What was one of your biggest takeaways from this talk on Judgement? And in case you didn't see it in the description, here's the link to the COMMITTED SELF-JOURNAL: tt.juliakristina.com/committed-self-journal/
Good points, interesting logical video. I watched as a life long loner. My curiosity lies within the judgement of others, specifically in regards to wanting to be alone. I realized long ago that their projection of only their crosses to bare, should have no bearing on mine. Being a loner maybe harmful to some, but saves others from suicide. Judgement used to bother me, but I'm much older now. Hypocrisy plays too large of a role in the grand scheme of things. The sad thing might be is that I actually hold no value in anyone's opinion. I only try to read them to my own benefit.
Truth is, people reflect their insecurities through their actions, if someone is hateful towards a lot of people, it’s likely they aren’t happy within so don’t take peoples attitudes and opinions too personally. Love this vid 👏🏻
Yes! The only opinion that truly matters is our own. We need to stop judging ourselves, and letting the opinions of others affect our lives. Everyone has preferences and views life through the filters of their own emotions and life experiences. If we alter how we think or act because of someone else's judgment, we will never lead an authentic life that is in alignment with who we really are. This was such a beautiful video that really addresses this fear perfectly. For anyone that needs to hear it today...YOU ARE ENOUGH! So so so enough. Do what makes YOU happy.
This is the most perfectly timed video. I'm going to speak up in a meeting today about people judging me and projecting their insecurities on to me. I'm doing it in 45 minutes. Please pray for me!
@@solelyy I didn't get the chance in the end because the meeting didn't happen, and then I went off on long-term sickness. I may be returning soon and have no qualms about doing it upon my return. I shall let you know how it goes if I do go back. Thank you for asking. 😊
I would advise against that. Not everyone in the meeting judges you so you’re bringing personal issues into a public space. That doesn’t help you. Nobody cares about your personal issues. Why do you worry about what others think or say?
I'm crying so hard right now. Thank you for this. I've been holding myself back so much because of this major insecurity that i have since childhood. This video cleared things up. I do rlly need to make peace woth this insecurity as well as strengthen my relationship with myself.
Judgement is the fear of someone else’s judgements of themselves because of what we are going to make it mean about the judgements we have of ourselves. Wow
I'm not sure who said it first, but the quote is "We despise in others what we hate about ourselves." It has always resonated with me and when I find myself being judgemental of someone else I choose to self-reflect and ask myself what it is about myself I'm struggling with that I am projecting onto that other person. When we are kinder to ourselves, we judge others less and ultimately ourselves less, too. Great video! Thank you for sharing!!
Thank you, I will remember to watch this again. My fear of judgement is not really about what others are going to say about me or think about me, but those are the things that I judge myself for and can't accept!
This is groundbreaking for me! Wow! A total BREAKTHROUGH in my thinking! THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!*** The potential this has in changing my life is enormous!!! This immediately empowered me; the shift in my thinking was like moving a mountain. It reminds me of the verse in the bible: " Let there be Light!" Thank you for shinning light in my dark thinking! God Bless You!!!!
@@juliakristinamah I'll say the most important relationship we can have is with the Lord. But on an worldly level, it is with ourselves. Back to spiritual level though, one who has Christ has life, one who doesn't, has not life ( eternally speaking). Furthermore, If God is for us, who can be against us!. That verse alone helps those who believe with not worrying about what others think or how they might judge. See the difference and clarity and frankly an advantage for one who has a relationship with the Savior compared to one that doesn't?
@@susansherlock7474 Religion? That's the point! It's not about a religion. It's literally a personal relationship with the Risen Savior! Watching TV can be a religion! Going to the gym can be a religion! Religion is just a made up term by man! Having a personal relationship with the Lord is true freedom and no one can get to Heaven without Him. But it's not a form of bondage. It's freedom in Christ by His blood and Grace! Out of Love!!! How can you reject that? Your very soul depends on it. Now you know the truth, now it's on you. You can't straddle the fence and make it to the Kingdom. You are either for Him or against Him.
It's about them their perception and their personality. Thats just who they are that's why they act out in Judgement and share their opinion about others.
Yup, it's what they have going on in the moment that they're offsetting on to us. It's the same thing that happens when we judge others - it's not about them, it's about us.
Thanks, this has helped me realize that it's about them and not about me. I get criticized and judged often by others and it doesn't faze me anymore. I realize they're ego driven or have a small mind.
Judgement from others has affected me as a child to a young adult. I used to take it personally because I wanted to feel part of a group or I want to feel appreciated. I had to find my personal happiness instead of searching for satisfaction with others.
So very true if someone’s” judgment” of you is causing you distress it’s because you’re feeling some kind of inadequacy or struggle with that thing. So you really have two healthy choices either learn to embrace whatever you’re feeling” judged” about or change it!
Thank you Julia Kristina, for your welcome to this “amazing” corner of the internet. For me this is another very supportive piece delivered in your usual, very comprehensive manner, although this time, judging,and /or feeling judged by others, is not something that I struggle with particularly. For me it’s a reassuring piece at a time when I’ve being going through some intense self scrutiny, rebuilding my self and my sense of self. It’s helpful to me because I find it grounding. Sort of, yep, that’s a piece of me that I recognise, I tend to not judge. I am 61 and I am on the right side now of removing myself from what has been perhaps more than 2 decades of gaslighting, a word that I’d not even heard of until about 6 months ago, so up until then impossible to come to terms with. You’re short videos have been extremely helpful to me, and I’m very grateful, so thank you. I am now looking at who I grew up as before my sisters, and those who support them, had scapegoated me and in doing so destroyed my existence and sense of self and reality, and looking so in order to remind myself of who I am. All such reminders are very helpful.
"We fear what we will make those judgements mean about ourselves". Woah. This part in particular really hit home for me. I feel like I'm giving people so much power over me when I'm being like this.
When i feel this that they "slightly" i gave them the power, i twist my thoughts into..." yeah,yeah they have time for having conversation about me, am I too bright actress😅 so they see me even though they have so many struggles on their own life?
I like that, " it's not about being a better person...... it's about growing"! This video rings true to me and my self judgement. I worked through a lot of insecurities over the years but know I have more work to do. Thank you Julia for your impactful videos. I am truly blessed to have found you!
Every Wednesday, your video is the absolute best part of my day! I’m incredibly self-conscious sometimes, and hate the feeling that I’m constantly being judged. I hope you have a wonderful rest of your week, thank you so much for uploading this!! 💜
Julia Kristina Counselling Thank you so much for the advice, I’ll certainly keep that in mind and reframe how I process my interactions with people moving forward! It’s no use being constantly paranoid that people are picking apart my every move. It doesn’t happen overnight, but I’ll get there.
Judgement has to do with putting others down because of their frame of reference. Those who grew up in families constantly judging others because of their own inadequacies have to learn that the people they judged were not the things their parents labelled them, but the judgement came from their parents fear of not being good enough.
Another great lesson Julia! I've had this explained to me in the past and couldn't wrap my around it but, now I can! This will help me in so many aspects of my life moving forward. My biggest takeaway is that judgment is about healing myself or, taking responsibility for myself rather than, worrying about what other people are thinking about me. How freeing is that?! Gives me the power to work through my 'stuff' and not get 'stuck' in worrying about what others are judging me on! So powerful, Thank you! 👍
@@joycegreer9391 Until they realise they are doing it and then they have a choice to work on it and be more mindful about their thoughts or to continue through life judging and being judged. We always have a choice in how our minds work. Most folk do not understand this. Acceptance of what we have no control over is the way to be peaceful,
@@kobalt77 Making judgments is not a bad thing. Perhaps you are just thinking in terms of making likely negative judgments about other people based on appearance, etc. There is much more to judgments. We make them everyday about everything; like what to wear, what to eat, whether or not to exercise and what, etc etc. It is an important part of life. Otherwise we would be just willy-nilly whatever with no standards or decisions. I guess you could call it by another word if judging sounds bad to you; like selecting, discriminating, discerning, etc. We had better be judging about who we have as friends and who we trust. Yes, it is important to just accept what we cannot control; and what we cannot control is whatever other people may be judging about us, good or bad.
My biggest insecurely is my acne scars. It does affect me on my day to day life. I try and act like it doesn’t bother me when some days looks at me crazy. I’ve been called ugly and that’s something I’m trying to work on. Love self, but it’s hard because having these imperfections is also a psychological issue
Hello Julia Kristina! This is Itika from India. I graduated in B.A English(honours) and have always not just loved but also grew surrounded by philosophy, psychology and literature during my three years of bachelors. I am back at your channel now after I guess a year and half, and I am so-so-truly-truly glad that I am back here irrespective of the fact I am not dealing with any wellbeing issues right now. I love watching your videos irrespective of being mentally really well and having a self regulating life after these 1.5 years. I believe that I learn from your videos not just for my own well being, but also for the people I love. I am so glad I came back to your channel
This is one of the most important videos I’ve ever watched. I’m feeling this insecurity right now after writing an email to someone. I’m debating and working on the reasons why I’m feeling so insecure... and trying to not feel I have to be perfect. All you said is so true. Thank you so much! I love your work!
Both parts couldn't be more true! I can see why I never thought I was good enough. Which is why we oftentimes don't present our authenticity. I just discovered this as I began a new treatment last week!!
I just had a 3-hour conversation with a family member who's a therapist the other day and I left feeling crazier than when I started our conversation. I thought her being a therapist would be helpful (and so did she) but in the end I felt so incredibly judged. (Totally understanding why you don't have therapy sessions with family members). I know she was trying to be helpful but It turned into the problems that she sees with me and my husband even though there are things that he and I are intentional about every day (whether with our house, our children, and our life choices). It's almost like it made her feel better to tell us her personal thoughts about us but in the end it was unhelpful and I felt so incredibly judged! It was like she didn't even know us. I assumed that a therapist would have her own thoughts in check but it felt like the conversation made things worse. Now I'm here watching this video trying to figure out what the heck is going on And how I find confidence in myself again. The further I am away from people the less I have to worry about being judged by them. I feel safer when I'm not opening up. THEN had the audacity to tell me that it was my fault for how other people think about me because I don't open up So I'm basically leaving my life to their imagination.... I want to cry!
I'm so sorry that your conversation turned out very unhelpful. Someone who doesn't know you will have an easier time not judging, but a family member is a big mistake. I have someone very near and dear to me that is a counselor and this person often judges others because they are so intent on helping people change. Family members are not the best choice. I think it's more connected to our own self-worth. I am working on loving and valuing myself and my decisions, and not being influenced by others because I'm afraid they are judging me or disapproving of me. It's difficult but I am determined to stop being the person others want me to be and just be ME. Namaste my friend.
This is exactly what I needed, and my daughter needed to hear. We have been going through some rougher points in our relationships, as a family. I have noticed a lot of projection/judgements verbalized towards me that reflect her issues, she really holds onto to the mentality of being perfect, saying things and doing things perfectly, but she doesn't understand how to connect these things she's pointing at and about are not about me, but her insecurities in her own thinking and believing. Your video, just spoke simply to me, exactly what my husband and I are trying to facilitate with our teens, our family. I know children pick up things from those who are around them or got used too, and I know she doesn't know what she is meaning at this time. also she's transitioning from tween to teen, so everything is really overwhelming, but this video really clarified exactly what we are working on with ourselves and each other as whole family. Thank you for putting it in with such graceful empowering perspective, really integrated the truths and all the connections.. I will be watching this video with my family, later this evening at our daily family discussions, my kid's are very wise and catch on to much of this adult stuff... fyi my son Dominick 13, Scott 14, and I like watching your video's together, it makes so much sense, and its great way for all of us to communicate better with each other, and ourselves... Thank you so much!
I so needed to hear this KJulia, I'm recovering from a TBI as a direct result of my addictions. This injury Definitely brought me to a new bottom, but ironically, what people would call a "setback" was in reality, a springboard into new growth, and I still got a long way to go. Im on your waitlist :]
She explained it so well, Btw life is not so hard as we build it up like no one knew these things back in time like 100 years but when they wanted something they would just think of it and work on it like if someone wanted to be not judged by people they'll think, from now I'll never think abt people's thinking abt me and would work on this one thought but nowdays we're stuck in so many things and have alot things to do at the same time, hope you got my point fellas
Each and every one of your teachings is BRILLIANT. YOU SHED LIGHT” upon what I struggle with so often. I feel as if my blinders have been taken off and I see the world in clarity and in solutions rather than in problems. I am forever grateful for finding you. Thank you for offering so much to our world ❤️❤️
One of THE best videos ive seen about judgement. OMG this just made my.mind explode..that im immediately watching it again😊 I think this is about changing your overall thought process..and not being a victim to others opinions of you. In the end..its, who cares what they think about you. And i love IT!!!❤❤
Great video! This is one of my biggest struggles. It feels so terrible worrying about what other people think about me. It causes me more stress than I need to feel. Recognizing that judgments has nothing to do with us, but more about themselves stood out to me. The saying of "if you treat someone a certain way it says more about them than it says about us" rings true. This is something that I want to work on, knowing that I only have one life to live and I don't want anxiety to get in the way of life.
Holy smokes! I get it. It clicked immediately! Change your self concept and your perception of others’ thoughts will reflect that change, eliminating judgment. You are my new superhero! Thank you!
Thank you so much !!! It's people and counsellors like you that change people's life and I wish and pray you live a blissful life. I can keep on writing such positive phrases , may god bless you.
We feel more judged in small communities as it seems everyone knows your business. I felt this way all of my childhood until I moved to a city where nobody knows me. It help me grow it a lot of ways. That being said, my daughter told me a few weeks ago: My friends fear you because you are very “judgy”. I saw it more as motherly. I treat my adult children ans their friends the same, with higher standards. (Get a job, clean your apartment, do exercise, move your ass....) So when I thought I was being on their tail because I felt they could do better with their lives, I am posing a judgement on their lifestyle. But for me, it was a way of caring. So since then, I have kept my “advice” to myself and if their apartment look like a pigsty, so be it. I didn’t raise them that way, I’m more Mary Kondo, but hey, I’m out of it and their lifestyle is not a reflection of how I raised them. I have a bachelors degree in nursing and my kids have no education. I am upset by this because I tried to raised them to pursue a career. My son has 2 kids at 24 and no job, and smokes weed everyday. But I was told I am posing judgment on their lifestyle by them. So next time they ask me for money, It’s no.....and don’t judge me. I thing I need to watch stop the guilt video.
Thank you so much Julia Kristina I didn't have real access to a good therapist and even prayed to the Lord and badda bing I run into your videos . I even told my daughter about you, I hope she learns good things from you also. I am watching this video again.
Courage, confidence and value within will definitely help one to care less about other people's opinions. I listen effectively but in the end, i decide if it's beneficial or if i can learn from it
Hi Julia. My name is Kris Ledwick. I have been recently watching your videos and even subscribed to your RUclips channel. I recently have been dealing with conflicts with friends of mine and I didn't handle either situation well. I got really angry in a defensive manner and turned my friends against me. A side issue is that my mother passed away last year from cancer. She wasn't good at teaching me how to handle such conflicts. So I basically am learning on my own.
Fantastic video, when we are human we make mistakes only God is perfect, so we are not to be perfect but childlikely accepting our flaws and limitations as part of our path of growing towards the highest possible goal we can aim at in our lives. Thank you so much Julia Christina!
I really want to start a youtube channel and express myself and tha things i am passionate about, but it is really hard for me to stop worrying about what will people who knows me think about me, and to step out of my comfort zone
I like how you worded it. I know all the responses in the comment section sounds like good advice, but your wording sounds empathic and understanding. I have low moments and this was good way of looking at it in a non confrontation manner
Thank you for this video! it’s a bit tough to understand at first, however really happy I did. I can see how passionately you’re speaking about it, however speaking a little slower would help me understand you faster and connect with you and what you are saying. ❤️
People are allowed to have opinions and preferences, and not everybody has to like you. If someone is giving you bad vibes, acting snotty or distant, ask them if you have done or said something to offend them. Hopefully they will be honest. If so, learn from what they have to say. If they can't or won't express the basis of their negativity, express your disappointment, but leave it open for a later point in time (maybe they need time to formulate an accurate answer), and let it go. Drop the subject. Give them physical distance if you can. People pleasers are sometimes rather aggravating to me, and here's why: quite often they seem to want to be entertaining, when I'm not in the mood to be entertained. I would rather share a balanced 50/50 conversation than be someone's audience. (Of course, sometimes I am in the mood to be entertained, and sometimes I will sacrifice what I want so they can entertain.) I am only writing this because it seems to be Julia's nature (and possibly her audience) to be in people pleaser mode.
This totally makes sense, I mean, lets say you see someone with a big nose, or something different about them. You might look at them briefly then look away, but it doesn't make sense to look at them and think "oh my god! This has totally ruined my day!" We just look and think "Oh that's different." It makes zero sense to allow it to annoy you & hold a grudge against them.
Wow i am glad i listened to this video it has really brought somethings that i was struggling with into perspective i dont have to go through that vicious cycle anymore concerning what people think about me. I feel empowered.
i need to apply these concept toward my judgments..... because my wish for others is really my values... I would be disappointed in myself to act that way. I can learn this
Thank you for this very illuminating video. I fully agree with you, but I guess for me there’s another thing I can’t get over with judgment (even if I know it’s not about me). I just can’t get over the fact that people are so judgmental all the time. Why do they do this? What do they get off diminishing others? It’s extremely isolating and seeing how shitty people are just makes me an misanthrope. I just want to stay away from (most) people.
Being a mom, a young one at that, brings on a WHOLE lot of judgment. It’s not in my head nor their insecurities. It’s very real and overwhelming for me. I cannot be perfect but don’t know how not to be taken over by pain and sadness, to the point of hating people and avoiding the world. If you have insight for people like me please make another video. There are many of us out there.
I think we need to work one the things which are in our control for the sake of ourselves. I think we need to learn to accept the things we fear judged over, and when someone judges us it will have less power over us.
Amazing video Julia, people just me because my mental health issues ! People should be open minded on mental health awareness and end the stigma associated with mental health
I think people are scared to be seen as fragile. The reality of your mental health issues holds a mirror to their own issues that they don't want to address
I love the beginning of this video, "these concepts might be too difficult..." Ok, I hope my tiny brain, the one that got me my PhD in Cognitive Psych. and the same one that allows me to run my own statistical consulting company, can handle the sheer depths I'm about to be exposed to. I'm afraid I might be too dim to grasp any of the material and I find it very difficult to focus for 9:36 so I don't hold out much hope for myself. In fact, I've lost hope. Great work, Ms. Clinician, now I have to seek a therapist! So that's how you people build a customer base.
Sometimes I say to myself, it's my fear, of another person judging me on things I am trying to keep hidden ... things that I feel I am able to keep invisible. If you are judged on something you don't like about yourself, that you feel you have neatly tucked away, it's like they can see inside your soul, and you freak! You feel this intense guilt. My boss recently innocently asked me about a comment I had made in an email and what I meant by it . . . .and I was really upset by it because I perceived it was a dumb thing to say and I had already chastised myself about it ... and then brought it up which I perceived to be confirmation of my mistake ... it's such a tangled web. Argh!
Cool stuff...people may not realize this but what you are saying is a fundamental teaching of Christ himself...he commanded us to judge NOT..and your deep understanding of the concept reveals the depth and perfect logic of this massive truth. The truth is God wants us all to be totally free , ie...the gift of Christ... and to be the absolute best persons that he created us to be...great stuff great work and thank you for posting 🙂
Hi, First of all, thank you so much for this valuable video. I'm still learning the English language, however, the way you talk about this subject is so clear. That's crazy because after watching your speech everything you explained was clear, it naturally makes sense. Thanks to you and to everyone who gives help and advice to anyone. Have a perfect day. Take care
The only thing is other people who have more power can make their judgements your problem and that can be really problematic and threatening. People do use their power to make something in your life go badly so they can feel right and safe in their projections. It's not only about a mental space.
Well there you are again being epic! This one I’m gonna have to watch a couple of times. You were soothing and comfortable. Hugs to you! Have a great day!
Whenever I go down this train of thought of being annoyed by what people say or feeling slightly irritated by a comment that I know has nothing to do with me, I realize that all I am doing is keeping myself in a vicious cycle that feels pointless. Humans will always have faults, but accepting that and letting it go just isn't always easy. It would be nice if people would learn to be less faulty, but I know that's not realistic.
Judgement is not about us but about them. Someone’s judgement of you is their judgement of themselves being projected on you. We don’t fear their judgement, we fear what we’re going to make that mean The judgements we fear from others are what we struggle with. Perfectionism is us trying to control other’s thoughts so that we can manage our own thoughts.
essentially what that means is that we all have insecurities and fear and decide to suppress it because we are afraid of what people might think of us.However judgement can help us grow when it is reasonable and constructive.People can look at our situation from an objective point of view and they can only pick on what they can see such as your flaws and weakness.Knowing this, we can use this to see our situation from different perspective and improve ourself. One statement : What people say or do is an reflection of who they are and what you do and say it is yours to own. One word:Believe qn1:Why do judgement has an influence on our lives? qn2:what is the root causes of judgement? qn3:why did we decide to judge others and not examine ourself? Thank you for reading.
But I have a relative who always ready to criticise if I say something that does not make sense to him. He takes pleasure in other peoples mistakes and in correcting them. This makes me clam up when he is around through fear of being corrected or shown up by him. Why is that a judgement of myself by me?
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What was one of your biggest takeaways from this talk on Judgement?
And in case you didn't see it in the description, here's the link to the COMMITTED SELF-JOURNAL: tt.juliakristina.com/committed-self-journal/
thank you so much Julia for empowering us with what you've learned and your experiences. its helped me navigate through some rough times this season.
@@Clemsterful good for you for doing the work, friend.
Thank you 🙏
Powerful. Thank you 🙏
Good points, interesting logical video.
I watched as a life long loner.
My curiosity lies within the judgement of others, specifically in regards to wanting to be alone.
I realized long ago that their projection of only their crosses to bare, should have no bearing on mine.
Being a loner maybe harmful to some, but saves others from suicide.
Judgement used to bother me, but I'm much older now. Hypocrisy plays too large of a role in the grand scheme of things. The sad thing might be is that I actually hold no value in anyone's opinion. I only try to read them to my own benefit.
*The more you care what others think, the more they own you.*
Amen to that. We are always more in charge of our minds and emotions than anyone else.
Great reminder! That’s why the feeling feels so terrible. All that matters is what I think of myself. ❤️
Couldn't have said it any better. That's very true!
BRO ! I screenshot that comment thank you I am having an hard time at school worrying what ppl think of me thank you ❤️
👀in fact no ones live for themselves
Fear of judgement is the fear of someone judging themselves by the way you judge your self. That's crazy! Thank you!
Truth is, people reflect their insecurities through their actions, if someone is hateful towards a lot of people, it’s likely they aren’t happy within so don’t take peoples attitudes and opinions too personally. Love this vid 👏🏻
Amen to that.
Yes! The only opinion that truly matters is our own. We need to stop judging ourselves, and letting the opinions of others affect our lives. Everyone has preferences and views life through the filters of their own emotions and life experiences. If we alter how we think or act because of someone else's judgment, we will never lead an authentic life that is in alignment with who we really are. This was such a beautiful video that really addresses this fear perfectly. For anyone that needs to hear it today...YOU ARE ENOUGH! So so so enough. Do what makes YOU happy.
Nena Lavonne However, besides our own opinion for ourselves, we need to listen to constructive feedback from others in order to improve and grow.
I have to agree regarding feedback. I have good friends who have called me out on poor behaviours. I'm grateful to them.
This is the most perfectly timed video. I'm going to speak up in a meeting today about people judging me and projecting their insecurities on to me. I'm doing it in 45 minutes. Please pray for me!
How was it?
@@solelyy I didn't get the chance in the end because the meeting didn't happen, and then I went off on long-term sickness. I may be returning soon and have no qualms about doing it upon my return. I shall let you know how it goes if I do go back. Thank you for asking. 😊
I would advise against that. Not everyone in the meeting judges you so you’re bringing personal issues into a public space. That doesn’t help you. Nobody cares about your personal issues. Why do you worry about what others think or say?
@@chairde It's ok, I've now left there and since found out I'm autistic. Thank you for the advice though, Gerald. 😊
@@bellachance1206How are you doing these days? I hope you are well.❤
I'm crying so hard right now. Thank you for this. I've been holding myself back so much because of this major insecurity that i have since childhood. This video cleared things up. I do rlly need to make peace woth this insecurity as well as strengthen my relationship with myself.
Judgement is the fear of someone else’s judgements of themselves because of what we are going to make it mean about the judgements we have of ourselves. Wow
I'm not sure who said it first, but the quote is "We despise in others what we hate about ourselves." It has always resonated with me and when I find myself being judgemental of someone else I choose to self-reflect and ask myself what it is about myself I'm struggling with that I am projecting onto that other person. When we are kinder to ourselves, we judge others less and ultimately ourselves less, too. Great video! Thank you for sharing!!
Thank you, I will remember to watch this again.
My fear of judgement is not really about what others are going to say about me or think about me, but those are the things that I judge myself for and can't accept!
This is groundbreaking for me! Wow! A total BREAKTHROUGH in my thinking! THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!*** The potential this has in changing my life is enormous!!! This immediately empowered me; the shift in my thinking was like moving a mountain. It reminds me of the verse in the bible: " Let there be Light!" Thank you for shinning light in my dark thinking! God Bless You!!!!
So the key is working on our insecurities then... Good to know.
Always - our relationship with ourselves is the most important one we'll ever have so it makes sense to invest in it everyday.
@@juliakristinamah I'll say the most important relationship we can have is with the Lord. But on an worldly level, it is with ourselves. Back to spiritual level though, one who has Christ has life, one who doesn't, has not life ( eternally speaking). Furthermore, If God is for us, who can be against us!. That verse alone helps those who believe with not worrying about what others think or how they might judge. See the difference and clarity and frankly an advantage for one who has a relationship with the Savior compared to one that doesn't?
@@TTundragrizzly please respect that not everyone shares any religion or your religion either...
@@susansherlock7474 Religion? That's the point! It's not about a religion. It's literally a personal relationship with the Risen Savior! Watching TV can be a religion! Going to the gym can be a religion! Religion is just a made up term by man! Having a personal relationship with the Lord is true freedom and no one can get to Heaven without Him. But it's not a form of bondage. It's freedom in Christ by His blood and Grace! Out of Love!!! How can you reject that? Your very soul depends on it. Now you know the truth, now it's on you. You can't straddle the fence and make it to the Kingdom. You are either for Him or against Him.
That's the message I got from it too.
It's about them their perception and their personality. Thats just who they are that's why they act out in Judgement and share their opinion about others.
Yup, it's what they have going on in the moment that they're offsetting on to us. It's the same thing that happens when we judge others - it's not about them, it's about us.
Thanks, this has helped me realize that it's about them and not about me. I get criticized and judged often by others and it doesn't faze me anymore. I realize they're ego driven or have a small mind.
Judgement from others has affected me as a child to a young adult. I used to take it personally because I wanted to feel part of a group or I want to feel appreciated. I had to find my personal happiness instead of searching for satisfaction with others.
Hello this really helped me get focus. appricate it
So very true if someone’s” judgment” of you is causing you distress it’s because you’re feeling some kind of inadequacy or struggle with that thing. So you really have two healthy choices either learn to embrace whatever you’re feeling” judged” about or change it!
Thank you Julia Kristina, for your welcome to this “amazing” corner of the internet. For me this is another very supportive piece delivered in your usual, very comprehensive manner, although this time, judging,and /or feeling judged by others, is not something that I struggle with particularly. For me it’s a reassuring piece at a time when I’ve being going through some intense self scrutiny, rebuilding my self and my sense of self. It’s helpful to me because I find it grounding. Sort of, yep, that’s a piece of me that I recognise, I tend to not judge.
I am 61 and I am on the right side now of removing myself from what has been perhaps more than 2 decades of gaslighting, a word that I’d not even heard of until about 6 months ago, so up until then impossible to come to terms with. You’re short videos have been extremely helpful to me, and I’m very grateful, so thank you.
I am now looking at who I grew up as before my sisters, and those who support them, had scapegoated me and in doing so destroyed my existence and sense of self and reality, and looking so in order to remind myself of who I am. All such reminders are very helpful.
"We fear what we will make those judgements mean about ourselves". Woah. This part in particular really hit home for me. I feel like I'm giving people so much power over me when I'm being like this.
When i feel this that they "slightly" i gave them the power, i twist my thoughts into..." yeah,yeah they have time for having conversation about me, am I too bright actress😅 so they see me even though they have so many struggles on their own life?
I like that, " it's not about being a better person...... it's about growing"! This video rings true to me and my self judgement. I worked through a lot of insecurities over the years but know I have more work to do. Thank you Julia for your impactful videos. I am truly blessed to have found you!
Every Wednesday, your video is the absolute best part of my day! I’m incredibly self-conscious sometimes, and hate the feeling that I’m constantly being judged. I hope you have a wonderful rest of your week, thank you so much for uploading this!! 💜
Admir- give yourself more self-compassion and more self-love and stop feeling like others are judging you.
Julia Kristina Counselling Thank you so much for the advice, I’ll certainly keep that in mind and reframe how I process my interactions with people moving forward! It’s no use being constantly paranoid that people are picking apart my every move. It doesn’t happen overnight, but I’ll get there.
@@admirbarucija2018 Same here, worrying about how everything I say or do is being judged.
Judgement has to do with putting others down because of their frame of reference. Those who grew up in families constantly judging others because of their own inadequacies have to learn that the people they judged were not the things their parents labelled them, but the judgement came from their parents fear of not being good enough.
Another great lesson Julia! I've had this explained to me in the past and couldn't wrap my around it but, now I can! This will help me in so many aspects of my life moving forward. My biggest takeaway is that judgment is about healing myself or, taking responsibility for myself rather than, worrying about what other people are thinking about me. How freeing is that?! Gives me the power to work through my 'stuff' and not get 'stuck' in worrying about what others are judging me on! So powerful, Thank you! 👍
As a counselling psychologist myself, I applaud this clear assessment of a very common problem. 👍👍
If you don’t judge others, you are less likely to suspect others will judge you.
This is a HUGE truth.
Hi Julia! Thanks for commenting! Your videos have helped me a lot! Keep up the good work. :)
In reality everyone is making judgments all the time, positive or negative.
@@joycegreer9391 Until they realise they are doing it and then they have a choice to work on it and be more mindful about their thoughts or to continue through life judging and being judged. We always have a choice in how our minds work. Most folk do not understand this. Acceptance of what we have no control over is the way to be peaceful,
@@kobalt77 Making judgments is not a bad thing. Perhaps you are just thinking in terms of making likely negative judgments about other people based on appearance, etc.
There is much more to judgments. We make them everyday about everything; like what to wear, what to eat, whether or not to exercise and what, etc etc. It is an important part of life. Otherwise we would be just willy-nilly whatever with no standards or decisions. I guess you could call it by another word if judging sounds bad to you; like selecting, discriminating, discerning, etc. We had better be judging about who we have as friends and who we trust.
Yes, it is important to just accept what we cannot control; and what we cannot control is whatever other people may be judging about us, good or bad.
My biggest insecurely is my acne scars. It does affect me on my day to day life. I try and act like it doesn’t bother me when some days looks at me crazy. I’ve been called ugly and that’s something I’m trying to work on. Love self, but it’s hard because having these imperfections is also a psychological issue
Hello Julia Kristina! This is Itika from India. I graduated in B.A English(honours) and have always not just loved but also grew surrounded by philosophy, psychology and literature during my three years of bachelors. I am back at your channel now after I guess a year and half, and I am so-so-truly-truly glad that I am back here irrespective of the fact I am not dealing with any wellbeing issues right now. I love watching your videos irrespective of being mentally really well and having a self regulating life after these 1.5 years. I believe that I learn from your videos not just for my own well being, but also for the people I love.
I am so glad I came back to your channel
Iam 18 now I overcame 2 years of teen depression and then social anxiety and now iam trying to cope up with this
Behaviour of being judged
Yes, it triggers our insecurities.
This is one of the most important videos I’ve ever watched. I’m feeling this insecurity right now after writing an email to someone. I’m debating and working on the reasons why I’m feeling so insecure... and trying to not feel I have to be perfect. All you said is so true. Thank you so much! I love your work!
Both parts couldn't be more true! I can see why I never thought I was good enough. Which is why we oftentimes don't present our authenticity. I just discovered this as I began a new treatment last week!!
GOOD for you Tom.
@@juliakristinamah many thanks! I've been watching your videos for about almost a year now! It has helped a lot!!
I just had a 3-hour conversation with a family member who's a therapist the other day and I left feeling crazier than when I started our conversation. I thought her being a therapist would be helpful (and so did she) but in the end I felt so incredibly judged. (Totally understanding why you don't have therapy sessions with family members). I know she was trying to be helpful but It turned into the problems that she sees with me and my husband even though there are things that he and I are intentional about every day (whether with our house, our children, and our life choices). It's almost like it made her feel better to tell us her personal thoughts about us but in the end it was unhelpful and I felt so incredibly judged! It was like she didn't even know us. I assumed that a therapist would have her own thoughts in check but it felt like the conversation made things worse. Now I'm here watching this video trying to figure out what the heck is going on And how I find confidence in myself again. The further I am away from people the less I have to worry about being judged by them. I feel safer when I'm not opening up. THEN had the audacity to tell me that it was my fault for how other people think about me because I don't open up So I'm basically leaving my life to their imagination.... I want to cry!
I'm so sorry that your conversation turned out very unhelpful. Someone who doesn't know you will have an easier time not judging, but a family member is a big mistake. I have someone very near and dear to me that is a counselor and this person often judges others because they are so intent on helping people change. Family members are not the best choice. I think it's more connected to our own self-worth. I am working on loving and valuing myself and my decisions, and not being influenced by others because I'm afraid they are judging me or disapproving of me. It's difficult but I am determined to stop being the person others want me to be and just be ME. Namaste my friend.
This is exactly what I needed, and my daughter needed to hear. We have been going through some rougher points in our relationships, as a family. I have noticed a lot of projection/judgements verbalized towards me that reflect her issues, she really holds onto to the mentality of being perfect, saying things and doing things perfectly, but she doesn't understand how to connect these things she's pointing at and about are not about me, but her insecurities in her own thinking and believing. Your video, just spoke simply to me, exactly what my husband and I are trying to facilitate with our teens, our family. I know children pick up things from those who are around them or got used too, and I know she doesn't know what she is meaning at this time. also she's transitioning from tween to teen, so everything is really overwhelming, but this video really clarified exactly what we are working on with ourselves and each other as whole family. Thank you for putting it in with such graceful empowering perspective, really integrated the truths and all the connections.. I will be watching this video with my family, later this evening at our daily family discussions, my kid's are very wise and catch on to much of this adult stuff... fyi my son Dominick 13, Scott 14, and I like watching your video's together, it makes so much sense, and its great way for all of us to communicate better with each other, and ourselves... Thank you so much!
One of the best videos on this topic. Completely decode the problem of being hesitant or fall in being judged trapped. Thanks for this video.
I so needed to hear this KJulia, I'm recovering from a TBI as a direct result of my addictions. This injury Definitely brought me to a new bottom, but ironically, what people would call a "setback" was in reality, a springboard into new growth, and I still got a long way to go. Im on your waitlist :]
Someone give this person a Nobel Prize
She explained it so well,
Btw life is not so hard as we build it up like no one knew these things back in time like 100 years but when they wanted something they would just think of it and work on it like if someone wanted to be not judged by people they'll think, from now I'll never think abt people's thinking abt me and would work on this one thought but nowdays we're stuck in so many things and have alot things to do at the same time, hope you got my point fellas
this was LIFE CHANGING for me and ive struggled with my entire life. this video brought me a breakthrough!
Each and every one of your teachings is BRILLIANT. YOU SHED LIGHT” upon what I struggle with so often. I feel as if my blinders have been taken off and I see the world in clarity and in solutions rather than in problems. I am forever grateful for finding you. Thank you for offering so much to our world ❤️❤️
One of THE best videos ive seen about judgement. OMG this just made my.mind explode..that im immediately watching it again😊 I think this is about changing your overall thought process..and not being a victim to others opinions of you. In the end..its, who cares what they think about you. And i love IT!!!❤❤
Great video! This is one of my biggest struggles. It feels so terrible worrying about what other people think about me. It causes me more stress than I need to feel. Recognizing that judgments has nothing to do with us, but more about themselves stood out to me. The saying of "if you treat someone a certain way it says more about them than it says about us" rings true. This is something that I want to work on, knowing that I only have one life to live and I don't want anxiety to get in the way of life.
Holy smokes! I get it. It clicked immediately!
Change your self concept and your perception of others’ thoughts will reflect that change, eliminating judgment.
You are my new superhero! Thank you!
New concept for me that my fear of being judged is about me, and also that when I judge others it is all about myself.
Thank you so much !!! It's people and counsellors like you that change people's life and I wish and pray you live a blissful life. I can keep on writing such positive phrases , may god bless you.
I used to care about what others think. Now I don't care about much of anything. I'm not sure that this is any better. I do care about getting rest.
I never thought judging was a reflection of others thoughts and of myself.
Just another example of your unique & great perspective.
I've never heard or read anyone do the math in quite this way before.
We feel more judged in small communities as it seems everyone knows your business. I felt this way all of my childhood until I moved to a city where nobody knows me. It help me grow it a lot of ways.
That being said, my daughter told me a few weeks ago: My friends fear you because you are very “judgy”.
I saw it more as motherly. I treat my adult children ans their friends the same, with higher standards. (Get a job, clean your apartment, do exercise, move your ass....) So when I thought I was being on their tail because I felt they could do better with their lives, I am posing a judgement on their lifestyle. But for me, it was a way of caring.
So since then, I have kept my “advice” to myself and if their apartment look like a pigsty, so be it. I didn’t raise them that way, I’m more Mary Kondo, but hey, I’m out of it and their lifestyle is not a reflection of how I raised them. I have a bachelors degree in nursing and my kids have no education. I am upset by this because I tried to raised them to pursue a career. My son has 2 kids at 24 and no job, and smokes weed everyday. But I was told I am posing judgment on their lifestyle by them. So next time they ask me for money, It’s no.....and don’t judge me.
I thing I need to watch stop the guilt video.
This is amazing. More videos on fear of being judged please!!!
Thank you so much Julia Kristina I didn't have real access to a good therapist and even prayed to the Lord and badda bing I run into your videos . I even told my daughter about you, I hope she learns good things from you also. I am watching this video again.
Courage, confidence and value within will definitely help one to care less about other people's opinions. I listen effectively but in the end, i decide if it's beneficial or if i can learn from it
Hi Julia. My name is Kris Ledwick. I have been recently watching your videos and even subscribed to your RUclips channel. I recently have been dealing with conflicts with friends of mine and I didn't handle either situation well. I got really angry in a defensive manner and turned my friends against me. A side issue is that my mother passed away last year from cancer. She wasn't good at teaching me how to handle such conflicts. So I basically am learning on my own.
Julia came here to get help for my daughter bc idk the advice she needs , thank you for being here and helping
That second one just blew my mind. Thank you.
Fantastic video, when we are human we make mistakes only God is perfect, so we are not to be perfect but childlikely accepting our flaws and limitations as part of our path of growing towards the highest possible goal we can aim at in our lives. Thank you so much Julia Christina!
I really want to start a youtube channel and express myself and tha things i am passionate about, but it is really hard for me to stop worrying about what will people who knows me think about me, and to step out of my comfort zone
Usually dont leave comments but omg what a nice piece of content
I like how you worded it. I know all the responses in the comment section sounds like good advice, but your wording sounds empathic and understanding. I have low moments and this was good way of looking at it in a non confrontation manner
Thank you for this video! it’s a bit tough to understand at first, however really happy I did. I can see how passionately you’re speaking about it, however speaking a little slower would help me understand you faster and connect with you and what you are saying. ❤️
People are allowed to have opinions and preferences, and not everybody has to like you. If someone is giving you bad vibes, acting snotty or distant, ask them if you have done or said something to offend them. Hopefully they will be honest. If so, learn from what they have to say. If they can't or won't express the basis of their negativity, express your disappointment, but leave it open for a later point in time (maybe they need time to formulate an accurate answer), and let it go. Drop the subject. Give them physical distance if you can.
People pleasers are sometimes rather aggravating to me, and here's why: quite often they seem to want to be entertaining, when I'm not in the mood to be entertained. I would rather share a balanced 50/50 conversation than be someone's audience. (Of course, sometimes I am in the mood to be entertained, and sometimes I will sacrifice what I want so they can entertain.) I am only writing this because it seems to be Julia's nature (and possibly her audience) to be in people pleaser mode.
This is powerful video... thank you so much for this
This video just literally changed my life. Thank you!
This totally makes sense, I mean, lets say you see someone with a big nose, or something different about them. You might look at them briefly then look away, but it doesn't make sense to look at them and think "oh my god! This has totally ruined my day!" We just look and think "Oh that's different." It makes zero sense to allow it to annoy you & hold a grudge against them.
Wow i am glad i listened to this video it has really brought somethings that i was struggling with into perspective i dont have to go through that vicious cycle anymore concerning what people think about me. I feel empowered.
Thank you for sharing this ! This way of thinking gives us hints how we think about general relationships and how we think about our realities too♡
Hii I'm Sadeen!! I'm new here and I really hope that this video helps me become confident :)
i need to apply these concept toward my judgments..... because my wish for others is really my values... I would be disappointed in myself to act that way. I can learn this
Thank you for this very illuminating video. I fully agree with you, but I guess for me there’s another thing I can’t get over with judgment (even if I know it’s not about me). I just can’t get over the fact that people are so judgmental all the time. Why do they do this? What do they get off diminishing others? It’s extremely isolating and seeing how shitty people are just makes me an misanthrope. I just want to stay away from (most) people.
Being a mom, a young one at that, brings on a WHOLE lot of judgment. It’s not in my head nor their insecurities. It’s very real and overwhelming for me. I cannot be perfect but don’t know how not to be taken over by pain and sadness, to the point of hating people and avoiding the world. If you have insight for people like me please make another video. There are many of us out there.
I think we need to work one the things which are in our control for the sake of ourselves. I think we need to learn to accept the things we fear judged over, and when someone judges us it will have less power over us.
"That's just what's being human." 💛
What an awesome perspective. I love it is so real.!!
Wow your videos make me feel so understood, and that's honestly half the battle
Amazing video Julia, people just me because my mental health issues ! People should be open minded on mental health awareness and end the stigma associated with mental health
I think people are scared to be seen as fragile. The reality of your mental health issues holds a mirror to their own issues that they don't want to address
@@philipoconnor2236 TRUE !!!
I love the beginning of this video, "these concepts might be too difficult..." Ok, I hope my tiny brain, the one that got me my PhD in Cognitive Psych. and the same one that allows me to run my own statistical consulting company, can handle the sheer depths I'm about to be exposed to. I'm afraid I might be too dim to grasp any of the material and I find it very difficult to focus for 9:36 so I don't hold out much hope for myself. In fact, I've lost hope. Great work, Ms. Clinician, now I have to seek a therapist! So that's how you people build a customer base.
Thank you for your insight, it is very helpful.👍
Always David - thanks for being here
Best piece of advice that I ever got❤ thanks a lot 🤗😇🙏
I judge myself harshly about my job like I feel like I deserve better
Sometimes I say to myself, it's my fear, of another person judging me on things I am trying to keep hidden ... things that I feel I am able to keep invisible. If you are judged on something you don't like about yourself, that you feel you have neatly tucked away, it's like they can see inside your soul, and you freak! You feel this intense guilt. My boss recently innocently asked me about a comment I had made in an email and what I meant by it . . . .and I was really upset by it because I perceived it was a dumb thing to say and I had already chastised myself about it ... and then brought it up which I perceived to be confirmation of my mistake ... it's such a tangled web. Argh!
Cool stuff...people may not realize this but what you are saying is a fundamental teaching of Christ himself...he commanded us to judge NOT..and your deep understanding of the concept reveals the depth and perfect logic of this massive truth. The truth is God wants us all to be totally free , ie...the gift of Christ... and to be the absolute best persons that he created us to be...great stuff great work and thank you for posting 🙂
Hi, im Shay and i worry a lot and it holds me back so much its ruining everything i care about
Can you please make a video of how to overcome Im? "too old or Im too late" to do something I love ?
Hi,
First of all, thank you so much for this valuable video.
I'm still learning the English language, however, the way you talk about this subject is so clear.
That's crazy because after watching your speech everything you explained was clear, it naturally makes sense.
Thanks to you and to everyone who gives help and advice to anyone.
Have a perfect day.
Take care
Thank you this completely changed the way I see judgement
Best video I've watched this year
Julia Kristina thank you shukran ❤️
It was quite long ago since feeling happy inside ❤
Liked, Shared, Subscribed!
I wish my therapist had your brain!
Hi! I'm Maribel Mejia a single hemiplegic mother of 3. I have alot to prove as a disabled single mom especially when my own family put me down.
this hits home.
this is really helping, thank you so much!!!!
The only thing is other people who have more power can make their judgements your problem and that can be really problematic and threatening. People do use their power to make something in your life go badly so they can feel right and safe in their projections. It's not only about a mental space.
What an intelligent woman!
Well there you are again being epic! This one I’m gonna have to watch a couple of times. You were soothing and comfortable. Hugs to you! Have a great day!
Glad it connected sis. It's a massive shift on how most of us understand judgement, but freeing when we let ourselves sit in this truth.
Whenever I go down this train of thought of being annoyed by what people say or feeling slightly irritated by a comment that I know has nothing to do with me, I realize that all I am doing is keeping myself in a vicious cycle that feels pointless. Humans will always have faults, but accepting that and letting it go just isn't always easy. It would be nice if people would learn to be less faulty, but I know that's not realistic.
Thank you 😊
Judgement is not about us but about them.
Someone’s judgement of you is their judgement of themselves being projected on you.
We don’t fear their judgement, we fear what we’re going to make that mean
The judgements we fear from others are what we struggle with.
Perfectionism is us trying to control other’s thoughts so that we can manage our own thoughts.
Thank you.
essentially what that means is that we all have insecurities and fear and decide to suppress it because we are afraid of what people might think of us.However judgement can help us grow when it is reasonable and constructive.People can look at our situation from an objective point of view and they can only pick on what they can see such as your flaws and weakness.Knowing this, we can use this to see our situation from different perspective and improve ourself.
One statement : What people say or do is an reflection of who they are and what you do and say it is yours to own.
One word:Believe
qn1:Why do judgement has an influence on our lives?
qn2:what is the root causes of judgement?
qn3:why did we decide to judge others and not examine ourself?
Thank you for reading.
I discovered a good channel, gonna binge watch all your videos
But I have a relative who always ready to criticise if I say something that does not make sense to him. He takes pleasure in other peoples mistakes and in correcting them. This makes me clam up when he is around through fear of being corrected or shown up by him. Why is that a judgement of myself by me?