7 Underrated Habits for a Better Life (and 7 Overrated Habits Too)
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- Опубликовано: 14 май 2024
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I just heard about the “bed rotting” trend on social media and I think I need a minute.
Because if the kids think staying in bed all day eating pizza and doom scrolling is a form of rejuvenation then I’m calling bullshit on self-care.
Today’s episode is a fun one. Drew and I have a long list of common self-improvement practices and I’m scoring them as overrated or underrated or, “it depends.”
Join in on the fun!
00:00:00 Intro
00:01:43 Goals
00:03:50 Self-care
00:06:40 Romance
00:09:51 Friendship
00:12:23 Therapy
00:18:04 Purpose
00:20:40 Dancing/Music
00:24:46 Politics
00:28:45 Journaling
00:32:36 Cold Plunges and Saunas
00:37:15 Psychedelics
00:45:02 God
00:50:13 Gratitude
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“Self discipline is self-love” I love that
Older than my grandma
it means doing positive things like Mark ask
Self help is masturbation
Same
@@thetrickster9885 chill bro u don't have to go that hard😂
Good self care looks identical to good parenting. Keeping yourself clean. Keeping your environment clean. Making yourself eat your vegatables. Forcing yourself to do things that are in your best interest, regardless of whether you feel like it. Self care = self parenting.
I’ve never thought about that before but that is so true!
💯💯💯💯
I think friendship is underrated but acquaintances are even more underrated. In the last few years I've developed maybe 20 people in my life that I have consistently positive interactions with (even though I wouldn't consider them "friends" per se) and those relationships have improved my life exponentially.
Hi, I agree with your opinion, and networking is indeed such an important aspect of our lives. I wonder how you maintain relationships to remain as acquaintances. Should I keep checking in on them, or do I need to offer them something...
I agree. I love my neighbors. I don't want to hang out with most of them, but I love to wave hello and they look out for each other. It makes me feel safe.
The threshold between friendship and acquaintances is not clearly defined and fluent. There is also a highest number of people with whom you can have a valuable personal relationship (Dunbar number). In the range of this number, differentiation between friends and acquaintances might be fun, but not useful.
Want to congratulate you on this accomplishment - it's significant.
I'm 27 never had BEST FRIENDS like _I'll call someone and go for movies or a travel or go out shopping OR call for medical help_
I never even had a gf... Nor female friends
I only had Acquaintances.
I think there's a issue in me
Romance has derailed more relationships than railed them. That should be the quote of the century
Men don't like romance that doesn't lead to railing.
If you have found this in your relationships I see why it would come across as very transactional. If your partner does this now I think it would be worth a conversation. It might open up why they use it as a transaction.
@@neilrandle161 the juice isn't worth the squeeze my friend. I'm good.
Finland here. If you can email in the sauna, you are doing it wrong. Optimal sauna temperature is between 160°F and 210°F, depending on the size of the room. Also, as you throw water on the stove, the steam will fill your device. There is also a difference between an electric sauna, and the traditional wood and fire-type, but I won't get into that.
One of the best things in sauna is the fact that you are unreachable, it's quiet (and preferably softly lit) and you fill your lungs with the warm air, relaxing your mind and your whole body.
If you're ever in Finland, traditional sauna is the best thing you can experience.
Thank you for saying this! When he said "email in the sauna", I thought "what the heck? How can you be doing that? Way too hot & slippery to be emailing!".
Korean, loves sauna. Hope one day I could visit there for original
I live in Florida. I don't Need a sauna.😎
Embrassing comment
100% agree about therapy, my first therapist was shockingly awful, so judgemental. I reckon she got her qualification from a cornflake packet. Never thought therapy would do any good after my experience with her. Then tried again and was lucky to be allocated an amazing, empathetic therapist, who changed my life.
For anyone searching, I’d recommend phd clinical psychologists as a starting point. There are so many social workers and others who call themselves therapists but haven’t undergone nearly as much training. I’m not saying you HAVE to have a PhD to be good, I’m saying that as a patient searching randomly online, your chances are much higher of not getting someone who exacerbates your problem if you find a real psychologist, particularly one who specializes in your particular problem. This is just simply by the virtue of the fact that the breadth and depth of their education and training more than doubled that of other licensures.
Psychiatrists can also be very hit or miss as their training focuses a lot on neurobiology and medication. And they’re crazy expensive because they spent hundreds of thousands on medical school, which teaches them virtually nothing about being a therapist.
5:23 I wasn't into going to the gym, but after you said self-care is like going to the gym when you don't want to go, it made my day.
About 5 years ago I destroyed my journals from 1997 to 2018. I had decided that my sporadic heartbreak, outbursts of self-hatred and a year of intense gaslighting and emotional abuse by my husband would never be historically valuable enough to continue carrying around. And I must say that I do not regret that decision. Getting rid of those books freed me of a lot of emotions that kept dragging me back to regret and guilt and frustration.
I love quitting my goals; it’s my favorite part of the day.
I bet. 💀
Dancing, 100% mood booster! I go to a one hour YMCA Zumba class in the middle of my work week, every week, and it truly boosts my mood. Not only is it a great workout, I'm talking 800+ calories burned in the hour, but I have never been happier since I started doing it seven years ago. Underrated habit, everyone should dance!
Bought a projector and dance with the videos haha... Best morning routine ...ever
Yes 😊 😊😊 dancing is the best.
Hell yeah
For every like I'll study for 1 hour
3 hours
Show proof before I like this comment :)
Get to work😊
We believe in you👏👏👏👏👏
🤘🏻
18:40 19:17 this hit me like a punch in the stomach. I’m obsessed with philosophy and finding the path toward the best possible life and learning all the right things to know and do and how to make every day of my few short decades on earth as meaningful as possible, so much so that it’s made me miserable. I think it’s time to chill out a bit and focus on my one main purpose, which is just being present for my kids. Thank you.
As a family medicine physician, I can honestly say that mental disease is completely mistreated, under-diagnosed, and stigmatized with the current medical system in place.
Cold plunge - cold water for rich people (Caroline Winkler).
Cold showers are just as beneficial.
Came for the advice, stayed for the Caroline Winkler shout out
Boiling hot showers ftw
Both work @@Vivi_9
Or do it the scandinavian way: Go to the sauna and then take a deep into the sea. Repeat. It is the most amazing and relaxing experience ever. It costs very little.
Or, if you are very courageous, just go for winter swimming, no sauna before. It is free.
I have to completely agree regarding saunas. The studies show dramatic drops in all cause death. And that's great, but a sauna feels like a fucking warm blanket, a superior hot tub. I bought a cheap Amazon sauna and it's amazing, lowered my blood pressure, and sleep better. Totally underrated and under used.
As a therapist, I've gotta give you so much credit for breaking down the complexity of what good therapy looks like, & how bad therapy can make things worse. Yes, please, see multiple therapists before you center on one, & be honest about it. You're not going to hurt our feelings by telling us we're not the one for you! Also, one of the other complexities affecting people (at least here in the US) is the problem of accessing mental health treatment. So many people are unable to get good therapy because of low income, bad insurance/no insurance at all, low population-density areas with bad mental health infrastructure etc. I know you don't like to get political, Mark, but I'm gonna encourage people to vote for public officials at the local & federal level who are serious about increasing funding for increased access to mental health services. They're not gonna give it to you unless you tell them how upset you are about not getting it.
Title: 7 Underrated Habits for a Better Life (and 7 Overrated Ones Too)
In today's episode, Mark and Drew explore commonly recommended habits for happiness and productivity, categorizing them as overrated or underrated based on their insights and experiences.
Underrated Habits:
1. Self-Discipline: Mark emphasizes the importance of self-discipline as a form of self-love. This involves doing things that may be challenging but beneficial in the long run, akin to parenting oneself.
2. Friendship over Romance: Despite societal emphasis on romantic relationships, Mark highlights the underrated value of friendships for mental health and happiness. Single individuals with strong social networks tend to be happier and healthier.
3. Therapy with Caution: While therapy is valuable, Mark warns against its over-reliance and emphasizes the need for compatibility with therapists. Therapy can worsen conditions if not properly managed, and finding the right fit is crucial.
4. Purpose: While having a sense of purpose is essential, Mark suggests that not everything needs to feel purposeful all the time. Mundane tasks can have profound meanings, and not everything requires a deeper purpose.
5. Dance as Therapy: Mark discusses the mood-elevating effects of dancing, suggesting it as an underrated form of therapy. Dancing can significantly improve mood and is an under-discussed method of self-care.
6. Realistic Expectations: Mark advises against idealizing solutions to complex societal issues. Understanding the messiness and imperfections of human systems can prevent disappointment and foster realistic change.
7. Gratitude Journaling: Drew reflects on the benefits of journaling, particularly gratitude journaling, in providing insight and perspective over time. While sporadic, journaling offers valuable self-reflection and personal growth.
Overrated Habits:
1. Goal Setting: Mark challenges the emphasis on specific goals, highlighting the importance of the journey over the destination. The value lies in the habits and actions taken, rather than achieving a predefined outcome.
2. Self-Indulgent Self-Care: While self-care is vital, Mark criticizes its portrayal as indulgent activities like spa weekends or extravagant trips. True self-care involves setting boundaries and prioritizing genuine well-being over superficial indulgence.
3. Romance over Friendship: Mark questions the overestimation of romantic relationships compared to friendships. Strong social connections with friends often contribute more to overall happiness and well-being.
4. Cold Plunges: Mark expresses skepticism towards the trend of cold plunges, citing limited long-term data on its benefits. While enjoyable and endorphin-releasing, the scientific evidence supporting its efficacy is questionable.
5. Overuse of Psychedelics: Mark cautions against the overuse of psychedelics for optimization purposes. While they may offer profound experiences, their transformative effects are not guaranteed, and their risks are often overlooked.
6. Overemphasis on Manifestation: Mark critiques the overemphasis on manifestation as a solution to life's challenges. While setting intentions is valuable, unrealistic expectations can lead to disappointment and disillusionment.
7. Superficial Gratitude Practices: Mark discusses the limitations of structured gratitude practices that feel self-indulgent or insincere. While gratitude is beneficial, genuine appreciation should be cultivated rather than forced.
Conclusion:
Mark and Drew conclude by encouraging listeners to critically evaluate commonly promoted habits and prioritize those that align with personal values and well-being. By distinguishing between overrated and underrated practices, individuals can cultivate a more balanced and fulfilling life.
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This summary captures the main points and supporting details from the provided transcript, highlighting the underrated and overrated habits discussed by Mark and Drew. Let me know if you need more information or further elaboration on any specific point!
You are absolutely thanked
Great summary 👌🏾
I'm watching this while forcing myself to get on the turbo trainer - it's only a 35 minute workout tonight, but this is me showing up for me
Mark Manson's fresh take on personal development practices is a valuable reminder that personal growth is not one-size-fits-all. It’s important to tailor self-care and goal-setting to fit your unique lifestyle and values, rather than blindly following popular trends. 👍
"The second the goal stops being the optimal thing for you to do, that's when you quit, and set a new goal." As a neurodivergent person, very prone to "black and white"/"All or nothing" thinking, the idea that I can change my mind about, or give up on something I wanted, without it meaning I'm a "failure" and that "X goal is just one more thing I tried for and didn't get", is blowing my mind.
I agree. It's what I've been learning instinctively but it's so great to hear someone successful at life say it. 😊
As a person who went through a psychosis episode due to psychedelics, I'm glad you talk about the dangers of those drugs. I have never suffered from any mental illness before that episode and I followed the majority saying that there is no risk at all with this kind of drugs and took them without awareness of what I was exposing myself. I spent months in psychiatric hospital and 4 years after this, I'm still suffering from post traumatic disorder from this episode. I follow now a spiritual path without any drugs and always get really upset by the number of people I meet on my way who promote drugs as a way to elevate yourself and "awake", it is dangerous and also a very consumerist and indulgent way of seeing drugs and spiritual awakening. Paying to take a magic pill to solve all your problems is not a sustainable solution, the only way to grow is to work on yourself and it is a constitent and sometimes uncomfortable work of a lifetime.
A day of bed rotting is amazing and resets my energy if ive had a particularly tough week or month. After moving, a heavy project at work, a lot of back to back birthdays/events etc. theres def care and health to rest and sometimes a whole day of rest
Exactly! If you have a heavy work load it can be super helpful!
one day of "bed rotting" i wouldn't call bed rotting lol
I used to sit in a hot sauna for an hour and then jump into a cold swimming pool and swim. It was awesome.
The perspective on self care was mind blowing. Self care is paying your bills exercising. I was stupid enough to think that once a while bed rotting will give me complete rest no it just made the next day working even harder
I just recently was able to listen to a part of your Subtle Art audiobook, and NOW I am hooked on your videos. This stuff is GREAT. This is about being the best YOU for YOUR sake, not others.
Can't you just stand in a cold shower? I have a hard time with gratitude, and I found that it came down to language. When I think of gratitude, all I can hear in my head is "You should be grateful" and my brain associates it with "undeserving". It can often be used by parents in scolding. "You should be grateful for everything they and everyone on the plant has done for you." I understand that reveals my eff'd upness, but whatever. My word is thankful. Loved the conversation. Thank you!
You can just rephrase gratitude for another word like thankful or I am glad. I am blessed etc. The point is to actually try to think of why you are grateful what good does this thing give you.
You could be grateful about a pen because it helped you finish the assignment. Or a book because it helps you study your course.
Your eyes which can see the material and allow you to see the world and it's colours.
You can be grateful or consciousness itself because it allows you to experience the vast diversity of life.
The point is writing these things down does boost your mood provided that you put some thought into why you are grateful.
Dance goes back to our first forms of civilization and early tribes. It is natural for it to affect our brains because our brains probably feel innate motivation to move to rhythmic beats. It’s not surprising that dance is at the top of the list, I sometimes feel as if it could be as natural to us as sex and community. 💃🕺
Romance is subjective. My husband does two things that to me are romantic - he brings me tea and sends me a love text every morning. That’s all the romance I need.
You are spot on about therapy and therapists on every level.
Good afternoon. Thank you Mark for everything you do. I put myself on a self help binge last year. A lot of your videos with meditation. My life turned around. I have doubled my salary live on my own and may get a promotion tonight.
Ny baby and wife are happy and healthy. Life is good.
Self- care is having boundaries and not accepting abuse from others in any form. One of the best ways to have self-care in an abusive situation is to simply quietly walk away, block, delete. No drama. ( if possible of course)
And we just need to ask ourselves "is this self-care or self-indulgence? And self-discipline IS self-care. Mark is wise. Love this podcast. 🩷
Thank you Mark !! I may be fat now, but I'm gonna keep on dancing 💃 myself back into shape !
Keep these long form discussions coming!
never liked the idea of podcasts until he made one! he’s the only podcast i listen to
I really enjoy the stuff that you guys share and the way you guys discuss and present. Big fan of you Mark Manson!
''all of your worst decisions were made while on romance.'' yep that checks out 100%.
Friday night was Disco night in our house during Covid lockdown - it definitely got me through!
This is awesome, I got alot of value out of this. I like this format, great breakdown.
Really enjoyed this episode. Thank you for your effort 🙏🏻
I live in Reno NV which has 4 season but nothing too crazy. Maybe a little hotter than I’d like in the summer but winters are pretty mild in my opinion (granted, I’m from southern Maine so my opinion might be considered moot). For cold exposure I tell people to not wear too many layers during the winter time. Just wear a thick hoodie over your tee shirt and cozy socks and pants. Don’t constantly keep your apartment or house at a perfect 70 all day everyday and you will naturally get a healthy amount of cold exposure. We spend most of our time indoors under insulated roofs and walls. You’re gonna be warm enough. You’re not gonna die. Boom, there’s your cold exposure without having to spend a cent.
In a world filled with crazy, this chanel always makes me feel down to earth and inspired to keep up with discipline even if its not fancy every day. Thanks for sharing ❤
I love when Mark makes education so fun
YES !!
Great advice on the therapy subject. I have had a traumatic childhood and after 6 months of therapy, my therapist told me I should stop abusing myself and just leave the past in the past. Never went back to her or any other therapist. I felt so hurt and betrayed, anctually I still do.
Good habits trounce goals in almost every way.
Top notch, as always! And thanks for bringing back the poop pillow LOL
Aaaah, Leaving Las Vegas, the only movie that can make you laugh out loud and cry rippin your heart out at the same time
This is my first time listening to this podcast or knowing anything about Mark. This guy gets it with a really balanced approach. Subscribed.
I absolutely loved this podcast. Every minute was worth it
friendship is indeed underrated. friendships are so important and Nicholas Cage is a unique actor.....leaving las vegas awesome performance
Gratitude is useful so you don’t take your wins for granted, it helps me to continue and focus on positive behaviour that got me to win in the first place.
Mark! I have the subtle art journal. I love it. I need to write in it more. But wanted to say - thank you for creating that journal. It is incredibly useful to me. As a single parent i often keep a lot in my head so this has been a tool for me in unpacking everything.
Mark you keep give us a very good material very good. Thanks ❤
This was insightful. Made me think. Loved it.
Love your work as always. Thank you!!!!!!!!
This was great! I’m old in age but new to your work. I’m enjoying finding your thoughts on this channel and in your writing. A sense of purpose is overrated…. COVID shutdown taught me how unnecessary I am to the world. A great forced social experiment.
Mark - I am so proud of you for giving up alcohol! You look so healthy and happy
Haven't even seen the video yet just wanted to say a big thanks for writing your books Mark real life changing shit
About the sauna/cold plunge - I haven't checked the studies but people have been cold plunging for ages in Scandinavia too (probably not to the same extent that Finnish people use the sauna) but lots of people go bathing in winter at the beach or the harbour so I'd be surprised if there hadn't been done the same type of studies on cold plunging
Great episode!
Great and fun content! From a fan in brazil
Your quote friendship and role or the importance that they play in one’s life is absolutely spot on. I would add that being ‘with’ them ultimately requires little to no real effort, AND that you’re still ‘with’ them even if/when you’re not literally ‘with’ them. IOW - these friends are the people in your life whom you can hang out and/or speak to once a day, once a week, once a month, once a year, etc., and yet it’s always cool, and never weird, awkward or uncomfortable. When I encounter & connect with these people, I marvel….and I take heed. TBH, it always requires a genuine investment of time & effort to truly get to know someone. However, there is usually this inflection point, whereby it becomes fluid and organic and natural. IOW - it simply happens. Too, it is both reciprocal & mutually rewarding and beneficial. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve become far more self aware and equally grateful of how unique and rewarding these particular friendships are, and the crucial role that they play in creating and living a life of purpose, fulfillment and yes, happiness. XOXO
20:30 Yeah, exactly, why does everything need to be super exciting? I'm cooking dinner, I need to eat, there's no need to make this special
I can totally relate to this. When i was younger i used to do this as well: ask sophisticated questions just to sound interesting (and not really be interested in the responses). It helped that a friend called me out on it.
This was an awesome episode lots of good advice
About gratitude, they say it helps to really consider how those things you are grateful for, came to be
Totally agree with the therapy take. I was encouraged to attend therapy due to domestic violence, at first it was freeing to talk about it all. After 3 years I just thought why am I doing this? Stuck in sadness and past trauma. Done with therapy I’m responsible for my healing x
I've been taking cold showers every morning, and it's helped me get ready for the day ahead. Thought about getting a proper cold plunge system but I think I'll stick to the 🚿 and avoid all the maintenance!
Congrats on 2M subscribers
Leaving Las Vegas is one of the best movies of all Time. Such a beautiful piece on the condition of human loneliness.
I found it very telling to discover the etemology of the word "Romance".
Records from the 13th century show it meant a story about a hero intended to entertain (as opposed to stories meant to teach something), then shifted toward poetry, before finally taking on the current meaning around 200 years ago.
Being able to escape reality for a while with a partner is awesome, but you can't build a healthy relationship on ability to always forget reality.
Love you guys!❤
So true, "Leaving Las Vegas" is an amazing movie. I was a drinker back then too.
OMg I love your pods!!!!!!!
27:25 Very true! Drugs are bad if you start a HABIT of using, trust me I KNOW from experience and now am finally of them
Big hug, Mark. Thanks for everything.
Different perspective on the selfcare part: i am worth it, thats why i am taking care of myself. Good habits form from self love. You cant discipline yourself into loving yourself.
Having discipline is self-respect for your time and such. Disciplining yourself is definitely a dark path, as you suggest. Being objective and doing a little better next time is a better approach.
This is so great and hilarious and helpful 👏
Awesomely done✅ thank you.
These podcasts help me do things I don't want to do.
Excellent, good balance and expectations
The hardest line for me was when y'all said " self love is self discipline"... coz lately i've been feeling like i don't love myself. i put people first, i procrastinate on my hobbies, i'm partying and wasting money instead of studying, working, improving myself and improving my finances... crazy huh?
Exercise "snacks" is an awesome idea. Not food just little work outs to get the heart up during the day
Habits are the way 💯
You should move to Canada, you can just do a cold plunge in a nearby lake lol
Hey Mark - Could you put together a list of journal prompts you feel are super helpful? I've tried several over time and I've found 2 stand out. "what did you love today?" "What did you learn?" I know there's value in journaling. But Trying to find prompts that will actually help you self reflect in an effective manner is pretty difficult.
So, agian, could you share a list of the prompts you think are the most useful?
Not Mark, but I think there’s a subtle art of not giving a f*ck journal
Great insight guys
Very interesting podcast. Very topical too.
Appreciated the diig on MLM cults.
5:30 great stuff!
Overated: Goals, Romance, Politics, Cold-Plunges
Underated: Friendship, Dancing, Music, Saunas, God
Depends: Self-care, Therapy, Purpose, Journalling, Psychedelics, Gratitude
Amazing content
Lol "Bed Rotting." I didn't know it had an official name or was a thing. I always referred to it as "veg night." I save a single night during the week for that, usually Monday. It's my favorite night of the week. I do question whether its something that should stick around indefinitely, but in its defense, I do feel like 200% the morning after which usually carries on throughout the rest of the week.
Interesting video. When it comes to self care for me massage is definitely self care. But I say that as someone who gets very tight and knotted back and neck muscles. In an ideal world I’d have one at least once a week but due to price that’s an impossible dream. When I was part time and would have a day off in the week I’d have one every fortnight with a local college that run its own beauty and therapy centre. All students just learning but about the fraction of the price. But now I’m full time. I need to start making the time to book a massage at least once a month them…. I’m currently sat here with my right shoulder and neck aching. (Maybe I should add I do have a connection tissue disorder)
After so many years of self discipline that led to basically automating practically every aspect of our life including our charity , my number one focus is loving and supporting our adult kid and playing with my husband. We went minimal several years ago not that we ever owned that much, but it reduced so much decision-making and caretaking and organizing. Of course here and there challenges occur but we have God and our emergency fund so-we weather those storms. When we were babies, our work was play and now in this phase of our life I feel our purpose is once again to play with each other with the remaining time we have.
"Stop the goal when it stops becoming the optimal thing for you to do!!!" [paraphrased]
My perfectionist self maybe needed to hear this
Mark I have a topic for you.
I struggle more often that I'd like to with existential crisis and each time I do my everyday life and routine trembles. In those moments I hate having this kind of deep thoughts and inquiries about existance and I lament the moment I started digging so deep. I wish I had remained in the blissful state of ignorance, let's call it "existential ignorance" so we do not to talk about "ignorance" broadly. I mean, the more superficial one's problems the more likely there's a solution or an answer, unlike 'the meaning of life' or things like that. So what I'd like to hear from you is your perspective on the question "is existential ignorance a bliss?"
49:23 fascinating ty!
Leaving Las Vegas. I would follow you for that statement alone.
Hey Mark! Speaking of Saunas, you should do a video about visiting finnish sauna culture.
Saunas are the cornerstone of Finnish well being and happiness :D Also, we don't do emails at sauna it's serious shit and hot as hell...
Best self improvement experience, get really high, and watch adaptation starring Nick Cage twice. I had a connection with my future wife, whom I haven't met yet. Would 100% recommend
Just the thought of using Will Ferrell as overrated was going to have me stick around the full hour
100% agree on this episode, specially the Nick Cage part... He also has a great role in Next, and I am 100% sure he just did Renfield for shits and giggles, but he absolutely smashed it!!
Took me like 5 therapists to find a good/right one. A few of them were absolutely terrible. It takes time, do your research and for sure do a few free consultation before selecting a therapist.