Finding your channel will probably be the best thing that will ever happen to me. What you're doing is huge. Your knowledge and familiarity with the things you're talking about, your humor, your mannerisms...you were absolutely made for this work. Thank you❤
@@maryannelamb2547 Greetings beloved 💕I hope you don’t feel I’m bothering you,I can’t just inbox for no reason,if I’m permitted i can tell you what I sensed
18 months ago I became disregulated. I walked into a bowling club after a 2 hour drive to collect takeaway I’d ordered for my grandmother, who I was and still do visit fortnightly. I had on a beanie, (it was cold and I’m bald) and a Covid face mask on. About 50 or so people were there as I walked in. I didn’t need to sign in because I was only getting takeaway, not drinking at the bar or poker machining. I was calm and tired, from the trip but had done this every fortnight for the previous 3 years without trouble, so I wasn’t expecting any surprises. I got about to the middle of the club walking with my back to the bar, when the barkeep asked me what I thought I was doing. I turned and told him I was picking up takeaway. The whole club suddenly had gone quiet and I felt like all eyes were on me. Turns out this bloke was a well know bonafide bully. I grew up with 2 of them in my family, older sister and father, and an enabling mother. When I was 12, I voluntarily went to boarding school, because I thought I’d be happier, change of scenery and all. I endured 4 years of abuse from other boys both physical, psychological and sexual from a head teacher. I was diagnosed with CPTSD in my mid 40’s. I was calm at first as he ordered me to remove my beanie; (only women are allowed to wear head wear)revealing my hairless dome.Some found it funny. Then he directed me over to the door I’d walked in, to the machine people sign in with, when they’re staying at the club for a drink or pokies, even staying for lunch. He either didn’t know or didn’t care that signing in for takeaway wasn’t a requirement. As he walked toward me I stated the obvious and said looks like someone’s having a power trip. Most bullies like to enjoy the feeling of power over another but when you call them out on it, it tends to deflate them. Especially if they’ve got a reputation for it. I think he realised I wasn’t a mouse; I was a bear in a mouse suit. As soon as we reached his destination, I became completely disregulated, every time he spoke, I spoke over him, I got right up as close as I could, filled with rage and told him why I was there, takeaway lunch, in a way I doubt he’d ever been spoken too before. I told him what I wasn’t there for, no bar and no pokies. The usual me had stepped aside and my protector had stepped in. They’re scared of nothing. This bloke was 6 foot + and I’m only 168 cm, so I was nearly tippy toeing it to get my point across . He was completely taken by surprise, couldn’t get a word in, couldn’t shut me up and eventually gave up. I told him his patrons hadn’t expected a show with their drinks but he gave them one, playing the flaccid bully. I put my beanie back on, got my takeaway and left. I can’t remember the drive to my Nan’s place but when I got there, I fell to pieces. Fortunately a friend of hers was there and when I told them what happened the friend knew who it was straight away. (Small town). Disregulation on this level is a once in a decade event, if that. My poor Nan had to watch me as desperately tried to pull all the shards and pieces back together; she’d never seen me like this ever. I took the time to tell her that this is what my family had done to me, her son. I hadn’t spoken to my family at that stage for over 5 years and Nan was encouraging me to reconcile and I told her as I agonizingly slowly reregulated myself, that this was why I couldn’t have a relationship with them. Because they had never changed their attitude toward me. I was their scapegoat child. That’s my disregulation story, sorry for the length. I rage at the object that’s triggered me with what I call the protector. When it leaves me there’s a pause, like being in the calm of a storm and then a tsunami of emotions just completely overwhelms me and it normally happens somewhere I can go and ride it out . But not that time. If you’ve got this far, thanks for reading I hope you got something out of it, take care.
I'm a 60 y.o. woman and I have done the same thing to a few men who have triggered me and tried to bully or intimidate me. I became so crazy and enraged that I actually scared them off. I noticed it worked. Bullies are pussies. But I can understand your feeling when you returned to your Nan's. I never knew why this happened to me until now. It makes it much easier to accept myself knowing how I got this way.
Your story resonates with me. I have always repeated a quote that I stole from James Brown “I don’t know karate, but I ka-ray-zy.” I have the same bear inside of me. Too many times I’ve walked into a place with a target on my back that bully types seem to zone in on. They’ve always regretted it. My inner caged bear comes out and I instantly go on the attack. It’s gotten me out of some bad situations, (like the time a small pack of teenagers tried to mug me, and I felt the rage come up inside of me and simply told them to eff off and kept walking. They didn’t follow.) But this has also lost me some jobs. I’ve been reactive at jobs where someone was being unfair or picking on me. In job situations you need to just take it in order to survive. I don’t have that ability. I’m working on it. Instead my inner bear came out and I told them off. Not good in an office setting. Even if it is a situation that might have warranted it otherwise. In any case, I completely related to your story. Here’s to healing from a lifetime of learning to be a bear in situations where a kitten was needed.
You told your story really well here, thank you for sharing. I think you can trust that it helps a lot of us 👍 you’re quite an inspiration actually, sending best wishes from Scotland!
@@WonderfulWorldofAwesomeness From one bear to another, thank you, you’re absolute right. Learning to be a kitten when the situation doesn’t require our default large mammal reaction, is a challenging but necessary path to healing. I can also relate to your work place experiences. I don’t work anymore. I was in an industry where bullying and abuse of workers in lower non tertiary educational roles were fodder for the wolves who did. After 25 years of the same treatment, that only got worse as time went by, I knew I had to get out before the I just gave up and let the dark thoughts swallow me. It’s hard to be a kitten when there’s a bear trying to tear its way out of the place you’ve put it, so the kitten can do its thing. I am fortunate to have a very supportive wife. Thanks for sharing, WWA, take care.
You are saving my life! I was physically and emotionally abused by my mother and Sexually abused by my uncle and other men as an infant, toddler, school age child. Gang raped as a teen then beaten by first husband. I didn’t know why I go into rages, or feel the urge to run, or feel like I’m drowning with water in my ears. I’m 70 and because of you, I might just have the last decade or so of my life in some semblance of peace. 💕💕💕💕
Woah, so sorry to hear 😢 I was part of ASCA -adult survivors of child abuse and that helped me to heal. It's a great resource and has groups all over the US as well as info online. Anyone with trauma is welcome there. ❤❤
I am so sorry for everything you've been through. A big hug to you sweetheart ! I am 60 and so understand ! It's not too late to learn to really love ourselves and enjoy our lives now and for all eternity, siStar✨🥰 🌹🎶🙏🏼😇🌈🕊️💫 Much Love and Light to you ! (Praying for us all❣️❣️❣️)
People who come to realizations before others are always mocked. I'd have quite a bit of money if I invested on how many times I was right about someone or something and got shamed only to find I was correct weeks, months, years down the line...
Cptsd is like a double edged sword. The person you had to become to win the war, is not the person you can take with you. You have to leave that soldier behind.
Why does my therapist suggest going out & making new friends is easy? I don’t think people who’ve never lived through abuse truly gets it. I appreciate you & thank you for helping me not feel alone or … dare I say it? … crazy!
I still stay with my current one even though its like they feel obligated to nudge you toward the door to get out more. I explained to them that i feel my worst when questioning my quiet life. It is safe. It is quiet. It is on my terms 😊
As an AuADHD person with C-PTSD I have never ever understood how people think making friends is easy. It is literally the hardest thing. And it only gets harder the older you get.
Most therapist do not even mention this ever. It's crazy. I always get the same thing, "You know what you have to do. Now you just have to do it". I have had at least 3 (in 3 different states) tell me that. Almost like they are dismissing me. Thank God for RUclips so I can get the help I really need.
That is horrible! As a therapist myself, who also experiences this, I feel for what you've been through and I'm sorry that you were told this. I vow not to treat my patients like that, thank you for the reminder.
I had a therapist tell me to pull myself up by my bootstraps I said I don't have any boots.He said I wasn't talking about REAL boots! I said neither was i.he didn't get it.i never went back.
I was diagnosed with CPTSD, and I never even knew i had it because I believed i was normal. But apparently, im far from normal. It has ruined my entire life. For those of you who have CPTSD, I want you to know we are worthy of love and deserve to love love back . ❤
True true. I don’t even think mine personally was in the household, but by being taught from a super young age that what my parents were doing was wrong and then I became wrong and the people in my life basically deserted me, it totally destroyed me. Trying to find my way has been rightly horrid with out understanding this
I thought it was all normal too, I've seen other people get upset about something and of course they generally resolve the matter. But I didn't realise my upset was COMPLETE and utter RAGE filled because I had become dysregulated. I would cry for years ... not days, years after one incident, after the next and the next. It's gotten to the point now, where I had to ask my friend to call Utility companies or deal with other people for me like stable managers, I have horse who has saved my life.... because EVERY word they say to me, triggers me.Or I've asked my elderly parents to take care of things for me. I wasn't abused by parents. Them sending me an email just about spraying or something will trigger. I have been isolating since I was 5... it's been 47 years now. My 'protector' well because I was institutionalise sexually abuse by the Catholic church I became a Satanist... when I was 6 years old. I was abused by 2 different babysitters and r*ped when I was 6, other group related sexual abuse, date r*ped when I was 16 and then suffered 5 years of abuse from Domestic Violence. I'm currently applying for compensation from my countries Government and even dealing with them is difficult because of the amount of 'isolating' I have done. My life has been destroyed by this, I have not had a relationship since 1998 and I stupidly had a 1 night stand in 2008 and it set off triggers that I have not been able to calm down since. I see that night as being assaulted even though I was (not) there as I had become triggered as soon as I accepted because i wanted to feel NORMAL and have a 1 night stand like my friend.Thank you for saying you believed it was normal.... because that was my exact thinking. Bless you and goodluck.
My survival instinct got wounded very early on as I was a neglected child who was left to fend for herself in infancy. I still get triggered and dysregulated. I expect danger even when there is no danger. For example when dealing with other people I expect to not be treated with fairness and kindness. For example , calling a utility company , or anyone on the phone that I feel has some sort of “ authority “ or “ in a powerful position“ . I feel frozen when having to make decisions and hiding has affected my ability to make a living . I’m trying to get myself out of this situation. God help us all with CPTSD.
Oh my what you said really helped me. I I react that you just noted and I've known I've had PTSD for dysfunctional childhood but I have this feeling that something specific happened during infancy - I took when dealing with anyone of authority inside I go through such a fear based situation and I always expect them to treat me very disrespectfully or a complete disregard so even talking to a person of authority like my supervisor it's never an easy process I don't trust people. I realize when that happens my inner child does take over.
I get you girl, as someone with lots of authority trauma, I oscillate between freeze or fight with authority figures. And when I fight then they try to accuse me of being a bitch when they were the ones poking at me and not respecting boundaries. Society often tries to strip us of our power in a lot of situations to begin with so when you have trauma you are doing extra just to protect your self.
I hear you & validate your experience. A few years ago, I learned about complex ptsd & it changed my life. Google Pete Walker complex ptsd. I found a huge list of symptoms that resonated with me. It also had steep by step what to do when triggered. I could finally go to the right kind of counselor. Somatic Experience Therapy changed my life. Crappy Childhood Fairy is excellent at teaching & helping us make sense of our lives. God bless you on your healing journey. We believe in you. You've got this! ❤
@@kristatolliver --I also ask: Borlest? Please, person that we are Commenting on their Comment--Don't use terms you don't define or give us a clue as to where to find the definition. It's not just maddening, it is arrogant presuming EVERYone knows what you know.
Yoga Nidra helps with a lot of this. I been doing one session everyday and seen huge differences in healing. I feel more self worth too with the gratitude nidraand affirmation nidra. Letting go Nidra is good too. I went to school and learned about yoga Nidra it's been such a game changer for me who knew sleep meditation could be healing and there is research backing it.
We are all here to listen, learn, heal. That you have something to share and enlighten us with is lovely. That you use said knowledge to raise your esteem by bashing we who’ve yet to ever hear that of which you speak, screams out the agony unseen within your own tortured soul, so … um, care to share or perhaps- not. Either is fine. Do be gentle. Thank you. 🎉 May you heal. Happy New Year.
Horribly abused as a child. No help was in sight. At 71 I have had 40 years of therapy. But these videos have done so much for me.yes very did regulated. And always seemed calm when upset. Let narcissists take advantage of me relentlessly...etc, etc, etc. the Grace of God is the reason I'm alive.
@@lorrainenicoletti6232 my mom never really changed but she showed signs when I started AA and counseling I became quite spiritual and due to my healing she started realizing things. She told me she didn't do me right, and she never thought to ask if the old man working for my dad raped me. My energy changed her but right before she passed. Every little bit helps, because we never expected it.
Oh my gosh, that's a great idea, I never even thought of that . I have found that a body brush also is very comforting. I was surprised that it was. It's a super soft brush and I use it on my face and especially my arms.
One massive tip for all of you out there - Over the years, I've narrowed down the single largest correlator with my dysregulation. It sounds obvious but - sleep. The cliche is true. A bad night's sleep brings out the same cranky, emotional, overwhelmed child it did when we were little. Without fail, my lowest moments were in the evenings after days when I simply didn't get enough hours. Postpone that talk for another day. Problems can exist in the background without ruining the foreground.
If sleep is #1, then I'd like to suggest diet is #2. Sugar is one of my demons & when I consume too much, it is like gas in the tank of my dysregulation & chaos
Great tip and yes, it helps. I also have found taking Ashwagandha (aka Withania somnifera) before bed helps have a good night sleep, especially as people with ptsd can have cortisol pumping even at night (due to the flight/fight mode of the sympathetic nervous system being so active), and not be able to have a good thorough sleep for about 5-6 hours.
@@1CrackedActress Yes agree with that too, it floods the body with glucose and then come the sugar falls. The cells of our body are like battery cells and they need salt water to function. 1/8 of a teaspoon or a pinch of salt in your water helps to keep the cells hydrated with electrolyte so that they can function.
For real I believe in practical solution. Fixing your sleep and habit is very important. Control your diet and exercise and it'll influence your mood regulations
I was sexually abused as a child. I watched lots of physical, verbal and emotional abuse occur for a majority of my childhood. I was raped in college and strangled by my ex boyfriend who passed away from an overdose a year ago. You are saving my life. I am going to heal I know I will and because of you-you have given me endless hope. Thank you from the bottom of my heart 🤍 I am 28 years old and the future is looking pretty bright.
Thank you for being a part of our community here. You are in the right place. Keep watching, more to come, and good luck on your healing journey! Nika@TeamFairy
Bless you you seem like a strong 28 year old and atleast you are recognising now I didnt realise until in ny 40s godbless you and everyone reading this I wish you all the healing health and happiness you need always 🙌🏽🙏🏽🫶🏽
I have an eye appointment to get new glasses. I have to psyche myself up even for an eye appointment. I’m worthy, I’m allowed to have decent eyesite, I deserve decent vision and flattering frames. I used to beat myself up for feeling this way. What’s wrong with me that I slink into the vision care store and apologize for existence, then end up so disregulated that I leave with a pair of glasses that I don’t actually like because one of the sales people suggested it. Paying too much because they recommend 10 different special things I don’t need. Thanks to your program I’m now spending less money and feeling more worthy, getting what I want from these exchanges. I’m not “cured” but I know I can do normal things. I deserve it.
I find it helpful to politely say that ‘I’m okay, I’m just looking at the moment. If I have a question, I approach them. I’ve worn glasses all my life and understand how frustrating it is to pick out frames that I’m happy with. Last time I was over an hour trying on frames. I saw people come and go and I even saw the staff look my way, snicker or whisper about me but I don’t let it bother me these days. Sure, they think it’s odd but I think it’s odd that people don’t take more time to buy a frame that they have to wear every day for the next year or two. It does help if you have a friend with you, especially to gain more confidence. Remember the staff are getting paid and have a job to do. Most behave as if they are working in McDonald’s. you are the one buying so don’t buy anything you don’t want to. Another thing I’ve done is to Trey the frames on and if I become too uncomfortable because of pushy staff or snickering staff who won’t let me just look is to leave the store and find another shop. Occasionally you will find a very good salesperson that is helpful and patient. Another idea is to shop for what you think you want then ask the staff to put it aside for you and you’ll get back to them the next day. That way you can think about it and decide. You can even call them up and discuss it further on the phone if you want. The bottom line is to learn not to be intimidated. Just think, what if you were buying a car or a house? Sure, there are lots of people that are easily swayed by sales people but how unwise is that? Then there are others that take there time, do their homework, ask the questions and buy more confidently.
@@RiverDanube These are all good suggestions. I actually ended up even more disregulated than usual because traffic was heavier than I expected and I was about 10 minutes late to my appointment, which they gave away. When I went back the next day for my rescheduled appointment, the person I spoke with the day before had forgotten to write it on the calendar. They asked me to wait around to see if someone else was going to be late to their appointment, which they’d give me, and she showed up ten minutes late, so they had me come back the next day, which felt unfair to me. And I sort of just went along with it because I don’t want to be a Karen or make a fuss. So I had to come back a third day and by that time I felt like such a schlub. I don’t even know what frames I picked out, and it all cost me more than I expected it to, and they didn’t apply the apology discount they said they would, and I was so beat down that I didn’t mention it. I later wish I had but I didn’t.
@@WonderfulWorldofAwesomeness That's really hard on you and an awful attitude of the store. I wouldn't worry about being a Karen, we need a label for a store when they behave unprofessionally. Sadly, I have found that employees attitudes have changed a great deal in the last decade and many just don't care. Employers are finding it even harder to get good staff. Chances are, forgetting to apply the discount was not deliberate and you are not causing a fuss by asking them to do it. You could send them an email saying you noticed it wasn't applied, give your details and ask if they could make the adjustment. Of course they can do refund it to you, just because you paid the whole amount already doesn't mean an adjustment can't be made. If they don't do it, you know how bad they really are. These can be very stressful situations and I wish you all the best.
I was doing this a couple days ago. Priced glasses at 2 places, haven't made a decision until I hit up Walmart where my favorite optician works (he's the best at adjustments - I've known him for 20 years). I tell the sales person up front that I'm not making a decision today & I need frames that are small & roundish. Square doesn't look right on me, & most frames swallow me up because of my child-sized skull. I definitely don't enjoy interactions with strangers, but it felt like an accomplishment to do that twice in one day.
You deserve a Nobel peace prize. I've ruined so many personal relationships from dysregulated emotions and burned a lot of bridges. I'm so ashamed. People out there hate me now
You're one of the few experts that isn't afraid to use personal stories about your own past as examples, instead of talking about some hypothetical person... it's so refreshing honestly 😊
Doctor's offices. I straight out disassociate. I only remember bits & pieces of what they said, because I'm concentrating so hard on being "normal" in front of the doctor when I'm feeling anything but normal. I'm fighting running out the door.
You need your own TV show. So much info, and healing info. Forget Dr. Phil, and all my past therapists, you are amazing, and you are giving us free healing information. You are truly a blessing! THANK YOU!
After recent years-long intense stress and trauma (CPTSD survivor in healing), I could tell that my biggest immediate issue was a dysregulated nervous system. The stress wrecked every system in my body as indicated on various functional health tests, but what was affecting my quality of life the most was my nervous system. I couldn’t handle any stress and was easily triggered into fight, flight or freeze mode. I’ve been working on re-regulating for several years and I am making progress from resting and relaxing, taking my time doing everything, spacing out tasks to not become overwhelmed, spending time in nature, avoiding stress and risks of any kind to prevent things from going wrong, and a lot of somatic body work like yoga, dance, walking, water aerobics, massage, sauna and chiropractic. This video was spot on and very affirming, thank you. 🙏
Anna mentioned about getting out in the Sun, and it seems you may be doing this too in your walking. I like to get some sun light in the morning and relax and spend a quiet moment at sunset, I like to allow the warmth of the sun to enter my skin, like is the gentle touch of heavenly love. Sun governs our happiness, the Moon governs our subconscious emotions and anxieties, and why so many of us can feel more negative emotions at night and through the different phases of the moon as well.
Beautiful. Can you tell me how I can describe the kind of therapist I need for these symptoms? It’s certainly a unique field and I don’t know how to find one. Thanks
I wish “trauma informed” therapists were required to know this stuff inside and out rather than taking a couple of seminars and passing a stupid quiz. How much time do people like us waste on uneducated or willfully ignorant or downright malignant therapists when we could be getting this information instead? I was supposed to be working on not repeating the things my parents did. Part of that was working through the trauma and trauma behaviors like this. My therapist, while I thought we were working through the stuff, was actually getting mad at me for not staying on track with our “plan”. I was on track. She had expectations that didn’t fit my path. I finally gave up when my oldest kid got sick, was in the hospital, and she was angry that I had to cancel an appointment.
Therapists are bullshit. Psychology as a study, and the research is important and incredible. Different types of therapeutic protocols are good. Talk therapy is NONSENSE
I'm a trauma informed therapist for kids with autism. Because I personally have been through sooooooo much trauma, and I've been teaching myself how to heal myself for many years. ❤
I'm totally with you regarding to the majority of so called trauma therapist. I got reached around at some kind of therapeutic center from therapist to therapist, which all of them weren't experienced enough nor well enough educated when it comes to the PTSD spectrum. At least, after weeks of explaining my symptoms (they called it problems...well what says it at) at a bunch of pointless sessions with more confusing try & fail strategy to analyze my trauma based "problematic", they throw the towel and let me know they aren't able to "help" me due the lack to provide any therapy on the complexity with PTSD- so I had to walk away even more traumatized, having developed severe Fibromyalgic Issues with tortuous episodes of deep muscular pain all over my body & complete painful breakdowns when it's cold. Some time ago I've learned that a trauma based treatment needs to be holistic and the better therapist would be some natural medicine Doctor instead a psychiatrist who usually "treats" with psychopharmaca to transform you to a zombie only get triggered by key words/moments to go completely ballistic. But therefore, treatments by alternative practitioners has to paid in full out of the own pocket (around 120€ up per hour) people like us will not gonna find any helpful, healing cure at these so called "trauma informed" shrinks. But we have US, we're not alone and can help each other tremendously- love & hugs to y'all
As a child , after a beating I was never comforted .. I slept in terror. As a senior adult , I can’t sleep well . I need something to press on me or something to wrap Around .. as a young person, I was addicted to sex as a way to get comfort . But I found in my 30’s I could not connect with anyone intimately . I’ve been in my marriage for 25 yrs now and I do not want intimacy I just want hugs and comforting and friendship ..I love being with my spouse , going places , or just staying home and watching tv together or eating together and laughing together ..
I was running late for work one day, and it felt like everything was going wrong. I didn't get my coffee before I left the house, so I stopped at a drive thru. It was raining, and cold, and early in the morning. After I placed my order something shifted in me. By the time I got to the window, I was genuinely able to thank the worker for coming to work that morning and with a smile. Because she did that, I was able to stop and get my coffee and RE-REGULATE my day. I don't know if she thought I was crazy, but I was deeply grateful and able to feel better. Expressing genuine gratitude really helps!
I lie on my bed and get my dogs to push right up against my back and drape their bodies over me. I am so blessed yo have 6 rescue dogs, they are my lifeline.
Thank you for your share, and this is my lifeline as well. There is something about a rescue dog that understands the feeling of betrayal, abuse, and then the feeling of being rescued, something people like us never got to.... To be rescued!❤
This can be dream or sleep apnea related/triggered in my experience tbh, When your body feels like fighting for life you will wake at odd hours and with intense feelings so trying to make sense of it. It "feels" like you were in a car accident, been in 2 bad ones myself, but you weren't actually, yet the trauma, etc... feels incredibly similar. It's not in your imagination it's in you nervous system and your imagination was crafting a dream around that distress if you weren't breathing properly to alert you and if your dream was intense for other reasons, like medicine like singular known to cause or maybe what you ate before bed, etc...then your body can go into panic so a vice versa set of circumstances. Then add you waking to have the flashback, you can get very upset/overwhelmed so hard to go back to sleep and the cycle starts again and intensifies over time.
It used to happen to me all the time.. up till I was in my early 30s it was a horrible feeling waking up disregulated .. esp after a massive blow out fight with my then bfs. Since then though.. all of 2023 was a massive awaking and painful healing. I’m able to work through it now and much more regulated with my self awareness and actions.
@@amandachilds5290this makes so much sense... "its in your nervous system already, your imagination crafts a dream around that distress." I woke up during the night last night, (i wake like this all the time) because my dreams are so intense. I woke up this morning & let out a loud cry, then cried uncontrollably. I lost one of my beautiful son's to cancer last year. He just turned 16. It was unexpected. We thought we were out of the woods & he was cured. Not so. A routine scan confirmed our worst fears. He had been in remission for 6yrs. 3 weeks after we got the scan results...he was gone. I'm still in shock! I dreamed my other son died, my 12 yr old. It was horrific. I had accidentally seen photo's the night before 16:12 of my 16yr old in his hospital bed the night he passed. They popped up on Google photos. That was the night before. Needless to say i am feeling totally deregulated. But the trauma of seeing those photos was still in me when i slept. My imagination crafted a dream around my that distress.
As someone who has these exact same symptoms when I had to go on Prednisone for my respiratory issue, it would cause sleep deprivation mixed with body feeling tired and yet mind was very alert/wired. The shoes too big and stuff feelings was right. I'd get fingers in drawers because my body wasn't moving at the timing my brain was. Felt like everyone was in slow motion like on the radio and sounds were a little weird too. I wonder if that info could help doctors understand connections. I get very accident prone then and shorter patience and temper and at first can think and be better than normally because inflammation down and O2 up and just things seem great but after a few days irritation sets in as sleep eludes and family seem louder and ruder and it's that I am more aware of the boundaries getting violated and less affable.about it or less sick so I don't ignore it due to picking battles and they complain I'm different. Hope that helps maybe. My son definitely has this and we all experienced extended trauma from his toxic dad. He always manages to hurt himself.when angry and it makes it things worse because then the person he's angry and raging out laughs at him for being awkward and clumsy and wonders of he didnt do it on purpose to get sympathy or if he is getting in trouble to distract. I never thought it was intentional.and now after this video am pretty sure it's more a cycle.and CPTSD
I do just the same: I became clumsy 😮 I drop things, I pronounce words wrong, I hit myself in furnitures, stumble to sticks and logs in the Woods with my dog...
I think I’ve learned to shut down during times of upset because emotions were shamed in my upbringing. So I learned not to show them. Unfortunately, even much later in life, people who spot the scapegoat in me and take joy in hurting another, Will amp up the assaults in frequency and intensity to elicit a reaction. I’ve become avoidant and rarely choose to be around others.
I'm the same way. When my brother would bully me my mom would sometimes get mad at me for crying. So as an adult I'm too "easy going" and let people get away with saying and doing mean or rude things until I reach my limit and snap at them(It usually ends up shaking the person up). I've been described as "avoidant" by a family member before and it's true, I am. I distance myself from people even though I actually want to be close to them
There’s no scapegoat in you, my dear. There’s a strong victorious survivor in you, see yourself that way & others will get the same vibes & treat u accordingly as you deserve 😊 whatever is in our imagination is as good as done
I found this channel at the "right time" in my life -- that was almost a year ago. It only took a couple of videos, and I felt a wave of relief and became a blubbering puddle of appreciative goo! I binge-watched this channel for a couple of weeks, and everything made sense! ❤️🩹🩹
I wish the normal people who have no idea what’s it like to suffer with this, could truly understand it, or even realize it actually exists. Even though many of us who have it, don’t even understand it. Seems that no matter how good of a person you are, or successful you are, or how much honesty and integrity you have, or creativity, every day can be a challenge…. I feel like I don’t belong here, fit in, or why I am even here… all because of CPTSD…. But most people have no idea what we go through from day to day. Some of us have learned to perform as expected. A lifetime of trying to resolve it and trying to be “normal”….. but at the end of the day, there is always someone who is worse off than me. So I am grateful that I have been able to achieve what I have. I hope anyone who reads this, can continue to find the strength to live the best life they can, and love themself more than they were as a child, through no fault of their own. Thank you so much for this video.
I have always had trouble sleeping through the night - waking up to my CPTSD friends: worry, regret, and emotional storms. Then recently, after reading someone else's experience with this, I realized that I'm not the only one dealing with this. Now when I wake up I do read or work puzzles to calm myself, but it really, really helps to know that I'm not alone, and that there are others, even in my own neighborhood, who are awake going through the same thing at the same time -- sort of a club, if you will. For some reason this brings me back to reality and safety and I can go back to sleep sooner. (Last night I read one of my favorite cookbooks and then had trouble going back to sleep because I had too much fun! LOL) Thanks for these videos.
I Listen to rain when I am sleeping...I am meditating and praying...B vitamins are good B3 is the happy vitamin in conjuction with the other b vitamins...nac and the best is glycin before bed, you feel so good the next morning, at the beginning you will have lucid dreams, but after a while you will feel really well,
Woke up at 4:00 a.m. and just couldn't go back to sleep so I scrolled RUclips as has become my dysregulated habit lately and I found the Michael Jackson movie and watched it with Keen interest even though I wasn't a crazed fan or anything... I think in some ways the movies that I watch about troubled people helped me feel more sane because at least I'm not as troubled as they are... And then RUclips found me CCF again... To help me re-regulate my first realizing that I'm not
I saw sooo many therapists. I would tell all the stories. It took months to get them up to speed and often re-triggered me. Nothing much else ever occurred in therapy. It was just a place to go once per week and tell that week’s problems to.
If the dis-regulation is intense, here are a couple more techniques that may be helpful 1. Doorway push: Stand in an interior doorway, put a pillow behind your back. Push steady and quite hard with your hands and legs against one side of the doorway. Continue for a few minutes to tire yourself out a bit. 2. Dive reflex. Fill a large bowl with ice water. Use enough ice so the water is very cold. Take a deep breath and while holding it, submerge your entire face in the cold water and keep it there for 30 seconds. It can difficult to do the full 30 seconds, but try your best. After the plunge, lie down and if your body wants to do anything (like yawn or shake or whatever) let it do that. This is the body releasing excess energy.
Thank you for your wise counsel! I grew up with an angry father who had ADHD and OCD and a mother who had anxiety and depression. They were both orphaned, and both were abused or bullied as young children. My sister was autistic but high functioning. I was free of mental health issues until age 8, when the isolation, control, emotional neglect and bullying started. By the age of 12, I had anxiety issues, and by 13, my pediatrician told my mom I was depressed. But my parents didn't get help for me. I developed chronic general anxiety and chronic major depression. Instead of killing myself, I found hope in Jesus. I dropped out of high school and college because of what you discuss, the neurological dysregulation. After I married, I went to a psychiatrist because of the awful anger and fatigue and sadness I felt constantly. I began my medication and therapy. Although therapy and reading gave me understanding, my symptoms didn't fully end until my late forties, when I pushed my doctors find me something that would end my suffering. A higher dose of one SSRI, and five years later, a new dose of another SSRI and I am now in complete remission. The hardest part since then has been getting used to the changing perception of my senses, and learning new habits and responses to everyday living. My husband and I had to relearn how to respond to each other. I'm grateful to have a happy and peaceful life now. I use my experiences to encourage others.
So wonderful to read this! I'm born again nearly 6 years now. Diagnosed with trauma a few years ago but I've also had bipolar since I've been in my early 20's, known as manic depression then. I moved from Ireland to France two years ago and it has plummeted me into severe depression, disregulation, trauma and shown up my lifelong possible borderline personality disorder. I'm in bits I am but it's bringing me closer to Jesus and I think He'll use me to help others. God bless you sister xx ❤
@@laurasell2353 it's so wonderful to read these comments..people get hostile when one mentions Jesus! Praise God I see there are positive voices out there!
Yep! What could be more agreeable? After ~1 year practicing mindfulness/meditation/yoga/CBT I’m sometimes amazed at how much better I behave during stressful events.
I concur. I began practicing Buddhist approaches - chanting, breathwork and meditation - in 2013 and felt the benefits almost immediately. I've gone on with these practices and am amazed at how my life has improved.
I started regular chanting Meditation religious more than half an year now and it's been working really well for me! I recommend listening to Sanskrit hymns as well, they feel really soothing.
Dis regulation. I got that. I’m 70 yrs old. I was emotionally neglected. “Good family”….no childhood love to me. I was tolerated, ignored,….treated w/ indifference.
I too believe most instances of autoimmune disorders are caused by stored trauma w/in the body. I have my own physically limiting issues that I strongly feel are related to past trauma. There have been a few studies that found a correlation b/w PTSD and inflammation/ autoimmune issues. Dr Bessel van der Kolk touches on this in his book 'The Body Keeps the Score' and Dr Peter Levine details on regulating procedural memory in his lectures on somatic experiences. Louise Hay also surmised a list of different bodily issues and their corresponding emotional states in her book 'You Can Heal Your Body'. Her work isn't really backed by science and her proposed solutions won't work on those of us w/ CPTSD but I do agree w/ some (but not all) of the symptoms she outlines.
But the people who are supposed to love us show us they don’t and cause the addiction to be worse…I don’t like addicts in general because they use it as their excuse to hurt me and others they view as weak and then when the see we aren’t weak, and force the monster out to defend and protect…then it makes it worse…then they want to blame some addiction as the cause when. It’s literally them
Yup, I get that a lot. Other people often describe me as extremely stoic or extremely uncaring, or my emotions are described as [too] intense. And, I'm usually disregulated in the morning, often taking a few hours before I can do anything. This video has helped me to understand a lot. Thank you.
00:00 🧠 Neurological disregulation is a core symptom of complex PTSD or childhood PTSD, often overlooked but crucial to understand for healing. 02:42 🧊 Disregulation affects the brain's activity, leading to dimness in the front left cortex, hampering reasoning, and overreactive emotions in the right front cortex. 04:03 🔄 Disregulation manifests physically with changes in brain waves, irregular breathing, heart rate variability, numbness, and difficulties in tasks or communication. 07:07 🚨 Recognizing disregulation signs is crucial: feeling spaced out, scattered, hurried, overwhelmed, or experiencing emotional floods. 09:19 🚗 Safety is a priority during disregulation; pause, avoid driving, and find a physically safe place. Use gentle words to halt arguments temporarily. 11:27 🩹 Techniques to re-regulate include stamping feet, deep breaths, pressing tongue to teeth, feeling the weight of your body, or exposing yourself to cold water. 13:46 🚫 Medications may not directly address disregulation; focus on learning to re-regulate to break the cycle of making repetitive negative choices. 14:40 🔄 Re-regulation opens up possibilities for positive choices, allowing you to address behaviors and circumstances holding you back. 16:21 🤯 Personal experience: Overcoming a deep disregulation episode involves resisting the urge to dwell on the story, taking actions to re-regulate, and refocusing on positive behaviors for a happier life. 19:03 🗣 When facing emotional dysregulation, talking about the experience is crucial for self-regulation, even if it feels uncomfortable. 20:50 😢 Taking time to cry and express deep emotions is a powerful way to release pain and regain emotional balance. 21:43 🤐 Ceasing venting and talking about the issue can allow for a deeper, more reflective connection with one's emotions and a shift towards calmness. 23:27 ☕ Having tea and food, along with sensory experiences, helps in grounding oneself after an emotional outburst or confrontation. 24:52 📝 Writing fears and resentments on paper serves as a tactile expression, allowing emotional release without triggering trauma associated with verbal venting. 26:46 🚶♂ Engaging in outdoor activities, like walking and immersing in the surroundings, helps reconnect with the present moment and align with reality. 27:40 ⏲ Utilizing the Pomodoro technique, focusing on one task for 25 minutes at a time, can enhance productivity and aid in returning to work after emotional distress. 29:59 📋 Attending a 12-step meeting and creating a plan of action, including potential apologies, contributes to closure and resolution after a conflict. 31:47 🚫 Avoid dwelling on negative memories; redirect thoughts towards positive memories to counteract negativity. 33:09 🌟 Doing acts of kindness for others, especially anonymously, serves as a powerful tool for personal happiness and well-being. 36:10 🔄 Learn to shift gears in your mindset to move from suffering to kindness, transforming bad days into good ones with persistence. 50:05 🤝 Reconnecting with family after overcoming trauma can trigger old wounds due to neurological dysregulation. Family dynamics may lead to emotional meltdowns. 51:00 🤔 Letter from Nia highlights challenges with family dynamics, including feeling overwhelmed, overstimulated, and struggling to express boundaries effectively. 53:15 🎢 Nia's experience at an amusement park exposes challenges in handling overstimulation, unmet expectations, and difficulty asserting personal needs within a family setting. 55:31 🗣 Nia's emotional response to family events reflects common struggles for those with a history of trauma. Learning to regulate emotions in the moment is crucial for healthier interactions. 56:46 🤝 Apologizing for emotional outbursts requires self-reflection and understanding the other person's perspective. Acknowledge the impact, express remorse, and communicate intentions to improve. 57:39 🔄 Self-regulation improves with practice. Nia's situation highlights the journey of healing from trauma, gaining better communication skills, and expressing needs effectively. 59:50 🤷♀ Family events with unexpected guests can be challenging. Nia's experience emphasizes the importance of setting boundaries, communicating needs, and navigating family dynamics with assertiveness. 01:03:34 🔄 Overstimulation and difficulty expressing boundaries are common challenges. Healing involves becoming more graceful in asserting personal needs and navigating complex family situations. 01:06:21 🔄 Nia is advised to approach her aunt with a sincere apology, acknowledging her own behavior, expressing regret for the impact, and focusing on personal responsibility without making excuses. 01:07:15 🤝 Crafting a good apology involves addressing how the other person may have been hurt, expressing embarrassment for one's actions, and emphasizing a desire for reconciliation without delving into lengthy explanations. 01:08:42 🙌 Humility in apologizing includes acknowledging the specific impact of actions on others, without putting oneself on a pedestal or excessively self-blaming. The focus should be on recognizing the hurt caused and expressing a sincere wish to make amends. 01:09:34 🚀 Apologizing is a courageous and tender act that requires emotional honesty. Facing the fear of potential negative reactions allows individuals to come out stronger by taking responsibility for their part in a situation.
dameanvil, thank you soooo much.. I AM NOW in a dysregulated pattern..and there is no way in the world I could have the patience to listen to this and wait and wait (in vain it often feels) for the nuggets of advice to turn up. It only heightens my stress as I listen and listen, so frustrated and getting increasingly angry and distrustful about how RUclips works. I even start to question the YOuTubers themselves. What are they up to? Are they deliberately teasing us, just for views?? It is tough as you can well imagine.
I feel that there no much interess in helping people with trauma from childhood. I often hear things like "You are an adult now, you are no longer in trauma, so forget about it, look ahead, keep walking, it's all in your mind,you are too sensitive.." You are so right, no therapist I meet, or good friend I thaught I had asked how it feels, or how difficult it is to soothe your brain, or to keep up with life
Been living most of my life dis regulated, I can absolutely feel the difference as an adult now and it sucks knowing how ungrounded I generally am. Now I’m dealing with chronic pain issues. My problems literally manifesting as physical symptoms and it’s so hard to know what to do. Glad I found this channel.
Go in to a forest and take off your shoes and socks . Put your feet in the earth and reground yourself by releasing the pain and recharge your grounding. ❤ I have chronic pain and it certainly helps.
Dysregulation - and becoming regulated - is the whole (healing) game; tracking one’s internal shifts, making changes, remaining present and more, all contingent upon a calm and balanced CNS: regulation.
Just learned about this last year after being disregulated since I was a young child. When did "disregulation" become a thing? I've had many years of counseling and no one ever mentioned it. Horrible fibromyalgia, muscle spasms, TMJ disorder (so bad it squeezed a nerve and caused a permanent vestibular disorder), neck/back pain, have had bad obesity, life-long anxiety, extreme memory loss. At almost 60, I'm finally calming my system down. My memory is starting to come back. I've been getting the TMJ treated and will start brain retraining for the vestibular causing constant dizziness and nausea. OMG. My handwriting is horrible when I'm disregulated. I thought it was just my personality (and I beat myself up for it mentally), but getting some relief from making physical changes (craniosacral therapy is the best thing I've ever done). Disregulation is terrible. I've lived my whole life with it. I have all the symptoms you listed. Thank you for this. Everyone should know this. It's lifesaving.
I don't think nervous system regulation has been much respected as a concept until recently.. it was seen as kind of new age. Now it's exploding into public consciousness and people like Bessel Van der Kolk and Gabor Mate are becoming mainstream talking about mind body connection and intergenerational trauma etc. On the other hand, survivors dont have the vocab to describe their symptoms well intially and pre internet we werent able to connect with people and understand and share these patterns... i've been on this healing journey for 20 years but i dont know how far i would have got if it werent for the net... part of the process of undoing all this trauma is recognising all these painful things we are carrying.. things we didn't tell anyone because we didn't even have words for them, we didnt know they weren't normal or if we knew they were there maybe we didnt want to talk about it either... I've also become aware that i experience physical pain in my body that is not normal (it builds up and up until I burn out) .. I always thought that's how people feel when they are really tired- they just ache all over and now I'm not sure that they do or that that's even tiredness, my body is aching all over at the moment because I've been going through some stressful things, now I need to make rest a priority so it doesn't turn into burn out.
I'm with my 3 year old son 24 7 outside of daycare, due to childhood trauma and things have been going to the absolute ground. Your channel has lifted me so far up from the stuck I've always felt just finding your channel last week . GOD BLESS YOU, the messed up stuff from my childhood is no longer pouring out. THANK YOU ❤
I'm so glad you're here! Having small kids can be so challenging for those of us who get dysregulated. Your lucky boy now has you for co-regulating himself!
I have so much trauma, ptsd and brain damage that all I wanted to do was leave my body. I'd sleep walk and drive while sleep walking. Where I went idk, but I just needed to go. When the next morning came around I got screamed at for cheating or running away, but I just woke up in bed and had no idea what these people were carrying on about. I hated my life even more. My husband figured it out and took my keys at night and put alarms on the doors. Now, I black out to escape. I don't know who im talking to, or what I'm saying, or I don't see anyone standing near me. I just had an EEG done to see if I'm experiencing mini siezures. I also had an MRI. I'll get my results soon. In the meantime, I'm trying meds and therapy. Not exactly perfect, but it's a start. So much stuff is coming back and its exhausting. Sometimes I want to scream but I stay isolsted so I'm not hurting others and I have space to work out the past and to calm down. I hate my parents, the old neighborhood and the fact I've lost out on a steady career. I haven't been able to save for anything. If it weren't for my husband, I'd be homeless. It absolutely sucks that my abusers have great paying jobs, live in nice homes and I'm struggling. It even hurts more when my parents call me lazy and unmotivated. I just can't focus, communicate or hold a job as much as a normal person.
You are certainly not alone in this. I've gone from riches to riches many times. It took major trauma in my adult life from my family to dredge up everything they had done to me. I'm glad you landed in a good spot. It sounds like you're taking care of yourself and have a caring protector to keep you safe. Best to you💕
I cannot thank you enough for explaining this so thoroughly and also for repeating it over many videos. This repetition is vital! I’ve been in therapy for nearly four years for cptsd and while is is incredibly helpful, the addition of your videos, somatic exercises and just plain old aerobics is what is making all of the difference for me. It’s taken me four years of hearing this for it to start sinking in, so for anyone out there who’s feeling desperate after years of trying to heal, just keep at it. Clarity arrives in pieces and only when you are ready. There’s no speeding-up the process, so be patient and try to love yourself ❤
Mom was the screaming authoritarian and would take her rants outside and publicly embarrass us into compliance. Every time I had a female supervisor I was walking on eggshells. One of them decided that I was the cause of all her problems at work. Being programmed to be in the wrong about anything that a female authority figure brought up she had me on the ropes emotionally. There were times when I was pushed to my limit and needed to disengage or I would be angrily talking back. It felt like I was being choked and my eyes felt like they were about to pop. I would go visit the bathroom and pray, “Lord I need your help to feel about this situation the way you want me to feel.” Doing this helped me put some time and distance between me and the person/event. It wasn’t until later that I understood how family of origin issues can crop up in bad ways today…
@@melc1918 Like wearing an arctic jacket in Alaska is necessary, wearing that jacket in Florida will kill you. We have a tendency to be likely to continue behaviors that were survival strategies in childhood but are harmful today.
oh yes. My mother would come in the door and we would hide in our rooms. When she threw her tote bag and started screaming...we knew it was going to be a long night.
I'm kinda teary 😢 listening to this. It feels great to have someone understand my life-long feelings. As a kid, I never understood why i felt so inferior, angry if a friend didn't choose me first ..... I was so different in my class. It was difficult to make friends and keep them too. Then I started to compensate by being too nice until I've come to the point of being extremely overwhelmed from all the people that want to crowd my life right now because I dont feel connected to anyone of them. 😢 Thank you so much
My original therapist was terrible. Just kept asking me to constantly think of worst case scenarios. It messed up my nervous system and emotional regulation so much worse. I got better after i stopped seeing that therapist...focused on meditation, movement, and found a new, trauma informed coach. It was night and day. Finally started healing, but still a long way to go You are not alone. Dont give up on finding the right support. Take care. 🙏🙏
I had a real shift in this area last week, and I have been waiting for the appropriate video of yours to share it. Like many of us, I have struggled with severe anxiety at different points in my life due to several (especially one) major trauma. I have learned how to avoid triggers, calm triggers and a myriad of other "techniques" to manage the anxiety. Due to a number of contributing factors, the anxiety was off the charts for over a year at various times. It recently led to me getting walking pneumonia, many sleepless nights, etc. One night it occurred to me that instead of trying to "manage" it, I was going to try to let it run its course. I used to work with severely emotionally disturbed children and I was advised that when they had tantrums it was best to let it run its course as they could only sustain that high level of for a certain amount of time. After many nights of letting this happen, I finally got to the feelings causing the anxiety (sexual abuse by a priest). I had shut the feelings down and been the observer. I finally felt the feelings and I was able to comfort myself and let them go. Of course I was terrified. That was a normal reaction and I felt it. Instead of continuing to go around the trauma and the feelings, I was able to feel them and release them. It is true for me, I need to feel it to heal it. Thanks for all you do Anna.
This is my life. It took me decades to understand any of that. Having fibromyalgia and anxiety makes it not entirely under my control because it's physical damage. Pain/anxiety spiral is self-perpetuating. I have trained myself to recognize when dysregulation could be an issue in relation to personal relationships, and to stop myself from overreacting. Chronic fatigue and brain fog make it even more challenging. I've had fibro 36 years. Now even attempting to do anything requiring any level of concentrating, my ears start ringing so loud it is like having a siren going off in your head. It's not subtle that my regulation is out of control. It can happen from just trying to read a newspaper article, or doing Wordle. This is why I stopped driving 8 years ago because my focus and ability to do it safely are totally shot. My ability to recognize the dysregulation and years of therapy has made my life better, even though dysregulation is very difficult to control with all of these deficits now. I have a rational observer that is detached.
My best therapy so far has been a hypnotherapist who did rebirth coaching. Unfortunately, she has moved to another field. I'm looking for another coach. I'm done with traditional therapy.
yeah i know dysregulation. I've been in a dysregulated state quite a lot. I get massive brain fog, I feel like I'm not myself, I can't remember anything for months. I forget appointments, I just randomly blank, I feel like i'm a different species from the other people around me. I just feel so, so strange. Sometimes I dissociate out of my body. I go numb, I feel almost nothing. I just kinda exist. These states usually last for quite a while from days to months, up to a full year. I'm learning to come back quicker. I never totally dissociate into catatonic states, I always stay highly functional, so it has been harder to spot what was happening. I get triggered by so many things, footsteps being a big one, which is a daily trigger. My childhood was not great but wasn't horrible. I grew up with a single mom. She divorced my malignant narcissistic father when I was 2. I don't know what he might have done but I sometimes wonder if he molested me as a baby as I do also have trauma symptoms correlating to that. I might never know. My mum was very spaced out, very disregulated herself and very depressed most of the time, and we had no connection. She'd go between locking herself in her room and screaming hysterically for a couple of years until she calmed down but still a lot of screaming. i think she has bpd and is also autistic and had meltdowns all the time with us children. i don't think she meant evil but we still suffered. I mostly raised myself and now, that I'm an adult, people and close relationships are still a huge trigger to me and i prefer to live my life alone and be self-sufficient. I'm happy when i'm with cats and when there is peace and pretty nature around me. i don't need much in life, I just want peace and quiet.
Thank you I'm going to be 60 soon and despite years of counselling etc am only just learning what to name the things I deal with. This helped me a lot!!
I had a meltdown last night in a social situation (story story story) but I heard myself raise my voice. That did work to stop the overload, and I left the place. I got a few are you ok texts and responded with no but I will be. Today I have not had any human contact and I really don't want any, but I have plans with friends online. I'm having a hard time focusing on listening to you, which is embarrassing (symptom, yes), but I am going to stop about halfway through here and save this for when I can hear past the mess in my head.
Regarding the woman who’s letter you read: I’ve been in situations like this more times than I can count. I used to react exactly as she did and my reaction would then lead to guilt on my part, then apologizing for my reaction, then resentment that they didn’t apologize for their part of it all. I finally figured out that the root of the problem for me in this particular kind of situation was I had unrealistic expectations. I built events up too much in my head and had it all planned out and settled in my own mind so that when someone else was added to the plans, or just any of the plans changed, it would *always* throw me completely off balance. I had to learn that I can’t see how things WILL go, only how they MIGHT. And I had to learn to be more in the moment. So, creating realistic expectations has helped me. Do I always succeed at doing that? No. But life is easier (around family especially) when I stay present and prepared to go with the flow.
I was neglected and physically abused as a child. I learned, as a teenager, that rage and self-defense made others back off and I gained some control. But, that anger and self-defense became a habit throughout my life as an adult whenever I felt disrespected or abused. Finally, in my 60's and having been in counseling and taking anti-depressants for 19 years, I hated myself for my inappropiate anger behavior. I contacted a therapist who practices hypnotherapy. It worked wonders for me and I can honestly say that I never lose it, one year after treatment. For me, reminding myself to be in the "now" has helped me to learn to discipline myself when I feel anger coming on. It reminds me to assess the "threat" and I see that the situation does not warrant angry outbursts. I love being more regulated, but hypnosis with therapy is the only thing that helped me.
Thanks for sharing. I too used a lot of my anger and rage to gain some control but it only pushed others away. Staying in the present and using the tools I’ve learnt from many podcasts and self healing and work has helped me stay on track and to get out of dysregulation.
I'm so happy I found your channel.... I didn't know what the hell was wrong with me. Between emotional dysregulation and no emotional awareness and channeling everything through anger.... I was stuck in a destructive loop that almost cost me my marriage. The realization that I don't have to get angry anymore was the big aha moment for me. Anger isn't a necessary emotion. Blew my mind....
I am in an aprtment where the tenants upstairs have guests who simply do not watch their child and he is so incredibly noisy that I cannot sleep I cant use my apartment, I cant go anywhere in the apartment without the worst noise i have ever experienced. The father of the noisy child is very abusive. The child is acting out because of that. I have tried every thing to draw attention to the situation. The sound of abuse is extremely hard on me YES CPS was notified. Now because I spoke up, the guests ( they are not even tenants) threaten me. Mock me and in general scare me. I have CPTSD. In October they attacked me from the community room and I nearly fell going up the stairs. They drink and carry knives, sit and loiter in their cars... I have filed police reports and tried so much to explain what it is doing to me the landlord will not do anything they are friends with the tenants upstairs. I do have witnesses to much of this. My question is this I seem to have some sort of seizure activity but not actual seizures. I am getting sicker and sicker but I cannot find help. I have nowhere else to go. No friends and no advocate. I would like know if you know any laws that may apply to me since I am elderly and disabled. IF I can get any help at all... if I am having some type of seizures. what does this mean. So sorry for the long post but I am not getting help here at all. Someone said the noise and behavior has me in constant fight or flight which is not doing me any good at all. I am 60 plus, poor disabled and have no idea what laws if any protect me and how to get anyone to follow through on them .Thank you for any and all advice.
Get noise cancelation earphones. A natural sound machine. Put noise retardant panels on wall. Send a certified letter to landlord, giving time to fix problem. If not fixed. Open "escrow" acct and deposit rent into it. Most cities have free legal aid for low income people. Call elderly services in your area.
Call for legal aid...ask them...if cps was involved there's an investigation...but you need to reach out to family or friends and get out of there. Not gonna get better there at all.
Stress causes our bodies to rapidly lose magnesium, the most important mineral. Magnesium deficiency is common and feels awful because there are many symptoms. Please research this and start taking 400-500 mgs daily of magnesium glycinate as a supplement and never stop. The glycine will have a calming effect on your nervous system and magnesium will help in many other ways. Consider calling upon Archangel Michael with his sword of protection to keep you safe every day. Also, contact the local housing authority. You have legal rights as a tenant, and the 'guest' do not. Demand assistance. 🌺😘
Did my first Daily Practice today. Holy crap. I’ve just been “managing the damage” all these decades. I can feel it practically unraveling under that kind of scrutiny. I now see how I’ve been “charged” with this thing neurologically all this time… and people were picking up on it. I know you keep saying that and I understood it intellectually. But now I feel it in my bones. As a Christian I also would like to make two observations. First, centering on your breathing is not spiritually problematic. You are literally returning to a proper center of psychological gravity. Second, The Lord’s Prayer is a PERFECT way to end the writing and begin the meditation. If everything’s as bad as you fear… it’s still God’s Will. Turn it over to Him. And forgive the people who trespass against you. Literally? Tear it up. Burn it. Start again. They’re probably not burning you on purpose. And if they are work it out with them later. Daily Practice isn’t the time for that.
Glad you were able to align the practice with your faith. That is wonderful. What is “spiritually problematic” is very personal to the individual. Consider Romans 14.
It’s funny I say this…my dad says this stuff…and then the very next sentence will be accusations …when I tell him to shut up about what god wants us to do and then turn around and do exactly what is bothering me is hypocritical and abusive…and then I get told I’m not worthy of forgiveness and god will strike me dead for what I’m doing.,,what they think I’m doing….so yeah..,religious abuse is damaging
It is extremely difficult, especially when you don't know what the heck it is! I'm SO grateful to learn what's gone on with me most my life. Thank you for speaking to me. ❤
Pelvic floor dysfunction has strangled my life. I had no understanding that my trauma could cause such muscular damage. Now I am beginning to commit to relaxing because my every day anxiety is 8 out of 10. It's working.
Almost no one has ever apologized to me, and that has not stopped me from healing. If you want to work on yourself, stick around. That's what we do here.
I’ve been called out by the victim advocate for over apologizing and that I need to stop it. It’s hard to do but she was absolutely right,….i have to stop myself from flipping events to make them my fault and apologizing for things I’m not responsible for and should be the one expecting an apology….its almost like self shaming when there shouldn’t be consequences for what happened to me….why should I apologize for expecting monogamy in a relationship? As an example of what the victim advocate called me out on.,,I had to send her an email last night to thank her for pointing this habit I have out…I never realized it until she said something..,I was the source of the shame and it’s something I was taught was my role as a scapegoat which I’m no longer willing to be…so I agree….when am I going to receive an apology? And I’m not willing to just accept the narcissistic behavior of blaming me for their problems and then just never discussing it again…,passive aggressive tendencies from the narcissistic people I’m surrounded by,…
I'm 77 years old, and for the first time in my life I can see why I've behaved the way I have! That's a lifetime of impulsivity and of hurting myself and others. Thanks CCF for giving me understanding that will help me change my life now. It's never too late.
Thank You so much for this, regulation is something I'm working through and Struggle with. I'm in a difficult marriage as a single married Mom (Very one-sided relationship) I'm in therapy and Watching you and a few other's, I'm so worn down and these videos help me work through it.
THANK YOU!!! Finally someone is talking about it, describing it in all detail, addressing what is REALLY going on, that's at the core of the issue and apparently not even being understood by most Therapists! Neurological Dysregulation is in fact the most dominant issue at the root of all the other symptoms! THANK YOU for addressing that topic so honestly!
I adore hearing this as I learned as a child this was my perspective choice and it has really worked and kept me going 💛🌻it is so true and so many of us need this too “…your just shifting gears, you’re changing how you see this and what’s your role in the world, getting out of suffering and into a cloud of kindness and you turn around one day and you’re going to realize that now you’re having a good day and that’s how to turn a bad day into a good day”
Dysregulation is one of the very few symptoms that appear to be common between autism (ADHD, neurodevelopmental disorders in general) and C-PTSD (I have both), but the "treatment" isn't the same. As an autistic person, being able to freely stim and have my limits/boundaries respected helped a lot.
I am sitting here weeping because I have never heard anyone describe the unexplained. The build up over what should be easy to handle the outburst and then shame after. Thank you Anna for sharing your journey. It's not anything you can explain to anyone. It helps me to know myself and it just seems so comforting.
Hi Childhood fairy. I need to tell you my history...when I was 13 I was kicked in the head by a horse...at the right frontal lobe right near the temporal lobe. This is a great lecture. With the skull fracture (in 1974), all the surgeons could do was to just clean out the head of traumatized tissue. All of the symptoms you describe, every single symptom, is familiar that me..mand I've just become a mess over family dynamics. I've had no therapy for more than 15 years- so struggling right now. I'm having life issues that are more than I can bear. I'll finish listening to you, you are very helpful. Thankyou!!
im seriously crying. this channel has been the best thing ive found ever, ive been dealing with dysregulation but had myself convinced im just an emotional and neurotic person who doesn't deserve close relationships, because i almost always end up hurting someone in a random outburst caused by seemingly nothing, and then immediately come to regret it but get too embarrassed to properly apologize. i actually start therapy in a couple weeks and hope to learn how to deal with this while im ahead so i can properly enjoy my young adult years since i wasnt able to enjoy being a teenager haha. thank you for putting everything so perfectly into words ❤
I had a moment of bodily revelation after 3 months of daily stretching and poly vagal nerve exercises. I became aware that the right side of my brain was, and had been, very overactive and the left side was not in use. It was amazing to watch this video and hear you say that this is what happens with neurological disregulation. Thank you! After I felt this, I was able to observe this sensation of being ‘unbalanced in my brain’ and address it ‘in the moment’.
Anna, could you please do a video on how all of this affects relationships and marriage? I'm willing to bet so many of us have been married at least once before because we didn't even know what CPTSD or dysregulation is or how to treat ourselves. This really makes me so sad. I feel we lose so much of our lives to chaos and it sucks so much. Truly hurts!
In reading this I knee jerked to " oh, nnooo, we end up blaming ourselves than realizing surprise it can be them". If we went to therapy, on meds, used techniques, obviously WE are the broken things poor mates have to Handle. I can't stand another poke. Anna wouldn't do that, but I threw that right on her. 😬
This!!!!!! Agree. I was severely abused as a child, in every possible way. Seems like there was no relief from any of the abuse and it badly affected me neurologically. Then when I got married the way, I would emotionally handle hard situations …sometimes didn’t help. Don’t get me wrong, he was Also riddled with problems. Maybe we didn’t have a chance? I can’t even go there thinking about that. Anyway, yeah, this stuff isn’t talked about and it probably really badly affect relationships. Because you don’t know about it you don’t know what to do about something you don’t really understand or know about.
As someone married to a CPTSD survivor, I would very much appreciate such a video. My husband is a wonderful man who I love deeply. We have 3 children, and I’m pregnant with number 4. He hasn’t come to terms with his past or his emotions fully, and the family he loves and has now suffers for it. I can see the problems, but I can’t fix them for him. Some strategies for spouses in these cases would really help.
I've Bern dysfunctional since my teen years and I NEVER MARRIED. Men hate me because I don't act "normal" like a woman is supposed to act. Now I'm 44 and it's hopeless. Nobody wants an older woman, let alone a freak. Consider yourselves lucky some body valued you enough to provide marriage and home. My life is over.
Thank you for bringing this "disorder" to the surface!!!! I've been seeking the truth all my life and YOU ARE MY UNICORN!!! I'M SO GRATEFUL AND FINALLY AT PEACE BECAUSE OF YOU!!!! SO MUCH LOVE AND RESPECT TO YOU LADY❤❤❤
Talking on the phone or receiving texts would send me off the edge. It would take me 3 - 4 days of ruminating over the comment or conversation. I could not fathom how other people handled this "intrusion" into their life. I become disregulated and did not know it. Hearing these videos it dawned on me, I can't see their face. I can't get "additional" clues to the true nature of the conversation - there are so many comments you can take several ways. Since I basically do not trust but want to me "normal" - I use to endure them. I have these techniques now to stay regulated and set limits.
i'm 34 years old and just found out about cptsd. i feel a little glimpse of hope now. I always felt that i was defected, that something was broken in me. because everyone around is acting like everything is okay and why is no one questioning what happened in my and my family's life. the dysregulation, overstimulation etc blind rage over little things im already using little tricks i've learned and it's working slowly im so happy and thank you for the info and tools
26:15 I do find writing is the best way to express the stress, but also because I get so immersed in writing, working with words and the use of the English language to distract my sense of disregulstion. I become more involved with the writing than the anger I am trying to write about. You also mention imagery as a method of removing myself from a bad head space. My favorite image is one of my beautiful goldenretriever swimming in a high alpine lake in the Sierras. We were on a trail walking just to the point of fatigue and over heating when we came to the lake and my dog headed straight into the lake. She was an excellent swimmer, with a unique casual grace. I watched her with joy at seeing her joy. I have used this image many times to redirect any imbalanced energy. It works evrrytime!
Sometimes, I’ll feel like my whole reality change for a minute. Sometimes it’s just in the middle of a casual conversation. It’s always happened to me. My vision will go white at the edges, if that makes any sense. I’ll feel like everything in the room is out of place, or that the light source has moved. Everything feels numb and it almost feels like I’m dreaming. It makes me feel sick, scared and depressed. Suddenly very hopeless and unhappy with everything. I’ve never known how to fully describe it, or what to call it.. i brought it up to my psychiatrist back in the mid/late 2000s when I was a teenager, and I was accused of doing drugs. It sounds a bit different from what you’re describing (however, I have absolutely experienced exactly what you’re describing)
I help care for a friends mom. She is almost 70, 2 years ago was the first time since she was a little girl that she was finally safe. Her daughter and I believe it is super important that she is heard and not overwhelmed with things. The biggest shut down for her seems to be with Dr's. So I go to all her appointments and sit in there with her. She is doing so much better now.
I was molested as a child. As an older teen and then adult, I would go through times when I would just pass out unconscious for no reason. I was sent to a neurologist and they did the EEG on my brain. While I was speaking with the neurologist he asked me questions and we chatted away. One thing I mentioned I hate startled very easily. He asked me that if I had been molested. Evidently it's something that's true with people that startle easily. It's so interesting how our brains work. I'm happy this video popped up. I attempted therapy, because I feel like kids that have been abused, I stand out in a crowd. As I was trying to explain this to this therapist. She worked for the county health department. I was 19 out of my own didn't have insurance. This was 30 years ago and so I went to the health department and I'm talking to this therapist that is employed by our government. And I explained to her that I always feel like I stand out and it gives me so much anxiety. After I chatted for a while and explained how I was feeling, she literally said, "well you're a beautiful woman, but you're not the most beautiful woman I've ever seen". Like she didn't even hear anything I said and what I'm trying to get therapy on how to feel not so beautiful. What the hell is wrong with that woman.
Anna!! I’m so fortunate enough to encounter your Channel on CPTSD!! I’m gradually identifying some of my traits originating from childhood trauma.. thank you very much for your generous guidance!! ⭐️ sending you love, Grace, support, greetings from Bhutan 🇧🇹
Your videos are so helpful, Anna! Im looking for a video that explains disregulation can happen from emotional neglect minus the physical or emotional abuse, alcoholism, etc I'd really like to share these insights with family who disregulate masdively, but I know they'd say "This isn't us. We were never abused." There was no overt violence or emotional cruelty, but loads of volitility and absence, lots of figuring out on our own how to "not get yelled at" and feel emotionally safe, lots of reading moods and laying low.
@@softsophisticate Thank you, absolutely agree and am well along the path to recovery myself. I am, however, looking for something that explains things well for family who aren't at that level of understanding yet.
@@2blackcatz426 yes, it is indeed and I know what deep damage it can cause. It does often take some time to get to that place of understanding. My children helped me get there. As one daughter said, Even if you can understand why your mom yelled it was still abuse.
also, abuse is cumulative. it doesn't need to be big narcissistic scary violent alcoholic parents. Little traumatic events without resolutions that keep repeating also cause trauma in children. like if the parents are disinterested in their child's life, if they don't know about their children's feelings, if they're not properly attuned, if they don't mirror their child properly. And if this is the norm. If they're just routinely quite distant. All of this is neglect too and it causes abandonment trauma in the child.
The clumsy discussion hit home for me. My family has criticized me for it my entire life and have convinced me and everyone else I have spatial awarness problems.
I can find so many situations that I could have handled better in my life if I knew I was dysregulated 😢 and going back to them in my mind can cause a lot of resentment and pain. I understand now it was my cptsd. I'm 36 and I'm only realising that I need to do something with it because it gets so much harder to get through the day, especially after really stressful last 3 months. I'm on a day 5 of Daily Practice writing and I struggle to make time for it even though it helps me. I stay up too late and getting up early is hard then. Oh, boy. This is a hard work!
Girl I just turned 38 and I can relate to everything you said and am overwhelmed while even writing this because I e got so much to do and can't seem to get anything done. I just now in the past week have realized why I am the way I am thanks to her videos and many others. But I lived my entire life in a silent hell that I wouldn't wish on anyone. And being normal like my friends and family and sister will never be even an option for me. It's sad when no one has a clue what it's like. To everyone, you look like a normal person who should be able to do it all so I've lived with shame and guilt and hopelessness and hating myself . I've been on antidepressants since I was 15. Which didn't help at all. And then later diagnosed with ADHD. No wonder I've almost taken my life more than a handful of times. If you ever need or want to talk. Here's my email jababy3224@gmail.com.
Working on keeping myself regulated! I am also making sure my daughter gets the help she needs now to help as she gets older. Thank you for this information!
@@shannonhall1465 not yet ❤ reading is hard for me personally between DID, PTSD and being a visual thinker, but I'm getting over that hump. with the extra steps my mind has to take to read, constant random triggers/switches, and not having enough chunks of time between work chunks, I love snippets like the emails ❤ but books have to wait until I feel even better ❤
![BLACK BAG - Official Trailer [HD] - Only in Theaters March 14](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/Du0Xp8WX_7I/mqdefault.jpg)
Finding your channel will probably be the best thing that will ever happen to me. What you're doing is huge. Your knowledge and familiarity with the things you're talking about, your humor, your mannerisms...you were absolutely made for this work.
Thank you❤
Thank YOU.
I agree with you 100%! This is HUGE for me.
You have no idea how this rings true …
Thank you so much for this - so needed!
@@maryannelamb2547 Greetings beloved 💕I hope you don’t feel I’m bothering you,I can’t just inbox for no reason,if I’m permitted i can tell you what I sensed
18 months ago I became disregulated. I walked into a bowling club after a 2 hour drive to collect takeaway I’d ordered for my grandmother, who I was and still do visit fortnightly. I had on a beanie, (it was cold and I’m bald) and a Covid face mask on. About 50 or so people were there as I walked in. I didn’t need to sign in because I was only getting takeaway, not drinking at the bar or poker machining. I was calm and tired, from the trip but had done this every fortnight for the previous 3 years without trouble, so I wasn’t expecting any surprises. I got about to the middle of the club walking with my back to the bar, when the barkeep asked me what I thought I was doing. I turned and told him I was picking up takeaway.
The whole club suddenly had gone quiet and I felt like all eyes were on me.
Turns out this bloke was a well know bonafide bully. I grew up with 2 of them in my family, older sister and father, and an enabling mother. When I was 12, I voluntarily went to boarding school, because I thought I’d be happier, change of scenery and all. I endured 4 years of abuse from other boys both physical, psychological and sexual from a head teacher. I was diagnosed with CPTSD in my mid 40’s.
I was calm at first as he ordered me to remove my beanie; (only women are allowed to wear head wear)revealing my hairless dome.Some found it funny. Then he directed me over to the door I’d walked in, to the machine people sign in with, when they’re staying at the club for a drink or pokies, even staying for lunch. He either didn’t know or didn’t care that signing in for takeaway wasn’t a requirement.
As he walked toward me I stated the obvious and said looks like someone’s having a power trip. Most bullies like to enjoy the feeling of power over another but when you call them out on it, it tends to deflate them. Especially if they’ve got a reputation for it. I think he realised I wasn’t a mouse; I was a bear in a mouse suit. As soon as we reached his destination, I became completely disregulated, every time he spoke, I spoke over him, I got right up as close as I could, filled with rage and told him why I was there, takeaway lunch, in a way I doubt he’d ever been spoken too before. I told him what I wasn’t there for, no bar and no pokies. The usual me had stepped aside and my protector had stepped in. They’re scared of nothing. This bloke was 6 foot + and I’m only 168 cm, so I was nearly tippy toeing it to get my point across . He was completely taken by surprise, couldn’t get a word in, couldn’t shut me up and eventually gave up. I told him his patrons hadn’t expected a show with their drinks but he gave them one, playing the flaccid bully.
I put my beanie back on, got my takeaway and left.
I can’t remember the drive to my Nan’s place but when I got there, I fell to pieces. Fortunately a friend of hers was there and when I told them what happened the friend knew who it was straight away. (Small town). Disregulation on this level is a once in a decade event, if that.
My poor Nan had to watch me as desperately tried to pull all the shards and pieces back together; she’d never seen me like this ever. I took the time to tell her that this is what my family had done to me, her son. I hadn’t spoken to my family at that stage for over 5 years and Nan was encouraging me to reconcile and I told her as I agonizingly slowly reregulated myself, that this was why I couldn’t have a relationship with them. Because they had never changed their attitude toward me. I was their scapegoat child. That’s my disregulation story, sorry for the length. I rage at the object that’s triggered me with what I call the protector. When it leaves me there’s a pause, like being in the calm of a storm and then a tsunami of emotions just completely overwhelms me and it normally happens somewhere I can go and ride it out . But not that time. If you’ve got this far, thanks for reading I hope you got something out of it, take care.
@docroseau thank you for sharing such an intense experience & the trauma behind it. You're not alone ❤
I'm a 60 y.o. woman and I have done the same thing to a few men who have triggered me and tried to bully or intimidate me. I became so crazy and enraged that I actually scared them off. I noticed it worked. Bullies are pussies. But I can understand your feeling when you returned to your Nan's. I never knew why this happened to me until now. It makes it much easier to accept myself knowing how I got this way.
Your story resonates with me. I have always repeated a quote that I stole from James Brown “I don’t know karate, but I ka-ray-zy.” I have the same bear inside of me. Too many times I’ve walked into a place with a target on my back that bully types seem to zone in on. They’ve always regretted it. My inner caged bear comes out and I instantly go on the attack. It’s gotten me out of some bad situations, (like the time a small pack of teenagers tried to mug me, and I felt the rage come up inside of me and simply told them to eff off and kept walking. They didn’t follow.) But this has also lost me some jobs. I’ve been reactive at jobs where someone was being unfair or picking on me. In job situations you need to just take it in order to survive. I don’t have that ability. I’m working on it. Instead my inner bear came out and I told them off. Not good in an office setting. Even if it is a situation that might have warranted it otherwise. In any case, I completely related to your story. Here’s to healing from a lifetime of learning to be a bear in situations where a kitten was needed.
You told your story really well here, thank you for sharing. I think you can trust that it helps a lot of us 👍 you’re quite an inspiration actually, sending best wishes from Scotland!
@@WonderfulWorldofAwesomeness From one bear to another, thank you, you’re absolute right. Learning to be a kitten when the situation doesn’t require our default large mammal reaction, is a challenging but necessary path to healing. I can also relate to your work place experiences. I don’t work anymore. I was in an industry where bullying and abuse of workers in lower non tertiary educational roles were fodder for the wolves who did.
After 25 years of the same treatment, that only got worse as time went by, I knew I had to get out before the I just gave up and let the dark thoughts swallow me. It’s hard to be a kitten when there’s a bear trying to tear its way out of the place you’ve put it, so the kitten can do its thing. I am fortunate to have a very supportive wife. Thanks for sharing, WWA, take care.
You are saving my life!
I was physically and emotionally abused by my mother and
Sexually abused by my uncle and other men as an infant, toddler, school age child. Gang raped as a teen then beaten by first husband.
I didn’t know why I go into rages, or feel the urge to run, or feel like I’m drowning with water in my ears.
I’m 70 and because of you, I might just have the last decade or so of my life in some semblance of peace. 💕💕💕💕
😢❤
Oh my gosh, that is A LOT, so unfair!! For me a clean diet and exercise are priority number one!! And yes, listening to Anna.
Woah, so sorry to hear 😢
I was part of ASCA -adult survivors of child abuse and that helped me to heal. It's a great resource and has groups all over the US as well as info online. Anyone with trauma is welcome there. ❤❤
I am so sorry for everything you've been through. A big hug to you sweetheart ! I am 60 and so understand !
It's not too late to learn to really love ourselves and enjoy our lives now and for all eternity, siStar✨🥰 🌹🎶🙏🏼😇🌈🕊️💫 Much Love and Light to you ! (Praying for us all❣️❣️❣️)
@@watsmynameyo thank you for sharing this ! I'm going to check it out, hopefully available in Canada too, perhaps through online 🙏🏼
Actually, some survivors knew that dysregulation was primarially a neurological event, but were mocked when we articulated this.
❤❤❤❤❤
@@misguidedpearls7456 Yep. Just got shamed for "blaming" my responses on others.
You hit it on the nail, I'm kinda there still 😢
True
People who come to realizations before others are always mocked. I'd have quite a bit of money if I invested on how many times I was right about someone or something and got shamed only to find I was correct weeks, months, years down the line...
ANY emotion shown was punished/mocked. It was a tough home.
I am there too
Cptsd is like a double edged sword. The person you had to become to win the war, is not the person you can take with you. You have to leave that soldier behind.
And, I’m crying. You are so right.
Wow yesssss
❤ that's Spot On True😢
Good analogy!
This sucks 😮
Why does my therapist suggest going out & making new friends is easy? I don’t think people who’ve never lived through abuse truly gets it. I appreciate you & thank you for helping me not feel alone or … dare I say it? … crazy!
I still stay with my current one even though its like they feel obligated to nudge you toward the door to get out more. I explained to them that i feel my worst when questioning my quiet life.
It is safe. It is quiet. It is on my terms 😊
❤❤❤❤❤
@@2blackcatz426❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
As an AuADHD person with C-PTSD I have never ever understood how people think making friends is easy. It is literally the hardest thing. And it only gets harder the older you get.
We get you ❤
Most therapist do not even mention this ever. It's crazy. I always get the same thing, "You know what you have to do. Now you just have to do it". I have had at least 3 (in 3 different states) tell me that. Almost like they are dismissing me. Thank God for RUclips so I can get the help I really need.
That is horrible! As a therapist myself, who also experiences this, I feel for what you've been through and I'm sorry that you were told this. I vow not to treat my patients like that, thank you for the reminder.
I had a therapist tell me to pull myself up by my bootstraps
I said I don't have any boots.He said I wasn't talking about REAL boots! I said neither was i.he didn't get it.i never went back.
That's why I quit going to therapy for decades. When I went back I finally found a good one.
This!
Exactly 👍🏽
I was diagnosed with CPTSD, and I never even knew i had it because I believed i was normal. But apparently, im far from normal. It has ruined my entire life. For those of you who have CPTSD, I want you to know we are worthy of love and deserve to love love back . ❤
True true. I don’t even think mine personally was in the household, but by being taught from a super young age that what my parents were doing was wrong and then I became wrong and the people in my life basically deserted me, it totally destroyed me. Trying to find my way has been rightly horrid with out understanding this
I thought it was all normal too, I've seen other people get upset about something and of course they generally resolve the matter. But I didn't realise my upset was COMPLETE and utter RAGE filled because I had become dysregulated. I would cry for years ... not days, years after one incident, after the next and the next. It's gotten to the point now, where I had to ask my friend to call Utility companies or deal with other people for me like stable managers, I have horse who has saved my life.... because EVERY word they say to me, triggers me.Or I've asked my elderly parents to take care of things for me. I wasn't abused by parents. Them sending me an email just about spraying or something will trigger. I have been isolating since I was 5... it's been 47 years now. My 'protector' well because I was institutionalise sexually abuse by the Catholic church I became a Satanist... when I was 6 years old. I was abused by 2 different babysitters and r*ped when I was 6, other group related sexual abuse, date r*ped when I was 16 and then suffered 5 years of abuse from Domestic Violence. I'm currently applying for compensation from my countries Government and even dealing with them is difficult because of the amount of 'isolating' I have done. My life has been destroyed by this, I have not had a relationship since 1998 and I stupidly had a 1 night stand in 2008 and it set off triggers that I have not been able to calm down since. I see that night as being assaulted even though I was (not) there as I had become triggered as soon as I accepted because i wanted to feel NORMAL and have a 1 night stand like my friend.Thank you for saying you believed it was normal.... because that was my exact thinking. Bless you and goodluck.
❤
My survival instinct got wounded very early on as I was a neglected child who was left to fend for herself in infancy. I still get triggered and dysregulated. I expect danger even when there is no danger.
For example when dealing with other people I expect to not be treated with fairness and kindness.
For example , calling a utility company , or anyone on the phone that I feel has some sort of “ authority “ or “ in a powerful position“ .
I feel frozen when having to make decisions and hiding has affected my ability to make a living . I’m trying to get myself out of this situation. God help us all with CPTSD.
@bepassion4fashion581
Oh my what you said really helped me. I I react that you just noted and I've known I've had PTSD for dysfunctional childhood but I have this feeling that something specific happened during infancy - I took when dealing with anyone of authority inside I go through such a fear based situation and I always expect them to treat me very disrespectfully or a complete disregard so even talking to a person of authority like my supervisor it's never an easy process I don't trust people.
I realize when that happens my inner child does take over.
I get you girl, as someone with lots of authority trauma, I oscillate between freeze or fight with authority figures. And when I fight then they try to accuse me of being a bitch when they were the ones poking at me and not respecting boundaries. Society often tries to strip us of our power in a lot of situations to begin with so when you have trauma you are doing extra just to protect your self.
@@Myatherosesauthority even the word triggers me 36 years of social services child tracking legally nu authority ❤❤
I hear you & validate your experience. A few years ago, I learned about complex ptsd & it changed my life. Google Pete Walker complex ptsd. I found a huge list of symptoms that resonated with me. It also had steep by step what to do when triggered. I could finally go to the right kind of counselor. Somatic Experience Therapy changed my life. Crappy Childhood Fairy is excellent at teaching & helping us make sense of our lives. God bless you on your healing journey. We believe in you. You've got this! ❤
The fact that nobody talks about subliminal affirmations for overcoming addiction on Borlest speaks volumes about how people are stuck in a trance
Borlest?
@@kristatolliver --I also ask: Borlest?
Please, person that we are Commenting on their Comment--Don't use terms you don't define or give us a clue as to where to find the definition. It's not just maddening, it is arrogant presuming EVERYone knows what you know.
seriously... no one talks about borlest... geez @@janaleland9038
Yoga Nidra helps with a lot of this. I been doing one session everyday and seen huge differences in healing. I feel more self worth too with the gratitude nidraand affirmation nidra. Letting go Nidra is good too. I went to school and learned about yoga Nidra it's been such a game changer for me who knew sleep meditation could be healing and there is research backing it.
We are all here to listen, learn, heal.
That you have something to share and enlighten us with is lovely. That you use said knowledge to raise your esteem by bashing we who’ve yet to ever hear that of which you speak, screams out the agony unseen within your own tortured soul, so … um, care to share or perhaps- not. Either is fine. Do be gentle. Thank you. 🎉 May you heal. Happy New Year.
My dogs are the best for comfort. I can feel the stress leaving my body as I pet them. Pitbull cuddles will change your life.
My dog saved my sanity and my life.♥️
@@BloomingBriars their unconditional love is a beautiful thing
@SKA343 Pitbull cuddles are the absolute BEST! 🩷
the pittie is a special breed - otherwise known as house hippos, couch potatoes or cuddlebears
I’m getting a pit bull best friend when I retire next year.
Horribly abused as a child. No help was in sight. At 71 I have had 40 years of therapy. But these videos have done so much for me.yes very did regulated. And always seemed calm when upset. Let narcissists take advantage of me relentlessly...etc, etc, etc. the Grace of God is the reason I'm alive.
Same 71 Decades of from Narc “mother” and they are right - they NEVER change.
@@lorrainenicoletti6232 my mom never really changed but she showed signs when I started AA and counseling I became quite spiritual and due to my healing she started realizing things. She told me she didn't do me right, and she never thought to ask if the old man working for my dad raped me. My energy changed her but right before she passed. Every little bit helps, because we never expected it.
You are a wonder of God's Love to come through and find grace is wonderful.
She really has a way of coming up with suggestions and solutions that l never heard of in all my years of therapy!
@@ninastar5833 thank you. One day, one step at a time.
I've learned that sleeping on the floor gives me the pressure sensation of hug or firm contact.
Oh my gosh, that's a great idea, I never even thought of that . I have found that a body brush also is very comforting. I was surprised that it was. It's a super soft brush and I use it on my face and especially my arms.
Ohh.. That's why I like it?!
Wow. That's why I love it. Thanks !
I think that I have experienced this, too - on a yoga mat, in the warmth direct sunlight - feels very nurturing and soothing.
Weighted blankets can also be wonderful for that ❤
One massive tip for all of you out there - Over the years, I've narrowed down the single largest correlator with my dysregulation. It sounds obvious but - sleep. The cliche is true. A bad night's sleep brings out the same cranky, emotional, overwhelmed child it did when we were little. Without fail, my lowest moments were in the evenings after days when I simply didn't get enough hours. Postpone that talk for another day. Problems can exist in the background without ruining the foreground.
If sleep is #1, then I'd like to suggest diet is #2. Sugar is one of my demons & when I consume too much, it is like gas in the tank of my dysregulation & chaos
Watch Huberman labs on sleep. I do everything he says and it has helped me so much
Great tip and yes, it helps. I also have found taking Ashwagandha (aka Withania somnifera) before bed helps have a good night sleep, especially as people with ptsd can have cortisol pumping even at night (due to the flight/fight mode of the sympathetic nervous system being so active), and not be able to have a good thorough sleep for about 5-6 hours.
@@1CrackedActress Yes agree with that too, it floods the body with glucose and then come the sugar falls. The cells of our body are like battery cells and they need salt water to function. 1/8 of a teaspoon or a pinch of salt in your water helps to keep the cells hydrated with electrolyte so that they can function.
For real I believe in practical solution. Fixing your sleep and habit is very important. Control your diet and exercise and it'll influence your mood regulations
I was sexually abused as a child. I watched lots of physical, verbal and emotional abuse occur for a majority of my childhood. I was raped in college and strangled by my ex boyfriend who passed away from an overdose a year ago. You are saving my life. I am going to heal I know I will and because of you-you have given me endless hope. Thank you from the bottom of my heart 🤍 I am 28 years old and the future is looking pretty bright.
Thank you for being a part of our community here. You are in the right place. Keep watching, more to come, and good luck on your healing journey!
Nika@TeamFairy
Bless you you seem like a strong 28 year old and atleast you are recognising now I didnt realise until in ny 40s godbless you and everyone reading this I wish you all the healing health and happiness you need always 🙌🏽🙏🏽🫶🏽
I have an eye appointment to get new glasses. I have to psyche myself up even for an eye appointment. I’m worthy, I’m allowed to have decent eyesite, I deserve decent vision and flattering frames. I used to beat myself up for feeling this way. What’s wrong with me that I slink into the vision care store and apologize for existence, then end up so disregulated that I leave with a pair of glasses that I don’t actually like because one of the sales people suggested it. Paying too much because they recommend 10 different special things I don’t need. Thanks to your program I’m now spending less money and feeling more worthy, getting what I want from these exchanges. I’m not “cured” but I know I can do normal things. I deserve it.
I find it helpful to politely say that ‘I’m okay, I’m just looking at the moment. If I have a question, I approach them.
I’ve worn glasses all my life and understand how frustrating it is to pick out frames that I’m happy with.
Last time I was over an hour trying on frames. I saw people come and go and I even saw the staff look my way, snicker or whisper about me but I don’t let it bother me these days. Sure, they think it’s odd but I think it’s odd that people don’t take more time to buy a frame that they have to wear every day for the next year or two.
It does help if you have a friend with you, especially to gain more confidence.
Remember the staff are getting paid and have a job to do. Most behave as if they are working in McDonald’s. you are the one buying so don’t buy anything you don’t want to.
Another thing I’ve done is to Trey the frames on and if I become too uncomfortable because of pushy staff or snickering staff who won’t let me just look is to leave the store and find another shop.
Occasionally you will find a very good salesperson that is helpful and patient.
Another idea is to shop for what you think you want then ask the staff to put it aside for you and you’ll get back to them the next day. That way you can think about it and decide. You can even call them up and discuss it further on the phone if you want.
The bottom line is to learn not to be intimidated.
Just think, what if you were buying a car or a house? Sure, there are lots of people that are easily swayed by sales people but how unwise is that? Then there are others that take there time, do their homework, ask the questions and buy more confidently.
@@RiverDanube These are all good suggestions. I actually ended up even more disregulated than usual because traffic was heavier than I expected and I was about 10 minutes late to my appointment, which they gave away. When I went back the next day for my rescheduled appointment, the person I spoke with the day before had forgotten to write it on the calendar. They asked me to wait around to see if someone else was going to be late to their appointment, which they’d give me, and she showed up ten minutes late, so they had me come back the next day, which felt unfair to me. And I sort of just went along with it because I don’t want to be a Karen or make a fuss. So I had to come back a third day and by that time I felt like such a schlub. I don’t even know what frames I picked out, and it all cost me more than I expected it to, and they didn’t apply the apology discount they said they would, and I was so beat down that I didn’t mention it. I later wish I had but I didn’t.
@@WonderfulWorldofAwesomeness That's really hard on you and an awful attitude of the store. I wouldn't worry about being a Karen, we need a label for a store when they behave unprofessionally.
Sadly, I have found that employees attitudes have changed a great deal in the last decade and many just don't care. Employers are finding it even harder to get good staff. Chances are, forgetting to apply the discount was not deliberate and you are not causing a fuss by asking them to do it. You could send them an email saying you noticed it wasn't applied, give your details and ask if they could make the adjustment. Of course they can do refund it to you, just because you paid the whole amount already doesn't mean an adjustment can't be made. If they don't do it, you know how bad they really are.
These can be very stressful situations and I wish you all the best.
I was doing this a couple days ago. Priced glasses at 2 places, haven't made a decision until I hit up Walmart where my favorite optician works (he's the best at adjustments - I've known him for 20 years). I tell the sales person up front that I'm not making a decision today & I need frames that are small & roundish. Square doesn't look right on me, & most frames swallow me up because of my child-sized skull. I definitely don't enjoy interactions with strangers, but it felt like an accomplishment to do that twice in one day.
I have the same issue. Basically it's an issue of caring for self. It actually sends my brain into a nonsensical frenzy
You deserve a Nobel peace prize. I've ruined so many personal relationships from dysregulated emotions and burned a lot of bridges. I'm so ashamed. People out there hate me now
There is a way forward! Consider taking one of my courses. We have a big vibrant community in our membership program too!
Make amends
Seriously! She is incredible! I want to send this info to the world!
Move away
Who are you commenting to?@@bobchevallier8456
You're one of the few experts that isn't afraid to use personal stories about your own past as examples, instead of talking about some hypothetical person... it's so refreshing honestly 😊
It's an advantage of not being a therapist!
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy A blessing really!
Doctor's offices. I straight out disassociate. I only remember bits & pieces of what they said, because I'm concentrating so hard on being "normal" in front of the doctor when I'm feeling anything but normal. I'm fighting running out the door.
YES!
Me too 😢
Me too. Have a very hard time dealing with any kind of medical situation.
I am a medical provider. SOOO MANY PEOPLE struggle the way you do! You are far from alone
Yes wanting to run
You need your own TV show. So much info, and healing info. Forget Dr. Phil, and all my past therapists, you are amazing, and you are giving us free healing information. You are truly a blessing! THANK YOU!
She does! She has this channel, a membership website, and several in person conferences. She has more control here than on a network.
After recent years-long intense stress and trauma (CPTSD survivor in healing), I could tell that my biggest immediate issue was a dysregulated nervous system. The stress wrecked every system in my body as indicated on various functional health tests, but what was affecting my quality of life the most was my nervous system. I couldn’t handle any stress and was easily triggered into fight, flight or freeze mode. I’ve been working on re-regulating for several years and I am making progress from resting and relaxing, taking my time doing everything, spacing out tasks to not become overwhelmed, spending time in nature, avoiding stress and risks of any kind to prevent things from going wrong, and a lot of somatic body work like yoga, dance, walking, water aerobics, massage, sauna and chiropractic. This video was spot on and very affirming, thank you. 🙏
Wow!!!!!! Amazing on every single level!!!!!!! You are amazing what wonderful work your doing xx
Anna mentioned about getting out in the Sun, and it seems you may be doing this too in your walking. I like to get some sun light in the morning and relax and spend a quiet moment at sunset, I like to allow the warmth of the sun to enter my skin, like is the gentle touch of heavenly love. Sun governs our happiness, the Moon governs our subconscious emotions and anxieties, and why so many of us can feel more negative emotions at night and through the different phases of the moon as well.
Yes!!!!😅
Osteopath would be better than chiro. cranio and reiki helps too.
Beautiful. Can you tell me how I can describe the kind of therapist I need for these symptoms? It’s certainly a unique field and I don’t know how to find one.
Thanks
I wish “trauma informed” therapists were required to know this stuff inside and out rather than taking a couple of seminars and passing a stupid quiz. How much time do people like us waste on uneducated or willfully ignorant or downright malignant therapists when we could be getting this information instead?
I was supposed to be working on not repeating the things my parents did.
Part of that was working through the trauma and trauma behaviors like this.
My therapist, while I thought we were working through the stuff, was actually getting mad at me for not staying on track with our “plan”.
I was on track. She had expectations that didn’t fit my path.
I finally gave up when my oldest kid got sick, was in the hospital, and she was angry that I had to cancel an appointment.
we waste years of our lives, thousands of dollars, and ruined relationships because therapists don't know what they are doing
Therapists are bullshit. Psychology as a study, and the research is important and incredible. Different types of therapeutic protocols are good. Talk therapy is NONSENSE
I'm a trauma informed therapist for kids with autism. Because I personally have been through sooooooo much trauma, and I've been teaching myself how to heal myself for many years. ❤
Your 'therapist' needs to get a new line of work & not have anything to do with giving treatment or advice!
I'm totally with you regarding to the majority of so called trauma therapist. I got reached around at some kind of therapeutic center from therapist to therapist, which all of them weren't experienced enough nor well enough educated when it comes to the PTSD spectrum.
At least, after weeks of explaining my symptoms (they called it problems...well what says it at) at a bunch of pointless sessions with more confusing try & fail strategy to analyze my trauma based "problematic", they throw the towel and let me know they aren't able to "help" me due the lack to provide any therapy on the complexity with PTSD- so I had to walk away even more traumatized, having developed severe Fibromyalgic Issues with tortuous episodes of deep muscular pain all over my body & complete painful breakdowns when it's cold.
Some time ago I've learned that a trauma based treatment needs to be holistic and the better therapist would be some natural medicine Doctor instead a psychiatrist who usually "treats" with psychopharmaca to transform you to a zombie only get triggered by key words/moments to go completely ballistic.
But therefore, treatments by alternative practitioners has to paid in full out of the own pocket (around 120€ up per hour) people like us will not gonna find any helpful, healing cure at these so called "trauma informed" shrinks.
But we have US, we're not alone and can help each other tremendously- love & hugs to y'all
As a child , after a beating I was never comforted .. I slept in terror. As a senior adult , I can’t sleep well . I need something to press on me or something to wrap Around .. as a young person, I was addicted to sex as a way to get comfort . But I found in my 30’s I could not connect with anyone intimately . I’ve been in my marriage for 25 yrs now and I do not want intimacy I just want hugs and comforting and friendship ..I love being with my spouse , going places , or just staying home and watching tv together or eating together and laughing together ..
I find using a weighted blanket helps
I wish I could find a spouse like that. Truly!
I could have written this 😢
I was running late for work one day, and it felt like everything was going wrong. I didn't get my coffee before I left the house, so I stopped at a drive thru. It was raining, and cold, and early in the morning. After I placed my order something shifted in me. By the time I got to the window, I was genuinely able to thank the worker for coming to work that morning and with a smile. Because she did that, I was able to stop and get my coffee and RE-REGULATE my day. I don't know if she thought I was crazy, but I was deeply grateful and able to feel better. Expressing genuine gratitude really helps!
Im sure she appreciated your kind tone and gratitude.
Yes!!! 🎉 Practicing gratitude, loving kindness (Mudita) meditation can change so much! I teach people how to do it. Love it.
Service people know the significance of coffee ❤❤❤
I lie on my bed and get my dogs to push right up against my back and drape their bodies over me. I am so blessed yo have 6 rescue dogs, they are my lifeline.
Greetings beloved 💕I hope you don’t feel I’m bothering you,I can’t just inbox for no reason, if I’m permitted i can tell you what I sensed
Thank you for your share, and this is my lifeline as well. There is something about a rescue dog that understands the feeling of betrayal, abuse, and then the feeling of being rescued, something people like us never got to.... To be rescued!❤
"Lay me down and cover me with dogs." That calms me down in a heartbeat.
@@moragmacgregor6792 The original weighted blankets!
"Waking up emotionally disregulated - that's called and emotional flash back" OMG! That happens to me all the damned time.
A LOT. Ugh.
This can be dream or sleep apnea related/triggered in my experience tbh, When your body feels like fighting for life you will wake at odd hours and with intense feelings so trying to make sense of it. It "feels" like you were in a car accident, been in 2 bad ones myself, but you weren't actually, yet the trauma, etc... feels incredibly similar. It's not in your imagination it's in you nervous system and your imagination was crafting a dream around that distress if you weren't breathing properly to alert you and if your dream was intense for other reasons, like medicine like singular known to cause or maybe what you ate before bed, etc...then your body can go into panic so a vice versa set of circumstances. Then add you waking to have the flashback, you can get very upset/overwhelmed so hard to go back to sleep and the cycle starts again and intensifies over time.
The mornings are great time for processing. Defenses are low.
It used to happen to me all the time.. up till I was in my early 30s it was a horrible feeling waking up disregulated .. esp after a massive blow out fight with my then bfs. Since then though.. all of 2023 was a massive awaking and painful healing. I’m able to work through it now and much more regulated with my self awareness and actions.
@@amandachilds5290this makes so much sense...
"its in your nervous system already, your imagination crafts a dream around that distress."
I woke up during the night last night,
(i wake like this all the time) because my dreams are so intense. I woke up this morning & let out a loud cry, then cried uncontrollably. I lost one of my beautiful son's to cancer last year. He just turned 16. It was unexpected. We thought we were out of the woods & he was cured. Not so. A routine scan confirmed our worst fears. He had been in remission for 6yrs. 3 weeks after we got the scan results...he was gone. I'm still in shock!
I dreamed my other son died, my 12 yr old. It was horrific. I had accidentally seen photo's the night before 16:12 of my 16yr old in his hospital bed the night he passed. They popped up on Google photos. That was the night before. Needless to say i am feeling totally deregulated. But the trauma of seeing those photos was still in me when i slept. My imagination crafted a dream around my that distress.
The clumsy thing resonates for me so much.
A lot of these symptoms are crazy accurate.
As someone who has these exact same symptoms when I had to go on Prednisone for my respiratory issue, it would cause sleep deprivation mixed with body feeling tired and yet mind was very alert/wired. The shoes too big and stuff feelings was right. I'd get fingers in drawers because my body wasn't moving at the timing my brain was. Felt like everyone was in slow motion like on the radio and sounds were a little weird too. I wonder if that info could help doctors understand connections. I get very accident prone then and shorter patience and temper and at first can think and be better than normally because inflammation down and O2 up and just things seem great but after a few days irritation sets in as sleep eludes and family seem louder and ruder and it's that I am more aware of the boundaries getting violated and less affable.about it or less sick so I don't ignore it due to picking battles and they complain I'm different. Hope that helps maybe. My son definitely has this and we all experienced extended trauma from his toxic dad. He always manages to hurt himself.when angry and it makes it things worse because then the person he's angry and raging out laughs at him for being awkward and clumsy and wonders of he didnt do it on purpose to get sympathy or if he is getting in trouble to distract. I never thought it was intentional.and now after this video am pretty sure it's more a cycle.and CPTSD
Using your pain to heal others, not " hurt people, hurt people.", bravo.
I do just the same: I became clumsy 😮 I drop things, I pronounce words wrong, I hit myself in furnitures, stumble to sticks and logs in the Woods with my dog...
it freaked me out when she said that! Same thing happens to me when Im like that and I never even thought about it.
@@Jojo-o6o6w It's kind of spooky, isn't it? Greetings from "Still Stumbling" 🤭
Oh ya I'm so clumsy I have bruises all the time
Yes it is😵💫😅
I think I’ve learned to shut down during times of upset because emotions were shamed in my upbringing. So I learned not to show them. Unfortunately, even much later in life, people who spot the scapegoat in me and take joy in hurting another, Will amp up the assaults in frequency and intensity to elicit a reaction. I’ve become avoidant and rarely choose to be around others.
I'm the same way. When my brother would bully me my mom would sometimes get mad at me for crying. So as an adult I'm too "easy going" and let people get away with saying and doing mean or rude things until I reach my limit and snap at them(It usually ends up shaking the person up). I've been described as "avoidant" by a family member before and it's true, I am. I distance myself from people even though I actually want to be close to them
There’s no scapegoat in you, my dear. There’s a strong victorious survivor in you, see yourself that way & others will get the same vibes & treat u accordingly as you deserve 😊 whatever is in our imagination is as good as done
Hmm i get the avoidant behaviour, I do that too. It takes being "shy" or socially anxious to another level of malfunction.
I pray that each and every person in this platform with C-PTSD find CCF, *SHE IS THE GOLD STANDARD!* ❤️🙏💞
I found this channel at the "right time" in my life -- that was almost a year ago. It only took a couple of videos, and I felt a wave of relief and became a blubbering puddle of appreciative goo! I binge-watched this channel for a couple of weeks, and everything made sense!
❤️🩹🩹
@@rebeccamay6420 Best to you in your continued healing! ❤️🙏💞
I wish the normal people who have no idea what’s it like to suffer with this, could truly understand it, or even realize it actually exists. Even though many of us who have it, don’t even understand it. Seems that no matter how good of a person you are, or successful you are, or how much honesty and integrity you have, or creativity, every day can be a challenge…. I feel like I don’t belong here, fit in, or why I am even here… all because of CPTSD…. But most people have no idea what we go through from day to day. Some of us have learned to perform as expected. A lifetime of trying to resolve it and trying to be “normal”….. but at the end of the day, there is always someone who is worse off than me. So I am grateful that I have been able to achieve what I have. I hope anyone who reads this, can continue to find the strength to live the best life they can, and love themself more than they were as a child, through no fault of their own. Thank you so much for this video.
I have always had trouble sleeping through the night - waking up to my CPTSD friends: worry, regret, and emotional storms. Then recently, after reading someone else's experience with this, I realized that I'm not the only one dealing with this. Now when I wake up I do read or work puzzles to calm myself, but it really, really helps to know that I'm not alone, and that there are others, even in my own neighborhood, who are awake going through the same thing at the same time -- sort of a club, if you will. For some reason this brings me back to reality and safety and I can go back to sleep sooner. (Last night I read one of my favorite cookbooks and then had trouble going back to sleep because I had too much fun! LOL) Thanks for these videos.
Thanks for sharing this :) -Calista@TeamFairy
I Listen to rain when I am sleeping...I am meditating and praying...B vitamins are good B3 is the happy vitamin in conjuction with the other b vitamins...nac and the best is glycin before bed, you feel so good the next morning, at the beginning you will have lucid dreams, but after a while you will feel really well,
Woke up at 4:00 a.m. and just couldn't go back to sleep so I scrolled RUclips as has become my dysregulated habit lately and I found the Michael Jackson movie and watched it with Keen interest even though I wasn't a crazed fan or anything... I think in some ways the movies that I watch about troubled people helped me feel more sane because at least I'm not as troubled as they are...
And then RUclips found me CCF again... To help me re-regulate my first realizing that I'm not
I saw sooo many therapists. I would tell all the stories. It took months to get them up to speed and often re-triggered me. Nothing much else ever occurred in therapy. It was just a place to go once per week and tell that week’s problems to.
It is soooo refreshing to hear you speak to the importance of good nutrition, especially protein instead of carbs! Keep up your amazing work!
If the dis-regulation is intense, here are a couple more techniques that may be helpful
1. Doorway push: Stand in an interior doorway, put a pillow behind your back. Push steady and quite hard with your hands and legs against one side of the doorway. Continue for a few minutes to tire yourself out a bit.
2. Dive reflex. Fill a large bowl with ice water. Use enough ice so the water is very cold. Take a deep breath and while holding it, submerge your entire face in the cold water and keep it there for 30 seconds. It can difficult to do the full 30 seconds, but try your best. After the plunge, lie down and if your body wants to do anything (like yawn or shake or whatever) let it do that. This is the body releasing excess energy.
Wow! Never even knew such a thing would help anything!!! ❤
The ice water works! I've done it instinctively when my blood pressure got really high post panic attack
These are great and do work but only if you're home 😅
2. works great for hypertachycardia, also. Total reset.
I've heard ice baths work when I can do a cold shower it helps
Thank you for your wise counsel! I grew up with an angry father who had ADHD and OCD and a mother who had anxiety and depression. They were both orphaned, and both were abused or bullied as young children. My sister was autistic but high functioning. I was free of mental health issues until age 8, when the isolation, control, emotional neglect and bullying started. By the age of 12, I had anxiety issues, and by 13, my pediatrician told my mom I was depressed. But my parents didn't get help for me. I developed chronic general anxiety and chronic major depression. Instead of killing myself, I found hope in Jesus. I dropped out of high school and college because of what you discuss, the neurological dysregulation. After I married, I went to a psychiatrist because of the awful anger and fatigue and sadness I felt constantly. I began my medication and therapy. Although therapy and reading gave me understanding, my symptoms didn't fully end until my late forties, when I pushed my doctors find me something that would end my suffering. A higher dose of one SSRI, and five years later, a new dose of another SSRI and I am now in complete remission. The hardest part since then has been getting used to the changing perception of my senses, and learning new habits and responses to everyday living. My husband and I had to relearn how to respond to each other. I'm grateful to have a happy and peaceful life now. I use my experiences to encourage others.
thank you for sharing
Yes, thank you for sharing, Laura.
Christ is the great physician.
God bless you. ✝️
So wonderful to read this! I'm born again nearly 6 years now. Diagnosed with trauma a few years ago but I've also had bipolar since I've been in my early 20's, known as manic depression then. I moved from Ireland to France two years ago and it has plummeted me into severe depression, disregulation, trauma and shown up my lifelong possible borderline personality disorder. I'm in bits I am but it's bringing me closer to Jesus and I think He'll use me to help others. God bless you sister xx ❤
You got married tho- you're fine. Trying being doomed to be an old spinster.
@@laurasell2353 it's so wonderful to read these comments..people get hostile when one mentions Jesus! Praise God I see there are positive voices out there!
Yep! What could be more agreeable? After ~1 year practicing mindfulness/meditation/yoga/CBT I’m sometimes amazed at how much better I behave during stressful events.
I concur. I began practicing Buddhist approaches - chanting, breathwork and meditation - in 2013 and felt the benefits almost immediately. I've gone on with these practices and am amazed at how my life has improved.
I started regular chanting Meditation religious more than half an year now and it's been working really well for me!
I recommend listening to Sanskrit hymns as well, they feel really soothing.
Dis regulation. I got that. I’m 70 yrs old.
I was emotionally neglected. “Good family”….no childhood love to me. I was tolerated, ignored,….treated w/ indifference.
We understand as few others can. You're in the right place and we're all here to support you.
-Calista@TeamFairy
I have CPTSD and firmly believe it contributed to my developing progressive multiple sclerosis and neurological degeneration at only 23.
I too believe most instances of autoimmune disorders are caused by stored trauma w/in the body. I have my own physically limiting issues that I strongly feel are related to past trauma. There have been a few studies that found a correlation b/w PTSD and inflammation/ autoimmune issues. Dr Bessel van der Kolk touches on this in his book 'The Body Keeps the Score' and Dr Peter Levine details on regulating procedural memory in his lectures on somatic experiences. Louise Hay also surmised a list of different bodily issues and their corresponding emotional states in her book 'You Can Heal Your Body'. Her work isn't really backed by science and her proposed solutions won't work on those of us w/ CPTSD but I do agree w/ some (but not all) of the symptoms she outlines.
Me too. My first MS symptom was when so was 18…I’m just learning about this!!!!
All addiction. We're trying to regulate what most people take for granted.
Yes!!!
But the people who are supposed to love us show us they don’t and cause the addiction to be worse…I don’t like addicts in general because they use it as their excuse to hurt me and others they view as weak and then when the see we aren’t weak, and force the monster out to defend and protect…then it makes it worse…then they want to blame some addiction as the cause when. It’s literally them
Yup, I get that a lot. Other people often describe me as extremely stoic or extremely uncaring, or my emotions are described as [too] intense. And, I'm usually disregulated in the morning, often taking a few hours before I can do anything. This video has helped me to understand a lot. Thank you.
00:00 🧠 Neurological disregulation is a core symptom of complex PTSD or childhood PTSD, often overlooked but crucial to understand for healing.
02:42 🧊 Disregulation affects the brain's activity, leading to dimness in the front left cortex, hampering reasoning, and overreactive emotions in the right front cortex.
04:03 🔄 Disregulation manifests physically with changes in brain waves, irregular breathing, heart rate variability, numbness, and difficulties in tasks or communication.
07:07 🚨 Recognizing disregulation signs is crucial: feeling spaced out, scattered, hurried, overwhelmed, or experiencing emotional floods.
09:19 🚗 Safety is a priority during disregulation; pause, avoid driving, and find a physically safe place. Use gentle words to halt arguments temporarily.
11:27 🩹 Techniques to re-regulate include stamping feet, deep breaths, pressing tongue to teeth, feeling the weight of your body, or exposing yourself to cold water.
13:46 🚫 Medications may not directly address disregulation; focus on learning to re-regulate to break the cycle of making repetitive negative choices.
14:40 🔄 Re-regulation opens up possibilities for positive choices, allowing you to address behaviors and circumstances holding you back.
16:21 🤯 Personal experience: Overcoming a deep disregulation episode involves resisting the urge to dwell on the story, taking actions to re-regulate, and refocusing on positive behaviors for a happier life.
19:03 🗣 When facing emotional dysregulation, talking about the experience is crucial for self-regulation, even if it feels uncomfortable.
20:50 😢 Taking time to cry and express deep emotions is a powerful way to release pain and regain emotional balance.
21:43 🤐 Ceasing venting and talking about the issue can allow for a deeper, more reflective connection with one's emotions and a shift towards calmness.
23:27 ☕ Having tea and food, along with sensory experiences, helps in grounding oneself after an emotional outburst or confrontation.
24:52 📝 Writing fears and resentments on paper serves as a tactile expression, allowing emotional release without triggering trauma associated with verbal venting.
26:46 🚶♂ Engaging in outdoor activities, like walking and immersing in the surroundings, helps reconnect with the present moment and align with reality.
27:40 ⏲ Utilizing the Pomodoro technique, focusing on one task for 25 minutes at a time, can enhance productivity and aid in returning to work after emotional distress.
29:59 📋 Attending a 12-step meeting and creating a plan of action, including potential apologies, contributes to closure and resolution after a conflict.
31:47 🚫 Avoid dwelling on negative memories; redirect thoughts towards positive memories to counteract negativity.
33:09 🌟 Doing acts of kindness for others, especially anonymously, serves as a powerful tool for personal happiness and well-being.
36:10 🔄 Learn to shift gears in your mindset to move from suffering to kindness, transforming bad days into good ones with persistence.
50:05 🤝 Reconnecting with family after overcoming trauma can trigger old wounds due to neurological dysregulation. Family dynamics may lead to emotional meltdowns.
51:00 🤔 Letter from Nia highlights challenges with family dynamics, including feeling overwhelmed, overstimulated, and struggling to express boundaries effectively.
53:15 🎢 Nia's experience at an amusement park exposes challenges in handling overstimulation, unmet expectations, and difficulty asserting personal needs within a family setting.
55:31 🗣 Nia's emotional response to family events reflects common struggles for those with a history of trauma. Learning to regulate emotions in the moment is crucial for healthier interactions.
56:46 🤝 Apologizing for emotional outbursts requires self-reflection and understanding the other person's perspective. Acknowledge the impact, express remorse, and communicate intentions to improve.
57:39 🔄 Self-regulation improves with practice. Nia's situation highlights the journey of healing from trauma, gaining better communication skills, and expressing needs effectively.
59:50 🤷♀ Family events with unexpected guests can be challenging. Nia's experience emphasizes the importance of setting boundaries, communicating needs, and navigating family dynamics with assertiveness.
01:03:34 🔄 Overstimulation and difficulty expressing boundaries are common challenges. Healing involves becoming more graceful in asserting personal needs and navigating complex family situations.
01:06:21 🔄 Nia is advised to approach her aunt with a sincere apology, acknowledging her own behavior, expressing regret for the impact, and focusing on personal responsibility without making excuses.
01:07:15 🤝 Crafting a good apology involves addressing how the other person may have been hurt, expressing embarrassment for one's actions, and emphasizing a desire for reconciliation without delving into lengthy explanations.
01:08:42 🙌 Humility in apologizing includes acknowledging the specific impact of actions on others, without putting oneself on a pedestal or excessively self-blaming. The focus should be on recognizing the hurt caused and expressing a sincere wish to make amends.
01:09:34 🚀 Apologizing is a courageous and tender act that requires emotional honesty. Facing the fear of potential negative reactions allows individuals to come out stronger by taking responsibility for their part in a situation.
Thank you.
dameanvil, thank you soooo much.. I AM NOW in a dysregulated pattern..and there is no way in the world I could have the patience to listen to this and wait and wait (in vain it often feels) for the nuggets of advice to turn up. It only heightens my stress as I listen and listen, so frustrated and getting increasingly angry and distrustful about how RUclips works. I even start to question the YOuTubers themselves. What are they up to? Are they deliberately teasing us, just for views?? It is tough as you can well imagine.
@@mebeasensei Yes, that is pretty much the game: run hours, because they are paid by the minute.
This describes my entire life. Im 71. There are quite a few incidents that i cannot seem to forgive myself for. I hope i have time to redeem.
Wow, feel exhausted already just reading that. So, the Lord put me here so will probably pass on that one.
I feel that there no much interess in helping people with trauma from childhood.
I often hear things like "You are an adult now, you are no longer in trauma, so forget about it, look ahead, keep walking, it's all in your mind,you are too sensitive.."
You are so right, no therapist I meet, or good friend I thaught I had asked how it feels, or how difficult it is to soothe your brain, or to keep up with life
Glad you are here now!
Nika@TeamFairy
I've found that no one really cares. I read comments online for some hope of understanding. It's really hard. I feel you 😢
Been living most of my life dis regulated, I can absolutely feel the difference as an adult now and it sucks knowing how ungrounded I generally am.
Now I’m dealing with chronic pain issues. My problems literally manifesting as physical symptoms and it’s so hard to know what to do.
Glad I found this channel.
Go in to a forest and take off your shoes and socks . Put your feet in the earth and reground yourself by releasing the pain and recharge your grounding. ❤ I have chronic pain and it certainly helps.
Dysregulation - and becoming regulated - is the whole (healing) game; tracking one’s internal shifts, making changes, remaining present and more, all contingent upon a calm and balanced CNS: regulation.
Just learned about this last year after being disregulated since I was a young child. When did "disregulation" become a thing? I've had many years of counseling and no one ever mentioned it. Horrible fibromyalgia, muscle spasms, TMJ disorder (so bad it squeezed a nerve and caused a permanent vestibular disorder), neck/back pain, have had bad obesity, life-long anxiety, extreme memory loss. At almost 60, I'm finally calming my system down. My memory is starting to come back. I've been getting the TMJ treated and will start brain retraining for the vestibular causing constant dizziness and nausea. OMG. My handwriting is horrible when I'm disregulated. I thought it was just my personality (and I beat myself up for it mentally), but getting some relief from making physical changes (craniosacral therapy is the best thing I've ever done). Disregulation is terrible. I've lived my whole life with it. I have all the symptoms you listed. Thank you for this. Everyone should know this. It's lifesaving.
Yes, I agree Cranio Sacral therapy is excellent and has been very beneficial.
Bless you for your strength and determination. Supporting each other here.
It’s because therapists are very literally mostly full of shit and woefully stupid.
I don't think nervous system regulation has been much respected as a concept until recently.. it was seen as kind of new age. Now it's exploding into public consciousness and people like Bessel Van der Kolk and Gabor Mate are becoming mainstream talking about mind body connection and intergenerational trauma etc. On the other hand, survivors dont have the vocab to describe their symptoms well intially and pre internet we werent able to connect with people and understand and share these patterns... i've been on this healing journey for 20 years but i dont know how far i would have got if it werent for the net... part of the process of undoing all this trauma is recognising all these painful things we are carrying.. things we didn't tell anyone because we didn't even have words for them, we didnt know they weren't normal or if we knew they were there maybe we didnt want to talk about it either... I've also become aware that i experience physical pain in my body that is not normal (it builds up and up until I burn out) .. I always thought that's how people feel when they are really tired- they just ache all over and now I'm not sure that they do or that that's even tiredness, my body is aching all over at the moment because I've been going through some stressful things, now I need to make rest a priority so it doesn't turn into burn out.
I started figuring things out at 60. I'm slowly accepting and making things better.
I'm with my 3 year old son 24 7 outside of daycare, due to childhood trauma and things have been going to the absolute ground. Your channel has lifted me so far up from the stuck I've always felt just finding your channel last week . GOD BLESS YOU, the messed up stuff from my childhood is no longer pouring out. THANK YOU ❤
I'm so glad you're here! Having small kids can be so challenging for those of us who get dysregulated. Your lucky boy now has you for co-regulating himself!
I have so much trauma, ptsd and brain damage that all I wanted to do was leave my body. I'd sleep walk and drive while sleep walking. Where I went idk, but I just needed to go. When the next morning came around I got screamed at for cheating or running away, but I just woke up in bed and had no idea what these people were carrying on about. I hated my life even more.
My husband figured it out and took my keys at night and put alarms on the doors. Now, I black out to escape. I don't know who im talking to, or what I'm saying, or I don't see anyone standing near me.
I just had an EEG done to see if I'm experiencing mini siezures. I also had an MRI. I'll get my results soon. In the meantime, I'm trying meds and therapy. Not exactly perfect, but it's a start.
So much stuff is coming back and its exhausting. Sometimes I want to scream but I stay isolsted so I'm not hurting others and I have space to work out the past and to calm down.
I hate my parents, the old neighborhood and the fact I've lost out on a steady career. I haven't been able to save for anything. If it weren't for my husband, I'd be homeless. It absolutely sucks that my abusers have great paying jobs, live in nice homes and I'm struggling. It even hurts more when my parents call me lazy and unmotivated. I just can't focus, communicate or hold a job as much as a normal person.
You are certainly not alone in this. I've gone from riches to riches many times. It took major trauma in my adult life from my family to dredge up everything they had done to me. I'm glad you landed in a good spot. It sounds like you're taking care of yourself and have a caring protector to keep you safe. Best to you💕
Keep us updated. Some of us are in the same boat xoxo
How the hell did I happen upon this RIGHT AFTER I spent an hour trying to explain it to my counselor? Holy shit! It’s so spot on!! Thank you!!!! ❤
I'm so glad you found the video! -Calista@TeamFairy
I cannot thank you enough for explaining this so thoroughly and also for repeating it over many videos. This repetition is vital! I’ve been in therapy for nearly four years for cptsd and while is is incredibly helpful, the addition of your videos, somatic exercises and just plain old aerobics is what is making all of the difference for me. It’s taken me four years of hearing this for it to start sinking in, so for anyone out there who’s feeling desperate after years of trying to heal, just keep at it. Clarity arrives in pieces and only when you are ready. There’s no speeding-up the process, so be patient and try to love yourself ❤
Mom was the screaming authoritarian and would take her rants outside and publicly embarrass us into compliance. Every time I had a female supervisor I was walking on eggshells.
One of them decided that I was the cause of all her problems at work.
Being programmed to be in the wrong about anything that a female authority figure brought up she had me on the ropes emotionally.
There were times when I was pushed to my limit and needed to disengage or I would be angrily talking back.
It felt like I was being choked and my eyes felt like they were about to pop.
I would go visit the bathroom and pray, “Lord I need your help to feel about this situation the way you want me to feel.”
Doing this helped me put some time and distance between me and the person/event.
It wasn’t until later that I understood how family of origin issues can crop up in bad ways today…
❤❤❤❤❤❤ure not alone
Many of the same stories
My mother was the abuser .narcissistic. full of anger, physical abuse, verbal abuse. I get deregulated with relationships. Anxiety
@@melc1918 Like wearing an arctic jacket in Alaska is necessary, wearing that jacket in Florida will kill you. We have a tendency to be likely to continue behaviors that were survival strategies in childhood but are harmful today.
@@melc1918sounds exactly like my mother.
oh yes. My mother would come in the door and we would hide in our rooms. When she threw her tote bag and started screaming...we knew it was going to be a long night.
I'm kinda teary 😢 listening to this. It feels great to have someone understand my life-long feelings. As a kid, I never understood why i felt so inferior, angry if a friend didn't choose me first ..... I was so different in my class. It was difficult to make friends and keep them too. Then I started to compensate by being too nice until I've come to the point of being extremely overwhelmed from all the people that want to crowd my life right now because I dont feel connected to anyone of them. 😢 Thank you so much
Was TERRIBLY disregulated from 16 thorough 30s due to childhood trauma. I never even realized it until one day it just clicked.
My original therapist was terrible. Just kept asking me to constantly think of worst case scenarios. It messed up my nervous system and emotional regulation so much worse. I got better after i stopped seeing that therapist...focused on meditation, movement, and found a new, trauma informed coach. It was night and day. Finally started healing, but still a long way to go You are not alone. Dont give up on finding the right support. Take care. 🙏🙏
I had a real shift in this area last week, and I have been waiting for the appropriate video of yours to share it. Like many of us, I have struggled with severe anxiety at different points in my life due to several (especially one) major trauma. I have learned how to avoid triggers, calm triggers and a myriad of other "techniques" to manage the anxiety. Due to a number of contributing factors, the anxiety was off the charts for over a year at various times. It recently led to me getting walking pneumonia, many sleepless nights, etc. One night it occurred to me that instead of trying to "manage" it, I was going to try to let it run its course. I used to work with severely emotionally disturbed children and I was advised that when they had tantrums it was best to let it run its course as they could only sustain that high level of for a certain amount of time.
After many nights of letting this happen, I finally got to the feelings causing the anxiety (sexual abuse by a priest). I had shut the feelings down and been the observer. I finally felt the feelings and I was able to comfort myself and let them go. Of course I was terrified. That was a normal reaction and I felt it. Instead of continuing to go around the trauma and the feelings, I was able to feel them and release them. It is true for me, I need to feel it to heal it. Thanks for all you do Anna.
This is my life. It took me decades to understand any of that. Having fibromyalgia and anxiety makes it not entirely under my control because it's physical damage. Pain/anxiety spiral is self-perpetuating. I have trained myself to recognize when dysregulation could be an issue in relation to personal relationships, and to stop myself from overreacting.
Chronic fatigue and brain fog make it even more challenging.
I've had fibro 36 years. Now even attempting to do anything requiring any level of concentrating, my ears start ringing so loud it is like having a siren going off in your head. It's not subtle that my regulation is out of control. It can happen from just trying to read a newspaper article, or doing Wordle.
This is why I stopped driving 8 years ago because my focus and ability to do it safely are totally shot.
My ability to recognize the dysregulation and years of therapy has made my life better, even though dysregulation is very difficult to control with all of these deficits now. I have a rational observer that is detached.
I’m 52 ..and just going to therapy now ..was feeling so terrible …you can feel better ❤😊 it takes time ..and lots of crying …lots and lots
What exactly is helping you? Thinking about therapy as well, but I don't believe it will be usefull in my case.
My best therapy so far has been a hypnotherapist who did rebirth coaching. Unfortunately, she has moved to another field. I'm looking for another coach. I'm done with traditional therapy.
I just went through a terrible break up. I now realize I was in deep disregulation. I wish I found your video before I acted out.
Glad you are here now.
Nika@TeamFairy
yeah i know dysregulation. I've been in a dysregulated state quite a lot. I get massive brain fog, I feel like I'm not myself, I can't remember anything for months. I forget appointments, I just randomly blank, I feel like i'm a different species from the other people around me. I just feel so, so strange. Sometimes I dissociate out of my body. I go numb, I feel almost nothing. I just kinda exist. These states usually last for quite a while from days to months, up to a full year. I'm learning to come back quicker. I never totally dissociate into catatonic states, I always stay highly functional, so it has been harder to spot what was happening. I get triggered by so many things, footsteps being a big one, which is a daily trigger. My childhood was not great but wasn't horrible. I grew up with a single mom. She divorced my malignant narcissistic father when I was 2. I don't know what he might have done but I sometimes wonder if he molested me as a baby as I do also have trauma symptoms correlating to that. I might never know. My mum was very spaced out, very disregulated herself and very depressed most of the time, and we had no connection. She'd go between locking herself in her room and screaming hysterically for a couple of years until she calmed down but still a lot of screaming. i think she has bpd and is also autistic and had meltdowns all the time with us children. i don't think she meant evil but we still suffered. I mostly raised myself and now, that I'm an adult, people and close relationships are still a huge trigger to me and i prefer to live my life alone and be self-sufficient. I'm happy when i'm with cats and when there is peace and pretty nature around me. i don't need much in life, I just want peace and quiet.
Thank you I'm going to be 60 soon and despite years of counselling etc am only just learning what to name the things I deal with. This helped me a lot!!
I had a meltdown last night in a social situation (story story story) but I heard myself raise my voice. That did work to stop the overload, and I left the place. I got a few are you ok texts and responded with no but I will be. Today I have not had any human contact and I really don't want any, but I have plans with friends online. I'm having a hard time focusing on listening to you, which is embarrassing (symptom, yes), but I am going to stop about halfway through here and save this for when I can hear past the mess in my head.
Regarding the woman who’s letter you read: I’ve been in situations like this more times than I can count. I used to react exactly as she did and my reaction would then lead to guilt on my part, then apologizing for my reaction, then resentment that they didn’t apologize for their part of it all. I finally figured out that the root of the problem for me in this particular kind of situation was I had unrealistic expectations. I built events up too much in my head and had it all planned out and settled in my own mind so that when someone else was added to the plans, or just any of the plans changed, it would *always* throw me completely off balance. I had to learn that I can’t see how things WILL go, only how they MIGHT. And I had to learn to be more in the moment. So, creating realistic expectations has helped me. Do I always succeed at doing that? No. But life is easier (around family especially) when I stay present and prepared to go with the flow.
I was neglected and physically abused as a child. I learned, as a teenager, that rage and self-defense made others back off and I gained some control. But, that anger and self-defense became a habit throughout my life as an adult whenever I felt disrespected or abused. Finally, in my 60's and having been in counseling and taking anti-depressants for 19 years, I hated myself for my inappropiate anger behavior. I contacted a therapist who practices hypnotherapy. It worked wonders for me and I can honestly say that I never lose it, one year after treatment. For me, reminding myself to be in the "now" has helped me to learn to discipline myself when I feel anger coming on. It reminds me to assess the "threat" and I see that the situation does not warrant angry outbursts. I love being more regulated, but hypnosis with therapy is the only thing that helped me.
Thanks for sharing. I too used a lot of my anger and rage to gain some control but it only pushed others away. Staying in the present and using the tools I’ve learnt from many podcasts and self healing and work has helped me stay on track and to get out of dysregulation.
Glad you're learning. One day you might run into the wrong person.
@@island661 Uh, I'm 69 years old now, and I'm lucky if I run into anybody at all. lol
@@arlenerivera-gw4st Same, girl! 🤣 I stay home. It's my sanctuary.
What kind of hypnotherapy?
I'm so happy I found your channel.... I didn't know what the hell was wrong with me. Between emotional dysregulation and no emotional awareness and channeling everything through anger.... I was stuck in a destructive loop that almost cost me my marriage. The realization that I don't have to get angry anymore was the big aha moment for me. Anger isn't a necessary emotion. Blew my mind....
Wow, I'm so glad the channel has been helpful! Thanks for sharing :) -Calista@TeamFairy
I am in an aprtment where the tenants upstairs have guests who simply do not watch their child and he is so incredibly noisy that I cannot sleep I cant use my apartment, I cant go anywhere in the apartment without the worst noise i have ever experienced. The father of the noisy child is very abusive. The child is acting out because of that. I have tried every thing to draw attention to the situation. The sound of abuse is extremely hard on me YES CPS was notified. Now because I spoke up, the guests ( they are not even tenants) threaten me. Mock me and in general scare me. I have CPTSD. In October they attacked me from the community room and I nearly fell going up the stairs. They drink and carry knives, sit and loiter in their cars... I have filed police reports and tried so much to explain what it is doing to me the landlord will not do anything they are friends with the tenants upstairs. I do have witnesses to much of this. My question is this I seem to have some sort of seizure activity but not actual seizures. I am getting sicker and sicker but I cannot find help. I have nowhere else to go. No friends and no advocate. I would like know if you know any laws that may apply to me since I am elderly and disabled. IF I can get any help at all... if I am having some type of seizures. what does this mean. So sorry for the long post but I am not getting help here at all. Someone said the noise and behavior has me in constant fight or flight which is not doing me any good at all. I am 60 plus, poor disabled and have no idea what laws if any protect me and how to get anyone to follow through on them .Thank you for any and all advice.
Get noise cancelation earphones. A natural sound machine. Put noise retardant panels on wall. Send a certified letter to landlord, giving time to fix problem. If not fixed. Open "escrow" acct and deposit rent into it. Most cities have free legal aid for low income people. Call elderly services in your area.
Call for legal aid...ask them...if cps was involved there's an investigation...but you need to reach out to family or friends and get out of there. Not gonna get better there at all.
Try everything you can to move. It won't get better.
Perhaps you can buy some headphones or ear buds and listen to the radio if nothing else while blocking that out.
Stress causes our bodies to rapidly lose magnesium, the most important mineral. Magnesium deficiency is common and feels awful because there are many symptoms. Please research this and start taking 400-500 mgs daily of magnesium glycinate as a supplement and never stop. The glycine will have a calming effect on your nervous system and magnesium will help in many other ways. Consider calling upon Archangel Michael with his sword of protection to keep you safe every day. Also, contact the local housing authority. You have legal rights as a tenant, and the 'guest' do not. Demand assistance. 🌺😘
Did my first Daily Practice today. Holy crap. I’ve just been “managing the damage” all these decades. I can feel it practically unraveling under that kind of scrutiny. I now see how I’ve been “charged” with this thing neurologically all this time… and people were picking up on it. I know you keep saying that and I understood it intellectually. But now I feel it in my bones.
As a Christian I also would like to make two observations. First, centering on your breathing is not spiritually problematic. You are literally returning to a proper center of psychological gravity. Second, The Lord’s Prayer is a PERFECT way to end the writing and begin the meditation. If everything’s as bad as you fear… it’s still God’s Will. Turn it over to Him. And forgive the people who trespass against you. Literally? Tear it up. Burn it. Start again. They’re probably not burning you on purpose. And if they are work it out with them later. Daily Practice isn’t the time for that.
Glad you were able to align the practice with your faith. That is wonderful. What is “spiritually problematic” is very personal to the individual. Consider Romans 14.
It’s funny I say this…my dad says this stuff…and then the very next sentence will be accusations …when I tell him to shut up about what god wants us to do and then turn around and do exactly what is bothering me is hypocritical and abusive…and then I get told I’m not worthy of forgiveness and god will strike me dead for what I’m doing.,,what they think I’m doing….so yeah..,religious abuse is damaging
O Lord I go to therapy and my therapist love you.❤And so do I.
9 minutes 22 seconds in, You've already described to me. I wish you were my therapist.
You are in the right place.
Nika@TeamFairy
It is extremely difficult, especially when you don't know what the heck it is! I'm SO grateful to learn what's gone on with me most my life. Thank you for speaking to me. ❤
Thank you for being a part of our community here!
Nika@TeamFairy
Pelvic floor dysfunction has strangled my life. I had no understanding that my trauma could cause such muscular damage. Now I am beginning to commit to relaxing because my every day anxiety is 8 out of 10. It's working.
Open to chatting? I've got Pelvic Floor Dysfunction from a surgeon operating on me drunk. Wondering what you're doing that is working. Thanks
Clementine Morrigan does pelvic floor therapy (as a CPTSD patient) and does one-time hour-long talk sessions with people, she may help you
A lot of pelvic floor trauma is from childhood s3xual abuse
Why are people always telling "us" to be the ones to apologize? When is someone else going to apologize?
Almost no one has ever apologized to me, and that has not stopped me from healing. If you want to work on yourself, stick around. That's what we do here.
Finding your part is your best apology. Amends. Make amends, not apologies. Define:Amend=Change.
From experience. You will never get an apology but excuses for there behaviour. You can't heal in the place that broke you.
I’ve been called out by the victim advocate for over apologizing and that I need to stop it. It’s hard to do but she was absolutely right,….i have to stop myself from flipping events to make them my fault and apologizing for things I’m not responsible for and should be the one expecting an apology….its almost like self shaming when there shouldn’t be consequences for what happened to me….why should I apologize for expecting monogamy in a relationship? As an example of what the victim advocate called me out on.,,I had to send her an email last night to thank her for pointing this habit I have out…I never realized it until she said something..,I was the source of the shame and it’s something I was taught was my role as a scapegoat which I’m no longer willing to be…so I agree….when am I going to receive an apology? And I’m not willing to just accept the narcissistic behavior of blaming me for their problems and then just never discussing it again…,passive aggressive tendencies from the narcissistic people I’m surrounded by,…
Or the person doesn't hear the apology and is shut down
I'm 77 years old, and for the first time in my life I can see why I've behaved the way I have! That's a lifetime of impulsivity and of hurting myself and others. Thanks CCF for giving me understanding that will help me change my life now. It's never too late.
You got this!! -Calista@TeamFairy
LOOOVE “You’re made to be an agent of good!” Getting into Kindness! Could be our new mantra! ❤
Thank You so much for this, regulation is something I'm working through and Struggle with. I'm in a difficult marriage as a single married Mom (Very one-sided relationship) I'm in therapy and Watching you and a few other's, I'm so worn down and these videos help me work through it.
THANK YOU!!! Finally someone is talking about it, describing it in all detail, addressing what is REALLY going on, that's at the core of the issue and apparently not even being understood by most Therapists! Neurological Dysregulation is in fact the most dominant issue at the root of all the other symptoms! THANK YOU for addressing that topic so honestly!
I adore hearing this as I learned as a child this was my perspective choice and it has really worked and kept me going 💛🌻it is so true and so many of us need this too “…your just shifting gears, you’re changing how you see this and what’s your role in the world, getting out of suffering and into a cloud of kindness and you turn around one day and you’re going to realize that now you’re having a good day and that’s how to turn a bad day into a good day”
Dysregulation is one of the very few symptoms that appear to be common between autism (ADHD, neurodevelopmental disorders in general) and C-PTSD (I have both), but the "treatment" isn't the same. As an autistic person, being able to freely stim and have my limits/boundaries respected helped a lot.
I am sitting here weeping because I have never heard anyone describe the unexplained. The build up over what should be easy to handle the outburst and then shame after. Thank you Anna for sharing your journey. It's not anything you can explain to anyone. It helps me to know myself and it just seems so comforting.
Hi Childhood fairy. I need to tell you my history...when I was 13 I was kicked in the head by a horse...at the right frontal lobe right near the temporal lobe.
This is a great lecture. With the skull fracture (in 1974), all the surgeons could do was to just clean out the head of traumatized tissue. All of the symptoms you describe, every single symptom, is familiar that me..mand I've just become a mess over family dynamics. I've had no therapy for more than 15 years- so struggling right now. I'm having life issues that are more than I can bear. I'll finish listening to you, you are very helpful. Thankyou!!
im seriously crying. this channel has been the best thing ive found ever, ive been dealing with dysregulation but had myself convinced im just an emotional and neurotic person who doesn't deserve close relationships, because i almost always end up hurting someone in a random outburst caused by seemingly nothing, and then immediately come to regret it but get too embarrassed to properly apologize. i actually start therapy in a couple weeks and hope to learn how to deal with this while im ahead so i can properly enjoy my young adult years since i wasnt able to enjoy being a teenager haha. thank you for putting everything so perfectly into words ❤
I had a moment of bodily revelation after 3 months of daily stretching and poly vagal nerve exercises. I became aware that the right side of my brain was, and had been, very overactive and the left side was not in use. It was amazing to watch this video and hear you say that this is what happens with neurological disregulation. Thank you! After I felt this, I was able to observe this sensation of being ‘unbalanced in my brain’ and address it ‘in the moment’.
Interesting. Thanks for sharing
Anna, could you please do a video on how all of this affects relationships and marriage? I'm willing to bet so many of us have been married at least once before because we didn't even know what CPTSD or dysregulation is or how to treat ourselves. This really makes me so sad. I feel we lose so much of our lives to chaos and it sucks so much. Truly hurts!
In reading this I knee jerked to " oh, nnooo, we end up blaming ourselves than realizing surprise it can be them". If we went to therapy, on meds, used techniques, obviously WE are the broken things poor mates have to Handle. I can't stand another poke. Anna wouldn't do that, but I threw that right on her. 😬
This!!!!!!
Agree. I was severely abused as a child, in every possible way. Seems like there was no relief from any of the abuse and it badly affected me neurologically. Then when I got married the way, I would emotionally handle hard situations …sometimes didn’t help. Don’t get me wrong, he was Also riddled with problems. Maybe we didn’t have a chance? I can’t even go there thinking about that. Anyway, yeah, this stuff isn’t talked about and it probably really badly affect relationships. Because you don’t know about it you don’t know what to do about something you don’t really understand or know about.
As someone married to a CPTSD survivor, I would very much appreciate such a video.
My husband is a wonderful man who I love deeply. We have 3 children, and I’m pregnant with number 4.
He hasn’t come to terms with his past or his emotions fully, and the family he loves and has now suffers for it.
I can see the problems, but I can’t fix them for him. Some strategies for spouses in these cases would really help.
I've Bern dysfunctional since my teen years and I NEVER MARRIED. Men hate me because I don't act "normal" like a woman is supposed to act. Now I'm 44 and it's hopeless. Nobody wants an older woman, let alone a freak. Consider yourselves lucky some body valued you enough to provide marriage and home. My life is over.
Thank you for bringing this "disorder" to the surface!!!! I've been seeking the truth all my life and YOU ARE MY UNICORN!!! I'M SO GRATEFUL AND FINALLY AT PEACE BECAUSE OF YOU!!!! SO MUCH LOVE AND RESPECT TO YOU LADY❤❤❤
Talking on the phone or receiving texts would send me off the edge. It would take me 3 - 4 days of ruminating over the comment or conversation. I could not fathom how other people handled this "intrusion" into their life. I become disregulated and did not know it. Hearing these videos it dawned on me, I can't see their face. I can't get "additional" clues to the true nature of the conversation -
there are so many comments you can take several ways. Since I basically do not trust but want to me "normal" - I use to endure them. I have these techniques now to stay regulated and set limits.
i'm 34 years old and just found out about cptsd. i feel a little glimpse of hope now. I always felt that i was defected, that something was broken in me. because everyone around is acting like everything is okay and why is no one questioning what happened in my and my family's life.
the dysregulation, overstimulation etc
blind rage over little things
im already using little tricks i've learned and it's working slowly
im so happy and thank you for the info and tools
26:15 I do find writing is the best way to express the stress, but also because I get so immersed in writing, working with words and the use of the English language to distract my sense of disregulstion. I become more involved with the writing than the anger I am trying to write about.
You also mention imagery as a method of removing myself from a bad head space. My favorite image is one of my beautiful goldenretriever swimming in a high alpine lake in the Sierras. We were on a trail walking just to the point of fatigue and over heating when we came to the lake and my dog headed straight into the lake. She was an excellent swimmer, with a unique casual grace. I watched her with joy at seeing her joy. I have used this image many times to redirect any imbalanced energy. It works evrrytime!
Sometimes, I’ll feel like my whole reality change for a minute. Sometimes it’s just in the middle of a casual conversation. It’s always happened to me. My vision will go white at the edges, if that makes any sense. I’ll feel like everything in the room is out of place, or that the light source has moved. Everything feels numb and it almost feels like I’m dreaming. It makes me feel sick, scared and depressed. Suddenly very hopeless and unhappy with everything. I’ve never known how to fully describe it, or what to call it.. i brought it up to my psychiatrist back in the mid/late 2000s when I was a teenager, and I was accused of doing drugs. It sounds a bit different from what you’re describing (however, I have absolutely experienced exactly what you’re describing)
Profuse sweating ???
I help care for a friends mom. She is almost 70, 2 years ago was the first time since she was a little girl that she was finally safe. Her daughter and I believe it is super important that she is heard and not overwhelmed with things. The biggest shut down for her seems to be with Dr's. So I go to all her appointments and sit in there with her. She is doing so much better now.
Always thought I was ‘normal’ but discovering your videos has unlocked the truth. It’s given me ways to understand why I am like I am. It’s so helpful
I was molested as a child. As an older teen and then adult, I would go through times when I would just pass out unconscious for no reason.
I was sent to a neurologist and they did the EEG on my brain. While I was speaking with the neurologist he asked me questions and we chatted away. One thing I mentioned I hate startled very easily. He asked me that if I had been molested. Evidently it's something that's true with people that startle easily.
It's so interesting how our brains work.
I'm happy this video popped up.
I attempted therapy, because I feel like kids that have been abused, I stand out in a crowd. As I was trying to explain this to this therapist. She worked for the county health department. I was 19 out of my own didn't have insurance. This was 30 years ago and so I went to the health department and I'm talking to this therapist that is employed by our government. And I explained to her that I always feel like I stand out and it gives me so much anxiety. After I chatted for a while and explained how I was feeling, she literally said, "well you're a beautiful woman, but you're not the most beautiful woman I've ever seen".
Like she didn't even hear anything I said and what I'm trying to get therapy on how to feel not so beautiful. What the hell is wrong with that woman.
Anna!! I’m so fortunate enough to encounter your Channel on CPTSD!! I’m gradually identifying some of my traits originating from childhood trauma.. thank you very much for your generous guidance!! ⭐️ sending you love, Grace, support, greetings from Bhutan 🇧🇹
Your videos are so helpful, Anna!
Im looking for a video that explains disregulation can happen from emotional neglect minus the physical or emotional abuse, alcoholism, etc I'd really like to share these insights with family who disregulate masdively, but I know they'd say "This isn't us. We were never abused."
There was no overt violence or emotional cruelty, but loads of volitility and absence, lots of figuring out on our own how to "not get yelled at" and feel emotionally safe, lots of reading moods and laying low.
Getting yelled at is abuse
@@softsophisticate Thank you, absolutely agree and am well along the path to recovery myself. I am, however, looking for something that explains things well for family who aren't at that level of understanding yet.
@@2blackcatz426 yes, it is indeed and I know what deep damage it can cause. It does often take some time to get to that place of understanding. My children helped me get there. As one daughter said, Even if you can understand why your mom yelled it was still abuse.
also, abuse is cumulative. it doesn't need to be big narcissistic scary violent alcoholic parents. Little traumatic events without resolutions that keep repeating also cause trauma in children. like if the parents are disinterested in their child's life, if they don't know about their children's feelings, if they're not properly attuned, if they don't mirror their child properly. And if this is the norm. If they're just routinely quite distant. All of this is neglect too and it causes abandonment trauma in the child.
The clumsy discussion hit home for me. My family has criticized me for it my entire life and have convinced me and everyone else I have spatial awarness problems.
You have an amazing ability to describe my life. I love your talks; they calm me.
I can find so many situations that I could have handled better in my life if I knew I was dysregulated 😢 and going back to them in my mind can cause a lot of resentment and pain. I understand now it was my cptsd. I'm 36 and I'm only realising that I need to do something with it because it gets so much harder to get through the day, especially after really stressful last 3 months. I'm on a day 5 of Daily Practice writing and I struggle to make time for it even though it helps me. I stay up too late and getting up early is hard then. Oh, boy. This is a hard work!
Glad you know now. It took me till just a few years ago. Am just now getting help for it. I'm 64 years old
Girl I just turned 38 and I can relate to everything you said and am overwhelmed while even writing this because I e got so much to do and can't seem to get anything done. I just now in the past week have realized why I am the way I am thanks to her videos and many others. But I lived my entire life in a silent hell that I wouldn't wish on anyone. And being normal like my friends and family and sister will never be even an option for me. It's sad when no one has a clue what it's like. To everyone, you look like a normal person who should be able to do it all so I've lived with shame and guilt and hopelessness and hating myself . I've been on antidepressants since I was 15. Which didn't help at all. And then later diagnosed with ADHD. No wonder I've almost taken my life more than a handful of times. If you ever need or want to talk. Here's my email jababy3224@gmail.com.
Thank you for therapy on the days I don't go to my therapist.God bless you...❤
Working on keeping myself regulated! I am also making sure my daughter gets the help she needs now to help as she gets older. Thank you for this information!
Been doing this for two weeks, its been helping a TON already ❤
Wonderful!
Nika@TeamFairy
Are you doing her book? Re-regulated.
@@shannonhall1465 not yet ❤ reading is hard for me personally between DID, PTSD and being a visual thinker, but I'm getting over that hump. with the extra steps my mind has to take to read, constant random triggers/switches, and not having enough chunks of time between work chunks, I love snippets like the emails ❤ but books have to wait until I feel even better ❤
I'm 70 this week. I've never heard of this. It is so spot on. I'm a little wore out because I'm not regulated.