5 Things Stopping You From Being Kind to Yourself (and what to do about it)
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- Опубликовано: 28 май 2024
- We all know we should be kind to ourselves. We wish others would be kinder to themselves. But what is stopping us from actually being kind and truly loving ourselves and what can you do about it?
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00:00 what is stopping us from being kind to ourselves?
01:00 How we all beat ourselves up
03:00 Lying
05:00 Victimization
07:00 Criticism
08:48 Clinging
10:30 self judgement
#selflove #bekindtoyourselfandothers #mendedlight #jonathandecker
As i have become an adult recently, I really have been trying to work on myself, and learning to love myself and let go has been the hardest part. I think it's more I spent so much of my life being judged. I just thought that I wasn't ever enough. And having to learn to love yourself without having many support options isn't easy. But as the greay Ted Lasso says, I'm a work in Progmess.
I came to realize that there was a direct correlation between being around my father and an increasingly toxic self-talk. It's not that he was saying mean things to me, but I was internalizing shaming language that I would direct toward myself that would get meaner and meaner. I started listening to positive self-talk audio recordings and found it was helpful for breaking that cycle. Now when I see my father, I make a point of engaging in positive self-talk afterwards. For me, it helps a lot.
I'm trying to be kinder to myself, and to forgive myself for my past mistakes. To err is human, after all.
Definitely feel the thinker/closer thing - maybe I need to learn more about that. I started really working on my self-kindness about 4 months ago when I realized I had never once in my entire life, felt like I had done “enough” and that the way I was heading, I never would.
How do you find the balance between being kind to yourself and taking accountability/not self victimizing? I find I don’t know how to be kind to myself when I’ve done something wrong. Any self kindness feels like making excuses or trying to find someone/something else to blame.
Personally, the balance is when You know You can do better and You work to do it, because You wants You, no others, to be better and You trust in You and You feel capable... And usually, by doing something to better yourself You win the compassion to.
Treat yourself with respect! Always! Even when you made a mistake. Especially when you made a mistake! You don't have to sugarcoat yourself, but stay polite and respectful. Respect is the backbone of kindness ✨💕
I'm trans and it feels like my family love a me and what everything right for me but not my own me, I feel (and I might just be a melodramatic teenager but at the very least I always feel on edge around my mum) that I have to work for a specific image they have, even though they're very vocal in loving me and would never hurt me. I also feel like I've been pushing away friends because of insecurity my whole life. Last April I met the love of my life, also trans and has a really nice mum who became like a mother figure for me, who didn't try to change me and didn't want anything but for me to be myself. It was kind of scary/confusing and I don't think I reflected that warmth back especially after getting more depressive after we left school this Summer, so they left me in October and I really don't blame them. The relationship showed me I do have innate self worth and that its ok to be trans, to like who I like and do what I want to do and the breakup showed me that I have to embrace my worth and identity otherwise I won't just hurt myself but those around me. I spoke to one of my really depressed friends about self-worth and they said they wished that they loved themself which I always thought was selfish to think but hearing it from them made me realise maybe its not evil. So I signed up to CBT therapy, my local gym, I started to eat more and stopped measuring my weight, reached out to friends and I will soon sign up (my parents are unaware but its legal here) to a HRT waiting list. But what else can I do?
Okay but this is so real? I’ve come to the realization that my family likes the idea of a family member who fits their needs and isn’t their own person. I am not that person. It’s not ME that they enjoy but the idea of me they’ve conjured in their heads and once I disrupt their image of me I’m faced with censure or punishment. It made me realize I wasn’t doing anything wrong - I was just being myself. I am allowed to be myself and you are too. When I came out as gay I received backlash and did everything I could do be someone who could “overcome” this “demerit” my family felt I had - that isn’t a person…that’s a facade, and OP you don’t owe anyone your authentic self but you don’t have to be someone you’re not, either.
Also trans here! 🏳⚧✨I'm no therapist, but I can tell you from experience that loving yourself, taking care of yourself, unapologetically just BEING yourself as it sounds like you are already doing is amazing and enough. Just keep learning about yourself and do what you are doing. In the process of loving yourself, you'll not only become more yourself and create the space for YOU to thrive, but draw in more people who will appreciate the importance and true value of authentically being yourself. You are showing the people around you that they, too, can love themselves. By creating that space for yourself and continuing to show up for yourself with love, you're also carving out just that crucial bit more breathing room for every single other trans person in the world. Loving yourself, especially as someone within such an intensely marginalized identity, is in no way a selfish act--it is downright revolutionary and very, VERY important.
I am deeply, genuinely so proud of you. I love myself too, and I'm sending you lots of love! ❤
If you are looking for any ideas for the Therapist Reacts Raw series, I have two I’d love to see you do!
The first is the final scene of Good Omens Season 2, the argument between Aziraphale and Crowley. I think you might need a tiny bit of context, but it would be interesting to see you react to both of their failed appeals to each other.
The other would be a collection of scenes from Season 2 Episode 4 of Our Flag Means Death, where Stede and Ed are trying to be around each other after a betrayal and moving past the anger to have an actual conversation
Please make a video about the TV show Grimm.
" If we weren't taught compassion for our mistakes we were taught to run. " 😮😮
I feel so called out 🙈😅😂
Please make a video about the TV show Fringe.
I really don’t like myself for the most part, so this should be interesting to look at!
Loved the gremlins reference, it’s my favorite non-Christmas movie 😂
Eye needed this episode today. 😅
Gracias 💐
Thank you 💐
Needed this
I have realized that I've watched Psych way too many times, that clip was from the shark episode, he ended up being the bad guy 😭😭
This video came at the perfect time!
Please make a video about the anime Mushoku Sensei.
Can you do Jonathan Majors
My therapist says that some kind of childhood trauma must be involved if it's really impossible for someone to like themselves despite all the effort and theraputic interventions...In my case it must have been mild physical abuse and bullying but my therapist keeps putting the blame on those children who (not knowing how to deal with their emotions) did things to me and I feel like by doing that she is victimizing me and ignoring whether I could have behaved differently to stop their behaviour...I'm not sure about whether this is going the right direction, self love and victimization feel like two very abstract concepts...😮
Therapist here! I think your therapist wants You to understand that thinking about what You could do different when you were a child is not helping you. More so that, when we are attacked, ours reactions are instinctly, animal reactions that we can't control. They are attack, run, freeze and please the attacker... And we can't control that emotionals, animal, reaction and which one we have. We can learn we can react different to the reaction with treatment, so the idea is that You no feel judged or gilty for this reaction and be kind with the child You were.
🤔 I see... ...
Thank you very much for explaining that! ☺️👍
@@anner9438 your welcome!