this is one of the most intriguing podcasts i’ve found via youtube so far. it’s so cool that you’re giving all these folks a voice, i can only imagine how cathartic it is for them to get their story out in the open, despite how frightening it might be to be so vulnerable on such a public platform. 🖤
I was also in an abusive relationship in high school. I’m 27 now and it still affects me to this day, I’ve only just begun to heal within the last year or so. Thank you for sharing your story.
It’s a good question. Cause some of us have been so abused and still have empathy, care, and don’t do that sort of thing. But on the other hand some people are mistreated & then do that to other people, or it’s already within them.. It’s hard for me to make it excusable that they act that way because something’s bad happened to them, yet worse things can happen to people who still have compassion and don’t do that.. It just seems like an excuse to me from abusers.. but idk. Idk cause I can’t put myself in their shoes. I can’t do what they do. So it just makes me question..
@@AnjewlaSparks I honestly feel like it all comes down to your particular natural inclinations (nature vs nuture). Because just as you’ve stated, there’s people that experience abuse and become super nice, empathetic, and compassionate people. Then there people that experience that same abuse but become monsters and abusive. I feel like it comes down to the natural traits someone is born with. Some have an inclination towards more selfish behaviors (become abusers), while some are more inclined towards selfless behaviors (become compassionate, kind people).
God this story is so incredibly similar to mine…I convinced myself that abusive relationships weren’t possible that young. Thank you for bringing awareness.
I cant believe this podcast only has 230k. This is the most interesting podcast I’ve listened to and great that they’re real people with real stories. This page will be at 1M before you know it.
I haven’t watched the whole episode yet but I had an abusive boyfriend on and off from 15-19 and I think we really need to talk to young girls about this and how vulnerable you are at that age.
This is 100% my story. I’m 8 years out of it and sometimes I am still impacted about this shame of how I used to behaviour towards people who loved me - but who I isolated from. I too wasn’t able to speak to certain people - people I worked with! Co managers! It was just ridiculous He was always stalking my movements every day - thru my work issued phone. I had no idea he had covertly gotten in to and installed this. Which turned out to be a massive security risk to the many and essentially he cost me my career. . Positively tho- I am so extremely self aware now!! My cognitive thought process is really robust now! I can honestly say- I wil always ALways trust myself now. I put me first always Thankyou so much for sharing and explaining this so well to an audience.
my very first relationship was a lot like this one. i wouldn’t wish this kind of trauma on anyone. it really does follow you throughout the years. and since my initial introduction to relationships was an abusive one, i find myself in unhealthy and toxic relationships because my view on what love is supposed to look like is sooo skewed. thank you for sharing your story, and letting others know they are not alone 🤎🤎 this was the episode i needed to hear today.
I have a twelve year old daughter. Thank you for talking about this and giving this mom the words to use to empower her in her relationships. Building a strong self-aware daughter is the goal. We will have difficult conversations about consent and boundaries in a healthy relationship.
I think it goes without saying that this is a really great podcast concept. I think what gets glossed over a lot is your particular ability to interview and bring these podcasts to fruition. Your personality and how attentive you are to people during their stories is incredible! It’s the perfect balance of you staying quiet and making sure they know you are listening and also asking appropriate and thoughtful questions in the right times. Just think that you deserve your roses specifically as well as the podcast as a whole.
Wow this is just like what I went through with my ex in high school. It’s crazy how most of the time we are too “in love” to notice the abuse till we take a step back and realize.
I was afraid of feeling triggered due to similar trauma but once I listened to it, it made me happy that you two are bringing light to situations like this. because like you said, some people don’t think that this could be happening to kids in high school due to being “young and innocent”. and it was honestly eye opening to myself because I didn’t make certain connections in my own life and trauma until I heard this episode. So, thank you 🫶🏼
Oh I feel this pain all too well. So many people discredit the trauma, chucking it to “puppy love”…some have no idea how damaging it can be for some of us
I'm curious how much involvement she had with his dad because his dad seems mega controlling and probably led to him thinking that's how relationships worked.
This was very close to my own story which happened in 1989-1991. I'm 47 and still to this day struggle with the damage he caused. Well done for speaking out!
seek some professional help. it’s been a very long time for u to still be struggling. kind of shows a lack of care or willingness to actually face ur problem. do u rlly want to still be a victim after 30 years lol.
even though for me this kind of relationship played out but im a guy and my girlfriend treated me like this hearing her story verbalized like this just feels really nice to hear. love this podcast and i can’t wait for the next ep :)
This reminded me SO much of my story. He was 20 and I was 17. It was my first relationship. Completely wooed me and sucked up to me for 2 months then flipped like a switch and completely changed as a person. Very cold, told me I was just here for his pleasure, would insult me constantly, no consent, only allowed to hangout with his friends, etc. Then when I would defend myself, he would completely switch back to “you know if going to marry you” “I didn’t even mean it like that” etc. He was my first love and I still think about that time of my life every other day. Luckily I am now with a person I want to spend the rest of my life with because they taught me how to be loved.
i don’t understand how u can call that your first love if all you experienced from him was shit. how low of self esteem does a woman have to have to put up with that or think that’s acceptable
This is exactly what happened to me in 8th grade to 11th grade… was with him for three years and it was so abusive.. and that set the stage of my future relationships and relationship with myself… I’m Still healing.. I’m 29 now..
I love these stories a thousand percent!! ...but the cats have my heart. Please never, ever, ever stop featuring the cats. I must see the cats. It is absolutely necessary.
im sooooo grateful for my hs health teacher for always talking about abuse and signs of it and watching documentaries, and i am from a small town. Forever grateful for Mr Nelson.
This has become my fave podcast/channel on RUclips. I click so fast every time there’s a new video 🖤 keep bringing on all these guests with all of their amazing stories.
My HS relationship had a similar theme with intimacy and it hit when she said that its easier to just go along with it and get it over with-- like a chore. My ex would emotionally manipulate me into things I didn't want to do. If I didn't go along, that mean't I didn't love him and he would have a meltdown and throw things around the room. And if I wasn't enthusiastic and appear like I was enjoying myself, that would cause a whole other issue with impotence which was an even bigger meltdown. I wasn't ever fearful of him hurting me thankfully, but it scarred me emotionally where I tend to only think about the other person's pleasure. I am just now learning to pick up moments that I disassociate and not speak up when I want to slow down in intimate moments. I really do think the access to porn that children have has fueled these expectations like the advancement of first having sex and the pretty intense ways of having sex at such a young age. Thank you to the guest for sharing her story!
This is very similar to what happened to me at 18 when I got into my first relationship out of high school with a boy I never met before, by the end of our relationship he had physically destroyed everything I had from all my clothes and jewelry even my birth certificate. He cut up everything poured paint and car chemicals over everything i owned in my bedroom of my parents house. I was lucky enough to get a restraining order and he went back to the city he was originally from . I am 26 now and about a year ago I found out he is going to be in prison for the next 13 years for Arson.
I can relate sooooo much to this woman. My highschool bf was a Narcissistic abuser. He had trust issues like her ex, I couldn't do anything without accusations, was getting cheated on, He'd say things that would subtly encourage my eating disorder, He'd encourage self harm & blame me for everything. Even if i found out HE cheated, he would blame me for finding out. He was/is disgusting. I hate him. And I wish him the worst to this day. 🤷🏻♀️
Huge props to your guest for sharing this story. I’ve been working through learning I’ve been disassociating for a long time and her description of her feelings during moments when she did is helping me understand what’s happening❤
I am permanently affected by my first relationship in highschool. It was so horrible and put me into the worst depression of my life, i couldn’t sleep from the anxiety i wanted to die every day. At one point I weighed 86 pounds when I should be at 125 ish. I would go days without eating. Thank you for sharing light on this and how scary it can be.. i fear for my children and siblings now because of that first relationship
Her story is so similar to my own, just swished around a bit. Some of the things she mentions happened to me with my fist love in HS, but most of it was my ex husband. I honestly am inspired to write a children's book about the red flags we should be learning in elementary school, middle school, high school and beyond~ and travel around to speak in these schools to kids and teenagers.... I wish someone, _anyone_ would have taught me about red flags, abuse, coercive control, manipulation, narcissism, obligation sex, girls/women's needs in the bedroom (it's not JUST for men's pleasure). Bless this beautiful woman and all the other men and women who have gone through or are still going through this hell on earth 😢
Do it! That's a wonderful idea! You're absolutely right about kids needing to learn those red flags and boundaries early. Some of us never learned them from our caregivers or parents. I didn't. Writing that book and sharing it with children could potentially save lives. Best of luck!
I really appreciate her openness on issues like this - there's definitely aspects that resonated with me, and while I'm sad that so many people can relate, it's nice to have affirmation that I'm not alone/ what happened WAS wrong.
Hit the nail on the head Devorah, if young people see this they might see the red flags🙏It’s so hard to see them when it’s the first time seeing them as a kid- wish I had have seen something like this when I was younger! ❤️
listening to this was so surreal. i went through consistent abusive relationships starting as young as 12 up until i was around 22 and i met my current angel of a boyfriend. finally hearing someone else talk about their partner SAing them at a young age and how it’s conditioned their brain is so surreal. it’s always felt as if my experience was minimized because they were my partners and i was young. the trauma has never left me. this was almost comforting to listen to and hear that i’m not alone in what i experienced. thank you for sharing your experience, hearing it meant a lot to my teenage self.
I relate to this woman so much. My only 3 relationships have been with guys who turned out to be verbally abusive. I've also been in situations where I've been bullied and no one stood up for me. It's a horrible feeling to have someone treat you that way and not be able to stop it. My heart goes out to her. She's a lot more calm than I am lol
God this interview really hit home! My first and only relationship I’ve been in was very similar to this thank you so much for sharing this you don’t know the type of strength it takes to do that I really hope this reaches all young women ❤
I had a very similar experience just not in a physical way and i’m only 17 and just recently officially got out of it. It’s so hard to deal with it too like no one talks about young abusive relationships and it’s so amazing to be able to watch this and relate to her pretty much exactly. i’m still dealing with the effects and how no one really knows how horrible he really is and how everyone thinks i’m the problem or that i’m just playing him sense i left so many times after he had pulled me back in so many times. it’s great to have this video to relate to❤️❤️❤️
This is so sad that so many girls end up going through something like this! I remember when I told my story to a friend she was not surprised by the half of the things that I told her, but instead she nodded her head and related because she too went through something like this. It is annoying that somebodies games can effect you years after the relationship is over and if they were presistent enough it can end up shaping you and changing you and leaving you with problems that you need to solve on your own!
Hands down there needs to be classes about dating and warning signs of abuse. Not dating someone who different relationship goals. How to safely leave a toxic and/or dangerous relationship.
it warms my heart and makes me feel so seen and good to hear someone who has practically the same story as mine... for so long, I thought I was alone in the teen dating violence because everyone talks about adult relationships SA and adult relationships emotional abuse no one really tells their story or talks about it being very-unfortunately common for teenagers I was in a relationship from 15-17 he was from 18-21 and I thought it was just love. I was exhausted and depressed but longed for that relationship because I never had that "love" before. if you are in a relationship like that please know you can leave and that it's hard for a while but it gets better. after therapy and healing and time I'm in a very healthy relationship with an amazing man. although it's a healthy amazing relationship, it is the hardest relationship I've ever been in because you have to constantly try to remember you are safe and choose to work on yourself, even break bad habits like dissociating during sex or expecting them in a bad mood. but getting help and leaving is the best thing I ever did. thank you for making me feel seen and not alone
Not only are young abusive relationships so scarring, but they also rob you of the experience of a normal young relationship and the good things you would have learned from that. They negatively effect you long term, as well as rob you of the experience you could have had.
Very true. I wish I had someone who would’ve guided me at such a young age. I lost so much of my high school years because of him. So glad I’m in a very healthy and loving relationship now .
wow i feel you girl we went through a lot of similar things and honest i never felt seen since we were so young and “mistakes are made” yet his treatment was so bad it goes beyond our ages. thank you for hitting all the spots and doing all this good stuff
This made me so sad… I relate to her my first love in high school was exactly like this.. I’m so sad that she & I & others have gone through this at such a young age…I’m happy she shared her story thank you so much…you don’t realize how much a relationship like this affects your whole life. That relationship caused so much trauma for me.. I’m still trying to recover & I’m 24 years old.
My experience with sex was so similar! I was too young to understand the damage I was doing to myself and it’s a long process to unwind the trauma, and something I’ll be doing for the rest of my life in intimate relationships.
I found your podcast 2 days ago and I have so much respect for you and a million "thank yous" ❤ to send you. I felt so alone or even cursed from some of the trauma I've experienced in my life and this platform helps me see we are so much more alike than we are different. It also spreads hope for people who do not have a support system like I did not for so many years. Healing is possible . Be kind ❤
It’s insane how similar this was to my first relationship. I have now been with my current partner for four years and I am still working through those seeds of insecurities that he planted
This girl perfectly described my first relationship. Except I was 16 and he was 20. We dated for 5 years. My mother adored him as if he was her own and enabled his behavior, defending it until age finally brought her a change of heart. I’m 27 now. It took me so long to process the experience, thank you so much for sharing your story for anyone sharing this experience in the present or future. I wish I had had this when I was 21.
Dev, I have found myself looking forward to Sundays just because of your podcast, and I’m really not one to get excited for pods so I’m super excited about this one. You are so empathetic and such an outstanding listener and always give thoughtful insight and feedback in such a loving and understanding way. I’ve seen you in such a personal and intimate light because of the pod and you truly seem like such a sweetheart with a huge heart. Sending you so much love and I can’t wait for you to grow, this pod is gonna go farrrrr I can feel it in my bones! Love you!
I am so grateful for this videos existence. It was hard to listen to but it also helped me realize that I’m not alone. I went through the same thing in high school. And being 14-16 people don’t take you seriously. I’m 23 now and I’ve still never told anyone what happened and what I went through because I didn’t think others would consider it “abuse.” But hearing her say so many of the things that I went through makes me realize that I’m not crazy and I’m not being dramatic. But that my pain and experience of abuse was real and it happened. I hope that one day I can too share my story without feeling like I won’t be believed, thank you so much to both of you❤️
My first relationship was also abusive and traumatic in a similar way. To this day, I keep going back to realize the f up things that happened and the repercussions it has had on my mental state. The siblings part specially resonated with me, I feel a deep relief to see my siblings didn't go down the same path. I found this podcast a few days ago and I've been eating it up, great work!
Love this show! Ive listened to every show so far and can not wait for more drops. "We're all insane," gives so many people, from different walks of life, a platform to tell their story and that is sooo important! Thank you! All the work you guys put into this podcast does not go unnoticed! ❤
Officially making it a goal to be on your podcast because I’ve always been scared to share my story with others but it’s one’s like this that only remind me I’m not alone
Thank you for sharing your story, this resonates so much with my own and I see lots of commenters that feel the same. The more I listen the more I relate to the things you went through with my abusive relationship
Wow, her story is so so close to mine. I have been talking to my therapist about this and digging in. This is wild to hear from someone else. Thank you for sharing your story.
I am so glad I found this podcast! You give these people such a comfortable space to speak about these hard issues and you handle everything with such grace and care. ❤
I agree with teaching kids in school at least a little bit about abusive relationships.... Also, because I feel like when the abusive person is that young they don't realize they're being abusive... It would protect the victim and may help a future abuser change their behaviors before they're completely ingrained in their personality..
Devorah you make the guest feel so welcome. I’ve been watching you from Brandon’s videos from about 5 years ago. I love what you’ve done with the podcast
I love the kitty cuddle moment 😻 it was at an emotional part of her story and the kitty palate cleanser was so necessary and appreciated. Thank you for this story! I related a TON
I watch these videos E V E R Y single time I have found you since that one girl was abused by her husband. The people on here are so good with articulation and I am very thankful for this life; every single time. Such a dream to go onto this podcast and share my story… Struggle adopted, drugs, almost married really young, etc. my life is pretty interesting, and I keep a lot of people humble😅😅 Hopefully one day it’ll be my turn!!
My best friend was in a relationship like this when we were 14/15. She got pregnant w her son while in the relationship too, so it became extra isolated for her. Her ex would try to keep up from being friends and for a while it worked. She wouldn’t hangout w me, I remember one time she came home w me after school and her ex lived down the street from me so she left and went to go to his house instead. When her pregnancy progressed he got more and more aggressive w her. Once the baby was born tho he basically abandoned them both. 12 almost 13 years later he has seen his son maybe 4 times if that. He has other kids now too.
This resonated with me… I was abused by my first serious boyfriend when I was 15-18. It was horrible and eerily similar to this going lady’s experience… I often wonder if my ex grew up and realized how horrible he was to me. I'm married now with two young children and I couldn't be happier, but the anger and sadness from that relationship lingers even 15 years later.
the same happened to me, same ages more or less too (14-18). im 22 now and definitely doing better, but i dont think that anger will ever go away. lots of love
This story is insanely similar to mine. The abuse from a partner started in 8th grade, middle school and a few years after,, and i'd love to know the science behind boys being so young and already abusive, manipulative, looking to make you feel insecure etc.This seems unreasonably common and not talked about enough.
I’m just thinking to myself, and maybe a good way that abuse and red flags can also be taught is not just about the outside situation, but how it feels for you on the inside, because if we can get kids/teens/adults in touch with their feelings then they’ll be more in tune with their intuition to know something’s wrong, or when they feel uncomfortable to stop & not proceed, & speak up, etc. Cause I feel most of us as least have that instinct initially to feel uncomfortable, but a lot of the time it’s our minds or someone else who convinces us otherwise, like gaslighting ourselves or someone else pressuring us. But I think if we can get kids in touch with their morals and boundaries & how to actually put that into place by action, communication, walking away, etc. then hopefully they will have some foundation & direction. Cause that direction will always be within them, and no one can take it. And that’s learning consent from within. Learning to have authority over our body and our life, cause we really matter. So I guess the point is, to check in within ourselves, and learn ourselves because sometimes it’s not so easy to tell on the outside. And being in those situations in reality is sooo much different than in theory. It takes that strength inside to recognize or hopefully do something about it. And I hope that’s a preventative measure to be used.
You can tell she still kind of defends her abuser. That’s what manipulation does to a person, especially at a young age. Messes with your self worth. Hopefully she’s had more clarity and can see the potential on a healthy relationship that she deserves.
I'm usually quick to judge girls like Dev but I'm so glad I stuck around. You seem like such a genuine person and are so supportive of your guests no matter what their stories are. I look forward to each episode ❤
Hey, Devorah, I am a big fan love your realness and authenticity you remind me of women from the Caribbean. I was looking at a recent video of you and Brandon, I heard you crying out for help other people who are struggling can't help you and you may need to take some time away on your own to yourself to heal and be better. Love you girl keep being you!
This is so fucking similar to my aduse in high school story. When she said that she loves Kim Kardashian now but she hated her back then because she wasn't her boyfriends ideal image of a woman and she wanted to be like Kim for his acceptance and approval. Same story, but my boyfriends celebrity crush was Anna Faris and I felt absolutely worthless that I didn't look super skinny and blonde. We just kill ourselves over boys that treat us terribly and hope we get their acceptance because we were taught in elementary school that if a boy is mean to us it's because he likes us and just can't communicate his feelings
Lexie your story was very interesting. I’m sure you really gave a lot of young girls starting to date a whole new out look on dating boys like this showing them it’s not love but a real wrong sick kind of thing to be so controlling. Great job and devorah again great interviewer you know exactly what to ask. ❤️👌👍
i’m really enjoying this podcast. wanted to say that others who enjoy it might also like “this is actually happening” on the Wondery network. not to take away this audience, but to spread the love! 🙂
Unlikely patrons of this kind of abuse usually have that epiphany of " this is not how somebody that loves you treats you", during the passing of a loved and not only does the abusive partner ignore sympathy, but they will become provoked. it's not all about them, and they will one hundred percent of the time communicate that in a way that is final and can't be unsaid
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this is one of the most intriguing podcasts i’ve found via youtube so far. it’s so cool that you’re giving all these folks a voice, i can only imagine how cathartic it is for them to get their story out in the open, despite how frightening it might be to be so vulnerable on such a public platform. 🖤
And they don’t even have to wear those silly headphones like everyone else
I agree, I’m not one to enjoy sitting down and listening to podcasts but this one really caught my attention
Ioe
@evanalvarez5326
AGREE
I was also in an abusive relationship in high school. I’m 27 now and it still affects me to this day, I’ve only just begun to heal within the last year or so.
Thank you for sharing your story.
So sad, this poor women’s story seems to be relatable to many other women’s experiences. Where do these abusers come from?
It’s a good question. Cause some of us have been so abused and still have empathy, care, and don’t do that sort of thing. But on the other hand some people are mistreated & then do that to other people, or it’s already within them.. It’s hard for me to make it excusable that they act that way because something’s bad happened to them, yet worse things can happen to people who still have compassion and don’t do that.. It just seems like an excuse to me from abusers.. but idk. Idk cause I can’t put myself in their shoes. I can’t do what they do. So it just makes me question..
@@AnjewlaSparks I honestly feel like it all comes down to your particular natural inclinations (nature vs nuture). Because just as you’ve stated, there’s people that experience abuse and become super nice, empathetic, and compassionate people. Then there people that experience that same abuse but become monsters and abusive. I feel like it comes down to the natural traits someone is born with. Some have an inclination towards more selfish behaviors (become abusers), while some are more inclined towards selfless behaviors (become compassionate, kind people).
They walk among us
Lowkey I feel like abusers become abusers bc they were neglected at some point
They come from rotten parents. Abusers parents are just as shit.
God this story is so incredibly similar to mine…I convinced myself that abusive relationships weren’t possible that young. Thank you for bringing awareness.
I had a close family friend tell me “ those who can not control themselves try and control others”
Still dealing with trauma from an abusive relationship years ago. It really becomes ingrained in you, and takes a lifetime to work through
I cant believe this podcast only has 230k. This is the most interesting podcast I’ve listened to and great that they’re real people with real stories. This page will be at 1M before you know it.
and the interviewer doesn't interrupt every 2 seconds! she lets the guests tell their story
I haven’t watched the whole episode yet but I had an abusive boyfriend on and off from 15-19 and I think we really need to talk to young girls about this and how vulnerable you are at that age.
exactly, it can truly shape your personality and self esteem because of how vulnerable you are at that age
100%
This is 100% my story. I’m 8 years out of it and sometimes I am still impacted about this shame of how I used to behaviour towards people who loved me - but who I isolated from.
I too wasn’t able to speak to certain people - people I worked with! Co managers! It was just ridiculous
He was always stalking my movements every day - thru my work issued phone. I had no idea he had covertly gotten in to and installed this.
Which turned out to be a massive security risk to the many and essentially he cost me my career.
.
Positively tho- I am so extremely self aware now!! My cognitive thought process is really robust now!
I can honestly say- I wil always ALways trust myself now. I put me first always
Thankyou so much for sharing and explaining this so well to an audience.
my very first relationship was a lot like this one. i wouldn’t wish this kind of trauma on anyone.
it really does follow you throughout the years. and since my initial introduction to relationships was an abusive one, i find myself in unhealthy and toxic relationships because my view on what love is supposed to look like is sooo skewed.
thank you for sharing your story, and letting others know they are not alone 🤎🤎 this was the episode i needed to hear today.
You’ll find your person soon, they will be there to help you break those bad habits, with patience and understanding. 💛
hi i am currently going through this is there a easy way to get out and break up with my bf
I currently am a senior at this High School and just got out of my abusive relationship this is insane
Proud of you, I know how hard it can be
She reminds me of Chrissy from stranger things
it’s hard to believe u were in a relationship…. we’re u overweight with that hair and face the whole time orrrrr did that happen after the fact
I have a twelve year old daughter. Thank you for talking about this and giving this mom the words to use to empower her in her relationships. Building a strong self-aware daughter is the goal. We will have difficult conversations about consent and boundaries in a healthy relationship.
Living vicariously through your daughter. My mom passed when I was 11
This story is so similar to mine, down to the spice. The anxiety. Sex being a chore. Wow
Absolutely can relate
@@187942 it stays with you unfortunately
Same for me. I hate knowing other women went through the same thing.
I think it goes without saying that this is a really great podcast concept. I think what gets glossed over a lot is your particular ability to interview and bring these podcasts to fruition. Your personality and how attentive you are to people during their stories is incredible! It’s the perfect balance of you staying quiet and making sure they know you are listening and also asking appropriate and thoughtful questions in the right times. Just think that you deserve your roses specifically as well as the podcast as a whole.
i WAAAAIIIITTTTT for these every week!!! They’re such good guests with such unique stories that everyone could learn something from!!!!
This is making me realize the depths of my high school relationship. I'm glad you are safe. I'm glad I am safe.
How the heck did her parents have all these kids but not even raise them?! That’s totally irresponsible!!!
Wow this is just like what I went through with my ex in high school. It’s crazy how most of the time we are too “in love” to notice the abuse till we take a step back and realize.
I was afraid of feeling triggered due to similar trauma but once I listened to it, it made me happy that you two are bringing light to situations like this. because like you said, some people don’t think that this could be happening to kids in high school due to being “young and innocent”. and it was honestly eye opening to myself because I didn’t make certain connections in my own life and trauma until I heard this episode. So, thank you 🫶🏼
Oh I feel this pain all too well. So many people discredit the trauma, chucking it to “puppy love”…some have no idea how damaging it can be for some of us
I'm curious how much involvement she had with his dad because his dad seems mega controlling and probably led to him thinking that's how relationships worked.
This was very close to my own story which happened in 1989-1991. I'm 47 and still to this day struggle with the damage he caused. Well done for speaking out!
seek some professional help. it’s been a very long time for u to still be struggling. kind of shows a lack of care or willingness to actually face ur problem. do u rlly want to still be a victim after 30 years lol.
I can totally relate. The worst part for me was that I married the guy.
Hearing this also made me realize it is PTSD what I go through today.
even though for me this kind of relationship played out but im a guy and my girlfriend treated me like this hearing her story verbalized like this just feels really nice to hear. love this podcast and i can’t wait for the next ep :)
This reminded me SO much of my story. He was 20 and I was 17. It was my first relationship. Completely wooed me and sucked up to me for 2 months then flipped like a switch and completely changed as a person. Very cold, told me I was just here for his pleasure, would insult me constantly, no consent, only allowed to hangout with his friends, etc. Then when I would defend myself, he would completely switch back to “you know if going to marry you” “I didn’t even mean it like that” etc. He was my first love and I still think about that time of my life every other day. Luckily I am now with a person I want to spend the rest of my life with because they taught me how to be loved.
That really sucks
Also the age gap was kinda weird
it’s illegal in most states
i don’t understand how u can call that your first love if all you experienced from him was shit. how low of self esteem does a woman have to have to put up with that or think that’s acceptable
This is exactly what happened to me in 8th grade to 11th grade… was with him for three years and it was so abusive.. and that set the stage of my future relationships and relationship with myself… I’m
Still healing.. I’m 29 now..
I love these stories a thousand percent!!
...but the cats have my heart. Please never, ever, ever stop featuring the cats. I must see the cats. It is absolutely necessary.
im sooooo grateful for my hs health teacher for always talking about abuse and signs of it and watching documentaries, and i am from a small town. Forever grateful for Mr Nelson.
This has become my fave podcast/channel on RUclips. I click so fast every time there’s a new video 🖤 keep bringing on all these guests with all of their amazing stories.
My HS relationship had a similar theme with intimacy and it hit when she said that its easier to just go along with it and get it over with-- like a chore. My ex would emotionally manipulate me into things I didn't want to do. If I didn't go along, that mean't I didn't love him and he would have a meltdown and throw things around the room. And if I wasn't enthusiastic and appear like I was enjoying myself, that would cause a whole other issue with impotence which was an even bigger meltdown. I wasn't ever fearful of him hurting me thankfully, but it scarred me emotionally where I tend to only think about the other person's pleasure. I am just now learning to pick up moments that I disassociate and not speak up when I want to slow down in intimate moments. I really do think the access to porn that children have has fueled these expectations like the advancement of first having sex and the pretty intense ways of having sex at such a young age. Thank you to the guest for sharing her story!
This is very similar to what happened to me at 18 when I got into my first relationship out of high school with a boy I never met before, by the end of our relationship he had physically destroyed everything I had from all my clothes and jewelry even my birth certificate. He cut up everything poured paint and car chemicals over everything i owned in my bedroom of my parents house. I was lucky enough to get a restraining order and he went back to the city he was originally from . I am 26 now and about a year ago I found out he is going to be in prison for the next 13 years for Arson.
I can relate sooooo much to this woman. My highschool bf was a Narcissistic abuser. He had trust issues like her ex, I couldn't do anything without accusations, was getting cheated on, He'd say things that would subtly encourage my eating disorder, He'd encourage self harm & blame me for everything. Even if i found out HE cheated, he would blame me for finding out. He was/is disgusting. I hate him. And I wish him the worst to this day. 🤷🏻♀️
should’ve stood up for yourself. how little self worth could one person possibly have to put up with any of that.
heal yourself. the only person hurting from wishing him the worst is yourself.
Huge props to your guest for sharing this story.
I’ve been working through learning I’ve been disassociating for a long time and her description of her feelings during moments when she did is helping me understand what’s happening❤
I am permanently affected by my first relationship in highschool. It was so horrible and put me into the worst depression of my life, i couldn’t sleep from the anxiety i wanted to die every day. At one point I weighed 86 pounds when I should be at 125 ish. I would go days without eating.
Thank you for sharing light on this and how scary it can be.. i fear for my children and siblings now because of that first relationship
Thank you for sharing your story and help us see that we aren’t alone, that others share our trauma and aftermath
Her story is so similar to my own, just swished around a bit. Some of the things she mentions happened to me with my fist love in HS, but most of it was my ex husband.
I honestly am inspired to write a children's book about the red flags we should be learning in elementary school, middle school, high school and beyond~ and travel around to speak in these schools to kids and teenagers....
I wish someone, _anyone_ would have taught me about red flags, abuse, coercive control, manipulation, narcissism, obligation sex, girls/women's needs in the bedroom (it's not JUST for men's pleasure).
Bless this beautiful woman and all the other men and women who have gone through or are still going through this hell on earth 😢
PS, I LOVE this podcast!!!
Do it! That's a wonderful idea! You're absolutely right about kids needing to learn those red flags and boundaries early. Some of us never learned them from our caregivers or parents. I didn't. Writing that book and sharing it with children could potentially save lives. Best of luck!
I really appreciate her openness on issues like this - there's definitely aspects that resonated with me, and while I'm sad that so many people can relate, it's nice to have affirmation that I'm not alone/ what happened WAS wrong.
Hit the nail on the head Devorah, if young people see this they might see the red flags🙏It’s so hard to see them when it’s the first time seeing them as a kid- wish I had have seen something like this when I was younger! ❤️
I hate that so many of us experienced this so young. It took me 8 years to realize a lot I’m happy this podcast is bringing awareness.
listening to this was so surreal.
i went through consistent abusive relationships starting as young as 12 up until i was around 22 and i met my current angel of a boyfriend.
finally hearing someone else talk about their partner SAing them at a young age and how it’s conditioned their brain is so surreal. it’s always felt as if my experience was minimized because they were my partners and i was young. the trauma has never left me. this was almost comforting to listen to and hear that i’m not alone in what i experienced.
thank you for sharing your experience, hearing it meant a lot to my teenage self.
I relate to this woman so much. My only 3 relationships have been with guys who turned out to be verbally abusive. I've also been in situations where I've been bullied and no one stood up for me. It's a horrible feeling to have someone treat you that way and not be able to stop it. My heart goes out to her. She's a lot more calm than I am lol
God this interview really hit home! My first and only relationship I’ve been in was very similar to this thank you so much for sharing this you don’t know the type of strength it takes to do that I really hope this reaches all young women ❤
maybe has to do with the rat on ur shoulder
I had a very similar experience just not in a physical way and i’m only 17 and just recently officially got out of it. It’s so hard to deal with it too like no one talks about young abusive relationships and it’s so amazing to be able to watch this and relate to her pretty much exactly. i’m still dealing with the effects and how no one really knows how horrible he really is and how everyone thinks i’m the problem or that i’m just playing him sense i left so many times after he had pulled me back in so many times. it’s great to have this video to relate to❤️❤️❤️
This is so sad that so many girls end up going through something like this! I remember when I told my story to a friend she was not surprised by the half of the things that I told her, but instead she nodded her head and related because she too went through something like this.
It is annoying that somebodies games can effect you years after the relationship is over and if they were presistent enough it can end up shaping you and changing you and leaving you with problems that you need to solve on your own!
Hands down there needs to be classes about dating and warning signs of abuse. Not dating someone who different relationship goals. How to safely leave a toxic and/or dangerous relationship.
it warms my heart and makes me feel so seen and good to hear someone who has practically the same story as mine... for so long, I thought I was alone in the teen dating violence because everyone talks about adult relationships SA and adult relationships emotional abuse no one really tells their story or talks about it being very-unfortunately common for teenagers
I was in a relationship from 15-17 he was from 18-21 and I thought it was just love. I was exhausted and depressed but longed for that relationship because I never had that "love" before. if you are in a relationship like that please know you can leave and that it's hard for a while but it gets better. after therapy and healing and time I'm in a very healthy relationship with an amazing man. although it's a healthy amazing relationship, it is the hardest relationship I've ever been in because you have to constantly try to remember you are safe and choose to work on yourself, even break bad habits like dissociating during sex or expecting them in a bad mood. but getting help and leaving is the best thing I ever did.
thank you for making me feel seen and not alone
Not only are young abusive relationships so scarring, but they also rob you of the experience of a normal young relationship and the good things you would have learned from that. They negatively effect you long term, as well as rob you of the experience you could have had.
Very true. I wish I had someone who would’ve guided me at such a young age. I lost so much of my high school years because of him. So glad I’m in a very healthy and loving relationship now .
i love how you just sit and listen to the guest speak like i feel like we’re just hanging out listening to her story
wow i feel you girl we went through a lot of similar things and honest i never felt seen since we were so young and “mistakes are made” yet his treatment was so bad it goes beyond our ages. thank you for hitting all the spots and doing all this good stuff
This made me so sad… I relate to her my first love in high school was exactly like this.. I’m so sad that she & I & others have gone through this at such a young age…I’m happy she shared her story thank you so much…you don’t realize how much a relationship like this affects your whole life. That relationship caused so much trauma for me.. I’m still trying to recover & I’m 24 years old.
scary how many young boys default setting is abusive.
My experience with sex was so similar! I was too young to understand the damage I was doing to myself and it’s a long process to unwind the trauma, and something I’ll be doing for the rest of my life in intimate relationships.
I found your podcast 2 days ago and I have so much respect for you and a million "thank yous" ❤ to send you. I felt so alone or even cursed from some of the trauma I've experienced in my life and this platform helps me see we are so much more alike than we are different. It also spreads hope for people who do not have a support system like I did not for so many years. Healing is possible . Be kind ❤
It’s insane how similar this was to my first relationship. I have now been with my current partner for four years and I am still working through those seeds of insecurities that he planted
Anyone downplaying a partner choking you has something wrong with them. That is not ok ever.
This girl perfectly described my first relationship. Except I was 16 and he was 20. We dated for 5 years. My mother adored him as if he was her own and enabled his behavior, defending it until age finally brought her a change of heart. I’m 27 now. It took me so long to process the experience, thank you so much for sharing your story for anyone sharing this experience in the present or future. I wish I had had this when I was 21.
Dev, I have found myself looking forward to Sundays just because of your podcast, and I’m really not one to get excited for pods so I’m super excited about this one. You are so empathetic and such an outstanding listener and always give thoughtful insight and feedback in such a loving and understanding way. I’ve seen you in such a personal and intimate light because of the pod and you truly seem like such a sweetheart with a huge heart. Sending you so much love and I can’t wait for you to grow, this pod is gonna go farrrrr I can feel it in my bones! Love you!
I love seeing dev getting the recognition she deserves
Woah I wasn’t expecting to hear my hometown name dropped in the first 5 seconds.
I KNOW!!!
I am so grateful for this videos existence. It was hard to listen to but it also helped me realize that I’m not alone. I went through the same thing in high school. And being 14-16 people don’t take you seriously.
I’m 23 now and I’ve still never told anyone what happened and what I went through because I didn’t think others would consider it “abuse.” But hearing her say so many of the things that I went through makes me realize that I’m not crazy and I’m not being dramatic. But that my pain and experience of abuse was real and it happened. I hope that one day I can too share my story without feeling like I won’t be believed, thank you so much to both of you❤️
This story reminds me of the “ I believe in unicorns” film. I appreciate her sharing her story I’m sure it will help a lot of ppl.
My first relationship was also abusive and traumatic in a similar way. To this day, I keep going back to realize the f up things that happened and the repercussions it has had on my mental state. The siblings part specially resonated with me, I feel a deep relief to see my siblings didn't go down the same path.
I found this podcast a few days ago and I've been eating it up, great work!
Love this show! Ive listened to every show so far and can not wait for more drops. "We're all insane," gives so many people, from different walks of life, a platform to tell their story and that is sooo important! Thank you! All the work you guys put into this podcast does not go unnoticed! ❤
Officially making it a goal to be on your podcast because I’ve always been scared to share my story with others but it’s one’s like this that only remind me I’m not alone
Thank you for sharing your story, this resonates so much with my own and I see lots of commenters that feel the same. The more I listen the more I relate to the things you went through with my abusive relationship
Wow, her story is so so close to mine. I have been talking to my therapist about this and digging in. This is wild to hear from someone else. Thank you for sharing your story.
I am so glad I found this podcast! You give these people such a comfortable space to speak about these hard issues and you handle everything with such grace and care. ❤
I agree with teaching kids in school at least a little bit about abusive relationships.... Also, because I feel like when the abusive person is that young they don't realize they're being abusive... It would protect the victim and may help a future abuser change their behaviors before they're completely ingrained in their personality..
I don’t even know how I found you but your podcasts are so intriguing
36:25 relate to this experience almost word for word. It’s so sad how universal the experiences of relationships at that age seem to be.
Word for word my exact high school experience minus his family being strict, I lived with him from 15-18, my exact situation 🥲
Devorah you make the guest feel so welcome. I’ve been watching you from Brandon’s videos from about 5 years ago. I love what you’ve done with the podcast
the cat cameo just begging for attention is amazing and he matches the aesthetic it's so cute
She was so good at telling her story!! Sending love 💗
I love the kitty cuddle moment 😻 it was at an emotional part of her story and the kitty palate cleanser was so necessary and appreciated. Thank you for this story! I related a TON
Thank you for bringing awareness to this topic.
I watch these videos E V E R Y single time I have found you since that one girl was abused by her husband. The people on here are so good with articulation and I am very thankful for this life; every single time. Such a dream to go onto this podcast and share my story… Struggle adopted, drugs, almost married really young, etc. my life is pretty interesting, and I keep a lot of people humble😅😅 Hopefully one day it’ll be my turn!!
My best friend was in a relationship like this when we were 14/15. She got pregnant w her son while in the relationship too, so it became extra isolated for her. Her ex would try to keep up from being friends and for a while it worked. She wouldn’t hangout w me, I remember one time she came home w me after school and her ex lived down the street from me so she left and went to go to his house instead. When her pregnancy progressed he got more and more aggressive w her. Once the baby was born tho he basically abandoned them both. 12 almost 13 years later he has seen his son maybe 4 times if that. He has other kids now too.
14-15yo and she didn't get abortion? Are you fûcking kidding me? What do people have in their brain, fecal matter?
Thank you so much for sharing your story. I can’t believe how similar it is to my own. It’s awful how so many women have to deal with this…
Omg I absolutely adore her voice it makes me feel so at ease ❤
Crazy how she was living exactly what I was living with beck in high school . I was also 14-15
To think that my story is something people could benefit from is amazing
my story is almost identical and it was in middle school, i was 13 years old, there should be more talk at schools about abusive relationships
This resonated with me… I was abused by my first serious boyfriend when I was 15-18. It was horrible and eerily similar to this going lady’s experience… I often wonder if my ex grew up and realized how horrible he was to me. I'm married now with two young children and I couldn't be happier, but the anger and sadness from that relationship lingers even 15 years later.
the same happened to me, same ages more or less too (14-18). im 22 now and definitely doing better, but i dont think that anger will ever go away. lots of love
This story is insanely similar to mine. The abuse from a partner started in 8th grade, middle school and a few years after,, and i'd love to know the science behind boys being so young and already abusive, manipulative, looking to make you feel insecure etc.This seems unreasonably common and not talked about enough.
I’m just thinking to myself, and maybe a good way that abuse and red flags can also be taught is not just about the outside situation, but how it feels for you on the inside, because if we can get kids/teens/adults in touch with their feelings then they’ll be more in tune with their intuition to know something’s wrong, or when they feel uncomfortable to stop & not proceed, & speak up, etc. Cause I feel most of us as least have that instinct initially to feel uncomfortable, but a lot of the time it’s our minds or someone else who convinces us otherwise, like gaslighting ourselves or someone else pressuring us. But I think if we can get kids in touch with their morals and boundaries & how to actually put that into place by action, communication, walking away, etc. then hopefully they will have some foundation & direction. Cause that direction will always be within them, and no one can take it. And that’s learning consent from within. Learning to have authority over our body and our life, cause we really matter.
So I guess the point is, to check in within ourselves, and learn ourselves because sometimes it’s not so easy to tell on the outside. And being in those situations in reality is sooo much different than in theory. It takes that strength inside to recognize or hopefully do something about it. And I hope that’s a preventative measure to be used.
You can tell she still kind of defends her abuser. That’s what manipulation does to a person, especially at a young age. Messes with your self worth. Hopefully she’s had more clarity and can see the potential on a healthy relationship that she deserves.
Woooow, New Albany right down the road from us.. much love to you, hun 🌹❤
My partner's first girlfriend was abusive (when he was 17). I feel like I understand it (and him) a bit better now. Thank you.
I wish you would’ve asked her more about how her family and how much they knew
I'm usually quick to judge girls like Dev but I'm so glad I stuck around. You seem like such a genuine person and are so supportive of your guests no matter what their stories are. I look forward to each episode ❤
Why are you judging in general lol
@@damnmuggle probably jealousy. it gets the best of us.
Hey, Devorah, I am a big fan love your realness and authenticity you remind me of women from the Caribbean. I was looking at a recent video of you and Brandon, I heard you crying out for help other people who are struggling can't help you and you may need to take some time away on your own to yourself to heal and be better. Love you girl keep being you!
The first relationship that I dealt with like this was when I was 19. I would love to be able to tell my story someday!
all young people need to hear experiences like this to be able to recognize red flags
This is so fucking similar to my aduse in high school story. When she said that she loves Kim Kardashian now but she hated her back then because she wasn't her boyfriends ideal image of a woman and she wanted to be like Kim for his acceptance and approval. Same story, but my boyfriends celebrity crush was Anna Faris and I felt absolutely worthless that I didn't look super skinny and blonde. We just kill ourselves over boys that treat us terribly and hope we get their acceptance because we were taught in elementary school that if a boy is mean to us it's because he likes us and just can't communicate his feelings
I'm curious, did your boyfriend have the perfect body?
Lexie your story was very interesting. I’m sure you really gave a lot of young girls starting to date a whole new out look on dating boys like this showing them it’s not love but a real wrong sick kind of thing to be so controlling. Great job and devorah again great interviewer you know exactly what to ask. ❤️👌👍
i promise i’ll find the courage to watch your videos one day !!!
so scary and crazy how many women have similar experiences at that barely starting puberty age 😢
i’m really enjoying this podcast. wanted to say that others who enjoy it might also like “this is actually happening” on the Wondery network. not to take away this audience, but to spread the love! 🙂
I live for these!!!! ❤️
Unlikely patrons of this kind of abuse usually have that epiphany of " this is not how somebody that loves you treats you", during the passing of a loved and not only does the abusive partner ignore sympathy, but they will become provoked. it's not all about them, and they will one hundred percent of the time communicate that in a way that is final and can't be unsaid