Can you make a video about how to deal with it when you have a child with a narcissist? I have no contact, third party contact in place for our child. But our child is suffering because of his abuse to her. But as he isn't physical social services/court etc won't protect her from him. And how do I validate her feelings about how he treats her etc whilst also not undermining him as a parent?
The most frustrating thing is:when they listen, they steal your ideas and give it back to you as if they have said it in the first place, making things all about themselves-you feel so frustrated ,unheard and not important.
They even pick up your expressions, your words and they copy you in everything because there's nothing genuine in them. They are like Frankenstein: peaces of different people they have met copied and pasted in a crazy collage.
This is so true. I have a lot of weird and funny sayings. The narc would literally make fun of me for my sayings and turn around and use them as if it came from them.
Yes-the Narcissistic couple ruining our school district Superintendent and Director of Instruction stole information form two meetings and he used it to write the Stratigraphic Plan -which his wife the Superintendent is supposed to write.
oh GOSH...the NARC WAS in the kitchen with me when I was making cookies..he knew nothing about baking never made cookies in his life..but here he was harrasing me when i was busy no less ...giving stupid directives on how 2 bake!?😮huh?...30 seconds and it was GET OUT RIGHT NOW U IDIOT..! 😄my OPINION of him deteriorated daily...i treated the NARC with less & less respect with his every STUNT....i figure low I.Q and his chemical labotomy was permanent and ongoing..i didn't take him seriously as his own family advised me 2 DO...he saw his family as his personally property 2 b controlled and given his constant directives...after a long 6 hr drive we arrived at his sisters🤔 we didn't even make it in 2 the house b 4 she told him 2 F- OFF!😠she got in her car and left...creepin on his kids creepin on his family/ monitoring them..hoping 2 move in on them...1 year his car was towed he was stranded at his sisters & she called constantly just begging me 2 come collect him😮🤔..she didn't want him ther even for 1 day...i was shocked...he cant get along hes been homeless plenty with not 1 family member 2 turn 2 HE walked the streets of Vancouver..and the joke of it all was his brother had his wallet and I.D. which was all he needed 2 GET OFF the streets..duhhh...these nuts r all retarded...
Narcissism is a mental illness based on paranoia and a dream of one’s own grandiosity maybe also with schizophrenic traits. Very often combined with substance abuse to make their miserable life more comfortable. This comes along then with self-pitty, depression and victimhood or brutality and anger. They live in these low energetic dream state. They have extreme selective hearing and it is right that they don’t give a damn for your concerns, however they steal your ideas as it was mentioned in some of the comments above and they check you up if you are attacking them verbally. A no, is an attack for them, they can’t stand any critique and children of narcissistic parents understand that as strict education while in reality it has nothing to do with the child but everything with the offended ego of their parents. They also can’t stand it when their children have hobbies, passions or just a love for life. Everything gets criticized by a narcissistic parent to take away every joy from their child. They just are content, when their offspring suffers the same way they do. I had a mother who acted for decades in this way. Everything I liked got critisized by her, she didn’t even show interest in the things I did because it was all about their depression and victimhood. I hate my parents until today for their behavior towards me and I think that some people shouldn’t become parents. Same with my professional life. There you can find many narcisists in leadership positions. A narcissist at work either copies you or backstabs you, but loyalty isn’t a word that he didn’t even know how to spell it. When you have a narcissistic boss you can’t critisize him directly you just have to fake your loyalty by saying that he is right whatever he does and abandon him at the next best occasion. But constructive talks or teamwork or empathy isn’t possible. People are nothing else than an object to benefit from for a narcissist.
Best advice ever on narcissists: PROVERBS 9:7-8 7 If you try to correct an arrogant cynic, expect an angry insult in return. And if you try to confront an evil man, don’t be surprised if all you get is a slap in the face! 8 So don’t even bother to correct a mocker, for he’ll only hate you for it. But go ahead and correct the wise; they’ll love you even more. (The Passion Translation) This is why I don't bother even talking with a narcissist.
I have the habits to try to correct people annoying and stupid, and most of time, these people hate me. I have seen myself in really bad situation, because I correct wrong people. We need to select which people we should have a great conversation, and feel good to share our point of view. Best advice that you brought for us and thank you for this!❤
🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉 😵💫😵😵💫😵🤕🤕 it’s so crazy. Once you’ve met and engaged with somebody who actually gets off by causing other people pain, damaging their life or reputation, or even abusing and using them, physically, emotionally sexually financially, spiritually, etc. As long as they are hurting someone, they’re having a good time.
They're all textbook and how sad is that, we're probably in a lower state of dumbness for never having known these persons existed! How did Trump get hired again? 😮
When we speak the narcissist thinks we are ‘hogging the conversation’ also that we have nothing interesting to say then later they ‘acquire’ what you said as their own. When we speak it actually makes them furious.
You can be a quiet person, but they'll say you talk and talk and talk and never stop talking when in reality it is they that talk a great deal with nothing of value to say. They leave you wondering where they get their twisted notions.
He literally will even repeat exactly what I just said .... many times. Particularly when interrupting or seeing I am having a connecting and good conversation. He will butt in but say it louder or try to take the energy off me.
Narc mother once saw me having fun interacting with my friends at school. That day, after I went back home, she asked me, "Why don't you talk to me the way you talk to your friends at school?" I said, "Because there's absolutely nothing that comes out of talking with you." I was 13. Enough said.
Interaction works both ways. You react positively to positive interaction. A Narcissist expects that positive feedback without doing any work themselves i.e. there's no positive interaction with the Narcissist so no positive conversation comes from talking with them.
I pretty much lived with a friend during summer break when I was 14 or 15. Her mother loved having me there, and she took home to get more clothes and told my mother what a good kid that she thought I was and was so good-natured. The only thing my mother had to say was, "She isn't like that at home." I wonder why??????? It never even crossed her mind why I couldn't stand being in that house. She couldn't even say she missed me. 😢
Exactly! He says things like "Is it really that bad?" "You make these things up." "You see how you are?" "You're the one who does that to ME!" "You need help." or "You need to change the way you are." Even if you explain things in the nicest way possible it goes nowhere. He leads me into giving detailed explanations until I finally give up only to have him start the loop all over again. It drives me crazy and I get angry and start yelling and then he calls me crazy and calmly says "There's something wrong with you." It's horrible and exhausting.
Don’t get angry or yell, be calm and collected. The science behind it is he is pushing you to react so he can feed off of the energy. The spiritual behind it is he has demons. Please pray to be released from the toxic entanglement. Jesus will help You ❤
That person is doing this to you deliberately. If you do research on projection you will see that the definition does not fit what the narcissist/psychopath is doing; so for instance, even good people project their goodness out into the world. So a good person is walking around, in life, with a belief system that goodness, is the key to a happy life. When he goes out on a walk and he see’s someone in the neighborhood walking their dog, he feels good and a belief system of neighborly love. He projects that out into the world. He smiles at the neighbor and the neighbor smiles back. So you could think that a paranoid person might have a belief system not to trust someone so they might be reserved to say hello to someone, at first, stuff like that, but what the narcissist/psychopath does, is entirely different. The narcissist has an NPD ( narcissistic personality disorder ) defense mechanism. First let me say that he has an inferiority complex that he over compensates with a superiority complex so that he doesn’t have to feel inferior. So the NPD is a defense mechanism that he learns that he has in childhood. He has been practicing it out on public and he has been getting reprimanded for it so he learns that it is not appropriate behavior. He physically hits his siblings. He may bully other children at school. When he becomes an adult, he learns that it is against the law to lay hands on people so he begins to mentally abuse them. He unleashes his NPD defense mechanisms on them, deliberately, as a tool, as a weapon. He does not do this around his: boss; policeman or judge. In other words he has learned to control his disorder and when he does not control his disorder around you, it is because, you are not worth the effort. You are not valued. You are devalued. They talk about, “ curing “ the narcissist/psychopaths. I now say that they are, “ cured “. My sister had zero NPD around my mother and was just immature twice around my daughter, but she had no problem bullying me. So they are, “ cured “ when THEY decide who will be allowed to be superior over them and they are disordered when they decide who should be inferior to them and feel the need to control that at all cost. Now, you trigger it. You enable it. If you leave, you do them the favor and let them stay, “ cured “.
We all fall into over explaining but they also induce conversation... they give you rope so you can get hanged with their help. I'm still fighting over explaining because is like I forget is not only useless but dangerous. I feel so naive 😢
@@Aurora-Rose01thank you! I do believe he has demons. He told me that in his younger years he used to call out to Satan and basically follow him and I also started experiencing strange things since I've been with him. But it makes sense because npd is evil in itself.
Getting there. Still divorcing. 😢. Now I am noticing he is mimicking who I am to convince the new supply that who I am is who he is. They are identity thief’s.
They drive you crazy. Then when you finally leave them, you then have to unravel all the mind fuckery they did to you. Geeze! Never again! Thank you for your informative videos on these evil sadistic monsters. Bless you Danish!
And they do it on purpose! That’s the thing which is so shocking, for so many of us… Sometimes we’re in such a state of disbelief that we can go for years, trying to make sense out of it and get it to fit with our framework of the world. The reality is, that they are just evil, that evil is everywhere in this world. We don’t have societies full of people who are just trying to do the right thing, live a good life and doing their best. Yes, that’s true of many people, but there is a huge contingency of narcissism.
I was having trouble getting a narcissist to listen to me. I started to insert the word 'you' when I was talking. It worked. This person perked up. 🤣 They are only interested hearing about themselves.
I often start the convo with a ridiculous compliment about how great they can be, then try to discuss what I want to say quickly so they don't have much time as they are still preening themselves and patting herself on the back over the compliment. Sometimes it works sometimes it doesn't.
Yeah, I've done at that work. I rave about what an incredible job they're doing. Just so they will keep working and their job doesn't fall on me. After the praise I slide into Grey rock. On that particular person it worked.
When I read the title I thought of the Charlie Brown cartoon called Peanuts. The teachers all sounded like, "Wa wa wa wa." I imagine that is what we sound like to them.
Yep, totally accurate. It was hell trying to communicate and find resolution to anything with the ex abusive narc. Example: I would say "Can we please just have a respectful conversation where you don't yell and cut me off and interrupt me?" His view of my request and answer that he screamed to me was: "Oh, it's your way or the highway!" Meaning that my politely asking him to have a respectful conversation was terribly selfish of me and offensive to him. Needless to say I've escaped that piece of sh** and gone no contact ever since.
Good on you for getting away from that ridiculous, not to mention toxic, behaviour and it seems like millions of people are leaving, or already have, including me! 🙂
Sounds like my hubby!!! 'Oh, so everything has to be YOUR way!' Um no, respectful, civil, calm conversation is not 'my' way!!! Learning how golden silence can be again.
@@cyndigooch1162 so grateful for social media, and the explosion of information in the last 10 or 12 years, especially around this issue! Once we can all compare notes and find support, and other people who have walked through the same hell, we realize we’re absolutely not alone in the dark anymore. And a good portion of humanity is waking up to the reality of these walking horror shows, and refusing to participate in any way with them anymore.
My sister does that crap to me. No contact one month and nary a peep from her. My mother is the source of the poison in our entire family. They're definitely tied together.
I went into 9 hours of therapy with 2 siblings for 9 hours - one a narcissist, one an empath. Because me and my therapist were so emotionally strong inside ourselves, it was the narcissist who was so drained from hearing the truth, she could barely drive home, curled up in the fetal position with her husband and couldn't move for 3 days. The truth absolutely kills them.
Yes i have done that to some. They even get sick and cant come to work next day. You must be an empath. The narssissist gaze was lost for hours, and mind not computing. She was disconected for almost a week. After that same stuff
Most frustrating is they will talk over you mid sentence and tell you incorrectly what you are going to say, then when you call them out on it they rewrite what actually happened into a false reality they like better.
Yes very frustrating when they they incorrectly tell you what you're going say. It's almost like an accusation. They accuse you of doing wrong by telling you that that's what you were going to say, or incorrectly tell you what your intentions were and it'll always be negative intentions which they then use to chastise you. It's like they're projecting a negative personality onto you so they can justify punishing you or telling you off.
This! I had a huge fight with my narc mother a couple of days ago, she actively tried to kill me by asphixia over a damn beannie i wanted to wear because i was Cold that morning, yesterday i told my sister wich is the most rational in the family what happened, and my mother convinced her that i started the fight by slapping her and pushing her around and that she was defending herself,wich is false, my actions where only Standing still and blocking her attemps of hurting me nothing else.
My ex-husband, when I faced him with printed out conversations he was having with another woman, (in which he said nicer things to her than he had EVER said to me) simply said he was hoping I could just move on and forget about that!!!🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 Ya.....it was MY FAULT that I was still devastated after 15 years of marriage and bearing 2 children with him (it!)!!!👀
@eM_eM77x We were married for 20 years. At 20 years, it threw us to the curb for it's next victim. I foolishly stayed that long because I took my Catholic vows seriously! Left us with NO income (gave up my job to raise my kids properly). Didn't care that our kids didn't even have food!!! Was the best thing that ever happened to us in hindsight.
The game is called RUMOR. And the narcissist does this all the time but uses the word incorrectly because they are only half cooperating in conversation and they mimic you back but hope you dont realize. I have texts that show this. Like one example is i was trying to tell the narc i was about go to cousin's wedding and reception so i needed to know asap if he wanted to see our child that night to know if i needed to leave before/ during reception. He did not reply in a timely fashion so we went and when i asked again just before the wedding was beginning, he finally replied that he was at a mall and the reception was bad and he couldnt come after all. We were texting not talking and he used reception from my sentence back but completely wrong and it's like a word game but the word sounds right but context is totally off. The first couple of times you notice, you'll just think ooh coincidence or maybe they needed an excuse and that word association made them choose an excuse you inadvertently provided BUT when it keeps happening over and over its like a bug in the AI software and you got receipts to prove it cannot be accidental statistically speaking so it is a pattern of behavior that's just super disordered and creepy. Conversations lose all meaning when this stuff keeps happening and at first you think you can solve the "confusion" but you cant solve nor decipher psychopathic word salad games. You aren't crazy so you cant translate crazy and don't need to try anymore. It's a waste of time and energy!
narcissists are only interested in what you have to say if it benefits them, advances their interests or protects their image. and always remember, just like your miranda rights...anything you say (to the narcissist) can and will be used against you. cheers from southern ontario, canada 🍁
Yes absolutely right from beginning to the end 😢 I try to have a conversation with my husband and doesn’t get me anywhere ever! There is always blame shifting and gas lighting 😢 I have given up now and gone no contact 🎉
This explains my mother and sisters behavior. The last time I talked to my covert narcissist mother, I said that people say that you can only survive for 3 days without water and was about to say that's probably an estimate because if you were in a hot desert you would probably die alot sooner than in 3 days. But before I could say the desert part she yelled at me, "Don't You Threaten Me"!!! I was like WTF?😳🧐🙄 I was not threatening to kill myself! I was just thinking 3 days is probably just an estimate. She did exactly what Danish explained - misunderstood (usually in a negative way towards themselves), don't ask for clarification, react and attack.
I had studied boundaries. I knew how to use ‘I’ statements when confronting. I knew how to express my empathy at their condition and gently present my desire for that person to grow. As Danish said all this was met by his sense that it was criticism and got a harsh reaction. IT DOES NOT MATTER HOW YOU SAY IT!
"You're to sensitive." Heard that my whole life from all the Narcissists in my family anytime I stood up for myself and rebuked their bullying. "You're to sensitive." You are right they don't hear you, don't know who you are. Had this argument with my mother all the time on the gifts she would choose for me. You can really tell how much a person knows you by the gifts they give you. In her case they were totally inappropriate for me and I knew that my mother never cared to get to know me, at all.
If I continued to be my mothers therapist/ emotional garbage can, she would call me every day. I made an amazing audience. Once I started bringing up my needs and feelings, she would say a quick cliche response and immediately go back to talking about herself. I kept attempting to bring up my feelings. I now realized I dont remember the last time she called me. Im really heartbroken. Its weird grieving a living person. Im also angry because she shaped me to tolerate different levels of disrespect from acquaintances and coworkers. Its a heavy process.
I spent the first few years trying to help my roommate fight his self defeating ego and improve his self concept. He seemed to be listening, but he would never follow through. Nothing changed. When the rage and gaslighting started, I realized I was dealing with a covert Narcissist, so I gave up trying to help him in any way and stopped believing his version of reality. Eventually, what used to look like his quietly polite listening became conversations with multiple subject changes and interruptions. Now it's simply a matter of seconds into any topic until he bursts out with, "Can I say something?" Listening? Not a chance. I don't even engage him anymore; he's gone deaf, literally.
They never 'genuinely' want to change. They already believe they are perfect. But they'll pretend to listen and change so they continue to get attention.
"A narcissist lives in an entirely delusional world of their own in which there is no space for reality or fact" This sums it up perfectly. Nothing more maddening that dealing with a narcissist.
In summary: When speaking to a narcissist they only hear what they want to hear to confirm whatever is most convenient for them to hear in order for their own lives to be with greater ease for only themselves alone and to confirm all of their biases and opinions about how superior they are to us. Which can lead to confusing to us situations until we learn about narcsissm. For example when wanting to prevent any misunderstanding construed during the situation again we could end up going into minute step by step detail on what our expectations are when we are helping to be coming up with a solution. Instead of that being processed by the narcissist properly we will be then constant interrupted which leaves us feeling confused -- Unless we have become educated about narcissism. Narcissism which could be practised by a covert altruistic narcissist which is a trait that is hard to recognize in someone at first. Sometimes if we are from a minority or if we have a known disability when we attempt to present the same sound idea again which they didn't come up with first to them they may then start interrupting us to be asking nonsensical questions which feels insulting because then it reveals how little they think of our input there.
Thanks for the comment, it should be noted at a personal level I didn't understand, at all, regarding narcissism until I was 62...so I didn't really have a clue what the Neighbors were trying to do to both me and my wife, as far a actual abuse and their naracissistic projections. I even felt like I was going crazy or somehow in the wrong until I happened to stumble upon a video that explained (what is wrong with these assholes) I was amazed at the revelations so my recovery, from just being exposed to these warped individuals was able to begin.
@@GVM27 Narc neighbours? It's like having a relationship that you never asked for & didn't know you were in - the narc neighbour is obsessed with destroying you - vicious ignorant pigs.
I’ve found they will manage to come up with some type of an excuse or have an answer to everything but it has no relevance to the subject that was brought up. Deflecting away from a topic they don’t want to confront and will tell you what they want you to hear.
In my experience they understand precisely what you say, because if you put a stone in their way, they know excactly how to go around that specific stone, that you deliberately did put there to confront them. So... they see the stone, but they don't want to deal with the stone and try to ignore the stone by gaslighting, word salad, ignoring and changing the direction of the conversation constantly... just not to hit the stone.
I can almost see the narcissist in my life's brain "click" when I share something personal with him (DON'T DO THIS!). He has successfully stored it in his file of things to use against me in future. Long after I have forgotten. Cruel they are. No empathy.
They sit there looking off in the distance, bored. They won't engage in a convo they didn't start and how dare you talk openly and freely. You are to sit quietly until spoken to or needed. Your thoughts are just "noise" to their ears unless it's about them.
Greetings. You described my whole family, I am a Sigma Empath so you can only imagine how ugly life was around them. Step dad, mom, sister and ex. full no contact was my only escape! Now, life is good! TY
I worked for 12 years for a husband and wife pair of narcissists who fed off each other's narcissism. It was the most soul destroying part of my life, no matter what you said or did it was wrong, you were bounced between two poles of a powerful magnet, never getting your point across, never getting praise for a job well done. How and why it took me 12 years to realise this and get out of their sphere of influence is another story, but for years afterwards I still had dreams and nightmares about things which had happened to me. By the way, I considered myself to be a resilient well educated man, these two were barely literate, could hardly write their own names, but were equipped with a certain animal cunning which propelled them forward in the business world. Your video nailed their personalities so accurately, thank you for explaining it to me.
Sir what ever u are saying about the characters of the narcissistic relationship is hundred percent true. Because I am seeing everything in my own eyes. Another thing I like ur video is u are leading by the word of God from bible. God bless you.
It's like your on a time switch. The response has nothing to do with the context presented, but rather, you have had your turn now it's mine, I'm gonna talk about football... I'm like, I asked a question.. oh wait the answer wouldn't be honest anyway. I've come to believe that the incoming information has to be twisted to put themselves in the center. Ever known a narc that doesn't have a degree of a learning disability?!? Information is distorted. But, if you would like to solicit a response, say something about THEM! Thank you. Big hugs to my brothers and sisters out there. We CAN heal and move on. ❤️🤗🙏✌️
Wow thats exactly it.. i speak and then he just starts tslking about something else that pertains to him. He sees nothing wrong with it either which makes me feel crazy.
@@Hiddenplace414 Well, it invalidates me. Other things as well, like interrupting, talking over, but one of the best is when they realize they are paying attention to you, they look away, blank stare, or turn on tv. All of these invalidate me. Used to really get my goat. It took awhile for me to learn, that when I'm getting upset or frustrated, it's probably a legitimate reason, even if I don't see or understand why. That really helped me kinda protect myself. Now when I'm run over or invalid, I just terminate and walk away. What's seems daunting is really only a couple of tactics, in a couple varied forms. Once you stop reacting, it steals their joy. The ultimate though is to stop validating them. Remember, we are the ones that can maintain our esteem through healthy activities. When we start living and being ok, it really starts to deflate their ego... Try to remember, we don't forgive for their sake, but for our own. Matter of fact, other than them not being able to understand how we can go on without their attention, they don't even need to know. Their ego believes that they are everything to us, but we have let them think that. Nurturing, or as a child idolizes their parents naturally, but that became their feel good. Ultimately we wind up feeling like we do because we are not viewed as individuals, to be respected. In essence, we are a drug to them, and like any addict, they abuse the privilege. If we don't make them "feel" then we are salt that's lost its flavor, or so they would have us believe. My situation is on going, and it's never pleasant, but once you kinda figure out how they operate, you can set personal boundaries and ACT accordingly. To REact, is always a bad choice... Lord knows I've made it often enough. The biggest killer is after "x" amount of time passes, I kinda forget, guard slips a little then I get "taken to the gym." It's one thing to prepare for a work out, but to just be pushed into a running treadmill, makes it hard not to engage. I find it difficult to maintain the concept, I'm dealing with a dangerous individual at all times, that may conceptually care about me, but has no skills to act that way. Hope this helps some, it's not easy, and when an empathy gets depleted, we have to nurture ourselves back to health. Be nice to you, you ARE worth it! I try to garden, and the doggie really helps, but be careful, some of the cruelest behavior I've witnessed is towards a pet. They get the love and affection, that the "N" believes they DESERVE. And the range of emotions that envokes can be dark. Do your best to process your anger, it depleats our energy. Ultimately, they are energy vampires. At times it seems impossible to not be angry and view them as criminal, but in all actuality, they are very I'll folk, who live in a world devoid of a relationship with The Creator, and thusly controlled by fear. Sad really. But, it's their choice, and not my responsibility! Well, I'm a care giver, but I have learned to compartmentalize my duty. You are a child of God! Don't let any one or thing steal your joy.Its His gift to YOU! May you find your peace, and celebrate Christmas for it's true meaning, He is the gift to us, may we celebrate His birthday! BTW, if you don't already know, addiction, clutter l, depression, guilt and loss of self esteem are all direct results of dealing with a toxic individual. They didn't coin the phrase, Antisocial Personality Disorder, by chance! Make it a goal to laugh at least once a day! Thank You Jesus, for putting this trial in my life, if it were not for all of this, I would of never gotten desperate enough, to call out to You! 🤗❤️
Me too!! I've always struggled to accurately describe what my mother does to me , but could never really say it right... until watching these videos ! So much more clarity and understanding. It helps! ❤
@9:00 he hit the nail right on the head. I’ll never forget what my Narcissistic brother said to me. He was so angry one day about absolutely nothing and I asked him why he was acting like that. His response was “because niggas ain’t receiving me the way I want niggas to receive me!!” He said it with such conviction and with the angriest look on his face. Once you understand that his way of thinking is how ALL narcissists think, you’ll begin to see a common pattern and be able to predict where and when the narc will get upset
This is true for most people. It is very difficult to carry a conversation with most people and they don’t take accountability. Sometimes I think I am the only normal person.
What I discovered the very hard way is that you cannot trust people. Surprisingly, even a low level book like the Bible orders “Do not trust in man.” More importantly, Jiddu Krishnamurti came to the same discovery. People are very selfish and self-serving.
Not possessed but under the influence of. I think this is practically certain of those narcissists who either dabble in the occult or have a belief system that in one way or another exonerates evil, accepts it as necessary.
Brilliant! The best road map to how my narcissist thinks. And he is a retired teacher 🤯 I detected this secretive and compartmental “thinking”. Educated but not intelligent 😢
That first point about comparing the experience of interacting with someone and with you is actually amazingly true - I remember how my mother out of blue “in secret” began to talk about how she once almost killed her my dad’s father, who was bothering her because he was too old and required occasional care (but was not bedridden). I didn’t understand why she had to start telling this at all, also she jokingly and laughingly added that this is what she could be like and that I should TAKE IT INTO CONSIDERATION
Narcs hear what they want from any conversation. Rarely does their version even come close to what was said in the first place. I discovered years ago that trying to talk to my narc was pointless, which meant the only real talking was his lies, deceit, and manipulations. I had to act like I was paying attention or else it got ugly. I was always amazed by the world he lived in because it sure did not look like reality. I can finally admit (at least here) that life with him was hell. I am so glad he is in prison and want nothing to do with him. I thank God daily that he is incarcerated and with the current sentence will be there until he dies. Finally, I am healing and growing. I was married to mine for 30+ years because I truly could not leave - each time I left the beatings got worse. The last time he said he would kill me if I tried to leave again. Of course, no one believed me because he was "so nice". He wore his mask so perfectly and made me look like the horrible one. Even now, people tell me they cannot believe he is in prison - he would never have molested those girls. I leave the conversation as quickly as possible as there is no point to trying to tell them that I have no doubt he did exactly what was said in court (and probably more that was not said). He is an evil and dangerous man who deserves to rot in prison. I, on the other hand, deserve the freedom to heal and live without fear.
Narcissist are evil people they will destroy you and try and break you until you are completely exhausted and drained leave them and ignore them they hate it so much i dealt with for 11 years with my ex narcissist love these videos.
Mr. Bashir, it would be Great if you took the time to produce a series of videos regarding Narcissistic Neighbors because few therapists enter into this domain out of fear of complications...don't let fear control your efforts. We are abused by two narcissistic neighbor families...please don't continue to avoid this narcissistic issue.
I had the same, they're gone now but beware it can get pretty crazy, frustrated I dealt with them but honestly wish I'd not bothered, I ignored alot yet danced on my front lawn in front of their in-laws when they were moving, enjoyed taking what I wanted from their curbs, avoided some of their funerals (sent DH instead) and really liked running into them later, they looked quite collapsed! Now I know that others who have moved here, dislike me and let me know, I know they have no real power to hurt me and they don't have to like me in order for me to enjoy living here, my husband my wanna be narc hubby was on their side, it showed how he was wanting to prove me crazy, he's since lived to regret that, sucks to be them! Good luck and avoid them, it only escalates!
Thanks for the comment. Once we were able to figure them out, it deflated the Big Show to a large extent. Why would anybody even desire to interact with narcissistic neighbors once they are exposed? @@joseenoel8093
Yes - narcissistic neighbour love to do ‘noise campaigns’ How I dealt with that is to leave as soon as they make a loud noise (could just be prolonged fake loud laughter or power tools, music etc) Eventually they catch on that you leave whenever they are annoying. They will eventually stop or find another way to be annoying.
@@andersdottir1111 You are correct and in general these 'disturbances' fall into a class of outward, negative acts and personal attacks called narcissistic projections, I suggest you try blocking music.
@@andersdottir1111 Had one that opened his back sliding door - saw the arm reach out placing a speaker on his back deck - he closed the sliding door - and then ( from inside) turns the volume up from zero to 100% - playing some radio station & when the usual ads blared out the noise factor was ridiculous. Hint -- in a situation like this - purchase a large fan to drown it all out !. Then move away ! (This was just one of his moronic shenanigans.) 🙃
His arguments begin with “the thing is “ or “ you need to stop and think “. Been married to him for nearly 46 years. Last year, he died, but some wonderful doctors brought him back…gosh, I’m so grateful to them., not. I had 7 wonderful, beautiful months on my own. I cried when I went to pick him up. Stockholm Syndrome? Yes, most definitely.
I kept asking my Narcussistic ex if he was listening to me. I would try and talk about my day or my grown son and he would say curse words about my son and ask " what did it have to do with him"? When I would talk to him he would try and say " Why would you talk to me like that? I didnt say anything bad. But he would say "well its what I heard and thats what matters to me." Crazy talk. Fourteen years of this.
I always thought that everyone is unique, but the narcs are all the same! I live in Holland, another culture etcetera, but you are describing my exnarc as if you know him. Very scary and sad! If he believes something, for example that I have evil intentions, then there is nothing in the world I can do to convince him otherwise!
A million percent true. Thank you, Danish. I feel this video will help me to finally stop ruminating, which is so exhausting. I finally accepted that she could NOT understand, so it's useless and a waste of time. 🙏♥️
I’m a care giver and very use to reading people’s ques when something is bothering them and always ask “Are you okay?” Most people see this as care or concern for them and that’s how I see it. But when I ask the narc in my life the same question it’s turned around and I’m told I am always accusing him of doing something wrong it’s so frustrating 😢
“Even in our sleep, pain which cannot forget , falls drop by drop upon the heart ,until, in our own despair, against our will, comes wisdom through the awful grace of God. “Nothing forces us to know what we do not want to know " , " Except pain”.... 😎🙏🕯 ― Aeschylus ....
Yeah, that’s interesting, very interesting. It makes me wonder though, how they, “ selectively “ have NPD with certain individuals. I also wonder how they manage to, “ get along “ with their own kind when their own kind does the lying and gaslighting on each other. Perhaps they do get mad at each other, break off for a time, and come back together again. They must repeat cycles of: let time pass and pretend nothing ever happened; nice/mean like Dr. Jekyll, Mr. Hyde; not respect boundaries and so on and so forth like they do with normal people.
I've become obsessive about choosing my words carefully and speaking succinctly after a lifetime of being misunderstood and misinterpreted and just feeling like giving up trying to communicate. I attributed this to being Autistic and socially awkward, but when a 6 year long very close friendship in which I believed we really understood each other suddenly unravelled and she began misinterpreting my words and actions and attributing nefarious motives to boundaries I set to protect myself, I began to suspect this isn't a problem with my delivery as much as it is with another's ability to receive what I am saying. Looking back I see a string of Narcissists throughout my life, and I suddenly see the pattern of miscommunication within all of them. Uh-oh, I think it's time to run. Here is another one obviously unhappy that I have to protect myself because I am about to be destroyed yet again.
Narcs only have you around to feed their egos, validate their feelings, and give as much supply as possible..If you're not saying, doing or being who ever they need they will distance or discard...everything is about them They want a constant YES man
Very true👍it’s interesting when you say to a roommate that your brother is going to be coming into town and is leaving to go visit sos and so and the reaction that the narc says is your brothers moving in. I’m like say what, how the heck did that get interpreted like that 🤪
![Chicken P - People's Favorite (Remix) [Feat. 42 Dugg] (Official Video)](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/a6Bn8FEtxmY/mqdefault.jpg)
Link to my best resources for healing:
linktr.ee/narcabusecoach
Can you make a video about how to deal with it when you have a child with a narcissist?
I have no contact, third party contact in place for our child. But our child is suffering because of his abuse to her. But as he isn't physical social services/court etc won't protect her from him. And how do I validate her feelings about how he treats her etc whilst also not undermining him as a parent?
The most frustrating thing is:when they listen, they steal your ideas and give it back to you as if they have said it in the first place, making things all about themselves-you feel so frustrated ,unheard and not important.
They even pick up your expressions, your words and they copy you in everything because there's nothing genuine in them. They are like Frankenstein: peaces of different people they have met copied and pasted in a crazy collage.
👍🏿 so true.
This is so true. I have a lot of weird and funny sayings. The narc would literally make fun of me for my sayings and turn around and use them as if it came from them.
Yes-the Narcissistic couple ruining our school district Superintendent and Director of Instruction stole information form two meetings and he used it to write the Stratigraphic Plan -which his wife the Superintendent is supposed to write.
oh GOSH...the NARC WAS in the kitchen with me when I was making cookies..he knew nothing about baking never made cookies in his life..but here he was harrasing me when i was busy no less ...giving stupid directives on how 2 bake!?😮huh?...30 seconds and it was GET OUT RIGHT NOW U IDIOT..! 😄my OPINION of him deteriorated daily...i treated the NARC with less & less respect with his every STUNT....i figure low I.Q and his chemical labotomy was permanent and ongoing..i didn't take him seriously as his own family advised me 2 DO...he saw his family as his personally property 2 b controlled and given his constant directives...after a long 6 hr drive we arrived at his sisters🤔 we didn't even make it in 2 the house b 4 she told him 2 F- OFF!😠she got in her car and left...creepin on his kids creepin on his family/ monitoring them..hoping 2 move in on them...1 year his car was towed he was stranded at his sisters & she called constantly just begging me 2 come collect him😮🤔..she didn't want him ther even for 1 day...i was shocked...he cant get along hes been homeless plenty with not 1 family member 2 turn 2 HE walked the streets of Vancouver..and the joke of it all was his brother had his wallet and I.D. which was all he needed 2 GET OFF the streets..duhhh...these nuts r all retarded...
Best way to deal with a narcissist is to ignore them completely
I love that! 😄👌🏿
I'm trying to keep my mouth shut but I forget sometimes.
I must agree for every solution they have a problem
@@darren1082 kind of like most of our governments at this point as well!
And exit left as fast as you can.
Its a waste of time, energy and breath to try to talk and make them listen.
The narc takes everything - including your existence as an attack.
yes
You can't make them listen. They don't want to listen. They only want to hear what validates their fantasy world as real.
Narcissism is a mental illness based on paranoia and a dream of one’s own grandiosity maybe also with schizophrenic traits. Very often combined with substance abuse to make their miserable life more comfortable. This comes along then with self-pitty, depression and victimhood or brutality and anger. They live in these low energetic dream state. They have extreme selective hearing and it is right that they don’t give a damn for your concerns, however they steal your ideas as it was mentioned in some of the comments above and they check you up if you are attacking them verbally. A no, is an attack for them, they can’t stand any critique and children of narcissistic parents understand that as strict education while in reality it has nothing to do with the child but everything with the offended ego of their parents. They also can’t stand it when their children have hobbies, passions or just a love for life. Everything gets criticized by a narcissistic parent to take away every joy from their child. They just are content, when their offspring suffers the same way they do. I had a mother who acted for decades in this way. Everything I liked got critisized by her, she didn’t even show interest in the things I did because it was all about their depression and victimhood. I hate my parents until today for their behavior towards me and I think that some people shouldn’t become parents. Same with my professional life. There you can find many narcisists in leadership positions. A narcissist at work either copies you or backstabs you, but loyalty isn’t a word that he didn’t even know how to spell it. When you have a narcissistic boss you can’t critisize him directly you just have to fake your loyalty by saying that he is right whatever he does and abandon him at the next best occasion. But constructive talks or teamwork or empathy isn’t possible. People are nothing else than an object to benefit from for a narcissist.
Only took 8 yrs to truly understand this
The only time they listen is when they are gathering info to use against you later.
Yup.
Scary, and so unbelievably true
Or if you're feeding their ego
Best advice ever on narcissists:
PROVERBS 9:7-8
7 If you try to correct an arrogant cynic, expect an angry insult in return. And if you try to confront an evil man, don’t be surprised if all you get is a slap in the face!
8 So don’t even bother to correct a mocker, for he’ll only hate you for it. But go ahead and correct the wise; they’ll love you even more.
(The Passion Translation)
This is why I don't bother even talking with a narcissist.
Beautifully expressed 👏
So, in other words, nothing new here on earth about narcissists. Glad the world is finally starting to call them out, thousands of years later.
That's the best
2nd wala hindi me samjhana plz
I have the habits to try to correct people annoying and stupid, and most of time, these people hate me. I have seen myself in really bad situation, because I correct wrong people. We need to select which people we should have a great conversation, and feel good to share our point of view.
Best advice that you brought for us and thank you for this!❤
If it doesn’t benefit them, if they can’t use it against you, or if they aren’t having fun hurting you they don’t care
🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉 😵💫😵😵💫😵🤕🤕 it’s so crazy. Once you’ve met and engaged with somebody who actually gets off by causing other people pain, damaging their life or reputation, or even abusing and using them, physically, emotionally sexually financially, spiritually, etc. As long as they are hurting someone, they’re having a good time.
This is so accurate!! It's like there's a secret narcissists handbook somewhere.
Very very true
They're all textbook and how sad is that, we're probably in a lower state of dumbness for never having known these persons existed! How did Trump get hired again? 😮
Yea it's called Legion.
The devils handbook
There is. I stole it from them
Every conversation is a debat , an argument after 5 sentences.
My mother just hears what she wants, and then judges you. Conversation over.
Exactly.
same here at home
Yeah mine too
Sounds like my ex girlfriend's mother.
When we speak the narcissist thinks we are ‘hogging the conversation’ also that we have nothing interesting to say then later they ‘acquire’ what you said as their own.
When we speak it actually makes them furious.
You can be a quiet person, but they'll say you talk and talk and talk and never stop talking when in reality it is they that talk a great deal with nothing of value to say. They leave you wondering where they get their twisted notions.
He literally will even repeat exactly what I just said .... many times. Particularly when interrupting or seeing I am having a connecting and good conversation. He will butt in but say it louder or try to take the energy off me.
They are thorough bullies
I just love how brutally you roast narcissists :) So cathartic!
He's got such remarkable insight, too. It was hard-earned knowledge, I'm sorry to say. 😢
@@cc1k435 I agree about the hard-earned knowledge. So that basically gives him every right to troll/roast narcs as he pleases.
Narc mother once saw me having fun interacting with my friends at school. That day, after I went back home, she asked me, "Why don't you talk to me the way you talk to your friends at school?" I said, "Because there's absolutely nothing that comes out of talking with you." I was 13. Enough said.
Interaction works both ways. You react positively to positive interaction.
A Narcissist expects that positive feedback without doing any work themselves i.e. there's no positive interaction with the Narcissist so no positive conversation comes from talking with them.
I pretty much lived with a friend during summer break when I was 14 or 15. Her mother loved having me there, and she took home to get more clothes and told my mother what a good kid that she thought I was and was so good-natured. The only thing my mother had to say was, "She isn't like that at home." I wonder why??????? It never even crossed her mind why I couldn't stand being in that house. She couldn't even say she missed me. 😢
Exactly! He says things like "Is it really that bad?" "You make these things up." "You see how you are?" "You're the one who does that to ME!" "You need help." or "You need to change the way you are." Even if you explain things in the nicest way possible it goes nowhere. He leads me into giving detailed explanations until I finally give up only to have him start the loop all over again. It drives me crazy and I get angry and start yelling and then he calls me crazy and calmly says "There's something wrong with you." It's horrible and exhausting.
Don’t get angry or yell, be calm and collected. The science behind it is he is pushing you to react so he can feed off of the energy. The spiritual behind it is he has demons. Please pray to be released from the toxic entanglement. Jesus will help
You ❤
Clearly, and profoundly stated, and true. I’ve learned to just say you know what to do directly to him, and in every conversation quietly.
That person is doing this to you deliberately.
If you do research on projection you will see that the definition does not fit what the narcissist/psychopath is doing; so for instance, even good people project their goodness out into the world. So a good person is walking around, in life, with a belief system that goodness, is the key to a happy life. When he goes out on a walk and he see’s someone in the neighborhood walking their dog, he feels good and a belief system of neighborly love. He projects that out into the world. He smiles at the neighbor and the neighbor smiles back. So you could think that a paranoid person might have a belief system not to trust someone so they might be reserved to say hello to someone, at first, stuff like that, but what the narcissist/psychopath does, is entirely different. The narcissist has an NPD ( narcissistic personality disorder ) defense mechanism. First let me say that he has an inferiority complex that he over compensates with a superiority complex so that he doesn’t have to feel inferior. So the NPD is a defense mechanism that he learns that he has in childhood. He has been practicing it out on public and he has been getting reprimanded for it so he learns that it is not appropriate behavior. He physically hits his siblings. He may bully other children at school. When he becomes an adult, he learns that it is against the law to lay hands on people so he begins to mentally abuse them. He unleashes his NPD defense mechanisms on them, deliberately, as a tool, as a weapon. He does not do this around his: boss; policeman or judge. In other words he has learned to control his disorder and when he does not control his disorder around you, it is because, you are not worth the effort. You are not valued. You are devalued.
They talk about, “ curing “ the narcissist/psychopaths. I now say that they are, “ cured “. My sister had zero NPD around my mother and was just immature twice around my daughter, but she had no problem bullying me. So they are, “ cured “ when THEY decide who will be allowed to be superior over them and they are disordered when they decide who should be inferior to them and feel the need to control that at all cost. Now, you trigger it. You enable it. If you leave, you do them the favor and let them stay, “ cured “.
We all fall into over explaining but they also induce conversation... they give you rope so you can get hanged with their help.
I'm still fighting over explaining because is like I forget is not only useless but dangerous. I feel so naive 😢
@@Aurora-Rose01thank you! I do believe he has demons. He told me that in his younger years he used to call out to Satan and basically follow him and I also started experiencing strange things since I've been with him. But it makes sense because npd is evil in itself.
True. That’s why if we go No Contact we block their toxic vibes. And we take back our peace of mind and joy. New beginnings.🌸
Getting there. Still divorcing. 😢. Now I am noticing he is mimicking who I am to convince the new supply that who I am is who he is. They are identity thief’s.
@@shelleyd9910they are Identity thieves but without substance. They can put on show but cannot genuinely give what they're mimicking.
Amen 🙏
They drive you crazy. Then when you finally leave them, you then have to unravel all the mind fuckery they did to you. Geeze! Never again! Thank you for your informative videos on these evil sadistic monsters. Bless you Danish!
Yeees. Hardest part is getting your mind right, and your self esteem up. Praying we find ur mental clarity and peace in our souls. IJN
And they do it on purpose! That’s the thing which is so shocking, for so many of us… Sometimes we’re in such a state of disbelief that we can go for years, trying to make sense out of it and get it to fit with our framework of the world. The reality is, that they are just evil, that evil is everywhere in this world. We don’t have societies full of people who are just trying to do the right thing, live a good life and doing their best. Yes, that’s true of many people, but there is a huge contingency of narcissism.
I was having trouble getting a narcissist to listen to me. I started to insert the word 'you' when I was talking. It worked. This person perked up. 🤣 They are only interested hearing about themselves.
Thanks for the tip😊
I often start the convo with a ridiculous compliment about how great they can be, then try to discuss what I want to say quickly so they don't have much time as they are still preening themselves and patting herself on the back over the compliment. Sometimes it works sometimes it doesn't.
Yeah, I've done at that work. I rave about what an incredible job they're doing. Just so they will keep working and their job doesn't fall on me. After the praise I slide into Grey rock. On that particular person it worked.
That's so true they love hearing You,or me ,my mine 😂
When I read the title I thought of the Charlie Brown cartoon called Peanuts. The teachers all sounded like, "Wa wa wa wa." I imagine that is what we sound like to them.
Ironically, that's what I told her last night
Hahaha i told him that too...
Yep, totally accurate. It was hell trying to communicate and find resolution to anything with the ex abusive narc. Example: I would say "Can we please just have a respectful conversation where you don't yell and cut me off and interrupt me?" His view of my request and answer that he screamed to me was: "Oh, it's your way or the highway!" Meaning that my politely asking him to have a respectful conversation was terribly selfish of me and offensive to him.
Needless to say I've escaped that piece of sh** and gone no contact ever since.
Good on you for getting away from that ridiculous,
not to mention toxic, behaviour and it seems like millions of people are leaving, or already have, including me! 🙂
Sounds like the make version of my girlfriend
Congrats.. getting away from the poison 💃🥂💃
Sounds like my hubby!!! 'Oh, so everything has to be YOUR way!' Um no, respectful, civil, calm conversation is not 'my' way!!! Learning how golden silence can be again.
@@cyndigooch1162 so grateful for social media, and the explosion of information in the last 10 or 12 years, especially around this issue! Once we can all compare notes and find support, and other people who have walked through the same hell, we realize we’re absolutely not alone in the dark anymore. And a good portion of humanity is waking up to the reality of these walking horror shows, and refusing to participate in any way with them anymore.
Mine just screams louder and louder so he doesn't have to hear you.
My sister does that crap to me. No contact one month and nary a peep from her. My mother is the source of the poison in our entire family. They're definitely tied together.
Thats what narcissist does. So true
I went into 9 hours of therapy with 2 siblings for 9 hours - one a narcissist, one an empath. Because me and my therapist were so emotionally strong inside ourselves, it was the narcissist who was so drained from hearing the truth, she could barely drive home, curled up in the fetal position with her husband and couldn't move for 3 days. The truth absolutely kills them.
😂😂😂😂
Yes i have done that to some. They even get sick and cant come to work next day. You must be an empath. The narssissist gaze was lost for hours, and mind not computing. She was disconected for almost a week. After that same stuff
@@oraclehaveacookie9737they are shook when you put them in their place but they will never change. Useless creatures.
❤
Did it do any good?
They’re explosive and dramatic with everything.
Yes.
Most frustrating is they will talk over you mid sentence and tell you incorrectly what you are going to say, then when you call them out on it they rewrite what actually happened into a false reality they like better.
Yes very frustrating when they they incorrectly tell you what you're going say. It's almost like an accusation. They accuse you of doing wrong by telling you that that's what you were going to say, or incorrectly tell you what your intentions were and it'll always be negative intentions which they then use to chastise you.
It's like they're projecting a negative personality onto you so they can justify punishing you or telling you off.
This! I had a huge fight with my narc mother a couple of days ago, she actively tried to kill me by asphixia over a damn beannie i wanted to wear because i was Cold that morning, yesterday i told my sister wich is the most rational in the family what happened, and my mother convinced her that i started the fight by slapping her and pushing her around and that she was defending herself,wich is false, my actions where only Standing still and blocking her attemps of hurting me nothing else.
My ex-husband, when I faced him with printed out conversations he was having with another woman, (in which he said nicer things to her than he had EVER said to me) simply said he was hoping I could just move on and forget about that!!!🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Ya.....it was MY FAULT that I was still devastated after 15 years of marriage and bearing 2 children with him (it!)!!!👀
"It" LMAO!!!!!!! 😂
It is the best word here 👍🏼🤣!
So glad you left him - so many don’t and it costs them their lives.
Ugh I've had similar convos. 17 years married and two kids here. 😢
@eM_eM77x We were married for 20 years. At 20 years, it threw us to the curb for it's next victim. I foolishly stayed that long because I took my Catholic vows seriously! Left us with NO income (gave up my job to raise my kids properly). Didn't care that our kids didn't even have food!!! Was the best thing that ever happened to us in hindsight.
All of this sounds crazy....... But it is all too true.
The demons they carry and transmit are this crazy...
Their ears are blocked 🚫 but my ears are blocked with my silence and indifference hits them hard! I am in control Baby and they dont exist to me
They don't see or hear you bc they are ruled by evil presence. They are spiritually blind and deaf.
The game is called RUMOR. And the narcissist does this all the time but uses the word incorrectly because they are only half cooperating in conversation and they mimic you back but hope you dont realize. I have texts that show this. Like one example is i was trying to tell the narc i was about go to cousin's wedding and reception so i needed to know asap if he wanted to see our child that night to know if i needed to leave before/ during reception. He did not reply in a timely fashion so we went and when i asked again just before the wedding was beginning, he finally replied that he was at a mall and the reception was bad and he couldnt come after all. We were texting not talking and he used reception from my sentence back but completely wrong and it's like a word game but the word sounds right but context is totally off. The first couple of times you notice, you'll just think ooh coincidence or maybe they needed an excuse and that word association made them choose an excuse you inadvertently provided BUT when it keeps happening over and over its like a bug in the AI software and you got receipts to prove it cannot be accidental statistically speaking so it is a pattern of behavior that's just super disordered and creepy.
Conversations lose all meaning when this stuff keeps happening and at first you think you can solve the "confusion" but you cant solve nor decipher psychopathic word salad games. You aren't crazy so you cant translate crazy and don't need to try anymore. It's a waste of time and energy!
Relatable content lol 😂 It’s maddening, isn’t it?
13 years of suffering 😢😢😢😢😢honestly I have learnt alot since I identified him
narcissists are only interested in what you have to say if it benefits them, advances their interests or protects their image.
and always remember, just like your miranda rights...anything you say (to the narcissist) can and will be used against you.
cheers from southern ontario, canada 🍁
That’s for sure!!
@warwinlee1021 thanks for your kind words....wishing you all the best.
-cheers, steven
Yes absolutely right from beginning to the end 😢 I try to have a conversation with my husband and doesn’t get me anywhere ever! There is always blame shifting and gas lighting 😢 I have given up now and gone no contact 🎉
Please talk about Natcissits who are always making up illnesses for attention.
Oh my God!!!! That's soooo true! My narc mother is like that. Always "suffering " from something
So draining
Vulnerable narcissist
@@smilinkylen5621 thank you
I was wondering what type of narc she is
And she always has victim mentality and portrays herself as a martyr
@@wardahroses no prob. Its half of my family if not 75%. So glad you recognize it as toxic. Most people feel bad for them
@@smilinkylen5621 exactlyyyy‼️
This explains my mother and sisters behavior. The last time I talked to my covert narcissist mother, I said that people say that you can only survive for 3 days without water and was about to say that's probably an estimate because if you were in a hot desert you would probably die alot sooner than in 3 days. But before I could say the desert part she yelled at me, "Don't You Threaten Me"!!! I was like WTF?😳🧐🙄 I was not threatening to kill myself! I was just thinking 3 days is probably just an estimate. She did exactly what Danish explained - misunderstood (usually in a negative way towards themselves), don't ask for clarification, react and attack.
So hard after years of no contact to feel still so stuck because of a person exactly like that…
May I say Danish Bashir, your teachings are given with such kindness and truth. Appreciate this style, it is very healing. 🙏🕯️🇺🇲
Literally had my boss say someone else did something that HE just did. Projecting in live time. Was hilarious. So delusional 😂
I had studied boundaries. I knew how to use ‘I’ statements when confronting. I knew how to express my empathy at their condition and gently present my desire for that person to grow.
As Danish said all this was met by his sense that it was criticism and got a harsh reaction.
IT DOES NOT MATTER HOW YOU SAY IT!
If you can't communicate and resolve problems with them, you can't have a relationship with them...
"You're to sensitive." Heard that my whole life from all the Narcissists in my family anytime I stood up for myself and rebuked their bullying. "You're to sensitive." You are right they don't hear you, don't know who you are. Had this argument with my mother all the time on the gifts she would choose for me. You can really tell how much a person knows you by the gifts they give you. In her case they were totally inappropriate for me and I knew that my mother never cared to get to know me, at all.
If I continued to be my mothers therapist/ emotional garbage can, she would call me every day. I made an amazing audience.
Once I started bringing up my needs and feelings, she would say a quick cliche response and immediately go back to talking about herself. I kept attempting to bring up my feelings. I now realized I dont remember the last time she called me. Im really heartbroken. Its weird grieving a living person. Im also angry because she shaped me to tolerate different levels of disrespect from acquaintances and coworkers. Its a heavy process.
Same here 😶🙌
Same. Well said and I’m sorry this is your experience, too ♥️
same. i’m sorry u had to go/are going thru this :( the whole process is so draining and heartbreaking. one day we’ll find peace with it ❤️🩹
I spent the first few years trying to help my roommate fight his self defeating ego and improve his self concept. He seemed to be listening, but he would never follow through. Nothing changed. When the rage and gaslighting started, I realized I was dealing with a covert Narcissist, so I gave up trying to help him in any way and stopped believing his version of reality. Eventually, what used to look like his quietly polite listening became conversations with multiple subject changes and interruptions. Now it's simply a matter of seconds into any topic until he bursts out with, "Can I say something?" Listening? Not a chance. I don't even engage him anymore; he's gone deaf, literally.
They never 'genuinely' want to change. They already believe they are perfect. But they'll pretend to listen and change so they continue to get attention.
From JANESVILLE, WISCONSIN USA
Thanks again so much for all your videos you put out.
God bless you ALWAYS.
So very true and in my case every conversation would end up with how irresponsible my parents were for not teaching me well 😅
That's hilarious and it's good that you can laugh about his obvious projection, IMHO! 🤭
Same
"A narcissist lives in an entirely delusional world of their own in which there is no space for reality or fact" This sums it up perfectly. Nothing more maddening that dealing with a narcissist.
In summary: When speaking to a narcissist they only hear what they want to hear to confirm whatever is most convenient for them to hear in order for their own lives to be with greater ease for only themselves alone and to confirm all of their biases and opinions about how superior they are to us. Which can lead to confusing to us situations until we learn about narcsissm. For example when wanting to prevent any misunderstanding construed during the situation again we could end up going into minute step by step detail on what our expectations are when we are helping to be coming up with a solution. Instead of that being processed by the narcissist properly we will be then constant interrupted which leaves us feeling confused -- Unless we have become educated about narcissism. Narcissism which could be practised by a covert altruistic narcissist which is a trait that is hard to recognize in someone at first. Sometimes if we are from a minority or if we have a known disability when we attempt to present the same sound idea again which they didn't come up with first to them they may then start interrupting us to be asking nonsensical questions which feels insulting because then it reveals how little they think of our input there.
Thanks for the comment, it should be noted at a personal level I didn't understand, at all, regarding narcissism until I was 62...so I didn't really have a clue what the Neighbors were trying to do to both me and my wife, as far a actual abuse and their naracissistic projections. I even felt like I was going crazy or somehow in the wrong until I happened to stumble upon a video that explained (what is wrong with these assholes) I was amazed at the revelations so my recovery, from just being exposed to these warped individuals was able to begin.
@@GVM27 Narc neighbours? It's like having a relationship that you never asked for & didn't know you were in - the narc neighbour is obsessed with destroying you - vicious ignorant pigs.
I have often noticed they talk over you often as if what you have to say isn't as important.
They act like they are listening but tune you out
I’ve found they will manage to come up with some type of an excuse or have an answer to everything but it has no relevance to the subject that was brought up. Deflecting away from a topic they don’t want to confront and will tell you what they want you to hear.
In my experience they understand precisely what you say, because if you put a stone in their way, they know excactly how to go around that specific stone, that you deliberately did put there to confront them. So... they see the stone, but they don't want to deal with the stone and try to ignore the stone by gaslighting, word salad, ignoring and changing the direction of the conversation constantly... just not to hit the stone.
I can almost see the narcissist in my life's brain "click" when I share something personal with him (DON'T DO THIS!). He has successfully stored it in his file of things to use against me in future. Long after I have forgotten.
Cruel they are.
No empathy.
They sit there looking off in the distance, bored. They won't engage in a convo they didn't start and how dare you talk openly and freely. You are to sit quietly until spoken to or needed. Your thoughts are just "noise" to their ears unless it's about them.
Greetings. You described my whole family, I am a Sigma Empath so you can only imagine how ugly life was around them. Step dad, mom, sister and ex. full no contact was my only escape! Now, life is good! TY
I worked for 12 years for a husband and wife pair of narcissists who fed off each other's narcissism. It was the most soul destroying part of my life, no matter what you said or did it was wrong, you were bounced between two poles of a powerful magnet, never getting your point across, never getting praise for a job well done. How and why it took me 12 years to realise this and get out of their sphere of influence is another story, but for years afterwards I still had dreams and nightmares about things which had happened to me.
By the way, I considered myself to be a resilient well educated man, these two were barely literate, could hardly write their own names, but were equipped with a certain animal cunning which propelled them forward in the business world.
Your video nailed their personalities so accurately, thank you for explaining it to me.
Sir what ever u are saying about the characters of the narcissistic relationship is hundred percent true. Because I am seeing everything in my own eyes. Another thing I like ur video is u are leading by the word of God from bible. God bless you.
SOOOOOOOOO TRUE
Can you please do a video on reactive abuse?
The Narcissistic will start talking while you are talking until you stop talking and then blame for not having anything to offer in conversation
Esp with covert narcissists, it is like talking to a wall that is against you.
You explained it the best, now I understand what I have endured with a narcissist and why.
It's like your on a time switch. The response has nothing to do with the context presented, but rather, you have had your turn now it's mine, I'm gonna talk about football... I'm like, I asked a question.. oh wait the answer wouldn't be honest anyway.
I've come to believe that the incoming information has to be twisted to put themselves in the center. Ever known a narc that doesn't have a degree of a learning disability?!? Information is distorted. But, if you would like to solicit a response, say something about THEM!
Thank you. Big hugs to my brothers and sisters out there. We CAN heal and move on. ❤️🤗🙏✌️
Wow thats exactly it.. i speak and then he just starts tslking about something else that pertains to him. He sees nothing wrong with it either which makes me feel crazy.
@@Hiddenplace414 Well, it invalidates me. Other things as well, like interrupting, talking over, but one of the best is when they realize they are paying attention to you, they look away, blank stare, or turn on tv. All of these invalidate me. Used to really get my goat.
It took awhile for me to learn, that when I'm getting upset or frustrated, it's probably a legitimate reason, even if I don't see or understand why. That really helped me kinda protect myself. Now when I'm run over or invalid, I just terminate and walk away.
What's seems daunting is really only a couple of tactics, in a couple varied forms. Once you stop reacting, it steals their joy. The ultimate though is to stop validating them. Remember, we are the ones that can maintain our esteem through healthy activities. When we start living and being ok, it really starts to deflate their ego...
Try to remember, we don't forgive for their sake, but for our own. Matter of fact, other than them not being able to understand how we can go on without their attention, they don't even need to know. Their ego believes that they are everything to us, but we have let them think that. Nurturing, or as a child idolizes their parents naturally, but that became their feel good. Ultimately we wind up feeling like we do because we are not viewed as individuals, to be respected. In essence, we are a drug to them, and like any addict, they abuse the privilege. If we don't make them "feel" then we are salt that's lost its flavor, or so they would have us believe.
My situation is on going, and it's never pleasant, but once you kinda figure out how they operate, you can set personal boundaries and ACT accordingly. To REact, is always a bad choice... Lord knows I've made it often enough. The biggest killer is after "x" amount of time passes, I kinda forget, guard slips a little then I get "taken to the gym." It's one thing to prepare for a work out, but to just be pushed into a running treadmill, makes it hard not to engage. I find it difficult to maintain the concept, I'm dealing with a dangerous individual at all times, that may conceptually care about me, but has no skills to act that way.
Hope this helps some, it's not easy, and when an empathy gets depleted, we have to nurture ourselves back to health. Be nice to you, you ARE worth it! I try to garden, and the doggie really helps, but be careful, some of the cruelest behavior I've witnessed is towards a pet. They get the love and affection, that the "N" believes they DESERVE. And the range of emotions that envokes can be dark.
Do your best to process your anger, it depleats our energy. Ultimately, they are energy vampires. At times it seems impossible to not be angry and view them as criminal, but in all actuality, they are very I'll folk, who live in a world devoid of a relationship with The Creator, and thusly controlled by fear. Sad really. But, it's their choice, and not my responsibility! Well, I'm a care giver, but I have learned to compartmentalize my duty.
You are a child of God! Don't let any one or thing steal your joy.Its His gift to YOU! May you find your peace, and celebrate Christmas for it's true meaning, He is the gift to us, may we celebrate His birthday!
BTW, if you don't already know, addiction, clutter l, depression, guilt and loss of self esteem are all direct results of dealing with a toxic individual. They didn't coin the phrase, Antisocial Personality Disorder, by chance! Make it a goal to laugh at least once a day!
Thank You Jesus, for putting this trial in my life, if it were not for all of this, I would of never gotten desperate enough, to call out to You! 🤗❤️
Yup.
Yes, you give me the words that my brain cannot. Thank you ❤
Me too!! I've always struggled to accurately describe what my mother does to me , but could never really say it right... until watching these videos ! So much more clarity and understanding. It helps! ❤
So true ,
@9:00 he hit the nail right on the head. I’ll never forget what my Narcissistic brother said to me. He was so angry one day about absolutely nothing and I asked him why he was acting like that. His response was “because niggas ain’t receiving me the way I want niggas to receive me!!” He said it with such conviction and with the angriest look on his face. Once you understand that his way of thinking is how ALL narcissists think, you’ll begin to see a common pattern and be able to predict where and when the narc will get upset
And instead of trying to fix it they just complain. Adult children
It's like going around in circles. They don't care and they evade on purpose.
This is true for most people. It is very difficult to carry a conversation with most people and they don’t take accountability. Sometimes I think I am the only normal person.
What I discovered the very hard way is that you cannot trust people. Surprisingly, even a low level book like the Bible orders “Do not trust in man.” More importantly, Jiddu Krishnamurti came to the same discovery. People are very selfish and self-serving.
This is very informative and helpful. Thank you so much
Compare to things they’ve done to others or! they compare it to things they’ve gone through instead and then devalue and dismiss you
@3:40
excellent
Very insightful and interesting about the shadows lurking behind them. Do you think there’s a chance these people are “demon possessed “?
I agree with you. They are the "d(Evil)'s" Flying Monkeys.
I have wondered if my exgirlfreind malignant narcissist was demon possessed.
I think it is tied together
It's the cause of it no question in my mind. I've seen faces on these people, when they're raging, that don't look human.
Not possessed but under the influence of. I think this is practically certain of those narcissists who either dabble in the occult or have a belief system that in one way or another exonerates evil, accepts it as necessary.
Brilliant! The best road map to how my narcissist thinks. And he is a retired teacher 🤯 I detected this secretive and compartmental “thinking”. Educated but not intelligent 😢
@Carol. Yes - the narc IQ is amputated.
That first point about comparing the experience of interacting with someone and with you is actually amazingly true - I remember how my mother out of blue “in secret” began to talk about how she once almost killed her my dad’s father, who was bothering her because he was too old and required occasional care (but was not bedridden). I didn’t understand why she had to start telling this at all, also she jokingly and laughingly added that this is what she could be like and that I should TAKE IT INTO CONSIDERATION
Narcs hear what they want from any conversation. Rarely does their version even come close to what was said in the first place. I discovered years ago that trying to talk to my narc was pointless, which meant the only real talking was his lies, deceit, and manipulations. I had to act like I was paying attention or else it got ugly. I was always amazed by the world he lived in because it sure did not look like reality. I can finally admit (at least here) that life with him was hell. I am so glad he is in prison and want nothing to do with him. I thank God daily that he is incarcerated and with the current sentence will be there until he dies. Finally, I am healing and growing. I was married to mine for 30+ years because I truly could not leave - each time I left the beatings got worse. The last time he said he would kill me if I tried to leave again. Of course, no one believed me because he was "so nice". He wore his mask so perfectly and made me look like the horrible one. Even now, people tell me they cannot believe he is in prison - he would never have molested those girls. I leave the conversation as quickly as possible as there is no point to trying to tell them that I have no doubt he did exactly what was said in court (and probably more that was not said). He is an evil and dangerous man who deserves to rot in prison. I, on the other hand, deserve the freedom to heal and live without fear.
I believe they hear 👂🏽blah blah blah that's how they make me feel 😢
Absolutely so correct My mother never used to listen to me ..she cannot understand what we say she cannot
Narcissist are evil people they will destroy you and try and break you until you are completely exhausted and drained leave them and ignore them they hate it so much i dealt with for 11 years with my ex narcissist love these videos.
Mr. Bashir, it would be Great if you took the time to produce a series of videos regarding Narcissistic Neighbors because few therapists enter into this domain out of fear of complications...don't let fear control your efforts. We are abused by two narcissistic neighbor families...please don't continue to avoid this narcissistic issue.
I had the same, they're gone now but beware it can get pretty crazy, frustrated I dealt with them but honestly wish I'd not bothered, I ignored alot yet danced on my front lawn in front of their in-laws when they were moving, enjoyed taking what I wanted from their curbs, avoided some of their funerals (sent DH instead) and really liked running into them later, they looked quite collapsed! Now I know that others who have moved here, dislike me and let me know, I know they have no real power to hurt me and they don't have to like me in order for me to enjoy living here, my husband my wanna be narc hubby was on their side, it showed how he was wanting to prove me crazy, he's since lived to regret that, sucks to be them! Good luck and avoid them, it only escalates!
Thanks for the comment. Once we were able to figure them out, it deflated the Big Show to a large extent. Why would anybody even desire to interact with narcissistic neighbors once they are exposed? @@joseenoel8093
Yes - narcissistic neighbour love to do ‘noise campaigns’
How I dealt with that is to leave as soon as they make a loud noise (could just be prolonged fake loud laughter or power tools, music etc)
Eventually they catch on that you leave whenever they are annoying.
They will eventually stop or find another way to be annoying.
@@andersdottir1111 You are correct and in general these 'disturbances' fall into a class of outward, negative acts and personal attacks called narcissistic projections, I suggest you try blocking music.
@@andersdottir1111 Had one that opened his back sliding door - saw the arm reach out placing a speaker on his back deck - he closed the sliding door - and then ( from inside) turns the volume up from zero to 100% - playing some radio station & when the usual ads blared out the noise factor was ridiculous. Hint -- in a situation like this - purchase a large fan to drown it all out !. Then move away ! (This was just one of his moronic shenanigans.) 🙃
rhe worst is when tjey listen and yu start thjnking eoe they listening...
Very true
You TOTALLY nailed it, Danish......
The one word that will crumble a narcissist is “no,” but be prepared for fireworks!
Watching people become visibly uncomfortable when you speak. Happens once in a while.
This was excellent, all exactly how it is!
His arguments begin with “the thing is “ or “ you need to stop and think “. Been married to him for nearly 46 years. Last year, he died, but some wonderful doctors brought him back…gosh, I’m so grateful to them., not. I had 7 wonderful, beautiful months on my own. I cried when I went to pick him up. Stockholm Syndrome? Yes, most definitely.
Very insightful! Thank you!
100 % accurate.
The amazing thing is how they are all the same. Like there’s a narcissist playbook.
I kept asking my Narcussistic ex if he was listening to me. I would try and talk about my day or my grown son and he would say curse words about my son and ask " what did it have to do with him"? When I would talk to him he would try and say " Why would you talk to me like that? I didnt say anything bad. But he would say "well its what I heard and thats what matters to me." Crazy talk. Fourteen years of this.
This is so relevant and exactly what I have experienced from a narcissist. It’s scary and makes you forget who you are.
I always thought that everyone is unique, but the narcs are all the same! I live in Holland, another culture etcetera, but you are describing my exnarc as if you know him. Very scary and sad! If he believes something, for example that I have evil intentions, then there is nothing in the world I can do to convince him otherwise!
A million percent true. Thank you, Danish. I feel this video will help me to finally stop ruminating, which is so exhausting. I finally accepted that she could NOT understand, so it's useless and a waste of time. 🙏♥️
I’m a care giver and very use to reading people’s ques when something is bothering them and always ask “Are you okay?” Most people see this as care or concern for them and that’s how I see it. But when I ask the narc in my life the same question it’s turned around and I’m told I am always accusing him of doing something wrong it’s so frustrating 😢
“Even in our sleep, pain which cannot forget , falls drop by drop upon the heart ,until, in our own despair, against our will, comes wisdom through the awful grace of God. “Nothing forces us to know what we do not want to know " , " Except pain”.... 😎🙏🕯
― Aeschylus ....
The fact that you nailed it has made me wonder what horrors you have endured.
My husband never hears me when I talk to him, I get so mad at him 😠
I always tell him it's like talking to a wall
@Deb. Or a 🤡.
It’s so true, I experienced same as you explained with my no contact narcissistic families
Yeah, that’s interesting, very interesting. It makes me wonder though, how they, “ selectively “ have NPD with certain individuals.
I also wonder how they manage to, “ get along “ with their own kind when their own kind does the lying and gaslighting on each other. Perhaps they do get mad at each other, break off for a time, and come back together again. They must repeat cycles of: let time pass and pretend nothing ever happened; nice/mean like Dr. Jekyll, Mr. Hyde; not respect boundaries and so on and so forth like they do with normal people.
I've become obsessive about choosing my words carefully and speaking succinctly after a lifetime of being misunderstood and misinterpreted and just feeling like giving up trying to communicate. I attributed this to being Autistic and socially awkward, but when a 6 year long very close friendship in which I believed we really understood each other suddenly unravelled and she began misinterpreting my words and actions and attributing nefarious motives to boundaries I set to protect myself, I began to suspect this isn't a problem with my delivery as much as it is with another's ability to receive what I am saying. Looking back I see a string of Narcissists throughout my life, and I suddenly see the pattern of miscommunication within all of them. Uh-oh, I think it's time to run. Here is another one obviously unhappy that I have to protect myself because I am about to be destroyed yet again.
They think they are perfect never commit any mistake.
Thank you Danish. This was very deep insight into Narcs mind.All True.
Danish, beautiful analogy of the shadows. I have to remind myself of this.
Narcs only have you around to feed their egos, validate their feelings, and give as much supply as possible..If you're not saying, doing or being who ever they need they will distance or discard...everything is about them
They want a constant YES man
Danish is so right! It’s exactly how it went for past 10 years when I talk to my husband, this video makes me realize what was going on! Thank you!
Very true👍it’s interesting when you say to a roommate that your brother is going to be coming into town and is leaving to go visit sos and so and the reaction that the narc says is your brothers moving in. I’m like say what, how the heck did that get interpreted like that 🤪