Whatever the case, it's our time now to do the best we can. Thankfully, we are doing better! And sharing it with others, directly and indirectly. Thanks to those who do / have paved the way for this aspect of human evolution ❤
I think I genuinely believe humans are just not very good at raising other humans, as a species. everyone either repeats what their parents did or over-corrects
@@Brandon-yr3nj Games People Play, copyright 1964 by Dr. Eric Berne describes in sometimes funny ways that yes, many people put much time and energy toward maladaptive ways of being. But guess what? At the back of the book: a section of some games in which they are played for Win-Win outcomes. And after that, in Chapter Eighteen: the treasure! *After Games, What? spontaneity, ahem and intimacy (letting people see into you) Awareness / self-awareness is what leads to big improvements.
I believe most generations feel this way about their parents for at least the last 60 years or more. Blame tv families giving us false notions of harmony 😅😢 our kids will probably question our parenting abilities too
Someone one told me that self care isn’t wine, chocolate, and a bubble bath. Self care is parenting yourself: eating your veggies, having a consistent sleep schedule, etc. That has really stuck with me through the years. Seeing my depression as a chronic illness that needs to be managed daily with the little things has really helped me to improve my outlook and reframe the monotonous and seemingly pointless tasks of self care to an opportunity to show myself love.
our idea of romantic love has made self-love into an usustainable honeymoon phase performance. Whereas real love is changing diapers, compassion, and fixing the plumbing
I agree completely. Wine, chocolate, and a bubble bath are indulgences we occasionally allow ourselves. But that's not how we should be regularly caring for ourselves.
Once I connected to my inner child, he burst into tears, and told me that he literaly never learned anything from both his parents. After 10 years of hoarding and a year of homelessness, I had to relearn everything by myself. Relearning my own basic structurual household, keeping it clean and keeping it up, really gave me a sense of selfworth and taking care of myself. My new home is a good place to recharge. I also saw my inner child burst into tears when he saw me in my last hangover. "Stop doing this to me!" The little boy was speaking on behalf of my own body. This is my second year since I remained completely abstinent from alcohol.
yes it's really beautiful when this happens...she has been connecting with me in mirrors, it's really cool to see her eyes light up with life again :) although in the beginning there was a lot of pain and fear
In case anyone else wants the questions written out: 1. On a daily basis, how anxious and overwhelmed do you feel, vs. how energized and creative do you feel? 2. How grounded do I feel when making decisions? 3. On average, how much resentment do you feel towards the other people in your life vs. how much do you feel that you are present and able to feel with the people in your life? 4. How patient vs how panicked am I about getting my needs met? 5. How much do shame and embarrassment prevent me from pursuing the things I want in my life?
@@smokingcrab2290you're already doing the right thing 👏you're starting to ask yourself those questions. You watched a video in order to work on your self development, you scrolled down to questions to connect or read what similar interest minds are saying, you took time and energy to answer those questions for yourself. Keep it up! Get to know your inner child by asking more questions, and be the inner parent to it that it deserves. You deserve it. (and now I'm trying to follow my own advice:))) uff it's hard work :)
“ all children naturally rebel against structure they find meaningless”. Damn, Heidi, you just summarized much of my childhood in that one sentence, and my lingering passive aggressive resentment against authority.
Be ready to *shed* that (and what, in some cases 'who') which no longer serves you-- the best you that has some sense of the collective nature of this blue ball, and that each of us has always been important from before we were born into this dirt world. And, by developing a spiritual practice and another of self-love, you will attract what and who is equipped and ready to be with you on the next leg of your journey. *Source: 8 years in.
There's that saying "show me a kid at 7" (it's actually the boy at 7 but I've changed it). Well, at 7, I had zero bedtime. No one cared. To this day I still struggle with regular bedtimes. But...I count my blessings. At least my parents didn't smoke and drink and as a result I never smoked or drank. Could have been so much worse considering. Almost no one would have monitored me. Never went to dentist, doctor, nothing. I think I was taken to the dentist, twice. You're supposed to go twice a year.
Can confirm, taking dance lessons when you don't feel comfortable in your body can be a gamechanger. I have been doing it since last August and I am starting to feel like an evolved version of the child I used to be.
I thought that my anxiety was from myself and subconscious but after talking to my mother she said to me that one thing she hated that my father did was before even trying anything he would say “don’t f it up”. When she said it I remembered so many times I would cry and say “I haven’t even tried yet could you wait at least until you think I’m messing up?” I’m 27 and I have 2 children, 6 and 1. They help me do laundry, my son likes to mimic me sweeping (completely impractical but I cheer him on!) it made me realize that the fear of structure was not inherent, but instead inherited through environment. I’m sitting in my clean home today and I’m excited to reparent myself alongside raising my kids. By wanting to be the best parent I can, I’m realizing that I also need these things, like structure, consistency, a plan, confidence, a directive, a narrative. As I give them to my kids I’m also healing myself. :) ❤
Good luck on your journey!! So often people think the process stops / has to stop once they become parents. The process of finding yourself is a never ending cycle. You sound eager to take on this journey and I am rooting for you!!
15:52 "Just sending our inner child out into the world to blindly fail at things without any sense of structure is not very good parenting." Wow, this is spot-on. I've always been very frustrated with myself about my inability to "just throw myself into the deep end" when it comes to social anxiety. Thinking about it as needing to slowly and systematically learn a missing skill helps make the problem seem a lot more surmountable.
I have issues with preparing things in advance - seems like a waste. I was actually thinking it was a self esteem issue, but it might just be a habit of throwing myself in the deep end without training. Basically, I'm making life harder than it has to be! Thank you for the comment - it was helpful🙂
Yup. I failed miserably at a job interview because I was so stressed my hands began to shake, so I got self-conscious about shaking, then got even more stressed and forgot what I wanted to say. It was a hugely embarrassing moment. "Just fave your fear" feels completely empty when you don't have the resources to actually deal with it.
I'm realising that this is what my mother did to me, time after time after time. I always ended up broken at the end of it, and have shrunk my life smaller and smaller out of fear of failure. She really wasn't a very good parent. Its helpful to realise that and not just blame myself endlessly. Thank you Heidi 💜
This is basically what I've done my whole life :O then the stress will cause me to disassociate so I usually fail at the random thing I've pushed myself to do
Mother is feeding us so well!!!! And she never even promotes any products, courses, or even newsletters! Just tons of invaluable life changing information for free???? Your videos are sooo helpful, I feel like you did all the healing and psychoeducation work and cleared the path for me to walk on with a guide 😭 thank you ❤ if you ever made a patreon or something I'd love to support you!
'Mother is feeding us so well' love it :D indeed though. i am receiving the parenting i should have had as a teen from a person about 10 years younger than me. i think if you squint that qualifies as time travel
There was a lot here that I'm not sure I really wanted to hear. I grew up in a very authoritarian home so now I am a very permissive parent to myself. No rules. Yeah, it's not all it's cracked up to be. And no, I've never felt "safe". Firstly because I never felt safe growing up, and now I still don't. I thought a "strong man" would make me feel safe, but that always backfired too. I'm old now, and there is still so much to learn!
I have been looking for a video on self discipline that addresses the deeper reasons why we may lack it so that we can get to the root of the problem. For years, I have logically understood that I lacked self discipline/self care/structure and would be told I "just need to do it." However, that totally ignored the deep emotional difficulty and lack of self understanding that causes me to not care for myself in the first place, so nothing has lasted. I feel like I can really work on this now. I can't say it enough, thank you SO much for this.
As a 48 year old man, my inner child wants to dance. I started teaching myself to shuffle a couple of weeks back, it's going well 😀Dating on the other hand, as a divorcee from an abusive relationship, is a whole other thing.
I agree, and what helped me, was: 0.making an Autopsy of the relationship, and writing structuredly through(for 11 hours straight, without paues!): 1.Anger/accusation, 2.Sadness/grief, 3.Fear/insecurity, 4.Regret and own responsibility, 5.Needs/Intentions, 6.Acceptance/Forgiveness, 7.Love/appreciation/Gratitude, helped me process, heal and change some after breakup (From " How to Make Love all the Time - Breaking up without Breaking down", by psycho-therapist Barbara de Angelis.
Only 2 minutes into the video so far and you've knocked it out of the park with this one! As soon as I saw the title, I knew it would be super relevant to me. My childhood was structured "around the parents' feelings" (WHEW!!) and now, as an adult, it's so hard to stay on a schedule or have structure in my life, even though I deeply desire and benefit from one.
My inner child needs to 1. Go to bed early 2. Be given food regularly and at specific times. 4. Needs a sleep/wakeup schedule. 5. Needs to have a limit on use of devices - no argument! What does your inner child need? 😊
What feels like a "yes" for your body and what feels like a "no" for your body. This is a key point for living authentically while in relationship with your highest excitement. A yes can be felt within as an expansive feeling. If you are having issues identifying it, begin to pay attention to how your body acts while in conversation with other people. A no can be felt as a contraction of your body. Anything that would make your shoulders shrug subtlety. Anything where it feels your heart or your stomach or your insides "sink". Aaron Abke does an AMAZING job of teaching us how to identify these sensations, and identifies them slightly differently than you have Heidi.
@3:50 "How do i create the conditions for myself where i feel naturally safe to be playful and creative in my every day?" I AM ALL EARS FOR how she answers this 👂 👀
I think this is different w everyone you just need to listen to ur inner child and navigate slowly and w patience for circumstances and yourself afterwards ? (This is what I’m doing)
We are about to see Russia attacking Germany, Alaska experiencing two devastating earthquakes (magnitude 7.6 and 7.3) and destruction of Damascus. Also, all the little kids will go missing around the world. It will be Jesus who brings the promised salvation! Rapture!🙌 After a few hours, he will take his adult TRUE believers as well! Only God knows the future. Jesus has now revealed all those details to his prophets! The government will try to explain it out with UFO, now you have been told this in advance! 👉 If you find yourself in days of darkness with electricity out, do not get out, stay put, pray non stop to Jesus, make Him your God and Saviour! He will come to save you, too.🙌 Jesus loves you! ❤️Accept him as your Savior and save yourself from what's to come upon this Earth. We are now in the last pages of the Bible. What saves us is faith that Jesus shed His blood for our sins, died on the cross, and rose three days later. It is God's grace that saves, not our works!🙌❤️
It could be, get a secure job so you have time to do a creative hobby you enjoy. Then potentially increase the part of creativity if people start remunerating you for it, until the hobby becomes the main occupation.
I notice that I prefer thinking of this concept not as an inner child, but as me. I understand the usefulness of giving these roles and names. I just prefer moving towards to a more integrated end result, where my inner being is mature.
Our country was and still is patriarchal and has always been focused on hierarchal power structures which then became integrated into parenting roles. The United States is entrenched in an individualistic mindset that focus on controlling people and that authority knows better. This is not a failing of parenting but is the symptoms of a larger problem that is focused on keeping the top earners affluent while the middle class struggles to balance earnings, family time, and time for their own needs. We have progressively evolved to be a hustle culture and now we have skyrocketing suicide rates, addiction, and unhoused populations. People have been engendered to believe that striving is necessary any cost so our children suffer. No one connects anymore. Of course, this is all a recipe for destruction. But at the end of the day, no one can save you but yourself. The only way out is in. Knowledge is power. No one is born bad. Toxic words like good and bad are a huge problem. Time to run from tech into the forest and away from a toxic, soul crushing culture.
it would really be worth publishing all of these scripts in book form once you and your page are ready, what immensely helpful clarification you provide. thanks again
Notes for myself or others --- 1. Have one hard hour or 24 hard ones. 2. What our inner child needs instead what the world or how we are being perceived. Wants and needs both in structure. Authoritarian and Neglectful 3. Attaching to others for authority and structure because we are dependent and unable to support ourselves. So we resent them. Add extra structure into themselves. 4. Make sure our needs and wants are prioritized aware then can even put things backburner but catch up later because it is met later. 5. Build up skill deficit and show up. 1. Biggest stressors. What is stressing me so we can both relax. Bare amount so we commit to and we trust ourselves to complete. 2. What do we love / what we should do - we don't like it. What feels like a yes or what feels like a no - lethargic or anxious in daily life. Jobs/ people. 3. Patient and calm appraoch to choices and what we naturally are drawn to. Where we enjoyed and common threads and patterns. Prioritize that or schedule it. 4. What values or desires align with you.
I just gotta say, your videos have been monumental to my healing and I feel calmer and more grounded since discovering your channel a month ago, than I ever have in my life. This video really resonates with me since I’ve grown used to acting inauthentically to get other people to meet my needs and while this is a scummy thing to do, it came from a place of living in a homophobic, physically, and emotionally abusive environment while struggling with undiagnosed adhd and disassociation. I’m no longer in the dangerous environment but my coping mechanisms has lead me to having terrible relationships with others and myself, pretending to be other people in order to gain security and resources. I genuinely feel bad for the people I’ve used and have taken the steps to remove myself from their lives so that I may gain more self sufficiency and they can invite others in that are genuinely on their wave length. I’ve committed myself to live from a place of honesty, this honesty coming from a place of self trust, as I can trust myself to be okay in the face of hate and hurt. Somatic body reconnection, halting the use of personality psychology and manipulation tactics and reparenting myself have been life changing and I really appreciate the content you’ve been putting out.
@@Medietos healing is a multifaceted thing, and these videos, like on self abandonment, toxic shame, and this one are the full pictures that help me piece my puzzle pieces together. I also practice what is taught in these videos like practicing the guitar everyday for 30 days straight to build self trust in my discipline, and mindfully talking to myself like asking “if I were a parent looking after myself what would I do? Tell myself to stop watching Netflix and go to sleep.” I’m basically building better control over my mind.
I dont take care of my teeth and will oftenskip showering for a few days because i have forgotten how to take care of myself. I have been repeating the neglect done to me
Thanks Heidi! You’re videos, books and reading recommendations are helping me more than you’ll ever know. And I am eternally grateful to you. Thank you for the gift of you!
My parents were all about structure and routine. They probably were quite authoritarian. I am still quite confused about my mother’s own attachment style. I suspect she is very covertly manipulative. I do find it hard to stick to routines, practice self care & structure my day. I think because my adrenal system is constantly overactive. My husband is dismissive avoidant and is around a lot and I do not feel emotionally safe or calm around him. I constantly feel emotionally disregulated so cannot focus on anything.
Thanks for taking the time to put these videos up. I feel like it would take so much more time and money for me to learn this stuff without them. Sharing this information with the world is such a gift, thank you!
I'm good with structure and organising my life but what I look for in others is more "protection" - "feeling safe" - "having somebody making me feel like it's all gonna be ok" I'm concious of the fact that I'm suppposed to provide this for myself. And it's hard to find this exacty in the moment you need it in an other person anyway. So going trough life with a lot of anxiaty. I'm learning to auto-regulate with somatic experiencing and other techniques but it takes decades to learn it when you didn't as a child and I'm losing Hope to be able one day to find balance and security in ly life (I'm 42 this month)
I'm often not able to generate this by myself. Support, friendships & community are natural and healthy. And yes, we need also some tools to rely on yourselves and not just escape to meeting someone or calling someone if we feel down (like start doing daily stuff, go outside, deep meditation, writing, reflection, studying etc.)
The timing on this video was amazing. I just got back from NYC, where after a couple of days of fun, I got caught in a downpour on the way to performing in a comedy show. I was genuinely considering skipping the event I had flown halfway across the country for. After calling my sister for a sane adult voice. I bought some new socks and a new umbrella, and heard a loud and clear message from my inner child, who said, "you didn't listen to me". I realized that, in trying to make the most of my trip and get pictures of myself having fun on social media, I had ignored my own needs the same way that my parents ignored mine. My therapist said it was a trauma flashback, but in a good way, integrating past trauma.
My inner child needs a very simple healthy food management system. Even a 3 ingredient recipe seems overwhelming for me. I can now link this overwhelm back to my father’s early passing in adolescence and becoming the dinner preparer when my mother was late in returning from work. I have learned that the only group or multi person events I can host is pot luck based. Otherwise it’s high anxiety and overwhelm. How do people host parties?
I miss the old Heidi that would swear and show tattoos 😅. Im just kidding you are absolutely amazing how far you came in 3 years. It gives me a lot of hope for my own growth
I’m so grateful for these videos. They’re really helping me change my life. It’s hard to find people that can precisely put into words how you feel and how to better your situation but surprisingly you’re able to do that. I really hope that I can get to that place where I’m completely free from all the stuff making my heart heavy. I honestly just need peace in my life and I’m working towards that and I hope I’ll be able to obtain inner peace through getting to know my inner child and helping her. It’s been hard to talk to people about how I feel because it just felt like anytime I told anyone, nobody would really understand. I’ve been feeling lonely for a very long time now. I’ve been so desperate for help from anyone to stop feeling the way I felt. I can’t really afford a therapist without my parents knowing but this has been way more helpful because of how deeply you seem to understand these issues. You are really helping people out there; people like me and it’s just really appreciated. I hope all of us will get better in all our respective journeys. I’m just so grateful 😢😊❤
About a month ago, I put up two signs in my home (one in my bedroom and one in my office, the two spaces I spend the most time). One says "Stop repeating neglect & stop retraumatizing yourself!" and the second says "Stop f*cking repeating neglect". It feels like an obvious answer to healing from my CPTSD from childhood trauma and abusive relationships, but it took over a year of therapy to get there and to start understanding what "neglect" even looks like to me. Your questions/prompts here will help me so much in figuring out how my care vs neglect for myself shows up daily. Thank you, Heidi!
The struggle is real between the authoritarian and lackadaisical parent...I struggle with decision making a lot especially when I am under pressure to make a quick decision. I am learning to give myself more time and ask for more of it if needed.
Structure discipline = dirty word. Not anymore 🎉 my inner child is learning from the inner parents how to Re parent myself and so far I’m enjoying it. Enmeshment…resentment (sht) expecting others to fulfill our needs keeping them close (fck) Grasping… Deficient skills or in my case I think finding one thing I’m good at and avoiding abandoning ideas dreams desires that have proven to require more effort. No need to share the responsibility with my care givers. I’m learning to grant “misericordia”and compassion. I will re-watch to let the new wisdom sink in. Another extremely helpful and practical session with Heidi Priebe! The way you deliver your message makes it feel attainable. …The bare minimum agreement beats the perfectionist tendencies. And speaking of trust issues, now I have in my mind a cartoon sketch image of my inner children reacting to my attempt at assertively announcing “Enough! We are quitting our full time job (s) in 3 months!” 😱 I’m 😅enjoying this learning so much! 👩🏻🍳👏🏼Thank you Heidi 🥳
I knew this video would resonate as soon as you said people emphasize the role of play, joy, and spontaneity in their healing/inner child work. This is precisely what I'm talking about in therapy 🥴. I've struggled in my adult life with structure and never saw the connection to the anxiety I have with my job/making money, the lack of ease in managing my day-to-day responsibilities, and even the fights I pick or the ruminating thoughts about the ways my partner doesn't take care of the house/chores. This was spot on and a perfect guide for where to focus my healing work. These videos are phenomenal. Thank you so much, Heidi!
Heyja. This Video is quite helpful, as it is exactly what's been bugging me for the last months. I did Just recently realise how much I needed structure in Order to enjoy my freedom. Thank u, the video came at Just the right time
Thanks Heidi, this video was really good at cutting through and getting to the heart of how to practically apply my understanding of inner child work, re-parenting, abandonment, insecure attachment plus a couple of others! I have thought for a long time that these areas are key for getting to the core of healing work. It's really great to see how to link it all up with relevant psych concepts making it so accessible for practical and relatively simple (but not easy!) application. Thank you!
Hello, I just spent 10 weeks in a psychiatry and learned a lot about my inner child. I got in touch with my feelings and now that I am back home, most of the time (the whole day!) I spent beeing overwhelmed by everything. Structuring my life (new) is the task ahead and hopefully this will bring some peace and "space" with it. This video comes out at the perfect time for me and gives me hope that things will get better. Thank you Heidi!
This channel has really changed my life. And the message today just means so much to me, because I've been working on increasing my discipline but I don't want to become a machine.
And I want to add that I really enjoyed the balanced view of skill building. This has been one of my main priorities, and it's so nice looking at it from an inner child perspective, and learning to respect the dignity of my inner child.
My inner child, or rather, who I authentically am, is not compelled by money whatsoever. I don't believe forcing citizens to labor for money in order to "earn" their rights to shelter, food and comfort is justified. But we are forced to be subjugated to this reality. I am an artist and I make my living through my art, but even now at this point it feels nearly impossible to work on my art solely because now it is commodified. Even if I make a list of "what is the bare minimum I am willing to do in order to ensure I can pay my bills", this list will likely not feel in alignment with my inner child's needs, but it's what I have to do in order to survive. I tried my best to be my most authentic self and left corporate life to earn money with my artwork, something that is deeply meaningful to me, and thus have created anxiety around doing the artwork as a means to an end (to earn money) There is no way to meet the needs of my inner child (freedom from exploitation) without also compromising those values in order to survive and have my bills paid. I'm not sure what to do.
Yeah, that's a tough one. 😕 Is there something you would enjoy doing that doesn't necessarily fuel you (but you'd still enjoy) that you can do to make money while saving your art for your true passion / your own enjoyment?
I so feel and relate to this. We should live in a society where basic human needs aren't conditional on making money. One where work is an act of service to the community and an expression of our unique gifts. I don't know how we get there or what to do in the meantime. I don't know a solution for you. If you haven't already, maybe focusing on ways you could reduce your need for money would be helpful. Growing your own food, questioning what stuff you really need vs. want, buying second hand, learning more skills, sharing housing, bartering are just a few places to start considering. This might not fit, but I wonder if a job where you could help others move towards freedom from exploitation in some way would feel better for your inner child and less like they were being exploited? Not sure what that would look like, just the thought that popped up upon reading. I hope you find a way to honor your values and live a good life in this strange society we find ourselves in.
Being a business person requires you stay ahead of the curve in every way by rigorous self development Matter fact business people are some of the most creative out there. I'm in the same boat, did one thing that involved a lot of dancing and grateful dead and no jobs for 10 years, then some certain things changed and those income streams no longer exist, so I'm forced to be a serf for the lords and wear proleteriat chains but I refuse. I'm starting to think diversification is the way to go, not relying on solely one stream of income to support myself. Even if it means, wow I'm so fucked I need a wage job right now, to focus on what I really care about. It doesn't have to suck, just do something you like and continue to put most of your energy into what you love. My two cents as someone who has not had a real job in their entire adult life whatsoever and did what I wanted up to my saturn return Matter fact I am still mulling over if its concession to getting sodomized and dementoredsouleaten by babylon to work for anyone but myself at all on principle. If you wanna wear green hats with red stars with me in guerilla fatigues in the jungles of Colombia I will stand in solidarity with you as a radical left anarchist artist
I agree with what you’re saying however there is one thing to consider. You do not believe that people should have to be forced into labour to earn money to survive (I agree), but by our very existences we are forced into earning our survival. If we were born in the tribes we would be forced to hunt and scavenge to survive. So I don’t think there’s any way to not to be ‘forced’. But I think you can choose what you want to endure through. For example, you do not want to be forced to earn money, however you chose to use your art to make money. I’m an artist myself so I understand the desire, but now you’ve taken the thing you love and put a financial constraint upon it which you’ve pointed out doesn’t agree with your inner child (mine either). But you do have to do something in life to survive. So my suggestions are this. 1. You can live off grid and provide everything you need yourself (food/shelter etc). Impossible for most (I personally wouldn’t want to do 100% like this), but then you are not forced to work. 2. Find something that can get you by which allows time for you to nourish your soul by your art when not working. I think this is what Heidi is referring to - a baseline level of work that your inner child agrees to because it allows them to flourish as basic needs taken care of. There is the possibility that some people find the job of their dreams and that nourishes them, and while we should always be open to this idea as opportunities arise, I think in the meantime option 2. Achieves the best combination. Of course choosing a more minamalist life reduces your financial needs and makes this easier too
I don’t know how you do it, but your latest batch of videos is on schedule and aligned to my most current ‘front and center issue dwelling’. I think it speaks to how common the problems are, but still. You are a gem.
What a beautiful video. I’ve been rewatching your videos along with going to therapy sessions and I think your videos have helped me evolve the most and transform my life internally. Thank you so much Heidi
thank you, this subject is complex and you're treating it realistically, which is uncomfortable, but your delivery seems mindful of this, the inner child thing boggles my mind sometimes, which teaches me you can't always know, so you need to trust and progress, which fkn sucks but is necessary, thank you
HEIDIIIIIIIIIII coming out with these absolute gems of videos so fast!! I'm going to have to allocate a week to really process and digest each one properly like it deserves.
Good stuff Heidi, thanks! 🙏❤️👍 Realized I have been neglecting my inner child's need for healthy loving discipline and security for a long time. No wonder she doesn't trust me!
Ouch, you really got me already with the headline. I promise to watch this at some point. Healthy self-discipline and structure is one of my weakest points, I know it, I feel so guilty about it, and it's so hard to change. What makes it even more challenging is that I'm an ENFP, so not naturally inclined to those things at all and trauma makes it worse.
Heidi! I absolutely love your content, thought out delivery, tone and cadence. You seem absolutely grounded and connected to your message. It’s mentally and spiritually alluring. You have a phenomenal gift❤ Will you ever open a practice? Are there any therapist in Canada, specifically Ontario, that you would recommend? I’m in need of two therapists, one for attachment/trauma healing and one for anxiety and performance panic disorder.
@26:55 - Best advice ever - We're examining periods of times that were authentic self living and pulling out the common exteranal circumstances and the conditions under which that self was actualized. Thankfully, I have had these periods so I have the formula. My heart is out to those who never really had periods of authentic living and don't have their formula. What would be your advice for them, Hedi?
Thank you for your videos. Just a little perspective on my upbringing that's slightly different. I/we had very little structure and a very happy childhood where I felt safe. As long as my mama loved me, I craved freedom and adventuring. I am the baby(64 now)of 6, so the early siblings may have had a different parenting early on, but we were a happy family. That all said, it changed when I started first grade and spending the day trapped inside with people who didn't love me. I remember my favorite cousin(who wanted the freedom we had) telling me that her mom said my mom allowed it because she didn't love us as much. One truth that I knew is my mom was born to be a mother and loved every minute of it. It was so evident that kids were jealous and at the same time loved our home as well.
Loving the algorithm for showing me this bc you’ve hit everything on the nail! Even as a parent I want my son to feel comfortable to be him and I don’t want to force him to be someone he is not ❤
One of the best experts on the consequences of growing up neglected. So excellent, the tools for healing are right on. Thank you, Heidi you are brilliant.
So much wisdom in this video, I need to re-watch it tomorrow. I have a rather complex relationship with structure. I was always value-driven and happened to have a lot of self-discipline as a child and my parents (unsurprisingly) praised me for it, but I ended up hating this part of me which never learnt to play, relax, be a cool kid and develop authentic connections with others. Now - yes : I hate any externally imposed rigid structures because I feel it is humiliating for someone who can structure their own time perfectly. But I still hate doing it by myself a lot of the time so I procrastinate with things and end up overwhelmed. My dependency need shows up as I really appreciate when others gently remind or nudge me to get shit done, even better: do it for me. Oh, did I mention I have a hard time asking for anyone's help? I'm quite messed up I guess and I really miss my creativity, which I had in abundance but now I don't really allow myself to indulge it - and it is partly a safety issue.
You are helping me SO MUCH with your videos. I can not thank you enough. I'm 64 yrs old and well educated. I am learning self care , inner child parenting tools and strategies that will change my life.
Oh wow. I’ve been being the neglectful parent this whole time. This makes so much sense. I’ve literally been being the teen mom who tries to act like the cool mom while relying on the grandparents to take care of the child’s needs.
Great video Heidi! Seeing how happy and energetic your inner child is as you share what you’ve learned is so encouraging. You are a fantastic example of this working.❤
2:46 Hit the nail on the head here!! I am an adult with DID, and this resonated within our system, especially. The younger alters in our system used to DESPISE structure, but through careful planning and monitoring, we've realized they all seem to feel more regulated and happy with it in place! We just recently started implementing more structure in our life, and with the help of my grandparents being highly structured people, it has helped us all to become more safe and at peace. We still struggle some, but it's more manageable than before! At first, their structure felt overwhelming and scary! I felt like I couldn't understand why they had it how they did. Then I learned that having a set schedule and time for eating and sleeping and doing the hard work actually was super beneficial to my physical and mental wellbeing! For context: I grew up with tons of "rules", but no actual "structure". Meaning that, from day to day, the rules were enforced, but my parents didn't have a set plan for each day nor did they stick to a plan. Every day looked wildly different and unpredictable!! Which in turn left us often feeling like asking for specific needs was up to the discretion of our parents to allow, not something you just did at a specific time?!
Im blown away , i have never heard in all my life looking , to explain what iv gone through and how i have to deal with , cptsd ,and what i need to do to heal and survive this, devastating symptoms , and no way to approach therapy, with my needs to make sure i have a therapist that understands this in the way you do 🙏❤️ thank you so much , Mo
Oh my! This was so insightful and made so much click (especially the dignity part) that I previously did not realise was part of inner child parenting! An uncomfortable set of memories has me going down restaurant venues at 13 years old with my mom-made CV who literally forced me to go up and cold call these places until I had a job. It was so embarassing and the rejections were brutal. That’s forever ago now but I realise some of the hurt and lack of protection and consideration definitely still shows up in a bodily sensation for me (fear/get this scaredy feeling in my gut whenever I think about applying for jobs I am on paper perfectly qualified for haha). Cheers and thx for these videos. You’re great!
This is exactly the video I needed to see today I come from a mix of authoritative vs neglectful parenting (separate households, both parents narcissistic 😅) I’ve done a lot of inner child work and mastered the spontaneity and joy thing, but I’ve been feeling stuck for months now, just completely been neglecting diet, hygiene, chores, even work and socializing… and it’s gotten out of hand. This video will be an invaluable tool for me moving forward. Thank you so much 🙏 P.S. I’m so excited to check out the self-abandonment video. This is also a core problem for me, and I need some guidance on how to gain trust in myself again.
I feel like this is great for my avoidant partner, but as an anxious type, I need more intentional play than discipline bc that’s more beneficial for me avoiding burnout.
This really hit hard. Between jobs, left a relationship over a year ago, been really struggling to know me. Time to do the work. Thank you so much for spelling it out, makes it so much easier to process for myself.
Dear Heidi, Your channel is such a blessing in the realm of Trauma healing. I truly have come so far from where I used to be when I first came across your channel. You really add a lot of value to my life and I am truly grateful to you for that from the bottom of my heart. I feel so proud to be born in a time where such knowledge can be shared for free and can be received from the comfort of my house and the fact that finally concepts like abuse trauma healing and inner child are coming into light. It wouldn't be possible without educators and healers like you. I feel privileged and glad that I am here. Thank you for making it worthwhile for me. Keep doing your work, you are transforming lives and igniting the lost spark of many people. Lots of love and blessings! Stay Gold.
Thanks for this, Heidi! As so many of your videos, this one also hits home for me, especially the part about shame holding back the inner child to express their needs. This is an area on which I still have lots of work to do. By the way, about structure: since the start of last year, after a totally unstructured period, I gradually introduced a "minimum plan" (kind of similar to what you are talking about in the vid) for morning, daytime and evening, and it helped a LOT with my self-trust and self-esteem. It's absolutely true that repeated affirmations in themselves did not touch my core beliefs about myself, but when I experienced on a regular basis that "damn, I can get stuff done, I can promise myself to do something and then I can really DO it (and here I was careful not to promise too much ^^ )", it really changed the way I view myself, for the better.
So much god material and a lot to unpack for implementation which is always the hardest part to remember, catch yourself and then reflect, adjust and repeat. I know a lot as I a just caught by conservatively bypassing what I should be facing, to give dignity to myself as I am now and be able to trust I have the courage, through being aware of my avoidance and consciously disrupting my learned/conditioned responses. Man, being able to embrace the chaos holding space an d move forward to stand in the proverbial fire for me is the steepest gradient gradient to move up.Then I realize my focus was used to bypass I forget what it it I genuinely want, looking away due to overwhelm and fear of disappointment. I am trying to get past feeling silly about creating a vision board to help know what I want . Again thank you for converting your own experiences to help the rest of us :0)
This is somehow exactly the advice I was seeking. In my 20s and under so much anxiety because idk wtf is going on and everything feels wrong. I don’t have any routine or structure and been thinking this might be a cause of my anxiety. But then again I hate obeying routine and rules I set for myself so I try to *naturally* form routine instead of imposing it on myself. But this video just answered so many doubts I had been having. I’ve never heard this anywhere on social media. Thank you!!!
I have known about re-parenting for a while now but this video is really making me understand it (and myself) on a much deeper level! This is a life-changing video for me. I’m going to watch it several times and take notes. Thank you so much Heid
You have just answered all of my current questions in a such simple and clear way that now I feel empowered and not ashamed. Thank you so much for that! I am actually excited to start taking care of my need for structure right away 💪⚡✨
Holy shit. This is CRAZY VALUABLE information. Thank you Heidi!!!!! This makes it so clear to me, why I've struggled with every single self-imposed goal or structure I've ever tried to adhere to. And the tools & exercises you've suggested all sound super doable and legitimately transformative. Thank you for this one, truly!
This video was incredible! Not even sure how I happened upon it, but I just took about 15 pages of notes and plan to go back to reflect on the questions. Also will be sharing this with several people I believe it will help and will be looking at your other videos. Thank you so much for laying this out!❤
You are one of the only people I have found that actually is helpful to me
7 месяцев назад
Heidie, you're worth your weight in gold... Please keep coming with more content on self parenting. I feel like there's so much more to be said about this topic
Heidi, would you perhaps do a video on how to approach the feeling that you don’t *want* to take care of yourself? When you proposed committing to one thing, my whole body recoiled at the idea of one more commitment when I can barely keep myself *alive* as it is. How do we approach this when the idea of even making this structure, despite how much it might help, is seemingly beyond our current capacity? Because the idea of one more “have” to makes me want to scream but I also know you’re right!!
Beginning to wonder if the generation that raised us were wholly unqualified for the job
We Choose All our experiences!!!❤
How we see people is a reflection of us.
Whatever the case, it's our time now to do the best we can. Thankfully, we are doing better! And sharing it with others, directly and indirectly. Thanks to those who do / have paved the way for this aspect of human evolution ❤
I think I genuinely believe humans are just not very good at raising other humans, as a species. everyone either repeats what their parents did or over-corrects
@@Brandon-yr3nj Games People Play, copyright 1964 by Dr. Eric Berne describes in sometimes funny ways that yes, many people put much time and energy toward maladaptive ways of being. But guess what?
At the back of the book: a section of some games in which they are played for Win-Win outcomes. And after that, in Chapter Eighteen: the treasure! *After Games, What?
spontaneity, ahem
and
intimacy (letting people see into you)
Awareness / self-awareness is what leads to big improvements.
I believe most generations feel this way about their parents for at least the last 60 years or more. Blame tv families giving us false notions of harmony 😅😢 our kids will probably question our parenting abilities too
Someone one told me that self care isn’t wine, chocolate, and a bubble bath. Self care is parenting yourself: eating your veggies, having a consistent sleep schedule, etc. That has really stuck with me through the years. Seeing my depression as a chronic illness that needs to be managed daily with the little things has really helped me to improve my outlook and reframe the monotonous and seemingly pointless tasks of self care to an opportunity to show myself love.
YES
our idea of romantic love has made self-love into an usustainable honeymoon phase performance. Whereas real love is changing diapers, compassion, and fixing the plumbing
Thank you for sharing this. This is how I'm trying to see my depression. Because what I want to do doesn't work!
I agree completely. Wine, chocolate, and a bubble bath are indulgences we occasionally allow ourselves. But that's not how we should be regularly caring for ourselves.
It's both! 80 percent taking care of health and responsibilities and 20 percent healthy-enough treats, fun, and enrichment.
Once I connected to my inner child, he burst into tears, and told me that he literaly never learned anything from both his parents. After 10 years of hoarding and a year of homelessness, I had to relearn everything by myself. Relearning my own basic structurual household, keeping it clean and keeping it up, really gave me a sense of selfworth and taking care of myself. My new home is a good place to recharge. I also saw my inner child burst into tears when he saw me in my last hangover. "Stop doing this to me!" The little boy was speaking on behalf of my own body. This is my second year since I remained completely abstinent from alcohol.
yes it's really beautiful when this happens...she has been connecting with me in mirrors, it's really cool to see her eyes light up with life again :) although in the beginning there was a lot of pain and fear
This moved me deeply. I recently lost my father and he had a similar history. I hope you find so much joy from now on ❤
Props to you
You should really be SO proud of yourself! You are doing the work we are here on Earth to do. 💪🏼💪🏼💪🏼🙏🏻
So proud of you. You rock!
In case anyone else wants the questions written out:
1. On a daily basis, how anxious and overwhelmed do you feel, vs. how energized and creative do you feel?
2. How grounded do I feel when making decisions?
3. On average, how much resentment do you feel towards the other people in your life vs. how much do you feel that you are present and able to feel with the people in your life?
4. How patient vs how panicked am I about getting my needs met?
5. How much do shame and embarrassment prevent me from pursuing the things I want in my life?
Dear God all the answers to these questions for me are 100% negative 😵 idk wtf to do
Same 😭
Thank you for taking the time to write these out and post! Super helpful.
Thank you so much - very helpful.
@@smokingcrab2290you're already doing the right thing 👏you're starting to ask yourself those questions. You watched a video in order to work on your self development, you scrolled down to questions to connect or read what similar interest minds are saying, you took time and energy to answer those questions for yourself. Keep it up! Get to know your inner child by asking more questions, and be the inner parent to it that it deserves. You deserve it. (and now I'm trying to follow my own advice:))) uff it's hard work :)
“ all children naturally rebel against structure they find meaningless”. Damn, Heidi, you just summarized much of my childhood in that one sentence, and my lingering passive aggressive resentment against authority.
I feel like "getting to know the real me" is such a long and tricky process
Exactly! Unraveling which aspects of my personality are shaped by trauma and what is just *me* on the other side of it feels overwhelming.
I cannot remember anything from childhood (which was ideal) OR where to start finding Myself 🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽
@@mad9023 Me too. This is common in people who experienced emotional neglect in childhood.
Same 😂
Be ready to *shed* that (and what, in some cases 'who') which no longer serves you-- the best you that has some sense of the collective nature of this blue ball, and that each of us has always been important from before we were born into this dirt world.
And, by developing a spiritual practice and another of self-love, you will attract what and who is equipped and ready to be with you on the next leg of your journey.
*Source: 8 years in.
Imagine developing all this as a small child, wild 🤯
Well u can now....
I saw some rare children like that. Can’t describe this another than seeing little elves while you’re an old grumpy cracking gnome 😅
@@MotivayShay(S)He was just trying to express an observation seeking an appropriate likening image for it...
@@Medietos You are triggered. This is okay ❤️
There's that saying "show me a kid at 7" (it's actually the boy at 7 but I've changed it). Well, at 7, I had zero bedtime. No one cared. To this day I still struggle with regular bedtimes.
But...I count my blessings. At least my parents didn't smoke and drink and as a result I never smoked or drank. Could have been so much worse considering. Almost no one would have monitored me. Never went to dentist, doctor, nothing. I think I was taken to the dentist, twice. You're supposed to go twice a year.
Can confirm, taking dance lessons when you don't feel comfortable in your body can be a gamechanger. I have been doing it since last August and I am starting to feel like an evolved version of the child I used to be.
I thought that my anxiety was from myself and subconscious but after talking to my mother she said to me that one thing she hated that my father did was before even trying anything he would say “don’t f it up”. When she said it I remembered so many times I would cry and say “I haven’t even tried yet could you wait at least until you think I’m messing up?” I’m 27 and I have 2 children, 6 and 1. They help me do laundry, my son likes to mimic me sweeping (completely impractical but I cheer him on!) it made me realize that the fear of structure was not inherent, but instead inherited through environment. I’m sitting in my clean home today and I’m excited to reparent myself alongside raising my kids. By wanting to be the best parent I can, I’m realizing that I also need these things, like structure, consistency, a plan, confidence, a directive, a narrative. As I give them to my kids I’m also healing myself. :) ❤
That is so beautiful
I’m happy for you and your kids!!! Good job, Mom!
Good luck on your journey!! So often people think the process stops / has to stop once they become parents. The process of finding yourself is a never ending cycle. You sound eager to take on this journey and I am rooting for you!!
15:52 "Just sending our inner child out into the world to blindly fail at things without any sense of structure is not very good parenting."
Wow, this is spot-on. I've always been very frustrated with myself about my inability to "just throw myself into the deep end" when it comes to social anxiety. Thinking about it as needing to slowly and systematically learn a missing skill helps make the problem seem a lot more surmountable.
I have issues with preparing things in advance - seems like a waste.
I was actually thinking it was a self esteem issue, but it might just be a habit of throwing myself in the deep end without training.
Basically, I'm making life harder than it has to be!
Thank you for the comment - it was helpful🙂
Yup. I failed miserably at a job interview because I was so stressed my hands began to shake, so I got self-conscious about shaking, then got even more stressed and forgot what I wanted to say. It was a hugely embarrassing moment.
"Just fave your fear" feels completely empty when you don't have the resources to actually deal with it.
I'm realising that this is what my mother did to me, time after time after time. I always ended up broken at the end of it, and have shrunk my life smaller and smaller out of fear of failure. She really wasn't a very good parent. Its helpful to realise that and not just blame myself endlessly. Thank you Heidi 💜
This is basically what I've done my whole life :O then the stress will cause me to disassociate so I usually fail at the random thing I've pushed myself to do
Mother is feeding us so well!!!! And she never even promotes any products, courses, or even newsletters!
Just tons of invaluable life changing information for free????
Your videos are sooo helpful, I feel like you did all the healing and psychoeducation work and cleared the path for me to walk on with a guide 😭 thank you ❤ if you ever made a patreon or something I'd love to support you!
You can support me if you like
This Lady looks like she can support herself tbh😅
@@iloveFreedom. have you heard of student loans?
'Mother is feeding us so well' love it :D indeed though. i am receiving the parenting i should have had as a teen from a person about 10 years younger than me. i think if you squint that qualifies as time travel
She'll make us pay once she gets enough sponsors
@@cosmiceda9580 Similar here... (a bit more than 10 years younger than me, though!)
There was a lot here that I'm not sure I really wanted to hear. I grew up in a very authoritarian home so now I am a very permissive parent to myself. No rules. Yeah, it's not all it's cracked up to be. And no, I've never felt "safe". Firstly because I never felt safe growing up, and now I still don't. I thought a "strong man" would make me feel safe, but that always backfired too. I'm old now, and there is still so much to learn!
me too. schema therapy has been helping, thankfully
I did the no rules thing too and realized I was in the lowest place in my life. Logical structure and self parenting makes me feel so much better!
I have been looking for a video on self discipline that addresses the deeper reasons why we may lack it so that we can get to the root of the problem. For years, I have logically understood that I lacked self discipline/self care/structure and would be told I "just need to do it." However, that totally ignored the deep emotional difficulty and lack of self understanding that causes me to not care for myself in the first place, so nothing has lasted. I feel like I can really work on this now. I can't say it enough, thank you SO much for this.
She has a video on self discipline too! It's excellent.
As a 48 year old man, my inner child wants to dance. I started teaching myself to shuffle a couple of weeks back, it's going well 😀Dating on the other hand, as a divorcee from an abusive relationship, is a whole other thing.
I shuffle too!
So do my inner child and play the guitar. Learning to play the guitar and dance in silly way that just feels fun.
This is awesome! Best of luck to you sir!
Think of it as your inner child just wants to socialize with the opposite sex 😁
I agree, and what helped me, was: 0.making an Autopsy of the relationship, and writing structuredly through(for 11 hours straight, without paues!):
1.Anger/accusation,
2.Sadness/grief,
3.Fear/insecurity,
4.Regret and own responsibility,
5.Needs/Intentions,
6.Acceptance/Forgiveness,
7.Love/appreciation/Gratitude,
helped me process, heal and change some after breakup (From " How to Make Love all the Time - Breaking up without Breaking down", by psycho-therapist Barbara de Angelis.
Only 2 minutes into the video so far and you've knocked it out of the park with this one! As soon as I saw the title, I knew it would be super relevant to me. My childhood was structured "around the parents' feelings" (WHEW!!) and now, as an adult, it's so hard to stay on a schedule or have structure in my life, even though I deeply desire and benefit from one.
This!! 🙌
My inner child needs to
1. Go to bed early
2. Be given food regularly and at specific times.
4. Needs a sleep/wakeup schedule.
5. Needs to have a limit on use of devices - no argument!
What does your inner child need? 😊
Wow these are really spot on for me too! Mine also needs a consistent daily meditation practice
Sameeeee!!!y inner child also needs a life fair where I can get excited about life again...
And 24/7 hugs on demand.
Same here 🫣
Literally this!
I don't know.
Heidi, you never miss. I feel read like an actual book. You are such a wealth of knowledge. Thank you SO MUCH!!! ❤
Now that you mention this... when is heidi going to release a book???
What feels like a "yes" for your body and what feels like a "no" for your body. This is a key point for living authentically while in relationship with your highest excitement.
A yes can be felt within as an expansive feeling. If you are having issues identifying it, begin to pay attention to how your body acts while in conversation with other people.
A no can be felt as a contraction of your body. Anything that would make your shoulders shrug subtlety. Anything where it feels your heart or your stomach or your insides "sink".
Aaron Abke does an AMAZING job of teaching us how to identify these sensations, and identifies them slightly differently than you have Heidi.
Also important to know what is a healthy body sensation & what is a maladaptive defense mechanism (not including trauma response)
Thank you.
Aaron Abke is an online New Age cult leader. I recommend everyone to stay far away from such people.
@@comoane I've recently seen this term starting to flow around online. It looks like we're going to need to improve our definitions again.
@3:50 "How do i create the conditions for myself where i feel naturally safe to be playful and creative in my every day?"
I AM ALL EARS FOR how she answers this 👂 👀
I think this is different w everyone you just need to listen to ur inner child and navigate slowly and w patience for circumstances and yourself afterwards ? (This is what I’m doing)
We are about to see Russia attacking Germany, Alaska experiencing two devastating earthquakes (magnitude 7.6 and 7.3) and destruction of Damascus. Also, all the little kids will go missing around the world. It will be Jesus who brings the promised salvation! Rapture!🙌
After a few hours, he will take his adult TRUE believers as well! Only God knows the future. Jesus has now revealed all those details to his prophets! The government will try to explain it out with UFO, now you have been told this in advance!
👉 If you find yourself in days of darkness with electricity out, do not get out, stay put, pray non stop to Jesus, make Him your God and Saviour! He will come to save you, too.🙌
Jesus loves you! ❤️Accept him as your Savior and save yourself from what's to come upon this Earth. We are now in the last pages of the Bible. What saves us is faith that Jesus shed His blood for our sins, died on the cross, and rose three days later. It is God's grace that saves, not our works!🙌❤️
It could be, get a secure job so you have time to do a creative hobby you enjoy. Then potentially increase the part of creativity if people start remunerating you for it, until the hobby becomes the main occupation.
I notice that I prefer thinking of this concept not as an inner child, but as me. I understand the usefulness of giving these roles and names. I just prefer moving towards to a more integrated end result, where my inner being is mature.
Our country was and still is patriarchal and has always been focused on hierarchal power structures which then became integrated into parenting roles. The United States is entrenched in an individualistic mindset that focus on controlling people and that authority knows better. This is not a failing of parenting but is the symptoms of a larger problem that is focused on keeping the top earners affluent while the middle class struggles to balance earnings, family time, and time for their own needs. We have progressively evolved to be a hustle culture and now we have skyrocketing suicide rates, addiction, and unhoused populations. People have been engendered to believe that striving is necessary any cost so our children suffer. No one connects anymore. Of course, this is all a recipe for destruction. But at the end of the day, no one can save you but yourself. The only way out is in. Knowledge is power. No one is born bad. Toxic words like good and bad are a huge problem. Time to run from tech into the forest and away from a toxic, soul crushing culture.
Start a podcast! 💯
is there a country thats not patriarchal? and would any hierarchy based on power inevitably become corrupt, regardless of gender/race etc?
These things are true. Idk if running into the forest is gona solve much tho. But for some ppl, that is their calling for sure
I moved into forest living and I am SO happy!
wow, the resentment vs anger explanation was really eye-opening
it would really be worth publishing all of these scripts in book form once you and your page are ready, what immensely helpful clarification you provide. thanks again
I am so grateful I found your channel. I’m on a journey to become my authentic self (at 64) and my childhood was filled with neglect.
Thank you!!
Notes for myself or others ---
1. Have one hard hour or 24 hard ones.
2. What our inner child needs instead what the world or how we are being perceived.
Wants and needs both in structure.
Authoritarian and Neglectful
3. Attaching to others for authority and structure because we are dependent and unable to support ourselves. So we resent them. Add extra structure into themselves.
4. Make sure our needs and wants are prioritized aware then can even put things backburner but catch up later because it is met later.
5. Build up skill deficit and show up.
1. Biggest stressors. What is stressing me so we can both relax. Bare amount so we commit to and we trust ourselves to complete.
2. What do we love / what we should do - we don't like it. What feels like a yes or what feels like a no - lethargic or anxious in daily life. Jobs/ people.
3. Patient and calm appraoch to choices and what we naturally are drawn to. Where we enjoyed and common threads and patterns. Prioritize that or schedule it.
4. What values or desires align with you.
I just gotta say, your videos have been monumental to my healing and I feel calmer and more grounded since discovering your channel a month ago, than I ever have in my life. This video really resonates with me since I’ve grown used to acting inauthentically to get other people to meet my needs and while this is a scummy thing to do, it came from a place of living in a homophobic, physically, and emotionally abusive environment while struggling with undiagnosed adhd and disassociation. I’m no longer in the dangerous environment but my coping mechanisms has lead me to having terrible relationships with others and myself, pretending to be other people in order to gain security and resources. I genuinely feel bad for the people I’ve used and have taken the steps to remove myself from their lives so that I may gain more self sufficiency and they can invite others in that are genuinely on their wave length. I’ve committed myself to live from a place of honesty, this honesty coming from a place of self trust, as I can trust myself to be okay in the face of hate and hurt. Somatic body reconnection, halting the use of personality psychology and manipulation tactics and reparenting myself have been life changing and I really appreciate the content you’ve been putting out.
Do you mean to say you heal from merely listening, not writing or anything???
@@Medietos healing is a multifaceted thing, and these videos, like on self abandonment, toxic shame, and this one are the full pictures that help me piece my puzzle pieces together. I also practice what is taught in these videos like practicing the guitar everyday for 30 days straight to build self trust in my discipline, and mindfully talking to myself like asking “if I were a parent looking after myself what would I do? Tell myself to stop watching Netflix and go to sleep.” I’m basically building better control over my mind.
I dont take care of my teeth and will oftenskip showering for a few days because i have forgotten how to take care of myself. I have been repeating the neglect done to me
You are worth the self care❤️
My resistance to listening to this video suggests I need to listen to it. 😅
Thanks Heidi! You’re videos, books and reading recommendations are helping me more than you’ll ever know. And I am eternally grateful to you. Thank you for the gift of you!
My parents were all about structure and routine. They probably were quite authoritarian. I am still quite confused about my mother’s own attachment style. I suspect she is very covertly manipulative. I do find it hard to stick to routines, practice self care & structure my day. I think because my adrenal system is constantly overactive. My husband is dismissive avoidant and is around a lot and I do not feel emotionally safe or calm around him. I constantly feel emotionally disregulated so cannot focus on anything.
"The belief that we will stay on the page with ourselves and show up to meet our own needs is one of the deepest forms of self-love."
Thanks for taking the time to put these videos up. I feel like it would take so much more time and money for me to learn this stuff without them. Sharing this information with the world is such a gift, thank you!
I'm good with structure and organising my life but what I look for in others is more "protection" - "feeling safe" - "having somebody making me feel like it's all gonna be ok" I'm concious of the fact that I'm suppposed to provide this for myself. And it's hard to find this exacty in the moment you need it in an other person anyway. So going trough life with a lot of anxiaty. I'm learning to auto-regulate with somatic experiencing and other techniques but it takes decades to learn it when you didn't as a child and I'm losing Hope to be able one day to find balance and security in ly life (I'm 42 this month)
I'm often not able to generate this by myself. Support, friendships & community are natural and healthy. And yes, we need also some tools to rely on yourselves and not just escape to meeting someone or calling someone if we feel down (like start doing daily stuff, go outside, deep meditation, writing, reflection, studying etc.)
The timing on this video was amazing. I just got back from NYC, where after a couple of days of fun, I got caught in a downpour on the way to performing in a comedy show. I was genuinely considering skipping the event I had flown halfway across the country for. After calling my sister for a sane adult voice. I bought some new socks and a new umbrella, and heard a loud and clear message from my inner child, who said, "you didn't listen to me". I realized that, in trying to make the most of my trip and get pictures of myself having fun on social media, I had ignored my own needs the same way that my parents ignored mine. My therapist said it was a trauma flashback, but in a good way, integrating past trauma.
Girl you're literally keeping me sane. Your videos are SO eerily accurate and specific, are you a psychic or smth? Thank you so much!
My inner child needs a very simple healthy food management system. Even a 3 ingredient recipe seems overwhelming for me. I can now link this overwhelm back to my father’s early passing in adolescence and becoming the dinner preparer when my mother was late in returning from work. I have learned that the only group or multi person events I can host is pot luck based. Otherwise it’s high anxiety and overwhelm. How do people host parties?
I miss the old Heidi that would swear and show tattoos 😅. Im just kidding you are absolutely amazing how far you came in 3 years. It gives me a lot of hope for my own growth
😂❤️
Old Testament Heidi
@@robnaskAHAHAHAHAH
Lol I found her more recently. So I went back and watched some old videos and went WHOA who is this lol 😂😂😂 so different! I love the new vibe
@@robnaskLOLLL
I’m so grateful for these videos. They’re really helping me change my life. It’s hard to find people that can precisely put into words how you feel and how to better your situation but surprisingly you’re able to do that. I really hope that I can get to that place where I’m completely free from all the stuff making my heart heavy. I honestly just need peace in my life and I’m working towards that and I hope I’ll be able to obtain inner peace through getting to know my inner child and helping her. It’s been hard to talk to people about how I feel because it just felt like anytime I told anyone, nobody would really understand. I’ve been feeling lonely for a very long time now. I’ve been so desperate for help from anyone to stop feeling the way I felt. I can’t really afford a therapist without my parents knowing but this has been way more helpful because of how deeply you seem to understand these issues. You are really helping people out there; people like me and it’s just really appreciated. I hope all of us will get better in all our respective journeys. I’m just so grateful 😢😊❤
About a month ago, I put up two signs in my home (one in my bedroom and one in my office, the two spaces I spend the most time). One says "Stop repeating neglect & stop retraumatizing yourself!" and the second says "Stop f*cking repeating neglect". It feels like an obvious answer to healing from my CPTSD from childhood trauma and abusive relationships, but it took over a year of therapy to get there and to start understanding what "neglect" even looks like to me. Your questions/prompts here will help me so much in figuring out how my care vs neglect for myself shows up daily. Thank you, Heidi!
The struggle is real between the authoritarian and lackadaisical parent...I struggle with decision making a lot especially when I am under pressure to make a quick decision. I am learning to give myself more time and ask for more of it if needed.
Structure discipline = dirty word. Not anymore 🎉 my inner child is learning from the inner parents how to Re parent myself and so far I’m enjoying it.
Enmeshment…resentment (sht) expecting others to fulfill our needs keeping them close (fck)
Grasping…
Deficient skills or in my case I think finding one thing I’m good at and avoiding abandoning ideas dreams desires that have proven to require more effort. No need to share the responsibility with my care givers. I’m learning to grant “misericordia”and compassion.
I will re-watch to let the new wisdom sink in.
Another extremely helpful and practical session with Heidi Priebe! The way you deliver your message makes it feel attainable. …The bare minimum agreement beats the perfectionist tendencies.
And speaking of trust issues, now I have in my mind a cartoon sketch image of my inner children reacting to my attempt at assertively announcing “Enough! We are quitting our full time job (s) in 3 months!” 😱 I’m 😅enjoying this learning so much! 👩🏻🍳👏🏼Thank you Heidi 🥳
I knew this video would resonate as soon as you said people emphasize the role of play, joy, and spontaneity in their healing/inner child work. This is precisely what I'm talking about in therapy 🥴. I've struggled in my adult life with structure and never saw the connection to the anxiety I have with my job/making money, the lack of ease in managing my day-to-day responsibilities, and even the fights I pick or the ruminating thoughts about the ways my partner doesn't take care of the house/chores. This was spot on and a perfect guide for where to focus my healing work. These videos are phenomenal. Thank you so much, Heidi!
This makes me realize I have not taken my inner child's needs serious in a lot of areas. What an eyeopener.
Heyja. This Video is quite helpful, as it is exactly what's been bugging me for the last months. I did Just recently realise how much I needed structure in Order to enjoy my freedom. Thank u, the video came at Just the right time
Thanks Heidi, this video was really good at cutting through and getting to the heart of how to practically apply my understanding of inner child work, re-parenting, abandonment, insecure attachment plus a couple of others! I have thought for a long time that these areas are key for getting to the core of healing work. It's really great to see how to link it all up with relevant psych concepts making it so accessible for practical and relatively simple (but not easy!) application. Thank you!
Heidi I am stunned by the quality of your content. I will be forever grateful for your contribution to my mental wellbeing❤
I've been trying to figure this out for so long
I get that too. Anxiety, is it anxiety or my ASD? I really don't think it is anxiety. it's my brain processing so much sensory input.
I also definitely switch between no structure at all and an authoritarian slave driver for myself.
Hello, I just spent 10 weeks in a psychiatry and learned a lot about my inner child. I got in touch with my feelings and now that I am back home, most of the time (the whole day!) I spent beeing overwhelmed by everything. Structuring my life (new) is the task ahead and hopefully this will bring some peace and "space" with it. This video comes out at the perfect time for me and gives me hope that things will get better.
Thank you Heidi!
ddude she literally upload what i need and WHEN i need it
This channel has really changed my life. And the message today just means so much to me, because I've been working on increasing my discipline but I don't want to become a machine.
And I want to add that I really enjoyed the balanced view of skill building. This has been one of my main priorities, and it's so nice looking at it from an inner child perspective, and learning to respect the dignity of my inner child.
My inner child, or rather, who I authentically am, is not compelled by money whatsoever. I don't believe forcing citizens to labor for money in order to "earn" their rights to shelter, food and comfort is justified. But we are forced to be subjugated to this reality. I am an artist and I make my living through my art, but even now at this point it feels nearly impossible to work on my art solely because now it is commodified. Even if I make a list of "what is the bare minimum I am willing to do in order to ensure I can pay my bills", this list will likely not feel in alignment with my inner child's needs, but it's what I have to do in order to survive. I tried my best to be my most authentic self and left corporate life to earn money with my artwork, something that is deeply meaningful to me, and thus have created anxiety around doing the artwork as a means to an end (to earn money) There is no way to meet the needs of my inner child (freedom from exploitation) without also compromising those values in order to survive and have my bills paid. I'm not sure what to do.
Yeah, that's a tough one. 😕 Is there something you would enjoy doing that doesn't necessarily fuel you (but you'd still enjoy) that you can do to make money while saving your art for your true passion / your own enjoyment?
I so feel and relate to this. We should live in a society where basic human needs aren't conditional on making money. One where work is an act of service to the community and an expression of our unique gifts. I don't know how we get there or what to do in the meantime.
I don't know a solution for you. If you haven't already, maybe focusing on ways you could reduce your need for money would be helpful. Growing your own food, questioning what stuff you really need vs. want, buying second hand, learning more skills, sharing housing, bartering are just a few places to start considering.
This might not fit, but I wonder if a job where you could help others move towards freedom from exploitation in some way would feel better for your inner child and less like they were being exploited? Not sure what that would look like, just the thought that popped up upon reading. I hope you find a way to honor your values and live a good life in this strange society we find ourselves in.
Being a business person requires you stay ahead of the curve in every way by rigorous self development
Matter fact business people are some of the most creative out there.
I'm in the same boat, did one thing that involved a lot of dancing and grateful dead and no jobs for 10 years, then some certain things changed and those income streams no longer exist, so I'm forced to be a serf for the lords and wear proleteriat chains but I refuse.
I'm starting to think diversification is the way to go, not relying on solely one stream of income to support myself. Even if it means, wow I'm so fucked I need a wage job right now, to focus on what I really care about. It doesn't have to suck, just do something you like and continue to put most of your energy into what you love.
My two cents as someone who has not had a real job in their entire adult life whatsoever and did what I wanted up to my saturn return
Matter fact I am still mulling over if its concession to getting sodomized and dementoredsouleaten by babylon to work for anyone but myself at all on principle.
If you wanna wear green hats with red stars with me in guerilla fatigues in the jungles of Colombia I will stand in solidarity with you as a radical left anarchist artist
@@rainbowconnected thank you for replying
I agree with what you’re saying however there is one thing to consider. You do not believe that people should have to be forced into labour to earn money to survive (I agree), but by our very existences we are forced into earning our survival. If we were born in the tribes we would be forced to hunt and scavenge to survive. So I don’t think there’s any way to not to be ‘forced’. But I think you can choose what you want to endure through.
For example, you do not want to be forced to earn money, however you chose to use your art to make money. I’m an artist myself so I understand the desire, but now you’ve taken the thing you love and put a financial constraint upon it which you’ve pointed out doesn’t agree with your inner child (mine either). But you do have to do something in life to survive.
So my suggestions are this.
1. You can live off grid and provide everything you need yourself (food/shelter etc). Impossible for most (I personally wouldn’t want to do 100% like this), but then you are not forced to work.
2. Find something that can get you by which allows time for you to nourish your soul by your art when not working. I think this is what Heidi is referring to - a baseline level of work that your inner child agrees to because it allows them to flourish as basic needs taken care of.
There is the possibility that some people find the job of their dreams and that nourishes them, and while we should always be open to this idea as opportunities arise, I think in the meantime option 2. Achieves the best combination.
Of course choosing a more minamalist life reduces your financial needs and makes this easier too
I don’t know how you do it, but your latest batch of videos is on schedule and aligned to my most current ‘front and center issue dwelling’. I think it speaks to how common the problems are, but still. You are a gem.
14:23 made me cry bc yes and yes
Thanks for all your videos Heidi, you've been an amazing help in my journey!
What a beautiful video. I’ve been rewatching your videos along with going to therapy sessions and I think your videos have helped me evolve the most and transform my life internally. Thank you so much Heidi
thank you, this subject is complex and you're treating it realistically, which is uncomfortable, but your delivery seems mindful of this, the inner child thing boggles my mind sometimes, which teaches me you can't always know, so you need to trust and progress, which fkn sucks but is necessary, thank you
What beautiful comments you have!
Dude this is on point just did a lot of inner healing work and i can literally tell myself now that I am here for little me as an adult for them now.
HEIDIIIIIIIIIII coming out with these absolute gems of videos so fast!! I'm going to have to allocate a week to really process and digest each one properly like it deserves.
Good stuff Heidi, thanks! 🙏❤️👍
Realized I have been neglecting my inner child's need for healthy loving discipline and security for a long time. No wonder she doesn't trust me!
Ouch, you really got me already with the headline. I promise to watch this at some point. Healthy self-discipline and structure is one of my weakest points, I know it, I feel so guilty about it, and it's so hard to change. What makes it even more challenging is that I'm an ENFP, so not naturally inclined to those things at all and trauma makes it worse.
Heidi! I absolutely love your content, thought out delivery, tone and cadence. You seem absolutely grounded and connected to your message. It’s mentally and spiritually alluring. You have a phenomenal gift❤
Will you ever open a practice? Are there any therapist in Canada, specifically Ontario, that you would recommend?
I’m in need of two therapists, one for attachment/trauma healing and one for anxiety and performance panic disorder.
@26:55 - Best advice ever - We're examining periods of times that were authentic self living and pulling out the common exteranal circumstances and the conditions under which that self was actualized. Thankfully, I have had these periods so I have the formula. My heart is out to those who never really had periods of authentic living and don't have their formula. What would be your advice for them, Hedi?
The way that you highlight the difference between inner child and inner parent was a game changer for me
You are my hero.
Thank you for your videos. Just a little perspective on my upbringing that's slightly different. I/we had very little structure and a very happy childhood where I felt safe. As long as my mama loved me, I craved freedom and adventuring. I am the baby(64 now)of 6, so the early siblings may have had a different parenting early on, but we were a happy family. That all said, it changed when I started first grade and spending the day trapped inside with people who didn't love me. I remember my favorite cousin(who wanted the freedom we had) telling me that her mom said my mom allowed it because she didn't love us as much. One truth that I knew is my mom was born to be a mother and loved every minute of it. It was so evident that kids were jealous and at the same time loved our home as well.
Heidi Priebe is Ace. Thank you for the information on the trauma and dissociative book. I got it. ❤️🙏🙂🤗
Loving the algorithm for showing me this bc you’ve hit everything on the nail! Even as a parent I want my son to feel comfortable to be him and I don’t want to force him to be someone he is not ❤
One of the best experts on the consequences of growing up neglected. So excellent, the tools for healing are right on. Thank you, Heidi you are brilliant.
So much wisdom in this video, I need to re-watch it tomorrow. I have a rather complex relationship with structure. I was always value-driven and happened to have a lot of self-discipline as a child and my parents (unsurprisingly) praised me for it, but I ended up hating this part of me which never learnt to play, relax, be a cool kid and develop authentic connections with others. Now - yes : I hate any externally imposed rigid structures because I feel it is humiliating for someone who can structure their own time perfectly. But I still hate doing it by myself a lot of the time so I procrastinate with things and end up overwhelmed. My dependency need shows up as I really appreciate when others gently remind or nudge me to get shit done, even better: do it for me. Oh, did I mention I have a hard time asking for anyone's help? I'm quite messed up I guess and I really miss my creativity, which I had in abundance but now I don't really allow myself to indulge it - and it is partly a safety issue.
Heidi, we love you, you fine young exquisite rose of loving knowledge. I want the chance to feel, heal, live and grow now too. All the best!
You are helping me SO MUCH with your videos.
I can not thank you enough. I'm 64 yrs old and well educated.
I am learning self care , inner child parenting tools and strategies that will change my life.
YOU HAVE AN EPIC WAY OF condensing topics !! 👏🏼👏🏼😼
Oh wow. I’ve been being the neglectful parent this whole time. This makes so much sense. I’ve literally been being the teen mom who tries to act like the cool mom while relying on the grandparents to take care of the child’s needs.
Tack! Väldigt bra video och känns väldigt aktuellt för mig där jag är just nu.😊
Great video Heidi! Seeing how happy and energetic your inner child is as you share what you’ve learned is so encouraging. You are a fantastic example of this working.❤
2:46 Hit the nail on the head here!! I am an adult with DID, and this resonated within our system, especially. The younger alters in our system used to DESPISE structure, but through careful planning and monitoring, we've realized they all seem to feel more regulated and happy with it in place!
We just recently started implementing more structure in our life, and with the help of my grandparents being highly structured people, it has helped us all to become more safe and at peace. We still struggle some, but it's more manageable than before!
At first, their structure felt overwhelming and scary! I felt like I couldn't understand why they had it how they did. Then I learned that having a set schedule and time for eating and sleeping and doing the hard work actually was super beneficial to my physical and mental wellbeing!
For context: I grew up with tons of "rules", but no actual "structure". Meaning that, from day to day, the rules were enforced, but my parents didn't have a set plan for each day nor did they stick to a plan. Every day looked wildly different and unpredictable!! Which in turn left us often feeling like asking for specific needs was up to the discretion of our parents to allow, not something you just did at a specific time?!
9:02 I feel this...dang. As someone with autism, that tracks.
Omg, I am halfway there. I am gonna cry 😭 all the work is giving results!
I had and still have so much help. My therapist is an angel and so are you ❤
Im blown away , i have never heard in all my life looking , to explain what iv gone through and how i have to deal with , cptsd ,and what i need to do to heal and survive this, devastating symptoms , and no way to approach therapy, with my needs to make sure i have a therapist that understands this in the way you do 🙏❤️ thank you so much , Mo
Oh my! This was so insightful and made so much click (especially the dignity part) that I previously did not realise was part of inner child parenting! An uncomfortable set of memories has me going down restaurant venues at 13 years old with my mom-made CV who literally forced me to go up and cold call these places until I had a job. It was so embarassing and the rejections were brutal. That’s forever ago now but I realise some of the hurt and lack of protection and consideration definitely still shows up in a bodily sensation for me (fear/get this scaredy feeling in my gut whenever I think about applying for jobs I am on paper perfectly qualified for haha).
Cheers and thx for these videos. You’re great!
This is exactly the video I needed to see today
I come from a mix of authoritative vs neglectful parenting (separate households, both parents narcissistic 😅)
I’ve done a lot of inner child work and mastered the spontaneity and joy thing, but I’ve been feeling stuck for months now, just completely been neglecting diet, hygiene, chores, even work and socializing… and it’s gotten out of hand. This video will be an invaluable tool for me moving forward. Thank you so much 🙏
P.S. I’m so excited to check out the self-abandonment video. This is also a core problem for me, and I need some guidance on how to gain trust in myself again.
I’ve never met you Heidi but you will forever be one of the people that has made the most impact on my life. I’m grateful for your work and you heart.
You're treating us with so much wisdom for free. I can't even keep up lol. Is there a way to make a donation for the work you do? Thank you.
I feel like this is great for my avoidant partner, but as an anxious type, I need more intentional play than discipline bc that’s more beneficial for me avoiding burnout.
This really hit hard. Between jobs, left a relationship over a year ago, been really struggling to know me. Time to do the work. Thank you so much for spelling it out, makes it so much easier to process for myself.
Dear Heidi,
Your channel is such a blessing in the realm of Trauma healing. I truly have come so far from where I used to be when I first came across your channel. You really add a lot of value to my life and I am truly grateful to you for that from the bottom of my heart. I feel so proud to be born in a time where such knowledge can be shared for free and can be received from the comfort of my house and the fact that finally concepts like abuse trauma healing and inner child are coming into light. It wouldn't be possible without educators and healers like you. I feel privileged and glad that I am here. Thank you for making it worthwhile for me. Keep doing your work, you are transforming lives and igniting the lost spark of many people. Lots of love and blessings! Stay Gold.
Thanks for this, Heidi! As so many of your videos, this one also hits home for me, especially the part about shame holding back the inner child to express their needs. This is an area on which I still have lots of work to do. By the way, about structure: since the start of last year, after a totally unstructured period, I gradually introduced a "minimum plan" (kind of similar to what you are talking about in the vid) for morning, daytime and evening, and it helped a LOT with my self-trust and self-esteem. It's absolutely true that repeated affirmations in themselves did not touch my core beliefs about myself, but when I experienced on a regular basis that "damn, I can get stuff done, I can promise myself to do something and then I can really DO it (and here I was careful not to promise too much ^^ )", it really changed the way I view myself, for the better.
Thank you Heidi, for helping me understand myself so much better. Wish I had known you 40 years ago, but never too late to heal!
So much god material and a lot to unpack for implementation which is always the hardest part to remember, catch yourself and then reflect, adjust and repeat. I know a lot as I a just caught by conservatively bypassing what I should be facing, to give dignity to myself as I am now and be able to trust I have the courage, through being aware of my avoidance and consciously disrupting my learned/conditioned responses. Man, being able to embrace the chaos holding space an d move forward to stand in the proverbial fire for me is the steepest gradient gradient to move up.Then I realize my focus was used to bypass I forget what it it I genuinely want, looking away due to overwhelm and fear of disappointment. I am trying to get past feeling silly about creating a vision board to help know what I want . Again thank you for converting your own experiences to help the rest of us :0)
This is somehow exactly the advice I was seeking. In my 20s and under so much anxiety because idk wtf is going on and everything feels wrong. I don’t have any routine or structure and been thinking this might be a cause of my anxiety. But then again I hate obeying routine and rules I set for myself so I try to *naturally* form routine instead of imposing it on myself. But this video just answered so many doubts I had been having. I’ve never heard this anywhere on social media. Thank you!!!
I have known about re-parenting for a while now but this video is really making me understand it (and myself) on a much deeper level! This is a life-changing video for me. I’m going to watch it several times and take notes. Thank you so much Heid
Thank you😊 I have never thought about this. Definitely had an authoritarian father. Now I really want to find a good balance with self-structure😊
You have just answered all of my current questions in a such simple and clear way that now I feel empowered and not ashamed. Thank you so much for that! I am actually excited to start taking care of my need for structure right away 💪⚡✨
This video may have just changed my life
As always, spot on. I'm learning more about myself from these videos than I have through years of therapy. Thank you!
Holy shit. This is CRAZY VALUABLE information. Thank you Heidi!!!!! This makes it so clear to me, why I've struggled with every single self-imposed goal or structure I've ever tried to adhere to. And the tools & exercises you've suggested all sound super doable and legitimately transformative. Thank you for this one, truly!
This video was incredible! Not even sure how I happened upon it, but I just took about 15 pages of notes and plan to go back to reflect on the questions. Also will be sharing this with several people I believe it will help and will be looking at your other videos. Thank you so much for laying this out!❤
You are one of the only people I have found that actually is helpful to me
Heidie, you're worth your weight in gold... Please keep coming with more content on self parenting. I feel like there's so much more to be said about this topic
Heidi, would you perhaps do a video on how to approach the feeling that you don’t *want* to take care of yourself? When you proposed committing to one thing, my whole body recoiled at the idea of one more commitment when I can barely keep myself *alive* as it is. How do we approach this when the idea of even making this structure, despite how much it might help, is seemingly beyond our current capacity? Because the idea of one more “have” to makes me want to scream but I also know you’re right!!
Gone for months and then such a creative and prolific outpouring of so many videos in a row! I feel blessed :)