A Narcissist’s Confession (6 Ways The Narcissist Tell on Themselves)
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- Опубликовано: 19 авг 2024
- There are many ways to decipher the nature and characteristics of a particular narcissist you may be dealing with or have dealt with in the past. Get a pen and paper ready to use this method to profile your ex partner, family or workplace narcissist. Find out who was really lurking behind the fake persona/mask, to fully understand the interactions that occurred in your relationship.
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When a narcissist is confronted with something wrong they said or did specifically, they always attack our character and ignore the issue. They never discuss the issue back and forth to understand one another, they always demean, mock and ignore important comments we make.
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Yup, my narc husband cheated on me for years and when confronted he made all kinds of excuses and pointed the finger at me. 6 months later he still tells me to accept culpability for his cheating.
So true! I always think maybe they heard someone else talking to them! Actually, they do: themselves!
I was told by a counsellor never to feel bad or stupid about having fallen into the relationship with the narc or abuser because if people didn't try to see the best in each other then no relationship would ever get off the ground. It's all a leap of trust and faith. That helped me to hear and might help somebody else. Thanks for sharing the story of the narc disappearring and then his coded disclosure about where he actually was.😢 When you get that sinking nagging feeling in your solar plexus, don't ignore it. We rationalise our doubt away, which only ensures the narcissist's sense of superior intelligence! Hope your surgery recovery is going well. Stay strong. Thanks for the work you do on here.
I think intellectually narcissists are quite limited because of their lack of emotional maturity and empathy. They go through life wearing blinkers and they keep conversation to the superficial. I grew up with a narcissist mother, best friend and significant partner who came and went many times in 20+ years. They were all quite specialised in their area of work and they were all outstanding actors. But when it came to intellectual debate they all sucked so badly because they rarely had a strong belief that was their own and this was reflected in the way they spoke without conviction. The only way they won debates was through force, threats, trying to confuse or weaken their opponent through constant repetition of the same argument to exhaust their opponent i so submission, or speeding things up by asking random quick fire questions before the other person has had a chance to answer the last question and throwing in extremely random and unexpected comments and suggestions as a way to make them feel unsettled and defensive. It’s handy if you can recognise these things early on in any debate or argument and see them for what they really are, a sign of dumb-fuckery!
@@roberttruman8444 This is very true, and it is a good way to recognize the kind of person you're dealing with. Their intellectual limitation also makes them pretty boring to talk to, because as you mentioned they don't really have any interesting ideas or convictions of their own.
Thank you, that helped me. I know what you mean about having that tense feeling in your stomach. I had that when I first met someone who I liked because they were charming, but they were fake and a manipulator and a bully, I think that's why my body instinctively felt uncomfortable, I don't usually feel like that.
@@christinelamb1167 You're absolutely right. I have no recollection of having had any truly deep and meaningful conversations or healthy debate where you learn something. My ex on/off girlfriend would regularly disappear for anything up to a couple of months, although in the early days those periods would be a year or so. When she returned she was full of optimism but I noticed that we always repeated/recycled the same conversations from before, rather than extending on them. My attempts to delve deeper into a subject were always dismissed or shut down somehow.
Thank you!! Thank you!! That is so true about trusting and seeing the good in people. Wish I had seen it that way instead of kicking myself and feeling so stupid for not seeing the truth for 30 years.
My ex accused me of faking a kidney stone to get out of taking her shopping for new clothes. After going to the hospital and confirming the stone, which I still had to pass, she insisted we still go shopping while I was in pain. That was when I realized she had zero empathy. It led me to finding out about narcissism.
Their lack of compassion & understanding is mind boggling.
🤯😱 I’m so sorry to hear this x
Omg😮
Thank God you were led to finding out about narcissism, Congratulations.
I was busy doing housework, the usual rumination I've had all my life, better now tho. Suddenly two words came to mind and I search those two words, at 50 yrs old, FINALLY...
two words were
Family
Scapegoat
I was elated and a mess all at the same time, had to call a friend and went on a narc awareness blog and made a post.
I still was not ready to dive into learning more but within about 8 months (after a 40 yr hoover from the boy/now man who stole my virginity when I was 13, shows up at my house, mind you I was 50) I started and I haven't stopped.
Well, I did reach a point many x where I thought...Okay, I've had enough of it. I'm good !
But then one keeps running into situations,... then you go back to studying, gladly so.
"Learning narcissism is the single most healing modality" is my motto.
So now, I'm working - stuck at a job in narcissism with many bosses and co-workers as narcs.
Working on my exit plan.
To those reading the comments, I hope you find some of this helpful I'll add to saying...
I have come such a long way.
I get through dealing with this job by pretty much just keeping a grin on my face and saying as little as possible. And luckily, I live in a State in the US🇺🇸, where it's legal for one party to record.
Then. Was backed into a corner & felt nothing to loose, so as it has played out, I have had to report to HR.
Where mostly literature tells us not to do this, it actually has worked out well so far.
The reason this has worked out is only bc I work for Goodwill, they have built themselves a reputation of supposedly to be the "good guys", but it's out there all over the internet that they are really the bad guys, and they have had many lawsuits in many different forms, so they're trying to cover their butts now as also they are all about $$$
For those who are not in the US🇺🇸, Goodwill is a very popular thrift store chain & has been around for SEVERAL decades where they get all of their merchandise from the localized community for free as donations.
And they are "supposed" to have a fabulous FABULOUS work culture. As they did love bomb me darn well upon orientation in the job interview & as a new hire. Having been well-educated in narcissism, it only took me a matter of minutes to hours to see red flags.
And about 1 week before the devaluing, scapegoating & gaslighting started.
@@selfesteem3447Your story is really interesting. Do you mind saying what it was you were able to get on tape?
Pray for me. I'm leaving the narcissist. My healing began quite a while back but I cannot leave until I close on my new home. I'm having to "play pretend " with him for the next couple of weeks and it isn't easy keeping the peace but I'm so thankful for all your videos to help myself until I can go fully no contact! He does not know where I'm moving to but he knows I'm moving so I fear because of his past behavior, that he will stop at nothing to find me! Lord God above, give me the strength I need 🙏 Amen
I hope the move went OK and you are finally out.❤
Listen to your intuition. It guided me through the rough waters. Always be honest with yourself. You will find a power within you that the narcissist could never comprehend.
Narcs are like emotional toddlers so this “mischievous” behaviour is quite common. It made me feel like sh-t. It made me think there was something wrong with me. I’m so glad I went no contact. My self esteem is in a much better place.
Me too!
It's actually covert aggression. "I ma undermine and sabotage the situation, and make like it's a big fat funny joke! Aren't I cute!! Bet I can make you mad! ! " Smirk.
Yes they make you feel like shit while giving you glimmers of their good side which you anchor for more of the good side. The chaos and confusion was never ending. Mine would leave me a few days then come back like nothing happened. He won't come round again, I'm nit putting up with the head mash anymore. Stay strong x
He told me 'be careful, all my wifes become insane'. Then he laughed. When he asked me after 5 years if I will marry him I told him I won't bc I wouldnt want to end up in therapy. Then I laughed 😂
I got in the truck of my husband /Narc I looked down and on the leather seat and picked up a woman's black long hair . I have blonde hair by the way . I said " who's been in here look at this hair . He said maybe it was my sister's , No she's a red head . He said maybe it blew in from someone 's car . I said " Well it's not from a horse's Butt . He said" Oh yeah ! I gave someone a ride from the gate at work . I got out of the truck and left him to go on his own this day . I started my plans to leave . I wish you a speedy recovery Paula . I appreciate your work , Thank you so much !
Wow..strength and blessings to you 🌹
Be careful there!
Paranoia will destroy ya
Don't look back!
I can not BELIEVE that someone accused you of FAKING an eye surgery! That one takes the narcissistic cake! Feel better, angel.
I hate that a narcissist is spying on our community! Glad you are recovering Paula!
They do that on all narc channels.
Saddos 😂
I have experienced this on other narc channels, as well. There have been times I have left a comment, and someone will respond to my comment in a way that is either very dismissive or challenging. I can tell right away it's a narc, come to troll the channel! They can't stand it that we're learning how to spot them! 😂
I remember that it's a demonised form of PTSD from early childhood trauma, so despicable that they kind of left their body... it's sad. If we can not react to anger in people, that's truly evil, but remember that it's secondary to fear.... that is Gold Star. Good luck with it though 🌈💜
They’re the trolls/foot soldiers for darkness that leave comments accusing us and blaming us for our narcissistic children.
🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻 prayers for all who are on their healing journey. 🥰🥰
I’m so glad I found this channel, so helpful. My narcissist told me about a “stupid” co-worker and how he couldn’t believe they hired her. After the divorce, he moved in with her and then married her. I was so shocked. A few weeks later I found out it was his old college girlfriend that he got hired. Thank you for educating us.
Wow 😮
Thank you for your insight.
Just absolutely no connection with reality with these creatures.
Was just watching her video about “10 reasons the narcissist chose you”. Might be good watching! Many sighs of relief.
exactly - they live in lalaland @@theoriginal7727
I met my narcissist at a mutual female friend's birthday party. I've known this friend for about 11 years, and the narcissist grew up with her. Shortly after the narcissist and I started dating, she told me that our mutual friend sleeps around with a lot of men. I asked her why she was telling me this. I had never heard this, and it was not my business. After experiencing my first discard, I felt very disrespected by the narcissist. I told our mutual friend what the narcissist said about her. She was shocked and said that wasn't true. She confronted the narcissist, and the narcissist cried and apologized. Our mutual friend then told me to leave the narcissist alone, she would ruin my life. I did not listen to my friend. I thought she was only telling me this because she was upset. I had no knowledge at the time that my narcissist was a narcissist. Over time, the narcissist would bring up how I ruined her friendship. I told her, "No, you ruined your friendship by being a disloyal friend. You should have never said what you said." One day, she brought our mutual friend up again and said. "I don't care, she does sleep around. I'm not into sex parties and all that stuff she's into." I asked her where she was getting this info from? She replied, "I don't know. Whatever weird stuff she's into, I'm not into." This was very odd to me. It came out of nowhere, and the narcissist couldn't prove her accusations to be true. I took it as the narcissist was telling on herself. She was inadvertently telling me what she was doing. Now that I know she is, in fact, a narcissist. I feel that what I felt is true. They really do tell on themselves if you know how to listen.
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Fascinating. Do you mean the narc was attending sex parties and sleeping around? My nex would go to great lengths to tell me how it avoided dates that were just looking for sex - it wanted a serious relationship. Was it telling on itself that it wanted flings? I took at at it was trying to appear moral and serious. Maybe another form of gaslighting.
@irielion3748 Yes. Mine appeared to be moral as well. There was another situation that happened after a discard. After about a 7 month discard, my narcissist told me about this band instructor (triangulation) that she met whom she wanted to teach her kid. She made sure to mention that he was 4 years younger than me and 10 years younger than her. She also made sure to mention that he's a single dad who raises his kid alone. She told me that they exchanged numbers and that he would keep trying to come on to her. He would tell her that he's sexually attracted to her and even tried inviting her over his home for sex. All of this was said to try and spark an emotion in me. First, she mentioned his age and said, "I don't know what he wants with me, I'm old." This was her way of letting me know that men younger than me are interested in her. Then, she mentioned that he's a single dad who raises his kid alone. She did this because she knows that I have struggled to have a good relationship with my son because of his mom. She tried to downplay the situation by telling me that she was grossed out by the guy and blocked his number, and blocked him on Instagram ( red flag why were they following each other on Instagram?). I asked her if she wanted my opinion on the situation. She said yes. I told her to me it sounds like she was entertaining the man. This caught her off guard. I told her that if she met him on the idea of possibly doing business, what made him feel comfortable talking to her about his sexual attraction to her? And not once, but in multiple conversations. That would make him a horrible businessman. Most women would have ended the communication right then and there, but she continued communicating with him. She said "Yea you're right. Maybe I was entertaining him a little." I then asked her if this was a man that she was trying to date, and it didn't work out. I asked is that why she reached back out to me (hoover). This set her off into a rage. She said, "Are you trying to say I can't be alone?" I told her no, that is not what I'm saying. The question just popped into my head, and I'm just asking. Shortly after this is when I asked our mutual friend what she meant when she said that my ex would ruin my life. She replied, "She's a narcissist,"and then she sent me some RUclips videos on narcissists. After watching the videos, it blew my mind. Everything being described was my ex. What I believe happened was.. The guy stimulated her by expressing how sexually attracted he was to her. I think she wasn't quite ready to have sex with him, so she tried to hoover me back into her life for sex. I have a great relationship with her kid. It's easier for her to have me come stay at her house for a week, than it is a new man that her daughter doesn't know. I can make sense of everything now that I've learned about narcissists. I noticed all of her behaviors throughout the course of our relationship, but I let a lot of red flags pass. I knew she had a horrible childhood, so I made excuses for her behavior. Whenever she would discard me, I just assumed she needed space. I never looked at it as she was off to a new supply. I'm not an insecure man, so the breaks that we would have during the discards never bothered me. I'm quite a busy man and actually enjoyed the space. Now that I'm aware, I realized that she played a game on me from the very beginning of our relationship. When I didn't know what I knew now, her actions didn't bother me. When I found out that our whole relationship was fake, it changed everything. This is another example of her telling on herself. Her reaction let me know indeed that this man was someone that she was seeing. Narcissists are like kids. When a kid breaks something in the home and their parents ask them, "Did you break that vase?"The kid will say no, but the parent can clearly tell by their body language that they are lying. The narcissists are the same way. This is why if they are questioned, they will run.
@@Tothosethatneed
The Ex acted like he was all moral as well.
I came to the conclusion he acted like he was moral because he wanted all the attention on him meaning if he had gotten involved with a woman that wanted an open relationship he wouldn't go for that because he wanted (still does) the intensity 1 puts into a relationship when they think "this is the one" he wanted & wants any women he gets involved with completely focused on him. So he told them he was single etc etc etc. Totally leaving out he has/d several relationships going on at the same time.
He totally has no moral compass.
@@Tothosethatneed You should publish a book!
OM goodness!!! When I was VERY sick, in the hospital, feeling afraid because I was deathly ill, I reached out to the narc, who I imagined, was my friend, telling her I feel so scared via text. Her reply? “Aren’t you getting enough attention?”
Who in the world would be jealous of a sick person and say such a thing to someone so ill? a narcissist! That’s who!
Get well soon, Paula. The narcissist that I knew called me a liar, hypocrite, idiot, stupid, dumb, and a manipulator. I never accepted the projection. These projections were without warning. Very weird. You are correct. The narcissist throws up its internal belief in itself.
That kind of projection… Oh, my God! You can’t even imagine it until you’ve experienced it with a narcissist or BPD. Of course, all humans project a little bit at times, but normal humans when they have it pointed out to them will stop doing it, and attempt to apologize or set things, right And take true ownership of their perceptions in the conversation! Narcs, however we go into an absolute rage, denial, blame shifting, and all the rest when they have it pointed out to them. Or they’ll just pretend that it didn’t happen! Trauma and shock from being with one of these creatures takes a long time to process… Really grateful for this channel and others, bringing so much light to this strange and horrifying sector of the populous
The ex n told me, you lie so much your name should be Pinocchio that every time I lie my nose got bigger... Lol
@@sherriepawlikowski4935 🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮 it is so freaking bizarre! And they are all like this… These accusations and radical 180° projections just come out absolutely nowhere.
It is such a relief to realize they were talking about themselves all along. I remember when I was 15 and playing in the school musical. Right after the show, the first thing my narc female biological parent said was, "You looked awful, with your hair hanging in your face." I said, "There was a designated hairdresser and makeup artist, and this is how she did my hair." "Well, of course!" sneered the NFBP. "Of course girls just want to make other girls look ugly." I didn't say anything, but I had a premonition that she was talking about herself, and how she had tried to make me look ugly my whole life. Thank you for these helpful videos.
Oh my gosh! I'm so sorry you experienced that from your own parent! It's stunning the things a narc mother will say to her own daughter. I experienced similar, and those who didn't grow up with a narc parent can never understand it, and the fact that not all mothers love their children.
I must say, you sound like you already had quite a bit of good insight, even at such a young age.
That was just one flash of insight. I have been working for fifty years since then to understand. Tremendously helped in the last few years by videos like this. And those who comment on them. Thank you, Christine!
@@christinelamb1167
Thank you, Paula for this video. I am a little over 2 weeks out from going No contact after 6 confusing and frustrating years with a Narcissist. It's difficult but so far successful. I have a long road to go to even be a minor part of my old self. I am drained. Please put in a prayer for me so I can make it through. I pray for anyone who has even been put through what I have because it is devastating. Thank you again for your encouraging words and explaining the Narcissists sick and evil ways.
I will pray for you. It took me years and years to accept that it wasn’t my fault. Then it took me years to get over ,” you mean, he never loved me”? Then finally realising it was plain evil or demonic and there will never be any apologies, any empathy and no love EVER from him. Once that got through my think skull and raw beat up heart, I have been able to forgive myself for walking into the relationship and believing his lies for so long.
Thank you @@deborahwilcox5716. You give me hope. The narc that I left gave me a big fat fake apology as I left....heard that before and it meant nothing to me.
Ruthie! Get as much info on it as you can…. It will help you understand and stay no contact… it’s a tough road-,but it’s a road to freedom! Sending you strength! You got this! 💪💪💪❤
Your also going to feel so tired and sleepy for a few weeks and that’s ok. Just go with it sleep when you want to sleep and don’t feel guilty. Boundless energy and happiness awaits you xx
✨Thank you!🤲✨
I have a few best sellers, jaw dropping shocking experiences! Have your head in a spin,, make spaghetti of your brains!
It's the constant shocks to your nervous system, it's insane!
I realise it started in my childhood having sadistic, and covert abusers as parents.
I don't know where it came from, but within me is an inner light, a compassionate heart, an empathic kindness, a love of animals and nature, a faith in something divine. It sustained me
Having experienced some cruel, inhumane, sadistic relationships, that started off as I thought the kindest men, (not) I now see.....
Understand and appreciate not all beings are human, some monsters hide in human suits.
Great pretenders, Shape shiffers, con creeps, deceptive and cruel beyond your perception of cruelty.
I hold the light, I am not perfect but I do love, feel deeply, care, kind, and I am learning to desern, observe, trust in the divine,.
I believe I have a guardian Angel, and my soul who endured such cruelty that many times nearly took my life.
I am blessed and I am grateful 🙏
Thank you for your courage and videos, awareness is soooo needed.
Paula, that story of your holiday - it sounded like the Narcissist was jealous of you getting on with the young people and having a good time, so took his "revenge". I believe that the Narcissist tells on themselves deliberately in order to hurt you. During the discard I'd been working towards being good enough at salsa dancing so we could go to salsa socials together (the Narc had been dancing for a few years). He had future faked about us going to salsa socials abroad. Our teacher kindly offered us free tickets to one he'd arranged after I asked him about it, and the Narc was stony faced. I felt embarrassed and confused by his reaction. Then the Narc said I would be able to meet his dance partner and told me her name for the first time. Triangulated for "taking the reins" and having the presumption to try to fulfill one of his lousy fake promises. We never made it to the social. That night was the last time we danced together. His mask fell off the next time I saw him. The nightmare that keeps on giving when you have those little lightbulb moments. Sending prayers and good wishes for all the good people in this lovely community. 🙏❤️
I had a narc boyfriend that I still miss who had established that he didn't want to be in a relationship with me that would tell me about these women that were interested in him & their attempts to be with him, just to make me jealous.
They keep you at arm's length, just to try and make you earn their approval and to erode your self esteem. The truth, as I'm sure you're aware, is that they know deep down that they're completely out of your league.
I know what kind of person my Covert Narc husband is and cannot get away from him. He’s stolen all of my retirement and is now trying to make more money and knows he’s in charge. Get this, he portrays himself in the Christian community as a very great, devout man. When in fact he is anything but. He tells me that I’m the one who is not following Christ because I’ve figured out his lying and unloving nature. It is most bizarre. I’ve withdrawn into myself and dislike life. I had an illness (that I’m sure he caused from stress) and haven’t been working. Not certain what to do. I’ll keep watching; many thanks for doing this great work. I just found your channel.
During lockdown my ex and I were on an evening walk, enjoying the night air, when out of the blue he says, "I wonder how people are able to cheat with being locked down?" .... the look on my face as I realized....he realized....CAUGHT
Yeah I had to leave her home during lock down. Turns out she was cheating almost immediately with one of her back ups. She has lots of them lined up and always at least 2 primary emotional sources as well. She doesn't care what they look like or how old as long as they are loyal dogs while she parties with good looking strangers on trips. Awful person.
The deception for me was the worst he insulted my intelligence so many times many strange stories and statements he even told me he struggled with empathy and telling the truth yet I still stayed for 4 years , glad you’re eye us better Paula fantastic video as always my heart goes out to all of us who have or are suffering because of a narcissist in their lives we really do see the good in them to our own detriment may we heal and never meet another one
I fear we will always meet another one. The trick is to recognise them asap and don't get in the mud with them.
That victim play!!
Mine was in therapy for her. BPD, I knew nothing about cluster bee disorders at that time, but she shared how another person on the dating site had run for the hills when she told him about it. Using it in a way to illicit empathy for me and get me to put my walls down, of course I felt sorry for her and Thought what kind of horrible person would do that to a woman? Especially somebody who is therapist and working on her stuff, etc. etc. because I have a history with addiction and been in recovery for many years now, but I have a soft spot for people who have had a rough past, but who are Making the effort to put things right again. But I had this used against me in the last two relationships. I was in with cluster B individuals. Got to protect your heart!
@@fokkerfilms56015% of population, we are going to meet them pretty much every single day! The trick is not getting deeply, emotionally romantically involved with one. Or in business! Unfortunately, they are much more common in high, caliber, professions, legal or law-enforcement, doctors, and other situations where one person has a lot of power over another.
He said he was at the grocery store and the young cashier was asking him out. I mean, he's 62, I knew it wasn't true. He was trying to triangulate me with a person who didn't exist. LOL. I was like.....that's nice. lol
Classic triangulation. They can’t help themselves. My ex used to do the same thing… I would say, “Why are you telling me this?” Their egos are really that fragile.
@@HTHTNT77 I didn't react. It wasn't the first time he tried to triangulate me, he used to tell me that young, good looking women were asking to meet him on Facebook. too. It was all lies. He has a fat stomach, wears makeup, has fake horse teeth, and probably lies about his age. Pfft, good luck to him. He was lucky I even dated him at all because he wasn't my type but I thought he was a good guy and thought I'd give him a chance. I was completely bamboozled. I wasted 3.5 years of my life. Now he's 63 and still chasing young girls.
Prayers going out to everyone! Life is hard enough but dealing with these mentally unstable individuals is insanity. Protect yourself from this evil and much love!❤
Thank you. I could really do with a prayer to keep me strong.
A person with empathy to the surgery you had would never say that. Great example for us to hear, and more importantly to recognize the comments of a narcissist.
What I have learned from my horrible mess is that I shall never again put the keys to my Happiness in the pocket of a Narcissist.
I often said when in the relationship that I was the scapegoat being led into the wilderness bearing all of their sins which allows them to feel ok again. They need to get rid of it or it would crush them. They can never accept it as their own weight.
I wish and hope for all good things for all of us who have suffered narcisstic abuse.
My ex as of 2 months did all of these! I think about it and feel disgusted!! Paula Amen, prayer is a powerful thing, and it was the only thing that held my mind together, not friends, not family, and not even my therapist, but prayer and knowledge from angels like yourself! This is such a hard journey but we will all make it!!!! 🙏🏿
Paula, I'm so glad you spoke on how a narcissist tell on themselves. I was just thinking the other day that I've never saw or heard anyone speak on that subject.
They do indeed tell on themselves. And yes, a lot of it is realized when we look back on the relationship with the narcissist.
However, one particular time, while still in the marriage with the narc, I caught him in the act of telling on himself.
Okay here it is. I had a friend who wore a spray blonde glitter in her hair. At that time we had one vehicle. He came home one day and asked me to come outside to look at the back seat in the vehicle. He said look and as I looked there was blond glitter on the back part of the backseat. I told him it was not there when I had the vehicle because our son was sitting there and I always look back in the back seat before I get out the vehicle. This is what I told him... "It looks like that Blondie glitter that my friend wears in her hair". I confirmed with my son and he also said it was not there when we got out the vehicle. I then walked into the house and said nothing else about it and didn't feel any kind of way because of that point in our marriage I was done and a few months later I put him out the house. That was in the year 2020 and I was just learning about narcissist and just starting to watch all the wonderful informative videos you and so many others had out for me to watch. Thank you Paula!
Paula, I pray for you and all of us who have suffered at the hands of these demons. God bless everyone 🙏🙏💕
I’ve prayed for Paula and all the victims of narcistic abuse and for justice and healing. We have a rightious God and justice will be done, trust in the Lord Jesus Christ our Saviour, only He can set you free🙏Thsnx Paula for your wisdom and sharing with all of us! 🙏❤️
You are fabulous. I must add, honesty will drive a narcissist mad. So be yourself and 99 out of 100 will be greatful. Thanks for sharing
YES, whoever stooped to criticize you about your eye surgery like that just revealed themselves to be as narcissist as it gets! And yes it’s actually funny. But then it’s really sad for that person that this happened.
Your excellent channel and your caring heart is much appreciated.
I really felt the discomfort you experienced today Paula, If that was your ex narc then you know better than any of us that this was their pathetic attempt to undermine the fantastic work you've been doing, from the bottom of my heart, you're videos prevented me from shortening my lfe's journey. Knowing that you've influenced even one life for the better, let that be your indication that your own journey and the wisdom you share is so important to us all. Please continue in what you do, for I know there would be fewer empaths in the world without you're positive words. Thank you from all of us who would be lost without you
'Prevented me from shortening my life's journey' - do you mean the s word?
Wow.
I got involved with 2 narcs in long term relationships. They both said in the first week or so, “I’m afraid I’m not good enough for you.”…when you hear that, run!
I swear they all learn from the same text book. The thing, they know deep down they aren’t good enough! Thats why they have to devalue us eventually…
Your personal story at the end of this video reminded me of a similar situation I went through about 15 years ago. I confessed to my narcissist about a terrible thing that I had done, and I was very upset and remorseful about it. A couple of days later, it was April Fools Day and my narc said he needed to tell me something. He then proceeded to tell me this sick and disgusting story that he and a mate of his had done. He sucked me right in with this story and could see that I was visibly upset and shaken up by it. Then he sniggered at me and said it wasn't true and that it was an April Fools joke. I am now wondering if he could of been confessing to something that really was true, but had decided to take it back and say that it wasn't because he wanted to remain perfect and blameless in my eyes. At the time I had no idea about narcissism and didn't know what he is until recently. I remember after the horrible story that I thought he was really sick and sadistic but that was as far as my thoughts went. How ignorant I was. 😕
OMG Paula, you knew but you didn't want to face it. They also like to wait till we've had a few drinks before they act up or 'fess up. My ex used to tell me about all the cheating housewives on our street. Later I realized they were cheating with HIM! He "worked from home" while I went out to an actual job. I guess they were all getting plenty of "exercise."😂 Love your Irish lilt, eye looks well. Prayers and thanks from across the pond❤
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Thank you for telling the TRUTH about a variety of these sick individuals. God bless you for all you do to warn and teach us. 🙏
This crazy narc worked in a bank a ( desk job ) he was telling me a co worker got caught watching gay porn … I know it was him , he was telling on himself .
He was absolutely vile with people on the phone when he wasn't getting his own way, the expletives and lies he'd scream at them. I felt so embarrassed.
The cars, yes. Everytime his mate got a new car, trainers or watch he had to go one better.
Thank you for your prayers Paula I really need them. I'm from Ireland too. NPD should be talked about on the air waves. I didn't know about it until fairly recently. Have you ever thought of contacting the media/journalists about your experience and the community. It's hiding in the shadows and it should be brought to the light.
Uh, that's what she is doing, Bro.
Easy does it- some people are at different stages - a touch more compassion please
@@debbievoss3496
Paula thank you for the prayers I appreciate it so much. I’ve been dealing with narcs my whole life unfortunately. I’m 57yo both parents where narcs two narc sisters. The list goes on. But I wanted to tell you how much what you are saying is true. Long story short. When I was 15 I had a bf. Went out with him till I was 22. Not in the beginning but he would always always accuse me of cheating. I couldn’t understand why. I was head over heals in love with him. Well it took time after we broke up to realize he was the one cheating on me! I could never let it go I had to figure it out. Sure enough this one that one told me how he cheated on me all along. But now at this age I realize when someone accuses you of something you know dam well you would never do it’s them confessing what they are all about. Thank you for the videos and the confirmation. God bless you my friend. ❤
I was going to stop watching these.. I am 98% healed. Did a session with Paula.. WORTH it!
But.. here I am again.
Still not a day goes by the hell I went through flits through my mind.
In my opinion healing is an ongoing life long process of integrating, a never ending love 💓 story of yourself, a journey of wisdom ...
I bet a session with Paula is worth it but you do not need to condemn yourself that you are still watching these videos. Obviously you still need this information of a deeper dive to fully understand what has happened to you. Everything takes its time and there is no hurry. If you want to walk quickly, slow down and take a deep breath.
Wishing you all the time you need and best wishes on your healing journey 🙏💛🙏
Maybe it's a reminder, never ever again! God bless.😊
We should forgive for our own sake, but never forget!
I really appreciate your talks! Thank you. I'm at the moment going through separation with children involved and I am quite sure my wife is a narcissist. I hate to say it. It is not at all easy. Your clarity in describing this stuff is amazing.
I didn’t need to write it down. I asked for a meeting to be recorded. I had a fear that he would be abusive. I had Heard his abuse before. This was post discard, it had only been 2 weeks.
He agreed to the meeting being recorded. I thought maybe that he would keep to the discussion.
I was wrong. He used intimidation, threats, he was in control, belittled, humiliated, verbally abused throughout the meeting. It was a terrible experience.
Yes Paula they tell on themselves. They may talk about a" person" they know that cheats. Always putting on you what they are. Sorry someone was cruel to you about your eye. But I see you've made lemonade out of a lemon. Keep up your cup half full attitude. Great information 👍
My ex boyfriend , after about 6 months of dating began (out of absolutely no where) accusing me cheating on him and was so disgusted with me. I instinctually thought, he must be cheating on me..
so I called around to some acquaintances from parties we had both been to together.
I found out he was sleeping with 4 other women. 2 of them were my friends.
So I called him and asked him and immediately he began crying and begging for forgiveness. I told him it was over and felt so dumbfounded. He showed up at my door and literally begged on his knees for me to take him back.
So yea, I can confirm the projection!
Thank you for sharing this info ❤
My last relationship was with a narcissist. One night she said “I have a confession to make I’m an empty shell.” Having no idea about narcissism at the time, I stupidly replied to her that it couldn’t possibly be true. It really was true. Luckily for me, I wasn’t that in love and was able to extricate myself from the situation. I find it more difficult with family.
I definitely notice the eye surgery, on the left and we can all see it's real, but it's good that you have a strong character enough to spot a toxic comment.
I used to watch in awe when my ex narc would spew his opinions of others. and they were also always vicious and demeaning.
and yes the chewing up and spitting out the service people ESPECIALLY WOMEN, was my father favorite pass time. and we his family at the table would want to crawl under the table.
Paula, I am beyond grateful for your knowledge. I am the parent who has an oldest son who is a narcissist. All that you describe are the many things he has done to me, his ex-wife, and his 14 year old daughter who stands up to her father.
The past 6 years plus has been a rollercoaster, and I had no idea who I was dealing with until I found your videos.
You have given me strength.
This video is 6 months old and I can see how sore your eye just looks without you saying anything. I am so glad that you delete these negative messages. Pity a narcissist hasn’t got a delete button on their face we could press and ping…. they gone! 🤣
Many of us have grown up in traumatic environments, so we don't have the luxury of thinking the best of everyone we meet and many of us are aware from a young age that monsters exist in this world. Also, in a milder form, inconsistency and selfishness is not the exception, but the norm in people and we should not take everyone at face value. It's not a narcissist's way of thinking necessarily, it's a natural wariness of those whom have been preyed upon.
Paula! You are exactly right! They surely do tell on themselves time & time again. I am the scapegoat of a highly narcissistic mother, and from experience they tell on themselves.. often without shame. Its mind blowing.. to experience this blatant form
Of sometimes abuse. I.e. after my Dad passed away, he left my sister & I a trust. Without shame, she arrogantly claimed “ it’s mine, it’s all mine and I’m going to spend every penny on me”. 😳👀 arrogant, prideful abuse.. is sickening 🤮
Was the trust in you and your sister's names? If so, how could she get at it?
Yes it's AFTER the fact we wake up. At the time, we are almost hypnotised by our own extreme defence of blocking a reality we can't digest right then. It's too much of a pain and shock. Thanks for your podcast.
Pray for me !!! To be delivered from narcissistic man.
The decision is always ours. Best to plan out a strategy prior to the departure. Make sure not to divulge to anyone, or they may find out.
God bless you Paula, so glad the eye operation went well and you are recovering you have helped me so much over the last months to recover and I’m so grateful, there is no doubt that you are an emphatic amazing person and all those that have you in their life are blessed. Don’t let the narc demons get you down we always win! In the end! ❤
He told me I've never met anyone like you. What a load of you know what. They'll say anything to get you hooked.
she said it straight to me: "people say í'm a narcissist or a borderline"
Did I know !?
I knew nothing about them !
Was a hard road to find it out
They know exactly what they are doing. Their Oscar winning acting gets in the way of seeing them in the beginning.
Yes Paula, I have experienced a story similar to this. Thank you for sharing. I am 8 months post discard, I believe a smear campaign is at my doorstep. I’m strong in the Lord and at peace. Your eye looks wonderful today!
Paula YES! Thank you for talking about this - the stories! My ex-covert - it wasn't really stories per se, but it was comments about something that would come out of left field. And I'd think it strange at the time and it's only now after being apart for a couple of months that I'm starting to see that he was basically talking in code about something or someone he liked or something he had done that was outside of the relationship. Man, I wish I'd had nailed him about it at the time! Now I'm getting pi$$ed just thinking about what he must have gotten over on me! Thank you for verifying this. I mean how twisted, right?
Btw I didn't know about your eye but I'm glad you're on the mend and I'm sure you're glad the surgery is now behind you. Best!👀
11 years and I was discarded unexpectedly. I knew they were a covert narc but I stayed. In the last month, I began to give it back how they treated me. They couldn’t take the power reversal and promptly discarded me. It hasn’t been two weeks; yet I moved out and can finally see how toxic they were/are. Never going back. Wasted 11 years of my life.
Oh Paula that story you told!!
Among the dozens of things that happened -the nex told me that he met an English guy called Gary in a bar -then the next thing he said was that Gary went outside around a corner and was snorting C O K E😯😯😯
And yes after the discard I realised he was talking about himself🤮🤮🤮🤮
She told me who she was all along constantly telling on herself. One thing that still gives me chills was I was talking to her about my dog and she said "some dogs are just nicer than some people right?" Or "urgh people" showing blatant signs of ASPD and revealing that she knows what she is doing and what she is 🤢 made my skin crawl.
One thing i noticed about the narcissist is that they love to poke the bear.
When we snap they get their supply. I need to learn to be like them and act stoic and unfased.
You are an incredibly inspiring human being Paula. I could watch and listen to you for ever! Here's to you continuing to do what you do amazingly well. Sending healing thoughts your way, especially for the eye issue.
Keep doing what you are doing by the way, you are being hugely helpful to many.
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100% agree with you. Well said
My overt narcissist, religious Pharisee brother outed himself twice: told a story how a male boss came onto him but he didn’t report it; and while the family was mourning the loss of our deceased mother in the hospital he said out of no where, “I never stole from mom.” All her guns went missing twice. 😏 My 5 foot nothing mother was a hunter. She was quite a character.
I experienced arguments over nothing then him ignoring me, he was rude to reception staff and he knew more than his consultant and also him wanting to buy a camper van as he knew my friends had one!! This podcast is spot on!
Sending loving energy to the NarCom Community ❤
This fits really well with my spouse. A while ago he came out with 'what I like about our family is , we can just leave our phones anywhere and never have to worry about anyone going through them!' The argument thing is Very very true too, it feels like being hijacked because one moment everything is fine and the next he is literally tearing things to pieces with his insults and it maybe over something as silly as , a tea bag in the bin hasn't been squeezed out . He has a colleague at work who he considers his inferior and will describe the latest 'misdemeanour' and I can hear the underlying message which is, this bloke is common as muck and gets away with things only I should get away with.
The craziest "fight" I had with a narcissistic person was over eggplant Parmesan. She said I should pick the place and make a reservation. I did, and knew they made great eggplant Parmesan, because I knew we both liked it. At the last minute, she wanted to go somewhere else, WHERE, she said, the eggplant Parmesan was done correctly. I said, "Let's stick to the plan. We have a reservation, and I know they make a great E.P. "You'll like it," I said. The evening started off in a tense way, because I stuck to my plan.
When the waiter delivered our plates, a side of spaghetti was included. She rudely and forcefully declared to the waiter, that "genuine eggplant Parmesan NEVER, EVER is served with SPAGHETTI!!!" The rest of the evening went downhill from there.
Later, I looked at the menu of the restaurant where she had wanted to eat instead of the place I had chosen, and GUESS WHAT!? Their eggplant Parmesan is served with a side of spaghetti!! 😂😂😂 As you say, Paula, you couldn't make this stuff up!!
They reveal their true character by what they say. On one occasion the ex narc wanted me gone by 4pm when we were arranging to meet. I said I felt he was rushing me. To this he replied "the last thing I want is an argument, let's give it a miss then". Subsequently, I received the 2nd discard. Classic example of how narcissistic they are. Good video. Thanks Paula. x
On point number 2: It is already beyond belief that such a projection is made that one would fake a medical issue for attention, what baffles me further is that a narcissist will actually consider it as "receiving attention". As if that fills the tank of a person with energy or whatever they are thirsting for.
My father is a narcissist. After I finished my studies, he stormed in my room to tell me I lying, that I did not finish my studies, I made it all up.
Another time, I told him I needed to go to my room in a different city to finish my work. He tried to make me stay, he told me 'no, you don't have to go'.
Later I heard from my mother, he told her, that I was a prostitute, I was selling myself ... .
It is true what you say, you can't make these things up.
Every time my ex came home and said something nice to me, I wondered what mean or cruel thing he was doing or saying behind my back. When we divorced, I discovered I was right. In those moments he was cheating or verbally trashing me to anyone he was around. When I dated after divorce, I looked for any similarities to my ex and avoided those personalities. I quickly found a wonderful man who honors me with unconditional love. I’m very blessed, we’ve been together 22 years now.
Like they say...the truth IS stranger than fiction!
Heal well Paula, we need you 😘
Pray!!! You might slip, but then pray again!!! You will be elevated to higher status once you breakthrough this!!!
Yes!!!
My narc did that!
Years ago when we were married.
Out of the blue he said to me....
(I you ever cheated on me, I wouldn't get mad)
I never thought anything of it then.
But thought it was odd.
Now...........
I know he said it because he was cheating on me.
At the time he said it, I thought our marriage was fine.
There were no red flags that I noticed at the time.
So his comment went right over my head.
And I thought it was him saying to me that he really loved me.
Shake my head.😏
Right on to everything.... This reminds me of the recent narcissist that my male relative is involved with, that said to my relative, that I must be telling lies by saying that I cover that relatives medical insurance... My relative did defend me and had to tell the female narcissist, that I was telling the truth... I told the relative to no longer speak to the female narcissist over the phone while in my residence... Narcissist are constantly gaslighting and telling others that they are telling lies because that is what narcissist do all the time which is lie... You are beautiful inside and out and it is not your nature to lie about your health! I am glad that your eye is getting better! 'Wonderful Video and Wonderful Examples'!
Hi Paula
Looks like your eye is healing nicely 😊
I had quite a few incidences where the narc would reveal some shocking, childish and some downright rude comments and through watching podcasts like this one , have learned he was talking about himself.
I look back and realise what a sick individual he really was.
Thank you for sharing your experiences with us.
My husband narc. has said all you have to do is to lie big and people believe you,he's the compulsive lier, and other statements he has said is himself!
Oh yes, my ex-husband allways told me about what everybody else were doing, and i believed every Word he said. Now i know that he probably was telling on himself most of the time. I do not have any proof and it dosent matter to me anymore but it is really interesting. Love from switzerland ❤
You have literaly described my ex husband .he told me a bizzare story about how he hadnt taken up an opportunity to cheat etc etc in my heart i knew he was confessing but i was pregnant so i went along with the lie.
Ugh, I am very sorry that he even said this to you while you were pregnant 😢 Hope you and your child are safe!!! 🙏💛🙏
@@roxymovie3938 it was a long time ago .i can never be truely free ,there are children ,grandchildren etc .but i make the most of my life all be it under a shadow .i was a fool.
My ex always embarrassed me at a restaurant. He was very rude! I hated so many things about him... disgusting.
This video is priceless. Out of the blue one day my ex says she wants to buy a burner phone.
At the time i didnt find it weird as i was past the point of caring.
The flashback made me think that statement was definitely fight picking as she has a history of online affairs.
Another time she randomly said even if i was seeing someone else she would still stay with me.
I was thinking how can i be seeing someone else as im with her 24/7.
Looking back, there were so many weird things she said and did that i didnt catch.
What a mess she was/is. Way to many things in that relationship were weird.
She thrived on gaslighting and reactive abuse.
Im there with you brother, very strange comments and weird behavior. Her life is chaos. I thought i’d rub off on her but she was bringing me down. She discarded me and for the first time in my after life being dumped, i did not resist, try to save it, or have anything to say except ‘i am getting my guitar, please dont call me ever’ 😂😂😂 she is now blocked, thanks to me coming across this channel and a few others. I put all the clues together and we do not need that chaos, they’ll never change and always be dramatic, miserable, and eternal victims.
Unfortunately it wasnt until the end of an almost 20 yr marriage that i fully realized all his projections & everything he said about his ex was actually everything he was doing or had did.
Thank you Pola. ❤ You are right. Narcisists always tell on themselves. We just need to pay attention and do not take anything personally. They are driven and chased by evil forces and they are in darkness. I also believe in the power of prayer❤God bless you❤
Oh yes, Paula! Spot on again. The final straw with my narcissist friend was when a nonsensical argument was started by her over a very minor thing. And by the time she was done shredding everything about me, the original small issue was completely lost! And she became even more viscous towards me when I remained fairly calm. From these podcasts I now know that her whole goal as a narcissist was to get a reaction. I never knew the power I had was just to not react( although inside I was very upset).
Yes..good point.. seen it all.. putting everyone down.. say in a restaurant.. he would say a fat woman and a man.. then comment ' look at how fat she is.. how can he be with her?" I would not have even noticed her. He always pointed out things he didn't like.. instead of for example something positive..
Hindsight is 20/20. I experienced and remember every single one of your points!
...and so glad my eyes were opened, but still struggle a little with the regret of not seeing it and putting all the pieces together sooner.
It's still such a paradox though! I am still thankful for our relationship, in that it helped me grow up...eventually! and we got 5 kids together out of the whole thing:)
Thank you for such a lovely video...and so enlightening too. I thought I had learnt nearly all I could about the narcissist, but this threw a new light on some of my ex's behaviour. I hope your eye continues to heal ❤
I’m sorry to hear this, Paula. Goes to show how pathetic people like this can be. You can clearly see that your eye is sore. Anything to bring the attention back to them!
I love when narcs punch themselves in the eye for attention. Hey narcs you'll get SO much more supply with multiple punches.
Wow Paula, I love how you described those signs of spotting a narcissist as I have noticed the same behaviors in the comments I see on social media. And the second thing about they telling on themselves, this is very true. They can’t hold it in and either feel fear or excitement about it and have to blurt it out. A good person would never even fathom that someone could be that deceptive and malice but narcissists are because they are driven purely by dark energy.
Amen
You're so spot on. Most of us who have been through cycles will be able to resonate.
Dear Paula, how true, before the discard, before I ever knew what a narcissist was... it was only after the discard when I started researching this crazy behaviour that the narc displays that I learned thanks in part to you and others that I was dealing with a narc... he told on himself with every person he was cheating... always wondering... I wonder why he brought them into the conversation? But like you, I always gave a person a 100% until they chip away and end up with only a shell. I thank you for your continually bringing this content to us. Thank you too for the prayers... I have remained no contact... for 14 weeks. My only regret is that I wished him a Happy Birthday 2 days after he discarded me... not knowing who or what he was, only because I understand that they feel if you contact them all prior misdemeanours are forgiven. Praying for your recovery as well Paula.
Yes, I need prayers badly and I pray for those who have experienced the things I'll be experiencing with. It was a 13 year Battle with a narcissist that I was married to. You didn't even know what an artist says was I was pretty manipulated and hurt so bad I'm achieving on so bad it just seems like I can't move forward and I'm struggling really bad.
odd statements, oh yes! weird philosophies that seem like forgettable at first when you hear them say it, then later you discover they're actually trying to live those crazy philosophies out. repeated exposure to such person risks making those odd thought patterns normal.
Paula, even by just listening to this already hurt me, we naively believe our partner could not be that cruel, in fact they did
And not only "can't keep it in", but show a peculiar choice of thoughts, words, topics. Out of the blue.
Once I learned about "statement analysis" (esp Peter Hyatt videos on RUclips), those things made much more sense.
❤ Love your program..Been in therapy for 15 years never has anyone ever said anything about Narasictic behavior therefore I was not healing..I am now thanks to you and others who understand their bizarre.. behavior. Send love ❤️ from Iowa