That point about the puking baby really resonated with me. I’m 42 and doing lots of work on myself lately and I frequently criticize myself for not learning this stuff like 20 years ago. But I feel like I’m weaponizing my efforts at self improvement against myself
You're going to live for another 40 years easy if you take care of yourself. It's not even half time. I'm 42 and working on myself too. Try to look at it from the perspective of I'm glad I can become more of my true self now than discovering it when I'm on my deathbed. Be thankful you get to work towards being your true self while you're young enough to enjoy the next 40 years. Working on your true self, it is a gift be on this journey. So many people don't even get the chance or realization it's an option.
I have watched this 5 times in a week. Have never been this way, thank you a hundred times over for this content, your delivery and all that you are doing. Working on breaking that conditionally acceptance and holding my little guys hand and saying, we can do this together. I am THERE for you.
I honestly don't know how I would survive the ugly chapter I'm in without you. Thank you for all that you do to heal the world. You have a gift with explaining complex conceps like I've never seen before.
@@Danid2023 yes. Thanks for asking. Heidi’s taught me so much about myself and thanks to her, I sought out a therapists who specializes in attachment theory.
Wow I never realized that my love to myself was not love but conditional acceptance. You really opened my eyes! This is a big breakthrough for me THANK YOU
As soon as you began the baby metaphor, I teared up. I have had three babies, and I absolutely loved them unconditionally the second I saw them. They had only caused me pain at that point, but I loved them beyond description. So why don’t I treat myself like that?!
Wait til they're teenagers and young adults twisted by lies of the ex demonizing you to the point that they say the ugliest things to you that any human has ever said to you the point that you question whether you all lived the same lives. Then tell me about unconditional love... Ugh!
@@randallsmerna384 I don’t have to wait, I’m living that right now. I do still love them unconditionally, because they have been brainwashed by my abusive husband AND my parents and his. It’s not my kids’ fault.
I relate to the immediate impact of this concept. I personally heard it first from Jordan Peterson ("Treat yourself like someone you're responsible for helping") and I also teared up the moment I heard it. It's so obvious, right? And so easy to miss for an entire lifetime.
I can't believe how much more productive it is for me to listen to your videos than it is to sit on a psychiatrist's couch and talk to myself. Thanks for making the effort to pass your clear thinking on to us.
I realized after struggling with self love is that I never saw it in anyone around me , nobody loves themselves and they don't know what love is but they say it they try to act it out they "perform" joy and love and compassion but nobody is there there when you need them. I feel stagnant, suffocating from everyone including my close companions and I realized that love was care. just caring generally and learned it from a colleague at work the thing is I was very happy feeding of her expression of love but when she went on vacation I was emotionally poor again. I didn't know how to cultivate care for myself towards myself and Im still struggling with this. I feel good after eating a healthy meal but suddenly think that I will not do that again because I didn't deserve to feel good .... I reached a new low and really appreciate these videos. please make more about self love many of us are screaming silently
Your description of people around you is reminding me of 85% of the population of Maine where I live. It is hard being surrounded by emotional disconnect and masking for your entire life, and it takes a toll. Keep going and remember that even when surrounded by something like this, you have options, you are worthwhile and worth love.
I think there is a true challenge of comparing yourself to a version you thought you would be by now, whether it is owning a home, starting a family, or just simply having your shit together. And often times, we don’t hear the struggles nearly enough of those who helped raise us. Those stories can help us understand more beautifully this thing we call life while helping us recognize how far our caretakers have come and how much effort it does take to get us to the point we currently are.
I found this self love, and my life changed as radically as in a rom-com. I needed to be on an antidepressant for 7 months to get there, but now no one can take it from me ^____^
I have started talking to a higher power asking questions and listening for answers or asking for and keeping an eye out for signs more so than checking in with my ego. But this higher power includes my soul or higher self. Taking good care of our mind and body is an important practice of self love I think. Thanks for highlighting this point. Not giving up on ourselves when we make mistakes was an important point you made I feel. Allowing ourselves to make mistakes as part of the learning process. Asking for forgiveness when appropriate. And giving it to myself as an act of love. Showing myself some compassion for my weaknesses and accepting them. Thanks for the wisdom shared in this video.
Heidi, do not apologize for not consistently making videos. We need you whole and healthy, doing what is best for you! We celebrate you and are excited for the work that you are doing! ❤️
Heidi i got my masters degree 25 years ago but recently dived into attachment theory. Until watching this video today I didn’t realize you are not a PsyD/PhD. I’ve grown even more in my relationship to myself. I’m inspired to become an attachment therapist. Hearing you mention that you are working on your degree encouraged me to know that I’m good enough to start working on content while in my PsyD program. The context of this lesson opened me up to realize what’s been holding me back. Thank you thank you thank you! You’re work is so important! Keep showing up for your own needs and making content when you can. ❤❤❤❤
I’m seven months into suicidal ideation, starving myself, doing the bare minimum household work, abandoning my physical and emotional needs, hating myself every day. I used to take showers every day and now it’s about once weekly. It’s beyond cruel.
Hold in there! I bet you are a kind and loving person, just start with yourself! And remember u don’t have to go through this alone. A therapist can help you navigate this darker period, you are not alone here. A big hug for you! 🤗 and sending u some strength from Spain!
I’ve been exactly where you are many times in my life. It gets better I promise. Just hold onto younger you and present you❤ I hope you’re doing better than when you posted this. Sending so much love and healing your way.
Remember to celebrate the things you ARE doing. Like watching amazing RUclips videos to help you grow and heal, leaving vulnerable comments on RUclips, getting out of bed and eating food, putting on clothes. These are great things too 😊
To me, it's like playing a sport. Some things in life are going to be out of your control and potentially even against you. You're not going to make every play that you have the opportunity to make; your opponent is also going to make plays. This follows the mantra of "bend but don't break." You have to have a short memory and move on to the next play and work to do better, even if you just made the most recent play. The game isn't over until it's over. Likewise, your goal isn't over until you decide it is. Otherwise, you have potentially your lifetime to keep moving towards loving yourself and achieving your goals and living your most authentic life. No one play or missed opportunity defines the outcome of the game; it is the accumulation of the work that you put in, just like the eloquent example of the baby puking. Great video, and maybe my sports analogy helps further conceptualize this idea for those that may need to see it from a different perspective!
Heidi, your comments about sitting in a room with yourself and liking your own company has sent me on a path to find peace with myself. I’ve been trying to sit with myself with no distractions at all, and it has been such a surprising experience. I love it and am finding a way to prioritize it in my daily life. Amazing!
It kind of blows me away, how we can get to the bottom of what’s bothering us, by just sitting with ourselves for a little while. I’m so thankful for your channel Heidi. Such a helpful video. Keep up the great work.
When you mentioned about conditional love with the baby I cried :( Edit: I cried many many times in the video, thank you so much for showing how we can be kinder to ourselves. You're an amazing youtuber!
Priebe, you are an absolute genius. The basic message of this video is so vital. Taken at face value, the words sound positive. A deeper look will move a thinking mind to see them as life-saving. The concept of not giving up on ourselves nor others in the process of growth is not only challenging but yields rewarding results and ultimately true strength and compassion.
Willingness to fight for myself. It feels strong and protecting and firm. It's an acknowledgement that it's not passive, it is active. There are forces for whatever reason, other people, circumstances, etc, that are pressing in and we must actively fight for ourselves against all of this.
The baby is not an empty template for programming, they have their own identities inherent to them and you can teach many things but you cannot overwrite their identity to match what you want it to be. Of course, the video is very educational and I am learning a lot so thank you.
Thanks!Wow I'm speechless wow you are Soooo good this is a gift aaah I feel so filled by this God bless don't know how to thank u.I'm going through something and I feel rejected and I told myself I have to love myself in my brokenness and I found this video
That hit close to home when you spoke about go live with your aunt. Every time things got tough at home my mother always sent me away instead of trying to figure it out and be the mother she should have been.
Oh wow, yes, I thought self-love will make me lazy and yet, I wasn't doing much even without loving myself. I am now doing a daily journal in excel to see what I do daily for my business and what I do for myself and others. Thank you for explaining the conditional acceptance.
I am on the 9:15 mark of the video and I couldn't stop the tears. I am at a really truly bad place right now in my life. The lowest I've been. And right now is the time I need all the love I can give myself. I am not going anywhere, I love you and I'll be there with you through this. I hope to come back to this comment and thank myself for the progress I am about to start making and genuinely feel grateful for how things turn out.
from Mayo clinic: What causes spitting up? Spitting up is common in healthy babies. During their first three months, about half of all babies experience their stomach contents coming back up into the esophagus, a condition known as gastroesophageal reflux, infant reflux or infant acid reflux. Normally, a muscle between the esophagus and the stomach (lower esophageal sphincter) keeps stomach contents where they belong. Until this muscle has time to mature, spitting up might be an issue - especially if your baby is relatively full. thanks for the opportunity to reflect and grow!
I am wondering though, if the babies that throw up are securely attached to their parent, or if it's a stress reaction to the insecure attachment style of the parents...
This video is brilliant and should be shown on all mental health channels... You are gifted in how you explain the human psyche, toxic narratives and the gift of self acceptance while also fostering accountability and hard work..Your videos has helped me tap into my sense of well being on a whole new level...thank you. grateful
I really needed this, thank you very much. I was in a really intoxicating relationship that the person would tell me to change some things about myself because it wasn't working. The thing is, what I needed to change was the self-love aspect and the fact I was in a relationship that I was trying to adapt myself and receive less than I want was affecting my self-love and making me commit the same mistakes towards me and he other person over and over. The truth is that I am looking for some type of comforting sensation that this person would cause to an extent to make me accept less than I know I deserve and want, even making me feel like I was doing something wrong for being myself.
I just want to say that after coming out of a long beating a dead hoarse kind of relationship.. Loving myself holistically is super hard for me. There are so many expectations that I have put down for myself and truthfully when I don’t have the emotional stamina to do those things it is so so hard.. I really relate to everything you said and I appreciate your videos so much regardless of when you make them or for how long because they are the most authentic and precise guidance I have ever gotten from videos. 💛
It’s really hard to love yourself when the only person in the whole world that loves you completely unconditionally is your mother. It’s also really hard to love yourself if you’ve always felt adrift in this world and just going through the motions you see everyone else doing. I don’t even conditionally love myself. I know all of my successes are only temporary and only because other people got me there. I’m so out of touch with myself that don’t even know what I want from life other than to keep breathing. I have no expectations for myself because I’ve always failed at expectations. I’d like to say I’m numb but it’s more like grief and heavy sorrow. It’s exhausting cleaning up messes when your whole life is a mess
Gosh, this is so fantastic for learning how to not JUDGE yourself. I’m realizing I do this like, a LOT (judging) - of others, but even worse - to myself. If I can’t stop lashing myself and accepting myself where I’m at, how am I going to stop judging others? Such a refreshing video, in all its non-condemning ways😅. Perhaps, maybe just perhaps, I can put my weapons down and be OK with myself, wherever I am at.
This is the first video about self love that makes sense to me. Your videos are answers to my prayers. So grateful you took some time from your dissertation to do this one. Take care of yourself too.
💯. all self love videos seemed to be somehow superficial, but Heidis just resonated with me, that atleast I can say "I will be there for me, even at my worst."
Thanks for making this video. I’m benefiting from a lot of your content but this one specifically hit a nerve with the inner child screaming out. Thanks for your dedication to these topics.
I just want to say that this was uploaded on my brithday. 🥺 Thank you Heidi for everything you do and everything you are. I hope I can look back on this video one day and be able to say that I love myself fully. 💖
Heidi I listened to this again The best bedtime story of all! To love not only my inner child But the part of me that can’t love myself - or accept myself as I am That part is wounded too! Best looking forward
Thank you for this message. RUclips did not recommend me this; I've looked it up. I especially love the baby nourishing comparison. That to me makes a whole lot of sense. For the past 3 days I start the day by looking in the mirror and saying one time to me that I love you before continuing the day. It feels strangely motivating indeed. Thank you for uploading!
The way you have defined love here is the best way that I’ve heard it explained. This also is applicable to the love we show and profess to others. “I’m not going to abandon you while you stumble your way through learning these life lessons. It’s ok if you fail. It’s to be expected.” It begs the question, am I abandoning myself and my needs, wants, and desires to demonstrate true love to others by not abandoning them?
Lol, I love your swearing, it makes you so much more human to me! Anyhow, I believe babies puke because an air bubble gets trapped under food and when it's released, some food gets pushed out too. :) not totally certain that's it but I found when I forgot to burp, EVERYTHING would come up but when I burped gently, only spittle came up. I adore your content, thank you so much for creating this valuable information for folks like me who can't afford actual therapy. I understand it's not a replacement for it, but it definitely helps me understand myself so much more! You're amazing! Thank you thank you!
I mean I love all your videos, but sometimes you have this realness that slaps so hard and is so relatable. This is one of my favorites. Your comments on sphincters had me cackling out loud.
In October of 2021 I made a conscious decision to only speak positive to, for and about me to for and about me. Im not perfect at it, but its an easy way to manage, a simple direction to grab and a solid foundation to do better and to be better. for me❤
thank you so much for this video. It really helps that you share examples of how you struggle in this aspect as well for me to understand and accept that I need to love myself. If you were like some other coaches who just tell us how to love ourselves without them having the experience of these hardships, I would have more of a hard time to trust your words. So thank you
Heidi, I want to let you know how helpful you very well presented knowledge has been. I have come through a very hard climb out the abyss and here you are waiting at the top explaining exactly what I need at the exact right time! I especially related with the video on limerince (spelling?) Your the first person whose ever introduced that concept to me and it's EXACTLY what I did in my relationships! My sister and I would discuss my reaction to break ups or get together a as the holy godly miracles or tragedies LOL. Listening to the explanation of what was really happening was so eye opening!!! In fact it may be the key to me losing my fear of romantic intimacy. I'm not pushing myself on rushing this because my inner child and I need our well deserved time together. It's so amazing not to look for outside of me for comfort. It eliminates the clingy fear that comes from finding happiness in another. Now I'm able to enjoy interacting but as soon as I feel overwhelmed I come back to me. I am in a position to put myself first all the time and it's a much needed healing relationship that I didn't know was with me all this time. Becoming homeless and being homeless in the streets for 5 plus years on the street really helped me find myself. I am now home wherever I am. Im in a shelter and getting my first apartment that is just mine. I move in this week more than likely. And I'm going to be starting life in society all over with an autonomous mature attitude. I have thoroughly enjoyed this process of learning who I am. When people ask what I do for a living I now respond with a smile, "I breathe. 24/7. Never take any time off I just breathe" Or if I'm asked where I live, "wherever I am" I even made a joke.....Do you know why I am homeless? Because I'm not home MORE!!! LOL!! A few years ago I couldn't bare waking up without meth. Now I wake up happy everyday and have a support councilor I'm working with to ween myself completely. My dosage is miniscule....it's like a pacifier after giving up the baba. I'm not doing enough that quitting completely is going to make much of a difference but it's not wise to cold turkey after heavy daily use. It can cause psychosis so Friday was my first appointment with my therapist. It's a phone appt and he knows I want to be able to work ( I won't lie and get clean for a test) I stay authentic with myself, never shame myself by lying about me. Thank you so much for your videos they are perfect for helping me step into my new life of self love and care. Your awesome!!!
7:00 That was extremely enlightening for me. I am in a loving relationship with a safe partner, and I feel pushed away from him, by some part of me. There's many things going into it, but there was this part that I hadn't been able to identify. Thank you ❤️
I love myself when my condition is happy, and I sometimes do not feel like I deserve that. When I need to achieve something, I condition myself to love what I do, but that doesnt mean I dont love myself, because I can allow my selflove to prevail unconditionally. It just means, that when I make self love conditional, I dont love myself.
Wow I'm speechless wow you are Soooo good this is a gift aaah I feel so filled by this God bless don't know how to thank u.I'm going through something and I feel rejected and I told myself I have to love myself in my brokenness and I found this video
Heidi you are so in-frequency with so many of us! I love your delivery, message and demeanor! Please continue to… you give so much help and understanding where for me there wasn’t before… you are my hero!❤
Thank you for sharing this video. It strikes home with me this very day. I've been working with "emotional dumping" and "red flags," and this video on self-love just ties it all together. It gives me a goal. A goal I can accomplish. A goal I can be proud of. Time to clean up the vomit and encourage the child to try again, and again, as many times as it takes, that I'm going to love him. (I almost said, "all the same," but that is conditional self-love, and I am better than that. I'm going all in - full self-love). Whew!! It's like solving the Wordle of the Day on the last try. Pretty soon I'll be ready to go back to figuring out my former attachment style - I've already started to practice secure attachments - it's painful sometimes, isn't it?
I really enjoyed this! I'm an ENFP and I'm devouring your videos and seeing myself in them. I'll probably keep this one for a rewatch when I'm down on myself.
I've listened to some of your more recent videos, and they are awesome. But I love this one so much because of your honesty and your swearing. For real!
This was very impressive and relatable. Especially the having to puke metaphor will probably stay with me. Am currently cross-reading ENFP-Survival and the Daily Stoic which kind of set the course for researching self-love/eudaimonia. So thanks for this one.
Your videos are so helpful. Compassionate, but also very straightforward and honest. I gained a lot of insight from this talk, thank you thank you thank you
Kind of hard to when you've been through things I've been through in the last 12 years. I don't feel like myself anymore. Mental abuse is wrong. All abuse is wrong. Controlling others on how to be is wrong. Don't let people take away from you. Take away who you are. I have support all around me in real life and good friends I made. And sometimes you feel like giving up on a lot of crap.
I’m 48, female. I remember feeling self loathing all the way back to five years old. It’s as if I take any frustration I have and turn it against myself. My default when things go wrong is to punish myself, and I’ve thought about suicide on and off since I was 11. I never heard it put this way, but yes, I am in a conditional relationship with myself. I have offloaded my worth according to my ability to to make others like me. I got into exercise. I hated my body so much, so my discipline is fueled by dysmorphia.. I had plastic surgery and would gladly have more if I could afford it. Still, I feel inferior.
I’m so grateful for all you do here. I loved this video along with many others. You’re willingness to be open and vulnerable about your own journey is inspiring to say the least. For the first time in my life I’m understanding the whys of how I tick. On top of this new understanding you’re teaching me how to deal with things in such a healthy loving way. Thanks Heidi you’re my hero! ❤
Idk if you will still see comments this late after the video aired. Your content is truly spot on and honest and well worded. You have brought so much information to me that I needed to hear and know and presented it in words I was ready to hear. I have learned so much since I came upon your information. THANK YOU Heidi for being you ❣️
Thanks Heidi… I love all your videos 😊 watching them helped me a lot, to be nicer to myself. I realized that I’m often nicer to my friends than to me 🤔
This topic is becoming more and more important to me. I appreciated your input. You have so many wise, honest words on this topic. Thank you for recording, posting, & sharing your knowledge, wisdom, & experience🥰
Dear Heidi, I’m new to the self-love journey and deeply appreciate how authentically and relatably you share your experiences. Your openness has inspired me, and I’m excited to continue exploring your content. Thank you for being a guiding light on this path. Warm regards 💆♀️
If we do have free will, the most important decision is to choose love. And begin with loving yourself first and foremost, to be the best lover of everyone else. Choose love and breathe in gratitude.
Wow, I really needed that! 🤹♂️❤ I met somebody in the park yesterday while taking a walk in Berlin. There was a nice warm peaceful connection at first. But I immediately became super intense, needy, self-judgemental, scared, desperate... I got so overwhelmed by my own emotions that there was nowhere to go but say our good byes. I dragged my last remnants of dignity back home and felt miserable... that was a serious serious wake up call to show me in what state I was in. 😢
i like hanging with myself until i start thinking abt what others might think of me. deep validation and acceptance from others is really important to me right now because i was raised with tons of praise and personal attention and i got that praise and attention with very little effort or discomfort on my end, because whatever discomfort i had had praise waiting at the end. i just rarely failed, and if i did fail, it was in an area i could then ignore. it feels like i am not allowed to love myself without constant reminders from others, and if i do, i am cocky and delusional and feel as though people are laughing at me for thinking i could even have a good time. as a kid i felt like i could never wear skirts or be traditionally girly in a "popular kid" way cuz otherwise i'd be laughed at. but i was never bullied or teased as a kid. just constant praise. i don't understand why i think others are looking at me so much. i think i have a massive ego and think that others have me on their mind a lot more than they do. in a similar vein, i struggle with sometimes thinking all men are into me. i had a "glo-up" and went from ignored to followed around stores and in my car to be hit on. it has made me believe my only worth must be my appearance cuz the switch happened during the worst parts of my depression when i was isolated from people who valued me as a person. i have become much more obsessed w my outward appearance and it sucks so much. i feel as if being conventionally attractive as i am means that if i continue to work on my personality to be how i want, then i am somehow "trying too hard to be perfect" and people will have disdain for me. it always comes back to what others think of me, and idk how to ACTUALLY combat these feelings so i am hoping to find some more information that actually resonates. all this to say i hope to achieve a bit more peace within myself in the next five or so years. i just wanna stop feeling like i'm always doing the wrong thing if i am not being praised for my actions.
This resonates with me...I feel alright on my own but all the problems come up when I have to interact with people. It's like I think I'm an alright person but I'm never really sure so I need people to validate me. It's very exhausting to always try to act nice. Did you find any other resources that helped with this external praise problem?
Damn that first paragraph felt like you were reading my mind. It all goes back to the way others view me. I thought to myself the other day "if no one saw me, saw what I was doing, if no one cared or said anything, if no one would find out about it, what would I do with my time?" And tbh I did not have great answers for that. Not sure where to go from there but it sounds like you and I struggle in a similar way. I'm sorry you went through that growing up. I hope you're doing better now. Finding Heidi's vids has certainly helped 😊
Woow !.. This video hits really hard.. You put your hands on the wound that has giving me a hell of a pain for a really long time.. Thank you to the moon and back 💜💜🌸
This video is so dang helpful. You showed up at the perfect timming I needed this information and truth. I now love working on loving myself, and I love you for making this!
I’m so glad I stumbled upon your channel. I manage an online support group for Estranged Mothers of Adult Children and have shared several of your videos with them.
Love what you are saying And what I have noticed is how to teach people TO SHOW UP After reading the book a return to love I finally got the answer FAITH INSOMETHING BIGGER THAN YOURSELF or praying for better loving feelings, praying for a shift in perception from judging thoughts to loving ones Spiritual practices is very helpful
I found some relief and resistance in this video - at first I am very happy for you for finishing your degree! 😇 I was working/supposed to work on my masters thesis this year too, but because we couldnt manage to produce results after many months, I had to cut the line and quit the project and restart from scratch. It has been such an incredibly difficult decision for me. All the toxic shame that was coming up - and I realized that I wasnt really into the theme in the first place - I chose a topic that was very difficult for me and framed it as challenging - which is fine, but again and again I failed to take action to call it quit. Because I wanted so hard to say to myself "Look at you. You did the impossible. You can be proud of yourself now. You still have it in you." With all the sub-text of what shame is telling me now "I am stupid, lazy, I will never finish anything, I always take longer than the rest etc. pp." It was such a weird experience that everyone in my inner circle was kinda relieved when I told them I quit the project. They told me, that they saw me struggling for months and tried consoling me, while I denied their words of wisdom of when enough is enough. And that I dont have to proof my worth. So now I start fresh in the next year and I will still have financial problems, but I can face them now more upfront, knowing that it will take me longer anyway. But that I will have a topic now that I will defnitely be able to finish in the near future; and I was very clear/vocal on my expectations, wishes and worries with the new supervisor. I would even go so far to say that it was a valuable lesson that I learned from this and it gave me new communication and emotional tools or perpectives that I can now better use.
As a therapist this is one of the best videos i have ever seen. Thanks a lot
That point about the puking baby really resonated with me. I’m 42 and doing lots of work on myself lately and I frequently criticize myself for not learning this stuff like 20 years ago. But I feel like I’m weaponizing my efforts at self improvement against myself
You're going to live for another 40 years easy if you take care of yourself. It's not even half time. I'm 42 and working on myself too. Try to look at it from the perspective of I'm glad I can become more of my true self now than discovering it when I'm on my deathbed. Be thankful you get to work towards being your true self while you're young enough to enjoy the next 40 years. Working on your true self, it is a gift be on this journey. So many people don't even get the chance or realization it's an option.
not your fault. probably you weren't exposed to these ideas earlier.
Yep. The ego mind is pretty creative at appropriating even self care and self love to use it as another whipping stick .
Same
43 and exactly where you are. I started crying at the beginning of this video and it’s almost over and haven’t stopped yet lol
I have watched this 5 times in a week. Have never been this way, thank you a hundred times over for this content, your delivery and all that you are doing. Working on breaking that conditionally acceptance and holding my little guys hand and saying, we can do this together. I am THERE for you.
QQq
God help you and holy Mary and bless you and heal you
I am also on my several-th time as well & just pausing every time something comes up & actually just processing through it. Wooooof
I honestly don't know how I would survive the ugly chapter I'm in without you. Thank you for all that you do to heal the world. You have a gift with explaining complex conceps like I've never seen before.
Are you doing ok?
@@Danid2023 yes. Thanks for asking. Heidi’s taught me so much about myself and thanks to her, I sought out a therapists who specializes in attachment theory.
I hope you are (or get) better. You can come here for commiseration and encouragement.
Wow I never realized that my love to myself was not love but conditional acceptance. You really opened my eyes! This is a big breakthrough for me THANK YOU
Thank you. You don’t know how much I appreciate you and I needed this. ❤ 😎. Love Sent I’m 70 years old now
As soon as you began the baby metaphor, I teared up. I have had three babies, and I absolutely loved them unconditionally the second I saw them. They had only caused me pain at that point, but I loved them beyond description. So why don’t I treat myself like that?!
Wait til they're teenagers and young adults twisted by lies of the ex demonizing you to the point that they say the ugliest things to you that any human has ever said to you the point that you question whether you all lived the same lives. Then tell me about unconditional love... Ugh!
@@randallsmerna384 I don’t have to wait, I’m living that right now. I do still love them unconditionally, because they have been brainwashed by my abusive husband AND my parents and his. It’s not my kids’ fault.
I relate to the immediate impact of this concept. I personally heard it first from Jordan Peterson ("Treat yourself like someone you're responsible for helping") and I also teared up the moment I heard it. It's so obvious, right? And so easy to miss for an entire lifetime.
@@theladyamaltheaI hope you are doing much better now and I hope they realize how blessed they are to have you as their mother❤
@@samaramalawwethantri2910 Thank you. I am doing better, but my kids have not changed at all. I am told it often takes years, not months.
I can't believe how much more productive it is for me to listen to your videos than it is to sit on a psychiatrist's couch and talk to myself. Thanks for making the effort to pass your clear thinking on to us.
Istg
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I realized after struggling with self love is that I never saw it in anyone around me , nobody loves themselves and they don't know what love is but they say it they try to act it out they "perform" joy and love and compassion but nobody is there there when you need them. I feel stagnant, suffocating from everyone including my close companions and I realized that love was care. just caring generally and learned it from a colleague at work the thing is I was very happy feeding of her expression of love but when she went on vacation I was emotionally poor again. I didn't know how to cultivate care for myself towards myself and Im still struggling with this. I feel good after eating a healthy meal but suddenly think that I will not do that again because I didn't deserve to feel good .... I reached a new low and really appreciate these videos. please make more about self love many of us are screaming silently
yea, "quiet desperation" as the saying goes. You deserve to eat well and feel good.
Your description of people around you is reminding me of 85% of the population of Maine where I live. It is hard being surrounded by emotional disconnect and masking for your entire life, and it takes a toll. Keep going and remember that even when surrounded by something like this, you have options, you are worthwhile and worth love.
Im 62, (troubled upbringing-mixed with many mistakes) Im going to keep going and love myself. Thank you Heidi.
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I think there is a true challenge of comparing yourself to a version you thought you would be by now, whether it is owning a home, starting a family, or just simply having your shit together. And often times, we don’t hear the struggles nearly enough of those who helped raise us. Those stories can help us understand more beautifully this thing we call life while helping us recognize how far our caretakers have come and how much effort it does take to get us to the point we currently are.
I found this self love, and my life changed as radically as in a rom-com. I needed to be on an antidepressant for 7 months to get there, but now no one can take it from me ^____^
Would you be willing to share what activities/lifestyle changes you did to reach this stage?
I'd like to know too!
I have started talking to a higher power asking questions and listening for answers or asking for and keeping an eye out for signs more so than checking in with my ego.
But this higher power includes my soul or higher self.
Taking good care of our mind and body is an important practice of self love I think. Thanks for highlighting this point.
Not giving up on ourselves when we make mistakes was an important point you made I feel. Allowing ourselves to make mistakes as part of the learning process. Asking for forgiveness when appropriate. And giving it to myself as an act of love. Showing myself some compassion for my weaknesses and accepting them.
Thanks for the wisdom shared in this video.
Heidi, do not apologize for not consistently making videos. We need you whole and healthy, doing what is best for you! We celebrate you and are excited for the work that you are doing! ❤️
beautiful!
I follow some advice .. or I try to and I gotta put me first good thing 😂
Heidi i got my masters degree 25 years ago but recently dived into attachment theory. Until watching this video today I didn’t realize you are not a PsyD/PhD. I’ve grown even more in my relationship to myself. I’m inspired to become an attachment therapist. Hearing you mention that you are working on your degree encouraged me to know that I’m good enough to start working on content while in my PsyD program. The context of this lesson opened me up to realize what’s been holding me back. Thank you thank you thank you! You’re work is so important! Keep showing up for your own needs and making content when you can. ❤❤❤❤
I’m seven months into suicidal ideation, starving myself, doing the bare minimum household work, abandoning my physical and emotional needs, hating myself every day. I used to take showers every day and now it’s about once weekly. It’s beyond cruel.
It’s like going into a deep hole that gets darker but I hope you do one thing like take out the garbage and start from there 💖
Hold in there! I bet you are a kind and loving person, just start with yourself!
And remember u don’t have to go through this alone. A therapist can help you navigate this darker period, you are not alone here.
A big hug for you! 🤗 and sending u some strength from Spain!
I’ve been exactly where you are many times in my life. It gets better I promise. Just hold onto younger you and present you❤ I hope you’re doing better than when you posted this. Sending so much love and healing your way.
Been there. Ik this won't help, but it can get better. I hope you find your way. Stay here with us
Remember to celebrate the things you ARE doing. Like watching amazing RUclips videos to help you grow and heal, leaving vulnerable comments on RUclips, getting out of bed and eating food, putting on clothes. These are great things too 😊
To me, it's like playing a sport. Some things in life are going to be out of your control and potentially even against you. You're not going to make every play that you have the opportunity to make; your opponent is also going to make plays. This follows the mantra of "bend but don't break." You have to have a short memory and move on to the next play and work to do better, even if you just made the most recent play. The game isn't over until it's over. Likewise, your goal isn't over until you decide it is. Otherwise, you have potentially your lifetime to keep moving towards loving yourself and achieving your goals and living your most authentic life. No one play or missed opportunity defines the outcome of the game; it is the accumulation of the work that you put in, just like the eloquent example of the baby puking. Great video, and maybe my sports analogy helps further conceptualize this idea for those that may need to see it from a different perspective!
Heidi, your comments about sitting in a room with yourself and liking your own company has sent me on a path to find peace with myself. I’ve been trying to sit with myself with no distractions at all, and it has been such a surprising experience. I love it and am finding a way to prioritize it in my daily life. Amazing!
It kind of blows me away, how we can get to the bottom of what’s bothering us, by just sitting with ourselves for a little while. I’m so thankful for your channel Heidi. Such a helpful video. Keep up the great work.
When you mentioned about conditional love with the baby I cried :(
Edit: I cried many many times in the video, thank you so much for showing how we can be kinder to ourselves. You're an amazing youtuber!
Priebe, you are an absolute genius. The basic message of this video is so vital. Taken at face value, the words sound positive. A deeper look will move a thinking mind to see them as life-saving. The concept of not giving up on ourselves nor others in the process of growth is not only challenging but yields rewarding results and ultimately true strength and compassion.
Thanks
Willingness to fight for myself. It feels strong and protecting and firm. It's an acknowledgement that it's not passive, it is active. There are forces for whatever reason, other people, circumstances, etc, that are pressing in and we must actively fight for ourselves against all of this.
The baby is not an empty template for programming, they have their own identities inherent to them and you can teach many things but you cannot overwrite their identity to match what you want it to be. Of course, the video is very educational and I am learning a lot so thank you.
Thanks!Wow I'm speechless wow you are Soooo good this is a gift aaah I feel so filled by this God bless don't know how to thank u.I'm going through something and I feel rejected and I told myself I have to love myself in my brokenness and I found this video
I unexpectedly started crying in the middle of this video because it hit home so much. Thank you for putting out all of this information for free!
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That hit close to home when you spoke about go live with your aunt. Every time things got tough at home my mother always sent me away instead of trying to figure it out and be the mother she should have been.
"Love is to witness and holding space for the entire spectrum of who someone is and what happens to them throughout their lives". This is beautiful ❤
Oh wow, yes, I thought self-love will make me lazy and yet, I wasn't doing much even without loving myself. I am now doing a daily journal in excel to see what I do daily for my business and what I do for myself and others. Thank you for explaining the conditional acceptance.
I am on the 9:15 mark of the video and I couldn't stop the tears. I am at a really truly bad place right now in my life. The lowest I've been. And right now is the time I need all the love I can give myself. I am not going anywhere, I love you and I'll be there with you through this. I hope to come back to this comment and thank myself for the progress I am about to start making and genuinely feel grateful for how things turn out.
You got this 🌸
Sharing love to you for sharing so much of your insights with us people who need to hear the same lessons you have learned.
from Mayo clinic:
What causes spitting up?
Spitting up is common in healthy babies. During their first three months, about half of all babies experience their stomach contents coming back up into the esophagus, a condition known as gastroesophageal reflux, infant reflux or infant acid reflux.
Normally, a muscle between the esophagus and the stomach (lower esophageal sphincter) keeps stomach contents where they belong. Until this muscle has time to mature, spitting up might be an issue - especially if your baby is relatively full.
thanks for the opportunity to reflect and grow!
I am wondering though, if the babies that throw up are securely attached to their parent, or if it's a stress reaction to the insecure attachment style of the parents...
@@Ghuernbabies throw up regardless... i don't think it has anything to do emotionally
i never really understood the concept of self love! thankyou for explaining it so clearly!
This video is brilliant and should be shown on all mental health channels... You are gifted in how you explain the human psyche, toxic narratives and the gift of self acceptance while also fostering accountability and hard work..Your videos has helped me tap into my sense of well being on a whole new level...thank you. grateful
I really needed this, thank you very much. I was in a really intoxicating relationship that the person would tell me to change some things about myself because it wasn't working. The thing is, what I needed to change was the self-love aspect and the fact I was in a relationship that I was trying to adapt myself and receive less than I want was affecting my self-love and making me commit the same mistakes towards me and he other person over and over. The truth is that I am looking for some type of comforting sensation that this person would cause to an extent to make me accept less than I know I deserve and want, even making me feel like I was doing something wrong for being myself.
Love you too, Heidi! 🖤
I just want to say that after coming out of a long beating a dead hoarse kind of relationship.. Loving myself holistically is super hard for me. There are so many expectations that I have put down for myself and truthfully when I don’t have the emotional stamina to do those things it is so so hard.. I really relate to everything you said and I appreciate your videos so much regardless of when you make them or for how long because they are the most authentic and precise guidance I have ever gotten from videos. 💛
It’s really hard to love yourself when the only person in the whole world that loves you completely unconditionally is your mother. It’s also really hard to love yourself if you’ve always felt adrift in this world and just going through the motions you see everyone else doing.
I don’t even conditionally love myself. I know all of my successes are only temporary and only because other people got me there.
I’m so out of touch with myself that don’t even know what I want from life other than to keep breathing. I have no expectations for myself because I’ve always failed at expectations. I’d like to say I’m numb but it’s more like grief and heavy sorrow.
It’s exhausting cleaning up messes when your whole life is a mess
I relate to this so much! And I feel less alone.. 💔
sometimes even mothers cant SHOW you love. You need to be grateful for the love which already is in your life.
This is changing lives and I cannot quantify how much it means to me because this will echo forwards through time. Helping me in the future.
Gosh, this is so fantastic for learning how to not JUDGE yourself. I’m realizing I do this like, a LOT (judging) - of others, but even worse - to myself. If I can’t stop lashing myself and accepting myself where I’m at, how am I going to stop judging others?
Such a refreshing video, in all its non-condemning ways😅. Perhaps, maybe just perhaps, I can put my weapons down and be OK with myself, wherever I am at.
This is the first video about self love that makes sense to me. Your videos are answers to my prayers. So grateful you took some time from your dissertation to do this one. Take care of yourself too.
💯.
all self love videos seemed to be somehow superficial, but Heidis just resonated with me, that atleast I can say "I will be there for me, even at my worst."
Thanks for making this video. I’m benefiting from a lot of your content but this one specifically hit a nerve with the inner child screaming out. Thanks for your dedication to these topics.
I just want to say that this was uploaded on my brithday. 🥺 Thank you Heidi for everything you do and everything you are. I hope I can look back on this video one day and be able to say that I love myself fully. 💖
🫂
Heidi
I listened to this again
The best bedtime story of all!
To love not only my inner child
But the part of me that can’t love myself - or accept myself as I am
That part is wounded too!
Best looking forward
Thank you for this message. RUclips did not recommend me this; I've looked it up.
I especially love the baby nourishing comparison. That to me makes a whole lot of sense. For the past 3 days I start the day by looking in the mirror and saying one time to me that I love you before continuing the day. It feels strangely motivating indeed. Thank you for uploading!
"A sphincter says what."
"What?"
Heidi, thank you. This is inspiring in more ways than one!
I watch your videos over and over. Thank you for making them! You're doing important work.
The way you have defined love here is the best way that I’ve heard it explained. This also is applicable to the love we show and profess to others. “I’m not going to abandon you while you stumble your way through learning these life lessons. It’s ok if you fail. It’s to be expected.” It begs the question, am I abandoning myself and my needs, wants, and desires to demonstrate true love to others by not abandoning them?
Lol, I love your swearing, it makes you so much more human to me!
Anyhow, I believe babies puke because an air bubble gets trapped under food and when it's released, some food gets pushed out too. :) not totally certain that's it but I found when I forgot to burp, EVERYTHING would come up but when I burped gently, only spittle came up.
I adore your content, thank you so much for creating this valuable information for folks like me who can't afford actual therapy. I understand it's not a replacement for it, but it definitely helps me understand myself so much more! You're amazing! Thank you thank you!
Thank you, Heidi. Your videos are very comforting. Love.
Love is a space that is big enough for absolutely everything to exist in. I like that I get that!
Love love love this video. Love the illustration/analogy of the cleaning up the childs puke versus shaming it
I mean I love all your videos, but sometimes you have this realness that slaps so hard and is so relatable. This is one of my favorites. Your comments on sphincters had me cackling out loud.
In October of 2021 I made a conscious decision to only speak positive to, for and about me to for and about me. Im not perfect at it, but its an easy way to manage, a simple direction to grab and a solid foundation to do better and to be better. for me❤
thank you so much for this video. It really helps that you share examples of how you struggle in this aspect as well for me to understand and accept that I need to love myself. If you were like some other coaches who just tell us how to love ourselves without them having the experience of these hardships, I would have more of a hard time to trust your words. So thank you
Heidi, I want to let you know how helpful you very well presented knowledge has been.
I have come through a very hard climb out the abyss and here you are waiting at the top explaining exactly what I need at the exact right time! I especially related with the video on limerince (spelling?)
Your the first person whose ever introduced that concept to me and it's EXACTLY what I did in my relationships! My sister and I would discuss my reaction to break ups or get together a as the holy godly miracles or tragedies LOL. Listening to the explanation of what was really happening was so eye opening!!! In fact it may be the key to me losing my fear of romantic intimacy. I'm not pushing myself on rushing this because my inner child and I need our well deserved time together. It's so amazing not to look for outside of me for comfort. It eliminates the clingy fear that comes from finding happiness in another. Now I'm able to enjoy interacting but as soon as I feel overwhelmed I come back to me. I am in a position to put myself first all the time and it's a much needed healing relationship that I didn't know was with me all this time. Becoming homeless and being homeless in the streets for 5 plus years on the street really helped me find myself. I am now home wherever I am. Im in a shelter and getting my first apartment that is just mine. I move in this week more than likely. And I'm going to be starting life in society all over with an autonomous mature attitude. I have thoroughly enjoyed this process of learning who I am. When people ask what I do for a living I now respond with a smile, "I breathe. 24/7. Never take any time off I just breathe"
Or if I'm asked where I live, "wherever I am" I even made a joke.....Do you know why I am homeless?
Because I'm not home MORE!!! LOL!!
A few years ago I couldn't bare waking up without meth. Now I wake up happy everyday and have a support councilor I'm working with to ween myself completely. My dosage is miniscule....it's like a pacifier after giving up the baba. I'm not doing enough that quitting completely is going to make much of a difference but it's not wise to cold turkey after heavy daily use. It can cause psychosis so Friday was my first appointment with my therapist. It's a phone appt and he knows I want to be able to work ( I won't lie and get clean for a test) I stay authentic with myself, never shame myself by lying about me. Thank you so much for your videos they are perfect for helping me step into my new life of self love and care. Your awesome!!!
7:00 That was extremely enlightening for me. I am in a loving relationship with a safe partner, and I feel pushed away from him, by some part of me. There's many things going into it, but there was this part that I hadn't been able to identify. Thank you ❤️
"Clean up your damn puke with self love" Heidi nailing the metaphors once again. :-]
I love myself when my condition is happy, and I sometimes do not feel like I deserve that. When I need to achieve something, I condition myself to love what I do, but that doesnt mean I dont love myself, because I can allow my selflove to prevail unconditionally. It just means, that when I make self love conditional, I dont love myself.
Wow Heidi, the timing of this video in my life is incredible! Thankyou soo much!! 🙏💙 Self love is definitely the answer!
First video I watched of you and I absolutely love it. Your warmth and genuineness is so palpable throughout.Thank you . ❤️
Wow I'm speechless wow you are Soooo good this is a gift aaah I feel so filled by this God bless don't know how to thank u.I'm going through something and I feel rejected and I told myself I have to love myself in my brokenness and I found this video
Listening to this a year later. Very informative and helpful. Thanks!
Heidi you are so in-frequency with so many of us! I love your delivery, message and demeanor! Please continue to… you give so much help and understanding where for me there wasn’t before… you are my hero!❤
Thank you for sharing this video. It strikes home with me this very day. I've been working with "emotional dumping" and "red flags," and this video on self-love just ties it all together. It gives me a goal. A goal I can accomplish. A goal I can be proud of. Time to clean up the vomit and encourage the child to try again, and again, as many times as it takes, that I'm going to love him. (I almost said, "all the same," but that is conditional self-love, and I am better than that. I'm going all in - full self-love). Whew!! It's like solving the Wordle of the Day on the last try. Pretty soon I'll be ready to go back to figuring out my former attachment style - I've already started to practice secure attachments - it's painful sometimes, isn't it?
I really enjoyed this! I'm an ENFP and I'm devouring your videos and seeing myself in them. I'll probably keep this one for a rewatch when I'm down on myself.
I've listened to some of your more recent videos, and they are awesome. But I love this one so much because of your honesty and your swearing. For real!
I don’t think I’ve ever heard the word “puke” this much 😂 Love your videos, Heidi!
This video has made me emotional - I love your videos, find them very informative and logical but this one was special - Thank you !
I love the way you speak with your inner child. I’m now considering doing that with my inner child. Thanks for another spectacular video!
This was very impressive and relatable. Especially the having to puke metaphor will probably stay with me. Am currently cross-reading ENFP-Survival and the Daily Stoic which kind of set the course for researching self-love/eudaimonia. So thanks for this one.
Great video. This so applicable for everyone
Your videos are so helpful. Compassionate, but also very straightforward and honest. I gained a lot of insight from this talk, thank you thank you thank you
Every time I watch one of your videos, my insides get calm. I connect with everything you say. Its a bit like magic☺❤
I’m on the journey to be with and love myself. I love you Heidi for being so vulnerable, clear and open with sharing all that you’ve learnt❤️
Thanks!
Kind of hard to when you've been through things I've been through in the last 12 years. I don't feel like myself anymore. Mental abuse is wrong. All abuse is wrong. Controlling others on how to be is wrong. Don't let people take away from you. Take away who you are. I have support all around me in real life and good friends I made. And sometimes you feel like giving up on a lot of crap.
I’m 48, female.
I remember feeling self loathing all the way back to five years old. It’s as if I take any frustration I have and turn it against myself. My default when things go wrong is to punish myself, and I’ve thought about suicide on and off since I was 11.
I never heard it put this way, but yes, I am in a conditional relationship with myself. I have offloaded my worth according to my ability to to make others like me. I got into exercise. I hated my body so much, so my discipline is fueled by dysmorphia..
I had plastic surgery and would gladly have more if I could afford it.
Still, I feel inferior.
I’m so grateful for all you do here. I loved this video along with many others. You’re willingness to be open and vulnerable about your own journey is inspiring to say the least.
For the first time in my life I’m understanding the whys of how I tick. On top of this new understanding you’re teaching me how to deal with things in such a healthy loving way.
Thanks Heidi you’re my hero! ❤
Idk if you will still see comments this late after the video aired.
Your content is truly spot on and honest and well worded. You have brought so much information to me that I needed to hear and know and presented it in words I was ready to hear.
I have learned so much since I came upon your information.
THANK YOU Heidi for being you ❣️
Thanks Heidi… I love all your videos 😊 watching them helped me a lot, to be nicer to myself. I realized that I’m often nicer to my friends than to me 🤔
This topic is becoming more and more important to me.
I appreciated your input. You have so many wise, honest words on this topic.
Thank you for recording, posting, & sharing your knowledge, wisdom, & experience🥰
Dear Heidi,
I’m new to the self-love journey and deeply appreciate how authentically and relatably you share your experiences. Your openness has inspired me, and I’m excited to continue exploring your content. Thank you for being a guiding light on this path.
Warm regards 💆♀️
If we do have free will, the most important decision is to choose love. And begin with loving yourself first and foremost, to be the best lover of everyone else. Choose love and breathe in gratitude.
Wow, I really needed that! 🤹♂️❤
I met somebody in the park yesterday while taking a walk in Berlin. There was a nice warm peaceful connection at first. But I immediately became super intense, needy, self-judgemental, scared, desperate... I got so overwhelmed by my own emotions that there was nowhere to go but say our good byes. I dragged my last remnants of dignity back home and felt miserable... that was a serious serious wake up call to show me in what state I was in. 😢
Thank you for this Heidi! Made me happy just by seeing that you posted and the title of the video!
So blessed to have found you!!! Your amazing healing videos!!!! 🙏💞
i like hanging with myself until i start thinking abt what others might think of me. deep validation and acceptance from others is really important to me right now because i was raised with tons of praise and personal attention and i got that praise and attention with very little effort or discomfort on my end, because whatever discomfort i had had praise waiting at the end. i just rarely failed, and if i did fail, it was in an area i could then ignore. it feels like i am not allowed to love myself without constant reminders from others, and if i do, i am cocky and delusional and feel as though people are laughing at me for thinking i could even have a good time.
as a kid i felt like i could never wear skirts or be traditionally girly in a "popular kid" way cuz otherwise i'd be laughed at. but i was never bullied or teased as a kid. just constant praise. i don't understand why i think others are looking at me so much. i think i have a massive ego and think that others have me on their mind a lot more than they do. in a similar vein, i struggle with sometimes thinking all men are into me. i had a "glo-up" and went from ignored to followed around stores and in my car to be hit on. it has made me believe my only worth must be my appearance cuz the switch happened during the worst parts of my depression when i was isolated from people who valued me as a person. i have become much more obsessed w my outward appearance and it sucks so much. i feel as if being conventionally attractive as i am means that if i continue to work on my personality to be how i want, then i am somehow "trying too hard to be perfect" and people will have disdain for me. it always comes back to what others think of me, and idk how to ACTUALLY combat these feelings so i am hoping to find some more information that actually resonates.
all this to say i hope to achieve a bit more peace within myself in the next five or so years. i just wanna stop feeling like i'm always doing the wrong thing if i am not being praised for my actions.
This resonates with me...I feel alright on my own but all the problems come up when I have to interact with people. It's like I think I'm an alright person but I'm never really sure so I need people to validate me. It's very exhausting to always try to act nice.
Did you find any other resources that helped with this external praise problem?
Damn that first paragraph felt like you were reading my mind. It all goes back to the way others view me. I thought to myself the other day "if no one saw me, saw what I was doing, if no one cared or said anything, if no one would find out about it, what would I do with my time?" And tbh I did not have great answers for that. Not sure where to go from there but it sounds like you and I struggle in a similar way. I'm sorry you went through that growing up. I hope you're doing better now. Finding Heidi's vids has certainly helped 😊
Thaaaaanks, Heidi!!! Once again, so helpful!!! I’m working on this and feeling better already!
I sooo appreciate you honesty and vulnerability when sharing your story. Thank you for sharing this information.
Woow !.. This video hits really hard.. You put your hands on the wound that has giving me a hell of a pain for a really long time.. Thank you to the moon and back 💜💜🌸
This video is so dang helpful. You showed up at the perfect timming I needed this information and truth. I now love working on loving myself, and I love you for making this!
I’m so glad I stumbled upon your channel. I manage an online support group for Estranged Mothers of Adult Children and have shared several of your videos with them.
Sphincter is not in the throat! You're awesome. I was feeling really down and this video helped me to start turning things around!
Incredible advice. Thank you so much for sharing this.
Thank you, I have struggled with this My whole life. I am watching this several times.
I relate to your experience, so much. How lucky I am that you’re putting all of this on video
Love what you are saying And what I have noticed is how to teach people TO SHOW UP
After reading the book a return to love I finally got the answer FAITH INSOMETHING BIGGER THAN YOURSELF
or praying for better loving feelings, praying for a shift in perception from judging thoughts to loving ones
Spiritual practices is very helpful
I found some relief and resistance in this video - at first I am very happy for you for finishing your degree! 😇 I was working/supposed to work on my masters thesis this year too, but because we couldnt manage to produce results after many months, I had to cut the line and quit the project and restart from scratch. It has been such an incredibly difficult decision for me. All the toxic shame that was coming up - and I realized that I wasnt really into the theme in the first place - I chose a topic that was very difficult for me and framed it as challenging - which is fine, but again and again I failed to take action to call it quit. Because I wanted so hard to say to myself "Look at you. You did the impossible. You can be proud of yourself now. You still have it in you." With all the sub-text of what shame is telling me now "I am stupid, lazy, I will never finish anything, I always take longer than the rest etc. pp." It was such a weird experience that everyone in my inner circle was kinda relieved when I told them I quit the project. They told me, that they saw me struggling for months and tried consoling me, while I denied their words of wisdom of when enough is enough. And that I dont have to proof my worth. So now I start fresh in the next year and I will still have financial problems, but I can face them now more upfront, knowing that it will take me longer anyway. But that I will have a topic now that I will defnitely be able to finish in the near future; and I was very clear/vocal on my expectations, wishes and worries with the new supervisor. I would even go so far to say that it was a valuable lesson that I learned from this and it gave me new communication and emotional tools or perpectives that I can now better use.
Thank you, this video comes at just the right time for me.