the way you described dissociating and having a panic attack without the panic part hit way too close to home. i’ve never heard anybody describe that specific experience of panicking without actually panicking (so hard to describe) before. thank you.
Similar thing happened to me as well in the winter! I'm aspd & npd (+ others) as well and don't feel guilt or remorse and the usual. So I was in my bedroom arranging my closet and I didn't remember how weak my closet shelf was, so I literally just brushed the damn shelf by accident and it fell and my cat was underneath it. Thank God the shelf landed in a way that it didn't fully crush my cat, and she was fine but understandably confused and a little panicked. But the way I almost immediately started crying like no tomorrow because the thought of "What if she had DIED???" and "I ALMOST KILLED MY BELOVED CAT" and I felt like shit for a while. It didn't surprise me at all, but just wanted to mention that how weirdly hilarious it is how these furballs can cause such emotions even in pw/aspd/npd.
Thank you for sharing, Delta. It isnt minor, it is a good reminder for us how different experience of each of us is. And thats valuable to stop generalisations. I appreciate you posting.
Oh wow, I didn't know that you are a dissociated system as well! I am fairly new to your channel, so I'd only seen videos where you talk about your ASPD. Thank you for sharing your experience and being so vulnerable.
It's funny what gets the emotions flowing this is very interesting this happening shows the power of emotions they can be forgotten or suppressed but they're always there just tucked away it was guilt concern and care one only feels guilty if you care about something so you're very much correct the capacity is there what the public is taught about these mental illnesses I have found is outdated
absolutely theres capacity youre a normal human with normal emotions, your aspd just mutes it as a protective coping mechanism isnt it? i can relate to feeling like things i love have power over me
I felt a (blurry) emotional empathy last night for 5 seconds I think then it disappeared quickly. Sociopaths are manageable I promise because learned behavior of childhood trauma can be managed because its not fully genetic like psychopaths. Thats wild cause I was high also and it happened last night
You go girl! I am the opposite of you! I feel EVERYTHING. I was raised by two narcs. I have hypervigilance. My narc/ASP ex had my Guinea pig in his hands and threatened to kill her. My heart was in my stomach. I have never felt so much guilt for inviting him into our world. I’m so happy for you! Take that! (Karate chop!) haters! Lol
It's interesting to hear someone experience guilt for the first time. I never thought about it, but guilt is a throat/heart feeling, and sometimes it tightens them both. That kind of guilt is part of having Mama-Bear instinct. Guilt, disassociation, and relief are all useful for protecting what you care about. Disassociation is particularly useful for me. I can help others and keep calm before my emotions have time to catch up with the situation.
Oh boy! I can ASSURE you that you felt guilt MANY times in your life! But as you said: you would NEVER forgive yourself... that's the first thing you should work on... Why? Why are you completely unforgiving of your shortcomings? Guilt is also the key to evolving! To being more cautious! To study! To have motivation to do better. Guilt and forgiving is part of love! When you love someone you forgive, you care about their physical/psychological/financial wellbeing because you don't wanna lose them. You take responsibility for doing things better and you forgive yourself for making mistakes, and them too... (with obvious limits of course). Thing is... your body gives you all the cues for all the emotions but your brain turns it to data, so you avoid the feeling. This time the feeling was faster than your capability of coding it... voi la... you discovered guilt in a system glitch... 😅 ... it was just so absolutely enormous of a trauma/fear (because that's pretty much what ASPD and NPD numb out... fight/flight, in your case freeze and mentally "leave" the situation) that it went OVER your coping mechanism capacity... There's a book... the atlas of the heart... by Brene Brown... its like a dictionary of emotions with the precise biological and psychological cues of an array of emotions. I HIGHLY recommend it. I have a feeling it would help you decode heaps! ♥️ I'm happy your baby is ok! 🙏🏼
would it make sense to consider that one/more of the alters have ASPD, but not all? for example the protector and host. I wonder how the diagnosis process takes place with personality disorders and structural dissociation
You just felt what any mother would. It's okay if you disassociated . That's called shock.sorry you had to deal with alters ...quilt is a weird wonder thing thing that motivates us.
It’s severe trauma. Watch her other videos. She is brave to share this. Compassion with boundaries is what I employ with a couple coworkers that have a similar presentation as she. If she continues her arduous healing journey we may see more and more vitality awaken in her eyes. I am an optimist.
@@tigress725 Oh trust me I know it is. These people have seen and been through a lot. I myself have developed the 1000 yard stare myself due to the very same things, however a narcissist I am not.
No it teaches you to avoid the situation that caused the guilt in the future or makes you try to hndo the damge done.. Endless guilt for something you cannot prevent from happening again is useless. It is just like pain. Burning you hand on a hot sove teached you something. Being tortured in a room you cannot escape from teaches you nothing. Guilt helps you establishing reposibilty for others and yourself. Are there people who experiencetoo much guilt. Yes That person is uffering needlessly without it solving problems. Too much guilt can be paralysing. Are there people who experience to little guilt. yes. That person is making a mess of his her life and or is damaging others.
Have you been diagnosed by more than one-emotionally uninvolved-professional? I'm not a pro, but I am autistic with CPTSD and what you say hits too close to me. I didn't start experiencing more complex emotions, until I was 24. It sounds like you became overstimulated and went into burn out. New emotions are intimidating and can be scary. I remember having to ask my wife if what I was feeling and if it was normal. On the other hand-the little knowledge I have-you could be unknowingly exercising mirror neurons working with the anterior insular cortex to make positive neuroplastic changes to your brain. Professionals are human and aren't perfect, so get another professional evaluation if you feel that you need to.
@@dammitdelta - interesting. Sounds like beyond a shadow of a doubt to me. I would say that I need to be reevaluated but I feel so much empathy and love that I don't think it would do any good. My wife says that I am not overly empathetic, but I'm not so sure about that. Maybe it's your wife stimulating the change. A hardwired brain is an old myth. If your wife is not flat affect, then she might be jogging your mirror neurons. If you notice yourself feeling something when your wife is emotionally or physically hurt, I would take a moment to explore it. Remembering how I was, it may have to be unexpected and potent to invoke what feels like alien feelings. I still remember when I cried tears, how strange and wonderful it felt because I felt what I learned was euphoria, joy, and happiness. It happened after my wife and eye made love and she said, "I love you" for the first time ever. It took her forever to say it. It took me years to learn happiness, empathy, joy, sadness, sorrow, grief, etc. When one of my cats died, I felt loss for the first time. When family and friends died, I never felt anything. My parents are on the last stretch of their lives, so I'm curious what I will feel. Though I'm not close to them, I find myself thinking about them and their health, which makes me think I might feel some level of grief. I was thinking, when I looked into your eyes in your other videos, it took me back to what I use to see when I looked into the mirror - So brown they're almost black, intense, and rarely blinking. Now, your eyes look softer. Cats are magical but it's okay if they have you wrapped around their little toe. I believe that neuroplastic manipulation will be a clinical modality to treat all sorts of behavioral disorders one day. Thank you for writing me back. I am interested in your progress.
@@arbor-sq4jk I fought for over 2 years with a lawyer who gathered my medical evidence and went to court. I didn’t trick anyone. It would be nearly impossible to trick the government into giving you disability money. It’s hard enough for those of us who are actually disabled to get the help we need. Quit being ableist.
@@dammitdelta im filthy rich i was juss curious..psychopaths are predatory parasites by nature...im not trying to knock u girl i admire u in a way dont profile me plz
the way you described dissociating and having a panic attack without the panic part hit way too close to home. i’ve never heard anybody describe that specific experience of panicking without actually panicking (so hard to describe) before. thank you.
Similar thing happened to me as well in the winter! I'm aspd & npd (+ others) as well and don't feel guilt or remorse and the usual. So I was in my bedroom arranging my closet and I didn't remember how weak my closet shelf was, so I literally just brushed the damn shelf by accident and it fell and my cat was underneath it. Thank God the shelf landed in a way that it didn't fully crush my cat, and she was fine but understandably confused and a little panicked. But the way I almost immediately started crying like no tomorrow because the thought of "What if she had DIED???" and "I ALMOST KILLED MY BELOVED CAT" and I felt like shit for a while. It didn't surprise me at all, but just wanted to mention that how weirdly hilarious it is how these furballs can cause such emotions even in pw/aspd/npd.
Be proud you felt this emotion delta ❤️
You have a wide range of emotions. It is just burried under layers of weird coping mechanisms.
And yes emotions can be overwhelming. Itslike a flood.
Guilt is not a bad thing, it just shows you care 😊
Thank you for sharing, Delta. It isnt minor, it is a good reminder for us how different experience of each of us is. And thats valuable to stop generalisations. I appreciate you posting.
Oh wow, I didn't know that you are a dissociated system as well! I am fairly new to your channel, so I'd only seen videos where you talk about your ASPD. Thank you for sharing your experience and being so vulnerable.
You don't blink your eyes much except when you talk about the accident with your cat.
Wow, I learn something new everyday. And such a cuuute kitty cat🐈⬛🥰
aw such a chunky cute kitty.
It's funny what gets the emotions flowing this is very interesting this happening shows the power of emotions they can be forgotten or suppressed but they're always there just tucked away it was guilt concern and care one only feels guilty if you care about something so you're very much correct the capacity is there what the public is taught about these mental illnesses I have found is outdated
Most compassionate narcopath
absolutely theres capacity youre a normal human with normal emotions, your aspd just mutes it as a protective coping mechanism isnt it? i can relate to feeling like things i love have power over me
I felt a (blurry) emotional empathy last night for 5 seconds I think then it disappeared quickly. Sociopaths are manageable I promise because learned behavior of childhood trauma can be managed because its not fully genetic like psychopaths. Thats wild cause I was high also and it happened last night
thank you, this is really helpful
Thank you for sharing!!
It's a massive breakthrough from maybe believing that people are pretending to have feelings very good xx
You go girl! I am the opposite of you! I feel EVERYTHING. I was raised by two narcs. I have hypervigilance. My narc/ASP ex had my Guinea pig in his hands and threatened to kill her. My heart was in my stomach. I have never felt so much guilt for inviting him into our world. I’m so happy for you! Take that! (Karate chop!) haters! Lol
It's interesting to hear someone experience guilt for the first time. I never thought about it, but guilt is a throat/heart feeling, and sometimes it tightens them both. That kind of guilt is part of having Mama-Bear instinct. Guilt, disassociation, and relief are all useful for protecting what you care about. Disassociation is particularly useful for me. I can help others and keep calm before my emotions have time to catch up with the situation.
Oh boy! I can ASSURE you that you felt guilt MANY times in your life! But as you said: you would NEVER forgive yourself... that's the first thing you should work on... Why? Why are you completely unforgiving of your shortcomings? Guilt is also the key to evolving! To being more cautious! To study! To have motivation to do better. Guilt and forgiving is part of love! When you love someone you forgive, you care about their physical/psychological/financial wellbeing because you don't wanna lose them. You take responsibility for doing things better and you forgive yourself for making mistakes, and them too... (with obvious limits of course). Thing is... your body gives you all the cues for all the emotions but your brain turns it to data, so you avoid the feeling. This time the feeling was faster than your capability of coding it... voi la... you discovered guilt in a system glitch... 😅 ... it was just so absolutely enormous of a trauma/fear (because that's pretty much what ASPD and NPD numb out... fight/flight, in your case freeze and mentally "leave" the situation) that it went OVER your coping mechanism capacity...
There's a book... the atlas of the heart... by Brene Brown... its like a dictionary of emotions with the precise biological and psychological cues of an array of emotions. I HIGHLY recommend it. I have a feeling it would help you decode heaps! ♥️
I'm happy your baby is ok! 🙏🏼
would it make sense to consider that one/more of the alters have ASPD, but not all? for example the protector and host. I wonder how the diagnosis process takes place with personality disorders and structural dissociation
You are beautiful and brave! Good Luck!
So does this mean they is hope for remission for ppl with ASPD?
Awesome video....Moar Delta please!
I didnt knoe you also have DID! Would you be willing to talk about that some more? Its a very unique combination, I feel.
You just felt what any mother would. It's okay if you disassociated . That's called shock.sorry you had to deal with alters ...quilt is a weird wonder thing thing that motivates us.
You have dead eyes.
Why do people give these types of people any energy?
Basically anything they say could be a lie to garner attention.
Also they all do - there’s a reason for this and it’s absolutely spiritual.
It’s severe trauma. Watch her other videos. She is brave to share this. Compassion with boundaries is what I employ with a couple coworkers that have a similar presentation as she. If she continues her arduous healing journey we may see more and more vitality awaken in her eyes. I am an optimist.
They’re beautiful eyes, nonetheless.
@@tigress725 Oh trust me I know it is. These people have seen and been through a lot. I myself have developed the 1000 yard stare myself due to the very same things, however a narcissist I am not.
Guilt is useless
No it teaches you to avoid the situation that caused the guilt in the future or makes you try to hndo the damge done.. Endless guilt for something you cannot prevent from happening again is useless.
It is just like pain. Burning you hand on a hot sove teached you something. Being tortured in a room you cannot escape from teaches you nothing.
Guilt helps you establishing reposibilty for others and yourself.
Are there people who experiencetoo much guilt. Yes
That person is uffering needlessly without it solving problems. Too much guilt can be paralysing.
Are there people who experience to little guilt. yes.
That person is making a mess of his her life and or is damaging others.
I also sometimes dissosso when I get the emomos 🥴
Have you been diagnosed by more than one-emotionally uninvolved-professional? I'm not a pro, but I am autistic with CPTSD and what you say hits too close to me. I didn't start experiencing more complex emotions, until I was 24. It sounds like you became overstimulated and went into burn out. New emotions are intimidating and can be scary. I remember having to ask my wife if what I was feeling and if it was normal.
On the other hand-the little knowledge I have-you could be unknowingly exercising mirror neurons working with the anterior insular cortex to make positive neuroplastic changes to your brain.
Professionals are human and aren't perfect, so get another professional evaluation if you feel that you need to.
I’ve been evaluated a total of 6 times in different residential treatment centers.
@@dammitdelta - interesting. Sounds like beyond a shadow of a doubt to me. I would say that I need to be reevaluated but I feel so much empathy and love that I don't think it would do any good.
My wife says that I am not overly empathetic, but I'm not so sure about that. Maybe it's your wife stimulating the change. A hardwired brain is an old myth. If your wife is not flat affect, then she might be jogging your mirror neurons.
If you notice yourself feeling something when your wife is emotionally or physically hurt, I would take a moment to explore it. Remembering how I was, it may have to be unexpected and potent to invoke what feels like alien feelings.
I still remember when I cried tears, how strange and wonderful it felt because I felt what I learned was euphoria, joy, and happiness. It happened after my wife and eye made love and she said, "I love you" for the first time ever. It took her forever to say it.
It took me years to learn happiness, empathy, joy, sadness, sorrow, grief, etc. When one of my cats died, I felt loss for the first time. When family and friends died, I never felt anything. My parents are on the last stretch of their lives, so I'm curious what I will feel. Though I'm not close to them, I find myself thinking about them and their health, which makes me think I might feel some level of grief.
I was thinking, when I looked into your eyes in your other videos, it took me back to what I use to see when I looked into the mirror - So brown they're almost black, intense, and rarely blinking.
Now, your eyes look softer. Cats are magical but it's okay if they have you wrapped around their little toe.
I believe that neuroplastic manipulation will be a clinical modality to treat all sorts of behavioral disorders one day. Thank you for writing me back. I am interested in your progress.
I know this sounds silly but I like cats to and I asked myself if I could make you feel somewaht compassionate with me if I meowed like a cat.
I notice that the top half of the your face never moves lol
Serious vocal fry !🙉
Thats a thicc kitty
Woohoo! 🎉
Is dealing with this easy because you’re hot?
Wow you look different from last time i seen your videos. Looks like you've lost some good weight.
delta how did u trick the goverment to pay you?its the skinny thing yes?
@@arbor-sq4jk I fought for over 2 years with a lawyer who gathered my medical evidence and went to court. I didn’t trick anyone. It would be nearly impossible to trick the government into giving you disability money. It’s hard enough for those of us who are actually disabled to get the help we need. Quit being ableist.
@@dammitdelta im filthy rich i was juss curious..psychopaths are predatory parasites by nature...im not trying to knock u girl i admire u in a way dont profile me plz
@@dammitdelta i wasnt knocking u girl...psychopaths are predatory paraites...and yes u can trick the goverment
@@dammitdelta i wasnt beeing ableist ....was more admiration than nything...psychopaths are predatory parasites..we are who we are...i wish u well