Why Narcissist HATES Intimacy?
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- Опубликовано: 10 июл 2024
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00:00 Introduction
00:47 Why narcissists avoid intimacy?
02:15 What happens when narcissist gets too close ?
03:13 It was never your fault
4:29 How do narcissists see love ?
05:20 Nothing you do is enough for them
06:11 The conclusion
No empathy No intimacy = No relationship.
Body blocking was a favourite. Moving in for a hug (which I had to ask for) was blocked with an arm or the tv remote, or a book between them and me. A kiss (again, having to request it) no way...turning away to scratch their nose or rub their eye suddenly - or if they felt "forced" to reciprocate it was like getting pecked in the face by an angry bird! I gave up in the end because it was so demeaning to have to ask for affection.
The same if I approach him he turned his back no affection was allowed I Hooe you are OK
Walk away … find someone who has the ability to love.
Female narcissist - she would only take off her jeans while holding on to her top clutching her chest. There was no foreplay or any kiss. She just wanted me to get done quickly. The sex was given out of guilt and pity, because I had been chasing her for a long time. Her thighs were always shut tight while telling me to hit it quickly Lol. Honestly, I didn't enjoy it. Later on, after a year or two, she was pregnant by another guy. I pretended not to know. We flirted and had sex the following day. I noticed this time she was eager for sex, fully undressing from top to bottom. Her once turgid boobies were fallen. I also found out she was sending topless nudes to a guy. That was the time when her boobies were full. Narcissists are the type of cheaters who will reserve affection and certain sex styles for certain people they are cheating with, while giving you half-baked sex. LMAO.
I was blocked by mobile 24 7 ...
😢
Ong me too. He would put his leg up and say it’s all fake. I was his young wife..smh
My narc and I were young christians, very involved in church. He just GUSHED over me, and I "knew" it was "true love". I have been sexually abused in the past, and my narc told me that he loved me "even though" I was "damaged goods". How sweet. I was so happy that someone loved me. We dated for 2 years. We did not live together, and we were very strict physically: no petting, no french kissing. I thought he had amazing control and he really loved me. Well, on our honeymoon, he said, "There is something I waited to do my whole life, so take off your clothes, and lie down and let me do it to you." That's what happened, and then he went to sleep. I cried. I felt abused. (I didn't know that even if your husband abuses you, it's still abuse"). That's how it went EVERY time. He was very disappointed that I was not wild in bed. All that gushing over me came to a complete halt. It took me a long time to see that the reason he was so smitten with me was because I was going to be his personal sex slave and maid. In our marriage, if he was not having sex with me, there was no point in spending any time with me. He never treasured me for who I was, but saw me as "used garbage" that he could use too. One time we had a big fight and he said that he only married me for sex. I said, "What about RELATIONSHIP?" He said, "It's nice to have a relationship in a marriage, but it's not necessary". Looking back, when we were dating, he was always making little put-down jokes about me. It bothered me, but I didn't want to seem better. After he married me, he still said the put-downs, but now he was dead-serious. All of this was many years ago. I finally left him, we both remarried, and he died of a stroke. In my journey of healing, for me, the FIRST red-flag of trouble is an insult. As soon as someone makes a joking insult, I know it is the tip of the iceberg of an emotionally abusive person, and I am DONE with them.
I was holding my breath when reading your story. How disguisting.
When he said ' i only married you for sex' you should have left the house and him that second
I am glad you freed yourself 💪❤🌠👍
:(
T.T
AGREE TOTALLY!!
I've often felt that the common "sarcasm" you hear people use, lets say in the office for instance, is also a real indication of the kind of person you are dealing with. Its a red flag to me too (as a choice to use negative put down language that you can get away with instead of kind language)
Ultimately, a relationship with a narcissist is a transaction. And, they decide what is to be transacted. Sometimes, it's money; sometimes, it's attention; sometimes, it's flattery; sometimes, it's maid service; sometimes, it's sex. But, THEY are always in control of what will be transacted. Once you decide, that YOU are not getting what you need, they will discard you and move on to a new supply.
Literally completely correct. He would say "everyone uses everyone else for something" and would list things that humans literally do as a kindness or to express love as if they were transactions... it's disturbing how their minds work
Completely true !
I tried to hold hands in church. I told him my hands are cold. He turned, looked at my pants and said "you have pockets" This is so small to people that dont understand that this seemingly careless slight is just a tiny example of the glacier I was dealing with at home. I had already accepted he didnt want me intimately anymore and started kissing me on the cheek. At the end i would just look forward to getting superficial affection in public. It drives me crazy that people dont understand this happens when youve done nothing wrong. They think that youve made them mad and just arent telling the whole story.
That’s awful. I can’t imagine how bad that experience must’ve been for you. That is just so irrational, manipulative, and controlling. In future you should just not go to church,m. That way you won’t have to put up with the lies, coercion, and manipulation.
It's hard, but you know the truth. God knows the truth. You don't need anyone's validation. And eventually, people wisen up to their true colors...
Never asked me questions about myself, never invested in anything I care about, never showed up to anything that was important to me, never hugged me or consoled me when upset, never protected me from anything, eventually refused to communicate with me at all.
It was transactional whenever she needed something from me. Later on last 4 years we live in separate rooms. Atleast i know i did not do anything wrong while blaming myself before and in tears. Good luck guys and gals similarly suffering.
It happened: wedding night. Husband told me: we are roommates! I said flatly, no we are Not roommates. We are Married. He was trying ti downgrade me. Yo train me. I said. No.
He used work and business trips to mask avoidance then started to use distancing as punishment… then he totally distanced..20+ years of my life wasted. Serially cheated all the way. I left him and he wanted to remain in touch and be friends… no way, no contact after ruining my life. I can’t believe men need love on emotional level like I do… I am forced to see them as inherently different. I have no hopes of seeing love in my life…
Transactional yes now I get it... from the very beginning
The intimacy for them is all about them, nothing about both.
There was no intimacy with my husband. But when we were with my elders in law, I suddenly got a spontaneous kiss or a loving look . He didn,t love me and he wanted nobody to know. He was a very good actor.
Yes!! Around people he knew I'd get my neck rubbed or asked if I was ok... he'd walk with me, not ahead. But u just let us be alone, and poof! Or if there was a kindness, it would be a small one to keep me strung along so I wouldn't leave. But the thing that upset me most was touching my butt in front of strange men. Took me to a gun shop, I'm of course the only female there, and proceeds to pat my butt three times. Then oddly asked my opinion on which one to get even though I know NOTHING about guns. And I'm thinking "u want these men to envy u. That's my role today. Buddy these men can see right through this crap"
@@heydeanie You understand exactly what I mean because you experienced the same. I feel comforted that I am not the only one. I left with the kids after 17 years of marriage. Last year he died and I have never understood what was happening. Till I got a neighbour who was the same and this opened my eyes.
@@ingeborgwisseborn6928 I'm very proud of u for having the courage to leave... u did a very good thing💕
I cried myself to sleep many times, over the course of 5 years. Because he treated me badly and he refused to touch me... Almost 2 years later, I'm now with the absolute love of my life. A good and kindhearted man who loves, respects and showers me with praise and affection. He gives me the longest hugs, kisses and cuddles, and I don't even have to ask him for it. ❤He takes genuine delight in making me happy. He consistently shows up for me. I'm happy. I've got a wonderful life and beautiful man. The narc didn't break me. I won.❤
Good for you! This is my golden years, and I have met an absolutely wonderful man, nine months into a beautiful life and relationship!
How were you able to trust again? And how did u make sure he wasnt going to be another narc? Im so scared. I feel like i will not be able to get it right second time eithr, so i dont try
@@mehs778 I'm so sorry. I know how that feels. But there is hope! How was I able to trust again? I put my trust back into the right person. I put my trust back into me! I worked on loving myself sincerely and properly. I worked on my self esteem and boundaries. I took responsibility for my issues because I wanted to be happy, healthy and whole. That rebuilt the trust that I have in myself! That's not to say that I won't find myself dealing with narcissistics - I will because they are so many. But the difference now is that I trust myself. I trust when my gut is telling me there's something off about a person. I trust myself to enforce my boundaries and keep myself safe. Because I've been through it, I trust that no matter what a narcissist does, I will be okay... The byproduct of loving myself, has been attracting a partner who loves me. I took it very slow and we became friends first. I looked at his actions, because actions never lie. As cunning as narcs are, they can't keep up the lie for long. They would never inconvenience themselves for anybody. My partner goes out of his way to make me happy. It's the big things, but also the small, consistent things that I don't even ask him for.😢💕 And he never announces the good things he does for me and he doesn't want any praise for it. He genuinely loves me and shows it, and I genuinely love him too!
Congratulations! I'm so glad to hear it's possible. I was with my narc BPD spouse 23 years, separated, then widowed. Two years later I'm dating a wonderful Christian man but am hesitant to allow myself to believe we could be so happily married. His affection towards me is so much I wanted but am leery because my late spouse showed affection early on as well.
@@mehs778I'm afraid as well, but spent a year watching psych videos on narcissism, then waited two years after he died to start dating. It is scary, but could be worth the risk. If at any time you smell a narc you know you have the power to leave. Have hope.
i experienced all of this in two marriages with intelligent computer geeks who needed a cook and a cleaning lady....................and during both marriages i hated myself and i was absolutely miserable because i thought i deserved the way they treated me.......................ohh how i wish i could have watched these videos then............and understood what was happening to me! at this time i am single and 70..................i have learned my lessons, and i am learning to be content with a family of 5 cats and two dogs..................who love me unconditonally 24/7.
Exactly how techies are!
FACTS friend.. I have my CAT and my STAR WARS VADER CAPE lol.. at 46 this is all I need for now. N thanks for sharing your truth.. I'm sorry you went thru that BS.. I BET YOU ARE AN AMAZING PERSON❤
i bet YOU! are an amazing person!!!!!!!!!!!!!!keep watching this channel, and learn to take care of yourself and love yourself..........
@@vadersgodchild1043
The more you get to know some people, the more you love your pets....they are more worthy of your time, trust, energy and love!😊
@@francalatona591 yes! my family is 2 dogs and 8 cats............much better family than people!
Not just physical intimacy, being excluded from his social life, not being allowed to talk while he was talking. When you said it was because of their paranoia; that they think people only use closeness to extract something from them, a light went on in my brain. He always joked about wives and shopping bills. But he still gave us the bare minimum! Evil people. Divorced now, thank God!
So nice you divorced your loser! Congrats! They marry and think that makes life cheaper, ya idk that's going to happen and always their expenses are important and ours frivolous and stupid!
It was a red flag when I saw him do this to his mother too. I was used to getting yelled at for basically participating in the conversation, but when he did it to his own mother, I sat there jaw dropped. He turned and said "What?!?!!" I said "I'm just shocked you'd be that rude to your own mother. I'm used to u doing it to me, but that's out of line"... And that's why his mom adored me and he had another reason to hate me (after 13 years I got to the point where if I was going to be hated anyway, I was going to give him good reason)
Danish I have no words to express. Every single word of this video was priceless.
He called me needy and said to me don't be smothering me no affection was allowed at all in the devalue stage it emotional abuse and neglect 💯💚thank you Danish
Spot on. Also, they are emotionally empty, so they get angry when you cry. When they say they love you, what they are really saying is that they love that they can exploit.
I used to think it was just her children and husband she had disdain for. Then I saw my mother walk away from her friend in the middle of a store for crying, right after my mother had told her that their mutual friend had just died. I followed my mother and said "why did u walk away?!?" She said "she was crying in public. I cannot deal with such childish behavior!"
I went back and consoled her friend and hugged her while she cried. Never so completely disappointed in my mother's vile behavior. I know she hates her family. I assumed she was AT LEAST kind to her friends!!
Everything you said Danish is Spot on. Narcisists get weirdly paralysed when you want to hug them, they block the hugs, it feels as If you were hugging a statuę not a human being. My parents almost never hugged or kissed each other and almost never hugged or kissed us. Children who are starved of intimacy can not know that in their adult relationships it is as you said the core soul like element that keeps relationships going. The narcisists can not trust other , be vulnerable or open and honest which is why they are unable to be intimate. Thank you for This important message Danish. God bless you❤
I am an empath - and recently I've decided that all those fake hugs people do at the end of a visit are bothering me. So there you go ....
@@colleenshea2293weird take. If I hug someone before I leave, it is because I will miss them, and want to hug them, one last time, before I don’t get to see them for a while.
I felt this throughout in my relationship
Suddenly it started happening to me
I always ask for few moments of intimacy
It was totally breadcrumbs and future faking
I always felt this and believed it was my mistake to ask for more
But actually it was her and her own insecurity and self damaged esteem
Yes glad you left
I always wondered why (unless he was drunk) he did not like kissing. Having sex was a joke, he just wanted to get it over with. It was just lay down let me do it to you. He would put me down and say he was only joking when I said something about it. I finally left him after five years of going back and forth. This time it is for good. He blocked me when I tried to reach out and find out why he was the way he was. That is okay with me. I have moved on. No more tears, not sleeping, not eating. I finally, found myself again. I should have listened when he told me after about a month of being with him that "anytime he wanted me back, he could just reel me in like a fish on a line". He said he was joking, but he wasn't. It worked for a long time.
Looking back at my childhood I realize that our narc mother never hugged, held, touched, or sat on the couch and read a book together. She did not do that to any of her 5 kids. We were completely deprived of any human contact by either parent. Our father passed away 21 years ago so I cannot speak to why he failed us.
Growing up I thought of this as "depression era learned behavior" ... I'm not so sure now.
Do you mind if I ask how old you are? I am a boomer, born in 1951, and I experienced the same. My mother never played with me. Her mother lived with us and did most of the child care. No affection. My first memories are of mother being angry and impatient. I don’t remember any loving moments. But I loved being with my Dad, who eventually left when I was 7, but I still saw him every weekend. That saved me. Blessings 🙏🏼🤍🕊
We had the same. Never told ' I love you.' or a hug. And humiliated when they found out I didn't feel loved. But I think it may be a generational thing.....I hope at least...still a bit confused. Because now a mother myself, I cannot understand how you don't naturally do all you can to make your child feel safe and loved.
@@thisisnotmyname4700 Blessings to you. We have survived the neglect and followed our spiritual natures. LOVE LOVE LOVE 🙏🏼
@christinalw19 Thank you. Many blessings to you, too 🌸🍃
Spot on! I was made to feel needy and clingy. It made me question myself and whether I was the problem. Narcissists undermine your sense of you and you become totally lost. They are truly awful people.
Precisely. Totally vile. 😖
Couldn't agree more🙌
I never feel like myself when I am near the two I know... only when I'm at work, free of them.
"They didn't have the vessel to store your love"
Spot on.
I experienced this recently at my in-laws. They continually reject my offerings yet accuse me of being distant. I feel like I am now defining what the relationship has always been. It's not enjoyable being around those who refuse to get emotionally involved. It feels superficial.
There are also those that confuse enmeshment with intimacy. They don't want you to have any boundaries. They want you to read their mind and meet their needs without reciprocity. They want obsequiousness.
Ooh yeah
Yep!!!!!!!!!
The biggest thing i struggle with now, is who to trust? Any sign of weirdness or incongruency i back away. Drawing a line between normal human imperfection and narc behaviour seems impossible for me at this stage. The script from my narc family system constantly plays out in my own mind and i treat myself as my mother treated me. I am healing now. Long hard work to change these hideous dynamics.
ANOTHER FORM OF INTIMACY
I've experienced the narc won't even join in and enjoy music with you. I could be in the car dancing or singing along with a great song, and the narc will not look my way or join in. Very stiff as if not interested or impressed. Then he usually brings up a song that he thinks is "better" than the one I'm enjoying.🙄
Or if you are driving and the radio is on, they will trun it off. Says it bothers them. If they are driving it can stay on to whatever they want. Seen it more then once.....JOYKILLERS!🙁
It’s a battle. They let the darkness win. Thank you Danish. ✨♥️✨
Did they let it in or did they actively pursue it? 🤔
Very interesting subject. This is exactly why I got discarded after throwing a fit about being rejected. I had no idea I was with a covert narcissist at the time. After the love bombing came the devaluation and the pushing away. I couldn’t understand it because it was like hugging a fence post. I just knew it wasn’t normal. Didn’t take long after my fit to get ghosted and discarded. With videos like yours I finally figured out what the heck was going on😮 Actually turned out in my favor even though I was actually in love with this person 😢
This is exactly what I am going through right now 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
You're so right again Danish. Narcissists do try to control their family especially their wives but too bad for them. A educated partners will not abide to their demands. Control a educated person? It will be the end of the relationship. Who gave them the right to control anyone? The narc over here, he stopped behaving like a child otherwise it's the end of the relationship. It's actually half way already. I confronted him for it.
My narc mother now in her mid 80s has never had empathy or love for anyone including her children and she openly admits it.
What no cats? Mom would call to say that's all she cared about, ah who cares!
@@joseenoel8093 my mother has no less than 5 shirts with sayings about how she hates people but loves cats. Yet I've also heard her abuse the cat.
Mine, same age, has openly told us she never should've had children or gotten married. Many many times...
Intimacy is a weakness to express and a currency to use for control and manipulation. (For the narcissist)
My narc would rather cut out intimacy for months, rather than fix a concern i raised with him.
I've already had to beg for sex.
This was before I knew he was a narc. I just discovered this in March 2023. 17years into our relationship. Married 17years
I just always knew there was a lot wrong with him
But never dreamed, it was narcissm, or traits thereof
I had to beg for it too. He made it seem as though I was sex crazed but I was just starving for it because he always withheld it from me :(
Same here. Married 10 years, together for 13. Found out about rampant cheating with strippers and major financial infidelity. I'm divorcing him now
My husband demanded hugs and kissess but he was emotionally unavailable and that was pushing me away. He also demanded it too fast and broke my boundries. He would hug, hug but then ignore your needs. His mom used to hug them a lot because she needed it not because the kid needed it. She is covert so as her son. But no deep feelings all shallow. I was raisedby narc mom and was not much hugged. For me hugging was something important not just an act, i needed time.
He withheld for years and then gave it to a new supply for 6 years. I’m his wife and he has me believing it was due to his prostate cancer. That was a blow to my reality.
Sounds like my life. Prostate cancer didn’t effect him s*xually at all. It just motivated him to date more supplies.
They pull and push away playing mind games and making it seem like you did something wrong to. Very manipulative some use religion to make them appear as someone else in public.
@@dyoung2739mine too and here i was taking care of him like it was an issue physically and emotionally. Smh
Omg I'm dealing with this now. He blames being sick. Not feeling well. He seems to have serious issues but it's not worth going to the doctor about. Instead he's fine with this being a blow to my self worth. I'm lonely, so incredibly lonely
@@karriebouissey8775 I had cancer years ago and I felt like he hated me for it. I learned to disregard my own pain after a while.
My wife mimic intimacy in a degree and she uses it in order to show that everything it's ok, but that makes me very vulnerable to future abuse....and the cycle repeats itself
Very accurate message!
They don't even want to hold hands
So true
True. My husband never put his arms around my shoulders. I have seen husbands do to their wives. It's a cozy feeling and feels like protection from your husband.
I thought it was so weird that from the time I was 12, I’d never dated a girl who didn’t hold hands…how does my wife not hold hands? 🫡🇺🇸🇬🇧
@@JT0007 she never will ,only if she knows she has to for a show.by the way she will destroy you ,break your heart over and over then rot your guts out.
My narc would always complain about his back hurting when I would ask for a hug
paranoid and scared ppl - very protective of their money and assets but think yours is all theirs.
Exactly
Yeah...they do withold intimacy. I can't remember him ever witholding sex from me though. But there was a time in our separation where he would come and visit me alot and we were still trynna "work things out". Of course after that ,I told him I'm done when he left me in my pregnancy.That was my final straw. No way in hell I'm putting up with something like that. But when he was still living with me ,he would try to do these strange stuff like kiss me sensually then not wanna make love? 🤔....like he'd start smth or arouse me then leave me hanging like "Oh I need to go sleep". Overtime I put my foot down and told him to stay away from me. I sensed smth was...off.
My latest and only experience of such sort was he would not look at me and not kiss ever ... it was like making love to a body but the soul was not there!
After all no hugs, we laid with half meter gap between us like friends on a beach.
I never experienced anything so intimate like sexual intercourse after 4 months of dating yet so not intimate , almost like some hidden abuse, he was there but all affection, the look , the touch , the kiss , the sound - was not there. Creepy
It's probably for the same reason a feral cat doesn't like to be petted. These people are wild beasts. Barely human.
Yet another one of the hurtful, confusing things a Narcissist will do is withhold physical intimacy to make their "partner" feel confused and inadequate. The Nex would also use coercion to exert control and give very tight hugs and impressions of intimacy to breadcrumb me. He'd hold hands but never put his arm round me, pretend to be ill so he couldn't kiss me or want to be intimate in places or at times that I wasn't comfortable with. He would praise me in the bedroom but always compare me to exes so that I always felt like just the latest notch on his bedpost. Diabolical behaviour indeed.
Omg FACTS❤
So This = Not Normal Behaviour.. ? It felt abnormal/ Painful, but he would make it my fault.. 😔😔 Or That The Intimacy would kinda Fade Out.. Or feeling passionate, but then Halting you at a certain point. ⛔️ 😭😭😭 It was Shocking, Shaming, Embarrassing, Painful.. 😔😔😔 I Didn’t Understand WHY it Was Being Made Impossible for me to be with him physically. & Long Time later Completely Breaking My Mind & Heart for Expressing my wish to be intimate with him. The PAIN He Put On me, made me want to DIE. I Still Hate that he did that to me.
@@avarose2038 - remember that it had nothing to do with you, but everything to do with their horrible disorder. It hurts so much. I hope you are healing. Sending love and hugs. You deserve so much better.
Danish, it's like you crawled inside my ex's head and scribbled down his thoughts to read out in this video! The accuracy is off the charts.
I just want to say WE ALL ARE AMAZING PEOPLE AND I HOPE ALL OF YOU FIND YOUR WAY.. THnks Danish... youre Amazing as well.. hugs and l9ve to all of you❤
This is a true description of my narc mother. She never would say she loved me or my siblings, no hugs, or comforting words ever given. I also saw the lack of intimacy between her and my father. Im suprised she even had 3 kids (but now understand it was for supply) but she detested my father. He was ugly to her, she constantly told him she would leave him for someone better or basically flat out say she would cheat for money. (Loved hearing that as a kid btw) so of course I became my father's therapist. Again as a young adult, hearing about my parents intimacy issues was not ideal. Everytime my father got drunk he would bring it up and id have to hear about it, i finally got to a point where I just flat out told him to cheat on her because she was claiming she was doing that to him anyway. I didnt want to be put in that conversation or deal with my dad going to rehab because of my mothers lack of intimacy. But they act like that didnt happen because they got married (a few months after i got married) so they are great now. (Still no intimacy because they are brother and sisters of the church lol) so many times they would third wheel on me and my husbands anniversaries or valentines days, So glad those days are over!
Yes, this has been insightful. Why do you think that narcissists can relate better and show normal affection before marriage and change quickly afterwards.
They pull and push away playing mind games and making it seem like you did something wrong to. Very manipulative some use religion to make them appear as someone else in public.
Oh yes 🙌
Wound up with lots of pets for love & cuddles&physical touch.
Cool video, My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love her so much I can’t stop thinking about her, I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her, but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss her and just can’t stop thinking about her
its difficult to let go of someone you love, i was in a similar situation, my relationship of 12 years ended, but i couldnt just let her go i did all i could to get her back, i had to seek the help of a spiritual counselor who helped me bring her back
Amazing, how did you get a spiritual counselor, and how do i reach her?
Her name is *Victoria Lee hess*, and she is a great spiritual counselor who can bring back your ex.
Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked her up now online. impressive
HAHAHA the face you're making in the thumbnail😂💗🔥
Mr. Bashir🔥 your sooo realistic on a narcissist behaviour.
The have intimacy by themselves and withhold affection.
That's true. It's like the silent treatment because they avoid you. It gets more obvious when they're doing something wrong. 🤫🤔
They play mind games
Mine made sure that l felt pain
Well, I relate to every bit of this with my husband. These people are so damaged there is no punishment adequate for them.
Awesome and insightful video as always Danish. Thank you! ....When a little child asks the hungry alligator. Do you love me? The alligator replies...Yes! As it licks its lips. I was an only child of 2 Narcissist alligators for parents. That's the love I experienced. I understand. Children should not be growing up like this. It's horrible
I would get a “complimentary” hug once a day!
Mostly sexual but there was a lack of real emotional intimacy. When in a group situation ignored.
I think you should teach for therapists and in Universität for psychology Students!
Yes. My experience exactly. I was always wrong. I always felt bad and like I wanted to much. He could only be superficial and was more about giving gifts to satisfy than what I really wanted, which was an intimate relationship with him emotionally.
Maybe it's not that complicated. In my experience, they just don't want to be exposed for the bad they've done, so they bury it.
Intimacy requires vulnerability and trust. Of course they hate it.
The lack of intimacy and indifference nearly ruined me...
I've wondered that for decades....
Mine said his low sex levels had something to do with him having ADHD. ADHD is what I thought I married. I should've done more research because ADHD children are 51% likely to develop a personality disorder. And ADHD children are often misdiagnosed when they are NPD. I didn't know anything about NPD really, but he didn't seem to fit what I knew. I didn't know vulnerable/covert narcissism was thing.
For sure, it was eventually like having another child rather than a husband. However, there were behaviors that were very NPD. He was jealous of everyone. My mom, my daughter the dogs... and eventually me. There was no emotional intimacy. Anything you said, can and would be used against you. He would break into these rages. Those rages would be exacerbated by substance abuse. Then after the rage it was always someone else's fault. He was forever the victim, who nobody loved or understood.
Towards the end, we never had sex. He blamed me of course. He said I made it awkward. I told him, you stopped having sex with me... you can't hold off for so long and then expect it to be "normal". I just started telling him I was asexual. He didn't make me feel like a sexual being and frankly the thought of emotional, physical intimacy with anybody is not even a thing.
I might have thought breaking away from 18 year ordeal was painful .now that I am free 1 year and counting ..I know it's the best thing ever. Never will I allow such negative energy suckers near me
I never get true intimacy in almost 2 years. Only in bed….but also here without looking at me.
If I ask for more that I got punishment like devaluations 😢
Omg this happened to me
Pppllleeeaaaassseeee do yourself a favor and leave
So... True 🥺...
I needed to hear this i thought something was wrong with me 😢
The sick person I married would give me the silent treatment all day. Even while we’re in bed together. Soon as he thought I was sleeping he would climb on top of me and force sex. To this day he denies it was rape and tells anyone who would listen I’m crazy. He never showed affection. No pet names. Just robotic sex. After we broke up He would try to make me jealous bringing other women around when he picked up our son. I felt bad for these women in all honesty.
Made me feel unworthy, I lost all confidence in myself. I lost all control in everyway shape or form. I felt as if I'm the ugliest person he did not want anymore. I lost everything once again. I lost myself completely.
so true!
i opened up, like just feeling safe.
Thank you for this, this has confused me a bit as mine became a sex monster after we got married, the so called closeness holding hands kissing nicely became little breadcrumbs for me, with him he became different after we married, I subsequently after many years of being there for him, and plus I found reason to believe also playing the field even though he was with me, I initially became like did not want to be intimate with him, as he always made me feel inferior to other woman that gave their men whatever and whenever their men wanted, it made me go cold towards him, I really could not stand him, could not understand where that loving man was anymore, I stopped giving him the affection I was longing for, turned myself off just so he can have his gratification, smirk and go sleep, over the years he really trampled over me, put downs, comparisons, I did love this man unconditionally, all that I became was a sex object to just give gratification on a split moment when he wanted it, I always felt like used toilet paper after he was done with me, so my question is is mine a sex addict narcist? I really went out of my way to give him that, he never seemed satisfied, it always made me cry as I felt I was not good enough, the last time I slept with him he said I was like a dead fish, he really took all out of me, I'm on my road to separating from him, my heart mind body soul and spirit got so messed up by him, iam doing better mind wise now building myself up slowly, but I know I will most likely never ever be able to give another man the love I gave him, that this man had destroyed it, this was a good topic thank you
Refusing to kiss pulling away saying I’m having trouble breathing trumping my need for affection.
My husband tooooo
Excellent well spoken video👍
I just don’t have any desire for intimacy at all. Ever. It’s just not worth it.
I had to ask for a hug. When i asked for a kiss he looked aways away while giving a kiss. And in bed …he wanted it quick, he didn’t touch or kiss. Most boring 2 minutes😂. But often he said he was tired and turned away from me. After a few months he told me he cannot sleep well with someone next to him and wanted his own bed🤭. But on his phone i saw he watched porn and not normal porn😓
Thank you bashir
Excellent information. Thank you.
This was Awesome...This was awesome
I experienced all of this in my last relationship with a narc. First and last time, I hope.
Powerful video ,wow,thank you this explains EVERYTHING I AM LIVING WITH.
Really enjoy the content! As a young young child I realized though my family members who display NPD traits were directing their rage toward anyone and ever one. Nothing the people they perceived as not providing them with the validation they crave could harm them as much as they harm themselves! No bueno, hard pass!
After giving back what my narc husband gave me for 40 yrs he's fallen sick and has developed psycosomatic symptoms to
He used to actually start physically pushing me away while or right after a kiss that I had to ask for.
Im my case Danish, he was very active. If i refuse him, we would fight and i always lose and was always in tears. Then i reached a point of having no feeling at all when he was busy, untill he requested that i must come also. The disgusting feeling and emotions i have when it happened and after it happend. He had controle over me and yet cheated outside and say that it was my fault. That basterd, its now 11 years that i took my children and fled to another city.
I Appreciate you telling the truth 😊 Thanks for educating people I don't know why people are so cruel Love is lacking in the world Godly love is not cruel ☹️🙏🙏🙏❤️💙 to be healed
My NARCISSIST was a CANCER.. IM A PISCES smh.. too lost ass water signs.. I thought we could build each other UP. INSTEAD? HE TRIED TO DESTROY EVERYTHING I WAS.. THE ENTIRE RELATIONSHIP WAS DOOMED FROMCTHE START smh..😢😢
The narc i was with was the opposite. He would use sex to love bomb. He is now with a BPD person and does the same uses sex to attach/hook you .
You Nailed it.
So, that's why she did a complete 180° near the end, she thought that she was in total control and my destruction was final, right?
Every narc i met which was only two loved having sex but for all the wrong awful reasons
Correct . Thanks
Why does it feel like we are the weird ones for desiring physical touch… even from family members? When I say physical touch I don’t mean sexual, of course - especially in regards to family; I just mean genuine physical touch like hugs and other types of affection. It confuses me because it’s almost as if a narcissist is able to turn the tables on you and make you feel weird for wanting that type of connection, bond, or level of HEALTHY intimacy. Their ability to gaslight is uncanny because it really made me question whether or not I’m weird for desiring it.. when I just feel like that’s the best way for my emotional needs to be met. They simply refuse to meet them… even worse, laugh and make fun of them.
Far best explenation of Narcissist behaving.
Thank 👍 You Bashir for your video. Can you please Talk and Explain Why Narcissist start Laughing in a Funeral 😢 of Family Relative, Especially if they see someone Crying 😢 in the Funeral? Efrat.
Soooo true. My X stopped touching me altogether. He also said I was after his $. He is literally the brokest man I ever dated! I never asked him for a penny! I thought it was comical! 😂
Why do they covertly destroy your property behind your back??????
My experience also. I found that 'discovering' my broken/damaged personal items had me puzzling about it all day - about how did that happen? did he really do that?, and I had no answers over and over again, so it gets very disturbing to your mind about what it actually means. Someone told me he damages my things because he can't do it to me. Uugh! It's disgusting.
GREAT VIDEO.....
Thanks!
He never kissed me ,only those bird pecked ones in finger count .Never had honeymoon , cuddling ,hugging everythings missing ,I always wonder why this human is so cold ,but shows empathy,sympathy ,fun ,charm around everyone except me