Why Narcissist HATES Kissing you
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- Опубликовано: 5 июл 2024
- Link to my best resources for healing:
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CHAPTERS
00:00 introduction
00:42 Why kissing feels so robotic with a narcissist
01:06 Clip reaction
02:08 Clip discussion
03:06 Some narcissits Fake it !
4:00 Robotic nature of kisses becomes a problem
04:37 You start feeling you were being used .
05:27 Some settle for nothing in a narcissistic relationship
06:14 Narcissist deprives you of connection
07:08 The most painful thing.
07:50 Why Some narcissists kiss you passionately in the beginning
09:22 The conclusion
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Link to my best resources for healing:
linktr.ee/narcabusecoach
Danish, my 42 yrs old son is the Narcissit! I would appreciate a session with you on this matter. Please can you contact me? 🙏
Truthfully, you're probably very lucky to not being kissed by the narcissist, because there's no telling what they have been doing with that mouth when you are not around.
You are speaking the truth 🤮
Yes
Like lying..
FACTS 💯
😆
Even in the beginning it was weird. I felt like I was with a nerd who didn't know how to kiss because of lack of experience. It only made me feel sorry for him and of course he said he was nervous because I was so beautiful. This was the flattering love bomb stage. Ugh...makes me sick to my stomach!
Omg I relate so much. It did feel like I was with a nerd who didn't know what he was doing. It was odd. Especially given that he did have lots of girlfriends in the past.
Exactly this one! I also belived that I was with someone who was socially very akward and didn't know how to be with a woman. Boy was I wrong 😂 soon enough I was shocked by the way he knew his way around my body as if we had been together before. He went from no experience to pro in a moment. Like he did this with somebody every day. Manipulative.
Yes-constantly felt like the nex had no experience -he was an awful kisser and crap in bed
I know right. I’ll never fall for the love bomb again!!!….
We all are over-beautiful to them 😂
Intimacy with a narc ~ wham bam, thank you m'am. No prelude, no snuggling afterward s. I felt like a hooker.
Some even jump up to shower you off them after. So degrading 😢
Exactly. It's completely devoid of intimacy. They need sex like they need to breath or sleep. It has nothing to do with expressing love or sharing experiences.
@@Merbellaevery time. Very degrading.
Yes. Nailed it
Yeesss, exactly! Only a bit of kissing years later..only during last bit of sex! No effort to see you have an orgasm either! Don't miss " slime 🪣" at all..🤮
They are non human entities so that explains why it feels like kissing a robot. There's something so empty about them.
Because you can tell by the kiss if they're currently cheating on you and emotionally loyal to someone else. They can mentally break up with you at any point in the relationship and then assign emotional loyalty to someone outside the relationship that they wish they were kissing instead
Yes! A lot can be told or felt just by the feeling of a kiss!!!💯💯
They can have passion which pulls you in but when it comes to holding your face gently and truly kissing you with no sort of sexual intention behind it, never happening. If they do give you a kiss that doesn't lead to sex it's very very forced and they will gaslight you when you say something feels off.
OMG! So true it was like kissing a Robot-awful, would kiss me a lot in the beginning and then stopped-started saying kissing is "not hygienic and that it's stupid overall"-then complained that I didn't initiate sex-how the hell does someone initiate sex-without kissing or fondling-I don't miss that nonsense-pure lunacy 🤦🏾♀️🤦🏾♀️🤦🏾♀️total waste of time!
Same with me. Only I’m a guy and the narc was my ex gf
Isn’t funny how they have an excuse or an explanation for every horrible, lame or weird thing they do? Mine wanted me to always initiate sex. After six months I was tired of this game. I needed to feel loved and validated but he used withholding sex and intimacy as a weapon and a means to control me. In a loveless marriage, sex was the only thing that made me feel loved and worthy. He felt so powerful when he would see what this did to me emotionally, how it lead me down a spiral of depression and suicidal thoughts. Never going back to that cold dark place again.
Everyone has their own way of kissing. I always thought my husband was a good kisser until a few years ago. I noticed a change in his kissing. Weird. I want that type of affection and all I get is him grabbing my body parts. Never a hug or kiss. No feelings behind his gestures. No intimacy, no romance, ever. It really saddens me. And God forbid you say no! The whiney baby takes over and he gets all upset and angry. I just want to feel the love I deserve. 😢
OMG Yes my husband is exactly the same way
me too !! the GRABBING !?!!! It is like he is 5 years old ( and a bully )..
@lucyt-c8092 right!! He's pissed off at me now, so he hasn't touched me or talked to me in 2 weeks. Yay!! Lol
Yeah my husband goes days with out talking to me when he's mad 🙄
My ex-husband was the same. Couldn't just give a nice hug. Even as we broke up a few months ago, if I gave him a hug, supposing we are both sad, he would grab my butt ...even say what a great body! WHAT?
Oh. My. Gosh Danish. I've been waiting 20 years for someone to understand what I went through and the dynamics of it. Thank you so much for the validation. Finally. This means so much. Wish I could send this video to the shit therapist who ended up being the flying monkey to my then husband. She traumatised me more. Thank you Danish for all that you do for us survivors.
Yeah my ex fooled me because in the beginning, especially out in public he held onto me and kissed me to the point I was embarrassed. He would look around to see if people were watching. Then he didn’t want to kiss me anymore because “I smelled like fish.” He knew I hated any kind of seafood so that was absurd and cruel. At that point, we had only been married a year. He was my second narcissist and I began to catch on and divorced him after less than three years.
Well done! You are always the problem not the narc.....Disgusting rotten fish they are themselves...
They overdo everything in the beginning, especially in public to make you feel uncomfortable and make everyone else think he is crazy about you and you're an ungrateful spouse. Everything in the beginning is a setup for when you wake up and see what's behind the mask. My ex drove the church bus and we took the kids for ice-cream. He told the little ones that he was buying my ice-cream first, the kids looked at me as if I was the one making them wait. I got furious and said no, get these babies their ice-cream, then if I want some, I'll get some. They want to rob everything good from you, even precious moments with children.
Omg did we date the same guy?!? He said the fish thing too!
Same thing happened to me. At first he would say I was the world's best kisser, then after being married, he would just hold his mouth open and do nothing. 😮 like that, and masturbate while I'm supposed to keep kissing him.
I have never kissed a dead fish, but kissing my covert narc husband would have been like that. If you can imagine it.
Yes, fish lips is a good description 😅
The cruelty of it all is they'll blame their lack of passion on you! Such a cheap shot and a lie!
Had his lips tightly closed as if he was a spoiled 2 year old who didn't want to kiss his mom goodbye at school.
33 years married and always thought there was something not "right".
Yep! The pursed lip kiss of the narcissist is the worst! 😢
Gosh we're you all married to my ex too?!!
I married him in female form lol
It’s scary they’re so many of them.😬
I’ve been in a situation like that as well. Tight lipped and pointy tongue 😖
Oh! My! Goodness!
The kissing was terrible! Exactly as you described! No life! Feels forced! Robotic! Deprived !
I never even considered this was part of it. He fooled me in the beginning by kissing me ; then it stopped . When he did it was lifeless. So I settled for nothing.
All this time. I never knew.
You are absolutely genius in your insight to what narcissists are.
It was always me. My fault.
I did feel used and unwanted and unattractive.
I could not understand that other men were attracted but he was not. I never sought nay other man’s attention because I was always loyal.
What a waste of my years of youth and emotional energy.
I have the exactly same feeling. Waste of my youth and emotions on a wrong person.
Same here. Divorced now. Better to be alone.
Very impassionate. No feeling in it. It feels fake.
"you feel like you're kissing an inanimate object" 100%
It’s like having a relationship with a five year old child in a man’s body. They do seem like a Nerd. It is quite bewildering when you don’t know anything different but just what you have seen on film or how others behave. I remember going to a New Year’s Eve ball and seeing other couples draped around each other and the two of us dancing like strangers.
Such true words, 🙈
How horrible!😢
YES YES YES. By withholding kissing the ex-narcissist controlled the following: He avoided intimacy. I enjoyed kissing so much and he denied me. He could hide his drinking. I shamed myself into thinking that it was me.
Bitter truth ! You are right after 19 years of marriage I can tell that 100%
I got more true loving affection from my dog.than. I did from my narcissistic ex.
Absolutely
I think you are speaking for many of us. A few months ago my ex raised a belt above my sweet and loving dog and was thinking of hitting him but stopped after I screamed at him. My dog is family and to me and a physical threat towards him is domestic violence in my opinion. I have not seen him or talked to him since and my dog and I are very happy,!!
That's exactly how it started. Passionate and exciting. Then there was less kissing, then less hugging, then less sex. 18 years later there's no sex at all. He'd rather have sex with himself than with me. And even though I still feel the urge for it, the thought of having sex with him now feels weird. If I bring up the fact that we don't do it, he says it's my job to make him want it. He also has a whole list of things involved for it to happen like scheduling, going to bed at the same time (we don't share a bed anymore 🙄), if he's not too tired, whether we got along that day or not, etc. He'll always find a reason not to.
Sounds like my situation. The effort even comes to an end. Started out so compassionate, then to scheduled sex, like no you must give me 24-hour notice. I got so confused that I don't dare to ask and don't even know how to go about it. I would wait for her to come to me for sex, then she insisted I come to her, but I don't dare to because I don't want to get turned away. This is so robotic, I just quit. I feel so in limbo. There is really nothing there. I have been played and at 66 years old I feel like I missed the big love boat event.
100%
You literally hit nail on head, they truly would like to have sex with themselves if they could. They do so in a way early on by idealizing you and love bombing and mirroring so much so that you become blurred, enmeshed and you look like twins in his/ her mind and that's where the high/ excitement comes from. Eventually they see themselves as you were when you first met and you are the version of them they hated and pretended to be you instead. They literally swap with you and get disgusted by you because they only see the person they are and trying not to be if they are covert. If classical they literally are like in the movie abouith the gnomes and Sherlock Holmes is a gnome and dreams of dancing with himself...total narcissist. Lol. Saw this movie when I was figuring out what my ex was and it was such a moment of clarity...superbly depicted in cartoon form.
@@amandachilds5290woww, that is sooooo true!!! How u said they swap versions of you. My ex met me when I was doing great & he was fucked up & alone. He cried & begged me to date him again after being apart for almost a decade, because he was soooo lonely). By the end of our relationship, I was him, and he was me. How insightful ~tysssm!!🙏🏼✨
@@kr0wn.aSSaSSinyou are welcome and don't accept that narrative anymore. You are vibrant and can recharge soon enough, they never can because they are parasitical in nature. Be well and realize they were just really messed up, you did your best because you are good hearted, and they took without giving but you don't need them and never did. 🙌💜🕊️
Mine was robotic in all acts of emotional connection; kissing, sexual intimacy, conversation, dancing, etc . Everything just felt so empty.
It is true. Forced, weird and “no one home!” There is nothing personal or intimate. It’s like a pacifier, or like he checks off the items on his to do list.
I’m a realist, his presence is not desired anymore. There is nothing, nothing sexual, nothing intimate, not even a relationship. It’s ridiculous!
It feels like he is grossed out by my lips.
Im glad you're talking about this because I noticed this with my ex narc. It felt so weird, like he was faking it. I should have know it wasn't real from the kiss
I found out where all his mouth had been and after that even the thought of kissing made my skin crawl
Passionate kissing during idealization then hit in the face, (me), and he pulled his face back being avoidant later. He was very robotic during sex too. He deliberately withheld sex too or threatened rape if you said never again.
He got off after smacking me in the face hard a few times during sex, why? Did abuse from his mom cause this? I felt so used the last time too.
Thank you, Danish. I broke up with my boyfriend four months ago - I’ve been missing him lately and questioning if my judgments about his character were wrong. I was having slight regrets about ending our relationship but after watching this video it put me back in the centered headspace that I need. A relationship where intimacy and affection is dull and cold will undoubtedly cost you harmony. Almost forgot 🙃Thanks again 🙏 you are wonderful
Hang in there. U wouldn’t have cancer cut out of you and then say “ Hey Doc I miss that cancer, can I put it back”. They will always show others more affection than you. Even complete strangers right in front of your face. Then make it your fault.
Get more & more knowledge. Your mind will open more & more...& doubts will subsidies...
this is why I keep coming back so that I stay strong. so many people do not understand narcissism or do not work on themselves so they think you are petty or just complaining? anyway, I have found the videos help a LOT to reconfirm and validate what I am feeling. Danish has a way of getting to the nitty gritty and it cracks me up when he describes them in detail, because it's true and it feels good to know someone can acknowledge it's real. keep reading the comments, watch the videos and work on yourself so you can eradicate them out of your life and never attract another one. raise your self esteem for one. God bless.
The way narcissists condition their approval, attention and love makes it like a drug addiction. It takes sometime to detoxify. At times you will crave it but with time it gets better and you will truly see it properly for what it was
@@brothergas1260 Right on brother! Many years ago when I was with him, I bought a brand new car and parked it in front of the garage because he had so much junk inside. I was sick the day after I bought it and he came in the house and said
" you better get out here, your car just got hit" when I went out he was standing next to the neighbor girl who was practucing driving in the ally and he was hugging and comforting her as he shot daggers at me.
Left him immediatly after that. He was getting sicker in the head and perverse by the day. He also never showed any affection. When I tried to kiss him, he bit me on the nose. Cruel as well.
Some narcissists also have terrible oral hygiene.. My ex wouldn't brush his teeth and kiss me 🤢 But when he brushed his teeth he wouldn't kiss me.. It became very revolting smelling his terrible breath.. One day I told him I prefer we kiss after we both brush our teeth as a way to not completely target his terrible oral hygiene habit. As a punishment for pointing out his bad hygiene he stopped kissing me in general. He continued to not brush his teeth and always got close to my face when he would talk, just so I could smell his bad breath. If he went out or to work he would brush his teeth. It was obvious that he was deliberately making me smell his terrible breath..
He is sadistic
😂I can relate.. how do you take a shower and brush your teeth to go to work & be FAKE.
But wont do it at home, while with your significant other???? That’s crazy. Not right at all……
Narcissists hate boundaries.
My dad only showered once a month. He was a raging narc that everyone st home was sacred of.
Yes!! Robotic! Absolutely the right word. It’s awful. In the beginning it wasn’t the best and now it’s like kissing a concrete statue. Therefore, I don’t kiss him. We aren’t intimate in any way anymore due to his serial cheating and porn addiction. I married a psychopathic stranger.
These are sad facts. I can't believe i stayed for so long....
My narcissist was a great kisser when we first started dating, but the second we got married he never kissed me again. Plus there was no affection of any kind.. and no sex.
This is 💯true! He doesn't like any kind of touch or intimacy, & there was never any feeling in it, from him. Mechanical 😢
Right on. The same with sex with narcisist - robotic, unpleasant... who are these creatures??? Do they have a software called soul? Are they non-human, some kind of mutants lacking compassion, emotions that create passion in love making, kissing??? It was my husband like that... I felt sorry for him, tried to wake, to ''warm'' him up.. ended leaving him. It was very frustrating... remarried to a loving, hugging and tender soul, a great kisser...
I know exactly what you are talking about
Now kissing and hugging your present partner must be feeling like blessing and you must be thinking that these are the small things that you were missing in your previous relationship
The first time I kissed my ex (who is 54 mind you) was like trying to teach a scared virgin how to kiss. He didn’t know how to move his tongue or relax into it at all. I was thinking wtf is wrong with this man!?! Little did I know at the time; I was dealing with one of the worst narcissists I had ever met in my life
Wow!
You are describing my life and marriage exactly. I am amazed how common this is. I thought I was all alone in the Twilight Zone!
When I was married to my narcissist ex husband one time I tried to kiss him & he said, “I don’t kiss people in their mouth.”
“WHAT…?”
Mine said I don't like the tongue thingy anymore, we can just kiss on the outside of the lips without going in. He'd actually clench is mouth closed.
Mine said the exact same thing.
You're not alone. Mine said that to me too.
My ex-husband was not a good kisser and not a good lover. Probably because it was all about him. 😅
It's like they expect it all to somehow magically happen and be amazing, all without their effort and foreplay even. How does that happen 🤔?
ABSOLUTELY SPOT ON ..like kissing Shrek 😂 Lack of eye contact..felt like I could have been anyone …he would text me one word ‘radio’ code for I’m ready. Thank you for helping me understand
Yes, lack of intimacy was very heart breaking with narcs in marriage. But after divorce and no contact, we got blessed with the fact that we were untouched so we didn’t store any memories in our bodies. Now with new right person, it will be a fresh start without any body memories. Blessings in disguise ❤
Hmm this is so true. I’ve dated a narc or few. And one in particular would play weird games…
When he’d kiss me, I’d get the feeling like I was doing too much, that he wanted to hurry up & end it already. So ofc I just got used to not kissing him & just didn’t bother trying at all. As I’ve been thru quite a bit of trauma & neglect myself, it really wouldn’t bother me after a while. I’m kinda like a narc shield.. their tactics & games have the opposite effect of what they intended.
He didn’t like that.
Towards the end of our relationship, he started this weird game of going in for a kiss, so that naturally I would too.. but then he’d quickly turn away & leave me standing there like an idiot with my lips puckered (in front of people) - to make me feel stupid & unwanted. After a bit of this I caught on to what he was doing & just didn’t bother going in to kiss him back. Make him feel stupid.
And soon after that moment.. -he ended it with me!!!!😂
Narcs don't use foreplay.
Foreplay was the sex for me.😂
Nope-no foreplay-no seduction,no love making-total abusive crap
This is the truth! Not only the kissing, also in the intemy sex act. Not giving, more like being a dead body, doing nothing. Exuse me...
So true!! Tight lipped and regimented! No intimacy. Thank you for sharing this detail to further remind me of his npd
I would lean in for a hug or kiss and actually see him roll his eyes 😢 very hurtful very sad. I never understood that.
I felt the same way that I begun to question if my hygiene was good enough because he made me feel that my hair smell bad, that I didn't take a bath. When in fact, I look after myself especially if I was meeting him.
Danish, You have helped me in so many ways and I thank you. In this particular one it involves my daughter and I. I'm 58 and she is 30. Since about 12-14. She became one of these. I kiss her on the forehead and no hugs. My granddaughters are free loving with me. My ex and daughter are full blown narcissist. I only discovered this almost a year ago. God bless you for all your amazing help. No more anxiety and I have found peace.
I'm 62, my daughter's gone no contact unless I adhere to what I can and cannot say, screw that, done is done! Hubby's a jock bully and she grew up being called the other woman, now she's 27 and wants to call the shots in my own home, I can just imagine what that would entail in 10 yrs, not happening!
@@joseenoel8093 My daughter took my granddaughters away from me while she was pregnant with my 3rd granddaughter. After 3 months she popped back in. The devastation that you and I have suffered in unbelievable.. My 8 year old spent every weekend with me and went to church with me. But know Praise God, boundaries have been set. She doesn't like it but you and I have a life to live as well. Before I was too entangled in their lives. Their fault and mine. Best to not live with them if at all possible. Let God be your guide. Danish is the best coach I have found. I wish you freedom from this hell. Peace and Blessings to you and your family. May you find your place and your peace. Much love and prayers being sent your way.🙏💖🌞
Narcissists do not know how to show affection, it's always sexually oriented or sexually based. Hell they don't even know what love is.
21 years married and my ex husband hated and refused to kiss me. I thought I was the only one and never thought this was a common thing. Thank you for your videos. They help so much to understand what was happening to me
Yep, it’s happening to me now. I thought something’s wrong with me. But I refuse to have that thought ever again.
I got slapped in the face as a ”joke” only knowing him for a few weeks…he farled the test
My narcissistic partner was exactly like that.
Probably, but the victim eventually doesn't want to kiss the abuser either! I'm scared now for kissing a good person, afraid it will FAIL AGAIN..😔😖😶💔
(PS: I love kissing, it's a very emotional expression of love
Yeah the world sucks.. full of flaw people, save your love it’ll come in handy one day ❤️🙏🏽
Same with me Charlie. He started criticizing my kissing. So, I thought I don’t have to kiss you and still haven’t, that’s been 6 years ago. He asked me why I don’t want to kiss him, I told him about the criticism and how it made me feel. He said “ that’s just silly.” So, nope won’t ever kiss him again.
I’m 2nd generation Italian born in the U.S. My father was the first person in our family to b born here. I spent every summer living w/my grandparents & spending time w/all of my Italian family members. In our culture, u kiss to say, “Hello.” You kiss to say, “Goodbye.” You kiss your family members just to say, “I love u & I care.” This is how I was raised. My father who raised me, would kiss me on the cheek or on the forehead all the time. My husband is NOT Italian. He doesn’t understand that kissing in our culture is not just “Sexual.” My husband will give me a peck on the cheek and it feels like I’m being kissed by my father or uncle or something. That part absolutely infuriates me. I’ve explained that to my husband, but he doesn’t care. He was never a good kisser. He kissed close mouthed like we were 13. We don’t even kiss at all now bc it’s pointless. Our daughter’s love language is physical touch and he won’t kiss her or hug her. She’s always giving me kisses & telling me she loves me & I do the same back. Even though it’s not the same as having intimacy w/your spouse. I don’t want my daughter to ever experience what I’m going through and when she is older, u best believe that I’m going to tell her everything bc like me, if she couldn’t b cuddled & kissed, she’d b devastated. I’m devastated but unfortunately I’ve just accepted it. Thank u for talking about this bc it took me years to understand what in the world was going on.
I'm 60 and have only known narcissist/narcissistic men. Your video on this hit home 🎯!! I had 1 date earlier this year. No man has ever kissed me so gently and tender before this. I remember how the narcissist touches and kisses. You are so accurate!!
Maybe we can tell all young girls about this very important red flag....Spread the unmasking knowledge!
Everything was robotic with him after he reached the point where he didn't care anymore. Sexual intimacy was faked in the beginning by him and sometimes, he was into it, and sometimes, he faked it. Eventually, he lost his need and desire to make me feel impressed or satisfied. He didn't want to kiss, or hug me anymore. And it was because he was over it and he " didn't want to waste his sperm on me," as he so boldly told me. Ugh.
OMG! That was the most devastating line I have ever heard from a narc.
All sex, no passion.
Yes, and then when they cheat they say it meant nothing because they didn't kiss them...🙄
Yes passionate kissing in the beginning is understatement. But I have gone yrs without any form of intimacy from him, just str8 sex but that was reduced to nothing too. I thought it was me doing something wrong to turn him off but of course it was him 💯. Now I would vomit in my mouth the thought of kissing him. His mouth belongs to the community so I found out🤮🤢
@@caroleminke6116exactly
I was in that hell for five years. Broke up with this devil two years ago, finally. The wounds still heal. Thanks to your videos I finally understand what happened and why. I am so thankful for what you do. It would be so good, when this could be tought to young people, before they even jump head over heals in a relationship with a narcissist. People should be prepared, cause the damage, the wounds they leave, are massive
Every single word of this.
I’ve tried to talk to people about this, and it’s something you just can’t communicate. Her beautiful, full, voluptuous lips were like kissing a wall. It was very disturbing. Intimacy had its great points, but some activities had her staring off in the distance with the deadest shutdown eyes I’ve ever seen. Initially, it creeped me way out, but it was obvious over time that she’d been repeatedly abused in the same ways, and responded by “going away” in her mind. Years later, she did admit to some horrific treatment as a child. So sad.
Trust your instincts, folks.
Thank you so much for this video! I am surrounded by narcissists all of my life. I aaked my mother to go to counseling, but she refused. I was made the scapegoat, but I mever understood why or how this would happen in a relationship. The kissing being off - I really liked it, but you are right. There was no emotion or feeling behind it. Just, wow! So glad you do these videos, so we can learn, grow, and walk away from these narcissists! ❤
I was/ am the family scapegoat today also. X
Thanks Danish Absolutely my experience with the Narcissit. He withheld sex from me & all forms of affection. Walked out the door to work in the morning without a kiss or even saying goodbye. I was trauma bonded whilst constantly relieving childhood abandonment trauma with him.😢
All my narcissistic exes hated kissing. ALL of them. Except for one. He was the one using sex as a weapon. It is exactly as Danish states it. Now I know what seemed to me so weird and non explainable. Now I know what was wrong all the time. Thank you. I can see now that I have been traumatized.
You are absolutely right, Danish! My ex never liked to kiss! And I didn't get what was wrong..
This is so true. I too kept consoling myself thinking he would learn to kiss better but then all he gave me was his sick gum infection which he had hidden from me. Now I have to visit the dentist every 3 months to save my teeth. So much for his rotten teeth and gums and his 10 rotten kisses in the last 17 years !
I am so glad danish is educating everyone about narcissism. Please spread the word. I hope everyone avoids these narcissistic nut cases out there
I went through this with my now ex-husband when I was younger and was good looking then. I remember feeling so unnactrative from that at the time. It was so robotic. Yep and in the beginning it wasn't like that. I had no one to talk to then.
Kissing a narcissist is a very lonely experience.
Thank you very much for breaking it down as to why narcissist hates intimacy. I just cut off ties with a narcissistic partner and the relationship left me confused because there was a lack of intimacy between the two of us. At that time of confusion, I was clueless that I was dealing with a narcissist. I was down in the dumps and started to question my worth. Am I ugly? Do I stink? Was I that ugly? But through your videos, the pieces fit together well. Thank you for shedding light on my confusion!
Nailed it! ++
Yes they don't have ability to show consistent prolong affection clear communication is hard for them it's broken people
Wow! 😭 This is so accurate it’s scary!
It's honestly feels worse, when after 5+ years of there being little to no issues with kissing; to y'all arguing about kissing. Due to them "forgetting" that you were kissing on them. Or due to them not trying to do it at all but complain & or lie about begging you to kiss them. But while in a 3way with their sidepiece, that person has no problem making out with that person at all, even worse, kissing the other WAY WAY MORE than they kiss/make out with you. IN YOUR FACE!
Kissing him was gross. He would keep his lips tightly puckered then stick the tip of his tongue out and swish it back and forth really fast. There was no passion in it/him whatsoever... BLEH!! I'm glad we didn't kiss very often. He also said, "Shouldn't I be attracted to my sex partner?" 😮 WHAT!?! WHY in the fk did you pursue me in the first place??? Thank God he passed away 2.4 years ago, I'm still healing...
His excuse after our honeymoon is that I drink coffee. I was stunned, and of course not a problem prior, and he drinks coffee. This is an excuse. 16 yrs no kiss , except peck on the cheek once in a year or so. 4yrs no contact and counting!
Good for you for loving yourself into leaving. Bravo
Thank you! Appreciate you!@@karensarlo2149
What a unique topic you've come up with! I never would've thought of this, but now that I look back, this was soooooo true in the case of a narc who I was in a situationshit with.
You are absolutely right married 21 years he did not like kissing 💯💯💯💯💯
Seeing all the comments that they thought that their partner in the beginning was just not very good at maybe kissing are in the sexual arena and I felt sorry for them. Same. Huge mistake. Eventually I realized it was Sadis on because the more I would say that I liked some thing to less this would happen. I would Communicate I didn’t like some thing and then I would get more of that. Then trying to work through these things it would be treated like it was just misunderstanding or something of that nature And even trying to work through these in therapy it was always treated like it’s just a misunderstanding it’s just a miscommunication we just need to work on communication and well that backfired every time.
Eventually I had to accept that it wasn’t incompetence it wasn’t a lack of communication it was pure and simple sadism because of the smirk the joy he seem to get when I would be frustrated or upset that seem to arouse him more than anything it’s not my joy or satisfaction or desire but my frustration and irritation and annoyance and tears. Pathetic humans.
One prior to that was extremely proficient and passionate in the early days of dating and then suddenly he turned it off and we just no longer deliver… yet always Set the stage like he was going to deliver but then didn’t and wouldn’t.
Same animal two different presentations.
Control freaks. Sadly the very proficient one prior to the one that seem to be not skilled was quite the two-step set up the proficient ones seem like a danger zone because of what happened and so I thought OK well this person over here who really doesn’t know what they’re doing but maybe just needs a little work was actually just the opposite presentation of the same coin.
If I had not had prior experiences of quite compatible relationships then maybe I would have perceived both of those that there was something wrong with me but I didn’t at some point because well I knew from previous relationships but we’re compatible and not narcissistic or sadistic but there was nothing wrong with me in that arena.
Thank you Danish for your validation for so many of us. This is not a topic that you can bring up to people who have not experienced this. My ex husband would either not kiss or only for "show". My ex fiance was very passionate in the beginning and then would switch n critize me regarding how I was not doing it "right" during the discard stage Craziness!!. The only "right" way should be from your heart. These narcs do not kiss from their heart. Unbelievable! These narcs destroy even a beautiful thing like a passionate kiss!
I call narcissist creatures I don’t even call them humans because they’re not humans real talk
Everything they say is so programmed, they don't have any emotions.
Yup it’s very true
So exact! It was like kissing a robot with my ex... there was noone home. He just had hos mouth open... No feelings ... 😢😅😢
So true Danish. It's like kissing the wall. Just ask me. I know. No emotion at all. The kiss is just as fake as the narcissist.
Perfect! Danish you summed everything up. I will keep revisiting this video just to remind myself to steer clear. Thank you!
That was an outstanding breakdown.
Very important point! Thank you for this critical clue!!!
Thank you Danish for sharing this video!
This is so helpful and something I experienced first hand for 6 years and it happened like this… I appreciate the validation because I never could express it and couldn’t quite express it but you nailed this so well and helped me understand what I had endured! It’s going on 2 years and I’m happy to be on my way and living in better days!!🎉🎉🎉
Thank you for this excellent and very relevant content that other channels are not touching on. These videos explain so MUCH of what we see and puzzle over. THANK YOU.
So healing Danish. So well explained to those of us who are hurt, or were hurt and didn’t have the knowledge to understand their sick behavior. This is clarity. This knowledge shifts us from our shame in being rejected to our power of self compassion through understanding that all of their behavior was intended to gaslight us and keep us under their control . Thank you for liberating our minds, bodies and souls.
You hit all of it on the head!!! I felt like u were speaking directly to me! Wow! Thank you, you are amazing!
This is exactly what our relationship has evolved into after 30 plus years. After receiving a really sincere ( I thought ) birthday card a couple of years ago, I tried to give her a hug. But no one home, she couldn’t even make eye contact, it’s like trying to hold cardboard. Given up on the kissing years ago. Retired now, with a part time job, but she continues to spend with no regard for our financial security or effort to contribute, while having the time of her life!
Oh my, I thought the ex narc didn’t know how to kiss because he didn’t have the experience. He doesn’t hold hands in public. When I bring up anything he tells me nobody else ever complained. That only I have a problem.
He's lying to you. The problem is him and he knows it.
@@truthmerchant1 thanks. I felt bad for a long time thinking it was me. He was my first. I didn’t know better.
You are right my husband kisses like if he butts you in your face. There is nothing to it. He is cheating on me right now. Your videos have helped me so much. It has empowered me to understand my husband.
Danish you are the hero for narc survivors... i was repulsed how kissing was disgusting with my ex narc... i love kissing and this i was so deprived of...sex was robotic..no foreplay or cuddling.i feel violated... btw...on our honeymoon we had no intemacy..
If only i was educated on this topic...i would have ran ....
Danish you are doing literally a great job.I am gonna addicted to ur videos.Thumbs up!
This is so true!!! Exactly the way it was with my x. Sex went down the tubes quickly after we married. He was so bad at it after the beginning where it seemed good. Glad I’m out.
Omg omg this is so damn true.. Thabks for sharing really
“They have to give you something in order to make you settle for nothing “ SO TRUE they made me feel I was wanting sex like I was shallow but it was more like I didn’t want to be humiliated (just that) because setting me up to have all these feelings to reciprocate their original feelings then acting like I’m a weird cringe creeper whose inappropriately intimate. Was truly devastating to my dignity.
yes - never again, thank goodness
EXACTLY. This is how my father was. I have never heard or read a better description. Thank you so much Danish for helping me understand 'who' my father really was. My father never kissed me. He never hugged me. He always did "fake" stiff, straight-arms-length "hugs", while he would verbalize, "Oh hello Little Sweetheart!!" or the "Royal We": "We love you so much, Little Sweetheart". He was always a cold fish, in his affections. But a few years before he died & I was learning he was not the person I had thought he was for my whole life, his mask 'dropped' & I saw those cold, vacuous, reptilian BLACK (like 2 'Black Hole' eyes); it scared me to the very core of my being & made me shiver inwardly. 'This' is who my father really was, I saw at last. My denial had finally begun to crack-up & fall to the ground in little pieces, like a broken mirror.
Married a narcissist. The kissing and sex were robotic and yes at the beginning it seemed passionate. He couldn't take any criticism and would get very angry if I expressed my sexual needs. Thankfully now divorced.
OMG. This is sooo real 😮 On point 💯
Yes. My narc ex-wife hated kissing
.........Why cant I bring myself to leave my narcissistic boyfriend? I literally cant think of one reason to stay with him, and yet i do. What is wrong with me? Why cant I end this nightmare?