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We need to get rid if the idea that ‘Childhood trauma’ stops when one becomes an adult. The adult usually keeps in touch with the people who traumatised them during childhood because it’s often family members who cause the trauma. ‘Family trauma’ is often a more accurate description. When there is emotional abuse, the abuser doesn’t all of a sudden stop once the child becomes an adult. I know someone who is 60 and is still being emotionally abused by their 80 year old mother. ‘No contact’ wasn’t an option for this person, because they still love their mother despite everything, so new trauma keeps being added to their daily life as they still enter the hostile environment every week.
I think the key about Childhood trauma is that a person has no choice about being there, and their brains are developing. Adults generally do have a choice: The ongoing relationship may be difficult but adults can generally choose whether or not to be exposed -- even those who love their families.
You speak some truth to me with your comment. I wonder why I don't hate my father who is 89 and lives in another country. In the past I have dreaded his visits although I still need his approval I will simply never have that. I still would like to hear those three words he has never once spoken to me in my over half century of consciousness. Thanks for your comment as I am imprinting this video and it plays until done as I read the comments and learn from others at the same time.
I only became aware of being emotionally abused when I was 17. Prior to that I thought I was one of the lucky ones who was in a great family that had no abuse while all my friends came from broken homes. I came out of denial at 18 and realised how fucked up we all were and all the messed up games my parents played to amuse themselves...the sadistic urges in them and the weird attitude my mother blatantly would state that "all families have some dysfunction" as though I should just resign myself to it and not work towards becoming more functional. She was happy that way?
you must understand co-dependence it´s a serious disease, this is why they´re stucked. I had this, too. It makes you not only become a victim but to stay one. It needs at least 5 years of ongoing therapy or meetings to set boundaries or cut off. And some think the healing fails from sky up down on them, ridiculous.
"The root cause of our childhood PTSD, is neither chemical or biological, it's neurological. And early trauma can cause actual structural changes in the developing brain. And this means, we're actually wired differently than other people." So nicely put. What a great list of tools. I enjoyed Havening therapy but definitely could use more.
The cherry on top of the worst childhood ever cake is not realizing you were being abused or neglected until you're forty or fifty years old. Better late than never for sure but... after being gaslighted by my family for all my life. it is a bit of a relief but I struggle sometimes (a lot) but no mistakes only lessons Nam myoho renge Kyo
earthminus10 wow you too? I’m 45 and I’m sitting here with two children to two narcs and two narc parents that backed the narc husband (who has managed to gain new supply and convince everyone that he deserves it after what I have put him through 😳) I have woken up only when the abuse got so so obvious that I was discarded. I hit rock bottom with no house no job no money no reputation very few friends because the narc and parents turned everyone against me. Totally divided and conquered. I beat myself up thinking why couldn’t I see clearly what was going on sooner but as you said better late than never. I put my hand out to yours you are not alone.
Grace Kelly oh my God!! We should form some sort of club or something!! Malignant Narc father, Histrionic mother killed herself in 2016, ex #1 Covert Narc #2 ASPD. We could call it the Former Narc Magnet Society or something. 56 this year BTW-I waited way too long to get rid of the Flying Monkeys.
Natthebratster lol 😂 you gotta laugh. I like the title The Former narc magnet society. It is so validating to be open and honest with similar others. It’s not a bad idea to have places we can go even if it’s only on line to help and support our fellow human beings that have been through similar 💩 that we have. There is something going wrong in life when open honest loyal and loving individuals get 💩on from a great height. I want to slowly but surely find my tribe to make life a better place. X
@@chasepplaysgames7624 You don't know that woman at all. You don't know anything about that woman's life or what her family is like. You have no idea. Yet you want to play pseudo intellectual armchair psychiatrist based on a handful of written words with no actual knowledge of anything, including psychology, trauma, and narcissistic abuse. I think we all see who the actual internet fungus is, you inbred keyboard jockey dogshit, except fungi are actually useful. You are not.
your comment is so succinct .. I totally agree... after 10 y of caregiving my narc, im feeling the effects of adrenal fatique…. soon ill be outa here , going back to my childhood town to look after a family farm, so its a blessing in disguise, a way out at last LOL !! hope you're ok ?
What do you do if someone you live with is highly narcissistic and sets you off a lot, but then you are stuck there financially? It's hard for me to stay stable and make good decisions with my current environment. I'm literally where everything started.
Everyone.... PLEASE keep trying to get better! Journal, read , watch videos , everything helps. I was 56 before an excellent therapist helped me face and let go of traumatic issues. Even though I resented not having a happy life I will be grateful for the years I DO have left to be happy! So please try to get better!
@@1michelemichele1 I felt the way.... that I was well I to my 50s and thought how much life I had "LOST" and then I realized I have at least 30 more years to live !!! Don't waste them!!!! Get out there and DO something....no matter what it is.!Also, even though I HATED and was resentful the way my life had been I began to realize how STRONG it has made me and how much compassion I have for others because I want to help others who feel the same way! To everyone reading this ..GO get HELP! I am proof it CAN get better! Much love, Rene
@@reneshay889 I've been listening to CCFairy for the last few hours as I did a few houshold things that needed doing, and oh my gosh. I may find my way through this after all -- it's exciting (and scarrry). I tripped across this at just the right time (also a little scary). In some ways, I'm ahead -- my anger has come from massive confusion on what I could be doing to scare people off. I just couldn't understand it, and with confusion came of course despair. An hour ago, a neighbour who'd disappointed me (sigh. I loaned them some books, they donated them to a christian charity retailer, which is like, SO FREAKING SHOCKING TO ME, as well as wounding. Obviously it was an accident, but did they even glance at those books?) called about a small christmas do, and I happily accepted, not because I"m a people pleasing doormat, but because I do enjoy being around all sorts of people (even if for a limited amount of time), and avoiding them would ultimately wound me more. I"ll just be more mindful of boundaries, and quit with these loans (or anything that may look like trying to buy friendship) already.
Wow! Good ideas. I see when i simply sit and meditate, my mind keeps wandering and I can't able to focus. But activities like this stitching, painting, working on designing on computer (for graphic designers, lol), requires so much focus and are best form of mediation.
Yes!! I just started crocheting and it is the most soothing thing I can do for myself besides walking outside in nature and studying God Word. Those are the only things that help me besides my self talk which doesn't help much.
@@lke4907it’s really good for teens too, who have childhood trauma. It also gives them something to do with their hands that’s not vaping, not cutting.
Re: physical methods, I find that moving furniture and vacuuming is helpful for me. No joke. It’s somewhat strenuous, accomplishes something, refocuses energies, and often, a solution to a problem can be revealed in a mind that is distracted from the pain that previously preoccupied it.
@@fighttheevilrobots3417 Wow, that's awesome. I learned to love solo exercise as an adult despite gym class traumas, so the idea that moving heavy things would be good seemed obvious to me... But I can totally see why not calling it "exercise" would help!
I've found that keeping myself busy and feeling like I've accomplished somthing by the end of the day helps too but I've been called a stress cleaner so now I worry I'm just distracting myself :(
Cleaning is usually a healthy coping mechanism but it can be used for escape just like drugs and other bad habits. IME, being a fastidious cleaner can invite criticism from lazy individuals, if you KWIM. 😬😉 Touch base with yourself and determine if your cleaning ha it is problematic. If you’re habitually sterilizing already cleaned doorknobs, switch plates, and taps, it may be a problem. Otherwise, apply the same grace to yourself that you give to others and be glad you have a good “bad habit.” 😘
I have been paralyzed by the childhood trauma I suffered as a child. I have tried everything and have good insight but it is hard to understsnd why I isolate. I wish I could find a good psychiatrist but have more or less given up. I am scared of everything but I just exist at this point. Thank-you for your videos. It's comforting to know I am not alone.
Lana Burgess I'm the same way. I have felt like I'm just existing, not living, for so many years. I know how bad this can be and I'm sorry to hear you have to go through it.
@@k8lynmae Some of us find religion healing. I respect that for you it is not, and your strong reaction leads me to suspect that you have been abused in the name of religion. Ana's prayer was innocent and kindly intended. Your response, I see, was also intended as a chivalrous defense of Lana. There are no bad guys here--each has offered what they themselves found helpful. I would suggest that not all people who resemble our abusers on some surface level have abuse at their core. I was physically and psychologically abused by, among others, a "witch" (as he called himself) who hated that I became a Christian instead of following in his footsteps. I wound up marrying a Wiccan who is loving and sweet and who drives me to church and supports my right to follow my own path. Abuse can prejudice us, but it doesn't have to.
I just came to realize the severity of my abuse at 47. I have hope and plan to do whatever I can to live life FREE of this insane anxiety and negative thoughts patterns. Much trauma to overcome but not giving up! Sending much love and respect to everyone that understands this challenge.
It's exhausting to always have to be trying to do what it takes to live through this... it's a lot of effort and for so long and I don't want to do it anymore...I don't want to try to be a certain way.
Talk therapy has trained me to relive the trauma. As a child my therapist had me use dolls to show what happened to me. And each new therapist I had to tell them all over again. I feel the ptsd was just as damaging from the therapy as it was the act.
Good lord. Sometimes when I hear such things I can't help but think this is WAY more about the adults feeling good about themselves than anything else.
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy Right, it's like they have no clue. Just do your job and who cares about the long term effects. I feel like I could have healed much better if I dealt with the pain instead of talking about it over and over and over again.
Omg had the same experience, just keep repeating the past over & over w new people and then get blamed for being stuck. Like you havent even ALLOWED me to let go! Its horrible how little insight these professionals have!
@@startrekfangirl I always felt talking about my problems helped me deal with the pain because by talking about it , I allow myself to FEEL my feelings. Interesting how others have had the opposite affect.
That's just absolutely terrible im so sorry you had to endure that. Especially with the dolls that's just unheard of to me. Im not sure how anyone could think that's a good idea. I hope that you're on a better path and have found something that's worked well for you since.
I was in EMDR therapy for over 9 months and though it was one of the most uncomfortable and difficult things I've done, it saved the quality of my life. There is more space in my brain for me, to think and be present without recoiling back into myself. I got promoted twice at my job shortly after and now I'm brave enough to charge careers to better suit my personality, instead of forcing myself to feel valued by being validated from others. I've spent 10 years in social services trying to help people, but not myself. I hope whoever is reading this takes the time to do their research and EMDR and speak to their professional providers for mental health.
I had very successful EMDR treatment for two adult onset PTSD experiences. However, EMDR triggered the child abuse PTSD so severely that I had to stop. I still have hope that it would work, if I tried again and suffered through the reemerging memories and rumination between sessions. I am not going to kill myself, which is one thing I have learned having suffered from very severe depression caused by the combo of CPTSD and bipolar disorder. I’m a fighter, will do anything to get well (got sober, so that’s saying something!), and believe in my strength as a survivor. The bipolar disorder is very well managed now, sobriety is solid, but the CPTSD symptoms negatively affect my quality of life and it’s got to go!!!!
@@paulah.9415 That was something that happened to me to, past memories came up and luckily I was able to still process them with EMDR. I'm 28 and have been in therapy since I was 9 so I feel like I had some good training before I went into it. I hope you can do the same when you are ready! Don't give up on yourself, you deserve to live peacefully. You already did so much for yourself already though, so give yourself a hug for me!!! You are a champ!!!
Thank you for making this video and pointing out the neurological component. I am so tired of therapist saying, "try reading a book, take a walk, treat yourself to food ect.." in response to my CPTSD symptoms. Then when those things don't work they accuse me of "not trying". It is upsetting that they have had a lack of empathy and understanding of CPTSD. Your video has provided more clarity than many years in therapy.
Following along with the experience of them acting like I am "not trying" these therapist never did anything to help me manage my CPTSD. Talk therapy is fine but there was no additional help to manage the physical or mental symptoms. So, them expecting me to "get better" without a proper understanding of what is happening inside me and offering me the tools to handle it how did they expect me to "get better". Maybe it wasn't that I was not trying but that I didn't have the tools and knowledge to get better. It feels horrible to be suffering and confused only for your support person to dismiss your desire to no longer suffer. I try the best I can. Having found her videos I hear myself in every video. It is eerily accurate. They say I have acute PTSD(CPTSD). The information I receive from her videos are like someone opening a window to let the light, clarity, and fresh air inside. I don't know about anyone else but my behavior framed within a context I can understand is sobering i.e. excessive eating to handle emotional regulation. I had no idea it was tied to CPTSD or emotional regulation. I was binge watching TV to the point of numbness. Anything to "not feel" anything. I feel like my mind is a mirror that has been repeatedly shattered to the point of no repair. I wish Therapists would not give up on me after a few months or mischaracterize my symptoms or dismiss them. I hope I won't always be this way. I wish I could find a provider like the crappy childhood fairy.
@@happygoalucky Thank you for sharing your cptsd experience. I've also been coping and diverting thru constant phone /tv streaming, food issues. I'm on my 4th Therapist and none of them are talking about these connections.
Here's something that's also amazing for anxiety--shaking. Like, literally just start shaking when you are somewhere private. It's what animals do after trauma and it is amazing. It's like it gets out those "tremors" and "heart-tension" from anxiety.
That makes a lot of sense, @futureshocked. I should do an updated version of this video soon with all the new ideas and old ideas that are new to me! Thanks.
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy Thanks! I really appreciate that. I've been studying somatics since last year and there is just so much amazing work being done in that space. Another technique I use for myself (and I'm still experimenting with it, but it truly saved my life) is a combination of Tai-Chi style movement ALONG WITH verbalizing your anxiety. It helps stop unwanted thought-loops in their tracks when I'm having anxiety attacks at home. I think the reason it works is because the movement activates your amygdala and the speaking activates higher cortex functions and kind of brings them together. Instead of those thoughts just bouncing around, they literally get "out". When I identify a thought that is causing somatic anxiety (heart and stomach constrictions) I imagine that I'm pushing that thought down, through my legs, and out my feet. Like electricity being grounded. I told the technique to my therapist and she absolutely approved me exploring it further.
Have you discovered TRE treatmemt yet? It is basically specific tension and trauma releasing exercises which triggers specific shaking. I have found it very effective and it even happens when I am meditating and focusing on specific bodyparts where stress is built up.
Finally, in my 70s, I found a great therapist who was an expert EMDR practitioner who neutralized the volatile emotions I had been stuck with forever. I now can reflect on past hurtful traumas without the deep pain or anger I used to feel. I recognize the childhood abuse & neglect but as an observer rather than a broken victim.
I'm happy to hear you've been able to recover in your 70s. I'm thinking of doing EMDR sessions -could you share specific details about the eye-scanning process? All I've heard is you choose an issue you are blocked from moving on from and it usually takes 2-3 visits to 'unblock' the issue- would you say that's true? ty.
THANK YOU for this validation. I have tried to explain this to friends for years and they just write me off and create distance because I'm "refusing to get help" by not engaging in talk therapy and medication which I've tried for years and gotten almost nothing out of. Medication especially was an awful, awful experience. What we really need is some empathy from the people in our life who are supposed to be there to support us and not this ignorant judgement based in stigma.
In my view, people who are struggling emotionally are often viewed as being flawed and needing to be fixed. I think this is backwards thinking because it sets forth the idea that the person suffering is the problem. It puts the focus on “fixing” them, when in reality, maybe there is nothing wrong with them and they are just having a normal response to something that was harmful to them. Therefore, it may be that any “treatment” which involves “fixing” the person who is suffering is doomed to fail.
Recovering from alcoholism as well as childhood trauma is extremely difficult. The alcoholism is a symptom of the trauma. Being dumped in this country homeless and destitute at 16 took its toll. Began drinking heavily as soon as I learned how. When I finally quit, I had to experience every horrible event over and over again. Takes so much time and effort. Your words mean a lot to me. Thank you.
I had to put childhood aside till I had learnt the foundational stuff needed to stay sober. I gave it to God (when I found one that wasnt punishing) and threw myself into recovery from addiction. It took a few years, but once I hit the hard stuff I didnt need to pick up a drink to cope. Many blessings to you
I quit drinking 13 months ago, keep reliving the past, years of buried emotion and trauma. Does this ever end? First drink only 12 years old (my brother thought it was funny to give me beer,) pretty regular by 16. My go to for any stress until I stopped at age 53. Had hoped depression & anxiety would have eased by now? I really resent my brother for what he did! He should have been my protector. He is 7 years older and ruined his life, still drinking daily. Never told anyone about this.
I read some reviews and some said that parts were hard to read because they put dogs in cages and electrocute them. I can't read anything like that. If they want to see trauma in animals just go down to any animal shelter.
Got to get that book. Am currently using EMDR, worked for two incidences of adult onset PTSD, but was too painful for the childhood CPTSD. Will try other means that you suggest. I can attest to the fact that therapy didn’t work for the CPTSD, and just triggered it.
Omg, this is me. I remember when I was in grade school the teacher would write on my report card that I "Daydream". I'm 49 now and I can't find me. I feel like a child sometimes. I'm very emotional
I have to sometimes remind myself I'm a 43 year old woman as I still feel like I'm a young girl, yet I'm a mother of 6, I had a maori healing about 10 year ago and at the end where I was intensely crying while he was pushing in my stomach what came up was I want my mum I never got my mum,
I learn now what it meant that I daydreamed, was disruptive in class because I could not sit for long, lost attention frequently though a good student, and so much more. All a classic pattern. ADD helped by caffeine. God bless you, CCF!
Daydreaming was on my report cards a lot too. Aside from that being a perfect student behaviour was. Such "an old soul". As a parent and a teacher I now know these are signs of childhood trauma.
I have cptsd and have done therapy, emdr, tapping, self grounding meditations and other intensive therapies. My therapist does a technique that uses a pointer and feel what my body is feeling. This works to help me process amazingly. Emdr does wonders. Medication does nothing but make me sick or zombie like. Thanks for the video! It does help.
Emdr isn't right for everyone. It turned me into a unstable wreck and I wound up in an outpatient facility for 3 months. I was a breath away from being hospitalized but I got through it.
@@Mybpeterson i heard stories like yours but it was because it has been done by a bad therapist or not experienced enough one. I have CPTSD too and i can say that EMDR had great results on a specific trauma i had. EMDR is powerful for sure that's why it's important to be cautious. I also recommend meditation. (Sorry for my poor english, i'm french)
@@AL-pi1jv Each patient is different. My therapist told me right up front that EMDR isn't for everyone. That when it was first introduced they thought it was the best thing since sliced bread and they used it on anyone and everyone. But then a lot of people wound up hospitalized. So they devised a series of tests they could use along the way to keep the patient safe. It wasn't enough for me. Although we were trying to be cautious I believe my therapist wasn't careful enough. He missed warning signs that should've put a stop to it. Only in hindsight can I see it for myself. I'm very happy that it worked for you. Meditation helps me too, but I won't go near EMDR again. It's become a trigger in and of itself. Just contemplating it makes my skin crawl. And I can't be sure it'll work even with the best and most experienced therapist. The risk just isn't worth it to me.
@jfsfrnd Not true. It just requires someone that is trained to handle EMDR and Dissociation. It's literally one of treatments for dissociative identity disorder.
Lady it's really difficult to find sincere people on youtube, what you say makes a lot of sense and i appreciate the effort to create an intelligent and challenging debate. Thank you
As an abused child I ate my way thru my stress, keeping myself fat so that my abuser wouldn't find me attractive. As a teen I pushed any friendships or attracted people away. I was afraid of trusting anyone. After two divorces, where both husbands cheated and abused me, four children who are entirely detached from me, because I didn't know how to be a parent, let alone be a Mother thru my own abuses and a boyfriend who almost killed me; I finally stopped trying to find anyone. I'm literally living under a rock emotionally. I am so desensitized. I almost hate people. I dread the phone ringing. I hate going out.
This is so so lonely and sad. Completely out of your control and the scarring is so devastating it’s impacts you forever. I can relate to so much to what you said.
Like you I avoid people to avoid being ‘hurt’of course I choose people who will trigger me I chose not to have children in order to not hurt them as I was hurt The saving grace in my life is a marriage to an equally traumatized person who has both beautiful love and narcissism Her narcisssm helps me understand myself better as I see the effects of trauma in some one else not so socially hidden She is my transitional object Can you find a transitional object that bridges the gap from you past to a safer future? Love you
I'm so scared I can never "recover" an actual life. After surviving a very traumatic childhood I thought I was building a life and then adult traumas derailed me. I lost my family of origin to death, got divorced, ended a successful career when traumatized in a terror attack, and have since lost my 40s to isolation, living on disability and increasingly isolated. I no longer have any surviving family and don't have any close friends. I have a very good therapist who is knowledgeable about CPTSD in many facets, but I cannot for life of me even figure out how to make new friendships never mind begin the work at age 48 of sorting out all the relational skills I never learned and dealing with my chronic instability, depressions and manias, ADHD, and so on. It's overwhelming to figure out how to do all this with no loved ones in picture. I'm very scared and losing hope. It's so frusrating that in my teens I was tested as over 200 IQ, was valedictorian and many other markers that I would have a lot of potential in life, and now at middle age I feel like a complete failure of a person with insurmountable odds to ever have any quality of life or attachments even.
Jason, I know this hard place you're describing. I hear your discouragement but I also know you're on this channel to get some Encouragement, and it's here for you! No one should have to go through life without loved ones and so the best thing you can do is take small steps now to start bringing a loved one (or two) into your life. It's a worthy goal, and will bring some challenges, requiring you to face your shortcomings and put some effort into it. One step at a time is how it's done. Not insurmountable: Incremental.Good luck!
Jason, it's never too late. Literally never. Think of things that bring you joy and build habits and practices around those, even if it's just for five minutes every day. Exercising your capacity for enjoyment will give you more and more to share, in time.
The most powerful thing you could ever do, is realise that's the past and you can and will rewrite your story. Realise negative thoughts aren't true, observe them, but realise you can create your own reality. Becoming aware of, and then unlearning old ways of thinking with practice, applying new positive thoughts with an 'uplifting emotion, taking action and then experiencing something positive, in order to change your belief system. That's the basic guideline to go by. There's alot that goes into it, but it's 110 percent worth it. You'll feel like you're a brand new person, and become your best self, stronger and more resilient than ever.
The body keeps the score is a wonderful book . I went to a therapist, she did tapping and emotional freedom technique. This had immense relief for me . I brought up a lot of anxiety . I had such a release after two sessions . I’ve been medication free for 2 years now . I’ve also cut ties with my mother, who abused me as a child .
Going no contact is probably the best thing you could do. I ended up moving to a different country as my mother would stalk me, litterally. She got me fired from several jobs and managed to convince landlords to give me notice too. I had no job security (I was temping) or stable housing (I was renting cash in hand) at the time, as I could not find stable housing or a stable job as I did not have a degree, a 'good' employment history, references from previous landlords etc. I actually ended up on the street several times because of her.
I don't have $ to fork out and am on medicare so I've had to find other ways to get help. I went to a 'tapping' class to learn how to do it on myself and I didn't really notice or feel anything different.
Thank you so much! Recently I fired my therapist because she had no idea on how to handle trauma, PTSD, much less CPTSD. And came to realize it was causing me more harm than good. One of the hardest things I've had to do, especially because I am in such pain. This clip of yours has given me a guide to finding a new therapist. So difficult to advocate for myself when so hurt...
I discovered during the 1980s that some of my kung fu students were having negative emotional flashbacks during the yoga portions of our classes. I spent the next 10 years studying physical responses of my students and developed the comprehensive workout plan that has worked incredibly well in many locations. Any student with me more than six months developed incredible improvements according to their behavioral testing in the various institutions. Learning abilities and grade scores also seem to improve for all my students in public schools.
I’m 70 years old now and I just had my left hip replaced on Valentine’s Day and next week I’m getting my right hip replacement. Then I can get back to making 800 videos for the entire Tai Chi Youth nonprofit program so that I can leave behind what I know works so well.
In Somatic therapy you bring up a charge and then dissipate or resolve it, talk therapy usually doesn’t do that, it brings up triggers and leaves the client in that triggered state with not resolution. I know this from personal experience too. I’d often want to drink alcohol after a talk therapy session and didn’t understand why until I came across Somatic Psychology and started to understand how nervous systems work.
Yes.I came out of the last therapists with an attitude because she told me,I still look worn out.She wouldn't hold being a Christian against me....I'm not hiding my troubles.There was more but I dont feel like writing close to a large paragraph on all the criticism she flung in my face!!It was really strange.I told her i was suicidal and she did absolutely nothing!!All she told me was try AA/NA.I was like what???
I recently found myself humming during a stressful dental procedure. Long sustained hums from the diaphragm. My dentist was so cool with it. And the humming helped to soothe and relax me.
Me too! I breathe deep down into the diaphragm and on the out-breath I hum the Om sound while placing both hands on my belly. I also take LSD and Mescaline a couple times a year, I do all the soothing things I have learned while under the influence.
Yes! It is neurological. After understanding adrenal fatigue and chronic illness as syndromes to a stuck sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous system it made much more sense. Raised by a mean BPD mom & then married a NPD covert abuser husband I was stuck in a state a perpetual fear. After leaving those environments, I found best healing through binary beats and mindful meditation while I was sleeping as well as somatic healing with the use of clay and paint. Relieving tension in stored trauma memory (limbic system) via creative expression was not only safe but a voice for pain that I had no words for.
I love hearing healing stories like yours! Good for you for a) getting out and b) pursuing healing solutions. And very interesting learning what worked for you, too. Very glad to have you in the community.
I have BPD, and I am so thankful I didn't turn out to be a mean mother to my children, (probably because my mother was horrible, which made me be more aware of it). I too married a narcissist and it caused my brain to be so much worse. I can understand that part of it very well.
Ditto both parents and 2 sisters and violent boyfriends and husband. I am recovering from 41 years of ME. I am 55 now and got Dan Neuffer's ANS Rewire. Just over £200 and over 40 half to 3/4 hours videos plus other techniques. It's really helped give an even more extensive scientific explanation than the Optimum Health Clinic and at 100th of the cost! Ans is the Autonomic Nervous system. You can get 4 free videos if you want to know more. Lessons 2 and 3 really in depth. Best thing I have ever heard so far. I started to feel better in just 3 days but then I got stressed re Copyright Law I needed to explain to my sewing group and 3 1/2 months of stress led to severe emotional flashbacks backs lasting all day for a week. In 55 years there is a hell of a lot of bad memories. The stress was a learning curve though and I realised that I always seem angry when upset even though I am not. Dam explained that Anger is a type of energy and we need that when being abused so we can run or try to escape. I also learnt that stress is the physical form of worry/fear and that triggers flashbacks and the illness. Art is for me like meditation which my mind seemed to reject after 3 months so at least when I am painting I am present and feel 'clean and washed' inside like after doing yoga. I realise that the washed feeling is my system being calm and not adrenalinised. Art really is therapy!
Mandy G - Thank you for sharing; I hadn’t heard of the ANS Rewire program and will check into it. I am 56 & just realized I did have childhood trauma from being raised by an unstable bipolar mother, and I am new on this learning path. Thankfully I have always used exercise to rewire (just didn’t know it) and have been practicing yoga for about 13 years. Love how you describe the feeling afterward - ‘clean and washed’. Painting is definitely meditative, so I may try that too. Best to you.
Reading your words gives me hope. I've been researching trying to find a documented connection between trauma, adrenaline over produced etc and the health issues I now have. Adrenal fatigue/dysfunction, secondary hypothyroidism and Hashimotos.
Mandy G / the past cannot get changed ; the only opportunity to take some action is in the present : e.g. first normalizing (abuse-free) the environment; and then start to heal : mind and body therapy treatment to restore the wellbeing. Some therapists can help clients to re-write the beliefs about that history, to discover different possible interpretations of it.
@@mandyg5747 In my experience we treat the cause by being heard believed and respected for what we went through combined with forgiving ourselves for not being able to protect ourselves. And to learn that you are not your disorder or your abuse. You are a person beyond all the bad things. So it's a lot about strengthen this person too.
I wanna cry right now. I honestly didn't know this was a thing before I saw this channel. I've always related PTSD was something that happens to war vets, sexual abuse victims or victims of trauma/disaster... Isolation has been such a theme since I was an infant, i had 7 foster homes seperate to my siblings, beaten by the 5 biological kids (parents allowed it) in one of the homes, bullied with death threats through school, during lunch and even class I was seperated from the other kids and kept alone with adults because of either bullying, being fed extra in the staff room (i was underfed in one of the foster homes) , quarantined in the nurses office in class time (my foster home failed to take care of my head lice for years....never said that before..Jesus..) and never able to connect to a family, I isolated in my later teens, ADHD led me to hyperfocus on my work through university , i went to one student event (and left early) in my entire degree...and now I'm 30 , work from home and am usually alone 14 hours a day...I hope I heal, I hope this new insight helps me heal, I don't wanna waste another decade to misery, I'm scared the stress and isolation will degrade my physical health and lead to early death 😢😢😢
Aw sweetheart! This is so much! Yes, it's a thing, and there's a reason why you have these normal expressions of a healthy person who has been exposed to terrible things. I know it was isolating, but bless those teachers for watching over you. I have lots and lots of supportive information for you. Watch videos. Check out my website. If you're interested and when you're ready, check out my free course of there. Let me (and us) know how you're doing!
You are very courageous for sharing your story. Glad that you are looking for ways to heal which brought you to this video. You're going to live a beautiful life ❤️❤️😊
I think the holistic route is the way to go: exercise, nutrition, sleep, meaningful involvement in something, someone who can help you identify your strengths, contemplative practices such as meditation and positive imagery. I am not fond of this idea of having to tell the story. Some people might need to but for others it makes us feel vulnerable all over again. Feel your strengths!! Start to connect to small beautiful things like bird song, watching the ocean, listening to the rain - whatever resonates as beautiful
I think you really need to tell the story at some point. I think there is no real intimate connection until you can, and no real healing. It can be really tough, but emdr/eft can help to lower the intensity of the emotions so it makes it more easy to tell. I totally agree a holistic view is nessesary, food / supplements help.
What about when you're having a hard time exercising, eating right, sleeping normally, and being meaningfully involved in something, because your cptsd, anxiety and depression are so bloody bad, that you can barely even do these things or function normally enough to get up and exercise. Meditation? Get real, do you know how hard it is to meditate when you dissociate and have intrusive thoughts? blah blah blah..... Yea, it's super easy to suggest bullshit when you have no idea what having cptsd really feels like....
Thank you,telling my story made things so much worse.2 years of talk therapy never made me feel anything but worse. Medication made me numb and prone to self destruct .Prayer and time in the outdoors helped more than anything,and learning
@@Randomdude-i8x There is a risk of serious side effects with EMDR if the therapist isn't knowledgeable and careful and I ask you too how we're supposed to know that ahead of time??
If you read closely, the guy you’re replying to does actually have c-PTSD. He talks about “us”. And the subject of this video is exactly what he’s saying.
I did EMDR 30 years ago. It did nothing for me. I appreciate you talking about variety of ways to work with PTSD. I felt EMDR took away from my therapist who I respected. Neither tapping. I like writing, processing through my emotions; feeling the feeling. I’ve been a therapist . On both sides there’s nothing better for me than the person across fm me being present. Most people know about meditation. Meditation can be running in the zone. Sports are a meditation. We’re all different. Some of us don’t want to sit still for 20 minutes or more. Meditation needs to have a wider definition. Too restrictive in the strict definition. I enjoy & believe in expansion of ourselves & our spirits. Moving through emotions we don’t want to feel is the healer. All emotions pass.
@@universaltruth2025 You could do tapping on that feeling of irritation and reduce it really quickly. The key is to feel the irritation while doing it.
I agree. A friend of mine with many issues had EMDR sessions, she kept telling me how amazing it was and how much it helped her and a couple of months later she attempted suicide and was hospitalised. Not blaming the EMDR of course, but I do not believe it really works, more of a placebo if you want my opinion.
It goes to show there isn't a one size fits all. The writing does work but I absolutely hate it so I'm going to try something else like the tapping. I do find deep breathing helpful for distressing and calming but I feel I need more.
Medication numbed my mind - it only treated the side effects - I needed to process the traumas without the medication and it literally GOT WORSE before it got better... but as someone with codependency and CPTSD, constantly talking about it and NOT HAVING MY FEELINGS MINIMALIZED or DISMISSED, was the best therapy!
I’m 78 and the childhood abuse is something I still think about every day. I don’t take medications of any kinds. I’m an artist and that helps and I’ve done a lot of therapy. Now I just allow myself to enjoy all the good and cry some if I need to.
Thank you for your videos. I am currently waiting on a referral for CBT after a diagnosis of Complex PTSD from childhood. Cutting sugar, adding exercise (yoga, meditation), engaging with my community, writing (inventory, fears, resentments, how the specific trauma made me feel), and more education has helped me to forgive others, mostly myself, while I wait for more professional services covered under our health care system in Ontario, Canada. More importantly, this self care and love has freed me to feel more human, conscious and available to help others. Grateful for your authenticity and care.
Hi Charles, there is not a lot of Canadian content on YT especially when it comes to getting professional help and accessing health care services. If you are able to document your recovery on YT would be great to follow you. All the best on your journey.
Oh my goodness, Charles, I really relate to what you wrote. I'm struggling to get back into moving (exercise) bc depression is such a huge asshole bully. But I've been seeing a great psychologist who has studied all of these methods discussed, and I've also been reading a lot. The more I read and hear, the more I understand myself. Then I have a better chance of improving. Healing. I've got a lot of work to do.
EMDR changed my entire therapy experience. I loved talk therapy till I needed something more effective. EMDR has helped heal so much trauma for me 💛 but the key was finding a really great therapist!! I think the golden ticket to successful talk therapy is doing the work at home too in workbooks, and reading books that coincide with what you’re working through in talk therapy. I journal every morning and that helps a lot too, I am able to identify my cognitive distortions and work through them. Therapy saved me.
I totally agree with the effectiveness of EMDR. It totally cured PTSD that I had from two adult stage traumas. But I also have CPTSD from childhood, tried EMDR, and had to quit because awful memories came back that I ruminated on. However, I will may try it again if I get the courage. I have done some of the other CPTSD treatments that you recommend, but not consistently. The one thing I do consistently, however, is meditate every day. It gives me serious anxiety relief. But I have the “fight or flight” response if anybody raises their voice in anger to me (literally run and hide), and lifelong hyper vigilance. Huge startle effect with any loud noise! So I still have work to do. I’m a fighter though, and am determined to get relief by any means necessary.
You are a Godsend. Thank you so much. The mental health system made every mistake you talked about, with me and I didn't begin to really heal until I stopped the talk therapy and the meds. The talk therapy was just a endless loop except that my last two therapists were supportive in the ways I needed them to be. I still feel like most of the talk therapy and definitely the medications were very traumatic for me and prevented me from recovering. I don't think a therapist should push their personal agenda on their clients especially when their agenda is family reunification and the family in question continues to traumatize the client whenever there is contact with them I have CPTSD but EMDR was like a miracle for me. My therapist showed me how to recreate the EMDR sessions for myself so I could go through each trauma in my life and make it feel less painful each time I did the EMDR. I am looking forward to watching all your videos. Thank you again.
Thank you for this detailed and thoughtful message, and for sharing your story. I hope you try the daily practice I shared about yesterday. Please let me know how you're doing!
I remember driving in a triggered state after a therapy session. I was literally dazed and confused, couldn't even find my way home. I had to pull over and calm down. I hadn't even heard of the term trigger/ed. I am so relieved to learn from this video that what I have experienced my whole life is called dysregulation and is neurological, I am 66. I look forward to trying these practices you have mentioned in this video. I think I will watch this one again. Thank you.🦋
Talk therapy is useless. Its not for CPTSD. It does nothing. I went talk therapy for 2 years but didnt help me. I did emdr and i have no flashbacks anymore and no more anxiety but i still have depersonalization.
I was fortunate to have done DBT then a lot of work with a good EMDR therapist. Recently did ACT and the combination of all three have enabled me to get 'as good as it gets' ...I'll keep striving to get more mental peace until the day I die.
I have no flashbacks, nor pretty much noticable anxiety. But I do have very very severe Depersonalization/Derealization. I can't acces my memories nor do I have any feeling towards them. How could I fix this shit I has been so many years.
💯 % agreed that talk therapy does nothing to people with CPTSD. I know it from my own life. I would even say that it was re-traumatizing in my case. I ❤ channel Anna. Thank you for posting such valuable content.
Disregulation. Re regulate through many paths. Love you crappy childhood fairy. Your research helped my life make sense and offered many paths to regulate my brain. Meditation- Exercise- Journaling
Social work student here! I'm in my last semester. I have struggled with trauma from my childhood for years; so has my mom. It has taken forever for us to figure out why we had certian reactions to things and why I always react way out of proportion to the situation. Long story short, I love your videos! You give great analysis on C-PTSD in a way that's easy for anyone to comprehend and make us feel understood ourselves. Thank you for what you're doing!:)
Vietnam Veteran plus childhood trauma pretty much made me a walking wreck....HOWEVER... I have gradually discovered that meditation and counting my breath helps tremendously.... as does gardening, woodworking, and just sitting in nature. Am I cured? Of course not, but I am better, and still alive, which many of my friends are not. For me, it is simply a matter of relaxing into Peace and stability.
Yes! Meditation is really hard for me. But I LIVE at the gym. Dance Classes, and really, really hard workouts. It's the only thing that makes me feel "normal" and calms my anxiety.
Am currently on a low dose of anti-depressant, which is helping me stay calm enough to deal with my cptsd (and assorted current stresses), but not strong enough to give unwelcome side effects. I've tried talk therapy, which mostly defined and described the problems I was experiencing and how they originated, but at the end of the day, it didn't actually help me get out of those behavior patterns. My year or so of EMDR was *very* helpful. It's clear to me that EMDR helped to re-program what my brain was doing. A physical health crisis interrupted that, and I hope to get back to it soon.
I had hand paddles in EMDR. It was helpful ish. Meds and talking have never really helped much. They look like they do sometimes but never sticks. My mom tells me constantly I have a chemical imbalance and depression runs in the family etc.We definitely have generational trauma. Tapping and writing can help me [but writing can backfire on me and trap me in a pool of thoughts designed to drown me]. Walking and yoga have helped more than therapy [moving through thoughts literally]. I'm struggling really hard right now, feeling so lost and just...worthless. I have a mantra for when I'm walking my dog...it's like a weird trance. I hadn't thought about making one for me again Glad I found your channel
This is totally blowing my mind! I’ve never heard of childhood ptsd, but I can relate to everything you are explaining. Thank you so much for posting these videos. I’m hoping to be able to start your online courses soon! ❤️
Adult Children of Alcoholics and Dysfunctional Families (ACA) is THE free group therapy/program to work through Generational trauma. Yes, your parents fucked you up, as theirs did them. This program addresses it. Look up “ACA Laundry List” to see if it resonates with you.
stay busy with things you enjoy doing as much as you can fit in....change your perception to excepting the hand that life has dealt you ....and knowing your no longer subject to the environment you were raised in you are sovereign to write your own narrative going forward....stay out of your head as much as you can....and positive attitude plus new friends even if it just two....good people can be hard to find....be good to yourself.
I bless my family for all I survived at their hands. It increased my sensitivity, creativity, compassion, empathy and ultimately love. No therapist ever helped or got it. I went deeply within and found peace and self love. I extend love to you all.
Cbt was a waste of time for me the psychologist lost my trust after forcing me to go for a therapy appointment when I forwarded her that my cptsd issues had gone through the roof after a bad night of flashbacks, nightmares etc. I went to the appointment after being pushed into going, this gave me a strong flashback of my child abuse by being made to do things that I didn't want to do. My anger and flight or fight mode kicked in and flight is what I chose. I also, ha like an idiot gave her a little trust and told her something private, off record, haha ,oh no its was wrote down on record. My cptsd started aged 8, I'm now 53, my own appinion is people are 2 faced in will trust nobody ever ever again! !!!!.
Hi, I would like to share something with u because I related with what u just said. My boyfriend went with me to the therapist to talk about his childhood abuses and traumas. On his last visit he said things that happed with him 55 years ago like he was sexual abused and was his first time opening up. After that day he couldn’t look at me and started saying about he was having vivid nightmares and shame. Then he ghosted me until today. I didn’t force him anything I try to be there for him as much as I could but backfired on me.
I've known trauma from my very earliest memories. From age three, being molested, beaten, mentally tortured. So much violence in the family. I was the youngest, smallest, most vulnerable...I had a father, a mother, and a brother and they all hated me. When my father threw me out into the street at fifteen, and I'd started fighting back, it was a relief. I got more compassion and love from street people than my family ever shown me. Then at 18, I was waiting for the bus to go to work. I was just finding my footing, and was kidnapped at gunpoint by a serial killer. It took me a week to escape. I was his only survivor. But I endured a week of brutal beatings and constant rape...as an adult, at 63, I'm still trying to heal. I realize I'll never be "whole" again. I had the peace and hope beaten out of me. I'm grateful for these videos, I feel less alone...
My last therapist told me she wouldn't push medication on me, but she did nearly every meeting. She also told me I have an "imbalance". I feel validated when you say that this can be paralysing and triggering, because it was for me. Thank you for these ideas!
I think one other issue with therapy is not being believed or having your experiences brushed off or minimized. That was always my issue. I went to so many different therapists since I was a child and I don't even know how many times I was put on anti-depressants that wouldn't work, or would even make me feel worse, or for that matter having my experiences brushed off as unimportant. As a result it took me so long to even realize that I had suffered abuse. Last time I went to therapy was in my 20s. At this point, I had actually figured out on my own what was going on (I had accidentally stumbled across a video on narcissistic abuse here on RUclips, which led to me reading more about it and finally understanding what had happened to me), and I remembered trying to explain it to the therapist, only to have her brush it off repeatedly and telling me "No, you are actually depressed". I remember specifically one session with her when I broke down right in front of her because of a particularly abusive experience with my mother that had happened before the session. I was full-on ugly crying to the point where I could barely breathe and I was explaining it all to her saying that I just can't take it anymore (I was still living with my mother at the time). Once the session came to an end, she yet again tried to convince me that I needed anti-depressants (during the time I saw her, she would repeatedly try to get me to go on anti-depressants despite me repeatedly telling her "no") and that she believed that my mother was doing the best she could "some people are just a little strange, you know. But that doesn't make them abusive.". The real kicker was her leaning back in her chair and saying "You know, I can feel that there is some real trauma going on with you. I just hope that you someday will be able to tell me about it". Did I mention that I had completely spilled my guts on all of this for months up until this point? I later left, I guess you could say that I ran away to another country to get away from everything going on around me (as well as my mother). I later found out that she started meeting my mother after I had left and that they would spend the whole sessions discussing me and my "problems". This last therapist was the worst experience I had, but the previous ones were also unwilling to accept my experiences with my mother as the reason for what I was going through. It felt like they would always just label me as depressed and throw pills at me, and if I questioned it or refused medication, I was labeled as "difficult"... Now a couple of years later, I am doing my best to heal on my own. I'm not gonna lie, there are times when I wish I had someone to talk to and sort of "bounce" thoughts off of, but at this point, I just can't have yet another person blaming me or depression on my mental health. I can't deal with having yet another person dismissing my experiences..
So sorry you have had such unsupportive experiences with therapists. Narcissistic mothers will suck you dry and the trauma is very real. I believe you, I believe that your childhood experiences and adult experiences with your mother have created sadness and a sense of not being enough, or lovable. Stay strong and keep your distance from your mother and put all the focus and love you have on you. Good luck on your journey!
Wow, @Niko! I am SO sorry that #1 you grew up with an abusive narcissistic mother, and #2 that your experiences with "therapists" have been so horrendous! I can ABSOLUTELY relate to what you are talking about. For years and years I was in therapy with a string of different psychiatrists, psychologists, social workers, etc. Not once did ANY of them ever mention that I was obviously the victim of narcissistic abuse! It was always about what "disorder" I had, and prescribing medications for "depression". As if my feelings just came mysteriously out of nowhere, the result of nothing more than a chemical imbalance, and my inability to figure out how to live life. Whenever I would talk about some of the really crazy things my mother said and did to me, it seemed as if the therapist didn't really believe me, or that I was blowing it out of proportion. It really hurts to share your deepest pain, only to have it invalidated. Like you, I have stopped sharing with others, and I haven't been to therapy in many years. I also can't deal with having one more person dismiss my experiences! I do wish I had someone who truly "gets it" to talk to, but I'm not holding my breath on that ever happening. I wish you all the best in your healing, please don't ever stop giving yourself the love and care you didn't get growing up.
@@christinelamb1167 I'm so validated to see other people confirming I'm not the crazy one here. Therapists taking side of the parents because "mom knows best" and "she gave you life, you ungrateful brat" are bane of my existence. They always viewed me as a kid with "behavioral problems" who needs fixing like a broken car. They never thought "if you keep putting wrong fuel in the car it will keep breaking down", they always thought the patient is "faulty" and needs to "put the work" to change themselves.
"The bond that links your true family is not one of blood, but of respect and joy in each other's life. Rarely do members of one family grow up under the same roof." - Richard Bach from Illusions
@Wolfshadow Morningstar that's the worst thing that can happen to a child, to not have anyone who wants to understand you, is on your team, who listens and believes. It breaks the trust cycle, and will make it super difficult to trust. You can heal. It may take time and massive effort, but just as your skin can heal from a cut, your self can heal as well. If you haven't, read The Body Keeps the Score. It will, if nothing else, help you understand that you are not alone, and that you are not crazy. Secondly, it may point you to treatment that can help you heal. I know you have no reason to trust me, but if nothing changes, nothing will change. Peace to you..
I think of medication as an effective "helper" when it comes to dealing with trauma, as long as you're on something that works, which, I'll be honest, getting to that point can be a nightmare. An effective medication can make self-regulation easier while we're still learning how to do it and help us to function until we can learn other strategies that work. And for some of us we might need that help our entire lives, and there's nothing wrong with that. I completely agree about talk therapy though. It always felt so basic and shallow to me. I'm honestly of the opinion that CBT should just be something we're taught in school, like it's that basic. I had so many therapists who were like, "well, you learned all the CBT stuff and you're doin' real well with that, so you must be cured!" meanwhile I'm sitting there going, "uhhh I'm still broken though, this literally fixed nothing...".
This is pretty much my journey. I've tried everything. First I realised I had PTSD, but no one knew anything about CPTSD, and at the time talk therapy and drugs were the only things offered for PTSD. I knew I couldn't talk about the traumas without re-traumatising myself, so I didn't bother with it, although I'd done therapy a number of times before in my life. The only reason I tried anti-depressants and Xanax was because I found myself in a situation where I HAD to be there for others, and knew I couldn't be as I was. The effects ranged from ineffectual to mildly effective, but I was aware it was just a bandaid, and didn't like that. Surely there had to be something else? But nothing else was offered. I tried EMDR. I tried tapping. Tapping was somewhat effective for new situations that were triggering, but of no help for what I came to realise was the underlying problem - CPTSD. I realised the reason I'd gotten PTSD, as a result of a number of traumas, was because the many childhood traumas I'd experienced made me susceptible to it. Like having an unhealed broken wrist makes you more susceptible to having another wrist injury. Even getting a therapist to understand that I had PTSD was an uphill battle, never mind CPTSD, which few had even heard of. I've had 10+ therapists now. I'm in my 60s. The majority of what I've learned and how I discovered all this has been from my own research. God bless the internet. But, my experience has been, with one exception, therapists don't value self-diagnoses. Even though we know ourselves better than anyone else does or could. It's a strange phenomenon. I'm a results-orient person. I don't want to waste my or anyone else's time. I want things that show me results. Nothing did. I considered ketamine, having read about that having some positive results with people who have PTSD. Now I'm glad I didn't go that route, although I was desperate enough to do it at the time, but couldn't find a way to get it. Luckily I stumbled across your channel a month or two ago. Like with you, learning about emotional dysregulation was a HUGE piece of the puzzle. I realise now I've spent the majority of my life dysregulated, but not one of the 10+ therapists ever mentioned this to me, so I knew nothing about it. Equally if not more importantly was learning how to re-regulate myself. I'd gotten as far as knowing learning how to self-soothe was important, but hadn't found the main key on how to do that. For me, what's made a big, tangible, noticeable difference is when I'm dysregulated, repeating to myself "This, this, this, this" (per the meditation portion of your daily practice), and taking slow, deep breaths as much as I'm able to do in the moment. This isn't the first time I've noticed such a dramatic change, but it is the biggest and most traumatic thing I've experienced since. The night before last my beloved dog was nearly killed by a speeding car, right before my eyes. He was clipped by the car, but thankfully the injury was small and not significant. I thought for sure he was going to die. Since I've lost all of my family within the past 5 years, the thought of losing him too is ... too hard to think about. But afterwards I was able to recover surprisingly quickly. Within 5 minutes I was pretty much regulated again. This was shocking to me, and WONDERFUL! What an amazing gift. I don't know how to thank you for this, truly I don't. You have changed my life ❤️
@@Catbooks The thing is, I’ve tried so many things and after meeting my new psychologist I have some doubts about EMDR for myself. My trauma is more around emotional neglect. There are some specific memories of bullying etc but I am just not sure 🤔. Do you think I should still just give it a go? No harm in trying? Do you think it was harmful for you at all?
@@nicolemiller2430I understand. Similar for me, although I did have one specific traumatic event I'd buried pretty deep that got uncovered in talk therapy. Most of the rest is more general, including neglect. Talk to your new psychologist about your doubts, and try it. You have nothing to lose. No, it wasn't harmful, it just didn't help.
I think only a somatic therapy can help, because the trauma is stored in the body memory. Talking & knowledge is helpful but doesn't change your automatic responses of your nervous system. There is more and more therapists working with TRE or NARM now. I'll try this soon.
Tre? Narm? Reading all input with therapies I've never even heard of is making my head swim. If one has only medicare (which completely limits one with mental health issues in getting a therapist) and no extra $ to be forking out - how does one actually do these therapies? Some of the things I've read has scared me about some of the therapies. I went to a tapping class - didn't notice anything. I'm hearing EMDR is effective but one of my eyes is 'frozen' and can't move back and forth - plus I'm reading where EMDR messed someone up too. So many directions that I find myself 'stuck' and can't move forward on anything.
THANK YOU!! I just discovered your presence tonight and watched this video. YES to neurologic/metabolic/somatic/elational fallout from early trauma. When I heard Andrew Solomon say that "The opposite of depression is not happiness; it is vitality", everything in me said YES. Recent explorations have included Stephen Porges' Polyvagal Theory and his evolved understanding of the nervous system. Now I come across a moniker that immediately grabbed my eye: "Crappy Childhood Fairy." I doubled over laughing...and then I started to listen and to read. Love the name...and am cheering you on with thanks.
I'm always pleased when physical exercise is mentioned. For me, it's weight training. Doing the warm up, getting the endorphins flowing, feeling the muscles flexing, the sense of accomplishment in hoisting up a heavy piece of metal. Even the clanking of iron plates on the bar is soothing. Whenever I have to take time off from training I immediately begin feeling emotionally off kilter.
Thank You for having the boldness to STAND UP and say something! I have been given SO MUCH positively harmful advice it is amazing. Talk therapy DOES NOT work for me, medication? Hell no. Anyways, just want to say thanks, glad I FINALLY found someone who understands!
Oddly I did a past life, current live regression, Reiki and a shamanic soul retrieval and they saved my life. I rarely trigger and when I do, I stop quickly realizing I’m triggered and it’s not real. I finally love myself.
This is great! There are many therapists who have no clue what it's like to live with CPTSD, and they can make things worse. Thank you for making this video. You have earned my trust, and I am now subscribed.
Great video. I have Fibromyalgia and a couple years ago had a Dr tell me he believed my CPTSD was the true cause and suggested I see a therapist. So far the one I really liked moved, so I'm back to square one..
The treatment that actually works is the same as what Crappy Childhood Fairy says. Fibro myalgia and ME/Chronic fatigue are caused by the dysregulation of the ANS Autonomic Nervous system. Look up Dan Neuffer and his Ans Rewire course. It's about £239 or less for such a lot of scientifically backed up info. 42 lessons plus meditation etc. I can tell you that it's working. I am recovering after 41 years with ME! But you have to do it. The first 4 lessons are free. Check it out. Believe me I have spent 1000s in other therapy and supplements over the years. I started to get well then got lazy and took my new stste for granted then over reacted to a stressful situation that went on for months on end and stopped my meditation and allowed myself to get nocturnal and eat sugary things. Huge emotional flashbacks and I found Anna's channel. Am healing again. Do what she says. Her Daily Practise Sheet and meditation is free. ..then you can look at Dan Neuffer stuff. Don't waste your money on anything else until you try these things. Good luck with your healing journey.
I was placed on medication for 10 years and it changed me not in a good way. I was numb and unable to communicate. I wasn't "present" I got off the medication and although I am more emotional at least I feel and I would rather be present than numb any day. I have been able to face my pain and do something about it I am grateful for growth and healing although painful its worth educating myself and becoming the best version of myself thank you once again for posting videos that bring awareness of these issues CPTSD
Hello. Just found you. Recently the things been getting better for me. Its been 9 years since I started experiencing heavier symptomes of anxiety. Ive been diagnosed with several conditions that never seemed to fit, from depression, adhd, schizophrenia, schizoafective and my latest one bipolar, but none of them really seemed to fit me well. They just never quite make sense. I changed plenty of doctors and hospitals tried medication therapy but nothing seemed to work besides avoiding stress and triggers, which impaired my life to the point i had to give up everything I thought I was capable of. The path Ive chosen seems to be the Christmas gift to me bc for the first time it seemed like Ive been making progress, and it surprised me so much because for the moment it seemed like the all heaviness that i wasn't even aware of anymore have lifted for a period of time and all the anxiety was gone... It seemed like the focus I used to have still being in highschool came back. I found you after wards and now it seemed like all of it started to have a meaning... It was really a miricle that I accidentally got myself out of my bubble and saw the life again in its true colours. I just wanted to become kinder to other people and I saw some kindnes in myself, the self compasion have heald me. It will be a long journey to come back on my feet. Bless you. Bless all of you in here. Much love, you are strong and worth love.
The Calm App supports me in meditation. When I literally can't concentrate, the voice and sounds guide me and I feel better regardless. The effect is definitely cumulative.
my parents abused me til i developed severe DPDR. in the last 7 months after reading the body keeps the score by bessel van der kolk, i am starting to recover. i have had 2 flashbacks in the last 7 months, which i for the first time as an adult was able to process and regulate and even cry it out. i am calm, and i am closer to feeling real than i have been in the last 10 years. yoga has done that, along with mindfulness, an incredible wife and a great therapist who has ushered me along during all of it. i now know, therapy couldnt help before, and my actual treatment now is yoga. therapy is interlocking my awareness of my improvement with my bodys knowledge of it.
I chose talk therapy (psychodynamic therapy) after taking medications for a couple of years and seeing therapists who were not trained in getting to the root core of my anxiety & depression. Talk therapy did work for me, but only after seeking out a psychodynamic therapist who was well-trained, well-educated and did not believe in taking medications. She told me medications block the feelings & emotions needed to unblock and uncover the traumas locked in our subconscious. After working with her for a period of time, I discovered that the root source of my trauma causing the anxiety, panic attacks and depression, was a childhood issue I had blocked out since the age of 8 years old and I was not in my early 30s. Talk therapy does work for PSTD, bi-polar, disassociations, anxiety, panic attacks, schizophrenia, ADHA, etc., just to name a few, and I am living proof of this. Psychodynamic therapy has sustained me for over 30 years and if it wasn't for the unblocking and healing of this traumatic childhood, I don't know where I would be today.
My personal belief is that there is a cure. There are small parts of my life where I’ve gone with out this issues. In those moments I’ve discovered things about myself that were otherwise hidden. I felt a sense of calm and normalcy. It slowly creeps back as life comes back to you. The trick is managing it before things get out of control. I’m in the school of thought that our environments can cause more trauma then we believe. The day-to-day of treating each other like shit takes a huge toll. Poverty as a disease is truthful. My worst trauma memories were with peers. My adult role models were shit and made bad choices but I don’t look back at them and feel triggered. One family member cut me off way too young and gave up on me for highly inappropriate reasons but I don’t feel triggered. As a child I felt triggered and felt safe enough to take it out on her, even long after we stopped talking. Community violence is not a word people use but it’s really understated. Predatory business practices that destroy people’s lives(towing a single mothers car before important holidays that was sold faulty, sexual harassment in the workplace that is blamed on the receiver, treating customers like garbage after they give you their hard earned money, leaving cultural issues unaddressed where people come from environments that are abusive) as well as government abuse (not having police and other emergency responders who are well taken care of, using tax payer money to create contracts with people without checking their moral goals, allowing government officials to abuse their power, not using the healthy parts of the private market to enhance workplace health, putting bureaucracy before sensibility/efficiency/productivity) nonprofits that don't take themselves seriously enough to run their businesses in a matter that adheres to the community it serves, and last politicians. We, as people, have to stop electing predators to positions of power. Our local government is so important. This is the pipeline to our everyday experiences. We don’t pay attention to how our money is being spent and whether or not the tax is necessary. Ive had many discussions on NextDoor and watched people in community meetings. People get outraged for a reason. They are being screwed by the people they elected to help them. For me becoming a libertarian was about hope. Having ones responsibility be held to themselves to the extent that it doesn’t harm another. The non aggression principle I believe is vital to our freedoms. In the 50s and 60s there were these belief systems. You acted a certain way. You didn’t say certain things. You went to church, brought food to the neighbor up the street. I experienced a bit of that as a child. The problem with the 50s and 60s is that it almost a lot of shame and passive aggressive behavior because you weren’t allowed to say anything. People now are thirsty for something like that again but haven’t quite figured that out. The resurfacing of community housing and the shared economy. Ultimately it doesn’t work because we haven’t solved the root problem. It’s about moral principles that show regardless of faith as well as that nonaggression principal. The commitment to each other and ourselves. I personally don’t know if this will ever happen. I don’t think I can live in a stressful city environment anymore. I’ve been in the Bay Area off and on and it’s horrible. I can’t afford to live in the pockets that are protected from those stressful areas. I like visiting but not living there. I currently am visiting Detroit. It’s such a dead city. There’s trouble and you have to be conscious but it still has this country feel. It was built in a way that there wouldn’t ever be crowding. I probably don’t want to stay here but even if this city developed one million people over night, you wouldn’t be able to tell. You go downtown and there’s no parking, people are begging for change, you still have to keep an eye out but you’re not stepping over needles or poop. No one is screaming at you in the streets. People aren’t driving so fast they could care less whether they kill you and there’s not a lot of pressure to drive that fast. Our cities aren’t built in a way that is healthy for humans. This is one of the few cities that was and it’s unfortunate it’s not thriving more. I have only lived in one major city. I always lived outside in the suburbs near a major city but never in it. I can’t imagine being so desensitized to human life where a dead body on the ground is another thing to step over in your walk path. Everything that is in these major cities you can do at home. I have yet to go to a restaurant where I couldn’t make the same thing at home. For those really special experiences, that’s what they should be is special. Something to be visited, not experienced everyday. We are killing each other over nonsense. We are taking away from each other’s mental health and lives over pop up restaurants and bar arcades. Healing starts not just with the things mentioned above. Running for me is essential, so is Yoga/meditation. Prayer is also essential. I have to do those things if I want to have any chance with personal peace. The community health is also essential. I still haven’t found the right community but I’ve gotten closer. I moved to a suburb in Sacramento. It was better, less violence but still a facade of superficialities. I realize it may have been better to move somewhere more remote. I made decisions out of fear of losing everything instead of what was good for me and my son. It would’ve been good for us but still that community unhealthiness that can be debilitating. I came from an environment that was destructive so my threshold was off. I believe there is a cure. The word cure doesn’t mean something goes away. It’s like a cold. You can prevent it, you can treat it after it happens but it’s not good to do things that make your cold worse. I haven’t had a cold in 10 years, maybe more. Sometimes I can be grungy, my car a mess, my phone looks gross. I’ve used a lot of public restrooms, people don’t wash their hands. Sometimes it’s really as simple as washing your hands and not touching the door on the way back.
I’m a certified EMDR therapist & once that trauma memory or “target” gets processed, it’s done. It’ll be processed forever. Til the day you die. It’s because the neuro-network in the brain that holds on to that memory gets rewired. And, that wiring won’t go back to being maladaptive. EMDR saved me & I watch it save people daily when I do it with them.
I tried doing EMDR a few years ago and it failed and left me acutely suicidal and no longer willing to work on myself or improve my CPTSD to this day. Even hearing it mentioned made me sick to my stomach. Any form of treatment should be approached with extreme caution
All EMDR ever did for me was trigger dizziness, and I had to stop immediately. Tapping did nothing, either, but maybe because my trauma wasn't "post", it was still "current". Talk therapy helped me feel listened to and validated, but the effects were short-lived. Now at 77, with 70 years of trauma behind me, the best therapy I can find is to surround myself with a peaceful and calm environment the best I can. I have given up that friends or family will ever care, understand, or be supportive, and I'm estranged from most family now.
After many years of not knowing what CPTSD is and that I had unknowingly been 'trained' and had been living with a family of narcissis now in my 50's this video has helped me find ways to cope / mend. The biggest hurdle for me is actually trying to start the things that will help me, again I am trained to help others and not myself. I am starting with personal self-care. Don't give up on yourself.
OMG. You are the first person who has explained, clearly and eloquently, my pain and personal journey. Viewing this one video has been a Eureka moment for me. I cannot thankyou enough for articulating so many of our unspoken truths. You have literally changed the course of my life ❤
I think we all suffer emotionally to some degree and there’s no way to prevent any kind of trauma from happening. I feel I’ve suffered my whole life and the moment i accepted that this is just life, it’s just the way it is, a very Buddhist outlook, it makes it easier to accept. Medication is like having a drink after a hard day. It will take the edge off but not forever, cognition is good if you’re smart enough to really grasp why you’re suffering, but it won’t stop the suffering. Accepting that life is just awful sometimes and you’re not the only one is really the only thing that makes it bearable. Desensitizing, essentially. And, comedic relief. Turn a tragedy into a comedy. That’s made it easier for me to get by. The ridiculousness of it all. Of life in general.
How is it that a person who has not studied psychology etc. etc. is more articulate, more compassionate, gets more to the root of everything in a very simple way than any therapist, any doctor, any psychologist I’ve ever gone to Allison to?
Trauma is a newer and more specialized field. About a decade ago, I volunteered for a local sexual assault agency. The specialists there openly discussed how most psychologists had little to no training in trauma. And neither did doctors or police. Now, the knowledge is more common or accessible. But it took until 2 years ago, at age 49, for me to happen upon a therapist who was not only trauma-informed, but also a Ph.D. clinical psychologist specialist in that field. I’ve been in therapy for depression, off and on since my 20s. Now I am accessing somatic techniques and therapeutic approaches that are addressing the heart of the matter - dysregulation. Thank you for these posts and videos. And for raising awareness about our specialized challenges! I highly recommend something not mentioned so far: TRE (Tension Release Exercises - also known as Trauma Release Exercises), as well as the work of Gabor Mate and Peter Levine. Bessel van der Kolk, as mentioned, is a great resource as well.
@@amc2850 Your story sounds so much like mine! I found a therapist that worked in the police force, dealing with trauma, and which caused her to study in her late 30's and specialise in different methods. We have done EMDR, TRE and in the last few years BWRT which I found extremely effective, even for new traumas, or behaviours caused by extreme triggers. I believe there is a difference in therapists who decide to do this later in life compared to those that study straight after school - the latter tend to stick to the old school methods of talking and medication whereas the first are more open to new treatments that are actually effective. And once you find someone to stick with they get to know your history and you don't have to repeat the traumas over and over. I hope both our life stories have a great ending💕
Alex Anti try to believe things can change. Don’t give up. Nothing is permanent. You can have a family. You need to be committed and work towards. Wish you al the best.
Just to clarify! CBT is to help people identify automatic thoughts connected to distorted beliefs. The therapist helps the person identify more EFFECTIVE, HELPFUL, AND REALISTIC interpretations of a situation. A positive interpretation is not the goal.
Thankyou so much for your honesty in this video! Medication made things so much worse for me in my adolescent years and when you are struggling with a childhood of trauma and abuse, other people don't see you as rational minded to know what's helpful for you. You're immediately pressured into taking medication and shamed if you set boundaries for yourself and choose not to. The scary thing for a lot of us is that some of us (myself included) can easily become abused and gaslighted by the medical community who can decide on your behalf wether you take medication if you are under 18 (at least in Canada where I live). Big Pharma is out for profit first and there is no reason not to doubt that they'll dig their hooks into the suffering of others to profit as well . This is not to minimize those whom have found meds helpful at all.
I’m 26 years old and have been a psychiatric patient since the age of 10. I’ve tried a lot of medication since the age of 14, KBT, DBT and hospitalization ( 4 months just last year). And I never seem to get better. I was put into foster care when I was 8 years old because my mom was addicted to drugs and we were homeless. The foster care family got 2000 USD a months for having me, this creating a new trauma. Last year I learned that I am autistic with cptsd and add, and I feel like my life is destined to be a living hell. I’ve tried so hard not to follow my mother’s footsteps, but I’m so lonely and completely burnt out. Not only severely depressed and anxious, with no family what so ever, I can’t even go on with a normal day without getting severe anxiety because of sensory overstimulation. I just wanna die, life isn’t fun at all. Meditation doesn’t work because I get so easily distracted. Living of pills all day everyday just gives me a heavy brain fog but without it I self harm dangerously (head-banging etc.). I just want to live like everyone else. But life is just to hard and I never gets better.
I"m sorry for those hardships, foster care is a very traumatizing event. I could never meditate either, until I learned about the writing first. Here's a link to the free course bit.ly/3608opl -Cara@TeamFairy
I am so sorry you have had such diffficulty, We all need to have some connection to others. Please reach out through community organizations in your area. Perhaps an association for autism or trauma support? Some counselling colleges or social work courses have low cost counselling. Connecting with someone who can help you find the right supports as well. Facebook groups can be a good place to start.
You are a walking, breathing miracle to me. You have survived so much trauma and pain...and are still in deep distress. It's easy to live when pain and stress are manageable, but to survive when in constant pain and trauma...That's miraculous and herioc! I know that doesn't make things better, but I want you to know that stories like yours give me strength to NOT give up. Please continue to watch and learn from good sources like CCF, and others you find along the way. I have also found "Therapy in a Nutshell", Andrew Huberman, and anything by Dr Berg to be helpful in putting the pieces of my tool kit together. I pray/wish you peace and progress towards healing and wholeness. Thank you for sharing your experience. That was brave. You are incredibly strong. Please let the CCF be part of your support community and let us know how you are doing from time to time. 💙
Medication does help. In my case - chronic anxiety due to childhood trauma because of abuse. I have done CBT, talk therapy, you name it, I 've done it. The only thing that helps is a small dose of anti anxiety medication has been a life saver. I have no side effects, I have not increased the dose and I do not any brain fog at all. I speak several languages. Talking about my childhood trauma never helped me and I gave up. So, please do not discredit medication. For some of us it works really well. Our brains are wired differently - so talk therapy is largely useless. I realize that my approach does not work for everyone. So grateful it works so well for me
TRIGGER: I was 4 years old when my father raped me. My older brother and uncles molested me throughout childhood, needlesss to say, I have CPTSD and a multitude of other stuff including DID . After 30 odd years of being told the pills are working and I was just not doing trauma right, I threw the lot out. For the past 5 years i have used meditation every nights to ease the nightmares and help me sleep better, and through the day, I go hard at the gym until i feel the 'runner's high'....hard work, but way better than the pills and misinformed therapists. I also keep a gratitude journal where i wake up and write 3 things i am thankful for. I do the same before i go to sleep so that the first and last things i think about are positive. Thank you for validating me by saying it doesn't all work for everybody, because it doesn't.
I unwittingly developed OCD as a coping mechanism... It bothered the people around me but it helped focus on something else than the memory of my horrible childhood... It kept me alive...
I am 66 yrs old and I have CPTSD. My memory is blocked out. I have some memories that turned my therapist white as a sheet. "You were TORTURED" was his response. One time I apparently uncovered something during therapy. Consciously I don't know what it was. I started to scream. My hands balled into tight fists and I screamed for I guess several minutes. I felt shocked because it was as if I were watching someone else from behind. To this day I could not tell you what happened. I could not tell you what I felt. I felt stunned and confused. My therapist said the screams sounded exactly like an infant. All I know is I guess I'm very glad I have no conscious memories. CPTSD has twisted a normal person into what I call "a bag of broken glass". I'm managing but 30 yrs of therapy has saved me. Thank you for what you are doing!
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We need to get rid if the idea that ‘Childhood trauma’ stops when one becomes an adult. The adult usually keeps in touch with the people who traumatised them during childhood because it’s often family members who cause the trauma. ‘Family trauma’ is often a more accurate description. When there is emotional abuse, the abuser doesn’t all of a sudden stop once the child becomes an adult. I know someone who is 60 and is still being emotionally abused by their 80 year old mother. ‘No contact’ wasn’t an option for this person, because they still love their mother despite everything, so new trauma keeps being added to their daily life as they still enter the hostile environment every week.
I think the key about Childhood trauma is that a person has no choice about being there, and their brains are developing. Adults generally do have a choice: The ongoing relationship may be difficult but adults can generally choose whether or not to be exposed -- even those who love their families.
You speak some truth to me with your comment. I wonder why I don't hate my father who is 89 and lives in another country. In the past I have dreaded his visits although I still need his approval I will simply never have that. I still would like to hear those three words he has never once spoken to me in my over half century of consciousness. Thanks for your comment as I am imprinting this video and it plays until done as I read the comments and learn from others at the same time.
I only became aware of being emotionally abused when I was 17. Prior to that I thought I was one of the lucky ones who was in a great family that had no abuse while all my friends came from broken homes. I came out of denial at 18 and realised how fucked up we all were and all the messed up games my parents played to amuse themselves...the sadistic urges in them and the weird attitude my mother blatantly would state that "all families have some dysfunction" as though I should just resign myself to it and not work towards becoming more functional. She was happy that way?
you must understand co-dependence it´s a serious disease, this is why they´re stucked. I had this, too. It makes you not only become a victim but to stay one. It needs at least 5 years of ongoing therapy or meetings to set boundaries or cut off. And some think the healing fails from sky up down on them, ridiculous.
Ive finallly let my mom be alone. She yells everytime
Im around her .
I realize a lot of my hobbies are just me trying to soothe my self from my childhood emotional neglect and trauma.
what kind of hobbies?
@@annak3325 drawing, writing, walking, and reading.
@@breh9243 Me too. Mostly programming, speed typing and modern tetris.
@@codedemenssoftwaredawidjak2253 could you give me some tips on programming?
@@kazumak.1542 If you want to.
"The root cause of our childhood PTSD, is neither chemical or biological, it's neurological. And early trauma can cause actual structural changes in the developing brain. And this means, we're actually wired differently than other people." So nicely put. What a great list of tools. I enjoyed Havening therapy but definitely could use more.
The cherry on top of the worst childhood ever cake is not realizing you were being abused or neglected until you're forty or fifty years old. Better late than never for sure but... after being gaslighted by my family for all my life. it is a bit of a relief but I struggle sometimes (a lot) but no mistakes only lessons Nam myoho renge Kyo
OMG I'm 43 and can relate so much to what you stated
earthminus10 wow you too? I’m 45 and I’m sitting here with two children to two narcs and two narc parents that backed the narc husband (who has managed to gain new supply and convince everyone that he deserves it after what I have put him through 😳) I have woken up only when the abuse got so so obvious that I was discarded. I hit rock bottom with no house no job no money no reputation very few friends because the narc and parents turned everyone against me. Totally divided and conquered. I beat myself up thinking why couldn’t I see clearly what was going on sooner but as you said better late than never. I put my hand out to yours you are not alone.
Grace Kelly oh my God!! We should form some sort of club or something!! Malignant Narc father, Histrionic mother killed herself in 2016, ex #1 Covert Narc #2 ASPD. We could call it the Former Narc Magnet Society or something. 56 this year BTW-I waited way too long to get rid of the Flying Monkeys.
Natthebratster lol 😂 you gotta laugh. I like the title The Former narc magnet society. It is so validating to be open and honest with similar others. It’s not a bad idea to have places we can go even if it’s only on line to help and support our fellow human beings that have been through similar 💩 that we have. There is something going wrong in life when open honest loyal and loving individuals get 💩on from a great height. I want to slowly but surely find my tribe to make life a better place. X
@@chasepplaysgames7624 You don't know that woman at all. You don't know anything about that woman's life or what her family is like. You have no idea. Yet you want to play pseudo intellectual armchair psychiatrist based on a handful of written words with no actual knowledge of anything, including psychology, trauma, and narcissistic abuse.
I think we all see who the actual internet fungus is, you inbred keyboard jockey dogshit, except fungi are actually useful. You are not.
Living with a narcissist will disregulate you for sure.
your comment is so succinct .. I totally agree... after 10 y of caregiving my narc, im feeling the effects of adrenal fatique…. soon ill be outa here , going back to my childhood town to look after a family farm, so its a blessing in disguise, a way out at last LOL !! hope you're ok ?
@@carlenec.t.kaufmann7664 Wishing you the best. Hugs!!
"We all have two lives, the second one starts when we realize we only have one." - Confucius(?)
@@tbd5082 “We have two lives, and the second begins when we realize we only have one.” CONFUCIUS, via Google's web searching.
Im suffering the same.
What do you do if someone you live with is highly narcissistic and sets you off a lot, but then you are stuck there financially? It's hard for me to stay stable and make good decisions with my current environment. I'm literally where everything started.
1) 7:09 EMDR
2) 8:36 Neurofeedback
3) 9:25 Tapping
4) 9:51 Writing
4.5) 10:23 Writing a personal inventory of fears and resentments 2x/day followed by meditation
5) 10:40 Meditate
6) 11:40 Physical methods : Yoga, Dance, Martial Arts, Touch, Massage, Bodywork, Movement Therapies, Feldenkrais, etc.
6.5) 12:16 Vigorous exercise (i.e. Running + Stop Eating Sugar) (i.e. Challenging Yoga)
Bonus) 13:40 Learning about dysregulation, the neurology that develops in response to trauma.
Tq 🙏🏽
Thanks!
I love this. ☝🏼
Thank you!
Thanks! 🙏🏼
Everyone.... PLEASE keep trying to get better! Journal, read , watch videos , everything helps. I was 56 before an excellent therapist helped me face and let go of traumatic issues. Even though I resented not having a happy life I will be grateful for the years I DO have left to be happy! So please try to get better!
Thanks!
Thanks for your encouragement, Rene. I"m 54 so there are times I feel like it's too late.
@@1michelemichele1 I felt the way.... that I was well I to my 50s and thought how much life I had "LOST" and then I realized I have at least 30 more years to live !!! Don't waste them!!!! Get out there and DO something....no matter what it is.!Also, even though I HATED and was resentful the way my life had been I began to realize how STRONG it has made me and how much compassion I have for others because I want to help others who feel the same way! To everyone reading this ..GO get HELP! I am proof it CAN get better! Much love, Rene
@@reneshay889 I've been listening to CCFairy for the last few hours as I did a few houshold things that needed doing, and oh my gosh. I may find my way through this after all -- it's exciting (and scarrry). I tripped across this at just the right time (also a little scary). In some ways, I'm ahead -- my anger has come from massive confusion on what I could be doing to scare people off. I just couldn't understand it, and with confusion came of course despair.
An hour ago, a neighbour who'd disappointed me (sigh. I loaned them some books, they donated them to a christian charity retailer, which is like, SO FREAKING SHOCKING TO ME, as well as wounding. Obviously it was an accident, but did they even glance at those books?) called about a small christmas do, and I happily accepted, not because I"m a people pleasing doormat, but because I do enjoy being around all sorts of people (even if for a limited amount of time), and avoiding them would ultimately wound me more.
I"ll just be more mindful of boundaries, and quit with these loans (or anything that may look like trying to buy friendship) already.
Thanks for your encouraging words.. I hope you enjoy your years to the max!
I would also like to suggest knitting, needlepoint or embroidery, all of which are considered “active meditations “. Incredibly calming and healing.
Wow! Good ideas. I see when i simply sit and meditate, my mind keeps wandering and I can't able to focus. But activities like this stitching, painting, working on designing on computer (for graphic designers, lol), requires so much focus and are best form of mediation.
I completely agree!
✨💫 🧶💫✨
Yes!! I just started crocheting and it is the most soothing thing I can do for myself besides walking outside in nature and studying God Word. Those are the only things that help me besides my self talk which doesn't help much.
@@lke4907it’s really good for teens too, who have childhood trauma. It also gives them something to do with their hands that’s not vaping, not cutting.
Gardening helps me. When people's "love" is so toxic I find it helps me to recenter myself by connecting with plant and animal life.
Re: physical methods, I find that moving furniture and vacuuming is helpful for me. No joke. It’s somewhat strenuous, accomplishes something, refocuses energies, and often, a solution to a problem can be revealed in a mind that is distracted from the pain that previously preoccupied it.
I totally agree!
Also totally agree. "Exercise" has been a trauma trigger for me, since this is "just interior decorating" it doesn't trigger me!
@@fighttheevilrobots3417 Wow, that's awesome. I learned to love solo exercise as an adult despite gym class traumas, so the idea that moving heavy things would be good seemed obvious to me... But I can totally see why not calling it "exercise" would help!
I've found that keeping myself busy and feeling like I've accomplished somthing by the end of the day helps too but I've been called a stress cleaner so now I worry I'm just distracting myself :(
Cleaning is usually a healthy coping mechanism but it can be used for escape just like drugs and other bad habits. IME, being a fastidious cleaner can invite criticism from lazy individuals, if you KWIM. 😬😉
Touch base with yourself and determine if your cleaning ha it is problematic. If you’re habitually sterilizing already cleaned doorknobs, switch plates, and taps, it may be a problem. Otherwise, apply the same grace to yourself that you give to others and be glad you have a good “bad habit.” 😘
I have been paralyzed by the childhood trauma I suffered as a child. I have tried everything and have good insight but it is hard to understsnd why I isolate. I wish I could find a good psychiatrist but have more or less given up. I am scared of everything but I just exist at this point. Thank-you for your videos. It's comforting to know I am not alone.
May the Lord lift you up.
Lana Burgess I'm the same way. I have felt like I'm just existing, not living, for so many years. I know how bad this can be and I'm sorry to hear you have to go through it.
@@k8lynmae Some of us find religion healing. I respect that for you it is not, and your strong reaction leads me to suspect that you have been abused in the name of religion. Ana's prayer was innocent and kindly intended. Your response, I see, was also intended as a chivalrous defense of Lana. There are no bad guys here--each has offered what they themselves found helpful.
I would suggest that not all people who resemble our abusers on some surface level have abuse at their core. I was physically and psychologically abused by, among others, a "witch" (as he called himself) who hated that I became a Christian instead of following in his footsteps. I wound up marrying a Wiccan who is loving and sweet and who drives me to church and supports my right to follow my own path. Abuse can prejudice us, but it doesn't have to.
I am having good success with EMDR therapy. Check in your area for a therapist who is also kind hearted.
Dave
Check out Peter levenes work & somatic experience & Irene lyon x hope you get some help
I just came to realize the severity of my abuse at 47. I have hope and plan to do whatever I can to live life FREE of this insane anxiety and negative thoughts patterns. Much trauma to overcome but not giving up! Sending much love and respect to everyone that understands this challenge.
Yes!
I'm so exhausted and depressed about having to be this person.
Please hang in there 🙏
I'm so exhausted to even get out my bed. I feel so much tension in my body...
It's exhausting to always have to be trying to do what it takes to live through this... it's a lot of effort and for so long and I don't want to do it anymore...I don't want to try to be a certain way.
I'm glad I realize my problem.
@@jenniferg6818 What's your problem? Everyone has many problems and always will... not all are to be solved.
Talk therapy has trained me to relive the trauma. As a child my therapist had me use dolls to show what happened to me. And each new therapist I had to tell them all over again. I feel the ptsd was just as damaging from the therapy as it was the act.
Good lord. Sometimes when I hear such things I can't help but think this is WAY more about the adults feeling good about themselves than anything else.
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy Right, it's like they have no clue. Just do your job and who cares about the long term effects. I feel like I could have healed much better if I dealt with the pain instead of talking about it over and over and over again.
Omg had the same experience, just keep repeating the past over & over w new people and then get blamed for being stuck. Like you havent even ALLOWED me to let go! Its horrible how little insight these professionals have!
@@startrekfangirl I always felt talking about my problems helped me deal with the pain because by talking about it , I allow myself to FEEL my feelings. Interesting how others have had the opposite affect.
That's just absolutely terrible im so sorry you had to endure that. Especially with the dolls that's just unheard of to me. Im not sure how anyone could think that's a good idea. I hope that you're on a better path and have found something that's worked well for you since.
I was in EMDR therapy for over 9 months and though it was one of the most uncomfortable and difficult things I've done, it saved the quality of my life. There is more space in my brain for me, to think and be present without recoiling back into myself. I got promoted twice at my job shortly after and now I'm brave enough to charge careers to better suit my personality, instead of forcing myself to feel valued by being validated from others. I've spent 10 years in social services trying to help people, but not myself. I hope whoever is reading this takes the time to do their research and EMDR and speak to their professional providers for mental health.
I had very successful EMDR treatment for two adult onset PTSD experiences. However, EMDR triggered the child abuse PTSD so severely that I had to stop. I still have hope that it would work, if I tried again and suffered through the reemerging memories and rumination between sessions. I am not going to kill myself, which is one thing I have learned having suffered from very severe depression caused by the combo of CPTSD and bipolar disorder. I’m a fighter, will do anything to get well (got sober, so that’s saying something!), and believe in my strength as a survivor. The bipolar disorder is very well managed now, sobriety is solid, but the CPTSD symptoms negatively affect my quality of life and it’s got to go!!!!
@@paulah.9415 That was something that happened to me to, past memories came up and luckily I was able to still process them with EMDR. I'm 28 and have been in therapy since I was 9 so I feel like I had some good training before I went into it. I hope you can do the same when you are ready! Don't give up on yourself, you deserve to live peacefully. You already did so much for yourself already though, so give yourself a hug for me!!! You are a champ!!!
EMDR saved my life
Read it all. Thank you
Did you have EMDR for complex or acute trauma?
Thank you for making this video and pointing out the neurological component. I am so tired of therapist saying, "try reading a book, take a walk, treat yourself to food ect.." in response to my CPTSD symptoms. Then when those things don't work they accuse me of "not trying". It is upsetting that they have had a lack of empathy and understanding of CPTSD. Your video has provided more clarity than many years in therapy.
Following along with the experience of them acting like I am "not trying" these therapist never did anything to help me manage my CPTSD. Talk therapy is fine but there was no additional help to manage the physical or mental symptoms. So, them expecting me to "get better" without a proper understanding of what is happening inside me and offering me the tools to handle it how did they expect me to "get better". Maybe it wasn't that I was not trying but that I didn't have the tools and knowledge to get better. It feels horrible to be suffering and confused only for your support person to dismiss your desire to no longer suffer. I try the best I can. Having found her videos I hear myself in every video. It is eerily accurate. They say I have acute PTSD(CPTSD). The information I receive from her videos are like someone opening a window to let the light, clarity, and fresh air inside. I don't know about anyone else but my behavior framed within a context I can understand is sobering i.e. excessive eating to handle emotional regulation. I had no idea it was tied to CPTSD or emotional regulation. I was binge watching TV to the point of numbness. Anything to "not feel" anything. I feel like my mind is a mirror that has been repeatedly shattered to the point of no repair. I wish Therapists would not give up on me after a few months or mischaracterize my symptoms or dismiss them. I hope I won't always be this way. I wish I could find a provider like the crappy childhood fairy.
@@happygoalucky Thank you for sharing your cptsd experience. I've also been coping and diverting thru constant phone /tv streaming, food issues. I'm on my 4th Therapist and none of them are talking about these connections.
Here's something that's also amazing for anxiety--shaking. Like, literally just start shaking when you are somewhere private. It's what animals do after trauma and it is amazing. It's like it gets out those "tremors" and "heart-tension" from anxiety.
That makes a lot of sense, @futureshocked. I should do an updated version of this video soon with all the new ideas and old ideas that are new to me! Thanks.
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy Thanks! I really appreciate that. I've been studying somatics since last year and there is just so much amazing work being done in that space.
Another technique I use for myself (and I'm still experimenting with it, but it truly saved my life) is a combination of Tai-Chi style movement ALONG WITH verbalizing your anxiety. It helps stop unwanted thought-loops in their tracks when I'm having anxiety attacks at home. I think the reason it works is because the movement activates your amygdala and the speaking activates higher cortex functions and kind of brings them together. Instead of those thoughts just bouncing around, they literally get "out". When I identify a thought that is causing somatic anxiety (heart and stomach constrictions) I imagine that I'm pushing that thought down, through my legs, and out my feet. Like electricity being grounded. I told the technique to my therapist and she absolutely approved me exploring it further.
Have you discovered TRE treatmemt yet? It is basically specific tension and trauma releasing exercises which triggers specific shaking. I have found it very effective and it even happens when I am meditating and focusing on specific bodyparts where stress is built up.
I'm gonna give it a try!! 😊
I find this really helpful. First came across it as part of dynamic mediation Osho style.
Finally, in my 70s, I found a great therapist who was an expert EMDR practitioner who neutralized the volatile emotions I had been stuck with forever. I now can reflect on past hurtful traumas without the deep pain or anger I used to feel. I recognize the childhood abuse & neglect but as an observer rather than a broken victim.
I'm happy to hear you've been able to recover in your 70s. I'm thinking of doing EMDR sessions -could you share specific details about the eye-scanning process? All I've heard is you choose an issue you are blocked from moving on from and it usually takes 2-3 visits to 'unblock' the issue- would you say that's true? ty.
THANK YOU for this validation. I have tried to explain this to friends for years and they just write me off and create distance because I'm "refusing to get help" by not engaging in talk therapy and medication which I've tried for years and gotten almost nothing out of. Medication especially was an awful, awful experience. What we really need is some empathy from the people in our life who are supposed to be there to support us and not this ignorant judgement based in stigma.
Yes! The empathy and support we didn’t get as children! Why wouldn’t the solution to missing something in childhood be getting that thing we missed?
Well. They might need empathy too.
In my view, people who are struggling emotionally are often viewed as being flawed and needing to be fixed. I think this is backwards thinking because it sets forth the idea that the person suffering is the problem. It puts the focus on “fixing” them, when in reality, maybe there is nothing wrong with them and they are just having a normal response to something that was harmful to them. Therefore, it may be that any “treatment” which involves “fixing” the person who is suffering is doomed to fail.
That's something I wanted to comment about, because most ppl have unrealistic expectations, but are always quick to label you as the problem.
@@Eclectifying Well said
Recovering from alcoholism as well as childhood trauma is extremely difficult. The alcoholism is a symptom of the trauma. Being dumped in this country homeless and destitute at 16 took its toll. Began drinking heavily as soon as I learned how. When I finally quit, I had to experience every horrible event over and over again. Takes so much time and effort. Your words mean a lot to me. Thank you.
I had to put childhood aside till I had learnt the foundational stuff needed to stay sober. I gave it to God (when I found one that wasnt punishing) and threw myself into recovery from addiction. It took a few years, but once I hit the hard stuff I didnt need to pick up a drink to cope. Many blessings to you
@Jessica James I can relate too.
So many of us are in the same boat.
I'm sure glad we all found this channel.
@@MetAxa369 I know,it's weird how this just popped up.
@@eileensianez6766 Im sure glad it did pop up. Its been helpful. 👍
I quit drinking 13 months ago, keep reliving the past, years of buried emotion and trauma. Does this ever end? First drink only 12 years old (my brother thought it was funny to give me beer,) pretty regular by 16. My go to for any stress until I stopped at age 53. Had hoped depression & anxiety would have eased by now? I really resent my brother for what he did! He should have been my protector. He is 7 years older and ruined his life, still drinking daily. Never told anyone about this.
The body keeps the score is such a great book, changed my life
Me too.
Also 'Complex PTSD From Survuving to Thriving' and John Bradshaw's books.
I read some reviews and some said that parts were hard to read because they put dogs in cages and electrocute them. I can't read anything like that. If they want to see trauma in animals just go down to any animal shelter.
Got to get that book. Am currently using EMDR, worked for two incidences of adult onset PTSD, but was too painful for the childhood CPTSD. Will try other means that you suggest. I can attest to the fact that therapy didn’t work for the CPTSD, and just triggered it.
Yeah, I’ll just skip the part about the electrocuted dogs in cages!
Omg, this is me.
I remember when I was in grade school the teacher would write on my report card that I "Daydream".
I'm 49 now and I can't find me. I feel like a child sometimes. I'm very emotional
Lots of healing help for you bit.ly/2rukHvh
-Cara@TeamFairy
I have to sometimes remind myself I'm a 43 year old woman as I still feel like I'm a young girl, yet I'm a mother of 6, I had a maori healing about 10 year ago and at the end where I was intensely crying while he was pushing in my stomach what came up was I want my mum I never got my mum,
I learn now what it meant that I daydreamed, was disruptive in class because I could not sit for long, lost attention frequently though a good student, and so much more. All a classic pattern. ADD helped by caffeine. God bless you, CCF!
Daydreaming was on my report cards a lot too. Aside from that being a perfect student behaviour was. Such "an old soul". As a parent and a teacher I now know these are signs of childhood trauma.
I’ve tried EMDR with three different therapists-it’s been so triggering that I have benefitted. Anyone else have a similar experience?
I have cptsd and have done therapy, emdr, tapping, self grounding meditations and other intensive therapies. My therapist does a technique that uses a pointer and feel what my body is feeling. This works to help me process amazingly. Emdr does wonders. Medication does nothing but make me sick or zombie like. Thanks for the video! It does help.
Emdr isn't right for everyone. It turned me into a unstable wreck and I wound up in an outpatient facility for 3 months. I was a breath away from being hospitalized but I got through it.
Check out Irene lyon on you tube
@@Mybpeterson i heard stories like yours but it was because it has been done by a bad therapist or not experienced enough one. I have CPTSD too and i can say that EMDR had great results on a specific trauma i had. EMDR is powerful for sure that's why it's important to be cautious. I also recommend meditation. (Sorry for my poor english, i'm french)
@@AL-pi1jv Each patient is different. My therapist told me right up front that EMDR isn't for everyone. That when it was first introduced they thought it was the best thing since sliced bread and they used it on anyone and everyone. But then a lot of people wound up hospitalized. So they devised a series of tests they could use along the way to keep the patient safe. It wasn't enough for me. Although we were trying to be cautious I believe my therapist wasn't careful enough. He missed warning signs that should've put a stop to it. Only in hindsight can I see it for myself.
I'm very happy that it worked for you. Meditation helps me too, but I won't go near EMDR again. It's become a trigger in and of itself. Just contemplating it makes my skin crawl. And I can't be sure it'll work even with the best and most experienced therapist. The risk just isn't worth it to me.
@jfsfrnd Not true. It just requires someone that is trained to handle EMDR and Dissociation.
It's literally one of treatments for dissociative identity disorder.
Lady it's really difficult to find sincere people on youtube, what you say makes a lot of sense and i appreciate the effort to create an intelligent and challenging debate. Thank you
As an abused child I ate my way thru my stress, keeping myself fat so that my abuser wouldn't find me attractive. As a teen I pushed any friendships or attracted people away. I was afraid of trusting anyone. After two divorces, where both husbands cheated and abused me, four children who are entirely detached from me, because I didn't know how to be a parent, let alone be a Mother thru my own abuses and a boyfriend who almost killed me; I finally stopped trying to find anyone. I'm literally living under a rock emotionally. I am so desensitized. I almost hate people. I dread the phone ringing. I hate going out.
Small steps for big changes, loads of ideas on this channel :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
This is so so lonely and sad. Completely out of your control and the scarring is so devastating it’s impacts you forever. I can relate to so much to what you said.
I am so sorry you've gone through all that. I wish I could give you a hug.
Like you I avoid people to avoid being ‘hurt’of course I choose people who will trigger me
I chose not to have children in order to not hurt them as I was hurt
The saving grace in my life is a marriage to an equally traumatized person who has both beautiful love and narcissism
Her narcisssm helps me understand myself better as I see the effects of trauma in some one else not so socially hidden
She is my transitional object
Can you find a transitional object that bridges the gap from you past to a safer future?
Love you
I'm so scared I can never "recover" an actual life. After surviving a very traumatic childhood I thought I was building a life and then adult traumas derailed me. I lost my family of origin to death, got divorced, ended a successful career when traumatized in a terror attack, and have since lost my 40s to isolation, living on disability and increasingly isolated. I no longer have any surviving family and don't have any close friends. I have a very good therapist who is knowledgeable about CPTSD in many facets, but I cannot for life of me even figure out how to make new friendships never mind begin the work at age 48 of sorting out all the relational skills I never learned and dealing with my chronic instability, depressions and manias, ADHD, and so on. It's overwhelming to figure out how to do all this with no loved ones in picture. I'm very scared and losing hope. It's so frusrating that in my teens I was tested as over 200 IQ, was valedictorian and many other markers that I would have a lot of potential in life, and now at middle age I feel like a complete failure of a person with insurmountable odds to ever have any quality of life or attachments even.
Jason, I know this hard place you're describing. I hear your discouragement but I also know you're on this channel to get some Encouragement, and it's here for you! No one should have to go through life without loved ones and so the best thing you can do is take small steps now to start bringing a loved one (or two) into your life. It's a worthy goal, and will bring some challenges, requiring you to face your shortcomings and put some effort into it. One step at a time is how it's done. Not insurmountable: Incremental.Good luck!
Jason, it's never too late. Literally never. Think of things that bring you joy and build habits and practices around those, even if it's just for five minutes every day. Exercising your capacity for enjoyment will give you more and more to share, in time.
That’s EXACTLY what I’m feeling. I’m so sorry for your pain.
Don't give up.
The most powerful thing you could ever do, is realise that's the past and you can and will rewrite your story. Realise negative thoughts aren't true, observe them, but realise you can create your own reality. Becoming aware of, and then unlearning old ways of thinking with practice, applying new positive thoughts with an 'uplifting emotion, taking action and then experiencing something positive, in order to change your belief system. That's the basic guideline to go by. There's alot that goes into it, but it's 110 percent worth it. You'll feel like you're a brand new person, and become your best self, stronger and more resilient than ever.
The body keeps the score is a wonderful book . I went to a therapist, she did tapping and emotional freedom technique. This had immense relief for me . I brought up a lot of anxiety . I had such a release after two sessions . I’ve been medication free for 2 years now . I’ve also cut ties with my mother, who abused me as a child .
Success story! It makes my day when I learn of one more dear soul who is getting free!
Going no contact is probably the best thing you could do. I ended up moving to a different country as my mother would stalk me, litterally. She got me fired from several jobs and managed to convince landlords to give me notice too. I had no job security (I was temping) or stable housing (I was renting cash in hand) at the time, as I could not find stable housing or a stable job as I did not have a degree, a 'good' employment history, references from previous landlords etc. I actually ended up on the street several times because of her.
I don't have $ to fork out and am on medicare so I've had to find other ways to get help. I went to a 'tapping' class to learn how to do it on myself and I didn't really notice or feel anything different.
@@yehmen29 OMG That is HORRIBILE
Thank you so much! Recently I fired my therapist because she had no idea on how to handle trauma, PTSD, much less CPTSD. And came to realize it was causing me more harm than good.
One of the hardest things I've had to do, especially because I am in such pain. This clip of yours has given me a guide to finding a new therapist. So difficult to advocate for myself when so hurt...
I discovered during the 1980s that some of my kung fu students were having negative emotional flashbacks during the yoga portions of our classes. I spent the next 10 years studying physical responses of my students and developed the comprehensive workout plan that has worked incredibly well in many locations. Any student with me more than six months developed incredible improvements according to their behavioral testing in the various institutions. Learning abilities and grade scores also seem to improve for all my students in public schools.
Wow! This really interests me. Where can we learn more?
That is so cool! You are an amazing person that made a real difference in those kids lives.
I’m 70 years old now and I just had my left hip replaced on Valentine’s Day and next week I’m getting my right hip replacement. Then I can get back to making 800 videos for the entire Tai Chi Youth nonprofit program so that I can leave behind what I know works so well.
I agree I have rarely if ever found "talk therapy" helpful. It just brings up triggers. New sub. You are a lovely person. Blessings.
It brings up triggers so you can process them.. It's a part of the healing process...
In Somatic therapy you bring up a charge and then dissipate or resolve it, talk therapy usually doesn’t do that, it brings up triggers and leaves the client in that triggered state with not resolution. I know this from personal experience too. I’d often want to drink alcohol after a talk therapy session and didn’t understand why until I came across Somatic Psychology and started to understand how nervous systems work.
What did work for u nikki?
Yes.I came out of the last therapists with an attitude because she told me,I still look worn out.She wouldn't hold being a Christian against me....I'm not hiding my troubles.There was more but I dont feel like writing close to a large paragraph on all the criticism she flung in my face!!It was really strange.I told her i was suicidal and she did absolutely nothing!!All she told me was try AA/NA.I was like what???
@@nuri508 Ok,that's one way to look at it.It depends on the person and the different triggers I think.
I found humming also helps by stimulating the vagus nerve. Also hugging myself and great point on exercise 🤔🙏❤️🕯
Very good point! One of these days I need to do an update on this video.
Humming is good to calm the vegas nerve and singing is good for the lungs and the sinuses.
totally
I recently found myself humming during a stressful dental procedure. Long sustained hums from the diaphragm. My dentist was so cool with it. And the humming helped to soothe and relax me.
Me too! I breathe deep down into the diaphragm and on the out-breath I hum the Om sound while placing both hands on my belly.
I also take LSD and Mescaline a couple times a year, I do all the soothing things I have learned while under the influence.
Yes! It is neurological. After understanding adrenal fatigue and chronic illness as syndromes to a stuck sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous system it made much more sense. Raised by a mean BPD mom & then married a NPD covert abuser husband I was stuck in a state a perpetual fear. After leaving those environments, I found best healing through binary beats and mindful meditation while I was sleeping as well as somatic healing with the use of clay and paint. Relieving tension in stored trauma memory (limbic system) via creative expression was not only safe but a voice for pain that I had no words for.
I love hearing healing stories like yours! Good for you for a) getting out and b) pursuing healing solutions. And very interesting learning what worked for you, too. Very glad to have you in the community.
I have BPD, and I am so thankful I didn't turn out to be a mean mother to my children, (probably because my mother was horrible, which made me be more aware of it). I too married a narcissist and it caused my brain to be so much worse. I can understand that part of it very well.
Ditto both parents and 2 sisters and violent boyfriends and husband. I am recovering from 41 years of ME. I am 55 now and got Dan Neuffer's ANS Rewire. Just over £200 and over 40 half to 3/4 hours videos plus other techniques. It's really helped give an even more extensive scientific explanation than the Optimum Health Clinic and at 100th of the cost! Ans is the Autonomic Nervous system. You can get 4 free videos if you want to know more. Lessons 2 and 3 really in depth. Best thing I have ever heard so far. I started to feel better in just 3 days but then I got stressed re Copyright Law I needed to explain to my sewing group and 3 1/2 months of stress led to severe emotional flashbacks backs lasting all day for a week. In 55 years there is a hell of a lot of bad memories. The stress was a learning curve though and I realised that I always seem angry when upset even though I am not. Dam explained that Anger is a type of energy and we need that when being abused so we can run or try to escape. I also learnt that stress is the physical form of worry/fear and that triggers flashbacks and the illness. Art is for me like meditation which my mind seemed to reject after 3 months so at least when I am painting I am present and feel 'clean and washed' inside like after doing yoga. I realise that the washed feeling is my system being calm and not adrenalinised. Art really is therapy!
Mandy G - Thank you for sharing; I hadn’t heard of the ANS Rewire program and will check into it. I am 56 & just realized I did have childhood trauma from being raised by an unstable bipolar mother, and I am new on this learning path. Thankfully I have always used exercise to rewire (just didn’t know it) and have been practicing yoga for about 13 years. Love how you describe the feeling afterward - ‘clean and washed’. Painting is definitely meditative, so I may try that too. Best to you.
Reading your words gives me hope. I've been researching trying to find a documented connection between trauma, adrenaline over produced etc and the health issues I now have. Adrenal fatigue/dysfunction, secondary hypothyroidism and Hashimotos.
The abuse becomes a “neurological problem” because the body responds to trauma. Treating the cause makes more sense than treating the “response”.
How can you treat the cause? That is the abuse....Can't treat or rewrite history. Or have I got it wrong? Just trying to understand the comment.
Mandy G / the past cannot get changed ; the only opportunity to take some action is in the present : e.g. first normalizing (abuse-free) the environment; and then start to heal : mind and body therapy treatment to restore the wellbeing. Some therapists can help clients to re-write the beliefs about that history, to discover different possible interpretations of it.
@@mandyg5747 In my experience we treat the cause by being heard believed and respected for what we went through combined with forgiving ourselves for not being able to protect ourselves. And to learn that you are not your disorder or your abuse. You are a person beyond all the bad things. So it's a lot about strengthen this person too.
I found self parenting back through the trauma has helped a lot.
I wanna cry right now. I honestly didn't know this was a thing before I saw this channel. I've always related PTSD was something that happens to war vets, sexual abuse victims or victims of trauma/disaster... Isolation has been such a theme since I was an infant, i had 7 foster homes seperate to my siblings, beaten by the 5 biological kids (parents allowed it) in one of the homes, bullied with death threats through school, during lunch and even class I was seperated from the other kids and kept alone with adults because of either bullying, being fed extra in the staff room (i was underfed in one of the foster homes) , quarantined in the nurses office in class time (my foster home failed to take care of my head lice for years....never said that before..Jesus..) and never able to connect to a family, I isolated in my later teens, ADHD led me to hyperfocus on my work through university , i went to one student event (and left early) in my entire degree...and now I'm 30 , work from home and am usually alone 14 hours a day...I hope I heal, I hope this new insight helps me heal, I don't wanna waste another decade to misery, I'm scared the stress and isolation will degrade my physical health and lead to early death 😢😢😢
Aw sweetheart! This is so much! Yes, it's a thing, and there's a reason why you have these normal expressions of a healthy person who has been exposed to terrible things. I know it was isolating, but bless those teachers for watching over you. I have lots and lots of supportive information for you. Watch videos. Check out my website. If you're interested and when you're ready, check out my free course of there. Let me (and us) know how you're doing!
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy thank you for the compassionate reply ❤️ I've signed up on your site, thanks again for the hope x
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Sorry all you have been thru.!! 🌺💮🌸💐
You are very courageous for sharing your story. Glad that you are looking for ways to heal which brought you to this video.
You're going to live a beautiful life ❤️❤️😊
I think the holistic route is the way to go: exercise, nutrition, sleep, meaningful involvement in something, someone who can help you identify your strengths, contemplative practices such as meditation and positive imagery. I am not fond of this idea of having to tell the story. Some people might need to but for others it makes us feel vulnerable all over again. Feel your strengths!! Start to connect to small beautiful things like bird song, watching the ocean, listening to the rain - whatever resonates as beautiful
I think you really need to tell the story at some point. I think there is no real intimate connection until you can, and no real healing. It can be really tough, but emdr/eft can help to lower the intensity of the emotions so it makes it more easy to tell. I totally agree a holistic view is nessesary, food / supplements help.
What about when you're having a hard time exercising, eating right, sleeping normally, and being meaningfully involved in something, because your cptsd, anxiety and depression are so bloody bad, that you can barely even do these things or function normally enough to get up and exercise. Meditation? Get real, do you know how hard it is to meditate when you dissociate and have intrusive thoughts? blah blah blah.....
Yea, it's super easy to suggest bullshit when you have no idea what having cptsd really feels like....
Thank you,telling my story made things so much worse.2 years of talk therapy never made me feel anything but worse. Medication made me numb and prone to self destruct .Prayer and time in the outdoors helped more than anything,and learning
@@Randomdude-i8x There is a risk of serious side effects with EMDR if the therapist isn't knowledgeable and careful and I ask you too how we're supposed to know that ahead of time??
If you read closely, the guy you’re replying to does actually have c-PTSD. He talks about “us”. And the subject of this video is exactly what he’s saying.
I did EMDR 30 years ago. It did nothing for me.
I appreciate you talking about variety of ways to work with PTSD.
I felt EMDR took away from my therapist who I respected. Neither tapping.
I like writing, processing through my emotions; feeling the feeling.
I’ve been a therapist . On both sides there’s nothing better for me than the person across fm me being present.
Most people know about meditation. Meditation can be running in the zone. Sports are a meditation. We’re all different. Some of us don’t want to sit still for 20 minutes or more.
Meditation needs to have a wider definition. Too restrictive in the strict definition.
I enjoy & believe in expansion of ourselves & our spirits.
Moving through emotions we don’t want to feel is the healer.
All emotions pass.
Yes, I've had great success with treating people with CPT and TF-CBT. But I use meditation, yoga, and mindfulness as part of my treatment too.
The key to EMDR and tapping is being able to feel the feelings, as deeply as possible, while doing it.
@@universaltruth2025 You could do tapping on that feeling of irritation and reduce it really quickly. The key is to feel the irritation while doing it.
I agree. A friend of mine with many issues had EMDR sessions, she kept telling me how amazing it was and how much it helped her and a couple of months later she attempted suicide and was hospitalised. Not blaming the EMDR of course, but I do not believe it really works, more of a placebo if you want my opinion.
It goes to show there isn't a one size fits all. The writing does work but I absolutely hate it so I'm going to try something else like the tapping. I do find deep breathing helpful for distressing and calming but I feel I need more.
Medication numbed my mind - it only treated the side effects - I needed to process the traumas without the medication and it literally GOT WORSE before it got better... but as someone with codependency and CPTSD, constantly talking about it and NOT HAVING MY FEELINGS MINIMALIZED or DISMISSED, was the best therapy!
Emdr, biofeedback, tapping, vedic/transcendental meditation, yoga , dance, martial arts, somatic body arts, vigorous exercise
:)
For me it's boxing
@@jessleighton3795 ive been wanting to learn that :( everything cost money tho so idk how, ik it's dangerous n gotta learn proper technique n all
I’m 78 and the childhood abuse is something I still think about every day. I don’t take medications of any kinds. I’m an artist and that helps and I’ve done a lot of therapy. Now I just allow myself to enjoy all the good and cry some if I need to.
Thank you for your videos. I am currently waiting on a referral for CBT after a diagnosis of Complex PTSD from childhood.
Cutting sugar, adding exercise (yoga, meditation), engaging with my community, writing (inventory, fears, resentments, how the specific trauma made me feel), and more education has helped me to forgive others, mostly myself, while I wait for more professional services covered under our health care system in Ontario, Canada. More importantly, this self care and love has freed me to feel more human, conscious and available to help others. Grateful for your authenticity and care.
Good job persisting! Please keep us posted on what you find helpful.
Hi Charles, there is not a lot of Canadian content on YT especially when it comes to getting professional help and accessing health care services. If you are able to document your recovery on YT would be great to follow you. All the best on your journey.
Oh my goodness, Charles, I really relate to what you wrote. I'm struggling to get back into moving (exercise) bc depression is such a huge asshole bully. But I've been seeing a great psychologist who has studied all of these methods discussed, and I've also been reading a lot. The more I read and hear, the more I understand myself. Then I have a better chance of improving. Healing. I've got a lot of work to do.
blessings, love and light to you Charles Bryan.. the journey can be rough. Make yourself a great day...
EMDR changed my entire therapy experience. I loved talk therapy till I needed something more effective. EMDR has helped heal so much trauma for me 💛 but the key was finding a really great therapist!! I think the golden ticket to successful talk therapy is doing the work at home too in workbooks, and reading books that coincide with what you’re working through in talk therapy. I journal every morning and that helps a lot too, I am able to identify my cognitive distortions and work through them. Therapy saved me.
SO happy for you @MCKENZIE_MILANO. Good job balancing your own work with getting help. That's a beautiful approach!
I agree!!
I totally agree with the effectiveness of EMDR. It totally cured PTSD that I had from two adult stage traumas. But I also have CPTSD from childhood, tried EMDR, and had to quit because awful memories came back that I ruminated on. However, I will may try it again if I get the courage. I have done some of the other CPTSD treatments that you recommend, but not consistently. The one thing I do consistently, however, is meditate every day. It gives me serious anxiety relief. But I have the “fight or flight” response if anybody raises their voice in anger to me (literally run and hide), and lifelong hyper vigilance. Huge startle effect with any loud noise! So I still have work to do. I’m a fighter though, and am determined to get relief by any means necessary.
Yes, therapy saved me too!
Animals help for mine. Yorkies and 2 Chinchilla kittens. To cuddle them and see them well fed, healthy and loving me, makes me happy
Animals really help a lot of us :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
My cat is a huge help. Plants are a help too.
Intentionally stressful condition - yes. That’s exactly what growing up with my parents is like.
You are a Godsend. Thank you so much.
The mental health system made every mistake you talked about, with me and I didn't begin to really heal until I stopped the talk therapy and the meds. The talk therapy was just a endless loop except that my last two therapists were supportive in the ways I needed them to be.
I still feel like most of the talk therapy and definitely the medications were very traumatic for me and prevented me from recovering.
I don't think a therapist should push their personal agenda on their clients especially when their agenda is family reunification and the family in question continues to traumatize the client whenever there is contact with them
I have CPTSD but EMDR was like a miracle for me.
My therapist showed me how to recreate the EMDR sessions for myself so I could go through each trauma in my life and make it feel less painful each time I did the EMDR.
I am looking forward to watching all your videos. Thank you again.
Thank you for this detailed and thoughtful message, and for sharing your story. I hope you try the daily practice I shared about yesterday. Please let me know how you're doing!
I remember driving in a triggered state after a therapy session. I was literally dazed and confused, couldn't even find my way home. I had to pull over and calm down. I hadn't even heard of the term trigger/ed. I am so relieved to learn from this video that what I have experienced my whole life is called dysregulation and is neurological, I am 66.
I look forward to trying these practices you have mentioned in this video. I think I will watch this one again. Thank you.🦋
She understands!
🙏
Talk therapy is useless. Its not for CPTSD. It does nothing. I went talk therapy for 2 years but didnt help me.
I did emdr and i have no flashbacks anymore and no more anxiety but i still have depersonalization.
same for me! Was introduced to EMDR all the way back in 2002
I have that too, since I was 14. 45 now. Looks like it's here to stay.
I was fortunate to have done DBT then a lot of work with a good EMDR therapist. Recently did ACT and the combination of all three have enabled me to get 'as good as it gets' ...I'll keep striving to get more mental peace until the day I die.
Interesting!
I have no flashbacks, nor pretty much noticable anxiety. But I do have very very severe Depersonalization/Derealization. I can't acces my memories nor do I have any feeling towards them. How could I fix this shit I has been so many years.
💯 % agreed that talk therapy does nothing to people with CPTSD. I know it from my own life. I would even say that it was re-traumatizing in my case. I ❤ channel Anna. Thank you for posting such valuable content.
Disregulation. Re regulate through many paths. Love you crappy childhood fairy. Your research helped my life make sense and offered many paths to regulate my brain. Meditation- Exercise- Journaling
Social work student here! I'm in my last semester. I have struggled with trauma from my childhood for years; so has my mom. It has taken forever for us to figure out why we had certian reactions to things and why I always react way out of proportion to the situation. Long story short, I love your videos! You give great analysis on C-PTSD in a way that's easy for anyone to comprehend and make us feel understood ourselves. Thank you for what you're doing!:)
Thank for this kind validation. I'm so glad you find the videos helpful! Hope you have a chance to take a course or two or join one of my live calls!
Vietnam Veteran plus childhood trauma pretty much made me a walking wreck....HOWEVER... I have gradually discovered that meditation and counting my breath helps tremendously.... as does gardening, woodworking, and just sitting in nature. Am I cured? Of course not, but I am better, and still alive, which many of my friends are not. For me, it is simply a matter of relaxing into Peace and stability.
Yay! A great victory!
Yes! Meditation is really hard for me. But I LIVE at the gym. Dance Classes, and really, really hard workouts. It's the only thing that makes me feel "normal" and calms my anxiety.
Am currently on a low dose of anti-depressant, which is helping me stay calm enough to deal with my cptsd (and assorted current stresses), but not strong enough to give unwelcome side effects. I've tried talk therapy, which mostly defined and described the problems I was experiencing and how they originated, but at the end of the day, it didn't actually help me get out of those behavior patterns. My year or so of EMDR was *very* helpful. It's clear to me that EMDR helped to re-program what my brain was doing. A physical health crisis interrupted that, and I hope to get back to it soon.
I had hand paddles in EMDR. It was helpful ish. Meds and talking have never really helped much. They look like they do sometimes but never sticks. My mom tells me constantly I have a chemical imbalance and depression runs in the family etc.We definitely have generational trauma. Tapping and writing can help me [but writing can backfire on me and trap me in a pool of thoughts designed to drown me]. Walking and yoga have helped more than therapy [moving through thoughts literally]. I'm struggling really hard right now, feeling so lost and just...worthless. I have a mantra for when I'm walking my dog...it's like a weird trance. I hadn't thought about making one for me again
Glad I found your channel
This is totally blowing my mind! I’ve never heard of childhood ptsd, but I can relate to everything you are explaining. Thank you so much for posting these videos. I’m hoping to be able to start your online courses soon! ❤️
Another name is complex ptsd. I have childhood trauma, it’s the same shit. Same triggers, same responses.
🙌💖🙏
Exactly... 42 years of abuse/trauma... Working towards a better me... Finally
Adult Children of Alcoholics and Dysfunctional Families (ACA) is THE free group therapy/program to work through Generational trauma. Yes, your parents fucked you up, as theirs did them. This program addresses it. Look up “ACA Laundry List” to see if it resonates with you.
@@brookep8799 here the same
stay busy with things you enjoy doing as much as you can fit in....change your perception to excepting the hand that life has dealt you ....and knowing your no longer subject to the environment you were raised in you are sovereign to write your own narrative going forward....stay out of your head as much as you can....and positive attitude plus new friends even if it just two....good people can be hard to find....be good to yourself.
There are plenty of trauma therapies that do work Brainspotting, EMDR, EMI, IFS Therapy, Somatic Experiencing and Sensorimotor Psychotherapy
I bless my family for all I survived at their hands. It increased my sensitivity, creativity, compassion, empathy and ultimately love. No therapist ever helped or got it. I went deeply within and found peace and self love. I extend love to you all.
Love to you as well :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
Cbt was a waste of time for me the psychologist lost my trust after forcing me to go for a therapy appointment when I forwarded her that my cptsd issues had gone through the roof after a bad night of flashbacks, nightmares etc.
I went to the appointment after being pushed into going, this gave me a strong flashback of my child abuse by being made to do things that I didn't want to do. My anger and flight or fight mode kicked in and flight is what I chose.
I also, ha like an idiot gave her a little trust and told her something private, off record, haha ,oh no its was wrote down on record.
My cptsd started aged 8, I'm now 53, my own appinion is people are 2 faced in will trust nobody ever ever again! !!!!.
Good lord. Glad you own your own recovery now. This is right.
Hi, I would like to share something with u because I related with what u just said. My boyfriend went with me to the therapist to talk about his childhood abuses and traumas. On his last visit he said things that happed with him 55 years ago like he was sexual abused and was his first time opening up. After that day he couldn’t look at me and started saying about he was having vivid nightmares and shame. Then he ghosted me until today. I didn’t force him anything I try to be there for him as much as I could but backfired on me.
I've known trauma from my very earliest memories. From age three, being molested, beaten, mentally tortured. So much violence in the family. I was the youngest, smallest, most vulnerable...I had a father, a mother, and a brother and they all hated me. When my father threw me out into the street at fifteen, and I'd started fighting back, it was a relief. I got more compassion and love from street people than my family ever shown me. Then at 18, I was waiting for the bus to go to work. I was just finding my footing, and was kidnapped at gunpoint by a serial killer. It took me a week to escape. I was his only survivor. But I endured a week of brutal beatings and constant rape...as an adult, at 63, I'm still trying to heal. I realize I'll never be "whole" again. I had the peace and hope beaten out of me. I'm grateful for these videos, I feel less alone...
My last therapist told me she wouldn't push medication on me, but she did nearly every meeting. She also told me I have an "imbalance". I feel validated when you say that this can be paralysing and triggering, because it was for me. Thank you for these ideas!
I think one other issue with therapy is not being believed or having your experiences brushed off or minimized. That was always my issue. I went to so many different therapists since I was a child and I don't even know how many times I was put on anti-depressants that wouldn't work, or would even make me feel worse, or for that matter having my experiences brushed off as unimportant. As a result it took me so long to even realize that I had suffered abuse. Last time I went to therapy was in my 20s. At this point, I had actually figured out on my own what was going on (I had accidentally stumbled across a video on narcissistic abuse here on RUclips, which led to me reading more about it and finally understanding what had happened to me), and I remembered trying to explain it to the therapist, only to have her brush it off repeatedly and telling me "No, you are actually depressed". I remember specifically one session with her when I broke down right in front of her because of a particularly abusive experience with my mother that had happened before the session. I was full-on ugly crying to the point where I could barely breathe and I was explaining it all to her saying that I just can't take it anymore (I was still living with my mother at the time). Once the session came to an end, she yet again tried to convince me that I needed anti-depressants (during the time I saw her, she would repeatedly try to get me to go on anti-depressants despite me repeatedly telling her "no") and that she believed that my mother was doing the best she could "some people are just a little strange, you know. But that doesn't make them abusive.". The real kicker was her leaning back in her chair and saying "You know, I can feel that there is some real trauma going on with you. I just hope that you someday will be able to tell me about it". Did I mention that I had completely spilled my guts on all of this for months up until this point? I later left, I guess you could say that I ran away to another country to get away from everything going on around me (as well as my mother). I later found out that she started meeting my mother after I had left and that they would spend the whole sessions discussing me and my "problems". This last therapist was the worst experience I had, but the previous ones were also unwilling to accept my experiences with my mother as the reason for what I was going through. It felt like they would always just label me as depressed and throw pills at me, and if I questioned it or refused medication, I was labeled as "difficult"...
Now a couple of years later, I am doing my best to heal on my own. I'm not gonna lie, there are times when I wish I had someone to talk to and sort of "bounce" thoughts off of, but at this point, I just can't have yet another person blaming me or depression on my mental health. I can't deal with having yet another person dismissing my experiences..
So sorry you have had such unsupportive experiences with therapists. Narcissistic mothers will suck you dry and the trauma is very real. I believe you, I believe that your childhood experiences and adult experiences with your mother have created sadness and a sense of not being enough, or lovable. Stay strong and keep your distance from your mother and put all the focus and love you have on you. Good luck on your journey!
Wow, @Niko! I am SO sorry that #1 you grew up with an abusive narcissistic mother, and #2 that your experiences with "therapists" have been so horrendous! I can ABSOLUTELY relate to what you are talking about. For years and years I was in therapy with a string of different psychiatrists, psychologists, social workers, etc. Not once did ANY of them ever mention that I was obviously the victim of narcissistic abuse! It was always about what "disorder" I had, and prescribing medications for "depression". As if my feelings just came mysteriously out of nowhere, the result of nothing more than a chemical imbalance, and my inability to figure out how to live life.
Whenever I would talk about some of the really crazy things my mother said and did to me, it seemed as if the therapist didn't really believe me, or that I was blowing it out of proportion. It really hurts to share your deepest pain, only to have it invalidated.
Like you, I have stopped sharing with others, and I haven't been to therapy in many years. I also can't deal with having one more person dismiss my experiences! I do wish I had someone who truly "gets it" to talk to, but I'm not holding my breath on that ever happening.
I wish you all the best in your healing, please don't ever stop giving yourself the love and care you didn't get growing up.
@@christinelamb1167 I TOTALLY AgREE WITh you - having had very similiar problems!!! INVALIDATED is your key word for me! ThANk YOU SO MUCh!!!
@@nmuphelps1 🤗
@@christinelamb1167 I'm so validated to see other people confirming I'm not the crazy one here. Therapists taking side of the parents because "mom knows best" and "she gave you life, you ungrateful brat" are bane of my existence. They always viewed me as a kid with "behavioral problems" who needs fixing like a broken car. They never thought "if you keep putting wrong fuel in the car it will keep breaking down", they always thought the patient is "faulty" and needs to "put the work" to change themselves.
"The bond that links your true family is not one of blood, but of respect and joy in each other's life. Rarely do members of one family grow up under the same roof." - Richard Bach from Illusions
this sucks ughh i just want a normal life with normal emotions lol
Healing is possible! Please poke around this channel and my website!
What are these “normal emotions” you speak of ?!
😅
Me, too
mood
@Wolfshadow Morningstar that's the worst thing that can happen to a child, to not have anyone who wants to understand you, is on your team, who listens and believes. It breaks the trust cycle, and will make it super difficult to trust. You can heal. It may take time and massive effort, but just as your skin can heal from a cut, your self can heal as well. If you haven't, read The Body Keeps the Score. It will, if nothing else, help you understand that you are not alone, and that you are not crazy. Secondly, it may point you to treatment that can help you heal. I know you have no reason to trust me, but if nothing changes, nothing will change. Peace to you..
I think of medication as an effective "helper" when it comes to dealing with trauma, as long as you're on something that works, which, I'll be honest, getting to that point can be a nightmare. An effective medication can make self-regulation easier while we're still learning how to do it and help us to function until we can learn other strategies that work. And for some of us we might need that help our entire lives, and there's nothing wrong with that.
I completely agree about talk therapy though. It always felt so basic and shallow to me. I'm honestly of the opinion that CBT should just be something we're taught in school, like it's that basic. I had so many therapists who were like, "well, you learned all the CBT stuff and you're doin' real well with that, so you must be cured!" meanwhile I'm sitting there going, "uhhh I'm still broken though, this literally fixed nothing...".
Yikes. Glad you found at least part of what works for you!
This is pretty much my journey. I've tried everything. First I realised I had PTSD, but no one knew anything about CPTSD, and at the time talk therapy and drugs were the only things offered for PTSD. I knew I couldn't talk about the traumas without re-traumatising myself, so I didn't bother with it, although I'd done therapy a number of times before in my life.
The only reason I tried anti-depressants and Xanax was because I found myself in a situation where I HAD to be there for others, and knew I couldn't be as I was. The effects ranged from ineffectual to mildly effective, but I was aware it was just a bandaid, and didn't like that. Surely there had to be something else? But nothing else was offered.
I tried EMDR. I tried tapping. Tapping was somewhat effective for new situations that were triggering, but of no help for what I came to realise was the underlying problem - CPTSD.
I realised the reason I'd gotten PTSD, as a result of a number of traumas, was because the many childhood traumas I'd experienced made me susceptible to it. Like having an unhealed broken wrist makes you more susceptible to having another wrist injury.
Even getting a therapist to understand that I had PTSD was an uphill battle, never mind CPTSD, which few had even heard of.
I've had 10+ therapists now. I'm in my 60s. The majority of what I've learned and how I discovered all this has been from my own research. God bless the internet. But, my experience has been, with one exception, therapists don't value self-diagnoses. Even though we know ourselves better than anyone else does or could. It's a strange phenomenon.
I'm a results-orient person. I don't want to waste my or anyone else's time. I want things that show me results. Nothing did. I considered ketamine, having read about that having some positive results with people who have PTSD. Now I'm glad I didn't go that route, although I was desperate enough to do it at the time, but couldn't find a way to get it.
Luckily I stumbled across your channel a month or two ago. Like with you, learning about emotional dysregulation was a HUGE piece of the puzzle. I realise now I've spent the majority of my life dysregulated, but not one of the 10+ therapists ever mentioned this to me, so I knew nothing about it.
Equally if not more importantly was learning how to re-regulate myself. I'd gotten as far as knowing learning how to self-soothe was important, but hadn't found the main key on how to do that.
For me, what's made a big, tangible, noticeable difference is when I'm dysregulated, repeating to myself "This, this, this, this" (per the meditation portion of your daily practice), and taking slow, deep breaths as much as I'm able to do in the moment.
This isn't the first time I've noticed such a dramatic change, but it is the biggest and most traumatic thing I've experienced since. The night before last my beloved dog was nearly killed by a speeding car, right before my eyes. He was clipped by the car, but thankfully the injury was small and not significant. I thought for sure he was going to die. Since I've lost all of my family within the past 5 years, the thought of losing him too is ... too hard to think about.
But afterwards I was able to recover surprisingly quickly. Within 5 minutes I was pretty much regulated again. This was shocking to me, and WONDERFUL! What an amazing gift. I don't know how to thank you for this, truly I don't. You have changed my life ❤️
Thanks relaying your experience with healing, I'm so glad the mantra is helping :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
So EMDR didn’t help? I’m just about to begin it. I really relate to your post and will have to try the methods offered here.
@@nicolemiller2430 EMDR didn't help me, but that doesn't mean it won't help you. There are people it does work for, and I hope you're one of them!
@@Catbooks The thing is, I’ve tried so many things and after meeting my new psychologist I have some doubts about EMDR for myself. My trauma is more around emotional neglect. There are some specific memories of bullying etc but I am just not sure 🤔. Do you think I should still just give it a go? No harm in trying? Do you think it was harmful for you at all?
@@nicolemiller2430I understand. Similar for me, although I did have one specific traumatic event I'd buried pretty deep that got uncovered in talk therapy. Most of the rest is more general, including neglect. Talk to your new psychologist about your doubts, and try it. You have nothing to lose. No, it wasn't harmful, it just didn't help.
I think only a somatic therapy can help, because the trauma is stored in the body memory. Talking & knowledge is helpful but doesn't change your automatic responses of your nervous system.
There is more and more therapists working with TRE or NARM now.
I'll try this soon.
Tre? Narm? Reading all input with therapies I've never even heard of is making my head swim. If one has only medicare (which completely limits one with mental health issues in getting a therapist) and no extra $ to be forking out - how does one actually do these therapies? Some of the things I've read has scared me about some of the therapies. I went to a tapping class - didn't notice anything. I'm hearing EMDR is effective but one of my eyes is 'frozen' and can't move back and forth - plus I'm reading where EMDR messed someone up too. So many directions that I find myself 'stuck' and can't move forward on anything.
THANK YOU!! I just discovered your presence tonight and watched this video. YES to neurologic/metabolic/somatic/elational fallout from early trauma. When I heard Andrew Solomon say that "The opposite of depression is not happiness; it is vitality", everything in me said YES. Recent explorations have included Stephen Porges' Polyvagal Theory and his evolved understanding of the nervous system. Now I come across a moniker that immediately grabbed my eye: "Crappy Childhood Fairy." I doubled over laughing...and then I started to listen and to read. Love the name...and am cheering you on with thanks.
I'm always pleased when physical exercise is mentioned. For me, it's weight training. Doing the warm up, getting the endorphins flowing, feeling the muscles flexing, the sense of accomplishment in hoisting up a heavy piece of metal. Even the clanking of iron plates on the bar is soothing. Whenever I have to take time off from training I immediately begin feeling emotionally off kilter.
Thank You for having the boldness to STAND UP and say something! I have been given SO MUCH positively harmful advice it is amazing. Talk therapy DOES NOT work for me, medication? Hell no. Anyways, just want to say thanks, glad I FINALLY found someone who understands!
Oddly I did a past life, current live regression, Reiki and a shamanic soul retrieval and they saved my life. I rarely trigger and when I do, I stop quickly realizing I’m triggered and it’s not real. I finally love myself.
This is great! There are many therapists who have no clue what it's like to live with CPTSD, and they can make things worse. Thank you for making this video. You have earned my trust, and I am now subscribed.
Thanks for your trust!
Great video. I have Fibromyalgia and a couple years ago had a Dr tell me he believed my CPTSD was the true cause and suggested I see a therapist. So far the one I really liked moved, so I'm back to square one..
Check out Irene lyon on you tube and Peter levene somatic experience
The treatment that actually works is the same as what Crappy Childhood Fairy says. Fibro myalgia and ME/Chronic fatigue are caused by the dysregulation of the ANS Autonomic Nervous system. Look up Dan Neuffer and his Ans Rewire course. It's about £239 or less for such a lot of scientifically backed up info. 42 lessons plus meditation etc. I can tell you that it's working. I am recovering after 41 years with ME! But you have to do it. The first 4 lessons are free. Check it out. Believe me I have spent 1000s in other therapy and supplements over the years.
I started to get well then got lazy and took my new stste for granted then over reacted to a stressful situation that went on for months on end and stopped my meditation and allowed myself to get nocturnal and eat sugary things. Huge emotional flashbacks and I found Anna's channel. Am healing again.
Do what she says. Her Daily Practise Sheet and meditation is free. ..then you can look at Dan Neuffer stuff. Don't waste your money on anything else until you try these things. Good luck with your healing journey.
I was placed on medication for 10 years and it changed me not in a good way. I was numb and unable to communicate. I wasn't "present" I got off the medication and although I am more emotional at least I feel and I would rather be present than numb any day.
I have been able to face my pain and do something about it
I am grateful for growth and healing although painful its worth educating myself and becoming the best version of myself
thank you once again for posting videos that bring awareness of these issues CPTSD
Thanks for watching!
-Cara@TeamFairy
Hello. Just found you. Recently the things been getting better for me. Its been 9 years since I started experiencing heavier symptomes of anxiety. Ive been diagnosed with several conditions that never seemed to fit, from depression, adhd, schizophrenia, schizoafective and my latest one bipolar, but none of them really seemed to fit me well. They just never quite make sense. I changed plenty of doctors and hospitals tried medication therapy but nothing seemed to work besides avoiding stress and triggers, which impaired my life to the point i had to give up everything I thought I was capable of. The path Ive chosen seems to be the Christmas gift to me bc for the first time it seemed like Ive been making progress, and it surprised me so much because for the moment it seemed like the all heaviness that i wasn't even aware of anymore have lifted for a period of time and all the anxiety was gone... It seemed like the focus I used to have still being in highschool came back. I found you after wards and now it seemed like all of it started to have a meaning... It was really a miricle that I accidentally got myself out of my bubble and saw the life again in its true colours. I just wanted to become kinder to other people and I saw some kindnes in myself, the self compasion have heald me. It will be a long journey to come back on my feet. Bless you. Bless all of you in here. Much love, you are strong and worth love.
The Calm App supports me in meditation. When I literally can't concentrate, the voice and sounds guide me and I feel better regardless. The effect is definitely cumulative.
my parents abused me til i developed severe DPDR. in the last 7 months after reading the body keeps the score by bessel van der kolk, i am starting to recover. i have had 2 flashbacks in the last 7 months, which i for the first time as an adult was able to process and regulate and even cry it out. i am calm, and i am closer to feeling real than i have been in the last 10 years. yoga has done that, along with mindfulness, an incredible wife and a great therapist who has ushered me along during all of it. i now know, therapy couldnt help before, and my actual treatment now is yoga. therapy is interlocking my awareness of my improvement with my bodys knowledge of it.
Yes, a victory story! How are you continuing your yoga practice during lockdown? Any tips on types or approaches for yoga?
I chose talk therapy (psychodynamic therapy) after taking medications for a couple of years and seeing therapists who were not trained in getting to the root core of my anxiety & depression. Talk therapy did work for me, but only after seeking out a psychodynamic therapist who was well-trained, well-educated and did not believe in taking medications. She told me medications block the feelings & emotions needed to unblock and uncover the traumas locked in our subconscious. After working with her for a period of time, I discovered that the root source of my trauma causing the anxiety, panic attacks and depression, was a childhood issue I had blocked out since the age of 8 years old and I was not in my early 30s. Talk therapy does work for PSTD, bi-polar, disassociations, anxiety, panic attacks, schizophrenia, ADHA, etc., just to name a few, and I am living proof of this. Psychodynamic therapy has sustained me for over 30 years and if it wasn't for the unblocking and healing of this traumatic childhood, I don't know where I would be today.
Anna, your emotional, intellectual, and soulful commitment to helping others is so wonderful!❤❤❤
My personal belief is that there is a cure. There are small parts of my life where I’ve gone with out this issues. In those moments I’ve discovered things about myself that were otherwise hidden. I felt a sense of calm and normalcy. It slowly creeps back as life comes back to you. The trick is managing it before things get out of control.
I’m in the school of thought that our environments can cause more trauma then we believe. The day-to-day of treating each other like shit takes a huge toll. Poverty as a disease is truthful. My worst trauma memories were with peers. My adult role models were shit and made bad choices but I don’t look back at them and feel triggered. One family member cut me off way too young and gave up on me for highly inappropriate reasons but I don’t feel triggered. As a child I felt triggered and felt safe enough to take it out on her, even long after we stopped talking.
Community violence is not a word people use but it’s really understated. Predatory business practices that destroy people’s lives(towing a single mothers car before important holidays that was sold faulty, sexual harassment in the workplace that is blamed on the receiver, treating customers like garbage after they give you their hard earned money, leaving cultural issues unaddressed where people come from environments that are abusive) as well as government abuse (not having police and other emergency responders who are well taken care of, using tax payer money to create contracts with people without checking their moral goals, allowing government officials to abuse their power, not using the healthy parts of the private market to enhance workplace health, putting bureaucracy before sensibility/efficiency/productivity) nonprofits that don't take themselves seriously enough to run their businesses in a matter that adheres to the community it serves, and last politicians. We, as people, have to stop electing predators to positions of power. Our local government is so important. This is the pipeline to our everyday experiences. We don’t pay attention to how our money is being spent and whether or not the tax is necessary. Ive had many discussions on NextDoor and watched people in community meetings. People get outraged for a reason. They are being screwed by the people they elected to help them.
For me becoming a libertarian was about hope. Having ones responsibility be held to themselves to the extent that it doesn’t harm another. The non aggression principle I believe is vital to our freedoms. In the 50s and 60s there were these belief systems. You acted a certain way. You didn’t say certain things. You went to church, brought food to the neighbor up the street. I experienced a bit of that as a child. The problem with the 50s and 60s is that it almost a lot of shame and passive aggressive behavior because you weren’t allowed to say anything. People now are thirsty for something like that again but haven’t quite figured that out. The resurfacing of community housing and the shared economy. Ultimately it doesn’t work because we haven’t solved the root problem. It’s about moral principles that show regardless of faith as well as that nonaggression principal. The commitment to each other and ourselves. I personally don’t know if this will ever happen. I don’t think I can live in a stressful city environment anymore. I’ve been in the Bay Area off and on and it’s horrible. I can’t afford to live in the pockets that are protected from those stressful areas. I like visiting but not living there. I currently am visiting Detroit. It’s such a dead city. There’s trouble and you have to be conscious but it still has this country feel. It was built in a way that there wouldn’t ever be crowding. I probably don’t want to stay here but even if this city developed one million people over night, you wouldn’t be able to tell. You go downtown and there’s no parking, people are begging for change, you still have to keep an eye out but you’re not stepping over needles or poop. No one is screaming at you in the streets. People aren’t driving so fast they could care less whether they kill you and there’s not a lot of pressure to drive that fast. Our cities aren’t built in a way that is healthy for humans. This is one of the few cities that was and it’s unfortunate it’s not thriving more.
I have only lived in one major city. I always lived outside in the suburbs near a major city but never in it. I can’t imagine being so desensitized to human life where a dead body on the ground is another thing to step over in your walk path.
Everything that is in these major cities you can do at home. I have yet to go to a restaurant where I couldn’t make the same thing at home. For those really special experiences, that’s what they should be is special. Something to be visited, not experienced everyday. We are killing each other over nonsense. We are taking away from each other’s mental health and lives over pop up restaurants and bar arcades.
Healing starts not just with the things mentioned above. Running for me is essential, so is Yoga/meditation. Prayer is also essential. I have to do those things if I want to have any chance with personal peace. The community health is also essential. I still haven’t found the right community but I’ve gotten closer. I moved to a suburb in Sacramento. It was better, less violence but still a facade of superficialities. I realize it may have been better to move somewhere more remote. I made decisions out of fear of losing everything instead of what was good for me and my son. It would’ve been good for us but still that community unhealthiness that can be debilitating. I came from an environment that was destructive so my threshold was off.
I believe there is a cure. The word cure doesn’t mean something goes away. It’s like a cold. You can prevent it, you can treat it after it happens but it’s not good to do things that make your cold worse.
I haven’t had a cold in 10 years, maybe more. Sometimes I can be grungy, my car a mess, my phone looks gross. I’ve used a lot of public restrooms, people don’t wash their hands.
Sometimes it’s really as simple as washing your hands and not touching the door on the way back.
This can only happen if you have a life where you are treated with love and respect.
I’m a certified EMDR therapist & once that trauma memory or “target” gets processed, it’s done. It’ll be processed forever. Til the day you die. It’s because the neuro-network in the brain that holds on to that memory gets rewired. And, that wiring won’t go back to being maladaptive. EMDR saved me & I watch it save people daily when I do it with them.
I tried doing EMDR a few years ago and it failed and left me acutely suicidal and no longer willing to work on myself or improve my CPTSD to this day. Even hearing it mentioned made me sick to my stomach. Any form of treatment should be approached with extreme caution
Have you heard of Adult Children of Alcoholic and Other Dysfunctional Families?
All EMDR ever did for me was trigger dizziness, and I had to stop immediately. Tapping did nothing, either, but maybe because my trauma wasn't "post", it was still "current". Talk therapy helped me feel listened to and validated, but the effects were short-lived.
Now at 77, with 70 years of trauma behind me, the best therapy I can find is to surround myself with a peaceful and calm environment the best I can. I have given up that friends or family will ever care, understand, or be supportive, and I'm estranged from most family now.
After many years of not knowing what CPTSD is and that I had unknowingly been 'trained' and had been living with a family of narcissis now in my 50's this video has helped me find ways to cope / mend.
The biggest hurdle for me is actually trying to start the things that will help me, again I am trained to help others and not myself. I am starting with personal self-care.
Don't give up on yourself.
Thanks so much for sharing!
-Cara@TeamFairy
OMG. You are the first person who has explained, clearly and eloquently, my pain and personal journey. Viewing this one video has been a Eureka moment for me. I cannot thankyou enough for articulating so many of our unspoken truths. You have literally changed the course of my life ❤
I think we all suffer emotionally to some degree and there’s no way to prevent any kind of trauma from happening. I feel I’ve suffered my whole life and the moment i accepted that this is just life, it’s just the way it is, a very Buddhist outlook, it makes it easier to accept. Medication is like having a drink after a hard day. It will take the edge off but not forever, cognition is good if you’re smart enough to really grasp why you’re suffering, but it won’t stop the suffering. Accepting that life is just awful sometimes and you’re not the only one is really the only thing that makes it bearable. Desensitizing, essentially.
And, comedic relief. Turn a tragedy into a comedy. That’s made it easier for me to get by. The ridiculousness of it all. Of life in general.
Dear Anna. For now, I can only say thank you (subscribed!). And thanks to all of you who dare to share your stories in this forum.
Welcome to the channel! Grateful you're here! - Ashley, Team Fairy
I've had to deal with complex cptsd, sra, and childhood meningitis.
Your program has helped so far. Thank you.
Glad you are here and have found help here!
Nika@TeamFairy
How is it that a person who has not studied psychology etc. etc. is more articulate, more compassionate, gets more to the root of everything in a very simple way than any therapist, any doctor, any psychologist I’ve ever gone to Allison to?
Thank you! I learned from many people, including some brilliant mental health pros!
Personal experience
Trauma is a newer and more specialized field. About a decade ago, I volunteered for a local sexual assault agency. The specialists there openly discussed how most psychologists had little to no training in trauma. And neither did doctors or police. Now, the knowledge is more common or accessible. But it took until 2 years ago, at age 49, for me to happen upon a therapist who was not only trauma-informed, but also a Ph.D. clinical psychologist specialist in that field. I’ve been in therapy for depression, off and on since my 20s. Now I am accessing somatic techniques and therapeutic approaches that are addressing the heart of the matter - dysregulation.
Thank you for these posts and videos. And for raising awareness about our specialized challenges!
I highly recommend something not mentioned so far: TRE (Tension Release Exercises - also known as Trauma Release Exercises), as well as the work of Gabor Mate and Peter Levine. Bessel van der Kolk, as mentioned, is a great resource as well.
@@amc2850 Your story sounds so much like mine! I found a therapist that worked in the police force, dealing with trauma, and which caused her to study in her late 30's and specialise in different methods. We have done EMDR, TRE and in the last few years BWRT which I found extremely effective, even for new traumas, or behaviours caused by extreme triggers. I believe there is a difference in therapists who decide to do this later in life compared to those that study straight after school - the latter tend to stick to the old school methods of talking and medication whereas the first are more open to new treatments that are actually effective. And once you find someone to stick with they get to know your history and you don't have to repeat the traumas over and over. I hope both our life stories have a great ending💕
It's really helping to hear all the things you're saying. I've eally been struggling lately. Thank you for making these videos!
Hope things are going better!
I feel so lost. I'm never going to have my own family.. That's what I always would have wanted to seek
@@lachflash007 why can't you have your own family?
Alex Anti try to believe things can change. Don’t give up. Nothing is permanent. You can have a family. You need to be committed and work towards. Wish you al the best.
Alex Anti My heart goes out to you! I know how you feel! ♡
Just to clarify! CBT is to help people identify automatic thoughts connected to distorted beliefs. The therapist helps the person identify more EFFECTIVE, HELPFUL, AND REALISTIC interpretations of a situation. A positive interpretation is not the goal.
Thankyou so much for your honesty in this video! Medication made things so much worse for me in my adolescent years and when you are struggling with a childhood of trauma and abuse, other people don't see you as rational minded to know what's helpful for you. You're immediately pressured into taking medication and shamed if you set boundaries for yourself and choose not to. The scary thing for a lot of us is that some of us (myself included) can easily become abused and gaslighted by the medical community who can decide on your behalf wether you take medication if you are under 18 (at least in Canada where I live). Big Pharma is out for profit first and there is no reason not to doubt that they'll dig their hooks into the suffering of others to profit as well . This is not to minimize those whom have found meds helpful at all.
I’m 26 years old and have been a psychiatric patient since the age of 10. I’ve tried a lot of medication since the age of 14, KBT, DBT and hospitalization ( 4 months just last year). And I never seem to get better. I was put into foster care when I was 8 years old because my mom was addicted to drugs and we were homeless. The foster care family got 2000 USD a months for having me, this creating a new trauma. Last year I learned that I am autistic with cptsd and add, and I feel like my life is destined to be a living hell. I’ve tried so hard not to follow my mother’s footsteps, but I’m so lonely and completely burnt out. Not only severely depressed and anxious, with no family what so ever, I can’t even go on with a normal day without getting severe anxiety because of sensory overstimulation. I just wanna die, life isn’t fun at all. Meditation doesn’t work because I get so easily distracted. Living of pills all day everyday just gives me a heavy brain fog but without it I self harm dangerously (head-banging etc.). I just want to live like everyone else. But life is just to hard and I never gets better.
I"m sorry for those hardships, foster care is a very traumatizing event. I could never meditate either, until I learned about the writing first. Here's a link to the free course bit.ly/3608opl
-Cara@TeamFairy
I am so sorry you have had such diffficulty, We all need to have some connection to others. Please reach out through community organizations in your area. Perhaps an association for autism or trauma support? Some counselling colleges or social work courses have low cost counselling. Connecting with someone who can help you find the right supports as well. Facebook groups can be a good place to start.
You are a walking, breathing miracle to me. You have survived so much trauma and pain...and are still in deep distress. It's easy to live when pain and stress are manageable, but to survive when in constant pain and trauma...That's miraculous and herioc! I know that doesn't make things better, but I want you to know that stories like yours give me strength to NOT give up.
Please continue to watch and learn from good sources like CCF, and others you find along the way. I have also found "Therapy in a Nutshell", Andrew Huberman, and anything by Dr Berg to be helpful in putting the pieces of my tool kit together.
I pray/wish you peace and progress towards healing and wholeness. Thank you for sharing your experience. That was brave. You are incredibly strong.
Please let the CCF be part of your support community and let us know how you are doing from time to time. 💙
Also, Jane had some great suggestions.
Medication does help. In my case - chronic anxiety due to childhood trauma because of abuse. I have done CBT, talk therapy, you name it, I 've done it. The only thing that helps is a small dose of anti anxiety medication has been a life saver. I have no side effects, I have not increased the dose and I do not any brain fog at all. I speak several languages. Talking about my childhood trauma never helped me and I gave up. So, please do not discredit medication. For some of us it works really well. Our brains are wired differently - so talk therapy is largely useless. I realize that my approach does not work for everyone. So grateful it works so well for me
TRIGGER: I was 4 years old when my father raped me. My older brother and uncles molested me throughout childhood, needlesss to say, I have CPTSD and a multitude of other stuff including DID . After 30 odd years of being told the pills are working and I was just not doing trauma right, I threw the lot out. For the past 5 years i have used meditation every nights to ease the nightmares and help me sleep better, and through the day, I go hard at the gym until i feel the 'runner's high'....hard work, but way better than the pills and misinformed therapists. I also keep a gratitude journal where i wake up and write 3 things i am thankful for. I do the same before i go to sleep so that the first and last things i think about are positive. Thank you for validating me by saying it doesn't all work for everybody, because it doesn't.
💛💛💛
@that guy thank you ❤️
You’re amazing ... you are actually saving lives and giving hours, days and years back to people❤️ God Bless You ❤️
Have had a lot of very unhelpful help so far & it's constantly being done & added to CONSTANTLY
I unwittingly developed OCD as a coping mechanism... It bothered the people around me but it helped focus on something else than the memory of my horrible childhood... It kept me alive...
I didn't know OCD could be developed this way!
How did you heal?
the crazy girl comment at the end made me cry. thank you for this video.
Aw, that touches my heart. Glad you are here.
I am 66 yrs old and I have CPTSD. My memory is blocked out. I have some memories that turned my therapist white as a sheet. "You were TORTURED" was his response. One time I apparently uncovered something during therapy. Consciously I don't know what it was. I started to scream. My hands balled into tight fists and I screamed for I guess several minutes. I felt shocked because it was as if I were watching someone else from behind. To this day I could not tell you what happened. I could not tell you what I felt. I felt stunned and confused. My therapist said the screams sounded exactly like an infant. All I know is I guess I'm very glad I have no conscious memories. CPTSD has twisted a normal person into what I call "a bag of broken glass". I'm managing but 30 yrs of therapy has saved me. Thank you for what you are doing!