5 Parenting Styles and Their Effects on Life
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- Опубликовано: 2 май 2024
- There are four widely researched styles of parenting: authoritative, permissive, authoritarian, and neglectful. The styles range from controlling to undemanding, and from cold and unresponsive to loving and receptive. In recent years, over-involved parents, who are present in every aspect of their child’s life, are often referred to as the fifth style. They are also known as snowplow or helicopter parents. #parenting
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Chapters:
0:00 Parenting styles
1:07 Authoritarian parenting
2:08 Permissive parenting
3:00 Authoritative parenting
4:02 Neglectful parenting
4:48 Over-Involved parenting
5:32 Research
5:50 Tips for parents
6:14 What do you think?
Useful links
Link to full script: docs.google.com/document/d/1z...
Sources
Parenting styles: An evidence-based, cross-cultural guide
www.parentingscience.com/pare...
Parenting Styles: A Closer Look at a Well-Known Concept
www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/arti...
Parenting Dimensions and Styles: A Brief History and Recommendations for Future Research
www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/arti...
Academic competence and parenting styles, as meta-analysis
www.researchgate.net/publicat...
Meta-analysis of research from 1,435 studies on associations of parenting dimensions pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/28459...
Tiger moms
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@Sprouts Nice casual racism in this video. Proud of yourselves? Gave the authoritarian parents black hair and the stereotypical "Asian" eyes lol. So F'd up. But I've lived in America long enough to know racism against any minority but Asians is acceptable.
ruclips.net/video/uohX3-i9uPI/видео.html
Education info
Sindh punjan fedral
B
@@peterkim8941 that's really your take away...? Why be so sensitive and let others make you upset? That's incredibly soft
WTF is with the racism
"If you didn't come from a good family, make sure a good family comes out from you."
♥
that's kind of how it works, and also the opposite - like kids who had everything provided for them tend to be terrible parents (since parenting can be a challenge and they aren't used to the effort) Shitty parents often yield better parents because they learn everything NOT to do.
I think the saying is that the most important thing a parent can do is just try. You can't know all the answers, you can't be prepared for every situation, you're going to be flawed in some ways - but if you try your best to do what's right - in the end that will shine through.
my dad an I didn't have the best relationship - nothing sinister or evil, just couldn't see eye to eye growing up. His definition of my greatness differed from my own. We still don't really see eye to eye but 35 years later i can look back at what he did, where he failed and where he succeeded...i turned out to be a decent human being i feel - so whatever he did, it wasn't all for naught.
Kids are our seeds - we wont know how tall the plant will grow and what fruit it will yield, maybe not in our lifetime. We could do everything right and that plant may still whither due to the conditions of the environment - and vice versa. All we can ever really do is just try.
Easier said then done. If you parents neglected and abused you growing up. That way of thinking is embedded in your coding. So in turn you are more likely to treat your own child in such a manner.
Seems very hard mission
@@piccolomair Words of wisdom
If you didn’t come from a good family, then don’t get married. If living alone is too difficult for you and you do end up getting married, then either use 100% effective methods of birth control, 100% of the time, or get a vasectomy. That way, you won’t end up having any children of your own, and you will be a lot less likely to pass your own inherited family dysfunction on to the next generation.
I know that this sounds like a really harsh approach, but given the lack of adequate psychotherapy for adult children of dysfunctional families that would enable them to finally recover, it’s the only approach that is 100% guaranteed to finally break the multi-generational cycle of abuse.
It’s either that, or you’ll need to answer to God regarding how badly you f***ed up your own children’s lives, even though you never intended to do that to them.
"to stop feeling unworthy of love, she tries not to feel anything at all" oh man that really gets me
sameee, at least we are not alone :D
same, never had a relationship because i feel unworthy of, with a lot of trust issues. :/
The FEELS...
or should I say deja vu? :/
Yeap, we feel unworthy but we are not. Just our brain is playing tricks on us. :)
Here, have a virtual hug
I grew up with permissive parents, but they taught me morals early along the way. A kind of "we're all in this together" mentality. Because of this I never asked for anything much, but if I did ask, they would give it to me. Anything I could do take make their lives easier, I tried to do. When I fell, they let me, they let me fix it myself. They enriched me with experiences and wisdom, and for that I am forever grateful. They always gave 100%, I love them so much. I think that we had a very unique family structure where everyone was equal and deserved a voice. This is why I think that it really depends on circumstance more than anything else. Just my thoughts on the matter.
Wow! I am glad to hear that.
i think it depends on the kids personality.
Dude you're literally so lucky ydk how much I'd give away for that. My parents are authoritarian/neglectful so I feel like shit all the time
@@Bangtan._.6132 Really sorry to hear that, I wish you good in life, you shouldn't have to feel that way. Everyone deserves good parents, and nobody should have to deal with that.
If you are a kid with great sensibility towards others, probably permisive parents will not matter too much (if they are not too permisive). The same if your parents are permisive but you are in a hard environment, as you are forced to mature quickly. In any other cases, permisive parenting is a pretty bad idea... kids needs limits (and yours were morales, so i don't think your parents were 100% permisive)
I grew up with an authoritarian parents. It took me a long time to realise I had people pleasing tendancies with a lack of boundaries that made me prone to being bullied. Also lack of self worth in general didn't help matters. Lots of talk therapy for 3 years now and I'm learning to reparent myself. Even if I don't have children I know I can self soothe now when experiencing difficult emotions.
same
Same with me
Well same here and this video and your story made me realize what a damaged childhood I've had, as a result of harsh authority imposed by my aunt and general neglect.
Trust issues, people pleasing attitudes, low self esteem, indecissiveness and lack of boundaries are traits and signs I've only begun to see in my self.
I don't know how to heal from them.
@@saadiaahmed6617 You'll find Daniel Mackler's videos very helpful in regards to this. Much love and I wish you the best.
I feel you, Connie. I am in this same place.🥹🫶🏻🙏🏻
How about the “parent that constantly switches parenting styles depending on how they feel and confuse their children to the point of causing severe mental illness in them”
😂😂😂
DEADASS THOO OMG
That’s not a style that’s just narcissistic manipulation
@@OmegaFire11 i'd say it's rather parents that are insecure about their style.
@@tobiasfilms8825 absolutely not. Narcissist people have a habit of constantly changing the way they treat people randomly, and it forces their victims into a constate state of panic where they’re always trying to guess so they can stay ahead and avoid punishment. I’ve seen it, it’s incredibly damaging to children.
If you’re insecure in your parenting you don’t swing wildly from “do whatever you want kiddo, it’s cool” to “I’m going to beat you for sneezing at the dinner table,” that’s psychological abuse
Its hard when 2 parents have different parenting styles for the same child and dont agree. Should talk about how u were raised before having children together.
relateable.
U know, people often agree theoretically when they want something from each other. They even don't know yet that they weren't honest because they didn't know the impact of a REAL child in their lives. The problem is that no matter how hard you wish you would be an authoritative parent, the styles u learned from your parents will remain your first habits and from that point on u will learn the hardest way to deal with self-trust and discipline and love and obedience and every day routines and so on and so on. I was talking quite wise about parenting when I wasn't a parent yet. Now, I keep my mouth shot and my eyes wide open.
I disagree. The difference in style is what allows the child to see through the content and the presentation.
Part of it I think is essential, since masculine energy and feminine energy are so different, they both have their advantages and disadvantages. You average male is more practical and will exert more discipline on to their kids. While your average female is more emotional but understanding and far better and nurturing her kids. Their differences is what will help balance their relationship with their kids. In essence they will keep each other in check.
I think it's helpful in my relationship with my spouse and 4 kids (6 years-old and younger). I have a tendency to withdraw (I had neglectful and authoritarian / abusive parents), so I work really hard to be present for my kids, but I get overwhelmed. My husband just had neglectful parents who were mostly good people and is more apt to give and want more love because of it. When I feel like I don't have anymore to give to the kids, he keeps going. He's the heart of our house and makes me a better mom every day.
So thankful that I had authoritative parents! Freedom within limits = real life.
lame
Likewise
@@antoninpawlik6684 what??? why?
"as much authority as necessary, as much freedom as possible" is such a simple phrase with so much meaning
@@targashsensei7900 just basic
I am very grateful that I came from a loving and supportive family, and my heart goes out to anyone that had a difficult childhood. You’re so strong.
🙏
Oh yes love an support is so important I can't believe how many households overlook it blessings to you all take care
my parents are a mix of all so its too overwheming
*"As an adult, she doesn't know what she really wants"*
I feel attacked.
Same
@Dummy Account even though I'm not a adult yet I have the same issue, learning what I actually want is a hard thing to consider beacuse of how many obstacles I have to face during the process getting what i want,I hope u have a clear goal at the future, u too @Genzel Dane Castro
@@mintchocoo3571 yes I can understand
I remember when I was younger and people would ask or tell me "you didn't tell me what you wanted or that we are going now. You suggested it but you didn't say let's go now so I didn't know. Why don't you just say what you want instead of just saying 'can we go soon' or instead of just saying 'oh idk you guys can pick' it's annoying"
But I always grew up feeling like I never had an option because when I wanted to be me, it would be considered "wrong. If you don't do what I say, you are a horrible child"
It made me realize how different I was to those who were able to easily just make their own decisions and say they wanted something whereas I always just didn't know. Today Im doing better at making my own decisions but still I notice I'm very indecisive and I don't know what I want sometimes.
same
Likewise
“If Sara cries, she’s told to stop.” What about parents who hit their kid for wanting ice cream, then when the kid cries, they hit the kid again telling him not to cry, making him cry even harder? It’s an endless cycle of pain till the child becomes boxed in and develops a resistance to pain.
Edit: Removed "Asian" because y'all experience this too
God this is true
So true......although my parents werent like that....alot of kids around me suffered this way
Really? All Asian parents do that ? Just Asian parents ? Wow I wasn't aware of that . Thank you for educating me .
@@aimeekelly4121 Not all, but a lot of them do. I didnt use the word 'all' anyway.
It gives immunity against pain,good for future isn't it? When your own parents treat you this way you don't get hurt by the outsiders. 😂 (That's how I convince myself against scrutiny)
And since they also listen to our concerns related to the topics they care about (education,jobs friendships etc) - we also don't start hating the world and accept the reality.( Not like the Japanese Hikikomoro teens)
As a parent I can’t side myself on either ends. My parenting style is always explain everything, my motto I say to him every time “actions lead to consequences”. If he cries because he’s upset - I’m all supportive and calming him down. If he cries because he don’t want to do his homework - I’m strict and explain how doing homework is the gym for your brain and if you’re against it - you’re being against of yourself becoming better, while playing games is fun, you’re contributing into your failing and hardship further along the road. My main key is to explain in every little detail, how his homework that is being done today is contributing into his future and vice versa. When he becomes lazy I let him and just say “action leads to consequences”. I never refuse him anything without proper explanation why in most accessible and simple terms.
My main goal is to ignite his self education and pursuit of becoming better in anything valuable. I support every his initiatives on curiosity. Never lie to him, if I give my word always make sure it’s done.
One thing I can say for sure it’s a great and hard work everyday. I had to explain same thing a 100 times and being consistent with that is most difficult part. I never speak from authority, but only from logical explanations.
Outcomes at his current 7yo:
- still hates homework, but not happy when he does it sloppy, so he tries to make it better
- learned to do his homework by himself with appropriate quality
- still sometimes try to cut some corners. And I happy for that, cutting corners involves smartness of whether what could be done quickly and what should be done with careful consideration
- switched from playing Roblox to creating levels for it and asked to get him special classes for programming, which he attends now
- learned English at freely speaking/writing level. Besides knowing Kazakh(we’re from KZ), Kazakh and Russian
- despises TikTok and can distinguish useful content from stupid
You’re doing a great job with your boy, I hope one day he’ll understand that. You’re making the world a better place.
I hope that your parenting goes well, you're doing a good job.
Yo if he hates Tik Tok u are already doing a amazing job.
The tiktok one is already a certified y e s moment.
I answer, because I did the „explain everything appropriately so the child can understand the reasoning“ as well. I like the outcome very much, my son is 25 now. However, one has to be prepared for endless, and I mean ENDLESS discussions especially when the child has another opinion of what they like to do at any given moment - once they get the concept. And we are equals in that right to explain our reasoning, that‘s not one-way! So from early on I also got explained in detail why and how things should be dealt with differently and a lot of stuff took a lot, A LOT of time and patience.
With some rules that didn’t apply, like „Don’t run into the street“, strictest authoritarian whenever it was about life and death.
While I like the result, as I said before, I love it and him in fact, the „explain the reasoning in detail“ gives you a child and teenager that will explain their reasoning in detail. ;) All the time, because I did it all the time, right? :D
Is exhausting at times, I tell you…
My parents were both different blends of authoritarian and neglectful. My mom being mostly authoritarian, being very controlling when I needed freedom and neglectful when I need guidance and affection. Her only means of communication was yelling. My dad was mostly neglectful, with bouts of authoritarian when conflicts arose. As a result, I’m now an anxious, depressed person who can never make a decision and has trouble forming relationships. Thanks a lot, Mom and Dad.
EDIT: People! I am not "playing the victim". I was a victim of a certain kind of childhood. I said I was anxious and depressed. I didn't say I let those two things keep me from living my life or trying to improve myself. I have learned to manage my anxiety and depression but they will never go away. I will always live with them. I didn't say that I refuse to make decisions or that I let others make them for me. I meant that it's very difficult to make decisions because I'm always afraid to make the wrong one. It's hard, but I keep doing it and try to be more confident. BUT IT'S STILL HARD. I didn't say I don't have relationships or friends. I said I HAVE TROUBLE doing it. Discovering why you are the way you are and why you struggle with certain things and being able to definitively say "This is why" IS NOT the same thing as letting the negative parts of your upbringing stop you from living a meaningful life and then blaming someone else for the fact that you haven't done anything about it. You all really need to read and stop jumping to conclusions.
Please, for the love of GOD don't impose this mindset of the victim on yourself. I had exactly the same parents(authoritarian and neglectful) and I had this type of thinking(I'm a victim) for most of my youth. Did it help me in any way? Course not! We can chose who we are, despite of our upbringing. I am not going to blame others for the way I live my life. You could try also. Love
Yes, your parents have probably contributed to your situation, but it is not all their fault, and blaming them would not help you. I may suggest that you should accept what had hay and realized that everything that had happened is a learning opportunity to become a better person. When you accept what had happened and don't feel victimized you will empowered to do what it is you want to do. For me personally I don't blame others for what had happened to me. I do realized that I have to work on myself and that I should be patient with myself and appreciate and acknowledge my efforts to become a better me despite all the set backs of my past
@@anamaganda9352 Ana, you grew up into a bad person, dont blame others for that
@@jpineapple9495 ?
All kids need parents but not all deserve to be parents .
my parents were neglectful..now I'm just a people pleaser who clings onto people who show me any little bit of attention for dear life..it's MISERABLE.
Well, here I am for my daily cling rations 😉
Get over It, most of our lives won't be perfect, but we can't surrender by It. Good luck to you, and I hope you have a friend always by your side.
@@larajanebousseau1431 what should I said bro? Don't worry, everything will work out?
@@larajanebousseau1431 You think that was brutal?
I mean, English isn't my native language, so It problably spelled more hard than I think.
We can learn better habits. Good videos by The Crappy Childhood Fairy and book by Susan Forward, "Mothers who can't love". Peace and courage to you. You can go on to live a happy life x
Ahhh yes, my parents were a mix of authoritarian and neglectful. A very tough combination, I am struggling with the impact to this day, and I am 44. I have been working on myself for years, and I am now in therapy. It is slow going. But I am going.
So are mine. Now I ended up as an unhappy and insecure adult with trust issues who still doesn't know what he wants in life.
I know my parents love me with all they can. And I know parenting is difficult.
Now I'm afraid of becoming a parent myself.
Anyway, kudos for you for being so brave to heal yourself! So happy for you! Take it slow my friend.
@@jambangpamungkas Hi S, thank you so much for responding. When you wrote this I reconized myself so much: "I ended up as an unhappy and insecure adult with trust issues who still doesn't know what he wants in life."
In my case the love my parents could give was very limited. Especially in the emotional and personal plane. In crucial ways they did not and could not see me, know me, or be there for me in ways that I needed when I was a child and a young adult.
It is difficult to grow up with such a background, because it is lonely.
Know that I root for you, hard. You deserve love and happiness in your life.
Know also that there are many people out there like us. We are not alone.
Same here, my parents gave me basic needs but never cared what i really wanted, i developed high emotions and insane imagination which i take advantage to this day in my pursue of art, however the lack of love and understanding has impacted me to seek from friends but sometimes those friends aren't always there and it can be very frustrating, I'm trying my best and hope to make it out alive.
Same 💀
@@AiRbaL2000 Hi Airbatt, thank you for writing and for sharing some of your experiences. I am so happy to hear that you have an outlet in your art, and I would love to see some of it, if possible?
As for trying your best, keep doing that. I and we do the same. Together.
Take care, and keep going. You're worth it.
My mum's a mix b/w an authoritative parent and an over-involved parent and my dad's a Neglectful parent... I always felt like my mum had tried to fill in the responsibilities of my dad. It's not like he's not in the picture, he's here and he lives with us but it always seems like he never wanted to be involved in my personal life.
My mom's the only one who talks to me throughout the day, always keeping me busy and I can talk to her ab school drama and my honest feelings easily and we go out together every once a month while I don't even remember the last time I played a board game with my dad
My lil brother was born a bit slow, to say the least, but we all love him. I and my mum try to give him 2 hours a day one hour alone with him and one together. He's really hyperactive and loves my dad sooo much.
My dad however doesn't like to spend time with him at all.
We have a rule that no phones on the dinner table and everyone follows it except for my dad. If I ever call him out, he'd get mad and take his plate inside
I remember always making bday and mothers and fathers day cards for my parents like almost every year and while my mom would keep them in her wallet or hang them up on her office cubicle wall my dad just loses them and I would find them somewhere in the house just laying down
Once he used one of the cards I gave him to write down info while on a call to give to someone and I didn't mind that tbh but what he did next just broke my heart... he tore the piece where he was writing and gave it to the person and when I told him that it was the card he legit said this
"Ohh... ok"
as someone who grew up with authoritarian parents.. its true i wonder a lot about what i really want to do and its so frustrating that i cant really come up with an answer. i make it my life's mission to give my kids a better experience growing up. being on either end of each spectrum is never the answer
Still trying to figure out want I want to do myself. Feels like every time i focus on that particular subject, it's just this mental and emotional void with no answers. It's like there is something missing and no matter how hard you think about it, the answers rarely come to you if at all.
Same here.. Been struggling with what I want for a past couple of years
How can they miss the most common type - the abusive, psycho parenting style ??
That's not called "parenting"
Hi. Thanks for your input. While writing the script we were going through the different styles. The abusive one isn't an actual style in parental archives. And since I'm not an expert in the issues of parental abuse, we thought it best to save it for another video.
I was also wondering whether the 2d space they present has a "shadow side" when you flip it.. similar to shadow figures of arche types. Like tyrant is to king etc..
@Hunter because I command the planet and bend it to my will 🤣 just kidding.
*least common
No matter what kind of parent you had. It left you broken in some way. Something was missing. When you have siblings your privacy and autonomy might have taken some hits. When you had none it are your social skills. When you have a parent that tells you always what to do you never learned how to think for yourself. When your parent never told you what to do you might need to find out what others think and learn how to listen to their needs too, so you can get along better.
No matter where you lived. There are things in the world you haven't experienced at your place. Like you might have never experienced being free and doing arts or handcraft when you lived in a city or you never experienced how to have an academic lifestyle when you lived in the country side. That's why you should take some time after you got out of your childhood to find yourself and to find the parts of you you never knew you lacked. Then you can take over the sail for the rest of your life.
Such an underrated comment.
Thats life .. nothing and no one is perfect ..
When you live with a manipulated narcissistic parents it's a another case
Best
Well said!!
I had one parent who was authoritarian/ neglectful and the other is permissive/ neglectful (at least they agreed on something I guess 🤣). Unsurprisingly, I barely function socially and have a lot of trouble with understanding or expressing my own emotions but at least I'm independent and self aware
Same here. It has been a life of unlearning and relearning. It's not your fault what has happened to you but I encourage ownership and keep building yourself up. You have a life to lead. Take care.
Whenever work forces me into the cities, i come across a lot of people who seem to be like this but just pretend and put on a social mask, suppressing their self to fit in.
I could make a lot more money if i stayed in the cities but whenever i stay for more than a few months, i get that nagging feeling of "being wrong" and needing to do something about "not being normal".
I dunno, both of my parents were extremely neglectful, to the point where it's almost comedic and I ended up being just extremely independent from a young age, was reasonably popular at school and as an adult I'm very successful and pretty respected. I can make friends easily if I want to. That being said, I do agree that it made me somewhat cynical about trusting people and reluctant to develop emotional relationships, but not to the point where it was a life long problem (I did eventually marry, happily too and 16 years this June)
Maybe parenting style doesn't predict a childs future as much as these videos would lead us to believe. Clearly there is something about nature instead of nurture that can compensate for or overrule experience.
@@jjm152 parenting style has a notable impact but so does a lot of other things
You should check out rural vs. Urban if you want to see a massive difference, everything else is wishy-washy and you can still get maybe 20-30% that deviate while urban vs rural has a documented
Both my parents were authoritarian/neglectful and I've been completed messed up for life (51 now). Life long depression, severe trust and lack of self-esteem issues, bad temper/emotional dysregulation, some substance abuse and even physical health problems. Definitely the cause of my CPTSD. Now I am a hermit who is completely withdrawn from the world.
I was nodding along, feeling good about myself and my family, when the authoritive style was explained. Yep. Sure. That’s me… and the came the helicopter parent, which is easy to see in others but hard to realize you're doing it yourself… kid is in a Montessori school and pretty self reliant, but sometimes I make things easy for him… the hovering was noticed by a teacher in his school when we went there before enrolling him. The teacher told us: well, if this was my kid, I’d let him try out (toy we were explaining to him) by himself. It was the first time I realized that I was too hands on and very thankful for the teacher. I have changed my ways, but I am not there yet. Sometimes a blunt observation by a professional is very helpful.
parents should take classes about raising children before they decide to have a kid
Yes
I think school teaches u that. Idk prob not.
Honestly there are even now some people that shouldn't have kids. Then there are those that would make wonderful parents but due to things like infertility, illness, ect. they aren't able to have that family they want. I should know I have some friends in my local support group that have gone through countless options including trying/considering adoption but never worked out. :'(
@@kinyacat5919 They don't. But there are countless books and support groups on the subject. :)
I agree I’m pregnant now and I’m learning as much as I can I don’t want to be anything like my mother I have a scar on my neck because she tried to kill me when she was high I was in highschool
My stepdad had the “Abuse/fear solves every problem “
And my mom has the “I’m just going to act like nothing happened “ parenting styles 😅
I feel you
I feel you
I hope you are okay. Please know you deserve love too :)
My dad had the first one, and my mom was also the second but also sometimes fought with my dad because of his parenting style
Same here bud. But my stepdad left and my mom is still neglectful
Parenting styles and their effects on life should be taught about in school.
but they are taught in school? in psychology classes. I knew about these methods because of school
Worship Allah, turn back to your maker.
This life is only temporary.
Convert to Islam before you die - this is the best for you!!!!
But @@hasam_monoma1632, I don't believe it does. If it was taught in school a long time ago, then a lot of people would be getting better on in life, and there would be less crime.
Parents should madatorily attend classes funded by government before giving birth.
@@blackaugust2035, I once and have been considering the concept of licensed parental care.
I would call myself an authoritative parent and I have raised 2 adult daughters, mostly without their mother. One of my daughters gave me a very interesting book to read by Philippa Perry: "The book you wish your parents had read". It gave me some additional insights in good parenting. As I have understood it, raising children is not about the style of parenting, it's about the outcome!
Individual children, need individual approaches, as long as you get the desired outcome. And the outcome is described by Philippa Perry as the following, what children should be able to in the long run:
1. Communicate
2. Regulate emotions
3. Form healthy relationships
4. Think critically
5. Take responsibility
I really love this approach and if there are young parents out there, go and read this book. You won't regret it.
Thank you for sharing! The book sounds interesting.
The problem with most parents of teens is that they expect us to mature up and act like adults when they treat us like kids, needing full control over our life. It's honestly so frustrating
Ikr? Damn, I've never felt this understood before.
@@doublev4409 I can totally understand you because I live in a family where i am the one who get cussed at for my brother's and my dad's wrongdoing. Life sucks.
@@sahithya3780 me too. I'm the stepdaughter. Yay for me!! 🥳🥳
@@sahithya3780 and also, we have a gender discrimination in my family, so my brother's the prince, and me and my younger sis are his slaves. I'm the only one who refuses to be, so I'm beaten more than my sis (she rebels less than me). Honestly, can't even tell if it is being a stepdaughter or just me rebelling more. But yeah, one thing's true : life does suck.
I'm so sorry to hear that... But I know you are a strong person and can get through this😘
Two brothers. Same age. Alcoholic father. One grows up becomes a alcoholic, asked why? “Because I watched my father.” The other grows up become successful, asked why? “Because I watched my father.”
Is the point you're making here that genes (as well as their interaction with environmental factors) also shape one's personality?
Perspective is the word in this instance
One learns to be better and one learns to be the same, brilliant
A great video on How Bad Parents are made ruclips.net/video/vdwR6sVRulk/видео.html
@Spell Check since this is about choices of children, to talk about accountability hardly makes any sense.
Styles of Parenting
1 Authoritarian Parents Child grows up not knowing what they want and are generally sad and unhappy
2 Permissive Parents Child is inconsiderate and has no limits
3 Authoritative Parents Child is well adjusted, uses Critical Thinking, Common Sense and Facts
4 Neglecting Parents Child has a negative image of herself, is insecure
5 Over Involved Parents Child lack perseverance and has problem solving issues
And with the way everything is worded, it is clear that Authoritive Parenting is the only way.
Does this mean you treat every child the same way?
Absolutely not, it means the parents listen and watch and allow each kid to develop according to their own potential. It means that they are prepared to handle dangerous or bad tendencies firmly (without resorting to physical violence or mental abuse).
The hard part is that one kid need strict rules while another can be given (seemingly) complete freedom.
This parenting "style" is more about growing mutual trust and respect than anything else.
I am definitely a mix of the 1+5 child, while growing in to a #3 adult with baggage of the previous the longer it’s been since last seeing them 😅
@@jiedongng7985 You are wrong. The words do not mean what you think they mean.
Authoritarian means that the rules are arbitrary. They require blind obedience. That is what fosters insecurity, because there is no way to know what rule pops up next. An example is a guard at a concentration camp, with absolute right to do whatever they want to their victims.
Authoritative meanwhile means someone with knowledge, rules are based on facts and experience. Such as an authoritative source of knowledge in a field, like a manual.
You would have known this if you actually watched the video without falling asleep.
@@jiedongng7985not true. I had one authoritarian parent and other two neglectful and I'm lost in life.
@@dainagrn7030 why do you categorize people..your parents were your parents..it's hard to say if they were like this or like that...probably a bit of both.
I had a neglecting dad and an insecure mom, which was overly involved and sometimes neglecting too. I am a selfloving authorative parent right now. My boy has great signs of empathy, he is showing and taking care of his emotions, is loving and does feel loved. He can be an angel, a devil (dont listen and do crappy things), but most of the time he is a lil funny guy making jokes you never thought a 4yr old would make. His acting has consequences, but if our reaction is too harsh, we say sorry and talk with him to find a solution.
As a child of an authoritarian mother and neglectful father, it’s been an uphill battle but now that I’m expecting a child I am attempting to educate myself so I can be a better person and a good parent.
we're on the exact same page!! wishing you good health and pregnancy!
L
Congratulations! Parenting is hard, but you will learn patience and everything essential with time. Just be the parent you wish you had, that always helped with reactions towards certain situations.
Your child will be lucky to have mom like you ready to spend time to make him better person even b4 he is born ...
What has been the effects if you don’t mind me asking because I have this dynamic the other way round , an authoritarian father and neglectful mother and I’ve struggled for years
How is it possible for my parents to be authoritarian, authoritative AND neglectful at the same time?? They don't let me decide for my own self, yet expect me to make my own choices and be independent in life, AND at the same time completely disacknowledge how I feel about the decisions they make. I am an indecisive ambivert who is emotionally a wreck.
As I was writing the script, I discovered that a lot of parents are mixtures!
I am totally similar to you , thanks for putting all the things into words ,i am bad at expression 😂
Learn about narcissism. Dr Les Carter does good videos, also Dr Ramani. Peace and courage to you.
Parenting centrism
Mee too
I grew up with permissive parents and my experiences have been starkly different. My parents allowed me to learn, grow and evolve and because of that, my childhood tantrums slowly turned to me wanting to give back to the community, making me more drawn to the academics and finally I created my self discipline method where I study 8-9 hours everyday as a CHOICE because I LOVE Studying. So it really does depend :)
Thanks for sharing
I grew up with permissive parents too (damn almost nobody in the comment section is, I'm glad that I found this comment) and let me share my experience too
It's pretty hard for me, I grew up getting almost everything I want and it's really hard to grow out of. I know I was a total brat, I'm trying to grow out of it but it's hard to learn self-control all by myself when there's nobody around forcing me to do it. 🥲
On the bright side, you're right about the learning thing. Of course my parents wouldn't buy me absolutely anything in the world, but they would go OUT of their way to make my education life better. Tuition, studies, all of that student debts, they wouldn't care about the cost as long as it's for my education. I have big dreams to go continue studying overboard and I'm extremely grateful for my parents, but I feel bad 😅
Authoritarian, authoritative, and over-involved parenting styles were used in my house. My dad was strict but was always good with advice if you were good with him. My mom was over-involved (with my brother only) but she also gave good advice. As the younger sibling of a brother with disabilities, I was always more independent and treated more strictly and maturely. Now that I am finally an adult, I feel like I had a fast childhood and that I didn’t have enough time to make mistakes and grow up naturally without being criticized and judged all the time. I felt like i was being demanded to be something that I wasn’t mature enough to understand yet. This vid was helpful.
My parents would never let me do chores and stuff as a kid or taught me how to do basic things and when I got older they yelled at me and stuff for not being able to do basic things
That's kinda how my husbands parents were. They told me that it's stupid to teach my son how to do basic things like handling money/bills, filing taxes, fixing things around the house, making appointments, etc as a child but they get mad when my husband (their child, 22 years old) can't do those things? Like duh, you thought it was stupid to teach him those things and now I have to do it myself 🤦🏻♀️
They believe it's stupid because they were helicopter parents (literally constantly with him, even when he had cross country practice they waited at the school for 2 hours) and just did everything for him. He was definitely insecure about making his own decisions and being away from his mom/me for the first 2 years after he moved out of their house. I've since broken him out of his shell and he's been way more independent and has made some wonderful choices.
@@fiestyfox2207 I wish a man would do that for me but then again a romantic partner taking such an exhausting task of being my aide and hands on guide to adulthood would surely kill the romance and it would make me feel stupid like a charity project to take pity on, there can be no equality when one is the knowegable teacher and the other a naive student in need of guidance.
What does he do for you in return? Please tell me he puts in the same effort for you. People pay professional organizers and hands on tutors thousands upon thousands to do what you're doing for him. Is he worth the thousands upon thousands dollars of taxing tabor you provide him for free?
Be careful, you don't want to be a mother replacement and be too busy uplifting him to independance that you forget to uplift yourself. Also it is not your job to raise him and it is very very very easy to fall into the role of selfless enabler.
Lastly and most important, you teaching him to be an adult will feel so incruciatingly infantilizing to him that he will certainly use you to mature himself and in time will dump you the very second he gains confidence and independance because no one wants to be a patronized fixer upper project let alone a 22yr-old manboy.
Please put yourself first, you're 22, I promise you, you can do better and deserve better, don't drag yourself down into such demanding relationship so soon, wait until you're at least 25. 22yr-old man boys are not worth it and they are psychologically, biologically, and socially wired not to commit unless it's convienient and easy and will bail most especially if they have ex helicopter parents. Believe me, please god, believe me, please don't throw your life away for a 22yr-old boy who can't take care of himself, it will end badly.
@@juliannehannes11 it's fine really, we've been happily married for 4 years (together for 6) with a 3 year old son. I'm more annoyed that his parents think it wasn't important to teach life skills but now we can do taxes together just fine! (: I love him a lot and he works hard. (He mentioned going back to school and I said hell yeah, now we're almost a year in and he's going to be an aircraft mechanic, I couldn't be more proud of who he's becoming!) I appreciate the concern, most people wouldn't really care about some stranger on the internet complaining about their helicopter in laws. 😂
My mum doesn't let me touch anything, my brother runs all the errands and then she yells at me that I don't know anything.
You want to be a good parent there is only one rule to me : EXPLAIN. Explain your childs what you want, why you want it. Why it's good for them. Show them, the world, the study, the diseases, the dangers. That works. It really does.
At what point do you let them figure out their own questions then?
I know parents who explain every little thing. It can be bad, too, because the child can‘t process so many words. But the dose makes the poison. While you try to avoid one mistake, you’ll make another one you haven‘t even thought of! 🤷♀️🙄😄
How many teenager have you raised up to be sure, that it works?
Yes
I do that but I still don't always feel like a good parent.
I had the Neglectful parents... But not in a super bad way...my mom lived in a hospital because of her chronic illnesses and my dad was always working and barely home so i understand why I have an anxious attachment style.
I love my family and parents. I'm still a teenager, but I learned so much about the world from my parents and they are very loving. They never put pressure on me, but they never let me be too free or reckless with my decisions. Ill be forever grateful for them
My brother is 10 years younger than me and I've seen him grow up under the "over-involved" parenting style. He couldn't do a single thing on it's own, not even remembering what's for homework, until he was about 13 years old. And now, at 16, he's at the top of his class (and probably school), declines any offered help from the parents, and plans on being a scientist. He spends all of his vacation working on projects and reading books. Of course he plays videogames and hangs out with his friends from time to time, but most of the time, he just plans on becoming someone significant.
While this video might seem logically true - it, as everything, only works in specific cases in reality.
It works on my brother tho, he is 13 and doesn't know where the kitchen is lol. Ofc he is served food in a platter to his bed so why would he. And trust me, there are no signs of improvement, he likes to bully my sister to do his work, who, btw, is older than him.
@@doublev4409 ohh I've come across a boy like this too. Everything served on a platter by his mummy. He was around 23 at the time and I'm not sure if he is still being taken care of by his mummy. She does everything including cleaning up after him
@@yashny you're prolly from the future and the guy you've seen is my brother 🙄😒
Means,, your younger brother has a brain, good 👍🏻... And idk hows my lil bro huh
@@doublev4409 same here
Coming from an abusive household, I fear having a child. I'm scared I'll lose my temper or worse traumatized my kid like my parents did. Kudos to parents who are giving their kids a loving environment and room for growth.
The fact that that scares you is a promising sign. You're already better than they were.
The fact that you are thinking about these things and trying to educate yourself about them is what will make all the difference if you decide to have children. You are not the dysfunction. Life is a long learning. When you make mistakes based on your "programming", you just have to forgive yourself, learn from the mistakes and change your ways for the better. I bet that's what your parents weren't able to do, sadly. Mine neither. Give yourself some recognition that you have come as far as you have. You are not your parents. Your choices will differ from theirs. As will your life's many outcomes.
hey you just lo=ike me
same
You'll do fine. I came from a family of screamers and never did that to my child. You're already on it.
I think a lot of parenting floats around all the styles not just one style, the other thing not discussed here is the opinions of the grandparents to the parents on how they should be doing things.
Yes, grandparents have a big influence on parental style. This is a great point.
This video about parenting styles was really helpful. It explained four types of parenting: authoritative, permissive, authoritarian, and neglectful. Each style has different ways of raising kids, with some being more controlling and others less demanding. The video showed how these styles can affect a child's self-esteem, health, and relationships with others. It's important to choose a parenting style that helps kids grow up healthy and happy because how we raise them can shape their whole life. Thanks for sharing this valuable information! 🧒👨👩👦👦📚
Interesting!
It really depends on the child. Some kids/teens need more attention and guidance, while others are more independent or self-motivated. Even throughout their lives, these needs change over time. As a parent, we should be mindful of these needs and adjust accordingly, but also allowing them to fail on occasion to prepare them for the challenges of life.
Btw I want to add something. Allowing failure is not the same thing as causing failure. Idk if I use the correct words but I know people whose parents are mean to them and stuff like that “to prepare for life because life isn’t easy so they have to be ready”. Your role as a parent isn’t to punch your kid in their feelings just because it might happen later in life. It’s to allow them to explore and reassure them when they fail, and let them start over if they want to. Bringing a child down to “prepare them” won’t do much good. You’re just making the child miserable and they will trust you less.
@@lucywoomy damn thats what happened to me
Worship Allah, turn back to your maker.
This life is only temporary.
Convert to Islam before you die - this is the best for you!!!!
@@unknown2k229 Nah im good
like me; i have severe panic disorder, so my mom leaves me alone, its not neglectful, its not letting me who whatever i want, whenever i want; its coping with intense fear so i dont have to live with it. but my mom understands everyone will have fears, thats normal
i just hate people who say "your mom sounds neglectful" or "your mom probably lets you do whatever you want, whenever you want; youll be a karen when your older"
Not once in this video is acknowledged existence of two parens having different parenting styles from each other. Analyzing only 5 instead of all 25 possible combinations is certainly much easier task, but leaves the analysis utterly incomplete
Very true. For instance, me and my sibling grew up with an insincere, neglectful and occasionally (toxicly?) permissive dad but a hopeful, authoritative mom who ended up driven stressed and authoritarian at times to maintain order while we kept wishing for our dad's genuine attention (that is until we gave up on that as teens, but the effects still remained, and I think that parental split is what drove me and my sibling's ways of seeing and reacting to life farther apart than our natural differences alone).
Of course, there are also examples of parents with different parenting styles managing to work well - given they both care enough!
Yesss. My mom was over-involved and athoritative (sometimes authoritarian) and my father was neglectful and permissive. I wonder if my mom was too strict sometimes just trying to "balance" this as my father was so "i dont care". They also fighted a lot and one of the reasons was exactly disagreements on how to deal with the kids in specific moments. Anyway its interesting to think about the role each parent has and the relation between them and how that affects the children
Well, many people come from single-parent homes so this is still practical, even if it is just all theoretical fluff
Exactly !!!! I’m pretty authoritarian and my Wife is #3. Works for us. We “good cop, bad cop” our children and it works out great. Both our girls are loving and great kids compared to their brat peers. Helicopter and neglectful parents along with spoiling them is the worst !! Like my nephew. … spoiled shit is gonna be a serial killer someday
Obviously! This is just a general outline of the biggest & most 'extreme' groups. No one is stating that every single set of parents in the world fits perfectly into one of these categories. Real life is obviously more nuanced than this. But this certainly helps us set a guideline parameter when trying to understand a situation better.
My father was neglectful/authoritarian and mother was neglectful/ authoritative at times and then became overly involved as I got older.. I believe I was raised with all parenting styles.
I was much more balanced then my older brother but we both struggle with insecurities and constantly seek to gain our parents approval even as adults now. As a mother of three I try so hard to be authoritarian but I can't help but slip into similar patterns at times. It's really an uphill battle. Only through prayer and submitting to God am I able to be a good mother.
I grew up in a single parent household and my dad had authoritarian style parenting. I consciously wanted to be not like him. I have got kids now and both me and my husband gives clear boundaries to our kids and always gives the kids to make a choice after explaining the good and bad side of things. Surprisingly they make the right choices almost every time. Never say “no” to anything without a proper reason or explanation worked really well for us.
Anyone else out there with snowplow parents who feels guilty all the time?
Man, it feels like I should have turned out better and more independent because my parents were so helpful and supportive compared to the other types here. I mean, I’m so lucky and privileged yet I can’t do anything right. I’m sure people with worse parents all made better of themselves lol.
I feel that way too. I feel like I should be more independent and I always feel guilty all the time.
Very interesting 🤔
My parents are probably between 3 and 5. You definitely can feel guilty and embarrassed about having mental health issues. The media usually depicts people who seek therapy as having some kind of trauma growing up, but there are plenty of people who grew up with loving parents and still struggle with mental health. I think this disconnect can really do a number on people who feel like they need help but don't want to look like they are "looking a gift horse in the mouth" with their privileged experiences.
I think a lot more influences out sense of self and esteem etc. School , peer groups , media , the greater community society etc . All those things influence how we grow up I think . I mean most kids spend more time at school and with friends than they do with their parents . After the age of 5 anyway
Same here, I feel like I didn't have any big problems at home unlike most of my friends, I grew up with both of my parents, they were very supportive and it was horrible when my mother found out I was on medication for the social anxiety that I developped over the years. At the time I felt like a failure, and so did my mother, it broke my heart, but we're better now.
My parents were helicopter parents and I've always known that. I never learned to do things the hard way and they always did everything for me. That's why when I moved out I decided to move to another state simply because if I was close to home I knew my parents would come in and do everything for me and I wanted to learn how to be self-sufficient for once and it was one of the best decisions I've ever made.
Me having a reality shock when i had to learn how to live on my own as an adult after living as a coddled person lol.
Worship Allah, turn back to your maker.
This life is only temporary.
Convert to Islam before you die - this is the best for you!!!!
I attempted to get away from my parents but they guilt tripped me and manipulated me into staying. I regret it everyday
@@juleswifey6003 but can't you change it now? How old are you?
@@halloweellahere7602 easier said than done
Man, I love these videos. Psychology has always been on of my favorite subjects to learn about, because it's a subject I can apply to my own life. I definitely know some people who've been raised in each type of parenting approach.
Glad you like them! Keep learning :)
So thankful that I had authoritative parents
Thank you all for your kind comments of support. I had to delete this comment because it was very personal and I would like to keep a bit of control on who gets to read it, hopefully, nobody from my family. Thank you all, so much, it brought me a lot of peace reading your comments.
Edit: the original comment was about neglectful parenting.
Thanks so much for sharing this! 🙏😌
You're strong person. At least I can say that after reading till the end.
If I was in your situation I wouldn't reconnect with my parent's after all you're not obliged to be their daughter and you definitely aren't their ''retirement plan''.
That sounds rough. I'm sorry that happened to you. Thanks for sharing. Your story was well written and very moving. Before I'd realized it I'd read the whole thing. I'm so glad you shared this with us, you're such an amazing person, and I think you should be proud of yourself.
Well, I love you Lavinia.
I have four children, ranging in ages from 5 to 17. Their personalities dictate which parenting style I use. My oldest was able to make a sandwich by herself with no help, and then clean up any mess she had made at age 4, while my 3rd child is 8 and is just now able to make his own meals. Not that we make them prepare their own meals, but we do encourage them to try. My 1st and 4th children were potty trained in a fraction of the time that it took the two middle children. My stern tone works really well when disciplining three of them, but one of them becomes so terrified that he begins shaking in fear. Two of them go out of their way to help around the house while the other two expect to be treated like royalty. This list of examples can go on forever.....
My point is, there is no right way to parent children, they are all different. You just have to find which method works better and try to stick with it. However, I don't agree with neglect, it's just wrong on all levels!!
It's best they take a personality test, and Big 5 is best. Not MBTI because their functions probably aren't fully developed.
It seems like working with a public full of different people needing different approach while society treats us all the same. No wonder we call society broken and unfullfilling.
Universally authoritative parenting (NOT Authoritarian) is the best parenting even statistically speaking. Being able to give your kids discipline but a combination of empathy, freedom and privacy is essential. One things for sure hitting your kids Is NOT a good idea in any kind of parenting.
Well said 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
The fact that you are AWARE enough to notice each child’s individual needs for boundaries & support is AWESOME!
Also, I notice you didn’t argue the limitations of your own parents, but maturely access your inner strength as it aligns with each individual child is really telling about who you are as a person & as a parent. It’s rare to find healthy, integrated individuals, who observe their environment & respond in strength accordingly, while acknowledging they are not alone, their actions effect- therefore the they are affective in their interpersonal relationships, with others & with self.
We need less “blankets of blame” & more awareness & use of our intuition- for happiness of self & healthy community to think for themselves.
I’m guessing your children witness each child is unique & you are aware of who they “be”! How lucky they are to have you & your available “listening”/observing who they are as well☸️🆔⚛️☯️💟☮️🕉💞
“You ruined my life!”
“How could I ruin your life? I wasn’t even there to ruin it.”
I don't really know which type my parents really were, but we are almost disturbingly 100% the "Authoritative" type. And naturally I am convinced it is the way to go and do *not* respect the other styles. That said, obviously a style can only be a goal to achieve without ever reaching it 100% but I feel that our son feels very wanted and loved and skilled. But there are two sides to everything. Thinking about going to bed there are parents that just put their kids to bed and leave and ones that always wait for the kids to sleep. For us it is important that he would accept and be able to just go to sleep on his own (at the age of 5 now) without getting a panic attack if necessary and he does when he was really nasty and maybe bit someone but in reality we always stay with him for 10 minutes or so to spend some time together (and maybe some more time if he really can't sleep and comes back to the living room) and there are few conflicts.
In general conflicts can be 99% avoided if children know right from the start that there will be consequences. If you are an asshole I turn away and you can play on your own. If you decide you made a mistake I will forgive you and we continue. After all, most of the things children have to learn are not debatable. People are not to be kicked, plates are not to be thrown. So far I feel successful. I give my son plenty of opportunity to express what his problem was and how it all ended up in a wrong decision. Most of the time he can't explain, which is ok, because I think now with some distance he himself knows there was no good reason. And I tell him exactly that, give him advise to think of that prior to making the same mistake again and we rarely have problems with bad decisions. So far he hasn't broken anything out of anger yet and despite obviously having a father with a difficult character (as seen from the view of normally talented people) he manages to get along with other kids at least considerably better than I did. He didn't go to the kindergarden before turning three and aven now he only stays there for 3,5 hours a day. I think it is a good compromise. We didn't want kids to give them away. But of course he has to learn to get along and play with others. Everything running according to plan for now.
My parents are definitely the first mixed with the second type. They were laidback in chores but they just wanted me to be responsible. And well it seems fine to want your kid to be a capable human being, but they literally pampered me as a child. And then when suddenly I hit my pre-teen years, they want me to be super responsible without even allowing me to get experience or even teach me. They also randomly blow up and act angry and agitated towards me which makes me feel like I'm walking on eggshells around them, which causes me to fear them. I hate crying in front of them or even telling them about my problems with suicidal ideation since they'll just tell me to pray to god or to just stop being a coward. I can't ever talk back or explain my perspective to them because they do not listen.
Sorry it turned to a vent. I'm just a 13 year old who wants a therapist, but can't get one. If someone reads this, I hope your home life is better than mine
Hey there! Religious parents can often ignore mental health issues and imagine their children to be clay they want to shape, rather than actual human beings. Try writing down in a diary how you feel, both good days and bad. I used to be suicidal too but never could tell my parents because they'd just say "suicide is for cowards and is a sin according to the bible". Talk to a close friend or relative about what is bothering you if you trust them enough. Or vent here, I will get a notification when you reply to me.
Never ever believe that you are unwanted by everyone. I used to think I was worthless and no one loves me, they just loved my performance in school. As I grew up I realized that was not true. Parents sometimes just have their own troubles they hide from kids and teens, even from their grown-up children! And even if nobody loves you a lot right now, someday you would be loved so much by many, be it a lover, spouse, your child and maybe a future best friend! Someday you might be a famous writer, actor, scientist, anything you want! So stay strong and keep moving forward, you can do it! :)
So sorry to hear this is your circumstances right now; I was also in a dark place between 13-17 years old. Depressed, suicidal, lonely. But something inside always told there was “hope” so I held on... I’m here almost 10 years later, and I’m so glad I did hold on. Things are better now, and surprisingly, my “family” life (parents & siblings) is not any better, maybe it’s worse. But my own perspective, and my own life, is brighter now. I don’t mean to throw cliches at you, I’ve been where you are, but when you are ready; do pray to Jesus and ask him to help free your mind from all the darkness. He can. He did for me. He will for You too. 🙏
Sweetie, please don't kill yourself. And please don't let your overly religious parents ruin your view of God. I was constantly bullied, all the way through school and couldn't talk to my parents about it. I loved them and they loved me, and they were really good parents, but there was a roadblock with regards to this one issue-schoolyard bullying.
These days, I'm 46. I met a loving husband and had 2 sons and five wonderful years of marriage, before my husband died suddenly, of a heart attack. I had to raise my sons alone, but now they are 18 and 20 and are fine young men.
God has always been with me, meaning Jesus Christ, I have walked His path for me, but have tried to not be overly religious. I have seen the damage that religion has done to other people's children, and it breaks my heart. As for me, I just go about my day, meditating and being aware that there is a God in Heaven that made me, loves me, died for me, and rose to life again, for me. And I do my best to be the sort of person He'd want me to be.
I endeavour to have an attitude of respect and care for my fellow humans, and for Nature and the plants and animals around me, (I am a farmer), and I figure that's about what God requires, rather than following five hundred tiny little rules, that ultimately have no meaning.
Because of this, my sons still love me and talk with me, I know that they love me, and I love them as well. But they are men now, and have their own lives. I am there to help if they need me, but I have to let them be free.
In closing, I know it's rough for you, but please try to understand, your parents probably really do love you, they just don't know any better. It's probably how they were raised, and they honestly think they are doing the best thing by you. You can see they are wrong, but hating them won't solve anything, it will just make you have a bitter heart and a sour nature. Just grow to be the "You" that God intended you to be, which is a beautiful young lady with a compassionate and understanding nature.
Of course there will be conflict with them, as you go through your teens, and you will have to grow apart from them (they'll hate this) but if you maintain that firm, yet gracious and compassionate attitude, everything will be okay, in the end.
God Bless, and I wish you All the Best!
If you've got a phone you've got access to online help. I think there's an app called better help. I don't know how it would work for you being that youre underage. Don't give up, and remember you're never alone.
Wow, my parents are the same except for the religious part as neither they nor I believe in God. They also pampered me like crazy as a child and were overprotective and overinvolved in my school projects, but when I got to my teens they magically expected me to do a bunch of chores in the house and to become independent and responsible. Of course, that didn't happen... And they just constantly blew up at me and screamed like degenerates instead of being patient and giving me positive feedback when I did things right. I am 18 now and our relationship is still kinda toxic, but they are good providers and through the years I have found ways to deescalate their anger and communicate with them. What's most important tho is that you realize that if your parents yell a lot and blow up for minor things it's not your fault and you shouldn't feel bad about yourself and think that you are inadequate. It just means that your parents are emotionally immature and petty. Try keeping your cool when they are like that, or at least outwardly, you're entitled to be fuming inside and despise them at that moment. Don't try to argue with them at that moment, they won't be thinking rationally. Perhaps you could write in a notebook, or a blog with a password for more privacy, about what they did and how you feel about it and what you would've liked to tell them while they were yelling and insulting you. Then, sort out through your more rational thoughts and points that you could share with them when they seem to be in a good mood, preferably a Saturday or Sunday morning as a lot of parents are very irritable in the evening when they come from work. Also, try finding out on the Internet what numbers you can call to talk to someone and at least vent. Maybe you have a youth center in your area? Anyway, you are not alone in your struggles and everything you feel is totally justified. Stay safe!
The problem with 'most' unsuccessful parent-child relationships is that they see 'starting a family' and 'giving birth to a child' as a "duty" and "responsibility" than making that decision when you are actually ready for it and are doing it out of love, not responsibility or duty.
They should learn how to become parents and have estbility before making children, otherwise it's irresponsible.
@@lilifreechannel414 and also, they should actually WANT a child. I think most parents just assume they do because it's "natural", or others convince them. They don't really ask themselves
Nailed it
Well said 👍
It's just what everyone's taught, and therefore expected of, to do these days.
I love❤ this special, Educational Channel a lot. All the videos are so enriching, supportive, guiding and Genuinely taught. Thanks for helping us❤❤
Thank you for this, some of us who struggle in adulthood really need this. Take care of yourselves and stay positive everyone ! You are worth it , always 😻
thank you so much. felt like i never head the last words you say. thank you! ❤️
My wife has been a teacher for 28 years. She has seen an evolution of parents over that time. The number of permissive, neglectful, and helicopter parents have increased dramatically over the years. Meanwhile the number of authoritative and authoritarian parents have decreased. This has made the job of teaching more and more difficult because children of permissive, neglectful, and helicopter parents are more difficult to deal with in a classroom setting as opposed to children of the other two parent types.
It goes even beyond the classroom. All these kids will be "running" society soon.
it will be fun to see everyone wants to be a leader but no one to lead 😂😂
As a person between GenX and Millennials - they say we got it the best - Xenials. We dont have helicopter parents but we did understand authoritative figures. So it is a healthy blend of ingenuity, perseverance and following rules while breaking some that does not matter. Most definitely not communist 😂 unless those that have been affected by indoctrination of leftist ideals. In our time we just need to combat religious ideology. Now religion is down but communism is up - the "you owe me because i exists" society. 😅
Why would I want to teach my child to be obediant? That is not in her interest but governnent's interest.
@@Daniela-pr7rz Children need to be taught to obey their parents first of all and government second. Rules come from parents. Rules are set by parents to protect children. Children are immature and don't always know what is best for them. Parents should know better than their children and should teach their children to obey them. Children who do not obey their parents will get into more trouble than those who don't.
Laws are enforced by government. A child who doesn't obey laws will find themselves in jail eventually. So, yes, a child needs to be taught to be obedient. If you don't teach your child to be obedient, prepare to have your house run by your child and eventually your child will have problems with the law.
I can't believe I actually have to state the obvious.🙄
As a fellow teacher, I can also confirm this. Many of my peers who have been doing this for 2-3 decades have seen parents becoming far more negligent. It's not even that they don't love their kids, it's that they don't know how to PARENT them. How to interact and communicate with them. How to share a love of learning and growth with them. They want them to do well in school, but don't model this in their own homes.
parent: I want the best for my child
also that parent: *proceeds to make that child's life miserable*
Miserable could mean a lot but literally the core issue of parenting (and living) is that the things that feel good right now are not the same things that are good long term. Ice cream feels good now, spinach is good long term.
This us why parenting is the hardest job in the world.
@@cas1652 ice cream flavoured spinach
i never get how parents can love a child and make them suffer as much as possible
Lol try being a parent. I try harder at my job as a dad than anything else in my life and I feel like I’m constantly messing up. It’s easy to judge parents when you’re not one
I'm 16 and my narcissistic mom divorced 3 times so I never knew my dad and now she forced me to welcome a man I never knew into our home as family. They neglected me and had no support for my grades or any interest in anything basic, which made it a little harder for me and I quit going to school(they didn't even care). They only said negative things. I wanted to change that and when I told them I wanted to go study outside of school hours (to catch up on my classes), they said "NO," you can't do that because you are stupid" And they hate that I am negative and don't do anything and blame me for everything.
my mom left me a lot when I was very young for work and left me at my grandma's house. My grandma gave me a healthy childhood. My mom didn't like that I wanted to spend a lot of time with her, forbade me to see her, and when I did, she would make up bullshit stories and call me a betrayer. I hear my mom and her new man kissing sexually every day, freaking gross, I am lonely because she doesn't talk to me and is annoying and abusive. I miss my grandma
I have adhd and ofc my mom is not willing to take care of it.
I have suicidal thoughts every day in a toxic home environment. But I can't even work to afford rope because my social anxiety is way too bad :(
If someone reading this
Please love your child and support.
children change depending on how they are raised.
I truly wish I had been adopted by someone else.
Don't let your child have this mindset
You should call child support services. I can relay to you.
Oh my gosh...You went throught and a4e going thru a lot...Hope you are doing good
Best video ever on the four parenting styles! Thanks!
I grew up with very trusting and understanding parents. I am 23 years old and to this day my father always tells me to make smart decisions and to “remember everything he ever taught me” if I am in a bad situation. I had my freedoms, I never betrayed their trust because I knew how much it meant to them. They raised me to be independent and to have my own life, but I knew their rules and expectations.
My man, 25, grew up with very authoritarian parents. Very strict. Expected respect and obedience. He was punished for disobeying. His parents had ridiculously high expectations for him his whole life and made him feel awful for not meeting expectations. And to this day they are very overly involved in his life and still try to control him and judge our relationship. He grew up with low self esteem, resentment, rebellion, aggressive, and is now a recovering addict.
Is he an Asian?
Your man basically described me too, except for the addiction part..
Find a man more like yourself. Addicts rarely change.
@@roleat rarely, but yes they still do
@@roleat This is insensitive and discouraging to those who do want change and are trying their best. Many become addicts due to circumstances and end up relying on things that are unhealthy because it’s the only thing making them feel better. Change is rare, but it’s not impossible.
The fact that they chose ASIAN family for the AUTHORITARIAN PARENTS THO HAHAHAHAJA
Either that or a BAME family 😂 (white people can be Authoritarian too).
Black parents can be too. So it really does depend.
tiger mom influenced this most likely. . . idk the frequency of that in asian cultures relative to others. but that tends to stick out. .
biased video
@@Y0kAiS every single type of race can..
4:43 to stop feeling unworthy of love, she tries not to feel anything at all;; nothing has been more relatable than this line for me
Definitely Arthurs authoritive, but loving parents. These are how my own parents are, and personally I think usually the best most well rounded kids are raised from these types of parents. They have the right amount of love and care, and encourage their child to try new things, but they have the right amount of control to not let their kid go wild and turn into a spoiled brat.
Me too. It's called good parents. The rest are just failing .
Me and my wife try to be this type of parents. We both comes from shitty homes but hopefully we are breaking this "evil circle". Our home is much different. It's full of love, hugs, encouragement but there are also some borders (Not to much cartoons, toys must be put to the box after play, no aggressive behavior etc). Our secret is relation with GOD and love...just love. However our past makes some things more difficult. First of all we don't believe in ourselfs as much as we should. Sometimes we are to soft because we don't want to hurt our children. I think we also face much more fear, depression, anxiety etc. than "normal parents". I was also afraid that we don't have "Good examples". However, in practice "bad examples" are good enough because when you know what NOT to do, you will do right anyway :)
@@kochamboga3230 I get you. I don't have children yet but I really want to and I fear that I might end up being limited by my own experiences... I'm full of bad examples to choose from, so I really try to be aware of every little good example around me. It's sad because my father says he always wanted to break the cycle yet he did a lot of the things his parents did. I guess the key might be to stay humble and aware of ourselves or our actions... Admit our mistakes and the possibility of making more. A strong parent with a humble heart is already halfway to be a trusted person to their kids.
@@aurora6849 Don't be afraid :) Like I said I wouldn't make it without GOD. We try go to church at least once a week and we pray together. It really helps. Especially when hard times come. This "evil cycle" don't come from nowhere. It's made because people can't deal with their own problems. Especially hard problems like unemployment, divorce, PTSD, friends death etc. In past 2 years I called ambulance 4 times because my wife had life danger situation. If no GOD I wouldn't make it. At least without loosing my mental health. GOD is my recipe for success. It works. That's why I recommend it to everyone.
Worship Allah, turn back to your maker.
This life is only temporary.
Convert to Islam before you die - this is the best for you!!!!
Islam is the best way of life! To find true happiness you must convert to Islam, become a muslim and get closer to Allah
I feel teachers and babysitters cause part of the issues too, since young kids of working parents see their parents only for a small part of their day.
Exactly with parents that both have careers they are by default neglectful. Someone else is doing the parenting
I agree, both my parents are working. I only come to them when I need something, I don't even ask them anything if I want something.
Honestly, I liked my babysitters and teachers way more.
@Dirty Towel We don't have good old age care in developing nations. Look up birth rates in countries with good old age healthcare. Good old age heath = few kids. Poorer people always have multiple kids because atleast one of them will be successful enough in life to survive to adulthood and take care of his or her old parents. Poor and middle class people can give their kids a good childhood with good food and clothes only if both parents work. Median salary in my city (a very big one) must be around ₹15k for a young person in their 20s. Preschools here ask people to fork out as much as ₹60k a year (in a high quality preschool though, so on the pricier end), like my cousin had to pay a couple of years ago. You do the math.
I bet you are from a first world country, where old people are taken care of and people have more disposable income.
Great point!!!!
Thank you so much for letting me write this Sprouts! Honoured to have scripted this video.
Thank you Avanti! It was a pleasure to work with you on this one 🙏
You did?
Congratulations
@@velerina2017 yes I wrote this video. Scroll down to the credits section and you'll see my name.
@@banugi9400 thank you
Understanding the different parenting styles showcased in this video opens up a valuable discussion on the impact they have on shaping our lives. It's crucial to recognize how each approach influences our development and relationships, guiding us towards effective parenting strategies and fostering healthier outcomes for future generations. Great insights shared here!
i like how you expressed parenting as a spectrum in the beginning. there are definitely different extremities of every level, and there is really no way to accurately describe parenting to be within 4 or 5 broad categories.
My parents were the authoritiative ones and I've had a very good childhood. I've always been independent because they made me feel safe doing things alone, but they were always there if I needed a helping hand. 💕 I'm gonna do the same with my daughter. I want her to always feel safe and know that I'll show up for her and support her.
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Cheers 👍
i come from like a strict household and i plan to do the same try to make their life a bit easier
Great video! Unfortunately, people nowadays often forget the essence of parenting; it's supposed to be a fun and healthy relationship.
Yes! Very true! 🙏
Yes! That's why I thought that this video might be an effective one
You are right
Well, its not like is easy to be parent. Specially with all the chaos of west society
@@davipenha true
my mom was extremely neglectful before she passed, she was barely around physically & when she was she wasn't socially or emotionally present. my dad has always took on both roles for my sisters & myself, he was by far style 3...he gave us space and let us make decisions on our own with a watchful eye and discipline when needed (even though at times it didn't feel necessary, it was looking back on it.) now he's style 5, he won't let us make any moves on our own. ESPECIALLY me, my older sister has been planning to go to university in Canada for 3 years now (she's 20) & he was all on board, now he wants us all to move to Canada out the blue? he won't let me go anywhere, it's almost like he doesn't trust me, but I've done nothing to give him the idea that I'm untrustworthy. He tries to do everything for me like I'm an infant...it just gets worse as months to by. It's more than likely this is a trauma response to his ex wife's passing, but we're the ones who suffer & ik he's suffering from being on 3 people's heels 25/8 for no reason.
He just scared and lonely, he had put so much efforts on raising you both; probably deep inside you guys are his whole world, and somehow he is having a really hard time letting you guys leave the nest. Please do all efforts to make him feel loved and appreciated. For parents time flies so fast, in our hearts we still our children as our children and the switch in dynamics is much harder to older people
He should also get some grief counseling. Most of the time if someone we care about has died we are so worried that other people close to might also die. It's bring death so close to home and they feel like it can happen again anytime soon to some they really love. I don't think he doesn't trust you, but rather he doesn't trust that the circumstances would be safe for you
My mom was permissive and dad very authoritarian. As a child it was difficult to understand why my mom always seemed so fun, nice and loving whereas my dad was very strict and cold. I honestly wish I had both parents as something in between those two, so they wouldn't be over controlling, but would discipline me when necessary.
I started drinking and smoking at the age of 15 and became a HS dropout. I hid most of my substance abuse from my parents but the school stuff was obviously not possible to hide. My dad was furious with me but didn't try to help. My mom tried to help, but I feel she was kind of excusing my stupid decisions, like the dropping out.
I'm in my early 20s now and I feel like an idiot, I have learning difficulties and I'm behind everyone in life. I think it's more the lifestyle I fell into that caused this than my parents, but I think my parents could've prevented the alcoholism etc. so... yeah.
I love my parents tho, I do not blame them for my own failures and mistakes in life.
Something of a combination of Authoritarian and Dismissive in my family... my brother and I both recognize that my family 'doesn't do emotions'. When I realized I had depression, neither of my parents seemed to have an interest in helping, even when I reached out for help. Also never felt able to connect with the people I cared about, something I am still dealing with today. What a cheerful comment this turned out to be!
im sorry. it's really hard when you have no one to talk to, someone you can trust
Same. My stepdad is an authoritarian and dismissive. Dunno if that is just him being the stepdad or not. Cuz he always says he doesn't differentiate...but he's clearly tryna manipulate me when out of the three children he has I'm the only one who's starved unless I do what he says (the rest two are his own kids).
Sameee
Our case is very similar
very insightful and introspection. i wish you the best of healing and love on your journey.
One of my parents was “Authoritative” and the other was “Over-Involved” 🤪 I still believe they were great parents because they truly loved me , supported me, and just wanted the best for me❤️ I love them
I got the same type. I can't complain! :D
I got the exact same but with a touch of neglect on both sides, they love me to death but I still depend on my mother for most daily tasks at 17 so something clearly went wrong lol
I want my son to say this about me !! I do my best I love my baby
@@holi2027 does he have a father? I see you are a black woman. Are you a single mom?
@@IllidanSturmgrimmDeusVult ew don’t be such a weirdo lol
Objectivity is key. When parenting always look through an objective lense. Ask yourself what is right and what is wrong about this situation. How can I solve it in a manner my younger self would have liked but benefited from?
Implement structure (eg. screen time) but allow wiggle room within that structure (screen time was 2 hrs during the week after school, but he/she has requested more). Allow for more flexibility in conditions and assess the impact of any negative developments that may or may not occur and adjust accordingly.
Consistency is by far the most challenging aspect of parenting, but by being consistent you set the stage for a more easygoing but realistic style of parenting.
Freedom but within limits = balance
My dad is an Authoritarian parenting plus Neglectful parenting when he stayed home. My mom is the only one guide me hopes in my life, she's an Authoritative parenting, but sadly she died and I was left confused with my father. I still grew up with fragments of her teaching in me. Teenage years was sooo hard for me, but with what I kinda knew that I had somethings, something beautiful, inside of me... I spent years inside the therapy but feel like maybe... maybe this is my life. my life.
There's also the most fundamental parenting style: *The beat-em-up style* , which occasionally beat the child to unload their emotions, sometimes even performing a 20-hit or 40-hit combo a la street fighter
And also, don't forget to *FINISH HIM!* with some religious bullshit that all kids must always listen and obey their parents at all times without question
I've gotten a lot of comments saying that I should've included that while writing this video. However the problem is that neither baumrind nor parenting archives count that as an actual style. Furthermore since I'm not an expert on abuse, I thought it best to leave it to the experts
@@AvantiGiridharan hi
@@Aihoshino24 hi there ❤️
I even remembered kneeling with salt on the floor while my hands are hanging sideways as punishment. It was horrible.
My moms "FINISH HIM" move: forcing me to give hugs and kisses, say "You are the best mom in the world! I love you!" after physical punishment with emotional/mental abuse sprinkled in. Had to be said convincingly as well, or wed start back at the ass whoopin, degrading, and then MORE of those if any tears were sprung.
My mom is mostly authoritative with a tiny bit of over-involved, while my dad is a mix of 1/5th authoritarian, 1/5th authoritative, 2/5th neglectful and 1/5th over-involved. I'm quiet the little cocktail lol.
Wow, your description fits my parents really well! I wouldn't change them for anything
@@andreavelasquez94 I know what you mean! They have their flaws but I cannot imagine them any other way :)
What’s the difference between authoritarian and authoritative?
@@taytayshaniqua.8686 tive
My parents are definitely number five. I struggle with a lack of motivation and even when I wanted to do certain things on my own my parents, especially my dad, would actually get angry if I didn't let them him involved in something and even if he messed something up because of his involvement he never learned. Things like that are just one of the many reasons I barely speak to my father as an adult.
My parents, especially my dad used to get mad or strict whenever I wated to show my negative emotions and it hurts having to hold those back . What made my father more mad was me saying something bad about them.
Deep down I know that's not what he wants but it still feels bad.
He loved me like any loving parent would and he indeed was better than his own father was according to what I've heard. He was by all means not physically violent at all but sometimes he has hard time restraining himself in situations where he's mad or disappointed.
He's willing to apologize for his behavior after a serious situation when he thinks it's necessary but one thing that he never found wrong was having others show their negative emotions as a bad thing, even tho not for his malice.
I love my dad and he is deep down an emphatic good person but his parenting isn't always what's needed.
I'm disheartened to read the comments for most of you all, everybody deserves a loving parent.
1:21 : "she is sent to the corner for time-out" with Asian illustration. We don't have time-outs, but time for straight up smacks to the face
I miss that smack to the face time.
But an article on the UNZ website says Asians are second only to he brews for agreeing with spanking.
Aye you’re not alone. Latinos feel that pain 🤌🏼
😂😂😂
Most Asian families have small houses, no place for a time out When I came to Australia than heard about giving kids time out, so we did
My daughter is almost 2 years old and I just want to do the best for her. Rules are important but so is expressing your feelings, toddlers are still learning how to control themselves and learning how society works, I'm still learning how to be a really good parent and I'll never stop learning cos the challenges will always change as she grows. I'm leaning towards Montessori style parenting, where you allow the kids to be themselves within a certain limit but also my daughter could not respond to this, I'll have to pay attention to her and see what works.
3:19 Controlling the child's screen time is totally wow and telling him that his screen time limit he'll begin to controll his emotions and desires cause wanting to watch more and more are desires and that also will make him appreciate the 30 minutes and enjoy every second
There's another parenting problem where you feel more attached to one parent but not the other one because they have different styles and they both end up making you confused too... : (
Relatable
Common. In therapy they assume you are closer to one parent than another. I would say this is more common than not.
me too
And then the less liked parent guilt trips you about it constantly
@@anunimates_2690 true
My dad was authoritative and my mom was an authoritarian. Between the two, I’d say he was the better parent; if he told me I needed to do something, I did it. At the same time, there were chances to explain why I thought: rules, instructions, or situations were unfair and I was able to explain that to him and get feedback on why he agreed or disagreed and how that would affect xyz going forward
Smart man
Mine was the oppozsite...
Great video as always, taught me a lot I needed to know!
Thank you. After watching this video I realized that my parents use the authoritative parenting style. That makes me feel so grateful for having my parents.
i wish i wasn't born at all
Very true. #5 is called single child syndrome.
Micro managing parents grow fearful and weak childhood personalities, who are living the fears and concerns of their parents later in life.
I am an only child and this is absurd! I am not fearful or weak in the slightest. My mum is very loving and set no real boundaries, and we argue and discuss things like adults
@@OHYS you are quite lucky for this cause nor every parent is like that. Even though my parents are the same too but, not my friend's so.... not eveynody is so lucky like us. Ig
Not true I’m an only child and I was neglected
I am a 31 year old only child. My mum is now my best friend. I was never micro managed.
I was the kind of kid who always spoke her mind, nowhere near "fearful" and "weak". I liked what I liked and openly admitted to it even when I was bullied for not conforming.
We cannot generalize like that. There are children that come from families with 2 or 3 children that have micro managing parents and "weak" and "fearful" children whose parents aren't to blame for it.
It's true. My mother was like this.
when I was a kid I was bullied in school so much by girls and boys due to me being very quiet and shy., now coming home my mother was very strict and often abuse me, I still think that I feel unsafe around humans sometimes so I became more introverted as I grew older. somehow I see through people and their bullshit.
dam u good now tho? Also i bet your a great human being dont ever discriminate ur self!
what a looser
What abuse you got from her? Can you sepcify?
@@bigsmoke3662 thanks im good now
@@fenrir834 thanks!
Growing up, I had a combination of mainly permissive, neglectful and to a lesser extent, authoritarian parenting when I went too far because no one had guided me until I messed up and then they were harsh with me. With my own child, I want to be an authoritative parent because there's love and attention but also boundaries. As Jordan Peterson said, never let your children become the kind of people you don't like.
Unfortunately my mother is neglectful & gaslighting type. Even until today(25 y/o) I have a very hard time to deal, open up & share my feelings with her(negative comments towards me/annoyed towards little thing I told her)I have to take some time to tell her something just to avoid her from lashing out on me. A part of my depression & anxiety results from her negative comments ever since I was little & comparing me with other kids; On the other hand, my father is unresponsive towards most of my life as he often spend his time with his work. There was no emotional communication in my family at all therefore I often kept everything to myself and felt alone/useless for them most of the times.
I've always thought that the true meaning of being a parent is that they should never be heroes to their children, they should be guides & mentors.
And when the child is adult then friends as well ☺️
I don’t think that’s a choice. Kids just see their parents that way
Disagree to some extent. I think parents should be their children's "first" heroes but not there only.
I had permissive and my mom was my “best friend.” I ended up on hard drugs and troubling through school. I am sober now and Authoritative with my kids and they are great!
I'm so happy for you to be sober and doing well with your children.
You are a great parent then!
I grew up with authoritative parents. I was almost never given anything I want, not a single toy bought, no birthday celebration, taught to be extremely obedient, always beaten if i did something wrong🙂. Of course I always felt inferior among friends, coz usually all of them had toys or other things that I dont. Cant start a relationship coz i feel i dont deserve it. Bullied among friends coz i always take the low ground. Grew up among harsh friends too. I was too kind and too good, people always take advantage of me. I always felt left out among friends. But the good thing tho is that now I feel more mature than most people, i understand pain, justice, I can read people easily. Tough childhood made me a stong individual now, and Im sure I will become a good father.
Personally, as for me, understanding the mentality of children is a very important part in upbringing and parents often miss the fact that children may have various reasons why they don't want to communicate with a certain segment of society or group, of course, the social problems inherent in each family have a significant impact on the upbringing of the child in adolescence, but I believe that the preservation of personal qualities doesn't extend to a certain period of life, this is a special part of upbringing.
My parents were neglectful. They only care about themselves and their problems. Dad was very emotionless and harsh. He never showed us affection or love. In fact he try to show us the opposite. Mom was very careless about us. As a result of that I have a very low self-esteem and no confidence at all.
Me too :(
Me as well
Bingo. Stay strong.
I am so sorry to hear this.
I was raised in a neglectful/permissive home. My parents were the perfect example of what I wish to never be. Breaking the cycle is so hard, but possible! I think the hardest thing for someone who comes from those circumstances is allowing yourself to have the insight that what happened was wrong and its a choice to do better for your kids. I had a terrible childhood, but my children are having a wonderful childhood. My inner child is continuously being healed from the Mom I have grown to be.
That's a beautiful comment- the last part about your inner child healing. I am lucky that my parents are terrific, a nice mix of authoritative and permissive, and i'm trying to do the same for my kids, while noting the things I didn't love about my childhood and gaining in understanding about my parents. I like this sense of self-knowledge, acceptance and maybe even improvement.
❤❤❤❤❤ thank you for sharing this.
Worship Allah, turn back to your maker.
This life is only temporary.
Convert to Islam before you die - this is the best for you!!!!
"I had a terrible childhood, but my children are having a wonderful childhood."
This could have been my own words, and I truly believe they are true, in your case as well as mine. We strive to give our kids the best start to life we can possibly provide, and that is as much as any parent can really do.
Yet I can not help but worry, that we may just end up making different mistakes as parents ourselves. And 30 years down the line, despite us doing our best right now and believing we were doing everything right... our children, now parents themselves, could be saying the same thing;
"I had a terrible childhood, but my children are having a wonderful childhood."
It was hard for you to trust people?
I was raised in a neglecful home too,and i would like to know about someone that has more experience in life.
Sorry if i bother you,have a good day miss.
Anyone watching this who is not a parent doesn't actually understand how hard parenting is! I had a rough childhood and now overcompensate and am a snow plow/helicopter mom to try to give my child everything I didn't have. I know it isn't right, but it's subconscious. Most people tend to parent based on their own childhood experiences. To parent takes real effort and real insight. It takes concious effort and the ability to admit you're wrong. It's sometimes tears on the parents part as you realize you handled that wrong. Just the other day, I had to conciously catch and stop myself when my daughter didn't win a prize at softball... I felt horrible and almost took her to the store to buy her something. I stopped myself, but it wasn't easy. I felt horrible inside (even though I shouldn't have). She has to learn she can't always win. She does have to face disappointment (much to my dismay). Parenting does not come with an instruction manual! I took all the classes and even have a degree in psychology, but we ALL deal with subconscious behaviors that are difficult to overcome.
I just hope she knows I wake up every day and honestly do my best. ❤