Surviving Anorexia
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- Опубликовано: 23 июл 2024
- Anorexia is a complex and potentially life-threatening eating disorder. It is characterized by a persistent and distorted fear of gaining weight, leading to severe food restriction, excessive exercise, and sometimes purging. Individuals with anorexia often have a distorted body image. Anorexia can have serious physical and psychological consequences, including malnutrition, stunted growth, depression, anxiety, and even organ failure. It is not just a matter of a person being underweight; the underlying psychological factors and behaviors are what define the disorder. Recovery from anorexia involves a comprehensive treatment approach that addresses both the physical and emotional aspects of the disorder. This may include medical management of any physical complications, nutritional rehabilitation, family-based therapy, individual psychotherapy, and support groups. Early intervention and appropriate treatment are crucial for a successful recovery and the prevention of long-term health problems.
Claire: / clairelivezey
If you or someone you know is struggling with an eating disorder, visit www.nationaleatingdisorders.o...
If you have a unique story you'd like to share on the podcast, fill out this form: forms.gle/ZiHgdoK4PLRAddiB9
00:00 Introduction
00:05 Earliest memory of self-loathing
02:40 Childhood imagination
04:37 First negative experience around food
06:29 Comparing herself to others
07:35 Friend's family laughed at her
09:30 “Bad foods”
11:00 Beginning to restrict foods
12:40 Addiction to control
13:20 Diagnosis of anorexia
15:20 Going to inpatient facility
17:10 Experiences in inpatient facility as a child
19:40 Getting better
20:40 Going back to previous behaviors in high school
22:40 Doctor is dismissive of parents' concerns
23:45 Explaining outpatient & addictive aspects of anorexia
26:36 Back to inpatient
28:00 Nutrition at the facility
33:00 Leaving one facility for another
36:11 Another patient encourages more destructive behaviors
38:38 Sent back through the program
40:05 Realizations, starting to work through the program
42:15 Started to give herself things to make herself happy
44:00 Recovery and accountability
I think you kind of missed that your friend at age 6 was surely NOT naturally skinny and had no problems. She told you cake/frosting is dangerous?? She told you having a snack everyday is unhealthy? She was skinny and her mom and her laughed at you being less skinny? That girl was getting a 1+1 for free eating disorder special from her mom and you were the +1
mom and dad***
that was mentioned lightly, it’s not her place to go in depth about it. that’s her friends trauma/issues, not her own
Definitely had an almond mom
I would love to be a guest on your podcast! I don’t really know how to apply or if you will see this but when I was 2 years old I burned 70% of my body, had 11 surgeries. I have a huge testimonial to tell of what happened and how it happened. Where I am now and everything I have been through! I hope you see this! I know my story has already helped so many maybe I can reach more through your platform ❤
Check the description , there’s a link to apply. Hope you get selected to tell your story . good luck :)
would love to hear ur story! hope she sees this
Definitely apply and reach out. ❤ such a testimony that you are alive and willing to share your story
I think your story would be amazing to hear you have really gone through a lot and to share your story would be wonderful to hear . Please reach out to Devorah to be on. 👍👌❤️
I need to hear your story!
When she said, “I don’t like to let myself enjoy things.” 😳 that hit me right in the heart. I have had those exact same feelings while dealing with anorexia. Thank you for putting it into words 🙏🏼
I had an eating disorder when I was younger…I can relate to not letting myself enjoy things, I feel I don’t even know HOW to enjoy things. I never related that feeling I’ve carried with me back to my eating disorder… I wonder if it actually is. I always associated it with not allowing myself to feel good so that it can’t be taken away from me. But then again, maybe that’s another way for me to control things 🤔
I've never felt so heard. She said things I couldn't put into words myself. The comfort in having that only form of control is addictive
yes!! the control is so important. when i find myself slowly starting to relapse into my old habits, my therapist has me write down a list of everything i have control over. it usually takes so long to list it, ill read it over and over again
Im on such the opposite spectrum of ED, but I was a chronic binge eater for nearly my entire life. I find these stories fascinating and I have devoted my life to healing my relationship with food. I recently lost over 200 pounds and even had my excess skin removed a few months ago. I would love to be on your podcast, if you ever want a perspective from a different end of things ❤
Congratulations
I would love to hear your story ❤
average american
@@samu-chanstfu fnf pfp
i know this is strange but i have a similar problem with food and just wanna ask how you did it and lost the weight
I was a dietitian who specialized in disordered eating. I always had the hardest time with how inpatient programs fed their patients. The goal of these programs is to get the patients “medically stable” which usually indicates weight gain/adequate intake and they need it to be measurable which makes sense.
However, I saw little to no longterm benefit for my patients. So many of them had to go back for relapses. It was heart breaking because I knew how difficult it was to be in there and then have it not be effective in the long run. Hoping some new outpatient facilities open with newer, more efficacious procedures
I think full disclosure and explaining things better to clients would be beneficial. Also feeding real food obviously instead of sugar and processed crap but hey this is America
A raw and real story struggling with anorexia. People fail to recognize that this disorder is all mental rather than physical. Anorexia took so much of my life away from childhood to my teen years, constantly in and out of treatment centers and hospitals. No one should ever experience the mental toll of anorexia, let alone a child. It’s so devastating. More research should go into eating disorders so they can find treatment plans that people will actually stick with a less chance of relapses happening.
Eating disorders are so hard when you go through them by yourself . This is a great and knowledgeable segment being an ED recovery myself .
as another marissa p with an ed, congrats on recovery ❤
Having had anorexia myself, hearing people talk about their experience will always intrigue me. Atleast in my experience, I was obsessed with reading books about it and listening to stories. Literally anything ever. Nowadays I am a happy and healthy person and it's just something to look back on, but it's always nice. It also makes me realize how miserable I was. I send this young woman so much love, because it can get hard sometimes. You are so strong and amazing...
Love
I want to remind everyone that not everything you put in your mouth needs to be “nutritious”, we are allowed to enjoy food that isn’t necessarily “nutritious” and having a healthy relationship with food means having the capacity to eat all kinds of foods, not ones that are nutritiously dense. Health looks different on everyone.
I have had anorexia since i was 14, but my earliest memories of hating my body and starving myself is 6/7 years old because I was a dancer. My weight has been my constant thought since, my body dysmorphia is so crippling. I was put into treatment 4 years ago to recover, and I never fully have. No one ever takes women of color serious about anorexia. I hope someday we can change the narrative that this only affects wealthy white women. I have been relapsing, I needed to see this, thank you so much.
Have you read the books by Tabitha Farrar?
They are so helpful!
Hope you continue your journey towards healing! You can do this!
dev hit the nail on the head. when we feel sad stressed uneasy anxious etc we should not take things away like food or connections but give ourself love. don’t punish ourselves. we need to comfort ourselves. I have struggled with an ED for 16 years. it’s taken 16 years to get to where i’m at with my relationship with food.
tbh the little girl mentioned in the beginning, her mom is probably the one who spoke to her in the manner at first. Saying things like her daughter can’t have frosting or controlling what she eats was prolly why that little girl was so skinny and probably why she came up to the guest and said something like that in the first place.
Yes, she probably was around ED parents. I think so, too. It could’ve been the mom, but with the people I knew growing up, it was both parents. Especially the dad. Both parents were differing levels of extreme. The dad was more about restricting while also having a number of unhealthy habits like drinking Mt. Dew and eating candy and chips. Lots of sugary treats. Oh, of course the kids couldn’t have his treats. They were his. The kids had to get permission first. He had a bit of a hypocritical attitude and a toxic view of food and men and women. Then the mom was more on the other extreme while also having her restrictive moments. All their kids ended up having horrendous relationships with food.
To the point where the mom had tried to starve the children during their early years in her fear of food. She feared her children becoming fat. The mom had weight issues. The father stood by. The oldest daughter went on to do the same with her toddler son. The father now grandfather still stood by. Extended family did step in both times. The youngest daughter had food issues on the opposite extreme. The middle boy was normal weight even a little skinny, but none of the kids had healthy relationships with food. All the kids in adulthood are struggling in different ways. Much of it came from the parents’ attitudes towards food.
Though, having grown up in a house with no food rules outside of clean your plate, it’s not much better there either. Imo. My mom didn’t teach the best habits. My brother and I are having to learn moderation all on our own in adulthood.
Facility gave her the worst foods to “recover”. Those types of food perpetuate eating disorders even more 😢
"I don't like to let myself enjoy things" I relate so so much to that, and that is exactly how I feel when thinking about my eating issues. I never understood why, but when Claire was talking about how she started giving herself things to make herself feel happier, it resonated so much. Not only would I deprive myself of food, but I wouldn't get myself clothes & makeup, or get my hair done- things that would always make me feel good. I was never able to put it into words, but hearing Claire speak about it made me so sad, and it began to make me look at my behaviors and realize that I'm doing the same. Thank you so much for this episode, and Claire, I am so proud of you! All my love to you ladies
this podcast is truly brilliant! every episode is so raw and real. it’s made me want to journal “my life story” just for myself to look back on
Currently struggling with ed & I appreciated this video so much. I can’t talk about this with many people and even when I do it feels like a burden to unload on them but hearing this was inspiring. Keep doing what your doing here, it’s really something great!
Thank you so much for this episode Claire & Dev. I’m anorexic myself and still battling, even though I’m at a somewhat stable weight now, I still have a very bad relationship with food. I get super anxious whenever I have to eat out with friends, I’m scared of eating too much / eating too little / puking in public etc. Everyone just tells me to ‘eat more’ as if it’s easy to fix the problem. My Asian parents never understand my situation and just tell me off for wasting food. This episode makes me feel better, love from Hong Kong🇭🇰❤
Take time to eat, please speak up for yourself. I been through this phase and my family looked at me as weird and kept trying to reassure me that its ok to eat around them and not to feel ashamed. The more practice the better, I know that it has been 6 months but if its still a struggle please be patient with yourself, chew slow, and take in the experience.
I'm so glad you both spoke about how the mental struggles are the hardest, not enough people acknowledge that the main focus isn't always about how you look. The control factor is huge.
74 lbs is no joke, that’s on the verge of heart failure. You’re never not in recovery, I’m glad she’s in a better place mentally and in her recovery rn
hmmm really depends on height and bone density - I dont think you can say that as a swooping statement
@@ELine39 it was understood that 74 pounds for any woman isn’t good, don’t be argumentative
i agree but it annoyed me that she had to say her lw because that wasn’t really necessary to the story
Eugenia cooney is still alive
@@SarahG-vz3ki she’s 28, ppl with her condition don’t make it very long. Alive?? More like barely surviving
I am a mental health provider and I want to thank you for having this platform and bringing up such important topics. Anorexia nervosa is the mental disorder with the highest mortality rate.
My mom took me to the doctors because she was worried because I was barely eating and the doctor literally said “it’s normal” and at the time I was so happy hearing that but deep down I knew that what I was doing wasn’t right but here I am doing so much better ! I’m glad you had her on 💕
Thank you so much for speaking openly about this topic, especially something so personal, raw & sensitive. I have been currently struggling with an E.D for the last year due to extremely difficult circumstances in my life so to see someone speak about their struggles and need for control is really important to those of us who are actively affected. Control is a major component of my E.D for me. I also really related to her being an only child as I grew up being one as well, and I have also that "only-child seriousness" that people with siblings seem to always pick up on. Thanks for making people like me feel less alone!
The thing that made me sad when I was anorexic is the fact that I said “I’d rather die than be fat” and “I don’t deserve to eat”
Claire your visibility will give a glimmer of hope to people currently struggling with eating disorders, I’m such a big fan of the way you framed recovery as adding things into your life that interest you and spark joy for you! ❤
As someone who had anorexia I totally get and understand what she is saying about hos draining and painful the mental side of this is and how sometimes the intrusive thoughts can be present every single day of our lives. I loved this episode Dev,keep doing this amazing podcast because it really helps a lot of people 🥰
This was another excellent story. I’m sure so many people could relate to her story girls boys young or old people struggle with this. Devorah again let me say your amazing with this podcast you make people so comfortable and relaxed they want to get their stories out there. Keep it up 👌👍❤️
every. single. word. she said especially about the abuse in treatment touched me. it feels good to be understood. great podcast!!!
This podcast is amazing 🥲 thank you Claire and Dev ❤️
I really liked this video! I feel like it was very honest yet respectful and informative at the same time. I don’t have or have had anorexia but I do relate to the guest in some ways, especially when she talked about what she was like as a child and the shame she felt knowing that she was really struggling even though she was lucky to have a supportive family and friends. And like the host said, everyone has a story and there are people that can relate to you even if it’s not exactly the same. We’re all never alone!
Thank you for sharing! I’m in recovery. My ED started at 7yo. My biggest takeaway from your story was to give myself things, instead of restricting. This sentiment is life changing for me. Thank you
Thank you for sharing your story. You did a wonderful job telling your story. It was captivating. Wishing you all the best this world has to offer
I've been struggling with an eating disorder since elementary school. In my experience there are good days and bad days but overall as long as you are steadily improving thats all that matters. There will be slip ups and it won't always be linear...recovery is a tricky thing. Will be keeping you in my thoughts! This podcast was very helpful and therapeutic for me.
This story really hit home, as someone who can relate to a lot of it
Ty sm for this, hearing someone that went through what I’m trying to avoid going deeper into really helps me rn
When I was a kid, I was tested for autism because i was very irritable over social situations and quiet, and also a super picky eater. I was also a very serious only child, very sensitive, and thus self focused on things like how I looked even no one had issue with me.
It turned out I just had generalized anxiety disorder that got worse in my teens, which just contributed to my shyness (but i became better at socializing, the anxiety triggered the ed though.)
I really get the whole issue of childhood roots of EDs in only children bc I’ve been there. Those first 5 minutes talking about the woman in yellow’s upbringing remind me so much of myself. It does suck, because how do you fix a silent problem like a child not liking themselves, especially when they don’t know how to articulate it? Especially when that later can manifest with an ED.
If you ever want to have another ED recovery experience interview, from the perspective of a straight guy who went through years worth of these facilities, let me know. I can attest to much of what this lovely guest discussed, and have plenty of my own stories from my time dealing with this wicked set of disorders. At a place in life now that id be very open to sharing. Thanks for giving this girl a place to share her tale.
that would be so amazing! eating disorders and mental health problems in men are so rarely discussed
You are so right Dev! One of the only things that have helped me with my eating disorder throughout my life was learning to eat healthy, balanced foods. I can’t believe they fed her like that!!
5:14 that little girl calling it poison heard that from somewhere…🤷🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️ and I know my mother would say something was poison if she didn’t want me to eat it…or as an exaggeration for unhealthy food
I relate so much with her having been a sensitive and serious kid. Makes sense to feel that way if you have no siblings. I'm an only child myself so this was a major light bulb moment for me
Love this it’s been a Struggle since I was able to talk I’m 31 now. It sucks. People don’t get it. But everyday is different for me either I over eat or I don’t eat at all for days. I was always the skinny girl then the “girl who gained weight” it hurts hurts so bad to have to make yourself throw up & or not eat at all. I got down to 90 pounds and I gained 10 pounds and was told I was “fat” like tf!!!! I’m 130 now and I love my curves but still have those days. I read a lot about this my entire life to try to understand myself. Prayers and love sending your way 💝 thanks dev for this video 💝💝💝💝
My disordered eating began in high school. It took me until I was up until my 30s to have a truly healthier relationship with food. I wasn’t anorexic but I had issues with binging & a control issue with food later with excessive exercise. I also tried every diet and had a love/hate relationship with food. It wasn’t until I met someone who helped me see myself & food in a healthier light. I also attribute my faith and God for helping me change my perspective. I didn’t seek therapy until later. I look back and I can’t even believe I suffered in silence for so long. I know for myself that trauma played a huge part in my disordered eating. Thank you for your story. I appreciate your vulnerability.
Thank you Claire for your vulnerability and honesty in sharing your story. You will reach and help many people in a similar situation ❤
3:09 I’m an only child too- and I’ve never been able to fully explain my mind as a child…and it’s everything this girl just said… ❤❤❤
it sounds like there's a high chance she's autistic. everything she says about how she was as a kid and how she didn't get along with other kids that well and was a very 'serious' kid and daydreamed a lot sounds very textbook, i was very much the same. eating disorders are also more common among autistic people and they're also more likely to develop it at a younger age
this makes a lot of sense actually 👏🏼
I just love your show sis! You’re so good at this ❤
33:35 good for your mom trusting and KNOWING her daughter. I’m sure it was a fine line for her to know the difference between the mental aspect that would cause you to be, as you said, stubborn - which I’m sure also led to certain manipulation tactics versus the actual physical pain you were in due to the awful food force fed you and also the way *they* were harming you further psychologically.
God, you talking about hating how you look when you were a young child hits so hard to home. I remember having thoughts of hating myself as young as 8 when I was in my class. It's funny because looking back I was a normal kid. But in class we had desks that would open in the front, so when sitting, I would be able to lean forward and have my stomach kinda fit inside my desk? And when I found out I could do that I started thinking was so fat... It didn't help that my mom would consistently call me overweight... I really forgot how long ago this started with myself.
Thank you for sharing your story.
Regarding, "Nutrition at the facility". I feel she was somewhere where the bottom line is, "successful treatment" .. Meaning, you gain weight and are considered treated and a success; however the bottom line is pacifying people at top and continuing to receive support. They don't actually care if you're being treated the right way. As like in addiction centers, you can become a repeat customer for billing and kickbacks etc. when you are not, "cured".. There's a nasty underworld to these types of places!
Amazing story. I am so amazed when people have the courage to tell their story! I could never! As a struggling bulimia with a toddler, I must say this was a wake up call. As my worst fear is passing down my habits..
Great guest! 💜🌼
Eating disorders are traumatizing. I sincerely hope your life and your relationship with your body and food is better now than ever!
Wow, I can so relate to having a naturally petite best friend growing up. I’m 5’3 and not overweight and I never really have been but I grew up constantly wishing I could be as skinny and petite as her. Thankfully I’ve grown a lot and become more comfortable in my body but I know so many people struggle with this growing up no matter what grade you’re in. Much love ❤️ ❤
Im so excited to come tell my story next month! I've been so nervous but it's excitement at this point lol
yea anorexia is literally the worst thing ever that has happened too me & im so glad I’m not the only one
I've been with my girlfriend for a year and she has had anorexia since she was about 15. Since I found out I have been trying to learn as much about it as I can so I can help her fully recover, and i'm so thankful that she has vastly improved with eating regularly and her overall relationship with food! Still, I know the mental part is the bigger issue, and I wish there was more online about how you can help a loved one with an ED when therapy or other treatment is sadly unavailable. And to anyone reading this who is struggling, I see you and I believe in you ❤
I had an ED at such a young age due to emetophobia.
I still have a love/hate relationship with food, but I definitely try to just enjoy myself and not worry about anything else. This episode was great, so glad she shared her story.
What a precious young woman! So brave of her to cheer her story 🙏🏻🫶♥️ it's so common that people of all ages are having a completed relationship with food, but in a much smaller way then this woman! And it's good to lift this topic up to the surface, and acknowledge the fact that many people can have a complicated relationship with food, and how easy it is to go from complicated to dangerous! So just put a light on it is a great value to so many people! Thank you for sharing your story 🫶♥️
I would love hearing from someone who has struggled with ARFID
I survived anorexia nervosa too. 🎉❤I’ll be celebrating three years recovered this summer.
THANKS MUCH FOR YOUR STORY
YOU'RE SO BRAVE FOR SHARING
Wow this episode was interesting and made me understand the eating disorder! The emotional and mental side of it
I love your guests! Great job!
I haven’t heard someone describe anorexia for the self harm it really is. I remember thinking “I deserve to feel this awful” 🤍🤍 love for anyone recovering. You deserve recovery
I started disliking my body at around 12 years old, and eventually not eating a whole lot turned into my body not tolerating food well. I didn't even know there was a word for what was happening until I was about 15. I'm now almost 18 and doing better.
Guest: food shouldn’t be labeled as good or bad
Host: precedes to talk about bad/shit food the whole podcast
Girl. You edited this?
Literally and the host refers to the naturally skinny girl saying "some people are genetically blessed and others have to work harder to look like that" girl what... you are reinforcing that being skinny is the genetic blessing and not a normal weight. That is not good to say to someone with anorexia even if it was unintentional. I don't think this girl is well equipped for these types of interviews
her experience in rehab for anorexia sounds similar to my experience in detox. sometimes the meals are amazing but sometimes you don't always get what you want, many of these places are donated food & they do the best with the budget they are given. One person might be stoked by cookie crisps & another might be and eggs and bacon kina person...So us girls would get upset about having cold cereal then a cold salad & then a cold dinner sometimes. Or like they would give us something sweet like a cinnamon bun when everyone wanted something savory. They are just doing the best they can & they usualy were open to our suggestions for further meals. Like hey please switch it up from hot to cold and not too many sweets we need real food. but that place saved my life, and the rehabs she went to were there to save hers . & we need to be more grateful in those situations. The nurses, counselors, cooks, janitors etc are there to help you.. We should be thankful they have these spaces. i met my best friend in detox, in a room full of women like she described, & her & I both are over one year sober. I also have a past with eating disorders. I hear a lot of complaining about the psyche wards/rehabs/detox centers ..I think people need to change their attitudes. I am thankful if I ever need a psyche ward. even though i may have to eat (not the best or most logical meals for that time of day)... Some places in the world do not even have those facilities. She says one bathroom but the one bathroom at our facility was huge with showers & you could access it 24/7.. I am just saying I don't hear anyone talking about the positive of these amazing life saving places... just what they thought how it should have gone down. I am a fan or paris hilton but she cried & said they would watch you in the showers. I went to military hi school. I signed up for it myself, part of the protocol is they pass by while your showering for saftey reasons , it does not take long for some to potentially hurt themselves & they aren't staring you down it's a pass by. In the oxford house I lived in if we left razors in the shower we could get charged 15$.. it make not make sense to you but a lot of these places are trying to prevent you from hurting yourself & unfortunately private places such a showers or bedrooms are often where peole hurt themsleves the most.. i went to jail once , i said i was gonna hurt myself. so every 15 minutes they had to walk by with a flashligt. They are heros not monsters..What is comfortable for most people for someone who is very sensitive they may see it as a form of being violated but it it all perspective & people following saftey polices that you may or may not agree with. In military hi school They wanted make sure we clean and brush our mouths properly, be hygienic and take proper showers, so they go "left arm" everyone cleans left arm and so and so... Some people try & make these places seem like prisons when in reality most of the staff like she said in these places are amazing & just following policy's & are there to protect you. I can't wait to make a video on my experince in detox , I have so many amazing stories and jounral entires.
Having an ed is absolutely wild. Mine began because of my body image issues but the control part of it is what kept me going. It’s so hard to explain it to others because it’s hard to imagine how starving could me addictive but it’s such a mind fuck istg.
29:06 I totally agree with you, Dev, the point isn’t to just shove ALL shit down people’s throats. Especially at that age. She’s saying right now that it gave you a negative view of food - and that’s exactly what I was going to say. It doesn’t teach good habits of how to truly make yourself HEALTHY. mentally and physically. And then to get horrible GI issues from it, who’s going to want to eat anything if they’re in pain that way! You can’t feel good physically if you’re eating sh!t, and if you don’t feel good physically you can’t feel good mentally. This is all common sense! It’s scary that a group of, “professionals” would run a place like this with the worst qualify of foods. Wow.
I love this podcast thank you to all the guests for being so vulnerable and you’re a great interviewer:) #wereallinsane
Anorexia is such a soul sucking illness- I am so glad to be on the road of recovery.
This story hits home i use to binge eat so bad!! My weight has always been a struggle but i have to take control over my life. My mom is a health nut and my little brother has definitely bad or good food. I definitely have some tramua with food because it is still engrained in me that pizza is bad but whole foods like fruits and veggies are good. So bad i use to find the bad food and binge in my. Room!
I feel so safe here, thank you ❤
I have a lot of gender dysphoria and I relate to a lot of what she is saying in the video. I wish all the best to her.
I remember when I was at my peak of my eating disorder my dad asked me if I was on drugs (thinking that that was why I was losing weight) even though I was like this because of him and my family making me have a bad relationship with food at such a young age and the bullying at school as well because of my weight. And on top of that they were even on the bullys side about my weight so that just made things worse. And even after the years ( I'm 20 now) he and my mom still talk about the bad foods and good foods so the whole putting me in a place to get help was just a waste, like why put me there and then when I'm back home have that same mindset after the therapist and psychologist told you not to act that way because it's very toxic, but hey what can you do.
that first story...I was 6 when I first saw a photo of myself I hated that much. my first grade teacher passed out our school photos by presenting them to the whole class so we could all see them and then giving them to us and everyone had been saying "awwwww" whenever the pictures were shown. when they got to mine everyone burst out laughing and had to be told to settle down because they all thought I looked so funny. I was chubby, red-haired, toothless and had a chin length bob with bangs that were way too short. I remember going home and throwing the pictures down the stairs and then later sneaking into my moms room and cutting them up. there's one copy at my moms house somewhere but I got in so much trouble for cutting the rest up. I feel like that was the point in my life that I started getting really self conscious about how I looked because I realized that everyone else saw me the way I looked in that picture even though at the time I didn't recognize myself. I honestly don't think I'll ever be able to shake how I felt in class that day. my mom only ordered school pictures a few times after that because I would tell her I wasnt even going to bring them home so there was no point in her getting them. I didnt even want to know what they looked like.
That sounds awful and I hope you’re doing better now. Take care ❤️
The beginning is basically describing my experience in childhood when I was an undiagnosed autistic kid autistics are also more likely to develop Ed’s
i just subscribed to this channel i love these podcast
Anorexia has made me grieve all the time I wasted caring so much about something that matters so little
Anorexia for me was about control because I had none in my life when I was at my worst. Stopped having a period and everything. I was a virgin as well so it wasn't due to anything other than my health. Like 80 lbs and 5ft tall. I'm 115 now and I struggle but I became a cook and enjoy food so much now (: we can change.
I had a similar friendship at the same age up till middle school when she was too cool for me and also mom/ family diet talks at home as well also have had a bad relationship with food not to the same extent over a much longer period of time but still have to work on body image and being kind to myself
wowww, i truly can’t believe their family laughed at her at that age 😢 that makes me so so sad
I feel so ashamed that ive always felt like this. my earliest memory of hating my body was when i was 5 years old in ballet class and i alwasy felt so extremely uncomfortable because my legs were bigger than everyone elses. i told my mom i wanted to quit because i was bored. in truth i really loved dancing but i was just so insecure.
why has no one said she looks like alisson dilaurentis from pretty little liars!! however, I do also really appreciate this story being told. I have “anorexia” too but I am in complete denial and I don’t believe I really do. I overeat sometimes so I feel like I dont? idk but I hope you’re all doing well
Could you please have an ARFID sufferer/survivor guest? 🙏🙏🙏
She's correct about food addiction being about control, but it's about control over oneself or one's life
Being bullied by the friends parent is too real. I had that happen to me, the mum was a total narcissist and was really harsh on her daughter and made fun of me for being fat.
I have had it for 11 years I am now 24, I frankly see no light at the end of the tunnel
wow I can relate to a lot of Clair's story. Do you have any health problems now? I was no where near as severe as you and I have POTS, dysautonomia and osteoporosis now. I really think it damaged my immune system and definitely my bones. I'm almost 40 now.
Devs socks !!! I love them 😻😻
the second facility she was at was my same exact experience that I had when i was forced into treatment. ultimately i came out of there worse than i was going in. the people who ran the facility were all graduate students trying to get their hours in for “experience” or whatever they needed to get credit for a program. it was awful.
“All that sugar and other horrible
Shit” let’s not put negative commentary on certain foods all food is energy but yes some food has more nutrients than others but that doesn’t make the stuff she was eating horrible. Anyone reading this pls don’t feel bad about eating that stuff in recovery it’s very normal and needed to take the negative mindset over foods away!!
Ugh this poor girl when she was talking about IP treatment as a teen and how awful the place was my heart was breaking. There’s no good reason to feed ED patients horrible unhealthy food like that 😭. It’s hard enough for them to be eating higher volumes of food at all, it’s physically uncomfortable. But then to make it terrible processed food that would feel awful in your body… that treatment center sounds terrible
I have noticed that a lot of our insecurities are usually a result of another individual planting a seed in our minds that what we are is not normal and we should change it to fit a different box.
I work at an ED clinic and one of the facilities she describes reminds me of my job.
I just want to put out there if anyones struggling with eating and is considering reading Jeanette McCurdy’s book it is very graphic and really set me back in my recovery!!
Biggest thing that helped me recover was reminding myself that I still and will always have control over what I want to eat and what I put in my body. Eating more food doesn’t stop me deciding what and when I eat it. Helped a lot ❤
Totally believe addiction to restricting
Damn at 16, same thing. I wasn’t aware I looked scary! It wasn’t about being thin either. I was depressed idk. I remember telling my dad “I’m not sure why I’m not hungry but I should go to the doctor” weird.
I was already skinny too
It sounds like the thin little girl had an unhealthy relationship with food because of her mom. She wasn’t “blessed”. She was taught they treats were poison.
I appreciate how Dev sits. Thought no one else preferred to sit all pretzeled up.
I feel like if you are such a low weight and you are in inpatient they should be focused on balanced weight gain. Being such a low weight you were probably deficient in key nutrients you needed. That should have been part of the meal planning