Biggest Reason Why Marriage with a Narcissist Fails
HTML-код
- Опубликовано: 10 июл 2024
- Link to my best resources for healing:
linktr.ee/narcabusecoach
chapters
00:00 introduction
00:58 Clip reaction
01:58 Clip discussion
02:50 Narcissists are extremely disingenuous
04:22 The abusive side comes out fully
05:28 Legally you are married but emotionally you are divorced
06:33 Reading comments of insta post(2 comments)
07:05 comment discussion
08:00 reading 3rd comment
08:12 comment discussion
08:43 What is the crux of all of this ?
09:21 You were manipulated in the name of love
10:31 The physical presence proves nothing
Link to my best resources for healing:
linktr.ee/narcabusecoach
Only difference w/ my 1st marriage, I was working & making $, and he couldn't stand me working around men. Ultimate control. I couldn't wear makeup, either. Home & barefoot, pregnant, in the kitchen. Everything else is spot on. He was two different people. Violent & controlling at home, would dangle that he loved me, so I would stay. Meanwhile, he would go out, or even have women in our home, while I was out, and attack me if I complained. He owned me,& would track me down when I tried to leave, & literally drag me home. I didn't get away from him, until one of his affairs turned serious, & he was distracted with her & finally let me go. I'm surprised he didn't kill me, honestly. He tried several times.
Narcissists cheat to create competition and they are the prize.
They deprive you from having the best life.They steal your dreams and aspirations and leave you with emptiness.
My experience exactly. My entire life was taken off course never to return again due to having a child with him and the passage of time and recovery. 😞 But God has given me a huge understanding and compassionate heart as a result of my suffering.
Exactly
Wow, that's so true!
Yes, even they are into their of best or worst.
Emptiness? How about traumatized
YES! My husband changed THE NEXT DAY on our honeymoon. We dated for two years, and we were church people. We did not live together before marriage, or have sex, or even fool around. Church was his "supply". We went to a big church and we were involved in lots of programs and he got to be a teacher, up in the worship band, a greeter, always a scripture on the tip of his tongue to help people. Every date we went on was at church. I was so happy to be engaged to such a "spiritual man". I was so excited to go on our romantic honeymoon and finally be all alone with him. We got to the hotel and he said, "There is something I have waited to do all my life, so take off your clothes and lie still so I can do it to you." And that's what happened. Then he rolled over and went to sleep and I cried. That's how sex was EVERY SINGLE TIME with him for our entire marriage. Outside of sex, he never hugged me or touched me. He even said I was a "hug-addict" because I was always begging for hugs, and he said I needed to "break my addiction" to hugs. I thought divorce was a sin, so I was trapped. But I knew after that first night that I had made a mistake and I wanted out. I was just the cook, the maid and the sex object, so that he could shine at church-church-church. There was something happening at church every night of the week, and he was there doing it. As I become more unhappy and sullen, he would tell people that I was un-spiritual and ""unsubmissive". Any time I disagreed with him, he quoted the verse that "rebellion is like the sin of witchcraft" and told me that I was opening myself to the devil by disagreeing with him. So basically, do as he says or go to hell. He still shined at church and everyone loved him, but I was beyond miserable. No one could guess that he was an evil tyrant at home, and I had no way to tell them or the pastor. I left when I decided that I would rather burn in hell and live in my car, than be married to him anymore. Of course, everyone at church felt sorry for him that his depressed wife left such an amazing, fun, and "spiritual" guy.
So happy for you, thay you left him, you were always the strong one, and you have to understand that he is an empty shell, you made him look good, you took care of him without you he is not only an empty Shell but you have stripped him of everything, that is what I say the best pay back ever, be proud of yourself, and walk with your head up high, you do you sister, and do not ever accept anyone to take 1 minute of your precious time❤
Sounds very culty superficial. 🤔
This is awful. I hope & pray you heal & there is someone much better comes into your life. I just recently had a narc at church mess me about a bit. It’s cruel & we don’t deserve it. You did the right thing, & stay away from him completely!
@@paulatabak2162very true well said what he did is unforgettable unacceptable unbearable unbelievable unreal so sad
Sorry you had to go through that. I learned very recently that religion doesn’t ever compensate for good character. I pray you meet a man of good character.
When my husband was ordered by a court to counseling the counselor asked me to come in ( he was ordered out of our home when released from jail for abuse) the counselor said in our therapy sessions you wouldn't have a marriage if it wasn't for her. This guy specialized in abuse. My husband never took it seriously. He then went on lie fests I heard about yrs later to get people against I always cried to him about being treated weird or badly when it was him pulling the strings.you can't live down the lies no matter how good u care for a narc they can turn the simplest things against you so you'll question feeding them cleaning your weight any new purchases. You're never free in a marriage with a liar.
💯 my covert did this. He would smear campaign me for years behind my back trying to get sympathy supply. He got off on looking like some victim, I call him a professional victim. I would be outcast and treated strange by his friends when I did them no ill. Years later I see all the smear campaign he did. Pieces of shit they are.
same for me. he treated me the same way
@michellecarriere2846 our trust is their ammunition. I hate having to watch every word or facial reaction but it's all there is when you're married to a narc.besides divorce but like me I had no clue never knew about npd.until my therapist said it. I work on me now not fawning over him for love. Thank goodness for youtube and all the therapist who guide us back to our authentic selves. Blessings my friend
Narcissist's are cruel, selfish, jealous people, they triangulate their partner's with other's just to break their kind innocent heart.💔 The narcissist's thinking must be "treat them mean to keep them keen." Run while you can.🏃♀️🏃♂️
I absolutely love this channel. Danish, you are such a Blessing my friend!
The only thing that I felt is Alone in my marriage - being that I spent over 2 decades numb. I've always thought, he's married, just not to me. He wants to claim that I belong to him as his wife, but he's never a husband to me.
He couldn't be a husband to me, he was his mother's surrogate husband. So he spent his time conniving and scheming at his mother's house my entire life, because I've known them all of my life and it took 25 years to get out of their grasp.
Even after all the pain, torment, psychological and emotional abuse, walking away was never without blame. After everything he put me through, his perception was that I could only be leaving because there were other men I wanted to be with. What a buffoon. If he had any common sense, and self awareness, he would have acknowledged the exhaustion he caused me, I couldn't even make it 10 mins in a conversation with another man, let alone anything else. He already exhausted all of my time and energy intentionally.
The way you regret the years of your life lost is something that you never get past. But they have No regret for tormenting or selfishly taking the years from your life. You're right, they believe your needs are demands of them, and that is exactly how I felt... they want your years, your life to melt into theirs.
My husband didn’t want to wear a wedding ring so I told him if he wasn’t going to wear one neither would I, he didn’t like that but he knew I’d stand by that statement so wore his ring. After 26 years of marriage I’m divorcing him and I’ve never felt so free
My husband almost persuaded me into thinking I was the narc. He never wore his ring, his friends were his but he took over mine, claims he has fallen out of love. He has NEVER loved me. I get it now.
Yes. A colleague of mine. We had been working together for 4 years, daily, chatting, sharing jokes, co-operating and he never mentioned that he was married, for 13 years!
Actually, no one at work knew that he was married! Just the CEO!
We were all astonished !
Oh ! A grandiose, arrogant, sadistic, two-faced narcissist, I forgot to mention!😮 He flirted every woman near him. Literally.
My husband leaves his wedding band behind when he goes to office
@@ahdel-nosh5901mine never wore his. Ever, he wore other jewelry I bought him but never his wedding ring.
It looks like you are talking about my husband.
They promise but don't deliver.
Charming, love bombing outside, and empty holes with those who live with them.
The non-narcissist decides that survival, health is a better choice than this marriage
This is spot on..I was used as a free housekeeper and cook..had to live on very little money while he was out all weekend drinking and having affairs and spending all the money..if I complained about it he would have a violent rage fit to scare me and shut me up…
The rage provocation into silence is something I have dealt with and it's made me so afraid to say anything. I always have anxiety.
Please get help ♥️🙏
My ex-husband would claim that his wedding ring was "choking" his finger, and he would glare at me as if to insinuate that I was choking HIM. He would guilt trip me just because I would ask him why he wasn't wearing his ring. Later, I found out that he was always cheating on me.
Choking! Lol! They really are children. Sick, evil children.
So spot on. When I asked my husband why he wasn’t wearing his wedding ring, he replied, “ I don’t FEEL married”. You can’t do relationship with someone who avoids intimacy and is deceitful. It’s all about their supply. I survived his discard after 24 years of crazy. I don’t think he had the ability to love me.
Very hard to live with NARCISSIST most of the womens are suffering because of the children they are evils devils extremely cruel
They don’t have the ability to love any women.
Absolutely! Been through it twice. One was overt and was one covert. But the end result was the same. They are the only ones who matter. They marry so that they can get constant supply and support. The best feeling was getting RID of them !
I am sorry. Good luck to you.
I know a couple who live in this situation. The wife thinks she can change him. She not only lives with his abuse, but with her own delusional mind. Careful folks, don't let desperation put you in this predicament.
@@davidsalo8397 Sam Vaknin calls it a shared fantasy.
@@davidsalo8397Desperation doesn’t put you in this predicament, their lovebombing, trickery and lies do!
I gave my narcissist husband thirty years if my life, all my money, three children, care giving, tolerating being physically abused, as well as emotional and constant verbal abuse. It’s hard enough to be married to an alcoholic, but adding in psychopathic, malignant narcissism is a horrific life. He discarded me after stealing all of retirement funds as well as putting our house in foreclosure. He told me that I had aged and he “deserved a sexy wife.” I am so grateful I was never murdered by him as he once Bea me with a hammer and choked me almost to the state of unconsciousness. He even stole the stock accounts of our children. Now he has convinced our daughter that I am the villain and it is my fault that the family imploded. He has disowned ur oldest son and tortures our youngest son to not see me to punish me. I went no contact twelve years ago and he can’t stand that I am free if him.
I was married way too long to a narcissist who lied about absolutely everything. I think he was in love with the idea of love - he certainly never loved me. He constantly screwed around (gave me an STD once and tried to blame me for that). He was abusive in every way possible. I learned early that packing and leaving only meant that once he caught up with me, I would be beaten, with each beating worse than the previous one. It got to the point he said the next time he would kill me if I left. Life was hell, but no one believed me because he was "so nice." I finally have my freedom because he was finally prosecuted for molesting girls (all under 10) and is now in prison. I am slowly recovering my life and myself. All of his stuff is gone and even that was freeing. I am now looking forward to each new day, and where I can go with this new life.
Wow Wow Wow what a life now you are in peace and you got your freedom back so stay stay strong God bless
Oh my God. You have suffered so much trauma. I hope you're able to experience a wonderful new life.
I believe you and am heartbroken for you. I was so full of hope and naive when I married the first time.
My narcissistic husband married me for financial stability. I took care of the majority of the bills, and he spent every paycheck he made and wouldn’t let us join our bank accounts because that’s “controlling.” Three years later he admitted to having no money in his savings account either 😠 We now have a joint account and I definitely control his spending because I can’t trust him. Our marriage is dead because he lacks communication, responsibilities, accountability; and he puts his narcissistic family before me and the kids.
That is so common for the male narcissists to marry for financial stability. More than not, they are lazy and feel that they should not have to work. They actually despise working and have no problem letting their wives do all of the work both on the job and at home, while they spend it all. I hope that someday you will close the door to your being used and not loved. 😞
That was my marriage!
Why stay?
A narcissist would join accounts ASAP. This makes no sense. He’s not a narcissist. Not mature, but also not a narcissist.
@@nnarkaj. Are you an expert in this field? How do you know?
My husband never had his wedding ring on. He lived the life of a single man, came and went as he pleased. I had a joint bank account with him and checking account had both of our names,
but he went and opened another account and checks only had his name. Our finances were separate, my fault I allowed it. I was an open book, everything about him was a secret. I filed for divorce I caught him cheating, he didn’t want to go to counseling and of course it was all my fault why he cheated. My life has been a nightmare these last four years,finally we are divorced but he made it difficult and now he is still tormenting me because he has defaulted on divorce agreement. We might have to go back to court. It’s so sad, he is not a good person and I have known him and been with him for 45 yrs.
Wow I am going through the same thing for over 30 years it feels like a drama I secrify a lot for the 2 kids he played the biggest game ever in my life
Mine found a new supply so he’s ready to divorce asap. I’m going along with it because we recently got married and we are young so not much to fight over but I will take this non combative stage.
Omg i have experienced it as well.my husband came back from work and while we were talking he said he nearly lost his wedding ring. I asked how and he said he took it out and put it in his pocket as he was going to the toilet.He then said everyone helped to find the ring.After that he never wore it again and his excuse was it’s too loose and what if he loses it again. He lied so effortless that now looking back I think how many more lies he told me and I believed him.Its heartbreaking when I think’ was everything a lie? ‘
Mine was also complaining about the ring bothering him.He stopped wearing it.
Mine took it off 1-2 days after the wedding.
Thank you for this video. I just felt years of grief and shame released. Now I understand perfectly, it’s so clear now. Everything you spoke of in this video was exactly my experience. For anyone suffering, please don’t give up. Peace comes when you are ready.
Having lived through and survived a 35 year marriage to a narcissistic spouse, I can attest that you are speaking deep truths about what I experienced. I was a commodity and he was never engaged as committed,loyal, loving partner. He simply did not have the capacity, the comprehension, or the emotional maturity to be married.
I’m kinda ashamed that I was with someone like this for 36 years. I felt blindsided from the get go, pointed it was all the blame at others instead of him., it was all a pack of lies from the start.,God know why he arrived me, I’d say now it was to prove a point to someone else who was than me and dumped him.
Thank you Danish, again. "I love you because I'm here." 😮 I heard that quite a bit. So I finally said, ok, time for you to go, so it's ok that you stop "loving" me. I honestly don't understand why people stay 🤔once they know the truth... We only live on this particular plane once, friends. It's not easy, but it's so worth it.
Yes, marriage was a failure though he refused to say so- like We are OK, don't worry, I will take care of everything.
He couldn't even force himself to go for a walk with me and our baby to the lake, simply said that he is not that type of person to walk together like that, please go without me, enjoy your time....
I was blind and a fool to let him live as he wanted, I gave him all the rights and forgot about my self-respect, my sacrifices were never appreciated. Yet again, of course he believed that earning money for our family is enough and I shouldn't expect anything else from him in marriage. Did I ever say no to you when you wanted to buy something? That's his favorite question. Or :do you think I would be with you/marry you if didn't love you? All the couples have fights, that's normal, all the wives fuck their husband's minds(no respect for women), that's normal, that's life, everyone lives like that , so what's the problem, blablabla, always the same gaslighting brainwashing shit comming from his mouth and his empty stare with no soul behind them.
Waking up is a bliss 😇
Highfive! Same here exccept that we dont have kids together. Now i m so grateful we dont...
My ex narc of 17 years and 3 small children wanted me to work full time and do everything I was doing already. He'd kick off if a sock wasn't washed or a chip was cold. He'd leave the whole meal and then go out and spend £15 on a take away. Then cry ' We are fucked now'. Six years free= six years of bliss. Thanks for posting Danish.
Thank you for this video, I can so relate to this, where you say they asct single with or without you in their presence, I always felt after we got married, that I felt like I was his sister mom or cousin or something, I always saw him looking around, rushing off in front of me or lagging far behind me or while you down one grocery section my narc would vanish while I would be looking on a rack, only for me to go up down all over to find him somewhat missing then all of a sudden spot him again, then he would say I was looking for you where did you go, used to confuse me badly as I knew he wondered off without me, my narc wore his ring around me, I don't know maybe I was very trusting in him or very stupid and blind, he more or less had taken it off out of my sight or was brazen and could have put it on his other hand, as I had found that happened once before he had a shocked expression and quickly changed it back, claimed his fingers on that hand were itchy🤷♀️my wedding ring he took and pawned it some time later on in our marriage, said he was broke🤦♀️🤷♀️I received a second wedding ring from his mom as a replacement gift and he pawned that one too saying we need the money to pay some stupid account🙁 he never bothered to replace it again, his ring eventually just somehow walked off, could never find it, he said to me I threw his ring away🤷♀️, way later as our marriage just got worse and worse he said to me, marriage is just a piece of paper to him🙁, by that time I was put in triangulations, he would openly flirt but say to me that iam overly jellous, I'm now at my peak for a divorce as individuals like these really don't marry for love, and you are right we are their commodity for usefulness to them for one reason or other, but not love, togetherness, honesty loyalty but just to strip you for what you are worth to them, thank you great topic great insight, these individuals can break a person not just their hearts but their spirit and soul and everything they hold dear to their hearts, thank you🙏🙏
Thank you for this video, I never heard this issue described this way! He told me the fact that he shared his paycheck was the proof of his feeling for me. I asked him to verbalize his feeling. He said it wasn’t his way. He said I shouldn’t divorce him because it would be harder financially for us. I believe he never wanted me to have the delusion that he cared about me because he wanted to keep me from feeling good about myself, or stronger. He wanted me to be in a weakened state of depression. He became quite upset and anxious when I started to overcome my depression. Since the second year of the marriage, when I brought up even a minor issue to address or deal with, he would suggest divorce- outlining the fact that he was never committed to the concept or reality of marriage.
My God the similarity!
My fake spouse said that he married me so that he would have someone to go on vacations and trips. He also got instant children to take on those "family" vacations and family gatherings. He shows no emotion except for anger and rage. He has no relationship with any of my five children. He told me he is "sitting on the couch every night waiting to retire and die." I'm trying to figure out if that statement was a compliment.
Great video, there is nothing like a perfect marriage or relationship, I learnt that in everything there is always a solution, 5 years ago I and my wife divorced because we were having some difficulties in our marriage but we are back together ,it was a really bad phase but we got through it
there is a lot of sense in what you just said and I hope mine works the same way too, we are currently separated but I cant live without her, I love her so much. wish I can get her back I can do anything to have her back, we have tried therapy amongst other things
its always difficult to let someone you love go, but in my case I had the help of a spiritual adviser who saved my marriage from collapsing her name is SHELLY RENEE WHITE.
this is helpful, I will look her up. I hope this works for me too, I really miss her.
Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked her up now online. impressive.
@@DailamiPuangso your thankful for your own advice. Scam.
You nailed it! I was married to a female narcissist for 25 years! I was diagnosed with prostate cancer and she totally discarded me and the cheating went into hyper-drive. I pray for all those in narcissistic relationships.
I'm literally stunned at the complete accuracy of this video.
How do you begin to heal without hating yourself for allowing this person to gaslighting and manipulate you?
You have no guilt to own, this was as simple as a squirrel being attacked by a hawk, a hungry predator caught you up and you are free now. Watch the skies carefully from now on. Only guilt is yours if it happens again.
It takes a long time!!
Brenda, if you continue on a path to educate yourself on narcissism, you will see how it happened to you. Show yourself loving kindness. Be patient. Healing takes the time that it takes. It has taken so many years, for me. Be well.
It’s very hard to. My narcissistic ex is still hovering around after 3 years . They are desperate. You almost need to find someone new to keep you safe and away from any temptation to go back to the abusive relationship
@@malibu90265 thank you
While I wasn't married to my ex-narc, though with him for several years, he would consistently say "If I didn't love you, I wouldn't be here." I can't believe his many things I suddenly remember while watching these videos. You know these people inside and out.
My ex husband told me that women hit on men more if they have a wedding ring on that's why he wouldn't wear it..later he lost the ring. The s3% declined greatly immediatly after we got married. Less than 6 months he was going to go out to a strip club by himself no batchelor party just solo. When I told him how I felt about that now that he was married I was told he wouldn't have to if he had something decent to look at at home. Every Friday night he would go out to parties and I was told it was a "guys" night. I wasnt invited..then when I was in bed or had other plans he would call and say the other guys wives were there that I could come. I never knew if that was real or not. After 12 years of this hell when he finally said he wanted a divorce (for the 3rd time) his parting words were "I consider myself single"
Truly said I felt myself all alone in presence of narcissistic partner and he divorced me I did not know what was the solid reason behind this I am still unaware of this
I have a lot of cousins living here in this city who have eyes too. After leaving 2 marriages now I have a reputation for being a fool when it comes to choosing a romantic partner and when it comes to choosing male friends to spend time with too. For good reason. One of my cousins admitted that he did not get a good first impression of my second husband at all while he was bragging to him about how many weapons he owned. Soon after I fled my first marriages 2 of my cousins during a visit to them in hopes that I would never return to him used some props to illustrate how bad the situation had been the whole time I was married to that man. At the time I already knew about that after a mutual female friend of ours had warned me about how he had propositioned her soon after she became a single mom. Not long before he found a single mom to fall for his B.S. and then to brag about it to me after I had just fallen asleep that evening while I was preparing to leave him in enough safety for myself and our children. That is how bad both of my marriages were before getting to leave them.
My ex wife said she lost her wedding ring after a few years of marriage. Actually she pawned the ring and started wearing dollar store rings that didn't even look like a wedding ring! Thank God she divorced me after 13 years and 20 years total. It has been 3 months no contact and i have peace.
Finally, I've encountered another person whose spouse pawned their wedding ring. Mine did it for gambling money. He would repeat that process of buying another ring, then pawning it.
I fully agree. When I suggest to mediators that my spouse gas this mental disorder, he retaliated by saying I too have a mental problem. No accountability, no remorse, no guilt for lying, it is just tit for tat all the time. 😢😢😢😢😢😢😢
The narcissist is addicted to meeting new people because as they continue to degrade the feelings of those closest to them, they lose the source of happiness and energy they used to have.
When my husband cheated on me, he said the girl reminded him of who i had been when we met. I told him of course she did, because she hasn't been getting her life wrecked by him for the previous 10 years!! I suggested he keep her and see what 10 years with her becomes. She went away and I got to keep him, but I still hate her more, pretending to be my friend to get at my husband and steal my life is the worst thing to do.
They always go on to people who don´t know them. But you can be assured they will end up bad like everyone narcissists encounter. Narcissists don´t change - they only change their targets!
Double narcs!
You were so smart, you told him the truth! Don't be mad at her, she is deceived, and he is grooming her behind your back to love him! Get away from him fast, and let him have her, so you can be free !!
Yessss! My husband rarely wears his ring because his fingers get swollen. So I bought him silicone ring and he still doesn’t wear. He will wear his ring while he is with me or around my family. When he gets mad which is always he will always hand it to me.
Thanksgiving week was a special week. It’s Thanksgiving, a couple of days later my birthday, then a day later our wedding anniversary. He ruined thanksgiving and intentionally didn’t get in town on time. He was out of town for my birthday, so I stayed home and watched TV. I wanted to have a nice dinner with my kids but
says to wait for him until he gets back in town, so I stay home and watch TV. We got into a fight and we didn’t speak on our 4th wedding anniversary. He arrived into town that night and had dinner with friends,
Instead of trying to make it up to me. When he sees I’m angry at him he says he doesn’t normally celebrate special moments because he never did for so many at years. But I know he will celebrate his family’s special days.
Mind blowing 🤯
Emotionally, you're always divorced. Oh ya. Absolutely
I managed to drag my ex-husband to marriage counseling 2-3 times and then he refused to go back. He lied. Claimed everything was my fault. He did fewer and fewer things around the house. I was working full-time and taking care of the house, pets, and lawn. He had girlfriends and got one of them pregnant. That was the last straw.
A SELF RIGHTEOUS NARCISSIST will Never cheat on you.
Just because they don’t “cheat” doesn’t mean you don’t go through severe abuse.
We’ve been married over just one year and my mama gave my husband my deceased fathers wedding band, reluctantly. He “lost” it yet my first instinct was he took it off to cheat. He swears it fell off while doing some yard work at a relatives. I don’t believe it was that loose or perhaps due to age the band broke. I’m sad as it’s my fathers and precious and more sad that it’s gone due to the fact he may have cheated. He got so angry said how dare I insult him and turned it around and wouldn’t speak to me for days. 😢
This is really sad. I'm so sorry. That was your dad's ring. If he did something with it like get rid of it, I hope he rots in hell.
Ex narc said that the ring I bought was tight and rough on his finger, giving him pain in wearing it. Back then I believed his every word. Thanks Danish, you helped me understand this puzzle too. Actually most of your statements about narcissists behavior are just taken from my life with that man, it's fascinating to listen to you and get this shock, you literally speak about that life, marvels are all around us, I am happy to hear from you
My husband uses his job as an excuse not to wear it. He is a fiber splicer & works on light poles. You are right my husband portrays himself like he is single to other women.
My husband used that excuse as well. I excepted that, but thinking back he could of wore it on week ends.🤔 In the end he lost it. 🤷♀️
After I found out he cheated, he cried and begged me not to leave. Told me he’s messed up and don’t know why he sabotages everything good. I stayed then he told me I should’ve never had a problem he was talking to his ex, he has no beef with her. Mind you she’s sending him naked pictures and he’s making plans to get a hotel with her and he’s telling me how he was just talking. After that he told me if he didn’t want me there I wouldn’t be and she would be. 5 months later I left him for good. He just gets nasty and worse day by day no matter what happens.
@@jbrown2908 thank you. On my healing journey. Watching these videos and learning abt narcissism really is helping me understand what I went through.
On my first date, my then husband asked me over dinner. So, tell me about yourself. I'm very reluctant to talk about myself, but over time during dating, he managed to get the information he needed. I look back now after 35 years of marriage, which WAS WITHOUT DOUBT, THE WORST OPEN CONVERSATION I EVER HAD. My lessons revealed itself to late for me. Your story about narcissist married man , depicts his games he played with me. I'm free now, but it came as a never to be repeated. I'm now on a constant alert and have become a very suspicious person with the opposite sex.
I never wore a wedding ring. It felt uncomfortable for me. I don’t like jewelry. I was with her for 17 years. We finally got married two years ago. She just recently gave birth to a bastards child from her cheating. She acted like she was single and kept blaming me that I don’t wear a ring…meanwhile she was flirting and dating her coworker in front of my eyes telling me that’s I’m delusional and nothing is going on. She was so brazen she even brought him to my family picnic and supported him going through his divorce….
You didn’t propose to her for 17 years??
Were you guys living together for all these 17 years??
Why marriage now after 17 years?? After cheating??
This is unbelievably so DEAD ON! I'm going through a divorce now and EVERYTHING you said HE DID!
He didn't have a clue what I am like, who I really am, what I love and what I hate. I never existed in our marriage, only that lady who does the home duties existed, with no personality, just SHE. To make his royal life comfortable and royal
The narc was emotionally married to his narc mother, he was committed to her, he wouldn't even sit next to me when she was around, and yes he never wore his wedding ring, I have never seen anything like these 2 freaks.
Even my ring got stolen by my husband which is mysterious till today..When I asked him, instead of taking the matter seriously (coz it is his money is being invested in it) he kept completely silence n there is no expression n no reply at all 😮 that's it 😊
I think mine stole mine as well. Oh well. I went and spent more on another one. He paid for it!!!!!
I got that type of response to everything I ever said or asked. Either that, or he’d fly into a violent rage out of nowhere.
He probably pawned it.
After 30 years of marriage and two children, I have finally learned. I’ve been divorced from him for 9 years now and it’s taken me this long to understand what actually happened. He cheated endlessly and brought it closer and closer to our home until he cheated with our next door neighbor…..There was no mercy. I was the maid, the nanny, the cook, the errand runner, the financial leader, the landscaper, the party planner, everything. My entire identity was enveloped in “what I should be doing for him” at all times. I didn’t know who I was anymore. What I did have to take responsibility for was that I allowed myself to get to that place in life….I needed to rediscover what I needed, what I enjoyed, what I liked and what I didn’t like….what made me happy. Ultimately, the peace I found over the last several years along with some education through channels like yours has been enough. Thank you!
You've just described the first marriage I was in. I didn't know enough to put a label on what he was back then, but this describes him to a tee.
She threw her gold wedding rings in the street and we couldn’t find them . Then she demanded that I buy nicer ones even though she just throw thought out but she felt entitled to to even better ones . No shame or remorse ever except for when she was drunk . Then the truth would sometimes come out
Yes very much true
If they threw away ring it means they don't want to be tight up it's very deep wound inside they ar not ready not honest maybe felt obligation had foggy mind young not experience or lied mess up society pressure
I don't want to make excuses for such behaviour but there is always a reason for everything
We married in October he threw away ring in February following year saying its on way to do things by hands sounds legit excuse but real truth he wanted to be free and fool around and my hell life journey with him lasted 17 years end up in devorce with my wounds and confused as life goes dated few and concluded so many men and women with the same issues it's epidemic around the world families falling apart quickly people ar not connected on soul level
Now I deep dive into narcissist mentality and behaviour.
Thank you for your hard work ❤🎉
It helps to educate public 👍👍👍
He wouldn’t have sex with me the night we got married. It was 3 days later when I cried and told him how I felt. Before marriage he always wanted it. Not to mention his mother called 5 times while we were on our honeymoon !! Needless to say he is my ex now.
Weird thing happened to me on our wedding night she had a stomach issue and had to leave I left the wedding alone with my friends.
Wishes of full recovery to all victims of this kind of predation.
They cannot commit emotionally or in any way to any relationship as we now know. Thanks Danish.
Thanks Danish. I spent 25 years living (not married to, but to me it was the same thing) a narcissist and it destroyed my life. He passed away four years ago, unexpectedly, and I’m still trying to put my life back together. Honestly, not sure if I’ll be able to. But I thank you, wholeheartedly, for all of your efforts to help people like myself. You’re a good, caring person Danish. I can sense it right through the screen. And I appreciate it. So much. As always, many thanks. - Jennifer
How exactly you narrated the narcissistic person, I can't never explain this much even to my therapist. My partner is a covert also. First he was playing love bombing personally and in front of other's. I realised only after 32 years and now is playing victim mode. As I had taken therapy I can recognise his facade and trying to manage the circumstances. You are really wonderful and helpful to so many victims like me. May God bless you.
Because they don´t love you. Therefore it has to fail. They can´t love.
Mine convinced me that it was too dangerous for him to wear his wedding band. He claimed that a lot of people lose their fingers by doing his type of work. And, I believed him. 😒
Yup, I also had "the marriage experience", not a real marriage. Our former relationship with my covert narcissistic ex-spouse was transactional, not unconditional. I told my ex that is better off having a relationship with an AI or robot. Im glad we're settle for divorce very soon.
On our wedding day, my soon-to-be ex asked how long before we could get the marriage annulled. He claimed it was a joke, Pretty sick one considering the timing. I never had an engagement ring (he kept telling me it was 'getting made') and I was given a sh1tty wedding band he found in the back of one of his cupboards. I was so shocked that I spent the next day in bed crying. I wish now that I had told the pastor to tear up all the paperwork and not submit our marriage license. All the lies, the abuse, the control, the rage. Cannot wait for the divorce to be finalised!!!
My husband spent hours chatting to women under the claim of teaching/ counselling/ spiritual work etc...and if I spoke to a colleague he would be giving me the silent treatment for weeks. I worked three jobs to raise our kids and he was too tired with one...and yet he always begrudged me the fact that I was working too hard...then when I continued working during my cancer treatment, he used that money to run 'a new business'. Years later he left, came back, left. came back and each time he was happy to use me to pay the bills, run the home, be the be and end all to take care of him...I finally left and now he is trying breadcrumbing and hoovering again professing undying love and greatest happiness...How did I go through 40 years!
How are you responding to him now? This is frightening.
@@alouise3557 I have blocked him from all communication lines...it does not mean I do not still have panic attacks but I have hope for healing myself.
After 2 years married he said his finger keeps swelling up despite getting the ring made bigger. Then he said he couldn't risk wearing the ring at work in case he had to do some hands on work as a trades supervisor. He was like You dont want me to get hurt do you? After awhile he didnt wear it at weddimgs and special occasions. Claiming he forgot where he kept it at lastminute. The irony of attending weddings mostly of his European relatives and not wearing his ring
After separation, only I got to know about narcissism. My husband cheated me all the 7 years of our marriage, and whenever I doubted and tried to talk as expected in a healthy relationship, I received word salad and little bit of anger with silent treatment.
My husband has just left me with a child alone and shows up only for 5 to days in a year.After being with me he will still devalue me as if am a maid and behaves as if I am unworthy.
You are truly God sent to me. Thank you Danish for all that you do. ❤❤ Getting my life back NOW.
Yes, he threw his wedding ring away..mind you it was a very expensive ring. You said it all. 💯👏👏👏
My ex was an avoidant narcissist, he avoided to put the ring on his finger. I had the ring an expencive one, but never was enough money to make it smaller, so we could not have a ceremony.Everything was more important than the ring so I left the relationship in a very early stage.
Off went the wedding ring within one month. His excuse ? I don’t want my finger to get caught in a machine at work. Daytime excuse, some validity 🤔 but it stayed off. Weekends, too. Then he began staying out all night. Yep, a pattern.
I was told this same excuse and he added you don't want me to get hurt do you? He hid his affairs and being a sexual predator by pretending to have to work back. Good riddance!
My own idiot never put the ring on since day one and did put it for a prostitute he met in two weeks which left him with STD that i suspect it's from her and I got infected, when I found out about the whole entire rubbish of cheating he blamed me for doing so because I was not romantic for him,imagine cheating and blaming someone for the nonsense you did😢?I hated him but pretended to forgive him because I had no finances to sustain myself but now he clearly sees that I'm done and I don't talk about anything with him, i pumped cash out of him and he has no idea,i gave him idea that I'm more controllable and submissive than ever, not knowing that I'm planning my exit
Accurate as usual. You described my ex-narc wife perfectly.
I never understood how some people just constantly lie, even if there's absolutely no need to.
In the case of one individual, it got to the point that whenever that person made a statement, I'd ask someone else to confirm it..
Thank you, Danish. Your content is always full of facts.
For a moment, I doubted myself because I rarely wore my wedding ring. I was a carpenter. Working with machinery, climbing on roofs. It was always a hussle to keep track of it. Once I lost it when I was placing some roof windows at my nephews house. We turned over the whole garbage bin that was left after the job. We couldn’t find it. He sent it back 6 months later after clearing the gutter. Maybe it was a sign we shouldn’t be together. We got divorced a couple of years ago, after I had a problem with my knees. She just took everything away from me. Living an easy life now with my dog on the couch
I guess your marriage was "in the gutter".
Rings can be dangerous on certain jobs. I had an uncle whose finger was ripped off, because of his wedding ring. It got caught on something, and took his finger with it.
You validate so much of what I went through
Thank you Danish for what you do.
I want to commend you on sharing your personal experiences and the situational awareness for us to understand that we're not going crazy, if not crazy already.
God bless you.
Yes he removed the wedding ring that very day .I later on realized he did not want to show to his office colleagues so that he says that we did not do anything for the marriage and we are from poor family but it was exactly the opposite. He created a image that he married without any dowry and gave life to his wife and all stories
Danish thank you so much you really helping many peoples to save themselves from narc..grateful to you & your work .keep it up
Quite eye-opening....really learning a lot.
Mine has his on his right hand, as he's left-handed.
Absolute truth....Thank u Danishji
I have found hope in listening to your channel!
This time I sooo disagree 🤭 I was told in the first stage of relationship that I am going to work, take care of children while he's going to go away to earn money. But I have to admit that there was this unsaid spell that made me become his maid and cook from the very beginning. He didn't even have to ask. Now I wonder how he made it. There had to be a method in it.
It's the 'acting single' when with me. That's a killer.
Yr best video yet. It should be compulsory for all young people to watch this prior to entering marriage or long term relationship ! Thanks Danish
These demons are going to split hell wide open! I feel no sympathy for these clowns when they reap what they sow!
Thank you sir for your deep explanation about narcissism.
I can relate on all these points 💯
I understand your plight and knows for sure where are you coming from..I can see and feel the trauma you must have gone through and if you manage to escape on time ,consider yourself lucky
Yes.... my narcissist wife always said like she is being here or coming back to my home from her parents home againin and again because she loves me. The fact is she never loved me.
I am her trophy. She saw me as an object. No one was willing to marry her. She was thinking that there is no marriage life for her.
I married her without knowing her intension. In the wedlock we gave birth to a child.
Just after knowing her pregnancy test result, my bad time started. She was waiting for her pregnancy to ensure her srability in my home.
After pregnancy confirmation, my bad time started. I withholded the marriage life for three years. I couldnot hold it now, waiting for divorce order.
Last night he threw a fit while I was trying to explain something to him. He ended calling me a b--h , so I left. I am fortunately not married to him and not involved. He tried texting me and gave some excuse but no apology so now I won’t speak to him for awhile until he straightens up. This is a pattern. I’m lucky saw the person he was before getting sucked in.
@@jbrown2908 He rents from me , 😝 even when he is not in town . I’m not involved with him. Just have known him for 15 years. I’m to smart for that.
My husband swore he would wear his wedding ring before we got married. Within a couple weeks it was gone and never to be seen again. He was always flirting behind my back. I got awkward looks from servers in our favorite restaurants. Even the women who worked at the hair salon where he got his hair cut would look weirdly at me. I wish someone had told me he was trying to pick up women.
Yes. He told me he lost it, nothing was present that should be in the relationship. Disloyal. His physical presence was hardly available. That is why I am glad I never took his name.
My husband says his ring catches on things while working, hasn't worn it in years. It's discarded in a drawer....
Absolutely insane how the patterns of behavior are the same in different individuals.
Yes. This is absolutely true. Sometimes they take a stand that she is totally dedicated and doesn't require any display. Narcissist do not love and don't consider the sanctity of marriage.
Thanks Danish.
I allowed his behavior that's what I did
Accepting is the first step. I'm right here with you friend, hope you feel my vibez❤
You were abused emotionally and psychologically.