Father Knows: Trouble in Paradise
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- Опубликовано: 20 фев 2023
- Welcome back to Father Knows Something! Real People. Real Stories. Real Dad advice with a dash of ADHD, and maybe a couple of millennials chiming in from time to time to add their takes.
This weeks episode has Jerry and Justin working through write-ins involving issues within relationships. From deciding whether you should stay or go, or whether or not to confess your love, to a situation involving a boyfriend's parent having a problem with your appearance, this episode has us diving into all aspects of trouble in paradise. Hope you enjoy!
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Index:
2:28 -- Story 1 codependent on boyfriend
13:54 -- Story 2 tinder to neighbor
25:31 -- Story 3 boyfriend has cancer
36:30 -- Story 4 moving in with boyfriend parents
Omg, I was diagnosed with stage 2 lymphoma when I was 17 going on 18!! Years later my best friend who held my hand through the whole experience opened up to me about how hard it was for her during those times, and it really gave me a new perspective on how my cancer didnt only affect me, it also affects everyone around you as well. Sending strength to both of them!!!
Olivia, thank you for your comment ..
Send you big love . Dad/jerry
for the first story: having your own hobbies and personal time is healthy and really makes the time you spend with your partner special. even though my partner and i live together and are usually home at the same times, we have our own things that we go off and do. and then we come together in the evenings to wind down and hang out
I’ve never been so early. Y’all know how to make someone’s sick day better
For the story about the drinking:
Years ago, I had a similar situation. If your partner cannot acknowledge the behavior sober: RUN. I left, and I am so glad I did. If he’s throwing things while intoxicated, if he’s treating you cruelly, leave.
It will get worse. I saw it in my life. Girl, don’t walk, run.
Time stamps
Story 1 2:28 codependent on boyfriend
Story 2 13:54 tinder to neighbor
Story 3 25:31 boyfriend has cancer
Story 4 36:30 moving in with boyfriend parents
Lily Jane, thank you for taking the time to time mark and title the stories.. Dad/Jerry
The last story HIT so close to home. My ex husband was this way. It never got better, the anger got worse, the drinking got worse. I finally made the choice to leave with our son in January 2021. He came from a long line of alcoholism and he still is exactly the same way. Even after loosing his family he still drinks like he did. To that writer please read more into those red flags. 5 years of my life I battled and ended up in the loosing end. Love you FKS!! ❤️
For the first story - I think you should set up a date night or schedule for quality time with your partner. That way you know when you are hanging out and when to do your own thing. My partner needs gaming time, relationship time and alone time
5th story - film him. Show him the reality when he’s sober. He’s in denial. If he still can’t see it walk away and tell him this is the only reason you’re leaving. His drinking and failure to recognise it is why you are leaving. That could help him see it
Great advise ….
Yup susss😢 awa a tya
I was thinking the same thing
For the last story. I have been in a similar situation except there was no alcohol involved. If communication isn't working... He needs a wake-up call. Record how he acts when he's aggressive and let him watch when he's sober. If that doesn't work, leave.
I love FKS! I found it through THT and I have been watching all the past episodes! I love hearing Jerry’s advice. I wrote in for advice and I really hope it makes it to an adventure (episode) soon. ☺️♥️
The young couple fighting cancer have a rea,ly tough situation. She indicated she was in school ( I assume college), I think she would benefit talking to a counselor. There are resources available to help families battling cancer. I wish them luck.
First story: distance makes the heart grow fonder!!!!!
the advice you gave the person on the tinder story hit me & gave me sm hope for myself. just got out of my first actual relationship mostly due to my ex & i being on very different levels of emotional maturity. the feeling that you’re looking for pieces of them in other people is so accurate & that idea that when you find someone who not only matches those characteristics but also brings even more just makes me a lot more hopeful about whoever i might end up loving next in life. thank you jerry :’)
To the last story OP, my boyfriend is an alcoholic.
The skewing of 90/10 is because you as the person who is not an alcoholic only accounts for the time when he’s drinking vs not drinking.
I’ve said the same thing. It’s great 90% of the time, but 10% of the time it’s awful when he drinks. He wouldn’t get violent with me. But he was aggressive in his reactions and how he handled things. It was scary.
Something that someone said to me that i will never forget- “loving an alcoholic is hard. You love that person that is sober. But when they’re drinking, you love the memory of them.”
OP, he will not realize his issue until he hits rock bottom. “Rock bottom” is different for every individual. Please do not think you can change or fix this. Alcoholism is a disease and an every day battle. The only person who can truly pull them out is themselves. Everyone else would be their support.
He’s now been sober for a little over a year and i couldn’t be more proud of him. Everyone’s story is different. There are many support groups for both the alcoholic and loved ones of alcoholics.
Whatever you decide to do, remember that your health and safety come first.
This is exactly what I needed today! You guys always make my days better!
To the last caller: my dad was raised by an abusive alcoholic and when he met my mom he swore he never wanted to be like his father. Cut to 20 years down the line and his drinking is out of control, the marriage counselor my parents contracted diagnosed him as an alcoholic and yet he refused to change. All that anger, all that sadness, is poison and killed their relationship because he refused to change.
I say this not to scare you but to tell you that the 10% is enough to ruin the life of a loving, successful family. It starts with throwing objects in an empty room and can end with taking it out on you. Please consider when deciding if this is something you can or want to live with. There are no prizes for sticking it out with someone who refuses to change and there is no shame in leaving for your own well-being.
Best of luck and just know you deserve a better partner than someone who can only meet 90% of what you need.
"There's always another place to go" me looking around wondering where, having lived in a hotel for over 2 damn years with 4 young children, 2 of which are chronically ill.
I love how supportive Jerry is of Justin; makes me emotional every moment they have together :')
Thank you Jerry & Justin! I always look forward to Father Knows Something every week ❤
Thank you for making my day better with a new episode Jerry and Justin!🖤 hello Morgan and Holly!
Alcohol story... run. Before you feel trapped with an alcoholic passive aggressive abusive husband and kids. My life has been destroyed by this.
For the OP who has a boyfriend with a cancer diagnosis: sometimes crying IS your psyche processing the grief and fear and anger you're experiencing. Don't be so quick to try and find the shut-off for your emotional outburst. Sit with your feelings. This might be a good time to start practicing journaling. If you need to cry, let yourself cry. Take some time for yourself and be gentle with yourself as you go through this with your boyfriend.
Also, try researching activities that are safe for immuno-compromised people to enjoy. Maybe you guys can find a hiking trail that isn't highly trafficked. Or maybe you can borrow a couple of kayaks or stand-up paddle boards. Even a long drive to go look at the stars out in the countryside could be fun! Good luck!
Number 5, she needs to go to ALANON and learn the reality of life with alcoholism. She can not change him. She needs to be informed, and then make a hard decision.
Thank you Vern . You have a better understanding of this situation ..
Yay thanks for the episode!!
Yay!! Just got into this podcast and im soooo happy! Love you guys (idk if morgan is on this ep too but sending love her way also) 💓💓💓
Story # 2 - I feel for you, been there. I know this isn't what you wanna hear but the only way to rly move on is to cut him out of your life. Otherwise you may stay hung up and time will pass, he's long moved on and you're still hurting. He may one day change his mind, or he may not. But you have to move on. You can't be friends with someone you're still into like that. Some years ago i had a major crush on a coworker for years. I didn't know but he had a gf at the time. We did talk occasionally and I had even run i to him a few times outside of work. I rly rly liked him and i thought he did too. Well, turns out, he broke up with his ling term gf and we started talking more. After a while we started dating and now we're engaged! So..sometimes things do turn around but I've also had times when the other person didn't like me back and had to let go. Either way, dont wait around, it's never a good idea..as hard as it is.
hey guys! love y’all!! ❤
45:20 When he leaves CHANGE THE LOCKS.
4th story- I think she said if they switched to month to month/signed a 6 month lease it would be an extra $500 monthly, not $200. It would be 200 if they do another year. It sounds like he already has a place to move into in June so they can’t do a year
Story 1 - Disappointment.
I would add to the guilt feeling point and say part of that feeling is on that night he watched a movie you wish you could have spent that time with him rather than that being the one time you went out.
I know exactly how you feel and I know in my case he just didn't think of it like that but maybe ask him if one night a week you take turns picking a new movie and watching it together or maybe at time go out that night.
21 minutes ago. I’ve NEVER been this early. 😂
Hi everyone!
Yay! Jerry and justin!!
Where do I write in?
Yay i’m early!
Yay, I’m second to comment!!🥳
Toxidities❤
jerry i love you but why do you say “mate”?? whyyyy? why bit partner? significant other? why mate?
It's just a shorthand of soulmate
Josie, I don’t think you could’ve explained it better. Thank you
Story 2 reeks of naivety. Personally I think home girl just needs to take the L and cut ties. It happens to all of us and we all get over it. But 6 months to cry over someone you weren’t even actually with?? Lololol.. pathetic.
A little empathy would do you well
@@Hailey-bz2ym a reality check would do that person well 🤷🏻♀️
@@Hailey-bz2ym I can empathize and it’s fine to get down about it.. but SIX MONTHS?? BFFR.
@@velvetkitty8883 agreed but don’t think the message will come through if you call them pathetic at the same time.. that just makes people defensive
@@Hailey-bz2ym if it don’t apply, let if fly.