I always felt so “juvenile”, despite being older. It feels like I’m still a teenager, just in an adults body. I tend to struggle with time management, tasks management, keep on track with finances, budgeting, performing well at work/deadlines, etc. How does one get good at this? HOW do we get better at growing up????
If you know that you struggle with certain skills and want to hone them, go to courses or certain other free online colleges for singled out college courses. Unless you can pay 50 to 100 a month on a course but most of the time it's pointless if you find the right free class. I go to Coursesa for a free University of Florida Financial Management (family) course. It has helped me greatly and it also teaches you how to keep track of your funds. Another is RUclips, God taught me spending plans and reinvention videos and scheduling skills ironically through RUclips as people have amazing courses all free use for us to gain knowledge. Performing well at work is simply how you view work. If you don't learn to love it or at least like something about it other than money to make it worth working at, you'll fall short of your potential. God put too much skill in you to waste. So if you can find something to love about it other than money, you'll put your whole heart into it. Do work wholeheartedly, giving it your all the way you know best. Others will try to say you are doing something wrong but you can always shave you legs multiple ways, you don't have to fit a single mould when you're liquid in creativity. Deadlines is nothing by organization and limiting burn outs. When you schedule your day, use a pave the road method. Plan the major task (Big rocks) first and their times: bills, debt, job project, big move. Then the little rocks: chores, car repairs, etc. And then fill in the cement : self-care routine, spa, leisure time, video gaming. And do your best not to deviate for your rest's sake, but leave room for flexible issues that might come up. Work 6 days and rest completely of the 7th as the Lord created the Heavens and the Earth for 6 days and rested on the 7th. So if you work Wednesday, rest Monday. If you work Sunday, rest Saturday. I say this because every week is brand new and might change. Pave the Road also helps with time management as you are setting times for certain goals, create alarms for when those things should be completed. Sorry this is long but I hope this helps. We can still have fun like kids, be responsible as adults, and live like we die tomorrow. There is nothing wrong with that. But she does have a point. If we "don't want to grow up," at least be able to take care of yourself like in adult and still give yourself room to have fun like a kid.
I can relate to this, too. Many of these issues are connected to ADHD/ADD symptoms & the frontal lobe aka PFC. Never had it in childhood yet I suffered a TBI 30+ yrs ago & symptoms have gotten worse with age. My injury affected executive function (memory, organization, decision-making, etc) so I was diagnosed w/ ADD late in life bc symptoms matched. You may want to see psychiatrist and/or neuropsychologist for testing.
This felt very affirming. I no longer blame my parents for what happened to me as a kid, but one day I woke up and realized that 25 is right around the corner and I have no identity outside of their expectations and beliefs. That's why I moved to a new city where I didn't know anybody. It's been challenging but I'm slowly starting to piece together who I really am... Not who I "should" be in the eyes of others.
25 is a great age to start to work on bullding the life you want and need for yourself because, although it might not feel like it, you're still young. It takes courage to go it alone in a new city. Just keep doing the things that ring true for you and make you feel good and you'll hopefully find your tribe and build some decent connections with others. Wishing you all the best 😊
Good for you! That really takes courage! 25 is just the right age for starting your own life and building it out to be the life you want! Best wishes :)
As a child, I was intellectually gifted but emotionally neglected. I was able to leap frog over my peers in some areas, but was highly developmentally delayed emotionally. Now, I feel like I am catching up on the stuff my peers learned in elementary school. My delays come off to others as blanks spots (an absence of affect that should be there). Pushing sixty now, I do the Daily Practice and am getting better emotional footing, but I feel so behind I want to cry sometimes. It's hard acting like an adult when you don't feel like one.
Focus on the Positives in your life...there is professional help to assist you with this...aim for a realistic ballanced perspective...each person is unique with our own gifts and challenges...I start each day thanking God and then asking for His Guidance and Protection ❤
"A person at war with the past" is a nice way to put it. One thing that helps me when a "flashback" comes up is to say "yes, that happened, but it's not happening now and I won't let it happen again" and they go away. Perfect timing on the video today. Time to grow up & start living (before I die). Mom likes me now so that's what I focus on, the now. Happy New Year!
I can still over share, ( inner child needing to be heard) my parents , were the kind that relied on their older children, guide the younger siblings! I had to figure most things out on ny own, since my next older sister had no interest in guiding me ( except once) I however, wanted to guide my 3 younger siblings. My Dad barely spoke to me after the age of 12 ( my other older sister had passed away) and he kind of made distance between us. So I had nearly no adult feedback from my parents. I have spent years learning about what makes me tick. Still I have to practice the steps to feel acknowledged, before over sharing to anybody!
@@sharoncravenor2226 I am constantly stunned at how these patterns are replicated throughout this CC community. My dad veas friendly to me when I was young, took me fishing etc. After age 12 for whatever reason he stopped talking to me. I have struggled with identity my whole life and have enormous social handicaps, even now at 52. I always saw myself as a “girl” and bristle at the label “Woman”. I am high functioning and many look at my life as highly accomplished, but inside I still feel like I am stupid and incompetent.
Yes let's focus on the now that's exactly what my girlfriend sent to me I've been living in my trauma for 50 plus years Time for me to get my s*** together I have the best woman in the world I'm so blessed I'm so lucky. I love you Sherry ❤ In this life and the next. ♾️
I recently met with an old college friend I've known for 20 years and he went on with so many excuses about why he jumped from one job to the next to the next and burnt so many bridges along the way. This used to be relatable and cute when we were in our 20s but we're almost 40 now and it's exhausting. I've done a lot of therapy this past year and honestly it was a pretty big aha moment to let me know that I'm changing and outgrowing this type of behavior.
Ha..ha..you're right! I'm 47 and haven't even got my career under control....I still believe in the "Knight in shining armor" to come rescue me. Thanks for the straight up talk!! I have ADHD...never got my shi* together...it's hard....
I've dedicated myself to watching this video everyday. I'm in my late 30's, and I struggle to find work while still living at home with my parents. If only this video was around 15, to 4 years ago. I was reckless, and careless then, and now I'm having to pay for that. Just because you don't have your s*** together now, it doesn't mean you failed. You can get there, you just have to work for it. And I really like the statement "avoidance dressed up like freedom".
0:57 "avoidance dressed up like freedom" 2:38 "accepting responsibility for life isn't the opposite of freedom, it's how freedom to be our strong and fully-expressed and real selves opens up to us."
Not sure how your videos found their way into my queue, but I’m grateful they did. I’ve been watching and sharing your content with friends for over 6 mos. “Accepting responsibility for life isn’t the opposite of freedom, it’s how freedom to be our strong & fully expressed and real selves opens up to us.” - It’s not Sunday, but you preached an entire sermon right there!!!
@@ratelhoneybadgerIt's all about perspective, POV. I understood his comment as he is aware of the confirmation bias and is spreading awareness regarding critical thinking, but we don't see the word as it is, we see the world as we are. Awareness and critical thinking can make us see what we don't see, our blind spots. Fairy is awesome but too many people have had serious bad results of not using critical thinking i.e. towards cult leaders. I admire the fact that Fairy makes clear with her statements that we need to be critical, i.e. when she said not taking her statements like therapy or replacement for... We need more people that work like Fairy talking to vulnerable people emphasizing the need for critical thinking and awareness, making those vulnerable people aware of being aware and using their critical thinking. John was respectful and validated the qualities of the Fairy's talk, IMO. Sending you love and wishing you a very happy New Year. I am going to listen to this video latter.
" There comes a time when what happened in the past doesn't explain all the problems..." " Don't let yourself collapse into bitterness and helplessness.." We can learn to heal ! Thank you Fairy.. as always , practical wisdom in action
I feel like it needs one more word at the end. Makes it instantly more self-explanatory. There comes a time when what happened in the past doesn't explain all the problems *away*
Fortunately, the battle with my parents ended a few years ago when we talked it out and forgave each other. Now it’s a never ending battle with myself, and that alone is enough to focus on. Gotta get my shit together and keep going thru these Levels of growth.
you have been hitting the mark lately, a huge thing i have been working on this year is healing that inner child, so that my energy is no longer attracting the wrong things in life. ❤
I decided a few weeks ago that 2025 was going to be the year I get my 💩 together. I ended a toxic relationship and for the next year my focus is solely going to be on me. And today my favorite Fairy posted this video. If that’s not a sign I made the right decision, I don’t know what is. 👍
You are about 100% correct , and provide the best education that is therapeutic. My friend went to medical school and said dysregulation is called dissonance. You are a true good branch of truth. I wish that I was as healthy as you. It takes so much goodness when we are weirdly affected from past offenses. Linda here and thank you very much.
One thing to realize from childhood trauma is the forgiveness you allow yourself to give sets you free. Nothing anyone apologizes for or doesn't apologize for really ultimately makes a difference. What happened, happened, you have to forgive and move on. My mother died last year and never apologized and as the years went on I knew she never would, she just made excuses. I had to forgive to set myself free from my past. Did it fix everything? No, I still had to work through everything.
What I mean when I say I never want to grow up is that I want to stay playful, curious and amazed by this amazing Universe. So yeah...I never want to grow up! 🌌
While we grow up and make the lights come on , the hot water work, the food grow and get to your plate. The gas flow. The cars run. Fix your injuries. Grow the fabric. Make the clothes. Get them to the closet. Thats where the universe is at. Serving your fellow man. Participating in this universe. Or did you mean looking at the stars? Yea. They are cool. In the creation account telling all that God did ,it dedicated 5 words to the stars. He made the stars also.
I hear you! I feel like that is a healthy way to be after a turbulent childhood. We didn’t get to be so playful in the home environment. I spent as much time outside exploring the world as I could. If we can experience moments of joy, after everything we have been through, then there truly is Grace and unconditional love in this world 🌎
Many of the best & healthiest adults I know ARE playful, curious & amazed by the universe. Remember, the people we saw and didn't want to become were damaged & broken adults, so even our idea of what it means to 'grow up and be an adult' is warped.
*_To the gypsy that remains, his/her face says freedom, with a little fear. I have no fear, I have only love. And if I was a child, and a child was enough, enough for me to love, enough to love. (S)He is dancing away from you now. (S)He was just a wish. (S)He was just a wish. And his/her memory's all that's left for you now. You see your gypsy. You see your gypsy._* -S. Nicks 💞✨ Love and light and healing to all in the coming New Year. 💋❤️🔥
At 50 I’m like yup it’s time to be my best self use all I’ve learnt on my bumpy ride I’ve been responsible since 13 I’m tired 😪 but I do still need to get my shit 💩 together 50 like where tf has that come from !!
so good Anna! hugely resonating & spot on message for us adult children of alcoholic+narcissistic ppl (& a traumatized, jealous & resentful older sibling). A great year end video. I pray this permeates my anger, hatred, resentment from those who traumatized me & caused developmental trauma. For 3 years, stuck in rage. I hope to heal. Healing is so hard.
So sorry but good you're aware of it. My dad has dealt with his crappy childhood all of his life. His father was an alcoholic (& apparently narcissistic or otherwise toxic emotionally). Household & financial chaos made my dad a vigilant planner & organized to the point of controlling at times. Narc traits, anxiety & depression... All affected me negatively, even in middle age. He's a good man/father deep down & succeeded despite all that, yet has Alzheimer's now. Sadly bc of that his stress isn't aimed at me anymore. Counseling & CBT helped him through rough patches (& meds for me). Hope you find healing & a support network who understands. ❤🙏🏼 PS: Fwiw, NC or grey rock may be wise atm but don't lose precious time if you can mend things eventually, you never know.
@@Lexi_Con Oh thank you for your kind words & for sharing your family's generational trauma as well. The compassion, kindness & support from online communities such as this one is real! I feel the good will through the computer screen. 🙏❤🩹. I also wish you the best of luck on your journey. May 2025 bring much healing, growth, success & new wisdoms! I hope to witness incremental improvement - controlling emotional triggers & non-reactivity. Healthy & blessed 2025. 😊
Anna, since I started seeing your videos approximately two years ago, it feels like many of your videos are about my life and have have been made for me, it is very helpful, and you often put something out at the time I need it. Thank you for your knowledge! God bless you and your team, I wish for you all a wonderful and blessed 2025 ❤
Anna, your methodology is so amazing! I’m so thankful to have found your videos. I just recently discovered your channel, but your videos are already giving me so much hope and new ideas to implement into my healing journey. The last year has contained some really tough events that have awakened all kinds of cPTSD symptoms in me. It’s the first time in my adult life that I feel truly out of control, which is not my norm and in itself triggers me back feeling the lack of control I felt as a child. My symptoms and anxiety are so intense that they have begun to cause health problems. I’ve felt so overwhelmed with all this. But honestly, your videos have at least given me a helpful, practical starting place. A year of talk therapy wasn’t working. It was as if the two therapists I saw had no idea what I was talking about. I wish there was more practical training in the psychology field around cPTSD. Keep doing what you’re doing, with a focus on helping those you can. And congratulations on finding what seems to be your calling.
Great video Anna and much needed!!! Today for me was one of the days that I got my shit together!!! I went for a long walk, did some housechores, meditated and did dp twice met my cousin and played with my cat. Its like cptsd is stopping us every day to do the things that we need and want to do but life doesnt stop. Every day its a different day!!!❤❤❤
I am constantly stunned at how these patterns are replicated throughout this CC community. My dad veas friendly to me when I was young, took me fishing etc. After age 12 for whatever reason he stopped talking to me. I have struggled with identity my whole life and have enormous social handicaps, even now at 52. I always saw myself as a “girl” and bristle at the label “Woman”. I am high functioning and many look at my life as highly accomplished, but inside I still feel like I am stupid and incompetent.
@ Yes - he loves little children but is uncomfortable when they start growing up and becoming autonomous individuals. The same thing happened with his grandchildren - he was close to them as young children but now does not know how to interact with them as adults. To this day (I’m 55) our relationship feels very distant. I cannot fathom how a healthy father/child relationship would even feel, it’s completely foreign to me.
Wow when you were talking about your childhood I thought you somehow read my life journal! I am 49 and just recently started thinking my f-ed up childhood might have something to do with who I am now! Haha I always said “ bull crud! Can’t blame anything on childhood bla bla bla” I know now that I have been emotionally neglectful to my children. Suck it up I would say. I ended up being a single mom (first child at 15 and a husband that in-alived himself) that was so rigid because I never wanted my kids to have the same life. All of my kids graduated college too of class but I can see it almost physically hurts my daughter to hug me. Anyway I could go on and on
Oh, what a vivid portrait you've painted here of what it's like. You have to compartmentalize sometimes, and then it's time to open up and heal all that. You're on the way!
I have a loved one who puts her pets above all else to repeated self detriment. It seemed noble at first but now I believe it’s mostly an unconscious excuse to fail. Finish your degree, or, pets? She “chooses” pets. I put chooses in quotations because the pets were the only ones there to comfort her during the torture and rape as a child. It seems to me another type of trauma bond. She is a magnificent human and will be loved and seen no matter what. However, I think carefully talking about these difficult things without shame is helpful. Thank you!
Damn you nailed this one. I needed it. Tomorrow is my last day of crapfitting. ❤ I've grown and overcome insurmountable stuckness because of you!!!❤ I've always said that I don't want to grow up and my freedom was everything.
I love this video. Thank you Anna for creating this channel and becoming who you are today, in spite of adversities. I've been watching you for some time and learning about trauma is useful, but a reminder in 2025 that the power to grow is in our hands, is so encouraging and motivating!
I like this video. The majority of your videos focus on how we are victims, but it's still necessary to address how we can solve our own problems instead of blaming them for the way our lives turned out. The grass is only greener where you water it.
Excellent timing for this, I'm 46 and just now learning to grow up. What really helps me is that she is able to put things in to terms in a way that I can receive hard truths and understand what she's saying, truly. I have been toiling emotionally and logistically and grappling becoming the responsible independent adult I know is in me somewhere. I wasn't able to hear the sage advice and guidance from so many over the years but this video is info I can easily receive and understand in a way that allows me to think about it and overcome some obstacles trauma has left behind. I'm in a place where I'm working on exactly getting my shit together and this video just gave me more confidence because I know how to recognize things that hold me back and learn how to navigate successfully. The daily practice has been such a god send as well. It's on me now and growing can be painful and difficult but the hard work it takes to do is absolutely worth it. Fairy has been a life saver!! Thank you CCF! ❤
Still coming to a lot of realizations on how certain family dynamics were established, how I was parentified, and all the crap that happened behind closed doors… It’s because of those established patterns that I continue to make mistakes, but I’ve been rather accomplished despite this one last year. Thankfully I’ve closed out most relationships so I can finally invest time in myself, the time I always deserved but never gave and was conditioned to endlessly give to others. I wish my past self fought harder for my identity or do just do what I wanted… but I always already being yelled at and bullied enough in my own house, trying my best to be a ‘normal girl.’ Ya’ll kicked the living shit out of her and she’s gone okay? They wanted it like this, right? They enjoyed hurting me.
My sister says this but I realise now as we are all older we are all fooked up by our parents I thought it was just me. I love my mum no longer here and I love my dad but he’s never admit any truths, he’s still here but doesn’t want anything to do with us because any woman he’s had in his life and kids attached to her came first, but I want to forgive them. I know I haven’t been a perfect parent and I’m trying to show my kids where I did go wrong but it’s hard …… I’m all these things and I will sort my sh*t out but in my time x thanks for this
I see it as developing a conductor with my thoughts n behaviors instead of winging it with everything. It helps if you know the tools in the first place . Going back and collecting myself as a child and all the bad situations I created with empathy and forgiveness was liberating knowing I could parent better now ❤. Progress not perfection. Your amazing thanks Anna
This is perfect for the new year and a new start. Everything discussed in this video is what I was asking myself how to do and I am so grateful. Thank you Crappy Childhood Fairy ♥️
Adulting does suck in some ways, but in others, it's great. I can ignore what my parents tell me what to do, I can drive, do what I want (within reason, of course), drink (responsibly), come and go as I please. etc. Yes, I have to pay bills, take care of my cats, and be a responsible adult, but the perks are worth it. At least I think so.
I forgive myself and I forgive anyone who has hurt me you never know what they have gone through and I have made many mistakes in my life 55years old and finally more free you have described this perfectly…thank you Anna 🎉❤❤❤
Just NAILING it. I needed this! Thank you for articulating this struggle the way you did.. I think you hit every nook and cranny. There is a lot of power in being able to put this into words. It instantly becomes very tangible - something I can actually put real work into. Your videos have helped put so many missing puzzle pieces together for me. Like a domino effect of lightbulb moments. Thank you!! Extra encouraging comments here, too. Wow. Just a really special video.
So how do we move past a mental war over over shit that i caused financially during my 20s and 30s---I was a freaking adult, and now deeply regretting, which is also causing friction in my family, although I have made some big changes, with the thought of it never happening again? Yet, it feels like I have lost trust and caused a lot of anger as a result.
I struggled once to get my shit together as a teenager - and had a nervous breakdown because the harder I worked the more alone and unrecognized I felt. I struggled a second time... and literally had a heart attack at age 32. Every time I try, I snap in some way, mentally or physically - the stress is unsustainable. I do not trust self-discipline because I literally fear it will kill me or lead to a desperate life of constant anxiety, isolation and misery. I am so tired of the see-saw from lackadaisical permissiveness and comforting avoidance and cocooning (which induces shame and causes messes to build up) to frothing-at-the-mouth panic ifear-based work and I hate the hopeless grind. I see myself as a victim. I know my "tragic opera." I know how to feel hopeless. I want hope and more than hope real change where I can manage fear and guilt and find a way to guide myself safely, sanely and with as much love as possible through hard work towards goals I really believe in.
Why not love yourself to get some professional help...you may need to try more than one source to get a good match for yourself...this Channel gives me so much help...to avoid so much stress why not just go forward at your own rate...I believe in you because you are a survivior ❤
In some ways I'm happy my parents passed fairly young. I only had to deal with 20 years of their ab us e. Never wanted them to acknowledge or apologize. I just want to overcome the ick they imprinted on me.
Anna Runkle’s Daily Practice absolutely switched the direction of my life 180°. It’s easy, it’s free, it only takes a little commitment on your part to stick with it. Somehow the abuse makes us forget that we are fully capable beings with a body that knows how to be at its best, if we can just get out of the way (with all our negative thought patterns or intrusive thoughts that we mistake for our own thinking) at let it do its thing. All the best to you.
🤔 I’ve joked about failing 10 businesses before I was 10… the truth part of it just hit me. 🙏 My new goal is to make one work before 50 😅 this talk gives me hope.
If your body/mind/Will is your Temple❤sounds good-try it ❤then look into what destroys/builds up! Healthy habits and healthy influences are choices. Thank you, Fairy friend, for explaining Limerance. That was great!
These ones are really uncomfortable for me to watch. It's hard because I deal with really high stress and I'm super self critical, but also have a slew of new age beliefs I gathered around 18-20 years old, like "spend money like you have money, that'll attract more" "you dont need to work when you're tired, you need to take care of yourself", a lot of self-soothing, delusionally positive slogans. And there's still a part of me that believes them. I'm afraid to adopt more tough love mindsets because I feel like it'll add to my stress and anxiety, but I know that it's true.
I’ve been grown up emotionally for sometime, but financially and with the adult stuff I was never taught and have been bumbling through life, getting off by the grace of family contacts and friends… but especially this year I’ve managed to burn every bridge and people say that’s childish but aren’t I now in the perfect position to become self-reliant and learn this skill I’ve supposedly lacked for so long? I’m doing the best I can with no teacher, and a goddamn library card. ✌🏽✨
I feel this. I was very financially irresponsible for so long (and I'm 44), and I'm not proud of it. It took me to finally almost being evicted and needing family to bail me out, which has caused so much friction since then. I feel like I've lost a lot of their trust, and maybe they don't believe that I've really learned my lesson, but I have to keep pushing forward to at least prove to myself that I have, and am taking things super seriously now.
What do you do with the hurt from an adult son who has alienated all family mbrs by not allowing us to see our only grandchild who is now 9 yo. We dont exist in our sons life. The heartache is killing us and yet we stay away for healthy reasons. Can a 45 yo get his shit together or do you hold your parents at bay because we divorced almost 40 yrs ago. 💔
Content is spot on, as usual. But the swearing felt very off-brand and was distracting to the point that it was hard to absorb your message. Love you so much, Anna! And thank you for all you have done to help me heal.
Red flags for me are much more subtle things to most people, like when someone you’re about to do business with says, “So how are you today?” They’re trying to see if you’re easy to manipulate, can be stolen from or mistreated, etc. This society is FULL of predators right now, and if we don’t recognize these subtle little things AND have tools for them, we can end up depressed and not know why.
I want to grow up every day. I feel like their is always more to learn and evolve to than we can even think of. There is a difference between being a live and vibrant as a child and being childish. I don't want to be a child. I want to be a full life. I also have the other side of not getting my shit together and I feel this is limiting and bad.
You may want to try Anna's free course ‘The Daily Practice’. It is the technique that led to Anna’s own healing, and she uses it to this day. Here’s a link if you’re interested: bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice Nika@TeamFairy
@jayh1734 well... I can't romanticize that time period or culture, and reading the entire Bible itself years ago drove me to atheism and a deep sadness and resentment of what Abrahamic religion has done to humanity.
@bluesight_ well. Sorry to hear that. You remember reading the part in the bible that said eat, drink and be merry for tomorrow you die? That's you then. Sorry.
Thank you -- that's kind. If you like this approach to healing, consider joining my membership program -- or a standalone course! The links are in the description section, and also on my website: crappychildhoodfairy.com
Soo being a responsible adult or a parent (like me) can be fulfilling? It can be something to enjoy? To be proud of? Instead of boring, suffocating and one big pile of misery (with fairylights sometimes?) If I do this I will like to be an adult? I see that I hated the idea of it 😂 but I know I want to. I have to.
Of course, it can! There's so much to enjoy and appreciate: being decisive, knowing what you want and who you are, exploring life with ease and peace of mind, and many more! Nika@TeamFairy
Re: videos on how to do a job interview... I never knew this existed years ago. I found out about these videos and realised most times I was saying the wrong things hahahahahaha. oh well, if the interviewer was astute and good enough at their job, he/she could see past the nervousness and realise I had the smarts for the job. The interviewer also has their share of the interview of whether it was a good one or not. God knows I've had my share of bad interviewers who shouldn't have had that position. Damn them hahahhahahahahaha 🙂
Daily Practice (a free course) can be a good first step. It is the technique that led to Anna’s own healing, and she uses it to this day. Here’s a link if you’re interested: bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice Nika@TeamFairy
Your comment about not being able to trust in your common sense...... well, when you're being gaslighted and scapegoated all the time, that might be a natural result. If you're not allowed by a parent to actually live your own life, then you'll wind up as a young adult with absolutely no support system and needing to be in a remedial class for CATCHing up, not just growing up. Damn it. THANK YOU SO MUCH for all you do! 🎉🎉🎉
I was just excluded from opening gifts with everyone, both on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. My mother wants everyone to spend the night, I haven't for years. And as a delayed adult who has struggled for years to get my crap together, I want to sleep at my house and get up and take care of my needs Christmas morning then go over. My Brother and his girlfriend don't either but because I'm single Im expected to do what she wants which is to recreate Christmas morning as if we were all children. They all drink her coolaide. They went so far as to give me a matching (with my mom and sister) overnight bag, matching tshirts to hang out in all day after opening gifts, and stood around the kitchen talking about it as if I spend the night there, as if that was the reality, when I haven't done it in years. No one asked me directly. I set up a flexible time for a ride over in the morning, to save money and I didn't want to Lyft on Christmas, but they opened gifts before that. The youngest is 24 years old. They can wait until 10am. My brother planned to open gifts before the party Christmas eve, because he had company the next day. I wasn't included in that, like told in advance we're opening gifts at x time does that work for you, and his girlfriend who normally could care less for my existence was super nice to me and made a big deal about giving me my gifts alone with them once I got there because she's knew it was a jerk move. My mom had a fit that it was inconvenient for them to come pick me up before the party, when she called prior and offered, and checked to see if I had already texted my cousin for a ride, then later when I confirmed flipped out because people were coming over and inconvenient. I would have and was making other plans, which I cancelled! and they told me it was on a whim they opened gifts before. Stressed she didn't have the time, then had so much time to open gifts. But I know they had it planned because I know my brother and he had company the next day, and they wanted to leave when the party was over to go home and prepare. I was upset from my mothers fit so I took my time getting ready, didn't know they were doing gifts, did some tapping to clear it, before I took a Lyft over. Where I found my cousin thinking I wasn't coming at all, where did she get that idea. I just find it so odd that they crap on me for years about needing to get my shiz together and then expect at this and some other times to revert to a childlike state and behavior to fit the delusional image of what she has in her mind. And they all drink her coolaide. She once bought a new washer and dryer and said she got a larger size for all the grandkids clothes. My nephews were grown and the rest of us don't have kids. It was delusional or hurtful one of the two. So when I gave and opened my gifts alone after 9pm Christmas night, after other events that bossed me instead of including me with inviting and planning, I was visibly, to normal people, quite upset. I stated how it would be more fun to open them up with others, I opened them up as fast as possible which she was upset about. And when I thought ok, I'll just ask for better planning next year, ask of we could schedule it. They all, every single one of them, flipped out at a request to schedule opening of gifts for everyone to be there. I couldn't get a word in after that. It did not end well. I thought schedulinh at 10am was reasonable. But it wasn't the exact image she wanted. Revert to a child like state and do what I say when I say, or don't be included was the message. Well I'm too grown for that shiz. A cruise sounds great next year.
At 14 she was throwing a tantrum about the laundry and still I had to fight to get my right or autonomy to do my own laundry from that point on, even though she was complaining about doing it. I feel like this Christmas was finally my independence day.
Sorry that happened to you. It does seem like you will have to express harder boundaries. Like, in front of everyone if you say you want to go home, ask which time should you be back for the gift opening and express how excited you are to do it together. That way your mother can’t as easily sweep everyone up into following her lead. People who are controlling under a thin veneer of cheer are usually pretty tiring for everyone, so I imagine it’s not just you. You could also try to place most of your focus on the rest of your family and be very boring towards her and not listening to her very much. But it only works if you don’t get super disregulated. Good luck, families are hard!
@@Mallowolf yeah I did set up a ride for the morning. They all sleep late so I figured 10. I was ignored. No call, no text. And it felt on purpose. It was quite orchestrated and a lot of guilt trips to spend the night and no one hearing me when I said why. It was two days of being miserable. I was on a happy Christmas high getting ready for Christmas, and as soon as that first text came in confirming the time, and she threw her fit, good feelings gone. I hate holidays. No more.
Read up on being the scapegoat. Also, set boundaries you can keep. You let everyone know, individually or collectively and maybe multiple times during the year (not right B4 everyone plans) what you can accommodate. Do not deviate. If you're only available on one day for 3 hours, so be it. if they get upset, they can manage their feelings... You can politely remind them that they were informed long ago of your schedule. Do not expect them to be different, your different behavior may upset them... They may trash you, etc. Again, you are setting boundaries to make your life improve... Not to hurt others. Do not expect them to change. If they do, great. But boundaries are for your sake. It is a polite way to say no without defending or accusing, etc.
New Years Eve and she just texted about 10:30 pm, feels like just to ruin my night. Am I going to family pictures on the 12th. No info. Then sends what looks like group text dialog of info, but just to me, and not including me in the group text. Continued exclusion from the group. Would you go?
I always felt so “juvenile”, despite being older. It feels like I’m still a teenager, just in an adults body. I tend to struggle with time management, tasks management, keep on track with finances, budgeting, performing well at work/deadlines, etc. How does one get good at this? HOW do we get better at growing up????
This is literally me too! I'm thinking at least for me it's a trauma response
ADHD
If you know that you struggle with certain skills and want to hone them, go to courses or certain other free online colleges for singled out college courses. Unless you can pay 50 to 100 a month on a course but most of the time it's pointless if you find the right free class. I go to Coursesa for a free University of Florida Financial Management (family) course. It has helped me greatly and it also teaches you how to keep track of your funds.
Another is RUclips, God taught me spending plans and reinvention videos and scheduling skills ironically through RUclips as people have amazing courses all free use for us to gain knowledge.
Performing well at work is simply how you view work. If you don't learn to love it or at least like something about it other than money to make it worth working at, you'll fall short of your potential. God put too much skill in you to waste. So if you can find something to love about it other than money, you'll put your whole heart into it. Do work wholeheartedly, giving it your all the way you know best. Others will try to say you are doing something wrong but you can always shave you legs multiple ways, you don't have to fit a single mould when you're liquid in creativity.
Deadlines is nothing by organization and limiting burn outs. When you schedule your day, use a pave the road method. Plan the major task (Big rocks) first and their times: bills, debt, job project, big move. Then the little rocks: chores, car repairs, etc. And then fill in the cement : self-care routine, spa, leisure time, video gaming. And do your best not to deviate for your rest's sake, but leave room for flexible issues that might come up. Work 6 days and rest completely of the 7th as the Lord created the Heavens and the Earth for 6 days and rested on the 7th. So if you work Wednesday, rest Monday. If you work Sunday, rest Saturday. I say this because every week is brand new and might change.
Pave the Road also helps with time management as you are setting times for certain goals, create alarms for when those things should be completed.
Sorry this is long but I hope this helps. We can still have fun like kids, be responsible as adults, and live like we die tomorrow. There is nothing wrong with that. But she does have a point. If we "don't want to grow up," at least be able to take care of yourself like in adult and still give yourself room to have fun like a kid.
ACOA adult children of Alcoholics and dysfunctional families?
I can relate to this, too. Many of these issues are connected to ADHD/ADD symptoms & the frontal lobe aka PFC. Never had it in childhood yet I suffered a TBI 30+ yrs ago & symptoms have gotten worse with age. My injury affected executive function (memory, organization, decision-making, etc) so I was diagnosed w/ ADD late in life bc symptoms matched. You may want to see psychiatrist and/or neuropsychologist for testing.
~Something i decided, finally, was, i am no longer gonna try to explain myself to those who have refused to listen~
This felt very affirming. I no longer blame my parents for what happened to me as a kid, but one day I woke up and realized that 25 is right around the corner and I have no identity outside of their expectations and beliefs. That's why I moved to a new city where I didn't know anybody. It's been challenging but I'm slowly starting to piece together who I really am... Not who I "should" be in the eyes of others.
Make sure to guard yourself, this is a vulnerable time. Good luck, and good for you 🫂
25 is a great age to start to work on bullding the life you want and need for yourself because, although it might not feel like it, you're still young. It takes courage to go it alone in a new city. Just keep doing the things that ring true for you and make you feel good and you'll hopefully find your tribe and build some decent connections with others. Wishing you all the best 😊
Good for you! That really takes courage! 25 is just the right age for starting your own life and building it out to be the life you want! Best wishes :)
All I can say to you my friend is Bravo🫱🫲
As a child, I was intellectually gifted but emotionally neglected. I was able to leap frog over my peers in some areas, but was highly developmentally delayed emotionally. Now, I feel like I am catching up on the stuff my peers learned in elementary school. My delays come off to others as blanks spots (an absence of affect that should be there). Pushing sixty now, I do the Daily Practice and am getting better emotional footing, but I feel so behind I want to cry sometimes. It's hard acting like an adult when you don't feel like one.
Your story is very relatable to me
❤
Focus on the Positives in your life...there is professional help to assist you with this...aim for a realistic ballanced perspective...each person is unique with our own gifts and challenges...I start each day thanking God and then asking for His Guidance and Protection ❤
We're all rooting for you! Keep up with the Daily Practice, hope it will bring you even more benefits so you don't struggle but thrive!
Nika@TeamFairy
I felt this in my soul! We will get better! We can overcome the emotional damage!
"A person at war with the past" is a nice way to put it. One thing that helps me when a "flashback" comes up is to say "yes, that happened, but it's not happening now and I won't let it happen again" and they go away. Perfect timing on the video today. Time to grow up & start living (before I die). Mom likes me now so that's what I focus on, the now. Happy New Year!
I like this response ☺️
I can still over share, ( inner child needing to be heard) my parents , were the kind that relied on their older children, guide the younger siblings! I had to figure most things out on ny own, since my next older sister had no interest in guiding me ( except once) I however, wanted to guide my 3 younger siblings. My Dad barely spoke to me after the age of 12 ( my other older sister had passed away) and he kind of made distance between us. So I had nearly no adult feedback from my parents. I have spent years learning about what makes me tick. Still I have to practice the steps to feel acknowledged, before over sharing to anybody!
@@sharoncravenor2226
I am constantly stunned at how these patterns are replicated throughout this CC community.
My dad veas friendly to me when I was young, took me fishing etc.
After age 12 for whatever reason he stopped talking to me.
I have struggled with identity my whole life and have enormous social handicaps, even now at 52.
I always saw myself as a “girl” and bristle at the label “Woman”.
I am high functioning and many look at my life as highly accomplished, but inside I still feel like I am stupid and incompetent.
Yes let's focus on the now that's exactly what my girlfriend sent to me
I've been living in my trauma for 50 plus years
Time for me to get my s*** together
I have the best woman in the world I'm so blessed I'm so lucky.
I love you Sherry ❤
In this life and the next. ♾️
I recently met with an old college friend I've known for 20 years and he went on with so many excuses about why he jumped from one job to the next to the next and burnt so many bridges along the way. This used to be relatable and cute when we were in our 20s but we're almost 40 now and it's exhausting. I've done a lot of therapy this past year and honestly it was a pretty big aha moment to let me know that I'm changing and outgrowing this type of behavior.
Ha..ha..you're right! I'm 47 and haven't even got my career under control....I still believe in the "Knight in shining armor" to come rescue me. Thanks for the straight up talk!! I have ADHD...never got my shi* together...it's hard....
I've dedicated myself to watching this video everyday. I'm in my late 30's, and I struggle to find work while still living at home with my parents. If only this video was around 15, to 4 years ago. I was reckless, and careless then, and now I'm having to pay for that. Just because you don't have your s*** together now, it doesn't mean you failed. You can get there, you just have to work for it. And I really like the statement "avoidance dressed up like freedom".
0:57 "avoidance dressed up like freedom"
2:38 "accepting responsibility for life isn't the opposite of freedom, it's how freedom to be our strong and fully-expressed and real selves opens up to us."
Not sure how your videos found their way into my queue, but I’m grateful they did. I’ve been watching and sharing your content with friends for over 6 mos. “Accepting responsibility for life isn’t the opposite of freedom, it’s how freedom to be our strong &
fully expressed and real selves opens up to us.” - It’s not Sunday, but you preached an entire sermon right there!!!
Thank you for being a part of our community :) -Calista@TeamFairy
Trust Anna to come in clutch just before 2025, the Fairy is undefeated 🔥🔥🌻🙌🏾
That sounds cool, but we don't need to put her on a pedestal. She is one of us. 👍🏼
@johnhill9504 having an issue with people complimenting others is a symptom of trauma. Happy new year🤗
@@ratelhoneybadgerIt's all about perspective, POV. I understood his comment as he is aware of the confirmation bias and is spreading awareness regarding critical thinking, but we don't see the word as it is, we see the world as we are. Awareness and critical thinking can make us see what we don't see, our blind spots. Fairy is awesome but too many people have had serious bad results of not using critical thinking i.e. towards cult leaders. I admire the fact that Fairy makes clear with her statements that we need to be critical, i.e. when she said not taking her statements like therapy or replacement for... We need more people that work like Fairy talking to vulnerable people emphasizing the need for critical thinking and awareness, making those vulnerable people aware of being aware and using their critical thinking. John was respectful and validated the qualities of the Fairy's talk, IMO. Sending you love and wishing you a very happy New Year. I am going to listen to this video latter.
Our coping mechanisms to "keep us safe" are strangling our Authenticity...
@@EKV47 I guess if I have to choose I want to be safe
I love this Anna, it’s very timely 🥰
" There comes a time when what happened in the past doesn't explain all the problems..." " Don't let yourself collapse into bitterness and helplessness.."
We can learn to heal !
Thank you Fairy..
as always , practical wisdom in action
THIS! 💥🎯💯 Thank you!
I feel like it needs one more word at the end. Makes it instantly more self-explanatory.
There comes a time when what happened in the past doesn't explain all the problems *away*
Fortunately, the battle with my parents ended a few years ago when we talked it out and forgave each other. Now it’s a never ending battle with myself, and that alone is enough to focus on. Gotta get my shit together and keep going thru these Levels of growth.
you have been hitting the mark lately, a huge thing i have been working on this year is healing that inner child, so that my energy is no longer attracting the wrong things in life. ❤
I decided a few weeks ago that 2025 was going to be the year I get my 💩 together. I ended a toxic relationship and for the next year my focus is solely going to be on me.
And today my favorite Fairy posted this video. If that’s not a sign I made the right decision, I don’t know what is. 👍
Wish you a bombastic year! I'm sure you will turn everything around! ❤
You are about 100% correct , and provide the best education that is therapeutic. My friend went to medical school and said dysregulation is called dissonance. You are a true good branch of truth. I wish that I was as healthy as you. It takes so much goodness when we are weirdly affected from past offenses. Linda here and thank you very much.
One thing to realize from childhood trauma is the forgiveness you allow yourself to give sets you free. Nothing anyone apologizes for or doesn't apologize for really ultimately makes a difference. What happened, happened, you have to forgive and move on. My mother died last year and never apologized and as the years went on I knew she never would, she just made excuses. I had to forgive to set myself free from my past. Did it fix everything? No, I still had to work through everything.
What I mean when I say I never want to grow up is that I want to stay playful, curious and amazed by this amazing Universe.
So yeah...I never want to grow up! 🌌
While we grow up and make the lights come on , the hot water work, the food grow and get to your plate. The gas flow. The cars run. Fix your injuries. Grow the fabric. Make the clothes. Get them to the closet. Thats where the universe is at. Serving your fellow man. Participating in this universe.
Or did you mean looking at the stars? Yea. They are cool. In the creation account telling all that God did ,it dedicated 5 words to the stars. He made the stars also.
I hear you! I feel like that is a healthy way to be after a turbulent childhood. We didn’t get to be so playful in the home environment. I spent as much time outside exploring the world as I could.
If we can experience moments of joy, after everything we have been through, then there truly is Grace and unconditional love in this world 🌎
Many of the best & healthiest adults I know ARE playful, curious & amazed by the universe.
Remember, the people we saw and didn't want to become were damaged & broken adults, so even our idea of what it means to 'grow up and be an adult' is warped.
*_To the gypsy that remains, his/her face says freedom, with a little fear. I have no fear, I have only love. And if I was a child, and a child was enough, enough for me to love, enough to love. (S)He is dancing away from you now. (S)He was just a wish. (S)He was just a wish. And his/her memory's all that's left for you now. You see your gypsy. You see your gypsy._*
-S. Nicks
💞✨ Love and light and healing to all in the coming New Year. 💋❤️🔥
Perfect! this is one of my all time favorite songs!
@@charmedprince beautiful 🌻
My fav song! My go to karaoke 😅
At 50 I’m like yup it’s time to be my best self use all I’ve learnt on my bumpy ride I’ve been responsible since 13 I’m tired 😪 but I do still need to get my shit 💩 together 50 like where tf has that come from !!
I’m 55 and I feel what you’re saying…thank you 😊
Me too. I just had my 50th birthday. And I need to get my whole being sorted out, get my shit together.
Same here… When I was younger, I never expected to make it to 50… but here I am! It’s time to stop living in survival mode and get shit done.
@ absolutely xxx
so good Anna! hugely resonating & spot on message for us adult children of alcoholic+narcissistic ppl (& a traumatized, jealous & resentful older sibling). A great year end video. I pray this permeates my anger, hatred, resentment from those who traumatized me & caused developmental trauma. For 3 years, stuck in rage. I hope to heal. Healing is so hard.
So sorry but good you're aware of it. My dad has dealt with his crappy childhood all of his life. His father was an alcoholic (& apparently narcissistic or otherwise toxic emotionally). Household & financial chaos made my dad a vigilant planner & organized to the point of controlling at times. Narc traits, anxiety & depression... All affected me negatively, even in middle age. He's a good man/father deep down & succeeded despite all that, yet has Alzheimer's now. Sadly bc of that his stress isn't aimed at me anymore. Counseling & CBT helped him through rough patches (& meds for me). Hope you find healing & a support network who understands. ❤🙏🏼 PS: Fwiw, NC or grey rock may be wise atm but don't lose precious time if you can mend things eventually, you never know.
@@Lexi_Con Oh thank you for your kind words & for sharing your family's generational trauma as well. The compassion, kindness & support from online communities such as this one is real! I feel the good will through the computer screen. 🙏❤🩹. I also wish you the best of luck on your journey. May 2025 bring much healing, growth, success & new wisdoms! I hope to witness incremental improvement - controlling emotional triggers & non-reactivity. Healthy & blessed 2025. 😊
@@Conscious59 You're welcome. Such a small world. I added to my original comment. Hope you find peace in the new year.
Wow. Just WOW.
Anna, since I started seeing your videos approximately two years ago, it feels like many of your videos are about my life and have have been made for me, it is very helpful, and you often put something out at the time I need it. Thank you for your knowledge! God bless you and your team, I wish for you all a wonderful and blessed 2025 ❤
Anna, your methodology is so amazing! I’m so thankful to have found your videos. I just recently discovered your channel, but your videos are already giving me so much hope and new ideas to implement into my healing journey. The last year has contained some really tough events that have awakened all kinds of cPTSD symptoms in me. It’s the first time in my adult life that I feel truly out of control, which is not my norm and in itself triggers me back feeling the lack of control I felt as a child. My symptoms and anxiety are so intense that they have begun to cause health problems. I’ve felt so overwhelmed with all this. But honestly, your videos have at least given me a helpful, practical starting place. A year of talk therapy wasn’t working. It was as if the two therapists I saw had no idea what I was talking about. I wish there was more practical training in the psychology field around cPTSD. Keep doing what you’re doing, with a focus on helping those you can. And congratulations on finding what seems to be your calling.
I'm so glad the channel has been helpful! -Calista@TeamFairy
Great video Anna and much needed!!! Today for me was one of the days that I got my shit together!!! I went for a long walk, did some housechores, meditated and did dp twice met my cousin and played with my cat. Its like cptsd is stopping us every day to do the things that we need and want to do but life doesnt stop. Every day its a different day!!!❤❤❤
Your hair looks luxurious!!!
I am constantly stunned at how these patterns are replicated throughout this CC community.
My dad veas friendly to me when I was young, took me fishing etc.
After age 12 for whatever reason he stopped talking to me.
I have struggled with identity my whole life and have enormous social handicaps, even now at 52.
I always saw myself as a “girl” and bristle at the label “Woman”.
I am high functioning and many look at my life as highly accomplished, but inside I still feel like I am stupid and incompetent.
Wow. Have you been able to find out why he stopped talking to you at 12? I'm so sorry you went through that, how devastating. 💔
@
Yes - he loves little children but is uncomfortable when they start growing up and becoming autonomous individuals.
The same thing happened with his grandchildren - he was close to them as young children but now does not know how to interact with them as adults.
To this day (I’m 55) our relationship feels very distant.
I cannot fathom how a healthy father/child relationship would even feel, it’s completely foreign to me.
Hang in there!
Nika@TeamFairy
Thank you. You are a saviour.
Amen. I'd be happy to have the fun inner child versus trauma child mindsets that take over.
Wow when you were talking about your childhood I thought you somehow read my life journal! I am 49 and just recently started thinking my f-ed up childhood might have something to do with who I am now! Haha
I always said “ bull crud! Can’t blame anything on childhood bla bla bla”
I know now that I have been emotionally neglectful to my children. Suck it up I would say.
I ended up being a single mom (first child at 15 and a husband that in-alived himself) that was so rigid because I never wanted my kids to have the same life. All of my kids graduated college too of class but I can see it almost physically hurts my daughter to hug me.
Anyway I could go on and on
Oh, what a vivid portrait you've painted here of what it's like. You have to compartmentalize sometimes, and then it's time to open up and heal all that. You're on the way!
I have a loved one who puts her pets above all else to repeated self detriment. It seemed noble at first but now I believe it’s mostly an unconscious excuse to fail. Finish your degree, or, pets? She “chooses” pets. I put chooses in quotations because the pets were the only ones there to comfort her during the torture and rape as a child. It seems to me another type of trauma bond. She is a magnificent human and will be loved and seen no matter what. However, I think carefully talking about these difficult things without shame is helpful. Thank you!
This is the kindest, most sensible, call to grow up that I've heard in a long time. Thanks, Anna!
Damn you nailed this one. I needed it. Tomorrow is my last day of crapfitting. ❤ I've grown and overcome insurmountable stuckness because of you!!!❤ I've always said that I don't want to grow up and my freedom was everything.
We're all rooting for you! -Calista@TeamFairy
This was perfect to watch on NYE. Thank you!
We're all rooting for you! -Calista@TeamFairy
I love this video. Thank you Anna for creating this channel and becoming who you are today, in spite of adversities. I've been watching you for some time and learning about trauma is useful, but a reminder in 2025 that the power to grow is in our hands, is so encouraging and motivating!
I like this video. The majority of your videos focus on how we are victims, but it's still necessary to address how we can solve our own problems instead of blaming them for the way our lives turned out.
The grass is only greener where you water it.
Excellent timing for this, I'm 46 and just now learning to grow up. What really helps me is that she is able to put things in to terms in a way that I can receive hard truths and understand what she's saying, truly.
I have been toiling emotionally and logistically and grappling becoming the responsible independent adult I know is in me somewhere. I wasn't able to hear the sage advice and guidance from so many over the years but this video is info I can easily receive and understand in a way that allows me to think about it and overcome some obstacles trauma has left behind.
I'm in a place where I'm working on exactly getting my shit together and this video just gave me more confidence because I know how to recognize things that hold me back and learn how to navigate successfully. The daily practice has been such a god send as well.
It's on me now and growing can be painful and difficult but the hard work it takes to do is absolutely worth it. Fairy has been a life saver!! Thank you CCF! ❤
Wonderful! Thank you for sharing your encouragement with other folks here!
Nika@TeamFairy
Still coming to a lot of realizations on how certain family dynamics were established, how I was parentified, and all the crap that happened behind closed doors… It’s because of those established patterns that I continue to make mistakes, but I’ve been rather accomplished despite this one last year. Thankfully I’ve closed out most relationships so I can finally invest time in myself, the time I always deserved but never gave and was conditioned to endlessly give to others. I wish my past self fought harder for my identity or do just do what I wanted… but I always already being yelled at and bullied enough in my own house, trying my best to be a ‘normal girl.’ Ya’ll kicked the living shit out of her and she’s gone okay? They wanted it like this, right? They enjoyed hurting me.
My sister says this but I realise now as we are all older we are all fooked up by our parents I thought it was just me. I love my mum no longer here and I love my dad but he’s never admit any truths, he’s still here but doesn’t want anything to do with us because any woman he’s had in his life and kids attached to her came first, but I want to forgive them. I know I haven’t been a perfect parent and I’m trying to show my kids where I did go wrong but it’s hard …… I’m all these things and I will sort my sh*t out but in my time x thanks for this
I see it as developing a conductor with my thoughts n behaviors instead of winging it with everything. It helps if you know the tools in the first place . Going back and collecting myself as a child and all the bad situations I created with empathy and forgiveness was liberating knowing I could parent better now ❤. Progress not perfection.
Your amazing thanks Anna
This is perfect for the new year and a new start. Everything discussed in this video is what I was asking myself how to do and I am so grateful. Thank you Crappy Childhood Fairy ♥️
Always relevant!
Adulting does suck in some ways, but in others, it's great. I can ignore what my parents tell me what to do, I can drive, do what I want (within reason, of course), drink (responsibly), come and go as I please. etc. Yes, I have to pay bills, take care of my cats, and be a responsible adult, but the perks are worth it. At least I think so.
I needed this.
Glad you're here :) -Calista@TeamFairy
I forgive myself and I forgive anyone who has hurt me you never know what they have gone through and I have made many mistakes in my life 55years old and finally more free you have described this perfectly…thank you Anna 🎉❤❤❤
Wow!!!!Soooo very good. TY Perfect to inspire others just before the New Year begins. Ii's time to thrive in 2025🎉🎉
Just NAILING it. I needed this! Thank you for articulating this struggle the way you did.. I think you hit every nook and cranny. There is a lot of power in being able to put this into words. It instantly becomes very tangible - something I can actually put real work into. Your videos have helped put so many missing puzzle pieces together for me. Like a domino effect of lightbulb moments. Thank you!! Extra encouraging comments here, too. Wow. Just a really special video.
Thank you for sharing! So glad you are here!
Nika@TeamFairy
So how do we move past a mental war over over shit that i caused financially during my 20s and 30s---I was a freaking adult, and now deeply regretting, which is also causing friction in my family, although I have made some big changes, with the thought of it never happening again? Yet, it feels like I have lost trust and caused a lot of anger as a result.
Anna, Thanks for posting this video.
Happy New Year, Anna....Thank you for everything....
I struggled once to get my shit together as a teenager - and had a nervous breakdown because the harder I worked the more alone and unrecognized I felt. I struggled a second time... and literally had a heart attack at age 32. Every time I try, I snap in some way, mentally or physically - the stress is unsustainable. I do not trust self-discipline because I literally fear it will kill me or lead to a desperate life of constant anxiety, isolation and misery. I am so tired of the see-saw from lackadaisical permissiveness and comforting avoidance and cocooning (which induces shame and causes messes to build up) to frothing-at-the-mouth panic ifear-based work and I hate the hopeless grind. I see myself as a victim. I know my "tragic opera." I know how to feel hopeless. I want hope and more than hope real change where I can manage fear and guilt and find a way to guide myself safely, sanely and with as much love as possible through hard work towards goals I really believe in.
Why not love yourself to get some professional help...you may need to try more than one source to get a good match for yourself...this Channel gives me so much help...to avoid so much stress why not just go forward at your own rate...I believe in you because you are a survivior ❤
In some ways I'm happy my parents passed fairly young. I only had to deal with 20 years of their ab us e. Never wanted them to acknowledge or apologize. I just want to overcome the ick they imprinted on me.
Thank you I'm working on it
Happy New Year Anna🎉 Many thanks for your videos. The best advice ever!
This is really eye opening ❤
So much heart, Anna. thank you.
Thank you Anna.
We need more of this, thank you
I'm so glad the video was helpful! -Calista@TeamFairy
Thank you Anna! What I needed to hear today! Happy New Years everyone!
Happy New Year!
Nika@TeamFairy
I needed to hear this today. Thank You
Off the topic- I love your hair💖
Does anyone know what is the most effective therapy/treatment to recover suppressed memories from childhood neglect and abuse?
Anna Runkle’s Daily Practice absolutely switched the direction of my life 180°. It’s easy, it’s free, it only takes a little commitment on your part to stick with it. Somehow the abuse makes us forget that we are fully capable beings with a body that knows how to be at its best, if we can just get out of the way (with all our negative thought patterns or intrusive thoughts that we mistake for our own thinking) at let it do its thing. All the best to you.
Thank you
🤔 I’ve joked about failing 10 businesses before I was 10… the truth part of it just hit me. 🙏 My new goal is to make one work before 50 😅 this talk gives me hope.
If your body/mind/Will is your Temple❤sounds good-try it ❤then look into what destroys/builds up! Healthy habits and healthy influences are choices. Thank you, Fairy friend, for explaining Limerance. That was great!
These ones are really uncomfortable for me to watch. It's hard because I deal with really high stress and I'm super self critical, but also have a slew of new age beliefs I gathered around 18-20 years old, like "spend money like you have money, that'll attract more" "you dont need to work when you're tired, you need to take care of yourself", a lot of self-soothing, delusionally positive slogans. And there's still a part of me that believes them. I'm afraid to adopt more tough love mindsets because I feel like it'll add to my stress and anxiety, but I know that it's true.
I do the same thing!
I have several nephews and some family that way! Ugh!
Ana, you are amazing.
I’ve been grown up emotionally for sometime, but financially and with the adult stuff I was never taught and have been bumbling through life, getting off by the grace of family contacts and friends… but especially this year I’ve managed to burn every bridge and people say that’s childish but aren’t I now in the perfect position to become self-reliant and learn this skill I’ve supposedly lacked for so long? I’m doing the best I can with no teacher, and a goddamn library card. ✌🏽✨
I feel this. I was very financially irresponsible for so long (and I'm 44), and I'm not proud of it. It took me to finally almost being evicted and needing family to bail me out, which has caused so much friction since then. I feel like I've lost a lot of their trust, and maybe they don't believe that I've really learned my lesson, but I have to keep pushing forward to at least prove to myself that I have, and am taking things super seriously now.
What do you do with the hurt from an adult son who has alienated all family mbrs by not allowing us to see our only grandchild who is now 9 yo. We dont exist in our sons life. The heartache is killing us and yet we stay away for healthy reasons. Can a 45 yo get his shit together or do you hold your parents at bay because we divorced almost 40 yrs ago. 💔
Content is spot on, as usual. But the swearing felt very off-brand and was distracting to the point that it was hard to absorb your message.
Love you so much, Anna! And thank you for all you have done to help me heal.
I didn’t even notice that she cursed. It doesn’t seem off brand
They want to be CAREFREE and AUTHENTIC and not turn out bitter and burdened like a negative parent figure in their life.
Red flags for me are much more subtle things to most people, like when someone you’re about to do business with says, “So how are you today?” They’re trying to see if you’re easy to manipulate, can be stolen from or mistreated, etc. This society is FULL of predators right now, and if we don’t recognize these subtle little things AND have tools for them, we can end up depressed and not know why.
How is that predatory? What’s a good or bad way to respond?
You are my girl I don’t even think you know!!!! Lol thank you, Anna 🤗
Thanks Anna 😮😅
You are so, "spot on."
. . . personaly, I think the 'beeps' could have been minimized, as in less is more. 😊
fully-expressed self 2:34
at war with the past 7:15
Needed this rn
Happy New year 2025 ! 🌷
Thank You! 💚💖💚💖💚💖💚💖
I had to grow up really fast. And the irony is that I am now forever unable to “grow up.”
❤I love that !
I want to grow up every day. I feel like their is always more to learn and evolve to than we can even think of. There is a difference between being a live and vibrant as a child and being childish. I don't want to be a child. I want to be a full life.
I also have the other side of not getting my shit together and I feel this is limiting and bad.
You may want to try Anna's free course ‘The Daily Practice’. It is the technique that led to Anna’s own healing, and she uses it to this day. Here’s a link if you’re interested: bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice
Nika@TeamFairy
This answered the "Why" really well, but not the "How"
Get a bible. Read it. Pray. Thats how the greatest generation did it.
They had calloused hands and tender hearts. Instead of the other way around.
@jayh1734 well... I can't romanticize that time period or culture, and reading the entire Bible itself years ago drove me to atheism and a deep sadness and resentment of what Abrahamic religion has done to humanity.
@bluesight_ well. Sorry to hear that. You remember reading the part in the bible that said eat, drink and be merry for tomorrow you die? That's you then.
Sorry.
@@jayh1734 this is a fantasy. Not the Bible, but the people you’re speaking of
This is after therapy. I feel like I should be paying you for these sessions 😂
Thank you -- that's kind. If you like this approach to healing, consider joining my membership program -- or a standalone course! The links are in the description section, and also on my website: crappychildhoodfairy.com
Thank you 🙏🏽
I don't want to get old ..thats my problem.
My dad always said that. Getting old is the worst!
And I would say, Dad, that's the f#@king point! To get old and not die! ❤
Immediately think, what of those of us never having been allowed to be kids?
❤💯♥️🎯🙏✌️ THANK YOU!!
I'm ready to get my shit together Anna!
Mu husband is like this. It drives me crazy 🤯
Can you help with impulsive shopping and other impulsive child behaviors. Also scapegoat abuse!
For scapegoat abuse, RUclips Channel, Jay Reid.
Soo being a responsible adult or a parent (like me) can be fulfilling? It can be something to enjoy? To be proud of? Instead of boring, suffocating and one big pile of misery (with fairylights sometimes?) If I do this I will like to be an adult? I see that I hated the idea of it 😂 but I know I want to. I have to.
Of course, it can! There's so much to enjoy and appreciate: being decisive, knowing what you want and who you are, exploring life with ease and peace of mind, and many more!
Nika@TeamFairy
Re: videos on how to do a job interview... I never knew this existed years ago. I found out about these videos and realised most times I was saying the wrong things hahahahahaha. oh well, if the interviewer was astute and good enough at their job, he/she could see past the nervousness and realise I had the smarts for the job. The interviewer also has their share of the interview of whether it was a good one or not. God knows I've had my share of bad interviewers who shouldn't have had that position. Damn them hahahhahahahahaha 🙂
I just don't know how or when to start 😔
Daily Practice (a free course) can be a good first step. It is the technique that led to Anna’s own healing, and she uses it to this day. Here’s a link if you’re interested: bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice
Nika@TeamFairy
Your comment about not being able to trust in your common sense...... well, when you're being gaslighted and scapegoated all the time, that might be a natural result. If you're not allowed by a parent to actually live your own life, then you'll wind up as a young adult with absolutely no support system and needing to be in a remedial class for CATCHing up, not just growing up. Damn it.
THANK YOU SO MUCH for all you do! 🎉🎉🎉
I was just excluded from opening gifts with everyone, both on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. My mother wants everyone to spend the night, I haven't for years. And as a delayed adult who has struggled for years to get my crap together, I want to sleep at my house and get up and take care of my needs Christmas morning then go over. My Brother and his girlfriend don't either but because I'm single Im expected to do what she wants which is to recreate Christmas morning as if we were all children. They all drink her coolaide. They went so far as to give me a matching (with my mom and sister) overnight bag, matching tshirts to hang out in all day after opening gifts, and stood around the kitchen talking about it as if I spend the night there, as if that was the reality, when I haven't done it in years. No one asked me directly. I set up a flexible time for a ride over in the morning, to save money and I didn't want to Lyft on Christmas, but they opened gifts before that. The youngest is 24 years old. They can wait until 10am. My brother planned to open gifts before the party Christmas eve, because he had company the next day. I wasn't included in that, like told in advance we're opening gifts at x time does that work for you, and his girlfriend who normally could care less for my existence was super nice to me and made a big deal about giving me my gifts alone with them once I got there because she's knew it was a jerk move. My mom had a fit that it was inconvenient for them to come pick me up before the party, when she called prior and offered, and checked to see if I had already texted my cousin for a ride, then later when I confirmed flipped out because people were coming over and inconvenient. I would have and was making other plans, which I cancelled! and they told me it was on a whim they opened gifts before. Stressed she didn't have the time, then had so much time to open gifts. But I know they had it planned because I know my brother and he had company the next day, and they wanted to leave when the party was over to go home and prepare. I was upset from my mothers fit so I took my time getting ready, didn't know they were doing gifts, did some tapping to clear it, before I took a Lyft over. Where I found my cousin thinking I wasn't coming at all, where did she get that idea. I just find it so odd that they crap on me for years about needing to get my shiz together and then expect at this and some other times to revert to a childlike state and behavior to fit the delusional image of what she has in her mind. And they all drink her coolaide. She once bought a new washer and dryer and said she got a larger size for all the grandkids clothes. My nephews were grown and the rest of us don't have kids. It was delusional or hurtful one of the two. So when I gave and opened my gifts alone after 9pm Christmas night, after other events that bossed me instead of including me with inviting and planning, I was visibly, to normal people, quite upset. I stated how it would be more fun to open them up with others, I opened them up as fast as possible which she was upset about. And when I thought ok, I'll just ask for better planning next year, ask of we could schedule it. They all, every single one of them, flipped out at a request to schedule opening of gifts for everyone to be there. I couldn't get a word in after that. It did not end well. I thought schedulinh at 10am was reasonable. But it wasn't the exact image she wanted. Revert to a child like state and do what I say when I say, or don't be included was the message. Well I'm too grown for that shiz. A cruise sounds great next year.
At 14 she was throwing a tantrum about the laundry and still I had to fight to get my right or autonomy to do my own laundry from that point on, even though she was complaining about doing it. I feel like this Christmas was finally my independence day.
Sorry that happened to you. It does seem like you will have to express harder boundaries. Like, in front of everyone if you say you want to go home, ask which time should you be back for the gift opening and express how excited you are to do it together. That way your mother can’t as easily sweep everyone up into following her lead.
People who are controlling under a thin veneer of cheer are usually pretty tiring for everyone, so I imagine it’s not just you. You could also try to place most of your focus on the rest of your family and be very boring towards her and not listening to her very much. But it only works if you don’t get super disregulated. Good luck, families are hard!
@@Mallowolf yeah I did set up a ride for the morning. They all sleep late so I figured 10. I was ignored. No call, no text. And it felt on purpose. It was quite orchestrated and a lot of guilt trips to spend the night and no one hearing me when I said why. It was two days of being miserable. I was on a happy Christmas high getting ready for Christmas, and as soon as that first text came in confirming the time, and she threw her fit, good feelings gone. I hate holidays. No more.
Read up on being the scapegoat. Also, set boundaries you can keep. You let everyone know, individually or collectively and maybe multiple times during the year (not right B4 everyone plans) what you can accommodate. Do not deviate. If you're only available on one day for 3 hours, so be it. if they get upset, they can manage their feelings... You can politely remind them that they were informed long ago of your schedule. Do not expect them to be different, your different behavior may upset them... They may trash you, etc. Again, you are setting boundaries to make your life improve... Not to hurt others. Do not expect them to change. If they do, great. But boundaries are for your sake. It is a polite way to say no without defending or accusing, etc.
New Years Eve and she just texted about 10:30 pm, feels like just to ruin my night. Am I going to family pictures on the 12th. No info. Then sends what looks like group text dialog of info, but just to me, and not including me in the group text. Continued exclusion from the group. Would you go?
A lady at work was like that.
Don't wanna grow up? I never was a kid yeehaw 🤠🤠