"The day the child realizes that all adults are imperfect, they become an adolescent; the day they forgive them, they become an adult; the day they forgive themselves, they become wise." Alden Nowlan
This hit near home, I had for the longest time been trying to forgive myself for shit I did in the past as a teenager, I wasn’t able to let go, but the last couple of years I’ve been starting to move forward and starting the process of forgiving myself. I guess I’m ready, I guess I’ve grown up. Thanks for the quote, it reminded me of the journey that I’ve been through.
The elements ; 1. Childhood awareness 2. Be introspective 3. Know your feelings 4. Be realistic 5. Body and mind connection 6. Subconscious awareness 7. No victim identity 8. Gratefulness 9. Self-compassion 10. Self-control 11. Empathy 12. Acceptance
I don't think you can summarize that list. Self-awareness and acceptance are words that can be interpreted very widely. There are a lot of children who would think they meet that summary.
@@tcironbear21 it only means being capable of managing their own affairs and responsibilities. You are just trying to make slave minded, copies aren't you? By telling them about social normals, suppressing emotions and all tht BS
1. We understand some of the ways in which our childhoods have shaped who we are today 2. We give up on the temptations of believing that we might be simpler than we are. 3. We develop a sober appreciation of how easy it is to lie to ourselves. 4. We learn to tell others with slightly more accuracy what’s really going on inside us 5. We understand (when we aren’t tired) the difference between what someone meant to do to us and what we experienced at their hands 6. We forgive ourselves for the strangeness of our minds 7. We allow ourselves to get angry at certain things that might have happened around those who put us on earth (But we don’t stuck in the position of fury) 8. We accept that sometimes reality maybe less awful than we assume it will be. 9. We accept how many of our moods rely on the vagaries of our bodies 10. We learn that we are not compelled to say everything that passes through our minds the moment it does so. 11. We get patient and encouraging towards those who are less advanced than we are. 12. we remain aware that any progress we feel we have made is always liable to be temporary
Learning is one thing, other thing to be aware, improve what you learned and stick to the improved life / emotional plan without distractions! But we all get distracted & even fail at some points cuz we set unrealistic goals or emotional expectations for ourselves that NO ONE IN THIS ROTTEN WORLD IS DOING OR PROVIDING HELP TO DO! On the internet everyone are perfect and sticks to all these 12 principles + 12 more from above for 365D / year! BUT, in real life people are dopamine additcted, lazy & unhealthy! BOTH Physically and Psychically!
In short we must understand that we and others are imperfect and while we both may not seek to do harm we can sometimes hurt one another. It’s up to us to look deeply inside ourselves to discover the lessons in the madness of life and to hope for a more peaceful future in turn. Maturity is not simply growing up, it’s growing a more nuanced lens of ourselves and the world around us so we can live more calmly and give more grace to ourselves and others.
We don't leave childhood or leave adolescence, we don't overcome or finish them. Adulthood is built over the bases of childhood and adolescence, but our inner child and inner teen will always be with us. Negating them would be pathological.
@@asloii_1749 But growing up is awesome! The older I get and the more time passed going through therapies and learing about myself and how to deal with life, the more I get confident with myself and happy with existence. My relationships with others got better and I found more truly likeminded people that share my values. I enjoy getting older, but I understand that It comes with some downsides. I accept them.
@@asloii_1749 growing up isn`t bad .... if the tree wouldn`t grow up then it would just be a seed. You trade your endless posibilities for an actual fun and fulfilling destiny.
@@Damiaen.i agree but unfortunately not everyone has therapy or support systems to help them with their issues so they have to try and solve it themselves which is a huge hurdle in itself
One good thing about getting past a certain age is that you're no longer expected to always be tough, strong, fast or bright. You're no longer on the spot light. This serene way of life gives you the opportunity to pay close attention to your surroundings - that's when you learn how much information you were missing out because you were always in a hurry.
One of the first conditions that help someone starting to behave as an adult: Free thinking, free speech. If you can't do this - things become difficult If you don't let your child - partner - friend freely say and do "stupid" or non usual things, you don't help them grow. They must be free to express anything. Let them sing/dance even if they are terrible! Let them talk even if they say garbage. It's the only way, firstly to hear/do what they say/do by themselves - thus understanding or clarifying it or simply enjoying it or using it as a way out of other emotions. If they still say or do something that could be wrong or harmful, and they don't realise it - you can start a normal discussion about it - before 9pm of course :-) This also applies to one's own self. Sometimes society doesn't help. Bosses may be hard, colleagues may be strange, family members may have problems or may simply don't care ... You can identify these issues and find the correct moments to do your self analysis. Or be helped by a friend or a professional in the whole process. But freedom is the beginning. Freedom to have your own wrong views, freedom to try and fail over and over, freedom to look weird, freedom to say and do anything that doesn't really affect others in a bad way.
1. I am sorry to hear that, and I hope you keep improving. And 2. As the video mentioned, rationalizing and understanding properly our own background as a way to further work on yourself is a key part of improving! Childhood trauma *is* lessons, after all; so that's some good awareness points for you 😊
I do not mean to minimize you’re experience at all but I don’t think anyone’s road is linear :-) your road is harder but you are not abnormal for having it not be linear :-) I know for sure that mine hasn’t been linear. You aren’t alone and I hope you find some fantastic traveling companions as you travel your road.
“Critics who treat 'adult' as a term of approval, instead of as a merely descriptive term, cannot be adult themselves. To be concerned about being grown up, to admire the grown up because it is grown up, to blush at the suspicion of being childish; these things are the marks of childhood and adolescence. And in childhood and adolescence they are, in moderation, healthy symptoms. Young things ought to want to grow. But to carry on into middle life or even into early manhood this concern about being adult is a mark of really arrested development. When I was ten, I read fairy tales in secret and would have been ashamed if I had been found doing so. Now that I am fifty I read them openly. When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up.” ― C.S. Lewis
Love Lewis, and this is a great quote, but I think there's a bit of equivocation between his discussion of being perceived as or judged adult in a relatively superficial way (reading fairy stories), vs the video meaning personal development/maturation. Thoughts?
""'adult' as a term of approval, instead of as a merely descriptive term""" Every definition will at some point become the basis of judgement. What the heck do you mean?
I grew up in a household where everyone was talking down on others constantly. Nothing was ever really good, just less bad. doing good on an exam would get me an unenthusiastic, "That's nice", at best. I keep having to remind myself, that when something that is positive happens to me, or if I perform well at a task. That it's good, and that I'm supposed to be happy that it happened. The best I can muster is contentment tho. I enjoy other people's happiness, but feel guilty about being jealous of their ability to truly be happy.
I respect the trouble that you choose to go through because you know better than that, and choose it. I believe that you're already going uphill in that department, and I think you should be proud of asking yourself those questions (to a healthy degree, obviously!)
The fact that you continue to be aware of that, in itself is proof that you are a good person. Keep it up brother, we'll help Jehovah God make the world a better place.
A child is not obligated to force a relationship with someone with impaired empathy who refuses to see your side of things while you attempt to see theirs. At a certain point, one must decide if utilizing everything they've learned through healing themselves can also be utilized to bridge the divide between themselves and their parents. It's not the parent's fault that they're the way they are, but it's their RESPONSIBILITY to become aware of how their patterning affects others, especially when deciding to raise children.
The problem is sometimes finding a suitable partner who is equally emotionally mature and aware, it seems everyone on the dating scene tends to look at life through mere passions and toxic positivity and travelling the world and fun time on weekends, making us feel like we’re abnormal for preferring to travel more within our minds, and possibly destined to be alone.
The maturity part of this is recognising the strengths that lie in others and having someone who will grow with you. You naturally impact your significant other with your mindset and they will impact you with theirs. You are probably not the emotionally mature person you think you are right now. Let another’s mind let you see differently. Finding someone who travels through life with grace, who isn’t quick to anger, who listens to others and acknowledges their current limits of thejr mind but is willing to learn of others philosophy is when we all hit the sweet spot. Turn off the noise of what you think should be and naturally direct yourself to others who you find captivating for who they are. People are more than they let on - it takes a little magic to let it all unravel.
To me being an adult is, being responsible, being empathetic to another, admitting when you're wrong, knowing the difference between right and wrong, keeping your promises, making only promises you CAN keep, give only constructive criticism and being truthful without being mean. I have a ways to go but I'm trying everyday.
I was having a conversation with my cousin who is turning 30 in a few days. I told him how much I preferred my 30s (so far, just turned 32) to my 20s because I now realize that no one really expects me to know everything or be infallible. It’s more important to know what I don’t know than to pretend to know everything. It’s such a freeing realization. Also that while I try to be respectful to everyone, not everyone will like me and that’s okay. I don’t need to like someone to work with them as long as we both treat each other with professional respect.
Exactly! Plus its not nessarily important... getting money to live however is, so most folks have a job or (in)directly leech off someone who has one. This is a PURPOSELY narrow definition of maturity #psychological Ppl can't really live much without food or money to get food, but this crock of nonsense is free and worth what you didn't pay for it @mrdeanvincent
I truly felt like an adult was the moment I realized that everyone is different and I needed to let them be. Their path may be self destructive but who am I to interfere? It was pretty devastating at first but I slowly settled into this mindset.
Sounds like you have learned what it means to respect another person's dignity; to understand that things & people exist outside of you, and (mostly) have nothing to do with you - and that that's "ok". Sounds like you have learned that you are not the center of the universe - which is a useful lesson to learn, not to mention a calming and liberating one.
Yes it is more empowering for all parties involved to stay on their side of the street. I think this is extra hard for people who as children were made responsible for the emotional state of their stressed out parent. To me at least a lot of maturing seems to be mainly an unlearning of faulty programming. Besides what people want and what they need/what is good for them can very much look like different/opposite/contradicting things, but it is still their personal choice to make, so yeah, live and let live ✌️
One of my mantras is “I can only control myself, I can’t control what other people do”. I will offer advice when asked and I am willing to discuss pros and cons, risk and benefits, but in the end their decision is their own and I have to respect that. It’s a hard but liberating lesson as now I no longer need to stress myself out about how to make sure everyone is doing (my definition of) OK.
Psychological maturity is a continual process of growth, and these traits reflect a deep understanding of oneself and others, leading to healthier relationships and a more fulfilling life.
After so much time spent in therapy and dollaridos it’s nice to have a checklist even though there is already so much proof. Your internal landscape changes completely. At first you don’t know what to make of it because there is no prior experience of it. You just get used it to over time because there is a distinct absence of panic.
I don’t want to be egotistical when I say this, but a lot of this resonates with me and I understand why people would tell me I’m very mature. I don’t think I always go about it perfectly, but I try my best to understand what I do for each step and take necessary action. I think for anyone watching this, I’d recommend focusing on making future you proud, instead of looking at the past and disappointed at yourself.
There is nothing wrong or egotistical about appreciating your strengths. It is, however, important to realize that we may not be as mature as we think we are, speaking from experience
@@jabbathetrump yeah for context I don’t think im mature at the very least 😂 I just try to be aware of what I need and want and that’s honestly what anyone needs to feel better for yourself and the people around you
Facts and truths are most difficult to accept for those who are unprepared, immature, and irresponsible. Unfortunately, those facts and data points do not care about the status of one's mind, body, and spirit; the Universe exists whether one is a helpless infant or a veteran soldier.
You know. I feel you kinda missed the point. None of us present here are adults by the definition of this video, because we are making snide remarks and condeming others for lacking qualities we think we possess. Its like getting angry atachild for their ignorance. Pointless. What you should do is communicate your point. Communicate, not speak.
i.e stands for "id est" which is Latin for "that is." E.g. ("exempli gratia" or "for example"), "To avoid elimination, all contestants will need to complete the obstacle course within the given amount of time; i.e, 69 minutes."
@@accade_acaso Just nowadays it's PC to consider everyone's feelings as entirely valid and of concern within an ethical relativism view. So if someone finds something that someone else did offensive, then that action is to be condemned, regardless of the objective meaning or truth involved. Whereas the person at fault, in reality, could instead be the person who claims offense. Eg your partner claims offense at something you did but they were just being overly sensitive and there's zero basis/validity/justification to their claim.
@@djayjpso number 5? That we understand that just cause we experienced an action a certain way, that doesn’t mean the person had a malicious intent? Cause what you’re describing doesn’t sound like the problem is that we think too many feelings are valid. It just sounds like people assign malicious intent to those actions, and then respond in an overly hostile way that is not necessary. But that might also be me not liking your wording because “feelings aren’t valid” places the blame on the feelings themselves, which we can’t necessarily control. Sometimes people’s emotions may seem dumb to an outsider, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t valid. They’re just different people who experiences a situation differently. Emotions are just too complicated and personal to really care about if they’re valid or not. You can talk about if they’re rational, or if they’re proportional to the situation at hand, but that ties more into how we handle those emotions, rather then judging if the emotions are okay in the first place. Now we can definitely talk about how people react to those emotions. Since some do become overly hostile, and on occasion care so much about their own emotions, they don’t bother caring for the emotions of others. But that’s more so in how someone responds to their emotions. Not so much if the emotions are valid or not.
Emotions are lessons learned from biological and social history. They don't change on their own, much like beliefs or ideologies. They are encoded lessons, for you or others, designed to protect us and keep us alive. As a form of long-term social memory, emotions are at the mercy of your understanding and the actions of others. That is to say, someone can "teach" you to feel a certain way as a child, but your understanding and reaction to that teaching is what will be emotionally remembered, if you decide to store it.
"What's the point of growing up, if we can't be a child sometime?" - Tom Baker's 4th Doctor. Growing up doesn't mean you should stop having fun. Enjoyment just comes... differently.
Like finding the shower rack you've always dreamed of? Or the sensation of blinking when you have finally caught up your sleep because your eyes actually make tears now?
I find things that most people think are boring delightful... The texture of the bark on a tree, the pattern of steam wafting over a candle flame, the way a TV screen reflects a rainbow pattern when you shine a light on it... I like to study these things and understand them and simply enjoy them.
I disagree that maturity will look like blissful contentment. There are many people who have no interest in becoming satisfied with everything because the explorer in them would die. We can remain youthful while being mature. Being ready, even eager for excitement is not indicative of immaturity.
It’s weird because it’s very common for people to be “adult” in their interests but “childish” on the emotional maturity scale. What I mean is, a lot of adults look down on media that’s meant for a younger audience (Nintendo games, cartoons, certain music) because it’s “childish”, and they care about what they’re interested in so that they’re not “childish”. However, when it comes to handling a serious situation with emotional maturity, that desire to not be “childish” is no longer present. It’s weird to see that as an insecurity, but not see people take the obvious action needed to ACTUALLY start working on weeding out that issue they know they have
The most interesting people/adults, for me, are those who keep their child-like sense of wonder. A boring/uninteresting person is as good as a dead person, imo. My grandmother was an exemplar of someone who never lost her sense of wonder and instilled in me the same.
As a kid I thought I was more mature than others bur I later understood I was just more depressed and now I'm seeing myself becoming an adult because the way a lot of things make me feel is different from mot too long ago and over the years my perspective on things gets broader and broader
I became an adult looking at my parents acting immature. I used to think of better alternative everytime I felt their actions improper, so I can become better parent in future!!
So we have to have a boring life to be an adult? I want my life to be less boring as I get older. I don’t think aging means we should just settle. But I can appreciate more quiet evenings from time to time.
Not exactly to have a boring life, but rather accept since theres is nothing new to discover compare to when we were childs and everything was new. Most of our days will be boring because we get used to the routine. And yet, we can still enjoy those days by relaying on the small details of life: like a rainy day, a beautiful sunset, a night walk out thru the city with the smell of wet dirt, coffe and cigarettes or drink hot chocolate with your partner on winter. Of course you may plan something spontaneous sometimes. But enjoy the fact of living a norma life. Normal is not a synonym of boring.
Yes, this very clearly is indeed how a psychiatrist would define adulthood- it is all about dealing with the effects of our childhood. All relevant, but it is hardly the only definition of adulthood. To me, this video presents itself as offering a general definition, when in fact it offers a definition of adulthood that is strictly from the viewpoint of psychiatry.
I mean they do state at 0:40 that they’re working of one specific definition of adulthood, and that they think this specific one is worthy of extra attention. They also clarify the definition comes from psychiatry. But I wouldn’t say they treat it like THE definition. Yeah it’s the one they prefer, but they do acknowledge it is not the only one
No, your mind is your limit, if you live a life without questioning yourself you gonna understand everything a few seconds before death, it's a decision to get better or keep living like a child
The moment I realized I was an adult mentally was when I realized that every adult does not have everything figured out and we are all figuring out as we go and learning what works and what doesn't, and being okay with that.
@EpicMiniMeatwad no you're taking my comment totally the wrong way... the focus is not on sailing through life, it's on becoming emotionally mature. Your reaction would suggest a trigger
1. We understand some of the ways in which our childhoods have shaped who we are today. 2. We give up on the temptatons of believing that we might be simplier than we are. 3. We develop a sober 4.
Being psychologically mature at a younger age, only made me more socially lonely as no one around my age understood me. It's a curse in the eyes of some individuals including myself.
I don't know many people from the older generation who would match even half of this. Maybe in countries with a better standard of living some people may be like that, but I see so many neurotics around, ready to judge and say categorical things. These people are tired, have suffered, are angry, envious, prone to conspiracy theories, and do not follow the rules that they do not understand. Like in their time they didn't prohibit burning leaves, so they'll never stop, and you can talk as much as you want about responsibility and how this is spreading carcinogens throughout the entire area. They don't care. The worst thing is that this generation taught me that I was the bad one. That my generation was wild and irresponsible. I really believed it and thought that I was from the first generation that said bad words and did bad things. I thought swearing was invented in the hallways of my school. So i don’t believe in such adulthood, it’s some kind of unattainable ideal. If at least half of people were so "adult" we would be able to suppress with our wisdom those who want wars, demagogs would never win elections, we would not do so many silly things as a society. Very few people can understand their limitations and shortcomings and have the discipline to be so adult. Most float on the warm current of cognitive convenience and moral flexibility and do bad things while thinking they are doing good things.
I love the imagery of the cat getting pet against the grain of its fur. Nice analogy to misunderstanding how communication works but also just delightfully animated haha
#13 We understand that reality is more about compromises than ideals. And we have learned to accept this reality and work with that. This is really the thing that differentiates child and adult thinking. It could be said that this is the overarching theme of those 12 points in general. Some call it wisdom, others call it disillusionment. Both is true
So if I were to say Hitler was a good guy and you disagreed, we would compromise and say he was an okay guy, regardless of you upholding the ideal that what he did was wrong?
Its kind of helpful to understand that people most often pay attention to only things infront of them and not always about you. And understand that you're one of those people also sometimes.
4:05 Incorrect. That is just for some type of people. If you are both night owls, the best time for significant conversations is (late) in the evening.
I am a senior (65). I would just like to mention that some of these do not apply if you have experienced abuse, especially from a family member when you were in their care. It is OK to understand they WERE trying to harm you, they did NOT have your best interest at heart and you DON'T have to cut them any slack whatsoever. Part of being a mature adult is ensuring your boundaries are respected and being able to walk away when they are not. Sometimes those bad things that the video claims rarely happen.....do happen.
I learnt to accept who am I and at the same time not being accustomed to my flaws. I thrive to be a better man that what I was yesterday appreciating the journey I've been through in the meanwhile. I got no power on what happens around me and little on how I can react to it, but I do my very best to get the better of it.
Got number 1 down - childhood trauma ruined and ruled nearly my entire life (I may yet fully change my imprinted negative programs and reclaim the balanced mindset I was born with). Been with number 2 for several decades. Same with 3. Some may think it oversharing, but I am deeply into number 4. Check for #6. At peace with 7. Still having difficulty with 8. Still working on 9. Too much of 11 and not enough emoting of the truth has hurt me terribly. I have until recently been too good at internalizing everything and not calling out hurtful behavior towards me. Healthy boundaries have recently been adopted. Ah, number 12. I have always anticipated rejection and failure...therby attracting them. Conclusion: while having made many improvements to my mindset...the remaining blockages are literally killing me. Good luck to all who understand.
You only have so many hours remaining to do whatever it is you hope to do, want to do, or feel that you were "meant" to do. I strongly suggest taking action. 🐲✨🐲✨🐲✨ "Before I start, I must see my end. Destination known, my mind's journey now begins. Upon my chariot, heart and soul's fate revealed. In time, all points converge; hope's strength resteeled. But to earn final peace at the Universe's endless refrain, we must see all in nothingness... before we start again." 🐲✨🐲✨🐲✨ -- Diamond Dragons (series)
Really like this, serves as a clear proxy diagnosis for maturity. Instead of subjectively wondering how mature you are, rate these statements by strongly disagree to strongly agree (-2 to 2) and you are left with a pretty good metric/indicator of your actual maturity! Assume the baseline to be 0, with negative scores meaning immature, 0-5 being developing, 5-15 being mature and 15+ being very mature.
💯🎯 Growing up is: 🔸Accepting, knowing and processing how you have lived 🔸Understanding how that informed how you currently live 🔸Choosing when, where, how, with who you respond/react to anything that happens to and around you 🔸Extending grace to everyone you have and will experience
I have an existential fear that my sheltered past didn’t allow me to grow up mentally. This video gives me great relief that I have adopted nearly all these aspects. Thank you.
A lot of these, I find, are really hard to get to if your subconcious is really good at pattern recognition. It takes more effort to get to the point where you, yourself can easily process those patterns with both logic AND emotion.
The no significant conversations past 9 PM is so me omg....I realized a year ago that there are far more urgent matters to take care of, than to spend a night chatting. I have been apologizing 2 hours before I sleep, then go on about my business reading a book or meditating. But most of the times, I avoid being around platforms or in situations where I have to take part in these conversations all together.
I thought this was the worst point. Maybe it can be applied to some situations but why can’t you have significant conversations with your family late at night
@@abbie-b6 why does your need to be well-rested take more space than your need to have significant conversations ? I believe that if you really are in control of your adult life, you can take feeling exhausted from time to time... I guess that must mean you have no control over your adult life, which probably means you are dominated (and probably ignore it because you have been fed lies about "freedom of choices" and that questioning it is "evil communism"). I mean, one CAN freely choose a lifestyle where it is crucial to never be feel exhausted, but assuming this should be everyone's choice or calling this the only definition of a healthy adult life is dubious at best, and more likely a sign of indoctrination and/or exploitation.
that likely sounds like an intrusive thought. It’s not uncommon for people have violent or dark thoughts. What matters is what you do with those thoughts.
It's also something to do that, with time passing, accepting that dreams or hopes we may have had will never come true (without judging whether thats a good or bad thing). Windows of opportunity close and events cannot be re-lived but will either live in memory (e.g. as a lost chance or a great time) or fade into oblivioness. We accept that time is linear for us and may find solace in the fact that it is for everyone. We learn to deal with the fact of finiteness. Oh, and we get to taste the sweet nectar of nostalgia and not-giving-a-fuck.
And if you passed all of these before puberty, or early into it, congratulations you have CPTSD with Parentification. I met all of this criteria by the age of 7. It is not something to be proud of. And now, nearly 30, I never feel like an adult.
I am 33, and it is only recently that I think *I think!* I have finally entered a mature-ish stage of adulthood. I am more and more capable of perceiving situations and their multitudinous truths. I have more and more compassion/tenderness for people I love/care about while also having more compassion for myself than I've ever had before. It's more and more intuitive that a bad day will pass and is simply that-a bad day. And it's easier than ever before to understand the psychological phenomenon of projection without taking it *too* personally when I am the subject; it is also easier to take responsibility for the actions I've committed that may have hurt someone, or disappointed them.
Why do psychologists always think parents are the antagonists of a persons mental wellbeing or in this case issues? It frustrates me to no end as someone who's experience trauma and been pushed to nearly ending my life by an abusive partner, that rather than pointing the finger at the true antagonist "the abuser" and instead pretending the parent have a hand in the trauma. In my case my parents were genuinely loving. Gave me an amazing childhood despite their poverty and the dangerous area I grew up in. They were stable, calm, open, they believed in all my dreams and enabled me to pursue paths that made me happy. They listened to my emotional needs. I had 3 long term serious relationships which were all wonderful and ended amicably due to logistical and emotionally mature reasons. Then I met the mother of my children. Who was for 2-3 years amazing. Then suddenly after trauma with work and clearly unresolved trauma from her prior relationships, started treating me similar to how a narcissist treats their victims (I do not believe she's a narc, however the behaviours she exhibited were.... are narc traits). I spent years being gaslit, manipulated, isolated and before I knew it I was losing my own mind as she made isolated me from ... well all of myself. My previous relationships and great upbringing if anything were so good they had left me naïve to how a supposedly loving partner could treat their significant other. Regardless. My point is. Can we stop blaming the good people in our lives for what the abuser of the traumatised are guilty of? I see it with so many, including friends who've been through trauma such as losing friends in horrific accidents. The therapist still goes for the parents.
Kinda hard to asses how we are “supposed” to be or “should” behave when no single person has even the slightest idea wtf we’re doing here to begin with.
Well, what you are supposed to be, is who you want to be. Discounting any actions that would actively harm others that is. You will always wind up a mixture of who is around you and what you want to be.
If you’re an adult by all means go for maturity but if you’re watching this at like 18/college age.. eh don’t rush the growth process or try to skip too far ahead, you’ll never get those years back. There’s time
We need a good sense of judgement to know what people/situations are good or bad for us, but we also need to know when we don't *need* to be judging everything & everyone around us. A good way to know how judgemental you are is to listen to your thoughts while grocery shopping: are you judging other people in the store based on how they look or the food they're buying? Do you really need to be doing that to every person you lay eyes on?
I'm 30 and I feel like I've just started grasping adulthood in reality. If anything it feels like a whole load is taken off of your shoulders when you've finally matured and you can finally be who you really are without concern. (Given the circumstances, of course)
It's hard not to get angry when people literally spew hatred and want violence towards others. People who say stuff like that actually brew hate in me.
When it comes to excitement, is more of a shift towards an attitude of "excitement here and there is great, but all excitement all the time, gets exhausting very quickly" along with understanding that continual excitement builds up tolerance, leading to a need for more and more extreme situations being needed to give you the same level of excitement. It can be a vicious cycle that becomes quite dangerous.
Whenever I see a Holo picture, I have to spread my love for that show. Great character. And yeah, you're basically describing an adrenaline junky. It seems like tons of things in life are slippery slopes.
"We learn and get bored by how easy it is to condemn." I think that's an important one. The sleep one makes my man much more mature than me in that aspect. I always get the need to make the important conversations after 9 PM. It's the time where my mind starts rolling and I feel like I have something important to say. While for him it's important to try to sleep then. It's hard adjusting to that but I'm working on it.
The sleep one is dumb and completely depends on the person. I'm a night owl. A conversation at night is fine for me. If your husband liked late night conversations as well, then it'd be fine. Has nothing to do with being mature lmao
As a 17 year old bordering on 18 I've always felt older than I actually am and through my upbringing, more mature. I already have gone through everything on this list and I believe most of it. The only points I might argue is that 8 is fair but subjective, 9 is something (at least sleeping wise) I can't manage well because of societal pressures and the demands they... well demand, and 12 I think is subjective to person to person again as relishing in ones victory may be essential for personal growth. Otherwise hope you have a good day internet stranger, do something nice for someone today :)
The part about having to actually speak your thoughts in a way that people can understand is a pretty profound one, especially when you desk with people who insist you should understand them without explanation and that they shouldn't have to explain themselves or their behaviours. There's a lot of self professed adults that haven't understood this yet.
![Eminem - Fuel (feat. JID) [Official Lyric Video]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/t5H_CewqpKA/mqdefault.jpg)
"The day the child realizes that all adults are imperfect, they become an adolescent; the day they forgive them, they become an adult; the day they forgive themselves, they become wise." Alden Nowlan
Great quote, thank you.
Sometimes just "to let go " is the only possible way of forgiveness
Wow, powerful! Thank you.
Thank you for sharing!
This hit near home, I had for the longest time been trying to forgive myself for shit I did in the past as a teenager, I wasn’t able to let go, but the last couple of years I’ve been starting to move forward and starting the process of forgiving myself. I guess I’m ready, I guess I’ve grown up.
Thanks for the quote, it reminded me of the journey that I’ve been through.
I don't remember where I heard this but it was something along the lines of: "be an adult when you must and stay a kid when you can"
True
Awesomely said
CS Lewis said similar things several times
yes, that's the rule anyone should live by
I feel like this video describes the majority of north american baby boomers
The elements ;
1. Childhood awareness
2. Be introspective
3. Know your feelings
4. Be realistic
5. Body and mind connection
6. Subconscious awareness
7. No victim identity
8. Gratefulness
9. Self-compassion
10. Self-control
11. Empathy
12. Acceptance
Bravo 👏 👏 👏
13: Contributing chapter summaries if the ytber doesn't.
🏆🤝🏾
Love not on the list
I miss conflict handling / communicating in general in this list?
(Or is avoidance not necessarily an immature thing to do? 🤔)
✌️
Adulthood is self-awareness and acceptance in summary
Reflection is key.
🐲✨🐲✨🐲✨
I don't think you can summarize that list. Self-awareness and acceptance are words that can be interpreted very widely. There are a lot of children who would think they meet that summary.
@@tcironbear21 it only means being capable of managing their own affairs and responsibilities. You are just trying to make slave minded, copies aren't you? By telling them about social normals, suppressing emotions and all tht BS
also knowledge, values, beliefs. these are crucial
If that is really it the world is populated by children it seems
1. We understand some of the ways in which our childhoods have shaped who we are today
2. We give up on the temptations of believing that we might be simpler than we are.
3. We develop a sober appreciation of how easy it is to lie to ourselves.
4. We learn to tell others with slightly more accuracy what’s really going on inside us
5. We understand (when we aren’t tired) the difference between what someone meant to do to us and what we experienced at their hands
6. We forgive ourselves for the strangeness of our minds
7. We allow ourselves to get angry at certain things that might have happened around those who put us on earth (But we don’t stuck in the position of fury)
8. We accept that sometimes reality maybe less awful than we assume it will be.
9. We accept how many of our moods rely on the vagaries of our bodies
10. We learn that we are not compelled to say everything that passes through our minds the moment it does so.
11. We get patient and encouraging towards those who are less advanced than we are.
12. we remain aware that any progress we feel we have made is always liable to be temporary
Thank you very much, this is better than that other one on top by a mile
Learning is one thing, other thing to be aware, improve what you learned and stick to the improved life / emotional plan without distractions! But we all get distracted & even fail at some points cuz we set unrealistic goals or emotional expectations for ourselves that NO ONE IN THIS ROTTEN WORLD IS DOING OR PROVIDING HELP TO DO!
On the internet everyone are perfect and sticks to all these 12 principles + 12 more from above for 365D / year! BUT, in real life people are dopamine additcted, lazy & unhealthy!
BOTH Physically and Psychically!
In short we must understand that we and others are imperfect and while we both may not seek to do harm we can sometimes hurt one another. It’s up to us to look deeply inside ourselves to discover the lessons in the madness of life and to hope for a more peaceful future in turn. Maturity is not simply growing up, it’s growing a more nuanced lens of ourselves and the world around us so we can live more calmly and give more grace to ourselves and others.
Well articulated, especially growing more in nuance in ourselves and the world. Thank you!
We don't leave childhood or leave adolescence, we don't overcome or finish them. Adulthood is built over the bases of childhood and adolescence, but our inner child and inner teen will always be with us. Negating them would be pathological.
“Our inner child and inner teen will always be with us” man I turn 20 next month I don’t want to grow up
@@asloii_1749 But growing up is awesome!
The older I get and the more time passed going through therapies and learing about myself and how to deal with life, the more I get confident with myself and happy with existence. My relationships with others got better and I found more truly likeminded people that share my values.
I enjoy getting older, but I understand that It comes with some downsides. I accept them.
@@asloii_1749 growing up isn`t bad .... if the tree wouldn`t grow up then it would just be a seed. You trade your endless posibilities for an actual fun and fulfilling destiny.
100%
@@Damiaen.i agree but unfortunately not everyone has therapy or support systems to help them with their issues so they have to try and solve it themselves which is a huge hurdle in itself
One good thing about getting past a certain age is that you're no longer expected to always be tough, strong, fast or bright. You're no longer on the spot light. This serene way of life gives you the opportunity to pay close attention to your surroundings - that's when you learn how much information you were missing out because you were always in a hurry.
One of the first conditions that help someone starting to behave as an adult:
Free thinking, free speech. If you can't do this - things become difficult
If you don't let your child - partner - friend freely say and do "stupid" or non usual things, you don't help them grow. They must be free to express anything. Let them sing/dance even if they are terrible! Let them talk even if they say garbage. It's the only way, firstly to hear/do what they say/do by themselves - thus understanding or clarifying it or simply enjoying it or using it as a way out of other emotions.
If they still say or do something that could be wrong or harmful, and they don't realise it - you can start a normal discussion about it - before 9pm of course :-)
This also applies to one's own self.
Sometimes society doesn't help. Bosses may be hard, colleagues may be strange, family members may have problems or may simply don't care ... You can identify these issues and find the correct moments to do your self analysis. Or be helped by a friend or a professional in the whole process.
But freedom is the beginning. Freedom to have your own wrong views, freedom to try and fail over and over, freedom to look weird, freedom to say and do anything that doesn't really affect others in a bad way.
and not everyone has the luxury to grow.
this freedom i started giving to myself at 28, almost 3 yrs ago, and still discovering myself.. i just refer to it as listening to my unheard self.
I agree with everything you said, but oh, how my conversations get better after 9 pm ! Late night deep talks are the best.
I think childhood trauma complicates things. I have learned and unlearned things. My road to maturity has not been linear.
1. I am sorry to hear that, and I hope you keep improving.
And 2. As the video mentioned, rationalizing and understanding properly our own background as a way to further work on yourself is a key part of improving! Childhood trauma *is* lessons, after all; so that's some good awareness points for you 😊
I do not mean to minimize you’re experience at all but I don’t think anyone’s road is linear :-) your road is harder but you are not abnormal for having it not be linear :-) I know for sure that mine hasn’t been linear. You aren’t alone and I hope you find some fantastic traveling companions as you travel your road.
“Critics who treat 'adult' as a term of approval, instead of as a merely descriptive term, cannot be adult themselves. To be concerned about being grown up, to admire the grown up because it is grown up, to blush at the suspicion of being childish; these things are the marks of childhood and adolescence. And in childhood and adolescence they are, in moderation, healthy symptoms. Young things ought to want to grow. But to carry on into middle life or even into early manhood this concern about being adult is a mark of really arrested development. When I was ten, I read fairy tales in secret and would have been ashamed if I had been found doing so. Now that I am fifty I read them openly. When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up.”
― C.S. Lewis
Love Lewis, and this is a great quote, but I think there's a bit of equivocation between his discussion of being perceived as or judged adult in a relatively superficial way (reading fairy stories), vs the video meaning personal development/maturation. Thoughts?
""'adult' as a term of approval, instead of as a merely descriptive term"""
Every definition will at some point become the basis of judgement. What the heck do you mean?
I can't imagine the 80 year old scenario in which he is referring to it being used in such a way that would be inappropriate
I grew up watching my mother lie, exaggerate, cheat and steal. And I have to always ask my self if I am doing the same.
I grew up in a household where everyone was talking down on others constantly. Nothing was ever really good, just less bad. doing good on an exam would get me an unenthusiastic, "That's nice", at best.
I keep having to remind myself, that when something that is positive happens to me, or if I perform well at a task. That it's good, and that I'm supposed to be happy that it happened. The best I can muster is contentment tho. I enjoy other people's happiness, but feel guilty about being jealous of their ability to truly be happy.
I respect the trouble that you choose to go through because you know better than that, and choose it. I believe that you're already going uphill in that department, and I think you should be proud of asking yourself those questions (to a healthy degree, obviously!)
@@MrAnticeah generational trauma. Fun times
The fact that you continue to be aware of that, in itself is proof that you are a good person. Keep it up brother, we'll help Jehovah God make the world a better place.
A child is not obligated to force a relationship with someone with impaired empathy who refuses to see your side of things while you attempt to see theirs.
At a certain point, one must decide if utilizing everything they've learned through healing themselves can also be utilized to bridge the divide between themselves and their parents. It's not the parent's fault that they're the way they are, but it's their RESPONSIBILITY to become aware of how their patterning affects others, especially when deciding to raise children.
The problem is sometimes finding a suitable partner who is equally emotionally mature and aware, it seems everyone on the dating scene tends to look at life through mere passions and toxic positivity and travelling the world and fun time on weekends, making us feel like we’re abnormal for preferring to travel more within our minds, and possibly destined to be alone.
Well said. Finding a partner who matches your emotional wavelength isn’t easy. I rarely meet someone who appreciates a slow pace of life as I do.
The maturity part of this is recognising the strengths that lie in others and having someone who will grow with you. You naturally impact your significant other with your mindset and they will impact you with theirs. You are probably not the emotionally mature person you think you are right now. Let another’s mind let you see differently. Finding someone who travels through life with grace, who isn’t quick to anger, who listens to others and acknowledges their current limits of thejr mind but is willing to learn of others philosophy is when we all hit the sweet spot. Turn off the noise of what you think should be and naturally direct yourself to others who you find captivating for who they are. People are more than they let on - it takes a little magic to let it all unravel.
@@Exisentialist05great comment! Very true!
@@carlo.notcarlosAppreciate you.
@@kaoskronostyche9939men aren’t superior to women
I was so delighted hearing the sound of the paper at 3:35
To me being an adult is, being responsible, being empathetic to another, admitting when you're wrong, knowing the difference between right and wrong, keeping your promises, making only promises you CAN keep, give only constructive criticism and being truthful without being mean. I have a ways to go but I'm trying everyday.
Thats being a moral Person, not necessarily an Adult. and Frankly, that's the better goal anyway.
Your comment sounds more like stuff kids are taught. Like don't punch sally because sally hurts.
I was having a conversation with my cousin who is turning 30 in a few days. I told him how much I preferred my 30s (so far, just turned 32) to my 20s because I now realize that no one really expects me to know everything or be infallible. It’s more important to know what I don’t know than to pretend to know everything. It’s such a freeing realization. Also that while I try to be respectful to everyone, not everyone will like me and that’s okay. I don’t need to like someone to work with them as long as we both treat each other with professional respect.
i came in here wanting to hear how much of an adult i am and im leaving in shambles.
Don't worry, _most_ people aren't adults in this sense. But it's something we can work on.
same ... I was searching for such a comment haha
The ragged truth beats a dressed-up lie any day, though😊. Take care.
Exactly! Plus its not nessarily important... getting money to live however is, so most folks have a job or (in)directly leech off someone who has one. This is a PURPOSELY narrow definition of maturity #psychological Ppl can't really live much without food or money to get food, but this crock of nonsense is free and worth what you didn't pay for it @mrdeanvincent
Dont worry, he is just making it up
if you want to go deeper into the rabbit hole, 'Unveiling Your Hidden Potential' by Bruce Thornwood is a must-read
Where can I get this book?
I truly felt like an adult was the moment I realized that everyone is different and I needed to let them be. Their path may be self destructive but who am I to interfere? It was pretty devastating at first but I slowly settled into this mindset.
Sounds like you have learned what it means to respect another person's dignity; to understand that things & people exist outside of you, and (mostly) have nothing to do with you - and that that's "ok".
Sounds like you have learned that you are not the center of the universe - which is a useful lesson to learn, not to mention a calming and liberating one.
Yes it is more empowering for all parties involved to stay on their side of the street. I think this is extra hard for people who as children were made responsible for the emotional state of their stressed out parent. To me at least a lot of maturing seems to be mainly an unlearning of faulty programming.
Besides what people want and what they need/what is good for them can very much look like different/opposite/contradicting things, but it is still their personal choice to make, so yeah, live and let live ✌️
Agreed. However, it's a bit different when those self destructive humans are your children. It crushes you!
Hmm that reminds me of the dog in the fire saying this is fine. Is that really maturity?
One of my mantras is “I can only control myself, I can’t control what other people do”. I will offer advice when asked and I am willing to discuss pros and cons, risk and benefits, but in the end their decision is their own and I have to respect that. It’s a hard but liberating lesson as now I no longer need to stress myself out about how to make sure everyone is doing (my definition of) OK.
Psychological maturity is a continual process of growth, and these traits reflect a deep understanding of oneself and others, leading to healthier relationships and a more fulfilling life.
After so much time spent in therapy and dollaridos it’s nice to have a checklist even though there is already so much proof. Your internal landscape changes completely. At first you don’t know what to make of it because there is no prior experience of it. You just get used it to over time because there is a distinct absence of panic.
U should read their book THE THERAPEUTIC JOURNEY.. it's very helpful and also on audible
@@ArtingFromScratch Their?
@@KairosAmie TSL
What’s a dollarido??
The absence part is so true and the part where we are kind lost, trying to find the answer everywhere
I don’t want to be egotistical when I say this, but a lot of this resonates with me and I understand why people would tell me I’m very mature. I don’t think I always go about it perfectly, but I try my best to understand what I do for each step and take necessary action.
I think for anyone watching this, I’d recommend focusing on making future you proud, instead of looking at the past and disappointed at yourself.
"Reflect upon the Past.
Embrace your Present.
Orchestrate our Futures." --Artemis (DD3)
🐲✨🐲✨🐲✨
thanks, I needed to hear the last bit
Samee
There is nothing wrong or egotistical about appreciating your strengths. It is, however, important to realize that we may not be as mature as we think we are, speaking from experience
@@jabbathetrump yeah for context I don’t think im mature at the very least 😂 I just try to be aware of what I need and want and that’s honestly what anyone needs to feel better for yourself and the people around you
That was about the most polite way of passive-aggressively calling out at least 75% of all "adults". :)
Facts and truths are most difficult to accept for those who are unprepared, immature, and irresponsible. Unfortunately, those facts and data points do not care about the status of one's mind, body, and spirit; the Universe exists whether one is a helpless infant or a veteran soldier.
You know. I feel you kinda missed the point. None of us present here are adults by the definition of this video, because we are making snide remarks and condeming others for lacking qualities we think we possess.
Its like getting angry atachild for their ignorance. Pointless. What you should do is communicate your point. Communicate, not speak.
So so comforting!
You know you've reached adulthood when you dare (i.e. that you are daring enough) to take responsibility for your choices.
The parenthetical was unnecessary.
@@JLakis But the person is right. So you override that childish sentiment you just had.
i.e stands for "id est" which is Latin for "that is."
E.g. ("exempli gratia" or "for example"), "To avoid elimination, all contestants will need to complete the obstacle course within the given amount of time; i.e, 69 minutes."
@@nuclearsake3887*Soft Chuckle*
0:58, 1:16, 1:40, 2:08, 2:27, 2:43, 3:13, 3:36, 3:56, 4:13, 4:36, 5:03
the animations in this one were absolutely spot on. profound but also so funny!
13. We understand that not all of our feelings are necessarily valid. 👍
what do you mean? I'm asking purely to understand better
@@accade_acaso Just nowadays it's PC to consider everyone's feelings as entirely valid and of concern within an ethical relativism view. So if someone finds something that someone else did offensive, then that action is to be condemned, regardless of the objective meaning or truth involved. Whereas the person at fault, in reality, could instead be the person who claims offense. Eg your partner claims offense at something you did but they were just being overly sensitive and there's zero basis/validity/justification to their claim.
Simply put - your feelings don’t equal facts.
@@djayjpso number 5? That we understand that just cause we experienced an action a certain way, that doesn’t mean the person had a malicious intent?
Cause what you’re describing doesn’t sound like the problem is that we think too many feelings are valid. It just sounds like people assign malicious intent to those actions, and then respond in an overly hostile way that is not necessary.
But that might also be me not liking your wording because “feelings aren’t valid” places the blame on the feelings themselves, which we can’t necessarily control. Sometimes people’s emotions may seem dumb to an outsider, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t valid. They’re just different people who experiences a situation differently. Emotions are just too complicated and personal to really care about if they’re valid or not. You can talk about if they’re rational, or if they’re proportional to the situation at hand, but that ties more into how we handle those emotions, rather then judging if the emotions are okay in the first place. Now we can definitely talk about how people react to those emotions. Since some do become overly hostile, and on occasion care so much about their own emotions, they don’t bother caring for the emotions of others. But that’s more so in how someone responds to their emotions. Not so much if the emotions are valid or not.
Emotions are lessons learned from biological and social history. They don't change on their own, much like beliefs or ideologies. They are encoded lessons, for you or others, designed to protect us and keep us alive.
As a form of long-term social memory, emotions are at the mercy of your understanding and the actions of others. That is to say, someone can "teach" you to feel a certain way as a child, but your understanding and reaction to that teaching is what will be emotionally remembered, if you decide to store it.
"What's the point of growing up, if we can't be a child sometime?" - Tom Baker's 4th Doctor.
Growing up doesn't mean you should stop having fun. Enjoyment just comes... differently.
Like finding the shower rack you've always dreamed of? Or the sensation of blinking when you have finally caught up your sleep because your eyes actually make tears now?
I find things that most people think are boring delightful... The texture of the bark on a tree, the pattern of steam wafting over a candle flame, the way a TV screen reflects a rainbow pattern when you shine a light on it... I like to study these things and understand them and simply enjoy them.
I disagree that maturity will look like blissful contentment. There are many people who have no interest in becoming satisfied with everything because the explorer in them would die. We can remain youthful while being mature. Being ready, even eager for excitement is not indicative of immaturity.
Sign 1: you’re too afraid to watch this video because you might find out you’re immature. Guilty!
Adulthood is taking responsibilities and doing what's necessary.
It’s weird because it’s very common for people to be “adult” in their interests but “childish” on the emotional maturity scale. What I mean is, a lot of adults look down on media that’s meant for a younger audience (Nintendo games, cartoons, certain music) because it’s “childish”, and they care about what they’re interested in so that they’re not “childish”. However, when it comes to handling a serious situation with emotional maturity, that desire to not be “childish” is no longer present. It’s weird to see that as an insecurity, but not see people take the obvious action needed to ACTUALLY start working on weeding out that issue they know they have
I can be Mature when I want/need, but I'd rather keep my child like sense of wonder for as long as it's around
The most interesting people/adults, for me, are those who keep their child-like sense of wonder. A boring/uninteresting person is as good as a dead person, imo. My grandmother was an exemplar of someone who never lost her sense of wonder and instilled in me the same.
Thank you for the beautiful words and interesting phrases, e.g., “people who put us on Earth”.❤😊
As a kid I thought I was more mature than others bur I later understood I was just more depressed and now I'm seeing myself becoming an adult because the way a lot of things make me feel is different from mot too long ago and over the years my perspective on things gets broader and broader
This is FANTASTIC. So full of compassion. So civilised. I am very grateful to you, Sir.
My father is 47 and acts like 17 and since I was 15 I had to act like an adult.
Parentification. I have also experienced this.
True. I had to unlearn what my dad taught me
I became an adult looking at my parents acting immature. I used to think of better alternative everytime I felt their actions improper, so I can become better parent in future!!
His voice is so soothing
So we have to have a boring life to be an adult? I want my life to be less boring as I get older. I don’t think aging means we should just settle. But I can appreciate more quiet evenings from time to time.
Not exactly to have a boring life, but rather accept since theres is nothing new to discover compare to when we were childs and everything was new. Most of our days will be boring because we get used to the routine. And yet, we can still enjoy those days by relaying on the small details of life: like a rainy day, a beautiful sunset, a night walk out thru the city with the smell of wet dirt, coffe and cigarettes or drink hot chocolate with your partner on winter. Of course you may plan something spontaneous sometimes. But enjoy the fact of living a norma life. Normal is not a synonym of boring.
That's not what he said, he said that a boring day usually means everything went smoothly which is something you learn to appreciate.
Adulthood to me is appreciating every little thing life has for us, judging less and finding gratification in every second of life.
Yes, this very clearly is indeed how a psychiatrist would define adulthood- it is all about dealing with the effects of our childhood. All relevant, but it is hardly the only definition of adulthood. To me, this video presents itself as offering a general definition, when in fact it offers a definition of adulthood that is strictly from the viewpoint of psychiatry.
I mean they do state at 0:40
that they’re working of one specific definition of adulthood, and that they think this specific one is worthy of extra attention. They also clarify the definition comes from psychiatry.
But I wouldn’t say they treat it like THE definition. Yeah it’s the one they prefer, but they do acknowledge it is not the only one
I needed to see this today. Thank you!
Some aspects of this may only occur near the end of life. When we are vulnerable and the mind starts preparing. Depending on how rigid the ego is
No, your mind is your limit, if you live a life without questioning yourself you gonna understand everything a few seconds before death, it's a decision to get better or keep living like a child
The moment I realized I was an adult mentally was when I realized that every adult does not have everything figured out and we are all figuring out as we go and learning what works and what doesn't, and being okay with that.
In my point of view. what is an unquestionable sign of maturity is ‘knowing how to handle difficult situations’.
That's all it is. That's all this video needed to be
Vague
I disagree, that is one aspect perhaps, but it's about having less difficult situations to begin with...
@@woboznz So, a wealthy nepo kid is the most mature man alive, because he has no difficulties?
I love semantics.
@EpicMiniMeatwad no you're taking my comment totally the wrong way... the focus is not on sailing through life, it's on becoming emotionally mature. Your reaction would suggest a trigger
At 17 this has made me feel a lot better about my level of maturity
I agree with all except petting a cat backwards! 4:45
"We start to move sllllllowly." Yes, indeed. I think the day I started doing 🧘♀️ yoga was a day I understood my body needs to slow down, sometimes.
Its amazing how much impact a 5 minute video can have. Feels like a life time of knowledge obtained almost instantly.
1. We understand some of the ways in which our childhoods have shaped who we are today.
2. We give up on the temptatons of believing that we might be simplier than we are.
3. We develop a sober
4.
Can I just say I love this art style.
Being psychologically mature at a younger age, only made me more socially lonely as no one around my age understood me. It's a curse in the eyes of some individuals including myself.
I don't know many people from the older generation who would match even half of this. Maybe in countries with a better standard of living some people may be like that, but I see so many neurotics around, ready to judge and say categorical things. These people are tired, have suffered, are angry, envious, prone to conspiracy theories, and do not follow the rules that they do not understand. Like in their time they didn't prohibit burning leaves, so they'll never stop, and you can talk as much as you want about responsibility and how this is spreading carcinogens throughout the entire area. They don't care.
The worst thing is that this generation taught me that I was the bad one. That my generation was wild and irresponsible. I really believed it and thought that I was from the first generation that said bad words and did bad things. I thought swearing was invented in the hallways of my school.
So i don’t believe in such adulthood, it’s some kind of unattainable ideal. If at least half of people were so "adult" we would be able to suppress with our wisdom those who want wars, demagogs would never win elections, we would not do so many silly things as a society.
Very few people can understand their limitations and shortcomings and have the discipline to be so adult. Most float on the warm current of cognitive convenience and moral flexibility and do bad things while thinking they are doing good things.
I love the imagery of the cat getting pet against the grain of its fur. Nice analogy to misunderstanding how communication works but also just delightfully animated haha
#13 We understand that reality is more about compromises than ideals. And we have learned to accept this reality and work with that.
This is really the thing that differentiates child and adult thinking. It could be said that this is the overarching theme of those 12 points in general. Some call it wisdom, others call it disillusionment. Both is true
So if I were to say Hitler was a good guy and you disagreed, we would compromise and say he was an okay guy, regardless of you upholding the ideal that what he did was wrong?
TIL wisdom and disillusionment are synonymous.
Its kind of helpful to understand that people most often pay attention to only things infront of them and not always about you. And understand that you're one of those people also sometimes.
4:05 Incorrect. That is just for some type of people. If you are both night owls, the best time for significant conversations is (late) in the evening.
You don’t drunk-dial/drunk-text.
You don't get drunk.
I am a senior (65). I would just like to mention that some of these do not apply if you have experienced abuse, especially from a family member when you were in their care. It is OK to understand they WERE trying to harm you, they did NOT have your best interest at heart and you DON'T have to cut them any slack whatsoever. Part of being a mature adult is ensuring your boundaries are respected and being able to walk away when they are not. Sometimes those bad things that the video claims rarely happen.....do happen.
I learnt to accept who am I and at the same time not being accustomed to my flaws. I thrive to be a better man that what I was yesterday appreciating the journey I've been through in the meanwhile. I got no power on what happens around me and little on how I can react to it, but I do my very best to get the better of it.
Got number 1 down - childhood trauma ruined and ruled nearly my entire life (I may yet fully change my imprinted negative programs and reclaim the balanced mindset I was born with). Been with number 2 for several decades. Same with 3. Some may think it oversharing, but I am deeply into number 4. Check for #6. At peace with 7. Still having difficulty with 8. Still working on 9. Too much of 11 and not enough emoting of the truth has hurt me terribly. I have until recently been too good at
internalizing everything and not calling out hurtful behavior towards me. Healthy boundaries have recently been adopted. Ah, number 12. I have always anticipated rejection and failure...therby attracting them. Conclusion: while having made many improvements to my mindset...the remaining blockages are literally killing me. Good luck to all who understand.
You only have so many hours remaining to do whatever it is you hope to do, want to do, or feel that you were "meant" to do. I strongly suggest taking action.
🐲✨🐲✨🐲✨
"Before I start, I must see my end. Destination known, my mind's journey now begins. Upon my chariot, heart and soul's fate revealed. In time, all points converge; hope's strength resteeled. But to earn final peace at the Universe's endless refrain, we must see all in nothingness... before we start again."
🐲✨🐲✨🐲✨
-- Diamond Dragons (series)
Really like this, serves as a clear proxy diagnosis for maturity. Instead of subjectively wondering how mature you are, rate these statements by strongly disagree to strongly agree (-2 to 2) and you are left with a pretty good metric/indicator of your actual maturity!
Assume the baseline to be 0, with negative scores meaning immature, 0-5 being developing, 5-15 being mature and 15+ being very mature.
Simply brilliant. Thank you so very much.
💯🎯
Growing up is:
🔸Accepting, knowing and processing how you have lived
🔸Understanding how that informed how you currently live
🔸Choosing when, where, how, with who you respond/react to anything that happens to and around you
🔸Extending grace to everyone you have and will experience
I have an existential fear that my sheltered past didn’t allow me to grow up mentally. This video gives me great relief that I have adopted nearly all these aspects. Thank you.
A lot of these, I find, are really hard to get to if your subconcious is really good at pattern recognition. It takes more effort to get to the point where you, yourself can easily process those patterns with both logic AND emotion.
My God, I feel so proud of myself, because at least today, I acted like a real adult. Thanks for the video, it was such a warm embrace.
The no significant conversations past 9 PM is so me omg....I realized a year ago that there are far more urgent matters to take care of, than to spend a night chatting.
I have been apologizing 2 hours before I sleep, then go on about my business reading a book or meditating.
But most of the times, I avoid being around platforms or in situations where I have to take part in these conversations all together.
I thought this was the worst point. Maybe it can be applied to some situations but why can’t you have significant conversations with your family late at night
@@SuperAidan2000 interrupts sleep, doesn't allow your body time to relax, so the next day you could be left feeling more exhausted than necessary
@@abbie-b6 why does your need to be well-rested take more space than your need to have significant conversations ?
I believe that if you really are in control of your adult life, you can take feeling exhausted from time to time...
I guess that must mean you have no control over your adult life, which probably means you are dominated (and probably ignore it because you have been fed lies about "freedom of choices" and that questioning it is "evil communism").
I mean, one CAN freely choose a lifestyle where it is crucial to never be feel exhausted, but assuming this should be everyone's choice or calling this the only definition of a healthy adult life is dubious at best, and more likely a sign of indoctrination and/or exploitation.
3:10 good I am not the only one with these weirdly violent thoughts
that likely sounds like an intrusive thought. It’s not uncommon for people have violent or dark thoughts. What matters is what you do with those thoughts.
It's also something to do that, with time passing, accepting that dreams or hopes we may have had will never come true (without judging whether thats a good or bad thing). Windows of opportunity close and events cannot be re-lived but will either live in memory (e.g. as a lost chance or a great time) or fade into oblivioness. We accept that time is linear for us and may find solace in the fact that it is for everyone. We learn to deal with the fact of finiteness. Oh, and we get to taste the sweet nectar of nostalgia and not-giving-a-fuck.
And if you passed all of these before puberty, or early into it, congratulations you have CPTSD with Parentification.
I met all of this criteria by the age of 7. It is not something to be proud of. And now, nearly 30, I never feel like an adult.
I am 33, and it is only recently that I think *I think!* I have finally entered a mature-ish stage of adulthood. I am more and more capable of perceiving situations and their multitudinous truths. I have more and more compassion/tenderness for people I love/care about while also having more compassion for myself than I've ever had before. It's more and more intuitive that a bad day will pass and is simply that-a bad day. And it's easier than ever before to understand the psychological phenomenon of projection without taking it *too* personally when I am the subject; it is also easier to take responsibility for the actions I've committed that may have hurt someone, or disappointed them.
I was more mature at 22 than my parents at 50, but all 12 points from this video I’ve checked just by 32, so not bad I guess? 😇
Based on these I still have a long way to go, and I'm over 30. Younger folks, you're doing alright!
Some kids are more grown up than grown ups.
Why do psychologists always think parents are the antagonists of a persons mental wellbeing or in this case issues? It frustrates me to no end as someone who's experience trauma and been pushed to nearly ending my life by an abusive partner, that rather than pointing the finger at the true antagonist "the abuser" and instead pretending the parent have a hand in the trauma.
In my case my parents were genuinely loving. Gave me an amazing childhood despite their poverty and the dangerous area I grew up in. They were stable, calm, open, they believed in all my dreams and enabled me to pursue paths that made me happy. They listened to my emotional needs. I had 3 long term serious relationships which were all wonderful and ended amicably due to logistical and emotionally mature reasons.
Then I met the mother of my children. Who was for 2-3 years amazing. Then suddenly after trauma with work and clearly unresolved trauma from her prior relationships, started treating me similar to how a narcissist treats their victims (I do not believe she's a narc, however the behaviours she exhibited were.... are narc traits). I spent years being gaslit, manipulated, isolated and before I knew it I was losing my own mind as she made isolated me from ... well all of myself. My previous relationships and great upbringing if anything were so good they had left me naïve to how a supposedly loving partner could treat their significant other.
Regardless. My point is. Can we stop blaming the good people in our lives for what the abuser of the traumatised are guilty of?
I see it with so many, including friends who've been through trauma such as losing friends in horrific accidents. The therapist still goes for the parents.
I didn't become an adult until my mid 40's. After a couple heath scares, and you grow up quickly.
Kinda hard to asses how we are “supposed” to be or “should” behave when no single person has even the slightest idea wtf we’re doing here to begin with.
If you're smart you'll have learned
Every human's true purpose is to contribute to the perpetuation of the species
@@pazu420and how does one do that?
@@pazu420 you mean " I believe every human's true purpose is to contribute to the perpetuation of the species"
Well, what you are supposed to be, is who you want to be. Discounting any actions that would actively harm others that is. You will always wind up a mixture of who is around you and what you want to be.
Man. I needed to see this today. Right now.
a boring rest of your life? no. (thank you for this great channel)
Agree and agree!
If you’re an adult by all means go for maturity but if you’re watching this at like 18/college age.. eh don’t rush the growth process or try to skip too far ahead, you’ll never get those years back. There’s time
And that's how we get the epidemic of children who call themselves adults.
tf are they skipping? You can still have an enjoyable early adulthood whilst being mature.
We need a good sense of judgement to know what people/situations are good or bad for us, but we also need to know when we don't *need* to be judging everything & everyone around us. A good way to know how judgemental you are is to listen to your thoughts while grocery shopping: are you judging other people in the store based on how they look or the food they're buying? Do you really need to be doing that to every person you lay eyes on?
I'm 30 and I feel like I've just started grasping adulthood in reality. If anything it feels like a whole load is taken off of your shoulders when you've finally matured and you can finally be who you really are without concern. (Given the circumstances, of course)
We lose our taste for excitement and embrace boring. Amen!
# 7. It is not right to get angry at them, it is important to forgive them. That is the right action.
I really like the animation style :)
It's hard not to get angry when people literally spew hatred and want violence towards others. People who say stuff like that actually brew hate in me.
I'm afraid to admit that I may have to rely on my family, who makes me very angry.
When it comes to excitement, is more of a shift towards an attitude of "excitement here and there is great, but all excitement all the time, gets exhausting very quickly" along with understanding that continual excitement builds up tolerance, leading to a need for more and more extreme situations being needed to give you the same level of excitement. It can be a vicious cycle that becomes quite dangerous.
Whenever I see a Holo picture, I have to spread my love for that show. Great character. And yeah, you're basically describing an adrenaline junky. It seems like tons of things in life are slippery slopes.
"We learn and get bored by how easy it is to condemn." I think that's an important one.
The sleep one makes my man much more mature than me in that aspect. I always get the need to make the important conversations after 9 PM. It's the time where my mind starts rolling and I feel like I have something important to say. While for him it's important to try to sleep then. It's hard adjusting to that but I'm working on it.
The sleep one is dumb and completely depends on the person. I'm a night owl. A conversation at night is fine for me. If your husband liked late night conversations as well, then it'd be fine. Has nothing to do with being mature lmao
The drawings and animations are so cute!
Loved this. Very funny and true
As a 17 year old bordering on 18 I've always felt older than I actually am and through my upbringing, more mature. I already have gone through everything on this list and I believe most of it. The only points I might argue is that 8 is fair but subjective, 9 is something (at least sleeping wise) I can't manage well because of societal pressures and the demands they... well demand, and 12 I think is subjective to person to person again as relishing in ones victory may be essential for personal growth. Otherwise hope you have a good day internet stranger, do something nice for someone today :)
I can’t believe how much i need this in my early 20. Thank you The School of Life.
Appreciate this... thank you
Nicely done. 😊
"Haunted paths lead to magical destinations."
The part about having to actually speak your thoughts in a way that people can understand is a pretty profound one, especially when you desk with people who insist you should understand them without explanation and that they shouldn't have to explain themselves or their behaviours.
There's a lot of self professed adults that haven't understood this yet.
Don't wrestle with pigs.
Thank you. Love your work. ❤