You Can't Selectively Numb Your Emotions
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- Опубликовано: 10 июн 2024
- We all want to numb out the negative emotions. But is it possible to cherry pick emotions? Watch this video to learn how to feel your feelings, and move through them gracefully.
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00:00 You can’t selectively numb
01:00 All emotions are a package deal
06:30 What are the coping mechanisms?
10:00 Healthy healing rituals
#healfromtrauma #mendedlight #jonathandecker
"When we try to avoid pain, we also end up avoiding joy" -my fabulous therapist 😁
Ah, this is always my therapists' favorite thing to talk about. I designed a steel box which I envision deep down inside my chest and I visualize all my emotions inside this box and let them out when I decide I want to feel them. Each emotion has a different color and effect (like joy is a bright sparkling light and depression is this black ooze that will come dripping out of the box).
I love this!
The 'numbing ritual' in the immediate aftermath of pain makes sense. When I had major surgery they gave me fentanyl for the first couple of days to numb the physical pain in the most acute post-op phase while my body dealt with the shock of being cut open and having bits removed. But after a few days I was put on a less intense pain medication and encouraged to get up and moving, even though it hurt. Because I'd reached the stage in the recovery process where that was what I needed. After that it was a gradual, six-week recovery process until I returned to work, and a few months before I was medically cleared for all physical activities. Short term, numbness helps recovery. Long term it prevents you from fully recovering.
I was absolutely devastated over someone I thought I'd be sharing my life with, walking away and that dream being shattered... i'm still not over that actually, but I cried so much, I grieved for so long and so when those emotions start to come up again, I have to stop myself and think "there was a reason, I don't know why it's not meant to be, but I'll know someday".....
you can't keep letting the same thing bring you down over and over and over. There has to come a day when you have to stop yourself from getting overwhelmed with those emotions again, and letting it ruin your whole day, because they never seem to end.
It helps if you tell the story all the way through. If we remember our hopes and dreams being crushed, and just keep reliving those moments, we get stuck in the awfulness! 😢 This exercise helps me: try imagining yourself sitting a good way back in a movie theatre, and watching the painful scene play out on the screen. It's not happening to you, you're just observing. Then, drain the color from the screen so it's black and white, and flat. Then shrink it down until it's smaller and smaller. You're the director, so you give the orders. Change it however you want. Rewind and add silly music; make the villain talk like Mickey Mouse, or dance like a ballerina. Once you drain the emotional charge off of it, you'll find it's just a copy. You'll remember what happened and how you felt about it then, but you WON'T be sucked back in time to relive it over and over. 😊 I hope that helps!
I’m currently going through this right now. Their video on “dating after divorce” has helped me. Even though my ex and I are still good friends, I’m grieving everything else; the loss of this future we imagined, everything we invested, all these memories.
I wish you the best, I hope you’re able to find peace even if you never find the “why” to it all. I hope you realize your value despite and amidst all the grief and uncertainty.
I readily feel my emotions; I'm also very selective about who I share them with. Sharing feelings requires trust; when people try to demand access and/or suggest I'm disfunctional for not baring my soul to them, it raises a red flag for me.
I can absolutely identify with Alicia! I emotionally clean, craft, work, volunteer, learn, and organize to numb.
20ish girl here, always loved the show 24 and I love what Jono said about Jack. I think the actor in that particolar scene was just brilliant
I grew up with a mother that constantly belittled all of my emotions. When I was 16, a school companion told me “it’s ok to be sad.” And it was the first time in my life I heard that. I’m 22 now and I’m striving towards finding the balance between “feel my feelings,” and “let’s no drown in these feelings.”
It helped me for a long time to stop and feel whatever I was feeling. But as I age, it’s not always an option to just break down in the middle of my day. Thankfully, I’m getting there :)
How timely, earlier today I was thinking about how I'm emotionally 'color blind'. I think it's a neurodivergent thing though, because in general it's hard for me to figure out what I'm feeling, if I ever figure it out. Leads to issues where weeks or months after an event I go "oh, wait, that thing actually hurt my feelings" but it's a bit late to address it with whoever was involved... and confusing car rides where I'm suddenly crying while driving, but I can't tell what I'm feeling that would cause crying, if I'm feeling anything at all. I feel like "can't identify emotions half the time" is a bit different from being numb, even if I do usually describe it as numbness or apathy.
There's a actually a name for that, its called alexithymia :)
This is your best thumbnail ever.
Around the 8 min moment there's a part about shutting the feelings down to get back in track and I was brought to "the falcon and the winter soldier" and the line 'time to go to work' said by the new captain America John Walker as a sort of catch phrase rally cry sort of thing. But it really hits me because that's what John says when he hits full dissociation, when he lets go of the man he is inside to become the weapon he was crafted to be. He can numb it all down to complete his mission, no matter what it does to him after.
Great observation 👍🏿
This is really great insight! Allows me to be at peace with my sadness and for lack of a better term, negative, emotions.
Ohhhhh, I did not realize that when the keyboard turns to gray it was because she was feeling nothing
Thank you for teaching me that because I just thought she was extra depressed which she was, but I didn't realize she was blocking her emotions
yeah! it's such a cool thing they did with that movie. Joy saw sadness as "bad" and an emotion to avoid and in attempt to ensure sadness stayed away from Riley's memories, both sadness AND joy ended up being sucked up into the pole thing and unable to affect Riley's mind for the period of the movie
Great video. I learned early to "switch off" emotions. I had to. They were not safe to have. I've been out of touch with them since childhood.
I'm still very much numb. I did not even feel anything at my grandfather's deathbed (Thursday before this years easter). Nor could I really cry even at my mother's death or funeral (last november). Like I did not even have to actively try to numb anything. I was (still am) unable to feel anything at all. I can't even grieve. She was not easy, but I still loved her. Took me months to realise I miss her. Miss to have someone I can talk to... (also started to have more nightmares involving her dying, gruesomely of course)
I was numbed for years, especially during my (terrible) teenage time. I've been deeply depressed since at least two years. I can't even really remember how it could be different. I'm in (temporary but once prolongued) invalidity pension.
I distract myself all day long. But sometimes all that despair flares up and it is unbearable. I have a very long way to go to learn how to deal with that without feeling like being shredded into pieces. Feeling like the "way through" will be so painful that it will kill me. Or (hello depression) what is even the point.
And I have terrible nightmares. All the time.
I don't know how to soothe myself. I don't know how to cope in a healthy way.
Sorry for my bad mood.
Your advice is 100% true and very valuable.
(Also I am in therapy. Since more than a decade, but at least it helped survive until now)
About selectively numbing. Does not work that well. As greatly portarayed in inside out, feel like you numb one, you numb all.
But selectively re-directing maybe. I really feel like I learned to do that with anger. Was the biggest red flag forbidden emotion in my childhood. They all were unsafe, but getting angry was like a cardinal sin.
I hardly get angry any more. Or I direct it at myself. Angry for "being to sensitive", angry for not being "good enough", angry for feeling hurt because "I should have known better (than to try and speak up)" etc. I really can hate on myself with a passion. And am pratically delusional about deserving all of this for being a fault. So I allways, allways blame myself. (Even my psychiatrist who treats me since over ten years and helped me reach important steps could not change that so far.)
I've been numb since childhood 2. Now even if i cry i feel nothing. More so confused. "I was in the middle of talking body WTF. I'm not even in pain."
People being numb is surprisingly common. Its a sad reality.
This is the most family friendly way of being informed of the budding of addiction
"How you live your life is your business, just remember, our hearts and our bodies are given to us only once. And before you know it, your heart is worn out, and, as for your body, there comes a point when no one looks at it, much less wants to come near it. Right now, there’s sorrow, pain. Don’t kill it and with it the joy you’ve felt.”-Breakup advice from the movie Call Me By Your Name
Alicia- totally relate to your comment about out-working the problem. I have been praised for my work ethic all my life and for being a “peace-keeper” when really it was me avoiding feeling or dealing with the problem. Now that I am learning how to cope I feel more but it is figuring out when to stop the “coping” mechanism and feel it.
Hi, would it be possible to say something about selective mutism? What it is, why some people have it, how to deal with it, etc. Love your content!:)
jokes on you - i struggle with alexithymia (find it hard to figure out what my emotions are) and go straight to intellectualising the issue
I thought he was talking about thrive, I was about to say their mascara is amazing. lol
I hear you, Jono, with the Reeses Peanut butter cups!
My experience with emotional numbing is not a positive one, but it may help explain why you can't (at least for my circumstances) only numb the painful emotions.
I dealt with some issues when I was younger that amounted to me being bullied for expressing my anger and frustration. Nothing effective was being done about the situation, so I had to deal with it in another way which ended up being not expressing those emotions. In the start, I did an ok job of not showing frustration or anger, but it ate me up inside - I WANTED to express those things but knew the consequence of doing so. The pain was still there.
To get rid of that pain, I stopped paying attention to what my body was telling me. I believe this is where the numbing of other emotions came in: to make sure I didn't feel pain, I made it so I couldn't feel anything. Fast forward a decade later, I am not finally starting to dig into these issues and deal with them, but it is a very long a difficult process.
You can turn your emotions off and on. I do it to be safe in certain situations. I learned how to do it as a result of fear.
I love this. We all have our ways of dealing with our feelings and hopefully we can laugh about them later. They're such simple things that help, but they're also so simple that's part of what makes it funny
Mine was exercise and physical movement in college. I was in a toxic relationship and didn't want to face it head-on. Instead I numbed myself by exercising 3-4 hours a day. It was exhausting. Over the years and after therapy, I've become more stable, although I still have to be doing something to keep my mind from wandering into directions I don't like.
Excellent video!
Yes, due to past trauma, i disassociate a lot, been in therapy since this past October. I’m learning how to feel my feelings and not fight them. I say I’m upset about something when talking in therapy, but my therapist told me that’s an umbrella term. That can mean, sadness, anger, several things. Thankfully, I have a great support system. Plus, my emotions show on my face, so even if I don’t say something is wrong they can tell, and my guard is down enough with most of my coworkers where they can sense my vibe is off. So there isn’t much hiding.
Selectively Numbing Emotions this was something I was very good at and to a degree still am , being a high functioning depressive and having episodes oddly enough shuts of any emotion and the functionality of being able to feel it’s gonna sound stupid but I have a hard time feeling emotion not sure if it’s to do with the depression or trauma of past life stuff , but I went 3 years avoiding crying it was drummed into me that is was weak so to avoid being told off on crying I developed a shutdown mechanism I’m slowly but surely trying to undo it but feel I may need a Therapist because theirs only so much of being my own Therapist I can do , my go to Avoidance is Gaming in all its forms that’s my vice to escape from feeling if I’m not ready to feel that is 😅☮️💚
For a second there I thought this was a "Sh*t therapists say" episode and was very worried by the title. 😂😅
Me reading the header and the thought "challenge accepted" was the first thing that popped into my damaged head 😂
this might not have anything with the video but i really really need help. my bf is so deep in depression, he says he is numb and i know that in order to heal, we need community, i know he needs community. I've been encouraging him to see his friends but he is convinced that nobody wants to be his friends, even though i know that if he reached out, his friends will gladly hang out with him. i can't reach out his friends because i don't have their contacts. it really hurts me to see him isolating himself. idk what to do.
i'm so sorry for spilling my guts here
awww hey I wish I was qualified to help your situation but I'm not, but i just wanna say I understand how difficult these type of situations are and I'm so sorry that him (and you) are going through it. I can see you care so much about him and that's so beautiful. I really do wish the best for you, stranger, feeling helpless when a loved one is struggling really is a different level of pain
Have you done a video on limerence? If not could you do one?
Im guilty of numbing my emotions, tho some of the numbing isnt something i can controll due to trauma
Please do a video about alexithymia. I think my partner is alexithymic. I want to understand him better and help him understand himself and others better.
4:48 Pardon while I drop names, but I recently participated at a virtual screenplay workshop hosted by Sherry Palmer aka Penny Johnson. Unlike her screen alter ego, Ms Johnson is incredibly bubbly and not evil.
American Gothic or American Potter? Thumbnail seems like the ultimate crossover 😂
What are your thoughts on stoicism? What I've read is that rather than 'bottling' or 'numbing' your emotions, it's in the first ~30sec you decide to redirect, or essentially just decide not to feel that way at all. Would really love to hear your thoughts! I think it can be helpful in some situations, but not a cure-all method for every situation.
love the thumbnail 😂
What type of mics are you using here? They look wireless
Wow that intro its me XD
this is the first time i strongly disagree with your videos, I still appreciate this video. I can numb or switch my emotions and still experience happiness. I can be nice to people and go out with people and do caring things for others without letting myself connect with people or value the friendship too much, but still respect people. I see friends as something i can have a short fun event with once in a while and nothing more and that makes me be able to switch my emotions in one second from warm to cold and just walk away. and i face myself in writing to myself. the emotions i avoid feeling, like connection with people, aren't really something valuable at least to me. 🤷🏻♀ i am happy like this. so in short... you say "you can't selectively numb your emotions" i say " watch me"
I feel like you're talking about slightly different topics, like they're saying "You can't *permanently* shut off a single emotion -like don't feel sad or anxious anymore- without shutting off all the others" while you're talking about switching emotions and not value connection, but still experiencing happiness etc. You didn't mention sadness, anxiety or grieve though, so I could have misunderstood the comment.
By switching it does lead me to numb some emotions permanently like “sadness” "anger" But I should have explained that in my comment as well.
i need so much help rn. It's been brewing for so much time and I've doe my best to push it down and make it go away, but damn, I'm in so much disphoria I don't think I'm faking it anymore. And I don't know what to do ! I though I was nb, or genderfluid or something, that my bipolarity was flaring up, that my body's not the problem but it's like it's the core of why I hate myself so much and I can't numb this anymore. Feels like I'm dying inside but I can't stop functionning rn, not the moment to heal that, not enough time to do it. It's agony but I'm so scared of making a mistake and have my close ones belittling me cause they don't understand (they tend to do that, they're stoicists, and they casually make fun of it saying it's all in my head. Obvisouly, but damn, not helping and even degrading to be so lost). I don't even know if I can trust myself cause my feelings tend to act up and down without much reason. I don't understand if I'm feeling disphoriccause I'm depressed or depressed cause I'm disphoric. I know that people don't feel like that, but I'm so scared of asking people to call me something else because I'm scared of being wrong about what I'm feling, of dealing with it the wrong way.
I wish to turn off my attraction to someone 😂😂😂😂 I don't need it, it's only going to make things awkward. I just want to nothing lol
I so relate to this 😭 I wish the best for you, stranger x
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comment for the algorithm
I think the actor in that clip failed. He had all the appearance of emotion but the tears, that doesn't feel like emotion it feels like he studied what other people feel and copied that. He had alot more believable emotion in The Lost Boys. lol
Thank you for the insight! My former partner did this very often, who refused to feel their feelings because they thought it made them weak, when really it made them numb and had no motivation to do anything. Now I'm a big advocate in feeling your feelings, as long as there's patience and self compassion to go with it ❤️🩹
Jokes on you! Dissociating emotions is a thing and that's how I've survived!
100% it's a thing. But there comes a time when you have to ask yourself it is still necessary/is it still beneficial? I've been emotionally catatonic for the better part of a decade, but it's time to change (for me at least) because I am in a better place where I don't need that anymore.
@@CardinalTreehouse I'm glad to hear that you are 💚 Lots of strenght and courage to you!
Sadly, I'm not :/ And dissociating in many levels and ways is not fun. I just acknowledge that it serves a purpose. I'm not broken. I'm surviving in a most brilliant way a brain can come up with.
Also, dark humour keeps ppl going ^^'
@@Sieggis Thanks, and I really hope that you eventually come to a place where you can be more present. That being said, I'm glad your brain did what it needed to do to keep you around