Someone on Reddit recommended Heidi’s videos on attachment style. I must say: I have been binge watching your videos since and the amount I’ve learned with them is astounding. I cannot say thank you enough for explaining highly convoluted concepts in such palatable way. It’s been truly helpful and I wish you all the success and visibility you deserve.
I wonder if that was me!!😆 LOL, seriously, I know I've commented about her on a few of the mental health/ psychology/ support & self help type communities, I always sing her praises, her and Patrick Teahan. What subreddit??
This is how I ruined my relationship with my ex fiancé. I projected my insecurities about my body onto him, even though he only ever tried to tell me otherwise and he always acted otherwise too. So I self sabotaged the whole relationship because I wouldn’t believe his words and his actions, I just believed so much that it was an objective truth that I was ugly. I needed to hear this video to help me better make sense of what I’ve already realized. I’ve never seen someone else talk about this, so thank you!! I hope I can be more careful now to look for 1) actions 2) words that actually confirm my beliefs, and to otherwise, allow myself to be rejected or accepted. I wouldn’t allow myself to be accepted in the past :(
Thank you for writing this out and recognizing this pattern. ❤ I've been on both sides of the experience in different ways. In one of my connections it's been quite a painful experience to be deflected and denied in my expression of love and appreciation, as they were holding onto this negative self-perception of themselves so strongly. So somehow it felt kinda healing to read your message from your perspective and its realization. Thank you!
This reminded me of a conversation I had with a therapist when I was in my late 20s. I can't quote his exact words because our conversation was in Norwegian, but he said something along the lines of: "If you deny someone the chance to get to know you solely because you believe the way you see yourself is the only truth, you have stolen their opportunity to get close enough to make up their own mind." I am in my early 30s now and haven't revisited this in a while, but watching your video made me realise that it is time to do some more work on this. Thank you!
Heidi, I hope this isn’t too much pressure because I don’t mean it that way, but I think you kept me from making some very permanent decisions regarding my own existence. I thought I was just broken. Thank you.
Reading the line ‘I thought I was just broken’ hit me in such a tender place. That was the #1 word I identified with for most of my life before taking on this work. I no longer believe it applies to myself or to anyone else. I felt a huge amount of warmth and compassion moving through my body as I read your comment, thinking of others who may still feel that way and the hope that exists for them too. Thank you for sharing about your resilience. It inspires me, too. 🙏🖤
I find myself still so scared of the things I actually want despite the huge amount of work and change that I’ve gone through that I still don’t know if I can face my fears.
Very well articulated, as usual, Heidi. The only complication with this is that in this day and age, a lot of the external rejections that people deal with are via ghosting or implicit withdrawal, rather than explicit articulation of why they’re rejecting you. It becomes very confusing to tease apart what is projection versus what is a ghosting type of rejection.
i had an experience a few months ago when i had a friend but started projecting that he didn't cared about me and thus i started to resent him and that became a self fulfilling prophecy: he started to become less close to me cause i was not a pleasant person to be around anymore because of the remarks i made based on the projection. All of this was indeed because i was hiding a part of my identity in fear of rejection ; i never let him know me and became closed off the few times he tried to ask questions regarding this topic, and now he is likely never gonna know this part of myself cause we are just acquaintances now. So this video was spot on regarding my situation, and very helpful to try to change my behavior, thank you.
I got to say I admire your way of communicating so eloquently and getting abstract points across so clearly and understandable! I'm literally the opposite, so I appreciate because being emotionally blind and a stutterer, I wouldn't ever find these solutions by myself ❤
Hello, Heidi! I was introduced to your channel by LocalScriptMan for learning about attachment theory and writing character relationships. Getting to watch your videos not only helped me with the writing, but it also helped me get a better understanding about myself and get a grasp on the personal problems I've been having. Just wanted to say thanks!!
Heidi your exceptionally informative lessons are an immense help to me. Clearly laid out and well paced. For me, at 65 and just beginning to really get the message here, your posts have been a lifeline. I really appreciate what you are doing. Thank you.
I'm glad I'm not the only one in their 60s still in need of help mentally !one has experienced do much in that time but can still need a bit of guidance.
@@Politegirl686No, but I often revisit videos, even throughout the day. I have a playlist on attachment style videos. I actually use the 5min Journal app via her suggestion. Heidi, Julie Smith, Therapy In A Nutshell, and Crappy Childhood Fairy, and animal videos have been what I've been consuming lately. I do catch Psych2Go's content but they're more as entertainment.
Your content is helping me more than anything I’ve heard or read before. I understand so much about issues that I feel like I can actually tackle them. Thank you! So grateful for you!!
I love you Heide, and you are encouraging and so inspiring. I am an ugly man. I look back on my life and even tho I am not sure that I can appreciate the reasons in a mirror, I seem to be adversive and off putting to people in general. It is a harder and harder reality to live inside of as I get older.
Beautifulllll video, I mean it. Not just for the sake of throwing around the word beautiful as if I'm running out of my vocab (that's not a projection don't worry xD), I really love the way you create these videos. You really "create" them like a work of fine art, crafting in every little detail with love and real beauty. The cheery on top of the cake is your grace, the way you share your personal anecdotes..it makes you connect to people in such a raw human way corresponding to igniting a lamp of compassion in dry sand, dark seas ..that have never witnessed such transparency before. That's how you make feel. I rarely comment on your videos, today I not only feel different because I'm doing so but also because I'm being so real and direct about what I have to say..the words flow in an incessant array of the light of acceptance. Thank You Heidi, COMPASSION !
I don't know if I have ever commented under one of your videos, but I just wanted to tell you, Heidi, how much you have helped me understand things about myself. This is some of the best and most helpful context on youtube in this field. Thank you so much!
your ability to articulate these concepts with such ease is really exceptional. your explanation has really helped me see myself more clearly. thank you 🙏🏼
Hey Heidi, I have been watching your RUclips videos for a couple months now on my healing journey, it has been very helpful and eye opening for my personal and interpersonal connections. You've helped me direct my life in a positive light and look within myself for emotional growth. Just wanted to say thank you 😊
I cannot begin to describe to you how pertinent this video is. This has been my major revelation and subsequent struggle for the last 2 years.. just so happens, I stumbled across your page maybe 3-4 weeks ago and this topic is the main thing I've wished you had covered. Thank you!
Shadow Week! The Jungian answer to Shark Week. I really like your definition of intimacy or the desire for intimacy, “Who is this person behind all this?” I also liked when you said “I’m not going to pre-reject myself from things. I’m just going to go ahead and let them reject me.” This is something I need work on. Love this channel!
I have really been doing this a lot and Iv just realised in the last week what Iv been doing, so this is perfect timing. It would be fantastic to get some really practical ways to integrate our shadows. Thanks so much for this information it’s so well presented and easy to follow.
I never write comments, but I just wanted to thank you for making the most high quality, in depth, yet easy to understand videos in this area on RUclips. You're a brilliant human being
I think, this is the reason why I just got the job I started two weeks ago. The interview went really well because I was able to go in and be present with my insecurities layed out open (missing specific qualification) and still being confident and authentic about my general ability and willingness to grow, learn and a lot of basic/ general knowledge and experience from other jobs. I felt good about my offer and I didn't need to display false or fake confidence, I wasn't thinking about what I need to say to get the job, I was interested and if they wouldn't decide for me, that was ok too. first and last jobhunts, interviews were different as I was only thinking about how to behave to get the job, kind of how to trick them into deciding for me. this mew way of approaching it felt much better and less panicky.
Thank you Heidi for your passion for sharing your knowledge of the human condition; providing nuance and insights into the strategies for which we hide our perceived broken parts. I am now working with the book from Pete Walker, Complex PTSD: and for the first time in my life there is an explanation for my symptoms. I feel like the door has flung wide open by the winds of healing and change, and the sun is shining rays of light into my soul, mind and shadows. Your gift is profoundly healing for me in my life, and I am viewing each of your videos and really diving into the wisdom so that I can heal, and find peace through recovery. My gratitude is immense.
The definition of projection I've always heard is a little different. It's that when we decide that we really don't like someone, it's because we are seeing negative qualities in them that we ourselves possess, but we are not aware that we possess them. Instead of facing our own dark truths, we demonize other people. Or it could work the other way: we project desirable qualities on another person that they may not actually possess.
Love this. Mind you, I felt for years that my father's partner did not want me around and recently she told me that, along with various critisims, so mynsuspicipk
17:57 - I'm struck by how much this approach reminds me of the Donald Kaufman character from the movie "Adaptation." Allowing a potential rejection to be the other person's business, not yours, can be so hard, but it offers opportunity for connection and growth.
I have to admit, you really nailed me on this one. 😅 I'm also quite sad about it because it's literally the reason I choked on a potential relationship a couple months ago although there were other avoid-toxic-relationship reasons. I have developed a mostly-secure attachment style and always working on it as I will have to. However, my pitfall is relationship insecurity making me choke in early dating. Never in an angry way, it's that "she deserves better than what I can currently offer." thought. Though I guess from a observer's perspective, it's probably also that partners fail to incite secure attachment. Emotional-mental maturity is sadly scarce it seems.
I project a lot onto passive aggressive people who I sense what they are not saying and I'm usually right, then I am resentful when they just "poof." vanish. Honest communication and humility solve this, but anyway, I'm following...thank you!
First 5 seconds I thought Heidi had her arms spread out to show off some sweet yellow arm fringe, à la Macho Man Randy Savage. Turns out the black in the background is not part of her black shirt… 😅
Projection has NOTHING to do what other people think about you. It’s how you really think about yourself but you accuse other people of being that. It has nothing to do with someone saying or not saying that your ugly. Here’s the actual definition: Psychological projection is a defense mechanism people subconsciously employ in order to cope with difficult feelings or emotions. Psychological projection involves projecting undesirable feelings or emotions onto someone else, rather than admitting to or dealing with the unwanted feelings.
This video was very engaging; I feel it’s the first one of yours I’ve watched through to the end. Your insights are enlightening and the examples are most appreciated, otherwise I may not understand exactly what you mean. Thank you for describing preventive actions and improvements rather than just pointing out the issue. Amazing content! Thank you for putting this out there!
Hi Heidi! I think you are the best RUclipsr in this mental health topics!! Just in case you care about what I think and have another meaning about what you do 😂😂
when it comes to making sense of the seemigly senseless and breaking down & compartmentalizing the deeply complex and intertwined nature of human exhistance, you're like a HOUDINI. *minus the ending of course... THANK YOU for breaking it all down for us and in SUCH a digestible, meaningful way. I think I speak for all of us when I say your videos are beyond helpful. Thanknyou thanknyou THANK YOU!
I have been binge-watching your videos for the past week. Insane content. Thank you for the effort you put in, it has helped a soul out on this planet to finally realize some very profound things.
I see a cool person who is very confident. I feel jealous that I'm not a cool confident person. That person must be cocky and arrogant and makes me feel like that. (Projection)
The last part is really important. "We not only project our insecurities..." I've always thought that I have an attractive face because my sister always complimented me on a daily basis. I got used to it. With other people, I always assumed that they're perceiving me the same way but when they didn't compliment me on my looks especially when I had put in so much work on my appearance for a given occasion, I perceived them to be egoistic and arrogant when in reality I was the one who was egoistic and arrogant 😂 and have to admit still am at times. This is embarrassing but not so much because now I can accept that part of myself and actively work on changing it for the better .
A close friend recently gave me advice about something I was feeling insecure about. And I responded with offense and excuses. I then started to project my insecurities onto her. Recognizing when I do this is hard. Because it is another flaw that I have and I feel like I have to figure out how to get rid of. Is life this hard in general?? I’m only 18 but whew…coming to terms with your issues and bad habits is hard. And admitting you’re wrong about something is even harder
I get that and its true. But also in some cases we can feel things and see things that are not said and its not projecting your insecurities but some covert bullies who know how to project things without saying a word..
This is off-topic, but I'd be very interested to see a video about your video creation process. How do you choose your subjects? Do you script your videos? Any tips for those of us starting out creating psychology-centered content? (I'm a Budapeset based psychotherapist, starting a channel in Hungarian.)--- p.s., I just read up on the Dynamic Maturation Model and it really widened my understanding of attachment theory!
Thanks Heidi priest of teaching me how to let go of control that was bondage to myself. hopefully it's work on more freedom to thy self.. love you work. If I could show you appreciation with doe, I would but if there is something I could do plz let me know. . Much 💕 love
Heidi is an ENFP, she is great and breaking down complex topics. Her shadow inferior function is Si, she is hardly able to take us about herself and her personal interpretation of the topics and his it has applied to her own life.
Thank you.❤ Sometimes listening to you scares me: I would be horrified if someone close to me could read me exactly like this. I would feel too exposed and perhaps hide or pull up any defense mechanism I can desperately grope for...Lol. Only "perhaps." #vulnerability
I like to browse through pop psychology and other psychologists/mental health professional's videos to check out their own "blend" of advice, how they interpret/apply topics in the DSM, etc... I hope you don't mind my criticism...I work in a field other than psychology and really have no authoritative background, to any degree. I feel like this is devoid of reality, to some degree. The further away a person is from being conventionally attractive, the more likely they are going to be rejected romantically for said reason. Or, to interpret the message of your video...the "thought" about why they are being rejected is more likely to actually be true. I like the overall message of the video but often times these "insecurities" are in place for a reason. Normally, they develop because of previous & repeated experiences. Not always the case, I understand, like the example in your video. I find that to be quite almost along the lines of victim blaming. It is nice to ask for the reason why but often times others are looking to avoid hurting others feelings - that's noble, right? Ie. if they were rejected for their proposed reason, they most likely wouldnt be told that directIy. It would probably look something like a general statement - "theres no spark" or "there's no chemistry". I suspect people's gut hunch would often times actually be correct. So in a sense, you could almost be influencing people to self gaslight themselves but I do personally appreciate the part where in your video using yourself as an example, you prod for additional information in that scenario to either confirm/deny. I also find it interesting how a book like "Breaking the Chains..." by Pete Walker is discussed on your channel and it appears to be taken as fact. He is a single psychologist and his work has not been accepted and/or integrated by the DSM, expect for the diagnosis itself of C-PTSD, which is only in ICD - etc... Any person can write a book and claim certain things, it doesn't mean it's valid or appropriate to integrate into practice in an all encompassing manner. If I was in the shoes of a psychologist, I would be very hesitant to guide people through a mental health related session while making references to their "inner child". Maybe that's the reason I'm not in this line of work 😝
Wow this is second video I watched from your channel. You explain these concepts in such a simple and understandable way! Thank you! Do you have suggestions of any literature to learn more of ways to practice this?
Sometimes, it is hard when society are taught to judge and treat people a certain way, or people treat you accordingly to their basis. But I do think we do project and social media does not help.
I seem to be leaning in Disorganized - Anxious Attachment....when a person shows interest I feel like it might not be true, their to good to be true and they might also leave me in the end... then when the person rejected me in the end, I feel anxious and want them back... Its crazy, and I really want to have a healthy relationship with myseld and with another peraon..
OMG 😂😂😂😂 Heidi, for the first 30 seconds of the video I thought you were holding your arms out like a hug. I was thinking man is she going to put her arms down soon? Then I realize the couch is blending into your shirt and your arms are not up at all 😂😂😂😂 I’m watching this with low screen light. Anyways, thanks for the video.
😂 I somewhat-regularly get this comment and feel torn between changing up my pillows to end the confusion and sort of liking that I’m giving off virtual-hug vibes accidentally.
I think it's possible to infer something based on another's actions. Example: Someone has a phone conversation with a family member they haven't seen or talked to in over 10 years. 12 months go by and that family member expresses no interest in talking again. Saying that the family member doesn't care to be in touch, might be true. It also seems pretty natural to think there's some negative attitude behind their actions without a ton of projection. I think people's actions / non-actions communicate things about them.
Good morning Heidi, I found the video on Shadow work and the next 2, being wrong and this one about projecting. You mentioned there would be 5. Each of these have been amazingly helpful. I'm really looking forward to the other two. Will they be posted soon, or have I missed them? The information given, and the way you explain it has really helped me to understand myself better. Thank you.
![Tee Grizzley - Blow for Blow (feat. J. Cole) [Official Video]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/wNLN5xsx5dc/mqdefault.jpg)
hahahhahaha i'm not projecting you're projecting
Lol
No! YOU are!!
😅😂🎉
No! You and my imaginary friend are!!!
My therapist says.”projection makes the world go round” ☮️
I’m an overhead projector, Austin. So yeah it’s kinda my job bro.
Someone on Reddit recommended Heidi’s videos on attachment style. I must say: I have been binge watching your videos since and the amount I’ve learned with them is astounding. I cannot say thank you enough for explaining highly convoluted concepts in such palatable way. It’s been truly helpful and I wish you all the success and visibility you deserve.
I wonder if that was me!!😆 LOL, seriously, I know I've commented about her on a few of the mental health/ psychology/ support & self help type communities, I always sing her praises, her and Patrick Teahan. What subreddit??
@@darkcrystalmagik3369 actually was the heartbreak/break up one
It is overwhelming how understood I feel since I found her
This is how I ruined my relationship with my ex fiancé. I projected my insecurities about my body onto him, even though he only ever tried to tell me otherwise and he always acted otherwise too. So I self sabotaged the whole relationship because I wouldn’t believe his words and his actions, I just believed so much that it was an objective truth that I was ugly. I needed to hear this video to help me better make sense of what I’ve already realized. I’ve never seen someone else talk about this, so thank you!! I hope I can be more careful now to look for 1) actions 2) words that actually confirm my beliefs, and to otherwise, allow myself to be rejected or accepted. I wouldn’t allow myself to be accepted in the past :(
Thank you for writing this out and recognizing this pattern. ❤ I've been on both sides of the experience in different ways.
In one of my connections it's been quite a painful experience to be deflected and denied in my expression of love and appreciation, as they were holding onto this negative self-perception of themselves so strongly.
So somehow it felt kinda healing to read your message from your perspective and its realization. Thank you!
This reminded me of a conversation I had with a therapist when I was in my late 20s. I can't quote his exact words because our conversation was in Norwegian, but he said something along the lines of: "If you deny someone the chance to get to know you solely because you believe the way you see yourself is the only truth, you have stolen their opportunity to get close enough to make up their own mind." I am in my early 30s now and haven't revisited this in a while, but watching your video made me realise that it is time to do some more work on this. Thank you!
I love that. Such a concise way to say it! 💜
That's so helpful. Thank you
Gonna put that on my wallpaper. Thanks 4 sharing
@@Ikigai747 I was thinking that because of how much I was mirrored to myself with it. Self awareness is the root cause of change and better yourself.
Det er et fantastisk citat ❤️
Heidi, I hope this isn’t too much pressure because I don’t mean it that way, but I think you kept me from making some very permanent decisions regarding my own existence. I thought I was just broken. Thank you.
Reading the line ‘I thought I was just broken’ hit me in such a tender place. That was the #1 word I identified with for most of my life before taking on this work. I no longer believe it applies to myself or to anyone else.
I felt a huge amount of warmth and compassion moving through my body as I read your comment, thinking of others who may still feel that way and the hope that exists for them too. Thank you for sharing about your resilience. It inspires me, too. 🙏🖤
Thank you both for being vulnerable, this has hit me so hard. I look back on how many years I hid myself from the gloriousness of other seeing me.
same
Same...I've always thought I was broken
Same. When I wake up in the middle on the night with pain in my chest, I look for her videos.
It’s hard when you date someone who’s abusive and they actually validate all of your insecurities
You’re a very intelligent, eloquent, empathetic person, and you’re giving a gift to a lot of people. Thank you for making content like this ❤
I find myself still so scared of the things I actually want despite the huge amount of work and change that I’ve gone through that I still don’t know if I can face my fears.
Very well articulated, as usual, Heidi. The only complication with this is that in this day and age, a lot of the external rejections that people deal with are via ghosting or implicit withdrawal, rather than explicit articulation of why they’re rejecting you. It becomes very confusing to tease apart what is projection versus what is a ghosting type of rejection.
i had an experience a few months ago when i had a friend but started projecting that he didn't cared about me and thus i started to resent him and that became a self fulfilling prophecy: he started to become less close to me cause i was not a pleasant person to be around anymore because of the remarks i made based on the projection. All of this was indeed because i was hiding a part of my identity in fear of rejection ; i never let him know me and became closed off the few times he tried to ask questions regarding this topic, and now he is likely never gonna know this part of myself cause we are just acquaintances now. So this video was spot on regarding my situation, and very helpful to try to change my behavior, thank you.
This is like having surgery for myself, but I'm quite thankful for your understanding on these subjects.
I got to say I admire your way of communicating so eloquently and getting abstract points across so clearly and understandable! I'm literally the opposite, so I appreciate because being emotionally blind and a stutterer, I wouldn't ever find these solutions by myself ❤
Hello, Heidi! I was introduced to your channel by LocalScriptMan for learning about attachment theory and writing character relationships. Getting to watch your videos not only helped me with the writing, but it also helped me get a better understanding about myself and get a grasp on the personal problems I've been having. Just wanted to say thanks!!
Heidi your exceptionally informative lessons are an immense help to me. Clearly laid out and well paced. For me, at 65 and just beginning to really get the message here, your posts have been a lifeline. I really appreciate what you are doing. Thank you.
I'm glad I'm not the only one in their 60s still in need of help mentally !one has experienced do much in that time but can still need a bit of guidance.
I add you to my 5min Journal gratitude log daily.
Omg what a great idea. Do you listen to one of the videos and ✍️
@@Politegirl686No, but I often revisit videos, even throughout the day. I have a playlist on attachment style videos. I actually use the 5min Journal app via her suggestion. Heidi, Julie Smith, Therapy In A Nutshell, and Crappy Childhood Fairy, and animal videos have been what I've been consuming lately. I do catch Psych2Go's content but they're more as entertainment.
Your content is helping me more than anything I’ve heard or read before. I understand so much about issues that I feel like I can actually tackle them. Thank you! So grateful for you!!
You practically changed my way of thinking after learning about attachment styles from like dozens of your videos. Thank you so much! 💪🏾
Heidi you can explain these topics so well. Always enjoy hearing your videos.
You are so right about hiring candidates!!! Apply and interview, always! ❤
I love you Heide, and you are encouraging and so inspiring. I am an ugly man. I look back on my life and even tho I am not sure that I can appreciate the reasons in a mirror, I seem to be adversive and off putting to people in general. It is a harder and harder reality to live inside of as I get older.
Hugs.
LITERALLY a master class in knowledge and awareness.
Beautifulllll video, I mean it. Not just for the sake of throwing around the word beautiful as if I'm running out of my vocab (that's not a projection don't worry xD), I really love the way you create these videos. You really "create" them like a work of fine art, crafting in every little detail with love and real beauty. The cheery on top of the cake is your grace, the way you share your personal anecdotes..it makes you connect to people in such a raw human way corresponding to igniting a lamp of compassion in dry sand, dark seas ..that have never witnessed such transparency before. That's how you make feel. I rarely comment on your videos, today I not only feel different because I'm doing so but also because I'm being so real and direct about what I have to say..the words flow in an incessant array of the light of acceptance. Thank You Heidi, COMPASSION !
I don't know if I have ever commented under one of your videos, but I just wanted to tell you, Heidi, how much you have helped me understand things about myself. This is some of the best and most helpful context on youtube in this field. Thank you so much!
your ability to articulate these concepts with such ease is really exceptional. your explanation has really helped me see myself more clearly. thank you 🙏🏼
I wish i could accept myself enough to be okay with others rejecting me. Nice work as always.
Hey Heidi,
I have been watching your RUclips videos for a couple months now on my healing journey, it has been very helpful and eye opening for my personal and interpersonal connections.
You've helped me direct my life in a positive light and look within myself for emotional growth.
Just wanted to say thank you 😊
Heidi you’re the most spiritual scientist I’ve come across 😊❤
"Give them a chance to say Yes"
Ppl lie too. They say they don’t think a certain thing but the actions don’t line up
Your timing with shadow work and Mercury Rx is hitting me too accurately right now, but I like it. Thanks again 🙏
I cannot begin to describe to you how pertinent this video is. This has been my major revelation and subsequent struggle for the last 2 years.. just so happens, I stumbled across your page maybe 3-4 weeks ago and this topic is the main thing I've wished you had covered. Thank you!
Heidi is so insightful, articulate and accessible! This is great!
These videos have helped me so much I’m stunned. I’m doing therapy but these videos have been key.
Shadow Week! The Jungian answer to Shark Week. I really like your definition of intimacy or the desire for intimacy, “Who is this person behind all this?” I also liked when you said “I’m not going to pre-reject myself from things. I’m just going to go ahead and let them reject me.” This is something I need work on. Love this channel!
I have really been doing this a lot and Iv just realised in the last week what Iv been doing, so this is perfect timing. It would be fantastic to get some really practical ways to integrate our shadows.
Thanks so much for this information it’s so well presented and easy to follow.
U nailed everything so accurately and on point, wow!
I never write comments, but I just wanted to thank you for making the most high quality, in depth, yet easy to understand videos in this area on RUclips. You're a brilliant human being
I think, this is the reason why I just got the job I started two weeks ago. The interview went really well because I was able to go in and be present with my insecurities layed out open (missing specific qualification) and still being confident and authentic about my general ability and willingness to grow, learn and a lot of basic/ general knowledge and experience from other jobs. I felt good about my offer and I didn't need to display false or fake confidence, I wasn't thinking about what I need to say to get the job, I was interested and if they wouldn't decide for me, that was ok too.
first and last jobhunts, interviews were different as I was only thinking about how to behave to get the job, kind of how to trick them into deciding for me. this mew way of approaching it felt much better and less panicky.
Thank you Heidi for your passion for sharing your knowledge of the human condition; providing nuance and insights into the strategies for which we hide our perceived broken parts. I am now working with the book from Pete Walker, Complex PTSD: and for the first time in my life there is an explanation for my symptoms. I feel like the door has flung wide open by the winds of healing and change, and the sun is shining rays of light into my soul, mind and shadows. Your gift is profoundly healing for me in my life, and I am viewing each of your videos and really diving into the wisdom so that I can heal, and find peace through recovery. My gratitude is immense.
Pete Walker is awesome! Excellent choice.
you projected on me that you're opened, but in reality that was your couch
The definition of projection I've always heard is a little different. It's that when we decide that we really don't like someone, it's because we are seeing negative qualities in them that we ourselves possess, but we are not aware that we possess them. Instead of facing our own dark truths, we demonize other people. Or it could work the other way: we project desirable qualities on another person that they may not actually possess.
As always, very structured and thought provoking, thank you!
Social media is a great place to experience this very thing.
Love this. Mind you, I felt for years that my father's partner did not want me around and recently she told me that, along with various critisims, so mynsuspicipk
Now watched it all. Super! ❤❤❤
17:57 - I'm struck by how much this approach reminds me of the Donald Kaufman character from the movie "Adaptation." Allowing a potential rejection to be the other person's business, not yours, can be so hard, but it offers opportunity for connection and growth.
I have to admit, you really nailed me on this one. 😅 I'm also quite sad about it because it's literally the reason I choked on a potential relationship a couple months ago although there were other avoid-toxic-relationship reasons.
I have developed a mostly-secure attachment style and always working on it as I will have to. However, my pitfall is relationship insecurity making me choke in early dating. Never in an angry way, it's that "she deserves better than what I can currently offer." thought. Though I guess from a observer's perspective, it's probably also that partners fail to incite secure attachment. Emotional-mental maturity is sadly scarce it seems.
I project a lot onto passive aggressive people who I sense what they are not saying and I'm usually right, then I am resentful when they just "poof." vanish. Honest communication and humility solve this, but anyway, I'm following...thank you!
First 5 seconds I thought Heidi had her arms spread out to show off some sweet yellow arm fringe, à la Macho Man Randy Savage.
Turns out the black in the background is not part of her black shirt… 😅
Projection has NOTHING to do what other people think about you. It’s how you really think about yourself but you accuse other people of being that. It has nothing to do with someone saying or not saying that your ugly.
Here’s the actual definition:
Psychological projection is a defense mechanism people subconsciously employ in order to cope with difficult feelings or emotions. Psychological projection involves projecting undesirable feelings or emotions onto someone else, rather than admitting to or dealing with the unwanted feelings.
This video was very engaging; I feel it’s the first one of yours I’ve watched through to the end. Your insights are enlightening and the examples are most appreciated, otherwise I may not understand exactly what you mean. Thank you for describing preventive actions and improvements rather than just pointing out the issue. Amazing content! Thank you for putting this out there!
Hi Heidi! I think you are the best RUclipsr in this mental health topics!! Just in case you care about what I think and have another meaning about what you do 😂😂
Your videos always help especially when I’m really struggling. I’ve learned a lot. Thank you for these!
when it comes to making sense of the seemigly senseless and breaking down & compartmentalizing the deeply complex and intertwined nature of human exhistance, you're like a HOUDINI. *minus the ending of course... THANK YOU for breaking it all down for us and in SUCH a digestible, meaningful way. I think I speak for all of us when I say your videos are beyond helpful. Thanknyou thanknyou THANK YOU!
I have been binge-watching your videos for the past week. Insane content. Thank you for the effort you put in, it has helped a soul out on this planet to finally realize some very profound things.
So excited for this week 😅
I'm so grateful came across and watch you Heidi
I see a cool person who is very confident.
I feel jealous that I'm not a cool confident person.
That person must be cocky and arrogant and makes me feel like that. (Projection)
LMAO that thumbnail made my night!
Holy shit your page is gold. Sooo glad I found it 🙏🏼
The last part is really important. "We not only project our insecurities..." I've always thought that I have an attractive face because my sister always complimented me on a daily basis. I got used to it. With other people, I always assumed that they're perceiving me the same way but when they didn't compliment me on my looks especially when I had put in so much work on my appearance for a given occasion, I perceived them to be egoistic and arrogant when in reality I was the one who was egoistic and arrogant 😂 and have to admit still am at times. This is embarrassing but not so much because now I can accept that part of myself and actively work on changing it for the better .
The thing about red flags is i don't know rather to chase towards them or run away from them sometimes
Thanks!
A close friend recently gave me advice about something I was feeling insecure about. And I responded with offense and excuses. I then started to project my insecurities onto her. Recognizing when I do this is hard. Because it is another flaw that I have and I feel like I have to figure out how to get rid of. Is life this hard in general?? I’m only 18 but whew…coming to terms with your issues and bad habits is hard. And admitting you’re wrong about something is even harder
Great video as always. Not an easy concept to deal with in practice as we often are not aware about the way we project and limit ourselves. Thank you
I love this. 💖
And I love the stories you shared.
Proverbs 18:13
"He who answers a matter before he hears it, It is folly and shame to him."
I love your videos but this one really speaks to me. Thank you for all your work. You are helping me and so many others.
I get that and its true. But also in some cases we can feel things and see things that are not said and its not projecting your insecurities but some covert bullies who know how to project things without saying a word..
Damn, this hit harder than a truck.
Great video. I understand what you’re saying completely. Thanks.
This is off-topic, but I'd be very interested to see a video about your video creation process. How do you choose your subjects? Do you script your videos? Any tips for those of us starting out creating psychology-centered content? (I'm a Budapeset based psychotherapist, starting a channel in Hungarian.)--- p.s., I just read up on the Dynamic Maturation Model and it really widened my understanding of attachment theory!
You do such a great job explaining these topics. Thanks a lot.
Thanks Heidi priest of teaching me how to let go of control that was bondage to myself. hopefully it's work on more freedom to thy self.. love you work. If I could show you appreciation with doe, I would but if there is something I could do plz let me know. . Much 💕 love
Here i am again....lol......this has really helped me get out of my own head😊
Heidi is an ENFP, she is great and breaking down complex topics. Her shadow inferior function is Si, she is hardly able to take us about herself and her personal interpretation of the topics and his it has applied to her own life.
This series of 5 videos is so useful. 💗
Thank you so much Heidi, this really hit home!
When ur trying to heal from gaslighting and they kee on projectung on you
thank you Heidi for all these wonderful videos 😊✨
Control wow the feeling of lightweight thanks
10:00 thanks for teaching me about limerence. I love you so much:)
Thank you.❤
Sometimes listening to you scares me: I would be horrified if someone close to me could read me exactly like this.
I would feel too exposed and perhaps hide or pull up any defense mechanism I can desperately grope for...Lol. Only "perhaps."
#vulnerability
I'm not who i think i am, I'm who I think YOU think I am.
Very unforgettable and helpful
I like to browse through pop psychology and other psychologists/mental health professional's videos to check out their own "blend" of advice, how they interpret/apply topics in the DSM, etc...
I hope you don't mind my criticism...I work in a field other than psychology and really have no authoritative background, to any degree.
I feel like this is devoid of reality, to some degree.
The further away a person is from being conventionally attractive, the more likely they are going to be rejected romantically for said reason. Or, to interpret the message of your video...the "thought" about why they are being rejected is more likely to actually be true.
I like the overall message of the video but often times these "insecurities" are in place for a reason. Normally, they develop because of previous & repeated experiences. Not always the case, I understand, like the example in your video.
I find that to be quite almost along the lines of victim blaming. It is nice to ask for the reason why but often times others are looking to avoid hurting others feelings - that's noble, right? Ie. if they were rejected for their proposed reason, they most likely wouldnt be told that directIy. It would probably look something like a general statement - "theres no spark" or "there's no chemistry".
I suspect people's gut hunch would often times actually be correct. So in a sense, you could almost be influencing people to self gaslight themselves but I do personally appreciate the part where in your video using yourself as an example, you prod for additional information in that scenario to either confirm/deny.
I also find it interesting how a book like "Breaking the Chains..." by Pete Walker is discussed on your channel and it appears to be taken as fact. He is a single psychologist and his work has not been accepted and/or integrated by the DSM, expect for the diagnosis itself of C-PTSD, which is only in ICD - etc...
Any person can write a book and claim certain things, it doesn't mean it's valid or appropriate to integrate into practice in an all encompassing manner. If I was in the shoes of a psychologist, I would be very hesitant to guide people through a mental health related session while making references to their "inner child". Maybe that's the reason I'm not in this line of work 😝
Wow this is second video I watched from your channel. You explain these concepts in such a simple and understandable way! Thank you! Do you have suggestions of any literature to learn more of ways to practice this?
Sometimes, it is hard when society are taught to judge and treat people a certain way, or people treat you accordingly to their basis. But I do think we do project and social media does not help.
I seem to be leaning in Disorganized - Anxious Attachment....when a person shows interest I feel like it might not be true, their to good to be true and they might also leave me in the end... then when the person rejected me in the end, I feel anxious and want them back...
Its crazy, and I really want to have a healthy relationship with myseld and with another peraon..
Did not know I needed this video. Wow.
Thanks Heidi, you're great!
OMG 😂😂😂😂 Heidi, for the first 30 seconds of the video I thought you were holding your arms out like a hug. I was thinking man is she going to put her arms down soon? Then I realize the couch is blending into your shirt and your arms are not up at all 😂😂😂😂 I’m watching this with low screen light.
Anyways, thanks for the video.
😂 I somewhat-regularly get this comment and feel torn between changing up my pillows to end the confusion and sort of liking that I’m giving off virtual-hug vibes accidentally.
Great topic !!!😮😮
Hi, Heidi: I’m new to your channel. Thanks for your really helpful insights!
Your videos have been extremely helpful for me ❤
I think it's possible to infer something based on another's actions. Example: Someone has a phone conversation with a family member they haven't seen or talked to in over 10 years. 12 months go by and that family member expresses no interest in talking again. Saying that the family member doesn't care to be in touch, might be true. It also seems pretty natural to think there's some negative attitude behind their actions without a ton of projection. I think people's actions / non-actions communicate things about them.
Our unconscious projection are not completely wrong. I think that you can not project on pure innocent people. There must be a seed of crystalisation.
You're just amazing.
You're projecting.
Telling yourself stories about what other people think about you can go very wrong.
Good morning Heidi, I found the video on Shadow work and the next 2, being wrong and this one about projecting. You mentioned there would be 5. Each of these have been amazingly helpful. I'm really looking forward to the other two. Will they be posted soon, or have I missed them? The information given, and the way you explain it has really helped me to understand myself better. Thank you.
Yes! Had a bit of a delay in getting the others out but the next one was just posted (on the topic of the dark night of the soul) 😊
thank you. I appreciate the reply along with all the insights.@@heidipriebe1
NO U
NO U EVERYWHERE