I honestly, have given up on life. My freeze response got so bad due to illness, financial stresses, and just overall being an aging adult in america, that I thought there's nothing I can do about never being able to motivate myself to do anything/achieve anything in my entire life. I was making plans for a final exit in about five years because I just couldn't bear the thought of having to live like this for another day, much less several more decades. And you, a person I never met, had literally given me hope back, that my life is not over, that I CAN do something about this, and that there IS a light at the end of the tunnel. You have no idea, what I feel right now. Heck, I don't know what I feel right now, but there are tears in my eyes and I have no idea why I'm crying.
You are worth the time it takes to get better. You are more than the sum of your completed tasks. You deserve to feel like a healthy, happy person again. Please, if the darkness closes in again, reach out your hand. You are not alone. Whether to a crisis line in your area, or to trusted family/friends, make sure you take care of you. I know that darkness all too well, and I know the lies it tells. Don't give in.
Before jumping in SHOWER I THINK TWICE MAYBE THREE TIMES. I HEAR WHAT MY INSTINCT TELLS ME. THEN I DO IT. ITS AN ART I JAD TO DEVELOP SO I CAN SAVE TIME AND ENERGY A
Yeah, I hear that. Everyone stating just how much it takes to motivate and take a shower...yup , we're all in the same "freezer" boat. Now, I have to go take a shower and get to the store - and pay the darned city bill I've been putting off for a week.
Me personally? It's like being dead already but making an appearence to prevent my loved ones grief. I feel trapped and unable to do anything, constantly worried about money, managing my mood, and keeping everyone else happy too.
Other people's mood is not your responsibility. You cannot manage them. Cannot induce a feeling in them, either. They either take control of themselves or they don't. You can't manage their moods for them. I have the same problem, so I understand. Two mentally ill adults, one 61 and one 29, mother and daughter, daughter has Bipolar, both depressed, and so am I. All I want is a decent woman, but I'm the cook, chauffeur, maid, butler, carpenter, plumber, etc. Woman went to a card making retreat Saturday, napped on Sunday. I cleaned the house, did laundry, made the dough for dinner, got her daughter to and from work, you get the idea. Also primary breadwinner. After 18 years of this, and far worse, I'm burned. It's endless "what needs to be done next" even though I'm exhausted.
That is such an achievement..I just cannot no matter what I do.... brush my teeth or shower now I have ulcers and I'm too scared to see a dentist it's just so grim😢. Well done for your personal achievement 🎉 ❤ xxxxx
@@BePresent.Be gentle with yourself even if it is only to gargle with salt water or mouthwash. The momentary pain of the visit to the dentist cannot be compared with the weight that will be lifted off your mind and heart when you can smile confidently again. Think about that image every day and night until it becomes bigger and more important to you than your fear. I am cheering for you ❤
I really hope I can reverse this. I’ve been ‘on hold’ for way too long. I just can’t get out of it. I feel frustrated, bored, exhausted, overwhelmed, lonely, but also want to be alone.
I'm late on taxes, waiting for them to take my car, I just got divorced, broke AF. Everything I own is broken, my basement is filling with water and I have MDD, OCD and generalized anxiety disorder diagnosed late in life. Going to work is a struggle, being there is an even worse struggle. The meds keep me alive but the stress never STOPS. I'm up hourly at night and it's bloody knuckles up a Cliffside daily just to do what I need to do. I'm sick of being a prisoner of my crazy brain 😢
I can’t express how much I relate to what you’re going thru. Very similar circumstances myself. I’m so sorry I wouldn’t wish these feelings on my worst enemy. I don’t do platitudes like “keep your chin up” because I find that insulting so I’ll just say I hear you and I’m sending peace
You built your brain and its structures mostly on your own, consiously or not. You have to work on your brain (your psyche) to get better and feel more comfortable in your life.
same here, BUT sometimes i felt MUCH better and in those times I'm able to work on myself the correct way and I'm confident I will eventually get out of the swamp somehow. Even if I'll have to celebrate my smallest achievements like a lunatic
I keep telling myself after a bike-ride, that the pre-ride negative feelings are strange, considering post-ride feelings are amazing. I have to remember these episodes and how often they happen. If you can get a routine into play, that should help. Shower, coffee, and a short walk in an optimized setting. That could set you off on a regular schedule.
@@BeeRich33 yeah I think that should help too, I'm emotionally too triggered to be able to follow a routine, but maybe psychotherapy (which I just started) should help me routinize emotional expression too
@@SRMoore1178 same it's torture. I'm so anxious to get back on track idk how much more I can handle. I'm so tired only getting 2-3 hours of sleep a night.
Never in history have we been so overwhelmed with choices, technology & information. It can be crippling. I first noticed this happen after my first child... standing in the supermarket to buy nappies... there were so many brands, sizes, prices, a whole aisle! it started an anxiety response I'd never faced before, i couldn't decide. Our brains have not evolved to handle sensory overload that is the modern world.
Ugh you are so right! Shopping at the supermarket is so stressful! So many choices makes it hard to focus, plus I have to read labels so I can see what nasty additives have been added which makes it very time consuming. I even make grocery lists but still get overwhelmed by the amount of choices in all supermarkets. I even shop online occasionally and it still takes me a while to go through all the grocery items until I find the right one due to all the varieties.
Exactly! And on the rare occasion that I decide to "just allow myself to chill out and watch a movie tonight. Just a little mindless TV". HA! No such thing. The number of choices is SO overwhelming! Especially for those of us who grew up with only 3 channels. 😂
I’ve been in bed for 2 days. I make up stories of why I can’t meet someone for lunch. I have to get ready for work tomorrow and I’m dreading getting up and getting dressed. I only shower every other day even when I have to go to work. Nobody cares so it doesn’t really matter. I do get up and fix something to eat but I just want to stay home and not be around people.
I couldn’t figure out why my hair looked so greasy until I realized that I hadn’t showered in a week. Those days went by in such a dull blur that I couldn’t believe it had been 7 days. Emotional trauma can do that. Good luck to you.
My daughter has these days where she stays in bed and can't find motivation to get up. Shes been depressed for years. I have tried to motivate her, but now I will help her find something to praise her smallest accomplishments. I am a nurse, and this absolutely makes sense to me. Thank you
I know how it is, not to be able to do something that helps...❤️ Its so hard to be a mother when your child have such a painful disorder and not being able to fix it.....💔 Praying for our daughters getting better ❤️🙏🏻❤️
I have a motivation issue myself , I just started to read the comments, yours is second from the top. Does she know why she is depressed? I know why I have been depressed. Does she have friends. I consider myself friendless. I know people but do not socialize with them. Does she work? Work was the only task I was dedicated to. I wouldn't even take a holiday or vacation day, because I would end up just staying inside, even on gorgeous days. I got satisfaction from work. Does she workout. That was another activity that got me out. Of course I was lucky and we had a gym at work. I am not working. My only motivation to do something has been to walk somewhere to play the lottery. I don't enjoy the walk, I feel that the only hope for happiness would be to become rich. Winter will be tough. I'll spend hours watching this app. I have wasted thirty years. I hope your daughter can find something to motivate her! Listening to this guy has not motivated me. People have told me to Get on with your life, that didn't help.
I'm sorry for this.i am a daughter who's mother is also going through this, except I'm 43 and I have been on and off this trauma rollercoaster for years, I do live on my own but I do still go and stay with my mum, my not advice but words I suppose are at least she feels safe enough to be with you, maybe nothing makes sense. Maybe nothing makes sense to her. Gosh I hop you and she will be ok.
I’m the kid in this dynamic. We want to be better too. Don’t give up on us or think you did anything wrong if something happens. Mental health is ultimately a personal battle and it may be slow recovery but it’s undoubtedly up to the individual to fix things. Acknowledging those little things is a great thing to do. On the contrary, bringing up all the issues to me to get done just forces me to think about all the things I already think too much about when I’m alone. This freezing thing has been the hardest thing to explain to my family. The only way I could put it was “I feel dead inside.” I know what I need to do. I know there’s other things I need to start doing that I haven’t done before to grow as a person and actually get happy again, but all the while I’ve felt like a dead man walking.
My son is the same 30 never had a full time job and hardly ever worked, he was such an out going boy, he says it’s only us that has stopped him committing suicide, I’m so lost it’s frightening so I tend to bury my head in the sand then feel incredibly guilt.
I remember when I was in college I would fall far behind with assignments and all I could do was hide under the covers. In bed. Some of that was sleep, but even in a sort of awake state of mind I was blanking my mind, intentionally not thinking because that was too painful to bear.
TY. I just came across this vid today. Prayer has been a daily life saver for me the last 4 years so I deeply appreciate your doing that for others. Life is not so horrible any more though I still struggle. I'm just not lost and hopeless anymore💙🙏💙✝️✝️✝️💛❤️💛
Wow ! I thought I was lazy, unmotivated, unorganized, unambiguous, undisciplined, and then some. I have had anxiety as long as I can remember, and that's long enough. There are times, when I literally sit and do nothing except get more anxious because I'm doing nothing. I promise myself I will do better tomorrow. I don't. At this point, I'm going to take your advice, and try this. If not, I will continue to sit here, frozen. Thank you. Thank all of you for commenting. I don't feel so alone now.
Yes. Tired of existing. Metastatic Cancer, financial responsibility, and my landlords just announced they are moving so I just got evicted. I am completely petrified 😱
This completely describes me as well. I feel your pain and frustration! I took a Stay-cation to try and catch up on that massive to do list. I completed nearly nothing, just wanted to nap. Not only am I hard on myself, but I feel I have let my wife down.
How sad that so many of us spend so much time feeling frozen and then we hate ourselves for being non productive. This sounds like an epidemic. Bless us all. Because this sucks.
For a year i basically stayed in bed. I was going through extreme trauma. I learned to be gentle with myself and do what made me feel safe. I knew i was ill and my body needed rest. I look back now and i am so proud of allowing myself this time. Eventually i was able to get up, go to the kitchen, grab a snack. Maybe brush my hair, maybe put on different clothes, wash my face. Little by little i eventually got fully dressed and sat downstairs. I still find it difficult to shower regularly. Its exhausting for me but Im trying. I rest regularly now and speak kind words to myself.
@@kimmullins337, No, I would say your brain is trying it's very best to save you. Recognize that self care, (i.e., bathing, clean clothes, brushing your teeth, etc.) is essential to begin the mental healing. It is a way to show your brain that you value/like yourself. When we expect others to care about our well being, when we wait for external forces to improve our lives, we are as if an infant. Unable to do for ourselves. Although hard, as an infant does, we must stretch the "muscles" at our disposal. Over time we will grow in strength and ability to move beyond the freeze. Use your brain to learn something new, a language, read about something new to you such as history, or vitamins for healthier living, Keto diet. Accomplish something physical every day, sit up, tidy an area, cook your meals and clean up afterwards, etc. Show your brain you want to care about yourself and your brain helps you escape the freeze. This approach seems to be working for me, anyway. Wishing us both the best in the future.😊
Hi... this is honestly the first time I am reading people that go or went through the same thing as I have for almost a decade., a solid 7 years with paralazing depression, totall loss of willpower at its worst, like you say; no eating but feeling hunger, no showering, a vegetable. I luckily have one very good friend who took care of me (and he is on the autism spectrum!) ... only just recently it got better due to high dose psychostimulant medication as a final shock therapy thing, off label prescribed. It was also triggered by serial traumatic events. I have to deal with people close to me (family) not understanding what this is and what this does to a person... if you feel like talking to someone who knows what you're going through or you need to just have some understanding, I'll be happy to listen or talk or give some encouraging, let me know and I'll give you a personal email adress from me to you, even anonymously if you wish. I am a European female, nothing weird or whatever. Because this sucks BIG time, and I know how much and maybe I can offer some support. Kind greetings, X
I felt like this in the past, deep in that feeling, but through really doing the hard work to learn self compassion I now am sitting in my yard in the sunshine watching the birds. However, behind me there’s a big pile of dishes needing my attention, this lesson about gentle self compassion I return to again and again, it’s getting easier to remember.
Yes. I have cptsd. Problems with...taking regular showers, washing hair, leaving washing up for 2 days, hoovering. All of which I can do despite being disabled. Mine is narcissistic abuse syndrome...HOWEVER; I put bin out this morning, sorted out a rat problem, in back garden, (last night,) did my online Ocado order for tomorrow, threw some old stuff out of fridge. I intend to have shower this afternoon & do washing & put on line. For that, I'll enjoy a glass of wine later! (Better than yesterday & improving bit by bit.) The 'patting myself on the back' is helping. Thanks.
I've never been addicted to my phone until I broke my leg and have been in bed for 2 years. I've had nothing to do but sit on RUclips all day and it's completely drained any motivation I had. I think a huge part of people's depression right now is their cell phone sucking their brain dry and making them miserable 😖
Yes definitely. I think it overloads our dopamine receptors so they down regulate and then we’re left in a dopamine deficit. Check out Dopamihe Nation re Dr Anna Lembke about it.
There are plenty of great things on there; I think one is called Midwest Cleaning, where the man helps people whose lives are in trouble and homes, he is so loving and genuine he even crowdfunded to help a woman in debt! There's also another where a woman posts a lovely thing every day; dogs back with their owners after years away etc. Take a look and choose the happy stuff and stick to it; there's so much on there!❤❤
Lost my 14 year old son 16 months ago. I was functioning but the last few months I have DEFINITELY gone into a freeze response. Every single thing is so, so, sooooooo hard. No matter how small it is. My limbs are HEAVY. I'm TIRED 😮💨
Give yourself the time, space and full permission to mourn! Mother yourself unashamedly and take take as much care of yourself as you both can and need, and if you need more than what you can do for yourself, do the bravest thing of all and ask homever, however many people needed to help you fill in the gap. If friends can show up to give youba hug, to just be there and listen or even sit while you say nothing, that's great. If they can also leave you alone while you need that without abandonning you, that's fantastic. Because part of it can only be done by yourself. The way out is through. With a lifeline, an oxygen bottle, a slinghot and a torch maybe... you name it... and with the propect of taking an unspecified, but finite time on your own terms. You will come out the other end healed, strong and empathetic, a healer yourself, and may I say: sooner than you know it. However long it takes will be shorter than what you expected it to be in the darkest moment.
My freeze response has been getting worse for years. Muscle wasting is now a problem. I don’t want to do anything. I have to move apartments again for the 3rd time in 9 months. Movers come tomorrow, and I can’t get myself to do anything. I’m not ready. Want to cry, want someone to care enough about me to help. Life is a torment. Don’t know how to stop the spiral down.
My entire life. MY. ENTIRE. LIFE. I thought i was broken. Turns out, no, it's just CPTSD and abuse have put my amygdala into constant stress response. Decade worth of therapy and a stranger on the internet explains my life to me like he's living in my god damn head. I wish there were more people like you in the field, bc everyone I met in it? "Just take higher dosage of meds".
You're funny, lol. "Broken". Yeah, I had the same thought about me! Ya know what I see about you? I think your frontal brain has a lot going for it and one day you will feel more like a hoppy rabbit instead. I'm impressed that you knew how to spell amygdala!
I am so glad (and I am sorry for this too) that I found some people here going through the same thing as I have been and still am for almost a decade now... I honestly thought I had a weird severe case of something but its good to know that I'm not alone... and again, I wish this on nobody, but thats how I feel X
I needed this…my husband passed away 13 weeks ago and every day since then has offered some type of family drama. Yesterday…I just “Froze” I thought I needed to run away, stay in a hotel, not interact with anyone, no one! Get in a dark closet and loose myself. Today I stayed in bed most of the day. I have so much that needs done (and it’s me here by myself) I just can’t. This video helped me tremendously. Thank you very much!
As a widower let me tell you sometimes just getting out of bed is a victory. The death is recent your mind and body have suffered a trauma so give yourself “grace” One day at a time sometimes forcing yourself to get up and shower will give you a sense of control. God bless and guide you
I came here to give you condolences and to let you know that I care, although I will never meet you. You are special, be gentle with yourself and know that you are cared for. Right nonw my anxiety and depression has to really be ‘watched’ by myself. I stayed up when I should have went to bed, but it was worth it, although playing ‘hooky’ on sleep is something I don’t do much. Again, please take it easy an surround yourself with peace amid it all; take care❤.
I know this "freeze" feeling so well. I cared for both my elderly parents from 2015. Being a carer is so stressful. The "freeze brain" started In 2017, my father died from prostate cancer In 2022 my mum passed away from dementia and strokes. All the time I was bullied by a family member for not being a better carer. I'm slowly starting to come out of the freeze. I need to start celebrating my little victories. Thank you for your video.
I am sorry for your multiple losses, and their bullying is stupid as you were putting in the work and they were not. You did the best you could do. Your parents know that... Now, more than ever. (Death is just leaving the body. Not the end of existence ) I am just starting the carer duties. It is hard. I wish you well in your grief and recovery.
@@Plethorality I have always said - All carers deserve a medal. Mum had a lot of carers. They taught me a lot. I wouldn't of made it without their help. Ps Even though they are gone, I still talk to my parents. Not all the time! But sometimes I can actually feel them in the room. Thank you.
@brucejones7307 i was just about to post the same as you! being a carer for parents is almost unmatched for stress, to the edge and beyond, i did 100 hours a week for ten years, she had dementia, 8t was bey9nd awful.. especially in the last few weeks as Mum was dying - horrendously i might add. I'd go out to her garden and scream into a pillow, scream and scream... her neighbours knew what was going on, they left me to it bless them.. its been a decade now but i shall never fully recover, another year would have killed me for sure, like you i had big trouble from my siblings too, it split the family forever, i did SO much, and they were so ungrateful, attacking me at my lowest point, i shall never forgive them. I think I'll be tired for ever more. I know what its like to hit the edge on every level, physically emotionally financially, mentally, and it went on and on and on Took 2 years for my fight or flight to calm down, i was on full-on emergency alert for years after Mum went, 2 hours sleep pattern thoroughly ingrained. My hair and my teeth fell out and id lose my balance just standing still. Im a lot better now but ill never be fully healed, it was much too much. You have my complete sympathy and understanding, weve been right to the edge of hell and back, and no-one but another carer can understand exactly how extreme it is. It breaks you. X
Oh, my gosh, I went through something similar in taking care of my mom and the family being jerks . . . . It is REALLY hard being a care taker; takes everything out of you. I wish you every health.
I’ve been falling into a freeze more frequently lately. The last time, I wanted to clean the house. I finally talked myself into just sitting and go through a pile of mail. When I finished I had a tiny one song dance party to celebrate cleaning that one spot on my desk. It really worked! I kept just focusing on one tiny spot at a time until my whole house was clean and I stopped to celebrate each clean spot.
I started a sticker book, bc as a child I had a loser sticker book with almost no stickers, when everyone else had cool ones. It might sound silly, but I truly look forward, even as an adult, to rewarding myself with a sticker for something as simple as washing a pan with burned food stuck to the bottom, or brushing my hair.
I feel the same. So much so that I even nowadays am questioning my faith, which makes me too scared to even harm myself as the finality of an eternity without God scares me. Keep me in your prayers. I will pray for you. Please don't stop seeking God no matter how you feel. He's truly our only hope. Compassionate concern for you.
@@robertpula8870 I'll be praying for you as well as it is my faith that keeps me here to fae this evil and continue to suffer in excruciating pain in solitude. My own children have forgotten me and left me to suffer and struggle alone. It's my true test of faith. God Bless You.
I'm so sorry you feel alone and sad.....don't give up, you're important and I'm sure wonderful human being Look after yourself, be proud of yourself ❤❤❤❤
I washed a few dishes in the sink, next day a few more, next day a bit more, took me a week and it feels great to have a clean sink. Tomorrow I'll work on the laundrycand maybe a shower.🎉
I'm a lawyer with the burden of my country on my shoulders (literally) and I lost my beloved mother 3 years ago who i took care of during her transition with stage 4 lung cancer. My older sister and aunts bullied me so terribly and tired to find every fault they could in my abilities. They even blamed me for my mother's passing. I sought grief counseling and im now in therapy but no one could explain what i was experiencing for the past 3 years what you just explained in 20 minutes! Im amazed! I draft legislation and weeks and months would go by and i literally couldn't even muster up the motivation to open the word document to begin my work. I've even started to miss deadlines. This added to my stress! But i just opened up the word document and jumped up and down praising myself for doing that one small thing and miraculousy I was able to actually read the document. I praised myself some more! I paused to write this comment but im about to actually start working on the document now too. I can't believe this, but this actually works! Thank you!! ❤ Im going to get back to work now 😅
@@taroman7100 I'm so sorry to hear that anyone else is going thru the he!l I've gone through with my sibling. We're going to make it through this! Videos like these help tremendously!!
This is so amazing to read. Isn't it funny how something so simple is the answer to fix us...! And, having it explained like in this video makes so much sense! I'm gonna start doing this too, I already do try to do this, praising myself for the small things I'm able to do, and breaking everything right down into manageable chunks. I have a lot of trauma, from many things, but one thing is my upbringing, and the way my mum is... She focuses on the negatives, always focuses on the things I've NOT done, rather than all the great small things I have done and achieved. She looks too far ahead. I'm trying to just take life one day at a time, sometimes even less than a day, a few hours at a time. Live in the present! And learning to enjoy living in the present and it helps me to look at life in easier, smaller parts. For example, if I have appointments booked that I have to remember a few weeks ahead... I try to put them out of my mind until I get closer to the time. That's really helped me too. I hope you continue to improve, and don't beat yourself up if you have a couple times of going backwards or a couple bad days etc. Let yourself fall apart for a bit, and then put urself back together again, take it so slowly. You got this! And so do I! Sending love from England ❤
Bro your not alone, it's to the point I get upset seeing others happy not that I want them sad I'd hate that but it's like I'm locked in a glass house 😢
As a kid I grew up in a family where I was basically shamed and punished when I wasn't perfect. So I now have a freeze response whenever I make a mistake. So thank you for this, I think it's going to make a big difference in the amount of stress I can handle.
I hear you. That’s how I grew up. What I did to help release that paralyzing perfectionism was to choose something low-stakes (housework) and intentionally perform it half-a$$ed. For example, just run through the house with the vacuum cleaner on the traffic areas instead of pulling out all the furniture and doing under the sofa cushions. Or, instead of clearing out the whole bathroom and scrubbing it down, just give an area, like the sink, a spritz of Windex and quick wipe with a paper towel whenever I felt like it or noticed something bothered me. Surprisingly, it was tremendously freeing when I adjusted to not doing a perfect job. I lost that all-or-nothing attitude, that fear of starting cause I don’t have time to do a job perfectly. Now my house always looks pretty good cause I’m always doing little tasks without the anxiety of having to do it perfectly that prevents us from even starting. Meals no longer have to be gourmet masterpieces. I just get some food on the table. Living with things being “good enough” is so much easier once we retrain our brains. Even a vacation, which is supposed to be relaxing would become stressful with the need to make it “perfect” and do all the things. Now, I just go and, if all I do is read a book while there, it’s okay. It’s what made me happy.
What helps me out with that shit cuz I’ve been through it is telling myself over and over again “ wait wtf I’ve got nothing to prove to those people 😂 “ until I’m satisfied and then move on with my life
Ibeen trying to find a way to google this crippling condition for years, and literally just found out yesterday it’s called Perfectionism Paralysis and yes - it comes from childhood trauma - that bit wasn’t the mystery. But I needed the correctly named condition to begin to undo its brutal hold on my life. The symptom list… everything I struggle with all on one page. While it certainly intersects with ADHD - i knew it was not my ADHD, it had its own core root and couldn’t be budged with ADHD solutions. Now I know it’s sneaky form of Freeze response and it has a name - time to get on the battle gear then. 💝
@@missmayflowerthis works great - until I try to go back to the one thing in my life that I really want to move forward on, am passionate about and eager to produce. And once again I’m turned to stone.
Austin Roberts 88 and everyone who related to his comment, even though I've been he biggest brain freeze, sending all of you a warm hug! And wishing everyone who wants to have a cute little baby watch this video and not push their kid into perfection.
I've been in this for about 2 years. So far I have managed not to get fired from my job and that is the great victory of my life. I also ordered trash service at my house and have thrown out most of the pizza boxes and other trash I have been sleeping with by taking a few things out the door with me as I go to work each day. I have a 4 day weekend coming up. I've been thinking about washing my sheets.
Brooooooo although idk if ur a girl or guy but your comment made me LAUGH and feel SO PROUD AT THE SAME TIME!!!! You gooo!!! 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
Having clinical depresson with high anxiety is so tough. The toughest part is the loneliness and trying to fill your day on your own. When you are so down you isolate and shut yourself away. Clinical depression is so tough 😢
I won’t get up and do anything unless it’s absolutely last min and HAS to be done. I will put the most simple things off for days, weeks, months, if I can. It’s like I have a primal fear of leaving my self isolation box. 📦. And when I do I rush back to it asap. UPDATE: got a lot of comments about this. I recently bought myself a new Harley. It seems to be helping some. Wind in your face seems to stir up some endorphins and happiness. I decided to dive into something I used to love doing and hoping it would wake me up some. So far it seems to be working. I had to force myself to do it but glad I did
@@Petesx7vo probably result of multiple events. I had a big back surgery that changed my life forever and never really recovered from. It took my physical ability away and made it very limited. Being a 6’3 strong healthy looking guy yet having such a fragile back affected me mentally a lot. Then add the wife running off and leaving me while I was down on my luck and couldn’t work. Then both my parents died. Then my house burned down. Yes, it’s been rough. I just withdrew from the world
Thank you, yes it worked. I slept for about 20 hours after my Dad died and my brothers are manipulating to steal any inheritance I should have. So I thought " Let's see if RUclips has an answer." So I made myself get up and go drink some orange juice then I started celebrating that while I finished listening. Thank you so much
I lost my Mom two years ago and I'm her only child. My boyfriend is not emotionally supportive and I often feel alone and overwhelmed. He says I should be over it 😮😮 not happening as fast as I'd like. I love Orange juice so I'm gonna try this. Hugs to you from me. ❤
I am not going to lie. These past few years have become hell on earth for me. One bad thing after another. Finally trying to fix this mess. But it was not a day or two for me it was one to two weeks. This is something I would not wish upon anyone. It's like being paralyzed without having any injuries...truly terrifying. Best of luck to anyone going through this.
I have been shut down since COVID when I lost my accounting career and had to work in retail. Master's degree in accounting, 30 years experience and now age 50 and I still cannot get out of this low end job in retail. I cannot change ageism
I’m in freeze response. I’m a single adult female with one human family member in my life. In less then 3 weeks I lost my job of 4 years, my 17 year old cat, got the flu that knocked me out, lost health insurance. Then shortly after my car broke down and I was stranded at home alone for days. My anxiety and depression has taken over. I’ve lost almost 20 pounds and my health has completely deteriorated. I am frozen at home and having a really hard time finding hope.
Do me a favor. Pick ONE thing daily you can somehow bring yourself to do: make a healthy smoothie, do 20 sit-ups, scrub your face and put on your favorite facial hydration… Pick anything that you can/and are motivated to accomplish- from start to finish no matter how “small”. Let me know what you decide.
Erika, first I’m so very sorry for all your loss. I can relate, unfortunately. My mom passed 6 mos ago, then my best friend (and housemate) of 30 years passed in January. Lees than 3 weeks later my job eliminated. I’m alone, and responsible for managing the home and finances. I’ve been in such a panicked state, the more I try to do, the more I shut down. I just wanted you to know someone cares and you’re not alone.
Right there with ya on that one! In 4 weeks, I lost my job, my pet, facing losing my health insurance, and little to no support from family members. I've had 9 jobs in 7 years. (I'm on the spectrum). I'm tired, overwhelmed, depressed, and suicidal. Im single, kid is grown. I feel so very alone. I just want to be done. I'm sick of worrying about money, finances, & jobs. I'm also 58, so that makes it even more hard to find and keep gainful employment.
One day a while ago instead of making a To Do list I wrote down EVERYTHING I did. Down to the smallest thing. It sure felt good. Gee! I should do that again 😅 Blessings to you all
Wow, Thanks for that, I'll give that a try , I'm 66 yrs old, imagine how much stuff I've managed to do in all those years, the list would be huge, the list of stuff I need to do today seems miniscule in comparison, suddenly I feel a bit better about myself.
Yaaa! A little achievement log… sometimes we just deceived ourselves on how little work we’ve done to get the end results. Writing them down to every little detail helps. (like not like ‘I got ready for tmr’, but ‘I washed my hair’, ‘I picked out an outfit’, ‘I’ve iron them’, ‘I put in the wallet keys, necessary documents’ etc)
This is absolutely me. Five years ago, my soul mate husband became forgetful. I was his carer as he slipped further away. In November he had a massive stroke in front of me and was dead in less than a minute. Now, I have to move for financial reasons and the thought of it is overwhelming. We lived here in the Outer Hebrides for 18 years - our dream home and life. I am that person who can't get out of bed. Three weeks ago I started to have counselling and at least I now know that I can look into the black abyss without disintegrating. I'm so relieved that the freeze is not my fault - thank you so much for that. I will celebrate my small achievements...baby steps.
I'm so sorry about the loss of your beloved husband. The fact you were his carer also, I can't even imagine how much of a loss you must be feeling. You ve been to hell and back, moving is also one of the most stressful things you can do. You really need to give yourself time, time to grieve, time to look after you. But please don't be hard on yourself for needing to take the time out to heal. Sending strength, love and healing.🫂
I didn’t recognize where you are from. I did a google search 🔍 I see it’s in Scotland. Wow what a beautiful place!! I’m in Nebraska USA. We are directly in the center of the country. Land locked 😃 After reading so many of the comments posted here, I’m realizing it doesn’t matter where we live , we all share the same emotions. My hope for you is that you find someplace equally beautiful to live and that you find joy in the small things that life can offer. Maybe a bird singing in the morning sun 🌞😊
I have always been known to sleep a lot, i am now 62 and my life tormentor is dead (my adopted mother) . Fourteen years ago i was put on pain medication morphine and tramadol, this was for osteoarthritis which is everywhere. Between the medication and my mental trauma that I’ve had throughout the years i have finally figured out why i have spent the last 14 years sleeping. I believe that this video will help me move on and i will start looking for help. Thanks Dave
Well, there is 6465 comments already, so what's one more. Dr Scott. I have been sitting in the therapists offices for 40+ years , telling them I feel "frozen down"... begging for help. Any little bit of help... anything... and all I got was strange looks, blank stares and answers that had nothing to do with what I was seeking help for. I got ptsd in 97, so my frozen down, only got worse. I would work 100 hours a week, to keep myself going.. so I wouldn't be, frozen down. I am now in forced retirement due to physical injuries... and so frozen down... This is the first time in all these years... I have gotten any kind of decent answer and explanation,.... and at this point... any little bit of help, is huge. I figured it was stress.... and that's all I've known for the last ten years... overwhelming stress. Just trying to survive. Thank you for this video... I can hardly type through the tears... but I am so grateful. You just changed my whole world.
Could not have been more timely, as I am struggling to get out of bed right now. Funny thing, I sat up while I was listening to you and berated myself for not continuing the process of getting up. Then you said, “If you can’t get out of bed, just sit up … and celebrate it like crazy.” I needed that. It also means SO MUCH that you said we didn’t CHOOSE to freeze. Based on your description, I think I might actually live a good part of each day in freeze mode as I work through PTSD, depression, and more. Definitely some healing tears shed listening to you. ❤
That's quite amazing when you think about how truly HARD it really is just getting out of bed. Yeah, celebrate the eff out of just sitting up! Life is really hard right now.🎉❤🎉
@@kikijewell2967 Thank you so much for your kindness! I’m still struggling to compute that you’re talking directly to me when you said, “That’s amazing.” Like what? I did something amazing?!
@@DrScottEilersyour second attempt at "erroneously", was perfect. The first try seemed to involve uranus, which is never not funny! : ) Keep up the good work. Am about to praise myself for getting out of bed... Thank you so much for your help, without that condescending attitude so many of us have suffered from your medical peers. You are refreshing and greatly appreciated.
I’ve never heard anyone be able to describe exactly how I feel until I saw this. I don’t feel sad or depressed but I knew something isn’t right. Thanks, doc!
The difference between laziness or flakiness and shutting down. Feeling overwhelmed. " I don't feel like doing anything." Fear of rejection or public speaking. Feeling like a dumb failure when learning something new until you break the "I can't do this" barrier.
@@hope7144 it kinda blew my mind as he just kept saying things that I have felt for a while but haven’t had the words to describe. Like, everything he was saying was precisely right on the nose of what I’ve felt. It’s crazy how so many of us can feel alone like no one else in the world feels the same as what you’re going through, and then you happen upon this video and realize that there are a ton of other people who are going through the exact same thing as you. That’s a bit more comforting.
This explains why sometimes I don't feel emotionally depressed but my actions look like I'm depressed. Examples would be: laying in bed,, not wanting to go anywhere, or talk to anyone, feeling like I have no energy, and feeling overwhelmed. But I'm not thinking negatively. I feel a sense of unconscious stress from pass experiences even though I'm not actively thinking about those things. It's been really weird and I'd actually feel depressed over what's happening to me. I'm so thankful to have found this answer. I believe this is what's been going on. Thank you for the video!
Definitely use the advice given on this video, it is helpful. See your family Doctor about Food Allergies or Environmental Allergies. Vitamin Deficiency also plays a role in that type of behavior.(SAD video)
Too much trauma in succession results in the freeze response too. This video explains a lot to me about what's been happening in my life for years. It's much more difficult when you cannot afford a good therapist to get you back to functioning again. Videos on you tube like this are a very good thing for those that need help and have no other way to get it. I take notes on anything that I consider valuable information so I can refer to it again if needed.
I am in the same situation......so isolating when none can walk in anothers shoes...and in this world we need money to go to therapy, and I do not even trust those as many do not know what you experience.....Blessings to you all and love...😍
Life's all about routine I've found and after a bad "freeze" trying to get a decent routine back takes forever...I've just had a bad setback and got robbed after getting my drink spiked and now I'm so stuck again and suicidal😢😢
Thank you for the explanation! When you said this thing about not even getting out of bed but just sitting up I've started crying for some reason. I guess I knew about the small steps but kept judging myself for not being able to do more, and what you said basically gave me the 'permission' to celebrate instead of judge.
I relate to that. I got emotional then too. I really thought he was going to say to get up and take a shower or just do one task. The understand that sometimes just sitting up is an achievement is so validating.
As difficult as it can be for me to force myself through the motions of showering and shaving, it's reinvigorating. Using the spoons analogy, I spend 3 spoons to immediately get 5 back.
@@AnnoyingNewsletters that's good if it works that way for you. For others, it absolutely drains them and depresses them. I think it's important to find the things that do make oneself feel better and make that effort for that reward. It can be different day to day though.
I'm 65, and my greatest regret, at this very moment , is that I did not encounter this teaching when I was 20. I would have handled life so much differently. And , yes, "erroneously" is a real word. 😊 Thanks
Respect to all going through this. I knew I wasn't the only one. Depression and anxiety don't discriminate. It's exhausting "fighting" it to seem normal. I see you all. We'll be okay...heads up.❤🎉
Thank you thank you thank you for this video!!!! Your scientific explanation lifts the weight of guilt for feeling so depressed, hopeless, often suicidal and very stuck in painful existence. Judging from the comments we all needed to hear this.I'm going to send this video to some family members. The blame me for being "lazy" and dramatic for feeling the way I do. Suicide and major depression runs in the family and they just got lucky genetically. Maybe they will gain some understanding and show some empathy instead causing more pain. Today: baby steps.. A million thanks again.
Doing nothing is still a decision to a point. Clutter piles up. Social circle dies. Dating goes out the window. Then life gets even harder than before. Unfortunately, I've learned the hard way. Please keep trying ❤.
I can’t sleep due to stress and have to take medication or I’ll vent talk out loud for hrs til past 3am til I sleep Wish I could sleep without meds lifes been terrible Hugs
Left my x husband 6.5 years ago. He is an alcoholic narcissist, sex addict. Finally got divorced a year ago but still waiting on my part of the house. Every time I believe I'm getting better, something happens, and I go back into the non functioning depressed person for about a week. It freaking sucks. Feels like he always wins. Could not even work this week.
God brought me to your channel tonight. I do believe that. I’m soo overwhelmed with EVERYTHING!!! I’m a senior lady who lives alone, several chronic illnesses and a dog with dementia. It’s becoming harder and harder to even open my eyes much less sit up and get out of bed. My dog has forced me to get out of bed. My family is close by but rarely check in me. I have become a recluse in a strange land. Thank you for making this video. It has helped me understand why the constant criticism from my son piles on to the feeling of being so overwhelmed with no end in sight. Thank you!!!!
You are not alone. I finally got an easy part time job and at least I get out of the house But I am frozen too Now I am being forced to move and I am overwhelmed thinking about it. Plus cancer and a wild aray of chronic illnesses just buried me. Now I at least have a name for it. Now to get unstuck
@@moniqueengleman873 we are in the same boat it sounds. I’m facing having to move again and it make me nauseous to even think about. God bless you and pray you have the strength to do what you need to do!!! 🙏🏻. I pray this prayer for myself. I have chronic pain which some days really beats me down. These are not “golden years”!!! 😂😢
@@janetsmith4384 Janet I agree. This aging thing is for the birds. I just want to stick my head in the sand. I am really good at it. I have a beautiful tiny house and garden. Now I have to move. This is overwhelming
@@mouhcine5712 Yes it still works after 3 weeks, in-fact I even minimized my kitchen stuff, less plates spoons cups etc, means less clean up and more automatic organization.
Unless of course you have less stuff because you are being constantly burglarized and robbed of your stuff as opposed to you deciding for yourself you don’t want all of your stuff. I don’t think you would feel so great about having your stuff stolen from you as in my situation. I need all of my stuff. I mourn for it all. It all cost me so much money which I worked so hard to earn. But most of all is the stuff I could NEVER replace like my family photos, my mom’s unique photo album including my diary and journal pages he took. So please don’t tell me about the joys of having less stuff. I miss my mom’s dishes too and dishes and kitchen stuff I bought decades ago which has memories for me.
I've been in freeze mode for the past 10 years. This video just gave me hope that there may be a way out of this depression. I feel such guilt & shame and sometimes I wonder if I'm just lazy. I've seen many psychiatrists & therapists but have never had this explained. God bless you for taking the time to give people hope and hopefully a way out of this prison. I've only been "existing" for the past 10 years & I feel like it wouldn't be a bad thing if I didn't wake up again. I'm so tired of not enjoying anything. I'm so grateful your video was suggested to me and I'm excited to explore your other videos. Thank you so much for giving me even an inkling of hope.
denial is a stinky calogne, you are given the gift of llfe and you are pissing it away due to not taking advantage of the beautiful aspects it offers. the good news is there is still time for you ; do better, this is your wakeup call
I took a pill of a year maybe two, the E one, the alphabet long just rearranged letters. Said the lowest amount. I think 10mg. Like everything, nothing could fix. It's this freeze thing. No head doc could so I never tried that mess. Antique stuffed offices are cool and all, just didn't want to provide them the cash as well. That whole industry of sit and talk experts. I don't think so. Just need that second let's get it warm body is the deal.
I have been in the same place. Nothing helped until my autism diagnosis (at age 47). Everything clicked into place. I have been in an autistic burnout. Traditional therapy did nothing. Medical for my depression and anxiety, barely anything. I just figured that I was "broken".
It's been nearly 11 years for me. I had about 5 big traumas in just a couple years, and after a traumatic childhood, I guess I hit overload. Luckily my kids are grown, so no one is being neglected, except me and my place. Yesterday I sorted out a small box and got almost everything put away, it's small, but I'm letting myself feel good about it. If I get half the laundry folded I will consider that a big win, 2 things accomplished in one week! I've lost touch with people and haven't made any new friends, so am also kind of just existing, if I did make a friend, I wouldn't invite them over, my place is such a mess, I too feel a lot of guilt and shame, especially shame. Please hang on to that inkling of hope, and try to nurture it, it's not a fool's quest. Look how well you articulated your post, clearly you're bright, lots of people aren't. The world needs more like you, bright and have an insight many people never have. I've decided that I'll never catch up all at once, but little victories are better than the zero's I've had over the last decade. That wouldn't have happened if you didn't wake up, so thanks! I hope things begin to gradually improve for you, and don't be too hard on yourself.
As a veteran living with PTSD and an anxiety disorder, I've never been able to explain or understand what I go through until watching your videos. Thank you
I'm not a veteran but I've recently been diagnosed with ptsd for other reasons, I can't say I know what you're going through but I can say that I relate to it, I'm also well trained in psycology but despite that I can't self diagnose or treat... it an odd feeling to have to hear what I already know from another, but I agree completely that it helps a lot
As a veteran working on my own, successfully, we've been able to fix it for the last couple of years. The system works because our mind has a reflex, commonly known as fight-or-flight, but properly known as the Innate Alarm System, which short-cuts our cognitive system by prefiltering incoming sensory data and using experience stored in the amygdala to react instantly, sending a signal to our motor cortex. As military, that tends towards fight, and so we judge ourselves, causing the disorder. Our animal minds also have a disable method, which is normally blocked by cognition. Dropping out of cognition into cognitive suppression, through any one of about two dozen therapies ranging from meditation to subspace, doesn't work alone, many PTSD sufferers use these to calm, but to heal, the method needs to know the trigger - hold it in your mind's eye as you drop into suppression. It's good to have a therapist mentor this, at least at first - I now know what I'm doing and can sort anything which arises myself. One limitation is that those with aphantasia are unable to hold the trigger, Michael Mithoeffer's MAPS method, one of the psychotropics and tested by the US FDA may be able to circumvent this using it's soul-guide methodology. In general, the portals range from psychotropics through shamanics into trance, hypnotics, and meditatives. As a purely personal comment (the above is the generally accepted viewpoint), I tested the use of Reiki to fill the void left by draining the pre-programmed reflex response. The trigger remains, but doesn't react any longer, however as expected, four hours after the session in which we drained the reflex, I had a cracking headache which I healed by flooding the void with agape. Now, when it triggers, I get reassurance, which is gradually healing the fears behind.
We can drain the reflex response now. Get your therapist to take you into cognitive suppression with the trigger in your minds eye. It'll drain the reflex response, so although you'll trigger, it won't do anything. I've added a plus, which is not part of the norm, I flooded the drain site with Reiki, so now I get reassurance back. What's going on under the hood is that our animal selves had therapeutic systems still there, in the limbic brain. We drop into cognitive suppression quite often, in meditation, mindfulness, shamanic trance, etc, but it doesn't release the trauma, because the healer needs to find the trigger. It's normally held back by our cognition. Do both, and it'll drain the reflex. I add a reiki fill to the void created, it gives me reassurance when the trigger hits. The shut down Is an associated trigger from the IAS fight or flight reaction, first spotted by Pavlov a hundred years back. He called it Transmarginal Inhibition, and it's triggered as fugue by the neuroceptive loop in the central gyrus, which monitors brain loading. We don't just think, we track our thinking. In high-functioning neurodiverse, we also fugue from trauma.
I just want to be "ME" again. You explaining the "freeze" makes absolute sense to me. I am burnt out/overwhelmed--too much stress, trauma---over and over again with no time, no personal space to recover. And the most unfortunate thing of all is my husband is the major cause of it all. I've learned a lot of valuable lessons over the last 37 years and one is do not make any major changes in your life if you are grieving from the loss of a loved one. If I'd had known that I would not be where I am now. Shut down to the point of what you call Passive Suicidal.
None of us can get out of BED. I think it’s because that epidemic COVID created this. FREZING RESPONSE. it messed with our minds and we are all so scared at a subconscious level. That we can’t even move. Why because it causes a freeze response when very scared. Of impending doom. It triggered my panic responses and always nervous not going away but trying to get work on it as much as I can Self love is a must. Nowadays since the world is very different
Same here, freeze response from cptsd & physical problems. Most days in bed feels safer watching animal videos! I was really moved when reading that so many people have depression & the freeze response… just wish we can connect ! HUGS
Wish I could believe the none of y'all are alone part cause I feel like an exception not having anyone in my corner, not even god 😕 at this point. I just want to go to sleep forever
This was really helpful info. Before you said about the puppy, I thought of how everything with toddlers is a celebration. I feel it's a good tool for re-parenting ourselves too. I'd been in freeze for a couple of days. Just been able to do a load of laundry while I listened, so then I put another load in and did a celebratory dance for as long as my body needed. When I lost energy part way through hanging the laundry to dry, I did another dance. I really felt the endorphins and the mood lift and the motivation to get the laundry finished. Usually, I lose energy and it stays in the machine until the next day or until I remember it.
I have been like this for around 10 years. I have been scared of life for most of my life, but for the last ten years, I have basically shut down. Isolated, no life, no job, no benefits, nothing. I am tying to put some kind of life back together now, but man I'm scared.
I’m 100% with you on that feeling. Life is a weird place to be. I’ve been more scared of it than death. But just reading that you feel this way makes me feel less afraid/less alone in this challenge. Thank you for expressing yourself. Count that as a real action you did. It’s kind of the most powerful one as far as the universe goes. Sending you the good stuff. ❤
Same. The only thing that got me out of it before was anxiety medication, but they cut me off of it 10 years ago and destroyed my life forcing me back into this mode permanently and the system now treats the medication like it's as bad as heroin so it's impossible to get. My only options are to either hitch hike to Mexico with no money where I can just buy the medication over the counter, order the meds illegally online and have to be treated like a criminal for the rest of my life over a medication I need in order to function, or kill myself. My opinion? The system literally needs to be razed to the ground.
@@TeHj0keRDam., that sucks!. The system should provide to those in need!,... I didn't know what anxiety really was until I got it from a extremely stressed month I had. I now suffer from depression,.. and lost my career job... I too... have been thinking of my options.. hope you find peace in your life 🙏 and happiness too. Hang in there pls.
To anyone struggling, please be encouraged! This approach really, really works. I know it from personal experience. Celebrating one small achievement with the same enthusiasm as you would celebrate a puppy doing something correct for the first time has made me feel like my life is worth living. With burn-out and depression, I have massively dialed back the things I force myself to do each day, and chronic health problems mean that sometimes my biggest achievement of the day literally is just in sitting up. But I do force myself to do one thing each day, and to then celebrate that one thing each day. This combo has really helped me with my depression, and I highly recommended it for everyone. I wish this was something people talked about more often. Sending you all big virtual hugs, and I hope this helps!
@kimnater9812 "and chronic health problems mean that sometimes my biggest achievement of the day literally is just in sitting up. " How to make a person cry with half a sentence. Ney, your entire statement felt very personal and pointed. I'm sitting here, in pain, thinking how nobody cares, so long as the work gets done , and the stuff gets fixed, so long as I can still help "someone else" out with my time and effort, doesn't matter if "I" am okay... doesn't matter if I can't do what I want or used to like. I seem lazy because I'm too tired to take care of myself. I tried doing things and then rewarding myself with a short video game I loved, but even that game, I'm too tired to feel the joy it used to give me, even if it distracts from some of the pain also. I guess I need to give myself more credit for just making it to the surface each day and pretending for everyone that I've got it all together. Just stting up in bed is painful, so I should acknowledge that what I did was indeed extraordinary compared to when I used to be able to wake up without pain and exhaustion. Thanks.
@Metqa hey 👋 I'm so sorry your going through health problems 😔 so am I from narcissist abuse I constantly feel like im going to have a heart attack or a stroke. It's hell having sickness in anyway! Especially pain... I pray you have the strength to make it day by day.. sometimes I feel like death can't come Quickly enough. It's not a good way to live its just how it is sometimes. Your not alone there's alot of hurting people out here.
When my son at 19 had what they would call SNAP,. He had everything going for him. He was getting ready to go into medical school. He's a genius, girlfriend, job school Volunteering at the hospital. one Day snap. 10 years later, we're still dealing with this mental disease which they are calling schizophrenia Yeah, very sad, very, very sad medications. Injections, we still haven't found the right. Medication for him ten years later!!!!! His name is Parker and he's a wonderful person. A wonderful man. He's thirty years old now and we're still dealing with this. Thank you.
Ohhhh! I’m thinking of you. I’m sure you’ve done everything under the sun to help him. Have you checked his vitamin d? I know that sounds stupid when you’ve probably rued everything but I would feel bad not to mention it. I’ve read vitamin d can help schizophrenics.
I cannot thank you enough, I’ve been a first responder for over ten years. I’ve seen some horrible things in the field. Last year something horrible happened to me and I lost my job. I used to think I was mentally strong. Until the depression hit. I have no energy to wash the dishes, laundry, workout. I tell people it feels as if I had a traumatic brain injury. This video has taught me so much! I feel like crying. Now when I encounter someone going through depression I can genuinely have compassion.
Hey me too. Law enforcement work with sex offenders and then surviving a violent crime and more attacks leveled me -and I thought I was so strong. I feel you.
@@monaw6484 oh my goodness, I’m so sorry to hear this. You are not alone, we aren’t alone. I don’t think I could handle sex crimes or child crimes. Do you feel you had support from your department? Or any in general?
I was just down the rabbit hole of RUclips when I hit on your video. Gosh darn it , you described my state of inactivity perfectly. At 75, a retired nurse, a meditator, I just couldn’t understand why all of a sudden I can’t cope with even simple ADLs. Clutter is building and just doing the dishes seem overwhelming. It is the antithesis of the organized life I always led. It seemed to get worse after bypass surgery 3 years ago. I’m going to celebrate those dishes now and stop beating myself up because I can’t find that magic wand to make the house back to 100% sparkly. Thanks so very much helping me to love my self again.
The same story here too! The bypass surgery must be the reason for your body refusing to let you preforming any physical activity. You need rest and more rest. This kind of surgery means you were not well for a long time and you didn't allow yourself to rest. I hope the surgery has helped you a lot. Our house was always so super tidy and anyone could just drop in at any time and they'd be amazed how pretty everything looked every time. Now, after my husband's death, I find it hard to place an old envelope in the bin, or return milk to the fridge which is so ridiculous, but I can't find the energy to get back to the fridge. I'll stop having coffee with milk. This is how my brain works now - avoiding things is an answer. I haven't seen this video yet and have such big hopes. Sending my best wishes and hugs. ❤🤗
Omg you just described me in a nut shell. Thank you for your service first of all. I’m 57 mom, grandma of two. I always was a giver and worked in medical field caring for the elderly. I was an STNA. Worked nursing homes, private homes and etc.. it’s ironic now that with all my health issues I am on other side. The one who needs help and can’t really get any help. Family have their own life they are trying to live.. more so I feel like I’m stuck. Clutter is my place, the dishes is worst. Phycritrist gave me homework for month to write down what I did in day instead of the 2 do list. Down to smallest thing I did.. been in freeze mold for two days. Haven’t got out of bed just to bathroom. Can’t make myself go down stairs. Reading your post inspired me. If you can do it at your age I’m going to start something. Holidays always been so hard for me. Like physcitrist said even if I get one silverware a day washed it’s a plus. One load laundry, one bag of trash together. All good. Going up down stairs is challenge for me. Doctor said my job ruined my back. Refusing surgery. Scarred. Now so many medical issues. Ty and god bless you❤️
Reading your response made me wonder, in my lame brain condition, if I wrote it! No, I'm not a nurse. No, I have another year and a bit to hit 75. Ok. I've been the one, two years ago, sitting up in bed and literally celebrating it! The problem was getting myself to the bathroom! I had to! There was nobody else to change the sheets that I couldn't change. Celebrate getting to the John! Wahoooo! I just went on basic instinct to do this. I've always pushed myself to "geter done er else"! I fogged up the notion that I was my own patient. What could I do for this helpless, worthless bag of flesh and bones in the bed? I approached myself, for the first time in my life, with the tenderness of a mother for her sick child. I allowed myself - and still am - concessions I would never have conceded before. I cannot say all that put me in this place. It's too lengthy. PTSD (Paralyzing Trauma of Sibling Demolition)! I had sympathized with those suffering PTSD, had been very kind and helpful to them, knowing the damage came from outside themselves. Now I was in it. I'm still back and forth in and out. I celebrate the good days, half days, moments, and give myself permission to blank out for days, half days or moments. This week additional emotional challenges over tasks I'm expected to do by others have had me held back. My response has been "No." Someone else CAN do it. No, I know I cannot. Yet the pressure of it lingers. I comfort myself saying to myself that I did the right thing. It's hard being a responsible giving person, then being true to yourself admitting that "the old gray mare just ain't what she used to be". But I'm not ready for the glue factory! Maybe I am only taking baby steps, sometimes very tiny ones. But I just recall how fast I had to run after little baby's who only took baby steps! I'm slow. But I'm getting there. Turtle speed!
I’m in the process of doing just that. Since Jan 2, 2023 when I found out I had no retirement pension (my husband had signed up for benefits for him but not me), and many other problems, I’ve been frozen. He found out what the house looked like when I “did nothing” for 8 months. A disaster. My daughter is helping me a little now but I’m miserable in this mess.
Counterintuitive as it might be, what actually works for me is to kinda succumb to all this void and just lay in bed and binge watch all sorts of videos for several days straight. Eventually this brings me to a point where it feels like it can't get any worse, I become fed up with this and feel like doing stuff again. Still can't quite figure out how to not get into these kinds of situaions in the first place though.
It’s our nervous system’s response to stress. Often comes from previous trauma. We literally can’t help it but thankfully there are tips & tools to overcome it
Like I said on another comment, it is different from depression, and I feel like you too: I lay in bed, play worthless mobile games, just do the minimun necessary for my family not starve. As days go by, the energy starts to cone back.
**ANHEDONIA** It’s been exactly 60 days in a roll! Doing absolutely nothing but sleeping and spending my day watching aleatory RUclips videos (I don’t have any social media) and spending my saving on the rent which is very expensive. But guess what ? I am about to explode as I feel I had enough. I’m nauseous of this anhedonia that I’m in. I’m about to break free as I see a tiny light in the end of the tunnel which from 2 days ago rewinding this 60 dias I was in total freeze/darkness! From time to time I would go to local shop for groceries. Now that my saving ended, I have to find a way! This abhorrent freeze state has consumed my entire energy/self value! It’s as I said an abhorrent feeling! I’ll be back and tell you all how I managed my defreeze! 😣😣😣😣
I never heard of the freeze response. You explained it very well. In 36 hours, I have a huge event and I have had plenty of time to have myself looking like I can handle anything that comes my way. I fear the other shoe is going to drop during a meeting in the courthouse on Thursday by noon. I have the freeze response. I will let myself sleep well tonight and sit upon my bed in the morning. Thank you… new subscriber.
I am blown away. I have just stumbled on this vlog a few minutes ago. I have been struggling for 3 years with what I now believe is a freeze response and nobody but nobody has pointed this out to me. I knew something was wrong and sought help with my doctor and a shrink and they just feed me BS. Started with an accident which I was initially blamed for but it was later proven I was not responsible but the legal system tore me apart and I lost all confidence in myself. I was a leader and a successful person in family and business before the incident. Nothing but nothing has been the same since. TODAY MAYBE DAY ONE OF MY RECOVERY. With tears in my eyes, I don't know what else to say except I need to process this advice to take the first step back to being me. Its not going to be easy.
Your autonomical responses are not really you, neither is your anxiety. Your body, along with 99% of people's, is not in balance and is intruding into your mental and spiritual life. Reply to me and I will tell you how to reset your body back to default, the way nature intended. 100%
This was literally the best explanation of why a person with depression, such as myself, can't get out of bed. It also explains, why during such times I feel tension in the middle of my head. Honestly, knowing the truth is liberating.
I dealt with this by taking up mountain hiking, growing vegetables and getting three jack Russell terriers. All three brought love, motivation and mindfulness back into my life. Eight years later I've started a gardening and landscaping business, started rebuilding my house and joined a local community group attached to our church where i volunteer. I complete a long distance through hike every year and I'm learning a new language. Life is still stressful but I've put things into perspective and opened my heart to the beautiful things in the world again. I also got rid of my television and social networking. I hope that those of you who are suffering understand that it's not the amount of things that are stressing you, its the quality and meaningful things that are missing from your lives. My best wishes are with you all.
It is AMAZING what a Jack Russell Terrier can do in our lives. I am so depressed right now that if I didn't have my Jack Russell Terrier looking after me, I'd have committed suicide by now. But she keeps me going. She has to be walked several times a day, and that REALLY improves my mood. I don't know what would happen to her if I were no longer around. She really counts on me to keep her happy with hugs and kisses and good food.
Jack Russell's are the best .mine is dead nearly 5 years now . She was my best friend she had a great life we cared for each other . She's buried in my garden where every day I look out and remember her and am glad I rescued her and gave her a home .
My life over 72 years has quite simply, been a constant barrage of trauma and knocks in every single way. I am constantly trying to get back up after yet another blow. Things might slightly improve for a very short period, giving me a glimmer of hope again, but whatever progress I achieve, it gets taken away leaving me distraught. I am deep down a fighter, so that won't change but everything has taken a terrible toll on both my physical and mental health. I don't have a soul in my life or my corner, no family and the few friends I've had have merely been fairweather ones, some just using me for my generosity (I'd give my heart away). I need to be on my own, that part doesn't bother me. Depression has been my life since my parents divorced when I was 11 and forced to stay living with a cruel narcissistic mother. I hope my life doesn't go on much longer. I don't do self pity, I feel more anger that I could not have a decent life.
I do just enough to ensure nothing falls apart after Mom died and I was seriously injured in a fall. My bedroom is my safe place. I feel overwhelmed by disinterest and laziness, not freezing (I don't think). I have a doggie, and her health and well being are all I absolutely have to do every day. I celebrate that. So, I think perhaps I am doing okay.
I wouldn’t use the word laziness. It sounds like you are doing the best you can right now. You may not think it is freezing, but it does sound like a response to very real and significant stress. Take credit for the things you accomplish, especially caring for you dog. Your pup definitely believes in you and loves you. Take a lesson that you are loved and you are believed in. When I have these “lazy” days, I simply plan on doing better the next. Sometimes I do, sometimes I don’t, but I drop the negative judgement on myself. I need to be my own friend too.
@@nmartin5551 Thank you for everything you wrote. Your words are "Words of Wisdom" for me. You sound like such a kind and caring person, and how wonderful that you can express that in yourself. Thank you, again.
Oooohhhhhhh myyyyyy gaaaawwwwwwd this is MEEEEEEE!!!!!!!! I've been trying so hard to figure out what is going on with me. I feel overwhelmed, my to do list is a mile long and crushing me, and I feel frozen.
That's exactly what I feel like. It's pretty much like being robbed that part of you that used to do everyday tasks like it's drinking water @@LaxmannDhotre
@@LaxmannDhotre I’m so happy to hear you say exactly what I’ve been feeling. My Husband died almost 5 years ago and I cannot be the person I was when he was here. It was baffling to me. I knew I’d be in mourning for some time but the fact that I now know I will never be that woman again. I have to live with what’s left of me. It’s scary but it’s life. ❤️🙏✌️
I lost my husband 3 years ago. I was under stress at the time but his death broke me. I became frozen. I drag myself out of bed daily to go to work. When I’m home, I isolate. Thank you for this video. It helps to know what is going on. ❤
Wow, you could get out of bed to go to work? That's honestly impressive in freeze mode (note: I'm not saying you had a great life, I'm giving you credit for being able to get out of bed and leave the house). I'm so sorry about the loss of your husband. That kind of grief is heavy and pernicious. Wishing you so well in taking the slow baby steps forward and healing from such a heartbreaking loss. It sounds like you loved him deeply, and that's why the grief is so all consuming. Sending compassion to you~
You’re not alone. I do the same. Work, then go to bed. Stay in bed til it’s time to work again. Repeat. Was traumatized over 10 yrs ago and still not recovered.
“You didn’t decide that. You did not choose that. A subconscious & primitive part of your brain chose that response FOR you because it misinterpreted the situation and it thought that you were in danger.” This hit me SO hard. I didn’t even realize this was happening. I feel awful for being so frustrated with my little brain- never realizing it’s just doing its job & trying to protect me😢
My mother struggled with this mindset her entire life. She was a highly intelligent person and I’ve seen other highly intelligent people overanalyze life and struggle to find motivation. My mother would conclude “what’s the point?”… we often call it depression but I wonder if it’s a different type of condition. Thank you for exploring this topic.
Totally agree. And to add to the suffering most people as you mention tend to be very introverted, so to be labeled an "outcast", or even worse with regard to 'could not be further from the truth'; arrogant, aloof, etc. I do not suffer from depression, I suffer from living in a country (USA) that could not be a much worse fit for who I am, what I stand for, and can fully see the futility and hypocrisy in the platitudes/lies/propaganda I will not submit to, or be any part of... I refuse to become what I hate.
It’s a different condition but it can certainly make you feel depressed / develop anhedonia when all the basic bandaid “solutions” we get offered to “fix” yourself are not for a chronic freeze response so nothing works.
Thank you (OP). I suffer hugely from 'what's the point'. A seemingly constant existential angst that is probably linked to existential depression (if there is such a thing) 🤔😊
Dear Doctor. I have ADHD, depression, and anxiety and you are the FIRST person who understands what I'm going through! When I reach out to people they think I'm just lazy or have no willpower and that hurts me so much! I was lying in bed having anxiety about things I need to do and haven't done while watching this video and I sat up like you said. I've had so much stress for so long. Thank you for this video (I can't afford therapy). I could just cry. Actually I DID cry. Thank you. I gladly subscribed. ❤😊
I used this today. When I got out of bed I had a noticed that I have one week to pay a large (for me) energy bill. I almost froze in panic that could have led to being anxious and unable to function properly all day or the rest day of the week. Then I listened to this and thought: I have one week to get the money or make a payment arrangement. And I remembered that I have always paid my bills and never had my energy turned off - my entire adult life. So worrying that would not help me to actually make the amount to pay the bill is fruitless. And: experience tells me I will be just fine. I’ll pay the bill or whatever I am able to and live a normal, healthy, pleasant life as I always have (except for these intermittent panic attacks that I will now look at with a much healthier view.)
I lay in bed too & the only thing that makes me want to get up is if I have something really sweet waiting for me in the refrigerator. Then I practically bolt out of bed to eat. Pathetic but true 😁
This is some crazy coincidence, because I started experiencing this only last week, where I found myself completely unable to get up for my classes, had no idea what was going on and consequently shut down even more. Thank you so much for making sense of all this ❤
I’m so miserable and overwhelmed. I have way too much on my plate and no support or help. I shut down years ago. Meds don’t work for me anymore. I have no social network. I am homebound. I have kids, and a mentally ill teen. I’m so burned out.
Can't thank you enough for explaining what happens when I feel stuck, no energy/unmotivated dealing with depression. I would beat myself up too much saying "Come on, get moving, dont be lazy and let depression win". Now I have better strategy to deal with it and build momentum in a HEALTHIER way. 😁
If you are anything like me, then you are the " let's just get it done now" instead of putting anything off. Its crazy how the toxic guilt and shame is like an elephant sitting on you and keeping frozen in the same spot. Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.
It's a positive way to deal with it. I've known this strategy for years but I still fall into the negative self talk when dealing with depression. It's a life long battle. I'm glad I came across this today. I wish everyone well on their journey
Totally agree with you. Couple years ago in my first year of trauma therapy I coined the phrase a “to done“ list. And I would get out a piece of paper every day & write down every single speck of action that I took that day, including like you said, sitting up. My therapist said she was gonna steal that one.😂
I was consumed by work, Covid hit & killed my boyfriend who I also worked for. The company closed. I lost my job. Then I got Covid and was in bed a month very sick. Fatigue immediately followed for almost a year. Then Insomnia kicked in and almost 2-yrs later I still don’t sleep more than 4 hours each night. I’ve done all the recommended things and nothing has helped. I have anxiety I never had before. I am always in crisis mode with my BP, where I had always ran on the low side. I have lost my engagement with life and barely leave my room, let alone my house anymore. But thank you for a valuable teaching/understanding. I thank God every day literally, because if it weren’t for my faith I would have given up by now.
This happened to me at a previous job. I had been there for 15 years, and things had suddenly gotten toxic in my department. I was doing double the work, staying late, going in on weekends and I found myself unable to sleep. This went on for two years. Toward the end, I would dread going to work so much, and then once I was there I found that all I could do was to sit at my desk and stare off into space until someone called, emailed or stopped by my office with a request. Instead of using goals and initiative to motivate myself like I had in those previous years, all I could do now was respond to direct queues that something was needed. I started making mistakes, and my ability to reason solve problems that came up in a rational way was shot. I really thought I was going crazy. I still wake up in the middle of the night in a panic after dreaming about that time in my life. I feel like this is exactly what I experienced, and this makes a lot of sense to me.
That's what has been going on with me for a while now (3-4 years). Went through a grey divorce and lost everything so have been hyper-focused on stacking successes and preparing for retirement. Over the past nine years I have aggressively saved, paid off debts, paid cash for a house, built the core of a good kitchen-table business and saved a substantial sum, all on a $35K income. BUT, as good as that has been, it has taken a real toll on me psychologically, I currently can't dredge up motivation to do anything and my house is in terrible shape. Your description is so spot-on! I have become purely reactive and practically in a daze all the time, making mistakes more often and I dread every day. I'll be retiring at the end of the year, thank goodness and hopefully can unpack some of this stack.
I had a bad experience in my previous job over five years ago. I have struggled with reoccurring resentful thoughts and memories everyday at my current job that I have had since then. My mind is constantly wandering. I drive most of the day which makes it worse, because it allows way too much time for my mind to dwell on these negative thoughts. My mind is so distracted that I keep forgetting this or that and making little mistakes all day. It's so frustrating and I feel like I'm losing my mind. Medications help somewhat, but something really needs to change. I'm so mentally exhausted.
Thank you for making these videos. I was laid off last December and can’t afford therapy. I could barely afford it working. I have been absolutely beating myself up because I have trouble getting up and not even wanting to be here anymore. I get so disappointed in myself because I can’t seem to cope. I feel like my mind can’t take anymore. Your explanation gives me hope and made me realize I’m not being lazy. I couldn’t figure out why nothing helped and this gives me hope. I want to want to be here and I so desperately needed to hear this. I hope you realize your videos have stopped me from ending the pain. I’m so thankful you use this platform to help because there’s not much affordable help. I wouldn’t wish this depression, fear and anxiety on anyone. Thank you!!
Hey just wanted to comment you're not alone. The thousands of other people that watched this are struggling with this too and we understand you're not lazy and there's something deeper at play. I hope you find and celebrate those small victories everyday so you can eventually build your days back up ❤
Me too... I dislike myself for not finding satisfaction in cleaning my home. I used to find happiness in keeping my family's space clean and organized. I could do laundry while making a meal. I'm not that person anymore. It's more than laziness. It's like I'm walking through wet concrete to get from point A to point B, only to ask myself what am I doing here in point B.
This was great advice! I'd love to see a video about the effects of chronic stress on the brain for a lifetime. People like me, who grew up abused, have dealt with stress even in our early memories. Always being on edge as a child, and then growing up and dealing with more stress is exhausting. I am now 55 and have been married to a man with a chronic illness for 30 years now, and working overtime a lot to keep us above water. I am just exhausted with all of the stress. When you've been abused it feels like you don't even know a life without stress and pain because you never get a break from it, even in childhood.
Unfortunately we spend half our lives on autopilot with no real thought of getting old and sick. So are totally unprepared for it when it comes along I have been in the same situation but am fortunate to live in the uk where help and support is free or at least more affordable it is hard but you have to focus on the simple things in life which give you pleasure I can imagine it is very difficult in the USA as social care and health care are not great or very expensive good luck on your journey and keep positive things will improve
Never expected that I would start tearing up a little bit when you said "A person completely burried by stress." Because I admit it. I'm not okay for months, probably a year now. I have urges to isolate. Work, some people and status in life in general has been beating me up since last year. I was already a quiet and soft spoken person but in a comfortable way. Like, that's just me, an introvert that's just living her life. As times goes by, I started to notice something. At first, I thought my introverted-ness leveled up. I don't want to socialize. I want alone time more than usual. I slowly started to talk even lesser in conversations with friends. Like you said, my responses became minimial. Yes, no, really, is that so, yeah, right, oh, lauging and just nodding or shaking my head or making facial expressions. I've had set aside my needs and wants for such a long time. I'm a people pleaser since I was basically a child. I was an average student. Barely had anything to celebrate about except graduation days. So, the idea of celebration that stuck in my head for years is that it happens when you achieve something big. Like I said, I'm average. I'm not a risk taker. I'm your typical good girl. I just go along with life. I'm very lowkey. I don't want attention but I'd be lying that at some point in my life, I've never felt jealous when I see someone celebrate their achievements. Anyways, I plan to make a change, like I JUST made that plan yesterday I think, to slowly heal myself internally. I deserve it. I know I do. It won't be easy but better than not actually making an action.
i can so relate but remember you are worth it always ! Your ideas are worthy. Your feelings are worthy. Your needs are worthy. And without everyone else’s constant validation, you must be who you are and live your truth. Even if it makes people turn their heads. Even if it means walking alone down the path less traveled for awhile.keep working on yourself but celebrate those small things and your intentions,discipline is hard and i struggle with it but you will build it slowly,you have made progress and ask yourself- Will i be stressed about this in a year 2 years,3 years from now?sometimes it’s more the imaginary “What if” that is debilitating. Even if your confidence in yourself has been shaken! The real battle is always in your mind. And your mind is under your control, not the other way around. You may have been broken down by adversity or rejection or stress, but YOU are not broken. So don’t let others convince you otherwise. And don’t let your mind get the best of you either. peace🕊
Become your own best friend. Give yourself daily little comforts and pleasures. Savour the delights of Nature: the sun, the breeze, the trees, the flowers. Smile at others, give them compliments. Give yourself verbal encouragements. Rest when you need to. Dress well why you go out. Look good, feel better. Treat yourself to a massage or a pedicure. Take an interesting drive. Learn about the magic of Morning Pages. Take all the time you need to heal. Be very gentle and kind to yourself. Know that you are unique in the world, rare, and very precious. Keep learning. List your wins, however small, and celebrate them. Read Dr. Gabor Mate's book, When the Body Says No, for life changing information. There is hope. There is love. There is joy.
Depression drains your energy. Such good advice. Also laughter really helps. It’s the last thing you want to do but if you can watch something that makes you laugh every day , it really helps
I think those types of stressors are just as important to take seriously as being in mortal danger - our lives have become so stressful that when that fight or flight freezing kicks in - it’s a signal from our brain that something is way out of balance. Life was not this stressful for most average folks 30 years ago. We’re being told to take it, and it’s damaging our bodies, and our mental state. In my opinion, we need a societal change in this aspect, and I can’t really speak to that. I just feel it. Every day.
I believe it’s the endless amount of information we’re flooded with everyday along with overstimulation from lights and alerts.. and they know it’s doing it to us.
It was 50 ago. Unemployment here was 9.8 on paper. It was much higher out in labor. Low low pay with zero security, forget about anything else. How are you supposed to have gas to get back & forth? Oh, syphon, ok got it. 20 yrs of this, then just a bit better. Today is a world of difference. Finally wages rise.
Read many of the comments here and they're heartbreaking. Never thought so many were having the difficulties I've been experiencing. Shutting down for 2 or 3 days in bed. Letting myself feel the anxiety, releasing the pain and doing a lot of crying. So glad I came across this video. it makes so much sense and gives me another tool in my arsenal to deal with life. God bless you all.
John here in Ireland, 10 months of clinical depression, two hospital.stays on meds. The hardest problem is the loneliness and no routine. Hard to do anything when you are so down and do fed up the fight 😢
I honestly, have given up on life. My freeze response got so bad due to illness, financial stresses, and just overall being an aging adult in america, that I thought there's nothing I can do about never being able to motivate myself to do anything/achieve anything in my entire life. I was making plans for a final exit in about five years because I just couldn't bear the thought of having to live like this for another day, much less several more decades. And you, a person I never met, had literally given me hope back, that my life is not over, that I CAN do something about this, and that there IS a light at the end of the tunnel. You have no idea, what I feel right now. Heck, I don't know what I feel right now, but there are tears in my eyes and I have no idea why I'm crying.
This is just amazing to read. Thank you so much for letting me know that this helped! ❤️❤️❤️
You are worth the time it takes to get better. You are more than the sum of your completed tasks. You deserve to feel like a healthy, happy person again. Please, if the darkness closes in again, reach out your hand. You are not alone. Whether to a crisis line in your area, or to trusted family/friends, make sure you take care of you. I know that darkness all too well, and I know the lies it tells. Don't give in.
come to me, we fix together, we heal togther, and just grow old together in indonesia with simple life and back to nature
@@DrScottEilersI don’t have hope. I lost my mom and no one will help me.
I also am in same freeze mode as you, sadly😢good luck to you❤
This explains so much. Taking a shower can be as difficult as running a marathon.
Before jumping in SHOWER I THINK TWICE MAYBE THREE TIMES. I HEAR WHAT MY INSTINCT TELLS ME. THEN I DO IT.
ITS AN ART I JAD TO DEVELOP SO I CAN SAVE TIME AND ENERGY
A
Exactly ❤
@@nyc631Hiii, could you explain this again please?
Thank you ❤
I'm literally crying rn
I thought I was the only one
You are not lazy, you only have a certain amount of energy and right now you are using it all to survive.❤
Yes
Thankyou Dr. SCOTT, PLEASE do more videos, this has helped alot.
100% 😢
Good point
@carladaniels7910
I learn more from this man than from my psychologist for the last two years. He gives us tips yo work with.
I am so glad ! that I read the comments. TO KNOW THAT I'M NOT ALONE means everything! ❤❤❤
same here
Yeah, I hear that. Everyone stating just how much it takes to motivate and take a shower...yup , we're all in the same "freezer" boat. Now, I have to go take a shower and get to the store - and pay the darned city bill I've been putting off for a week.
Yes, definitely me a lot. Very helpful!
@@marceypoeckes1968Saw this almost a week ago, and I'm already doing better.
You absolutely are not alone! We all get to the Freeze thing sometimes. This video is verry helpful to so many.
Me personally? It's like being dead already but making an appearence to prevent my loved ones grief. I feel trapped and unable to do anything, constantly worried about money, managing my mood, and keeping everyone else happy too.
I know exactly how you feel
Other people's mood is not your responsibility. You cannot manage them. Cannot induce a feeling in them, either. They either take control of themselves or they don't. You can't manage their moods for them.
I have the same problem, so I understand. Two mentally ill adults, one 61 and one 29, mother and daughter, daughter has Bipolar, both depressed, and so am I. All I want is a decent woman, but I'm the cook, chauffeur, maid, butler, carpenter, plumber, etc. Woman went to a card making retreat Saturday, napped on Sunday. I cleaned the house, did laundry, made the dough for dinner, got her daughter to and from work, you get the idea. Also primary breadwinner. After 18 years of this, and far worse, I'm burned. It's endless "what needs to be done next" even though I'm exhausted.
Are you a mum like me?
Same here and it sucks
I learned it started for me with self love. Completely unconditional and forgiveness of self ❤
This really helped me today. I actually brushed my teeth.
It helped me to get in the shower.
That is such an achievement..I just cannot no matter what I do.... brush my teeth or shower now I have ulcers and I'm too scared to see a dentist it's just so grim😢. Well done for your personal achievement 🎉 ❤ xxxxx
@@BePresent. 😫😫😔🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽
I'm so sorry! I pray things get better amd better for you! 🙏🏽
I so know what you mean ❤good for you.
@@BePresent.Be gentle with yourself even if it is only to gargle with salt water or mouthwash. The momentary pain of the visit to the dentist cannot be compared with the weight that will be lifted off your mind and heart when you can smile confidently again. Think about that image every day and night until it becomes bigger and more important to you than your fear. I am cheering for you ❤
Forward is forward no matter the distance❤
I really hope I can reverse this. I’ve been ‘on hold’ for way too long. I just can’t get out of it. I feel frustrated, bored, exhausted, overwhelmed, lonely, but also want to be alone.
Lisa I'm the same way
My feelings too Lisa...Modern Life in all its complexity as years go by demands courage...no wonder our brains get frazzled.
Me too , I feel like my life has totally just passed by, and I havent accomplished jack shit .
Same 💔
Wow, didn't realize how many of us struggle. Ok, so what do we do now?
I'm late on taxes, waiting for them to take my car, I just got divorced, broke AF. Everything I own is broken, my basement is filling with water and I have MDD, OCD and generalized anxiety disorder diagnosed late in life. Going to work is a struggle, being there is an even worse struggle. The meds keep me alive but the stress never STOPS. I'm up hourly at night and it's bloody knuckles up a Cliffside daily just to do what I need to do. I'm sick of being a prisoner of my crazy brain 😢
❤
🙏
I can’t express how much I relate to what you’re going thru. Very similar circumstances myself. I’m so sorry I wouldn’t wish these feelings on my worst enemy. I don’t do platitudes like “keep your chin up” because I find that insulting so I’ll just say I hear you and I’m sending peace
I completely understand I’m in the same boat 🛶 let’s paddle together
You built your brain and its structures mostly on your own, consiously or not. You have to work on your brain (your psyche) to get better and feel more comfortable in your life.
I feel like I’ve been in a freeze response for years. 😢 I’m so burnt out by life. I don’t want to get out of bed anymore. I’ve had it.
same here, BUT sometimes i felt MUCH better and in those times I'm able to work on myself the correct way and I'm confident I will eventually get out of the swamp somehow. Even if I'll have to celebrate my smallest achievements like a lunatic
I keep telling myself after a bike-ride, that the pre-ride negative feelings are strange, considering post-ride feelings are amazing. I have to remember these episodes and how often they happen. If you can get a routine into play, that should help. Shower, coffee, and a short walk in an optimized setting. That could set you off on a regular schedule.
I'm at a weird point where I don't want to get out of bed but I also don't want to stay in bed.
@@BeeRich33 yeah I think that should help too, I'm emotionally too triggered to be able to follow a routine, but maybe psychotherapy (which I just started) should help me routinize emotional expression too
@@SRMoore1178 same it's torture. I'm so anxious to get back on track idk how much more I can handle. I'm so tired only getting 2-3 hours of sleep a night.
Never in history have we been so overwhelmed with choices, technology & information. It can be crippling. I first noticed this happen after my first child... standing in the supermarket to buy nappies... there were so many brands, sizes, prices, a whole aisle! it started an anxiety response I'd never faced before, i couldn't decide. Our brains have not evolved to handle sensory overload that is the modern world.
Ugh you are so right! Shopping at the supermarket is so stressful! So many choices makes it hard to focus, plus I have to read labels so I can see what nasty additives have been added which makes it very time consuming. I even make grocery lists but still get overwhelmed by the amount of choices in all supermarkets. I even shop online occasionally and it still takes me a while to go through all the grocery items until I find the right one due to all the varieties.
Exactly! And on the rare occasion that I decide to "just allow myself to chill out and watch a movie tonight. Just a little mindless TV".
HA! No such thing. The number of choices is SO overwhelming! Especially for those of us who grew up with only 3 channels. 😂
I agree with you..
There's a concept for that; it's called the Choice Paradox and I also often find myself in paralysis by analysis
This is also why I can't read a book or watch a show; the choices are overwhelming and I can't decide to pick just one.
I’ve been in bed for 2 days. I make up stories of why I can’t meet someone for lunch. I have to get ready for work tomorrow and I’m dreading getting up and getting dressed. I only shower every other day even when I have to go to work. Nobody cares so it doesn’t really matter. I do get up and fix something to eat but I just want to stay home and not be around people.
I feel all you pain...I'm actually crying right now. I don't know why I'm still here ,an empty life.
Taking a shower first thing in the morning, makes a positive difference because it clears some of the fog. Moves energy. 🙏🌍🕊🕊
@@davidmitchell2926The world needs you... because you can love. 🙏🌍🕊🕊
@@davidmitchell2926 Stay strong. You are here for a purpose 🫶
Me too! God Bless You!
It’s kind of nice to know I’m not alone.
You're not alone.
It’s been a week since I showered. Today I showered thanks to the video. Feeling proud of myself!
I couldn’t figure out why my hair looked so greasy until I realized that I hadn’t showered in a week. Those days went by in such a dull blur that I couldn’t believe it had been 7 days. Emotional trauma can do that. Good luck to you.
Because you felt heard and seen?
@floatingclouds8959, good for you. I hope you are doing well.
do that every week! you can do it!
Good job! ☺️👍🏿
My daughter has these days where she stays in bed and can't find motivation to get up. Shes been depressed for years. I have tried to motivate her, but now I will help her find something to praise her smallest accomplishments. I am a nurse, and this absolutely makes sense to me. Thank you
I know how it is, not to be able to do something that helps...❤️ Its so hard to be a mother when your child have such a painful disorder and not being able to fix it.....💔 Praying for our daughters getting better ❤️🙏🏻❤️
I have a motivation issue myself , I just started to read the comments, yours is second from the top. Does she know why she is depressed? I know why I have been depressed. Does she have friends. I consider myself friendless. I know people but do not socialize with them. Does she work? Work was the only task I was dedicated to. I wouldn't even take a holiday or vacation day, because I would end up just staying inside, even on gorgeous days. I got satisfaction from work. Does she workout. That was another activity that got me out. Of course I was lucky and we had a gym at work. I am not working. My only motivation to do something has been to walk somewhere to play the lottery. I don't enjoy the walk, I feel that the only hope for happiness would be to become rich. Winter will be tough. I'll spend hours watching this app. I have wasted thirty years. I hope your daughter can find something to motivate her!
Listening to this guy has not motivated me. People have told me to Get on with your life, that didn't help.
I'm sorry for this.i am a daughter who's mother is also going through this, except I'm 43 and I have been on and off this trauma rollercoaster for years, I do live on my own but I do still go and stay with my mum, my not advice but words I suppose are at least she feels safe enough to be with you, maybe nothing makes sense. Maybe nothing makes sense to her. Gosh I hop you and she will be ok.
I’m the kid in this dynamic. We want to be better too. Don’t give up on us or think you did anything wrong if something happens. Mental health is ultimately a personal battle and it may be slow recovery but it’s undoubtedly up to the individual to fix things. Acknowledging those little things is a great thing to do. On the contrary, bringing up all the issues to me to get done just forces me to think about all the things I already think too much about when I’m alone. This freezing thing has been the hardest thing to explain to my family. The only way I could put it was “I feel dead inside.” I know what I need to do. I know there’s other things I need to start doing that I haven’t done before to grow as a person and actually get happy again, but all the while I’ve felt like a dead man walking.
My son is the same 30 never had a full time job and hardly ever worked, he was such an out going boy, he says it’s only us that has stopped him committing suicide, I’m so lost it’s frightening so I tend to bury my head in the sand then feel incredibly guilt.
I just don’t want to do anything but sleep. I don’t really want to die but I’d like to just sleep for the rest of my life.
This makes total sense❤
I can relate to this.
Yes , but if you don't get up and do stuff , then you won't be able to go back to sleep.
@@Bobby007D sure i can 😂
I remember when I was in college I would fall far behind with assignments and all I could do was hide under the covers. In bed. Some of that was sleep, but even in a sort of awake state of mind I was blanking my mind, intentionally not thinking because that was too painful to bear.
Praying for everyone here in the comments🙏❤️
TY. I just came across this vid today. Prayer has been a daily life saver for me the last 4 years so I deeply appreciate your doing that for others.
Life is not so horrible any more though I still struggle. I'm just not lost and hopeless anymore💙🙏💙✝️✝️✝️💛❤️💛
🙇🏻♀️
💎💎💎💎💎
Isaiah 35:5,6
Isaiah 65:21
🫂♥️🕊️🙇🏻♀️@@MagdalenaIsaiah431
♥️🕊️🫂🙇🏻♀️
25th Psalm
Isaiah 35:5,6
Isaiah 65:21
John 5:28
Revelation 21:3,4
Thank you ❤
Thank you so very much!😊
Wow ! I thought I was lazy, unmotivated, unorganized, unambiguous, undisciplined, and then some. I have had anxiety as long as I can remember, and that's long enough. There are times, when I literally sit and do nothing except get more anxious because I'm doing nothing. I promise myself I will do better tomorrow. I don't. At this point, I'm going to take your advice, and try this. If not, I will continue to sit here, frozen. Thank you. Thank all of you for commenting. I don't feel so alone now.
Yes. Tired of existing. Metastatic Cancer, financial responsibility, and my landlords just announced they are moving so I just got evicted. I am completely petrified 😱
I feel exactly this way...HELP it's a nightmare
Watch the world die ! Think as you do that . End of day , if you take one . What if , you took 2 days in one ?
This completely describes me as well. I feel your pain and frustration! I took a Stay-cation to try and catch up on that massive to do list. I completed nearly nothing, just wanted to nap. Not only am I hard on myself, but I feel I have let my wife down.
How sad that so many of us spend so much time feeling frozen and then we hate ourselves for being non productive. This sounds like an epidemic. Bless us all.
Because this sucks.
For a year i basically stayed in bed. I was going through extreme trauma. I learned to be gentle with myself and do what made me feel safe. I knew i was ill and my body needed rest. I look back now and i am so proud of allowing myself this time. Eventually i was able to get up, go to the kitchen, grab a snack. Maybe brush my hair, maybe put on different clothes, wash my face. Little by little i eventually got fully dressed and sat downstairs. I still find it difficult to shower regularly. Its exhausting for me but Im trying. I rest regularly now and speak kind words to myself.
Thank u, this is currently my state as well. Hopelessness is trying as hard as it can to kick my ass.
@@kimmullins337, No, I would say your brain is trying it's very best to save you. Recognize that self care, (i.e., bathing, clean clothes, brushing your teeth, etc.) is essential to begin the mental healing. It is a way to show your brain that you value/like yourself.
When we expect others to care about our well being, when we wait for external forces to improve our lives, we are as if an infant. Unable to do for ourselves. Although hard, as an infant does, we must stretch the "muscles" at our disposal. Over time we will grow in strength and ability to move beyond the freeze. Use your brain to learn something new, a language, read about something new to you such as history, or vitamins for healthier living, Keto diet. Accomplish something physical every day, sit up, tidy an area, cook your meals and clean up afterwards, etc.
Show your brain you want to care about yourself and your brain helps you escape the freeze. This approach seems to be working for me, anyway. Wishing us both the best in the future.😊
Hi... this is honestly the first time I am reading people that go or went through the same thing as I have for almost a decade., a solid 7 years with paralazing depression, totall loss of willpower at its worst, like you say; no eating but feeling hunger, no showering, a vegetable. I luckily have one very good friend who took care of me (and he is on the autism spectrum!) ... only just recently it got better due to high dose psychostimulant medication as a final shock therapy thing, off label prescribed. It was also triggered by serial traumatic events. I have to deal with people close to me (family) not understanding what this is and what this does to a person... if you feel like talking to someone who knows what you're going through or you need to just have some understanding, I'll be happy to listen or talk or give some encouraging, let me know and I'll give you a personal email adress from me to you, even anonymously if you wish. I am a European female, nothing weird or whatever. Because this sucks BIG time, and I know how much and maybe I can offer some support. Kind greetings, X
I felt like this in the past, deep in that feeling, but through really doing the hard work to learn self compassion I now am sitting in my yard in the sunshine watching the birds.
However, behind me there’s a big pile of dishes needing my attention, this lesson about gentle self compassion I return to again and again, it’s getting easier to remember.
@@TC-vq6yz thank u for ur kind,wise words. It feels right. This is something I struggle with🤗
I have PTSD. This explains so much. I feel like I’m frozen in a silent scream. I don’t want to shower. I don’t want to do anything.
Yes. I have cptsd. Problems with...taking regular showers, washing hair, leaving washing up for 2 days, hoovering. All of which I can do despite being disabled. Mine is narcissistic abuse syndrome...HOWEVER; I put bin out this morning, sorted out a rat problem, in back garden, (last night,) did my online Ocado order for tomorrow, threw some old stuff out of fridge. I intend to have shower this afternoon & do washing & put on line. For that, I'll enjoy a glass of wine later! (Better than yesterday & improving bit by bit.) The 'patting myself on the back' is helping. Thanks.
@@alanrascon6069 Ta !! I did most of that again today!! x
Ditto, me too on and off... God bless you.
Shower,if not you'll get ringworm
❤
I've never been addicted to my phone until I broke my leg and have been in bed for 2 years. I've had nothing to do but sit on RUclips all day and it's completely drained any motivation I had. I think a huge part of people's depression right now is their cell phone sucking their brain dry and making them miserable 😖
Have you been walking daily? Should help, long walks can cure mild depression for sure, google it. In nature, it would be ideal.
You know what, I think you're on point. I think I need to go back to my old Nokia brick phone.
Yes definitely. I think it overloads our dopamine receptors so they down regulate and then we’re left in a dopamine deficit. Check out Dopamihe Nation re Dr Anna Lembke about it.
BINGO
the stay at home order was for this reason!
There are plenty of great things on there; I think one is called Midwest Cleaning, where the man helps people whose lives are in trouble and homes, he is so loving and genuine he even crowdfunded to help a woman in debt! There's also another where a woman posts a lovely thing every day; dogs back with their owners after years away etc. Take a look and choose the happy stuff and stick to it; there's so much on there!❤❤
Lost my 14 year old son 16 months ago. I was functioning but the last few months I have DEFINITELY gone into a freeze response. Every single thing is so, so, sooooooo hard. No matter how small it is. My limbs are HEAVY. I'm TIRED 😮💨
I know 😫 I think my video next week will be very helpful for you ❤️
So sorry for your loss. 🥺
I am so sorry!!!
Can't even imagine, may you have 20 more. I got nothin
Give yourself the time, space and full permission to mourn! Mother yourself unashamedly and take take as much care of yourself as you both can and need, and if you need more than what you can do for yourself, do the bravest thing of all and ask homever, however many people needed to help you fill in the gap.
If friends can show up to give youba hug, to just be there and listen or even sit while you say nothing, that's great. If they can also leave you alone while you need that without abandonning you, that's fantastic. Because part of it can only be done by yourself.
The way out is through. With a lifeline, an oxygen bottle, a slinghot and a torch maybe... you name it... and with the propect of taking an unspecified, but finite time on your own terms.
You will come out the other end healed, strong and empathetic, a healer yourself, and may I say: sooner than you know it. However long it takes will be shorter than what you expected it to be in the darkest moment.
My freeze response has been getting worse for years. Muscle wasting is now a problem. I don’t want to do anything. I have to move apartments again for the 3rd time in 9 months. Movers come tomorrow, and I can’t get myself to do anything. I’m not ready. Want to cry, want someone to care enough about me to help. Life is a torment. Don’t know how to stop the spiral down.
Praying helps me and other people...
God helps 🙏
wish I could help you. where are you?
@@ruthie600 I'm in UK, Cambridgeshire. Walking or some kind of exercise helps regain physical strength too 🙏🙂
I am in Sydney. Wish i could help you Katy.
@@ruthie600 Katy posted several weeks ago
Hope she has had more and more good days
🙏
My entire life. MY. ENTIRE. LIFE. I thought i was broken. Turns out, no, it's just CPTSD and abuse have put my amygdala into constant stress response. Decade worth of therapy and a stranger on the internet explains my life to me like he's living in my god damn head. I wish there were more people like you in the field, bc everyone I met in it? "Just take higher dosage of meds".
You're funny, lol. "Broken". Yeah, I had the same thought about me! Ya know what I see about you? I think your frontal brain has a lot going for it and one day you will feel more like a hoppy rabbit instead. I'm impressed that you knew how to spell amygdala!
I am so glad (and I am sorry for this too) that I found some people here going through the same thing as I have been and still am for almost a decade now... I honestly thought I had a weird severe case of something but its good to know that I'm not alone... and again, I wish this on nobody, but thats how I feel X
What are you dealing with?
I can relate!
@@zz-ic6vy I don't like that question. It feels like pressure to share what I haven't volunteered to share. That's stressful.
I needed this…my husband passed away 13 weeks ago and every day since then has offered some type of family drama. Yesterday…I just “Froze” I thought I needed to run away, stay in a hotel, not interact with anyone, no one! Get in a dark closet and loose myself. Today I stayed in bed most of the day. I have so much that needs done (and it’s me here by myself) I just can’t.
This video helped me tremendously. Thank you very much!
As a widower let me tell you sometimes just getting out of bed is a victory. The death is recent your mind and body have suffered a trauma so give yourself “grace” One day at a time sometimes forcing yourself to get up and shower will give you a sense of control. God bless and guide you
I came here to give you condolences and to let you know that I care, although I will never meet you. You are special, be gentle with yourself and know that you are cared for. Right nonw my anxiety and depression has to really be ‘watched’ by myself. I stayed up when I should have went to bed, but it was worth it, although playing ‘hooky’ on sleep is something I don’t do much. Again, please take it easy an surround yourself with peace amid it all; take care❤.
@@edgrossman8929 Have compassion for yourself.
I know this "freeze" feeling so well. I cared for both my elderly parents from 2015. Being a carer is so stressful. The "freeze brain" started In 2017, my father died from prostate cancer In 2022 my mum passed away from dementia and strokes. All the time I was bullied by a family member for not being a better carer.
I'm slowly starting to come out of the freeze. I need to start celebrating my little victories.
Thank you for your video.
I am sorry for your multiple losses, and their bullying is stupid as you were putting in the work and they were not. You did the best you could do. Your parents know that... Now, more than ever. (Death is just leaving the body. Not the end of existence )
I am just starting the carer duties. It is hard. I wish you well in your grief and recovery.
@@Plethorality I have always said - All carers deserve a medal. Mum had a lot of carers. They taught me a lot. I wouldn't of made it without their help. Ps Even though they are gone, I still talk to my parents. Not all the time! But sometimes I can actually feel them in the room. Thank you.
@brucejones7307 i was just about to post the same as you! being a carer for parents is almost unmatched for stress, to the edge and beyond, i did 100 hours a week for ten years, she had dementia, 8t was bey9nd awful.. especially in the last few weeks as Mum was dying - horrendously i might add. I'd go out to her garden and scream into a pillow, scream and scream... her neighbours knew what was going on, they left me to it bless them.. its been a decade now but i shall never fully recover, another year would have killed me for sure, like you i had big trouble from my siblings too, it split the family forever, i did SO much, and they were so ungrateful, attacking me at my lowest point, i shall never forgive them. I think I'll be tired for ever more. I know what its like to hit the edge on every level, physically emotionally financially, mentally, and it went on and on and on Took 2 years for my fight or flight to calm down, i was on full-on emergency alert for years after Mum went, 2 hours sleep pattern thoroughly ingrained. My hair and my teeth fell out and id lose my balance just standing still. Im a lot better now but ill never be fully healed, it was much too much.
You have my complete sympathy and understanding, weve been right to the edge of hell and back, and no-one but another carer can understand exactly how extreme it is. It breaks you. X
Oh, my gosh, I went through something similar in taking care of my mom and the family being jerks . . . . It is REALLY hard being a care taker; takes everything out of you. I wish you every health.
@@vicky_webcatukOh, my God, Vicky. I am so sorry you had to go through all this. May God bless you.
I’ve been falling into a freeze more frequently lately. The last time, I wanted to clean the house. I finally talked myself into just sitting and go through a pile of mail. When I finished I had a tiny one song dance party to celebrate cleaning that one spot on my desk. It really worked! I kept just focusing on one tiny spot at a time until my whole house was clean and I stopped to celebrate each clean spot.
Blooming brilliant! 👍👍👍👍👍👍
Perfect technique.. I do Exactly that ..small increments at a time ..
Hurray!
I started a sticker book, bc as a child I had a loser sticker book with almost no stickers, when everyone else had cool ones. It might sound silly, but I truly look forward, even as an adult, to rewarding myself with a sticker for something as simple as washing a pan with burned food stuck to the bottom, or brushing my hair.
👏😉❤️
go for it!!!
May seem small to some but we know..
Love this!
This is a great idea, and I love it more because it isn't a food reward... I mean nothing wrong with treats, but it's not always the best motivator ❤
All I need is for the good Lord to come get me. Im so alone, tired of pain, and uncaring individuals. This world is too cold for me. 😢
I feel the same. So much so that I even nowadays am questioning my faith, which makes me too scared to even harm myself as the finality of an eternity without God scares me. Keep me in your prayers. I will pray for you. Please don't stop seeking God no matter how you feel. He's truly our only hope. Compassionate concern for you.
@@robertpula8870 I'll be praying for you as well as it is my faith that keeps me here to fae this evil and continue to suffer in excruciating pain in solitude. My own children have forgotten me and left me to suffer and struggle alone. It's my true test of faith. God Bless You.
Same
I'm so sorry you feel alone and sad.....don't give up, you're important and I'm sure wonderful human being
Look after yourself, be proud of yourself ❤❤❤❤
If you can go and help homeless or a shelter for cats or dogs; it helps so much!❤
I washed a few dishes in the sink, next day a few more, next day a bit more, took me a week and it feels great to have a clean sink. Tomorrow I'll work on the laundrycand maybe a shower.🎉
I do the same. I break down tasks into bite size pieces. It has helped me get things done that need to be done.
How are u doing cherry? I’m taking b vitamins they help a lot, hope ur ok.
Almost the same here. I call them 'small conquers' but they actually help a lot.
Well done, you are doing great .take care
I throw away any dirty dishes that I'm not emotionally attached to or aren't collectable. I buy paper plates now.
I'm a lawyer with the burden of my country on my shoulders (literally) and I lost my beloved mother 3 years ago who i took care of during her transition with stage 4 lung cancer.
My older sister and aunts bullied me so terribly and tired to find every fault they could in my abilities. They even blamed me for my mother's passing.
I sought grief counseling and im now in therapy but no one could explain what i was experiencing for the past 3 years what you just explained in 20 minutes! Im amazed!
I draft legislation and weeks and months would go by and i literally couldn't even muster up the motivation to open the word document to begin my work. I've even started to miss deadlines. This added to my stress!
But i just opened up the word document and jumped up and down praising myself for doing that one small thing and miraculousy I was able to actually read the document. I praised myself some more! I paused to write this comment but im about to actually start working on the document now too. I can't believe this, but this actually works! Thank you!! ❤
Im going to get back to work now 😅
😁 this makes me so happy ❤️❤️
I have two brothers like that--monsters.
@@taroman7100 I'm so sorry to hear that anyone else is going thru the he!l I've gone through with my sibling.
We're going to make it through this! Videos like these help tremendously!!
This is so amazing to read. Isn't it funny how something so simple is the answer to fix us...! And, having it explained like in this video makes so much sense! I'm gonna start doing this too, I already do try to do this, praising myself for the small things I'm able to do, and breaking everything right down into manageable chunks. I have a lot of trauma, from many things, but one thing is my upbringing, and the way my mum is... She focuses on the negatives, always focuses on the things I've NOT done, rather than all the great small things I have done and achieved. She looks too far ahead. I'm trying to just take life one day at a time, sometimes even less than a day, a few hours at a time. Live in the present! And learning to enjoy living in the present and it helps me to look at life in easier, smaller parts. For example, if I have appointments booked that I have to remember a few weeks ahead... I try to put them out of my mind until I get closer to the time. That's really helped me too. I hope you continue to improve, and don't beat yourself up if you have a couple times of going backwards or a couple bad days etc. Let yourself fall apart for a bit, and then put urself back together again, take it so slowly. You got this! And so do I! Sending love from England ❤
@@Chelle8847 thank you so much! 🥰
I celebrated just for waking up. And it made the biggest difference.
I'm stuck I'm frozen and I feel like no one else has ever experienced this thank you for letting me know that I'm not alone
Can you explain,What symptoms are u facing?
But when I try to celebrate stuff it feels so fake. Anyone else?
I know what you mean by that.
Yeah been there and still there try to find something to care about that helps
Fake it till you make it!
EXACTLY
Bro your not alone, it's to the point I get upset seeing others happy not that I want them sad I'd hate that but it's like I'm locked in a glass house 😢
As a kid I grew up in a family where I was basically shamed and punished when I wasn't perfect. So I now have a freeze response whenever I make a mistake. So thank you for this, I think it's going to make a big difference in the amount of stress I can handle.
I hear you. That’s how I grew up. What I did to help release that paralyzing perfectionism was to choose something low-stakes (housework) and intentionally perform it half-a$$ed. For example, just run through the house with the vacuum cleaner on the traffic areas instead of pulling out all the furniture and doing under the sofa cushions. Or, instead of clearing out the whole bathroom and scrubbing it down, just give an area, like the sink, a spritz of Windex and quick wipe with a paper towel whenever I felt like it or noticed something bothered me. Surprisingly, it was tremendously freeing when I adjusted to not doing a perfect job. I lost that all-or-nothing attitude, that fear of starting cause I don’t have time to do a job perfectly. Now my house always looks pretty good cause I’m always doing little tasks without the anxiety of having to do it perfectly that prevents us from even starting. Meals no longer have to be gourmet masterpieces. I just get some food on the table. Living with things being “good enough” is so much easier once we retrain our brains. Even a vacation, which is supposed to be relaxing would become stressful with the need to make it “perfect” and do all the things. Now, I just go and, if all I do is read a book while there, it’s okay. It’s what made me happy.
What helps me out with that shit cuz I’ve been through it is telling myself over and over again “ wait wtf I’ve got nothing to prove to those people 😂 “ until I’m satisfied and then move on with my life
Ibeen trying to find a way to google this crippling condition for years, and literally just found out yesterday it’s called Perfectionism Paralysis and yes - it comes from childhood trauma - that bit wasn’t the mystery. But I needed the correctly named condition to begin to undo its brutal hold on my life. The symptom list… everything I struggle with all on one page.
While it certainly intersects with ADHD - i knew it was not my ADHD, it had its own core root and couldn’t be budged with ADHD solutions.
Now I know it’s sneaky form of Freeze response and it has a name - time to get on the battle gear then. 💝
@@missmayflowerthis works great - until I try to go back to the one thing in my life that I really want to move forward on, am passionate about and eager to produce. And once again I’m turned to stone.
Austin Roberts 88 and everyone who related to his comment, even though I've been he biggest brain freeze, sending all of you a warm hug! And wishing everyone who wants to have a cute little baby watch this video and not push their kid into perfection.
I've been in this for about 2 years. So far I have managed not to get fired from my job and that is the great victory of my life.
I also ordered trash service at my house and have thrown out most of the pizza boxes and other trash I have been sleeping with by taking a few things out the door with me as I go to work each day.
I have a 4 day weekend coming up. I've been thinking about washing my sheets.
Brooooooo although idk if ur a girl or guy but your comment made me LAUGH and feel SO PROUD AT THE SAME TIME!!!! You gooo!!! 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
😊 I think about washing my sheets ALL.THE.TIME.
In actuality it MAY get accomplished every 3-4 wks, if THAT!😮
Having clinical depresson with high anxiety is so tough. The toughest part is the loneliness and trying to fill your day on your own. When you are so down you isolate and shut yourself away. Clinical depression is so tough 😢
Yep
YES. I SOMETIMES FREEZE AND THOUGHT I WAS BEING LAZY.
I won’t get up and do anything unless it’s absolutely last min and HAS to be done. I will put the most simple things off for days, weeks, months, if I can. It’s like I have a primal fear of leaving my self isolation box. 📦. And when I do I rush back to it asap.
UPDATE: got a lot of comments about this. I recently bought myself a new Harley. It seems to be helping some. Wind in your face seems to stir up some endorphins and happiness. I decided to dive into something I used to love doing and hoping it would wake me up some. So far it seems to be working. I had to force myself to do it but glad I did
Same here! Then when I do something as simple as dishes I feel exhausted and want to curl back into bed. Dark cold room is my safe place lately 😩🤦🏽♀️
What do you think brought that on
Right there too- sorry you feel that way too, but glad I am not alone.
@@Petesx7vo probably result of multiple events. I had a big back surgery that changed my life forever and never really recovered from. It took my physical ability away and made it very limited. Being a 6’3 strong healthy looking guy yet having such a fragile back affected me mentally a lot. Then add the wife running off and leaving me while I was down on my luck and couldn’t work. Then both my parents died. Then my house burned down. Yes, it’s been rough. I just withdrew from the world
I am so sorry. This must be hell for you, sadly, I am in much the same place. God help and bless us both.
Thank you, yes it worked. I slept for about 20 hours after my Dad died and my brothers are manipulating to steal any inheritance I should have. So I thought " Let's see if RUclips has an answer." So I made myself get up and go drink some orange juice then I started celebrating that while I finished listening. Thank you so much
😂😂🎉❤😂😂yay!!! OJ can be SOOOO GOOD sometimes 😂 welcome back😊
I lost my Mom two years ago and I'm her only child. My boyfriend is not emotionally supportive and I often feel alone and overwhelmed. He says I should be over it 😮😮 not happening as fast as I'd like. I love Orange juice so I'm gonna try this. Hugs to you from me. ❤
You should have gotten an attorney instead of orange juice.
Dump boyfriend
I am not going to lie. These past few years have become hell on earth for me. One bad thing after another. Finally trying to fix this mess. But it was not a day or two for me it was one to two weeks. This is something I would not wish upon anyone. It's like being paralyzed without having any injuries...truly terrifying. Best of luck to anyone going through this.
I have been shut down since COVID when I lost my accounting career and had to work in retail. Master's degree in accounting, 30 years experience and now age 50 and I still cannot get out of this low end job in retail.
I cannot change ageism
You could move (one step at a time) to a retail job that has an accounts department?
I’m in freeze response. I’m a single adult female with one human family member in my life. In less then 3 weeks I lost my job of 4 years, my 17 year old cat, got the flu that knocked me out, lost health insurance. Then shortly after my car broke down and I was stranded at home alone for days. My anxiety and depression has taken over. I’ve lost almost 20 pounds and my health has completely deteriorated. I am frozen at home and having a really hard time finding hope.
Do me a favor. Pick ONE thing daily you can somehow bring yourself to do: make a healthy smoothie, do 20 sit-ups, scrub your face and put on your favorite facial hydration… Pick anything that you can/and are motivated to accomplish- from start to finish no matter how “small”. Let me know what you decide.
Hi, it may help you to go carnivore ( I am easing into it) homesteadhow is a good channel. All the very best to you ❤
Erika, first I’m so very sorry for all your loss. I can relate, unfortunately. My mom passed 6 mos ago, then my best friend (and housemate) of 30 years passed in January. Lees than 3 weeks later my job eliminated. I’m alone, and responsible for managing the home and finances. I’ve been in such a panicked state, the more I try to do, the more I shut down. I just wanted you to know someone cares and you’re not alone.
Right there with ya on that one! In 4 weeks, I lost my job, my pet, facing losing my health insurance, and little to no support from family members. I've had 9 jobs in 7 years. (I'm on the spectrum). I'm tired, overwhelmed, depressed, and suicidal. Im single, kid is grown. I feel so very alone. I just want to be done. I'm sick of worrying about money, finances, & jobs. I'm also 58, so that makes it even more hard to find and keep gainful employment.
@@musicmamma, I understand. I force myself to put on some upbeat music and it helps to shift my energy.
One day a while ago instead of making a To Do list I wrote down EVERYTHING I did. Down to the smallest thing. It sure felt good. Gee! I should do that again 😅 Blessings to you all
Now that is a great idea!! Thanks!
Wow, Thanks for that, I'll give that a try , I'm 66 yrs old, imagine how much stuff I've managed to do in all those years, the list would be huge, the list of stuff I need to do today seems miniscule in comparison, suddenly I feel a bit better about myself.
Yaaa! A little achievement log… sometimes we just deceived ourselves on how little work we’ve done to get the end results. Writing them down to every little detail helps. (like not like ‘I got ready for tmr’, but ‘I washed my hair’, ‘I picked out an outfit’, ‘I’ve iron them’, ‘I put in the wallet keys, necessary documents’ etc)
I do the same. It’s helped me greatly.
I have started doing the celebration on everything and it does help.
This is absolutely me. Five years ago, my soul mate husband became forgetful. I was his carer as he slipped further away. In November he had a massive stroke in front of me and was dead in less than a minute.
Now, I have to move for financial reasons and the thought of it is overwhelming. We lived here in the Outer Hebrides for 18 years - our dream home and life.
I am that person who can't get out of bed. Three weeks ago I started to have counselling and at least I now know that I can look into the black abyss without disintegrating.
I'm so relieved that the freeze is not my fault - thank you so much for that. I will celebrate my small achievements...baby steps.
I'm so sorry about the loss of your beloved husband. The fact you were his carer also, I can't even imagine how much of a loss you must be feeling. You ve been to hell and back, moving is also one of the most stressful things you can do. You really need to give yourself time, time to grieve, time to look after you. But please don't be hard on yourself for
needing to take the time out to heal. Sending strength, love and healing.🫂
I’m so sorry for your loss. Sounds similar to what I experienced with my mom last month. Also have to move soon. Hang in there. 🫂
@@steph7960My.hudband, my Mom and then, my sister.
I should move, but need some overall help. Since I've aged so.
Abuse eventually takes you offline!
I’m so sorry!! 🙏
I didn’t recognize where you are from. I did a google search 🔍 I see it’s in Scotland. Wow what a beautiful place!! I’m in Nebraska USA. We are directly in the center of the country. Land locked 😃 After reading so many of the comments posted here, I’m realizing it doesn’t matter where we live , we all share the same emotions. My hope for you is that you find someplace equally beautiful to live and that you find joy in the small things that life can offer. Maybe a bird singing in the morning sun 🌞😊
I have always been known to sleep a lot, i am now 62 and my life tormentor is dead (my adopted mother) .
Fourteen years ago i was put on pain medication morphine and tramadol, this was for osteoarthritis which is everywhere. Between the medication and my mental trauma that I’ve had throughout the years i have finally figured out why i have spent the last 14 years sleeping.
I believe that this video will help me move on and i will start looking for help.
Thanks Dave
Well, there is 6465 comments already, so what's one more.
Dr Scott. I have been sitting in the therapists offices for 40+ years , telling them I feel "frozen down"... begging for help.
Any little bit of help... anything... and all I got was strange looks, blank stares and answers that had nothing to do with what I was seeking help for. I got ptsd in 97, so my frozen down, only got worse. I would work 100 hours a week, to keep myself going.. so I wouldn't be, frozen down. I am now in forced retirement due to physical injuries... and so frozen down...
This is the first time in all these years... I have gotten any kind of decent answer and explanation,.... and at this point... any little bit of help, is huge. I figured it was stress.... and that's all I've known for the last ten years... overwhelming stress. Just trying to survive. Thank you for this video... I can hardly type through the tears... but I am so grateful.
You just changed my whole world.
I’m so sorry it took this long. It shouldn’t have ❤️
You're not alone.
Could not have been more timely, as I am struggling to get out of bed right now. Funny thing, I sat up while I was listening to you and berated myself for not continuing the process of getting up. Then you said, “If you can’t get out of bed, just sit up … and celebrate it like crazy.” I needed that. It also means SO MUCH that you said we didn’t CHOOSE to freeze. Based on your description, I think I might actually live a good part of each day in freeze mode as I work through PTSD, depression, and more. Definitely some healing tears shed listening to you. ❤
Survival responses are not choices, they are instincts ❤️
That's quite amazing when you think about how truly HARD it really is just getting out of bed.
Yeah, celebrate the eff out of just sitting up! Life is really hard right now.🎉❤🎉
@@kikijewell2967 Thank you so much for your kindness! I’m still struggling to compute that you’re talking directly to me when you said, “That’s amazing.” Like what? I did something amazing?!
Well done for any movement. Every step is a win. Be kind to yourself. You will get there x
@@DrScottEilersyour second attempt at "erroneously", was perfect. The first try seemed to involve uranus, which is never not funny! : ) Keep up the good work. Am about to praise myself for getting out of bed... Thank you so much for your help, without that condescending attitude so many of us have suffered from your medical peers. You are refreshing and greatly appreciated.
I’ve never heard anyone be able to describe exactly how I feel until I saw this. I don’t feel sad or depressed but I knew something isn’t right. Thanks, doc!
The difference between laziness or
flakiness and shutting down.
Feeling overwhelmed. " I don't feel like doing anything."
Fear of rejection or public speaking.
Feeling like a dumb failure when learning something new until you break the "I can't do this" barrier.
SAME ! I totally verbatim told my friend I feel like I'm shutting down and unable to keep up! This video came at the perfect time! Take Care !
@@hope7144 it kinda blew my mind as he just kept saying things that I have felt for a while but haven’t had the words to describe. Like, everything he was saying was precisely right on the nose of what I’ve felt. It’s crazy how so many of us can feel alone like no one else in the world feels the same as what you’re going through, and then you happen upon this video and realize that there are a ton of other people who are going through the exact same thing as you. That’s a bit more comforting.
@@STSGuitar16 Absolutely 100% !!!
Me too. Astounding I thought
Thank God for all the good people that have responded so positively to those of us suffering! ❤
This explains why sometimes I don't feel emotionally depressed but my actions look like I'm depressed. Examples would be: laying in bed,, not wanting to go anywhere, or talk to anyone, feeling like I have no energy, and feeling overwhelmed. But I'm not thinking negatively. I feel a sense of unconscious stress from pass experiences even though I'm not actively thinking about those things. It's been really weird and I'd actually feel depressed over what's happening to me. I'm so thankful to have found this answer. I believe this is what's been going on. Thank you for the video!
This is why they invented Addy and meth. It will make ya get out of bed, clean up and rearrange your home in half and hour. lol (jk)
@@billant2what’s your point?
Definitely use the advice given on this video, it is helpful.
See your family Doctor about
Food Allergies or Environmental
Allergies.
Vitamin Deficiency also plays a role
in that type of behavior.(SAD video)
Yep that's definitely it.
Same here. One year anniversary of my husband’s sudden death. ❤
Too much trauma in succession results in the freeze response too. This video explains a lot to me about what's been happening in my life for years. It's much more difficult when you cannot afford a good therapist to get you back to functioning again.
Videos on you tube like this are a very good thing for those that need help and have no other way to get it. I take notes on anything that I consider valuable information so I can refer to it again if needed.
Ditto.
Sending hugs & ❤ to you
Exactly 6:42
I am in the same situation......so isolating when none can walk in anothers shoes...and in this world we need money to go to therapy, and I do not even trust those as many do not know what you experience.....Blessings to you all and love...😍
During weekends, I don't want to leave the house.
I stay home and do not get involved in anything that may cause me anxiety.
Life's all about routine I've found and after a bad "freeze" trying to get a decent routine back takes forever...I've just had a bad setback and got robbed after getting my drink spiked and now I'm so stuck again and suicidal😢😢
I feel the same. It’s like I want to conserve my mental energy and not use it up with stress or anxiety.
@@George-v5c5n Be safe. Love or fear is all there is even alone.
@@emosag
Feel same-
That’s me! Except I’m like this during weekdays too!
Thank you for the explanation! When you said this thing about not even getting out of bed but just sitting up I've started crying for some reason. I guess I knew about the small steps but kept judging myself for not being able to do more, and what you said basically gave me the 'permission' to celebrate instead of judge.
I relate to that. I got emotional then too. I really thought he was going to say to get up and take a shower or just do one task. The understand that sometimes just sitting up is an achievement is so validating.
As difficult as it can be for me to force myself through the motions of showering and shaving, it's reinvigorating.
Using the spoons analogy, I spend 3 spoons to immediately get 5 back.
@@AnnoyingNewsletters that's good if it works that way for you. For others, it absolutely drains them and depresses them.
I think it's important to find the things that do make oneself feel better and make that effort for that reward. It can be different day to day though.
I'm 65, and my greatest regret, at this very moment , is that I did not encounter this teaching when I was 20. I would have handled life so much differently. And , yes, "erroneously" is a real word. 😊 Thanks
I'm so sorry that you carried that with you for so long. But you're still here, and now you can focus on you and hopefully feel better
Same here
Same with me🥹
I'm 61 and just now healing. I also listen to Lisa A Romano.
Me too!
Respect to all going through this. I knew I wasn't the only one. Depression and anxiety don't discriminate. It's exhausting "fighting" it to seem normal. I see you all. We'll be okay...heads up.❤🎉
Stop fighting it.
Thank you. 🙂
May everyone be healed 🙏🌬️
Thank you thank you thank you for this video!!!! Your scientific explanation lifts the weight of guilt for feeling so depressed, hopeless, often suicidal and very stuck in painful existence. Judging from the comments we all needed to hear this.I'm going to send this video to some family members. The blame me for being "lazy" and dramatic for feeling the way I do. Suicide and major depression runs in the family and they just got lucky genetically. Maybe they will gain some understanding and show some empathy instead causing more pain. Today: baby steps.. A million thanks again.
Forcing oneself to avoid the freeze state is another stresser. So accurate.
Isn't it like avoiding the avoidance response?
If you don't do anything , nothing can go wrong .
Going out the door can feel like, walking the plank.
Exactly!! If u never leave ur house (bedroom 😖) then nothing bad can happen to u...
exactley
Who’s paying the bills jerk?
Doing nothing is still a decision to a point. Clutter piles up. Social circle dies. Dating goes out the window. Then life gets even harder than before. Unfortunately, I've learned the hard way. Please keep trying ❤.
Getting out of bed has started to feel like a herculean task. Let alone anything else.
I can’t sleep due to stress and have to take medication or I’ll vent talk out loud for hrs til past 3am til I sleep
Wish I could sleep without meds lifes been terrible
Hugs
uugghh... can relate... and often the desire to get out of bed and face a perceived pathetic existence is just not there
@@symcardnel1741 I hear you.
😂 I like the way you put it, made me chuckle. I'm still in bed, it's past 11pm. It feels heroic to do the smallest thing.
Left my x husband 6.5 years ago. He is an alcoholic narcissist, sex addict. Finally got divorced a year ago but still waiting on my part of the house. Every time I believe I'm getting better, something happens, and I go back into the non functioning depressed person for about a week. It freaking sucks. Feels like he always wins. Could not even work this week.
God brought me to your channel tonight. I do believe that. I’m soo overwhelmed with EVERYTHING!!! I’m a senior lady who lives alone, several chronic illnesses and a dog with dementia. It’s becoming harder and harder to even open my eyes much less sit up and get out of bed. My dog has forced me to get out of bed. My family is close by but rarely check in me. I have become a recluse in a strange land. Thank you for making this video. It has helped me understand why the constant criticism from my son piles on to the feeling of being so overwhelmed with no end in sight. Thank you!!!!
So glad you found this at the right time!
You are not alone. I finally got an easy part time job and at least I get out of the house
But I am frozen too
Now I am being forced to move and I am overwhelmed thinking about it. Plus cancer and a wild aray of chronic illnesses just buried me.
Now I at least have a name for it. Now to get unstuck
@@moniqueengleman873 we are in the same boat it sounds. I’m facing having to move again and it make me nauseous to even think about. God bless you and pray you have the strength to do what you need to do!!! 🙏🏻. I pray this prayer for myself. I have chronic pain which some days really beats me down. These are not “golden years”!!! 😂😢
@@janetsmith4384 Janet I agree. This aging thing is for the birds.
I just want to stick my head in the sand. I am really good at it.
I have a beautiful tiny house and garden. Now I have to move. This is overwhelming
@@janetsmith4384 Good luck sister. And 🙏 prayers help. Sending you hugs and prayers
I practice minimalism and it helps me so much. I noticed the less “things” “stuff” I have the less distractions and chores I have, just a tip
Does it still work after 3 weeks?
@@mouhcine5712
Yes it still works after 3 weeks, in-fact I even minimized my kitchen stuff, less plates spoons cups etc, means less clean up and more automatic organization.
Unless of course you have less stuff because you are being constantly burglarized and robbed of your stuff as opposed to you deciding for yourself you don’t want all of your stuff.
I don’t think you would feel so great about having your stuff stolen from you as in my situation.
I need all of my stuff. I mourn for it all. It all cost me so much money which I worked so hard to earn. But most of all is the stuff I could NEVER replace like my family photos, my mom’s unique photo album including my diary and journal pages he took.
So please don’t tell me about the joys of having less stuff. I miss my mom’s dishes too and dishes and kitchen stuff I bought decades ago which has memories for me.
What about things you're doing, eg. work, friends, passions, interests, hobbies, etc. do you practice minimalism there too?
I totally believe in minimalism.
I've been in freeze mode for the past 10 years. This video just gave me hope that there may be a way out of this depression. I feel such guilt & shame and sometimes I wonder if I'm just lazy. I've seen many psychiatrists & therapists but have never had this explained. God bless you for taking the time to give people hope and hopefully a way out of this prison. I've only been "existing" for the past 10 years & I feel like it wouldn't be a bad thing if I didn't wake up again. I'm so tired of not enjoying anything. I'm so grateful your video was suggested to me and I'm excited to explore your other videos. Thank you so much for giving me even an inkling of hope.
the issue is you are taking pills. fact.
denial is a stinky calogne, you are given the gift of llfe and you are pissing it away due to not taking advantage of the beautiful aspects it offers. the good news is there is still time for you ; do better, this is your wakeup call
I took a pill of a year maybe two, the E one, the alphabet long just rearranged letters. Said the lowest amount. I think 10mg. Like everything, nothing could fix. It's this freeze thing. No head doc could so I never tried that mess. Antique stuffed offices are cool and all, just didn't want to provide them the cash as well. That whole industry of sit and talk experts. I don't think so. Just need that second let's get it warm body is the deal.
I have been in the same place.
Nothing helped until my autism diagnosis (at age 47).
Everything clicked into place. I have been in an autistic burnout.
Traditional therapy did nothing.
Medical for my depression and anxiety, barely anything.
I just figured that I was "broken".
It's been nearly 11 years for me. I had about 5 big traumas in just a couple years, and after a traumatic childhood, I guess I hit overload. Luckily my kids are grown, so no one is being neglected, except me and my place. Yesterday I sorted out a small box and got almost everything put away, it's small, but I'm letting myself feel good about it. If I get half the laundry folded I will consider that a big win, 2 things accomplished in one week! I've lost touch with people and haven't made any new friends, so am also kind of just existing, if I did make a friend, I wouldn't invite them over, my place is such a mess, I too feel a lot of guilt and shame, especially shame.
Please hang on to that inkling of hope, and try to nurture it, it's not a fool's quest. Look how well you articulated your post, clearly you're bright, lots of people aren't. The world needs more like you, bright and have an insight many people never have. I've decided that I'll never catch up all at once, but little victories are better than the zero's I've had over the last decade.
That wouldn't have happened if you didn't wake up, so thanks! I hope things begin to gradually improve for you, and don't be too hard on yourself.
I'm definitely frozen. I'm so sick of chronic pain i almost can't, or don't want to, function anymore.
As a veteran living with PTSD and an anxiety disorder, I've never been able to explain or understand what I go through until watching your videos. Thank you
I'm not a veteran but I've recently been diagnosed with ptsd for other reasons, I can't say I know what you're going through but I can say that I relate to it, I'm also well trained in psycology but despite that I can't self diagnose or treat... it an odd feeling to have to hear what I already know from another, but I agree completely that it helps a lot
As a veteran working on my own, successfully, we've been able to fix it for the last couple of years. The system works because our mind has a reflex, commonly known as fight-or-flight, but properly known as the Innate Alarm System, which short-cuts our cognitive system by prefiltering incoming sensory data and using experience stored in the amygdala to react instantly, sending a signal to our motor cortex. As military, that tends towards fight, and so we judge ourselves, causing the disorder.
Our animal minds also have a disable method, which is normally blocked by cognition. Dropping out of cognition into cognitive suppression, through any one of about two dozen therapies ranging from meditation to subspace, doesn't work alone, many PTSD sufferers use these to calm, but to heal, the method needs to know the trigger - hold it in your mind's eye as you drop into suppression. It's good to have a therapist mentor this, at least at first - I now know what I'm doing and can sort anything which arises myself. One limitation is that those with aphantasia are unable to hold the trigger, Michael Mithoeffer's MAPS method, one of the psychotropics and tested by the US FDA may be able to circumvent this using it's soul-guide methodology. In general, the portals range from psychotropics through shamanics into trance, hypnotics, and meditatives.
As a purely personal comment (the above is the generally accepted viewpoint), I tested the use of Reiki to fill the void left by draining the pre-programmed reflex response. The trigger remains, but doesn't react any longer, however as expected, four hours after the session in which we drained the reflex, I had a cracking headache which I healed by flooding the void with agape. Now, when it triggers, I get reassurance, which is gradually healing the fears behind.
Thank you for serving our country man ❤
We can drain the reflex response now. Get your therapist to take you into cognitive suppression with the trigger in your minds eye. It'll drain the reflex response, so although you'll trigger, it won't do anything. I've added a plus, which is not part of the norm, I flooded the drain site with Reiki, so now I get reassurance back.
What's going on under the hood is that our animal selves had therapeutic systems still there, in the limbic brain. We drop into cognitive suppression quite often, in meditation, mindfulness, shamanic trance, etc, but it doesn't release the trauma, because the healer needs to find the trigger. It's normally held back by our cognition. Do both, and it'll drain the reflex.
I add a reiki fill to the void created, it gives me reassurance when the trigger hits.
The shut down Is an associated trigger from the IAS fight or flight reaction, first spotted by Pavlov a hundred years back. He called it Transmarginal Inhibition, and it's triggered as fugue by the neuroceptive loop in the central gyrus, which monitors brain loading. We don't just think, we track our thinking. In high-functioning neurodiverse, we also fugue from trauma.
thank you for your service!! 🇺🇸
I just want to be "ME" again. You explaining the "freeze" makes absolute sense to me. I am burnt out/overwhelmed--too much stress, trauma---over and over again with no time, no personal space to recover. And the most unfortunate thing of all is my husband is the major cause of it all. I've learned a lot of valuable lessons over the last 37 years and one is do not make any major changes in your life if you are grieving from the loss of a loved one. If I'd had known that I would not be where I am now. Shut down to the point of what you call Passive Suicidal.
🙏❤️🙏❤️🙏❤️🙏❤️🙏❤️
I’m at the point where I can hardly get out of bed 😞 None of y’all are alone. I don’t have the answers, I wish I did, but we will be okay. Much love.
None of us can get out of BED. I think it’s because that epidemic COVID created this. FREZING RESPONSE. it messed with our minds and we are all so scared at a subconscious level. That we can’t even move. Why because it causes a freeze response when very scared. Of impending doom. It triggered my panic responses and always nervous not going away but trying to get work on it as much as I can Self love is a must. Nowadays since the world is very different
Same here, freeze response from cptsd & physical problems. Most days in bed feels safer watching animal videos!
I was really moved when reading that so many people have depression & the freeze response… just wish we can connect ! HUGS
Me getting out of bed and putting boots on is a trained response... I don't check I'm with myself. I jest let my body lead/drag my bad brain around.
To you too
Wish I could believe the none of y'all are alone part cause I feel like an exception not having anyone in my corner, not even god 😕 at this point. I just want to go to sleep forever
This was really helpful info. Before you said about the puppy, I thought of how everything with toddlers is a celebration. I feel it's a good tool for re-parenting ourselves too.
I'd been in freeze for a couple of days. Just been able to do a load of laundry while I listened, so then I put another load in and did a celebratory dance for as long as my body needed. When I lost energy part way through hanging the laundry to dry, I did another dance. I really felt the endorphins and the mood lift and the motivation to get the laundry finished. Usually, I lose energy and it stays in the machine until the next day or until I remember it.
I have been like this for around 10 years.
I have been scared of life for most of my life, but for the last ten years, I have basically shut down. Isolated, no life, no job, no benefits, nothing. I am tying to put some kind of life back together now, but man I'm scared.
I’m 100% with you on that feeling. Life is a weird place to be. I’ve been more scared of it than death. But just reading that you feel this way makes me feel less afraid/less alone in this challenge. Thank you for expressing yourself. Count that as a real action you did. It’s kind of the most powerful one as far as the universe goes. Sending you the good stuff. ❤
Same. The only thing that got me out of it before was anxiety medication, but they cut me off of it 10 years ago and destroyed my life forcing me back into this mode permanently and the system now treats the medication like it's as bad as heroin so it's impossible to get. My only options are to either hitch hike to Mexico with no money where I can just buy the medication over the counter, order the meds illegally online and have to be treated like a criminal for the rest of my life over a medication I need in order to function, or kill myself. My opinion? The system literally needs to be razed to the ground.
@@TeHj0keRDam., that sucks!. The system should provide to those in need!,... I didn't know what anxiety really was until I got it from a extremely stressed month I had. I now suffer from depression,.. and lost my career job... I too... have been thinking of my options.. hope you find peace in your life 🙏 and happiness too. Hang in there pls.
I'm in the same predicament
I’m sorry that you’re going through this. I wish you healing.
To anyone struggling, please be encouraged! This approach really, really works. I know it from personal experience. Celebrating one small achievement with the same enthusiasm as you would celebrate a puppy doing something correct for the first time has made me feel like my life is worth living. With burn-out and depression, I have massively dialed back the things I force myself to do each day, and chronic health problems mean that sometimes my biggest achievement of the day literally is just in sitting up. But I do force myself to do one thing each day, and to then celebrate that one thing each day. This combo has really helped me with my depression, and I highly recommended it for everyone. I wish this was something people talked about more often. Sending you all big virtual hugs, and I hope this helps!
I know even if it's finishing a load of laundry or just taking a shower depending on how bad off you are.
Thank you. You've helped. ❤️ N hug.
@kimnater9812 "and chronic health problems mean that sometimes my biggest achievement of the day literally is just in sitting up. " How to make a person cry with half a sentence. Ney, your entire statement felt very personal and pointed. I'm sitting here, in pain, thinking how nobody cares, so long as the work gets done , and the stuff gets fixed, so long as I can still help "someone else" out with my time and effort, doesn't matter if "I" am okay... doesn't matter if I can't do what I want or used to like. I seem lazy because I'm too tired to take care of myself. I tried doing things and then rewarding myself with a short video game I loved, but even that game, I'm too tired to feel the joy it used to give me, even if it distracts from some of the pain also. I guess I need to give myself more credit for just making it to the surface each day and pretending for everyone that I've got it all together. Just stting up in bed is painful, so I should acknowledge that what I did was indeed extraordinary compared to when I used to be able to wake up without pain and exhaustion. Thanks.
@Metqa hey 👋 I'm so sorry your going through health problems 😔 so am I from narcissist abuse I constantly feel like im going to have a heart attack or a stroke. It's hell having sickness in anyway! Especially pain... I pray you have the strength to make it day by day.. sometimes I feel like death can't come Quickly enough. It's not a good way to live its just how it is sometimes. Your not alone there's alot of hurting people out here.
For stress and clarity. I tried askwaganda. Absolutely helps a lot for me.
When my son at 19 had what they would call SNAP,. He had everything going for him. He was getting ready to go into medical school. He's a genius, girlfriend, job school Volunteering at the hospital. one Day snap. 10 years later, we're still dealing with this mental disease which they are calling schizophrenia Yeah, very sad, very, very sad medications. Injections, we still haven't found the right. Medication for him ten years later!!!!! His name is Parker and he's a wonderful person. A wonderful man. He's thirty years old now and we're still dealing with this.
Thank you.
Bless you , Parker and your family x
Stay strong for him .
He’s lucky he’s got someone even wiling to endure and understand ❤❤
Ohhhh! I’m thinking of you. I’m sure you’ve done everything under the sun to help him. Have you checked his vitamin d? I know that sounds stupid when you’ve probably rued everything but I would feel bad not to mention it. I’ve read vitamin d can help schizophrenics.
He is so lucky have an amazing family ❤
Praising myself just feels like I'm lying to myself again, 'cause I don't deserve any praise! Worthless people don't deserve praise!!
I cannot thank you enough, I’ve been a first responder for over ten years. I’ve seen some horrible things in the field. Last year something horrible happened to me and I lost my job. I used to think I was mentally strong. Until the depression hit. I have no energy to wash the dishes, laundry, workout. I tell people it feels as if I had a traumatic brain injury. This video has taught me so much! I feel like crying. Now when I encounter someone going through depression I can genuinely have compassion.
Hey me too. Law enforcement work with sex offenders and then surviving a violent crime and more attacks leveled me -and I thought I was so strong. I feel you.
@@monaw6484 oh my goodness, I’m so sorry to hear this. You are not alone, we aren’t alone. I don’t think I could handle sex crimes or child crimes. Do you feel you had support from your department? Or any in general?
My parents dont understand, it's a nightmare. 45 years old and Im just seen as a lazy failure.
@@KatiTheButcher that’s awful. Take care of yourself ❤️
You have done so much for others in their time of need, please take good care of yourself now you need to
I was just down the rabbit hole of RUclips when I hit on your video. Gosh darn it , you described my state of inactivity perfectly. At 75, a retired nurse, a meditator, I just couldn’t understand why all of a sudden I can’t cope with even simple ADLs. Clutter is building and just doing the dishes seem overwhelming. It is the antithesis of the organized life I always led. It seemed to get worse after bypass surgery 3 years ago. I’m going to celebrate those dishes now and stop beating myself up because I can’t find that magic wand to make the house back to 100% sparkly. Thanks so very much helping me to love my self again.
The same story here too!
The bypass surgery must be the reason for your body refusing to let you preforming any physical activity. You need rest and more rest. This kind of surgery means you were not well for a long time and you didn't allow yourself to rest.
I hope the surgery has helped you a lot.
Our house was always so super tidy and anyone could just drop in at any time and they'd be amazed how pretty everything looked every time.
Now, after my husband's death, I find it hard to place an old envelope in the bin, or return milk to the fridge which is so ridiculous, but I can't find the energy to get back to the fridge. I'll stop having coffee with milk. This is how my brain works now - avoiding things is an answer.
I haven't seen this video yet and have such big hopes.
Sending my best wishes and hugs. ❤🤗
Omg you just described me in a nut shell. Thank you for your service first of all. I’m 57 mom, grandma of two. I always was a giver and worked in medical field caring for the elderly. I was an STNA. Worked nursing homes, private homes and etc.. it’s ironic now that with all my health issues I am on other side. The one who needs help and can’t really get any help. Family have their own life they are trying to live.. more so I feel like I’m stuck. Clutter is my place, the dishes is worst. Phycritrist gave me homework for month to write down what I did in day instead of the 2 do list. Down to smallest thing I did.. been in freeze mold for two days. Haven’t got out of bed just to bathroom. Can’t make myself go down stairs. Reading your post inspired me. If you can do it at your age I’m going to start something. Holidays always been so hard for me. Like physcitrist said even if I get one silverware a day washed it’s a plus. One load laundry, one bag of trash together. All good. Going up down stairs is challenge for me. Doctor said my job ruined my back. Refusing surgery. Scarred. Now so many medical issues. Ty and god bless you❤️
Reading your response made me wonder, in my lame brain condition, if I wrote it!
No, I'm not a nurse.
No, I have another year and a bit to hit 75.
Ok. I've been the one, two years ago, sitting up in bed and literally celebrating it!
The problem was getting myself to the bathroom! I had to! There was nobody else to change the sheets that I couldn't change. Celebrate getting to the John! Wahoooo!
I just went on basic instinct to do this. I've always pushed myself to "geter done er else"!
I fogged up the notion that I was my own patient. What could I do for this helpless, worthless bag of flesh and bones in the bed? I approached myself, for the first time in my life, with the tenderness of a mother for her sick child. I allowed myself - and still am - concessions I would never have conceded before.
I cannot say all that put me in this place. It's too lengthy. PTSD (Paralyzing Trauma of Sibling Demolition)! I had sympathized with those suffering PTSD, had been very kind and helpful to them, knowing the damage came from outside themselves. Now I was in it. I'm still back and forth in and out. I celebrate the good days, half days, moments, and give myself permission to blank out for days, half days or moments.
This week additional emotional challenges over tasks I'm expected to do by others have had me held back. My response has been "No." Someone else CAN do it. No, I know I cannot. Yet the pressure of it lingers. I comfort myself saying to myself that I did the right thing. It's hard being a responsible giving person, then being true to yourself admitting that "the old gray mare just ain't what she used to be". But I'm not ready for the glue factory!
Maybe I am only taking baby steps, sometimes very tiny ones. But I just recall how fast I had to run after little baby's who only took baby steps! I'm slow. But I'm getting there. Turtle speed!
Being a mediator and a nurse sounds like a recipe for emotional overwhelm .
I’m in the process of doing just that. Since Jan 2, 2023 when I found out I had no retirement pension (my husband had signed up for benefits for him but not me), and many other problems, I’ve been frozen. He found out what the house looked like when I “did nothing” for 8 months. A disaster. My daughter is helping me a little now but I’m miserable in this mess.
Counterintuitive as it might be, what actually works for me is to kinda succumb to all this void and just lay in bed and binge watch all sorts of videos for several days straight. Eventually this brings me to a point where it feels like it can't get any worse, I become fed up with this and feel like doing stuff again. Still can't quite figure out how to not get into these kinds of situaions in the first place though.
It’s our nervous system’s response to stress. Often comes from previous trauma. We literally can’t help it but thankfully there are tips & tools to overcome it
I have been feeling this way for months ~ and it’s very discouraging.
Like I said on another comment, it is different from depression, and I feel like you too: I lay in bed, play worthless mobile games, just do the minimun necessary for my family not starve. As days go by, the energy starts to cone back.
@@Esperandoonoivo You’re allowing your nervous system to become regulated again😊
**ANHEDONIA**
It’s been exactly 60 days in a roll! Doing absolutely nothing but sleeping and spending my day watching aleatory RUclips videos (I don’t have any social media) and spending my saving on the rent which is very expensive. But guess what ? I am about to explode as I feel I had enough. I’m nauseous of this anhedonia that I’m in. I’m about to break free as I see a tiny light in the end of the tunnel which from 2 days ago rewinding this 60 dias I was in total freeze/darkness! From time to time I would go to local shop for groceries. Now that my saving ended, I have to find a way! This abhorrent freeze state has consumed my entire energy/self value!
It’s as I said an abhorrent feeling!
I’ll be back and tell you all how I managed my defreeze!
😣😣😣😣
I never heard of the freeze response. You explained it very well. In 36 hours, I have a huge event and I have had plenty of time to have myself looking like I can handle anything that comes my way. I fear the other shoe is going to drop during a meeting in the courthouse on Thursday by noon. I have the freeze response. I will let myself sleep well tonight and sit upon my bed in the morning. Thank you… new subscriber.
I am blown away. I have just stumbled on this vlog a few minutes ago. I have been struggling for 3 years with what I now believe is a freeze response and nobody but nobody has pointed this out to me. I knew something was wrong and sought help with my doctor and a shrink and they just feed me BS. Started with an accident which I was initially blamed for but it was later proven I was not responsible but the legal system tore me apart and I lost all confidence in myself. I was a leader and a successful person in family and business before the incident. Nothing but nothing has been the same since. TODAY MAYBE DAY ONE OF MY RECOVERY. With tears in my eyes, I don't know what else to say except I need to process this advice to take the first step back to being me. Its not going to be easy.
You got this! 💪💪
I truly hope you are feeling better. Your comment touched my heart.
There could be a few "Day Ones", but keep believing in 'good'. 6 years later and I call any new growth in a good direction, healing *Day 1. 🙏🌹
Day one of your recovery was when it was over and your name was cleared
Your autonomical responses are not really you, neither is your anxiety. Your body, along with 99% of people's, is not in balance and is intruding into your mental and spiritual life. Reply to me and I will tell you how to reset your body back to default, the way nature intended. 100%
This was literally the best explanation of why a person with depression, such as myself, can't get out of bed. It also explains, why during such times I feel tension in the middle of my head. Honestly, knowing the truth is liberating.
I dealt with this by taking up mountain hiking, growing vegetables and getting three jack Russell terriers.
All three brought love, motivation and mindfulness back into my life.
Eight years later I've started a gardening and landscaping business, started rebuilding my house and joined a local community group attached to our church where i volunteer.
I complete a long distance through hike every year and I'm learning a new language.
Life is still stressful but I've put things into perspective and opened my heart to the beautiful things in the world again.
I also got rid of my television and social networking.
I hope that those of you who are suffering understand that it's not the amount of things that are stressing you, its the quality and meaningful things that are missing from your lives.
My best wishes are with you all.
@matthewblazer.......you are so right. Thank you for your great insight and testimony. God bless you dear one❤
Thank you for sharing.
It is AMAZING what a Jack Russell Terrier can do in our lives. I am so depressed right now that if I didn't have my Jack Russell Terrier looking after me, I'd have committed suicide by now. But she keeps me going. She has to be walked several times a day, and that REALLY improves my mood. I don't know what would happen to her if I were no longer around. She really counts on me to keep her happy with hugs and kisses and good food.
WOW
Jack Russell's are the best .mine is dead nearly 5 years now . She was my best friend she had a great life we cared for each other . She's buried in my garden where every day I look out and remember her and am glad I rescued her and gave her a home .
My life over 72 years has quite simply, been a constant barrage of trauma and knocks in every single way. I am constantly trying to get back up after yet another blow. Things might slightly improve for a very short period, giving me a glimmer of hope again, but whatever progress I achieve, it gets taken away leaving me distraught. I am deep down a fighter, so that won't change but everything has taken a terrible toll on both my physical and mental health. I don't have a soul in my life or my corner, no family and the few friends I've had have merely been fairweather ones, some just using me for my generosity (I'd give my heart away). I need to be on my own, that part doesn't bother me. Depression has been my life since my parents divorced when I was 11 and forced to stay living with a cruel narcissistic mother. I hope my life doesn't go on much longer. I don't do self pity, I feel more anger that I could not have a decent life.
I do just enough to ensure nothing falls apart after Mom died and I was seriously injured in a fall. My bedroom is my safe place. I feel overwhelmed by disinterest and laziness, not freezing (I don't think). I have a doggie, and her health and well being are all I absolutely have to do every day. I celebrate that. So, I think perhaps I am doing okay.
I wouldn’t use the word laziness. It sounds like you are doing the best you can right now. You may not think it is freezing, but it does sound like a response to very real and significant stress. Take credit for the things you accomplish, especially caring for you dog. Your pup definitely believes in you and loves you. Take a lesson that you are loved and you are believed in. When I have these “lazy” days, I simply plan on doing better the next. Sometimes I do, sometimes I don’t, but I drop the negative judgement on myself. I need to be my own friend too.
♥️🙏
@@nmartin5551 Thank you for everything you wrote. Your words are "Words of Wisdom" for me. You sound like such a kind and caring person, and how wonderful that you can express that in yourself. Thank you, again.
Oooohhhhhhh myyyyyy gaaaawwwwwwd this is MEEEEEEE!!!!!!!! I've been trying so hard to figure out what is going on with me. I feel overwhelmed, my to do list is a mile long and crushing me, and I feel frozen.
Me too! He made me feel understood.
you're not alone. I'm in this freeze situation now and have been for a while.
same. i cant do small things even nowadays. i tried going back to being my old self but all it does is tells me I'm not who i used to be
That's exactly what I feel like. It's pretty much like being robbed that part of you that used to do everyday tasks like it's drinking water @@LaxmannDhotre
@@LaxmannDhotre
I’m so happy to hear you say exactly what I’ve been feeling. My Husband died almost 5 years ago and I cannot be the person I was when he was here. It was baffling to me. I knew I’d be in mourning for some time but the fact that I now know I will never be that woman again. I have to live with what’s left of me. It’s scary but it’s life. ❤️🙏✌️
I lost my husband 3 years ago. I was under stress at the time but his death broke me. I became frozen. I drag myself out of bed daily to go to work. When I’m home, I isolate. Thank you for this video. It helps to know what is going on. ❤
So sorry 💔
I do the same after losing my son. Isolation is the only way I can keep from going off the edge.
Pleaee help me I am scared about my life
Wow, you could get out of bed to go to work? That's honestly impressive in freeze mode (note: I'm not saying you had a great life, I'm giving you credit for being able to get out of bed and leave the house).
I'm so sorry about the loss of your husband. That kind of grief is heavy and pernicious. Wishing you so well in taking the slow baby steps forward and healing from such a heartbreaking loss. It sounds like you loved him deeply, and that's why the grief is so all consuming. Sending compassion to you~
You’re not alone. I do the same. Work, then go to bed. Stay in bed til it’s time to work again. Repeat. Was traumatized over 10 yrs ago and still not recovered.
“You didn’t decide that. You did not choose that. A subconscious & primitive part of your brain chose that response FOR you because it misinterpreted the situation and it thought that you were in danger.”
This hit me SO hard. I didn’t even realize this was happening. I feel awful for being so frustrated with my little brain- never realizing it’s just doing its job & trying to protect me😢
My mother struggled with this mindset her entire life. She was a highly intelligent person and I’ve seen other highly intelligent people overanalyze life and struggle to find motivation. My mother would conclude “what’s the point?”… we often call it depression but I wonder if it’s a different type of condition. Thank you for exploring this topic.
Totally agree. And to add to the suffering most people as you mention tend to be very introverted, so to be labeled an "outcast", or even worse with regard to 'could not be further from the truth'; arrogant, aloof, etc. I do not suffer from depression, I suffer from living in a country (USA) that could not be a much worse fit for who I am, what I stand for, and can fully see the futility and hypocrisy in the platitudes/lies/propaganda I will not submit to, or be any part of... I refuse to become what I hate.
It’s a different condition but it can certainly make you feel depressed / develop anhedonia when all the basic bandaid “solutions” we get offered to “fix” yourself are not for a chronic freeze response so nothing works.
Yeah man intelligence is a gift and a curse. Its where the saying "ignorance is bliss" comes from.
Thank you (OP). I suffer hugely from 'what's the point'. A seemingly constant existential angst that is probably linked to existential depression (if there is such a thing) 🤔😊
@@Peace-tk3grme too. 😢
Dear Doctor. I have ADHD, depression, and anxiety and you are the FIRST person who understands what I'm going through! When I reach out to people they think I'm just lazy or have no willpower and that hurts me so much! I was lying in bed having anxiety about things I need to do and haven't done while watching this video and I sat up like you said. I've had so much stress for so long. Thank you for this video (I can't afford therapy). I could just cry. Actually I DID cry. Thank you. I gladly subscribed. ❤😊
Glad to have you!
I used this today. When I got out of bed I had a noticed that I have one week to pay a large (for me) energy bill. I almost froze in panic that could have led to being anxious and unable to function properly all day or the rest day of the week. Then I listened to this and thought: I have one week to get the money or make a payment arrangement. And I remembered that I have always paid my bills and never had my energy turned off - my entire adult life. So worrying that would not help me to actually make the amount to pay the bill is fruitless. And: experience tells me I will be just fine. I’ll pay the bill or whatever I am able to and live a normal, healthy, pleasant life as I always have (except for these intermittent panic attacks that I will now look at with a much healthier view.)
@@MarthaWoodworth-f9sI can describe a very similar situations. The, can I make my car payment I always make my payment. Etc
Exactly my story too...❤
I lay in bed too & the only thing that makes me want to get up is if I have something really sweet waiting for me in the refrigerator. Then I practically bolt out of bed to eat. Pathetic but true 😁
This is some crazy coincidence, because I started experiencing this only last week, where I found myself completely unable to get up for my classes, had no idea what was going on and consequently shut down even more. Thank you so much for making sense of all this ❤
Mu pleasure!
I’m so miserable and overwhelmed. I have way too much on my plate and no support or help. I shut down years ago. Meds don’t work for me anymore. I have no social network. I am homebound. I have kids, and a mentally ill teen. I’m so burned out.
Can't thank you enough for explaining what happens when I feel stuck, no energy/unmotivated dealing with depression. I would beat myself up too much saying "Come on, get moving, dont be lazy and let depression win". Now I have better strategy to deal with it and build momentum in a HEALTHIER way. 😁
You got this! 💪
If you are anything like me, then you are the " let's just get it done now" instead of putting anything off.
Its crazy how the toxic guilt and shame is like an elephant sitting on you and keeping frozen in the same spot. Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.
@Purplepinkmom Thank you...very appreciated not feel alone!😁
It's a positive way to deal with it. I've known this strategy for years but I still fall into the negative self talk when dealing with depression. It's a life long battle. I'm glad I came across this today. I wish everyone well on their journey
Totally agree with you. Couple years ago in my first year of trauma therapy I coined the phrase a “to done“ list. And I would get out a piece of paper every day & write down every single speck of action that I took that day, including like you said, sitting up. My therapist said she was gonna steal that one.😂
I love this idea!!!! 🎉
Great idea. Definitely going to steal it too 😄
Loved it. We get more done than we think
What a great idea! “To done”!
I do that too
Dr. Scott I cannot express enough my gratitude for your delivery style ❤
My pleasure
I was consumed by work, Covid hit & killed my boyfriend who I also worked for. The company closed. I lost my job. Then I got Covid and was in bed a month very sick. Fatigue immediately followed for almost a year. Then Insomnia kicked in and almost 2-yrs later I still don’t sleep more than 4 hours each night. I’ve done all the recommended things and nothing has helped. I have anxiety I never had before. I am always in crisis mode with my BP, where I had always ran on the low side. I have lost my engagement with life and barely leave my room, let alone my house anymore. But thank you for a valuable teaching/understanding. I thank God every day literally, because if it weren’t for my faith I would have given up by now.
This happened to me at a previous job. I had been there for 15 years, and things had suddenly gotten toxic in my department. I was doing double the work, staying late, going in on weekends and I found myself unable to sleep. This went on for two years. Toward the end, I would dread going to work so much, and then once I was there I found that all I could do was to sit at my desk and stare off into space until someone called, emailed or stopped by my office with a request. Instead of using goals and initiative to motivate myself like I had in those previous years, all I could do now was respond to direct queues that something was needed. I started making mistakes, and my ability to reason solve problems that came up in a rational way was shot. I really thought I was going crazy. I still wake up in the middle of the night in a panic after dreaming about that time in my life. I feel like this is exactly what I experienced, and this makes a lot of sense to me.
That's what has been going on with me for a while now (3-4 years). Went through a grey divorce and lost everything so have been hyper-focused on stacking successes and preparing for retirement. Over the past nine years I have aggressively saved, paid off debts, paid cash for a house, built the core of a good kitchen-table business and saved a substantial sum, all on a $35K income. BUT, as good as that has been, it has taken a real toll on me psychologically, I currently can't dredge up motivation to do anything and my house is in terrible shape. Your description is so spot-on! I have become purely reactive and practically in a daze all the time, making mistakes more often and I dread every day. I'll be retiring at the end of the year, thank goodness and hopefully can unpack some of this stack.
I had a bad experience in my previous job over five years ago. I have struggled with reoccurring resentful thoughts and memories everyday at my current job that I have had since then. My mind is constantly wandering. I drive most of the day which makes it worse, because it allows way too much time for my mind to dwell on these negative thoughts. My mind is so distracted that I keep forgetting this or that and making little mistakes all day. It's so frustrating and I feel like I'm losing my mind. Medications help somewhat, but something really needs to change. I'm so mentally exhausted.
@@dkindig Congratulations on your retirement! I hope your new life gives you distance and peace of mind.
@@abeck78 My conclusion is that work is bad for our mental health.
Thank you for making these videos. I was laid off last December and can’t afford therapy. I could barely afford it working. I have been absolutely beating myself up because I have trouble getting up and not even wanting to be here anymore. I get so disappointed in myself because I can’t seem to cope. I feel like my mind can’t take anymore. Your explanation gives me hope and made me realize I’m not being lazy. I couldn’t figure out why nothing helped and this gives me hope. I want to want to be here and I so desperately needed to hear this. I hope you realize your videos have stopped me from ending the pain. I’m so thankful you use this platform to help because there’s not much affordable help. I wouldn’t wish this depression, fear and anxiety on anyone. Thank you!!
This means so much to me that you took the time to leave this comment ❤️❤️❤️
the issue is you are taking pills. fact.
Hey just wanted to comment you're not alone. The thousands of other people that watched this are struggling with this too and we understand you're not lazy and there's something deeper at play. I hope you find and celebrate those small victories everyday so you can eventually build your days back up ❤
Me too... I dislike myself for not finding satisfaction in cleaning my home. I used to find happiness in keeping my family's space clean and organized. I could do laundry while making a meal. I'm not that person anymore. It's more than laziness. It's like I'm walking through wet concrete to get from point A to point B, only to ask myself what am I doing here in point B.
@@Apaxeticwhen u say something deeper at play do u mean something sinister to why so many people are feeling the same way? I do
This was great advice! I'd love to see a video about the effects of chronic stress on the brain for a lifetime. People like me, who grew up abused, have dealt with stress even in our early memories. Always being on edge as a child, and then growing up and dealing with more stress is exhausting. I am now 55 and have been married to a man with a chronic illness for 30 years now, and working overtime a lot to keep us above water. I am just exhausted with all of the stress. When you've been abused it feels like you don't even know a life without stress and pain because you never get a break from it, even in childhood.
Oh I know what fear of losing the survival battle is like. Never lost, I think it was the fear. I should say..Yet.
@@petemorton8403 I am a Christian, and I think without God in my life I would not make it.
I have always felt like I’m holding my breath and am terrified to exhale.
If I didn't have my faith in God I don't know what I would do.
Unfortunately we spend half our lives on autopilot with no real thought of getting old and sick. So are totally unprepared for it when it comes along I have been in the same situation but am fortunate to live in the uk where help and support is free or at least more affordable it is hard but you have to focus on the simple things in life which give you pleasure I can imagine it is very difficult in the USA as social care and health care are not great or very expensive good luck on your journey and keep positive things will improve
Never expected that I would start tearing up a little bit when you said "A person completely burried by stress." Because I admit it. I'm not okay for months, probably a year now. I have urges to isolate. Work, some people and status in life in general has been beating me up since last year. I was already a quiet and soft spoken person but in a comfortable way. Like, that's just me, an introvert that's just living her life. As times goes by, I started to notice something. At first, I thought my introverted-ness leveled up. I don't want to socialize. I want alone time more than usual. I slowly started to talk even lesser in conversations with friends. Like you said, my responses became minimial. Yes, no, really, is that so, yeah, right, oh, lauging and just nodding or shaking my head or making facial expressions. I've had set aside my needs and wants for such a long time. I'm a people pleaser since I was basically a child. I was an average student. Barely had anything to celebrate about except graduation days. So, the idea of celebration that stuck in my head for years is that it happens when you achieve something big. Like I said, I'm average. I'm not a risk taker. I'm your typical good girl. I just go along with life. I'm very lowkey. I don't want attention but I'd be lying that at some point in my life, I've never felt jealous when I see someone celebrate their achievements.
Anyways, I plan to make a change, like I JUST made that plan yesterday I think, to slowly heal myself internally. I deserve it. I know I do. It won't be easy but better than not actually making an action.
i can so relate but remember you are worth it always ! Your ideas are worthy. Your feelings are worthy. Your needs are worthy. And without everyone else’s constant validation, you must be who you are and live your truth. Even if it makes people turn their heads. Even if it means walking alone down the path less traveled for awhile.keep working on yourself but celebrate those small things and your intentions,discipline is hard and i struggle with it but you will build it slowly,you have made progress and ask yourself- Will i be stressed about this in a year 2 years,3 years from now?sometimes it’s more the imaginary “What if” that is debilitating.
Even if your confidence in yourself has been shaken!
The real battle is always in your mind. And your mind is under your control, not the other way around.
You may have been broken down by adversity or rejection or stress, but YOU are not broken. So don’t let others convince you otherwise. And don’t let your mind get the best of you either.
peace🕊
You sound just like me. Good luck on your journey. We can do this.
Become your own best friend. Give yourself daily little comforts and pleasures. Savour the delights of Nature: the sun, the breeze, the trees, the flowers. Smile at others, give them compliments. Give yourself verbal encouragements. Rest when you need to. Dress well why you go out. Look good, feel better. Treat yourself to a massage or a pedicure. Take an interesting drive. Learn about the magic of Morning Pages. Take all the time you need to heal. Be very gentle and kind to yourself. Know that you are unique in the world, rare, and very precious. Keep learning. List your wins, however small, and celebrate them. Read Dr. Gabor Mate's book, When the Body Says No, for life changing information. There is hope. There is love. There is joy.
@@HoneyBee-pc3xi are you trying to motivate lol
This really resonates with me. You are not alone xx
Depression drains your energy. Such good advice. Also laughter really helps. It’s the last thing you want to do but if you can watch something that makes you laugh every day , it really helps
I think those types of stressors are just as important to take seriously as being in mortal danger - our lives have become so stressful that when that fight or flight freezing kicks in - it’s a signal from our brain that something is way out of balance. Life was not this stressful for most average folks 30 years ago. We’re being told to take it, and it’s damaging our bodies, and our mental state. In my opinion, we need a societal change in this aspect, and I can’t really speak to that. I just feel it. Every day.
agree. What you've described is one of the key factors
I believe it’s the endless amount of information we’re flooded with everyday along with overstimulation from lights and alerts.. and they know it’s doing it to us.
@@krystalgardiner5591Why don't you turn off the flood of information?
It was 50 ago. Unemployment here was 9.8 on paper. It was much higher out in labor. Low low pay with zero security, forget about anything else. How are you supposed to have gas to get back & forth? Oh, syphon, ok got it. 20 yrs of this, then just a bit better. Today is a world of difference. Finally wages rise.
Read many of the comments here and they're heartbreaking. Never thought so many were having the difficulties I've been experiencing. Shutting down for 2 or 3 days in bed. Letting myself feel the anxiety, releasing the pain and doing a lot of crying. So glad I came across this video. it makes so much sense and gives me another tool in my arsenal to deal with life. God bless you all.
I know!❤Didn’t know I wasn’t alone!
John here in Ireland, 10 months of clinical depression, two hospital.stays on meds. The hardest problem is the loneliness and no routine. Hard to do anything when you are so down and do fed up the fight 😢