Surviving Munchausen by Proxy
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- Опубликовано: 8 июл 2024
- CW: This episode contains descriptions of abuse & animal death.
Surviving Munchausen by Proxy, a form of abuse where caregivers fabricate or induce illnesses in others, demands immense resilience and courage. Victims, often children, endure a complex web of manipulation and deception. Emerging from such a traumatic ordeal entails untangling the emotional and psychological knots, as they grapple with shattered trust and identity. Healing involves rebuilding self-esteem and learning to differentiate between genuine care and harmful intentions. Support networks of friends, family, and professionals play a pivotal role in guiding survivors towards recovery. By reclaiming autonomy, setting boundaries, and seeking therapy, survivors gradually dismantle the insidious effects of Munchausen by Proxy. Each step toward healing marks a triumph of the human spirit over adversity, nurturing newfound strength and a sense of agency to shape their own narratives.
Resource:
www.munchausensupport.com
If you have a unique story you'd like to share on the podcast, fill out this form: forms.gle/ZiHgdoK4PLRAddiB9
00:00 Introduction & Terminology
3:00 Eldest sibling is first target of mother’s behavior
7:00 Mother’s mental health struggles
15:00 Diagnostics & mother’s role
25:30 Later impacts
30:00 Living with a sick parent
33:10 Health as a young child
35:00 Mother burns herself
37:50 Mother gives her Benadryl unnecessarily
40:10 Concussion
41:20 Liking medical attention
43:45 Taught her to give injections
48:00 Lack of stability, father’s health
51:10 Mother meets another man online, leaves father
54:00 Mother’s addiction worsens
58:15 Social workers didn’t help
1:00:00 Forced to collect cigarette butts
1:02:45 Getting stuck with a needle
1:05:15 Fentanyl addiction
1:07:00 Mother euthanizes brother’s cat at home
1:08:45 Stabs herself by accident
1:13:00 Brother moves out, acknowledges that their home life isn’t healthy
1:17:00 Mother severely breaks ankle
1:19:20 New Years, something is wrong with her mom
1:24:45 Mother is brain dead, passes away
1:29:00 Moving back in with dad, struggles
1:31:40 CPS called, kicked out of the apartment
1:33:30 Finally gaining some stability
1:35:20 PTSD & sorting through her emotions
1:40:20 Concluding thoughts
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i have bpd, i don’t think it’s controversial to say it’s a disorder. it IS my entire personality, my entire personality is a trauma response. that’s not my fault. but it IS my job to pick up the pieces and get help. having bpd doesn’t make u an abuser. abusing ppl makes u an abused.
I don’t disagree but it’s your entire personality because of trauma. Trauma caused your personality do be disordered and it’s called disorder because it’s unusual as in not weird but not common for everybody.
I have BPD too, totally agree. Anyone can get help and become better, it’s a choice
In some cases of BPD, treatment options actually reduce the presence of the disorder to the point psychiatrists have decided that it was either no longer there or was so reduced the patient was more or less neurotypical. We are more than our illnesses.
@@Andromywayright wtf
I have BPD and my trauma isn't my entire identity. BPD is not my identity.
I genuinely like the way she understands her mother she criticizes her actions while also understanding why she acted the way she did, she's genuinely understanding and sympathetic
stark constrast to that other guest
@DisturbingRainbow which one??
Its called rationalising and its a trauma response. As opposed to popular belief, it aint the dream bc it does not allow you to properly process, you end up not allowing yourself to feel your feelings and then helloooo ptsd.
@@serapoharaim pretty sure they're talking about the guest that had a narcissistic mother
@@buracarolina5462lol so many presumptions. cute.
i’m so glad that dev tried her best to keep the guest on track this episode. i really think that their thought process would translate really well into a memoir
Idk, at the beginning Dev’s tone was like she seemed to be losing her patience with the guest. The only thing I can think as to why Dev was like that with this guest is because this particular guest is faaar more articulate and knowledgeable with the medical system than previous guests talking about medical stuff (e.g cystic fibrosis patient, premature ovarian failure pharmacist, social worker who was interviewing Dev about OnlyFans, girl who said she was sex trafficked by her husband) and is very smart and self aware in general. I thought she was more prepared and organized than other guests. The fact that she uses a lot of medical jargon that the general population is not familiar with may also be why, as it can make people feel inferior… no hate to anyone just an observation and suggestion. But to me, once Dev also realizes that this interviewee is very much competent and interesting as fuck (at least to me, someone who just graduated PA school), you can tell she steps back and listens to what the guest has to say which I’m glad she did.
EDIT: additionally, I will say that this girl offered me a new perspective of Factious Disorder Imposed on Another that I have never been exposed to despite having heard many cases on the disorder
I believe both are right here. I wasn’t fully able to follow the timeline and exactly what happened bc she was jumping around the story instead of being chronological for example.
@@alexajazmin7559 i think this guest had trouble staying on topic, which isn’t an insult, but it doesn’t translate well into a podcast format
@@umyeahok2097I agree this story was extremely hard to get through. I'm in shock at how awful some people treat their own babies. The kitten story and the knife story really fucking got me. I have a similar story about the cat with my friend and her dog.
It's actually super common for victims of trauma to kinda be all over the place when recounting said trauma. Just thought I'd mention that.
No child deserves what her and her siblings went through. She's so strong for bringing awareness and talking about it❤
And she still seems to have so much empathy for what her mother and her father that neglected her so bad went through… 😢
Usually our girl is a pro at keeping people on track with telling their story. But this one was nearly impossible to keep the person on track. You can literally tell she's been through some messed up shit where she just is all over the place bc she can't wait to talk and get her thoughts out. My heart really goes out to people, wow I can't even fathom going through this shit. Hope everyone involved is doing good now ❤🙏
yup. hard to tell your story linearly when what happened over 10 years was so chaotic. And then since then, trying to tease it out and live still with the consequences, esp the lifelong physical pain she is left with as a constant reminder. Sometimes it's best to release control and just let the person tell their story the best way they can, right?
It was very annoying and frustrating to listen to, and the expression on the host's face also read "get to the point already!" The lady was just spitting some random empty rhetoric. She didn't even talk about her actual story, the whole time was taken up by her abstract philosophical musings about everything and nothing in particular! I mean, we are not here to listen to her take on the history of medicine and ethics, if she doesn't have anything to say about HER actual life story, then why is she even here.
did you even wach the video? lmao@@ElenaKomleva
@@ElenaKomleva its also our responsibility as the viewer to try and understand people the best we can, even if they think radically different than us. i kind of thought that was the whole point of this show. this isnt netflix
y’all should watch more videos to work on your Listening Skills, diversify the types of people you hear speak and have some patience to hear them out and understand things from their perspective. i understand it can be difficult but i really think that pushing past negative things you notice about the WAY someone tells their story is really integral to the entire message they are looking to convey.
You’re right! I was definitely a lil inpatient and frustrated with the way the guest was speaking. Then I reflected and thought it was shitty of me to judge her. She is sharing something very traumatizing. Like you said ppl speak differently and we need to work on being a little more patient & understanding.
I worked with a lady who spoke just like her. Everyone in our work place absolutely hated her and were openly rude to her, but she was a very sweet woman who wouldn't hurt a soul and had a hell of a bubbly personality. I often became a middle man in arguments and would explain her side in a way that other people understood. She and I got along very well and I even invited her to my baby shower and my daughters 1st birthday party. If you're truly invested in someone's story and care to listen, it becomes easier to keep up with. We all need to remember to be kind.
@@brebre461 Genuine question. Would you mind being specific? I honestly wasn't annoyed by anything and now I'm afraid I might have the same problem and not seeing it!!!🙈 What is it specifically?
@@pastelcardigan People are finding it hard to follow her story because she jumps from place to place instead of following a very specific timeline and she rambles a bit. She also speaks in a way that sounds like she is "glamorizing" what she went through. (I think she is just happy to share her story) There's nothing wrong with this, people are just used to certain mannerisms. This is why neurodivergent people tend to be disliked by neurotypical people. The way neurodivergent people speak and hold themselves is often different from neurotypicals, but it's typically so unnoticeable that people can't put their finger on why someone bothers them.
@brebre461 I have ADHD and I didn't even realise she is telling her story in a weird or special way, but now that you mention it, I definitely see how it might be true for me and other nd folks. I had no issue keeping track with her story myself tho
I remember the case of Gypsy Rose and her mother doing Munchausen by Proxy--her mother was vile and I found it unfair how the court significantly punished Gypsy for being part of her mother's murder even though she didn't do it and all the manipulation and abuse her mother Dee Dee put her through is shocking. Glad to see survivors being given a voice on your channel & healing vibes to them
I remember reading stories that she was far happier in jail because she wasn’t subject to her mother anymore
@@ClayMastah344 I'm glad that's the case...I hope she's able to heal from what happened to her
Gypsie wanted her mother dead and plotted for her boyfriend to kill her. She is as guilty as he is. I know she wanted to escape from her mom, but she didn’t have to have her brutally murdered. Unfortunately she didn’t see a way around it :( sad case
@@luxgrayyShe’s due to be released soon 🎉
@@thegabriellebethit was either Gypsy was going to die or her mother was. I genuinely believe that her mother deserved it, she nearly killed her own child, Gypsy lost her teeth, had a feeding tube for no reason and so much more
I was only going to watch a couple minutes because I was tired…..there’s 9 minutes left of this interview and I’m still here.
WOW this woman is amazing. She inherited all of the intelligence of her mother, but she has far more self awareness. What a conscious human being.
I am so proud of her for being brave enough to come on here and tell her story. I do get the sense that she still has some therapy to go to and some things to work through just because of her perspectives on certain topics
It’s weird that she gives her dad so much grace when he is just as neglectful as her mother
Have you heard of forgiveness? Also (not sure what your upbringing was like but) when you have two abusive parents, it's actually common and pretty easy to give grace to the parent who has been *less shitty* to you. I don't expect someone who wasn't abused by their parents to understand this though. I know it's an odd concept. I did the same thing that's why it makes total sense to me. My mother was undoubtedly more abusive towards us kids than my dad ever was - he was more of an enabler. My siblings have forgiven him too but are also currently not speaking to our mom 🤷🏽♀️🤷🏽♀️
I grew up with both abusive parents and I still forgave and I love my dad no matter the physical abuse I’ve gone through because sometimes it’s easier to forgive and forget then have a relationship crumble because I am not in a place yet to just leave but I have confronted him and we have worked things out. All abuse situations are different for everyone my mother abandoned me when I was three and my dad did the same when I was 5 it dosent mean I hate them it means they had shit and they have shit and it’s not my fault or problem I would rather forgive and forget and move on with my life then let the abuse and neglect from my childhood drag me down more than it already has
because that would leave her without any parents
Both my parents were abusive- I can forgive yelling and name calling (mom). I cannot forgive being terrified of, and being hit by a 6’3 grown man as a child.
@@Mila808gI agree. I have the same grace for my estrange dad. He did not want kids and was not ready and did it to make my mother happy. He wasn’t a bad person and didn’t have the personality for it. My mother was a full blown narcissist, and always had a victim complex. She made a situation where she would be the victim and abused everyone around her to get that sympathy. We were both victims, and she used me as a pawn to manipulate, use and openly harm him. You can understand and forgive someone who got caught in a net that you just happen to be born in.
That’s absolutely terrifying, I’m glad she survived it 😢
15 minutes in and can I just say bravo to her grace and elegance while laying the framework around comorbid diagnosis before anything else! just so eloquent, precise and appropriately critical
After I had my daughter I was in a Facebook group for moms of babies born that year and there was a gal in that group who was always posting pictures and updates on her sick baby and she ended up on the news for having Munchausen Syndrome and abusing that child. It was so sad. I dug deeper and found her in a Facebook group about German Shepherd dogs with a rare stomach disorder and she'd had a dog that was going through all of the things as her baby did years before she had her baby. I think she abused that dog too. She also had a RUclips channel where she was talking about studying to be a nurse. Really crazy stuff.
reminder for others with BPD that you aren't "villainous" and deserve the same compassion that we give to more common illnesses such as anxiety or depression. you are so valid and capable of change, don't fall victim to this rhetoric that we're all horrible people. i wish the conversation surrounding BPD was a bit more protected because this type of verbiage is why so many of us struggle to even therapists that will treat us.
❤❤❤
Wow, thank you for sharing your story. I love how well-spoken and calm you are, considering everything so far. I wish you all the best for the rest of your life! ❤
Out of all of the podcasts I’ve seen on this woman’s show so far this woman has been the one that is most well spoken has all her facts straight and has a clear coherent story from beginning to end. My heart goes out to her and her family for all they’ve had to go through, she has come so far I wish her and her loved ones nothing but continued growth and success.
this episode really made me want to come on and talk about what its ACTUALLY like to have bpd but im scared of being demonized
@@frankl_to_steinthank u dude i really appreciate u saying that ❤
SAME
Yes truly hoping for an episode that goes in to the complexities of BPD. the cases in which people are abusive are not the only cases of BPD! It’s a highly misunderstood disorder and more people with the disorder need to be heard!!
PLEASE DO IT!
please do it if you feel comfortable. One of my best friends has BPD, and she’s an incredible person. It’s such a stigmatized & misunderstood condition
I had a very abusive father who, among other things, used to give me pills as well to make me sleep. It is something I still deal with more than 15 years later. You are so strong!
Title should be changed to 'surviving a neglectful mother". There was hardly anything relating to munchausen by proxy, infact there seemed to be more mentions of not being taken to the hospital than anything. I'm not saying she didn't experience that, just that it isn't the story told on this podcast
Idk though, she got multiple surgeries and procedures she 100% didn’t need, she was medicated often with meds she didn’t need, and constantly taken to the hospital for small things blown out of proportion. What more do you need for her to qualify?
@@klownofkether6996 she said she got ear tubes for no reason but then mentioned that she got frequent ear infections. if that's the case, then that surgery was necessary. that's not munchausen by proxy at all. the only other procedure she mentioned was the tonsillectomy, which is a fairly common procedure done for a multitude of reasons.
@@cUCH1337NPC That makes no sense. I had the same t-tube operation cause I frequently got infections and the surgery stopped that, it left holes in my ear drums that needed fixing but 0 infections
Right!!
@@planetleyi had a lot of ear infections but a surgery was never on the table…. So she could be right
Thank you, guest, for sharing your story with such courage and vulnerability. Also, thank you, host, for interviewing the people you do, and for your active listening style of interviewing, top notch channel, this is✨❤️
I wish there was a way to know when this happening to a child because it must be so hard to know when it's something real of or when a parent is making their child sick. I'm glad she's in a better space now.
as someone with BPD, I would love to see a guest talk about their experiences with it. especially if they are a parent as BPD is the #1 reason i dont want to have a kid 😓
great episode, this gues was fantastic !
Don’t let it stop you from having a child, as long as you are working on yourself and not letting it affect them they will be fine
If you focus into bettering yourself, which I highly recommend DBT (Dialectical behaviour therapy) you will know when you are ready for a child.. In my opinion it’s better to be in a household where the parent is aware of their disorders than a parent who isn’t/ chooses not too..
@@kaileelynch4001unless they have done a LOT of work on themselves they are probably having a good instinct to be cautious about it
Daddy had a government job and was living like that?!! Completely neglectful just as much as the mother. So unfair for these children. Breaks my heart
I have a gov job and make a dollar more than minimum wage lmao
0:09: 🔑 X discusses her experience as a survivor of Munchausen by proxy and highlights the prevalence of the disorder in recent years.
10:02: 🔍 The speaker discusses their mother's behavior and the impact it had on their family, including their brother's health issues.
20:09: 🔍 The individual discusses their childhood experiences and how their mother manipulated doctors to get unnecessary surgeries.
28:11: 😔 The speaker reflects on their childhood fear for their mother's life due to her mental and substance abuse issues, as well as the impact it had on their emotional needs.
36:58: 😮 The speaker shares their experiences of medical abuse and psychological manipulation by their mother, including giving injections of saline and being brainwashed against their father.
45:59: 😔 The speaker recounts their experiences of abuse and neglect from their mother, including witnessing physical and verbal abuse towards their siblings, being involved in their mother's drug use, and being taken away by their mother after she left their father.
55:11: 😢 The speaker recounts traumatic experiences with their mother, including her disconnection from reality and their role in caring for her.
1:04:43: 😱 The speaker recalls incidents of neglect and abuse by their mother, including not seeking medical attention for injuries and euthanizing a cat at home.
1:13:40: 😔 The speaker recounts a series of difficult and lonely experiences with their family, including their brother leaving, their mother's drug addiction, and their mother's hospitalization.
1:23:52: 😢 The speaker's mother passed away due to a blood infection caused by neglect, leading to a difficult living situation with their father in a cockroach-infested apartment.
1:31:55: 💔 The speaker shares their experience of instability, trauma, and emotional neglect in their childhood, leading to ongoing struggles with mental health.
1:41:36: 🗣 The speaker shares their hope for the future of PTSD research and treatment, and emphasizes the importance of survivor perspectives.
Recap by Tammy AI
A queen for this
:))) @@danniehagan9051
dear god thank you
Contrary to what social media wants you to believe, the majority of medical professionals are taught to believe patients and families. That’s why these cases are so hard to detect, because how can someone dismiss or be suspicious of a mother advocating for their child if the story sounds somewhat reasonable. The biggest change that needs to happen is that we need a unified medical record that’s fully accessible by all medical facilities, but electronic medical record companies will never allow it.
Yeppppp say it louder please.
That’s why the take care of Maya case has gotten a lot of people angry because they’re used to parents being treated like royalty
It’s WILD that it isn’t a thing. I get so frustrated having to repeat my entire medical history when going somewhere new. I think, why is there not a database where this crap is logged for all medical staff to look at?
We have something like that in Canada. I immigrated from the USA so I can appreciate how incredibly convenient it is.
I understand she’s been through trauma but I cannot stand listening to her she’s so irritating. The host completely gave up with her half way through.
true af
no need to be so mean
Her saying that the knife stabbing her was her own fault and not her moms is sad. Saying she should’ve known better. She was a child. And not thinking correctly because of all the cold medicine. A mom would’ve helped or watched her, and probably seen it in her bed when checking on her daughter. It is her neglectful moms fault, not hers.
This was such a interesting podcast they keep getting better and better. They really teach us a lot about things I would of never of understood. Keep up the good work Dev.❤️👌👍
She is so well-spoken. There are so many layers to this story and so much that she seems to have not uncovered yet. I agree with her dad that the incident with the knife was her mom’s fault; she wasn’t keeping watch on her child. I wonder if this is the story of an addict more than a story of a mother with Munchhausen’s. But that is not up for me to decide! The dad committed severe neglect; no child should live in filth. I wish her the best! May she continue to heal and thrive. ❤
I was thinking the same thing.
This story rings VERY close to my childhood.. I really admire her candor and willingness to share. She’s strong and I’d love to hear her talk about this.. it’s really therapeutic to hear it from someone that’s also been through what I’ve been through.. Id love to sit down and have a coffee with her.. just to know someone else that’s similar to me in that way. 😊
I was somewhat abandoned by both parents and I’ve got such trauma issues because of it so I cannot image what this lovely lady is going through!
"I missed the idea of my mom" That hit hard.
i feel for the guest and hope that their journey to healing goes smoothly, but the way bpd is discussed is really disheartening. especially when the person you’re describing and basing all your knowledge of bpd on was never even officially diagnosed (to your knowledge) it is so much more complex than what was described and the “villain” rhetoric is so dangerous. it’s exhausting as someone who is in recovery and works every single day to be a good person, and i know there are so many other people like me with my same diagnosis.
anyways if you ever want to interview someone with bpd hmu i was already on jubilee once and would love to be able to share my story & experiences as a person actually living with bpd.
I agree not all of us are toxic manipulators. Someone who is abusive is not a synonym for someone who has a hard time regulating emotions. I feel you and I wish you well in your recovery.
I love how respectful and thoughtful you were to the guest while also condemning the generalizations mentioned in the podcast.
Thank you for saying this. I totally understand her point but it is disheartening since most bpd people have trauma themselves.
Yes of course having bpd does not make someone a villain. Most people who have bpd do not inflict any kind of pain on other individuals. However, I spent a long time working in mental health services and some people with BPD do abuse others and their disorder can play into their abuse. I think the interviewee articulated it really well - committing abuse is a choice and is not driven by a mental health diagnosis. But that doesn't change the fact that some abusers have bpd and can be manipulative. I have met many in my professional career. Yes they are in the minority but it is still prevalent. But many symptoms of bpd can be overcome with the right therapy. The interviewees perspective is valid imo and has nothing to do with your own experience of bpd.
To add: I think there's also something to be said about BPD traits causing abusive behavior when undiagnosed and untreated.
For example, one of the core components of BPD is a deep fear of abandonment.
This fear often leads to harmful mitigating behaviors, such as using threats of suicide, to prevent a person from leaving.
BPD is also caused by reduced matter in the prefrontal cortex (the part of the brain that regulates executive function). The PFC is where emotional regulation happens.
When emotions are heightened to such a degree as they are in those with BPD, the net effect is that frontal activity is shut off as the amygdala takes over.
What this means in simple terms is that a person who is experiencing heightened emotions will have less ability to see anything beyond their own feelings at the time. They lose access to the ability to see other perspectives outside of their own, to long term memories, and to complex decision making capabilities. All of this culminates in the black and white thinking (splitting) and impulsive behavior meant to stop the threat at all costs that we see in those with BPD.
Although they don't mean to be abusive, they lose the ability to behave in ways that are conducive to healthy communication during these splits. When untreated, many will become manipulative in an attempt to prevent their fears from coming true (such as the previous example of threatening suicide when a partner tries to leave).
These are not behaviors outside of BPD. These *are* the very traits that characterize BPD, which often result in harm to others.
I will say, I'm somewhat biased by my personal experience. Even with a diagnosis and treatment, for the people I know this behavior is lifelong and prone to recurrences.
I do believe people with BPD absolutely suffer, but suffering doesn't mean you get a free pass to harm others.
As someone with BPD, I don't like how she described it. I know that it's hard with someone who doesn't have it to know what it is, but I'd love to see an episode souly on someone living with BPD and their experiences to bring knowledge to other people
worked w/a lady who had this..got so bad, she was eventually arrested…not only did she do this w/her kids, she also faked having cancer, shaved her head, and we threw fund raisers all the time for her and her kids…it was sooo sad….we were sooo angry, but this was b4 i think there was even a term for this…we were all just so confused!!
Definitely don't appreciate some of the broad generalisations of BPD, like at 42:50 she's just talking about the condition generally but says everybody will threaten to kill themselves if somebody leaves them. It's different talking about specific circumstances but just throwing that out there on a podcast about mental health awareness seems very careless and unproductive.
i agree it was harmful and in appropriate
I am so sick and tired of generalizsations regarding bpd
@@julzniandra Especially when she even said her mom wasn't diagnosed with bpd, then went on to say how horrible she was because of bpd?? like girl what
yeah, i definitely feel like she was demonizing BPD, despite the fact that it hardly factored in. considering her mother wasn’t even diagnosed with it, she shouldn’t have mentioned it. it was just ignorant and inaccurate.
@@nicolemeyr2834 Yeah, there's also so many different subtypes of bpd. It can manifest in so many ways.
As a licensed mental health counselor I really appreciate you sharing your experience. It was a fascinating story and helpful with your knowledge of psychology.
Meletonin is NOT a narcotic. Comparing it to adderall is insane.
I think she was just saying what is available for kids that shouldn’t be ☺️
melatonin is not a drug. its a hormone that is normal that ur brain produces. doesnt cause harm for kids.@@jadepriceholmes681
I think listening skills are very important and not to criticize you but just to put my perspective on what I heard is she said melatonin should be controlled then proceeded to say that her mother also gave her narcotics if you pay attention she says the same ones she would take up until that point am understanding that’s on top of the melatonin then she says a whole different thought which is that some parents lie to doctors to try and get adderall prescribed to their kids, I known it can be challenging to understand her but I just think it makes a difference to really listen instead of saying something I don’t think she said
@@Liliandra I work in AOD mental health. What she's saying is wild. Having to listen 'really hard' because she's "challenging to understand" is actually bad, lol? The amount of medical misinformation in this podcast is intense. Glad you can listen VERY GOOD and I guess hear what she's attempting to say (??!) but there is no oversight or correction from the host (because she is completely out of her depth and just nodding) on things that are not even debatable.
@@hg-p7542that’s a concern for me with this pod. I visited the host’s IG and she’s not wearing a lot of clothes. Her IG page coupled with the fact that she just nods along with her guests leads me to wonder if she should be hosting this podcast. If someone shares misinformation as fact, she’s going to nod, not challenge the guest. As for the IG page, girl, put on some clothes to be viewed as a respectable host of a pod with serious topics. Or be a hot IG model. Please don’t do both
“that’s a good story but i wanna get back into this” no wonder this felt disorganized she wouldn’t even let dev direct the flow of the podcast by answering her question
so? it’s her story to tell, and she clearly has a lot to say. let her b
@@joohra_ don’t go on a podcast if you’re just gonna go on tangents and not listen to the suggestions given by the host
@@ana-uy5ny lmao and yet here she is!
Love your story, thank you for sharing! And as another EDS girlie, just in case you're still seeking answers to the cause of the headaches, most people with hypermobile ehlers danlos also have postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome, a condition in which blood pools where gravity leads it. Since in hEDS our connective tissue is stretchy, our blood vessels are stretchy too. So when upright, blood pools in our legs, and as a result, we don't get much blood to the brain. This leads to horrible neck pain or "coat hanger pain." I had horrific headaches daily until my ehlers danlos doc tested me for POTS and explained that my brain didn't have enough oxygen or nutrients. He put me on a beta blocker, which helped me so much but made me so fatigued. So now I'm on corlanor, a heart failure med thats incredibly useful for POTS patients. I don't have headaches now unless I don't drink at least a half gallon of water with electrolytes in it a day. We also tend to have MCAS, mast cell activation syndrome, which gives us weird allergic reactions, especially with members of the latex family like bananas and pineapples. So if your munchausen by proxy is telling you that any of those symptoms of POTS and MCAS aren't to be taken seriously, from another girl with ehlers danlos, ima just go ahead and validate that its something you can talk with your doctor about if you feel up to it, and it's not unreasonable to do so
Hello fellow POTSy! I'm one of the weird ones that doesn't have EDS or MCAS.
Does anyone know something with similar but isn't necessarily pop? I have a lot of these symptoms and PTSD. I've been tested for pods but I didn't get diagnosed with it ... but at the same time, I'm more hydrated now and I voided the triggers that would cause me to faint.
You can have orthostatic intolerance but not necessarily meet the criteria for POTS.@@amberproctor3996
Most people with POTS do not pass out…It’s possible you should be retested and make sure you’re not doing the things that help POTS like hydration or any other meds…I was advised to make sure to hold certain meds for as long as possible before test…This is not medical advice…Hope you find answers!
I honestly don’t like how BPD was portrayed in this. I have it, and it’s so different than what the stigma is. I know that from the other side, the experience is different. But for example the meaning behind what the symptoms are means something different than what was portrayed. People with bpd are actually incredibly empathetic and are in a constant state of emotional pain because of it. They also avoid real or imagined abandonment which takes a huge toll on their health. I’m not saying this experience with it is invalid, because I recognize how dangerous untreated bpd can be, but it makes the people with bpd (me for example) misunderstood, therefore preventing the proper treatment due to stigma. I would encourage people who have been on the receiving end of emotional abuse at the hands of a borderline to get help and seek safety regardless. But I also know bpd is not defined by the stigma it has. It’s way more than just behavior patterns when you deal with it internally. It’s something I go to constant and routine therapy multiple times a week for. For anyone with bpd, I hope you are able to get the help you need regardless of the stigma so that we can put an end to people being manipulated and abused by this disorder.
This is so hard to follow I’m 25min in and no way she’s getting to the point anytime soon. Im still waiting for her to read the paragraph she wanted to read us.
Right! It’s confusing
I’m begging you to work on your attention span
@@Slimelg😂
Okay sound like a you problem. I got through it just fine
i swear i normally love all her interviews but this one was so all over the place 🫠 i’m about to change the video 30 minutes in because i was so interested in hearing about the munchhausen by proxy but she’s taking way too long and just keeps talking about random shit that doesn’t have to do with the topic
Just definitely some misinformation about BPD , maybe that’s how it shows up in her mom, but that definition she gave of it was NOT it 😓
seriously as someone with bpd it hurt
@@julzniandraespecially because she was saying she learned about it in school?? Who was teaching her and what is this degree? Because this is a crazy misrepresentation of it, and that’s coming from someone who only has an associates degree, then worked in a psych hospital, and has had people in their life with it diagnosed. Even just a simple google search will tell you how wrong this is.
There is so much medical/psychiatric misinformation in this it's mindblowing. The host does not have the knowledge/ hasn't done the research to contest any of it. Very bad.
It seems pretty on point as a person who has known people with bpd
@@ry.butterflyagreed. My mother was diagnosed with this and she could be a deeply troubled person at times. After her death I befriended someone who was so so eerily similar to her more difficult behavior when she finally brought it to my own wedding and tried to discard me before I could discard or abandon her, THAT time I made no effort to discourage her from doing it!
"it's so gray - everything is so gray" - this girl is so smart, just still a little lost. hope she gets where she needs to be, she deserves it x
Idk why but I feel like the host is kind of antsy this ep
Thank you so much for sharing ❤
You are so entertaining, funny and witty whilst discussing such a serious topic! Honestly this podcast was so informative and engaging and I found myself giggling so many times at your wit 😅 wish I had your charisma
Thanks for being so patient with your guests Dev ❤
The way she acts towards this guest is actually pathetic. Patience is the opposite.
@@Allmenmilkcan you clarify what you mean by this? I’m new here
The thought that there are SOOO many families unable to conceive and really wanting children and the adoption process is soo involved and there are women who have children so easily but treat them like this is just so heartbreaking. The pain in her voice is so heavy. She is so strong.
I’m not sure I believe her that a steak knife went all the way through her arm, and then she could see through her arm
As a person with bpd THANK YOU for your respectful way of talking about bpd ❤
this is TED-talk level stuff honestly, this channel is great but this episode in particular is fascinating
This was such a fascinating story. She has been through so much. The way she can find humor despite the trauma she’s been through is impressive.
I love how she shares the history of medicine very insightful into what leads to cases like this
This ep was hard to watch because the guest kept going on tangents. I still watched it through because of the important topic and out of respect to the creator.
It's the host's job to control the conversation.. and they did not.
@@chantel4405 agreed!
@@chantel4405she tried asking her questions and she just dismissed them and kept going on weird tangents that honestly had nothing to do w munchausens by proxy
“Behavior is always a choice” is such a blanket statement that is so upsetting. It’s not. Hard stop for me. I have changed my views and outlooks through life but to generalize that is not okay
This phrase is so difficult to me. I’m bipolar (type 2) and I’m medicated, pretty stable. But still, sometimes when I get upset I can say dumb things. I never verbally or physically abused anyone, but I have said things that were unnecessary. I choose to go to therapy, I choose to take my medicine correctly. And even that way, I still have those moments. What are the limits of this “choosing your behavior” mentality when one has mental illness? :(
There is a line between having your emotions, feeling them and then choosing how to respond to them even if you don't have the tools at first. People do have the choice to decide if they are going to put the effort to find better ways for them to handle and respond to their emotions including seeking help once they realize their responses are an issue .
@@greencaeilian5084precisely.
i feel the same way
Mental health professional here! Friendly reminder that reading the DSM-V doesn't give anyone the privilege to diagnose (especially a loved one; that's a conflict of interest and makes us biased). Lots of love. 🤍
Be quiet with your gatekeeping.
….i have a license to diagnose (not gatekeep) but go off.
@@sarajon-marie4979 it is gatekeeping though. Just because someone didn’t spend thousands of dollars to go to school doesn’t mean they can’t read the literature, have interest in the subject and speculate. Her mom is dead, all anyone can do atp is speculate on what she did or didn’t have
@@embananasplit2935What's important to distinguish is the difference between having interest in a topic and holding a professional license after years of education and post-graduate experience working in the field. We could all go onto WebMD, but that doesn't mean we're all doctors. Also, you're essentially echoing my point: any opinion on the matter is all speculation. Take care!
She is so adorable and seems like such a sweet soul! Thanks for sharing your story, you are so strong! God bless you ❤
this was one of the most engaging episodes yet imo what an unbelievably intelligent and strong person she is
engaging? the host looks completely disconnected from the conversation.
@@alf8569 i meant the guest was incredibly engaging
Very intelligent and articulate young lady. I hope she's able to overcome her trauma, and go on to live a good life.🌹
I went through something kind of similar growing up with my mom. This lovely woman reminds me a little bit of her . I like how well spoken she is I think she and my mom have a lot in common except this would have been my mom had she not married my dad. It actually made me miss her a lot because in the beginning I think she and I were good friends but as time went on my dad just kind of kept his foot on her neck with religion and such. I think the key to finding self-confidence is just embracing Who You Are. It's okay to love yourself no matter what you went through , you're still worthy of that.
it’s so impowering to hear and see other people’s story’s and the reality of how different everyone’s life’s are. ALSO i’m here early asf!!!! 🥰
You are such an incredible person. Thank you for sharing your life and story with us 🧡 you are so well spoken
She said her mom forced her to get tubes in her ear as a child (blames it on mom having Munchausen by Proxy) but then says she got a lot of ear infections as a kid? A lot of her story doesn’t make sense
exactly. and having your tonsils removed is a fairly common procedure that's performed for a variety of reasons. i also don't believe the needle story because there needs to be a good amount of force for a needle to go so deep and be dragged through the body enough to need stitches. and i'm not buying the "i knew about saturated fats when i was 6 years old" story.
My sister had tubes when she was a kid and now has ear infections constantly.
I was rolling my eyes when I heard them talk about getting tubes and tonsils removed. It kinda sounds like she’s talking out of her ass. You don’t get tubes bc of hearing loss. Also, no doctor would remove tonsils bc your throat hurt after you cried 🙄 I’m not saying she didn’t have a rough childhood, I’m just saying I think she likes the attention and acting like she knows everything
The more I watch this video the more crap I hear her spew. She really likes attention. I hope she is actually in therapy.
@@planetleyI definitely knew about saturated fats at age 6, because my mom had my dad on a diet, and I was already incredibly insecure with my body, so I basically went on that same diet (90s low fat craze)
This guest is such a great story teller. Her courage and preparedness coupled with natural personality was endearing. It’s terrible people can get away with such horrible neglect and harm of children.
and she’s sooo likeable
Im trying my best to watch this episode andni really cant she barely touches on by proxy and shes just saying how bad her mom is like baby same also i dont appreciate the bpd slander, we arent all monsters.
and this is all coming from until she was 10 years old. Theres gonna be disconnect no matter how good her memory is. It just turned into a ran tof a neglectful mother versus actual M by proxy
Her mom had Munchausen disorder, she was injuring or causing herself harm by inducing infections for medicalized attention. She probably learned through experience that injuring her children had limited success and could quickly lead to misdemeanor / felony if not done just so, is probably way easier for her to injure herself.
Speaking as someone who has a pill poppin addict mother, the lengths that they'll go through to get their fix and the attention-seeking behavior they exhibit is egregious and traumatizing witnessing it year after year, realizing as you grow up that this is so far from normal. If my mother had been deliberately injuring herself for attention, yes I think I would be far more damaged of a human being.
Y'all are focusing on the wrong parts of the story and underestimating the effdcts of other parts. But ok!
This timeline was hard to follow.
1:11:19 “I was great at screaming” funny in a painful way. Very good interview ❤
She is very well spoken and intelligent thanks to her for sharing her experience. And thanks to the host for making a safe space for women to share
I grew up in a cockroach/ rat infested motel in the 90s when everyone smoked inside and I got ear infections and nosebleeds ALL THE TIME. My mom claimed I had asthma and would make me breathe in humidifier air and take shots of her inhaler. My mom also fed me benadryl to 'make me sleep' and I have had insomnia my entire life I think because of that lol.
edit: My mom also villainized my dad to an extreme degree even though I have never met him! She would get drunk and scream and threaten to make me live with him. She was just a drunk though.
Like her normal demeanor is so chill and laid back but she seems tense
Shes definitely holding back anxiety
R u talking about Dev or the guest?
Pretty shitty explanation of bpd, it’s a trauma disorder that causes a lot of emotional pain for the bpd person
volunteering to do a “living with bpd” episode I live in Virginia hahaha
comparing someone with a drug addiction to someone with DID and switching between alters is absolutely disgusting.
And how they described bpd
I went through a fair bit when I was younger. By no means was it the worst childhood but elements of it were still traumatic to me and I can’t talk about it without violently trembling it’s so weird.
But because of that, I also struggle to talk smoothly about it and in chronological order. It’s a jumbled mess in my mind that I’m desperate to just get out of my mouth when I do decide to open up. So while she’s hard to follow, she’s dealt with a lot and she’s very smart.
Lord, this was so hard to follow and the misinformation about BPD rubbed me the wrong way.
Like what?/gen
You can play this video in 1.5x and it sounds normal. You’re welcome.
another super interesting topic, thank you for sharing
I just think her mom had a different flavor of BPD that made her manipulative and such. I don’t think she’s trying to portray BPD as making someone evil. I just think she’s explaining her experience, but she mentions she doesn’t know if she was diagnosed.
Sounds more like narcissist personality disorder rather then borderline personality disorder. People who have BPD do tend to have some narcissist tendencies. The mom didn't show self harm which people with BPD usually have this trait. Even the fact she claims how smart her mother and her are is very narcissist. She can't even stay on track 😂
@@daniburke9452the entire episode was about her mom doing self harm ?
Love this podcast ❤
As someone who got brain surgery this year and is on the road to a MS diagnosis this is insane. Who would ask for this life?!?!
"the way that cptsd works is that the further you get away from danger, the more you can express that fear and all of the emotions that you had to repress earlier for survival, so that's when ptsd gets bad, that's when i start having flashbacks and panic attacks and periods of catatonia"
i never knew this and this explains a lot of my feelings and reactions after getting away, thank you...
“oh that’s a really good story i’ll get into that one…i want to get back to this”
“okaaaay”
*clips scene* lmaoo
this was painful to watch
Is that what happened? I was wondering why she seemed to go to a different story lol 😂
I find this woman so inspiring!
I think "personality disorder" is a bit of a deceptive term.
Because, no, personality disorders don't actually encompass someone's whole personality, as this person suggests. They only cover the aspects of it that are seen as in some way troublemsome, in that they can be a genuine hindrance to someone. Which... they can be. Especially to someone's ability to maintain healthy relationships.
That doesn't mean something is wrong with the person "as a whole", or even their "personality"... it's a few traits within one's personality that get blown up or reduced by this... rather than the whole personality. There is still a shit tonne of other parts of their personality that can't be so easily categorised, and the people are very much individuals outside of their disorder.
... so yeah.
No offense, but I'm not sure I find this very credible because of that.
Agreed. Her explanation of personality disorders is VERY VERY flawed and lacked modern medical nuance.
For example: the lack of her touching on the personality disorder SPECTRUM model.
I think she doesn't have the knowledge or nuance about bpd because she doesn't have it herself. From someone who has it. I think she's still knowledgeable about the other things she personally experienced
I guarantee you it was not mom’s fault dad didn’t show up for hearings. She thinks she’s got it all figured out but I think everything is still pretty mixed up for her. She’s very happy to share it though so I’m glad she was able to get it out.
I totally agree she thinks she’s very confident about most things but constantly says she’s confused about other things and I think that is the broken parts in her that are voicing things… I could probably bet 1,000,000 dollars her mother talked about things the same way and I truly hope she talks to her therapist about this because my mom was a hoarder for a long time and I didn’t think anything was wrong until I realized other people didn’t live this way and I would parot my mother alot.
@@whitneybaxter3299 I think you’re probably right about all of that. We are very suggestible in our youth & I don’t think she recognizes that could be what happened with her. I think she’d benefit a lot from talking to a good therapist about that.
There is something disingenuous to me about this guest. I feel like at sometimes she’s almost sensationalizing her story. I also just hated how she interacted with the host for this Ep. 😢
She couldn't even keep consistent, first it was that she needed ear tube surgery for no reason and then later said she had frequent ear infections as a child??
Having a hell of a time trying to get thru this episode. Her style of recounting her life is all over the place. Im not finished with it yet but it is odd how vividly she remembers very important situations that happened in her familys life all before the age of 10. As in- in a kids eyes it would be hard to understand all of these events and experiences but they way she talks about them it seems like it happened when she was old enough to get what was happening.
I agree. It's all over the place and even when she tries to keep a timeline she jumps back and forth. I'm typically one who is on the side of believing the survivor but I find her hard to believe in this episode with the way that she is all over the place and often contradicts herself. It feels like she's often just making things up. It's possible she was abused and she's just exaggerating the extent of some of the abuse, but it's difficult to believe.
Plus she mentions how the house was in shambles, laundry all over, floor was black from cigarettes, she wouldn't be fed or taken care of or brought to school often, and the neighbors would often have to take care of her. She said social workers came to the house but I find it hard to believe that they wouldn't have taken her away from her mom based on the mess that the household was. If neighbors were knowing that this kid was not being taken care of I have a hard time believing that police didn't get reports on the well being of this child. Obviously I know the child care system is very flawed and their main goal is to keep the child with the parent so it's very well possible this fell through the cracks. But with the state of the house, neighbors being involved, social workers involved, and often going to the hospital (which with many of the injuries she mentions I have a hard time believing doctors/nurses did not flag the police for some of the injuries, such as the knife incident) I just can't see how this would've passed that many checkpoints for this to even be possible and the child kept in the mother's care.
@@samanthatribble5857ur applying this logic of a child with a normal childhood with one that had trauma and had to grow up fast. I literally understood everything when I was a child
@@MR-xk5qcKids often get left with abusive parents remember Gabriel Fernandez
She was hard to follow :(
Gypsie didn’t deserve prison.
"I put on these glow in the dark glasses to see him better" I chuckled! thats precious
She has such a beautiful voice!! ❤
As much as I loved their story and hearing their perspective, I found the way that they personally described borderline personality disorder at 42:32 a bit rude and harsh, especially since they don’t experience the “disorder” themselves. While these terms can be true it’s so hurtful to classify an entire group based on one person’s actions, even if it’s someone like your mother who is obviously detrimental to you and your health.
EDIT: wrong time stamp at first, my apologies.
As someone very close to BPD and studying it for 3 years, I think what she said was pretty fair.
as a neuroscience researcher studying BPD and a person with BPD, i'm only about 5 min in and they already described us as villanous, so i definitely agree. BPD is already one of the most highly stigmatized and fatal psychiatric illnesses. do better.
@@alexajazmin7559second this
@@alexajazmin7559but YOU don't have it?
i agree
I feel it’s interesting that this woman questions if she is becoming her mother. Is it because she seeks outward attention, over exaggerates health concerns, had a similar diagnosis or feels she acts just in similar ways? It had to be so hard to live with such a mentally ill mother.
14 minutes in and this hits home soooo much. My mom was a nurse too.
My little sister ended up being pronounced brain dead in 2020 and one of the most viscerally traumatizing memories from that week is that her eyes wouldn't stay closed. Obviously it was an awful experience overall, but that part really sticks in my brain. It's actually a kind of interesting and fucked up story and I always consider writing into Dev and the podcast but I just haven't done it yet.
Super interesting but the way BPD was talked about is pretty damaging :(((
As a mother I could never imagine doing this to my children. I love when my children are happy and healthy. I get so sad when they have a runny nose.
She seems a little unhinged. It’s a bit unsettling but I guess that’s what happens when you grow up in these situations. Her story doesn’t flow, it’s just a random list of events that happened but none of it really blends. My ADHD would have gone into overdrive if I had to sit and listen to this in person.
I had a hard time following because of how all over the place the storytelling was. However, I get it, I kind of tell stories the same way so I get it, it just makes it hard to follow.
"Unhinged" is rude. You can just say disorganized.
I really saw it trying to provide context and background for stories, rather than telling it straight through.
It is incredibly common for victims of trauma to be all over the place when recounting all of their trauma and trying to explain it.
My ADHD is struggling, however I know full well that if I went on a podcast I’d I’ve the same 😂
@@elle-saysI could have said that if that’s what I meant. But no I do mean she seems unhinged, or mentally unbalanced. Unhinged and disorganized are two different things.
this guest is so intelligent, this was a great episode!