5 Ugly Truths That Make Life Beautiful
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- Опубликовано: 28 май 2024
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So many people seem to be obsessed with feeling good all the time. They’re always looking for “hacks” to an easier, happier life. But what if the easy way actually makes it harder to have a life full of meaning and purpose?
Today, Drew and I take on the ugly truths that give life its beauty. Some of these might be a little hard to stomach at first, but if you see them through, you might be surprised at what’s on the other side.
00:00:00 Introduction
00:01:35 Suffering
00:13:13 Trauma
00:19:25 Evil
00:26:46 Death
00:39:21 Identity
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"You call it trauma, Batman calls it backstory" is one the most motivational quotes I've heard about trauma
This is why people love him so much... because he gives them hope and strength
Who is batman? Batman is a unrealistic character
In which part do they say this?
Batman is a billionaire with military grade equipment who takes out his anger on blue collar gangsters, not exactly a good model to emulate 😂
Hard
With one sentence Drew just destroyed my whole understanding of the attachment theory. You're telling me I can choose not to be Anxiously Attached? How has this never crossed my mind before? It honestly makes so much sense. As James Clear said in Atomic Habits: Every action you take is a vote for the type of person you wish to become. No single instance will transform your beliefs, but as the votes build up, so does the evidence of your new identity
You need to read “The Courage To Be Disliked”…. Choice is the central tenet of Adlerian Psychology
@@UOTDF YEAHH! That's a really good book
I do not completely agree. As they continue the conversation I feel like they hit the nail on the head. Attachment would be a “prescription” or diagnoses. Once you identify a behavior or trend with how you’re acting, then you can choose to act differently.
The identification gives you that ability to see that you have a choice. Similarly, identification can be a prison: “I am.” As opposed to “I act” or “I experience”.
You cannot choose the circumstances but you can control how you react to those circumstances.
I think I know the dude that said it, it’s Mark Manson
@@Lockface77 And Mark paraphrased it from ancient Taoist and Buddist tenets.
Everything old is new again...
To some extent you can. But if you could choose every single reaction, there would be no deterrents to anything.
👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
You can control *some* of your reactions, *some* of the time, to an extent determined by your current capacity for emotional self-regulation.
“Turn your Pain into Pain au chocolat” - a frenchman, probably
Underrated comment
"Don't Cry Because It's Over Smile Because It Happened" - Dr. SUESS
jesus christ, so bad
Ernest Hemingway wrote the most beautiful quote in A Farewell to Arms that has ever been written on this subject: “The world breaks everyone, and afterward, many are strong at the broken places.”
This is why reading literature gives you a full understanding with all the nuances one could ever dream for of the human condition!
Nothing sexier than seeing men self reflect. ❤
I stopped drinking alcohol on Dec 10th last year because I got hit with something that utterly destroyed me, and my use of alcohol had a part to play in it. For YEARS I had warnings that I should quit but warnings are pain free. I finally suffered the consequences and felt the most pain that I've ever had in my entire life. I'm never drinking again as I associate it now with that pain. It's just not worth it.
So what happened
These two geniuses are simply talking about the main evil of the century. People don't know how to canalize their traumas and struggles into something good, so they suffer even more.
I mean, all of us should save this video to see at least one time a year. It's the information people really need in dark times like these.
Cheers from Brazil!
I get motivated everytime I watch a Mark Manson video but the motivation doesn't lasts long. Neither does the courage to do the things im afraid to do. I feel like im getting somewhat trapped in the habit of watching these kind of videos and not doing smth that really makes a difference in my life. Im not saying that his videos don't help, they surely do.
Have you read Mark's books? He talks about that a lot and how to help take action
Run toward pain with purpose. Don’t hide or run away. The cost is immense. We’ve all down both. What a shame sometimes.
Mark, I can't thank you and Drew enough for this video. I've ended a hopeless relationship and some equally hopeless friendships, recently, so this is heaven-sent.
You're simply the best, Mr Manson. 😘
I am French, and the book actually had a big impact on me and change a lot about my perspective of life
I agree (maybe cause I have a background in this sort of material) that a lot of this stuff is obvious……but that doesn’t make it bad. It’s always good to have a reminder.
That last segment about Identity hits home. I put myself in boxes all the time. I'm angry, I'm bitter, I'm this and that. I lock myself in those boxes to a point where nothing else can go in. I'm in therapy and trying to get out of those boxes, but finding it very difficult because it's become such a pattern of behavior throughout the years. It taints everything I do.
Mark Manson has such a clear speak and enunciation. I understand his ideas very easily. I'm not sure it's because he also speaks my language and understands my culture, brazilian portuguese. Dude is such an eloquent speaker
43:40 that reminded me one book where author tried to explain people are complex persons which you can't describe just by one or two words because with few words you describe just part of them but not fully who they are. Also he tried to compare life with chess where every move can change the game and every game can be unique.
That’s so true. I often play songs in minor keys, and my family says it’s sad, it’s just emotional 😅
BS is BS. Problems are Problems. Challenges are Challenges. Setbacks are Setbacks. Failure is Failure. Dead-ends are Dead-ends.
These never change or become easier.
What changes is how you outgrow them.
Got fired again the other week. It doesn't even faze me anymore
(unlike last year where that happened too)
I just discovered you… I have been truly inspired by your outlook on life. 🖤
I feel like traumatic experiences can either grind you to dust or turn you into a diamond.
Hello, I have PTSD. The problem with post-traumatic growth, is your body still feels like a bag of sh!te. Whilst all the work you have to do makes you more emotional aware etc, and more compassionate, the impact on your amygdala etc means you'll most likely be stuck with chronic pain from inflammation and muscle tension, IBS, asthma etc.
It's hard to go achieve great things when you feel like a bag of pooh.
I"m 8 minutes in and want to comment on the "haters" subject. We call that the 10% rule. There's always that 10% that are going to be troublesome/hate themselves and project that on to others. Once you realize that it's not "you" but "them" you should be fine!
I've found a way to deal with "haters" is to ask myself:
"Do you like/agree with EVERYONE you encounter in life?
Of course not!
So why should everyone like/agree with you?"
It's a two way street out there!
It’s not a bad perspective on a functional level, but the reality is: you don’t have a monopoly on truth. People are allowed to disagree with you ir not like you…..AND they’re allowed to say so. By villainizing as them as “troublesome “ aren’t you now the “hater”?
@@Daniel-kx4sy how often is a hater arguing on truth though? Mostly it's something triggers them enough to want the relief of hating. It's very rare for a hater to come in and be like "ah yes I can see that perspective, let me produce an alternative take and here are the nuances that led me to this belief". Certainly not on the internet. It's useful to shrug or ignore people who just come in to sling poop because they're triggered, which I'd say makes a good 99 percent of cases. People hate giving nuanced answers and perspectives because then they open themselves up to being challenged and wrong, and them being triggered on that vulnerability is what got them to "hate" in the first place
저도 이렇게 유튜브로 성공해서 부모님께 효도하고 싶고 기부도 많이 하는 게 제 꿈이자 목표입니다! 오늘 영상 보니까 더 열심히 살아서 꼭 꿈 이뤄야겠다고 다시 한번 다짐하네요!
Good luck
ㅋㅋㅋ
I really love the relaxation you talk and the laugh. Serious and nice thoughts in a more catching way. Thank you so much.
11:27 ish...that philosophical exposition about choice was epic and the technique of zooming out of a problem is also gold. I always ask, "If I was sitting on the Moon, would this bother me?" and as Mark says, it is really powerful and sets you free to move on.
But I have to disagree about who we are when you strip away all preconceptions and associations or impressions. I am that part of the universe which can perceive itself, or as the Hebrews would say, I am that I am.
Mark you are ON FIRE AND SO ON POINT!!!! I'm so happy there is finally a strong voice for important things such as PTG!!!!
0:47 the idgaf rizz is strong with this Drew
Thank you I needed this
Great episode. You hit on some excellent points. I especially relate to making good use one’s trauma and so much around us is a construct, including the roles we label ourselves with in life.
I realized and accepted I will most likely be single, won't own my own home, won't be able to travel to places I want to go, get my dream job due to medical, or getting into neuroscience field due to my GPA and the nightmare that is academia, or become a SOF Operator due to medical... life is so beautiful...
love the vid, as always ❤
your insights are thought-provoking! 😮 Embracing life's uncomfortable truths can indeed lead to deeper meaning and fulfillment.
Fantastic podcast. Thanks
Thanks for sharing
Really happy that this podcast exists. Keep killing it fellas
Drew is my favorite guest :)
Totally appreciate the thought process @11:15
This video is very helpful to me. I felt like it organized my thoughts!!
Mark, you are a genius. Youre words have inspired me.
29:39 Death casts the shadow by which everything else is measured.
Answering to that, Copilot said ("Using the web")
A poignant observation indeed. The specter of mortality influences our perceptions, priorities, and actions. It reminds us to cherish life’s fleeting moments and seek meaning in our existence. 🌑✨
It was high time you bring Drew into studio. You can see he's a bit shy lol
if I can re-reframe the choice discussion:
even if you get slapped by something that you could not have prevented and had nothing to do with your actions, you can still choose to either accept what is happening or not: and if you accept it, you're suffering (somewhat more) voluntarily, and if you don't, you're still suffering.
1. If you want a life of meaning, at some point, you have to choose a life of suffering.
2. Change is often born from trauma.
3. Evil people don’t believe they are evil, they believe everyone else is.
4. Death is a gift that gives life meaning.
5. “You” do not actually exist.
love this dude, love this content...hate the fake 'zoom-like' interactions between these two at times(0:57-1:10). Pretending to crack up at something to put forth the illusion of extreme comfort and a casualness of environment. I have to listen to those fake conversational laughs all day.
YES. You hear the laugh is not "deep" but more like a sound and tensed. Dont like it either and dont think it is necessary for them bc they already have nice chemistry - most of the time. 😅 Maybe it was a nervous thing at the start of the podcast. Dunno
Yeah also think it’s a nervous thing but also that drew is a little bit of yes-man around mark? Idk man who am I…
Like has he ever disagreed with mark? Not that I know about, but maybe that’s how they think a co-host should be.. just writing my thoughts down, could be wrong
See what you mean. I also noticed that sometimes when Drew tells a (for him) painful story , Mark does not react to it and starts his own story immediately 😅
I did like the topics and their answers to them tho :)
Identity part is eye opening. Thank u for that insight
I am not what i describe myself to be change “i am” to “i feel”
My whole life I've had an embarrassing personal problem that has kept me from starting own life separately from my parents. Which has caused me to go into deep depression. It sucks to watch people move forward, while I continue to stay in one place 😢
love the golf club in the corner with the bottles next to it
read "the courage to be disliked" in which the Adlerian psychology is presented...and one of the pilars of that is denying trauma...it wouldn't be possible to describe the concepts here but the book is a master piece of self-help
Dudee whats up with so much ads
44:44 … I like to tell my children (and perhaps genuinely interested acquaintances), “The only thing that holds us back is the bullshit story we tell ourselves in our heads”
❤❤❤❤I always thnak my friend Aklesiya Atikilti who suggested me your “The subtle art of not giving a fuck” book and now that book lead me to this podcast and i love it!!
I love seeing you both in the same room as you talk…not sure why, but it feels good
15:42 tracking PTG in Holocaust survivors is definitely interesting but I’m curious how Dubrowski would have controlled for other factors that led to PTG vs PTSD. Seems to me the traumatic event is just one component. What about the narrative about the event and how the society/community you live in reinforces that narrative? For example, if you experienced combat trauma as a Vietnam vet and you return to a society that tells you that you’re a baby killer and a monster, and that you should be ashamed of your experience and that you survived it. I’d imagine PTG would be a lot harder. Compared to WWII vets for example, where literally everyone was calling them heroes and thanking them for their service.
Surviving a genocide is a narrative that people would admire you for and would reinforce the narrative that you are strong, a survivor, etc. I don’t think these experiences happen in a vacuum, and I think 99% of people would have a hard time being totally unaffected by others opinions of them. I wonder what the difference in PTSD vs PTG depending on how empathic everyone around you is to your experience.
I heard this quote somewhere:
"The identities you say to yourself doesn't define who you are. Instead, what you do defines who you are."
"What doesn't kill you makes you stronger"?
I think you should make a video on the audiobook "love is not enough".
Mark Manson is the Man, son!
11:07 Actions have consequences. This is a fact of life that very few people want to accept. You can argue with it all day long, but you can't prove it wrong.
You choose to go out and drive, inevitably you're going to have an accident at some point. You choose to stay home and have everything brought to you (to avoid accidents), inevitably you're going to lose your socialization skills.
Drew… I was rabidly anti-death penalty. And then my first child was born and my perspective changed forever
Finally someone challenging this victimhood, excuse based trauma narrative
Mark : I'm feeling tout le monde today...
Dave : Hold my Megadeth...
16:55 - I don't think this sounds woo woo at all. Currently I'm reading Waking the Tiger by Peter Levine, which states that trauma is basically the unreleased energy. Whenever we are threatened, the body mobilizes huge amounts of energy for fight or flight response, but if we cannot effectively deal with situation body goes into third option - the freeze response, so all the energy stays in the body and causes different symptoms. Amazing book, check it out.
Yes! We are French - we already don’t give a f*ck!! 😂
"Its about French People and Instagram Memes"😅😅😅
Actually, it is the sad songs and sad drama movies that makes it so entertaining and joyful.
I read years ago in a scientific journal that when someone experiences a major trauma, the brain sets a marker that does not get erased. One has to work around 'that marker" for the rest of their lives. I do not recall the article stating what that marker was physically. A protein marker? Maybe.
If it's true that the people who survived the Holocaust, like Viktor Frankl, had exceptional resilience to begin with, how does this survivorship bias affect your argument about traumatic growth?
Edit: To add, most experts know that trauma isn't an event. It's how your brain reacts to events. Two soldiers who experience the same gore could have entirely different responses. I think your use of the word "trauma" is too colloquial, which is to say, misinformed.
Amazing like always 🤘
Ignore hate comments. This is the best way to deal with it. There are always will be people whose demons are irritated by your soul. You can’t please everyone in life.
Hey friends! I would like to share this idea with you. When you are criticized, think of yourself as contributing to someone else. This means that the critic will be busy criticizing you and will have less time to criticize other RUclipsrs and influencers. There's nothing to worry about. Because there are good people like us! Today is another great day.
You don't avoid because you are avoidant, you are avoidant because you avoid
1:36 if you want a life of meaning, at some point, you have to choose a life of suffering
Life is an adventure🌏
Around 15': That research has a very strong survivorship bias, since those who died can not be interviewed and those who survived and suffered most probably would not have given interviews.
Having said that, it is true that a lot of people improve after a negative experience although, as a society, we should aim at reducing those as much as we can (there is enough pain to go around, anyway ;-).
On choice: again, it is society's responsibility as a whole to make sure the odds of anybody getting into a car accident are as low as possible. Otherwise, it becomes "not a society".
I will definitely read about PTG, it looks interesting.
The best songs are devastating.
The best artists/scientists/mathematicians can do nothing but their art. They have no choice. It does not come TO them, it comes THROUGH them.
I have a thing I like to say. The gift of cancer is clarity.
I like this channel
I think the end of this podcast blends with Marks book: love is not enough
Anybody. Im 22 and lost, dont know where to start in life. Ive only ever worked dead end jobs and dont have any aspirations. I know nobody will come ablnd save me but if anybody can relate or has any ideas I'd love to listen.
There is one person who can save you… look in the mirror
Depends on the reasons you are lacking aspirations
Trauma in itself isnt a good thing. Sometimes its even worthless. A shitty event that shouldnt have happened and we didnt deserve. The growth comes from the switch from victim to the one responsible. Not for the trauma itself, but the way you let it affect your life.
I don't adhere to the idea that death makes life meaningful. Or more specifically, death in the sense of a permanent end to consciousness. Not only because I'm not a materialist and reject the notion that consciousness is a product of electrical and chemical activity, but still: If you are a materialist, you could flip the notion that an end to consciousness makes life meaningful on it's head and say that nothing actually matters because it'll all just be gone one day along with the universe itself.
I wonder how many ptsd sufferers in your audience you immediately lost when you said things like “trauma is such a fucking trendy topic” or when you downplayed and blamed them for their own suffering. For someone that’s probably never tried to recover from intense ptsd, you sure seem to feel strongly that ptsd sufferers ought to just decide to be more empowered instead of whining all the time.
Drew is a way better than some of the guests lately.
Things don't happen to you, they happen for you.
Intro and outro music name plz😌😅
Mark I see you muscles are coming
I agree and am the same way. A total sucker for music in minor.
Love from France !! The french translation of your books is very bad by the way. It doesn't help that much either 😂.
"A very french, da-javou-ish thing" 🤣 (sleepless in seattle)
Just sit there to contemplate it all after you come back because you're gonna see such crazy and radical things in these trips. That when you come back you're gonna be like what the fuck was that? And you're gonna spend a week just in the shower, what the fuck was that? Cooking your food, what the fuck was that? Driving to work, what the fuck was that? Sitting at work doing your work, what the fuck was that? Thinking that. Trying to wrap your mind around it. Try to remember and trying to figure it out and that's a very valuable process.
As a French guy I am a huge fan! Also as a French guy I will tell you honestly your accent in French sucks ;) Thanks Mark & Drew keep up the good work!
I like Mark and his content, but the idea that every drama is caused by yourself is just not true. Drama can be random and we don't have control over every thing that happens
Thank you so much for this interview, Mark! Some of us are also fish out of water trying to find our way in this world! Without giving too much many fucks! 😝
Not seeking pity, but my breakup in september gave me the worst trauma ever, i was not a great boyfriend i was in survival mode and could not change, i neglected her and she left, i don't blame her at all! But my trauma is me, i ruined it i destroyed the best thing to ever happen to me, iknow i will never ever find this kinda person again. I try to grow but tbh i don't feel i deserve to get better or find a new gf. Any advice? This is tearing me apart
No Mark youre wrong, its "Dont cry because its over, cry because it happened"
We all like to believe we're unique.
@markmanson “beauty is pain” comes from cosmetic medicine. Needles and lasers and surgery
When thinking about evil, remember.. Nobody is "the villain" in THEIR version of the story!
The conclusion from the story about the guy who decided he wants to live after all, after blowing all his savings, is simple: Life is awesome, just as long as you have money and time to enjoy it
11:48 imagine being one of the pedestrians who had no choice but to walk...