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Conquering the fear of being judged by others: Introduction to theory of mind
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- Опубликовано: 16 апр 2022
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The fear of being judged by others is a fear that I commonly encounter in the scope of my clinical practice. The key to conquering this fear is an understanding of a clunky psychological concept called "theory of mind." This means that we unconsciously project the content and structure of our own consciousness onto others in order to facilitate interpersonal interaction. An amazing consequence of this tendency is that we can alter our actual experience of reality by changing the content of our own consciousness. I'll discuss more in this episode.
Orion is a licensed psychologist in the state of California.
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Website: oriontarabanps...
#anxiety #Buddhism #confidence
The happiest people are evaluating and improving themselves; the unhappiest are examining and judging others. Once again your content has been so thought provoking.
Always a better idea to work on yourself than to work on other people...
That's bullshit, people who improve themselves are unhappy with who they are.
@@RaZziaN1 perhaps it’s just linguistics here, I’d agree unhappy with who they were
@@psychacksbut sometimes you need to shut those judgemental cause it’s not only beneficial for yourself but also for others. Do you agree if I said those judging are bully’s? Cause bullies can leads into stress depression even violence and crimes.
Nah. I worked on my self too much that I figured out that I can’t change the general “toxic” world that is the issue. People judge and so I need to understand what they are judging constantly to be on the same page as them. 🙏 If I don’t work on myself/ be truly self-aware, I wouldn’t even bother about this and might be happier. 🙏
I am exactly this kind of person. I always think about my actions based on how other people would perceive me. I didn't realize until now that I am a very judgmental person myself. So this is like an enlightenment for me. Thank you for this idea. I will be more mindful of my own consciousness and redirect my thoughts whenever I catch myself unnecessarily judging others.
It's good that you're realizing this, and even better that you're willing to do something about it. The tendency is judge others is a mental habit -- but a habit nonetheless. So it can be overcome like any other habit that no longer serves you. Good luck!
these psychacks talks are definitely making me smarter by each passing day.... every video is a gem 👌😎👩🎓
This is such an important episode. Most relationships fall apart due to the partner projecting their judgement upon another. And they think they’re being judged when in fact it’s their own judgement and projection
"To what extent can you intentionally change your beliefs about reality, to create an experience of reality that's more aligned with your self interests?"
That's a hell of a question. I have a feeling that many of my beliefs are not fully conscious yet, and that it will be an important step to reflect on my judgment of other people and change those beliefs.
Also possible that thinking very negatively about oneself gets projected onto others . . . "I find myself loathesome, therefore everyone else finds me so"
Wow. I swear I talked about this with my therapist just last week. She told me that we have to work on my judgemental vision of things especially because If I judge others, I also judge myself, which is very painful.
Thank you. Fascinating indeed. The more we polish ourselves the better our lives could be.
This is generally the case. Though self-improvement isn't always a linear trajectory!
You nailed it, the worse that inner critic is allowed to become the bigger pit they build onto others. I work very hard not to do this, and thus I have a lot of peace, and most people around me appear to enjoy my presence, it takes work, CBT has helped deeply, therapy, self awareness, like you’ve said in other videos I am extremely careful what I let my inner voice say to me. Game changer.
This is gold! I think this fear usually comes from childhood.
Any problem we now have has its _origins_ in the past, but is being _maintained_ in the present moment. You can't change what happened, but you can change how you deal with it.
Yes, my parents were usually talking negatively about other people. I think I got the fear that others would be negative about me unless I tried hard to please them. At the same time that makes me feel resentful and negative about them.
Whether it is from that or not, it does seem that humans tend towards the negative.
@@joycegreer9391 There does seem to a tendency in the human mind toward the negative. Evolutionary psychologists have argued that this is because it's better for our survival to err on the side of something neutral being negative (as opposed to something neutral being positive). However, like many things from our past, we can overcome this tendency, if we choose.
@@psychacks Yeah, I can see that as self-protective. Like not letting your guard down just in case you might be in danger one way or another. Like not trusting until you are totally sure.
This man is an absolute legend
Thank you for all the amazing content you are making
My inner critic is exceptionally bad. I am working on it, but it takes time. However I never realised it works this way, from my judgemental view of life that I fear being judged by others. Brings a whole new meaning to the phrase "You are reaping what you have sow".
Quite the eye opener, this gives me something to think about, thx.
This makes sense but I really don't judge other people as harshly as I judge myself, I LOVE to see when people are free and weird and unapologetic and don't care about being judged, but it's so hard to be like that myself.
Thank you so much this video is very helpful to get trough my obsession with being "judged by my classmates and teachers "
I understand that we are different in how we think and act. My issues happens when people seem to judge me simply because I don't have their same mindset about things.
Unfortunately, that's inevitable. So why expect otherwise? You might want to check out "People are disappointing." Thanks for watching.
@@psychacks Wow, thanks for replying I didn't expect that. I feel like my current geographical location has a lot to do with my current experiences. I'm in the deep south Bible belt, baby!
@@PharmacyTechLabs Nothing like being judged by people who preach not judging others. You might want to check out my video, "People are disappointing."
Dr. Orion you are a modern day mentor for all the men out there! I highly appreciate your content and suggest it to others.
You my friend just gave a very strong explanation for the meaning of karma. The world remains neutral, but your unsound mind interprets it as judgemental. So you punish yourself by generalizing the way you treat others in your mind.
Basically, it's all in your own mind! You're describing me, Dr. Orion.
Your quick rise is a testament to how consistently great your content has been. Cheers from a life listener, excited for what else I will learn from you along the way.
This was so helpful. Thank you!! Change the world by changing yourself. So powerful. THANK YOU!!!
Makes a lot of sense. Reminds me of what I read a long time ago about a stranger asking if the people are friendly and being answered that they are about as friendly as you found the people in the last town (something like that). Think it was from someone famous. Anyway, the meaning being that it is from yourself and not really other people if you think they are friendly or not.
I think I understand the story. We see the world not as it is, but as we are. Thanks for sharing.
@@psychacks I found this. Not sure if it's the same I read a long time ago or who originally wrote it.
“Back in the days when the settlers were moving to the West, a wise man stood on a hill outside a new Western town. As the settlers came from the East, the wise man was the first person they met before coming to the settlement. They asked eagerly what the people of the town were like. He answered them with a question: "What were the people like in the town you just left?" Some said, "The town we came from was wicked. The people were rude gossips who took advantage of innocent people. It was filled with thieves and liars." The wise man answered, "This town is the same as the one you left." They thanked the man for saving them from the trouble they had just come out of. They then moved on further west. Then another group of settlers arrived and asked the same question: "What is this town like?" The wise man asked again, "What was the town like where you came from?" These responded, "It was wonderful! We had dear friends. Everyone looked out for the others' interest. There was never any lack because all cared for one another. If someone had a big project, the entire community gathered to help. It was a hard decision to leave, but we felt compelled to make way for future generations by going west as pioneers." The wise old man said to them exactly what he had said to the other group: "This town is the same as the one you left." These people responded with joy, "Let's settle here!”
@@joycegreer9391 Love it! Thanks for sharing. :)
You must always find a balance, avoiding to be too judgemental and also avoiding to be too naive.
Now, after I got some huge "slaps on my face" from people, I tend to be more cautious, so more judgemental aswell.
I didn’t understand how this even remotely helps with conquering the fear of being judged by others
When you stop judging yourself and others, you will inevitably stop feeling judged by them. Once you consistently see yourself as a person who is kinder to yourself and others, then you will also believe in the kindness of others. Then, you won't take things they say personally because you know that anything mean that they say (even towards you) is just them projecting their own self-loathing onto you so that they feel better. You will be able to see this because you used to do that but don't anymore.
Thank you for this explanation. I understood the video but this explanation took it to a whole other level. @@NiWhomPing
@@JessN254You're welcome!
“ I am good enough’. Good saying. Makes sense. Goes along with psychology of self i believe. The true self is basically the mind state of “being”. Right?
Psycho Paths and Sadists have no Anxiety, fear - to even KILL You...
It is caution of self protection to be more low key and distant.
I trust my Master coaching me to get better - not others...
This was very helpful. Appreciate it!
You have no Idea how much you saved my life
Very cool. Thank you!
We are all angels of God. Your eyes prove it. 🦋
I was absolutely undefeated in sports untouchable and running circles around the people around me. I had an extremely abusive childhood and after several horrible events I just had a mental breakdown. I'm not the person I used to be but I know all I have accomplished and I do feel less than I used to.
Don't judge others if you don't want to be judged.
Judge not, that ye be not judged. For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again. And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother's eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye? Or how wilt thou say to thy brother, Let me pull out the mote out of thine eye; and, behold, a beam is in thine own eye? Thou hypocrite, first cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother's eye. (Mt. 7:1-5) And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors… For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you: But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses. (Mt. 6:12, 14-15) And when ye stand praying, forgive, if ye have ought against any: that your Father also which is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses. But if ye do not forgive, neither will your Father which is in heaven forgive your trespasses. (Mk. 11:25-26)
While like does attract like, due to universal law, thoughts and emotions are only a starting point. More important are ones actions. In our society we are conditioned to accept any and all behavior regardless of how objectively destructive or intrusive. We fear being judged because we have not learned what is objectively right and wrong behavior. Therefore, we must learn to discern between moral and immoral behavior and when we do we will know with certainty that we are acting rightly and the judgement of others will be less devastating to us .
I have a girlfriend who’s a grown person, she’s 4,7 and have a body of a young girl. This is an insecurity of mine and I’m always thinking someone is judging her and that’s what pisses me off, because she always gets stares everywhere we go. It’s going to take some time but I’m slowly letting people judge and not caring what others think! Thank you!
I don’t judge others first. I first “assume”others negatively judge me in certain ways based on concrete exact experiences in the past. I experiment and try to see if it’s a consistent theme and then observe the social cues in general of society to figure out if there are consistent judgments of society to come up with the conclusions of certain judgments. In fact, I don’t even want to judge if possible but I figured out that others would judge anyways so I have to adapt to common social judgments.
To think that by choosing to assume no one judges and problem solved is escaping the truth of reality. Yes, you may think that reality changes because you choose to assume it changes by for example thinking that no one would judge you but is it really the objective case?
To think that by choosing to assume no one judges and problem solved is escaping the truth of reality. Yes, you may think that reality changes because you choose to assume it changes by for example thinking that no one would judge you but is it really the objective case?
Thank you kindly ✍️
Thanks for posting this subject...
Fascinating food right here! Thank you.
I didn't judge people before, but they went out of their way to approach me and tell me how ugly/incopetent/ect I am. So as a defense mechanism I started the same towards others.
Yup ...even people I wasn't interacting with.
I never in my life felt the need to tell a complete stranger how unattractive I thought they were. Shit crazy.
This is so helpful. Thank you so much!
This was super helpful!! Thank you 🙏
Please elaborate more on this subject. I have social anxiety disorder and apparently avoidant personality disorder. I would like to hear more about the block and replace technique and more about changing beliefs about reality.
🎯 Key Takeaways for quick navigation:
00:14 Theory of mind is crucial for conquering the fear of being judged by others; it involves projecting our own consciousness onto others to facilitate communication.
01:39 People who fear judgment often judge others negatively as well, assuming others do the same unconsciously.
03:05 Changing one's own negative judgments of others can lead to a less judgmental perception of the world, illustrating how altering our consciousness can change our reality.
I make assumptions about people when I approach them; but I am acutely aware that it is a starting assumption which the encounter may dispel. I am also not offended at the thought that someone might have preconceptions about me as I approach. The interaction is the opportunity to expose myself to the other person so they can be informed enough to truly dislike me or warm up to me.
Such an interesting video !! Thanks for sharing
Thanks for watching, Dana. Keep coming back. :)
Thank you brother you got solid talks that feed the spirit, appreciate you. When I’m at 200k a year or above gonna schedule a session with you.
This is not an universal thing. For example, I'm much less judgmental towards other people than towards myself. And becoming MORE judgmental towards others is what helped me with my anxiety, because I'm reminding myself that other people can be stupid or lazy too, not just me, that it is normal to be stupid or lazy sometimes =-)
Thank you
My girlfriend is always judging people but the worst part is when she starts judging herself.
Thank you.
I like this alot and may help alot of people with approach anxiety. I've noticed that I really want to approach people in order to have more options with women but I don't even really like it and am kinda closed myself when others approach me. Not sure if I'm judging them I'm just in my own world alot. What can I do? Try to be more open to others approaching me and talk to everyone? Also what to do when you find yourself judging otheres? Be more open minded and stop judging? Another video or two on this would be good.
Unfortunately, this concept doesn't seem to match my day-to-day life. I don't consider myself to be an overly judgemental person at all. I always try to see the best in orders. However that trait has led to having some intense trust issues.
Well, maybe that's not your issue then. Trust issues come from a different place than the fear of judgment. It sounds like you intuit that these issues might be due (in part) to your tendency to "see the best in others" -- which (I imagine) leaves you feeling disappointed. There are several different ways to deal with this. My episodes "Escaping approach-avoid conflicts" and "The town liar lies" might help.
@@psychacksCan you make a video on this?
@Psychacks Doc, I have the opposite problem. I'm too trusting and honest so I believe others should be the same. This leaves me open to being taken advantage of. Maybe I have already been exploited, and I just didn't know it. Do I need to become more cynical?
Thank you ❤
I am judgemental for my self but not for others plz tell me how i can get rid of this
it could be dangerous to expect everyone else to think like you think. Evil exists.
And the scariest part is I think evil😞😭
Wow that sounds like me thanks for the insight
I don’t think this is always the case. Some of us grew up with very critical parents and had to listen to random strangers criticizing someone for what they’re wearing. At the same time we are being told, no one is thinking about you they are too worried about themselves, but I’m co Stanley seeing and hearing others judge and criticize people for the simplest things. Fear of being judged doesn’t always mean you’re judgmental.
I got that problem
What did you mean by 'block and replace' ?
Has anyone ever had a consultation? How much are they?
Great
Very nice
And how to overcome actual bad and negative critics?
I feel being judged by my girlfriend's sister, she is avoidant and silent against me. Like I am not a good enough partner for my gf.
Bravo👍🥳
I don't care what people say and think about me. It takes to much energy.
But….can’t this happen if you think really highly of everyone else too?
It's possible. "Judgment" doesn't have to be negative. This distortion is common in depressives: "everyone is wonderful; I alone am worthless."
Very useful, thank you! Also, I find you attractive :D
Is so stupid thing if we see all people are good view about us , if you understand people you will be more judgmental because this is the truth,
Is there any chance that intuition could affect this ? Like if someone was sensitive to energy and could “feel” things are off with the other person in the room?
If you've reached a point where your intuition can correctly identify whether another person is judging you in the privacy of their own minds, then you've likely reached a point where this wouldn't bother you.
@@psychacks hahaha I know exactly what you mean and wholeheartedly agree with you!
Theory of mind...
Read any comment section. See what people really are.
Isaiah 8:13-15
Amplified Bible, Classic Edition
13 The Lord of hosts-regard Him as holy and honor His holy name [by regarding Him as your only hope of safety], and let Him be your fear and let Him be your dread [lest you offend Him by your fear of man and distrust of Him].
14 And He shall be a sanctuary [a sacred and indestructible asylum to those who reverently fear and trust in Him]; but He shall be a Stone of stumbling and a Rock of offense to both the houses of Israel, a trap and a snare to the inhabitants of Jerusalem.
15 And many among them shall stumble thereon; and they shall fall and be broken, and be snared and taken.
Matthew 10:28
Amplified Bible, Classic Edition
28 And do not be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul; but rather be afraid of Him who can destroy both soul and body in hell (Gehenna).
judge not lest ye be judged
Most people are way too un-interesting to occupy that much space in my mind. Most people are like blobs to me.
How about the exact opposite
All these videos suggest generalities about human behavior and condition. These are all based on judgement. You may say contrarily that they are based on science and fact. Even then, the science would confirming that we're biased and judgemental.
That is not the problem. Don't think for a moment that people are constantly judging you, in different levels and degrees. But they are.
Instead of trying to live in an imaginary world of non judgement, get to know yourself, bring acceptance of the beneficial and detrimental withing you, and plough through life.
The video is akin of saying don't feel that there are tigers, viruses and mosquitoes out there. There certainly are!
However, interact with them when they are an inescapable reality and protect yourselves
You have privacy in your own consciousness? I don't
An interview does not equate to final resolution.