Father Knows: Being Unqualified
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- Опубликовано: 29 авг 2022
- Welcome back to Father Knows Something! Real People. Real Stories. Real Dad advice with a dash of ADHD, and maybe a couple of millennials chiming in from time to time to add their takes.
This episode features write-ins that are all a little above our pay-grade. We know our limits and simply hope to give people helpful advice but some of our write-ins require a bit more. With this in mind we felt it was important to still share these stories as we know there are a lot of listeners that may have been through some similar situations. We still give some thoughts but please leave comments on the RUclips version of this episode if you have any advice for these write-ins.
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“i drive a crappy TIEOTA” MORGAN IM CRYIN YOUR ACCENT KILLS ME😭🤣
I was a vet tech for five going on six years, and covid really brought out the worst in people when it comes to how they treat veterinary professionals. There was verbal abuse daily, accusations of being money hungry, etc. constantly when techs generally make around minimum wage. There has been a mass exodus from the field because people are exhausted, poor, and sick of abuse. Veterinary professionals aren't really respected as actual Healthcare professionals, and people insist that the job is just playing with puppies and kittens all day. it got to the point where I was having panic attacks in my car before work every day, and I know a lot of my coworkers were in the same boat.
to the vet who wrote in: I feel so much for you and your experience is WIDELY shared across the field right now. I hope things get better for you.
I agree with this 100%. I was a vet tech for only 2 years, and the amount of abuse me and my coworkers encountered was enough to push me out of the field completely. Those who stay in the field truly do so because they love the profession and care so much, and are definitely not making a fraction of what they should be.
This story has made me scared to be a veterinarian. This is my dream job. I'm scared honestly. I've worked in the field and I've seen and heard some crazy things, but it's my dream. Now I just don't know what to do..
Our vet had a sign that said something along the lines of bad behavior will not be tolerated......and we mean from humans
It was worded more cleverly than that but I always found it funny but sad. My line of thinking was always, do I really wanna be rude to the people that hold my baby dog's life in their hands? Umm no. (I mean our vets and staff are fantastic anyway)
Vets are truly heroes. They not only have to work with so many different species but also have to know how to do everything, from surgeries to dermatology. Having a dog myself, I cannot imagine how stressful being a vet must be. I’m so thankful to every professional I have ever seen. I’m sorry you’re feeling so tired, you are an amazing professional and your clients are so lucky to be in your care.
My friend wants to send her a story we’re do we do it?!!!
@@mikaylamay2954 if you click the drop down button and view the description, there is a link at the very bottom. It will take you to the story submission page.
Honestly if you can’t put money aside for pet emergencies don’t get a pet. They are like children stuff happens, get pet insurance if you can. Also I appreciate the vets transparency but maybe let the office manager deal with the cost side of things. Also my vet office has a donation based account set up for people who might be struggling with emergency services.
I love the donation based account idea! All vets should implement this for their patients. Even something so simple as asking people if they want to round up their transactions for the fund could be huge. -M
I will say if you can’t afford basic pet costs don’t get a pet but I think saying “if you can’t afford pet emergencies don’t get a pet” is a little far fetched, if that was the case most people wouldn’t be able to have pets. That’s kinda like saying if you can’t afford life saving surgery that your kid might need one day you should never get pregnant lol. I think there’s a big difference between being an irresponsible pet owner and just someone who happens to live paycheck to paycheck which is most people.
I agree with the other comment but I also want to add that not everyone stays in the same financial position over the course of a pets life and pet health also changes a lot as they age. Like obviously if you dont have a steady stream of income don't go out of your way to adopt or house a new pet. But life happens. My partner and I both had a job when we got our cat, now I'm the only one working and vet visits are harder and harder to afford. She had medical conditions we didn't know about when we adopted her. So what do we do? Put off the 400 dollar ultrasound in hopes she feels better on her own or give her back to a shelter? Like whats your option for people already with pets as the cost of everything is skyrocketing. Like poor people should be able to have pets, just like they should be able to have kids.
It just opens up a way larger conversation of how many people believe the poor shouldn't have kids or pets or take vacations/trips, buy nice things etc.
@@samanthapadgett2594completely agree! And also with shelters that are over capacity, and thousands of logs living outside not getting fed, I think we should be a little lenient on people. Like what, can poor people just not ever have pets? No. It’s honestly just a shitty system that doesn’t really benefit anyone
The vet story hits so hard, I left the field because of abuse like this from clients. The treatment we get is extremely inappropriate, I can’t tell you enough how frustrating it is that people trust strangers on FB or google more than us in the field. Everything she said is so spot on. We already have to deal with the hardship of reactive pets from careless owners to euthanasias just to be treated like shit. This is why this field has the highest suicidal ratings.
The first one about jealousy: girl you’re not alone. It is so hard especially these days with social media knowing there are just cuter/ prettier/ sexier/ smarter etc women out there. It’s just facts. I too get frustrated knowing my man spends time looking at these women or admiring other women even ones we know or are close too. But it is so so so important that WE remember our men are not with them. They’re with US. What helps me is focusing on things that make me amazing (I know that sounds conceited but it’s not). I am amazing and I am certain you are too! We all have insecurities too. But don’t focus on those things. For example I know that I am an extremely empathetic and kind person. I will do something to help someone or say something about someone that helps others feel good. Or on a more physical level- I know I am good at certain things in bed. I will do that the next time he and I make love, and then remind myself how much of a badass I am and this also is something MY MAN loves about me too. I can’t focus on the other women that my man DOESNT get intimate with or doesn’t have in his life. Our guys chose US and we get to prove every day to OURSELVES the great things about us do exist. Our men just benefit from them. I know again it sounds self centered but I promise it’s so important to remind ourselves that we are enough and that people around us benefit from the great things. I get jealous other women have bigger breasts than me BUT I have beautiful skin. So I can sit here and focus on someone else or be in the moment where my man loves to rub his hands on MY body. It’s a choice to feel his hands not temporary moments of him noticing boobies. Lol. You are enough girl. I hope everyone reading this reminds themselves that they are so many wonderful things- but it has to start within. It’s always easiest to love people who love themselves so start with YOU. Sending so much love ❤️✨
I relate to all of this. Social media has truly made it difficult to not compare yourselves. It’s also difficult that plastic surgery is SO common. I’ve always said, ANYBODY can look “hot” according to society’s standards if you have enough money…
Love the podcast!! As a current vet student, I’m looking forward to reading advice from other vets! The veterinary field can be extremely difficult and mental health has been a prevalent issue for vets, techs, receptionists, etc.- especially during and post-covid. Wishing the vet that wrote in all the best!
I’ve dealt with managing someone with some emotional / mental health things. 1) the accountability is the issue. They’re already being accommodating and all they’ve asked is for communication when that accommodation is needed. The employee isn’t holding up their end of the bargain. The manager needs to have a tough convo. 2) in my experience I was able to request paid leave for the employee. They kept their benefits as well as they were a full time employee. I know it differs depending on company size and state but regardless they should be held accountable if it continues. And try looking into getting them some time off with the guarantee of their job when they return. If you’re willing to let them miss work, days, etc you’re doing all you can to support and they continue to put you in a bad place. Communication is soooooo easy especially when your manager is already on your side.
For the vet person
1. Please please prioritize yourself and time, if you don’t do that your employer and clients won’t either. This is something that is hard, but work on it and over time your confidence will grow and people won’t walk over you.
2. Don’t take things personal!! I am a super happy and nice person and people took advantage of that, but growing up has taught me to never take things personally. If a client is giving you crap, handle it the best you can and that’s it. Don’t take what they say and dwell on it when you’re at home or handling other clients. People suck and the best way to handle them is to never take them personally and to leave what they tell you at the clinic!
The last story, I care for people who have depression needs. I have depression and tend to those needs daily. However, sending a text or email or even a call is part of being an adult. You have to do it. It’s okay to tell all your friends and family tour nervous and reach out to your counselor for advice, but you need to at least update your employer on your time situation. example: I need two days and the weekend” … at least your employer has time to help the best way they can for you and their company
To the writer of the second story,
I'm an RVN (Registered Veterinary Nurse) in the UK, I'm 6 years qualified and have definitely struggled with the same feelings that you're dealing with. It is a complex issue and, for better or for worse, I've found that my skin has gotten a little tougher to the criticism over the years. Ultimately, I've come to realise that a clients financial status and how much they are able/prepared to spend is not my responsibility. My responsibility is to help plan and deliver care that fits within this budget to hopefully improve the welfare of the animal. I find when I explain this to the clients, most become more reasonable and I emphasise that I am wanting to work with them, not against them. I also have realised that my opinion matters most; I know that I'm not doing my job for money, getting hand outs from drug companies or having holidays paid for by the food manufacturers, and the bottom line is that I know I'm genuine and in the profession for the right reasons.
At the end of the day, you won't win them all and some experiences still stick in your mind long after you've left the clinic for the day.What I will say, is that as you become more experienced, you will also gain more confidence in your decisions and how you deal with these situations which will help you sleep better at night and achieve a balance between caring too much and caring just enough to do an amazing job. I agree with Morgan that planning stuff outside of work to force yourself to leave on time will help. You're going to be no good to your patients if you burn yourself out and you sound like an amazing asset to our industry and it would be an absolute shame to lose you.
I hope this helps, please feel free to reach out if you need someone to chat to! ❤
When people get ugly with me I think of two things. One, this might be an emotional outburst from the pain and anxiety and while I do wish they were more aware of themselves to not take it out on me, I get it. Some people are just angry in general and now here is their little buddy that might be dying so they’re gonna yell and holler their pain/fear out.
Second, I once had an old man yelling at me, being snarky, and all because he couldn’t remember what he had previously told me. When I repeated him, he told me I was wrong and an idiot. When he walked away, his wife apologized and explained that he has dementia and one of his symptoms is angry outbursts. Really opened my eyes to the reality and hardships of some strangers mental illnesses that I would never notice otherwise. Not saying that every angry person has a mental disorder, but being able to give horrible behavior the benefit of the doubt keeps me sane.
Stay strong!
My family has dogs since before I was born. When I was really young, less than ten years old, our dog died, and it was our family vet that was the only one able to give him some relief. That made me solid my convinction I want to become a vet & a dog owner myself. I'm trying my best this year to get into vet school with the first try, or go study abroad if I don't get it. To all the vets out there, you never know how much a house call will help someone out there. Please keep going ♥️
We should have a drinking game for every time Morgan says “that’s a tough one”!
I agree that the Vet Techs can look after the animals in the evening. You need time away from the job as you are already showing signs of burning out. To the patients that complain about the charges, I simply would say, "I am trying to help your animal and you. You're welcome to go to another vet if you believe it is the right decision." They are paying you for your work. They can't heal their own animal. You have cultivated your knowledge to help. My dad wasn't a great about paying things. It was embarrassing. Take care of yourself.
I've had PTSD. With therapy and medication, I managed to get back to normal. I was able to come off of the medication and view the situation differently. Give it time with therapy. It isn't a magic cure because you need to work through it.
That poor vet
My mother thinks the same way as their clientele as a teenage esthetician in training being treated awfully because of pricing is soo awfully common in so many careers
I am only in training but often dread having clients because they are so cruel
also gotta LOVE when people believe they know more about your job than you lmfao
I think the one downside to having a job that you are passionate about is that it's hard to leave it at work, especially when living beings are depending on you. Maybe a dedicated work phone (get a cheap prepaid) that you can turn off or promising yourself that you do nothing work related on your scheduled days off.
For the vet one: My suggestion is to live away from work and commute in. My husband has a very high stress job (city firefighter) and I formally worked for a hospital for many years. We live an hour away from the town that we both worked in and the drive-in gave his time to decompress and literally leave work stress behind. Yes it can be a pain driving so far when you're already working a lot and tired but it makes home life so much better. You're also not running into your clients when you go to the grocery store and things like that.
First story she needs a therapist. Sometimes our inner demons have the volume on loud lol its time to mute them.
So many doctors are treated the same way as the vet too. I’ve met several moms that think taking their kid’s for regular health checkups is a “money grab”. I’m like… no they are literally making sure your child is healthy and meeting all their milestones. Early intervention is key in preventing long term issues! And don’t get me started on their views on vaccines 😫
I really wanted to hear what Jerry had to say on these topics, but felt like Morgan kept wanting to push him back to "we're unqualified, we shouldn't be giving our advice". It made the episode a little difficult for me to watch.
I don't know what makes everyone truly unqualified on these topics in comparison to others discussed on this show. I've felt like other write-ins have had way more contrast to your personal experiences, but opinions and advice has still been given. (Also, forgive me, I'm possibly conflating some of what Im remembering with when Jerry was on Two Hot Takes)
More importantly, I think the theme pokes at the validity of the concept of the podcast as I understood it: that yes, Father doesn't know everything... but he still knows something - enough to point you in the right direction if he doesn't have something to say directly. So to have a hole episode on unqualified seems so awkward to me. If the episode would've ideally been that each story is shared with the commentsry after being: "Well, we're unqualified to really speak on it, so leave a comment if you can relate and share advice" and then we're moved on to the next story is not really enjoyable to listen to. Plus, listeners always leave their personal advice in the comments anyways.
I still love the podcast and not hating - I just really love the essence of the podcast and felt like this theme clashed with it so much that I had to comment. Not sure if any of it made sense, tho! Much love to everyone on both FKS and THT... And to anyone who made it to the end of this post!
I also thought, at first, that the theme was about being unqualified as in the people who are writing in are dealing with experiences of being or feeling unqualified - which I think would be a great episode if there are actually submissions regarding that.
Thank you, you put exactly into words what I was thinking and feeling through this episode. And that part of the magic of this podcast is exactly that dad might not know exactly what to do but he is gonna make you remeber the fundamentals and point you in a direction that makes sense and you can be happy with
You might be right that this episode was awkward, but I genuinely understand Morgan's behaviour. She just wanted to make sure that nobody would feel disrespected or misunderstood, which is why she emphasised the need for people that have been through similar stuff to weigh in and give their advice. I also appreciate Jerry trying his best but there are some topics he won't be able to provide advice on and Morgan was just trying to make sure that everyone got adequate help from some of us listeners or other outside sources.
Yes exactly this. I get a bit of criticism for talking about mental health topics when I'm not a therapist. Sorry it felt like I was inching him along too much but also don't want him to say something that hurts someone or gives improper advice at the same time. Also wanted to get these important write ins out there for others to hopefully help. -M
The last 4-6 episodes of FKS I feel like Morgan has trainroaded it. Morgan already has her own show
@@FatherKnowsSomething Morgan it's not about what you are saying, it's the fact that you cut Jerry off constantly. I rarely hear him finish a sentence lately.
46:42 The manager/employee story I been in a similar position, where a team member wasn’t showing up and wasn’t doing their job that they agree to do when they accepted the role…. I understand that depression makes it difficult for people to function at the level that they want but you can’t hurt the team. The team will start resenting the coworker and manager and there’s a high probability that team members will start leaving. Depending on their role a demotion or reassignment may not be possible. I do agree with contacting your HR partner and they will most likely place them on a performance review. This will come down to what is best for the company, does it make sense to keep an employee on who’s not performing or to lose high performing team members. I would suggest that the team member find a new protocol to better handle their depression because not showing up and not doing your job will you are there, most employers would have fired them on the second no show with no call.
Such a great episode with complex questions, good job answering you guys❤
I’m a type 1 diabetic and have been since I was 11 (21 now) and as a young teenager I didn’t take the proper care of myself. I was depressed and I had a really shitty pediatric endo dr. It was a chore. My mom used to verbally abuse me over it because she cared, but it made me shut down more. She likely had type 2 due to age of diagnosis, and truly she can work hard and basically get into remission. I have no option to not have diabetes no matter how hard I take care of myself. so, for the friend I would suggest instead of being on her for her health, plan things and go do fun things that require her to be healthy. You can remind her or ask her if she’s checked her sugars, but she has to want to live. my friends give me a lot of reasons to want to be alive and take good care of myself. But it’s also the fear of being blind, heart disease, amputation, etc etc that makes me personally want to take care of myself better now. She needs to go to therapy to get a better sense of self and as her friend all you can do (or should do) is give her experiences worth being alive and healthy for. I like that my friends know the beeps of my pump and what they mean, but I never expect anyone to take on the responsibility of my health. Maybe she could find a support group online where she can talk to other diabetics and get a more week rounded idea of what healthy diabetes management can do and what unmanaged diabetes can do too. So suggest some of those things but also stand your ground and tell her you aren’t going to parent her. if she wants to be healthy and live she’ll work towards that and if she doesn’t then that’s really sad but that’s her choice.
I'm a clinical year vet student and a professor told me that clinics is a marathon not a sprint, you can't put 110% in every moment or you'll burn out. I think it's the same for starting your career. It's easy to get caught up in giving your patients your all but you can't give them your all of you aren't whole yourself.
I was closing (and usually only) receptionist for a 24hr ER Animal Clinic for about 4 years. I've now been a Veterinary Assistant/ Technician for a GP/ Urgent Care Clinic about 1 year. As a few have already mentioned, it was already bad but COVID truly did bring out the entitlement and worst in people. I downplayed it as a receptionist I guess as a survival tactic but looking back I dissociated for the majority of the time I worked there to get what I had to done. My only advice to that veterinarian is self care. Make time for the things you love outside of work and if you don't know what it is schedule time to figure it out. See a therapist and/ or touch base with your emotions. Also, at work, you can only do what you can do. Don't make big promises to clients and tell your assistants/ technicians what to say about finances. As an assistant/ technician it's our responsibility to act as a liason for the Dr.
This tends to work for my supermarket job, dunno about veterinarian jobs, but I tend to put physical buffers between me and work. I have to have my hair tied up at work so I take it out as soon as I finish and then I will get changed when I get home/after I've had a coffee. I remember a couple of years ago I was stressing about work when I was sitting around at home venting to my now ex-bf and suddenly it dawned on me that my hair was still tied up; so that small act helps a lot. ... But also I had a stress dream about working the freezer stock when napping yesterday afternoon so what do I know? Lol. But yeah make physical separation/cues to signal to your brain that you are not at work anymore and it is not a time to worry about, and also create a life outside of work for example find a pub quiz or a club that you can go to once a week (and can still spend that 5pm to 9pm nights with the animals all the other nights while having that night for you) or join a meet up group that meets in the evening/weekends, i go to an anxiety coffee group which is my "one thing" a week and its really helpfully because I don't have any friends in this city yet if you don't count my flatmates/the group members lol
My grandmother had diabetes type 2. My grandmother lost her eye due to glucoma. She had heart attacks and stroke that took her in the end.
A neighbour had diabetes and he ate whatever he wanted and lost limbs, but he didn't care as he wasn't going to change. That was his right. He wouldn't listen to anyone.
It is not your job to make someone be healthy. It is up to the person. Tell her that you can't make her healthy, she has to decide. I agree that I would also refuse to talk about her health. If she continues to drag you down with her health, you may have to cut her as a friend. You are responsible for yourself. Therapy does help. I found out a friendship was toxic only after I got away and I had therapy. I didn't know how I didnt see it before then. Please take care of your own mental health.
As a vet tech the veterinarian one hits hard. It’s our reality every day and owners do not realize it. We don’t make near enough, we aren’t receiving kick backs for the food we promote we promote the foods that have clinical trials to back their claims. It’s hard but people think we just want their money and we are cold hearted when they do not have the funds 😢
With the diabetes story- I had a type one ex who was really horrible with taking care of it. Some people don’t realize how big of a difference watching your levels makes on mood, mental health, etc. It is very draining on partners and friends who are surrounding people like this. They won’t help themselves unless THEY want to. At some point you need to realize it’s not your responsibility to do
so i’m very unqualified and so late to this post, but i am in a graduate mental health counselor program, the girl with diabetes. the only thing that ran through my head was “you’re not responsible for keeping them alive” and it’s so rough and horrible. but both need THERAPY. honestly every single story. everyone needs therapy. just like morgan said, she needs to learn how to set boundaries.
I have type 1 diabetes (unclear if the writer’s friend has type 1 or 2 which are very different) but I can offer some perspective from their friends point of view. Diabetes is HARD to manage. I was diagnosed at age 8 and am now 28, and not 5 minutes has gone by in the last 20 years where I’m not having to think about diabetes. What my blood sugar is, is it lowering or going higher, what did I eat, how many carbs are in what I ate, does gum have carbs, what does one bite of a cookie “cost” for carbs, how much insulin is left in my pump, is my pump working, etc. Also, she is not in control of her emotions when her blood sugar is low or going low. It’s not an excuse for poor behavior, but it truly is not controllable and irritability is one of the main symptoms for low blood sugar.
Obviously there is a bigger issue between the writer and their friend and that needs to be dealt with, but I really encourage the writer to try to put themselves in their friends shoes. If their friend wears a pump (which are thousands of dollars by the way and not always covered by insurance, which will add to their stress and worry about diabetes), see if the pump company will send a trainer pump that they can use with saline for a few days. (My mom was allowed this when I was diagnosed so I know it is possible.) See what it feels like to have to think about every little thing that happens for just a few days, and maybe that will make some of the resentment go away. Or if that isn’t possible, get a cheap blood sugar monitor from Walmart and check your blood sugar minimum 5 times a day. Count your carbs and keep track of them.
I also want to add that I was like the writers friend for a few years because my mental health was suffering due to diabetes and I didn’t realize it. Burnout is a massive problem because it is a lifelong chronic illness and you can’t just not deal with it, as much as you want to. You yearn for the days when you could just eat what you wanted, drink what you wanted, exercise without a care, plan a trip without having to think about supplies and insulin, etc. Again, there are bigger issues that the two of them need to work out by seeing therapists or having more calm conversations, but I think the writer is unfairly putting too much of the blame on their friend. You will not understand it until you live it, and there are ways to try to put yourself in their situation to understand better.
The diabetes story is so hard because the friend could also be messing with her own insulin because of diabulimia. I knew a girl who was diabetic and went into eating disorder treatment because of it.
I think if she's really cut off from her family because of distance rather than other issues, I'd kinda let them know what she's struggling with and even help them come out to help her? It might give her the support system that isn't just the writer, but it's also a lot to undertake.
I am an er/icu veterinary technician (nurse) in Ontario, Canada. I wanted to thank you all for bringing up this veterinary post. The money in this industry is the most controversial thing in the field. The types of comments this doctor has brought up are regular problems. This is why the suicide rate in the industry has been sooo high especially during the pandemic. The number of animals that people have since the beginning of the pandemic have increased by 25%... the number of vets and techs have not increased to account for this surplus. This has lead to massive wait times and emergency and regular clinic shortages. My comment to the vet who wrote in keep fighting for your patients and make sure to take time for yourself !!
For the story where the manager has to deal with a person who has depression. Last year I fell into a deep depression (like can’t leave my bed to feed myself depression) and what helped me was working from home so that way they don’t have to go through all the morning routine steps which can be overwhelming in a mental state like that. And maybe sitting the person down, talking to them about a plan maybe asking what resources would help them be semi functional. And then when they are in another depressive episode be like hey! We have these steps in place so you can deal with this while also being productive in a working manner.
Ik this episode is very old. But for anyone reading going through a similar situation as the person dealing with a sudden death of a person, first, you have my condolences. I too have a similar experience when I was around 10-12.
If it makes you uncomfortable don’t read this part!
My childhood friend was beat to death along with his mother by her boyfriend & left to rot in their apartment for over a week. Sometimes I think about the gruesome details of what happened to them because I can’t help it. What their last moments were like, how they were so badly beaten & decomposed they had to be cremated. How badly I cried at their funeral & performed a praise dance taught to me by his mother. There was nothing especially I, could’ve done to help them in any given situation. Then I grew up watching similar things happen to others either in my family or in my neighborhood. I will never forget the scene & chaos after seeing & hearing family members of mine being shot on different occasions in my life. I’ve had many sudden deaths, funerals back to in my high school years for an entire year. There wasn’t a month my senior year where I wasn’t attending a funeral. These are traumas we as humans understand shouldn’t necessarily be.
So I think it’s understandable why others who do not have similar experiences say ‘you need to move on, seek therapy’, & things of that nature because logically it makes sense. It’s a great mindset to have regardless, but similar to what Jerry said, realistically things happen.
About grieving. Yes, people pass. It is, part of the human experience. Everyone you’re close to will pass. We as humans are taught that we need to accept this at some point. But that is the very last step & very hard to do. Even I, knowing & growing up around these situations can acknowledge it, but I have yet to fully accept that reality because it is scary. I’m only 21 now and have seen & experienced more death than I can count on my fingers. Sometimes death, especially when it happens suddenly with an ill nature surrounding it, becomes hard to process & shake. That’s what op is experiencing. Grieving has no end date. You will never, stop grieving the loss of a person. But it can be managed. It is okay to grieve. It is okay to feel sad. It is okay to to remember these people. I have never stepped foot into a therapists office and had to allow myself to think for myself, allow myself to cry, & acknowledge who those people were. I had to acknowledge the reality, like Jerry said, that people do bad things but there are also those who don’t.
About being scared & overly concerned/cautious. I relate to OP on a personal level. I have been cautious all my life. I don’t think there’s a moment where I’ve been outside of my home (even inside my own home) where I wasn’t overly cautious of people & their intentions. I spent majority of my childhood surrounded by people & observing their every move & their intentions. It is absolutely the most draining thing a person can experience. Constantly being on edge wondering what people will do to yourself or others even if you know them or not. But as I got older it somewhat mellowed out. You have to learn to trust others with your life. It is a step by step process. Do not rush. It will take time but you have to constantly remind yourself that it will be okay. Talk about these issues to the people you’re close with or even write how you’re feeling down. Create art with it if you’re crafty. You HAVE to allow yourself room for coping & understanding. Acknowledge that the situation happened and say positive affirmations, whether that’s through prayer, looking yourself in the mirror & saying positive things, journaling, etc. You must allow yourself room for growth. So honestly, take your time. You’ll want your grieving to be over & for everything to be okay again and that’s okay. Mellowing out the pain, fears and grieving comes with time & efforts.
It's awesome that manager wants to be considerate of this person's depression. But, at some point you can't make your mental health problems everyone's problems.
The word for the drinking game should be ‘organically’. Like come ooon
Haha Jerry's out here hustlin' for some free fun socks 😂 🧦
Love this podcast
i’m so happy i live a place with at least 5 clinics/vet hospitals with in 2 hours from me, and even more veterinary that can drive to my place.. (for horses) i don’t have a count on the places for small animals..
I relate to the friend who doesn’t take care of herself. I am that friend and sometimes you need help but other times you need someone to tell you to get it together. It will hurt to hear but you can’t be her crutch.
Lol that snake oil vet that told Jerry to do a surgery NEXT DAY for Holly! I went to the animal clinic my parents have loved, met the vet for the first time with an adopted dog, 8 at the time, with essentially no medical history for her… he’s grown a bump on his chest a little smaller than a golf ball but hasn’t shown any discomfort for it. She feels it, says it’s not hard and calcified, it feels fatty so she’s not super worried about it and it’s likely not cancer, but if I want to, they can do testing but she wants to AVOID doing surgery if she can especially since he’s not suffering because of it, and the second that changes and hurts him or gets bigger, bring him in ASAP. From that moment, she had my unequivocal trust. Me googling what it could be is NOTHING compared to her experience, what she’s seen and how she’s treated similar things in the past. A year after that vet visit, it hasn’t gotten bigger and hasn’t caused him any pain.
Vets are like people doctors-if you don’t like them/feel like you’re getting adequate care, go to another! It can be hard, especially if you live isolated somewhere or where there aren’t many options, but even changing to another doctor in the practice can help! The nurse practitioner I saw at mine and my mom’s gynecology office was low key shady and didn’t want to prescribe me birth control for my period cramps that woke me up out of a dead sleep (now looking back, I can see she was conservative and was asking me questions clearly “worried” I’d get my prescription and let it be my excuse to sleep around, which is none of her business if I wanted to do it anyway…) VERSUS the **amazing** NP that replaced her when she retired that literally CONGRATULATED ME on losing my virginity and genuinely cared and asked how it was going and if being sexually active was enjoyable for me and CLEARLY bit her tongue and gently insisted I still use condoms “just in case” and for protection against STD/STIs in just the sweetest, most grandmotherly way… my coworker was overdue for an OBY/GYN visit and I insisted she see my NP that I loved and after a lot of cajoling, she finally went and she texted me from the parking lot after her appointment, “OMG SHE’S AMAZING THANK YOU FOR TELLING ME TO SEE HER!” ❤❤❤❤
okay to story number one- i have some advice.
background: i am 34, married for four years together for six. prior to my relationship with my husband i was a very jealous person. I mean i didnt like my boyfriends being around other women- for work, school, friends. nothing.
i also believed that this came with no reason. but there is a reason.
for me the catalyst for change was finding out my enneagram type (four) is very prone to jealousy. i am no longer a jealous person. it started as being honest with my current husband and actively choosing to work on it. your insecurities are coming from jealousy,
because you see something lacking in yourself that you believe others have.
let me tell you- this is not true the way we think it is.
i am the heaviest i have ever been (literally 100 lbs “overweight”), but i have finally healed my relationship with my body and thus with others.
remember- your body is thr least interesting thing about you. your husband chose. you. out of 7 billion people in this world- he picked you. you are deserving of this man. and your worth to him has notjong to do with your looks, or anttjing else you migjt be insecure about.
being a jealous person is EXHAUSTING. its stressful, it creates anxiety and for me- it was the root of chronic depression.
put in the inner work. i promise you that it can get better from here. daily journaling and gratitude checks were very helpful for me.
also- make w list of ten things (not appearance related) that you love about yourself. when you are feeling this way, read it over wnd over.
you deserve to be free of this. it will never go away completely but i have been able to transform my own jealousy and insecurity into inspiration.
I have to say the vet story is the majority of people in the veterinary profession right now. From secretaries to seasoned veterinarians there is no one left. Everyone is burnt out and leaving there is no back up. There aren't enough people to fill positions and everyone in the hospital is picking up positions that have never been filled. People have a very large misconception about veterinary medicine and if you don't stay you are considered evil for not giving up your life for patients by clients. My biggest thing is talk to your management about placing strong boundaries with clients especially when the sign documentation about surgery, procedures, etc. Hospitals have started adding wording about treating staff a certain way so hospitals can fire clients more easily. And don't feel bad firing clients, while you want to help their pets they need to learn that behavior is not acceptable or they will keep coming back and acting worse to get their way. When you're taking things home know you are not alone. It is hurtful to hear some of the awful things people say. Not one more vet/ not one more vet tech is a great resource promoting work life balance and a great support system. Vets have one of the highest suicide rates on top of burn out, you have to make yourself a priority.
14:11 now with the vet story. I hear the gentility and passion in their voice, but there ARE some places out there that are like that. Like places that tried to prescribe my friend an MRI or xray for her puppy that was just throwing up one day cause it ate something it was t supposed to then learned after that before getting any test results back from blood/stool samples. That’s completely unnecessary before any results come back. Now that’s her experience cause I have had experiences with the vet near me where they tried really hard to work with us, give us all the options including cheaper ones but I also live in a lower income area than my friend and that vet is in the same area. So not to discredit this one but there are vets out there who will do that who will milk ppl for all they got just for unnecessary treatment (I think there’s older less informed ppl in that area that are also wealthier or better off so they don’t mind putting that money down with a second thought idk).
I disagree that doctors or anyone shouldn’t be aware of cost. It’s a huge factor in every thing we do. She can be more straightforward about cost of business and her unpaid overtime but pretending she isn’t aware or concerned with cost would not help. I hate when doctors or dentists pretend like we don’t have to consider costs when needing their services. It’s why so many people don’t seek health care. She deserves more for her work and it’s helpful to everyone to be transparent about costs
The vet girl should either just move out and get a better job or set boundaries with her clinic, she is overworked and under appreciated while struggling with a huge debt, she needs to start prioritise herself
It’s very normal in my country (Netherlands) to be covered when you have a (mental) illness and not go to work. The employer is not allowed to fire you over that. There is insurance in place through the government to help covering that. That’s how it should be in USA too instead of blaming people for their illnesses and expecting them to come to work regardless. Your system is broken and needs to be fixed.
46:08 I text my boss to say I cannot come to work when I have a very difficult depression day. But also one of my colleagues missed two consecutive shifts and my boss went to check up on them cuz they lived in the same neighborhood and it turned out they had died
For the first story, OP identifies that it’s not something her significant other is doing it’s herself. I think the best thing she can do is seek therapy for herself to find the root of the issue.
Im with Jerry for the depressed person. I feel for them since I struggle with depression too. They are so lucky to have an accommodating boss. That said, you HAVE to handle things and just do life in general. Sending a text to be a good team member is bare minimum. Any other place would write you up if not fire you for disappearing. I think that person is taking advantage. Fool me once....
pet insurance??? all i’ve heard about pet insurance is it doesn’t cover anything lol
They’re all very different (I used to sell Trupanion through State Farm, it’s mostly for surgery/accidents) however my friend got pet insurance through her vet that covers dental cleanings, annual visits, discounts on meds, and fully covered anesthesia and neuter surgery.
You have to shop around a little to find plans that cover more inexpensive things like check ups, vaccines, and dental work but a lot will help cover unforseen very expensive things like foreign bodies, knee surgeries, and specialities visits
Why are all of these stories hitting home for me? 😭 Anyway, diabetic ol needs to distance herself from that friend. I have a similar situation at home with my father. He has been at deaths door step on MANY occasions with a couple heart attacks, cancer, hernias, diabetes, kidney failure, a minor stroke and most recently in the past few years he’s been wheelchair bound duo to a major stroke. People like this are very hard to deal with. My father was the type to bring home birthday cakes on sale when it was no one’s birthday. So I understand where op is coming from. It’s hard to change habits/mindset when they’re already stuck in their ways and used to a certain life style. You have to stop enabling. Because even after all of that my mother still buys my father alcohol he asks for, Cigars he smokes daily, Junk foods he wants, etc. at least OP is able to remove herself from the situation and not be directly involved but it’s still an issue that only the friend can really help.
Morning from New Zealand 🖤
I think ymmv for vets. I’ve had very good vets and vets who would try to push unnecessary treatments. One time my usual vet was away and her back up was trying to push teeth cleaning for my geriatric cat- who has excellent teeth. When I refused, suddenly the cat had a number of other issues that “needed to be investigated”. When my regular vet came back they said none of the recommended treatments/investigations were needed. On the plus side, they apparently received a number of complaints about the sketchy vet who isn’t there anymore
Story number 1… me Me me me me me meeeee! That was me… I was this girl and I had no reason for it and my husband, which boy friend at the time, was a champ for putting up with me. I don’t know who would have put up with it. I did it for more than a year. I went to counseling and I started taking Prozac and I was fine again. I have never had those feelings again. I am secure in my self and I honestly always felt secure in myself so I couldn’t understand why I was lashing out about those type of things. So I don’t know what the op of this story ended up doing, but I would love to hear an update to know what she did.
The vet story got me… :( I get it as a teacher. I’m just in my first year and it’s been tough, but it’s the only thing I ever imagined myself doing.
For the story about the person being a codependent for their friend and her friends diabetes: I am a social worker who has practiced in the medical field for years and years now. There are so many concerns with your friend. First of all… She could very well be reliant upon you because you take care of her. Someone with a past history of feeling neglected will allow others to fulfill the role of taking care of them because they enjoy how it feels. This can be unconscious or conscious. That being said you really have to find boundaries and allow her to take care of herself. Unfortunately, I see this all of the time where people will become so reliant on others that they eventually later in life need a public guardian for self neglect. It is more common than anyone realizes. I could go on and on on this thread but to keep it short my last major concern for you is that this type of behavior that she is forcing you to complete is going to transfer into other areas of your life. Unfortunately, when we allow ourselves to speak in a certain manner or behave in a certain manner in a certain situation eventually in most cases it will transfer into other areas of life. And that is not fair for you. There is a good chance that you will find yourself being more edgy in short fused to other people in your life after so long. Caregivers that I work with often will project their feelings onto others without even realizing it. So for instance in the story about the veterinarian… Her clients are likely taking out their financial stress on the veterinarian who is just doing her job. The same thing can happen with those who become caregivers for others because for a lack of a better word that is what you are in a sense. If you are worn out now I suggest you start to very healthy boundaries. There are people I have seen overtime pastors neighbors etc. that end up being forced into being someone’s medical power of attorney because they feel so guilty as the person has no one else to choose from even though they don’t want the role. The guilt that they hold for feeling like they should take care of the person overcomes them and they find themselves agreeing to making major medical decisions for someone and then expressing to a social workers that it is something that they despise doing and feel terrible making the decision. I honestly wish you the best of luck with all of this Because it is very difficult to deal with
Hm as someone who wanted to be a vet most of my life, I think when I did shadowing time as a high schooler and college student, I became very disenfranchised and I realized I wasn't cut out for it. Because the industry itself has alot of things lacking and there are def good people but there are also people who aren't there for the care of animals. Since she's already into it, cut it off. Don't do 25hrs extra. Get clear expectations for what they really want. Don't attach yourself to your job and spend time to do other things.
Jerry with the stressful takes on this one...
I know he doesnt mean it but it's really jarring to keep hearing him gender the first-year vet as 'she' and 'her' boss as 'he/him'. Like i get his subconscious was built in a different time, but it's a shame how he kept going back to it even with Morgan trying to bring it back to 2023 due to his lack of consideration.
With the depression one, Jerry and people in the comments are uncompassionate! It's just wild to me because I'm not American, seeing how much it's about work/money-first always over other humans going through a terrible time. If your whole team collapses because one person gets ill and cant miss a day?!?? You are overworking every individual there and bad at allocating (or indeed, taking responsibility yourself as Morgan did), meaning there's something wrong with your business. Put structures in place and hire enough resources/find freelance/temp solutions so people can afford to have some off days!!! I mean, you're constructing your own hell and i feel sorry for you over there.
Anyway, looks like im the only one who didnt love this episode but wanted to leave some feedback. Thanks for letting me softly experience triggering reactions from middle-aged white men through the safety of this interesting podcast, so it's not so shocking when it happens IRL! Love to all ❤
I don't think most vets are just looking to make money. I had to have my dog put down she was to far gone for any type of treatment. They made that clear the same day so she wouldn't be in more pain. And they've sent us a card since then saying they were sorry for our loss and you can plant it to make flowers. Her name was lily so I guess the card fits.
The vet story is such a common issue for veterinarians (and vet techs!). It's what drove me away from becoming one, on top of the poor pay for the stress of the job. I think finding community within your career, be it online or in your practice, could be beneficial. Just having people who get what you're going through that you can vent to when you need it is so helpful.
Pet care jobs as a whole face these "you charge too much" comments when you make sweet fk all. It's painful. So many people see working with animals as a hobby or a temp job and treat you as such. I've been grooming for years while in school to work in human medicine and I'm DONE. My body hurts, my hearing and wrists are no doubt damaged (even with hearing protection and ergonomic shears), and my emotions hurt from the neglected animals and the disrespect. Most pet professionals see you and feel your pain. I hope you're in a better place now, or have at least found some healthy strategies to manage the stress. I could not leave work at work when I was grooming full time. I had to go part time. If you can cut that overtime off (or down a lot) then do that first.
Love from Algeria 🇩🇿🥰🥰
Lol i dont know any salary person that works only what they are salaried for .. its ridiculous our countrys relationship with work.. but its sad as hell the amount of salary people i know working 10-25hours of free labor everyweek. And they can't just not do it or they'd be fired..
Where’s the address posted to send in socks ?
I may have to add to our link tree oops but its Father Knows Something 5042 Wilshire BLVD. #470 Los Angeles, CA 90036
With peace and love Morgan, please stop diagnosing people with PTSD. You are throwing that diagnosis around like a frickin hot potato; you cannot claim someone has PTSD without having a complete timeline, knowing the precise nature of their triggers, and having a complete list of their symptoms. You're conflating PTSD with trauma incredibly frequently, yet the two are NOT synonymous. I know you're familiar with the DSM-5 and you take mental health deeply seriously (something which I find very admirable and I think a lot of people could learn from you), so I ask that you please treat PTSD diagnoses with the seriousness they warrant and deserve.
You need to have actually experienced something yourself in order to suffer PTSD. That is absolutely fundamental to the disorder (so the girl whose distant friend was murdered undeniably did NOT develop PTSD simply from receiving the news). Even after experiencing a traumatic event, someone needs to have at least one intrusion symptom (intrusive reexperiencing of the event), one avoidance symptom (avoidance of stimuli associated with the event), two negative alterations in cognition and mood, two changes in arousal and reactivity, and follow a specific timeline (persist for longer than one month and generally have developed in the three months after the incident).
You've mentioned PTSD diagnoses on many occasions so I felt it was important to address this in lieu of any damage that might be done. Your mindfulness and positive intentions clearly come across and I know that you are actively working to use your platform for good, so I hope that you are able to learn and grow from this comment. By haphazardly diagnosing PTSD, you are spreading harmful ideas to the many people who respect you in your attempts to diagnose others -- especially when they are listeners. The most thoughtful people make mistakes and this criticism is by no means directed toward your character, but, I truly hope that you take this as an opportunity to stop making negligent diagnoses and strive for more accuracy when you discuss mental health disorders. Thank you
To the Vet:
I am a teacher. I completely understand your feelings about work life balance. My therapist told me to find something physical to do after work that becomes my transition from Ms. Em to just EmiLee. She said it could be a playlist on Spotify of all my favorite songs that I listen to every day, going on a small walk, etc. mine is taking off my badge in my car and putting on my Spotify playlist. After work, I don’t think about work at. All. I don’t check emails, I don’t lesson plan, etc. when I started doing that, I noticed I didn’t become a worse teacher, I actually was less irritated with my students and coworkers during my workday. At the end of the day it’s just a job. Hope this helps someone🩵