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@@loragarcia5212 The way I see things, you can't really judge things by age. It's just an average. And if your life, your input of experiences, has not been average then it's not strange that the results are not average either. So can you instead see it as a basic need that has not been met to a sufficient degree yet, and that you while aware of those needs and what consequences they have try to find out how you may be able to fulfill them in your current life, instead of judging yourself for something you have never had any way to influence? I'm no professional here, but could that at least be a beginning.
I'm noticing toxic people and choosing to walk away. I'm no longer a pushover. I've developed solid boundaries. I don't need approval. Something changed.
Beautiful comment!? But wonder if we don't also grow down in some ways? Now I'm going to search out variations of nature where 'stuff' grows in all sorts of directions 😮
I hope you don't mind me asking, where are you from? How were you able to find this man? I am just curious of how many people are aware of him that aren't from Winnipeg or Canada.
@@Falloulla of course, I don't mind. I am in United Arab Emirates, but from USA. I was searching on RUclips for lectures on narcissistic personality in relationships and came across him. I was connected with his approach to CT after accidentally listening to him as I drove long distance. It wasn't until then that I realized what it is that I may be reacting from. I've put so much into perspective lately and listen almost every day applying what I can. I hope you are well, my friend.
@@maimunabey3164 Nice to meet you and this sounds great, I will check his lecture on that. I am having my lunch break and listening to his lecture on self-discipline, I find it to be profound. I am recommending his material to people around me. I am in a healing journey, therapy has helped tremendously however there is still fear of success and blockages I don't understand from pursuing what I want to pursue, I feel his lectures are making me understand in depth slowly what could be the problem. The reward system in my brain is a bit dysfunctional lol. I am grateful for him and grateful for your response. I hope you are well and have a wonderful day :)
@@Falloullafrom Poland and in process of healing after a narcissistic relationship. This videos been such a help especially that there is a lot of people explaining narcissism but not many talking about complex trauma and codependency. I now understand myself so much better and where my behaviours are coming from 😊
Thank you, friend. I am almost a year into this new knowledge. At 53, I had lived a life of anxiety and depression. I perceived rejection and internalized inadequacy, in nearly every social situation. My beloved and beleaguered husband held onto me despite my many attempts to push him away. My adult children knew that I was emotionally damaged and they gave me so much grace. But I had no peace. My mind was my enemy. My thoughts were a skipping record. I finally sought help and was given six ketamine treatments. During those treatments, I was able to have multiple breakthroughs that were life changing. The first was that regardless of how strongly I respond to a situation, it isn't necessarily about me. Then I realized that one second is a very long time. See, I had been in a car accident and I watched my dogs fly through the air into the back of the van. I recall processing the thoughts that I been in an accident. All of this before the air bags knocked me out. So I understood that one second is a long time. Therefore, I can take the time to respond to a situation. Then I realized that my fears affected my perception of God, and that I was actually in a good place with Him! Finally, I understood that there is an OPTIMAL me, buried inside, that is anxious to get out, beyond the damage, and to succeed and be healed. So this year, I have healed immensely. I can sleep most of the time now. I don't carry the world on my shoulders. I can be open about my anxiety. My pain has lessened a bit. My relationships with my husband and kids is so enriched and they are seeing my progress. I am able to talk myself out of anxiety attacks. All of my life, I thought that this hypervigilant, intense, rapid fire personality was who I was. But once I recognized that nearly all of it was on the list of symptoms for abandonment trauma, I knew that to continue on is to allow those awful people to steal my life even when they were dead. My inner rebel led me to adopt healthier patterns. I am grateful for this season. It was very difficult, but I am thinking clearer and cleaning house of the debris of thee past. So thank you for providing enlightening videos for those of us who are paralyzed in a time and place where horror entered our lives, and out us in a cage. I am sleeping better. I am honest about my anxiety with people. I am kinder to myself, knowing that I haven't always been. I've stopped fawning (normal people recoil). I am setting boundaries. I am not enduring emotionally abusive relationships because of blood relation. I am addressing my procrastination. I am becoming safe to talk to for those who I hurt, specifically my husband and kids. I am no longer taking everything personally. I've lost a lot of weight effortlessly. Today, I registered for school to learn a new skill. Life is good. It's never too late. Take care.
I am SO HAPPY for you! It was like a light went on. And you are still so young, you won't have to waste so many years like a cat backed into a corner. Keep moving forward. Be fearless. Love yourself. I was hitting myself. Now i look in the mirror and promise that I will never do that again. We are the walking wounded but when we heal, we will have still much to offer this world. Love you!
I am getting pushback from my family. I'm not letting my family push me around. They hate it. That is my sign I'm healing. People who only wanted my submission are leaving. I'm not panicking. This new change is growth.
"people who only wanted my submission are leaving" - Man isn't that the truth. That's when you quickly realise that you've been conforming to people's image of you instead of living authentically
This is so nice to hear! I developed GERD and IBS because of an abusive relationship. I've been in therapy for a year now, and while I've seen improvements in my overall stress, I'm hoping it'll have an impact on my GERD and IBS too. I feel very encouraged to know your physical health has improved as part of your healing, thank you so much for sharing!
The very first sign of healing is the fact that we are all here on this platform with Tim. Most Fridays we'd be shooting pool at the Bar..as a famous person once said You can't change what you don't acknowledge.
I am so proud of myself for pulling through a mental breakdown 3 years ago. During my healing I removed all toxic individuals, focused on what gives and brings me a peaceful mind. This year my body has rewarded me with new energy to do light exercise and gardening. Literally a miracle. Last year my body ached so much I could hardly walk. I could identify healing when I became aware that I was treating myself more kindly and lovingly. Slow and steady wins the race. Be patient in your healing.❤
And I want to add another one, I hear myself start laughing again! That’s a really important sign of healing. Also, having more fun or even just once in awhile smile again❤
This new chapter in my life is called My Turn and I'm changing things...some things are changing on their own. I noticed I stopped sleeping curled up with hands/wrists curled up in front of my chest, which I learned is a sign of trauma. I'm fully stretched out on my stomach again, which I haven't done in decades. Before The Troubles. I take that as a good sign.
This resonates so heavily with me. Especially since someone else noticed who isn’t even a close friend. That gave me a spark and I hope to keep it growing
Yes! Laughing is beautiful way to know you're better every day❤
6 месяцев назад+58
Signs of healing, for me: - becoming more assertive, saying 'no' because I feel like it, without justifying it, however much I feel like explaining myself. - less 'solving the conversation' in my head as a result of the above. When your response is balanced and correct (for YOU, and however 'unreasonable' someone else might alledgedly find it), you'll not find yourself going over stuff nearly as much as when you either give in too easily or resist too much. - better able to recognize feelings, especially the 'forbidden' ones, such as anger. - putting anger (or love, for that matter) where it belongs, so as to not take it home and project it onto the world around me (getting angry at traffic, the news, whatever) - experiencing color with a sense of awe instead of the desaturated mass even the most colorful landscape can become when my head's off. - a natural impulse to order the world around me, such as cleaning the house and thinking about how to make it my own, instead of just a husk I have to live in with stuff I happen to own. - receiving positive vibes from others. Yeah, I very much see myself reflected in others. When I'm doing well, suddenly the world is smiling at me. - got more, but..
I’m 59 and this year I learned that childhood trauma affects your physical health. I thought I’d survived it and it was in the past. How wrong I was. I’ve had 3 major health crises this year as well as ongoing chronic health issues. My health has done a 180 over the past 3 months. I’m eating a high protein nutrient rich diet, low in sugar and unhealthy fat. I’ve been exercising, taking vitamins and nutritional supplements with the help of a dietician. High potency vitamin B complex has really helped my mental health. Better than antidepressants. I just booked my very first therapy appointment, something I’ve thought about doing for years but couldn’t pick up the phone to do it. I’ve learned a valuable lesson in all of this, you are never too old to turn the bus around. You are the driver and the decision is yours. All of my symptoms are melting away. Every day I feel better than the day before. The volume of it all has dialled down. I’m healing and I can actually feel in my body and mind. Is it perfect, no, but much better, yes. I’m sleeping through the night now, something I have never been able to do. The wounds from childhood trauma run deep, the scars from it are ugly. I can look at it now, think about it now without my body reacting to it. I have some work to do, but I have the right kind of help now.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart for sharing your story. I’m going to be 37 in 2 weeks. Going through what feels like hell right now, alone. Hurting, crying every night, sometimes during the day. Feeling numb in between. I am also pro holistic approach. Thank you!🙏
So happy for you! I get hope from your story. 56 years old, 5 years in recovery and it has been and is a hard road with excruciating painful emotions, sadness and loneliness. I developed fybromyalgia and chronic fatigue. Hopefully I can slowly turn the big boat but sometimes I feel to tired or stuck. Thank you for your share 🙏💜
i was in a fight or flight with my fiancee and My Dad. I was sitting with the disrespectful individuals and finally i could not be a part and broke up my relationship with both of them. I had to take my power and love my self and not tolerate disrespect from either one!
Important to know for everyone healing from trauma: As things improve, and cortisol goes down, you may experience a worsening of certain stress related symptoms, such as changes in immune response, fatigue, muscle weekness. In other words: things we often associate with increased stress. It's easy to misread these signals and to be alarmed by them, possibly slowing or stopping the process of healing as a result. it's not so easy to make the correct distinction. The sensations I have today are not that much different than the beginnings of the panic attacks I had a couple of years ago, so they often get me to worry all over again. But my situation today is objectively (and subjectively!!) better than it was back then.
Thank you for this, can you provide any sources or more info where I can read more about this? I have a lot of physical symptoms lately and I would like to understand this better
I thought that healing my traumas would make me feel a better and better from my stress-illness over time, but honestly I feel like crap. It's a different kind of crap, but still crap😂 Thanks for this info!
TL;DR Signs of healing include a person's ability to feel and tolerate emotions, develop healthy relationships, and live a routine based on meeting their needs. For survivors of complex trauma, healing indicators may include the reduction of shame, the ability to set and enforce boundaries, and the emergence of authenticity, self-care, and boundary setting. The healing process involves developing self-awareness, recognizing false beliefs, and dealing with setbacks as progress is not always linear.
Cried tears of joy at one point I’ve realized how much I do love myself and I was taught to hate myself I was taught to not dream I am learning to forgive my mother and let go of the past
Watched this and it was SO helpful. Recovering from CPTSD and left a 17 year marriage with cheating, drug addicted Narcissist. Its been very difficult. Thank you for your posting this. I cried but that is okay. That's part of what I'm doing right now :)
Yes, Hallelujah, I am growing/ healing! I am only 55 😂 still time to have a good life! Thank you so so much for these teachings! It took me years to find out what is wrong with me, why am I struggling so much… But God is so good, guiding me to the right counselors and teachers like you! Bless you!!!
This gentleman has been a psychological drink of water for my parched dessert of neglect. I've listened to countless wonderful videos on healing. This work hits in a way I have never experienced ❤I've been bingeing these videos thank you so much
I experienced sexual abuse as a child and I never felt aroused by it. I felt terrified and frozen in fear to the point where I blocked out the person's face. At 49, I finally received healing from that terrible, frightening time in my life.
I took a year off to focus on myself and I feel, after 14 months, I’m almost there. Listening to this video, I know I am. I’m starting to hope, and now am feeling capable. My husband has been very supportive, seeing my growth he is now in therapy as well. It gets rough with both of us in a session together, and yes it gets better then gets bad, then better. I see his growth and I’m so proud of him. It’s TOUGH. It’s WORK. Listening to this helps me pinpoint where my husband is (pretty far back), and I am there for him. It will take time, but I’m so excited for our future.
Then malignant narcissist wants attention with no intention of dealing with the issues, pretending to be the victim, which they likely are, yet are now pure abusers. I don't have energy to listen to that!
I found Deep Tissue massages during trauma work with increased walking (Feldenkrais) helped my body stop holding it all in: pain 24/7 went to way less overall.
Oh yes massage apparently helps stored trauma and blockages in the fascia. I had/have on and off crippling leg pain and it began after I went through a tragic and sudden loss. I found that acupuncture and Chinese medicine has helped me more so when the pain wouldn’t go away. I now do a combo of both. If anyone also has acupuncture with massage I would love to hear your experiences. The body really does hold the score. ❤️🩹
It is so important that people understand the self inflicted and displaced shame that comes along with sexual abuse. Even though the body may have responded pleasurably to the experience, does not equate with complicity and the understanding between right and wrong. This has brought much confusion and misconception around the victims experience. The shame is born out of a misunderstanding and taking responsibility. This creates trauma in the body, not necessarily the sexual abuse. It is not until we get older that through the lens of society begin to perhaps perceive our role in it as complicit. If I liked it I must’ve wanted it. That is false. We were children and therefore powerless in it. We are not equipped with the knowledge and ability to protect ourselves. That is not our job. Fawning is often how we survive it and the body responds naturally. Thank you again for elucidating on that. Often times therapists leave out that critical piece to the puzzle and it is that knowledge that can mean the difference between someone healing from that shame or not. 🙏❤️
I did not enjoy it. I broke off and another part of me, cold and dead inside took over. I found myself out side of car being raped with knife pressed against me. I heard him from far away saying, why can't you move??? You feel did and cold. And i thought, why in the he l would i give you any pleasure?
Healing is a blessing & a curse, having a name for what shaped me is all the validation I needed. Trying to explain it to others, however, is exhausting. Most think I'm lying, exaggerating, & that I'm just making excuses for maladaptive behavior. I quite literally don't think or process info in a way that they can relate to. They assume the worst, & then throw it in my face & don't hesitate to tear me down. I don't bother with those kind of people anymore because they're going to believe what they want, & they're opinion is inconsequential to me. I'm authentic & understanding, but I'm not a punching bag. I have endured it for a lifetime, & I'm not responsible for other people's emotions & behavior. Family or not, I don't owe them a damn thing. I'm not obligated to give them my time, attention, & energy when I'm never given the same in return.
@@MoonfishSparkle Finding out that there's a name for it was a huge turning point in my life, but I quickly realized that sharing that new knowledge with others didn't change their opinion of me. They definitely didn't appreciate the truth of my experience, & instead chose to insult & criticize me. Realizing that I had to cut off the majority of my family was gut wrenching, but necessary. I may feel extremely lonely at times, but it's far better than the despair & self-loathing I felt due to being labeled "too much/not enough" by people who lack self-awareness & honesty. Still, it's such a relief to connect with others who actually understand & share so many similarities.
I want to give this man his flowers today...Mr. Tim Fletcher I appreciate u sir 🙏🏽...I thank God for your free therapy giving me what I already know but it makes clearer sense when u say it out loud and break it down...thank u sir...God bless u and yours....u are helping to save me (from my abuse long term spouse of 18 yearsI been trying to get out the last 5 and I been done! I will not marry him period)...and I just found u today because your anger/abuse series popped up on my feed out of nowhere and im thankful flowers 💐 ⚘️🌹🌺🌻
Your voice immediately makes me feel safe in my body. I don’t know why I just felt that I know that sounds weird but I grew up with a very narcissistic father. Blessings to you, you have such a beautiful presence.
So happy to have listened to this, Tim. I see now that I have come a very long way. I’d like to add that, in my opinion and experience, inner peace is earned through the process of healing. I protect my peace like it’s an innocent child. I don’t allow anything or anyone in who could compromise it.
Also one no longer remains a “bug in the rug” so to speak but now you are able to notice your reactions and behaviours from a drone perspective rather than a bug and noticing and being aware of my reactions and behaviour, I now can control my reactions and discern a more effective way to respond to the same trigger 🙏
6:04 "They're not as triggered to light or to noise" YES! OMG YES! My whole life, my dad was a raging monster over every little noise and I had many of the same traits. As I went through therapy in my 30s, I noticed that these things irritated me less and less. Wild!
I cannot afford therapy and your series has been remarkable. I have complex PTSD from sexual child abuse and religious abuse. My wonderful church and pastor has also helped me along my journey. Thank you!
@@happycreature3993there are videos on RUclips that teach how to self sooth. Depending on your trauma you need to be able to self regulate your emotions, and you can do it with self sooth to calm your nervous system
@@happycreature3993 you could look into some books on DBT, continue to watch videos, pray. Start to change behaviors as you are able. Some therapists will work with you for treatment costs and have a sliding scale. Your insurance might pay for some of it.
Phew! I was JUST WONDERING why I am so exhausted lately. Well, now I recognize how HARD it is to change 😮 So hard, in fact, that my entire self is struggling with being stretched, stressed and pressed. Thanks be to God who leads us in good--but usually difficult --ways🙌
I dove into academics, intellectualism & conspiracy theories as a coping mechanism. I thought I wanted to "save the world", and I thought the way to do so could be found in books if I found enough data and put it together like a puzzle. Really, I was just trying to escape from and avoid the big awful feelings inside. The day I admitted to myself that the world cannot be saved was the 1st step I took towards healing from my trauma.
You are doing the work, you are changing your life ... by the wisdom & guidance Tim offers in all his talks, I'm on that journey too. Yay for all of us doing the work to heal ourselves ❤❤
Thank you so much for this video! I have been working on myself so much, but not seeing progress in myself. But after watching your video, I realize I have made huge leaps and bounds! The example of avoiding family gatherings to avoid causing myself the negativity...just did that for Easter w my extended family. I wondered if I had made the right decision, and now I know I did. I so appreciate your videos....as many on here can relate to...I simply can not afford therapy, but educating myself. These videos are life changing. God bless you and to all of us working through complex trauma....we are so strong and resilient. I pray each of us finds our inner strength and healing we soooo deserve🙏❤
This is so affirming ❤ I am at the setting boundaries/breaking codependency stage and it is difficult but I can feel the sparks. I clicked this video to remind myself of all the work I’ve done thus far - which you describe perfectly and encourage myself for the work left to do. Thank you ❤
I've been on this journey for so many years, and while I'm sure many of us would agree that progress is variable and occurs in phases.. I can honestly say I finally feel like I am starting to build a real sense of self and the beginnings of well-being. This video came to me at exactly the right time. If you're struggling, keep going. It's worth it and there is a future for you to enjoy. You deserve it.
Omg I just came across this. I know I’ve overcome 53 yrs of CPTSD and PTSD! It’s been a spiritual journey too. I’m writing a book and developing a podcast on my crazy first life and the magical few years I’ve had becoming my true self. Everyone left me, but hey, they didn’t help in the first place. Thanks for talking about the healing. It is possible, my nervous system is still off, but my brain is holding healthy new beliefs. ❤and I’m experiencing a better self than “normal “ people.
Listening to this is very comforting and healing. My husband died 2 years ago and my grown son abandoned me and deserted me the day my husband died. I was in shock and disbelief. In the months ahead i fell apart. I gave up. I didnt want to live anymore. I got help on my own and was diagnosed with severe PTSD. I had deep depression and non stop grief and crying 24/7. I had to.let people go that didnt have my best interest at heart. Im stronger and more wiser now Im so grateful. Ive learned my major triggers. With gods grace and mercy i survived what i thought would kill me. Thank you for your video's. You really get it. God bless you ❤ .
@@goldfishonthefloor44 I would love to respond tho you didn't ask me. Practice vipassana meditation 🧘♂️by sn goenka. You will heal your heart and live a healthy peaceful life.
Thank you immensely Tim. I needed to have a realistic “map” through which I could discern my path towards (and status of) my full recovery. I endured extreme abuse from multiple abusers, so it took me my entire life to heal. Over the last 8 years, I was finally able to express my anger, rage, and pain that I had dissociated from throughout my life due to my survival, because it was so profoundly deep and overwhelming for me to address. I finally can say I survived, and I am truly healing. I will probably listen to this video again and again for my own encouragement.
I have to say that I was feeling a bit down by listening to everything that he was saying over a period of time. Video after video I was thinking am I ever going to get through this? Have I ever made any progress? I talked to somebody today and I was crying thinking that I had done so much work on myself throughout my life but was it really working for the best. I prayed that I would find a video that would help me. Well, here it is the video that I needed. He has explained everything that I've ever wanted to know and I realized that I have come such a long ways. I could actually see all the growth that I've made throughout my life and I had to Pat myself in the back and tell myself that I was proud of myself. That used to be so difficult and today it was so easy. Thank you Tim Fletcher for giving of yourself and helping us to understand we are valued, we are worth it and that we can get through this. God bless 🙏❤
I’m so glad I randomly came across this , because I feel like I’m getting acknowledgment, and the physical things like sensitivity to light and clenching all my facial and neck muscles to trying to tell others family members what was happening and being shut down because they think you making it up
Without the ACKNOWLEDGEMENT in the first place, nothing can be corrected. You have to admit that the family is Toxic. When family members are reacting normally to abnormal situations within the family, they are often blamed for "not growing up fast enough" they are told to STOP CRYING!! MY GOD, when the whole family is affected by ONE member's BEHAVIOR, to the point where no one can hide their depression anymore..its BEEN time to seek professional help..dont ever be afraid as a family to ask for help. If that particular Family Member has no interest in growing as a Human Being, then that's THEIR problem. But one thing youve got to remember. Abuse is taught in the home. Tolerating abuse as a young Lady growing in an Abusive household, opened the door for me to tolerate Men putting their hands on me in front of my Son. See how this affects the younger generations so soon? They're always watching. The Children are watching, listening and learning..
I am actually healing! We have to do so much of the work without even having hope that it will get better, just that we don't know what else to do. It's so hard. Thank you so much for this Tim, really useful and encouraging.
Thank you so much for this, particularly for giving examples for people with trauma from CSA. I've got PTSD and C-PTSD, and I felt myself getting better and started 2024 with great energy and hope. Then several of my deepest traumata were triggered by an health service official, and since then (3 weeks ago) I have been experiencing flashbacks, intrusive thoughts, tension and pain and huge emotional dysregulation. I've been blaming myself more or less non-stop for it. This video really helped me focus on the things that I have already achieved on my way to healing and accept that this is just a temporary setback that doesn't invalidate where I was before. So... thanks 🙏
❤best of luck. The interruption of a therapy by the sole initiative of the therapist reactivate my PTSD (when she was supposed to treat me for that at first place lol) and turned it to CPTSD, life has been so so hard but I still have hope
Yes hope giving is good too few therapist add that in. We all need encouragement vs straight up talk. It’s wonderful you do what you do to help us. Thank you.
Thank you for this episode. I grew up in a dysfunctional house. And have been working in therapy and self development for over 20 years. My dad recently passed and all the emotional flooding rushed back having to deal with family members. I was devastated because prior I had done so much healing. So much healing to the point I was able to care for my father (the one who caused all my trauma) he was an alcoholic. But once he passed the intensity was real. I thought I regressed. But after listening to your episode I realize I’m still on my path of healing. I have come a long way. And of course, this life circumstance would bring up things. Thank you Tim! ❤
When I realized that all the aspects of point one apply to me, I was overwhelmed with joy and gratitude and I started to cry out of relief! I absolutely did not see this intense reaction coming. How good it is to recognize that all the hardships and pain of healing actually are fruitful!!!
I can’t wait to watch your other videos because I have just realised that it is normal to be so severely burnt out so my focus is to work on learning to stop and learn how to relax. I don’t remember the last time I have actually relaxed. I have just subscribed to your channel and I want to share my gratitude. I have such a long way to go however the hope I have begun to feel deep inside is why (and I am sure others can relate) I have kept going. I am also sending everyone who is healing from CPTSD, Complex Trauma, Childhood and adulthood trauma healing energy and support ❤❤❤❤
Thank you ❤ I see the healing within myself more now. I will cry and just let it happen. compassion + curiosity is key when you go backwards. I'm still not sleeping and sleep hygiene is a challenge. breathing, winding down, and relaxing and the structure in the evening is key..
Thank you Tim for helping me to fill in missing peices from my childhood. E.g When I was neglected emotionally by my mom because she was too busy or had a hard time coping with life. The other was when my Dad accidentally washed my tender genitals too roughly when I cried, he made me so wrong for crying he wanted to give me a REAL reason to cry. I realized this was another form of sexual and emotional abuse I minimized. Tim. Thank you for saying I believed I was weak. I wasn’t weak. I had a natural response to physical pain. I also appreciated hearing how far I’ve come in my recovery instead of always looking at how much further I have to go.
I have been so blessed by your methods, videos, and overall calm, patient, and encouraging demeanor. Thank you so much 🙏🏼💗✝️ May God bless you greatly and continue his anointing upon your healing ministry and your life. ✝️🙏🏼💗
Thank you for making this incredibly informative video. I’ve been working on my complex trauma in therapy for 2 years and I’ve been “regressing” recently. So it’s so helpful to be able to be reminded that I am slowly but surely making progress because I can see myself in some of the recovery signs mentioned :)
Regression is not failure, it's just your inner self telling you that you still need something before you are confident to move forward. No judgement. You will find your way (where there is a will, there's a way❤❤)
its so good to finally listen to someone who isnt only exposing the malice in a narc but having compassion for them and understanding, from a healthy perspective, even if my marriage isnt restored I dont want to be bitter and unforgiving , we all have bits of narc anyway, no one is completely altruistic
Thank you for this video, Pr. Tim. I had a hard day and was down on myself for still having feelings from painful stuff that was decades old and had processed already, multiple times. After watching your video, I felt much better about my healing journey. Instead of blowing up into a big flashback and uncontrollable rage, I was able to sit with the feelings and recall events to release the pain. This stuff works. My health is improving. My dysregulation is decreasing. My anxiety is less. My emptiness is less. My wrestlessness is less. My thinking is clearer. My joy is greater. Thank you for all your hard work in helping others. 😊😊😊 ❤❤❤
Mr. Fletcher, I am infinitely grateful for the videos that you put out into the world to help those of us recovering from complex trauma. Thanks to you and your team.
I just saw the whole video. what a wonderful way to explain things. many of the points mentionned resonated with me. Thank you for making the effort to resume it in one video.i hope everyone heals and live a better life. we are all here for a reason
Thank you so much for this beautiful video. You helped me to see my growth in many areas of my life. You are truly such a blessing. Thank you for sharing your wisdom with us all.
I thought I had dealt with my childhood trauma but was plunged right back there due to extreme stress/burnout in last few years. I’ve just felt so sad, lonely and probably depression. Joy has gone from my life to a huge extent. These videos are so good and I’m trying so hard to control my reaction to triggers. I get very emotional and struggle badly to control the tears. They just come out of the blue at times and I find it so hard to express myself rationally . Having watched this video to the end maybe it growth for me and it’s so damn hard! So few people know about this complex trauma. Thank God for people like Tim.❤
New people that I meet think that I am way out there. I can see the improvements in myself. That helps me when I remember this. My temper tantrums are much less And the anger only lasts a very short time compared to where I was not that long ago 😊 Thank You for reminding me of this 😊❤😊
❤❤🎉🎉🎉 The first sign of healing is understanding what you're going through,and not to allow it to control you And then you begin to find a way to face it in order to break that circle !!!! Because I realised that many people are going through it unknowingly even when you try to talk about it they rebuke you ! Thank you sir for helping us through this journey!!!!!
I appreciate your videos. I've hit all your milestones in the vid, not in the same order but I've managed to navigate these issues without a lot of outside help (mostly just youtube vids to confirm I was on the right path) so it is most definitely DOable by anyone without a therapist, etc (if anyone is wondering or doesn't have the ability to get help) where there's a will there's a way. 😊 obviously, if you can get the help GET the help, everyone's situation is different, your all beautiful and wonderful and have the ability to overcome ANYTHING anyone has put you up against. Feel me.
This is amazing thanks so much . I'm in recovery and I feel a sense of hope for peace and happiness for the first time in my life. . My healing journey has been enlightened and I'm now recognising I'm healing. I've still got a way to go. But I'm heading in the right direction. Blessings, You've really validated my healing journey ❤. I'm soo happy that I stumbled across this video. I now know my worth and what I have to achieve for a loving relationship not only to myself but for anyone else who is in my life 🙏 . No more toxic relationships, no more trying to rescue people, no more seeking validation or little crumbs of love or affection. I am worth more and I deserve more ❤ that's huge for me. Blessings to all those that are in recovery 🙏
Thanks for this. I was doing so well until the last month or so and was looking for how to grow a bit more. Wanting to "escape and crappy people, crappy circumstances" really helped. Figured I just need to focus on self care and my choices. Thanks. Very helpful.
After listening to this, I've started to realize how far I've come in the healing journey since when I started. Just because I had no way to measure it, I thought there's been no progress and my brain was just confused to know if there is actually a way out. I took a round about way to figure out that I had toxic shame while all my life I thought I had crippling anxiety. This is amazing and I needed to hear this.
Finally, I'm saying "I can relate to this" under Tim's video without feeling sadness or despair. I've been watching these videos for almost a year, and I noticed a significant change in how I perceive myself, my life and people around me. Thank you so much for all the things you share.
I am now standing up for myself way too much, to the point I feel guilty, maybe I have been to harsh, but then I think to myself: "it's ok, you are just setting boundaries, you're just defending yourself" ... It's a new feeling I need still to get used to, but passed the shame and the doubts, it feels great! Stay strong people out there ❤
💜 Please be aware of scammers impersonating Tim or the Tim Fletcher team! We do not provide any phone numbers in the comments and Tim does not chat privately with viewers. We will never ask you to join us on a messaging app. When in doubt, reach out to us via our website at timfletcher.ca. Stay safe and scam-aware. With Love, The Tim Fletcher Team.
My number one sign of healing has been that I'm no longer looking to other people to take care of me.
Agreed. I am the opposite as I've always been the one to take care of people. I just don't want to care for anyone to the extent I used to.
That is me still looking for people to take care of me at 64
@@loragarcia5212 The way I see things, you can't really judge things by age. It's just an average. And if your life, your input of experiences, has not been average then it's not strange that the results are not average either. So can you instead see it as a basic need that has not been met to a sufficient degree yet, and that you while aware of those needs and what consequences they have try to find out how you may be able to fulfill them in your current life, instead of judging yourself for something you have never had any way to influence? I'm no professional here, but could that at least be a beginning.
Thats a big one! Happy for ya ❤
Absolutely! 100 correct
I'm noticing toxic people and choosing to walk away. I'm no longer a pushover. I've developed solid boundaries. I don't need approval. Something changed.
Yes,me too. OUR IDENTITY COMES from The Lord. Period.
Who knew we'd grow up and find out one day that we have to grow up all over again ?
Thank you so much for your contribution.
Well said!
What a ah ah moment that was.
I love this comment 💜🔥 It is so true. I could just laugh and cry thinking about this. Thank you and I hope you have a great day🌞🌻
Beautiful comment!? But wonder if we don't also grow down in some ways? Now I'm going to search out variations of nature where 'stuff' grows in all sorts of directions 😮
Ahhhhh wow 😌 Thanks to you all as well. Appreciate it
April 2024... anyone else finding this man is a blessing to healing?
BINGO!
I hope you don't mind me asking, where are you from? How were you able to find this man? I am just curious of how many people are aware of him that aren't from Winnipeg or Canada.
@@Falloulla of course, I don't mind. I am in United Arab Emirates, but from USA. I was searching on RUclips for lectures on narcissistic personality in relationships and came across him. I was connected with his approach to CT after accidentally listening to him as I drove long distance. It wasn't until then that I realized what it is that I may be reacting from. I've put so much into perspective lately and listen almost every day applying what I can. I hope you are well, my friend.
@@maimunabey3164 Nice to meet you and this sounds great, I will check his lecture on that. I am having my lunch break and listening to his lecture on self-discipline, I find it to be profound. I am recommending his material to people around me. I am in a healing journey, therapy has helped tremendously however there is still fear of success and blockages I don't understand from pursuing what I want to pursue, I feel his lectures are making me understand in depth slowly what could be the problem. The reward system in my brain is a bit dysfunctional lol. I am grateful for him and grateful for your response. I hope you are well and have a wonderful day :)
@@Falloullafrom Poland and in process of healing after a narcissistic relationship. This videos been such a help especially that there is a lot of people explaining narcissism but not many talking about complex trauma and codependency. I now understand myself so much better and where my behaviours are coming from 😊
The 2nd best thing to having him as a therapist are these videos ….this man is so gifted and blesses so many troubled hearts.
I couldn.t agree more. He is a big resource to me as a therapist too
To me, he has been a virtual life saver. God bless you Tim 🙏
Changed my life…..❤❤❤. He’s a hero for sure 😊
@@KorinEatsI can’t remember what the term is called, but your comment is also an accurate play on words👍🏼
Yes, he's great! Another helpful one for me is also Dr Les Carter. ❤
This is the first time I've heard a therapist describe signs of healing. Very good to hear.
❤❤
Heidi Priebe does it as well
Thank you, friend. I am almost a year into this new knowledge. At 53, I had lived a life of anxiety and depression. I perceived rejection and internalized inadequacy, in nearly every social situation. My beloved and beleaguered husband held onto me despite my many attempts to push him away. My adult children knew that I was emotionally damaged and they gave me so much grace. But I had no peace. My mind was my enemy. My thoughts were a skipping record. I finally sought help and was given six ketamine treatments. During those treatments, I was able to have multiple breakthroughs that were life changing. The first was that regardless of how strongly I respond to a situation, it isn't necessarily about me. Then I realized that one second is a very long time. See, I had been in a car accident and I watched my dogs fly through the air into the back of the van. I recall processing the thoughts that I been in an accident. All of this before the air bags knocked me out. So I understood that one second is a long time. Therefore, I can take the time to respond to a situation. Then I realized that my fears affected my perception of God, and that I was actually in a good place with Him! Finally, I understood that there is an OPTIMAL me, buried inside, that is anxious to get out, beyond the damage, and to succeed and be healed.
So this year, I have healed immensely. I can sleep most of the time now. I don't carry the world on my shoulders. I can be open about my anxiety. My pain has lessened a bit. My relationships with my husband and kids is so enriched and they are seeing my progress. I am able to talk myself out of anxiety attacks.
All of my life, I thought that this hypervigilant, intense, rapid fire personality was who I was. But once I recognized that nearly all of it was on the list of symptoms for abandonment trauma, I knew that to continue on is to allow those awful people to steal my life even when they were dead. My inner rebel led me to adopt healthier patterns.
I am grateful for this season. It was very difficult, but I am thinking clearer and cleaning house of the debris of thee past. So thank you for providing enlightening videos for those of us who are paralyzed in a time and place where horror entered our lives, and out us in a cage.
I am sleeping better. I am honest about my anxiety with people. I am kinder to myself, knowing that I haven't always been. I've stopped fawning (normal people recoil). I am setting boundaries. I am not enduring emotionally abusive relationships because of blood relation. I am addressing my procrastination. I am becoming safe to talk to for those who I hurt, specifically my husband and kids. I am no longer taking everything personally. I've lost a lot of weight effortlessly. Today, I registered for school to learn a new skill.
Life is good. It's never too late. Take care.
I'm 25 yo & 7 months into this new knowledge. I'm not the person I was 7 months ago. Your story is amazing👍
I am SO HAPPY for you! It was like a light went on. And you are still so young, you won't have to waste so many years like a cat backed into a corner. Keep moving forward. Be fearless. Love yourself. I was hitting myself. Now i look in the mirror and promise that I will never do that again. We are the walking wounded but when we heal, we will have still much to offer this world. Love you!
Thank you for sharing this 🙏 ❤️ there is hope
Beautiful story! 🙏
I do my artwork in the early morning hours while I listen to Tim and try to figure out where I'm going wrong..
Signs of healing: that you are watching a video about signs of healing 😍
50min worth!
If your heart isn't in it, Tim probably sounds like wah wah wah wah...😂😂😂
Guided to this video is the way I'm looking at it.❤
Thank you from France, those videos are really helpful for people like me trying to better understand themselves
Good one
So true :)
I am getting pushback from my family. I'm not letting my family push me around. They hate it. That is my sign I'm healing. People who only wanted my submission are leaving. I'm not panicking. This new change is growth.
"people who only wanted my submission are leaving" - Man isn't that the truth. That's when you quickly realise that you've been conforming to people's image of you instead of living authentically
Same here family is reeling because i am finally standing up for myself. Thank you Tim. Praise the Lord Hes raising up His Arm.
Good for you!! So inspiring.
My sign of healing is my immune is much better...my stress was so huge I stayed seriously ill constantly
This is so nice to hear! I developed GERD and IBS because of an abusive relationship. I've been in therapy for a year now, and while I've seen improvements in my overall stress, I'm hoping it'll have an impact on my GERD and IBS too. I feel very encouraged to know your physical health has improved as part of your healing, thank you so much for sharing!
Yes I've noticed that.
That is so encouraging.
The very first sign of healing is the fact that we are all here on this platform with Tim. Most Fridays we'd be shooting pool at the Bar..as a famous person once said You can't change what you don't acknowledge.
I am so proud of myself for pulling through a mental breakdown 3 years ago. During my healing I removed all toxic individuals, focused on what gives and brings me a peaceful mind. This year my body has rewarded me with new energy to do light exercise and gardening. Literally a miracle. Last year my body ached so much I could hardly walk. I could identify healing when I became aware that I was treating myself more kindly and lovingly. Slow and steady wins the race. Be patient in your healing.❤
Hey that's great news!
And I want to add another one, I hear myself start laughing again! That’s a really important sign of healing. Also, having more fun or even just once in awhile smile again❤
This new chapter in my life is called My Turn and I'm changing things...some things are changing on their own. I noticed I stopped sleeping curled up with hands/wrists curled up in front of my chest, which I learned is a sign of trauma. I'm fully stretched out on my stomach again, which I haven't done in decades. Before The Troubles. I take that as a good sign.
This resonates so heavily with me. Especially since someone else noticed who isn’t even a close friend. That gave me a spark and I hope to keep it growing
its true.. even a friend notices it. hey you just laugh he said. ❤❤
Yes to laughing, even if it's at my own jokes
Yes! Laughing is beautiful way to know you're better every day❤
Signs of healing, for me:
- becoming more assertive, saying 'no' because I feel like it, without justifying it, however much I feel like explaining myself.
- less 'solving the conversation' in my head as a result of the above. When your response is balanced and correct (for YOU, and however 'unreasonable' someone else might alledgedly find it), you'll not find yourself going over stuff nearly as much as when you either give in too easily or resist too much.
- better able to recognize feelings, especially the 'forbidden' ones, such as anger.
- putting anger (or love, for that matter) where it belongs, so as to not take it home and project it onto the world around me (getting angry at traffic, the news, whatever)
- experiencing color with a sense of awe instead of the desaturated mass even the most colorful landscape can become when my head's off.
- a natural impulse to order the world around me, such as cleaning the house and thinking about how to make it my own, instead of just a husk I have to live in with stuff I happen to own.
- receiving positive vibes from others. Yeah, I very much see myself reflected in others. When I'm doing well, suddenly the world is smiling at me.
- got more, but..
This is beautiful
@@kaiasiva6759 much appreciated
Thanks for sharing
I need to hear the more! Thank you for sharing.
Disassociation is equally as much due to overwhelm and not knowing what to do because anxiety blocks access to problem-solving executive function.
right...your referring to autism....
Whoah. This is a new way for me to look at this.
@@gothboschincarnate3931? Or fear in general/ in most of the pop rt nw!! 😂
That’s me
@@gothboschincarnate3931 not necessarily. It might be a sign in an autistic person but non autistic people cope this way also.
I’m 59 and this year I learned that childhood trauma affects your physical health. I thought I’d survived it and it was in the past. How wrong I was. I’ve had 3 major health crises this year as well as ongoing chronic health issues. My health has done a 180 over the past 3 months. I’m eating a high protein nutrient rich diet, low in sugar and unhealthy fat. I’ve been exercising, taking vitamins and nutritional supplements with the help of a dietician. High potency vitamin B complex has really helped my mental health. Better than antidepressants. I just booked my very first therapy appointment, something I’ve thought about doing for years but couldn’t pick up the phone to do it. I’ve learned a valuable lesson in all of this, you are never too old to turn the bus around. You are the driver and the decision is yours. All of my symptoms are melting away. Every day I feel better than the day before. The volume of it all has dialled down. I’m healing and I can actually feel in my body and mind. Is it perfect, no, but much better, yes. I’m sleeping through the night now, something I have never been able to do. The wounds from childhood trauma run deep, the scars from it are ugly. I can look at it now, think about it now without my body reacting to it. I have some work to do, but I have the right kind of help now.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart for sharing your story. I’m going to be 37 in 2 weeks. Going through what feels like hell right now, alone. Hurting, crying every night, sometimes during the day. Feeling numb in between. I am also pro holistic approach. Thank you!🙏
So happy for you! I get hope from your story. 56 years old, 5 years in recovery and it has been and is a hard road with excruciating painful emotions, sadness and loneliness.
I developed fybromyalgia and chronic fatigue.
Hopefully I can slowly turn the big boat but sometimes I feel to tired or stuck.
Thank you for your share 🙏💜
@@spbg_4You are not alone....a lot of us going through this. Big hugs ❤
@@Karlien68 thank you ❤️🩹 all the very best to you too!
My number one signs of healing is that i can feel emotions. All emotions. I feel extremely blessed
wow I am growing now to get rid of the controlling bullies
i was in a fight or flight with my fiancee and My Dad. I was sitting with the disrespectful individuals and finally i could not be a part and broke up my relationship with both of them. I had to take my power and love my self and not tolerate disrespect from either one!
Good , heal yourself.
Hi I was in a similar situation too.
Good for your brother! Be well
Good For you.❤
That's right 🙌🏽👏🏽🤗 Respect yourself!!!!
Important to know for everyone healing from trauma:
As things improve, and cortisol goes down, you may experience a worsening of certain stress related symptoms, such as changes in immune response, fatigue, muscle weekness. In other words: things we often associate with increased stress. It's easy to misread these signals and to be alarmed by them, possibly slowing or stopping the process of healing as a result.
it's not so easy to make the correct distinction. The sensations I have today are not that much different than the beginnings of the panic attacks I had a couple of years ago, so they often get me to worry all over again. But my situation today is objectively (and subjectively!!) better than it was back then.
Thank you for this, can you provide any sources or more info where I can read more about this?
I have a lot of physical symptoms lately and I would like to understand this better
I thought that healing my traumas would make me feel a better and better from my stress-illness over time, but honestly I feel like crap. It's a different kind of crap, but still crap😂 Thanks for this info!
TL;DR
Signs of healing include a person's ability to feel and tolerate emotions, develop healthy relationships, and live a routine based on meeting their needs.
For survivors of complex trauma, healing indicators may include the reduction of shame, the ability to set and enforce boundaries, and the emergence of authenticity, self-care, and boundary setting. The healing process involves developing self-awareness, recognizing false beliefs, and dealing with setbacks as progress is not always linear.
Holy Smokes. You’re describing me totally. Thank goodness I’m relating to this video. Greatful. Thank you! ❤️
I'm constantly on a daily basis setting boundaries with my inner critic
Cried tears of joy at one point I’ve realized how much I do love myself and I was taught to hate myself I was taught to not dream I am learning to forgive my mother and let go of the past
Well done. I'm mid 50s and am indifferent, it's great! I hope you have a great future.
Watched this and it was SO helpful. Recovering from CPTSD and left a 17 year marriage with cheating, drug addicted Narcissist. Its been very difficult. Thank you for your posting this. I cried but that is okay. That's part of what I'm doing right now :)
Yes, Hallelujah, I am growing/ healing! I am only 55 😂 still time to have a good life! Thank you so so much for these teachings! It took me years to find out what is wrong with me, why am I struggling so much… But God is so good, guiding me to the right counselors and teachers like you! Bless you!!!
This gentleman has been a psychological drink of water for my parched dessert of neglect. I've listened to countless wonderful videos on healing. This work hits in a way I have never experienced ❤I've been bingeing these videos thank you so much
You have a wonderful way with words
I experienced sexual abuse as a child and I never felt aroused by it. I felt terrified and frozen in fear to the point where I blocked out the person's face. At 49, I finally received healing from that terrible, frightening time in my life.
♥️
That's more realistic as terrorizing by sexualizing and using an innocent child.😢❤ Gd help you in everything!
I took a year off to focus on myself and I feel, after 14 months, I’m almost there. Listening to this video, I know I am. I’m starting to hope, and now am feeling capable. My husband has been very supportive, seeing my growth he is now in therapy as well. It gets rough with both of us in a session together, and yes it gets better then gets bad, then better. I see his growth and I’m so proud of him. It’s TOUGH. It’s WORK. Listening to this helps me pinpoint where my husband is (pretty far back), and I am there for him. It will take time, but I’m so excited for our future.
People need to be listened TO.
And seen.
Then malignant narcissist wants attention with no intention of dealing with the issues, pretending to be the victim, which they likely are, yet are now pure abusers. I don't have energy to listen to that!
I found Deep Tissue massages during trauma work with increased walking (Feldenkrais) helped my body stop holding it all in: pain 24/7 went to way less overall.
Deep tissue massage has saved my life the last 10 years ❤
Are u talking about dpdr?
I was getting into lot of troubles and fighting just to get some hits. This reliefs my internal pain.😢
Same! My pain was SO BAD!
Oh yes massage apparently helps stored trauma and blockages in the fascia. I had/have on and off crippling leg pain and it began after I went through a tragic and sudden loss. I found that acupuncture and Chinese medicine has helped me more so when the pain wouldn’t go away. I now do a combo of both. If anyone also has acupuncture with massage I would love to hear your experiences. The body really does hold the score. ❤️🩹
It is so important that people understand the self inflicted and displaced shame that comes along with sexual abuse. Even though the body may have responded pleasurably to the experience, does not equate with complicity and the understanding between right and wrong. This has brought much confusion and misconception around the victims experience. The shame is born out of a misunderstanding and taking responsibility. This creates trauma in the body, not necessarily the sexual abuse. It is not until we get older that through the lens of society begin to perhaps perceive our role in it as complicit. If I liked it I must’ve wanted it. That is false. We were children and therefore powerless in it. We are not equipped with the knowledge and ability to protect ourselves. That is not our job. Fawning is often how we survive it and the body responds naturally. Thank you again for elucidating on that. Often times therapists leave out that critical piece to the puzzle and it is that knowledge that can mean the difference between someone healing from that shame or not. 🙏❤️
I agree with you i was 7yrs old and now i remembered what happened and my anxiety,delayed etc attacks!Its hard battle i wish i can make it
I did not enjoy it. I broke off and another part of me, cold and dead inside took over. I found myself out side of car being raped with knife pressed against me. I heard him from far away saying, why can't you move??? You feel did and cold. And i thought, why in the he l would i give you any pleasure?
Healing is a blessing & a curse, having a name for what shaped me is all the validation I needed. Trying to explain it to others, however, is exhausting. Most think I'm lying, exaggerating, & that I'm just making excuses for maladaptive behavior. I quite literally don't think or process info in a way that they can relate to. They assume the worst, & then throw it in my face & don't hesitate to tear me down. I don't bother with those kind of people anymore because they're going to believe what they want, & they're opinion is inconsequential to me. I'm authentic & understanding, but I'm not a punching bag. I have endured it for a lifetime, & I'm not responsible for other people's emotions & behavior. Family or not, I don't owe them a damn thing. I'm not obligated to give them my time, attention, & energy when I'm never given the same in return.
I like your thoughts!! This is the same for me to a T!!
@@MoonfishSparkle Finding out that there's a name for it was a huge turning point in my life, but I quickly realized that sharing that new knowledge with others didn't change their opinion of me. They definitely didn't appreciate the truth of my experience, & instead chose to insult & criticize me. Realizing that I had to cut off the majority of my family was gut wrenching, but necessary. I may feel extremely lonely at times, but it's far better than the despair & self-loathing I felt due to being labeled "too much/not enough" by people who lack self-awareness & honesty. Still, it's such a relief to connect with others who actually understand & share so many similarities.
@@amezfires9247 and I agree again. And have a similar situation
I want to give this man his flowers today...Mr. Tim Fletcher I appreciate u sir 🙏🏽...I thank God for your free therapy giving me what I already know but it makes clearer sense when u say it out loud and break it down...thank u sir...God bless u and yours....u are helping to save me (from my abuse long term spouse of 18 yearsI been trying to get out the last 5 and I been done! I will not marry him period)...and I just found u today because your anger/abuse series popped up on my feed out of nowhere and im thankful flowers 💐 ⚘️🌹🌺🌻
I feel like i just found a treasure, Thank you.
Your voice immediately makes me feel safe in my body. I don’t know why I just felt that I know that sounds weird but I grew up with a very narcissistic father. Blessings to you, you have such a beautiful presence.
That is such a nice complement and especially good it brings you comfort. 🙏
I'm wiping my eyes.. tears of hope embraced me..
Thank you Tim!
That makes the two of us.
@@jyotisharma7730 3 😀
So happy to have listened to this, Tim. I see now that I have come a very long way. I’d like to add that, in my opinion and experience, inner peace is earned through the process of healing. I protect my peace like it’s an innocent child. I don’t allow anything or anyone in who could compromise it.
Also one no longer remains a “bug in the rug” so to speak but now you are able to notice your reactions and behaviours from a drone perspective rather than a bug and noticing and being aware of my reactions and behaviour, I now can control my reactions and discern a more effective way to respond to the same trigger 🙏
6:04 "They're not as triggered to light or to noise" YES! OMG YES! My whole life, my dad was a raging monster over every little noise and I had many of the same traits. As I went through therapy in my 30s, I noticed that these things irritated me less and less. Wild!
I cannot afford therapy and your series has been remarkable. I have complex PTSD from sexual child abuse and religious abuse. My wonderful church and pastor has also helped me along my journey. Thank you!
what did you do besides watching this video? i don't know what to do because i can't affort Therapy 🥲
@@happycreature3993there are videos on RUclips that teach how to self sooth. Depending on your trauma you need to be able to self regulate your emotions, and you can do it with self sooth to calm your nervous system
@@happycreature3993 you could look into some books on DBT, continue to watch videos, pray. Start to change behaviors as you are able. Some therapists will work with you for treatment costs and have a sliding scale. Your insurance might pay for some of it.
thank you so much for your video. as a 23 year old woman suffering from CPTSD it helped me a lot. i've got hope for myself :)
Phew! I was JUST WONDERING why I am so exhausted lately. Well, now I recognize how HARD it is to change 😮 So hard, in fact, that my entire self is struggling with being stretched, stressed and pressed. Thanks be to God who leads us in good--but usually difficult --ways🙌
I dove into academics, intellectualism & conspiracy theories as a coping mechanism. I thought I wanted to "save the world", and I thought the way to do so could be found in books if I found enough data and put it together like a puzzle. Really, I was just trying to escape from and avoid the big awful feelings inside. The day I admitted to myself that the world cannot be saved was the 1st step I took towards healing from my trauma.
He is so articulate,he is changing my life
You are doing the work, you are changing your life ... by the wisdom & guidance Tim offers in all his talks, I'm on that journey too.
Yay for all of us doing the work to heal ourselves ❤❤
Thank you so much for this video! I have been working on myself so much, but not seeing progress in myself. But after watching your video, I realize I have made huge leaps and bounds! The example of avoiding family gatherings to avoid causing myself the negativity...just did that for Easter w my extended family. I wondered if I had made the right decision, and now I know I did. I so appreciate your videos....as many on here can relate to...I simply can not afford therapy, but educating myself. These videos are life changing. God bless you and to all of us working through complex trauma....we are so strong and resilient. I pray each of us finds our inner strength and healing we soooo deserve🙏❤
This is so affirming ❤
I am at the setting boundaries/breaking codependency stage and it is difficult but I can feel the sparks. I clicked this video to remind myself of all the work I’ve done thus far - which you describe perfectly and encourage myself for the work left to do. Thank you ❤
❤❤❤❤
I've been on this journey for so many years, and while I'm sure many of us would agree that progress is variable and occurs in phases.. I can honestly say I finally feel like I am starting to build a real sense of self and the beginnings of well-being. This video came to me at exactly the right time. If you're struggling, keep going. It's worth it and there is a future for you to enjoy. You deserve it.
This is encouraging thank u
Omg I just came across this. I know I’ve overcome 53 yrs of CPTSD and PTSD! It’s been a spiritual journey too. I’m writing a book and developing a podcast on my crazy first life and the magical few years I’ve had becoming my true self. Everyone left me, but hey, they didn’t help in the first place. Thanks for talking about the healing. It is possible, my nervous system is still off, but my brain is holding healthy new beliefs. ❤and I’m experiencing a better self than “normal “ people.
Listening to this is very comforting and healing. My husband died 2 years ago and my grown son abandoned me and deserted me the day my husband died. I was in shock and disbelief. In the months ahead i fell apart. I gave up. I didnt want to live anymore. I got help on my own and was diagnosed with severe PTSD. I had deep depression and non stop grief and crying 24/7. I had to.let people go that didnt have my best interest at heart. Im stronger and more wiser now
Im so grateful. Ive learned my major triggers. With gods grace and mercy i survived what i thought would kill me. Thank you for your video's. You really get it. God bless you
❤
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❤ God Bless You ❤❤
How did you overcome? I have had 8 deaths like dominoes I have been so impacted please share
@@goldfishonthefloor44 I would love to respond tho you didn't ask me. Practice vipassana meditation 🧘♂️by sn goenka. You will heal your heart and live a healthy peaceful life.
@@goldfishonthefloor44 practice vipassana meditation 🧘♂️ by sn goenka. You will heal your heart and live peaceful healthy life.
Thank you immensely Tim. I needed to have a realistic “map” through which I could discern my path towards (and status of) my full recovery. I endured extreme abuse from multiple abusers, so it took me my entire life to heal. Over the last 8 years, I was finally able to express my anger, rage, and pain that I had dissociated from throughout my life due to my survival, because it was so profoundly deep and overwhelming for me to address. I finally can say I survived, and I am truly healing. I will probably listen to this video again and again for my own encouragement.
I have to say that I was feeling a bit down by listening to everything that he was saying over a period of time. Video after video I was thinking am I ever going to get through this? Have I ever made any progress? I talked to somebody today and I was crying thinking that I had done so much work on myself throughout my life but was it really working for the best. I prayed that I would find a video that would help me. Well, here it is the video that I needed. He has explained everything that I've ever wanted to know and I realized that I have come such a long ways. I could actually see all the growth that I've made throughout my life and I had to Pat myself in the back and tell myself that I was proud of myself. That used to be so difficult and today it was so easy. Thank you Tim Fletcher for giving of yourself and helping us to understand we are valued, we are worth it and that we can get through this. God bless 🙏❤
I’m so glad I randomly came across this , because I feel like I’m getting acknowledgment, and the physical things like sensitivity to light and clenching all my facial and neck muscles to trying to tell others family members what was happening and being shut down because they think you making it up
Right?!
❤ thank you for suggesting signs of healing occurring because we already know what the trauma looks and feels like
Without the ACKNOWLEDGEMENT in the first place, nothing can be corrected. You have to admit that the family is Toxic. When family members are reacting normally to abnormal situations within the family, they are often blamed for "not growing up fast enough" they are told to STOP CRYING!! MY GOD, when the whole family is affected by ONE member's BEHAVIOR, to the point where no one can hide their depression anymore..its BEEN time to seek professional help..dont ever be afraid as a family to ask for help. If that particular Family Member has no interest in growing as a Human Being, then that's THEIR problem. But one thing youve got to remember. Abuse is taught in the home. Tolerating abuse as a young Lady growing in an Abusive household, opened the door for me to tolerate Men putting their hands on me in front of my Son. See how this affects the younger generations so soon? They're always watching. The Children are watching, listening and learning..
Amen 🙏🏽 🙌🏽🤗 No More, No More!!!!
I am actually healing! We have to do so much of the work without even having hope that it will get better, just that we don't know what else to do. It's so hard. Thank you so much for this Tim, really useful and encouraging.
Thank you so much for this, particularly for giving examples for people with trauma from CSA. I've got PTSD and C-PTSD, and I felt myself getting better and started 2024 with great energy and hope. Then several of my deepest traumata were triggered by an health service official, and since then (3 weeks ago) I have been experiencing flashbacks, intrusive thoughts, tension and pain and huge emotional dysregulation. I've been blaming myself more or less non-stop for it. This video really helped me focus on the things that I have already achieved on my way to healing and accept that this is just a temporary setback that doesn't invalidate where I was before.
So... thanks 🙏
❤best of luck. The interruption of a therapy by the sole initiative of the therapist reactivate my PTSD (when she was supposed to treat me for that at first place lol) and turned it to CPTSD, life has been so so hard but I still have hope
YES! YES! YES! ❤❤❤
Finally a real deal and finally a positive thing and talking about signs of healing of trauma.
Yes hope giving is good too few therapist add that in. We all need encouragement vs straight up talk. It’s wonderful you do what you do to help us. Thank you.
Thank you for this episode. I grew up in a dysfunctional house. And have been working in therapy and self development for over 20 years. My dad recently passed and all the emotional flooding rushed back having to deal with family members. I was devastated because prior I had done so much healing. So much healing to the point I was able to care for my father (the one who caused all my trauma) he was an alcoholic. But once he passed the intensity was real. I thought I regressed. But after listening to your episode I realize I’m still on my path of healing. I have come a long way. And of course, this life circumstance would bring up things. Thank you Tim! ❤
When I realized that all the aspects of point one apply to me, I was overwhelmed with joy and gratitude and I started to cry out of relief! I absolutely did not see this intense reaction coming. How good it is to recognize that all the hardships and pain of healing actually are fruitful!!!
Bit confronting to realise but also quite satisfying. Well done and well wishes as you go forward 👏
I can’t wait to watch your other videos because I have just realised that it is normal to be so severely burnt out so my focus is to work on learning to stop and learn how to relax. I don’t remember the last time I have actually relaxed. I have just subscribed to your channel and I want to share my gratitude. I have such a long way to go however the hope I have begun to feel deep inside is why (and I am sure others can relate) I have kept going. I am also sending everyone who is healing from CPTSD, Complex Trauma, Childhood and adulthood trauma healing energy and support ❤❤❤❤
Thank you ❤ I see the healing within myself more now. I will cry and just let it happen. compassion + curiosity is key when you go backwards. I'm still not sleeping and sleep hygiene is a challenge. breathing, winding down, and relaxing and the structure in the evening is key..
Thank you Tim for helping me to fill in missing peices from my childhood. E.g When I was neglected emotionally by my mom because she was too busy or had a hard time coping with life. The other was when my Dad accidentally washed my tender genitals too roughly when I cried, he made me so wrong for crying he wanted to give me a REAL reason to cry. I realized this was another form of sexual and emotional abuse I minimized. Tim. Thank you for saying I believed I was weak. I wasn’t weak. I had a natural response to physical pain.
I also appreciated hearing how far I’ve come in my recovery instead of always looking at how much further I have to go.
I have been so blessed by your methods, videos, and overall calm, patient, and encouraging demeanor.
Thank you so much 🙏🏼💗✝️
May God bless you greatly and continue his anointing upon your healing ministry and your life. ✝️🙏🏼💗
Thank you for making this incredibly informative video. I’ve been working on my complex trauma in therapy for 2 years and I’ve been “regressing” recently. So it’s so helpful to be able to be reminded that I am slowly but surely making progress because I can see myself in some of the recovery signs mentioned :)
Regression is not failure, it's just your inner self telling you that you still need something before you are confident to move forward.
No judgement. You will find your way (where there is a will, there's a way❤❤)
@@Lyrehc-Soul-Healingthank you
Thanks for helping many of us heal.
This is excellent and something I have not seen in over a decade of therapy/counseling/coaching. Bravo, Tim and thanks.
its so good to finally listen to someone who isnt only exposing the malice in a narc but having compassion for them and understanding, from a healthy perspective, even if my marriage isnt restored I dont want to be bitter and unforgiving , we all have bits of narc anyway, no one is completely altruistic
Thank you for this video, Pr. Tim. I had a hard day and was down on myself for still having feelings from painful stuff that was decades old and had processed already, multiple times. After watching your video, I felt much better about my healing journey. Instead of blowing up into a big flashback and uncontrollable rage, I was able to sit with the feelings and recall events to release the pain. This stuff works. My health is improving. My dysregulation is decreasing. My anxiety is less. My emptiness is less. My wrestlessness is less. My thinking is clearer. My joy is greater. Thank you for all your hard work in helping others. 😊😊😊 ❤❤❤
Mr. Fletcher, I am infinitely grateful for the videos that you put out into the world to help those of us recovering from complex trauma. Thanks to you and your team.
I just saw the whole video. what a wonderful way to explain things. many of the points mentionned resonated with me. Thank you for making the effort to resume it in one video.i hope everyone heals and live a better life. we are all here for a reason
Recovery is a gift.
Thank you so much for this beautiful video. You helped me to see my growth in many areas of my life. You are truly such a blessing. Thank you for sharing your wisdom with us all.
I wish I had found this video a year ago🙏 I'm doing better than I thought
I thought I had dealt with my childhood trauma but was plunged right back there due to extreme stress/burnout in last few years. I’ve just felt so sad, lonely and probably depression. Joy has gone from my life to a huge extent. These videos are so good and I’m trying so hard to control my reaction to triggers. I get very emotional and struggle badly to control the tears. They just come out of the blue at times and I find it so hard to express myself rationally . Having watched this video to the end maybe it growth for me and it’s so damn hard! So few people know about this complex trauma. Thank God for people like Tim.❤
Thank you so much. God bless you.
New people that I meet think that I am way out there. I can see the improvements in myself. That helps me when I remember this. My temper tantrums are much less And the anger only lasts a very short time compared to where I was not that long ago 😊
Thank You for reminding me of this 😊❤😊
❤❤🎉🎉🎉
The first sign of healing is understanding what you're going through,and not to allow it to control you
And then you begin to find a way to face it in order to break that circle !!!!
Because I realised that many people are going through it unknowingly even when you try to talk about it they rebuke you !
Thank you sir for helping us through this journey!!!!!
So easy to understand. ❤ Im learning self-compassion.
Another sign you are brave and no longer prisoner to ur fears
Fantastic! You have just gone through my entire healing process. Yes, 🙌🙌🙌 I'm so grateful to God! ❤
Thank you Sir! 🎉
I am so grateful for your fiery compassionate knowledge. Am truly better from your videos
As a Therapist I think this man is very skilled and talented. Well done!!
I appreciate your videos. I've hit all your milestones in the vid, not in the same order but I've managed to navigate these issues without a lot of outside help (mostly just youtube vids to confirm I was on the right path) so it is most definitely DOable by anyone without a therapist, etc (if anyone is wondering or doesn't have the ability to get help) where there's a will there's a way. 😊 obviously, if you can get the help GET the help, everyone's situation is different, your all beautiful and wonderful and have the ability to overcome ANYTHING anyone has put you up against. Feel me.
This is amazing thanks so much . I'm in recovery and I feel a sense of hope for peace and happiness for the first time in my life. . My healing journey has been enlightened and I'm now recognising I'm healing. I've still got a way to go. But I'm heading in the right direction. Blessings, You've really validated my healing journey ❤. I'm soo happy that I stumbled across this video. I now know my worth and what I have to achieve for a loving relationship not only to myself but for anyone else who is in my life 🙏 . No more toxic relationships, no more trying to rescue people, no more seeking validation or little crumbs of love or affection. I am worth more and I deserve more ❤ that's huge for me. Blessings to all those that are in recovery 🙏
Thank you so much. The hope I feel is a blessing I never thought I would truly feel. I am, finally, healing. ❤
Thanks for this. I was doing so well until the last month or so and was looking for how to grow a bit more. Wanting to "escape and crappy people, crappy circumstances" really helped. Figured I just need to focus on self care and my choices. Thanks. Very helpful.
I just found you. I can't thank you enough.
This is so amazing. And what’s even more amazing is checking off all the signs of healing, one by one.… never thought I’d get this far. 🙏🏼
Thank you so much for your content going deep on subjects. I could never understand how I was selfish until I heard you.❤❤❤❤
After listening to this, I've started to realize how far I've come in the healing journey since when I started. Just because I had no way to measure it, I thought there's been no progress and my brain was just confused to know if there is actually a way out. I took a round about way to figure out that I had toxic shame while all my life I thought I had crippling anxiety. This is amazing and I needed to hear this.
The shirt is hopeful and made me happy!
I am so super grateful for your generosity Mr Fletcher! Your work is such a blessing for us CPTSD survivors. Thank you !
The best video ive heard! So insightful
Finally, I'm saying "I can relate to this" under Tim's video without feeling sadness or despair. I've been watching these videos for almost a year, and I noticed a significant change in how I perceive myself, my life and people around me. Thank you so much for all the things you share.
He explains with so much detail and great examples that it’s a pleasure to learn!
You're a geniune gift from God. Thank you.
Wow that's a topic that I really need right now! Thanks a lot!
I am now standing up for myself way too much, to the point I feel guilty, maybe I have been to harsh, but then I think to myself: "it's ok, you are just setting boundaries, you're just defending yourself" ... It's a new feeling I need still to get used to, but passed the shame and the doubts, it feels great! Stay strong people out there ❤