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@@boddapaduswathi2664 Baby steps. Start with self-acceptance and work your way from there, observe what you need to change in your life, like bad habits for example. Also, self-love is vital too.
“I expected the world to be better” This is so me!! I have to remind myself every so often that not everyone has the same heart that I do. And that there’re things that I just can’t change. I can only do my part and be the change I’d like to see in the world.
It took me till age 40 to realize this. It's easy to be naive, especially if u were lucky enough raised in a healthy, moral environment. You expect everyone to operate under the general rules you were accustomed to. Big wakeup. There are some evil or misguided actors out there.
This is something that I get so frustrated thnking about especially since covid i get to know about so many racism/hate/discrimination stuffs on social media and as a person of color It's really decreasing my self-worth and killing my happiness. Im an INFJ and I cant stand injustice in this world and Im bein so sad all the time
Omg I feel like that too... it’s really a challenge to experience things without judging them. But it’s always beautiful when we succeed! :) nature and animals always help me feel happy and carefree 💕
I am an idealist too and get disappointed when people don't do better but I also don't want to be judging people and imposing my expectations on others, I respect free will so much. It's such a struggle and sometimes acceptance feels like giving up.
I feel that deeply! I try to give myself a reality check every now and then because I want to think truthly, no matter the outcome, more, than hold on to my idealism 🌿
I get disappointed and the whole day goes me worrying about it... expecting too much is something i should let go of... i should accept what is and be grateful for what is there with me and eventually more greater things will happen! 💛
I can relate, I had my baby two months ago and a lot happened. But I am learning to let go of the suffering I experienced and love myself and my baby girl
I completely agree that suffering and getting hurt is partly due to individuals in our families did something that we didn’t expect or didn’t want. But let’s not disregard these people did things that they are never suppose to e.g abuse of any form. As kids, we wouldn’t have a clue what to expect or want, apart from basic needs. As adults, we may be able to articulate the reasons and purposes for any of the events that had caused us pain but remember these things took place when we were kids and the trauma have already affected us. I believe that while radical acceptance helps tremendously in our wellbeing and mental health, we must also be mindful not to accept the responsibility and actions of those people who have hurt us. I often find people who have experienced abuse of any form to simply “be okay” and “it’s in the past” however their lives are in shambles because the past trauma.
I found that when I did this I actually enjoyed the process and challenges of learning and it reflected into my highest grades, rather than getting frustrated and hated studying
Radical acceptance is about accepting the life circumstances you find yourself in. You can’t change the current situation so you have to accept it. My husband just died and so dealing with this trauma has been so difficult especially with two kids. I kept thinking why me? Why him? What if? Once I accepted that I can’t bring him back and no matter what happened I cannot bring him back. Even if I had started CPR sooner or had clued into the fact that he was dying it won’t bring him back. He was perfectly healthy and then dead and nothing can change that. No amount of worry can change it. That is radical acceptance of the situation as it is. This will save your life and it is certainly saving mine.
oof i struggle a lot with having expectations of other people. i think it's because i tend to be more on the giving side and just expect everyone else to be the same way. something i heard recently was "stop expecting you from other people" and it really changed my perspective. thank you for sharing Aileen! this is such an important message 💖
And here I thought I was the only one like this, it is so nice to know that there are other people like me too. And that quote is great thanks fo sharing
I have just stopped “giving” with the intention of getting something back. Instead I give, because it makes me feel good. And that is freeing ☺️ people will give back if they feel like it, and if they dont, thats fine too
Aileen has such a healing energy. I always find myself coming back to her videos bc her words are like medicine anytime I go through emotional turbulence 🥺
I had to learn to accept people for who they are.. It brings me a sense of peace because I know what they do and how they are so I can’t be mad at them.
You are an amazing human. Dealing with all that and coming out of it andhelping others to do the same can only come from a place of love and compassion 💓 Thank you so much for this immensely logical yet spiritual advice. I really needed to hear thisthat I am already enough. I am allowed so is everybody else. You orchestrated it so well that it was a healing experience to us, audience ❤ We love you ❤
I definitely was brought up to perform. My parents had expectations for me and I realized that my entire life I didnt know what I wanted for myself because my parents were always the ones making decisions for me. I had no sense of self and it has taken a LOT of self discovery and therapy to figure out what was best for me and truly discover who I was
@@billybobandboshow yeah I was raised to show tangible things despite being a woman I was brought gender neutral Like they told me Think n act like a man
I was raised without a father. He left when i was 4 years old, and decided to get remarried and have a whole new family couple blocks down the road. Not until my late 20s, did I discover the damage his absence / presence with another family did to me. Thinking of applying this concept to my story, I find it a bit hard to accept that my "expectations" of him as a child, is what led to my unnecessary suffering. In fact, I believe most of my suffering stems from the absence of a care giver who denied me the basic human needs I needed as a child to develop a brain not wired by the trauma of his absence, which led me to face life feeling unworthy and unloved. So I challenge this concept a bit, only because I believe our expectations as infants are more so necessary elements to our development, which subsequently becomes the blue print of how we live our lives, if trauma is not processed and healed. I do agree that accepting something for what is is a significant component to healing our traumatic experiences, but I don't agree that Infants, and children have expectations early on in life. I believe we assess those expectations as adults when we come to realize we were denied of them all along. And only then, it is our choice to apply this concept or continue suffering.
What helps me the most with radical acceptance, is reminding myself that yes, I might have wanted something from someone else, but their lack of fulfilling that expectation doesn’t say anything about me. Because (4 agreements style) I know that my biggest suffering comes from taking it personally-if I set expectations and they aren’t fulfilled, I see it as an indication of my value-but it helps me to NOT set expectations if I remind myself that I am whole and worthy on my own-and that expectation not being fulfilled doesn’t mean anything about me. Even if someone does something hurtful: it doesn’t mean that I deserved it (or you with your father). I think part of it is control, but part of it is self-worth. 🖤😭
✨"Radical Acceptance is the willingness to experience ourselves and our lives as it is!" ✨ Just love and accept yourself as you are...😊 And great video Aileen❤️...
Accept things for what they are. Expectations is a way of being in control (wanting things to come out your way). We don’t have control of anything that happens outside of us. Relieve yourself from the pressure of expectations! From a self love content creator to another; this video is beautiful and so relatable! ❤️
After graduating college I had so much expectations to people I'm close to and to myself to the point that I always disappointed, burnout of trying to be perfect that I wanted to be, tired of caring so much to others and in deep sadness for feeling left behind and can't accept for who I am. But I learned that I have to accept the people I'm close to for who they are and accept that I can't change them. And learned to myself that there is always a room for change and I don't have to be too hard in myself, that I need to help and find myself, accept my situation in my life and be okay of the low points in the process of achieving a goal or something. I'm glad I experienced it because that lead me to discover and learn self-development, to have focus on myself rather than to others and to feel happy and peaceful within myself.
This opened my eyes My brain is very obsessed with perfection and expectation--it wants everything to be good and perfect. And that translates to my individuality by me thinking I need to do/achieve several things in a certain amount of time. I need to be a certain way or become a world changer or someone who goes to a good college and becomes a scientist or sociologist. Even though my heart tells me something different. I'm scared to follow what my heart is saying, and when you said to accept things as is, it made me stop and think; I thought that yes, there are a lot, a LOT, of things I wish was not reality, but I also can not change it all. I can't be what many people expect a person my age to be and or achieved--they want me to be THIER best, their vision of what is considered worthy. But, I can do MY best. And that is what I realized watching this, watching you. I do not have to be their version of best, I can form a relationship with myself, people, and the world around me where I am MY best, with all my mistakes and limits, with all my joys and passions. It will take time to accept myself, and the world, but I want to try. Thank you Aileen for being the sign I needed to initiate this change, much love.
I am going through a period of getting my life together bcz I have been holding extremely high expectations and didn't meet them and other events in life caused me to break down completely. Therefore all the recent videos have come very very handy to me. Thank you so much Aileen!!! You were always a big part of my success!!!!! LOVE YOU SOOOO MUCCHHH!!!!!!!!!!
I am going through this exactly! For school I held my expectations high and I did good for the first semester then I hit a small pebble on the road that was unexpected and that just became a tunnel of failure for me and it started to be rocks then big rocks that I would hit and I couldn’t get myself back up anymore. School is almost over so I’m just happy about that but this is had me but really hard on myself. It’s like I was at my best then I’m at my worst. Well lol, I like to believe there was a reason this video popped up on my RUclips so I will just start binge watching all these videos that she does!!!! She is so therapeutic, luv her already ❤️❤️ I hope wellness overall mentally and physically for you! Have a great day !!!
💕✨A little journaling to do after the video: 1. What are your expectations about yourself? Are they realistic? Where do they come from? 2. What are the expectations you have about others? Make examples. Were you hurt in the past because of your expectations? 3. What are your expectations about the world? Can you really change it or is it easier to accept?
i think i was meant to see this - especially rn. I've been really stressed about my final exams bc i turned in my last assignment pretty late (b/c i felt i needed the time to revise my work, b/c i can't bear turning in work that isn't good) and now, idk what my score will be. and I'm like scared of checking if he finalized grades or not b/c if he did, and he did so, before i sent in the assignment, my gpa will tank. and so its like idk these two competing expectations of creating excellent content and getting good grades hitting me rn. and so idk i just heard you link "worthiness, love, and approval" with "achievement and getting that A" hit so hard. b/c yeah that is me and I'm suffering for it lol. it feels like you're speaking directly to me and it's so validating
Dude this is seriously helpful. I’m done setting expectations! I noticed myself doing it earlier with my boyfriend I expected him to react a certain way and he didn’t so I got upset lol. I had to ask myself why I expected him to be excited. And then I just accepted that he can feel however he wants. I like that I can control myself and just accept it. Accept, forgive, gratitude. Feel the pain then accept it & let go. ❤️ thank you this was very helpful to see it in this perspective.
Being a realist has helped me realize that there are people like this. These expectations people have lead to toxic relationships and resentment. Understanding acceptance for everyone leads to better health and more happiness for everyone involved
Such a coincidence. I was going through situations regarding expecting people to be certain way. I felt universe is sending me answer through Aileen. All three categories of radical acceptance are helpful for my life. Thanks Aileen.
wow i kinda agree with this radical acceptance but sure i dont think it's that easy it needs practice cuz for me i find it hard not to let my mind running through thoughts of expectations i think this is really important and need to exist in our lives
wow the timing is perfect. im not even kidding, i was just crying and felt rly down and then i come here on youtube and see a video from u. i havent even started watching the vid yet but u always help me sm so thank you ily
This reminds me of one quote that I read years ago "It is what it is." You can't change everything in your life but you can accept it how it is and make the best out of it.
I really needed this because yesterday i failed in something and I literally told myself "you don't deserve anything if you couldn't do this" I know that is really wrong
Our mindset of what to expect often exceeds what will truly come to be. Too often we are the cause of our own suffering but the wonderful lesson here is that we are also the solution to ending our own suffering as well
I'm just halfway through the video and can relate it word by word. It's almost a year since I've been following you and I'm so glad I found you. The person that I am today is much stronger and the credit goes to you🥺🥺🥺 Had this video come up 2 years ago, it would not have let me go through such tough times but as you know..the Universe has it's own timing and lessons to teach you. You're doing a wonderful job Aileen, mending lives of many like mine. Here to support you always❤️❤️
The idealist in me really does struggle with the world, I always can come back to your content to give me some perspective though. I don't know how many times I will say this, but thank you!
Recently I feel out with my mental health worker. She is rude, unprofessional, insulting, poorly prepared to help others with mental health abusive, and hasn't completed her training to assist emotionally challenged individuals. I expected her to be more than she was because she's in that position. I am learning that we, as a society, are short staffed for well qualified professionals. I have to accept that she did her best, it's not working, and I need to embrace gratitude for what was, accept the current situation, and make my plans for a full recovery after the trauma of her. I should have left dodge a long time ago. This relationship is toxic and messed up. so I need to leave - with a quickness.
when the first minute i watch this, i have distraction in my mind about how bad my dad as the lead of my family. i blame him and also blame the world, that is exactly when i start watch this video. but after i watch this, at the end i feel gratitude for that distraction because i feel like i have some problem in my mind and for a fews minutes i got the solution from God through this video. so i don't have to overthinking about it, i'm just accepted, let it go, and feel gratitude because i'm still have a dad whatever he is. i was delete the unnecessary suffering. thank you so much...
Wow, that just brought me to tears (in a good way:) I tend to have a lot of expectations towards myself. But it’s so important to remind myself that I don’t need to be perfect in order to love and accept myself. Thank you for sharing, Aileen💞💞
This resonated with me so much! I always thought of acceptance as settling in life, but it's not like that at all. It is accepting where you are right now. Letting go of things in your past that you can not change and things in your present that you can not change. When you just accept everything in your life and move on, it allows you to see more clearly the positives in your life. And it allows you to move forward and create an amazing life, free from stress and negative emotions brought on by fixating on things you can not change!
I just want to say that I have watched this video over 20 times, I come back to it whenever I find myself needing to remind myself to ground in the present moment & accept everything as is, thank you for uploading! It truly has changed my life and the way I think & the way I view things! Much love from Illinois 🦋
I got hired for a job and I always had bosses who stepped up. But this new boss did not meet my expectations of what a boss is supposed to be (in my perception) So I remember Jay shetty saying if you have expectations of others and they dont meet them. The only one disappointed is you. They are just being who they are. I let go of the idea that my boss should know what to do etc...once I let go of that idea I was at peace with myself.
You are my life savior, I was going through a lot , you always make me feel better , I studying things I had already learnt in school classes , and then I remembered all the bad things happened to me , I was so frustrated , but after watching this video ,I'm feeling calmness again .
I love learning from your experiences, Aileen. The way you're so honest and transparent with sharing the things you personally went through over all these years is appreciable. Honestly, you are one of the few RUclipsrs who make my life better each time they upload.
I was expected to be this funny person, the comedian of my friends group. Always had to be happy, and willing to go out and do whatever it is everyone else was doing. Meanwhile I was extremely depressed the whole time. I was expected to succeed In school and be a genius.it really broke me, I had a huge meltdown, after that I just let it all go. I stopped being what they wanted, I allowed myself to be openly sad. Told them all, I wasn't what they wanted. I lost those friends, but gained friends years later that accept and love me. I believed everyday I would have the friends i have now. It was through your videos that I broke free from that shell that was ruining my life! You're amazing and I love you. I'm so much happier and I watch your videos every time you upload!
I gotta say. Productivity RUclipsrs tend to sound eternally out of touch- even during the Summer 2020 protests, COVID, etc. However, this video is golden. Other productivity RUclipsrs need to follow your example. You have a great head on your shoulders, and truly are a leader in this space. THANK YOU FOR YOUR MESSAGE!
Thank you for sharing this Aileen. Especially accepting your family for who they are but not allowing them to change you. I am gradually learning to embrace uncertainty, vulnerability, and self acceptance. Thanks for sharing your honesty and wisdom! 💕
"You allowing yourself to stay hurt by the hurtful actions that people have done to you in the past, that in a way is you not accepting reality." Thank you for this. I just recently left a pretty abusive relationship and everyone in my life doesn't understand why I'm not angry or bitter with him. That isn't the case. I feel like staying angry is staying stuck in your hurt and I really can't do that to myself. He simply wasn't who I expected him to be. It's okay to grieve. But I'm not angry because I reached acceptance.
love this concept, but i would love to add on that after acceptance comes the growth mindset :)) i think in times of hardship and pain, giving yourself the dialogue of acceptance is much easier said than done 😪 Putting into practice the mindset of “this was painful, but what can i learn from this experience” can also make you more resilient for the future times you have ethan recurring feeling ☺️ otherwise, you might be bottling yourself to not feel those emotions by telling yourself to just accept it~ just my personal thoughts from my own experience with this :)) love your content as always aileen ❤️
I totally understand where you are coming from. I am a true believer that life can only get better. I think that now is the time to dream of what we want to see in the world. The world is going through the same thing with different perspectives, yes. But this is a HUGE chance for CHANGE. I feel like if we just accept things the way they are, we will put ourselves at a standstill. I believe that monks have a caring loving heart and they are people (along with many others) that are truly changing the world just by existing. Truly. Certain people. But someone with influence, light, and love should not give away the peace no, but should also not give up on CHANGE. Things are changing, people are becoming more aware, and this is the time to see the change in the world. Literally "visualize" "attract" "magnetize" etc. a whole new world into view. Self-acceptance yes, but keep growing. World acceptance, perhaps, but don't just throw the towel in. Now is the time more than ever to have hope and faith that the world can and will be a better place. Perhaps do a "future world" instead of a "future me"... I don't know, just a suggestion. I've rewatched almost all of your videos and you have some good points. This is beautiful in a lot of ways, but please don't throw the towel into the hurt, the hungry, the neglected. NOW IS THE TIME FOR CHANGE. Truly. Please let me know if you read this and if you see where I am coming from. I hear you.... do you hear me? With love, gratitude, and light. Peace.
Thank you so much for this video. It's just been days but I really felt calmer and more accepting after watching and reflecting on this video. I hope I can it consistently, but like you said "accept everything you are." 💖
I love how you talk in your videos lately... I feel YOU and I can see that topics you are focusing on are something that you really wanted to talk about with us.... 💜 Your messages in this video are golden ✨✨✨✨ thank you as always 💜💜💜💜
It makes sense with what I've been practising lately. Acceptance of what can't be controlled and then do what you can to give yourself peace we all yearn for. I saw the connection between acceptance and peace, and it probably would dissolve a lot of my guilt and resentments that weighs so much on my heart. Always loved your content, been watching you grow as well as I grow in my young adulthood. ♥️☺️
I love radical acceptance. I think of using it for specific events where I feel incredibly distressed, particularly because I learned about it through a DBT module online. This video has given me a new view on radical acceptance.
You saved me. I felt like a failure , useless and no direction after failing my board exam last week. And i’ve found your videos and i’ve been listening to you. Im so depressed but listening to you made me feel better and that what im feeling is normal. Im slowly healing myself and embracng and accepting that failure is ok. You are right, acceptance is really important.
Oh my god , Thank you so much for this lovely video babe !! I ABSOLUTELY LOVE THISS !! I needed this today !! I LOVE YOU SO MICH MY ANGEL !! Sending you LOADS OF LOVE, BLESSINGS, POSITIVE ENERGY AND HUGS !! ❤️❤️❤️🦋
Exactly what I needed for now..I excelled self acceptance but not the other 2 . I often feel like I deserve more..small small things hurts mainly when family members are not understanding us. They are the ones we spent all our years with.. when they say we are wrong even when we think things are going good..it makes us feel like y ,y can't they understand me.... Thanks Aileen
This helped SOOOO much… my anxiety gets so high about things that are out of my control and that go against my expectations. Listening to each acceptance concept was very releasing of that anxiety and helped me to feel a sense of peace. I will be revisiting this video many times, I am sure! Thank you so much for all you do!
Totally relate to a lot of these comments here. My parents always had high expectations from me and wanted me to live the life that they wanted. It took some serious self reflection and a long journey to figure out I wasn't really living the life I wanted. Glad to say I'm getting better at discovering more about myself instead of trying to constantly please others especially my parents. Very beautiful video. :)
Dear Lavendaire, I've been experiencing really hard time lately. I was a trully happy girl but now a deppressed one. Today your video showed me the reason of my deppression. Acceptance.........I should accept the world, my father as you mentioned, and ofcourse myself with all limitations I have.Thanks for your efforts and all you do to make us happier and wiser
I needed this i felt so stressed yesterday because of everyone else's expectations vs. What it is. And this helped sooo much. Thank you Ailene. From you long time subbie!! ❤
I really like the idea of radical acceptance for self and others. I think it could be very helpful in many relationships. And I’m definitely going to consciously try to think about it when I get upset. However, I’m not sure that I want anyone to radically accept injustices in the world. People seeing something wrong and getting upset about it motivates them to find a solution or change. There are people in the world who cannot stand up for themselves who need us to care that they are being mistreated and not accept it. Women, children, elderly, minorities, people with special needs.
A week ago I started reading Radical Acceptance book by Tara Brach and I could corelate every sentence of yours Aileen. Loved the video & also the book is a great read too!!
Me getting frustrated and disappointed by the actions of the world will not make even an ounce of difference in anything. The only thing one can control are one's own actions. So, it's only wise to do what u can and be at total peace with what others are doing. Pls like so that I get reminded of this realization again and again
I don’t know how you can read my mind! It’s a regular coincidence. Your weekly videos always match my state of mide. I am a big fan of you. You reshaped my thoughts in many ways. Take gratitude ❤️
thanks maam ❤️☺️. i have changed my life because of you. i have disappointed with my life and the world also. You helped me a lot to get rid of those matters. You give me a different perspective to my own life. Now i be happy so much better than my past years. l have learned to enjoy life.. 😇🥺❤️😊🌺🌼
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✨ Ready to transform your life in 2025? ✨ The Artist of Life Workbook is your personal guide to setting goals, finding clarity, and creating the life you want. Start your journey here: lavendaire.com/workbook 🌟
A secret to happiness is letting every situation be what it is, instead of what you think it should be.
Not the easiest practice but oh so powerful ☀️✨
True
THIS IS SOOOOO HARD THOUGH. I AM A COMPLETE CONTROL FREAK AND THIS IS THE HARDEST THING FOR ME!!
Yes, acknowledge it and keep going. If you put in the effort and have the right expectations you will be fine.
Truth
*“You can’t go back and change the beginning, but you can start where you are and change the ending...”*
*―C. S. Lewis*
love it❤️
@@sophiamac687 🙏🙏
But what to do when you don't know what to start and from where to start
@@boddapaduswathi2664 Baby steps. Start with self-acceptance and work your way from there, observe what you need to change in your life, like bad habits for example. Also, self-love is vital too.
“I expected the world to be better” This is so me!! I have to remind myself every so often that not everyone has the same heart that I do. And that there’re things that I just can’t change. I can only do my part and be the change I’d like to see in the world.
Yuppp
So true
It took me till age 40 to realize this. It's easy to be naive, especially if u were lucky enough raised in a healthy, moral environment. You expect everyone to operate under the general rules you were accustomed to. Big wakeup. There are some evil or misguided actors out there.
This is something that I get so frustrated thnking about especially since covid i get to know about so many racism/hate/discrimination stuffs on social media and as a person of color It's really decreasing my self-worth and killing my happiness. Im an INFJ and I cant stand injustice in this world and Im bein so sad all the time
Yah exactly
I always tell myself I want to go through life like a child, being amazed by everything and not expecting anything.. it's so hard to implement though
Love that
Omg I feel like that too... it’s really a challenge to experience things without judging them. But it’s always beautiful when we succeed! :) nature and animals always help me feel happy and carefree 💕
YES FACTS ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️✨✨✨✨✨✨✨
And have others feed, clothe and bathe you :P
I accept myself
I accept others
I accept reality
I am free!!!
Simple but lovely summary
I am an idealist too and get disappointed when people don't do better but I also don't want to be judging people and imposing my expectations on others, I respect free will so much. It's such a struggle and sometimes acceptance feels like giving up.
I feel that deeply! I try to give myself a reality check every now and then because I want to think truthly, no matter the outcome, more, than hold on to my idealism 🌿
I get disappointed and the whole day goes me worrying about it... expecting too much is something i should let go of... i should accept what is and be grateful for what is there with me and eventually more greater things will happen! 💛
Hey army
@@latapatil2659 Hey Army!💜
Hi ARMY
It happens to me to too. I start not to expect too much. I also start to enjoy things just the way they are.
@@hollynamjoon1083 Hi Army! Enjoying and accepting things just the way they are makes us more grateful and stress free! Keep going Army!💜
Law of attraction
This is exactly what I needed. Now that I am pregnant I’m trying to learn to love myself and accept that I cannot control everything.
Oh that is such a beautiful gift for your baby 🌸🤗☀️✨
I can relate, I had my baby two months ago and a lot happened. But I am learning to let go of the suffering I experienced and love myself and my baby girl
@@sheilamogadime8681 sending love and prayers for you ❤️❤️❤️
@@00Mercredi00Thank you dear
Congratulations! Of course you cannot control everything but you can control how you raise your child
You would be a great mum
Sending love ❤
The sunshine falling on her hand is looking soo divine 🥰🥰🥰
😍🤩
I completely agree that suffering and getting hurt is partly due to individuals in our families did something that we didn’t expect or didn’t want. But let’s not disregard these people did things that they are never suppose to e.g abuse of any form. As kids, we wouldn’t have a clue what to expect or want, apart from basic needs. As adults, we may be able to articulate the reasons and purposes for any of the events that had caused us pain but remember these things took place when we were kids and the trauma have already affected us. I believe that while radical acceptance helps tremendously in our wellbeing and mental health, we must also be mindful not to accept the responsibility and actions of those people who have hurt us. I often find people who have experienced abuse of any form to simply “be okay” and “it’s in the past” however their lives are in shambles because the past trauma.
this made me realise that i should rather give my best in my studies rather than expecting myself to be perfect at it.
tysm :)
🤩 go sistah ☀️
I found that when I did this I actually enjoyed the process and challenges of learning and it reflected into my highest grades, rather than getting frustrated and hated studying
Acceptance is what helped me sooth my depression I don't add up unnecessary burn outs of don't doing things on top and that's good
Radical acceptance is about accepting the life circumstances you find yourself in. You can’t change the current situation so you have to accept it. My husband just died and so dealing with this trauma has been so difficult especially with two kids. I kept thinking why me? Why him? What if? Once I accepted that I can’t bring him back and no matter what happened I cannot bring him back. Even if I had started CPR sooner or had clued into the fact that he was dying it won’t bring him back. He was perfectly healthy and then dead and nothing can change that. No amount of worry can change it. That is radical acceptance of the situation as it is. This will save your life and it is certainly saving mine.
I feel like you are my therapist sometimes 😩😂 you give the best advice 🌸
Hehe love u 💓
@@lavendaire Love u 3000 Lol 😁😂
oof i struggle a lot with having expectations of other people. i think it's because i tend to be more on the giving side and just expect everyone else to be the same way. something i heard recently was "stop expecting you from other people" and it really changed my perspective. thank you for sharing Aileen! this is such an important message 💖
I totally relate to this!!! I still have to learn because my emotions still get ahead of me
And here I thought I was the only one like this, it is so nice to know that there are other people like me too. And that quote is great thanks fo sharing
This resonates with me so much, too!
Wow, I love that saying 'stop expecting you from other people', definitely going to keep that one! Thanks for posting.
I have just stopped “giving” with the intention of getting something back. Instead I give, because it makes me feel good. And that is freeing ☺️ people will give back if they feel like it, and if they dont, thats fine too
Hi I am here's from India🇮🇳🇮🇳.... Pls all pray for us.. To get soon recover 🙏🙏🙏.
☀️✨✨✨
May Allah bless all of you ..and our brothers and sisters in Palestine 🤲
So true all the prayers me too frm India
I really need this right now. Acceptance. Forgiveness. Gratitude.
"Increase appreciation, decrease expectation."
Aileen has such a healing energy. I always find myself coming back to her videos bc her words are like medicine anytime I go through emotional turbulence 🥺
Amen sistah 🤗☀️
🥺💓
I had to learn to accept people for who they are.. It brings me a sense of peace because I know what they do and how they are so I can’t be mad at them.
It is so powerful, not easy!! But oh so powerful ☀️
You are an amazing human. Dealing with all that and coming out of it andhelping others to do the same can only come from a place of love and compassion 💓 Thank you so much for this immensely logical yet spiritual advice. I really needed to hear thisthat I am already enough. I am allowed so is everybody else. You orchestrated it so well that it was a healing experience to us, audience ❤ We love you ❤
I definitely was brought up to perform. My parents had expectations for me and I realized that my entire life I didnt know what I wanted for myself because my parents were always the ones making decisions for me. I had no sense of self and it has taken a LOT of self discovery and therapy to figure out what was best for me and truly discover who I was
Ugghhh.. Parents(My dad only) is toxic
Ahah, I think we're watching the same creators/topics. Anyways, same
I’m the exact same freaken way :( at least I’m in therapy, u are not alone, we are in this together ❤️
@@billybobandboshow yeah
I was raised to show tangible things despite being a woman
I was brought gender neutral
Like they told me
Think n act like a man
Same thing happened to me. I have no sense of who I am and self worth, because of how my parents treat me. I had to start from scratch in college.
I was raised without a father. He left when i was 4 years old, and decided to get remarried and have a whole new family couple blocks down the road. Not until my late 20s, did I discover the damage his absence / presence with another family did to me. Thinking of applying this concept to my story, I find it a bit hard to accept that my "expectations" of him as a child, is what led to my unnecessary suffering. In fact, I believe most of my suffering stems from the absence of a care giver who denied me the basic human needs I needed as a child to develop a brain not wired by the trauma of his absence, which led me to face life feeling unworthy and unloved. So I challenge this concept a bit, only because I believe our expectations as infants are more so necessary elements to our development, which subsequently becomes the blue print of how we live our lives, if trauma is not processed and healed. I do agree that accepting something for what is is a significant component to healing our traumatic experiences, but I don't agree that Infants, and children have expectations early on in life. I believe we assess those expectations as adults when we come to realize we were denied of them all along. And only then, it is our choice to apply this concept or continue suffering.
“why can’t the world just be imperfect?”
i cried at this
What helps me the most with radical acceptance, is reminding myself that yes, I might have wanted something from someone else, but their lack of fulfilling that expectation doesn’t say anything about me. Because (4 agreements style) I know that my biggest suffering comes from taking it personally-if I set expectations and they aren’t fulfilled, I see it as an indication of my value-but it helps me to NOT set expectations if I remind myself that I am whole and worthy on my own-and that expectation not being fulfilled doesn’t mean anything about me. Even if someone does something hurtful: it doesn’t mean that I deserved it (or you with your father). I think part of it is control, but part of it is self-worth. 🖤😭
I'll advice you reach out directly on whtsapp for guide
+1(7(5(7(3(0(2(1(7(8(9
✨"Radical Acceptance is the willingness to experience ourselves and our lives as it is!" ✨
Just love and accept yourself as you are...😊 And great video Aileen❤️...
I needed this. Reality vs. Wishing it were different.
Accept things for what they are. Expectations is a way of being in control (wanting things to come out your way). We don’t have control of anything that happens outside of us. Relieve yourself from the pressure of expectations!
From a self love content creator to another; this video is beautiful and so relatable! ❤️
You are wise beyond your years. ❤
That was beautifully said. Thank you && thank you Aileen!!!!
Radical acceptance is the key to transcendence.
After graduating college I had so much expectations to people I'm close to and to myself to the point that I always disappointed, burnout of trying to be perfect that I wanted to be, tired of caring so much to others and in deep sadness for feeling left behind and can't accept for who I am. But I learned that I have to accept the people I'm close to for who they are and accept that I can't change them. And learned to myself that there is always a room for change and I don't have to be too hard in myself, that I need to help and find myself, accept my situation in my life and be okay of the low points in the process of achieving a goal or something. I'm glad I experienced it because that lead me to discover and learn self-development, to have focus on myself rather than to others and to feel happy and peaceful within myself.
This opened my eyes
My brain is very obsessed with perfection and expectation--it wants everything to be good and perfect. And that translates to my individuality by me thinking I need to do/achieve several things in a certain amount of time. I need to be a certain way or become a world changer or someone who goes to a good college and becomes a scientist or sociologist. Even though my heart tells me something different. I'm scared to follow what my heart is saying, and when you said to accept things as is, it made me stop and think; I thought that yes, there are a lot, a LOT, of things I wish was not reality, but I also can not change it all. I can't be what many people expect a person my age to be and or achieved--they want me to be THIER best, their vision of what is considered worthy. But, I can do MY best. And that is what I realized watching this, watching you. I do not have to be their version of best, I can form a relationship with myself, people, and the world around me where I am MY best, with all my mistakes and limits, with all my joys and passions. It will take time to accept myself, and the world, but I want to try. Thank you Aileen for being the sign I needed to initiate this change, much love.
Te sugiero que envíes un mensaje a este poderoso hechizo de amor que me ayude a atraer a mi ex después de la separación.
+2349047316390
I am going through a period of getting my life together bcz I have been holding extremely high expectations and didn't meet them and other events in life caused me to break down completely. Therefore all the recent videos have come very very handy to me. Thank you so much Aileen!!!
You were always a big part of my success!!!!!
LOVE YOU SOOOO MUCCHHH!!!!!!!!!!
I am going through this exactly! For school I held my expectations high and I did good for the first semester then I hit a small pebble on the road that was unexpected and that just became a tunnel of failure for me and it started to be rocks then big rocks that I would hit and I couldn’t get myself back up anymore. School is almost over so I’m just happy about that but this is had me but really hard on myself. It’s like I was at my best then I’m at my worst. Well lol, I like to believe there was a reason this video popped up on my RUclips so I will just start binge watching all these videos that she does!!!! She is so therapeutic, luv her already ❤️❤️ I hope wellness overall mentally and physically for you! Have a great day !!!
@@strawberrydaurto3366 same (
It’s good to have expectations and let life flow at the same time. Hard balance for sure. Also not allowing emotions to depend on the outcomes.
Reach out on directly on whtsapp for guide
+1(7(5(7(3(0(2(1(7(8(9.
💕✨A little journaling to do after the video:
1. What are your expectations about yourself? Are they realistic? Where do they come from?
2. What are the expectations you have about others? Make examples. Were you hurt in the past because of your expectations?
3. What are your expectations about the world? Can you really change it or is it easier to accept?
i think i was meant to see this - especially rn. I've been really stressed about my final exams bc i turned in my last assignment pretty late (b/c i felt i needed the time to revise my work, b/c i can't bear turning in work that isn't good) and now, idk what my score will be. and I'm like scared of checking if he finalized grades or not b/c if he did, and he did so, before i sent in the assignment, my gpa will tank. and so its like idk these two competing expectations of creating excellent content and getting good grades hitting me rn. and so idk i just heard you link "worthiness, love, and approval" with "achievement and getting that A" hit so hard. b/c yeah that is me and I'm suffering for it lol. it feels like you're speaking directly to me and it's so validating
Dude this is seriously helpful. I’m done setting expectations! I noticed myself doing it earlier with my boyfriend I expected him to react a certain way and he didn’t so I got upset lol. I had to ask myself why I expected him to be excited. And then I just accepted that he can feel however he wants. I like that I can control myself and just accept it. Accept, forgive, gratitude. Feel the pain then accept it & let go. ❤️ thank you this was very helpful to see it in this perspective.
Being a realist has helped me realize that there are people like this. These expectations people have lead to toxic relationships and resentment. Understanding acceptance for everyone leads to better health and more happiness for everyone involved
Such a coincidence. I was going through situations regarding expecting people to be certain way. I felt universe is sending me answer through Aileen. All three categories of radical acceptance are helpful for my life. Thanks Aileen.
you don't know how much you have helped in this video. thank you 100 times over.
1. Radical self acceptance
2. Radical self acceptance of others
3. Radical self acceptance of the world
Beautiful video as always :)
wow i kinda agree with this radical acceptance but sure i dont think it's that easy it needs practice cuz for me i find it hard not to let my mind running through thoughts of expectations i think this is really important and need to exist in our lives
wow the timing is perfect. im not even kidding, i was just crying and felt rly down and then i come here on youtube and see a video from u. i havent even started watching the vid yet but u always help me sm so thank you ily
Hope your day turns around 💕
@@sourgreendolly7685 thank you. hope ur doing well too
🤗☀️✨
This reminds me of one quote that I read years ago "It is what it is." You can't change everything in your life but you can accept it how it is and make the best out of it.
I really needed this because yesterday i failed in something and I literally told myself "you don't deserve anything if you couldn't do this" I know that is really wrong
Our mindset of what to expect often exceeds what will truly come to be. Too often we are the cause of our own suffering but the wonderful lesson here is that we are also the solution to ending our own suffering as well
On whtsapp for guide
+1(7(5(7(3(0(2(1(7(8(9
I'm just halfway through the video and can relate it word by word. It's almost a year since I've been following you and I'm so glad I found you. The person that I am today is much stronger and the credit goes to you🥺🥺🥺 Had this video come up 2 years ago, it would not have let me go through such tough times but as you know..the Universe has it's own timing and lessons to teach you. You're doing a wonderful job Aileen, mending lives of many like mine. Here to support you always❤️❤️
I remember learning about this concept in the Happiness Podcast and have been trying to get better at radical acceptance ever since.
The idealist in me really does struggle with the world, I always can come back to your content to give me some perspective though. I don't know how many times I will say this, but thank you!
Recently I feel out with my mental health worker. She is rude, unprofessional, insulting, poorly prepared to help others with mental health abusive, and hasn't completed her training to assist emotionally challenged individuals. I expected her to be more than she was because she's in that position. I am learning that we, as a society, are short staffed for well qualified professionals. I have to accept that she did her best, it's not working, and I need to embrace gratitude for what was, accept the current situation, and make my plans for a full recovery after the trauma of her. I should have left dodge a long time ago. This relationship is toxic and messed up. so I need to leave - with a quickness.
this is something that i took a lot of time to learn, we just need to accept where we are now & the moment ❤
when the first minute i watch this, i have distraction in my mind about how bad my dad as the lead of my family. i blame him and also blame the world, that is exactly when i start watch this video. but after i watch this, at the end i feel gratitude for that distraction because i feel like i have some problem in my mind and for a fews minutes i got the solution from God through this video. so i don't have to overthinking about it, i'm just accepted, let it go, and feel gratitude because i'm still have a dad whatever he is. i was delete the unnecessary suffering. thank you so much...
Wow, that just brought me to tears (in a good way:) I tend to have a lot of expectations towards myself. But it’s so important to remind myself that I don’t need to be perfect in order to love and accept myself. Thank you for sharing, Aileen💞💞
Im with you
This resonated with me so much! I always thought of acceptance as settling in life, but it's not like that at all. It is accepting where you are right now. Letting go of things in your past that you can not change and things in your present that you can not change. When you just accept everything in your life and move on, it allows you to see more clearly the positives in your life. And it allows you to move forward and create an amazing life, free from stress and negative emotions brought on by fixating on things you can not change!
I just want to say that I have watched this video over 20 times, I come back to it whenever I find myself needing to remind myself to ground in the present moment & accept everything as is, thank you for uploading! It truly has changed my life and the way I think & the way I view things! Much love from Illinois 🦋
True... And acceptance is the first step towards finding a solution and healing
I'm an idealist as well! And something you said really resonated with me is to not let the world take away my peace 🙏💗💗 thank you Aileen!! 🥰🥰
Yess ❤️❤️
I got hired for a job and I always had bosses who stepped up. But this new boss did not meet my expectations of what a boss is supposed to be (in my perception)
So I remember Jay shetty saying if you have expectations of others and they dont meet them. The only one disappointed is you.
They are just being who they are. I let go of the idea that my boss should know what to do etc...once I let go of that idea I was at peace with myself.
You are my life savior, I was going through a lot , you always make me feel better , I studying things I had already learnt in school classes , and then I remembered all the bad things happened to me , I was so frustrated , but after watching this video ,I'm feeling calmness again .
무슨 알고리즘이 언니한테 나를 데려다줬는지는 모르겠지만 영상하나하나가 주옥같구 엄청 긍정적이네용 :->
뭔가 기분이 depression했을때 보면 쌍콤해질수있는 영상들,, I love you unni
I love learning from your experiences, Aileen. The way you're so honest and transparent with sharing the things you personally went through over all these years is appreciable. Honestly, you are one of the few RUclipsrs who make my life better each time they upload.
I was expected to be this funny person, the comedian of my friends group. Always had to be happy, and willing to go out and do whatever it is everyone else was doing. Meanwhile I was extremely depressed the whole time. I was expected to succeed In school and be a genius.it really broke me, I had a huge meltdown, after that I just let it all go. I stopped being what they wanted, I allowed myself to be openly sad. Told them all, I wasn't what they wanted. I lost those friends, but gained friends years later that accept and love me. I believed everyday I would have the friends i have now.
It was through your videos that I broke free from that shell that was ruining my life! You're amazing and I love you. I'm so much happier and I watch your videos every time you upload!
Just when I was putting myself down and having a bad day, this video pops up on my feed!! Thank you soooo much for this :))
🤗☀️
Watching this before my phone died
"You are who you are" and my screen turns black and i see myself. Almost teared
Thank you for reminding me again that expectation is not the reality😊
I gotta say. Productivity RUclipsrs tend to sound eternally out of touch- even during the Summer 2020 protests, COVID, etc. However, this video is golden. Other productivity RUclipsrs need to follow your example. You have a great head on your shoulders, and truly are a leader in this space. THANK YOU FOR YOUR MESSAGE!
Thank you for sharing this Aileen. Especially accepting your family for who they are but not allowing them to change you. I am gradually learning to embrace uncertainty, vulnerability, and self acceptance. Thanks for sharing your honesty and wisdom! 💕
"You allowing yourself to stay hurt by the hurtful actions that people have done to you in the past, that in a way is you not accepting reality." Thank you for this. I just recently left a pretty abusive relationship and everyone in my life doesn't understand why I'm not angry or bitter with him. That isn't the case. I feel like staying angry is staying stuck in your hurt and I really can't do that to myself. He simply wasn't who I expected him to be. It's okay to grieve. But I'm not angry because I reached acceptance.
love this concept, but i would love to add on that after acceptance comes the growth mindset :)) i think in times of hardship and pain, giving yourself the dialogue of acceptance is much easier said than done 😪 Putting into practice the mindset of “this was painful, but what can i learn from this experience” can also make you more resilient for the future times you have ethan recurring feeling ☺️ otherwise, you might be bottling yourself to not feel those emotions by telling yourself to just accept it~ just my personal thoughts from my own experience with this :)) love your content as always aileen ❤️
I totally understand where you are coming from. I am a true believer that life can only get better. I think that now is the time to dream of what we want to see in the world. The world is going through the same thing with different perspectives, yes. But this is a HUGE chance for CHANGE. I feel like if we just accept things the way they are, we will put ourselves at a standstill. I believe that monks have a caring loving heart and they are people (along with many others) that are truly changing the world just by existing. Truly. Certain people. But someone with influence, light, and love should not give away the peace no, but should also not give up on CHANGE. Things are changing, people are becoming more aware, and this is the time to see the change in the world. Literally "visualize" "attract" "magnetize" etc. a whole new world into view. Self-acceptance yes, but keep growing. World acceptance, perhaps, but don't just throw the towel in. Now is the time more than ever to have hope and faith that the world can and will be a better place. Perhaps do a "future world" instead of a "future me"... I don't know, just a suggestion. I've rewatched almost all of your videos and you have some good points. This is beautiful in a lot of ways, but please don't throw the towel into the hurt, the hungry, the neglected. NOW IS THE TIME FOR CHANGE. Truly. Please let me know if you read this and if you see where I am coming from. I hear you.... do you hear me? With love, gratitude, and light. Peace.
Thank you so much for this video. It's just been days but I really felt calmer and more accepting after watching and reflecting on this video. I hope I can it consistently, but like you said "accept everything you are." 💖
Proper elaboration of “the truth will set you free”
I love how you talk in your videos lately... I feel YOU and I can see that topics you are focusing on are something that you really wanted to talk about with us.... 💜 Your messages in this video are golden ✨✨✨✨ thank you as always 💜💜💜💜
🙌🏻😍
Thank you!
It makes sense with what I've been practising lately. Acceptance of what can't be controlled and then do what you can to give yourself peace we all yearn for. I saw the connection between acceptance and peace, and it probably would dissolve a lot of my guilt and resentments that weighs so much on my heart. Always loved your content, been watching you grow as well as I grow in my young adulthood. ♥️☺️
This is REAL wisdom...easy to listen to but needs lot of implementation to make it work! Loads of love Aileen, thank you as always!! xoxo 🌻💚
God grant me the serenity to accept the things i cannot change, the courage to change the things i can, and the wisdom to know the difference
Very helpful! You’re a very wise young lady. It has taken me literally years to realize this. Thank you for sharing!
I love radical acceptance. I think of using it for specific events where I feel incredibly distressed, particularly because I learned about it through a DBT module online.
This video has given me a new view on radical acceptance.
This is what I have been struggling with! You said it so well and healed my pain. Thank you so much for your time and effort making this video!
You saved me. I felt like a failure , useless and no direction after failing my board exam last week. And i’ve found your videos and i’ve been listening to you. Im so depressed but listening to you made me feel better and that what im feeling is normal. Im slowly healing myself and embracng and accepting that failure is ok. You are right, acceptance is really important.
Bang on time ! Your video today is a sign from Universe to me that all is well! I am taken care of :-) Thank you so very much ! Love and light
☀️✨✨
Oh my god , Thank you so much for this lovely video babe !! I ABSOLUTELY LOVE THISS !! I needed this today !! I LOVE YOU SO MICH MY ANGEL !! Sending you LOADS OF LOVE, BLESSINGS, POSITIVE ENERGY AND HUGS !! ❤️❤️❤️🦋
u look so beautiful in this video oh my 🥺✨ the colors wow
Exactly what I needed for now..I excelled self acceptance but not the other 2 . I often feel like I deserve more..small small things hurts mainly when family members are not understanding us. They are the ones we spent all our years with.. when they say we are wrong even when we think things are going good..it makes us feel like y ,y can't they understand me....
Thanks Aileen
This helped SOOOO much… my anxiety gets so high about things that are out of my control and that go against my expectations. Listening to each acceptance concept was very releasing of that anxiety and helped me to feel a sense of peace. I will be revisiting this video many times, I am sure! Thank you so much for all you do!
Totally relate to a lot of these comments here. My parents always had high expectations from me and wanted me to live the life that they wanted. It took some serious self reflection and a long journey to figure out I wasn't really living the life I wanted. Glad to say I'm getting better at discovering more about myself instead of trying to constantly please others especially my parents. Very beautiful video. :)
Thank you Aileen for helping me figure out things in my hard times. Keep doing what you doing. Power to you ⚡️🌸🌻
Dear Lavendaire, I've been experiencing really hard time lately. I was a trully happy girl but now a deppressed one. Today your video showed me the reason of my deppression. Acceptance.........I should accept the world, my father as you mentioned, and ofcourse myself with all limitations I have.Thanks for your efforts and all you do to make us happier and wiser
I needed this i felt so stressed yesterday because of everyone else's expectations vs. What it is. And this helped sooo much. Thank you Ailene. From you long time subbie!! ❤
I really like the idea of radical acceptance for self and others. I think it could be very helpful in many relationships. And I’m definitely going to consciously try to think about it when I get upset.
However, I’m not sure that I want anyone to radically accept injustices in the world. People seeing something wrong and getting upset about it motivates them to find a solution or change. There are people in the world who cannot stand up for themselves who need us to care that they are being mistreated and not accept it. Women, children, elderly, minorities, people with special needs.
Te sugiero que envíes un mensaje a este poderoso hechizo de amor que me ayude a atraer a mi ex después de la separación.
+2349047316390
This is such an important video!!! I'll definitely share this on all of my social media accounts
Thank you so much, Aileen! ❤️
I just want to say i love you girl, i got the good vibes from you everytime i listen to you
Thank you so much for this🥺 I’m actually feeling really terrible about myself these past few months and I really needed this video❤️
be kind to yourself, Yolan.
@@AnisQiz thank you! I’ll definitely try!
You literally made me cry dude when you said accept your bad habits 😭🖤 you sound so sweet and beautiful in this video!
A week ago I started reading Radical Acceptance book by Tara Brach and I could corelate every sentence of yours Aileen. Loved the video & also the book is a great read too!!
🤩😍
Me getting frustrated and disappointed by the actions of the world will not make even an ounce of difference in anything. The only thing one can control are one's own actions. So, it's only wise to do what u can and be at total peace with what others are doing.
Pls like so that I get reminded of this realization again and again
Your voice is so calming 🧡🧡💫👌🏻
I don’t know how you can read my mind! It’s a regular coincidence. Your weekly videos always match my state of mide. I am a big fan of you. You reshaped my thoughts in many ways. Take gratitude ❤️
Hey Aileen, I have been suffering from a struggling relationship with my parents. And this helped me a lot....Thank u so much😇
Te sugiero que envíes un mensaje a este poderoso hechizo de amor que me ayude a atraer a mi ex después de la separación.
+2349047316390
thanks maam ❤️☺️. i have changed my life because of you. i have disappointed with my life and the world also. You helped me a lot to get rid of those matters. You give me a different perspective to my own life. Now i be happy so much better than my past years. l have learned to enjoy life.. 😇🥺❤️😊🌺🌼
This was such a great video , hit the spot 🙏