Getting involved with other human beings is such a minefield. The fact that you have to be a master in psychology and abuse to even attempt to navigate a friendship or relationship just tells you what a hell scape this world is.
😂 good/sad point. It’s a little less isolating knowing someone else has reached this conclusion tho. After almost 8 years I’m learning how to trust again…as far as I’ve figured it out the only way I’m comfortable is if relationships or friendships move at a snails pace. And if they’re not cool with that, that’s fine, person for me/me you & I’d prefer to be on my own.
I do have a Masters in Psychology and still managed to get into a relationship with a few...its heartbreaking really. The signs and gut feelings were there but ...!!!
Actually….the first time when you get a bad feeling in the gut after talking to a narc is the signal which is enough for you to run but we don’t accept failure without trying so we stay in the relationship till we get badly hurt. Don’t wait till the bond is created.
Oh how I wish I’d known this 45 years ago. My mother in law actually said to me after being married to her son for over 30 years , given her the first 2 grandchildren and she was on an all expenses paid holiday with us at the time….”I can say this to you because you are not family’. WTH? My husband never said a word when I told him, my adult children never said a word when I told them…a conspiracy of silence that meant they tacitly agreed…15 years more I suffered this. I’m on the journey of breaking away from all of them. Hell! They invented it!
Amen to the enmeshment. I didn't know what that was when my husband and I were first getting married. All I knew was that my MIL tried to control our wedding. And it still became her big day in the end, not mine. She calls my husband and makes demands, and he says "yes" to it all, while my needs get ignored. My MIL also plans future vacations with only my husband too (which he assures me he'll never go on.) I've always felt that my husband is married to his mother and not me.... To those of you noticing this in your current partner, run! You will never be a part of the family, and you will never win your partner.
YES! My ex narc was his mother's favorite child. She treated him like the husband when his dad left at 5. She makes every excuse for whatever he does. She loved to pick fights with me in public when I wasn't saying anything! She did it so often her current husband actually spoke up to her when my ex said NOTHING! He would tell me not to cause problems. It was sickening.
I experienced this with an ex, and his 21 year old daughter. He treated her like a surrogate wife or girlfriend. It was so disturbing and uncomfortable- like emotionally incestuous. I escaped, thank goodness
When it comes to gossiping, negatively talking about another behind their back, judging, narcissistic families are number one who do this more than other families. Example, a narcissistic single mother has two children, one being The Golden Child. That parent will always have something negative to say about the other child or even when they are older. The parent you'll see go to family members, mutual friends, even the friend of the child/adult they're talking about , using subliminal messages, criticism, negativity, talking down on, in front of or behind their back.They're not embarrassed to do this as usually they carry a more bold character rudish manner. This happens constantly, not sometimes! Normal parents don't go around criticizing/putting down their children to others. The narcissist parent likes to befriend your enemies especially ones you may have fell out with... They feed for information to use against the child/adult for they have a vengeance. Its noticable... Anyone coming into a relationship with a narcissist or not knowing if their parent is one? Listen to their words of how they speak of all their children!!.. listen for difference, and body language!! Facial expression!!. We no right from wrong.. the difference in ugly and nice, good and bad!!..
Spot on. My ex narc was all this and more. He shamed me for being jealous of her. Bowing down to her was expected of everyone. He was also a master at triangulation. So VERY happy that's behind me. ♡
@@caroleminke6116 Thank You! Quite possibly the hardest thing I've ever done... or msybe I should say, undone. Nine years together. I really owe it all to RUclips and videos like this one. It's heartbreaking but I've learned so much about people and when to run.
in my case, both of my narcissistic boyfriends were very cruel to their mothers. I thought: "This is how he is going to treat me soon" The covert narcissist was not enmeshed with his mother at all, but he respected his whole family and listened to what they told him to do....and he would tell them everything, even some very private things. There was no privacy, everything was shared in that family.
@apatheticxmindsetx3549 care? I think it's more of a trauma bond or, as explained in the video, enmeshment with toxic parent(s). Some narcissists hate their parents, so it can be assumed that they hate themselves, too. It's a very complex disorder, and the traits are similar to a psychopath or sociopath.
Couldn't agree more. If you see this, RUN and don't looks back. This is exactly the dynamic that existed with Scott Peterson, Chris Watts and Brian Laundrie, and we all know how those turned out.
The last few months with my ex, I felt like he was becoming extremely physical with me. I felt like he was trying to calculate the thickness of my neck or something. 😬
My mother-in-law would run to fill a plate for my husband when we were over for dinner like he was still a child. She never did it for the other children and he was a total narcissist. She acted like she had to prove she was so much better than me, would criticize on trivial things and make sideways remarks about things that made me realize he had been whining to her about things and twisting everything.
@@csc8697 It’s a wonder she didn’t do that and also spoon feed him. It was embarrassing the way she fawned over him and she had 8 children and never saw her do that for any of the rest of them. I think that was what set him up for Narcissism.
True. My husband said his mother is next to God. She's so innocent and when she first came to meet me, she wore the simplest and cheapest saree to look normal and down to earth whereas when I saw her on my wedding, she bloody was more adorned with jewellery and make up to look better than the bride ' me'. I was awestruck and felt like running back because a few of my friends pointed that out and asked what's wrong with her. We have never seen any groom's mother dolled up like that for son's wedding. Time had gone that I could run to the hills and here I am living the hell I never imagined would happen after this marriage. Trust me, I can assure you that anything and everything said in this video is as true as the Sun. Please run far far far away even if you get a hint of any of the habbits or situation mentioned over here. May God help you leave peacefully and immediately. Also my husband has started bowing down in front of my sis in laws who are a lot younger than him and my mother rin law. They insult me in front of my husband and he keeps watching and shush me down. I hate him to the moon and back. I need to be out of here with my children because the same treatment is given to my very little daughters. They don't even understand what's happening? I feel like slapping them all hard and move out but first I have to make a way out, financially and then move from here. It's nit easy to just go out with two girl child who also need safety and security mental physical and financial. So plz take this seriously. Dont get married to any narcissistic coward who has no back bone to stand for himself hence for you. Run away.
Not always true. There are certain situations where the mother will destroy their lives and they distance from them and don't share any information. It happens more often to females. Daughters who are on the rise of being super successful can be torn down by their own mother in some sort of narcisstic competition/rivalry. It's pretty common. The daughters cut the mothers off and distance from her maybe communicating a few times a year if that. IF they are close to the mother she will start to work to tear her down. @@Tittles1959
@@Tittles1959my mom poisoned my daughter , tried to get it blamed on me, told me she didn't care if my daughter lived or died and that it was "my fault" she did it.......if you think I treat a woman I love in the same way I treat my mother you are dead wrong.
The Narcs are unusually close with sisters , hugging, kissing And unusually close with their sister daughters, Specially if they are divorced, interacting is not normal at all , It is sickening to see all these drama who live with them
My indian ex tried to get back intouch with me . For my birthday . I didnt click on the message but saw the first few lines. I deleted straight away. I aint going back down that route again . Took me some time to get where i am today x
Sounds like my ex in-laws. They were a huge problem in my marriage. And continued to be even after I had children. The narcissistic behavior seemed to get worse. My ex ALWAYS chose his parents over me. It was very hurtful.
You have described my situation to a T. It is his entire family, they made life a living hell for our children and myself for decades. I tried desperately to get help for my ex husband’s out of control drinking and tried to get them to step in as we were in the middle of a divorce yet, they gave him alcohol. It took me 33 years to not see that he was just like his family in that he always spoke poorly about me behind my back. He died of sclerosis of the liver two years ago and I was to blame for his drinking according to them. They completely unleashed on my children and I after he died and refused to attend his memorial. I’m sorry he died but so at 4:39 peace to be free of them. Thank goodness you’re free of your ex-in-laws as well.
When our host tells us to run: RUN! If your partner , while denigrating one parent and idealizing the other, requires you to concur- without proof- it seems likely that triangulation won't be far behind. Run indeed.
My ex has an 8 year old son. She is 46. She caters to him constantly that the relationship between them is toxic and loving. As much as it pains me to say this, In future years I can see incense being their inner mother, son dynamics as strange as it sounds. It sickens me to the core. I'm glad the relationship ended before I witness that insanity. People suck.
All true. I experienced this full scale-about 30 years. Yes I believe there was incest. Sickening. There were rumors about the father too. I can verify this as true
Would the popular tv sitcom Everybody Loves Raymond be a good or similar example of this? In the show, Raymond's mother Marie is always getting involved in his life, especially since she lives right across the street. Always coming into his house uninvited, getting into things that are private and none of her business, embarrassing everyone in public places or events, always giving Debra, his wife a hard time, especially often saying something about her cooking, always creating some kind of drama and arguments. While I don't think Ray is a narcissist, I heard some say he has some traits and he doesn't do a very good job standing up to his mom and defending his wife in most of the series. Plenty of people do think Marie is a narcissist though. Everybody Loves Raymond does to me does show a pretty good job showing toxic family behavior though, and sometimes it's funny to see how many of the characters argue and fight over the dumbest things.
The first 8.5 minutes of your video described my marriage perfectly - both the mother (who had keys & garage door opener to our house that she helped pick out & decorate and was only a mile away from her so she could drop unannounced at any hour anywhere from 3 to 7 days a week) and the sister who's primary occupation was to stir up drama. I honestly wish I had known what I was getting into before it was too late.
Wow, mine lived next door. They sold there house no for sale sign and I had no clue they moved. I was on vacation. What a great day that was, so I thought, he lost his mommy!!!
Same!! My Narc mother was more upset at my divorce after 35 years than I was. Of course she hated him because she couldn’t control him. No matter how old they get , they never change.
NAILED IT! OMGOSH, can’t thank you enough for this take on how to identify a toxic situation. I was trapped in a scenario like you’ve described for 17 years of living HELL. The whole time I was told I was the one that didn’t understand what a “real” family looked like. I fell for it since I came from a broken, unstable family situation. BEWARE the “close” family, especially if there is one or more family businesses involved. I excepted the fact that a pre-nup was necessary and that trust would be difficult for a while…..I was WRONG. It never, ever gets better. Marrying into a family like this makes them even more jealous and controlling, not less like you’d think. Divorcing in an enmeshed family is just about the worst thing that can happen to a person. It’s been three years of recovery and I still struggle with how to ever trust again! It helps to know I was not the crazy one. ❤
I could have written this. Enabling family got involved in our separation and they made sure my ex left me with basically nothing after being a stay at home parent so that he could pursue and further his career. Apparently I didn't deserve a fair outcome because I "didn't make the money" while looking after our kids in a city 3000km from anyone I knew. "All for one and one for all" was their family motto... which did not include me... ever. As soon as I spat out babies, I became "the help" with no opinions or choices.
You are so right!! My narc bf and his narc mom would always knit-pick me about the way I did things (because it was different than how they did) it’d always be something so silly: like you should take 10 minute showers. It’s all about pressuring you to conform to their standards because they NEED to be in control. They would get mad at me if I didn’t do my dishes the instant I finished eating (I usually wash my dishes after I have digested a bit) I’m so glad I don’t have to deal with the task police anymore👮♀️ 😂
I can’t thank you enough. My PTSD days I spent listening to your videos and a lot of unanswered questions and self doubt has slowly disappeared in me because of your educative videos 🥺 Every word is true. And I can’t thank myself enough for actually catching up each of these vibes, even when I had no clue what a Narcissist is!! I RAN ON TIME! 🥺 Pat on my shoulder.!
You are spot on about the gift giving, the enmeshment, the fawning over him like she is his partner, all of these are facts. Initially she would also smile in a sly manner saying to me that she picked the gift for me. Ick!
That wouldn't be creepy if say she was a musician, her son was not, and he was buying you an instrument. But we all know it didn't go down like that, not with narcs. She would have picked a violin for you if you played the flute then called you ungrateful if your eyes were not beaming with joy.
Every word is so TRUE. Their control is just unbelievable. I saw all these red flags and still signed up. Run away if you see these signs. Not worth anything. The whole in-law troop is demonic. Will feel like a stranger in our home. Will feel like nothing belongs to us or we do not belong at all and can never understand why? Always feels like outsider, but still have this ridiculous family. Run away as fast as you can.
You have just perfectly described the adult children of my husband, from his first wife. Every weekend, every holiday MUST be spent applauding their children (His grandchildren). His son and daughter in law were cruel and would never even look at me, even though I sat there hours every weekend cheering on their cheerleading practice, baseball , basketball, fencing lessons, singing lessons, etc. My husband spent most of our money buying a boat so that he could go fishing all the time with his son,who came to my wedding along with his cruel sister and just glared at me the entire time. So watch out for adult children too. Thanks Danish for explaining things so well
Oh my god. You nailed it. You just described to a tee, my partners relationship with his mum, and what he's like too. They live together and its like they are partners, but Im his partner. As a young adult, he lived next door to his parents, with his wife at the time, and kids for many years... Now he is older, he lives with his mum. She switches between idealisation of her golden child, and demeaning of him, scorn, and is domineering all the time. She even wanted me to pick his own clothes for him in front of him (to own), and I refused. No-one can change a light bulb for her but her precious golden child. (However she will ask him in front of you - just to remind you of who is top dog. Lol) She makes him dinner every night without being conscious of how that negatively affects our lives, and speaks down to him if he's late for his dinner, lol, (like he is still 5), even when she knows hes out with me ACTUALLY, especially when she knows hes out with me, in fact. You made me remember something i was told by hus family friends too. When he was in his twenties, his parents used to hold up a water bottle above his mouth and let the water fall into his mouth. In other words, they would give him a drink like he was a dog or a baby! Ffs, this is a twenty something year old man. I have told him he must change, but so long as he lives with her and she is his constant influence, there is no hope in hell of that ever occurring! I am at the point of running for the hills, yes. He is an emeshed son and he did not have a chance from the start in his toxic family set up. So sad. Ruined a good person. I can see his core is somewhere still there, deep down. THANKYOU.
@@eurekaelephant2714but he us now. He is basically married to his mum. He has made his choice. Probably too lazy to break up with her. But he dumped her silently, long ago.
My ex mother in law would come to the house sit on her sons lap, my ex now and kiss all over his face. 26 years old and he was like A 10 year old child when they were together. Now in his 70's he is living in her house, he is not obligated to pay anything. She does and he jumps through the hoops. No self responsibility. Just drinking and getting high together.
Your channel is my number one channel when dealing with narcissists. My ex had an abnormal parent-child relationship and unhealthy relationship with her siblings....exactly as you say. I wish I've would have run for the hills ....as you say. Thank you.
Have u watched HD tudor? He is a narcissist and he talks about people who r narcissist. He also talks from his point of view of how he thinks as a narcissist. This channel is also good
I swear, one consistent thought i had through my whole life was it was freaking weird how my brother idolized my mother. While i was looking at my overt dad, she snuck under the radar, only realized it over the past few years.
Danish...You absolutely nailed it in so many ways! My ex mother in law needed to have so much control in her son's life. Actually...all three of her children. Two sons and one daughter. Her son's would never stand up to her in their relationships. Her daughter ended up experiencing anorexia and bulimia after getting into modeling because her own mother joined her modeling crew to show her up. Dear Lord...I don't miss those year's whatsoever. And beware folk's... because the narcissistic grandmother will do everything she can to take complete control of the very children you have with their narc son's. You as a mother or partner in their minds ... literally don't exist. It's a complete nightmare. Listen to Danish ..and get out of the situation 'now'. Especially if you have a newborn child. Leave NO forwarding address 🙏💜💌
The biggest red flag is if there is a clear family scapegoat or, "blacksheep." Sometimes that family member may a substance abuser, and/or noticeably over or under a healthy weight, and in those case, it's hard to know what caused them to engage in excesses. In most cases that I am aware of, if there is a family member, who is talked about, unnecessarily badly, and frequently, by the majority members of a family, and particularly if that person isolates, or spends very little time, with very few, if any, of them, THAT's the ONE, even halfway-healthy member, of the ENTIRE group. Do yourself a favor, and let the narcissist think they broke it off. Give them plenty of reasons to: Whatever they don't like, in food, entertainment, music, etc., even if you don't like the same things, claim to like those things, anyway. Rejecting a narcissist can start your life on a Hellish journey of every definition of stalking, including levels and TYPES of character defamation most would never imagine, and some would never believe. They're not above violence toward you, or someone you love, or your belongings, and the person is deranged, because they actually believe that bullying and condemnation will make you either desire them, or submit to them. They are sorry, sick people. That doesn't mean they don't have money, power or influence, it means that they either don't have meters, to understand when other people genuinely want nothing to do with them, or they are so self-centered that they believe that what they want, from you, should take precedence over what you want. I believe: Narcissists are why more laws should have the death penalty as prescribed, or at least potential, punishment, for their being broken.
Great video. You describe my Mom's relationship with my Dad's family perfectly. The very same dynamics played out in our family and it was horrible. Run ladies!
That hit so many nerves! My ex said he had an emotionally incestuous relationship with his father (who commuted suicide) . I never met the father, but he seemed to have too close of relationships with one sister and mother. It was crazy. Once the had a meeting to talk and he made me sit outside in the rain. I said if we were to get married, I should be included in these family meetings. He told me I will never be included. This was at the end of my tragic relationship.
Thank you for all your wisdom and supportive advices. It has helped me to finally get away from the family who’s exactly as the one you describe in the video. Thankyouthankyouthankyou🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻
I left a few weeks before my 18th birthday, my only family (immediate). I was the scapegoat, brother golden child, mums boyfriend enabler/joined in at times what my narc mother did and had younger half siblings who were the ignored children. I have no contact with my bio dad or his side of the family and my narc mother did not have contact with her family (so I lost contact as a child too as a result). Leaving me with NO ONE once I left her abusive household. Once I left at 17 in 2012 I was blessed enough to end up in a 10 room hostel for ages 16-18 (turned 18 a week after moving in) final straw was her taking the 💡 out my room for months and one time when I was trying to get ready for college in the morning I could not find my deodorant (wouldn’t be surprised if she hid it or took it out the tiny box room she forced me to stay in). I had to get dressed in the kitchen due to her removing the lightbulb from the box room so I said I can’t go to college with no deodorant on before I even get there I would start to sweat (2 buses and it was over an hour bus ride away and I was studying dance and had dance first thing that day). Narc mother then took my bus pass from me which meant I was not going to walk over 3 hours to college including country lanes (I’m in the UK). I ended up walking 30 minutes to the town centre and waited in McDonald’s (was not allowed a phone so had to keep asking strangers for track of time so when it gets to 9am I can go to a youth place to help me with homelessness as I was adamant that I was going to get out permanently after this final straw amongst many and years of abuse by her). Long story short I’ve spent my whole 20’s in cycles of hostels, shared housing from ymca’s (living with other young people who had there own childhood traumas), having ymca staff let me down and not help me and having to be on benefits (USA call it welfare) because the rent in these places are so high so I’m forced to either go part time work or not work at all and be stuck in poverty trap as a consequence. I went from being a teen who went out and socialized after I left the abuse at nearly 18 to spending my whole 20’s after college isolated in my bedrooms at different hostels or shared “supported” accommodations at the ymca over the years. I’m currently 29 and never got my 20’s as a consequence, developed social anxiety and even get my shopping delivered to the front door at another hostel I’m staying in. It also does not help that I hate the area I’m currently in because narc mother moved us to this place the end of 2010 after I finished high school, had to spend the whole of 2011 isolated with no college place enduring her abuse without being able to leave until 2012, so due to this current place being my local connection I’m forced to stay here despite not having any real friends and no family. Dealing with corrupt council housing staff who have even falsified my risk assessment and being bullied by the female staff at this hostel and just at a crossroads because any place I get allocated for housing would be in this area, the thought of shared housing with strangers scares me, especially with the crazy housemates I’ve had over the years up to currently. A few months ago a man tried to open my bedroom door twice at this current hostel so I still sleep with my suitcase and a chair against the door at this hostel. What makes me angry is growing up my narc mother used to tell me she wanted to f uck up my life and future and words are powerful. At 29 I shouldn’t be existing (not living) like this.
I'm sorry. Keep trying. I know it's hard. I left my narc in my 20s with my kids and we went to live in a park. We slept on benches. They got food because they were in daycare. I couldn't enroll them in school because we didn't have an address. Eventually we got housing that was condemned. I'm in my 50s now and live alone in good public housing with basic needs met like lights, dry floors, hot water, heating and cooling, others bath water not draining into my tub, windows and doors that fit, ceiling fans secured to the ceiling, not being eaten by cockroaches when I sleep, ceilings connected to the ceiling 😂. Yes, this is public housing in the US. I have 1 meal a day. I have furniture (because my relatives have died) and a bed (because my dad died). But I'm alive. 😂. I meant this to be encouraging but I think I just realized how hard life has been since I left
I used to think how strange there relationship was (mother/son) now all is understood,its like a threesome when he visits as she treats him like an 8 year old? Actually hes 38 phew!!!
My ex narc girlfriend has an 8 year old son. She is 46. When we go out she reprimands me ( in public ) like Im her son...saying " I hope you're happy, you ruined everything or..."you embarrassed me in front of everyone". Those phrases are the same ones she used many times when we were out with her son and she isnt happy. It was so bizaar. I left that toxic relationship. Ick !!!
Greatest video on narcissistic of the you tube. Danish bro you are not going to make video in hindi/urdu as I requested you but i am learning English from you after all thank you so much
I've personally seen that male narcissist-narcissistic mother dynamic myself. From one of the main people who I feel has been coming at me. It was getting weird the older I got, seeing that kind of dynamic. He was just "mommy's little boy"
I believe my exhusband is a covert narcissist and my daughter is the golden child and he brainwashed her against me …. I feel I’ve been abused from the narcissist, but yet I’ve been told I’m the narcissist. I took the test on Facebook and scored low.
My husband puts his mother first always, she constantly wants to visit and when she comes it won’t be for a week it will be for as long as she can stay, 2/3 weeks and while she’s in my house she will rearrange my cupboards and my children room, she will take over. And when she finally leaves she will leave behind her things (hair dryer, clothes, etc) for the next time she visits! If I’m cooking a special meal She will tell us that she is not hungry so my husband will tell me not to bother making the meal so then the whole family goes with out the meal! She will cry if she doesn’t get her way and if I don’t compile to what she wants she will call her daughter and cry, and the daughter then called me up screaming that I’d made her mother cry, I was completely shocked and my husband said nothing to his sister! She is constantly on the phone with her daughter when visiting us, they will FaceTime and be on speaker phone and she will talk for an hour not even bothered if it’s intrusive, the daughter is needy and the mum has even picked up the phone while we are out and in a restaurant about to eat lunch! The father is also controlling and will be on a family outing and then just walk off and disappear leaving the rest of the family to spend the next 30 minutes searching for him! They are all selfish and obsessed with their family unit. I’m am currently getting a divorce as my husband is a childish covert narcissist and his family are in his opinion perfect and can do no wrong.
Still trying to extracate myself after 20 year relationship/marriage. Wow if only I would have known this about the Narcissistic Mother... she hated on me from the beginning, my gut instinct was I did not like her. I ignored and played the nice daughter in law...only to be ignored in the room the whole way through. Never once did she ask me how I was, it was obvious she did not like me and was jealous? I took her oldest son away. Hard to realise I was enmeshed by a deeply narcisstic abusive family.
This is so comical, almost 40 years later. At the time, I believed that I was seeing features of another culture. The thing which I hated the most, was how the NARCISSIST made their decisions, whose solutions were never adult solutions. The NARCISSIST was a robotic appendage of the Mother. They ran, when she called, for petty reasons. At the same time, this NARCISSIST told me that they hated and disrespected their parents, doing their bidding, in order to get to their money. I heard often, ' I want that money!' I found this fakeness awful. The Mother compared me, to the Narcissist's long lost wealthy ex-partner. The Mother imagined me with a different kind of partner, she said. She told me about the wealthy, elegant ex of the Narcissist. That one just used the poor narcissist, like a toy or someone to pay travel costs. The NARCISSIST spent a fortune trying to earn their love. The NARCISSIST was also in love with the social-standing and the exes family's money. That would certainly please the Mother. It's a long story and I never knew something so sick existed, in real life. Love was not the problem between us, but the awful conditions and behavior, which came with it, were chaotic and horrendous. It was as if no one had ever loved the NARCISSIST before, so that when it came, they were so insecure, that they couldn't accept it as truth, or give it any validity. You can continue to love them, but you can never let them know. That would be stupid. Lesson learned, although you could fall for another love-bomber. Check the new one out and at the least problem, where you are disrespected, leave it. It's dead. It can't be converted, revived and least of all loved. You are just letting them fool you, as much as you are fooling yourself. Don't take an ex back either. The chemistry will be the same, won't it? ❤
I got the most priceless inheritance my narcissist sibkings could never have. 3 days with my non narcissist mother, hearing her life story on her death bed. I am the middle child of 7. They all had excuses why they could not cone see her final days here. But they wanted the money from the house. Not I, we laughed together, cried together over life's journey. She was taken too young. I was 45 when she passed. Karma had it's way. In the end after there fighting over money, the house was foreclosed. Not a penny to them. I got the priceless inheritance. Her final days on earth with me then the first Born narcissist never even came to her funeral. My sweet mother, you were so right money grabbers are evil and will have there day. RIP my life changed so much, the orphan sibling..
@@Angel_eyes___ You are right. That's better than anything, on Earth. My ex was not allowed to attend the funerals of his parents. The narcissist was banned from the family, for their increasingly bad reputation. A younger and older sibling had been given 50,000 each, while the parents were still alive. The narcissist although given much attention and hours of listening, by the Mother, didn't get huge sums of money. The Mother saved my ex from smaller repeated financial fiascos. The Father told me personally that any money they would give my ex would be spent on going out and drinking. That was true, I found out. While we were together, sharing costs, the narcissist could pay back the 70,000 they hsd spent, trying to catch that rich ex-partner, they wanted, but failed. I noticed that the Bank was taking out 2 payments per month, for the 70,000 loan. A person working at the Bank sweet-talked my ex into taking no action. I sent my ex back to the Bank, to take written action. Imagine! Somewhere along the trail of chaos, I was informed years later, that the jealousy of the narcissist had grown all out of proportion. The Father passed away quickly. The Mother lived on, in a luxury home, for the aged. Shunned by all, in their family, my ex stormed the Mother's funeral gathering, in the cemetery. The narcissist had to be physically removed, ranting and raving. To seem steady and stabile, my ex pretended for the family, that we were still together all of those years(40 years) The family shunned us then, thinking that we supported these acts of terror. I might straighten that out one day, but lies of a narcissist, are powerful. The family thing was a fantasy my ex had, which the Parents believed., I suppose. This Narcissist drives around, in different cars, helpless to change their habits, stalking all of their exes, which they gathered, to always have a back-up lover, supporter, or financial source... until today. We could never have had the happy family life which I imagined. That was only a dream, I alone had. The Narcissist never passed their reckless, unscrupulous childhood phase, full of cheating, to measure up to Mom's expectations, by stealing the answers to a test and being expelled for trying that, in several schools. They cause the events, which cause them to be removed forever. No matter, the game continues, but without us. Isn't that the strangest thing? They are like an animal, pacing in a cage, jumping in their car, making a regular round trip, to the homes of all of their exes. It sounds like a fairytale doesn't it? Take care everyone. I spare you the worst things of this story, which I have heard from others who know of my past, with this poor creature. If you care or help them, they will act friendly, then bite you.
My husband is trauma bonded with his Narcissistic Father. The whole family has turned flying monkeys and runs as per his orders and idealizes him. In fact, my Father in-law abuses my Mother in-law but the whole family doesn't mind that and demeans her. As this ran for 30yrs., now she doesn't have a sense of self. My husband being the Golden Child turned out to be a Covert Narcissist. There were Red flags which I overlooked and thought it will change with time and commitment of marriage and child but it surely didn't. Abuse started post marriage and his family was normalising it. Male Chauvinists, Narcissist, Narcissist enablers or flying monkeys destroying the peace of mind
My husband tells me " I know my mother is wrong but still if she says anything I will believe her and not you." And his mother said to me at my parents house immediately after the birth of my 1st child and 3 days of ghosting from my husband and in laws "you want my son to leave his family for you" becuase I was angry with my husband on not coming to meet his 1 week old baby for past 3-4 days being in the same city.
This type motherly CONTROL stems from fear, infact DEEP fear. These type of controlling mom’s might have lost their child and they cling on over protectively to the one’s surviving. It’s like, if I keep the child at home, close to me, I can ensure nothing wrong happens to them. It is so suffocating when it’s a trauma response.
I also think it's a cultural thing. Those moms who come from very patriarchal backgrounds are absolutely obsessed with men/boys in general. And basically just giving themselves up completely, it's very self sabotaging.
It's sick to watch how my covert narc mother controls my golden child brother. He hates her. She controls him with money. He is an alcoholic therefore he is weak. She offers money; he can't say NO. I believe he is an alcoholic because he knows she's always been in the driver's seat. If he'd say NO to the money, the ties would be broken but he's too greedy for that.
Exactly. Thank you for pointing out, that the given signs, necessitate that you can tell, what the narcissist is thinking or feels. The checklist is more of a narcissist, self-checklist, as it observes, from thir perspective.
Watching this video reminds me of a Mary Tyler Moore movie in which she plays a narcissistic mother and her son and Mary's character convinces him to steal and kill. Maureen Stapleton, A.K.A. Edith Bunker is in the movie too. If anyone is interested the full movie is on RUclips and it's called, "Like Mother, Like Son" Full Film (Santé & Kenneth Kimes)" It is based on a true story. Another good narcissitic mother movie to watch is Ordinary People. Anyway, thanks for the video!!
@@melissabyrd1310 Oh yeah! That is another great movie. Gaslight which explains what it means to gaslight someone and which that term originated. The movie Gone Girl shows the extreme narcissists go through to change conditions to make themselves look like a victim.
U nailed it A narcissistic mom will never allow you in kitchen Infact any where to show you who r you And the son will follow her in each and every step
The nex, whom i later found out was also dangerous, told me multiple times in the beginning of our relationship that i reminded him so much (or exactly) of his mother. I thought he was complimenting me, but somehow it didn't feel like it. There was an "off" feeling i couldn't pinpoint. I also felt strange about sleeping with a man who saw me in that light. Later, i discovered that he blamed his mother for watching "soaps" when he was a small boy as his uncle played barbies in the bedroom with him. (I figured out the uncle sa'd him, which was the root of rage nex held against that uncle and his mother.) I would feel something akin to jealousy from nex's mother and many of the points in this video resonate. I'm positive the mother was a covert narc just like her son, and they shared some kind of troubled bond. He never accepted me as being a true member of his family either-- a fact which today i'm grateful for and heartily agree!
Wooowww! Yes, his sister was very controlling and was involved in all of his decisions in his life. He would consult things with her before consulting me! It felt like he was married to her. How do you know?!!!! Wow!
My grandmother used to say: A man with a mammy is never a good husband. Yes mammy no mammy. But a daughter can also behave like a mother. "Sons and lovers" by Laurens
This was very complicated sounding, though it sounds like it describes my mom/brother relationship to a tee. My mom still buys his groceries (says he won't buy the right healthy foods etc) , talks to him like he's five, says whatever tiny thing he did that he did it very well (like driving, sending an email for her ,stupid tiny things) , and expects nothing from him . She expects me to work, yet it's fine that he doesn't. He lives in a house bought for by our parents ( I live in one side as well). We both have failed in life , and I dont think our parents helped in any way. I remember trying to find work as a teen (15/16) and my mom would criticize everything about me when I returned form failed interviews (wrong clothes, wrong attitude etc) .It sounds dysfunctional, defintely, but I'm still not certain it's narcissitic.
Thanks for your post. It's opening up my eyes to a situation of an acquaintance who is a narc. He quit his job at the USPS, lived in a home owned by "her" family. This wife raised 3 boys and stayed with the "freelance performer" for around 27 years, waiting for the youngest to turn nearly 18. It is highly suspected that she worked outside the home, as well. Wow, what abuse. Good for her for eventually leaving.
He had a sister who would get involved in our business and would put him down. I had to stop talking to her because it was so stressful. He would give me clues that I didn't pick up on until we broke up. When he would discard me there would be several clues before it would happen like you are a good person but you haven't changed at all. Which means that I wouldn't let him control me. It is like a child in an adult body. They play games with your emotions to break you down. This causes a lot of emotional damage that feels like it will never go away.
My ex narc refused to pay bills in our home but was paying his mom bills in her home every month. His mom would tell him “ your wife makes good money she can pay the bills by herself I need you to pay my bills” and he would tell me that “my mom needs me you can pay our bills by yourself”
Reminds me so much of that television show 'I love a Mama's boy' I could not stand any of the characters, including the women who desperately tried to fit in. Now I understand why.
I can't believe this is finally being acknowledged and talked about accurately.....only 12 days ago. I have been questioning my sanity for 30 years. It's because I knew this. I knew what is being said right here. Thanks to the strong "community" of the narcissist, that includes family (almost cultish, but subtle and very common), no one would have ' recognized' what I was dealing with. I am breathing a sigh of relief that it is finally being recognized and defined by someone besides myself.
My husband's daughter idealizes him to the point that it is nauseating. She doesn't jump all over him, but she has been told several times by me and her AA sponsor to stay out of our relationship. Of course, she talks to him behind my back about me. But she is 46 and lives with us and has lived with him for the last 25 years. She's a selfish, entitled high schooler in her mind. As I said, nauseating.
My ex' s mom never liked me from the start of our relationship & she didnt know me & asked me "what do you want with my son?" told her that I love him, she was so jealous of me with him. She would always kiss him on the lips when coming to his home & leaving . I thought they were overly emeshed & internally it drove me crazy. I kept it too myself for the most part. He wanted to marry me & we had a good relationship but found out later his parents tried to convince him to not marry me & basicalky they were afraid Id take his money which was crazy, I was and am financially stable. He ended up marrying me and they convinced him two years later to divorce me. It waa a crazy situation. His sister too was way to emeshed with him. She tried to tell me what foods I should cook for him, I ignored her. One year after he divorced me he tried to reunite back with me, I told him we could be friends but thats it. Fast forward 12 years he is still single & ran into my brother in law & told him that he never stopped loving me. I havent looked him up, not sure I could handle this family again. 😢thanks Danish for enlightening us on this topic. ❤
Thank You 👍 Danish 😢 Everything you say in your Analysis is So True. But in Summarizing it : the Most Important thing is : By Sharing your life with a Narcissistic Parents, Siblings, Partner: a male or a female, They will always Destroy Your life and Suck / Absorb your Soul and your willing (your motivation) to live. You might lose all your Joy for life. Efrat
This is my own mother and youngest brother. She enmeshed herself with several of us (6 in total), but he's a grown man and still living as her surrogate husband.
In my family my brother is totally controlled by my mom and his wife. My sister in law is the worst. And he enables all of our moms behavior. And lashes out at me. I am so more at peace keeping my distant and no contact. I never ever in my life thought this was going to happen. I'm also reading "Why smart teens hurt" by Eric Maisel to understand more of who I am 💜
@@Brnojol364 Thanks for your support ❤️❤️ I am trying my best, I have to clear a job test and then I will be able to leave his house, I study in his absence and for me the only way out is this exam.
I have know many narcissistic men that have horrible relationships with the mother to the point that they have little to no contact...they hate their mother
Thank you Danish. You have accurately described in such detail what the red flags are, and this public service announcement is so needed in today's world as it seems there is an epidemic of dysfunction, NPD, substance abuse, mental health issues, etc. I would like to add to this by saying that these toxic families almost NEVER change, evolve, become healthy or even want to. Even when there is death and a shift in the familial roles it seems as if others in these cult-like dynamics will step in to fill in the void that the said person has created with their passing. Also, know that with all of these warnings if you decide to proceed and go forward in a relationship with an individual from one of these families that you will NEVER come first regardless of their promises or lip service. If you can push that aside and make peace with being an outsider than good luck and develop your own interests, support system and friends as you WILL NOT be receiving what you expect and should have in these situations..
The narc son of an narc mother usually also has a narc father and open your eyes or your ears because the son is just like him or becoming just like him.
Definitely the mommie issues. Danish, great video as always, you need to do one on their food issues and food tantrums. Here's my list: Did he hate his mother's cooking so much that he as a child would go into the kitchen and insist on cooking his own meal? Iy's hard to detect with all the instant food but if he's clanging pots and pans... did he need to be bribed with money to eat with family at the table? As an adult now does he insist on doing all the cooking? The wife may think wow what a great husband but maybe he hates her cooking too. One word to deacribe this, control. Does he throw unnatural tantrums at restaurants or dinner parties if onions or celery are in the meal? Does he toss the items off his plate instead of push them aside? Do you get a diatribe about how he hates onions or celery? Do he viciously berate fast food staff if his burger has onions or pickle? Does eating or dining with this person make you cringe about them throwing an embarrasing tantrum. They are never happy around food. Food is another potential tanyrum trigger for a narc. A good way to test is to take them to an exotic place, out of their comfort zone and see what the table manners are. An adult or a picky toddler in an adut body.
The narcs mother used to be his councellor😮go figure. She tried very hard to make me jealous nah, I really felt uncomfortable around her. She made me feel nervous.
Think mother stole my diary.. i understand it just now decades later when she is old. And think how she started to fear and hate me.:D when she red my teenage records that it was painful for me listen how she talks to her mother who was taken to serve her and do her work loosing her house, contryside, giving mother all the money and moving to a city living 5 people in same room with hardly any sunlight coming in.
I'm not sure if it was a narcisist but it happened like this: parents discarded, siblings discarded, other relatives discarded, when asked reason was beating around the bushes and all I can remember was how much they wronged him, but he couldn't name very clear actions that led to this, then discarding his own kids, just like that, just because, leaving them with no support nothing, I suspect to punish the mothers(?),idealizing a person for nothing much really...it was all weird, unclear, the stories did not make sense...
Getting involved with other human beings is such a minefield. The fact that you have to be a master in psychology and abuse to even attempt to navigate a friendship or relationship just tells you what a hell scape this world is.
LMFAO yes
😂 good/sad point. It’s a little less isolating knowing someone else has reached this conclusion tho.
After almost 8 years I’m learning how to trust again…as far as I’ve figured it out the only way I’m comfortable is if relationships or friendships move at a snails pace.
And if they’re not cool with that, that’s fine, person for me/me you & I’d prefer to be on my own.
🤣🤣🤣🤣
I do have a Masters in Psychology and still managed to get into a relationship with a few...its heartbreaking really. The signs and gut feelings were there but ...!!!
Couldn't agree with you more
Actually….the first time when you get a bad feeling in the gut after talking to a narc is the signal which is enough for you to run but we don’t accept failure without trying so we stay in the relationship till we get badly hurt. Don’t wait till the bond is created.
Oh how I wish I’d known this 45 years ago. My mother in law actually said to me after being married to her son for over 30 years , given her the first 2 grandchildren and she was on an all expenses paid holiday with us at the time….”I can say this to you because you are not family’. WTH? My husband never said a word when I told him, my adult children never said a word when I told them…a conspiracy of silence that meant they tacitly agreed…15 years more I suffered this. I’m on the journey of breaking away from all of them. Hell! They invented it!
Amen to the enmeshment. I didn't know what that was when my husband and I were first getting married. All I knew was that my MIL tried to control our wedding. And it still became her big day in the end, not mine. She calls my husband and makes demands, and he says "yes" to it all, while my needs get ignored. My MIL also plans future vacations with only my husband too (which he assures me he'll never go on.) I've always felt that my husband is married to his mother and not me.... To those of you noticing this in your current partner, run! You will never be a part of the family, and you will never win your partner.
Same here. My needs get ignored or severely delayed.
SO TRUE
Yep... 😂 .. 😮
YES! My ex narc was his mother's favorite child. She treated him like the husband when his dad left at 5. She makes every excuse for whatever he does. She loved to pick fights with me in public when I wasn't saying anything! She did it so often her current husband actually spoke up to her when my ex said NOTHING! He would tell me not to cause problems. It was sickening.
He was married to his mum. Inam sorry you went through that.
I experienced this with an ex, and his 21 year old daughter. He treated her like a surrogate wife or girlfriend. It was so disturbing and uncomfortable- like emotionally incestuous. I escaped, thank goodness
Might not have only been emotions.
@@Plethorality It was very uncomfortable….
When it comes to gossiping, negatively talking about another behind their back, judging, narcissistic families are number one who do this more than other families. Example, a narcissistic single mother has two children, one being The Golden Child. That parent will always have something negative to say about the other child or even when they are older. The parent you'll see go to family members, mutual friends, even the friend of the child/adult they're talking about , using subliminal messages, criticism, negativity, talking down on, in front of or behind their back.They're not embarrassed to do this as usually they carry a more bold character rudish manner. This happens constantly, not sometimes! Normal parents don't go around criticizing/putting down their children to others. The narcissist parent likes to befriend your enemies especially ones you may have fell out with... They feed for information to use against the child/adult for they have a vengeance. Its noticable... Anyone coming into a relationship with a narcissist or not knowing if their parent is one? Listen to their words of how they speak of all their children!!.. listen for difference, and body language!! Facial expression!!. We no right from wrong.. the difference in ugly and nice, good and bad!!..
My parents and brother to T
Wow! What an authentic point!!! Completely agree with it👍
Excellent summary ❤
@@VladaldTrumptin ❤️
@@priyanarain5705 ❤️
I am so glad i chose to walk away from this Dysfunctional family dynamic.
Same here ❤
Spot on. My ex narc was all this and more. He shamed me for being jealous of her. Bowing down to her was expected of everyone.
He was also a master at triangulation. So VERY happy that's behind me. ♡
@@caroleminke6116 Thank You! Quite possibly the hardest thing I've ever done... or msybe I should say, undone. Nine years together. I really owe it all to RUclips and videos like this one. It's heartbreaking but I've learned so much about people and when to run.
in my case, both of my narcissistic boyfriends were very cruel to their mothers. I thought: "This is how he is going to treat me soon"
The covert narcissist was not enmeshed with his mother at all, but he respected his whole family and listened to what they told him to do....and he would tell them everything, even some very private things. There was no privacy, everything was shared in that family.
Mine was covert too. He wasn't enmeshed with his mom.
Being cruel doesnt mean not being enmeshed.
😢Same, whew chile they didn’t really show love to their moms. I married one and dated another one😳🤦🏽♀️😂😂😂
Everything is same here. But enmeshed with his sister not mother.
EXACTLY 💯. The psychopathic narcissist always puts the enmeshed parent(s) first, never deviates from a set path all dictated from an early age.
What is a psychopathic narcissist?
@@apatheticxmindsetx3549 A narcissist with psychopathic tendencies, such as lack of empathy and no feelings of remorse.
@@norcal1009 so a magulant subtype? Why would they care about parents?
@apatheticxmindsetx3549 care? I think it's more of a trauma bond or, as explained in the video, enmeshment with toxic parent(s). Some narcissists hate their parents, so it can be assumed that they hate themselves, too. It's a very complex disorder, and the traits are similar to a psychopath or sociopath.
Chris Watts.
Couldn't agree more. If you see this, RUN and don't looks back. This is exactly the dynamic that existed with Scott Peterson, Chris Watts and Brian Laundrie, and we all know how those turned out.
So true
Exactly!!
The last few months with my ex, I felt like he was becoming extremely physical with me. I felt like he was trying to calculate the thickness of my neck or something. 😬
My mother-in-law would run to fill a plate for my husband when we were over for dinner like he was still a child. She never did it for the other children and he was a total narcissist. She acted like she had to prove she was so much better than me, would criticize on trivial things and make sideways remarks about things that made me realize he had been whining to her about things and twisting everything.
I would of made a comment like, "Are you going to slice/ cut his steak for him too? "
@@csc8697 It’s a wonder she didn’t do that and also spoon feed him. It was embarrassing the way she fawned over him and she had 8 children and never saw her do that for any of the rest of them. I think that was what set him up for Narcissism.
True. My husband said his mother is next to God. She's so innocent and when she first came to meet me, she wore the simplest and cheapest saree to look normal and down to earth whereas when I saw her on my wedding, she bloody was more adorned with jewellery and make up to look better than the bride ' me'. I was awestruck and felt like running back because a few of my friends pointed that out and asked what's wrong with her. We have never seen any groom's mother dolled up like that for son's wedding. Time had gone that I could run to the hills and here I am living the hell I never imagined would happen after this marriage. Trust me, I can assure you that anything and everything said in this video is as true as the Sun. Please run far far far away even if you get a hint of any of the habbits or situation mentioned over here. May God help you leave peacefully and immediately. Also my husband has started bowing down in front of my sis in laws who are a lot younger than him and my mother rin law. They insult me in front of my husband and he keeps watching and shush me down. I hate him to the moon and back. I need to be out of here with my children because the same treatment is given to my very little daughters. They don't even understand what's happening? I feel like slapping them all hard and move out but first I have to make a way out, financially and then move from here. It's nit easy to just go out with two girl child who also need safety and security mental physical and financial. So plz take this seriously. Dont get married to any narcissistic coward who has no back bone to stand for himself hence for you. Run away.
Hey Karuna,
I totally get what you are saying.
My heart goes out to you.
Take care of your daughter 💕
💯% spot on. A mummy's boy who could do no wrong. His enabler. You could be talking about him and his mother. I wish I'd ran years ago.
Thank you for your work in general and for this particular episode. "She was acting like his wife, not like his mom" So true!
My mom told me long ago, watch how a man treats their mom. That’s how he will treat you
@@Tittles1959 Not if his mom is a narcissist! He will put her on a pedestal and treat you like garbage!!
@@reesedaniel5835absolute facts
Not always true. There are certain situations where the mother will destroy their lives and they distance from them and don't share any information. It happens more often to females. Daughters who are on the rise of being super successful can be torn down by their own mother in some sort of narcisstic competition/rivalry. It's pretty common. The daughters cut the mothers off and distance from her maybe communicating a few times a year if that. IF they are close to the mother she will start to work to tear her down. @@Tittles1959
@@Tittles1959my mom poisoned my daughter , tried to get it blamed on me, told me she didn't care if my daughter lived or died and that it was "my fault" she did it.......if you think I treat a woman I love in the same way I treat my mother you are dead wrong.
The Narcs are unusually close with sisters , hugging, kissing
And unusually close with their sister daughters,
Specially if they are divorced, interacting is not normal at all ,
It is sickening to see all these drama who live with them
So true.. must provide for the nieces at the expense of their own children.
My indian ex tried to get back intouch with me . For my birthday . I didnt click on the message but saw the first few lines. I deleted straight away. I aint going back down that route again . Took me some time to get where i am today x
The call was an attempt to sabotage your special day
@@paula622 I wish I had kept his text and had a laugh . Because I'm sure at some point he would of made it about him
@@pauline6005 ha 💯 then after droning on about himself, likely end the call by intentionally not wishing you happy birthday, they are pathetic 🦧🤡💩
Sounds like my ex in-laws. They were a huge problem in my marriage. And continued to be even after I had children. The narcissistic behavior seemed to get worse. My ex ALWAYS chose his parents over me. It was very hurtful.
You have described my situation to a T. It is his entire family, they made life a living hell for our children and myself for decades. I tried desperately to get help for my ex husband’s out of control drinking and tried to get them to step in as we were in the middle of a divorce yet, they gave him alcohol. It took me 33 years to not see that he was just like his family in that he always spoke poorly about me behind my back. He died of sclerosis of the liver two years ago and I was to blame for his drinking according to them. They completely unleashed on my children and I after he died and refused to attend his memorial. I’m sorry he died but so at 4:39 peace to be free of them.
Thank goodness you’re free of your ex-in-laws as well.
@@Brnojol364 Thank you for sharing! 👍😊✌️
When our host tells us to run: RUN! If your partner , while denigrating one parent and idealizing the other, requires you to concur- without proof- it seems likely that triangulation won't be far behind. Run indeed.
His mother could do no wrong and she was ALWAYS put first. In the end it was them against me. It was horrible.
My ex has an 8 year old son. She is 46. She caters to him constantly that the relationship between them is toxic and loving. As much as it pains me to say this, In future years I can see incense being their inner mother, son dynamics as strange as it sounds. It sickens me to the core. I'm glad the relationship ended before I witness that insanity. People suck.
Listen to this. It’s the absolute truth. 43 years with my narcissist so far, his relationship with his mother has always been just wrong.
All true. I experienced this full scale-about 30 years. Yes I believe there was incest. Sickening. There were rumors about the father too. I can verify this as true
Would the popular tv sitcom Everybody Loves Raymond be a good or similar example of this? In the show, Raymond's mother Marie is always getting involved in his life, especially since she lives right across the street. Always coming into his house uninvited, getting into things that are private and none of her business, embarrassing everyone in public places or events, always giving Debra, his wife a hard time, especially often saying something about her cooking, always creating some kind of drama and arguments. While I don't think Ray is a narcissist, I heard some say he has some traits and he doesn't do a very good job standing up to his mom and defending his wife in most of the series. Plenty of people do think Marie is a narcissist though.
Everybody Loves Raymond does to me does show a pretty good job showing toxic family behavior though, and sometimes it's funny to see how many of the characters argue and fight over the dumbest things.
The typical Jewish mother like the sitcom The Nanny
The first 8.5 minutes of your video described my marriage perfectly - both the mother (who had keys & garage door opener to our house that she helped pick out & decorate and was only a mile away from her so she could drop unannounced at any hour anywhere from 3 to 7 days a week) and the sister who's primary occupation was to stir up drama. I honestly wish I had known what I was getting into before it was too late.
Wow, mine lived next door. They sold there house no for sale sign and I had no clue they moved. I was on vacation. What a great day that was, so I thought, he lost his mommy!!!
When my narc said he loved someone else after 27 years of marriage my MIL felt more hurt and betrayed than me
Same!! My Narc mother was more upset at my divorce after 35 years than I was.
Of course she hated him because she couldn’t control him. No matter how old they get , they never change.
Lol
NAILED IT! OMGOSH, can’t thank you enough for this take on how to identify a toxic situation. I was trapped in a scenario like you’ve described for 17 years of living HELL. The whole time I was told I was the one that didn’t understand what a “real” family looked like. I fell for it since I came from a broken, unstable family situation. BEWARE the “close” family, especially if there is one or more family businesses involved. I excepted the fact that a pre-nup was necessary and that trust would be difficult for a while…..I was WRONG. It never, ever gets better. Marrying into a family like this makes them even more jealous and controlling, not less like you’d think. Divorcing in an enmeshed family is just about the worst thing that can happen to a person. It’s been three years of recovery and I still struggle with how to ever trust again! It helps to know I was not the crazy one. ❤
I could have written this. Enabling family got involved in our separation and they made sure my ex left me with basically nothing after being a stay at home parent so that he could pursue and further his career. Apparently I didn't deserve a fair outcome because I "didn't make the money" while looking after our kids in a city 3000km from anyone I knew.
"All for one and one for all" was their family motto... which did not include me... ever. As soon as I spat out babies, I became "the help" with no opinions or choices.
You marry them and divorce them.
Narcs want you to become a carbon copy clone except that you'll carry all their weaknesses and they will assume all your strengths.
You are so right!! My narc bf and his narc mom would always knit-pick me about the way I did things (because it was different than how they did) it’d always be something so silly: like you should take 10 minute showers. It’s all about pressuring you to conform to their standards because they NEED to be in control. They would get mad at me if I didn’t do my dishes the instant I finished eating (I usually wash my dishes after I have digested a bit) I’m so glad I don’t have to deal with the task police anymore👮♀️ 😂
I can’t thank you enough. My PTSD days I spent listening to your videos and a lot of unanswered questions and self doubt has slowly disappeared in me because of your educative videos 🥺
Every word is true.
And I can’t thank myself enough for actually catching up each of these vibes, even when I had no clue what a Narcissist is!!
I RAN ON TIME!
🥺
Pat on my shoulder.!
Things like PTSD and depression don't exist , these are things you newer generation created from your imagination
Getting the guts to run early is commendable
You are spot on about the gift giving, the enmeshment, the fawning over him like she is his partner, all of these are facts. Initially she would also smile in a sly manner saying to me that she picked the gift for me. Ick!
That wouldn't be creepy if say she was a musician, her son was not, and he was buying you an instrument. But we all know it didn't go down like that, not with narcs. She would have picked a violin for you if you played the flute then called you ungrateful if your eyes were not beaming with joy.
Familial cult. Yes! I found out on the drive to our honeymoon destination that his brother, his brother's wife and another couple were joining us!!
Oh sh.t!!! That is terrible!!! Grounds for divorce right there! That is bullying and negligence.
Every word is so TRUE. Their control is just unbelievable. I saw all these red flags and still signed up. Run away if you see these signs. Not worth anything. The whole in-law troop is demonic. Will feel like a stranger in our home. Will feel like nothing belongs to us or we do not belong at all and can never understand why?
Always feels like outsider, but still have this ridiculous family. Run away as fast as you can.
You have just perfectly described the adult children of my husband, from his first wife. Every weekend, every holiday MUST be spent applauding their children (His grandchildren). His son and daughter in law were cruel and would never even look at me, even though I sat there hours every weekend cheering on their cheerleading practice, baseball , basketball, fencing lessons, singing lessons, etc. My husband spent most of our money buying a boat so that he could go fishing all the time with his son,who came to my wedding along with his cruel sister and just glared at me the entire time. So watch out for adult children too. Thanks Danish for explaining things so well
Oh my god. You nailed it. You just described to a tee, my partners relationship with his mum, and what he's like too.
They live together and its like they are partners, but Im his partner.
As a young adult, he lived next door to his parents, with his wife at the time, and kids for many years...
Now he is older, he lives with his mum. She switches between idealisation of her golden child, and demeaning of him, scorn, and is domineering all the time.
She even wanted me to pick his own clothes for him in front of him (to own), and I refused.
No-one can change a light bulb for her but her precious golden child. (However she will ask him in front of you - just to remind you of who is top dog. Lol)
She makes him dinner every night without being conscious of how that negatively affects our lives, and speaks down to him if he's late for his dinner, lol, (like he is still 5), even when she knows hes out with me ACTUALLY, especially when she knows hes out with me, in fact.
You made me remember something i was told by hus family friends too. When he was in his twenties, his parents used to hold up a water bottle above his mouth and let the water fall into his mouth. In other words, they would give him a drink like he was a dog or a baby! Ffs, this is a twenty something year old man.
I have told him he must change, but so long as he lives with her and she is his constant influence, there is no hope in hell of that ever occurring!
I am at the point of running for the hills, yes. He is an emeshed son and he did not have a chance from the start in his toxic family set up. So sad. Ruined a good person. I can see his core is somewhere still there, deep down.
THANKYOU.
He lives with her!? Why are you dating a man that still lives with his mom?
@@sabrinasjourney not sure that was helpful. He wasnt at the start of our relationship.
@@eurekaelephant2714but he us now. He is basically married to his mum. He has made his choice. Probably too lazy to break up with her. But he dumped her silently, long ago.
My ex mother in law would come to the house sit on her sons lap, my ex now and kiss all over his face. 26 years old and he was like A 10 year old child when they were together. Now in his 70's he is living in her house, he is not obligated to pay anything. She does and he jumps through the hoops. No self responsibility. Just drinking and getting high together.
Probably doing more than that together
@@caroleminke6116 ohhe lived with her, she sold the house to her brother, he stayed in the house like a potted plant.
@@manifestorthroughlove Yes & the narc tells the cannibal mother (& everyone else) everything about you from the beginning.
First I heard. Must be doing more together.
@@caroleminke6116wow... people have their parents alive in their 70s... 😮
Your channel is my number one channel when dealing with narcissists. My ex had an abnormal parent-child relationship and unhealthy relationship with her siblings....exactly as you say. I wish I've would have run for the hills ....as you say. Thank you.
Have u watched HD tudor? He is a narcissist and he talks about people who r narcissist. He also talks from his point of view of how he thinks as a narcissist. This channel is also good
Aaaaigh!!!! This describes EVERY relationship I've been in! Usually the Mother. Insest suspected. One was mainly the Mother and then I met the Sister!
Most of people are narcissistic ,bur some people are narcissists magnet.They need to heal themselves.
Are you sure you are not one
You have analysed the family's involvements very well. All what you said is so accurate.
I swear, one consistent thought i had through my whole life was it was freaking weird how my brother idolized my mother. While i was looking at my overt dad, she snuck under the radar, only realized it over the past few years.
Wow spot on! especially regarding the cult of the family and all the trauma bonding
My father always tried to stay away from his narcissistic family, but he married a narc… and is BPD and suicidal himself
Danish...You absolutely nailed it in so many ways! My ex mother in law needed to have so much control in her son's life. Actually...all three of her children. Two sons and one daughter. Her son's would never stand up to her in their relationships. Her daughter ended up experiencing anorexia and bulimia after getting into modeling because her own mother joined her modeling crew to show her up. Dear Lord...I don't miss those year's whatsoever. And beware folk's... because the narcissistic grandmother will do everything she can to take complete control of the very children you have with their narc son's. You as a mother or partner in their minds ... literally don't exist. It's a complete nightmare. Listen to Danish ..and get out of the situation 'now'. Especially if you have a newborn child. Leave NO forwarding address 🙏💜💌
The biggest red flag is if there is a clear family scapegoat or, "blacksheep."
Sometimes that family member may a substance abuser, and/or noticeably over or under a healthy weight, and in those case, it's hard to know what caused them to engage in excesses.
In most cases that I am aware of, if there is a family member, who is talked about, unnecessarily badly, and frequently, by the majority members of a family, and particularly if that person isolates, or spends very little time, with very few, if any, of them, THAT's the ONE, even halfway-healthy member, of the ENTIRE group.
Do yourself a favor, and let the narcissist think they broke it off.
Give them plenty of reasons to:
Whatever they don't like, in food, entertainment, music, etc., even if you don't like the same things, claim to like those things, anyway.
Rejecting a narcissist can start your life on a Hellish journey of every definition of stalking, including levels and TYPES of character defamation most would never imagine, and some would never believe.
They're not above violence toward you, or someone you love, or your belongings, and the person is deranged, because they actually believe that bullying and condemnation will make you either desire them, or submit to them.
They are sorry, sick people. That doesn't mean they don't have money, power or influence, it means that they either don't have meters, to understand when other people genuinely want nothing to do with them, or they are so self-centered that they believe that what they want, from you, should take precedence over what you want.
I believe:
Narcissists are why more laws should have the death penalty as prescribed, or at least potential, punishment, for their being broken.
I didn't learn about enmeshment until after I was married unfortunately. Thankful to know now. This is him and his mother exactly.
Great video. You describe my Mom's relationship with my Dad's family perfectly. The very same dynamics played out in our family and it was horrible. Run ladies!
So eloquent!! Love your messages. Thank you so much for keeping us on track.
That hit so many nerves! My ex said he had an emotionally incestuous relationship with his father (who commuted suicide) . I never met the father, but he seemed to have too close of relationships with one sister and mother. It was crazy. Once the had a meeting to talk and he made me sit outside in the rain. I said if we were to get married, I should be included in these family meetings. He told me I will never be included. This was at the end of my tragic relationship.
Holy hell !!!! WTF?????
You don't deserve that bullshit !!!!!! What is wrong with these people !????????????????????????????
This is a really good point to consider before getting married.
I wish at 17 we would have learnt about them in psych class. I would have ran .
Thank you for all your wisdom and supportive advices. It has helped me to finally get away from the family who’s exactly as the one you describe in the video. Thankyouthankyouthankyou🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻
I left a few weeks before my 18th birthday, my only family (immediate). I was the scapegoat, brother golden child, mums boyfriend enabler/joined in at times what my narc mother did and had younger half siblings who were the ignored children.
I have no contact with my bio dad or his side of the family and my narc mother did not have contact with her family (so I lost contact as a child too as a result). Leaving me with NO ONE once I left her abusive household.
Once I left at 17 in 2012 I was blessed enough to end up in a 10 room hostel for ages 16-18 (turned 18 a week after moving in) final straw was her taking the 💡 out my room for months and one time when I was trying to get ready for college in the morning I could not find my deodorant (wouldn’t be surprised if she hid it or took it out the tiny box room she forced me to stay in). I had to get dressed in the kitchen due to her removing the lightbulb from the box room so I said I can’t go to college with no deodorant on before I even get there I would start to sweat (2 buses and it was over an hour bus ride away and I was studying dance and had dance first thing that day).
Narc mother then took my bus pass from me which meant I was not going to walk over 3 hours to college including country lanes (I’m in the UK).
I ended up walking 30 minutes to the town centre and waited in McDonald’s (was not allowed a phone so had to keep asking strangers for track of time so when it gets to 9am I can go to a youth place to help me with homelessness as I was adamant that I was going to get out permanently after this final straw amongst many and years of abuse by her).
Long story short I’ve spent my whole 20’s in cycles of hostels, shared housing from ymca’s (living with other young people who had there own childhood traumas), having ymca staff let me down and not help me and having to be on benefits (USA call it welfare) because the rent in these places are so high so I’m forced to either go part time work or not work at all and be stuck in poverty trap as a consequence.
I went from being a teen who went out and socialized after I left the abuse at nearly 18 to spending my whole 20’s after college isolated in my bedrooms at different hostels or shared “supported” accommodations at the ymca over the years.
I’m currently 29 and never got my 20’s as a consequence, developed social anxiety and even get my shopping delivered to the front door at another hostel I’m staying in. It also does not help that I hate the area I’m currently in because narc mother moved us to this place the end of 2010 after I finished high school, had to spend the whole of 2011 isolated with no college place enduring her abuse without being able to leave until 2012, so due to this current place being my local connection I’m forced to stay here despite not having any real friends and no family. Dealing with corrupt council housing staff who have even falsified my risk assessment and being bullied by the female staff at this hostel and just at a crossroads because any place I get allocated for housing would be in this area, the thought of shared housing with strangers scares me, especially with the crazy housemates I’ve had over the years up to currently. A few months ago a man tried to open my bedroom door twice at this current hostel so I still sleep with my suitcase and a chair against the door at this hostel.
What makes me angry is growing up my narc mother used to tell me she wanted to f uck up my life and future and words are powerful. At 29 I shouldn’t be existing (not living) like this.
I'm sorry. Keep trying. I know it's hard. I left my narc in my 20s with my kids and we went to live in a park. We slept on benches. They got food because they were in daycare. I couldn't enroll them in school because we didn't have an address. Eventually we got housing that was condemned.
I'm in my 50s now and live alone in good public housing with basic needs met like lights, dry floors, hot water, heating and cooling, others bath water not draining into my tub, windows and doors that fit, ceiling fans secured to the ceiling, not being eaten by cockroaches when I sleep, ceilings connected to the ceiling 😂. Yes, this is public housing in the US. I have 1 meal a day. I have furniture (because my relatives have died) and a bed (because my dad died). But I'm alive. 😂. I meant this to be encouraging but I think I just realized how hard life has been since I left
I used to think how strange there relationship was (mother/son) now all is understood,its like a threesome when he visits as she treats him like an 8 year old? Actually hes 38 phew!!!
My ex narc girlfriend has an 8 year old son. She is 46. When we go out she reprimands me ( in public ) like Im her son...saying " I hope you're happy, you ruined everything or..."you embarrassed me in front of everyone". Those phrases are the same ones she used many times when we were out with her son and she isnt happy. It was so bizaar. I left that toxic relationship. Ick !!!
Greatest video on narcissistic of the you tube. Danish bro you are not going to make video in hindi/urdu as I requested you but i am learning English from you after all thank you so much
I've personally seen that male narcissist-narcissistic mother dynamic myself. From one of the main people who I feel has been coming at me. It was getting weird the older I got, seeing that kind of dynamic. He was just "mommy's little boy"
I believe my exhusband is a covert narcissist and my daughter is the golden child and he brainwashed her against me …. I feel I’ve been abused from the narcissist, but yet I’ve been told I’m the narcissist. I took the test on Facebook and scored low.
My husband puts his mother first always, she constantly wants to visit and when she comes it won’t be for a week it will be for as long as she can stay, 2/3 weeks and while she’s in my house she will rearrange my cupboards and my children room, she will take over. And when she finally leaves she will leave behind her things (hair dryer, clothes, etc) for the next time she visits! If I’m cooking a special meal She will tell us that she is not hungry so my husband will tell me not to bother making the meal so then the whole family goes with out the meal! She will cry if she doesn’t get her way and if I don’t compile to what she wants she will call her daughter and cry, and the daughter then called me up screaming that I’d made her mother cry, I was completely shocked and my husband said nothing to his sister! She is constantly on the phone with her daughter when visiting us, they will FaceTime and be on speaker phone and she will talk for an hour not even bothered if it’s intrusive, the daughter is needy and the mum has even picked up the phone while we are out and in a restaurant about to eat lunch! The father is also controlling and will be on a family outing and then just walk off and disappear leaving the rest of the family to spend the next 30 minutes searching for him! They are all selfish and obsessed with their family unit. I’m am currently getting a divorce as my husband is a childish covert narcissist and his family are in his opinion perfect and can do no wrong.
Bless your heart. Run away and don't look back. Better days are ahead. Happy healing.
Still trying to extracate myself after 20 year relationship/marriage. Wow if only I would have known this about the Narcissistic Mother... she hated on me from the beginning, my gut instinct was I did not like her. I ignored and played the nice daughter in law...only to be ignored in the room the whole way through. Never once did she ask me how I was, it was obvious she did not like me and was jealous? I took her oldest son away. Hard to realise I was enmeshed by a deeply narcisstic abusive family.
There is also the grandmother and the brother when it comes to the male narcissist.
This is so comical, almost 40 years later. At the time, I believed that I was seeing features of another culture. The thing which I hated the most, was how the NARCISSIST made their decisions, whose solutions were never adult solutions. The NARCISSIST was a robotic appendage of the Mother. They ran, when she called, for petty reasons. At the same time, this NARCISSIST told me that they hated and disrespected their parents, doing their bidding, in order to get to their money. I heard often, ' I want that money!' I found this fakeness awful. The Mother compared me, to the Narcissist's long lost wealthy ex-partner. The Mother imagined me with a different kind of partner, she said. She told me about the wealthy, elegant ex of the Narcissist. That one just used the poor narcissist, like a toy or someone to pay travel costs. The NARCISSIST spent a fortune trying to earn their love. The NARCISSIST was also in love with the social-standing and the exes family's money. That would certainly please the Mother. It's a long story and I never knew something so sick existed, in real life. Love was not the problem between us, but the awful conditions and behavior, which came with it, were chaotic and horrendous. It was as if no one had ever loved the NARCISSIST before, so that when it came, they were so insecure, that they couldn't accept it as truth, or give it any validity. You can continue to love them, but you can never let them know. That would be stupid. Lesson learned, although you could fall for another love-bomber. Check the new one out and at the least problem, where you are disrespected, leave it. It's dead. It can't be converted, revived and least of all loved. You are just letting them fool you, as much as you are fooling yourself. Don't take an ex back either. The chemistry will be the same, won't it? ❤
I got the most priceless inheritance my narcissist sibkings could never have. 3 days with my non narcissist mother, hearing her life story on her death bed. I am the middle child of 7. They all had excuses why they could not cone see her final days here. But they wanted the money from the house. Not I, we laughed together, cried together over life's journey. She was taken too young. I was 45 when she passed. Karma had it's way. In the end after there fighting over money, the house was foreclosed. Not a penny to them. I got the priceless inheritance. Her final days on earth with me then the first Born narcissist never even came to her funeral. My sweet mother, you were so right money grabbers are evil and will have there day. RIP my life changed so much, the orphan sibling..
@@Angel_eyes___ You are right. That's better than anything, on Earth. My ex was not allowed to attend the funerals of his parents. The narcissist was banned from the family, for their increasingly bad reputation. A younger and older sibling had been given 50,000 each, while the parents were still alive. The narcissist although given much attention and hours of listening, by the Mother, didn't get huge sums of money. The Mother saved my ex from smaller repeated financial fiascos. The Father told me personally that any money they would give my ex would be spent on going out and drinking. That was true, I found out. While we were together, sharing costs, the narcissist could pay back the 70,000 they hsd spent, trying to catch that rich ex-partner, they wanted, but failed. I noticed that the Bank was taking out 2 payments per month, for the 70,000 loan. A person working at the Bank sweet-talked my ex into taking no action. I sent my ex back to the Bank, to take written action. Imagine! Somewhere along the trail of chaos, I was informed years later, that the jealousy of the narcissist had grown all out of proportion. The Father passed away quickly. The Mother lived on, in a luxury home, for the aged. Shunned by all, in their family, my ex stormed the Mother's funeral gathering, in the cemetery. The narcissist had to be physically removed, ranting and raving. To seem steady and stabile, my ex pretended for the family, that we were still together all of those years(40 years) The family shunned us then, thinking that we supported these acts of terror. I might straighten that out one day, but lies of a narcissist, are powerful. The family thing was a fantasy my ex had, which the Parents believed., I suppose. This Narcissist drives around, in different cars, helpless to change their habits, stalking all of their exes, which they gathered, to always have a back-up lover, supporter, or financial source... until today. We could never have had the happy family life which I imagined. That was only a dream, I alone had. The Narcissist never passed their reckless, unscrupulous childhood phase, full of cheating, to measure up to Mom's expectations, by stealing the answers to a test and being expelled for trying that, in several schools. They cause the events, which cause them to be removed forever. No matter, the game continues, but without us. Isn't that the strangest thing? They are like an animal, pacing in a cage, jumping in their car, making a regular round trip, to the homes of all of their exes. It sounds like a fairytale doesn't it? Take care everyone. I spare you the worst things of this story, which I have heard from others who know of my past, with this poor creature. If you care or help them, they will act friendly, then bite you.
My fake very evil family hate me and is 3 against one
Same,but please realize they hate themselves more than you.They hate you because you're normal.
My husband is trauma bonded with his Narcissistic Father. The whole family has turned flying monkeys and runs as per his orders and idealizes him. In fact, my Father in-law abuses my Mother in-law but the whole family doesn't mind that and demeans her. As this ran for 30yrs., now she doesn't have a sense of self. My husband being the Golden Child turned out to be a Covert Narcissist.
There were Red flags which I overlooked and thought it will change with time and commitment of marriage and child but it surely didn't.
Abuse started post marriage and his family was normalising it. Male Chauvinists, Narcissist, Narcissist enablers or flying monkeys destroying the peace of mind
From 1 glasses wearer to another, Danish, them frames ur wearing are 🔥🔥💯👌🏿 it's like they're invisible yo
My husband tells me " I know my mother is wrong but still if she says anything I will believe her and not you." And his mother said to me at my parents house immediately after the birth of my 1st child and 3 days of ghosting from my husband and in laws "you want my son to leave his family for you" becuase I was angry with my husband on not coming to meet his 1 week old baby for past 3-4 days being in the same city.
This type motherly CONTROL stems from fear, infact DEEP fear. These type of controlling mom’s might have lost their child and they cling on over protectively to the one’s surviving. It’s like, if I keep the child at home, close to me, I can ensure nothing wrong happens to them. It is so suffocating when it’s a trauma response.
I also think it's a cultural thing. Those moms who come from very patriarchal backgrounds are absolutely obsessed with men/boys in general. And basically just giving themselves up completely, it's very self sabotaging.
Giving is the opposite of CONTROL@@jordanferguson2254
It's sick to watch how my covert narc mother controls my golden child brother. He hates her. She controls him with money. He is an alcoholic therefore he is weak. She offers money; he can't say NO. I believe he is an alcoholic because he knows she's always been in the driver's seat. If he'd say NO to the money, the ties would be broken but he's too greedy for that.
Exactly. Thank you for pointing out, that the given signs, necessitate that you can tell, what the narcissist is thinking or feels. The checklist is more of a narcissist, self-checklist, as it observes, from thir perspective.
Absolutely right!!! Great awareness video!!
Watching this video reminds me of a Mary Tyler Moore movie in which she plays a narcissistic mother and her son and Mary's character convinces him to steal and kill. Maureen Stapleton, A.K.A. Edith Bunker is in the movie too. If anyone is interested the full movie is on RUclips and it's called, "Like Mother, Like Son" Full Film (Santé & Kenneth Kimes)" It is based on a true story. Another good narcissitic mother movie to watch is Ordinary People. Anyway, thanks for the video!!
The Baby Jane movie with Bette Davis. She played a narcissist.
@@melissabyrd1310 Oh yeah! That is another great movie. Gaslight which explains what it means to gaslight someone and which that term originated. The movie Gone Girl shows the extreme narcissists go through to change conditions to make themselves look like a victim.
U nailed it
A narcissistic mom will never allow you in kitchen
Infact any where to show you who r you
And the son will follow her in each and every step
The nex, whom i later found out was also dangerous, told me multiple times in the beginning of our relationship that i reminded him so much (or exactly) of his mother. I thought he was complimenting me, but somehow it didn't feel like it. There was an "off" feeling i couldn't pinpoint. I also felt strange about sleeping with a man who saw me in that light.
Later, i discovered that he blamed his mother for watching "soaps" when he was a small boy as his uncle played barbies in the bedroom with him. (I figured out the uncle sa'd him, which was the root of rage nex held against that uncle and his mother.)
I would feel something akin to jealousy from nex's mother and many of the points in this video resonate. I'm positive the mother was a covert narc just like her son, and they shared some kind of troubled bond. He never accepted me as being a true member of his family either-- a fact which today i'm grateful for and heartily agree!
We're taliking about a narcissistic mother here. Not every narc has a narc mother.
Wooowww! Yes, his sister was very controlling and was involved in all of his decisions in his life. He would consult things with her before consulting me! It felt like he was married to her. How do you know?!!!! Wow!
My grandmother used to say:
A man with a mammy is never a good husband. Yes mammy no mammy. But a daughter can also behave like a mother.
"Sons and lovers" by Laurens
This was very complicated sounding, though it sounds like it describes my mom/brother relationship to a tee. My mom still buys his groceries (says he won't buy the right healthy foods etc) , talks to him like he's five, says whatever tiny thing he did that he did it very well (like driving, sending an email for her ,stupid tiny things) , and expects nothing from him . She expects me to work, yet it's fine that he doesn't. He lives in a house bought for by our parents ( I live in one side as well). We both have failed in life , and I dont think our parents helped in any way. I remember trying to find work as a teen (15/16) and my mom would criticize everything about me when I returned form failed interviews (wrong clothes, wrong attitude etc) .It sounds dysfunctional, defintely, but I'm still not certain it's narcissitic.
Thanks for your post.
It's opening up my eyes to a situation of an acquaintance who is a narc. He quit his job at the USPS, lived in a home owned by "her" family. This wife raised 3 boys and stayed with the "freelance performer" for around 27 years, waiting for the youngest to turn nearly 18. It is highly suspected that she worked outside the home, as well. Wow, what abuse. Good for her for eventually leaving.
He had a sister who would get involved in our business and would put him down. I had to stop talking to her because it was so stressful. He would give me clues that I didn't pick up on until we broke up. When he would discard me there would be several clues before it would happen like you are a good person but you haven't changed at all. Which means that I wouldn't let him control me. It is like a child in an adult body. They play games with your emotions to break you down. This causes a lot of emotional damage that feels like it will never go away.
My ex narc refused to pay bills in our home but was paying his mom bills in her home every month. His mom would tell him “ your wife makes good money she can pay the bills by herself I need you to pay my bills” and he would tell me that “my mom needs me you can pay our bills by yourself”
Reminds me so much of that television show 'I love a Mama's boy' I could not stand any of the characters, including the women who desperately tried to fit in. Now I understand why.
I can't believe this is finally being acknowledged and talked about accurately.....only 12 days ago. I have been questioning my sanity for 30 years. It's because I knew this. I knew what is being said right here. Thanks to the strong "community" of the narcissist, that includes family (almost cultish, but subtle and very common), no one would have
' recognized' what I was dealing with.
I am breathing a sigh of relief that it is finally being recognized and defined by someone besides myself.
My husband's daughter idealizes him to the point that it is nauseating. She doesn't jump all over him, but she has been told several times by me and her AA sponsor to stay out of our relationship.
Of course, she talks to him behind my back about me. But she is 46 and lives with us and has lived with him for the last 25 years. She's a selfish, entitled high schooler in her mind. As I said, nauseating.
My ex' s mom never liked me from the start of our relationship & she didnt know me & asked me "what do you want with my son?" told her that I love him, she was so jealous of me with him. She would always kiss him on the lips when coming to his home & leaving . I thought they were overly emeshed & internally it drove me crazy. I kept it too myself for the most part. He wanted to marry me & we had a good relationship but found out later his parents tried to convince him to not marry me & basicalky they were afraid Id take his money which was crazy, I was and am financially stable. He ended up marrying me and they convinced him two years later to divorce me. It waa a crazy situation. His sister too was way to emeshed with him. She tried to tell me what foods I should cook for him, I ignored her.
One year after he divorced me he tried to reunite back with me, I told him we could be friends but thats it. Fast forward 12 years he is still single & ran into my brother in law & told him that he never stopped loving me. I havent looked him up, not sure I could handle this family again. 😢thanks Danish for enlightening us on this topic. ❤
I so wish I would have known this decades ago. NEVER AGAIN!!! THANKS SO MUCH
Thank you so much , I saw ur video now , but this will help me to run from these evil and wicked people
Its always about my negligence in some way or another.
Thank You 👍 Danish 😢 Everything you say in your Analysis is So True. But in Summarizing it : the Most Important thing is : By Sharing your life with a Narcissistic Parents, Siblings, Partner: a male or a female, They will always Destroy Your life and Suck / Absorb your Soul and your willing (your motivation) to live. You might lose all your Joy for life. Efrat
This is my own mother and youngest brother. She enmeshed herself with several of us (6 in total), but he's a grown man and still living as her surrogate husband.
My husband was emotionally manipulated by both of his parents especially his finances.
so well told. Thank You man.
In my family my brother is totally controlled by my mom and his wife. My sister in law is the worst. And he enables all of our moms behavior. And lashes out at me. I am so more at peace keeping my distant and no contact. I never ever in my life thought this was going to happen. I'm also reading "Why smart teens hurt" by Eric Maisel to understand more of who I am 💜
Very true, and after that, my husband told me that dont pretend a victim
I have been watching your videos and following your instructions but Sorry to say bro but their is no escape from my narcissist father. Pray for me. 🙏
I’m so sorry you’re suffering, I will be praying for you . Reach out, don’t isolate.
@@Brnojol364 Thanks for your support ❤️❤️ I am trying my best, I have to clear a job test and then I will be able to leave his house, I study in his absence and for me the only way out is this exam.
I have know many narcissistic men that have horrible relationships with the mother to the point that they have little to no contact...they hate their mother
She decides everything...friends, job where to stay, whom to employ..
Thank you Danish. You have accurately described in such detail what the red flags are, and this public service announcement is so needed in today's world as it seems there is an epidemic of dysfunction, NPD, substance abuse, mental health issues, etc. I would like to add to this by saying that these toxic families almost NEVER change, evolve, become healthy or even want to. Even when there is death and a shift in the familial roles it seems as if others in these cult-like dynamics will step in to fill in the void that the said person has created with their passing. Also, know that with all of these warnings if you decide to proceed and go forward in a relationship with an individual from one of these families that you will NEVER come first regardless of their promises or lip service. If you can push that aside and make peace with being an outsider than good luck and develop your own interests, support system and friends as you WILL NOT be receiving what you expect and should have in these situations..
Exactly 🎯It's insidious.
I wish I'd have found your videos 30 years ago. Everything seems perfectly clear now.
The narc son of an narc mother usually also has a narc father and open your eyes or your ears because the son is just like him or becoming just like him.
Definitely the mommie issues. Danish, great video as always, you need to do one on their food issues and food tantrums. Here's my list:
Did he hate his mother's cooking so much that he as a child would go into the kitchen and insist on cooking his own meal? Iy's hard to detect with all the instant food but if he's clanging pots and pans... did he need to be bribed with money to eat with family at the table?
As an adult now does he insist on doing all the cooking? The wife may think wow what a great husband but maybe he hates her cooking too. One word to deacribe this, control. Does he throw unnatural tantrums at restaurants or dinner parties if onions or celery are in the meal? Does he toss the items off his plate instead of push them aside? Do you get a diatribe about how he hates onions or celery? Do he viciously berate fast food staff if his burger has onions or pickle? Does eating or dining with this person make you cringe about them throwing an embarrasing tantrum. They are never happy around food. Food is another potential tanyrum trigger for a narc. A good way to test is to take them to an exotic place, out of their comfort zone and see what the table manners are. An adult or a picky toddler in an adut body.
The narcs mother used to be his councellor😮go figure. She tried very hard to make me jealous nah, I really felt uncomfortable around her. She made me feel nervous.
Think mother stole my diary.. i understand it just now decades later when she is old.
And think how she started to fear and hate me.:D
when she red my teenage records that it was painful for me listen how she talks to her mother who was taken to serve her and do her work loosing her house, contryside, giving mother all the money and moving to a city living 5 people in same room with hardly any sunlight coming in.
I'm not sure if it was a narcisist but it happened like this: parents discarded, siblings discarded, other relatives discarded, when asked reason was beating around the bushes and all I can remember was how much they wronged him, but he couldn't name very clear actions that led to this, then discarding his own kids, just like that, just because, leaving them with no support nothing, I suspect to punish the mothers(?),idealizing a person for nothing much really...it was all weird, unclear, the stories did not make sense...
My ex-husband hated his mother and never could admited it. The father was the narcisist, that he who my ex looked up to him!