Wow I thought The Crappy Childhood really finally got the whole picture of CPTSD ....This just went up another level..I have been looking for this for the last 3 years . I turn 60 soon and I finally have a pathway in front of me to heal...and someone who is spelling it all out and helping us all to understand why we are the way we are....Thank you Tim!,
I just found out that I was suffering from CPTSD a few days ago when I found CCF and now these talks. I’ve been wondering the past decade or so what’s wrong with me. I was able to connect it to trauma a few years ago but depression was the farthest I’ve gotten before the algorithm blessed me with a video about CPTSD as I struggle a lot less from the regular PTSD symptoms than the complex ones. Recovery is going to be tricky for me as I’ve pretty much completely isolated myself and I’ve got pretty severe social anxiety but I guess I’ll just have to manage with the cards that I got dealt as I always do. I wish you and every other soul stumbling upon this comment the best for your recovery!
I'm 60, I've been trying to heal for 30 years but now I'm retired and I don't have distractions anymore. I feel like I'm fragmenting and I didn't even know that was a thing. I think when you're serious about healing God puts things in your path to push you along, sometimes to shove you along. The Crappy Childhood Fairy, Tim Fletcher, Kim Sage, they've all been put into my path recently. Good luck on your journey to becoming whole and finding yourself ❤
I believe you, I also believe this country USA doesn’t seem to care about us at all! I’ve been dealing with this for 51 years! I’ve suffered from this trauma since I was a year old…. Actually before that, I even believe my mother abused us physically when we cried. He talks about how we don’t trust! He is completely right, now the world needs to help us heal! They want to promote birth they need to help us whom have already been born, to parents who didn’t really want us and then psychologically abused us and verbally abused us and physically abused us!
@@despicabledavidshort3806I’m 52 and didn’t know this till now, but I’m April a doctor mentioned PTSD but I can’t get a diagnosis’s but I’m in therapy like Tim talks about and they have attempted to do the therapy that he speaks of here in the last part of the video. I’ve done the grieving and the anger and cry and in a safe environment and the support system I don’t have and I am doing the self care and I will have things come up till I die! Because it’s all still happening to me because of where I’m forced to live because of the government!
Please find YHWH Soon in and keep the commandments in Exodus 20 and Leviticus 11 Please read Exodus 20 and pray for forgiveness 2 Corinthians 5:17 Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old is gone, the new is here! 37 Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all of thy heart, and with all they soul, and with all they mind. 38This is the first and great commandment. 39 And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love they neighbour as thyself. 40 On these two commandments hand all the law and the prophets. Matthew 22:37-40 Please read the book of Jonah, Matthew, Exodus and repent for forgiveness and you'll have all the information you need.
If you have complex trauma, you can tell he really does understand this. MOST therapists and professionals do not. I truly hope they find a cure some day. Too many of us are dying out here.
@@Thequietestquiet2875 it has been a rough year, I'm treading water a lot. Just completed a physical move, so I'm hoping to regain the healing track. It's hard work to let go of all the past harm, but it is needed. Best wishes to you.
Wonderful teaching. He knows exactly what he's talking about. I am on the road to Healing. But I can honestly say that I wouldn't be where I am if it wasn't for God.
"Your parents don't get you." That's a mouthful right there. God Bless Tim for all this compassion, wisdom and insight... So grateful for having found this work💥💕🙌
It's wonderful to have watched a series that was created out of real compassion, concern, experience and hope. I agree with everything you have gone over. Thank you so much for your work.
I just finished watching all 8 parts of this. It really hit home. What I find excruciatingly painful and discouraging, however, is that everything I've learned about complex trauma here and elsewhere says that healing occurs best within a healthy relationship - especially a healthy intimate relationship with a spouse or a child. That's all well and good - but what happens when no one "healthy" wants anything to do with you because you have so many issues? Or because you're not attractive enough that anyone wants to date you. How am I supposed to find someone healthy to help me heal? The pain of continually being rejected just keeps adding more layers of trauma.
I got stuck at the same point. When it comes to finding a compassionate soul to heal with, i have been that person for so many people but can't find a person to be that with me. It all comes down to love. I can't do this on my own. I said this to the person I love more than life itself. He is gone. What do I do with this? God help those of us left here.
Start with a pet. If you allow them they are just children of another species and will love you immensely if you love them and treat them well. i speak from experience!
It happens on its own schedule, when we are ready. . . . Someone told me: If you're unable to love people, start with plants, move on up to animals . . . work from there. That's what I've done. . . . Further, I've learned that the answer to the problems of life is to become spiritual. . . . So: Find a spiritual teacher (doesn't matter what belief system: I've learned a lot from Yoga Vedanta, from Buddhism, and from studying the 'failures' of Christianity -- which had failed me deeply in growing up years). . . . The Internet is full of teachings; or ask around your community. . . . "There is always a way," is what I have come to believe, after years of studying and searching. If you want names of teachers of 'big picture living' that can be trusted, leave a message.
Fantastic series. Tim truly gets cPTSD. That being said I have one remark: Forgiving doesn't mean forgetting. Forgiving means letting go of resentment and what ifs and accepting our parents or abusers went through their own complex trauma that they further spread. That is possible while at the same time establishing boundaries and deserving respect and loving treatment in the present and the future. In other words, forgiving doesn't mean forgetting all the damage our abusers did and letting them abuse and disrespect us in the present and future. Thanks Tim for this wonderfully informative series of lectures!
Yesterday, a bully verbally assaulted me on a public buss & ALL of my childhood trauma triggers were activated. I used whatever tools I had learned in therapy & got thru the assault OK but am still shook up by the aftermath of the encounter & somewhat reluctant to ride public busses since there are a lot of mentally ILL ppl out there now. The bully was a big, young black man & I'm an 85 yo white man. I have no idea what TRIGGERED him other than my age or race. I have plenty of my own early trauma triggers to deal with. It was a kind of LESSON for me!!!
No words Can describe How greatful I am, after watching these talks - the degree of knowledge and wisdom is out of this World - thank you so much, especially for Letting me watch - i would never be able to afford this in "Real life".... i Will proberbly be watching this again and again... After 10+years of therapy, I still have missed so Many points, until now.. i look forward to seeing more, and hope to find "The Tim view" of dissociation - this is a Big issue for me, since I disappear in therapy... Again - thank you so, so much 🙏🏼❤️
Annelie B, 2 years after: I too am grateful. Wanted to ask you, if you don't mind answering: Was it really (only) you who missed the many points from your 10+ years of therapy? Because I never got to hear this kind of thing in my attempts at therapy, always was questioned, not soothed, not examined, but prem,aturely evaluated and judged, never received in the empathic process so that I had a chance of feeling safe enough to relax and feel.F ex I was accused of blaming others as I was asked to tell why I was there, what had happened. I had no idea about childhood trauma coping mechanisms and the victim role I am still trying to understand. That I was talking of the harm others had done to me, didn't mean i had no self-criticism, only i was not safe enough with the therapist to talk about my wrongs, and ti think straight, What others did came from outside and was easier to briefly have access to and tell. My own inner world has been pretty inaccessible due to survival stress and high sensitivity.And i also didnät know about a false victim role, I was talking aboút the real victim role, Don't they distinguish btw the two, just as real and unreal fears should be? Atm I have a co'dependent, layman 12-step sponsor on the phone 2x ½hour a week, and all the night-mare psychiatry and health care "professionals" who should have worked with me, would hardly believe their senses if they heard how well we work. Because she accepts me, knows what it was like at the beginning, we share a fellow program which works as a stabilizer and a grounding structure, sobering the wildly exhausted human and over-aroused nerves. i find it embarrassing on their part, and deeply wrong, the mistreatment they have done as punishment for trauma reactions to their maltreatment. I have searched for therapy and Dr for 40 years, they have taken my best life, broken down my spirit, destroyed and squandered my already compromised life-energy, my health, body looks. I practise forgiveness, but it is much my sick wounded co-dependent who denies myself, my rights of security and to not be harmed in health care. oh, this got long. I hope you don't mind .
To me it, finding out about cptsd, narcissism, codependency and so on, was much better than winning the lottery or something. It's a new life. I begin to live now, at the age of 40
@@Medietos I'm so sorry that happened to you. I've seen counselors do this to voulnerable people and it makes me sick that they get away with it. Even if you were having problems with victimization (you're probably not you were really a victim, and again with the therapist) the truth without compassion is cruelty. Hopefully next time you will find a counselor who is ethical and really cares about helping people.
So I need find a person I trust, is honest, is reliable, is healthy, who gets me, delights in me, is crazy about me, and is available and willing to enter into a non-romantic but intimate relationship with me. Considering people with trauma tend to attract other people with trauma, this is a tall order. I find this pretty disheartening honestly.
Yes. I thought the same. This made me very disheartened, specially the fact that he implies healing is basically impossible without finding such a person.
Heal yourself first and the good people will come. You attract your current vibration. Fix yours to vibrate higher and you’ll find the person you need. Don’t let this limiting belief stop you from reaching your full potential. Bc right now it sounds like blame and excuse, that’s low vibe my friend. Much luck to you.
Thank you for posting these talks. I waited years to hear this, then, thanks to modern technology and a referral by a friend it was there. Everything you say is sincere, heartfelt, and based on an intimate and studious familiarity with trauma. Your mission to spread this knowledge is inspiring and honest. Too often, healing from trauma is a privilege in Canada. Ideally, this would be offered freely. Imagine what kind of a world we could live in if we were all freed from our trauma. The Creator has blessed you as a leader and healer.
Wow - such invaluable, straightforward information and direction, one never gets! I appreciate your honest, respectful, approach - feels life-changing. Thank you for sharing your vast knowledge and wholehearted compassion, Tim.
Key components of healing from trauma 10:10 - Relationship element 11:25 - Re-parenting - relationship with a healthy and safe role model 18:30 - Grounding 23:50 - Complex trauma is a distortion of reality 28:10 - Every thought affects you to every cell - Cognitive-behavioural therapy) / Dialectical behaviour therapy 30:20 - Trigger situations and healing 35:15 - Victim status 36:45 - Forgiveness 38:00 - Spiritual component 38:50 - Persist, don't give up
Unfortunately I haven't managed to fund relationship support person...so I still run (fight and flight, now in freeze and faun) too many red flags pop up and I push people away for small things....I need assistance...so far it's been God only...it's hard on your own....
One of my favorite grounding techniques is to look at dog videos. Seeing the beautiful playful animals sounds around is very calming. It is scientifically documented that looking at images of cats and dogs and perhaps other animals is calming to the mind.
So much valuable information here. Especially understanding why we still make the wrong decisions as that's one of the hardest things to deal with. Really setting the stage for this topic on RUclips and sure I'm not the only one who is deeply appreciative.
Spot on. That is all stuff I've worked on with my therapist and it's encouraging to listen to this talk. There are so many times when I wanted to just give up and ask 'what's the point of trying?', but you need to persist and not give up. Keep trying for future you. You have to be an ally to yourself and keep showing up, and break the pattern of abandoning yourself. It'll be worth it!
I was watching this during an anxiety attack/panic crippling.. the moment you said: it’s all a distortion of reality.. in that moment it stoped for some seconds. True panic stoped. THANKYOU FOR THAT. This shit is so hard and excuse me my language. This is hard. All this shame, all this terror being an adult, of course there is shame.. when you so used to be strong and a real survivor of abusive parents. The world is not made to heal this stuff, most people don’t care and even less when you are an adult, we all too busy with our personal problems. That’s why this is so precious from you. I deeply deeply appreciate your talks.. it’s a gift listening to you. And thankyou for being honest about how hard is to face it, and it’s not gonna be easy, when you been deeply hurt in your first years and thrown into the world with you soul and mind made pieces… I hug myself and I know I will never abandon myself I won’t. But it’s a tuff path, too much inner fear.. triggers.. it’s easier to run and hide. Thankyou again . This talk has me crying but is so liberating.. thankyou
Exactly... To be a child just thrown into this world. I know that feeling. And with my son... I naturally loved him and wanted to care for him. And I ended up with full custody because his dad was abusive.. Then I married a reactionary abuser.. We are now leaving and need to heal.. ❤ What a life
I'm 51 and experienced complex trauma from religion. I had a loving family but the fear from religious biblical teachings was so bad! I was sat down to watch an early left behind series at 5. Watching people hide from others having their heads cut off. It was taught as a fact that it would happen in my lifetime. I remember living in such paralyzing fear that it haunted me every day as a child. Religious institutions love to instill constant fear of God's wrath and then tell you how loving he is, creating this deep disconnect in your mind. My heart goes out to small children who live in this type of trauma and cult teachings.
When he describes a healthy relationship that is needed to heal... Good luck finding that in our times! Even for healthy people it's a big prolem, it seems.
The part that stood out was that we need to reach out as he said no one can read books and do it all alone. What about those of us that HAVE TO? Some of us have no one. He says kids need to have someone that is crazy about them. Some of us have never had that, still don’t and there is literally nothing you can do about it. I have therapists and psychiatrists. If I had community, I wouldn’t be looking for help. The crisis line is the closest I have been able to get to having friends or someone listen. Im listening to all the videos but there doesn’t seem like a solution for me yet.
@@Snowshoeingisfun i appreciate your response so much. there so much snark out there, you never really know what someone will say when posting. its seems like no matter what road i go down, the end answer is always "seek professonal help" which is not helpful as I have had many therapists and psychiatrists and tried seemlingly "all" the drugs. Admittedly, I have not been to a Tony Robbins seminar or done ayahuasca but many things like that and pretty much everything else probably. Still trying to figure this all on my own.i hope you find a way too.
Priceless. The framing could also be done at the start to the benefit of anyone is doing this solo. The eternal value here is invaluable. I cannot express enough gratitude.
Thank you so very much for your insight! I have CPTSD and nearly 3 years ago had CBT counseling, and used EMDR (on my own, the way the founder did), and basically did everything within my power to recover. 2 months ago I re-entered my teaching career, hopeful, with plenty of tools, and praying for renewal. Last week a kid stood up, shouted at me ridiculing the play we were rehearsing and the work others had put into it; I saw the others close into themselves, which meant tons of work for me to make them feel safe enough to try again. My words were reasonable, but my tone was too harsh. Everything you describe in recovery failure is what I felt for 7 days. Nearly quit. Nearly believed I'd just never recover. Nearly turned numb and tolerated the rest of the year...but others were praying for me, knowing I had no idea if my career had to change because of past trauma. It was terribly humbling to face that, but I knew I'd be OK in a different job if needed. (That's coping, but also escaping). That day I reported the issue. Day 3, I asked for that student to be moved to a different class, granted. Day 5, I checked with a different student to see if the play was still of interest, it was. Day 7, I finally felt ready to speak with the offending kid, with understanding and explaining the reasons I'd transferred her were necessary, but not personal, and not out of dislike. Drama needs security and compassion to make room for vulnerability and playfulness of acting. The student showed great relief, and even thanked me 3 times for speaking to her. Was it worth a horrible, wretched week of inner turmoil for me? No. There's nothing fair about it. But am I worth the best effort I can give toward recovery? Absolutely. The kid would have been OK either way, but this way I became a roll model rather than the tough one, and created connection instead of leaving a roadblock of misunderstanding. Then I took myself out for lunch to a nice place and felt just how seriously I needed that self care; it took a toll. So self compassion tells me to take it easy this weekend and get some added sleep. No one knows what it takes, but for anyone else doing hard things, Semper Fidelis! God's plans are to prosper you, not to harm you. And I can tell you it feels good to reconcile too. After all, I like kids!
Sounds great! But how do I find the gem, the safe person I can go to? As far as therapy, at $120-$200/hr are you kidding me? I’m their safety net, not the other way around. Therapists from public healthcare system have NEVER mentioned CPTSD. Now that I’ve educated myself I can see I fit the bill 100%.
Don't waste your money on the medical industry, they are mostly more focused on being a bank manager, in my case an absolute charlatan. Why should people pay some greedy schlub to listen? The patient has to do all the work and find solutions!!!... That's quite the business model hey? Then to have to deal with all the psychiatric medication aspects of the journey...that part will seriously show you just how terrible life can be and if you're lucky enough to servive, you'll learn just how resilient you really are. Then you'll have to take that strength and deal with the addiction you'll discover you have to those meds, aswell as that they do nothing but make you far more sick, keeping you coming back regularly, in some vain hope you'll get help from these creeps while paying through your nose every step of the way!!! Benzodiazepines....just pure poison...there is not a single good aspect to Benzodiazepines, it baffles my mind how a human can sleep at night after prescribing them to a vulnerable human... No...people like Tim...are a blessing...that's all you'll need in the world!!
Hey Tim thank you so much for this. 'What you are wanting is a new set of parents'. What a great statement. I feel I've been looking for people with whom I can have a healthy, normal and functional relationship with. I had a little bit of that with some of my friends, and it greatly helped me learn how to maintain a relationship with someone.
Thank you, Pastor Tim. Thank you for all of these teachings. I'm making my way through as the Lord leads and on the one hand, I'm crying. On the other, I'm rejoicing that I have come a long way and there's hope to continue the journey with grace and techniques to recover. We appreciate you! 🙏🏾🙌🏾👏🏾
Tim, you've taught me so many things about myself I didnt even know make me who I am. I feel so blessed that I ever took the time to open your first video... This is information I didnt know I couldnt live without!! Thank uou so much!!
Thank you so so much. I can't express in words how much I was hurting and not able to understand it. Thought of going back to my family threw me in rage crying and intense trauma. My family who threw me out want me back and say you are being arrogant. Its like they have no clue what I went through past 7 years almost home less and now they shrug it off...don't want to talk about it .and just want me to fix their lives as I had done all my life...it's 6 people vs 1. Worst part is my mom says I left her in her old age.. whereas it was her who saw me off ..and refused to stay with me when I was all alone n broke ..she chose to stay with dad and my brothers ..and now want me back as I used to fight her battles..I was a parent to her ..it's such a harrasment ..never knew I was under trauma ..as I have gone through this past 45 years of my life..in the end they say I have anger issues...child who is abandoned over n over again... shouldn't get angry or cry
I'm so sorry. That is so unfair and almost unbelievable. You are still healing. It's best to stay away from abusers until you are coming from a place of strength and only then no more than necessary. Don't become dependent on untrustworthy, abusive people... ❤❤❤
“You need to connect with someone who will understand you, who will not take advantage of you and whom you will respect.” This seems like an impossible task; I have never seen such a person in my life. So am I doomed?
Yeh this one stumps me too. People with trauma tend to attract other people with trauma, not healthy people who delight in them. People with trauma are generally not all that delightful.
@@regress-c3t I faired well... For most my life.. Till I married a covert malignant narcissist, I was abused by my mom, but I did well. And I will recover from this sick reaction abuse that was done to me. So can you...
@@regress-c3t I had a very good man after my mom and dads neglect and abuse... And a few good men. Not all trauma survivors are the same. My triggers didn't get hit so much as I just figured what happened to me happens to many others. I didnt show signs of being trauma survivor.. Unfortunately for me, after a divorce, in my 40's I met a covert malignant narcissist that use reactionary abuse on me and I didn't know about gaslighting and stonewalling etc and all the thousands of other ways they lead you in a wild goose chase of their making... They have many ways to make life chaotic and they plan on it.. Not sure if you know about this. I am free now... For sure... I need time to heal now.
Yes. I find this part of his talk to be absurd. The idea that there would be someone willing to sit there with me for months, and love and listen to me unconditionally, and help “re-parent” me is absurd. And he seems to be saying that without such a person, healing CPTSD is impossible. I just find that so disheartening and the opposite of empowering. The times I have healed, I have done so with trust in myself, not relying on someone else.
You are a live safer man. If you dont mind can you please elaborate out the titles so i may go through a few of these with my therapist? Its was so hard to just get through this with just normal talk therapy. My memories of my childhood are so foggy, that we dont really get anywhere...but when i watch these they come out so vividly. Thank you, these videos mean the world.
My father told me word for word, “ I dont know you, i dont get you I dont know my oldest son.” That always stuck with me. I havent talked to my father in over 10 years after a huge falling out after he married his 3rd wife and sold my grandparents (whom i was very close to) property and moved on with his new wife.
This can be done alone; yet you must know yourself well enough to know that you will NOT SUICIDE if you feel like doing it. The feeling WILL PASS. If you don't know what you will do, Get Support...NOW.
now, how the hell can i find someone who loves me unconditionally? even my parents don’t love me unconditionally! also, close relationship with people isn't possible for me, if there’s no way for me to heal without others help then i'm screwed.
I have this issue after a hard childhood and difficult adult life. This gives me hope to heal now I know what I'm dealing with after all these years. Now 41 and a complete mess and the traumatic events keep happening to me. You feel hopeless inside and alone.
You can visit a therapist. However, I find that he is wrong about this. You definetly don’t NEED another person to help “re-parent” you in order to heal. That’s a dangerous idea. It helps loads to have someone like that though, but in the end you realise you’re enough by yourself too.
Thank you. It's only one but. I get true 50 min docs in 4 countries. They say that thay can't help, or like I wrote before i have till now 7 different diagnosis and not even one from it its about CPTSD. Man must to do it alone, I hate doctors. Maybe they are some of the good one but normally it's impossible to find someone like you say. I need to learn how to do it alone. I know what I'm talking about. Sorry to say that but they are the facts. Thank you again to opening my eyes and for explaining and for hope. Thank you so much. God bless you again and again. In the moment that wants to give up, I don't know what to do, I don't have power to live anymore because of stress and scare inside, and I'm always meeting wrong people everywhere and the situations are always so bad that I'm starting to shaking from inside and I have scared from everything and everyone, you have come with Help. Oh My God, I can't believe, I thank you so much.
Thank you!! I'm having epiphany after epiphany. I was wondering why I contined to sabotage one relationship after another due to triggers and misperceptions. Thank you for lighting the way to true, deep healing. 🌟 Love the prayer too!🥹
People with trauma have sensitivity to rejection. Their worth depend on people. People are like mirror to them. If people reject them, people with trauma think it's their fault and their rejection means they're not loveable and accepted so they try hard to show people that they're loveable to win them back in hope that they will somehow accept them and give them love, something that they didn't know they always have While healthy people have worth based on them and people are not mirror. If people reject them, they're going to be okay because their mirror is in themselves, the mirror in themselves tell them " that's not true, you're loveable, see *proceed to bring back memories that are proof that they are loveable and accepted* " then the healthy people think "oh yeah, I am loveable, that these people are saying aren't true. Then they reject the people that reject them because the people that reject them don't honor their worth
I've benefitted from all your videos; however, I've been looking for healthy relationships with friends, parental figures, spouses for 40 years and no one gets it... they don't get growing up in abuses, ptsd. Adults are either too sick and Dysfunctional themselves or they are clueless of my life experiences and end up mis-judging me, and that's not helpful. In my experience if I want relationships with healthy functioning people I have to pretend to be healthy and functional... which I can be and am, yet have lots of cptsd crap I'm battling with privately. Yes, sure... the solution for healing is reparenting myself, but I have no hope of finding anyone who is "crazy about me" as a healthy friend or support in this life. Aside from this, people are too busy with their lives to take time and energy to consider someone else needing deeper support and friendship and dependability. Very discouraging... I can't finish listening to this video. I'll keep working on other healing helps, but finding friends or family who care enough isn't happening.
People step one for those of you totally alone, too distrustful and too red flaggy is to get a fur baby (pet). YOU will learn to love and trust a little and they will bring a lot joy and love if you treat them well. Animals are by default so loving unless you abuse them. its a first step and will calm you down enough to give humans a try eventually.
I just finally got into an actually healthy relationship for the first time ever and everyone was telling me that I was supposed to stay single while healing, this is the first time I have heard that having an intimate close relationship is key- and I am working in my PhD in psychology with an emphasis on trauma- but that is here in the US where we lie about these things and do not even consider it a valid diagnosis in the DSM. Thank you for validating what I knew was correct for me to do.
Oh my goodness l hav have Thankyou thankyou thankyou l have just discovered this complex trauma and can relate to it very much. My dad who has recently passed away l have really tried to forgive but watching this series of yours has helped me so much. I will search for a counsellor who knows about this stuff and with God's help l will become who l was meant to be. God bless you Tim.
Are there any female CPST survivers out there who are at a stage in their healing where they want to take the risk to reach out to others to build healthy new support systems? In a manner where you are genuinely wanting to go past your fears, to build connections with others, to no longer wear masks - but to instead be authentic, vulnerable and real? If so, I would be happy to see if we might be able to form a long distance connection. As for myself, I was happily married for 20 years to a CPST survivor - together we moved beyond her many past pains. I personally enjoyed the feeling that came with helping to 'heal' another human being - and understood the responsibility that came with that role that I played. As in the process, some of my own inner weaknesses and frailties were made to feel better during that give-and-take beautiful experience. I am the type of person who enjoys more dwelling in the depths of emotions and feelings with healing as a goal with other human beings - as opposed to having superficial and meaningless discussions. I like to dwell closer to the heart and the soul - for that is all that really matters most to me. If so, please say a hello to me - and let's see if and how, being pen pals might be fulfilling for the both of us. g-r-e-g-a-i-k-e-n(at)h-o-t-m-a-i-l-.-c-o-m (remove the dashes) I am not pretending to be a trained professional in this arena. I am however, a genuinely thoughtful, emotional, and sensitive male who desires to have more meaningful interactions with others - even if it is only virtually through emails. And I am able to be as open and as vulnerable as that is the only way to get to the truth of who any person truly is inside. Take a small risk to say hello, you might be pleasantly surprised...
Thank you so much for doing this! It is incredibly invaluable. I have a few questions though: Healing requires you to work with a therapist/ counselor but what if one cannot afford to see a therapist (for financial and several other reasons) what can be done in this case? If therapy isn't an option, can you work alone and heal yourself or will this person never be able to heal?
I had a very good trauma counselling and it included EMDR therapy . It worked really well. Still have work to do though. It is an on going everyday process.
I need a relationship with someone who is "crazy about me" in order to heal my Bad Parenting? I think I'll have better luck if I continue to work on my Time Machine in order to go back and have new parents. Unless I am suppose to BUY someone to be "crazy about me"? I'm a little bit of a mess right now to go out and look for the Perfect Person to be crazy about me. I thought my neighbor was cool. Turns she's an addict just like me.
If I knew how to find unconditional love, I wouldn’t need this video 😂 That’s what I’ve been trying to do for 20 years. 20 years of therapy- failed. Marriage- failed. Work relationships- failed. The only One who cares for you is Jesus. Ask His angels to minister to you. Everyone else fails.
True. I was an unwanted child, and never felt safe. My mother kept telling me that my arrival ruined her life, career and dating prospects and the only reason she didn’t abort me was that it was illegal at that time.
My dad was crazy ABT me he loved me deeply and I loved him deeply. But my narcissistic mother seems to have fucked me up with neglect abuse rejection and constant criticism and control. Now, I am working on these wounds dad isn't here anymore I wish he was so that I can talk to him abt it
If only I could find loving 2 replacement parents who aren't actually narcisists, unlike my own Estranged parents. I've been a complete orphan from young, and I still am. I'm 50. I have No family whatsoever. Life has been so hard and is still very hard. I have God so I'm never alone.
Thanks for the excellent lecture. Regarding EMDR Dr. Bessel Van Der Kolk who is also an expert in the field of trauma recommends EMDR for one trauma event cases not for complex trauma clients.
Actually the founder of EMDR is Shapiro, and she accidentally stumbled upon it. While troubled and on z walk, her eyes began to shift back and forth repeatedly. Over a brief time, her feelings had changed and did not trouble her. She thought that was interesting and did research. Now it's been used for trauma, PTSD, depression, anxiety, and other issues - with an outstanding success rate recorded! Psychology took it over and gave it rules and protocols. I did it on my own, for CPTSD, and it worked great! Flashbacks were gone, and I still use it to dissipate distressing thoughts on occasion. It's thought that by mimicking REM sleep, it may allow rapid mental processing; but it's still a mystery. Bessel is fantastic! So is Francine Shapiro. You can hear her interviewed on RUclips.
I learned this thing from Richard Grannon to help me remember what I'm doing: your 5 fingers - Thumb is "me, I'm in control" Pointing finger is "intention to move forward" Middle finger "fuck all that shame etc" Ring finger "commitment to healing " Little finger "like a chopping action sorting and separating"
Great insights. Very helpful. Thank you. Wonderful that you acknowledge the need for God's help...this is the beginning of true wisdom. However you should know the scriptures clearly state that since Jesus' death and resurrection God only accepts prayers offered thru and in Jesus' name. John 16: 23, 24. This is an honor God has bestowed on His son so that all must acknowledge the value and importance of His son's sacrificial death. The ransom paid thus is our only channel for ultimate reconciliation with our Creator. John 14:6.
I’ve been with ex for 18 years. No job, no history, no income, no friends, ruined reputation, but have custody and responsibility for child. And no phone. Or money. I am in hell with no way out.
I'm going on 71. My adoring father died one month after I turned five. My mother disliked, ignored, mocked, humiliated, diminished, and basically hated me. I could never do or be anything right. I survived, not sure how. I've a UCLA doctorate, two published novels, married/widowed, homeowner, etc etc. but my emotional life is terribly stunted. I have no safe place and have come to wonder if I WILL EVER FEEL GOOD ENOUGH. Wishing you much luck, growth, and serenity.
2:55 Wow.. You are fucking right about me in regards to this, holy crap.. I never knew that I wasn't the only one who wants a substitute for parents basically, I 100% feel that way and thanks for that also.. Since that could make Complex Trauma even more possible in my case so I can fix myself, thank you so much!
Wow I thought The Crappy Childhood really finally got the whole picture of CPTSD ....This just went up another level..I have been looking for this for the last 3 years . I turn 60 soon and I finally have a pathway in front of me to heal...and someone who is spelling it all out and helping us all to understand why we are the way we are....Thank you Tim!,
I just found out that I was suffering from CPTSD a few days ago when I found CCF and now these talks. I’ve been wondering the past decade or so what’s wrong with me. I was able to connect it to trauma a few years ago but depression was the farthest I’ve gotten before the algorithm blessed me with a video about CPTSD as I struggle a lot less from the regular PTSD symptoms than the complex ones.
Recovery is going to be tricky for me as I’ve pretty much completely isolated myself and I’ve got pretty severe social anxiety but I guess I’ll just have to manage with the cards that I got dealt as I always do.
I wish you and every other soul stumbling upon this comment the best for your recovery!
I'm 60, I've been trying to heal for 30 years but now I'm retired and I don't have distractions anymore. I feel like I'm fragmenting and I didn't even know that was a thing. I think when you're serious about healing God puts things in your path to push you along, sometimes to shove you along. The Crappy Childhood Fairy, Tim Fletcher, Kim Sage, they've all been put into my path recently. Good luck on your journey to becoming whole and finding yourself ❤
I believe you, I also believe this country USA doesn’t seem to care about us at all! I’ve been dealing with this for 51 years! I’ve suffered from this trauma since I was a year old…. Actually before that, I even believe my mother abused us physically when we cried. He talks about how we don’t trust! He is completely right, now the world needs to help us heal! They want to promote birth they need to help us whom have already been born, to parents who didn’t really want us and then psychologically abused us and verbally abused us and physically abused us!
@@despicabledavidshort3806I’m 52 and didn’t know this till now, but I’m April a doctor mentioned PTSD but I can’t get a diagnosis’s but I’m in therapy like Tim talks about and they have attempted to do the therapy that he speaks of here in the last part of the video. I’ve done the grieving and the anger and cry and in a safe environment and the support system I don’t have and I am doing the self care and I will have things come up till I die! Because it’s all still happening to me because of where I’m forced to live because of the government!
Please find YHWH Soon in and keep the commandments in Exodus 20 and Leviticus 11
Please read Exodus 20 and pray for forgiveness
2 Corinthians 5:17 Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old is gone, the new is here!
37 Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all of thy heart, and with all they soul, and with all they mind. 38This is the first and great commandment. 39 And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love they neighbour as thyself. 40 On these two commandments hand all the law and the prophets. Matthew 22:37-40
Please read the book of Jonah, Matthew, Exodus and repent for forgiveness and you'll have all the information you need.
This right here, is an incredible human being. Worth so much more than the richest person in the world. Period.
Nobody is worth more than others but he s got it for sure
This man is a godsend
I broke down in tears today. I've been living with complex trauma for over 55 years! 55 years of blaming myself!
Cry, I am doing it as well, now can finally do it 🫂
If you have complex trauma, you can tell he really does understand this. MOST therapists and professionals do not.
I truly hope they find a cure some day. Too many of us are dying out here.
U r fine now
The cure is in doing the work...no magic pills..
@@joywebster2678 how are you doing? I noticed your comment is a year ago..I'm beginning my journey..if you don't mind..how are you coping? Thanks
@@Thequietestquiet2875 it has been a rough year, I'm treading water a lot. Just completed a physical move, so I'm hoping to regain the healing track. It's hard work to let go of all the past harm, but it is needed. Best wishes to you.
Wonderful teaching. He knows exactly what he's talking about. I am on the road to Healing. But I can honestly say that I wouldn't be where I am if it wasn't for God.
"Your parents don't get you."
That's a mouthful right there.
God Bless Tim for all this compassion, wisdom and insight...
So grateful for having found this work💥💕🙌
And suddenly the million piece puzzle of my life comes together. Thank you.
This is when I realised there is hope again in life .I am not a sad story anymore...
It's wonderful to have watched a series that was created out of real compassion, concern, experience and hope. I agree with everything you have gone over. Thank you so much for your work.
“Your greatest wounds came from your most intimate relationships.”
I want to like his videos a million times
I just finished watching all 8 parts of this. It really hit home. What I find excruciatingly painful and discouraging, however, is that everything I've learned about complex trauma here and elsewhere says that healing occurs best within a healthy relationship - especially a healthy intimate relationship with a spouse or a child. That's all well and good - but what happens when no one "healthy" wants anything to do with you because you have so many issues? Or because you're not attractive enough that anyone wants to date you. How am I supposed to find someone healthy to help me heal? The pain of continually being rejected just keeps adding more layers of trauma.
Gentle with yourself. Every small step is growth. Keep going, no one is perfect, life is a process. Blessings
Start with a healthy professional, the rest will come.
I got stuck at the same point. When it comes to finding a compassionate soul to heal with, i have been that person for so many people but can't find a person to be that with me. It all comes down to love. I can't do this on my own. I said this to the person I love more than life itself. He is gone. What do I do with this? God help those of us left here.
Start with a pet. If you allow them they are just children of another species and will love you immensely if you love them and treat them well. i speak from experience!
It happens on its own schedule, when we are ready. . . . Someone told me: If you're unable to love people, start with plants, move on up to animals . . . work from there. That's what I've done. . . . Further, I've learned that the answer to the problems of life is to become spiritual. . . . So: Find a spiritual teacher (doesn't matter what belief system: I've learned a lot from Yoga Vedanta, from Buddhism, and from studying the 'failures' of Christianity -- which had failed me deeply in growing up years). . . . The Internet is full of teachings; or ask around your community. . . . "There is always a way," is what I have come to believe, after years of studying and searching. If you want names of teachers of 'big picture living' that can be trusted, leave a message.
Fantastic series. Tim truly gets cPTSD.
That being said I have one remark:
Forgiving doesn't mean forgetting. Forgiving means letting go of resentment and what ifs and accepting our parents or abusers went through their own complex trauma that they further spread.
That is possible while at the same time establishing boundaries and deserving respect and loving treatment in the present and the future.
In other words, forgiving doesn't mean forgetting all the damage our abusers did and letting them abuse and disrespect us in the present and future.
Thanks Tim for this wonderfully informative series of lectures!
Yesterday, a bully verbally assaulted me on a public buss & ALL of my childhood trauma triggers were activated. I used whatever tools I had learned in therapy & got thru the assault OK but am still shook up by the aftermath of the encounter & somewhat reluctant to ride public busses since there are a lot of mentally ILL ppl out there now. The bully was a big, young black man & I'm an 85 yo white man. I have no idea what TRIGGERED him other than my age or race. I have plenty of my own early trauma triggers to deal with. It was a kind of LESSON for me!!!
I feel so sorry for you. Did you take public transport again and how did it go?
💔
No words Can describe How greatful I am, after watching these talks - the degree of knowledge and wisdom is out of this World - thank you so much, especially for Letting me watch - i would never be able to afford this in "Real life".... i Will proberbly be watching this again and again...
After 10+years of therapy, I still have missed so Many points, until now..
i look forward to seeing more, and hope to find "The Tim view" of dissociation - this is a Big issue for me, since I disappear in therapy...
Again - thank you so, so much 🙏🏼❤️
I found it 💃🏻🙏🏼👏🏻❤️
Annelie B, 2 years after: I too am grateful. Wanted to ask you, if you don't mind answering: Was it really (only) you who missed the many points from your 10+ years of therapy? Because I never got to hear this kind of thing in my attempts at therapy, always was questioned, not soothed, not examined, but prem,aturely evaluated and judged, never received in the empathic process so that I had a chance of feeling safe enough to relax and feel.F ex I was accused of blaming others as I was asked to tell why I was there, what had happened. I had no idea about childhood trauma coping mechanisms and the victim role I am still trying to understand. That I was talking of the harm others had done to me, didn't mean i had no self-criticism, only i was not safe enough with the therapist to talk about my wrongs, and ti think straight, What others did came from outside and was easier to briefly have access to and tell. My own inner world has been pretty inaccessible due to survival stress and high sensitivity.And i also didnät know about a false victim role, I was talking aboút the real victim role, Don't they distinguish btw the two, just as real and unreal fears should be?
Atm I have a co'dependent, layman 12-step sponsor on the phone 2x ½hour a week, and all the night-mare psychiatry and health care "professionals" who should have worked with me, would hardly believe their senses if they heard how well we work. Because she accepts me, knows what it was like at the beginning, we share a fellow program which works as a stabilizer and a grounding structure, sobering the wildly exhausted human and over-aroused nerves. i find it embarrassing on their part, and deeply wrong, the mistreatment they have done as punishment for trauma reactions to their maltreatment. I have searched for therapy and Dr for 40 years, they have taken my best life, broken down my spirit, destroyed and squandered my already compromised life-energy, my health, body looks. I practise forgiveness, but it is much my sick wounded co-dependent who denies myself, my rights of security and to not be harmed in health care. oh, this got long. I hope you don't mind .
To me it, finding out about cptsd, narcissism, codependency and so on, was much better than winning the lottery or something. It's a new life. I begin to live now, at the age of 40
@@Medietos I'm so sorry that happened to you. I've seen counselors do this to voulnerable people and it makes me sick that they get away with it. Even if you were having problems with victimization (you're probably not you were really a victim, and again with the therapist) the truth without compassion is cruelty. Hopefully next time you will find a counselor who is ethical and really cares about helping people.
So I need find a person I trust, is honest, is reliable, is healthy, who gets me, delights in me, is crazy about me, and is available and willing to enter into a non-romantic but intimate relationship with me. Considering people with trauma tend to attract other people with trauma, this is a tall order. I find this pretty disheartening honestly.
So first u need to heal with safer relationships like friendship and then move onto romantic. AskmGod s help
@@regress-c3t I understand that 100%. If I had healthy people in my life, I probably wouldn't have the trauma.
Yes. I thought the same. This made me very disheartened, specially the fact that he implies healing is basically impossible without finding such a person.
@counterintuitivepanda4555 I Don t think he says that. He says heal first and then or during recovery find honest people etc etc
Heal yourself first and the good people will come. You attract your current vibration. Fix yours to vibrate higher and you’ll find the person you need. Don’t let this limiting belief stop you from reaching your full potential. Bc right now it sounds like blame and excuse, that’s low vibe my friend. Much luck to you.
Thank you for posting these talks. I waited years to hear this, then, thanks to modern technology and a referral by a friend it was there. Everything you say is sincere, heartfelt, and based on an intimate and studious familiarity with trauma. Your mission to spread this knowledge is inspiring and honest. Too often, healing from trauma is a privilege in Canada. Ideally, this would be offered freely. Imagine what kind of a world we could live in if we were all freed from our trauma. The Creator has blessed you as a leader and healer.
Wow - such invaluable, straightforward information and direction, one never gets! I appreciate your honest, respectful, approach - feels life-changing. Thank you for sharing your vast knowledge and wholehearted compassion, Tim.
Key components of healing from trauma
10:10 - Relationship element
11:25 - Re-parenting - relationship with a healthy and safe role model
18:30 - Grounding
23:50 - Complex trauma is a distortion of reality
28:10 - Every thought affects you to every cell - Cognitive-behavioural therapy) / Dialectical behaviour therapy
30:20 - Trigger situations and healing
35:15 - Victim status
36:45 - Forgiveness
38:00 - Spiritual component
38:50 - Persist, don't give up
Thanks
Unfortunately I haven't managed to fund relationship support person...so I still run (fight and flight, now in freeze and faun) too many red flags pop up and I push people away for small things....I need assistance...so far it's been God only...it's hard on your own....
One of my favorite grounding techniques is to look at dog videos. Seeing the beautiful playful animals sounds around is very calming. It is scientifically documented that looking at images of cats and dogs and perhaps other animals is calming to the mind.
So much valuable information here. Especially understanding why we still make the wrong decisions as that's one of the hardest things to deal with. Really setting the stage for this topic on RUclips and sure I'm not the only one who is deeply appreciative.
People.. I am alone too. We must do the best we can.. Hang in there. We are not giving up. Just do as we can..
Spot on. That is all stuff I've worked on with my therapist and it's encouraging to listen to this talk. There are so many times when I wanted to just give up and ask 'what's the point of trying?', but you need to persist and not give up. Keep trying for future you. You have to be an ally to yourself and keep showing up, and break the pattern of abandoning yourself. It'll be worth it!
I was watching this during an anxiety attack/panic crippling.. the moment you said: it’s all a distortion of reality.. in that moment it stoped for some seconds. True panic stoped.
THANKYOU FOR THAT. This shit is so hard and excuse me my language.
This is hard. All this shame, all this terror being an adult, of course there is shame.. when you so used to be strong and a real survivor of abusive parents. The world is not made to heal this stuff, most people don’t care and even less when you are an adult, we all too busy with our personal problems. That’s why this is so precious from you.
I deeply deeply appreciate your talks.. it’s a gift listening to you. And thankyou for being honest about how hard is to face it, and it’s not gonna be easy, when you been deeply hurt in your first years and thrown into the world with you soul and mind made pieces…
I hug myself and I know I will never abandon myself I won’t. But it’s a tuff path, too much inner fear.. triggers.. it’s easier to run and hide.
Thankyou again . This talk has me crying but is so liberating.. thankyou
Exactly... To be a child just thrown into this world. I know that feeling. And with my son... I naturally loved him and wanted to care for him. And I ended up with full custody because his dad was abusive.. Then I married a reactionary abuser.. We are now leaving and need to heal.. ❤ What a life
I'm 51 and experienced complex trauma from religion. I had a loving family but the fear from religious biblical teachings was so bad! I was sat down to watch an early left behind series at 5. Watching people hide from others having their heads cut off. It was taught as a fact that it would happen in my lifetime. I remember living in such paralyzing fear that it haunted me every day as a child. Religious institutions love to instill constant fear of God's wrath and then tell you how loving he is, creating this deep disconnect in your mind. My heart goes out to small children who live in this type of trauma and cult teachings.
“My thinking effects everything, down to the last cell” wow
When he describes a healthy relationship that is needed to heal... Good luck finding that in our times! Even for healthy people it's a big prolem, it seems.
Thank you so much Tim. I, and many others in these comments are so grateful for your caring work.
The part that stood out was that we need to reach out as he said no one can read books and do it all alone. What about those of us that HAVE TO? Some of us have no one. He says kids need to have someone that is crazy about them. Some of us have never had that, still don’t and there is literally nothing you can do about it. I have therapists and psychiatrists. If I had community, I wouldn’t be looking for help. The crisis line is the closest I have been able to get to having friends or someone listen. Im listening to all the videos but there doesn’t seem like a solution for me yet.
@@Snowshoeingisfun i appreciate your response so much. there so much snark out there, you never really know what someone will say when posting. its seems like no matter what road i go down, the end answer is always "seek professonal help" which is not helpful as I have had many therapists and psychiatrists and tried seemlingly "all" the drugs. Admittedly, I have not been to a Tony Robbins seminar or done ayahuasca but many things like that and pretty much everything else probably. Still trying to figure this all on my own.i hope you find a way too.
Priceless. The framing could also be done at the start to the benefit of anyone is doing this solo. The eternal value here is invaluable. I cannot express enough gratitude.
I'm so moved by all of this information. Thank you, Tim, for your presentation. You are compassionate, real, and believable. This is my journey.
What if there just isn’t anyone you can establish that deeper “intimate” relationship with? What if there is no one who is just crazy about you?
Visit a health professional, get a pet or visit a spiritual institution (rabbi, priest, pastor, imam, guru, rōshi, monk, nun)
God loves you and is crazy about you! Seek Him & you will find Him. His arm is not too short to help you. ❤
Good question. I would love some answers for that as well.
Seriously? Not helpful, get a fkn grip@@janetschermeister4049
Pets are the best ❤
This series of videos was definitely helpful. Well worth the watch 👍
Thanks Tim. You are helping a lot of us out here.
Thank you so much for your guidance and wisdom. Believe it or not you are helping save the communities lives including myself.
I don't know how to find a surrogate family when there's no healthy people around me, everyone I know is stuck in denial.
Help yourself, then help the community. Find groups that do this. Try a community help centre for guidance for finding support groups in your area.
Dr. Caroline leaf, the brain can heal. EMDR, does help & challenge every lie that I told myself. Blessings
Thanks.
Thank you so very much for your insight! I have CPTSD and nearly 3 years ago had CBT counseling, and used EMDR (on my own, the way the founder did), and basically did everything within my power to recover. 2 months ago I re-entered my teaching career, hopeful, with plenty of tools, and praying for renewal. Last week a kid stood up, shouted at me ridiculing the play we were rehearsing and the work others had put into it; I saw the others close into themselves, which meant tons of work for me to make them feel safe enough to try again. My words were reasonable, but my tone was too harsh. Everything you describe in recovery failure is what I felt for 7 days. Nearly quit. Nearly believed I'd just never recover. Nearly turned numb and tolerated the rest of the year...but others were praying for me, knowing I had no idea if my career had to change because of past trauma. It was terribly humbling to face that, but I knew I'd be OK in a different job if needed. (That's coping, but also escaping). That day I reported the issue. Day 3, I asked for that student to be moved to a different class, granted. Day 5, I checked with a different student to see if the play was still of interest, it was. Day 7, I finally felt ready to speak with the offending kid, with understanding and explaining the reasons I'd transferred her were necessary, but not personal, and not out of dislike. Drama needs security and compassion to make room for vulnerability and playfulness of acting. The student showed great relief, and even thanked me 3 times for speaking to her. Was it worth a horrible, wretched week of inner turmoil for me? No. There's nothing fair about it. But am I worth the best effort I can give toward recovery? Absolutely. The kid would have been OK either way, but this way I became a roll model rather than the tough one, and created connection instead of leaving a roadblock of misunderstanding. Then I took myself out for lunch to a nice place and felt just how seriously I needed that self care; it took a toll. So self compassion tells me to take it easy this weekend and get some added sleep. No one knows what it takes, but for anyone else doing hard things, Semper Fidelis! God's plans are to prosper you, not to harm you. And I can tell you it feels good to reconcile too. After all, I like kids!
Awesome, way to go! Thank you, this testimony give me hope. Keep up the great work! Blessings
This is a great illustration to learn from! Thank you!
its hard to forgive when you see them everyday and reminded of the things they did to you. you have to be away from them in order to forgive in time.
Berihun Adugna this has been hardest issue for me. Healing in the place I got sick.
Thankyou so much. And that spiruitality touch at the end of it was awsome.
Sounds great! But how do I find the gem, the safe person I can go to? As far as therapy, at $120-$200/hr are you kidding me? I’m their safety net, not the other way around. Therapists from public healthcare system have NEVER mentioned CPTSD. Now that I’ve educated myself I can see I fit the bill 100%.
Don't waste your money on the medical industry, they are mostly more focused on being a bank manager, in my case an absolute charlatan.
Why should people pay some greedy schlub to listen? The patient has to do all the work and find solutions!!!...
That's quite the business model hey? Then to have to deal with all the psychiatric medication aspects of the journey...that part will seriously show you just how terrible life can be and if you're lucky enough to servive, you'll learn just how resilient you really are.
Then you'll have to take that strength and deal with the addiction you'll discover you have to those meds, aswell as that they do nothing but make you far more sick, keeping you coming back regularly, in some vain hope you'll get help from these creeps while paying through your nose every step of the way!!!
Benzodiazepines....just pure poison...there is not a single good aspect to Benzodiazepines, it baffles my mind how a human can sleep at night after prescribing them to a vulnerable human...
No...people like Tim...are a blessing...that's all you'll need in the world!!
Hey Tim thank you so much for this. 'What you are wanting is a new set of parents'. What a great statement. I feel I've been looking for people with whom I can have a healthy, normal and functional relationship with. I had a little bit of that with some of my friends, and it greatly helped me learn how to maintain a relationship with someone.
Thank you, Pastor Tim. Thank you for all of these teachings. I'm making my way through as the Lord leads and on the one hand, I'm crying. On the other, I'm rejoicing that I have come a long way and there's hope to continue the journey with grace and techniques to recover. We appreciate you! 🙏🏾🙌🏾👏🏾
Tim, you've taught me so many things about myself I didnt even know make me who I am.
I feel so blessed that I ever took the time to open your first video...
This is information I didnt know I couldnt live without!!
Thank uou so much!!
Thank you so so much. I can't express in words how much I was hurting and not able to understand it. Thought of going back to my family threw me in rage crying and intense trauma. My family who threw me out want me back and say you are being arrogant. Its like they have no clue what I went through past 7 years almost home less and now they shrug it off...don't want to talk about it .and just want me to fix their lives as I had done all my life...it's 6 people vs 1. Worst part is my mom says I left her in her old age.. whereas it was her who saw me off ..and refused to stay with me when I was all alone n broke ..she chose to stay with dad and my brothers ..and now want me back as I used to fight her battles..I was a parent to her ..it's such a harrasment ..never knew I was under trauma ..as I have gone through this past 45 years of my life..in the end they say I have anger issues...child who is abandoned over n over again... shouldn't get angry or cry
I'm so sorry. That is so unfair and almost unbelievable. You are still healing. It's best to stay away from abusers until you are coming from a place of strength and only then no more than necessary. Don't become dependent on untrustworthy, abusive people... ❤❤❤
“You need to connect with someone who will understand you, who will not take advantage of you and whom you will respect.”
This seems like an impossible task; I have never seen such a person in my life. So am I doomed?
No. The end of the world is near.. Do you believe in Jesus?
Yeh this one stumps me too. People with trauma tend to attract other people with trauma, not healthy people who delight in them. People with trauma are generally not all that delightful.
@@regress-c3t I faired well... For most my life.. Till I married a covert malignant narcissist, I was abused by my mom, but I did well. And I will recover from this sick reaction abuse that was done to me. So can you...
@@regress-c3t I had a very good man after my mom and dads neglect and abuse... And a few good men. Not all trauma survivors are the same. My triggers didn't get hit so much as I just figured what happened to me happens to many others. I didnt show signs of being trauma survivor.. Unfortunately for me, after a divorce, in my 40's I met a covert malignant narcissist that use reactionary abuse on me and I didn't know about gaslighting and stonewalling etc and all the thousands of other ways they lead you in a wild goose chase of their making... They have many ways to make life chaotic and they plan on it.. Not sure if you know about this.
I am free now... For sure... I need time to heal now.
Yes. I find this part of his talk to be absurd. The idea that there would be someone willing to sit there with me for months, and love and listen to me unconditionally, and help “re-parent” me is absurd. And he seems to be saying that without such a person, healing CPTSD is impossible. I just find that so disheartening and the opposite of empowering. The times I have healed, I have done so with trust in myself, not relying on someone else.
You are a live safer man. If you dont mind can you please elaborate out the titles so i may go through a few of these with my therapist? Its was so hard to just get through this with just normal talk therapy. My memories of my childhood are so foggy, that we dont really get anywhere...but when i watch these they come out so vividly. Thank you, these videos mean the world.
My father told me word for word, “ I dont know you, i dont get you I dont know my oldest son.” That always stuck with me. I havent talked to my father in over 10 years after a huge falling out after he married his 3rd wife and sold my grandparents (whom i was very close to) property and moved on with his new wife.
Good for you; keep up going forward.
This can be done alone; yet you must know yourself well enough to know that you will NOT SUICIDE if you feel like doing it. The feeling WILL PASS. If you don't know what you will do, Get Support...NOW.
emotions are scary when you never learned to regulate or experience them all your life.
Tara Brach has a great video on RUclips
Three steps to letting go
Is quite good helpful 👌
Thank you so much!! I appreciate you for the help!!
You have no idea how much you are helping me. A whole new life!!❤
This was everything I needed to hear today. Thank you.🙏
now, how the hell can i find someone who loves me unconditionally? even my parents don’t love me unconditionally!
also, close relationship with people isn't possible for me, if there’s no way for me to heal without others help then i'm screwed.
Thank you, Tim. This series was absolutely fantastic. I wish more people knew about you. Thank You.
I used trauma release exercises to help me. Saved my life.
Please!
Like shivering?
I have this issue after a hard childhood and difficult adult life. This gives me hope to heal now I know what I'm dealing with after all these years. Now 41 and a complete mess and the traumatic events keep happening to me. You feel hopeless inside and alone.
I hope life is getting better for you
Thanks!
All of these talks help! Thanks!
That was great, thanks for uploading.
Thanks for these videos. Its really helping me understand myself.
Mindfulness Meditation decouples the automaticity of the amygdalic response.
I don’t have anyone that’s that supportive for me.
Me to. Absolutely no one.
I believe in you!
You can visit a therapist. However, I find that he is wrong about this. You definetly don’t NEED another person to help “re-parent” you in order to heal. That’s a dangerous idea. It helps loads to have someone like that though, but in the end you realise you’re enough by yourself too.
Thank you. It's only one but. I get true 50 min docs in 4 countries. They say that thay can't help, or like I wrote before i have till now 7 different diagnosis and not even one from it its about CPTSD. Man must to do it alone, I hate doctors. Maybe they are some of the good one but normally it's impossible to find someone like you say. I need to learn how to do it alone. I know what I'm talking about. Sorry to say that but they are the facts. Thank you again to opening my eyes and for explaining and for hope. Thank you so much. God bless you again and again. In the moment that wants to give up, I don't know what to do, I don't have power to live anymore because of stress and scare inside, and I'm always meeting wrong people everywhere and the situations are always so bad that I'm starting to shaking from inside and I have scared from everything and everyone, you have come with Help. Oh My God, I can't believe, I thank you so much.
Same here 😢
Thank you!! I'm having epiphany after epiphany. I was wondering why I contined to sabotage one relationship after another due to triggers and misperceptions. Thank you for lighting the way to true, deep healing. 🌟
Love the prayer too!🥹
"poor me" is a party where you are the only guest... 👌🏻
Thank you very much ...Tim Fletcher.
People with trauma have sensitivity to rejection. Their worth depend on people. People are like mirror to them. If people reject them, people with trauma think it's their fault and their rejection means they're not loveable and accepted so they try hard to show people that they're loveable to win them back in hope that they will somehow accept them and give them love, something that they didn't know they always have
While healthy people have worth based on them and people are not mirror. If people reject them, they're going to be okay because their mirror is in themselves, the mirror in themselves tell them " that's not true, you're loveable, see *proceed to bring back memories that are proof that they are loveable and accepted* " then the healthy people think "oh yeah, I am loveable, that these people are saying aren't true. Then they reject the people that reject them because the people that reject them don't honor their worth
This man's life on the chopping block... you're responsible. God is cut different. . .😊
I've benefitted from all your videos; however, I've been looking for healthy relationships with friends, parental figures, spouses for 40 years and no one gets it... they don't get growing up in abuses, ptsd. Adults are either too sick and Dysfunctional themselves or they are clueless of my life experiences and end up mis-judging me, and that's not helpful. In my experience if I want relationships with healthy functioning people I have to pretend to be healthy and functional... which I can be and am, yet have lots of cptsd crap I'm battling with privately.
Yes, sure... the solution for healing is reparenting myself, but I have no hope of finding anyone who is "crazy about me" as a healthy friend or support in this life. Aside from this, people are too busy with their lives to take time and energy to consider someone else needing deeper support and friendship and dependability. Very discouraging... I can't finish listening to this video. I'll keep working on other healing helps, but finding friends or family who care enough isn't happening.
People step one for those of you totally alone, too distrustful and too red flaggy is to get a fur baby (pet). YOU will learn to love and trust a little and they will bring a lot joy and love if you treat them well. Animals are by default so loving unless you abuse them. its a first step and will calm you down enough to give humans a try eventually.
I just finally got into an actually healthy relationship for the first time ever and everyone was telling me that I was supposed to stay single while healing, this is the first time I have heard that having an intimate close relationship is key- and I am working in my PhD in psychology with an emphasis on trauma- but that is here in the US where we lie about these things and do not even consider it a valid diagnosis in the DSM. Thank you for validating what I knew was correct for me to do.
Non-romantic.
Oh my goodness l hav
have
Thankyou thankyou thankyou l have just discovered this complex trauma and can relate to it very much. My dad who has recently passed away l have really tried to forgive but watching this series of yours has helped me so much. I will search for a counsellor who knows about this stuff and with God's help l will become who l was meant to be. God bless you Tim.
Are there any female CPST survivers out there who are at a stage in their healing where they want to take the risk to reach out to others to build healthy new support systems?
In a manner where you are genuinely wanting to go past your fears, to build connections with others, to no longer wear masks - but to instead be authentic, vulnerable and real?
If so, I would be happy to see if we might be able to form a long distance connection.
As for myself, I was happily married for 20 years to a CPST survivor - together we moved beyond her many past pains.
I personally enjoyed the feeling that came with helping to 'heal' another human being - and understood the responsibility that came with that role that I played.
As in the process, some of my own inner weaknesses and frailties were made to feel better during that give-and-take beautiful experience.
I am the type of person who enjoys more dwelling in the depths of emotions and feelings with healing as a goal with other human beings - as opposed to having superficial and meaningless discussions.
I like to dwell closer to the heart and the soul - for that is all that really matters most to me.
If so, please say a hello to me - and let's see if and how, being pen pals might be fulfilling for the both of us.
g-r-e-g-a-i-k-e-n(at)h-o-t-m-a-i-l-.-c-o-m (remove the dashes)
I am not pretending to be a trained professional in this arena. I am however, a genuinely thoughtful, emotional, and sensitive male who desires to have more meaningful interactions with others - even if it is only virtually through emails.
And I am able to be as open and as vulnerable as that is the only way to get to the truth of who any person truly is inside.
Take a small risk to say hello, you might be pleasantly surprised...
Thank you so much for doing this! It is incredibly invaluable. I have a few questions though: Healing requires you to work with a therapist/ counselor but what if one cannot afford to see a therapist (for financial and several other reasons) what can be done in this case? If therapy isn't an option, can you work alone and heal yourself or will this person never be able to heal?
How can I find someone who delights in me?😢
I had a very good trauma counselling and it included EMDR therapy . It worked really well. Still have work to do though. It is an on going everyday process.
Very useful lectures. Thank you
I need a relationship with someone who is "crazy about me" in order to heal my Bad Parenting? I think I'll have better luck if I continue to work on my Time Machine in order to go back and have new parents. Unless I am suppose to BUY someone to be "crazy about me"? I'm a little bit of a mess right now to go out and look for the Perfect Person to be crazy about me. I thought my neighbor was cool. Turns she's an addict just like me.
Careful on reaching out. I reached out to my wife. She later said that it caused her to lose attraction for me. We are divorced now.
Sorry man that’s rough.
She was never worth it in that case.
If I knew how to find unconditional love, I wouldn’t need this video 😂 That’s what I’ve been trying to do for 20 years.
20 years of therapy- failed.
Marriage- failed.
Work relationships- failed.
The only One who cares for you is Jesus. Ask His angels to minister to you. Everyone else fails.
True. I was an unwanted child, and never felt safe. My mother kept telling me that my arrival ruined her life, career and dating prospects and the only reason she didn’t abort me was that it was illegal at that time.
thank you I have been following these talks.
My dad was crazy ABT me he loved me deeply and I loved him deeply. But my narcissistic mother seems to have fucked me up with neglect abuse rejection and constant criticism and control. Now, I am working on these wounds dad isn't here anymore I wish he was so that I can talk to him abt it
If only I could find loving 2 replacement parents who aren't actually narcisists, unlike my own Estranged parents.
I've been a complete orphan from young, and I still am. I'm 50. I have No family whatsoever. Life has been so hard and is still very hard. I have God so I'm never alone.
Thanks for the excellent lecture. Regarding EMDR Dr. Bessel Van Der Kolk who is also an expert in the field of trauma recommends EMDR for one trauma event cases not for complex trauma clients.
Actually the founder of EMDR is Shapiro, and she accidentally stumbled upon it. While troubled and on z walk, her eyes began to shift back and forth repeatedly. Over a brief time, her feelings had changed and did not trouble her. She thought that was interesting and did research. Now it's been used for trauma, PTSD, depression, anxiety, and other issues - with an outstanding success rate recorded! Psychology took it over and gave it rules and protocols. I did it on my own, for CPTSD, and it worked great! Flashbacks were gone, and I still use it to dissipate distressing thoughts on occasion. It's thought that by mimicking REM sleep, it may allow rapid mental processing; but it's still a mystery. Bessel is fantastic! So is Francine Shapiro. You can hear her interviewed on RUclips.
I think true love is where God comes in
When I am not sure but I think we have to receive His love by faith for now
There are a number of us over 60 here. I wonder if Tim could provide resources etc. so we might finally come to working a resolution.
Love and thanks
I learned this thing from Richard Grannon to help me remember what I'm doing: your 5 fingers -
Thumb is "me, I'm in control"
Pointing finger is "intention to move forward"
Middle finger "fuck all that shame etc"
Ring finger "commitment to healing "
Little finger "like a chopping action sorting and separating"
I love Richard!
The problem is that i don't have money to get a consultation i am very poor.
Great insights. Very helpful. Thank you. Wonderful that you acknowledge the need for God's help...this is the beginning of true wisdom. However you should know the scriptures clearly state that since Jesus' death and resurrection God only accepts prayers offered thru and in Jesus' name. John 16: 23, 24. This is an honor God has bestowed on His son so that all must acknowledge the value and importance of His son's sacrificial death. The ransom paid thus is our only channel for ultimate reconciliation with our Creator. John 14:6.
Has Tim written a book? I have trouble with verbal instructions. It would be so helpful to be able to flip back and re-read the important parts.
Tim, do you do one on one counseling? I have severe complex trauma. Thank you.
thank u ❤❤❤
I’ve been with ex for 18 years. No job, no history, no income, no friends, ruined reputation, but have custody and responsibility for child. And no phone. Or money. I am in hell with no way out.
I get you, I'm kinda in a similar situation, except I have no kids . Alone in hell, no way out. I feel you!
@@simPattyK Believe me it can get better .. wish you both love on this journey.
Why aren't these in a succinct list? I am looking for the basics of complex trauma part 2.
I have no one to look up o that is crazy about me. How am I goong to heal.
I'm going on 71. My adoring father died one month after I turned five. My mother disliked, ignored, mocked, humiliated, diminished, and basically hated me. I could never do or be anything right. I survived, not sure how. I've a UCLA doctorate, two published novels, married/widowed, homeowner, etc etc. but my emotional life is terribly stunted. I have no safe place and have come to wonder if I WILL EVER FEEL GOOD ENOUGH. Wishing you much luck, growth, and serenity.
2:55 Wow.. You are fucking right about me in regards to this, holy crap.. I never knew that I wasn't the only one who wants a substitute for parents basically, I 100% feel that way and thanks for that also.. Since that could make Complex Trauma even more possible in my case so I can fix myself, thank you so much!
17:08 . . .does this mean those who only fall in love with their kids aren't healed of their traumas?