Could you discuss, “Being the spouse to an only child of a narcissistic mother”. He has gone through all the elite schools and boarding schools before acquiring a great job in the government. She has always seemed like a third person in our marriage to a point whereby she has written me out of her life which now leaves her Son catering to all her requests like he is her husband, not me. Her husband died 49 years ago therefore leaving her wide open to make her son an extension of her. He plays the role very well but does not seem very happy about being caught in the middle. She is so very toxic even at 96 years old!
@@nancyginsberg1566 If it's not good for you and they are over the age of 18 then it doesn't matter. You have to do what's best for u although it's not always possible or you can't find i I yourself then u have to use tools to deal with people such as such. If u don't go no contact there are tools u cna use to deal with your child. Just keep watching these videos.
When you go no contact, you might experience similar feelings of grief to that of a lost family member. Don't worry, it will pass, it does take some time but there is light at the end of the tunnel.
@@MyCrabshack me too, but, I'm feeling better now, wow, wish I decided to do the no contact with my ex wife years ago, I surprised myself, I went no contact a couple of weeks ago and, I feel great now
Thanks Philip! I really needed to hear this.. going no contact isn't as easy as people make it out to be... it hurts, and you're right, it feels a lot like grief.. im depressed and have extreme feelings of worthlessness.. i truly cared for her, but she hurt me really bad... this is painful man... damn!😔
@@Jason-qf8ig but, you will prevail, it will happen, I know, it took me a while to get better, I'll admit, years, but, it definitely will happen for you, you will see
It's not even ghosting when you just break up with them and tell them. Ghosting would be to just secretly disappear without a word. So absolutely no reason to feel guilty. You don't owe them anything.
It's when you start realizing that you're so much more peaceful by yourself than around another person. You can never achieve self-actualization in the presence of another.
#facts i let my filtered memories get the best of me and welp 💩💩 So now I'm on my 2nd round of no contact. Been over 2 years this time. And of course they have occasionally popped up but I've 100% made up my mind. ✌ there's no trade off for my sanity and peace.
No one will understand it the way you do. If you're lucky you'll have a friend or partner who has seen it and understands--all the Flying Monkeys and Enablers will never, ever understand--until the Narc turns on THEM.
It doesn't help that narcs are a tiny percentage of the population yet this video has thousands of comments from people who *think* they dated a narc. I'm losing a lot of respect for this channel for letting this continue to go on, it's practically become a "How to get your ex back" specific to narcs. People, your partner probably wasn't a narc. A lot of these problems are just from bad, incompatible relationships, etc. Do you know how many people have sent me hundreds of text messages after a breakup? Do you know how many times I've had people use emotional guilt or blackmail that CLEARLY were not narcs? Do you know how many times I've read that "someone did something when I had such a hard time" from reddit comments? Half of them "I got dumped after my DOG died!!" ridic.
@@mj-np9sy I disagree but I understand how you feel. I belive this channel is very helpful, educational, and valuable. It has helped me tremendously and so many others in our healing journeys. Sadly, I learned about this after a few months of separation. I knew the relationship was toxic, but could not understand exactly why and the dynamics, I knew It was affecting me deeply. I will be forever grateful for Dr. Ramani's help and the awareness work she does. Thank you for sharing your opinion and experience. I am very sorry for what happened to you and wish you all the very best💜
Have stayed NO CONTACT 11 months now!! Soooo happy and healthy now. I can’t believe I got myself back! I thought I had lost my soul completely. So thankful 🙏 I have 0 feelings about that man. Complete Indifference 🤗
@@AK-nl1et this was about my 10th time going no contact so no tears shed. It’s been almost a year and a half now and that trauma bond has been completely broken. The BEST decision of my life 👍
Dealing with a narcissist is like having a monster underneath your bed, that only you can see...Which is why this series is so important. No one can truly understand just how damaging and cruel a narcissist can be; until they themselves comes face to face with one. Thank you so much Dr. Ramani. Your videos provide the tools needed to fight back against the invisible monster AKA: The Narcissist.
Like “having a monster underneath your bed that only you can see”, that’s exactly what it’s like, one of my friends cannot understand why I have little or no contact with my sister- until I tell her some of the stuff I put up with most of my life. My mother was a narcissist too, very difficult to live with. As a child I cld never do anything right, and my friends wld say “your mother is so lovely” - as I’m fond of saying, you never know anyone or their family until you know what goes on behind closed doors. Very minimal (occasional emails) contact with my sister has and is, working well for me.
@@bitchenboutique6953 I seen the movie, and I absolutely loved it! It was fantastic. I will watch her review on the movie. Thank you so much for recommending it❤🤩
@@dontbelongherefromanotherHi! I agree with your comment. Some narcissist will go to far more dangerous lengths, than I have personally encountered. If a victim's life depends on it, I absolutely agree.❤❤❤
I get panic attacks because of the long time spent dealing with narcissists,, I open these videos & listen to sooth these attacks. You literally save lives Dr. Ramani.
I'm sorry that happens to you. I have felt that as well, while with my Narcissist and now without them at times. I hope it will get better for you. I find deep breaths help a lot and calm me down...
I am so sorry that you had to go through that. I actually did too. I had anxiety and panic disorders because of dealing with his demons. I could not trust him, always wondering who he was texting and talking to and emailing. I just could not babysit him anymore. He is a 62 year old narcissistic. Once I told him enough, I packed my bags and left went no contact and blocked him, as soon as I decided to leave , my panic attacks and anxiety went away like gone in 60 seconds. I pray for your healing. I wish you the best, and I know that you will make it through fine peace and serenity for yourself as you are a genuine person reach for the stars I know I will make it.
Currently doing that. And when it gets heavy to bear or doubts gets in, I turn to these videos and I find the support and focus I need to have. Sometimes, she says stuff that sounds so personal that seems like she is actually saying them to me, directly. This series of videos have been very helpful.
I went 'no contact' a year ago.But guess what? He suddenly reappeared in my contacts or should i say he just can't get over me and comes back every time as soon as his other "source" ends.
I went no contact with my daughter after Christmas 2022. Eight months of no verbal abuse by her has been healing. I’m spending a lot of time by myself figuring out who I am. I am 74 and have been a victim of narcissist, my whole life. This is my first taste of freedom.❤
@@lvd7 I guess I just got fed up. She was having a screaming tirade at me on the phone and I had had enough. And I’m so glad I did it. There’s been a lot of mental and emotional adjustments to make and still are. My family isn’t too happy with my decision, and that hurts. However, the alternative was something I just could not do anymore.
It's amazing how the family wants you to "let it go" so the abuse can continue. Life is too short for abuse and being miserable to make other people happy or comfortable. Screw them, embrace your peace ❤. I have decided along time ago. Nobody Need's to know your business because it just opens doors for criticism and judgment you never asked for.
I'm proud of you that's the best decision you probably could have ever made congratulations on your new journey stick to your guns don't let up stay strong 💪💪🙂
It Is just unbelievable how strong this pull you feel towards a toxic person. It is as if you are addicted to this person, even though you don’t actually want to be around him/her.
Look up trauma bond. It's more than what we see with our eyes. Energetically we are connected to people which gets over looked as to why it's so hard to separate from a person, almost like an addictive drug
It's spiritual. That person has a strong spirit that attracts people. Now you have to ask the universe to remove the attraction from that person. Separation is hard with a strong bad spirit. Gotta summons a higher power to get rid of it.
I've never read anything more true. He's like a drug that I thought I needed but being away from him feels healthy. I've been away from him for 2 months now but I'm pregnant with our child. No contact is easy now but it's going to get harder 😔
Being in a relationship with a narcissist is like having a heavy cigarette addiction. It just wastes time money and energy and most importantly ruins your health. It can takes years off your life. There are no benefits. The best thing I ever did was stop smoking years ago and go no contact with my narcissist. From now on I’m taking really good care of my physical and mental health. There is no room in my life for unhealthy toxic addictions.
spot on! and if you stop this unhealthy behaviour, slowly you recover in ways and areas, you didn't even realise where harmed by it. Since I've gone no contact, I started to have hope again, I don't have breakdowns, my emotional eating habits have improved a lot, it's like a miracle. I thought I would have to work really hard on it but my overall health improved on it's own, simply by breaking the addiction. I hope you're well and safe!
@And Be Balanced I wish you all the luck in the world and I'm living proof that it CAN be done, because it seemed like I was going to be caught up with my last narcissistic ex forever (he even said something like that), yet I couldn't care less if I never see him again now! It's important to add that the main thing that helped me was to feel the pain instead of contacting him and I cried a lot for a while. I wanted to have the contact to stop the pain though, so feeling it gave me the freedom. I hope this makes sense, as I'm very tired now. ❤
@@cyndigooch1162 totally understands what you're saying. I've been escaped 8 months now and the first 3 it was plain anger that kept me in strict no contact and I traveled which I credit for keeping my sanity and start the healing process but as soon as I got back I started snooping on his social media, not because I wanted him back or missed him but I just HAD to see and confirm for myself that narcissist DO NOT CHANGE and that he REALLY is a narcissist although I dont think he knows it which makes it hard because a part of me feels like he never meant to hurt me, he wanted his cake and to eat it too but never wanted me to find out about his secret life. Once he even apologized for me being privy to some compromising photos of him and his secondary supply he said that he never wantws me to see them, probably more so that I wouldn't leave him then him actually not wanting to hurt me. It's really hard to see him as evil because the emotions thinking recalls the many wonderful and magical times together although they were always sprinkled with some type of drama. I find myself falling back into my addiction for him although I don't want him back, but some how don't want to be enemies neither, I want to be able to see him and converse like civilized adults. He was a very likable person unless he was plastered. Dr Jekel/Mr. Hyde though. I still feel ensnared. It's emotionally confusing, sad mostly of what could have been but I keep the REALITY in the for front to help me keep moving forward. He was my " best friend " for 10 years....I had no other friends but him. Now I do, letting go and healing is a process and is messy. I try to allow myself to feel my feelings as I didn't have any for many years due to shutting down emotionally. I'm still grieving our loss of what never was. One day at a time
"Narcissistic relationships don't really change. There's nothing that you can do or you can say to make the relationship less invalidating, to make it more respectful, and to make it more empathic. There just isn't. So as a result, every time you have contact with these folks, you end up in the same place, and it feels awful." -Dr. Ramani-
I so agree. There is nothing you can do to make the narcissist authentic, empathetic, vulnerable and honest with you so your relationship isn’t based on love trust and mutual respect. No contact let’s you avoid a stab in the back or a slow death bleeding by 1 million paper cuts.
I've learnt missing someone doesn't mean you should reconcile. There are going to be days that your heart hurts but do not break the "no contact" contract you made with yourself to retain your sanity.
Jessecraft1954 I just LOVE your saying!!! I have gone non contact with my mother and haven't heard from her in 3 years. It's only just since I've been watching this series that I recognised the "love bombing!" She would send me cards with messages like "I'm praying for your healing" with one card she had knitted a scarf in my favourite colour with the message "When you wear this you will be surrounded with my love" all I could think of was it being a Boa constrictor. So I tossed it in the fire after having it tucked away in a drawer for some months. She has poisoned my only brother against me and my Dad's words to me ring true ( he passed away over 17 years ago - terminal cancer and he didn't have a chance to change his will ) "I can just imagine that your brother will end up with everything and you will get nothing" so I hold tightly to the most precious Jade carving my Dad had carved for me which he "hid" for me to retrieve before my mother or brother got hold of it. It's been painful as I miss my Dad sooo much!!!
Started No contact, and he hasn't even checked in to see if i died or was laid up in a hospital somewhere. Makes it easier to just keep walking i guess.
oh believe me, it's so much better !!! Bon débarras, if not they'll keep harassing you and not let go! I understand how it can seem charming for them to come back, but I believe it's better if THEY DON'T!!! Hopefully you're doing better now :)
That is because they give you the silent treatment it's their way of punishing you! Bunch of flying monkies have no compassion for people very inhumane!
After 52 years of marriage, I have reached “indifference” toward my husband, and I now feel freedom and have peace. Thank you, Dr. Ramai, for helping me realize that it wasn’t my fault! I’m now 72 and I could write a book about the abuse that he has inflected upon my children and me! But NO MORE!!!!!! It’s OVER!!!!!!!!
Awesome to get out of that shit show isn't it! My ex husband instilled the crap in my child (now an adult) who became just as evil as him. So I've had to walk away from all of them. I feel lighter.
I am so sorry that you and your children had to put up with an abusive narcissist for such a long time. I never realised how widespread abuse by narcissists is. So many people are suffering and trapped in toxic relationships, ranging from family to partners. I am so grateful for having found Dr Ramani’s channel, she has been very helpful to me in opening my eyes to narcissism. I’ve had some toxic relationships in my life and now I realise they all displayed narcissistic characteristics. If I may, I would recommend that you look into the books and RUclips speeches of a great man, who’s an expert in childhood trauma and addiction, among other things. His name is Dr Gabor Mate. I’ve had a traumatic childhood which unfortunately continues to create consequences in adulthood, including with my relationships. Dr Mate, like Dr Ramani, has helped me enormously. I am currently reading his book “ When the body says no” and I have watches his numerous speeches on RUclips. I hope you will find happiness in the future. Life is too short, so enjoy it and move on as best as you can. Take care. Love from Australia. ❤️🌹🪴🍀🖖🐈🐇🐕🦺🇦🇺
4 1/2 years of hell , rage , tantrums , guilt trips, devaluation, gas lighting , lies and cheating. So happy I can have head space and happiness in my life again without her 😃
You can tell that you are doing this for self love and not to punish by how your heart feels. Good work but it must have hurt to lose your sister. There is grief in this choice too.
Sharon Weizenbaum Actually it was a relief for more reasons than that. There has been a lot of family issues and she has chosen to ostracise herself But tried blackmailing and bullying. Pitting me against my Mother and 2 other sisters. Once I cut her off I felt relief and no guilt
Once I realized what was going on, I silently gave them one more Sunday dinner to observe and make mental notes, just to be sure I was doing the right thing. After that day, going no contact was one of the easiest and best decisions of my life. I held firm for a few years, then relapsed and gave them a second chance. Unsurprisingly, nothing had changed, so I went back to no contact and now I'm doing better than ever in many ways.
Going "no contact" with my mother and my sisters meant that I would have solitary holidays. OTOH, there's no shouting, insulting, cruel criticism or chores to do for them. Silence can be a blessing.
I left my abusive narcissist 20 years ago today! I saw him for the first time again last summer. He looked like shit, and I can't even imagine now what I ever saw in that pathetic creep. Congratulations to me!
It will be so funny in a few weeks when he realizes I am not coming back and freaks out. I am NEVER talking to or entertaining him or letting him control me anymore.
I just want to take a moment to put some gratitude out into the internet ether. My husband was the person that stood by me through no contact with my toxic family. Everyone else judged and gaslit. But he never wavered. Always supported me. He is that best thing that ever happened to me. And I thank God everyday for bringing him into my life
Best thing I ever did was go no contact, I was constantly trying to get him to understand, hoping he'd be nicer, wishing he'd change! No!!! every contact was his trying to cause me pain, hurt, distress, stress...I closed up all point of contacts and I could not be happier he was an albatross around my neck! To not care, hope ,wish and remember him has truly been a gift! Letting go has led to untold joy!!
Thanks for sharing your testimony! I am looking forward to getting to that place :) Officially one week no contact. Sounds small, but it's a great deal for me. Normally by now, I would have given in to his begging to give him yet another chance. I have to keep believing that he is not a changed man despite how much he claims to be!
Miss Y thanks for the encouragement. Today tp the do of my 1 year Anniversary that I left him. Reading what you wrote has given me the encouragement to go no contact. It’s my fault even though I left. I will never go back but I don’t know why I am having contact. I will have to until we sell the family home unfortunately but other than that I have zero excuse
No contact helps stop the abuse. Allows you to fill the void with loving yourself, the love you've deprived yourself of while being with the narcissist. The exercise of no contact builds the strength that you need to move on.
I often say that " You can't see it, when you are in it". The clarity that you get when you have the STILLNESS AND PEACE to put all the shattered pieces, together in your mind, is PRICELESS. I LOVE THE SOUND OF " NO CONTACT".
What if your sibling has 2 beautiful adorable little girls -aka NIECES- whom you adoreee & love with all your heart? Avoiding her means not being close or even seing or talking to them :'( (not to mention 1 of them is my god-daugther). Should I play it like "nothing's going on, it was just coincidence I haven´t talked to you in almost a year"? and just show up for my nieces b-days, ETC. (probably including hers! which is next week -_- ) Or should I just GIVE UP on the possibility of seing my nieces & remain with my heart broken until I die? :'( Given that SEVERAL 'family gatherings' (of the 'rather mandatory' type) that are coming soon (next week!) I'd appreciate any and all advice possible... because I seem unable to make a decision. THANKS!
@@inesrosan9096 I would suggest low contact. When there are minor children, you kind of have to put up with the parent. Once the kids are grown hopefully you will be able to go no contact with the toxic sibling.
Thank you Dr Ramani. You’re amazing! I love all your videos and have found them so helpful and eye opening. For me, this is free therapy on RUclips and I’m so grateful for it. Between you and Dr Gabor Mate, I might find some healing from my traumatic childhood and subsequent toxic/narcissistic relationships. I am looking forward to enjoying the rest of my life with more peace and calm in my heart and soul. Please continue with the great work you’re doing, you’re helping so many people! Take care. Love from Australia. ❤️🌹🪴🍀🖖🇦🇺
I have been no contact since middle of march. I am on a Rollercoaster ride of emotions. I stared therapy a month ago. Some days I am🎉. Others I 😢. But I do not want to go back. I had to go threw my birthday, Mother’s Day and soon Father’s Day. My brothers sent me messengers to , two parties. Which I am not going. I have sadness, that in my big family, I am the one who has to leave. And, my mother and sister stay (narcissist). I saw one of my sisters twice. But now, I feel, I do not want her to know my life, so the narcs get news…I am continuing, because it is more painful to be around the narcissist. Thank you Dr. Ramani. I want to win.
I'm new to this. I need advise. Trying to cut contact with parents. They started talking to my ex under pretext of preaching the gospel. I don't care what they think of me but I'm not going to go back or text. They can adopt him. Lol
cutting off my narc has been simply life changing. But mine has not attempted to make contact. Because that in their mind would shift the power to me. That would be grovelling and admitting mistakes they feel they never made. I'm I'm so glad that's how it's gone! Guys if you have a narc in your life that is making that life constantly miserable. Go non contact. It's empowering and peaceful all at the same time
Them not contacting you can at first be weird and have you thinking intrusive thoughts. 🤦🏻. But staying strong and steadfast only enables you to rebuild your mental health and life. Total relief. Flip it the other way saying the narc is finally doing something good for you. Lol.
It's such a joy to feel that you have complete authority over your own life. When you realize that you can trust your own reality and are not confused anymore.
I didn’t realize how bad it was until I got away. Going no contact was the only way I could see the truth. I look back, and I’m still amazed at how blind I was.
i love the part where you said just don't care even if they got hit by the bus. as cruel as it sounds, it works. 100% no contact is the only thing that works.
Telling people to not care about another human getting hit by a bus sounds very psychopathic. If you start loving people's pain (narcissist or not) you have allowed the very evil you are fighting to become you. If the price of defeating a narcissist is Losing your #humanity, is it worth it? & what moral high ground do you have after that?
@@MylezNevison We are not God. And we simply do not give two fucks about someone who tries to break us. Do you know the scope of the damage of being mentally abused especially? My guess is you don't. All the morals is what messess nice folks up. Strong boundaries and YES....i don't care if such a person gets hit by a bus. They do that to you indirectly.😈
I think of my narcissistic ex as being dead - but there’s still a bit of dread that I’ll see him somewhere. 2+ years since NO CONTACT was invoked and that hasn’t happened, but that ghost lingers in the corner.
I've gone 'no contact' with 2 different relatives, both narcissistic. What a joy. Also went 'no contact' with two different alleged friends who were using me. In both instances, once I figured out what was going on, 'no contact' was easy.
Though it would be nice to call these narcissists out directly, I think we can console ourselves that these people never 'win'. While our lives get better without them, theirs get worse without us...at least I'd like it to be so. I like a little payback.@@HereForToday42
It is such a mix of feelings because I'm a caring person. I have to be indifferent. Six months no contact now
4 года назад+9
Congrats! You should be proud of yourself because it is NOT easy to bounce back after the chaos and trauma they put us through. Indifference is wise and healthy because it eventually leads to peace of mind and emotional well being.
Just remember that refusing to engage with them does not make you a bad person. They will tell you otherwise, but you are not obligated to set yourself on fire to keep them warm. Tell them to pound sand.
Well done! 💕 Twelve months for me and I’ve just had an email telling me that as I haven’t thanked my mother for keeping the lines of communication open (even though I clearly closed them and told her I would not be in touch again) she’s had enough of me and isn’t going to try any more. Yay!! It is amazing how powerful the guilt is, but nowhere near as powerful as the relief of not having to have contact with her.
Whenever I want to contact again with my narcissistic ex-partner, I watch this video and remind myself the importance of no-contact. You've survived me Dr Ramani
Usually, by the time you learn the person is a "covert narcissist", you have already 'dealt' with them in one way or another. You cannot and will not recognize the person as a 'covert narcissist' just by looking at them or having casual interactions with them. You have to observe, listen, and understand what you SAW,what you HEARD, and WHY you SAW and HEARD that. Now don't that sound easy. The better question is how do you STOP 'dealing with' a covert narcissist once you understand what you SAW, what you HEARD, and WHY you SAW and HEARD that? The 'best way' to 'deal with a covert narcissist' is to STOP listening, STOP observing, STOP wondering WHY, and STOP having ANY interaction with them. If you MUST have interactions with them, limit the interactions as much as possible. No "hi, how are you doing", no "hi, I wish I had time to talk to you", no "hi, it's nice to see you", just "hi, hope you're doing well, I've got to run" or just "hi" and keep walking. If at all possible avoid ANY setting or situation where the narcissist or a 'flying monkey' can observe you or listen to you. 'Flying monkeys' are the narcissist's 'possessions'. Dealing with or interacting with anything or anybody the narcissist 'owns' is considered the same as 'dealing with' or interacting with the narcissist. The more you 'deal with' a covert narcissist, the more you will have to 'deal with'. Do not 'run' from a covert narcissist unless you can 'run' totally away from them. When you 'run' from a narcissist, it makes them feel powerful and important. They like that and will make a sport out of watching you 'run'. Once you 'learn' the person is a 'covert narcissist', you have to 'learn' to either 'covertly' avoid the hell out of them or 'overtly' have NO CONTACT with them and refuse to 'deal with' them. This all SOUNDS so simple and easy, but ask anybody who has ever "dealt with" one and they'll tell you it's one of hardest things they've ever 'dealt with'. Additionally, Metaspyhub@gmail. com is a company that is ideal if you need to be able to confront a cheating spouse because they have some of the most advanced features in the industry.
Ive been messing up regularly with reaching out. I still can't help but miss the nice side even though I know it was a lie. Hoping the divorce will ensure I let go for good.
One of the things I'd LOVE to do, but know it would fall on deaf ears, is to send some of these videos to the ex to maybe open their eyes to the issues they have. As I said, I know it would fall on deaf ears though and would be a waste of time. The thing about narcs is: if you open the door a crack, they are so skilled at their craft that they'd weasel their way back in and since they are masters, next thing you know you'd be back in the same spot you were prior.
@@jenniferwalter8875 well...perhaps this might help. When you feel vulnerable, stop and take some time to reflect. Do Not give in readily to the urge to contact. The sadness comes from the need to express your emotions regarding something or an event, but with a new person you must explain the history behind the problem. Reconnecting the abuser is simply opening Pandora's box...you left back in someone who if you only try to give them an inch...they wind up taking a foot. You are back at square one...all your hard work goes out the window. So it is better to center yourself and learn to trust your thoughts than to open up your vulnerabilities to abuse.
Thank you for sharing I needed to see that ,mine is my mother too. I was starting to feel the guilt when I saw your post. She tries to make it a nightmare for me because I am her oldest son but enough now
She’s so informative & supportive! I have been in a narcissistic marriage now for 4 1/2 years . Been together for 6 and I literally listen to her videos to and from work on my car play. Dr . Rama I is so therapeutic for me. I’m so grateful that I have stumbled across her videos ❤
Im in this journey but also I think if being completely away is healthy too? What can you tell me about that, how that affects you trough the years, recive a hug from Perú! 🙌🏻☺️🇵🇪
@@Tarotcooks stick w it. Went no contact w my mother. Did this till the day she died and don't ever look back. Sometimes feel like I should have said a few things on my mind, but going no contact said it all! best wishes!
Stick w it. Went no contact w my mother. Did this till the day she died and don't ever look back. Sometimes feel like I should have said a few things on my mind, but going no contact said it all! Best wishes!
Perfect, that lightness and freedom from the heaviness and suffocation of walking on eggshells, subconsciously always being on edge and hiding your true self. That lightness is priceless!
Imagine going no contact with your own, disabled, elderly, immigrant, outcast, impoverished, tragic parents. That is what I am having to endure. God help me.
I'm going thru something very similar. I'm sorry you're going thru this. It's so hard, but for self survival, sometimes necessary. Sending you love and light
I used to spend 45 minutes in the greeting card aisle, looking for the mother's day card for my narc mom that didn't say "You're the greatest mother on earth, I love you so much" or some other nonsense that I couldn't give her without lying. There aren't many cards that say "I'm giving you this mother's day card because it's socially expected, not because you deserve it." Going no contact was so freeing, on so many levels. Definitely recommend it for those who can do so.
OMG, I'm not alone in trying to do this each year, then what do I do? Go and marry one. Now am trying to disengage from this relationship. What a drain all this has been but very freeing at the same time once you've identified the problem and can isolate it.
Well, there’s always the cards that say something like, “You have been like a mother to me” and open the card to some sticky sweet sentiment which you cross out and write in, “And you failed. Spectacularly.”
No contact is an absolute must to start the healing process. It’s tough at first but the longer you do it the better you feel. I am 14 years on no contact and counting. He called a few weeks ago and I simply ignored him, 14 years later! 😂🙄
He actually called after 14 years? What in the world....WHY? What could he possibly want after 14 years? These narcissists are bizarre, to say the least...
@@rainlove1030 please don't be like me and deal with one on and off for 13 yrs. I should've never spoken to him again after I canceled our wedding. I know what he is now thank Gd. You've got to keep no contact. Thinking of them and keeping any reminders is breaking no contact. You basically have to remove them as if they never existed. It hurts to do but it's the only way.
@@ringostarrs3rdwifeyxoxo869 mine was on and off too I was 16 when I met and he was 19 made easier for him to manipulate me ... when we we off he’d be sleeping with my neighbor...it’s hard and makes feel insecure.. but I believe I can do it ... thank you for your advice !!! I appreciate you !(:
I must say my shaky moments are when I'm outraged and I want to break no contact just to give them a piece of my mind. Fortunately good sense does kick in, I know it would be playing right into their hands.
No Contact really does work. It's important though to not use it as a strategy to get their attention but more to get attention back to yourself and healing overall. I'm not absolutely at the 100% indifference but I feel it coming👍🏽
No matter who it is.. I will always block the people who disrespected me and incompatible with me. I'll even go as far as blocking toxic family members. No toxic people are allowed in my circle of life. The only ones who is allowed are healthy people! I was meant for a life of greatness. I owe this to myseld healthy circle and relationship
IMPORTANT: If you build the strength to go no contact, NEVER GO BACK! I was the scape goat in an extremely abusive and narcissistic family. I finally got the strength to go no contact and maintained it for 5 years. After seeing my father at a funeral I was drawn back in, my father seemed to have changed and he really wanted me back in his life. My narcissistic sociopath of a sister (she is truly an evil person) was not happy to hear that I was back. If you go no contact never go back. The evil, vengeful, hateful, jealous, insecure and mentally ill golden child will exact a revenge that you will never forget.
My narcissist was a female “best friend”, the abuse spiraled out of control and the day I got out was the first day of the rest of my life. This person almost destroyed me. If you are being abused get out today. I’ve been healing from nightmares and PTSD since but I am free and happy. I have headspace of my own. I have real friends. I hope someone reads this and finds courage to leave today 💕
Whatdo I do if I cant leave because I dont have a job yet? I dont want to talk to him, but he keeps coming up to me, even after he has a new girlfriend. I wish he would just talk to her instead of me.
I went no contact with my family and my ex husband. Not having learned my lesson, im in a friend ship with an elderly narc who is charming and funny one day and abusive and hateful the next. Shes charming because I did all the things she wanted and she didn't have to go back to assisted living until 7 pm. I hate me
These are the words from a meme that literally changed my life for the better. I hope they resonate with others as deeply as it did me. I never knew how strong I was until I had to forgive someone who wasn't sorry and accept an apology I never received
No contact is absolutely THE BEST and indeed, when you see them after a long while you can literally feel that they have zero power over you. I know it since I’ve experienced it. The feeling is unbelievable. I was with this guy for 3 years. No contact was possible when I moved to another continent (I was in my twenties and mentally too weak to end it otherwise), and it saved me. He would send me looooong love letters about how much he misses me, how much he realized that I was the best woman for him blah blah blah... When I met him accidentally during one of my visits in home country, he would still try to convince how good and happy we would be as a couple 🙄 I felt nothing, absolutely nothing towards him by then. No love, no hate .. simply nothing and it felt very good. I know, we not always can physically move far away from toxic people, but my point is that no contact really works best.
ulsy27 Yes, INDIFFERENCE! It’s so amazingly healing. Physical distance can also help so much. It blocks easy access to you from the narcissist and allows you to relax and detach. I would’ve burned those letters without reading them. But that’s me doing me. I’m glad you’re doing so well.
@@janebedoe2071 Same here. Living in a different continent AND no contact puts my mind at rest, although it's still painful. Much harder for them to get to you when they'd have to spend a lot of money, don't know your exact location, AND are dealing with COVID-19 travel restrictions.
@@donnajk4423 Cluster B is listed among the Personality Disorders in the DSM-5 (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual, Version 5), a rather exhaustive reference manual that mental-health practitioners use as an aid to diagnose their clients. It mentions in detail rather undesirable personality traits.
Chet Pomeroy Thankyou. i appreciate you taking time to answer . It’s all very deep and many different personality types arent there. Have a good day. 😊👍🏻
All these mental issues I had developed during our relationship just melted away once I stopped communication. Can't go no contact because we have kids, but the peace I have is so relieving I actually feel lighter.
@@stupensardi2783 I haven't figured a way from to keep them safe from that behavior. She's the woman so she got primary custody. All I do is love them as hard as I possibly can for the little time I have.
No contact with my covert sister going on 2.5 years. Life is much more relaxing and I'm saving a ton of money becuase I'm no longer giving it all to her. It works!
No contact with covert narc mother almost 3 years. Lots of PTSD. Getting better with time though. My wife and I relapse everytime narc mother or flying monkey friends and family try to reach out. Has happened so often had to send no contact letter. Still trying to contact us through social media.
"You just don't care ... and that is a good moment ..." YES! Thank you for this sentence. I love this feeling after 5,5 yrs of narcissistic abuse. I went no contact 3 months ago and its unbelievable how free and happy I am with myself, even when there are some dark days in between.
My goodness..I've put up with a narc for 25 years...raising children, moving, building a career, our home, a life that I'm dreamed of, bu what a lonely space it has been. I became numb, just lost all energy and joy..he sucked my soul dry. When he could no longer get his supply from me, he had an affair and I walked out, with nothing but a suitcase and filed for divorce on March 16. It hurt and still does because I've been living a lie for sooo long, rationalizing why it was ok for him to treat me with contempt..years of avoidance, manipulation, guilt, being mocked and belittled and the gas lighting. I just gave up and lived in my work or my room, barely speaking with him and going gray rock. When he came home and told me he no longer loved me or wanted me, I finally snapped and left everything behind hit my clothes. He moved his newer, younger supply into my home. The ink was barely dry on my petition for divorce. I'm having to start my entire life from scratch and going through a divorce makes it impossible for no contact..his emails have never once offered an apology and I don't expect to ever hear those words. He's rationalized that his actions are my fault. He's playing the victim..but having a channel like this and a good support system help. I start therapy this month. I'm an empath and co-dependent and never knew what I was dealing with over the years or how I got involved with him..he sweo t me off my feet. I was 26, a vulnerable, single mom, and thought he was Prince Charming. I've been devalued and discarded long before his affair and I now realize it's not my fault. He's a child who is terribly insecure and has no sense of self. God help his new girlfriend. I'm free of being gaslit and discarded. I no longer fantasize about running away or suicide. I'm free.
Renee Inez I was there only for a year, but I left everything to be with him, job, house, family & country... it was so difficult and painful when I said goodbye and then all the legal stuff, gaslighting even for the legal things until I reminded him he signed in as responsible... the rage and pain in me makes it so difficult to make no contact, when I fail I feel terrible
Welcome to freedom beloved. Now you have been blessed with a second chance at life and love. Remember Half full, not half empty🙏🏾❤ I wish you healing and love on your new journey of self love and care.
I recently unblocked out of a fear of my narcissist contacting me via extreme measures like popping up at my house or work. I’m blocking again and am SO grateful for these series. I’m in tears cus I could never articulate the madness. I’m safe 🙏🏾💕
I'm going thru this now as we speak...Have blocked him only for him to pop up at home and my job so I unblocked and here we go the cycle starts again🤦♀️
I've been no contact with my NPD mom for 3½ years now. It's still hard sometimes due to family trying to guilt me into coming back, but it I'm the healthiest now physically and mentally that I've ever been.
I had to cut my mother (monster) off over a year ago. She's at the stage of dismissal of me because she knows I'm on to her. She has went to family and friends to talk shit about me. I don't care. I got off devil's island and I'm happy. I noticed from your picture that you are also beautiful, so I'm sure your monster is jealous of that.
YES in every aspect, why are you leaving? , where are you going? How long are you going to be gone? And calling while your gone & asking why have you been gone so long? , why are you smiling while your looking at your phone? You just got a message, who are you talking to? If it’s not a close relative then I’m not allowing you to talk to them, it’s just about impossible to have a relationship with friends even if you’ve known them your whole life,which plays into them ultimately having a guilty conscience about something, and not to mention texting you every minute they and you are at work, completely and utterly obsessed with you in every single way, it is so mentally and physically exhausting and when you add having 3 kids onto that it’s literally like working 3 full time jobs, you just feel like you don’t know how much more you can take and you know when you wake up the next day it’s going to start all over again
Leaving my narc this week I have to admit I’m terrified.. his son had been staying here so he has been well behaved Son leaves this weekend Pray for me
@@N11-xr9pi1 took a while to get my things. started getting sucked back in a bit, i admit. then he showed his true colors again and i realized the crazy wasnt going to quit with this deviant. no contact, and i am rebuilding. the feeling of relief is immense.
I m 57 years old and just discovering that there was actually a diagnosis for my families actions towards me! It’s hard to get past the feeling of guilt because of being treated badly for the majority of my life, but I’m going to stick it out and love myself!
@@Blackbeltbty1 I'm 56 and my family has always been this way....how did you break away....Im trying...doing Thanksgiving with my children at my home this year ....its a start ....but it will be turned around that I ruined Thanksgiving...ugh...no guilt...no guilt
When the covert narcissist is your (only) adult child, it’s absolutely heartbreaking to go no contact. Dr Ramani has the best advice from all the RUclips channels, thank you!
I struggle with the enablers and those who really don't know. I do care what they think of me and I mourn the loss of respect, but it is not worth keeping the false hope of things being "normal". To try to explain to them just makes me look petty or vindictive. Realize that some people will never get it and be grateful for those who love you for you.
"petty and vindictive", this is exactly how it would feel to send her the letter I wrote to her explaining how I feel and what I think about her. The feeling I got, when I chose not to send it, was very confusing. Now I feel I know a little bit better what that feeling was.
I too have been dealing with this. I realize now that I have to be the scapegoat to the entire family in order to have peace. I let go of the need to explain myself to others. I’m done.
I did this with my father 42 years ago. I never regretted it. Sad, I suppose, but he was never going to change, and there was no relationship lost. Saw him once at Christmas during that span. All I could think of was the Wizard of Oz. It's affected my life in so many ways. But the big one is that I know when to walk away because people don't change and you can't change them.
I finally went no contact with a narcissist almost a year ago. I changed my number and have been moving on, it's been a bit tough, but in the long run it will be better for my mental health and my self preservation.
I went no contact from my narcissistic father 6 years ago. Back then I didn't even have the language for what he was, I just knew that I couldn't endure his abuse for one moment more. It was one of the best decisions I've made and I've been healing ever since. I have dealt with the backlash and judgments from a few enabling family members, but I don't care anymore. If they refuse to see the truth of the situation that's on them. I will not be gaslighted anymore! Best of luck to anyone who is embarking on a healing journey from narcissistic abuse. If you are safely able to go no contact, I highly recommend it. 🙏🏼
Kelly Allen For me, I had to finally realize that the narcissist is literally *not* going to change. And that anything I say to them by way of trying to express how I feel and show them how they were hurting me was only information they could use to hurt me again whenever they felt like it. Also, because I so enjoy the peace I experience in my life due to separating myself from them, I found that when they try to provoke me I was no longer willing to leave that place of peace for the sake of trying to negotiate with them. I value myself and my peace more than a relationship with them. Just yesterday the narcissist in my life chose a quiet brief moment of us alone (super rare for that to happen!) to whisper to me, “Will you ever trust me again?“ And I stood there munching my appetizers and looked at him and I still haven’t answered. Because the answer is never. Because I couldn’t be bothered to even open my mouth to expend the energy to answer. Sometimes silence and absence speaks louder than actual words.
ladyiola Yes, once you see them for who they truly are you come to the realization that nothing will ever be good enough for them. You’re literally in a relationship by yourself so you either continue to suffer or realize that you deserve better. I wasted so much time trying to get my ex to understand my feelings he literally couldn’t do it or put himself in another person’s shoes. I rather leave now than spend years going back and forth with this man.
No contact is the road to true freedom. By implementing it, and sticking to it, you will reclaim your life, your personal power and the joy and happiness that got buried along the way. No contact works!
It feels absolutely heartbreaking when it’s narcissistic parents. Especially when you have a very serious illness like late stage cancer. But to protect myself I have to let go. They have shown they don’t care. One parent has used my illness to maintain control, continue abuse and garner supply... while the other has used my illness to get attention for herself. Neither of them have done anything to help me at this difficult and challenging time.
They really stop at nothing. I hope you're doing better now. I'm sorry for what you've been through ..❤️ just know, someone is thinking about you, even if it's a stranger and that you're not alone! I send you a big hug 🤗
Went NC with my dad and his flying monkeys after 22 years and it feels amazing. I'm so much more gentle with myself, positive, and confident in myself. I wish I would have done it years ago.
Matthew Hussey has an amazing quote on this one ''It's not your job to fix what they broke''. I come as a scapegoat child but I do not feel any guilt to cut off all ties with the narcissistic people. Everyone should take their own accountability for their actions and I'd rather use my time to heal myself and live my happy life instead of torturing myself more to the point of no return. It takes a long-life practice and such a high level of self-awareness and self-counsciousness on this one. Life is way too short to spend it on the wrong ones and before you get stuck in all the drama, remind yourself you only have ONE you and so many potential SOs. :) Thank you, Doctor Ramani, you are absolutely amazing!
I am also the scapegoat child. Educating myself has really helped. My childhood and first marriage make total sense now. I feel no guilt and have had to cut out all 8 siblings. I can't describe the calm and peace of mind I finally have.
I've been no contact with my ex for about 2 years now, and I've lived life so well since then that the thought of me even trying to glance at their social media makes sick to my stomach! The only reason I watch these videos occasionally is to remind myself what to do and what not to do if I ever come across a narcissistic person again 🙏🏾💯
When I realised someone who loved me could never abuse me in such a way I blocked him on everything. And I’m so glad I did. Still not completely healed but almost there! Thank you for validating everything for me especially when I had been invalidated by him so much
@@annamehta7676 if you are sure that the person that you have been dealing with was a narcissist, kill all hope for that person, period. At the beginning is the hope that drives you crazy, kill it! Learn from that in meaning, ask yourself - who were you, who that person was, what you did together and what it really meant. You have to understand all of that cuz your brain wont let it go until you solve the issue. The issue why why you end up with that person. And find at least one good friend who understands the situation and is trying to help you with it. In short my 10 months dealing with this nightmare.
I remembered the day i DECIDED to go "No contact" and it really feels amazing, like you're going to start climbing a huge montain and you're like "Let's go, i'll just stop on the top of it!". 2 months have passed and i'm so so proud of myself! I'm free of an letal adiction! Free yourself tooooo, i swear it feels amazing ❤️❤️❤️❤️🍾🍾🍾🍾
I’ve been through over a decade of this. I’m so done. No matter what. Even the social workers are on my side, even after all of his attempts to smear and destroy me. Eventually ppl see the truth.
I'm going nc with my parents now..it's been a month, and I am feeling the exact feelings you mentioned. If I did it a year ago, I might went back to them. But this time feels different. I can finally focus into myself without feeling too much guilt. At times I even forget about them and my life is so happy. Still fighting with the guilt and the voice in my head, but your video convinced me that it will be all gone soon:)
@Victoria I kept telling them to respect my boundery, but of course, they didn't listen. Finally, they tried to gaslight and raged at my husband and kid, and that was my threshold. They strongly believe that they are authorized to control my family and I had to protect them. Especially my kid.
They stab you and pretend they are the ones bleeding
This
How funny, so true
True
Could you discuss, “Being the spouse to an only child of a narcissistic mother”. He has gone through all the elite schools and boarding schools before acquiring a great job in the government. She has always seemed like a third person in our marriage to a point whereby she has written me out of her life which now leaves her Son catering to all her requests like he is her husband, not me. Her husband died 49 years ago therefore leaving her wide open to make her son an extension of her. He plays the role very well but does not seem very happy about being caught in the middle. She is so very toxic even at 96 years old!
Real talk
That moment when you realise you no longer care about them is SO good.
@FaerieKim : would you be able to go no contact on your one and only daughter?
@@Valentina-Steinway no probably not
I hope I would no longer care soon too. Totally hard!
Hell yeah🥳
I think I just hit that mark too.. or soon I hope
Going no contact to a toxic person is absolutely liberating.
what if its your child?
I AM LIBERATED!!!!!!! So happy
Preach
Amen
@@nancyginsberg1566 If it's not good for you and they are over the age of 18 then it doesn't matter. You have to do what's best for u although it's not always possible or you can't find i I yourself then u have to use tools to deal with people such as such. If u don't go no contact there are tools u cna use to deal with your child. Just keep watching these videos.
When you go no contact, you might experience similar feelings of grief to that of a lost family member. Don't worry, it will pass, it does take some time but there is light at the end of the tunnel.
This is exactly what I’m feeling right now
@@MyCrabshack me too, but, I'm feeling better now, wow, wish I decided to do the no contact with my ex wife years ago, I surprised myself, I went no contact a couple of weeks ago and, I feel great now
@@MyCrabshack hang tough, you, I, we can do it, happier days are here for rest of
Thanks Philip! I really needed to hear this.. going no contact isn't as easy as people make it out to be... it hurts, and you're right, it feels a lot like grief.. im depressed and have extreme feelings of worthlessness.. i truly cared for her, but she hurt me really bad... this is painful man... damn!😔
@@Jason-qf8ig but, you will prevail, it will happen, I know, it took me a while to get better, I'll admit, years, but, it definitely will happen for you, you will see
Do not feel guilty for ghosting someone that emotionally abuse you. I am finally free and I am happy.
You can feel “
you owe them because they them. They “helped” you.
It's not even ghosting when you just break up with them and tell them. Ghosting would be to just secretly disappear without a word. So absolutely no reason to feel guilty. You don't owe them anything.
They do ghost others you went no contact there’s a huge difference. You did it for your sanity they do it because they lack sanity
Congratulations me too. 20 years younger. No regrets.
I'm getting there. It's tough.
You don't even realize how much of your emotions were being activated until you've put the relationship behind you. The peace is palpable.
The peace is unbelievable!!! 💞
It's when you start realizing that you're so much more peaceful by yourself than around another person. You can never achieve self-actualization in the presence of another.
@@niketareese3541 Amen to that!
You forgot to mention . Happiness thank you
Its like having a huge weight off your shoulders .You realise they were so destructive on your mental health
You can miss someone without wanting them back. Don't give in to contacting. You will be humiliated.
Thank you, Anna…needed to hear this today!
I really needed to hear that. Thank you!
Yes they will degrade you and humiliate you like their your possession
@@Wendycolon True. Don’t ever let them have the chance.
#facts i let my filtered memories get the best of me and welp 💩💩 So now I'm on my 2nd round of no contact. Been over 2 years this time. And of course they have occasionally popped up but I've 100% made up my mind. ✌ there's no trade off for my sanity and peace.
I'm so sick of people that judge me for not talking with my parents. They have no clue about what I lived in my childhood and adolescence
No one will understand it the way you do. If you're lucky you'll have a friend or partner who has seen it and understands--all the Flying Monkeys and Enablers will never, ever understand--until the Narc turns on THEM.
They don’t understand because they never lived it. That is a human for you
Totally agree. Happen to me too
Overcoming the guilt of no contact and cutting the narcissist out is a big job.
It doesn't help that narcs are a tiny percentage of the population yet this video has thousands of comments from people who *think* they dated a narc. I'm losing a lot of respect for this channel for letting this continue to go on, it's practically become a "How to get your ex back" specific to narcs. People, your partner probably wasn't a narc. A lot of these problems are just from bad, incompatible relationships, etc. Do you know how many people have sent me hundreds of text messages after a breakup? Do you know how many times I've had people use emotional guilt or blackmail that CLEARLY were not narcs? Do you know how many times I've read that "someone did something when I had such a hard time" from reddit comments? Half of them "I got dumped after my DOG died!!" ridic.
@@mj-np9sy I disagree but I understand how you feel. I belive this channel is very helpful, educational, and valuable. It has helped me tremendously and so many others in our healing journeys. Sadly, I learned about this after a few months of separation. I knew the relationship was toxic, but could not understand exactly why and the dynamics, I knew It was affecting me deeply. I will be forever grateful for Dr. Ramani's help and the awareness work she does.
Thank you for sharing your opinion and experience. I am very sorry for what happened to you and wish you all the very best💜
It’s a huge job but gets much easier with time, if no contact is maintained.
@@kawasakisean1 After 8 moths is getting better, I agree
Yes and you will NOT regret it!
Have stayed NO CONTACT 11 months now!! Soooo happy and healthy now. I can’t believe I got myself back! I thought I had lost my soul completely. So thankful 🙏 I have 0 feelings about that man. Complete Indifference 🤗
Did you cry for sometime tough? Like first few weeks?
Good for you! 👍👏
@@AK-nl1et this was about my 10th time going no contact so no tears shed. It’s been almost a year and a half now and that trauma bond has been completely broken. The BEST decision of my life 👍
💯 🥰💯
It’s so true they literally suck the soul out of you with such toxicity.
Dealing with a narcissist is like having a monster underneath your bed, that only you can see...Which is why this series is so important. No one can truly understand just how damaging and cruel a narcissist can be; until they themselves comes face to face with one. Thank you so much Dr. Ramani. Your videos provide the tools needed to fight back against the invisible monster AKA: The Narcissist.
Seena Marie You should check out her video about the movie The Invisible Man!
If a narc victim can leave the state or country, they should
Like “having a monster underneath your bed that only you can see”, that’s exactly what it’s like, one of my friends cannot understand why I have little or no contact with my sister- until I tell her some of the stuff I put up with most of my life. My mother was a narcissist too, very difficult to live with. As a child I cld never do anything right, and my friends wld say “your mother is so lovely” - as I’m fond of saying, you never know anyone or their family until you know what goes on behind closed doors. Very minimal (occasional emails) contact with my sister has and is, working well for me.
@@bitchenboutique6953 I seen the movie, and I absolutely loved it! It was fantastic. I will watch her review on the movie. Thank you so much for recommending it❤🤩
@@dontbelongherefromanotherHi! I agree with your comment. Some narcissist will go to far more dangerous lengths, than I have personally encountered. If a victim's life depends on it, I absolutely agree.❤❤❤
I get panic attacks because of the long time spent dealing with narcissists,,
I open these videos & listen to sooth these attacks.
You literally save lives Dr. Ramani.
I'm sorry that happens to you. I have felt that as well, while with my Narcissist and now without them at times. I hope it will get better for you. I find deep breaths help a lot and calm me down...
@@SagittariusBabe87I'm looking for a sugar mama
i do the same.
I did too and I didn't know why until watching videos such as these. It's been about a good year since I had a panic attack. I hope you're doing well
I am so sorry that you had to go through that. I actually did too. I had anxiety and panic disorders because of dealing with his demons. I could not trust him, always wondering who he was texting and talking to and emailing. I just could not babysit him anymore. He is a 62 year old narcissistic. Once I told him enough, I packed my bags and left went no contact and blocked him, as soon as I decided to leave , my panic attacks and anxiety went away like gone in 60 seconds. I pray for your healing. I wish you the best, and I know that you will make it through fine peace and serenity for yourself as you are a genuine person reach for the stars I know I will make it.
The 20 people who disliked this are narcissists.
Don't think a narc would be watching this.
@@tootienottoofruitie1726 I'm sure they would if they wanted to learn more on how to hurt people
@@Creativeabandon surely true.. I have witnessed them activity learning from each other to trick intimate etc you have a good point!🙄
And/Or non-narcissistic enablers.
I think there are 50 more now lol
Anger, after realizing that it took you soooo fricken' long to wake up.
Exactly! But I guess it’s better late than never.
Yes!
Yes, going through this now!
So true!
Same I blamed myself for months 😢
Going 'no contact' is the best decision I ever made for my own well-being...it is life changing!!
It is so painful though
Not as painful as staying in contact with someone who literally wants you to be in pain.
Currently doing that. And when it gets heavy to bear or doubts gets in, I turn to these videos and I find the support and focus I need to have. Sometimes, she says stuff that sounds so personal that seems like she is actually saying them to me, directly. This series of videos have been very helpful.
I went 'no contact' a year ago.But guess what? He suddenly reappeared in my contacts or should i say he just can't get over me and comes back every time as soon as his other "source" ends.
That's so true
I went no contact with my daughter after Christmas 2022. Eight months of no verbal abuse by her has been healing. I’m spending a lot of time by myself figuring out who I am. I am 74 and have been a victim of narcissist, my whole life. This is my first taste of freedom.❤
I'm 70 and almost destroyed! How did get the strength, cogratulations, just the idea of how you're feeling makes me happy!
@@lvd7 I guess I just got fed up. She was having a screaming tirade at me on the phone and I had had enough. And I’m so glad I did it. There’s been a lot of mental and emotional adjustments to make and still are. My family isn’t too happy with my decision, and that hurts. However, the alternative was something I just could not do anymore.
It's amazing how the family wants you to "let it go" so the abuse can continue. Life is too short for abuse and being miserable to make other people happy or comfortable. Screw them, embrace your peace ❤. I have decided along time ago. Nobody Need's to know your business because it just opens doors for criticism and judgment you never asked for.
I'm proud of you that's the best decision you probably could have ever made congratulations on your new journey stick to your guns don't let up stay strong 💪💪🙂
Wonderful for you! ❤️ From Texas!
It Is just unbelievable how strong this pull you feel towards a toxic person. It is as if you are addicted to this person, even though you don’t actually want to be around him/her.
Look up trauma bond. It's more than what we see with our eyes. Energetically we are connected to people which gets over looked as to why it's so hard to separate from a person, almost like an addictive drug
It's spiritual. That person has a strong spirit that attracts people. Now you have to ask the universe to remove the attraction from that person. Separation is hard with a strong bad spirit. Gotta summons a higher power to get rid of it.
correct
I’ve compared it to like having your feet stuck in tar. 😳
I've never read anything more true. He's like a drug that I thought I needed but being away from him feels healthy. I've been away from him for 2 months now but I'm pregnant with our child. No contact is easy now but it's going to get harder 😔
Being in a relationship with a narcissist is like having a heavy cigarette addiction. It just wastes time money and energy and most importantly ruins your health. It can takes years off your life. There are no benefits. The best thing I ever did was stop smoking years ago and go no contact with my narcissist. From now on I’m taking really good care of my physical and mental health. There is no room in my life for unhealthy toxic addictions.
spot on! and if you stop this unhealthy behaviour, slowly you recover in ways and areas, you didn't even realise where harmed by it. Since I've gone no contact, I started to have hope again, I don't have breakdowns, my emotional eating habits have improved a lot, it's like a miracle. I thought I would have to work really hard on it but my overall health improved on it's own, simply by breaking the addiction.
I hope you're well and safe!
Precise and accurate.
@And Be Balanced I wish you all the luck in the world and I'm living proof that it CAN be done, because it seemed like I was going to be caught up with my last narcissistic ex forever (he even said something like that), yet I couldn't care less if I never see him again now! It's important to add that the main thing that helped me was to feel the pain instead of contacting him and I cried a lot for a while. I wanted to have the contact to stop the pain though, so feeling it gave me the freedom. I hope this makes sense, as I'm very tired now. ❤
That is awesome!! I am so happy for you. I am working on being liberated as well. Mental wellness is a MUST!
@@cyndigooch1162 totally understands what you're saying. I've been escaped 8 months now and the first 3 it was plain anger that kept me in strict no contact and I traveled which I credit for keeping my sanity and start the healing process but as soon as I got back I started snooping on his social media, not because I wanted him back or missed him but I just HAD to see and confirm for myself that narcissist DO NOT CHANGE and that he REALLY is a narcissist although I dont think he knows it which makes it hard because a part of me feels like he never meant to hurt me, he wanted his cake and to eat it too but never wanted me to find out about his secret life. Once he even apologized for me being privy to some compromising photos of him and his secondary supply he said that he never wantws me to see them, probably more so that I wouldn't leave him then him actually not wanting to hurt me. It's really hard to see him as evil because the emotions thinking recalls the many wonderful and magical times together although they were always sprinkled with some type of drama. I find myself falling back into my addiction for him although I don't want him back, but some how don't want to be enemies neither, I want to be able to see him and converse like civilized adults. He was a very likable person unless he was plastered. Dr Jekel/Mr. Hyde though. I still feel ensnared. It's emotionally confusing, sad mostly of what could have been but I keep the REALITY in the for front to help me keep moving forward. He was my " best friend " for 10 years....I had no other friends but him. Now I do, letting go and healing is a process and is messy. I try to allow myself to feel my feelings as I didn't have any for many years due to shutting down emotionally. I'm still grieving our loss of what never was. One day at a time
"Narcissistic relationships don't really change. There's nothing that you can do or you can say to make the relationship less invalidating, to make it more respectful, and to make it more empathic. There just isn't.
So as a result, every time you have contact with these folks, you end up in the same place, and it feels awful."
-Dr. Ramani-
I so agree. There is nothing you can do to make the narcissist authentic, empathetic, vulnerable and honest with you so your relationship isn’t based on love trust and mutual respect.
No contact let’s you avoid a stab in the back or a slow death bleeding by 1 million paper cuts.
Perfectly put! The knowledge that they will NEVER change is so important!
It was sad at first, but now I'm free.
I've learnt missing someone doesn't mean you should reconcile. There are going to be days that your heart hurts but do not break the "no contact" contract you made with yourself to retain your sanity.
This is especially meaningful. Thx
I have had to do this to prevent personal abuse. I have a saying. Same Train, Same Track, Don't Get On and Don't Look Back.
Jessecraft1954 lol what a good one.
That is a good one to remember
Oh my! I love this! The ring to it :)
This line is now on its way to my instagrammmm hahaha
Jessecraft1954 I just LOVE your saying!!! I have gone non contact with my mother and haven't heard from her in 3 years. It's only just since I've been watching this series that I recognised the "love bombing!" She would send me cards with messages like "I'm praying for your healing" with one card she had knitted a scarf in my favourite colour with the message "When you wear this you will be surrounded with my love" all I could think of was it being a Boa constrictor. So I tossed it in the fire after having it tucked away in a drawer for some months. She has poisoned my only brother against me and my Dad's words to me ring true ( he passed away over 17 years ago - terminal cancer and he didn't have a chance to change his will ) "I can just imagine that your brother will end up with everything and you will get nothing" so I hold tightly to the most precious Jade carving my Dad had carved for me which he "hid" for me to retrieve before my mother or brother got hold of it. It's been painful as I miss my Dad sooo much!!!
Started No contact, and he hasn't even checked in to see if i died or was laid up in a hospital somewhere. Makes it easier to just keep walking i guess.
oh believe me, it's so much better !!! Bon débarras, if not they'll keep harassing you and not let go! I understand how it can seem charming for them to come back, but I believe it's better if THEY DON'T!!! Hopefully you're doing better now :)
Yes, I agree. Count your blessings 🙏 it's worse when they won't let go.
I wouldn't worry about it, the narcissist is probably seeking a new source.
That is because they give you the silent treatment it's their way of punishing you! Bunch of flying monkies have no compassion for people very inhumane!
Are you still no contact?
After 52 years of marriage, I have reached “indifference” toward my husband, and I now feel freedom and have peace. Thank you, Dr. Ramai, for helping me realize that it wasn’t my fault! I’m now 72 and I could write a book about the abuse that he has inflected upon my children and me! But NO MORE!!!!!! It’s OVER!!!!!!!!
🤗
52 years 😮😩you’re a fighter
Awesome to get out of that shit show isn't it! My ex husband instilled the crap in my child (now an adult) who became just as evil as him. So I've had to walk away from all of them. I feel lighter.
I am so sorry that you and your children had to put up with an abusive narcissist for such a long time. I never realised how widespread abuse by narcissists is. So many people are suffering and trapped in toxic relationships, ranging from family to partners. I am so grateful for having found Dr Ramani’s channel, she has been very helpful to me in opening my eyes to narcissism. I’ve had some toxic relationships in my life and now I realise they all displayed narcissistic characteristics. If I may, I would recommend that you look into the books and RUclips speeches of a great man, who’s an expert in childhood trauma and addiction, among other things. His name is Dr Gabor Mate. I’ve had a traumatic childhood which unfortunately continues to create consequences in adulthood, including with my relationships. Dr Mate, like Dr Ramani, has helped me enormously. I am currently reading his book “ When the body says no” and I have watches his numerous speeches on RUclips. I hope you will find happiness in the future. Life is too short, so enjoy it and move on as best as you can. Take care. Love from Australia. ❤️🌹🪴🍀🖖🐈🐇🐕🦺🇦🇺
@@muskokaoma7470 same here .
No contact = Freedom from toxic drama! I wish I had done it 30 years ago! ✌❤😊🙏
Help me please .
4 1/2 years of hell , rage , tantrums , guilt trips, devaluation, gas lighting , lies and cheating. So happy I can have head space and happiness in my life again without her 😃
@@arlilani Jesus loves you, try fasting and praying, i got out of a toxic relationship that way!
I realized I was addicted to the drama like most how even more depressing
Me too!!
I was told I was holding resentment because I went no contact with my ex and my sister has befriended him
So I cut her off too
Well done 💪
so proud of you
You can tell that you are doing this for self love and not to punish by how your heart feels. Good work but it must have hurt to lose your sister. There is grief in this choice too.
Sharon Weizenbaum Actually it was a relief for more reasons than that.
There has been a lot of family issues and she has chosen to ostracise herself But tried blackmailing and bullying.
Pitting me against my Mother and 2 other sisters.
Once I cut her off I felt relief and no guilt
Yay! Good for you!!!!😊
Better book mark this and watch it in those hardest times
Amen to that!
Just did. 🙏🏽
I’ve been writing a diary of his behaviour to read later on. I’ll need to read it.
Once I realized what was going on, I silently gave them one more Sunday dinner to observe and make mental notes, just to be sure I was doing the right thing. After that day, going no contact was one of the easiest and best decisions of my life. I held firm for a few years, then relapsed and gave them a second chance. Unsurprisingly, nothing had changed, so I went back to no contact and now I'm doing better than ever in many ways.
Going "no contact" with my mother and my sisters meant that I would have solitary holidays. OTOH, there's no shouting, insulting, cruel criticism or chores to do for them. Silence can be a blessing.
Absolutely! Congrats to you!
I'm in the midst of trying to go no contact with my mother and im struggling with it ♡
One year no contact with my evil crazy mother. But I still have nightmares ... 😕
Create a new family 💕
Plus, it leaves room for you to attract those people worthy of your company. Good on you!
I left my abusive narcissist 20 years ago today! I saw him for the first time again last summer. He looked like shit, and I can't even imagine now what I ever saw in that pathetic creep. Congratulations to me!
It will be so funny in a few weeks when he realizes I am not coming back and freaks out. I am NEVER talking to or entertaining him or letting him control me anymore.
All the best love💛 Stay at it
Did he ever reach out
good for you !!😁
sure jan
I'm one week no contact,she has blocked/unlocked me a solid 7 times LMAO nosey buggers they are!! Hahaha
I just want to take a moment to put some gratitude out into the internet ether. My husband was the person that stood by me through no contact with my toxic family. Everyone else judged and gaslit. But he never wavered. Always supported me. He is that best thing that ever happened to me. And I thank God everyday for bringing him into my life
Best thing I ever did was go no contact, I was constantly trying to get him to understand, hoping he'd be nicer, wishing he'd change! No!!! every contact was his trying to cause me pain, hurt, distress, stress...I closed up all point of contacts and I could not be happier he was an albatross around my neck! To not care, hope ,wish and remember him has truly been a gift! Letting go has led to untold joy!!
Thanks for sharing your testimony! I am looking forward to getting to that place :) Officially one week no contact. Sounds small, but it's a great deal for me. Normally by now, I would have given in to his begging to give him yet another chance. I have to keep believing that he is not a changed man despite how much he claims to be!
Miss Y so happy for you.
Miss Y thanks for the encouragement. Today tp the do of my 1 year Anniversary that I left him. Reading what you wrote has given me the encouragement to go no contact. It’s my fault even though I left. I will never go back but I don’t know why I am having contact. I will have to until we sell the family home unfortunately but other than that I have zero excuse
@@23kittykata Most important thing to do!!!! Have no contact stay strong
@@donnajk4423 So right... thank You
No contact helps stop the abuse. Allows you to fill the void with loving yourself, the love you've deprived yourself of while being with the narcissist. The exercise of no contact builds the strength that you need to move on.
I teared up reading this.
I often say that " You can't see it, when you are in it". The clarity that you get when you have the STILLNESS AND PEACE to put all the shattered pieces, together in your mind, is PRICELESS. I LOVE THE SOUND OF " NO CONTACT".
You can't see it until you discover Dr Ramani, and then you can't not
see it.
Yes!!!! I’m in disbelief
So well said 💟
No contact with my sibling for 10 years. It is a wonderful feeling. No more walking on eggshells. I am enjoying life to the fullest.
What if your sibling has 2 beautiful adorable little girls -aka NIECES- whom you adoreee & love with all your heart? Avoiding her means not being close or even seing or talking to them :'( (not to mention 1 of them is my god-daugther). Should I play it like "nothing's going on, it was just coincidence I haven´t talked to you in almost a year"? and just show up for my nieces b-days, ETC. (probably including hers! which is next week -_- ) Or should I just GIVE UP on the possibility of seing my nieces & remain with my heart broken until I die? :'(
Given that SEVERAL 'family gatherings' (of the 'rather mandatory' type) that are coming soon (next week!) I'd appreciate any and all advice possible... because I seem unable to make a decision. THANKS!
@@inesrosan9096 I would suggest low contact. When there are minor children, you kind of have to put up with the parent. Once the kids are grown hopefully you will be able to go no contact with the toxic sibling.
As of tonight, I’ve decided no contact with my narcissistic brother. I’ve walked on eggshells for years and I’m worn damn out!!
Thank you Dr Ramani. You’re amazing! I love all your videos and have found them so helpful and eye opening. For me, this is free therapy on RUclips and I’m so grateful for it. Between you and Dr Gabor Mate, I might find some healing from my traumatic childhood and subsequent toxic/narcissistic relationships. I am looking forward to enjoying the rest of my life with more peace and calm in my heart and soul. Please continue with the great work you’re doing, you’re helping so many people! Take care. Love from Australia. ❤️🌹🪴🍀🖖🇦🇺
I have been no contact since middle of march. I am on a Rollercoaster ride of emotions. I stared therapy a month ago. Some days I am🎉. Others I 😢. But I do not want to go back. I had to go threw my birthday, Mother’s Day and soon Father’s Day. My brothers sent me messengers to , two parties. Which I am not going. I have sadness, that in my big family, I am the one who has to leave. And, my mother and sister stay (narcissist). I saw one of my sisters twice. But now, I feel, I do not want her to know my life, so the narcs get news…I am continuing, because it is more painful to be around the narcissist. Thank you Dr. Ramani. I want to win.
I feel much better without my whole family. I am no longer the scapegoat, being put down, or disrespected. It has been freedom for me.
I understand my mother is a Narcissist and I haven't seen her in 18 years. Im quite content actually and Im about to divorce my Narcissistic husband.
I'm new to this. I need advise. Trying to cut contact with parents. They started talking to my ex under pretext of preaching the gospel. I don't care what they think of me but I'm not going to go back or text. They can adopt him. Lol
The feeling of peace after going NC is amazing.
Ginger Turner,You look cute 🌹,Hope you are not with a narcissist!
@@jackpetersen7545 jack I’ve seen u comment this under like 4 other women’s comment. Stop already
No Contact is the best gift I ever gave myself!!!! It's been 15 months and I feel healthier and I got my life back!!!!!!!
cutting off my narc has been simply life changing. But mine has not attempted to make contact. Because that in their mind would shift the power to me. That would be grovelling and admitting mistakes they feel they never made. I'm I'm so glad that's how it's gone! Guys if you have a narc in your life that is making that life constantly miserable. Go non contact. It's empowering and peaceful all at the same time
Them not contacting you can at first be weird and have you thinking intrusive thoughts. 🤦🏻. But staying strong and steadfast only enables you to rebuild your mental health and life. Total relief. Flip it the other way saying the narc is finally doing something good for you. Lol.
My ex had no problem groveling and begging cause he had some overlap with Bpd.
Yes you are so right,thank you
It's such a joy to feel that you have complete authority over your own life. When you realize that you can trust your own reality and are not confused anymore.
Omg you read my mind . That’s what I’m feeling now. I’m the owner of my life now
I didn’t realize how bad it was until I got away. Going no contact was the only way I could see the truth. I look back, and I’m still amazed at how blind I was.
i love the part where you said just don't care even if they got hit by the bus. as cruel as it sounds, it works. 100% no contact is the only thing that works.
With hopes that hell is real so they can bust the bottom out of it !!! Whew Saran come get the rest of your demons j/k
Telling people to not care about another human getting hit by a bus sounds very psychopathic. If you start loving people's pain (narcissist or not) you have allowed the very evil you are fighting to become you. If the price of defeating a narcissist is Losing your #humanity, is it worth it? & what moral high ground do you have after that?
@@MylezNevison We are not God. And we simply do not give two fucks about someone who tries to break us. Do you know the scope of the damage of being mentally abused especially? My guess is you don't. All the morals is what messess nice folks up. Strong boundaries and YES....i don't care if such a person gets hit by a bus. They do that to you indirectly.😈
I think of my narcissistic ex as being dead - but there’s still a bit of dread that I’ll see him somewhere. 2+ years since NO CONTACT was invoked and that hasn’t happened, but that ghost lingers in the corner.
@@MylezNevison I’ve learned to save my humanity for people who are worth it, not my abuser or his enablers.
I've gone 'no contact' with 2 different relatives, both narcissistic. What a joy. Also went 'no contact' with two different alleged friends who were using me. In both instances, once I figured out what was going on, 'no contact' was easy.
Though it would be nice to call these narcissists out directly, I think we can console ourselves that these people never 'win'. While our lives get better without them, theirs get worse without us...at least I'd like it to be so. I like a little payback.@@HereForToday42
It is such a mix of feelings because I'm a caring person. I have to be indifferent. Six months no contact now
Congrats! You should be proud of yourself because it is NOT easy to bounce back after the chaos and trauma they put us through. Indifference is wise and healthy because it eventually leads to peace of mind and emotional well being.
Just remember that refusing to engage with them does not make you a bad person. They will tell you otherwise, but you are not obligated to set yourself on fire to keep them warm. Tell them to pound sand.
@@juliemcgugan1244 Don't set yourself on fire to keep them warm, I love that saying.
Well done! 💕
Twelve months for me and I’ve just had an email telling me that as I haven’t thanked my mother for keeping the lines of communication open (even though I clearly closed them and told her I would not be in touch again) she’s had enough of me and isn’t going to try any more. Yay!! It is amazing how powerful the guilt is, but nowhere near as powerful as the relief of not having to have contact with her.
@@Ocealei I agree !!! I’m so
Glad I stopped doing that
Whenever I want to contact again with my narcissistic ex-partner, I watch this video and remind myself the importance of no-contact. You've survived me Dr Ramani
Me too! Shes amazing
Husband has done it all but I am ahead of his game. All my friends are.praying for me and thank You Jesus for not abandoning me
God love you Isela x
All facts
Amen
Amen
I’m going through hell with my narc husband now. Praise Jesus for NEVER leaving us. I hope you are ok
Usually, by the time you learn the person is a "covert narcissist", you have already 'dealt' with them in one way or another. You cannot and will not recognize the person as a 'covert narcissist' just by looking at them or having casual interactions with them. You have to observe, listen, and understand what you SAW,what you HEARD, and WHY you SAW and HEARD that. Now don't that sound easy. The better question is how do you STOP 'dealing with' a covert narcissist once you understand what you SAW, what you HEARD, and WHY you SAW and HEARD that? The 'best way' to 'deal with a covert narcissist' is to STOP listening, STOP observing, STOP wondering WHY, and STOP having ANY interaction with them. If you MUST have interactions with them, limit the interactions as much as possible. No "hi, how are you doing", no "hi, I wish I had time to talk to you", no "hi, it's nice to see you", just "hi, hope you're doing well, I've got to run" or just "hi" and keep walking. If at all possible avoid ANY setting or situation where the narcissist or a 'flying monkey' can observe you or listen to you. 'Flying monkeys' are the narcissist's 'possessions'. Dealing with or interacting with anything or anybody the narcissist 'owns' is considered the same as 'dealing with' or interacting with the narcissist. The more you 'deal with' a covert narcissist, the more you will have to 'deal with'. Do not 'run' from a covert narcissist unless you can 'run' totally away from them. When you 'run' from a narcissist, it makes them feel powerful and important. They like that and will make a sport out of watching you 'run'. Once you 'learn' the person is a 'covert narcissist', you have to 'learn' to either 'covertly' avoid the hell out of them or 'overtly' have NO CONTACT with them and refuse to 'deal with' them. This all SOUNDS so simple and easy, but ask anybody who has ever "dealt with" one and they'll tell you it's one of hardest things they've ever 'dealt with'. Additionally, Metaspyhub@gmail. com is a company that is ideal if you need to be able to confront a cheating spouse because they have some of the most advanced features in the industry.
no contact makes me feel relieved and a sense of peace. enough of toxic and evil people.
It's funny how they want you to reach out to them but yet they don't reach out to you.
Ive been messing up regularly with reaching out. I still can't help but miss the nice side even though I know it was a lie. Hoping the divorce will ensure I let go for good.
@@jenniferwalter8875 I keep reaching out too:(
@@PR-vt9un we will get there. Just trying to remember that it want all the roses i make it out to have been in my head.
One of the things I'd LOVE to do, but know it would fall on deaf ears, is to send some of these videos to the ex to maybe open their eyes to the issues they have. As I said, I know it would fall on deaf ears though and would be a waste of time.
The thing about narcs is: if you open the door a crack, they are so skilled at their craft that they'd weasel their way back in and since they are masters, next thing you know you'd be back in the same spot you were prior.
@@jenniferwalter8875 well...perhaps this might help.
When you feel vulnerable, stop and take some time to reflect. Do Not give in readily to the urge to contact. The sadness comes from the need to express your emotions regarding something or an event, but with a new person you must explain the history behind the problem. Reconnecting the abuser is simply opening Pandora's box...you left back in someone who if you only try to give them an inch...they wind up taking a foot. You are back at square one...all your hard work goes out the window. So it is better to center yourself and learn to trust your thoughts than to open up your vulnerabilities to abuse.
When I went no contact with my narcissistic mother it was the best decision I have ever made and I have absolutely no regrets!
Thank you for sharing I needed to see that ,mine is my mother too. I was starting to feel the guilt when I saw your post. She tries to make it a nightmare for me because I am her oldest son but enough now
@@obi2118 They love to make you feel guilty be strong and remember THEY WILL NEVER CHANGE a narcissist gets worse as they get older. Good luck
@@dianetgomez7410 thank you so much for this I got no one I can say this to it's helped a lot.
Same!
I don't get tired watching your videos for hours and again and again. Thank you Dr. RAMANI.
She’s so informative & supportive! I have been in a narcissistic marriage now for 4 1/2 years . Been together for 6 and I literally listen to her videos to and from work on my car play. Dr . Rama I is so therapeutic for me. I’m so grateful that I have stumbled across her videos ❤
I’ve been no contact with my family for 5 years now. Fucking sweet.
😂😂😂 So true! 8 years for me!
Im in this journey but also I think if being completely away is healthy too? What can you tell me about that, how that affects you trough the years, recive a hug from Perú! 🙌🏻☺️🇵🇪
14 years, and my mother has to find other people to burn down instead. Escaped! ❤️
F*** family .. choose your own!
7 years and very sane.✌️
Happening to me right now. Trying to get rid of my mother and sisters. Please pray for me.
Praying for you - I ceased contact with my narcissistic siblings 6months ago -
Remember God is with you on this!
I went no contact with my toxic sibling nine years ago. My life is much more peaceful now.
👏👏👏
@@Tarotcooks stick w it. Went no contact w my mother. Did this till the day she died and don't ever look back. Sometimes feel like I should have said a few things on my mind, but going no contact said it all! best wishes!
Stick w it. Went no contact w my mother. Did this till the day she died and don't ever look back. Sometimes feel like I should have said a few things on my mind, but going no contact said it all! Best wishes!
Perfect, that lightness and freedom from the heaviness and suffocation of walking on eggshells, subconsciously always being on edge and hiding your true self. That lightness is priceless!
Yassssssss!
Well said 👍
Blocking them is the best thing you can ever do.
My sister is the best she believed me and made me stong not to talk to them
Its so good to have those people. My sister and i are total opposites in many ways but she's got my back.😊 God bless our sisters
@@ladykdog1756 my x ues to say that about his sister 🤦but also talked mad shit about her
@@chouzetsu8856 that's a good thing
It sucks when your only sibling is a narcissist too. NC for the last 9 years...
@@PPMOCRG that sucks somtimes blood doesn't mean famliey good people can become famliey i have 6 brothers but i only know one 😒he wasn't a goo brother
Imagine going no contact with your own, disabled, elderly, immigrant, outcast, impoverished, tragic parents. That is what I am having to endure. God help me.
I'm going thru something very similar. I'm sorry you're going thru this. It's so hard, but for self survival, sometimes necessary. Sending you love and light
Prayin for you an your strength!
Yes… that’s so hard… the guilt and shame…. But again, you are not responsible for their disability and for their health.
I’m on the same journey…. I will pray for you 🙏
I used to spend 45 minutes in the greeting card aisle, looking for the mother's day card for my narc mom that didn't say "You're the greatest mother on earth, I love you so much" or some other nonsense that I couldn't give her without lying. There aren't many cards that say "I'm giving you this mother's day card because it's socially expected, not because you deserve it."
Going no contact was so freeing, on so many levels. Definitely recommend it for those who can do so.
OMG, I'm not alone in trying to do this each year, then what do I do? Go and marry one. Now am trying to disengage from this relationship. What a drain all this has been but very freeing at the same time once you've identified the problem and can isolate it.
@@txarte6883 Getting away is worth it! Stay strong!
Well, there’s always the cards that say something like, “You have been like a mother to me” and open the card to some sticky sweet sentiment which you cross out and write in, “And you failed. Spectacularly.”
@@tundrawomansays5067 There really needs to be a rude greeting card company.
I can totally relate!!! I cut ties with my Narc Mom in March 2022. I feel Sooooo relieved now!!!
No contact is an absolute must to start the healing process. It’s tough at first but the longer you do it the better you feel. I am 14 years on no contact and counting. He called a few weeks ago and I simply ignored him, 14 years later! 😂🙄
Good for you it took all that time for them to know how good they had it and messed up
He actually called after 14 years? What in the world....WHY?
What could he possibly want after 14 years?
These narcissists are bizarre, to say the least...
I slipped up after 2 years. Big mistake. Went back to no contact but now I know it has to be forever.
Yes..because it becomes worse..
How did u do it
@@rainlove1030 please don't be like me and deal with one on and off for 13 yrs. I should've never spoken to him again after I canceled our wedding. I know what he is now thank Gd. You've got to keep no contact. Thinking of them and keeping any reminders is breaking no contact. You basically have to remove them as if they never existed. It hurts to do but it's the only way.
@@ringostarrs3rdwifeyxoxo869 mine was on and off too I was 16 when I met and he was 19 made easier for him to manipulate me ... when we we off he’d be sleeping with my neighbor...it’s hard and makes feel insecure.. but I believe I can do it ... thank you for your advice !!! I appreciate you !(:
Don't go back because they never change and you will be mad at yourself later for having given it another chance (a) and wasting time and energy (b).
I must say my shaky moments are when I'm outraged and I want to break no contact just to give them a piece of my mind. Fortunately good sense does kick in, I know it would be playing right into their hands.
I feel the same way but I remind myself that God knows the truth.
No Contact really does work. It's important though to not use it as a strategy to get their attention but more to get attention back to yourself and healing overall. I'm not absolutely at the 100% indifference but I feel it coming👍🏽
Brilliant. Thanks
No matter who it is.. I will always block the people who disrespected me and incompatible with me.
I'll even go as far as blocking toxic family members. No toxic people are allowed in my circle of life. The only ones who is allowed are healthy people!
I was meant for a life of greatness. I owe this to myseld healthy circle and relationship
IMPORTANT: If you build the strength to go no contact, NEVER GO BACK!
I was the scape goat in an extremely abusive and narcissistic family. I finally got the strength to go no contact and maintained it for 5 years. After seeing my father at a funeral I was drawn back in, my father seemed to have changed and he really wanted me back in his life. My narcissistic sociopath of a sister (she is truly an evil person) was not happy to hear that I was back.
If you go no contact never go back. The evil, vengeful, hateful, jealous, insecure and mentally ill golden child will exact a revenge that you will never forget.
Yes. so will the narcs
Same. Except a little different
Did you ever go no contact with your father again
My narcissist was a female “best friend”, the abuse spiraled out of control and the day I got out was the first day of the rest of my life. This person almost destroyed me. If you are being abused get out today. I’ve been healing from nightmares and PTSD since but I am free and happy. I have headspace of my own. I have real friends. I hope someone reads this and finds courage to leave today 💕
🙏
Whatdo I do if I cant leave because I dont have a job yet? I dont want to talk to him, but he keeps coming up to me, even after he has a new girlfriend. I wish he would just talk to her instead of me.
I went no contact with my family and my ex husband. Not having learned my lesson, im in a friend ship with an elderly narc who is charming and funny one day and abusive and hateful the next. Shes charming because I did all the things she wanted and she didn't have to go back to assisted living until 7 pm. I hate me
Thank you im filing for divorce this week.
@@hisnewlife3543 go to a shelter an they'll help u get your own place.. Job an all.
These are the words from a meme that literally changed my life for the better. I hope they resonate with others as deeply as it did me.
I never knew how strong I was until I had to forgive someone who wasn't sorry and accept an apology I never received
Wow! Thank you for sharing x
That’s perfect. 👍😂😬 Unfortunately. I’m going to make a note of that one.
That is powerful. Thank you for sharing.
Powerful words
Stopped talking, contacting, and seeing them. It got worse, they fought it, then suddenly it got really good.
It's fantastic now.
No contact is absolutely THE BEST and indeed, when you see them after a long while you can literally feel that they have zero power over you. I know it since I’ve experienced it. The feeling is unbelievable. I was with this guy for 3 years. No contact was possible when I moved to another continent (I was in my twenties and mentally too weak to end it otherwise), and it saved me. He would send me looooong love letters about how much he misses me, how much he realized that I was the best woman for him blah blah blah... When I met him accidentally during one of my visits in home country, he would still try to convince how good and happy we would be as a couple 🙄
I felt nothing, absolutely nothing towards him by then. No love, no hate .. simply nothing and it felt very good. I know, we not always can physically move far away from toxic people, but my point is that no contact really works best.
Ha ha. I also left the continent and it really helped in facilitating the no contact strategy
ulsy27
Yes, INDIFFERENCE! It’s so amazingly healing. Physical distance can also help so much. It blocks easy access to you from the narcissist and allows you to relax and detach. I would’ve burned those letters without reading them. But that’s me doing me. I’m glad you’re doing so well.
@@janebedoe2071 Same here. Living in a different continent AND no contact puts my mind at rest, although it's still painful. Much harder for them to get to you when they'd have to spend a lot of money, don't know your exact location, AND are dealing with COVID-19 travel restrictions.
I live in the us I'm emigrating to canada to go no contact with my narcissist mother
I've gone no contact for 1 year & I will remain no contact FOREVA!!!!! Feel so freeeeee :)
Me too Anika! It is about a year for me.
@@willowwhite7196 Congrats!! 😊
I went no contact with my Cluster-B "mother" and siblings 20 years ago and moved about 1,500 miles away. Haven't looked back!
Chet Pomeroy whats a cluster b ? Haven’t heard of that
@@donnajk4423 Cluster B is listed among the Personality Disorders in the DSM-5 (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual, Version 5), a rather exhaustive reference manual that mental-health practitioners use as an aid to diagnose their clients. It mentions in detail rather undesirable personality traits.
Chet Pomeroy Thankyou. i appreciate you taking time to answer . It’s all very deep and many different personality types arent there. Have a good day. 😊👍🏻
I did the same, do you have children? What do you tell them.?
@@biancacaputo7174 No kids. Didn't want to take any chances in carrying on the narcissistic generational cycle.
All these mental issues I had developed during our relationship just melted away once I stopped communication. Can't go no contact because we have kids, but the peace I have is so relieving I actually feel lighter.
me too. I did no contact. and very specific when its about kids only
@@stupensardi2783 I haven't figured a way from to keep them safe from that behavior. She's the woman so she got primary custody. All I do is love them as hard as I possibly can for the little time I have.
No contact with my covert sister going on 2.5 years. Life is much more relaxing and I'm saving a ton of money becuase I'm no longer giving it all to her. It works!
We don't anyone anything
Awesome! I am no contact with my sister and mom. I feel much better about myself🥰
No contact with covert narc mother almost 3 years. Lots of PTSD. Getting better with time though. My wife and I relapse everytime narc mother or flying monkey friends and family try to reach out. Has happened so often had to send no contact letter. Still trying to contact us through social media.
Amen!
@@JohnSmith-vm8rx check out Bumped Bruised and Blessed 🌟
"You just don't care ... and that is a good moment ..." YES! Thank you for this sentence. I love this feeling after 5,5 yrs of narcissistic abuse. I went no contact 3 months ago and its unbelievable how free and happy I am with myself, even when there are some dark days in between.
No contact started the HOOVERING & flying monkeys appearances ugh go away
My goodness..I've put up with a narc for 25 years...raising children, moving, building a career, our home, a life that I'm dreamed of, bu what a lonely space it has been. I became numb, just lost all energy and joy..he sucked my soul dry. When he could no longer get his supply from me, he had an affair and I walked out, with nothing but a suitcase and filed for divorce on March 16. It hurt and still does because I've been living a lie for sooo long, rationalizing why it was ok for him to treat me with contempt..years of avoidance, manipulation, guilt, being mocked and belittled and the gas lighting. I just gave up and lived in my work or my room, barely speaking with him and going gray rock. When he came home and told me he no longer loved me or wanted me, I finally snapped and left everything behind hit my clothes. He moved his newer, younger supply into my home. The ink was barely dry on my petition for divorce. I'm having to start my entire life from scratch and going through a divorce makes it impossible for no contact..his emails have never once offered an apology and I don't expect to ever hear those words. He's rationalized that his actions are my fault. He's playing the victim..but having a channel like this and a good support system help. I start therapy this month. I'm an empath and co-dependent and never knew what I was dealing with over the years or how I got involved with him..he sweo t me off my feet. I was 26, a vulnerable, single mom, and thought he was Prince Charming. I've been devalued and discarded long before his affair and I now realize it's not my fault. He's a child who is terribly insecure and has no sense of self. God help his new girlfriend. I'm free of being gaslit and discarded. I no longer fantasize about running away or suicide. I'm free.
Grace had led him to leave you, now you are free
Renee Inez I was there only for a year, but I left everything to be with him, job, house, family & country... it was so difficult and painful when I said goodbye and then all the legal stuff, gaslighting even for the legal things until I reminded him he signed in as responsible... the rage and pain in me makes it so difficult to make no contact, when I fail I feel terrible
Welcome to freedom beloved. Now you have been blessed with a second chance at life and love. Remember Half full, not half empty🙏🏾❤ I wish you healing and love on your new journey of self love and care.
@Renee Inez Such an inspiring story, thank you for sharing, you are a survivor, it takes so much strength to leave after 25 years.
Renee Inez I wish you lots of strength, love and light n your journey ✨💫
I recently unblocked out of a fear of my narcissist contacting me via extreme measures like popping up at my house or work. I’m blocking again and am SO grateful for these series. I’m in tears cus I could never articulate the madness. I’m safe 🙏🏾💕
Omg I am so scared and I did the same and he showed up unannounced at 2am sitting outside in the dark. I feel so trapped.
I blocked, then unblocked, then had nightmares and panic attacks, restocked and it stopped
I'm going thru this now as we speak...Have blocked him only for him to pop up at home and my job so I unblocked and here we go the cycle starts again🤦♀️
@@lorettascott5477 I'm going thru this now...Are you No contact?
A court order could be helpful for you
I've been no contact with my NPD mom for 3½ years now. It's still hard sometimes due to family trying to guilt me into coming back, but it I'm the healthiest now physically and mentally that I've ever been.
Same with me.
I had to cut my mother (monster) off over a year ago. She's at the stage of dismissal of me because she knows I'm on to her. She has went to family and friends to talk shit about me. I don't care. I got off devil's island and I'm happy. I noticed from your picture that you are also beautiful, so I'm sure your monster is jealous of that.
almost 10 years of no contact with my dad and life is goooooood
From my experience, narcissists clinch onto a certain person and they can become obsessed.
my experience as well...
There is an obsessive component because they are controlling
YES in every aspect, why are you leaving? , where are you going? How long are you going to be gone? And calling while your gone & asking why have you been gone so long? , why are you smiling while your looking at your phone? You just got a message, who are you talking to? If it’s not a close relative then I’m not allowing you to talk to them, it’s just about impossible to have a relationship with friends even if you’ve known them your whole life,which plays into them ultimately having a guilty conscience about something, and not to mention texting you every minute they and you are at work, completely and utterly obsessed with you in every single way, it is so mentally and physically exhausting and when you add having 3 kids onto that it’s literally like working 3 full time jobs, you just feel like you don’t know how much more you can take and you know when you wake up the next day it’s going to start all over again
@@Heather_ONeal Groundhog day, until you finally go no contact & get away. Good Luck.
Even narcissistic friends cling...they don’t want to lose their audience, or in some cases punching bag
I’m moving and going no contact with a borderline narcissist..
I absolutely can’t wait.
I’ve learned so much.
Now it’s time for health and peace.
Leaving my narc this week
I have to admit I’m terrified.. his son had been staying here so he has been well behaved
Son leaves this weekend
Pray for me
The same. Wish you lot of strenght🤗
How'd it go?
@@N11-xr9pi1 took a while to get my things. started getting sucked back in a bit, i admit. then he showed his true colors again and i realized the crazy wasnt going to quit with this deviant. no contact, and i am rebuilding. the feeling of relief is immense.
@@jklxn omg I’m so happy for you 🥺💓
@@mimiscoo1173 Thank you sooo much!!
I’m happy again 😀❤️
Successful 3months of no contact, I can feel the victory slowly..!
Coming up on five years of no contact. I was 55 when I FINALLY discovered my dad was a narcissist borderline sociopath.
🙏
I m 57 years old and just discovering that there was actually a diagnosis for my families actions towards me! It’s hard to get past the feeling of guilt because of being treated badly for the majority of my life, but I’m going to stick it out and love myself!
@@Blackbeltbty1 Me, too. I am now finally no contact.
@@Blackbeltbty1 I'm 56 and my family has always been this way....how did you break away....Im trying...doing Thanksgiving with my children at my home this year ....its a start ....but it will be turned around that I ruined Thanksgiving...ugh...no guilt...no guilt
I am also just figuring it out 48 and it's hard bc I'd hoped my dad would change 😢 😔 😞
When the covert narcissist is your (only) adult child, it’s absolutely heartbreaking to go no contact. Dr Ramani has the best advice from all the RUclips channels, thank you!
That’s heart breaking I’m so sorry to hear that
CATS DONT MAKE DOGS. HE GOT IT FROM HIS MAMA.
@@fup723 no thats not true
I struggle with the enablers and those who really don't know. I do care what they think of me and I mourn the loss of respect, but it is not worth keeping the false hope of things being "normal". To try to explain to them just makes me look petty or vindictive. Realize that some people will never get it and be grateful for those who love you for you.
I know exactly what you mean
"petty and vindictive", this is exactly how it would feel to send her the letter I wrote to her explaining how I feel and what I think about her. The feeling I got, when I chose not to send it, was very confusing. Now I feel I know a little bit better what that feeling was.
I too have been dealing with this. I realize now that I have to be the scapegoat to the entire family in order to have peace. I let go of the need to explain myself to others. I’m done.
In my case at least, I've learned that enablers were really secret haters all along with 20/20 hindsight. I was just in denials too much
I did this with my father 42 years ago. I never regretted it. Sad, I suppose, but he was never going to change, and there was no relationship lost. Saw him once at Christmas during that span. All I could think of was the Wizard of Oz. It's affected my life in so many ways. But the big one is that I know when to walk away because people don't change and you can't change them.
❤️Enjoy your life!
I finally went no contact with a narcissist almost a year ago. I changed my number and have been moving on, it's been a bit tough, but in the long run it will be better for my mental health and my self preservation.
I went no contact from my narcissistic father 6 years ago. Back then I didn't even have the language for what he was, I just knew that I couldn't endure his abuse for one moment more. It was one of the best decisions I've made and I've been healing ever since. I have dealt with the backlash and judgments from a few enabling family members, but I don't care anymore. If they refuse to see the truth of the situation that's on them. I will not be gaslighted anymore!
Best of luck to anyone who is embarking on a healing journey from narcissistic abuse. If you are safely able to go no contact, I highly recommend it. 🙏🏼
that magic finally I don't care place........
Arq. Margot Cueto 🙌🏽
How did you get there, pls share! 💓
I'm there now
Kelly Allen For me, I had to finally realize that the narcissist is literally *not* going to change. And that anything I say to them by way of trying to express how I feel and show them how they were hurting me was only information they could use to hurt me again whenever they felt like it.
Also, because I so enjoy the peace I experience in my life due to separating myself from them, I found that when they try to provoke me I was no longer willing to leave that place of peace for the sake of trying to negotiate with them. I value myself and my peace more than a relationship with them.
Just yesterday the narcissist in my life chose a quiet brief moment of us alone (super rare for that to happen!) to whisper to me, “Will you ever trust me again?“ And I stood there munching my appetizers and looked at him and I still haven’t answered. Because the answer is never. Because I couldn’t be bothered to even open my mouth to expend the energy to answer. Sometimes silence and absence speaks louder than actual words.
ladyiola Yes, once you see them for who they truly are you come to the realization that nothing will ever be good enough for them. You’re literally in a relationship by yourself so you either continue to suffer or realize that you deserve better. I wasted so much time trying to get my ex to understand my feelings he literally couldn’t do it or put himself in another person’s shoes. I rather leave now than spend years going back and forth with this man.
No contact is the road to true freedom. By implementing it, and sticking to it, you will reclaim your life, your personal power and the joy and happiness that got buried along the way. No contact works!
It feels absolutely heartbreaking when it’s narcissistic parents. Especially when you have a very serious illness like late stage cancer. But to protect myself I have to let go. They have shown they don’t care. One parent has used my illness to maintain control, continue abuse and garner supply... while the other has used my illness to get attention for herself. Neither of them have done anything to help me at this difficult and challenging time.
Are you familiar with Louise Hay?
I hope all is well with you. 💜
i have asthama ,migraine allergies but no one cares ,what they care about is i am not earning enough
They really stop at nothing. I hope you're doing better now. I'm sorry for what you've been through ..❤️ just know, someone is thinking about you, even if it's a stranger and that you're not alone! I send you a big hug 🤗
🥹💔
Went no contact yesterday. Started it and it felt soo good.
Went NC with my dad and his flying monkeys after 22 years and it feels amazing. I'm so much more gentle with myself, positive, and confident in myself. I wish I would have done it years ago.
He "punished" me after the breakup by giving me full custody of the children!
It made no contact so much easier!
Matthew Hussey has an amazing quote on this one ''It's not your job to fix what they broke''. I come as a scapegoat child but I do not feel any guilt to cut off all ties with the narcissistic people. Everyone should take their own accountability for their actions and I'd rather use my time to heal myself and live my happy life instead of torturing myself more to the point of no return. It takes a long-life practice and such a high level of self-awareness and self-counsciousness on this one. Life is way too short to spend it on the wrong ones and before you get stuck in all the drama, remind yourself you only have ONE you and so many potential SOs. :) Thank you, Doctor Ramani, you are absolutely amazing!
We also can fix what we didn’t break ❤️
I am also the scapegoat child. Educating myself has really helped. My childhood and first marriage make total sense now. I feel no guilt and have had to cut out all 8 siblings. I can't describe the calm and peace of mind I finally have.
You used the term 'torturing myself.' That gave me an 'ahhh' feeling. Its exactly what I was doing to me until I finally stopped. Thanks.
I've been no contact with my ex for about 2 years now, and I've lived life so well since then that the thought of me even trying to glance at their social media makes sick to my stomach! The only reason I watch these videos occasionally is to remind myself what to do and what not to do if I ever come across a narcissistic person again 🙏🏾💯
When I realised someone who loved me could never abuse me in such a way I blocked him on everything. And I’m so glad I did. Still not completely healed but almost there! Thank you for validating everything for me especially when I had been invalidated by him so much
Going through the same thing right now..hope it got better with time
@@annamehta7676 it starts with loving yourself enough to not want someone who doesn’t treat you with love
@@annamehta7676 if you are sure that the person that you have been dealing with was a narcissist, kill all hope for that person, period. At the beginning is the hope that drives you crazy, kill it! Learn from that in meaning, ask yourself - who were you, who that person was, what you did together and what it really meant. You have to understand all of that cuz your brain wont let it go until you solve the issue. The issue why why you end up with that person. And find at least one good friend who understands the situation and is trying to help you with it. In short my 10 months dealing with this nightmare.
I remembered the day i DECIDED to go "No contact" and it really feels amazing, like you're going to start climbing a huge montain and you're like "Let's go, i'll just stop on the top of it!". 2 months have passed and i'm so so proud of myself! I'm free of an letal adiction! Free yourself tooooo, i swear it feels amazing ❤️❤️❤️❤️🍾🍾🍾🍾
I’ve been through over a decade of this. I’m so done. No matter what. Even the social workers are on my side, even after all of his attempts to smear and destroy me. Eventually ppl see the truth.
Sometimes I wonder if people will ever see the truth. Those narcissist are such good liars
I'm going nc with my parents now..it's been a month, and I am feeling the exact feelings you mentioned. If I did it a year ago, I might went back to them. But this time feels different. I can finally focus into myself without feeling too much guilt. At times I even forget about them and my life is so happy. Still fighting with the guilt and the voice in my head, but your video convinced me that it will be all gone soon:)
may i ask why you have estranged them?
@Victoria I kept telling them to respect my boundery, but of course, they didn't listen. Finally, they tried to gaslight and raged at my husband and kid, and that was my threshold. They strongly believe that they are authorized to control my family and I had to protect them. Especially my kid.
Did you ran to another place?
How is it going now ? I just went no contact with my narcissistic mother just over a month ago