have endured. Mine last less than 12 hours and that was devastating. 💐
Hope you find peace, better late than never! Believe it!
Lies and Infidelity is a very serious issue to deal with and it’s a major threat to most marriages and relationships.Scars left behind from a narcissist husband is hard to erase from the mind. I was reluctant at first about finding the truth about my cheating husband but I’m glad I finally took the courage for it .I got help from Cyber Hack Solutions as he helped clone my cheating husband’s phone and I got access to all his phone call logs, emails, text messages both deleted texts and also social media chats; whatsApp , Facebook, Instagram without having access to his phone because he is mostly out of town due to the nature of his work and I was able to track his location too, all I provided was his phone number to this wonderful hacker. This was very revealing for me as he’s a serial cheater until I got into his phone and ended things.I’m glad to uncover his, lies, secrets and Infidelity. You can contact this amazing Hacker David via gmail (cyberhack003) or text and call on his phone and WhatsApp : +15303784744
Patricia Crawford who expect to be lied at all the time . And who can imagine something crazy like this .
Be glad you are read of her . They are not worthy any more time of yours
Ruminating in the relationship.... before it’s even done! Yes, so common.