"Goody warned I was destined to be alone. Maybe it’s inevitable. But for the first time in my life, it didn’t feel good." Such a powerful line, Wednesday and Enid's relationship is the heart and soul of this show.
Strange how someone like Wednesday would believe in destiny rather than in "writing her own destiny". Also, the point that "Goody warned", a warning isn't meant to be definitive, it's meant to tell you what might or will happen IF you continue/do something. A warning means that you still can change your ways/choices and change the results of them in your life(and the life of others).Because a warning is just that...a known result that _may_ come to pass, but not a certainty, it only becomes certain _when_ it does happen.
@@FlipTheBard a warning can be about things being inevitable, for the purpose to help you prepare. Winter will come, no matter how hard you try. But you can survive. And in Wednesday's case they build on the old "Cassandra" trope. When you have the gift of seeing the past or future in the way Wednesday does, this will mean that you will feel alone a lot, because its a burden no body can carry for you, not even with you. People might not believe you, you might see future events and be unable to change them etc. And she did not accept this future as inevitable, she just needed some time to realize she doesn't actually like to be really alone.
Fun fact: In the scene where Thing wakes up after being stabbed, Jenna Ortega said that when the actor playing Thing touched her hand to comfort her, she actually cried!
I feel Wednesday is more comfortable showing emotion in front of her Uncle Fester because he just accepts her the way she is. Unlike her mother, who wants her at least in Wednesday's eyes to be a different type of person.
@@deedee4955 I didn't see Morticia as unsurportive of Wednesday. Quite to the contrary. I did not have the expression, that she tried to change Wednesday, but tried to protect her while also helping her growing up and to build the connections she needs in life.
I don’t think morticia wants Wednesday to be different; she just doesn’t get her. But with Fester, he totally gets her and that’s why she’s most comfortable around him
Funny story they film in a place with no sun so they put a lot of make up on her in the beginning and by the end she'd worked inside so much that they stopped putting make up on her.
The acting is so good. You find yourself caring about her without really understanding why. The girl simply talks with her face. Which by the way, also drives home how much our friendly smiles are masks to hide our emotions behind, the same way Wednesday tries to hide her emotions behind her dead pan face. Often smiles are simply the 'socially adjusted' version of the same thing.
I felt that when Wednesday was saying "Tears don't fix anything", she meant "Crying won't bring Nero back" or "Crying can't change the past". But she definitely didn't get that crying can help you release stress, and distress, among a lot of other emotions - Anger, fear, embarrassment, guilt, etc, etc.
DEFINITELY... here's my story related to my discovery of that (in a less-than-serious setting though, but still turned out to be actually useful in real situations, I saw): For most of my life, I generally very much disliked crying and didn't do it much anyway, and always found it easy to suppress if I was (for example) watching a sad movie with others. Like the character in THIS video, I simply saw crying as purposeless and a waste of time. Plus, for some reason or other, I found crying in front of OTHER people extremely awkward. But then, one day (at age 30), I was watching "Inside Out" with two friends. One particular scene (PRIOR to the "most infamous scene") SO strongly triggered me to almost instantly cry, BUT since I do NOT like crying in front of people, I used an insane amount of effort to suppress the tears... at a PRICE though- suppressing it took so much effort it felt like it hurt my brain! NEVER before had it been SO difficult to suppress tears while watching any movie. Then something really surprising happened some time after the movie: I realized I was actually CRAVING MORE tearjerkers. That is SO unlike me, so I did some research to try to find out what the heck had happened in my brain to make me WANT that... and found out that, often with crying (or I guess almost-crying), feel-good brain endorphins get released. Now, I DO KNOW what endorphins are... so that really changed my entire perspective on crying!
It was truly heartbreaking seeing Wednesday sitting on the floor of the dorm after Enid gets frustrated over almost getting killed and being constantly shut out by Wednesday. Luckily, they make up later, but it shows that Wednesday isn't as aloof as she tries to present herself as being.
That’s such a powerful moment for me. I’m not going to get into my emotional trauma in a RUclips comments section, but I definitely experienced something emotionally traumatic a few years ago that made me close off from others for awhile, pushing away people who tried to forge new connections with me. Once I recognized what the reason was, I did a lot of journaling to not only put the reason to paper, but also to figure a way out of that pattern of behavior. Now, I have a thriving social life and a steadily building circle of friends. And some core friends who I know I can trust, no matter what ❤. That scene will always leave a raw impact
Still,I don't like that she never properly apologized to Enid.😡💢She said she missed her(in her own tsundere way),but it's not the same thing!Enid coming back on her own and Wednesday not even apologizing for her behaviour and for putting her in danger is equivalent to a toxic couple in which the wife comes back to the abusive husband because:"He can change for the better!He just needs my love and my unconditional support!🥰"I-DON'T-LIKE-IT.🤬I love the Wenclair relationship _on paper_ but,considering the way it has been portrayed in S1,it's WAAAAYYY OVERRATED and I really hope it gets better in S2 because so far I believe both the frendship between Wednesday and Eugene and the one between Enid and HAND are more deep and more healthy than the one Enid and Wednesday have.>^
@@Nicamoni took her coming back as a hint that she preferred wednesday as a roommate over Yoko. They didnt show how well her new roommate and her was working out.
@@AlienAteIt.MyNoraTees This doesn't deny anything of what I said. A wife in love _would_ prefer her abusive husband to any other company...this doesn't mean the relationship is not toxic or that she doesn't deserve better.
@@Nicamon Yeah this bothered me as well. I mean, perhaps Wednesday accepting Enid's hug after initially almost denying it(The Hug after the final fight) might be her own way to say sorry to Enid(emotional vulnerability and all of that jazz), but that she never verbally said it to her makes it seem like she's too prideful to "lower herself" in order to admit her mistakes and even feel guilty/sorry for them. Indeed, hope that Wednesday is able to at least properly apologize to those that have shown to actually care for her, like Enid.I mean, even with her own problems at least Enid was mature and humble enough to be the bigger person and "forgive and forget" even when it should have been Wednesday the one to try to make amends.All because Enid saw that Wednesday(and Thing) needed someone to look out for them.She did it because she cared enough, that Wednesday doesn't even bother to apologize seems to me like a lack of care in her part.
I was touched when Wednesday grew frustrated at Thing for almost dying - when I started down a self destructive path in middle that landed me in a psych unit, my cousin said that if I ever tried to hurt myself, she would kill me. It was morbid, but it was her way of showing me that she was really afraid and she really loved me.
Jenna Ortega, in an interview, said that she started crying for real in the scene where Thing was stabbed and almost died, and the actor playing Thing was comforting her during the scene. It was a big bonding moment for them.
As someone on the spectrum I used to think I never cry. Both my mother and my wife have corrected me on this issue. I may not remember or even recognized emotional episodes, but that does not mean it does not happen.
For me I disagree with Jon that Wednesday is staking a claim on Pugsley when she says "Nobody tortures my brother but me". I think Nero's death taught Wednesday that there are bad people in this world who will do bad things to other, tears won't fix that but Wednesday can do something herself. Wednesday then becomes a protector you see it when she tries to tell Rowan about her vision. She also protects Eugene from the bullies and even tell Fester not to eat the bees cause she knows they are important to Eugene. You even see it when Wednesday tell Pugsley "you are weak" cause it is her way of telling him you need to protect yourself cause I can not do it. When Pugsley does get bullied at the beginning of the show she warns the bullies never to go after her brother again then she punishes them , I think that is how she shows that she is attached to Pugsley. Jon says Wednesday say "I love you" to thing when she threatens to punish those who hurts them , but she also says it when she does punish Pugsley's bullies.
Completely off topic: when you mentioned Wednesday saying "you are weak" is her way of showing love, it reminds me of Evelyn in Everything Everywhere All At Once saying "you're getting fat" to her daughter to show her love 💀
@@coffeeteamix Pugsley say "i love you too " after she tells him that which is true but also she is telling him you have to protect yourself, I can't do for you. To me Wednesday is a protector and she will punish those who hurt the ones she loves.
I think the point is that Wednesday is still not open to love and affection not that she can’t do it, she doesn’t allow herself to feel it. Even while avenging Pugsley she’s suppressing emotions.
no one is worth the suffering they've caused you. if they cause you to suffer, you're better off without them, even if it means you're alone. aloneness and loneliness aren't the same- one indicates a sense of self worth and the other is an unhealthy attachment to people.
If you love, you open yourself up to hurt. Parents suffer for their kids every day. Don’t misinterpret this line to think it about abusive relationships.
As someone recently diagnosed with AVPD, I never imagined finding so much help from a Psychological analysis of a fictional character. Literally crying LOL Thanks!
Can we talk about the actor who plays Thing? I totally cried when I watched it for the first time and he was dying. I think Wednesday's Love Language is violence...kind of joking, but kind of not. She released piranha into the the swimming pool to deal with the jocks who hurt her brother. A side note? The use of Edith Piaf's "Non, je ne regrette rien" (No, I Regret Nothing) while Wednesday puts the piranha in the pool is *chef's kiss*. She promises a very painful death to whoever hurt Thing. Any kind of emotion is vulnerability, including anger, but Wednesday doesn't see it that way because anger most times leads to doing something physical, like hitting, or dumping blood thirsty fish in a swimming pool. I am living for these Mended Light Wednesday episodes! Not only, yay, more Jono! But helping me understand my own relationship with emotions. Thanks
i just googled how long scorpions live and they live 2-6 years, knowing the addams' Nero would've lived longer cos they wouldve gvien hum the best care in the worlld and so much love. I feel really bad for Wednesday cos that's equivalent of someone doing that to your dog and THATS traumatizing cos of how cruel that is.
I am scared of scorpions, but the part about her pet Nero broke my heart. So mean 🥺🥺 I was in tears, I don’t know what that says. I guess I’m the opposite of this videos intent. I do love it though, thank you for posting.
Scorpions are the only arachnids I'm not afraid of...probably because it's my Rising Sign...I would have had that problem if Nero was a spider...I'm glad he was a scorpio >w< and I'm so sad he died.😢💔
@@Nicamon aw, thank you, 💕 strangely enough, I’m a Pisces, but I love spiders. Not scared of them. We compliment each other! Thank you for understanding me s❤️💔❤️🩹
I really appreciate you explaining the purpose of tears. I can cry at the drop of a hat, and like Wednesday, it seems so purposeless to me. Your explanation made me realize that there is so much that I have stuffed down for so long that needs to come out. Thank you so much. There are not words for how significant this shift is for me.
I have my own story related to my own discovery of the purpose of tears (in a less-than-serious setting though, but still turned out to be actually useful in real situations): For most of my life, I generally very much disliked crying and didn't do it much anyway, and always found it easy to suppress if I was (for example) watching a sad movie with others. Like the character in THIS video, I simply saw crying as purposeless and a waste of time. Plus, for some reason or other, I found crying in front of OTHER people extremely awkward. But then, one day (at age 30), I was watching "Inside Out" with two friends. One particular scene (PRIOR to the "most infamous scene") SO strongly triggered me to almost instantly cry, BUT since I do NOT like crying in front of people, I used an insane amount of effort to suppress the tears... at a PRICE though- suppressing it took so much effort it felt like it hurt my brain! NEVER before had it been SO difficult to suppress tears while watching any movie. Then something really surprising happened some time after the movie: I realized I was actually CRAVING MORE tearjerkers. That is SO unlike me, so I did some research to try to find out what the heck had happened in my brain to make me WANT that... and found out that, often with crying (or I guess almost-crying), feel-good brain endorphins get released. Now, I DO KNOW what endorphins are... have the biological function of acting like natural painkillers... so that really changed my entire perspective on crying! My discovery may have concerned a fictional movie... but I'm proud to say that there was, so far, ONE real life event where I did use the "letting myself cry" technique and it did help to adaptively orient my emotions and later behaviors, where the issue had just been confusing me before and making me go around in circles. Past crying sessions at real-life events may have also served a similar purpose... I was just not cognitively aware of it back then.
@@Jemini4228 To a degree, yes I think, BUT even more to the point... crying triggers the release of endorphins, which function like natural painkillers (and natural opioids) presumably to dull the original painful emotional stimulus. I didn't realize that firsthand until... one day (at age 30), I was watching "Inside Out" with two friends. One particular scene (PRIOR to the "most infamous scene") SO strongly triggered me to almost instantly cry, BUT since I do NOT like crying in front of people, I used an insane amount of effort to suppress the tears... at a PRICE though- suppressing it took so much effort it felt like it hurt my brain! NEVER before had it been SO difficult to suppress tears while watching any movie. Then something really surprising happened some time after the movie: I realized I was actually CRAVING MORE tearjerkers. That is SO unlike me, so I did some research to try to find out what the heck had happened in my brain to make me WANT that... and found out that, often with crying (or I guess almost-crying), feel-good brain endorphins get released. Now, I DO KNOW what endorphins are... so that really changed my entire perspective on crying!
When you talked about tears are our bodies release, I could feel that you were thinking of your mom. I'm right there with you. I lost my mom 12 years ago now, and it feels like just yesterday. I don't cry anymore because I used up all my tears when I lost my mom.
A+ acting, but casting and writing? There are some seeeriously awkward moments with the so-called colorblind casting and therefore writing…like…nearly every scene involving the mayor/former sherif and his nephew to the point of being tonedeaf. Nevermind the love triangle forced in *after* Jenna had already signed her contract after explicitly requesting there not be one-even if Jenna had chosen to act Wednesday reciprocating either boy’s attraction, their actual lines? Hello creepy “nice guy” vibes from BOTH of them, but it’s framed as Wednesday’s Fault when she never reciprocated, they just projected. (And is Once Again tonedeaf considering Morticia’s backstory involving sexual harassment and her stalker attempting to murder Gomez.) There’s plenty the show did well, but considering Burton’s history of distain towards racial and cultural minorities (black people in particular “not fitting his aesthetic” and useage of a jewish story based in jewish history and stripping all jewishness of it for The Corpse Bride), there was Absolutely NO WAY certain themes were ever going to be handled well, which in turn seriously damages the central “Normies vs Outcasts” thing going on. (DUDE…goths getting bullied by popular cliques is NOT THE SAME as being marginalized for being a different race, culture, or sex/gender!)
@@Mizushimeee I'm not stupid enough to do drugs, thank you very much. I think this show is well written, and if you don't, that's your opinion. But don't insult me for having a different one.
@@spacecat8511 Okay, I can respect your opinion on the whole love triangle thing. I don't think either of the guys involved were great, but I think Xavier gets more shit than he deserves. Tyler, on the other hand, deserves ALL the shit. But either way, I have a hard time believing one actor's request not to have romance is going to change any writer's or director's mind once they've decided to go with it. But as for the rest.... HUH??? How is it tone deaf? How is the discrimination against outcasts not the same as other marginalized groups? They are not just some clique, they're literally magical beings with unique genetic makeup, but since they're not "normal," they are treated like shit. They are shunned by most of Jericho's citizens, and it has nothing to do with goths (seriously, wtf?), and everything to do with the normies thinking they are subhuman. And what exactly are you talking about with the mayor and his son? (Yeah, it's his son, not his nephew.) I don't see any problems there.
@@giggle_snort …whoo boy. First of all, *because magic people aren’t real.* Black people, however, ARE real. And the whole white colonist/pilgrims thing? Many of them enslaved black people or otherwise treated them poorly. Morticia telling the black mayor “you don’t know what it’s like to not be believed?” OFTEN happens for women!! BUT also happens for black people and other racial minorities. So Morticia having that line but then the show then has Xavier treating Bianca badly then projecting HIS romantic attraction onto WEDNESDAY when she never reciprocated but got MAD at her about it? Do you get it NOW? Would watching an actual black person’s reaction to Wednesday have you Get It? (Because at least one exists on youtube. Believe “Brittney Reacts” covered it too. If not Wednesday Reactions should still pull up several.)
I was much like Wednesday from ages 11-23. I shut down at most of my emotions at around age 11 after suffering an extreme amount of bullying the year before. I've since figured out that I'm a female autistic which explains so much. Emotional regulation was and still is hard for me to deal with at times.
I'm a neurodivergent person who emotionally repressed their own feelings for years, thinking life would be easier and less painful like that. Now I have lots of mental health issues :(
I'm dealing with the consequences of emotional suppression right now, so this is a very timely video for me. I've suppressed them for so long that now I have trouble identifying or feeling any emotion, good or bad. But I'm trying to learn to identify my emotions & allow myself to feel them again. So, thank you for the work you do!
Thank you for this one, Jono. As someone who cries easily, I've been made to feel weak by others who sneer at my tears and, ironically, make them worse as a result. It's gotten to a point where, if someone asks me, "Why are you crying?" even in genuine concern, it makes me feel worse because I feel like they see me as weak and helpless when I'm supposed to be strong and capable. If anyone has any tips on breaking this shame/crying feedback loop, I would be grateful.
I used to be much the same way, though in my case it was more a result of my own perfectionism than any external pressure. I'm not really sure how to describe what changed for me, except to say I started seeing myself as someone I'm supposed to take care of, instead of someone I tyranize and bully when I can't meet my impossible standards. I guess I stopped being like a "tiger parent" to myself, and started being like a parent who still tries to hold their child accountable, but will absolutely throw hands if someone tries to mess with them. Only I'm also the child, haha. So I actually did have an instance in the past year where I broke down crying in public, and while before I would've been absolutely horrible to myself about it, now I'm able to have a lot more understanding and compassion for myself and what I was sorting through (while also being a lot less worried about what people think of me -- I mean, what are they gonna do, fight me?) No idea if that helps, but it's what I've got.
I, too cry easily. As a child I was sometimes made fun of, but I think I always saw that as the other person's weakness rather mine. They did not feel emotions as deeply as I did. As an adult I still cry easily, but can control it better when I need to. When I got divorced almost 10 years ago and cried a lot, I had a then friend ask me, Why are you crying over this man? He was not good to you. I thought her question was pretty unfeeling and shallow. I think not crying or understanding why people cry says more about them than it does about you.
Well, I may be able to help with the "break the shame" feedback loop, although not necessarily the crying itself because I actually (I know this may sound strange) LIKE to cry (i.e. to sad movies)... but at the same time find it difficult to find triggers to make it happen (i.e. trying to find sad movies). So.. I definitely feel no shame (at least, not if I'm doing it in private... I [still] feel VERY awkward at the thought of crying in front of others though! That may change perhaps though!). You may be wondering "WHY would you want to try to make yourself cry??" Well... here's the story: For most of my life, I generally very much disliked crying and didn't do it much anyway, and always found it easy to suppress if I was (for example) watching a sad movie with others. Like the character in THIS video, I simply saw crying as purposeless and a waste of time (although not necessarily shameful). But then, one day (at age 30), I was watching "Inside Out" with two friends. One particular scene (PRIOR to the "most infamous scene") SO strongly triggered me to almost instantly cry, BUT since I do NOT like crying in front of people, I used an insane amount of effort to suppress the tears... at a PRICE though- suppressing it took so much effort it felt like it hurt my brain! NEVER before had it been SO difficult to suppress tears while watching any movie. Then something really surprising happened some time after the movie: I realized I was actually CRAVING MORE tearjerkers. That is SO unlike me, so I did some research to try to find out what the heck had happened in my brain to make me WANT that... and found out that, often with crying (or I guess almost-crying), feel-good brain ENDORPHINS GET RELEASED. Now, I DO KNOW what endorphins are... and to me they are a GOOD thing... so THAT really changed my entire perspective on crying!
I really am loving these Wednesday Gets Therapized videos. It's so interesting to see characters and events of a show but through the eyes of someone used to dealing with people with trauma or with issues.
I hate commenting super early in a video, but I just have to say, scorpion or not, when we're attracted to our pets, they mean the world to us. The animators did an amazing job of showing fear in that little guy, and having a dog as my only true ally and friend in my early childhood, as well as roosters today... Yeah, that would be a terrible, cry-worthy experience. ): Poor Nero. He didn't deserve getting squooshed. PS- Nero is an AMAZING name for a scorpion!
Actually that was a better apology than most normies. I'm sorry means that I will try not to do it again. So yes Wednesday did not apologise for hurting thing, but the rest was actually meant and not fake.
It’s so funny, the last time I cried was when I was 13, I’m 32 now, yet I still remember the enormous feeling of relief it used to bring, both physically and emotionally. I learned to hold it all in because my mom’s then husband was abusive and he would always tell me he would hurt my mom if I ever showed any emotion. It was so long ago, and my mom died back in 2016, yet I failed to “unblock” myself. It hurts physically and mentally. Not being able to release emotions for many years damages your body. I sometimes envy people who can cry.
For me, crying is a tough topic. My parents were always very loving and supportive, but they carry their own stuff of emotional suppression and patterns of their own upbringing. Up to these days (I am 25), they cannot cope with me crying in front of them. I had years when I could not cry even if I wanted to but these are over now and I am so glad for it. I've always known that it is very good release. But I still have to "fight" with my parents (and to be honest, sometimes other people) as they react very awkward to me crying. Almost everyone in my life tried to stop me in it. Don't cry, girl! And I try to teach them in that moment that it is not a bad thing, it is necessary for me to feel it right now and I can be okay in a minute when you do not stop me. I feel like Alan sometimes, the pioneer of crying in front of people and showing them it is nothing to be afraid of. :)
I relate to Wednesday a lot, I'm autistic too and I'm a survivor of non physical SA that happened for years off and on since I was 10... I'm 29 and married and I've just recently found the confidence to speak up about my trauma, CBT and mindfulness helped me to gain the confidence I needed to seek trauma therapy, I was diagnosed with general anxiety disorder and PTSD, I found that Hypnotherapy was the best kind of therapy for me and now I've been living trauma free and more confident. Seeking help made me feel free...
As someone who's trying (and sometimes failing) to unlearn all of that emotional stuffing, I can say it's easy to not mind that it hurts me. "Better me than anyone else. They don't deserve the pain I carry." can be a REALLY easy mindset to fall into. Discuss.
I'm a neurodivergent person and I can understand and recognize emotions in others. I have very strong empathy. It's social cues that I struggle with. Very important difference. Many neurotypicals are not straight to the point or mean what they say like we do. 😊 Love your channel and openness ❤
I larned somehting very precious: Feelings are steering us, no matter if we are aware of them or not, express them or not. Letting them out and knowing what they are is the way to be able to make more conscious behavioural decisions. The deeper burried they are, the more they go on a rampage in other ways. From damaging relationships, to showing up as thoughts that claim to be all about logic but are actually sourced in emotions (which is not a default!!) down to the point of manifesting as physical symptoms. Frankly, no area can be left unattended well in life! Physical, mental, emotional, spiritual. The layers of ourselves follow the mess of the world very easily when we don't cultivate them. As too frequently, external modelling is anything BUT healthy. Also a reason why good ppl capable of good modeling around us are a truly invaluable resource. It's like an internal hack to re-shape our internal aspects that we're not good at handling and perceiving. At least to some extent.
I actually decided to never show sadness or tears in front of other people when I was 10 years old. I was teased a lot about my weight by my family and the kids in school and I noticed, that the more I responded, the more the kids in school enjoyed doing it. So when I changed school I vowed to myself to never show weakness... little did I know at the time that that was one of the worst decisions I ever made. Not only did I stop expressing sadness I also stopped smiling for about 3 to 4 years, forgot how to laugh (I had to go to a speech thearpist for a couple of month to learn it again) and kind of disconnected with my feelings until I couldn't notice them anymore. Instead I became psychosomatic. Thankfully my doctor was quiet good at her job and recommended to my parents to send me to a psychologist (my parents were against it because it would mean for them that they did something wrong, but she put it in a way so they wouldn't think it's their fault - great woman) and it took me years of therapy to get to a point where I'm able to feel emotions at all (I had/have a lot of issues). So let me tell you: it hurts a lot when people hurt you and people can be really cruel but suppressing feelings hurts you a lot longer and if you are too good at it (like me) it will find an outlet one way or another and that's never pretty... get help. A good therapist won't make the world a better place (they're not some kind of god) but they will face your problems with you, put things in other perspectives which you might not have considered and help you deal with the awful or hurtful things life throws at you....
Thank you for acknowledging that sometimes there aren’t safe people and that letting it out to yourself in a car or wherever you can find to be alone is a good alternative.
I really related to Wednesday on this point. The depth of my emotional availability toward others has been a subject of contention. I have, as you say, to be comfortable with people to open up and some of the biggest dissenters in my life have proven themselves to be untrustworthy. While I am trying to do better, I do appreciate that you acknowledge that different people have different emotional depths and that is okay. Sometimes, I wish more people would remember that.
A polyam educator I heard speak referred to tears as emotional sweating and I thought that was a really great way to explain it, at least in my experience and understanding.
_"If you live without love, you still carry pain. You carry the pain of isolation, you carry that pain of a lack of connection."_ The thing is that pain becomes background noise; eventually you get used to it and it doesn't disrupt much. But grief from loss is the emotional equivalent of a vivisection, and it has no off-switch; and when it does end, you are diminished--you are no longer complete. How anyone can argue that any elation--no matter how profound--is worth that inevitable anguish is utterly baffling. I don't think I'm crazy if I say that the world's greatest orgasm isn't worth a sledgehammer to the balls afterward. But that is figuratively what the Connection Defense is: a justification of an existence comprised of emotional spikes--inviting the crash just to chase the high. I'm sure as a therapist you've seen people crash from drug withdrawals, and I'm certain you've heard them say the juice is worth the squeeze, but is it? Why would this be any different, especially since endorphins are involved in both?
I just noticed an awesome, subtle bit of acting from whoever's playing Thing when Wedneday's saying whoever stabbed him, their suffering will be slow, long, and excrutiating - He's gently undulating as if he's panting, then as he lifts his little finger for the pinkie hold, he trembles like he's shaking with fear and shock. Brilliant! How hard must it be to figure out all of this for a hand's personality, never mind the physicality, of this performance??
its crazy how this video and issue of emotional suppression relates directly to my present situation. I was literally so desperate the past few days to get to the core of why I'm feeling the way I do, why I'm UNABLE feeling the full embrace of emotions. And I realised now its bc I held myself back. All this time. Its bc I am AFRAID to show them, and id rather shut them down then face the fear of embracing something I've denied for so long. Im FINALLY seeing it, and trying to embrace myself more, what is inside of me & value myself for who I truly am inside. Its been a long and hard, very rough road of being numb, depressed, isolation, stress... I could have a complete happy life but I still feel the remorse of my numbness, of being unavailable for anyone for so long... Im slowly starting to letting myself feel again, I know I have to keep on working on it. And I NEVER wanna stop. Cause the reason for life is feeling and living. Numbness causes you to feel like your not even living and that is one of the most horrible, scary and most trapping, hopeless feeling you can get lost in. - Dont ever give up!!! And there's still light in you - Always. Lets let it shine☀Altogether. Everybody will love it don't worry💛💛💛
You should therapize "The Fallout" with Jenna Ortega as the lead character. The kid admits to her therapist that she doesn't get emotional because she sees it as "not productive" when in reality she's just running away from facing her trauma. There's a whole "13" vibe going on. Great, but sad, movie.
I've found that my relationship with my grandmother goes smoother if I suppress all negativity and disagreement with her views and values, if I sit down, shut up, and respond, "yes ma'am", "no ma'am", and do whatever she wants without complaint out of gratefulness for her taking me in and raising me. Kinda ruined me for emotional connection and has made me heavily introverted as a result.
Have you watched any of Sandman? There is so much to unpack there with the characters-Dream in particular, but also Rose Walker, Lyta Hall, Hal, The Corinthian, Lucienne, Johanna Constantine, Death and Hob Gadling, Calliope, Ric Murdoc, Lucifer, and Johnny Dee. Even the characters who only appear in a single episode in s1 are delightfully complex and often aren’t entirely wrong with their assessment of things, but also not entirely correct and/or could have voiced their assessments better. (Also Matthew the Raven is much needed comic relief and a fantastic everyman contrast…while stuck as a bird XD)
holding emotions inside has been my single biggest savior as far as interpersonal relationships go. expressing feelings and emotions and trying to connect with people only ever ends in disappointment because atypical people are selfish sociopaths with zero concern for anyone but themselves.
I am absolutely delighted that you are reviewing this and doing cinema therapy for the series. When I first started watching the show, I was a bit concerned about the very dark nature of it. I’ve been concerned about how dark a lot of our entertainment and media has become and I feel that it hasn’t always been healthy. So I watched Wednesday with great trepidation, and in the end absolutely loved it, complete fan, cried at the end, happy tears. And your review of it confirms what I saw and what I felt. I am delighted to be able to share your reviews and insights especially with my daughter who is a huge Wednesday fan along with her husband. This is one of the few shows that the three of us love to watch, if not, physically together, at least we share our great enthusiasm for it with each other. Thank you again, and again, and again for all that you do. ❤️
I didn’t cry for years as a teenager for emotional suppressing reasons. I had the exact same reaction as Wednesday. I was numb. But, I bottled up for so long I became really depressed, and now I seem to cry at the drop of a hat. If you don’t deal with emotions, they get you one way or another! It all has to come out some time.
I've never been able to cry much as an adult, not that I don't want to, but it doesn't happen and I won't force it. But what I do is put my tears into writing. Whether it is the lost of a pet, or my parents, or a relationship, I use words to open up and show what is in my heart. I really enjoyed the Wednesday series. there were a few rough spots, but in general it is excellent TV.
I don't know what made me click on this video. I haven't seen Wednesday but the things you said here made me cry. I'm going through one of the worst breakups. After years of childhood abuse and various other things in life, i had always been so defensive in dating. In my last relationship, i let myself bear open even though everything told me to run. They left though because they didn't feel the same way and i feel so scared to do it again because it feels like this was going to happen that's why i had never even admitted to myself i wanted a relationship and acted like i hated it. The love I felt was so beautiful and he was a good person, it's just things didn't go the way i expected. I need to remember what you said here because thinking back even with all the pain, i don't regret loving him as much as i did.
this video has been really helpful. ive been struggling with pushing away my friends for a few months due to a fear of losing them and i should really stop doing that
This makes me think of a scene in the movie "saving private Ryan". The scene where captain Miller cries over the death of a private under his command. He hold his grief in until the moment he is alone. This is what I have learned to do as a man. Hold in your tears until the moment it's safe to let them go.
I was diagnosed with autism as an adult. Still, as a child, I knew I was different. It really didn't help that it felt like my family was somehow ashamed of me. Coming from an educated family, but one without much in the way of means or money, I taught myself to read by age 4. I started keeping my real emotions inside at a fairly young age, and I became obsessed with stories of pain and suffering. When I became a teenager, however, the dam started to break. I started having autistic meltdowns far more than I ever did when I was younger, and my self-esteem was non-existent. Even as an adult, it has been very difficult getting myself to accept that I have something to offer the world, as an artist. Still, I live a very solitary existence.
Great episode. Emotional suppression is a very big theme for me. I'm honestly too tired post novels about it. Truth is the family environment I grwe up in was pretty toxic and it was not save to show emotions. Especially not bad ones. Crying totally felt like a weakness (being blamed for, made fun of for, not taken seriously any way, and making things only worse. This both in my family and when bullied in school for years), and I absolutely vowed not to do it. And often succeeded. I am dealing with cPTSD, Depressions, Anxiety and eating disorders, AvPD... It took me years to sometimes allow some of it in therapy. But I am generally very insecure about my own emotions, bottle them up a lot and know the "emotional flatness" that accompanies depressive states. I love that scene with uncle Fester, for the exact dynamic these two have. Weirdly enough I have this one favourite uncle where feel a little freer around, exactly because I feel like he's not judging so much and taking me more like just how I am. And I deeply relate to the scorpion, all the more so because I love "creepy crawlies", always did, and often would defend them (or other animals) more than myself. I have mice (since decades) and I am used to take a lot of sh* from other people, for so many reasons, but when it comes to them I get defensive. I have this often with my father, "swallowing" a lot of his general disrespect of me, but I don't allow him to shit-talk about my mice without resolute opposition. Also, of course it hurts when they die. Every single time, for every little mouse, and unfortunately they are short lived. But I always say that what they can give me during their lifespan outweiights the pain of the loss. And getting to know all of them is precious, all over again. But I am very worried about my "wild prince". He's a wild, wood mouse male that I took in as a baby, nursed back to health and raised. It was by far not evident that he would even survive, and lots of work too (including feeding him subsitude mild every few hours for almost two weeks, sometimes collapsing from low blood pressure on the way. I am quite sick myself). I love all my pets, but he definitely grew very special to me. Also I could keep him because he stayed docile (with me alone). He's going on 4 years now which is a very high age for mice and I feel like he starts seeming a little "elderly". I know it will be very hard to say goodbye to him. I hope this will not happen too soon, but of course it is inevitable. I guess I have a hard time really connecting (with people). I am very lonely, and deep down inside I feel like I don't deserve to be loved. That I am so flawed that it would be impossible. So even for the few people I socially interact(ed. I got much worse) I feel like I can't fully open up, because my "dark secrets" (mostly my eating disorder) would inevitably and rightly chase them away. But yes, it can hurt to be lonely. And still wrote novels... sorry but thank you for your look at Wednesday. It's great.
When I was growing up I had this issue of hating my anger I hated getting mad it left to anger suppression in school doesn’t help that I’m empathic I bottled up my emotions to the point of explosion and when you’re a quiet person people notice which isn’t great
To anyone who still believes neurodivergent folk somehow don’t feel emotions-we do VERY deeply. That’s why we seem to be blank or angry-we’re feeling about ten things at once on average, whether we’re even aware of it or not. Something as monumental as grief can take it’s time to resonate with us because of that.
Wednesday Addams being emotional list, calculating, and efficient, or the things that make us like her. She mainly has this as a defense because most people don't like her or they hate her. And most of it is unwarranted. She reacts to something happening not causing it. Just like the beginning, she was only defending her brother when she did what she did. And when she first meets her colorful and happy roommate, she doesn't know how to react to this kind of person. But over time she realizes that she can let her guard down, and that she can have friends, her personality slightly changes over time. It's a good depiction of how people in real life are, and how things can change.
She loves thing. She has a deep attachment to her father and her brother. She shows it in her own way. She is far more self aware than most people I know.
12:14 slight correction tho: while it is indeed extremely rare, it does happen on occasion. Admittedly, this is just the third time in the whole series, but the first time she said it was in the first episode: "Lurch, please remind my parents"; and then by the end of the previous episode, while asking Weems to be granted leniency: "i think i deserve another chance... please." :-B
I see a lot of my dad in Wednesday's explanation of why she doesn't cry. My dad basically shut down and stopped crying when his brother died when he was nine. He didn't want to think about it so he didn't and he didn't cry because he wouldn't let himself because that would mean thinking about it. It wasn't until his late 60's when he'd finally internalized from my mom's constant support and being there for him when he was vulnerable in other ways for a long, long time (literally decades) that he let himself cry when his dad died. It really seemed to do him so, so much good. It was like a tension inside him had finally left and he could exist a little more easily.
If you want to study more on this, a few terms that can help are... Alexithymia: apparent detachment from your emotions/difficulty knowing what you are feeling Emotional overcontrol: controlling your emotional responses to such an extent that they are no longer felt (called emotional stuffing here)
watcHIng your take on Wednesday is when I finally decided to identify as neurodivergent. I'm on the cusp, I guess - I am capable of charming some folks but others used to terrify me. But watching Wednesday, she just seemed normal to me; like somebody I would really like and find comfortable to be around. So, there ya go. Thanks!
You at 3:57: "She's failing to see what the purpose of tears are..." Me: "Please say it, please say it, I'm going to be upset if you don't say it" :P You: "...natural release..." Me: "Ok good, close enough" :P. Here's my story related to my discovery of that (in a less-than-serious setting though, but still turned out to be actually useful in real situations, I saw): For most of my life, I generally very much disliked crying and didn't do it much anyway, and always found it easy to suppress if I was (for example) watching a sad movie with others. Like the character in THIS video, I simply saw crying as purposeless and a waste of time. Plus, for some reason or other, I found crying in front of OTHER people extremely awkward. But then, one day (at age 30), I was watching "Inside Out" with two friends. One particular scene (PRIOR to the "most infamous scene") SO strongly triggered me to almost instantly cry, BUT since I do NOT like crying in front of people, I used an insane amount of effort to suppress the tears... at a PRICE though- suppressing it took so much effort it felt like it hurt my brain! NEVER before had it been SO difficult to suppress tears while watching any movie. I don't even know exactly how I did it-- I basically tried to make my mind go blank / black, and I do remember glancing away from the screen a bit to remove some of the visuals BUT the audio was still coming into my ears and getting processed by my brain, so it was VERY hard to try to ignore! Suppressing those impending tears felt SO painful that, even immediately afterwards, I thought to myself "Whoa, if I knew it was going to feel that painful, I would have decided just let it out, and not cared if I was doing it in front of my friends!" (!!!) Then something really surprising happened some time after the movie: I realized I was actually CRAVING MORE tearjerkers. That is SO unlike me, so I did some research to try to find out what the heck had happened in my brain to make me WANT that... and found out that, often with crying (or I guess almost-crying), feel-good brain endorphins get released. Now, I DO KNOW what endorphins are... and they are TOTALLY worth it, regardless of their [if harmless, of course] source! So that really changed my entire perspective on crying! My discovery may have concerned a fictional movie... but I'm proud to say that there was, so far, ONE real life event where I did use the "letting myself cry" technique and it did help to adaptively orient my emotions and later behaviors, where the issue had just been confusing me before and making me go around in circles.
Trauma in my youth, and keeping my emotions within... People who aspire to get close with me, don't know how to navigate me, and that's actually my problem to figure out, not theirs.
I really loved this series and I’ve loved Wednesday as a character since the first time I watched the 1991 Addams Family. I really feel like this version of Wednesday I relate a lot move now that I have a retrospective view of how teenage me was feeling and it’s so cathartic to see her open up. Very much like Wednesday I felt like I got burned by my own emotions in a way, so I chose to force them down and not feel them to the point that I couldn’t cry when I should have been able to. I eventually recognized this and decided that I needed to force myself to cry and I primed myself for it for like the whole battle sign in the last Harry Potter movie cause I knew my favorite character was gonna die and I felt like it would be a disservice to him to not full experience the full range of emotions and eventually when it happened I did cry him and everyone else who died. Thankfully my emotional regulation in that regard has improved tremendously and now I think I cry a healthy amount. If anyone is having a hard time crying maybe give it a try it worked wonders for me. I can now also relate to more positive emotions too. Cause the good emotions tend be pushed down with the bad ones too, from my experience. I had no idea I was unintentionally stuffing all of my emotions down. When I finally started releasing I made room for more positive feels. I’m really excited to see what happens next not just because the plot is getting juicy again but I’m excited to see her character get to evolve again. Even if she stays stoic and sassy. Especially if stays that way. I love that about her.
I'm really grateful for this video. I'm getting to see more and more how little connection there's been in my family. Allowing myself to feel it hurts a lot but i feel better afterwards. Thanks Mended Light💐.
In my experience, my feelings are so heavy to most people, it actually drives them away whenever I try to express them. Maybe you can make a video or send me a comment about this? I'm a person who isn't afraid to express emotions and get deep. But all that's ever done for me is push people away. They get overwhelmed or don't want to talk to me. I take it to a therapist, and they toss me around like a football. How can I connect when it feels everyone is not willing to be patient to connect with me?
Outlets are so important and so varied. Great video, this is my first but I'll be subscribing and checking out more between my weekly podcast diet on my days off.
You know, everyone always says how crying is supposed to be cathartic and such a great release, but I've never found it to be. All I get is a headache and a sore throat. I never feel any better or lighter afterwards.
I would actually disagree with "tears almost never change a circumstance". Crying, when done in the presence of others, can motivate people to reach out and try to help and comfort you. That changes the situation from one where you are suffering alone to one where your suffering is acknowledged by others and people are rallied to come support you. And perhaps by coming together as a group, we can change our circumstance. Maybe we won't be able to bring the dead back to life (yet, I have hope), but some circumstances that cause tears can be changed. Stressful work environments, dysfunctional communities, poverty, whatever, can be changed when folks come together towards a common goal, and if crying can be the catalyst for that collective action, then maybe tears can change a circumstance.
This movie was hard at first to watch. I related to her so much. I am on the spectrum myself. But also because my mother was very controlling... more so than Morticia in many ways, MY peers attempted to bully me too. Eventually,like Wenesday, I too learned to pack my weaker emotions away so people can't use them against me, and so my emotions don't cripple me. People are fine on a surface level, but I rarely trust my true heart with them because I know from my experiences that the true monsters come with normal, and often, sweet pretend supportive and kind faces. Eventually, though, once they have developed a bond with you, you see the monster that lies within hidden. I rarely talk about it with people though. Honestly, what's the point. People hate to look at the underbelly of the twisted human psyche. They prefer to gaslight and tell you that you are insane for thinking such thoughts. They call you paranoid, even delusional. But for those of us who have stared into the abyss and had it stare back at you... we know the truth! I know many might see this post and think the same things about me. That's OK! But my point is maybe Wednesday has some valid reasons for why she does what she does. Maybe it is a coping mechanism that is working good for her. We haven't seen yet what happens after. Maybe later on she is betrayed by the very people she is now opening herself to. I know for me everytime I have allowed new people into my life, I quickly learned to regret it. I know what I am supposed to want to connect. I am supposed to want to feel my emotions, but both have felt like an enigma to me. P.S. I am a writer too!
Attachments look different for different people. I was in the Army for 21 years, and between that and other things i am not always super demonstrative with anyone but my husband. That being said, i have known my best friend for like 30 years. She obviously knows me really well and can read between the lines. For example, when I declare something not good enough for her, or express something potentially...lets say unpleasant...in the general direction of someone who in my opinion isn't treating her properly, she responds with "I love you too". She knows how protective I am of the people I care for, but that it can come out in ways that seem harsh (which seems to be getting worse as I get older- its more likely to happen if people I don't know well are around).
I can't cry. I can't allow myself to cry. After years of bullying in school I learned not to show any sign of "weakness". If I showed any emotion, good or bad, someone would take advantage and hurt me for it so I stopped showing any emotions. Years later, when I was in a much better place, my guitar teacher told me to sing while I play and after I was done he told me that my singing was technically solid but I needed to show at least a little bit of emotion. That hit me hard, because I realized that I had forgotten how to express myself. After years of working on that, I can show my emotions fine (at least in a situation where I am comfortable) and I don't see crying as a weakness anymore - at least in others. I can see people cry and have empathy for them and try to comfort them, but I can't let myself cry and if I ever do, it turns into rage and self-hatred. I don't know how to change that.
When I lost my family, I didn't want any new friends because I was afraid I'd just lose them too one day. But somehow, people keep deciding to be my friends. I can't possibly be an easy person to be friends with, but for reasons that forever elude me, they make the effort, and I can't help but be friends with them because I love them and they make me better. I have no idea what I do for them, but I hope it's worth it, and I hope I make them better too. I liked Wednesday for the oddest of reasons, probably. Although I felt inexplicably able to relate to her easily, she reminded me of Seven of Nine from Voyager, possibly because of her bluntness and deliberate methodical way of decision-making and performing functions as though she'd been practicing them for 50 years straight, but probably a lot of other, more elusive qualities.
About crying... I can't cry over my promlems. Somehow I can be really upset or anxious, but it feels like my eyes don't have tears for it. Even if I want to. The only way for me to cry is to watch a sad animation or smth and to cry for those characters. And I wonder why, because I'm not the person like Wednesday, at all. I'm emotional and loud and l like to talk about my problems, but can't cry...
What about not being able to hold emotions in until it's safe to express them? (not grief-related). I have no problems with expressing emotions, but I can't navigate them at all. When I feel like crying I'm going to cry no matter where or in which situation I am. I have not found a solution to this yet and it's been terrible to be so vulnerable in front of everyone, it's emberassing
100% with you on that one! 😣 For me it's crying, due to frustration...? at work, or doctor's offices, you name it. Super inconvenient and makes things actively difficult at times! Partly maybe it's just a natural thing - perhaps some people just hit different on the spectrum of being sensitive, empathic, whatever...? And our society just isn't very accepting of freely expressing emotion that way, rather than as anger or sarcasm. But I've also noticed that the real hardest difficulty in keeping this sort of thing under reasonable control often seems to happen when already under physical stress from fatigue & pain, &/or sustained mental/emotional stress. Even if you think you're mentally keeping on top of things, the body's cortisol debt still piles up! So it may be worth taking a closer look at how much chronic stress your body & brain are coping with...? Trying to learn good stretches, relaxation breathing etc seems to help a bit both in terms of reducing stress load and being able to better regulate how the body copes. But I don't know what else one can do, sorry; except for not beating yourself up about being a sensitive person! The world could use a few more of those, tbh...?
I think I’ve suppressed my emotions where my uncles concerned , watching my mother going to pieces after the loss of her brother I felt and still feel I don’t have the right to grieve because I feel she’s lost so much more I feel a part of herself has died along with him it’s gonna sound stupid but I’m living my grief through my mother , telling you this isn’t easy , I know I lost an uncle but I still feel I need to push how I feel down and make sure she’s happy it’s probably not the best thing to do so I guess I’m still suppressive where this is concerned 😢
You have every right to grieve. Your grief is likely different than your mother, but it's no less real and needs to be expressed however you need to. You can still support your mom and grieve together if that's what works for you two.
@@bryonmorgan5208 I really appreciate that , I guess I’ve just done what I’ve always done and that’s be strong for everyone else in my life and I just don’t know how to be anything else , I do miss him so much watching someone waste away to nothing knowing theirs nothing I can do but watch on , watching my mother fall apart was hard enough I guess that my emotions flatlined 🥺
@@PoltergeistTears sounds like your emotions are still there. Talk to your mother, talk to a therapist, talk to someone you can trust. Especially with a therapist, they can help you find the way. I was a caretaker for my own mom for several years before she passed and I understand where you're coming from. You're not alone in this world. Things can get better. One thing I've found out myself is that grief is the love we can no longer express directly to our loved one that's gone. Your uncle must have been very special for you to still care for him.
@@bryonmorgan5208 I really appreciate that thank you so much , it’s been many years since I’ve seen a therapist and sadly the one I was seeing wasn’t very good in anyway give pretty bad advice so I ended up dealing with my own demons alone and never saw one since I feel I’m dealing with not just loss but Loneliness and abandonment as well as my uncle was the last family member left it’s only me and my mother now :) my dad and his family abandoned me I had to cut them out of my life for good due to years of abuse still dealing with the mental side of that but it’s not as bad anymore I still get nightmares it’s getting easier I love and miss my uncle very much I think about him all the time , I’m really sorry to hear about that , that can’t have been easy :( it’s that feeling of powerlessness that kills me more :(
@@PoltergeistTears I’m sorry you’re going through a lot. I know it’s not easy but I really hope you can find your path forward. Yeah there are some therapists who shouldn’t be therapists, but there are definitely excellent ones too. Sometimes it takes a few before you find a good fit. Take care of your mother and yourself too! You are worth it.
May be that's why I do not have further intentions to live, I never feel connected to any other human being. I always feel that if I open up too much, it can be used against me in the future.
Growing up I was... hypersensitive to put it mildly. I once cried my eyes out because someone opened my bag of chips. They didn't take any, they immediately gave it back and everything, they just felt like opening chips at that moment in a weird way. I cried about anything and everything. Then I had an episode of derealization and over corrected. I felt like I had been up to that point living on autopilot. Suddenly everything felt disconnected and I had to rediscover what emotions were(which were which and why), since until then I had been taking everything at surface level. No nuance, no introspection, nothing that would have given any moment a deeper meaning. Whatever my first reaction was it was immediate, magnified, and expressed without any safeguards or filters. For a few years I was an emotional sponge mimicking those around me in order to quickly and effectively imprint the sensation of each complex emotion. Then... I discovered manga and anime. I had been reading books at this point with a near compulsive obsession. These books were female leads and helped form the backbone of my personality with positive role models, which lead to manifesting somewhat feminine traits. It was through my drive for reading that a friend connected with me via book recommendations. This friend turned out to be a huge fan of anime and manga, and through sheer stubbornness and persistence managed to persuade me to give such a "childish" medium a serious try. I got hooked within the first chapter. A wealth of stories with a seemingly endless supply of long running series full of a diverse range of characters, personalities, events, and settings. At first I was reading everything that caught my eye irregardless of genre nor demographic. If the books I read was the core of my being, this new source of stories became the nuance that was missing. It was like finishing a foreign language class only to continue learning in that country. Some parts were were added, ground away, rearranged, or remolded into a much more cohesive whole. All that to say, reading changed my life at a time I felt at my most lost.
I was called "emotionally constipated" growing up because when I saw my cousins experiencing excitement and joy, I stomped on that spoke down to them telling them "Santa is a product of a corporation" and the real st nick "is long dead." I have seen soooooo many therapists for my childhood trauma (we spent an Xmas in a women's refuge, and I was distraught my friends or family couldn't know where we were until it was safe) and I know now it was really shitty behaviour. I don't want Xmas trees in the house decorating for holidays or seasons (save Halloween) is a thing I don't want to put energy into. I am much better at emotions now, I spend more emotions on animals than people though save for one or two of them.
Holding inside is No Good!! Caused an anxiety disorder, but if I dealt with certain things at the time in a normal fashion. I WOULD HAVE PROBABLY CAUGHT A CASE! SMH... AND GOT LOCKED UP... CATCH 22 ( Shoulder shrug)
I actually have a very hard time crying. Not even bcs of Manliness Standards, it's just blocked unless I switch off my thoughts and refuse to blink. I suffer strongly from that. But I also feel like I make it more of a problem than it is. Any time I cry it feels super cathartic. But maybe the catharsis makes me cry. But I think it's the former.
Many people think I'm cold, but in truth I feel too much and I push it down because it is too much at once. I have had to beg family, if, even in the midst of a fight I walk away or demand they leave, it's not because I am either conceding or unwilling to talk. It means I'm going to start being deliberately hurtful and spiteful because I am too angry. Let me have space to calm down so we can talk again when I am not over emotional. It took my family a long time to accept that it was necessary and to stop pushing. I would come back to the table to talk when I could. And, unfortunately, until they learned it they suffered when they kept poking and I exploded. Emotions are TNT essentially.
Relatable or not but my mom says when I was born I didn't cry so quickly I was taken to observation thus we didn't bond. Then it turned out I was that girl who wouldn't cry, and when a family member dies I truly don't feel a thing. I started crying after 18 from loosing my dogs and going through a loveless life, this softened me but now again am soulless bc am cursed to be an involuntary hermit and have to accept and feel fine with reality. Yet I may not cry in funerals but do cry at some films 😅
"Goody warned I was destined to be alone. Maybe it’s inevitable. But for the first time in my life, it didn’t feel good." Such a powerful line, Wednesday and Enid's relationship is the heart and soul of this show.
I think Jenna may have partially re-written that line. Because it doesn't suck.
Strange how someone like Wednesday would believe in destiny rather than in "writing her own destiny".
Also, the point that "Goody warned", a warning isn't meant to be definitive, it's meant to tell you what might or will happen IF you continue/do something.
A warning means that you still can change your ways/choices and change the results of them in your life(and the life of others).Because a warning is just that...a known result that _may_ come to pass, but not a certainty, it only becomes certain _when_ it does happen.
@@FlipTheBard a warning can be about things being inevitable, for the purpose to help you prepare. Winter will come, no matter how hard you try. But you can survive.
And in Wednesday's case they build on the old "Cassandra" trope. When you have the gift of seeing the past or future in the way Wednesday does, this will mean that you will feel alone a lot, because its a burden no body can carry for you, not even with you. People might not believe you, you might see future events and be unable to change them etc.
And she did not accept this future as inevitable, she just needed some time to realize she doesn't actually like to be really alone.
Fun fact: In the scene where Thing wakes up after being stabbed, Jenna Ortega said that when the actor playing Thing touched her hand to comfort her, she actually cried!
Imagine landing a role where literally your hand is the character...
@@jupitersnoot4915that’s amazing
I feel Wednesday is more comfortable showing emotion in front of her Uncle Fester because he just accepts her the way she is. Unlike her mother, who wants her at least in Wednesday's eyes to be a different type of person.
that's what i didn't like about this series. The point of original Addams Family was that they excepted each other as they were.
@@deedee4955literally there was an entire episode about them while uncomfortable trying to support pugsly in being “normal”
@@deedee4955 I didn't see Morticia as unsurportive of Wednesday. Quite to the contrary. I did not have the expression, that she tried to change Wednesday, but tried to protect her while also helping her growing up and to build the connections she needs in life.
I don’t think morticia wants Wednesday to be different; she just doesn’t get her. But with Fester, he totally gets her and that’s why she’s most comfortable around him
@@creed8712 That was a great episode LOL
I liked that as Wednesday forms “friendships” she starts to have more color. She’s not as pale as she was at the beginning.
You think she's from"Pleasentville"?😂
@@Nicamon Never seen it.
@@RockyDaTherapist You should! It's good!😉🌈It's a movie from 1998 with Tobey Maguire and Reese Witherspoon.
Funny story they film in a place with no sun so they put a lot of make up on her in the beginning and by the end she'd worked inside so much that they stopped putting make up on her.
Also her clothes start including more and more white...
The acting is so good. You find yourself caring about her without really understanding why. The girl simply talks with her face. Which by the way, also drives home how much our friendly smiles are masks to hide our emotions behind, the same way Wednesday tries to hide her emotions behind her dead pan face. Often smiles are simply the 'socially adjusted' version of the same thing.
I felt that when Wednesday was saying "Tears don't fix anything", she meant "Crying won't bring Nero back" or "Crying can't change the past". But she definitely didn't get that crying can help you release stress, and distress, among a lot of other emotions - Anger, fear, embarrassment, guilt, etc, etc.
DEFINITELY... here's my story related to my discovery of that (in a less-than-serious setting though, but still turned out to be actually useful in real situations, I saw):
For most of my life, I generally very much disliked crying and didn't do it much anyway, and always found it easy to suppress if I was (for example) watching a sad movie with others. Like the character in THIS video, I simply saw crying as purposeless and a waste of time. Plus, for some reason or other, I found crying in front of OTHER people extremely awkward.
But then, one day (at age 30), I was watching "Inside Out" with two friends. One particular scene (PRIOR to the "most infamous scene") SO strongly triggered me to almost instantly cry, BUT since I do NOT like crying in front of people, I used an insane amount of effort to suppress the tears... at a PRICE though- suppressing it took so much effort it felt like it hurt my brain! NEVER before had it been SO difficult to suppress tears while watching any movie.
Then something really surprising happened some time after the movie: I realized I was actually CRAVING MORE tearjerkers. That is SO unlike me, so I did some research to try to find out what the heck had happened in my brain to make me WANT that... and found out that, often with crying (or I guess almost-crying), feel-good brain endorphins get released.
Now, I DO KNOW what endorphins are... so that really changed my entire perspective on crying!
It was truly heartbreaking seeing Wednesday sitting on the floor of the dorm after Enid gets frustrated over almost getting killed and being constantly shut out by Wednesday. Luckily, they make up later, but it shows that Wednesday isn't as aloof as she tries to present herself as being.
That’s such a powerful moment for me. I’m not going to get into my emotional trauma in a RUclips comments section, but I definitely experienced something emotionally traumatic a few years ago that made me close off from others for awhile, pushing away people who tried to forge new connections with me. Once I recognized what the reason was, I did a lot of journaling to not only put the reason to paper, but also to figure a way out of that pattern of behavior. Now, I have a thriving social life and a steadily building circle of friends. And some core friends who I know I can trust, no matter what ❤. That scene will always leave a raw impact
Still,I don't like that she never properly apologized to Enid.😡💢She said she missed her(in her own tsundere way),but it's not the same thing!Enid coming back on her own and Wednesday not even apologizing for her behaviour and for putting her in danger is equivalent to a toxic couple in which the wife comes back to the abusive husband because:"He can change for the better!He just needs my love and my unconditional support!🥰"I-DON'T-LIKE-IT.🤬I love the Wenclair relationship _on paper_ but,considering the way it has been portrayed in S1,it's WAAAAYYY OVERRATED and I really hope it gets better in S2 because so far I believe both the frendship between Wednesday and Eugene and the one between Enid and HAND are more deep and more healthy than the one Enid and Wednesday have.>^
@@Nicamoni took her coming back as a hint that she preferred wednesday as a roommate over Yoko. They didnt show how well her new roommate and her was working out.
@@AlienAteIt.MyNoraTees This doesn't deny anything of what I said. A wife in love _would_ prefer her abusive husband to any other company...this doesn't mean the relationship is not toxic or that she doesn't deserve better.
@@Nicamon Yeah this bothered me as well.
I mean, perhaps Wednesday accepting Enid's hug after initially almost denying it(The Hug after the final fight) might be her own way to say sorry to Enid(emotional vulnerability and all of that jazz), but that she never verbally said it to her makes it seem like she's too prideful to "lower herself" in order to admit her mistakes and even feel guilty/sorry for them.
Indeed, hope that Wednesday is able to at least properly apologize to those that have shown to actually care for her, like Enid.I mean, even with her own problems at least Enid was mature and humble enough to be the bigger person and "forgive and forget" even when it should have been Wednesday the one to try to make amends.All because Enid saw that Wednesday(and Thing) needed someone to look out for them.She did it because she cared enough, that Wednesday doesn't even bother to apologize seems to me like a lack of care in her part.
I was touched when Wednesday grew frustrated at Thing for almost dying - when I started down a self destructive path in middle that landed me in a psych unit, my cousin said that if I ever tried to hurt myself, she would kill me. It was morbid, but it was her way of showing me that she was really afraid and she really loved me.
I had to laugh during that scene, because what a weird way to say I love you! 😂😂😂
But I did understand the intent.
Jenna Ortega, in an interview, said that she started crying for real in the scene where Thing was stabbed and almost died, and the actor playing Thing was comforting her during the scene. It was a big bonding moment for them.
As someone on the spectrum I used to think I never cry. Both my mother and my wife have corrected me on this issue. I may not remember or even recognized emotional episodes, but that does not mean it does not happen.
For me I disagree with Jon that Wednesday is staking a claim on Pugsley when she says "Nobody tortures my brother but me". I think Nero's death taught Wednesday that there are bad people in this world who will do bad things to other, tears won't fix that but Wednesday can do something herself. Wednesday then becomes a protector you see it when she tries to tell Rowan about her vision. She also protects Eugene from the bullies and even tell Fester not to eat the bees cause she knows they are important to Eugene. You even see it when Wednesday tell Pugsley "you are weak" cause it is her way of telling him you need to protect yourself cause I can not do it. When Pugsley does get bullied at the beginning of the show she warns the bullies never to go after her brother again then she punishes them , I think that is how she shows that she is attached to Pugsley. Jon says Wednesday say "I love you" to thing when she threatens to punish those who hurts them , but she also says it when she does punish Pugsley's bullies.
Completely off topic: when you mentioned Wednesday saying "you are weak" is her way of showing love, it reminds me of Evelyn in Everything Everywhere All At Once saying "you're getting fat" to her daughter to show her love 💀
@@coffeeteamix Pugsley say "i love you too " after she tells him that which is true but also she is telling him you have to protect yourself, I can't do for you. To me Wednesday is a protector and she will punish those who hurt the ones she loves.
I think the point is that Wednesday is still not open to love and affection not that she can’t do it, she doesn’t allow herself to feel it. Even while avenging Pugsley she’s suppressing emotions.
"The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for." - Bob Marley
Well, no one is worth suffering for so, he was wrong.
no one is worth the suffering they've caused you. if they cause you to suffer, you're better off without them, even if it means you're alone. aloneness and loneliness aren't the same- one indicates a sense of self worth and the other is an unhealthy attachment to people.
If you love, you open yourself up to hurt. Parents suffer for their kids every day. Don’t misinterpret this line to think it about abusive relationships.
@@brookeboland9711I’m pretty sure the suffering part just means like being willing to do anything for them.
As someone recently diagnosed with AVPD, I never imagined finding so much help from a Psychological analysis of a fictional character. Literally crying LOL Thanks!
Not to be rude, but may I ask, what is AVPD? If not, Just ignore this comment.
Can we talk about the actor who plays Thing? I totally cried when I watched it for the first time and he was dying.
I think Wednesday's Love Language is violence...kind of joking, but kind of not. She released piranha into the the swimming pool to deal with the jocks who hurt her brother. A side note? The use of Edith Piaf's "Non, je ne regrette rien" (No, I Regret Nothing) while Wednesday puts the piranha in the pool is *chef's kiss*. She promises a very painful death to whoever hurt Thing.
Any kind of emotion is vulnerability, including anger, but Wednesday doesn't see it that way because anger most times leads to doing something physical, like hitting, or dumping blood thirsty fish in a swimming pool.
I am living for these Mended Light Wednesday episodes! Not only, yay, more Jono! But helping me understand my own relationship with emotions.
Thanks
Violent Acts of Service!
@@larkylark1 Lol!! For sure
i just googled how long scorpions live and they live 2-6 years, knowing the addams' Nero would've lived longer cos they wouldve gvien hum the best care in the worlld and so much love. I feel really bad for Wednesday cos that's equivalent of someone doing that to your dog and THATS traumatizing cos of how cruel that is.
I am scared of scorpions, but the part about her pet Nero broke my heart. So mean 🥺🥺 I was in tears, I don’t know what that says. I guess I’m the opposite of this videos intent. I do love it though, thank you for posting.
Scorpions are the only arachnids I'm not afraid of...probably because it's my Rising Sign...I would have had that problem if Nero was a spider...I'm glad he was a scorpio >w< and I'm so sad he died.😢💔
@@Nicamon aw, thank you, 💕 strangely enough, I’m a Pisces, but I love spiders. Not scared of them. We compliment each other! Thank you for understanding me s❤️💔❤️🩹
@@sarahbennet7513 🤗💕
@@Nicamon I'm Scorpio sun and rising, and I'm terrified of scorpions 😬
@@giggle_snort Sorry 4 U. :-
I really appreciate you explaining the purpose of tears. I can cry at the drop of a hat, and like Wednesday, it seems so purposeless to me. Your explanation made me realize that there is so much that I have stuffed down for so long that needs to come out. Thank you so much. There are not words for how significant this shift is for me.
They have a biological function too. I believe they release stress hormones.
I have my own story related to my own discovery of the purpose of tears (in a less-than-serious setting though, but still turned out to be actually useful in real situations):
For most of my life, I generally very much disliked crying and didn't do it much anyway, and always found it easy to suppress if I was (for example) watching a sad movie with others. Like the character in THIS video, I simply saw crying as purposeless and a waste of time. Plus, for some reason or other, I found crying in front of OTHER people extremely awkward.
But then, one day (at age 30), I was watching "Inside Out" with two friends. One particular scene (PRIOR to the "most infamous scene") SO strongly triggered me to almost instantly cry, BUT since I do NOT like crying in front of people, I used an insane amount of effort to suppress the tears... at a PRICE though- suppressing it took so much effort it felt like it hurt my brain! NEVER before had it been SO difficult to suppress tears while watching any movie.
Then something really surprising happened some time after the movie: I realized I was actually CRAVING MORE tearjerkers. That is SO unlike me, so I did some research to try to find out what the heck had happened in my brain to make me WANT that... and found out that, often with crying (or I guess almost-crying), feel-good brain endorphins get released.
Now, I DO KNOW what endorphins are... have the biological function of acting like natural painkillers... so that really changed my entire perspective on crying!
My discovery may have concerned a fictional movie... but I'm proud to say that there was, so far, ONE real life event where I did use the "letting myself cry" technique and it did help to adaptively orient my emotions and later behaviors, where the issue had just been confusing me before and making me go around in circles.
Past crying sessions at real-life events may have also served a similar purpose... I was just not cognitively aware of it back then.
@@Jemini4228 To a degree, yes I think, BUT even more to the point... crying triggers the release of endorphins, which function like natural painkillers (and natural opioids) presumably to dull the original painful emotional stimulus.
I didn't realize that firsthand until... one day (at age 30), I was watching "Inside Out" with two friends. One particular scene (PRIOR to the "most infamous scene") SO strongly triggered me to almost instantly cry, BUT since I do NOT like crying in front of people, I used an insane amount of effort to suppress the tears... at a PRICE though- suppressing it took so much effort it felt like it hurt my brain! NEVER before had it been SO difficult to suppress tears while watching any movie.
Then something really surprising happened some time after the movie: I realized I was actually CRAVING MORE tearjerkers. That is SO unlike me, so I did some research to try to find out what the heck had happened in my brain to make me WANT that... and found out that, often with crying (or I guess almost-crying), feel-good brain endorphins get released.
Now, I DO KNOW what endorphins are... so that really changed my entire perspective on crying!
When you talked about tears are our bodies release, I could feel that you were thinking of your mom. I'm right there with you. I lost my mom 12 years ago now, and it feels like just yesterday. I don't cry anymore because I used up all my tears when I lost my mom.
I am slightly obsessed with this show. It's an absolute delight to watch. A+ writing, A+ casting, and A+++ acting!
A+ acting, but casting and writing? There are some seeeriously awkward moments with the so-called colorblind casting and therefore writing…like…nearly every scene involving the mayor/former sherif and his nephew to the point of being tonedeaf. Nevermind the love triangle forced in *after* Jenna had already signed her contract after explicitly requesting there not be one-even if Jenna had chosen to act Wednesday reciprocating either boy’s attraction, their actual lines? Hello creepy “nice guy” vibes from BOTH of them, but it’s framed as Wednesday’s Fault when she never reciprocated, they just projected. (And is Once Again tonedeaf considering Morticia’s backstory involving sexual harassment and her stalker attempting to murder Gomez.)
There’s plenty the show did well, but considering Burton’s history of distain towards racial and cultural minorities (black people in particular “not fitting his aesthetic” and useage of a jewish story based in jewish history and stripping all jewishness of it for The Corpse Bride), there was Absolutely NO WAY certain themes were ever going to be handled well, which in turn seriously damages the central “Normies vs Outcasts” thing going on. (DUDE…goths getting bullied by popular cliques is NOT THE SAME as being marginalized for being a different race, culture, or sex/gender!)
@@Mizushimeee I'm not stupid enough to do drugs, thank you very much. I think this show is well written, and if you don't, that's your opinion. But don't insult me for having a different one.
@@spacecat8511 Okay, I can respect your opinion on the whole love triangle thing. I don't think either of the guys involved were great, but I think Xavier gets more shit than he deserves. Tyler, on the other hand, deserves ALL the shit. But either way, I have a hard time believing one actor's request not to have romance is going to change any writer's or director's mind once they've decided to go with it.
But as for the rest.... HUH??? How is it tone deaf? How is the discrimination against outcasts not the same as other marginalized groups? They are not just some clique, they're literally magical beings with unique genetic makeup, but since they're not "normal," they are treated like shit. They are shunned by most of Jericho's citizens, and it has nothing to do with goths (seriously, wtf?), and everything to do with the normies thinking they are subhuman. And what exactly are you talking about with the mayor and his son? (Yeah, it's his son, not his nephew.) I don't see any problems there.
@@giggle_snort
…whoo boy. First of all, *because magic people aren’t real.* Black people, however, ARE real.
And the whole white colonist/pilgrims thing? Many of them enslaved black people or otherwise treated them poorly. Morticia telling the black mayor “you don’t know what it’s like to not be believed?” OFTEN happens for women!! BUT also happens for black people and other racial minorities. So Morticia having that line but then the show then has Xavier treating Bianca badly then projecting HIS romantic attraction onto WEDNESDAY when she never reciprocated but got MAD at her about it?
Do you get it NOW? Would watching an actual black person’s reaction to Wednesday have you Get It? (Because at least one exists on youtube. Believe “Brittney Reacts” covered it too. If not Wednesday Reactions should still pull up several.)
I was much like Wednesday from ages 11-23. I shut down at most of my emotions at around age 11 after suffering an extreme amount of bullying the year before. I've since figured out that I'm a female autistic which explains so much. Emotional regulation was and still is hard for me to deal with at times.
I'm a neurodivergent person who emotionally repressed their own feelings for years, thinking life would be easier and less painful like that. Now I have lots of mental health issues :(
Same.
I'm dealing with the consequences of emotional suppression right now, so this is a very timely video for me. I've suppressed them for so long that now I have trouble identifying or feeling any emotion, good or bad. But I'm trying to learn to identify my emotions & allow myself to feel them again. So, thank you for the work you do!
Thank you for this one, Jono. As someone who cries easily, I've been made to feel weak by others who sneer at my tears and, ironically, make them worse as a result. It's gotten to a point where, if someone asks me, "Why are you crying?" even in genuine concern, it makes me feel worse because I feel like they see me as weak and helpless when I'm supposed to be strong and capable. If anyone has any tips on breaking this shame/crying feedback loop, I would be grateful.
I used to be much the same way, though in my case it was more a result of my own perfectionism than any external pressure. I'm not really sure how to describe what changed for me, except to say I started seeing myself as someone I'm supposed to take care of, instead of someone I tyranize and bully when I can't meet my impossible standards. I guess I stopped being like a "tiger parent" to myself, and started being like a parent who still tries to hold their child accountable, but will absolutely throw hands if someone tries to mess with them. Only I'm also the child, haha.
So I actually did have an instance in the past year where I broke down crying in public, and while before I would've been absolutely horrible to myself about it, now I'm able to have a lot more understanding and compassion for myself and what I was sorting through (while also being a lot less worried about what people think of me -- I mean, what are they gonna do, fight me?)
No idea if that helps, but it's what I've got.
I, too cry easily. As a child I was sometimes made fun of, but I think I always saw that as the other person's weakness rather mine. They did not feel emotions as deeply as I did. As an adult I still cry easily, but can control it better when I need to. When I got divorced almost 10 years ago and cried a lot, I had a then friend ask me, Why are you crying over this man? He was not good to you. I thought her question was pretty unfeeling and shallow. I think not crying or understanding why people cry says more about them than it does about you.
stop crying. it's literally the only thing that works. cry privately, away from people.
Well, I may be able to help with the "break the shame" feedback loop, although not necessarily the crying itself because I actually (I know this may sound strange) LIKE to cry (i.e. to sad movies)... but at the same time find it difficult to find triggers to make it happen (i.e. trying to find sad movies). So.. I definitely feel no shame (at least, not if I'm doing it in private... I [still] feel VERY awkward at the thought of crying in front of others though! That may change perhaps though!). You may be wondering "WHY would you want to try to make yourself cry??" Well... here's the story:
For most of my life, I generally very much disliked crying and didn't do it much anyway, and always found it easy to suppress if I was (for example) watching a sad movie with others. Like the character in THIS video, I simply saw crying as purposeless and a waste of time (although not necessarily shameful).
But then, one day (at age 30), I was watching "Inside Out" with two friends. One particular scene (PRIOR to the "most infamous scene") SO strongly triggered me to almost instantly cry, BUT since I do NOT like crying in front of people, I used an insane amount of effort to suppress the tears... at a PRICE though- suppressing it took so much effort it felt like it hurt my brain! NEVER before had it been SO difficult to suppress tears while watching any movie.
Then something really surprising happened some time after the movie: I realized I was actually CRAVING MORE tearjerkers. That is SO unlike me, so I did some research to try to find out what the heck had happened in my brain to make me WANT that... and found out that, often with crying (or I guess almost-crying), feel-good brain ENDORPHINS GET RELEASED.
Now, I DO KNOW what endorphins are... and to me they are a GOOD thing... so THAT really changed my entire perspective on crying!
I really am loving these Wednesday Gets Therapized videos.
It's so interesting to see characters and events of a show but through the eyes of someone used to dealing with people with trauma or with issues.
I hate commenting super early in a video, but I just have to say, scorpion or not, when we're attracted to our pets, they mean the world to us. The animators did an amazing job of showing fear in that little guy, and having a dog as my only true ally and friend in my early childhood, as well as roosters today... Yeah, that would be a terrible, cry-worthy experience. ):
Poor Nero. He didn't deserve getting squooshed.
PS- Nero is an AMAZING name for a scorpion!
Actually that was a better apology than most normies. I'm sorry means that I will try not to do it again. So yes Wednesday did not apologise for hurting thing, but the rest was actually meant and not fake.
It’s so funny, the last time I cried was when I was 13, I’m 32 now, yet I still remember the enormous feeling of relief it used to bring, both physically and emotionally. I learned to hold it all in because my mom’s then husband was abusive and he would always tell me he would hurt my mom if I ever showed any emotion. It was so long ago, and my mom died back in 2016, yet I failed to “unblock” myself. It hurts physically and mentally. Not being able to release emotions for many years damages your body. I sometimes envy people who can cry.
For me, crying is a tough topic. My parents were always very loving and supportive, but they carry their own stuff of emotional suppression and patterns of their own upbringing. Up to these days (I am 25), they cannot cope with me crying in front of them. I had years when I could not cry even if I wanted to but these are over now and I am so glad for it. I've always known that it is very good release. But I still have to "fight" with my parents (and to be honest, sometimes other people) as they react very awkward to me crying. Almost everyone in my life tried to stop me in it. Don't cry, girl! And I try to teach them in that moment that it is not a bad thing, it is necessary for me to feel it right now and I can be okay in a minute when you do not stop me. I feel like Alan sometimes, the pioneer of crying in front of people and showing them it is nothing to be afraid of. :)
I relate to Wednesday a lot, I'm autistic too and I'm a survivor of non physical SA that happened for years off and on since I was 10... I'm 29 and married and I've just recently found the confidence to speak up about my trauma, CBT and mindfulness helped me to gain the confidence I needed to seek trauma therapy, I was diagnosed with general anxiety disorder and PTSD, I found that Hypnotherapy was the best kind of therapy for me and now I've been living trauma free and more confident. Seeking help made me feel free...
As someone who's trying (and sometimes failing) to unlearn all of that emotional stuffing, I can say it's easy to not mind that it hurts me. "Better me than anyone else. They don't deserve the pain I carry." can be a REALLY easy mindset to fall into.
Discuss.
"What is grief if not love persevering"
I'm a neurodivergent person and I can understand and recognize emotions in others. I have very strong empathy. It's social cues that I struggle with. Very important difference. Many neurotypicals are not straight to the point or mean what they say like we do. 😊 Love your channel and openness ❤
I larned somehting very precious: Feelings are steering us, no matter if we are aware of them or not, express them or not. Letting them out and knowing what they are is the way to be able to make more conscious behavioural decisions. The deeper burried they are, the more they go on a rampage in other ways. From damaging relationships, to showing up as thoughts that claim to be all about logic but are actually sourced in emotions (which is not a default!!) down to the point of manifesting as physical symptoms.
Frankly, no area can be left unattended well in life! Physical, mental, emotional, spiritual. The layers of ourselves follow the mess of the world very easily when we don't cultivate them. As too frequently, external modelling is anything BUT healthy.
Also a reason why good ppl capable of good modeling around us are a truly invaluable resource. It's like an internal hack to re-shape our internal aspects that we're not good at handling and perceiving. At least to some extent.
Lovely show. I saw it bring the oddest layers of relation between characters and people I wouldn’t have expected to relate.
I actually decided to never show sadness or tears in front of other people when I was 10 years old. I was teased a lot about my weight by my family and the kids in school and I noticed, that the more I responded, the more the kids in school enjoyed doing it. So when I changed school I vowed to myself to never show weakness... little did I know at the time that that was one of the worst decisions I ever made. Not only did I stop expressing sadness I also stopped smiling for about 3 to 4 years, forgot how to laugh (I had to go to a speech thearpist for a couple of month to learn it again) and kind of disconnected with my feelings until I couldn't notice them anymore. Instead I became psychosomatic. Thankfully my doctor was quiet good at her job and recommended to my parents to send me to a psychologist (my parents were against it because it would mean for them that they did something wrong, but she put it in a way so they wouldn't think it's their fault - great woman) and it took me years of therapy to get to a point where I'm able to feel emotions at all (I had/have a lot of issues).
So let me tell you: it hurts a lot when people hurt you and people can be really cruel but suppressing feelings hurts you a lot longer and if you are too good at it (like me) it will find an outlet one way or another and that's never pretty... get help. A good therapist won't make the world a better place (they're not some kind of god) but they will face your problems with you, put things in other perspectives which you might not have considered and help you deal with the awful or hurtful things life throws at you....
Thank you for acknowledging that sometimes there aren’t safe people and that letting it out to yourself in a car or wherever you can find to be alone is a good alternative.
I really related to Wednesday on this point. The depth of my emotional availability toward others has been a subject of contention. I have, as you say, to be comfortable with people to open up and some of the biggest dissenters in my life have proven themselves to be untrustworthy. While I am trying to do better, I do appreciate that you acknowledge that different people have different emotional depths and that is okay. Sometimes, I wish more people would remember that.
A polyam educator I heard speak referred to tears as emotional sweating and I thought that was a really great way to explain it, at least in my experience and understanding.
_"If you live without love, you still carry pain. You carry the pain of isolation, you carry that pain of a lack of connection."_
The thing is that pain becomes background noise; eventually you get used to it and it doesn't disrupt much. But grief from loss is the emotional equivalent of a vivisection, and it has no off-switch; and when it does end, you are diminished--you are no longer complete. How anyone can argue that any elation--no matter how profound--is worth that inevitable anguish is utterly baffling.
I don't think I'm crazy if I say that the world's greatest orgasm isn't worth a sledgehammer to the balls afterward. But that is figuratively what the Connection Defense is: a justification of an existence comprised of emotional spikes--inviting the crash just to chase the high. I'm sure as a therapist you've seen people crash from drug withdrawals, and I'm certain you've heard them say the juice is worth the squeeze, but is it? Why would this be any different, especially since endorphins are involved in both?
I just noticed an awesome, subtle bit of acting from whoever's playing Thing when Wedneday's saying whoever stabbed him, their suffering will be slow, long, and excrutiating - He's gently undulating as if he's panting, then as he lifts his little finger for the pinkie hold, he trembles like he's shaking with fear and shock. Brilliant! How hard must it be to figure out all of this for a hand's personality, never mind the physicality, of this performance??
its crazy how this video and issue of emotional suppression relates directly to my present situation.
I was literally so desperate the past few days to get to the core of why I'm feeling the way I do, why I'm UNABLE feeling the full embrace of emotions. And I realised now its bc I held myself back. All this time. Its bc I am AFRAID to show them, and id rather shut them down then face the fear of embracing something I've denied for so long. Im FINALLY seeing it, and trying to embrace myself more, what is inside of me & value myself for who I truly am inside. Its been a long and hard, very rough road of being numb, depressed, isolation, stress... I could have a complete happy life but I still feel the remorse of my numbness, of being unavailable for anyone for so long...
Im slowly starting to letting myself feel again, I know I have to keep on working on it. And I NEVER wanna stop. Cause the reason for life is feeling and living. Numbness causes you to feel like your not even living and that is one of the most horrible, scary and most trapping, hopeless feeling you can get lost in.
- Dont ever give up!!! And there's still light in you - Always. Lets let it shine☀Altogether. Everybody will love it don't worry💛💛💛
You should therapize "The Fallout" with Jenna Ortega as the lead character. The kid admits to her therapist that she doesn't get emotional because she sees it as "not productive" when in reality she's just running away from facing her trauma. There's a whole "13" vibe going on. Great, but sad, movie.
That was such a good movie!!
I've found that my relationship with my grandmother goes smoother if I suppress all negativity and disagreement with her views and values, if I sit down, shut up, and respond, "yes ma'am", "no ma'am", and do whatever she wants without complaint out of gratefulness for her taking me in and raising me. Kinda ruined me for emotional connection and has made me heavily introverted as a result.
My last mental breakdown helped, my ticks and ptsd has been minimized greatly. But out of nowhere it starts to build.
Have you watched any of Sandman? There is so much to unpack there with the characters-Dream in particular, but also Rose Walker, Lyta Hall, Hal, The Corinthian, Lucienne, Johanna Constantine, Death and Hob Gadling, Calliope, Ric Murdoc, Lucifer, and Johnny Dee. Even the characters who only appear in a single episode in s1 are delightfully complex and often aren’t entirely wrong with their assessment of things, but also not entirely correct and/or could have voiced their assessments better.
(Also Matthew the Raven is much needed comic relief and a fantastic everyman contrast…while stuck as a bird XD)
holding emotions inside has been my single biggest savior as far as interpersonal relationships go. expressing feelings and emotions and trying to connect with people only ever ends in disappointment because atypical people are selfish sociopaths with zero concern for anyone but themselves.
I am absolutely delighted that you are reviewing this and doing cinema therapy for the series. When I first started watching the show, I was a bit concerned about the very dark nature of it. I’ve been concerned about how dark a lot of our entertainment and media has become and I feel that it hasn’t always been healthy. So I watched Wednesday with great trepidation, and in the end absolutely loved it, complete fan, cried at the end, happy tears. And your review of it confirms what I saw and what I felt. I am delighted to be able to share your reviews and insights especially with my daughter who is a huge Wednesday fan along with her husband. This is one of the few shows that the three of us love to watch, if not, physically together, at least we share our great enthusiasm for it with each other. Thank you again, and again, and again for all that you do. ❤️
11:25 I was so proud od Wednesday here. She let her emotions out.
I didn’t cry for years as a teenager for emotional suppressing reasons. I had the exact same reaction as Wednesday. I was numb. But, I bottled up for so long I became really depressed, and now I seem to cry at the drop of a hat. If you don’t deal with emotions, they get you one way or another! It all has to come out some time.
i'd like to see you do an episode on Enid and the metaphor that is her inability to wolf out
This is my favorite version of uncle Fester, this actor has given the character the most personality 👏🏻
I've never been able to cry much as an adult, not that I don't want to, but it doesn't happen and I won't force it. But what I do is put my tears into writing. Whether it is the lost of a pet, or my parents, or a relationship, I use words to open up and show what is in my heart.
I really enjoyed the Wednesday series. there were a few rough spots, but in general it is excellent TV.
An apology, includes the words "I'm sorry". On a side note I LOVE how thing uses fingerspelling to communicate, super cool.
I don't know what made me click on this video. I haven't seen Wednesday but the things you said here made me cry. I'm going through one of the worst breakups. After years of childhood abuse and various other things in life, i had always been so defensive in dating. In my last relationship, i let myself bear open even though everything told me to run. They left though because they didn't feel the same way and i feel so scared to do it again because it feels like this was going to happen that's why i had never even admitted to myself i wanted a relationship and acted like i hated it. The love I felt was so beautiful and he was a good person, it's just things didn't go the way i expected. I need to remember what you said here because thinking back even with all the pain, i don't regret loving him as much as i did.
this video has been really helpful. ive been struggling with pushing away my friends for a few months due to a fear of losing them and i should really stop doing that
This makes me think of a scene in the movie "saving private Ryan". The scene where captain Miller cries over the death of a private under his command. He hold his grief in until the moment he is alone. This is what I have learned to do as a man. Hold in your tears until the moment it's safe to let them go.
I was diagnosed with autism as an adult. Still, as a child, I knew I was different. It really didn't help that it felt like my family was somehow ashamed of me. Coming from an educated family, but one without much in the way of means or money, I taught myself to read by age 4. I started keeping my real emotions inside at a fairly young age, and I became obsessed with stories of pain and suffering. When I became a teenager, however, the dam started to break. I started having autistic meltdowns far more than I ever did when I was younger, and my self-esteem was non-existent. Even as an adult, it has been very difficult getting myself to accept that I have something to offer the world, as an artist. Still, I live a very solitary existence.
Great episode. Emotional suppression is a very big theme for me. I'm honestly too tired post novels about it. Truth is the family environment I grwe up in was pretty toxic and it was not save to show emotions. Especially not bad ones. Crying totally felt like a weakness (being blamed for, made fun of for, not taken seriously any way, and making things only worse. This both in my family and when bullied in school for years), and I absolutely vowed not to do it. And often succeeded. I am dealing with cPTSD, Depressions, Anxiety and eating disorders, AvPD... It took me years to sometimes allow some of it in therapy. But I am generally very insecure about my own emotions, bottle them up a lot and know the "emotional flatness" that accompanies depressive states.
I love that scene with uncle Fester, for the exact dynamic these two have. Weirdly enough I have this one favourite uncle where feel a little freer around, exactly because I feel like he's not judging so much and taking me more like just how I am.
And I deeply relate to the scorpion, all the more so because I love "creepy crawlies", always did, and often would defend them (or other animals) more than myself. I have mice (since decades) and I am used to take a lot of sh* from other people, for so many reasons, but when it comes to them I get defensive. I have this often with my father, "swallowing" a lot of his general disrespect of me, but I don't allow him to shit-talk about my mice without resolute opposition. Also, of course it hurts when they die. Every single time, for every little mouse, and unfortunately they are short lived. But I always say that what they can give me during their lifespan outweiights the pain of the loss. And getting to know all of them is precious, all over again. But I am very worried about my "wild prince". He's a wild, wood mouse male that I took in as a baby, nursed back to health and raised. It was by far not evident that he would even survive, and lots of work too (including feeding him subsitude mild every few hours for almost two weeks, sometimes collapsing from low blood pressure on the way. I am quite sick myself). I love all my pets, but he definitely grew very special to me. Also I could keep him because he stayed docile (with me alone). He's going on 4 years now which is a very high age for mice and I feel like he starts seeming a little "elderly". I know it will be very hard to say goodbye to him. I hope this will not happen too soon, but of course it is inevitable.
I guess I have a hard time really connecting (with people). I am very lonely, and deep down inside I feel like I don't deserve to be loved. That I am so flawed that it would be impossible. So even for the few people I socially interact(ed. I got much worse) I feel like I can't fully open up, because my "dark secrets" (mostly my eating disorder) would inevitably and rightly chase them away. But yes, it can hurt to be lonely.
And still wrote novels...
sorry
but thank you for your look at Wednesday. It's great.
When I was growing up I had this issue of hating my anger I hated getting mad it left to anger suppression in school doesn’t help that I’m empathic I bottled up my emotions to the point of explosion and when you’re a quiet person people notice which isn’t great
To anyone who still believes neurodivergent folk somehow don’t feel emotions-we do VERY deeply. That’s why we seem to be blank or angry-we’re feeling about ten things at once on average, whether we’re even aware of it or not. Something as monumental as grief can take it’s time to resonate with us because of that.
Wednesday Addams being emotional list, calculating, and efficient, or the things that make us like her. She mainly has this as a defense because most people don't like her or they hate her. And most of it is unwarranted. She reacts to something happening not causing it. Just like the beginning, she was only defending her brother when she did what she did. And when she first meets her colorful and happy roommate, she doesn't know how to react to this kind of person. But over time she realizes that she can let her guard down, and that she can have friends, her personality slightly changes over time. It's a good depiction of how people in real life are, and how things can change.
She loves thing. She has a deep attachment to her father and her brother. She shows it in her own way. She is far more self aware than most people I know.
12:14 slight correction tho: while it is indeed extremely rare, it does happen on occasion. Admittedly, this is just the third time in the whole series, but the first time she said it was in the first episode: "Lurch, please remind my parents"; and then by the end of the previous episode, while asking Weems to be granted leniency: "i think i deserve another chance... please." :-B
no one can replace christopher lloyd as fester, but he does a good job.
I see a lot of my dad in Wednesday's explanation of why she doesn't cry. My dad basically shut down and stopped crying when his brother died when he was nine. He didn't want to think about it so he didn't and he didn't cry because he wouldn't let himself because that would mean thinking about it. It wasn't until his late 60's when he'd finally internalized from my mom's constant support and being there for him when he was vulnerable in other ways for a long, long time (literally decades) that he let himself cry when his dad died. It really seemed to do him so, so much good. It was like a tension inside him had finally left and he could exist a little more easily.
If you want to study more on this, a few terms that can help are...
Alexithymia: apparent detachment from your emotions/difficulty knowing what you are feeling
Emotional overcontrol: controlling your emotional responses to such an extent that they are no longer felt (called emotional stuffing here)
watcHIng your take on Wednesday is when I finally decided to identify as neurodivergent. I'm on the cusp, I guess - I am capable of charming some folks but others used to terrify me. But watching Wednesday, she just seemed normal to me; like somebody I would really like and find comfortable to be around. So, there ya go.
Thanks!
Lov your vids. They are rhe most helpful and relaxing. Thank you.
Thank you so much for this neurodivergence series!
love your work. It would be great to know what you would think about "It's okay to not be okay"
You at 3:57: "She's failing to see what the purpose of tears are..."
Me: "Please say it, please say it, I'm going to be upset if you don't say it" :P
You: "...natural release..."
Me: "Ok good, close enough" :P. Here's my story related to my discovery of that (in a less-than-serious setting though, but still turned out to be actually useful in real situations, I saw):
For most of my life, I generally very much disliked crying and didn't do it much anyway, and always found it easy to suppress if I was (for example) watching a sad movie with others. Like the character in THIS video, I simply saw crying as purposeless and a waste of time. Plus, for some reason or other, I found crying in front of OTHER people extremely awkward.
But then, one day (at age 30), I was watching "Inside Out" with two friends. One particular scene (PRIOR to the "most infamous scene") SO strongly triggered me to almost instantly cry, BUT since I do NOT like crying in front of people, I used an insane amount of effort to suppress the tears... at a PRICE though- suppressing it took so much effort it felt like it hurt my brain!
NEVER before had it been SO difficult to suppress tears while watching any movie.
I don't even know exactly how I did it-- I basically tried to make my mind go blank / black, and I do remember glancing away from the screen a bit to remove some of the visuals BUT the audio was still coming into my ears and getting processed by my brain, so it was VERY hard to try to ignore!
Suppressing those impending tears felt SO painful that, even immediately afterwards, I thought to myself "Whoa, if I knew it was going to feel that painful, I would have decided just let it out, and not cared if I was doing it in front of my friends!" (!!!)
Then something really surprising happened some time after the movie: I realized I was actually CRAVING MORE tearjerkers. That is SO unlike me, so I did some research to try to find out what the heck had happened in my brain to make me WANT that... and found out that, often with crying (or I guess almost-crying), feel-good brain endorphins get released.
Now, I DO KNOW what endorphins are... and they are TOTALLY worth it, regardless of their [if harmless, of course] source! So that really changed my entire perspective on crying!
My discovery may have concerned a fictional movie... but I'm proud to say that there was, so far, ONE real life event where I did use the "letting myself cry" technique and it did help to adaptively orient my emotions and later behaviors, where the issue had just been confusing me before and making me go around in circles.
Trauma in my youth, and keeping my emotions within... People who aspire to get close with me, don't know how to navigate me, and that's actually my problem to figure out, not theirs.
I really loved this series and I’ve loved Wednesday as a character since the first time I watched the 1991 Addams Family. I really feel like this version of Wednesday I relate a lot move now that I have a retrospective view of how teenage me was feeling and it’s so cathartic to see her open up. Very much like Wednesday I felt like I got burned by my own emotions in a way, so I chose to force them down and not feel them to the point that I couldn’t cry when I should have been able to. I eventually recognized this and decided that I needed to force myself to cry and I primed myself for it for like the whole battle sign in the last Harry Potter movie cause I knew my favorite character was gonna die and I felt like it would be a disservice to him to not full experience the full range of emotions and eventually when it happened I did cry him and everyone else who died. Thankfully my emotional regulation in that regard has improved tremendously and now I think I cry a healthy amount. If anyone is having a hard time crying maybe give it a try it worked wonders for me. I can now also relate to more positive emotions too. Cause the good emotions tend be pushed down with the bad ones too, from my experience. I had no idea I was unintentionally stuffing all of my emotions down. When I finally started releasing I made room for more positive feels. I’m really excited to see what happens next not just because the plot is getting juicy again but I’m excited to see her character get to evolve again. Even if she stays stoic and sassy. Especially if stays that way. I love that about her.
I'm really grateful for this video. I'm getting to see more and more how little connection there's been in my family. Allowing myself to feel it hurts a lot but i feel better afterwards. Thanks Mended Light💐.
In my experience, my feelings are so heavy to most people, it actually drives them away whenever I try to express them. Maybe you can make a video or send me a comment about this? I'm a person who isn't afraid to express emotions and get deep. But all that's ever done for me is push people away. They get overwhelmed or don't want to talk to me. I take it to a therapist, and they toss me around like a football. How can I connect when it feels everyone is not willing to be patient to connect with me?
you should do one of these with Rafe Cameron from Outer Banks
Outlets are so important and so varied. Great video, this is my first but I'll be subscribing and checking out more between my weekly podcast diet on my days off.
You know, everyone always says how crying is supposed to be cathartic and such a great release, but I've never found it to be. All I get is a headache and a sore throat. I never feel any better or lighter afterwards.
I would actually disagree with "tears almost never change a circumstance". Crying, when done in the presence of others, can motivate people to reach out and try to help and comfort you. That changes the situation from one where you are suffering alone to one where your suffering is acknowledged by others and people are rallied to come support you. And perhaps by coming together as a group, we can change our circumstance. Maybe we won't be able to bring the dead back to life (yet, I have hope), but some circumstances that cause tears can be changed. Stressful work environments, dysfunctional communities, poverty, whatever, can be changed when folks come together towards a common goal, and if crying can be the catalyst for that collective action, then maybe tears can change a circumstance.
This movie was hard at first to watch. I related to her so much.
I am on the spectrum myself. But also because my mother was very controlling... more so than Morticia in many ways, MY peers attempted to bully me too.
Eventually,like Wenesday, I too learned to pack my weaker emotions away so people can't use them against me, and so my emotions don't cripple me.
People are fine on a surface level, but I rarely trust my true heart with them because I know from my experiences that the true monsters come with normal, and often, sweet pretend supportive and kind faces.
Eventually, though, once they have developed a bond with you, you see the monster that lies within hidden.
I rarely talk about it with people though. Honestly, what's the point. People hate to look at the underbelly of the twisted human psyche. They prefer to gaslight and tell you that you are insane for thinking such thoughts. They call you paranoid, even delusional.
But for those of us who have stared into the abyss and had it stare back at you... we know the truth!
I know many might see this post and think the same things about me.
That's OK!
But my point is maybe Wednesday has some valid reasons for why she does what she does. Maybe it is a coping mechanism that is working good for her.
We haven't seen yet what happens after. Maybe later on she is betrayed by the very people she is now opening herself to.
I know for me everytime I have allowed new people into my life, I quickly learned to regret it.
I know what I am supposed to want to connect. I am supposed to want to feel my emotions, but both have felt like an enigma to me.
P.S. I am a writer too!
Thank You Jono 🖤
When I watched this Episode for the first timie I cried so hard and intensely!
Attachments look different for different people. I was in the Army for 21 years, and between that and other things i am not always super demonstrative with anyone but my husband. That being said, i have known my best friend for like 30 years. She obviously knows me really well and can read between the lines. For example, when I declare something not good enough for her, or express something potentially...lets say unpleasant...in the general direction of someone who in my opinion isn't treating her properly, she responds with "I love you too". She knows how protective I am of the people I care for, but that it can come out in ways that seem harsh (which seems to be getting worse as I get older- its more likely to happen if people I don't know well are around).
It's a release... It fixes itself - you inside - being let out! That is a change. Just not a change to the cause of the emotional effects!
I can't cry. I can't allow myself to cry. After years of bullying in school I learned not to show any sign of "weakness". If I showed any emotion, good or bad, someone would take advantage and hurt me for it so I stopped showing any emotions. Years later, when I was in a much better place, my guitar teacher told me to sing while I play and after I was done he told me that my singing was technically solid but I needed to show at least a little bit of emotion. That hit me hard, because I realized that I had forgotten how to express myself. After years of working on that, I can show my emotions fine (at least in a situation where I am comfortable) and I don't see crying as a weakness anymore - at least in others. I can see people cry and have empathy for them and try to comfort them, but I can't let myself cry and if I ever do, it turns into rage and self-hatred. I don't know how to change that.
When I lost my family, I didn't want any new friends because I was afraid I'd just lose them too one day. But somehow, people keep deciding to be my friends. I can't possibly be an easy person to be friends with, but for reasons that forever elude me, they make the effort, and I can't help but be friends with them because I love them and they make me better. I have no idea what I do for them, but I hope it's worth it, and I hope I make them better too.
I liked Wednesday for the oddest of reasons, probably. Although I felt inexplicably able to relate to her easily, she reminded me of Seven of Nine from Voyager, possibly because of her bluntness and deliberate methodical way of decision-making and performing functions as though she'd been practicing them for 50 years straight, but probably a lot of other, more elusive qualities.
About crying... I can't cry over my promlems. Somehow I can be really upset or anxious, but it feels like my eyes don't have tears for it. Even if I want to. The only way for me to cry is to watch a sad animation or smth and to cry for those characters.
And I wonder why, because I'm not the person like Wednesday, at all. I'm emotional and loud and l like to talk about my problems, but can't cry...
What about not being able to hold emotions in until it's safe to express them? (not grief-related). I have no problems with expressing emotions, but I can't navigate them at all. When I feel like crying I'm going to cry no matter where or in which situation I am. I have not found a solution to this yet and it's been terrible to be so vulnerable in front of everyone, it's emberassing
100% with you on that one! 😣 For me it's crying, due to frustration...? at work, or doctor's offices, you name it. Super inconvenient and makes things actively difficult at times!
Partly maybe it's just a natural thing - perhaps some people just hit different on the spectrum of being sensitive, empathic, whatever...? And our society just isn't very accepting of freely expressing emotion that way, rather than as anger or sarcasm.
But I've also noticed that the real hardest difficulty in keeping this sort of thing under reasonable control often seems to happen when already under physical stress from fatigue & pain, &/or sustained mental/emotional stress. Even if you think you're mentally keeping on top of things, the body's cortisol debt still piles up!
So it may be worth taking a closer look at how much chronic stress your body & brain are coping with...? Trying to learn good stretches, relaxation breathing etc seems to help a bit both in terms of reducing stress load and being able to better regulate how the body copes. But I don't know what else one can do, sorry; except for not beating yourself up about being a sensitive person! The world could use a few more of those, tbh...?
I think I’ve suppressed my emotions where my uncles concerned , watching my mother going to pieces after the loss of her brother I felt and still feel I don’t have the right to grieve because I feel she’s lost so much more I feel a part of herself has died along with him it’s gonna sound stupid but I’m living my grief through my mother , telling you this isn’t easy , I know I lost an uncle but I still feel I need to push how I feel down and make sure she’s happy it’s probably not the best thing to do so I guess I’m still suppressive where this is concerned 😢
You have every right to grieve. Your grief is likely different than your mother, but it's no less real and needs to be expressed however you need to. You can still support your mom and grieve together if that's what works for you two.
@@bryonmorgan5208 I really appreciate that , I guess I’ve just done what I’ve always done and that’s be strong for everyone else in my life and I just don’t know how to be anything else , I do miss him so much watching someone waste away to nothing knowing theirs nothing I can do but watch on , watching my mother fall apart was hard enough I guess that my emotions flatlined 🥺
@@PoltergeistTears sounds like your emotions are still there. Talk to your mother, talk to a therapist, talk to someone you can trust. Especially with a therapist, they can help you find the way. I was a caretaker for my own mom for several years before she passed and I understand where you're coming from. You're not alone in this world. Things can get better.
One thing I've found out myself is that grief is the love we can no longer express directly to our loved one that's gone. Your uncle must have been very special for you to still care for him.
@@bryonmorgan5208 I really appreciate that thank you so much , it’s been many years since I’ve seen a therapist and sadly the one I was seeing wasn’t very good in anyway give pretty bad advice so I ended up dealing with my own demons alone and never saw one since
I feel I’m dealing with not just loss but Loneliness and abandonment as well as my uncle was the last family member left it’s only me and my mother now :) my dad and his family abandoned me I had to cut them out of my life for good due to years of abuse still dealing with the mental side of that but it’s not as bad anymore I still get nightmares it’s getting easier
I love and miss my uncle very much I think about him all the time , I’m really sorry to hear about that , that can’t have been easy :( it’s that feeling of powerlessness that kills me more :(
@@PoltergeistTears I’m sorry you’re going through a lot. I know it’s not easy but I really hope you can find your path forward. Yeah there are some therapists who shouldn’t be therapists, but there are definitely excellent ones too. Sometimes it takes a few before you find a good fit.
Take care of your mother and yourself too! You are worth it.
May be that's why I do not have further intentions to live, I never feel connected to any other human being. I always feel that if I open up too much, it can be used against me in the future.
Growing up I was... hypersensitive to put it mildly. I once cried my eyes out because someone opened my bag of chips. They didn't take any, they immediately gave it back and everything, they just felt like opening chips at that moment in a weird way. I cried about anything and everything.
Then I had an episode of derealization and over corrected. I felt like I had been up to that point living on autopilot. Suddenly everything felt disconnected and I had to rediscover what emotions were(which were which and why), since until then I had been taking everything at surface level. No nuance, no introspection, nothing that would have given any moment a deeper meaning. Whatever my first reaction was it was immediate, magnified, and expressed without any safeguards or filters.
For a few years I was an emotional sponge mimicking those around me in order to quickly and effectively imprint the sensation of each complex emotion. Then... I discovered manga and anime. I had been reading books at this point with a near compulsive obsession. These books were female leads and helped form the backbone of my personality with positive role models, which lead to manifesting somewhat feminine traits. It was through my drive for reading that a friend connected with me via book recommendations. This friend turned out to be a huge fan of anime and manga, and through sheer stubbornness and persistence managed to persuade me to give such a "childish" medium a serious try. I got hooked within the first chapter. A wealth of stories with a seemingly endless supply of long running series full of a diverse range of characters, personalities, events, and settings. At first I was reading everything that caught my eye irregardless of genre nor demographic. If the books I read was the core of my being, this new source of stories became the nuance that was missing. It was like finishing a foreign language class only to continue learning in that country. Some parts were were added, ground away, rearranged, or remolded into a much more cohesive whole.
All that to say, reading changed my life at a time I felt at my most lost.
I was called "emotionally constipated" growing up because when I saw my cousins experiencing excitement and joy, I stomped on that spoke down to them telling them "Santa is a product of a corporation" and the real st nick "is long dead." I have seen soooooo many therapists for my childhood trauma (we spent an Xmas in a women's refuge, and I was distraught my friends or family couldn't know where we were until it was safe) and I know now it was really shitty behaviour. I don't want Xmas trees in the house decorating for holidays or seasons (save Halloween) is a thing I don't want to put energy into. I am much better at emotions now, I spend more emotions on animals than people though save for one or two of them.
i feel like my friend needs this video
Hell yeah no love sounds awesome. Solitude is the best
Do the classic Addams Family episode, “The Psychiatrist”!
Why does the the Scorpion pet scene always make me cry...
Fester is also the only one she really grinned at in excitement
Holding inside is No Good!! Caused an anxiety disorder, but if I dealt with certain things at the time in a normal fashion. I WOULD HAVE PROBABLY CAUGHT A CASE! SMH... AND GOT LOCKED UP... CATCH 22 ( Shoulder shrug)
I actually have a very hard time crying. Not even bcs of Manliness Standards, it's just blocked unless I switch off my thoughts and refuse to blink. I suffer strongly from that. But I also feel like I make it more of a problem than it is.
Any time I cry it feels super cathartic. But maybe the catharsis makes me cry. But I think it's the former.
Many people think I'm cold, but in truth I feel too much and I push it down because it is too much at once. I have had to beg family, if, even in the midst of a fight I walk away or demand they leave, it's not because I am either conceding or unwilling to talk. It means I'm going to start being deliberately hurtful and spiteful because I am too angry. Let me have space to calm down so we can talk again when I am not over emotional. It took my family a long time to accept that it was necessary and to stop pushing. I would come back to the table to talk when I could. And, unfortunately, until they learned it they suffered when they kept poking and I exploded. Emotions are TNT essentially.
Relatable or not but my mom says when I was born I didn't cry so quickly I was taken to observation thus we didn't bond. Then it turned out I was that girl who wouldn't cry, and when a family member dies I truly don't feel a thing. I started crying after 18 from loosing my dogs and going through a loveless life, this softened me but now again am soulless bc am cursed to be an involuntary hermit and have to accept and feel fine with reality. Yet I may not cry in funerals but do cry at some films 😅