Father Knows: Coming Clean || Father Knows Something Podcast
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- Опубликовано: 6 фев 2023
- Welcome back to Father Knows Something! Real People. Real Stories. Real Dad advice with a dash of ADHD, and maybe a couple of millennials chiming in from time to time to add their takes.
This weeks episode has Jerry and Justin tackling the topic of coming clean. From telling your boyfriend you cheated on him to letting someone know your true feelings, there's a lot to unpack on this one!
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Love you guys but OOF that take on the second story with the girl in college who found out her boyfriend cheated is SO BAD. Girl, if you’re reading this, LEAVE. If he didn’t tell you, I guarantee this isn’t the first time he’s done this. This is just the first time he was caught. I know this relationship may feel super special, but you’re so young and have so much more to experience. There are lots of other guys and relationships to be had. Don’t let yourself get stuck in one where you are more committed than your partner. And don’t let yourself get talked into an open relationship (as Jerry suggested) if that’s not what you want. If you pretend it’s what you want just to save the relationship, you’re just going to hurt yourself. It’s tough to break up with a college boyfriend during your last year (believe me, I’ve done it), but it’s worth it. You deserve more.
100% agree
My thoughts exactly. He WILL do this again.
I agree. Some of the takes on this episode were just not it.
agreed!!! perfectly said.
Also it was WEEKS of lying and hiding things and still never coming clean.
If a cheater is only honest because they were caught, it doesn't make it any better. He broke a boundary, and now knows she will forgive and forget he will probably break more. Hope she leaves
Also, for the second story, GIRL LEAVE HIM!!!! More than likely, he wouldn’t have admitted to anything if you hadn’t caught him.
If he was who you thought he was, he wouldn’t have cheated.
I love Jerry, but the whole “all bets are off until we’re married thing” is bologna. If you’re in a committed, agreed upon monogamous relationship, BE FAITHFUL. If you don’t want that, SAY THAT. There are plenty of people out there who will stay casual or even do the open/poly thing.
I absolutely hate when Jerry says that 😅. Also, (In my opinion) being “best friends” with someone doesn’t mean you should give them a pass for cheating.
Idk, I don’t agree with that even a little bit. I’m not that way. Cheating is an automatic break up and never speak to them again for me.
Same, and I commented a similar thing. I’m in my mid 20’s and getting married next year. Just cause I’m in my 20’s doesn’t make my relationship less like he said cause of “being young” and “things happen at that age”. I agree. Absolutely NO excuse for cheating it’s just gross and disgusting 🤢 ❤
Agree!!
@@BubbleB0TI couldn’t agree more!
Yes!!! When I'm committed, I'm committed. I'm not going to be less serious about my relationship because I don't have a piece of paper from the government legally binding us.
Dating around is completely different than being in a monogamous relationship. If I'm openly dating multiple people, I'm not in a relationship with any of them and it will be clear to everyone involved that it is not yet a committed relationship.
For me, cheating is always ALWAYS a deal breaker. It took me years to realize that I will make myself miserable overthinking the situation. And it’s so important to know yourself when it comes to this. Because you can make yourself sick sitting and thinking. Some people may be able to work through it, and that may be a level of maturity I am not yet at and hope I never will be.
The last story was my write in! And wow I'm moved to tears. That advice lifted such a heavy weight off my shoulders. You both just know exactly what to say and consider all the possibilities. Thank you so so much for everything.
I think Jerry might be projecting a little bit in the second story. Just because you might be okay with it doesn't mean others think the same. You definitely don't have to be married to be committed and not cheat or wonder. The guy came clean because he was caught and he did the bare minimum and confessed. Sometimes people cheat because there are problems in the relationship and sometimes people cheat for nothing at all. Either way its wrong if you both consented to be in a single relationship.
Sometimes being best friends with an SO isn’t enough or means anything. My ex and I were best friends for years, we knew each other like the back of our hands. But that still didn’t stop him from hurting me over and over again. I held on to him for so long because I thought he’ll change but he never did.
This. Having a soul connection with someone doesn’t erase the wounds they have.
For the story with A and B, I think that attraction to other people, even while you're in a relationship, is completely normal. But love is a choice you make, and if you want to be with A, then keep on choosing to love him. Your feelings for B will likely dissipate soon. Just keep reminding yourself that if you want to be with A, then B is not an option, he's just someone you're attracted too. You've got this, and don't force yourself into a relationship if you're not 100% ready for one ❤️ its okay to not be ready
Yes, exactly!
So it’s normal to be attracted to others like actually want them or are you saying it’s normal to find people attractive? Cause I feel like being attracted to someone is the next step to actually wanting them which in my eyes, is cheating
the more time justin spends with jerry, the more he sounds like him and i think thats absolutely adorable
Their relationship is so dang sweet. Like two really great, genuine guys on their own but together and knowing how fraught so many folks relationships are with their partner’s parents it’s pretty special to see.
me, my insomnia, jerry, justin, holly and fam, perfect!
For the first story - Jerry, the fiance had already said when talking about the hypothetical situation that he wouldn't want to know. She was 21 when that happened, she hasn't said she is prone to cheating and a situation like the one that happened never came up again. I think this is more about her being unsure and wanting herself to feel better rather than honouring what her partner would or wouldn't want to know.
This
Even if its just her own guilt eating her up and her motive is entirely selfish, she still needs to tell him because it's going to eat at her and could ruin their relationship from her side. If she didn't feel guilty and he didn't want to know, alright don't tell him. But she feels guilty and it's only going get worse.
I would LOVE an episode of updates people have sent in!
To the story with the FWB/crush who found someone else, the advice I would give from someone who has been a similar situation: Don't plant yourself on the back burner. Do not emotionally designate yourself to someone who is unavailable, who has expressed that they are not romantically interested in you.
If you think you cannot be friends with this person without wanting more, then you need to put some space between each other. Hoping for more can be sweet, but at a certain point you are not treating this person as a friend, but as a perpetual anticipated love interest. Romance-zoning, if you will. It's not a healthy way to be.
Space may also help you find love for another -more available- person, or even love for time with yourself.
I hope that didn't come off as too harsh. But making imaginary contracts in your heart won't garner you real prizes.
Also, with the role reversed, if a man who I thought was my friend was secretly hoping for my relationship to fail so that they could swoop in and get with me, I'd be majorly creeped out.
Thanks! That was my write in, as a sorta update, since he’s also my landlord he has decided to move into the downstairs unit making things mega awkward for me 😅 I think I need to try and get out of my lease to get away from him, wish me luck lol
I think its possible to cheat once and never do it again for some people. But for the most part, I believe its a character flaw. I love you guys but for that second story, that girl’s boyfriend didn’t come clean on his own. It took the girl he cheated with posting about it on YikYak, and his girlfriend’s teammates seeing it and telling her. He only came clean because he was cornered. Let’s not forget that he slept with her and continued to be in contact with her for weeks after, and didn’t feel bad enough to stop or come clean. You don’t have to be married to be committed to someone. I really don’t like that that kept being said. That girl needs to leave her boyfriend because it probably wasn’t the first time he cheated, nor will it be the last.
I love Jerry so much but the phrase “all bets are off until you say I do” no! Monogamy IS NORMAL, don’t go after someone else’s, boyfriend/fiancé etc. I’m 23 and will be getting married next year. Don’t invalidate someone’s relationship cause they’re in their 20’s that’s just the whole “you’re young and immature, go have fun and have lots of sex with lots of different people”. I’ve had sex (consenting) with one person and that man is going to be my husband.
I just saw this, as I’m on a plane about to take off.. I will respond and define my thought on this statement. .. Dad/Jerry.
Also for the record , I am not ok with cheating. lying in any form is against integrity. And I am a full believer in integrity, there is no compromise in it. Like I said I’ll explain all bets are off statement later as I have to write it when I’m traveling tonight and I’ll post it
But story number 2 did lie… he was caught in a lie. He only fessed up once she found out from the other party and had proof. He also was talking to her in advance, it wasn’t a mistake in the moment.
I feel like with story 1, op is trying to convince themselves/us that it’s okay not to tell their partner with their “reasoning”.
Oh my Jerry, you are a stud! I see this show really growing right along side your lovely daughter and son-in-law's pod. Always sending only positive energy.
Im not sympathetic to any of these lol For example, the girl saying shes been in love with this man and wants to confess while her long time friend is in a new relationship? Don't touch what is not yours. If he didn't confess earlier and chose every other girl, most likely he doesn't like you. AND HES IN A RELATIONSHIP. I feel like she was living a fanatasy of being in a relationship with her friend.
Agreed on all sides. If he felt strongly about her, he would've said something. He straight up told her that he wanted to stay single while they were FWB, didn't reciprocate any flirting, and then told her that he wanted to pursue another woman... he's not interested. You aren't stupid for having feelings for him, but it's time to move on.
“Cruising the streets of Milwaukee” lol. - Dells Local.
Thank you for another great episode 👏🏻
First story -
You don’t have feelings for the guy anymore. Your fiancé literally said he wouldn’t want to know if he was cheated on (assuming it didn’t mean anything which it does not since ur over the male friend), and that was full on sex. This was a kiss.
I feel she wants to relive her guilt/conscience. Not really about being honest or honoring her partners feelings. He already said he didn’t want want to know.
I feel like her guilt is what’s driving it, not what her partner really wants.
I’ve got some mixed feelings on this because it was more than just a kiss. She fully admitted to an emotional affair and I realize a lot of people blow that kind of thing off. I also… was the emotional affair for a married woman and can tell you the emotional stuff can be far more intense and worse than the physical. And I really question, if she’s still friends with that guy, if that’s really over. Which may also be where that guilt is coming from.
A stupid stoned kiss with someone is something I’d be a lot more likely to forgive than an emotional affair with a close friend that went on for quite some time (the one I was in went on for years and her wife haaaated me which she should have. I didn’t know for a long time what was happening was happening but I was so in love with her and she sure loved me too…) I realize my experience is my experience but I get the feeling even if she’s over the friend now, she felt a lot for him and that’s the issue. A crush or being attracted to someone when you’re in a relationships normal but she did act on it. And it wasn’t just a kiss, her guilt says it all, you know?
@@TziporaRaphaella great point !!! You’re right. Relieving herself of the guilt of an emotional affair might feel more urgent.
Yet he still said he wouldn’t want to know, physical affair (and I assume emotional). If it was still continuing I think she would owe it to him to tell him tho.
We need an updates episode 😁
I do really hope some of you have used better help and not just take sponsorships blindly!! There is so much about better help that sounds really bad and is not good for your mental health and whole thing sounds more like information fishing and selling operation than mental health app.. do your research before signing up! I would never do that, after reading and seeing videos about better help!!
abt the 1st story: i just think op should show her bf this story, because this is the most honest she could be
Jerry, Jerry, Jerry, relationships have changed within the last decades. People can absolutely agree to monogamy and be in lifelong partnerships without ever marrying. Just because you don't want to get married doesn't mean you don't owe that relationship the same respect that exists in a marriage. There are many reasons people want a lifelong partnership without getting married like combining finances, spending money on a wedding, trauma from being a child of a messy divorce, etc. I agree that if it's not working, people should just move on, but that's easier said than done. I find your cavalier attitude about breaking up to be both inspirational and also a bit dismissive at the same time lol.
Please stop doing Ads for better help… 😮
JUSTIN’S SHIRT!!!!!!!!!🔥🔥🔥
The "friends with benefits" one kinda kills me.
Girl messed it up when she slept with him. His respect for you changed when the deed happened. She's the girl he wanted to sleep with, even though she knew she wanted more. There is no being friends after that. He used you, even if was and is nice to you.
OMG 😭 I thought Justin’s shirt said “women ain’t shit” but I had to do a double take because that’s just not him!! Lol
I think it’s Drew Afualos brand❤
Well I just wanted to say that Jerry is very "modern" in is view of relationships. It is just an opinion and advice. In my country we often say that "if advice was worth something we would sell it and not give it away" . With this what I'm trying to say is: Every advice we give is wrapped in our own existence, perspective, experiences. That is why Jerry gives his view, that is debated with Justin or Morgan (Holly is very quiet) and they too give their advice. Those views are not final, people asking for them wont probably use it like a script. This helps us to debate ideias in our own mind. I know Jerry probably doesn't need an advocate but I'm seeing some comments that I would like to refute, so this is me doing it. We can't "ask" for advice and then throw shade to someone for doing it.
The story at 49:54…. She just sounds really emotionally immature and I really really don’t mean to be rude but a little boy crazy. She is young, she may not know exactly what she wants yet and that’s perfectly okay! Sounds to me like she wants to have her cake and eat it too, but if you have feelings for B you have to cut off the friendship until you get over it or decide what you truly want, and tell your boyfriend A you both need to pump the brakes a little bit. Don’t hurt people because you yourself are lost and trying to figure yourself out. It is totally okay to have feelings for two people but you need to acknowledge then you have some things you need to work through on your own
Love Holly!
love that i’ve only ever been this early after i moved to japan 😂
Coming in clutch on my graveyard shift 😭
Wondering where to write in, I need advice!!
I love this podcast but, the whole cheating takes are killing me. The second guy didn't come clean to his girlfriend. She found out and then confronted him. Sure maybe he said he felt bad, but not bad enough to come clean himself.
I didn’t have my glasses on at first so I thought Justin’s shirt said “women eat shit” and I was so confused bc that’s not like him at all
Idk I feel like “anything is fair game until you say I do” is an interesting take from someone whose never been married…
YEAAHHHH JERRY💪💪💪💪💪
It's cuz us doesn't do the date format correctly
Heyyyy, MKE 🫶🏻❤😂
Story number to really reminded me that the end of the day dad is really just a man
People still use Yik Yak?
I’m confused on the 2028 - but a month away
I wanna start by saying I love this podcast & I respect Jerry very much.
I do have to disagree with his first advice of the episode.
If she tells her partner about the emotional cheating & kiss that happened 5-6 years ago, she would just be doing it to clear HER conscious & that isn't fair. He specifically said that he would not want to know & it would taint the relationship in some way. It would be selfish.
She didn't have sex with him, I think she should 100% keep it to herself. I will say this though, even if she did sleep with him hypothetically & he still said years ago "if it was a one off thing then don't tell me" or something along those lines then do not tell him.
First story; discuss the option of polyamory first. And now that the other person is out of your life and gone and you’ve moved on, I really don’t think you need to bring it up. It was a random drunken kiss. If he is going to take it as a big deal then let him be blissfully ignorant.
I said this to someone else but it was more than just a kiss. She said in her write in it was a “textbook emotional affair”. I realize a lot of people blow that kind of thing off but a stoned kiss is one thing, frankly the thing I’d be much more likely to forgive, and an emotional affair with someone she was close to and spent a lot of time with is something else. And to me that would be a much bigger deal. I suspect that’s a big part of the issue there. It wasn’t just a kiss.
Love you guys but you both gave terrible advice with 2&3 😬
Some of the worst advice Jerry has given is in this episode
Super early this time! Your podcast along with THT makes for great listening when working on papers 🫶🏼