Although I feel physically sick listening to you Paula, I want to thank you. I escaped after 14 years of hell. My absolute boundary was no extra marital affairs. I now think, 2.5 years out, that he was braking that boundary early on. It is demonic. These are not human. Who else here felt something was off early on. Anyone still stuck, please get out. It only gets worse.
I'm thankfully..no longer stuck. But I can share that even year's after the fact...I often realize that more was going on behind my back then I realized during those year's. Image's and memories that just 'surface' out of the blue. I was so busy during those year's that I just didn't have the time to realize fully what was going on. I had a ton of responsibilities on my plate and numerous flying monkeys at play. Don't miss any of it for a second 💌
Three years divorced from my ex. Six months in after the initial in love stage, the onus was on me to maintain that same amount of passion and excitement. That isn’t possible in any relationship much less one where you’re with a person who has no empathy and is in capable of having a connection with you. I was constantly being punished with silent treatment and rage, because I failed to meet his expectations in this area.
Urgh. Brilliantly described Paula. Especially when you talk about the other cycles the Narcissist's going through, unbeknownst to you. I still struggle to believe that I got enmeshed in one of these twisted, creepy relationships. I feel sorry for the recycled/new supplies and everyone who's had to endure a relationship with these broken people.
When I mentioned about the psychology and pattern of the narcissist to a friend of mine that knows nothing about the subject, he made a very astute assessment: he said, “that sounds exhausting”. I found that very accurate - can you imagine how exhausting it is to have all these supplies going on at different stages? It’s not even funny. My ex was actually always exhausted and complaining of it, not recognising that she did a lot of very unnecessary manipulations and movements. I mean even the DIY man that came to fix some shelves was a potential source of supply that she was trying to manipulate - so much unnecessary energy expenditure.
Excellent video. You have shared some amazing insight into the narc lifestyle. As you said the first few months of a relationship with normal people is very exciting and full of passion and bonding. But the romance becomes more a sense of companionship and devotion in time. The narc cycle of love bombing devaluation discard hoover is strange and disturbing. The narc is always scheming and plotting and focusing on their own needs and desires. These creatures are like children who have to have their cake and eat it too. OTHER PEOPLE don't matter. The narc is always miserable and they are constantly sneaking around to get their thrills. These creatures have no conscience or regrets about the things they do. Stay away. God bless
Thank you for explaining this so clearly, Paula. It's exactly how these creatures function. So unpredictable when you're not educated on their disorder, so predictable when you are.
Oh my God that was a perfect explanation. You don't understand it when you're going through it. But when you're out and clear-minded with education, you can't help but see it everywhere.
During the discard phases i struggled to detatch and get out of the fog...took a lot of effort...a long time...but had to save my life and what was left of it...i made it...althogh i still have neurons firing around i realize it was all an addiction and a soul tie...i see now what was in the fog...I'll never go back no matter what...to much at stake. ...my future happiness and peace and new adventures
This happened exactly to me with my female narc I think I've been lucky as I'm so far away from her I cant be triangulated with her in future relationships, It's taken over 9 months to totally understand what has happened to me Once you realise you aren't crazy, that you aren't a narcassist yourself, once you realise all those feelings you had were actually right, you then don't beat yourself up anymore She nws I have figured her out and she can't lie and deceive me anymore,and has disappeared from site So won't be hoovering me, I don't nw a 100% what happened but I realise that she is a toxic person, I got lucky that she discarded me after 1yr of a so called relationship I don't blame myself anymore, I treated her with love and couldn't do anymore for her I still don't understand what she wanted me for, perhaps just a fill in between others , or to make an x jealous She has all her family back living at home I was lucky I got discarded early, I can't imagine what along term relationship would feel like, Great video Paula
Don’t be too sure about the no hoovering though Kirk. They can still hoover you even when you think they wouldn’t dare….if they need to they will make an excuse to or pretend nothing happened and pick up where you left off. They have an uncanny way of ‘picking up where they left off’.
Yeah tbh it's always been in the back of my mind , if she was ever to hoover For along time I did want a hoover just to validate I was a 100% correct that she was a narcassist. I nw dont care with Paula and others education I sort of get it,and accept what I was subjected too! It's been along time ago nw, Thank you for your message and concern I often still think of the hoover and how I will react. I haven't had one ,and won't worry about that until it ever happens, I'm stronger than I was and she nws I'd never go back, but I understand what you are saying!👍👍👍👍
I am not being disrespectful, but I have grown out of your videos. And that's a good thing because you have educated me so much to the point where I think I can move on. I have grown in confidence and understanding and I still look back on your videos because you are such a soothing, loving, reassuring uplifting and encouraging voice that I just like to hear your voice. Thank you so much for everything you've done. God bless you Paula. You are doing what God meant you to do. Pray for me that I will do the same.
Hi. I'm glad it's going well for you. I think that's the whole point of this, that a person JUST wants to heal and move on. Although it can seem awfully hard to get out of it.
When I was still married, for 25 years, I always thought.....if I drop dead he walks over me like I didn't exist. It felt like I was invisible. I felt often so angry, sad and confused and alone. I live alone after my divorce, 9 years ago, but I feel much lesser lonely than when I was with my ex husband. My ex is married again and I hope he treats his new wife much better than he treated me but, I have my thoughts about it.
Don't think I want another relationship after 2 narc's,my luck it's always going to be another narc, true love is a mith in my book,2 relationships 2 narc's don't want another,great video Paula 🌹❤️
Same here. This experience can put you off ever trusting another person. Thought I had learned my lesson after the first one but went into another relationship with another narc. Presented very, very differently so I didn't know until it was way too late. Some of us seem to be a magnet for these types. Only people I trust now are my kids, my cat and myself. And even the cat is a bit iffy sometimes😆
@@xenajade6264even the cat a bit iffy Hahahhahaha Love such good humor Know a victim of abuse going through a recent break up. And although in pain, she is always cracking light jokes.
Every time I watch a new video of yours I feel like I’m listening to reruns of my past life with the narc. Your explanations are so poignant. Always so helpful. I have a deeper understanding of the vicious cycle that I was blind to at the time. Many thanks, Paula.
She seemed infatuated at the beginning which i enjoyed, but there was always jealous Paranoia. When she started to show her true self, aggressive controlling etc i put it down to all the abuse she said she'd suffered from her ex's, and I wanted to help her get thru it. I now realise even if she had been abused (which I doubt she was) doesn't give her the right to abuse me.
Thanks Paula. You provide continuing validation. I know now why my ex narc boyfriend was secretly talking to an old old ex girlfriend (someone he told me he blocked and would never have anything to do with). I think he was starting to monkey branch or he wanted to see both us without the other knowing. I left after a big argument because I knew he was lying. He had already given me silent treatments, mood swings, and had lied about other women. We had a lot of fun but I saw he was deceiving me and we weren’t really in a relationship.
I was married to a malignant narc for almost 4 years he went outside the marriage and cheated before that it was the abuse no communication silent treatment ,I got rid of him and kicked him out of my place I went no contact I plan on staying that way I haven’t heard from that demon and don’t plan too blocked for good .
28 years. Of my life 2 grown sons 5 grandkids everything has fallen apart. I managed to work 24 yrs. Raise a family I went above and beyond to fulfill his needs, keep him happy. All changed so violently starting in spring of 2020 he became physically abusive id learned to cope somehow with the verbal, emotional & financial he with held so much always saying it was my insecurities my jealousy so on and so forth. Ive had to involve law enforcement and legal ramifications. This is horrifying. I could never understand I was always saying I'm sorry what can I do. As he became more aggressive intimately I became very uncomfortable and concerned he has threatened me he has been cruel I never stopped loving him I stopped loving myself. There are wait times as I seek help 6 month - year wait times on lists. I've turned to your videos to help cope among others. I have no support. I just seek truth and understanding and the strength. This has been such a traumatic experience. I long for some sort. Of relief or closure not to mention mending my family as we try to repair even our trauma as a whole. My son's are my world yet the whole experience has opened up wounds unknown to me and I just pray for guidance of some sort. Thank you for the educational information I need to awaken from this what feels like I'm dying from with. 😭💔
You are not alone, JoAnn. I broke down when you said you never stopped loving him, you stopped loving yourself. I've never loved myself but im begining to....feels good x I'm counting 34 yrs, 3 x married to him, 3 sons, countless times uprooted, abuse of every sort, i fled 2 yrs ago and nearly 1 year absolutely no contact...phew! Take it day be day...Paula is the Real deal x
The narc has been counting on your love for your family. Hope you can put yourself first now, even if it means taking the very brave step of moving alone. Your children will know how to help you and your grandchildren will respect you more. Good that you have legal records because he would put you in the mental ward otherwise. Been there done that. You can't give it away if you have nothing left to give. Work on you, and be proud of your accomplishments.
So sorry for your situation. Narcissists get worse and potentially more dangerous with age. Please consider calling your local domestic violence centre for advice. They should be able to help you navigate a solution.
I feel the same way about having compassion for them... Unfortunately this is what kept me enmeshed longer than I should have been. I do still have compassion for him but from afar...😉
yup. You're the one and only. You can afford having bad relationships with many people, but you can't afford having bad relationship with yourself. (Jerry Wise)
Exactly.. they really don't want to know you for understanding about how to love you.. - they look at it as how to control you to get their needs met..
Yes Paula....the way you explain it makes it more understood for me with every video you make. Its mind boggling at times but way more clear all in the same. Thank you.
I just started listening to give me confirmation that I'am in a narcissist relationship. Been in it gor almost 5 months. It has opened my eyes to exactly what I need to do. Before I invest more of my time with him. It's extremely hard because I fell un love with him. But I see now why, due to his manipulation. Wow how he messed me up mentally. Exhausted me emotionally & physically. Thank you, thank you for these podcasts! It definitely has opened my eyes 😢❤
Hiya Paula and everyone!:) ....I've recently been suicidal, having suffered a WAVE of shock, when I thought I was 200% moved-on. But I feel like things are better than ever now, this past few days. I rely on my journals. Good luck to all! xxxxxxxxxxx
Thank You Paula... You always break it down so wonderfully, and make it all make sense.. By the way, I absolutely LOVE your glasses! They look so nice on you with your hair, and the pink you are wearing!
Thank you Paula. Your words are balsam on my heart. These days and also today I keep having angry throughts about how narcissist fooled me. How he thinks he is super smart for fooling someone older, someone who has experiences, who suspected he might be lying. Ofc he would never admit he lied, idk why I expected real honest answer. But I thought, even tho he might not be the best with feelings, not so empathetic, I thought he really liked me and cared about me. All lie. It eats me inside that such a much younger prick fooled me again this badly. (Before the other 2 cases were also younger men - who damged my brain. It feels so awful and it is so angering me.) I wish I could expose him, without giving him supply by that way. For sure I need to listen to this video again. Going to play it for second time. Thank you for this. 🙏🏻
Thank you SO much Paula. This one was SO interesting. You have said it all so many times before but I don't know why but this time it all made even more sense. Spot on....everything ..just so much spot on. Unfortunately....it's so sad and so gard to understand....so thank you for keeping doing these videos...they all help us on our healing journey....
A good few points I'm this video I needed too hear Paula thanks for that because it's very easy too get caught up in my own mind at times. Glad I'm not on my own because some times the abuse I went into seems I was on my own but there is a community out here and it's also good too hear it from a female when you are a male it seems so far you can't talk about the narcissistic abuse with the lads
Month 1-4 during the love bomb i got from my ex gf "mark your so handsome,Mark your the perfect boyfriend,Mark you look amazing swimming in the sea today..i love you after only 3 weeks!"..mirroring..I drink tea she starts to love drinking tea..i wear a cap she buys a cap..I do keto diet..she wants to go get keto food so we go keto food shopping...I drive a car she wants to get a licence..i go to a gym then she wants to join"..months 4 I go to collect her as I got tickets for us to go the cinema and boom! I'm told "all my friends say your a bad bf"..completely out if the blue she doesn't like me..I get love bombed again a week later then i ask to spend time to myself and I'm told "oh f@#k your time"..we break up on a Monday and she in another relationship by friday and floods fb with pics..then married within 5 months! Never even asked me once to be in a pic with her :( sometimes I think maybe I have all this wrong and she wasn't a covert narc and I made a big mistake..i go on you tube and wow!..blowin away by all this stuff i never knew about.. Paula's videos are just so accurate with the time lines and behaviour that I'm convinced its what she is..I reached out twice to her since to see if she's doing ok and was spoken to like dog crap..if I was dead she couldn't care less..amazing the two different sides to the same person..wonderful accurate and articulate work from Paula again.. your channel deserves so much more attention for your work!
Your awesome. Thank you for your content. May I ask what your lenses are because I've been looking everywhere for those. I would greatly appreciate it very much. I am currently dealing with estranged family due to a severe narcissistic mother. Very painful. Praying, at a crossroad. ❤🙏 thank you so very much.
Thank you Paula for this video you are spot on. I went through it all. But have come out being wiser,and becoming educated on covert Narcissistic personality disorder. All blessings to you. You are looking very well. 🌟🌟👍
One day we will look at the narcissists with a strange sense of compassion. Yes Pola. You are right. And we will be sure we want nothing to do with the narcissists. Thank you 🙏 God bless you❤
You speak truth, Paula! Healing from a disordered person takes a very long time, but it can happen and does if we do the hard work of educating ourselves about pathology, work on our own character growth and healing the trauma. I’m so grateful for the journey that is leading me to healthier relationships in all areas of my life. Thank you for your videos, they are spot on so helpful! 💗
When I got upset and started crying and/or arguing, that was the ultimate fuel. Seemed to enjoy that more than the lovey dovey stuff. To see me so upset and so confused just fed him like manna from heaven. Afterwards he felt justified in punishing me which pumped him up even more. Ugh. Total waste of time and actually waste of my life because my parents were like this and so were my romantic partners. Took me decades to begin to realise it's not normal.
❤ I was having a genuine experience. I suppose in love with me,as I was love bombed & mirrored. There was a bag of props used also, like religion and other interests that weren't real. Multiple persons? I can't imagine keeping that many balls in the air. A dark art .
Since a Narcissist is void of essence they mimic the other person and during the “ love bomb” phase we fall in love with ourself but we don’t know that. Instead we think we found our soul mate.
I so needed to hear this today Paula I let the ex narc back in after getting some bad family news took me out for tea bought me my favourite flowers, asked me to go on holiday as a friend after 4 months no contact said he wasn’t with anyone I messaged him at night as I knew he didn’t have his children no answer silent treatment hadn’t stopped messaging before that I know he’s with new supply blocked him again luckily I’m strong enough to walk away I know his mo been there for 3 and a half years they really are sick you described him exactly again thank you 🙏 I won’t be his option or anyone’s else’s option
This last of 4 discards I was told he needed space to figure himself out for whatever time he has left. I'm 60, he's 68 and figured himself out with a 50yr old widow
I was in mine for 20 plus years. I could never understand what was happening, And he had affairs with women from his job. but tell others he was not because when I finally put a name to what was happening. I'm like wow never new this. But I divorced him and he still made it look like I was the problem I had to save me and my children. It was really bad. The healing process was hard but i have made it through.
I feel like you are talking about my narcissist.. he told me just prior to the discard that he needed to go on a retreat to figure out his life.. it makes so much sense now! I ended up discarding him in the end.
@Narc Con you know, 2 years ago, I did not even know the definition of narcissist! Today I know more. My daughter married one. He is devaluing her at present. I have shared your channel with her. Yesterday she texted, "I want out". Again, you are a Blessing and a teacher. I love you for that!💜 Blessings from across the Pond 🌎💝💕
Thee only way out is thru. Wishing the W.H.O. would recognize this as lethal hazard! But for now Paula and others may be the only pill to healing. Stay strong, Bryan
As I relaxed and focused on myself Paula after 10 years with the narcissist ex wife she started telling me to buck my ideas up as other guys were interested in her now. I (in her eyes of supporting her job failures,and job gains,mood swings,rages,friendships falling away,facebook jealousy of others including friends on fantastic holidays etc such envy by my ex of others especially females She had a work affair and left me after sex She felt nothing for me after 10 1/2 years I couldn’t understand what was happening It’s taken me 12-18 months to overcome the false person
I just come out of a year relationship but she dumped me nearly every month, she was a walking red flag. The girl broke me, today is the first day that I feel like I don’t want/need her. She even got her daughter calling me last night. I thought this woman was gay but she’s chatting to men and women on a dating site, wasted and it truly was a waste, of a full year with my hoping she’d change or I could help her. Very complex, was never goner be enough, she finally I get that now
Narcissist’s logic be like I will make my partner’s life a living Hell because that way I will get what I want. They can’t just be good to their partner and build trust have mutual respect and appreciation opening the door for the partner to give the narc what they want and more. The partner wants to give love and wants both to be happy and make the future better and better but the narc throws in their own windows due to their destructive behaviors. It is such a shame and loss that when you have this shared fantasy with the narc and you are technically able to make it happen in time that the same narc eventually discards it for a new adventure, a new supply and then start all over. In the end the narc will have reached nothing but a trail of broken hearts left behind without having gained anything. Their lies and deceit will eventually catch up on them at their dying bed being left alone by everyone deserted, ill and poor. The narcissists is on a killing road including killing themselves.
I feel like sending his wife some flowers for her trouble. I’m tired of this shit. Time for HIM to have consequences. He lives abroad, we have no mutual friends, he can’t come after the career I don’t have. I’m not married. No kids. He doesn’t do social media because of his position (CEO). There’s nobody he can send my way. I am SO tempted. He lit me up too many times and after 14 months I lost my cool. I clobbered him. I’m in DEEEEEP discard/punishment/silent phase. But of course,…..my texts still get delivered. No reply. Effing child! So what do you say girls? Do I send flowers to his wife? Somebody please say, “Hell yes!”💐💐💐Send Her a copy of Ramani’s book too.
Hello, have you ever done a video about if they come back and they have changed or understand whatever was going on. Are there any circumstances or advice you have about reconciliation. He has been reaching out and I have not said a word. Part of me wants to. He told me he loved me and was just sharing thoughts. So there was no call to any action, so I didn’t respond. He asked me if I was okay, I didn’t respond. I keep praying…maybe he can feel that I want to have the courage to have a coffee date again out there in the works. Nothing crazy but I am open to a conversation with a human out there lol 😂meaning I feel like I am in a better place…
What is the marriage of a make narcisst and a female covert narcisst like? I’d love to hear from people with first hand experience. Thank you from Australia
Just an FYI: HUSBAND served papers as we were sitting at home waiting for the roast to be done for dinner!!!! No real reaction. A few snarky comments in regards to something else and he was really venting because his comments had nothing to do with topic of conversation. Very strange.
I think the term for these people , is gold digger . They youse yu for what yu have , then the start shopping , then when final figure them out they have another they never miss a beat , yu on the the other hand , yu are left to clean up the mess , they are evil people , and their is never one in that family .. they feed off each other, to attack yu … she is 100% correct ,, yu have no future with them , just pain … and when I say gold digger it’s not gender specific ..
Paula your right on the money when they always have another supply, they always. My ex always has 2 guys, always. It makes me sick to my stomach that I was with someone for almost 10 years and had child with her and in reality, I NEVER knew her. I can’t lie, I have no idea of what her PAST was or how many people she was with. Her son Paula, told me 30 days after burying his father’s ashes after he committed suicide, she already had a guy in her car. So many RED flags. Telling men she LOVES them is her weapon, and SEX. I haven’t talked to her going on almost 4 years and I never will!!
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Although I feel physically sick listening to you Paula, I want to thank you. I escaped after 14 years of hell. My absolute boundary was no extra marital affairs. I now think, 2.5 years out, that he was braking that boundary early on. It is demonic. These are not human. Who else here felt something was off early on. Anyone still stuck, please get out. It only gets worse.
I'm thankfully..no longer stuck. But I can share that even year's after the fact...I often realize that more was going on behind my back then I realized during those year's. Image's and memories that just 'surface' out of the blue. I was so busy during those year's that I just didn't have the time to realize fully what was going on. I had a ton of responsibilities on my plate and numerous flying monkeys at play. Don't miss any of it for a second 💌
Yep-everything was off very early on but because we have always given people the benefit of the doubt and have empathy we got stuck(trauma bonded)
Three years divorced from my ex. Six months in after the initial in love stage, the onus was on me to maintain that same amount of passion and excitement. That isn’t possible in any relationship much less one where you’re with a person who has no empathy and is in capable of having a connection with you. I was constantly being punished with silent treatment and rage, because I failed to meet his expectations in this area.
I got out almost 3 yrs ago after 13 yrs of hell! I found out after getting out that he had cheated on me the entire time! The ultimate betrayal!
@@jjones4314 That is heartbreaking!
Urgh. Brilliantly described Paula. Especially when you talk about the other cycles the Narcissist's going through, unbeknownst to you. I still struggle to believe that I got enmeshed in one of these twisted, creepy relationships. I feel sorry for the recycled/new supplies and everyone who's had to endure a relationship with these broken people.
When I mentioned about the psychology and pattern of the narcissist to a friend of mine that knows nothing about the subject, he made a very astute assessment: he said, “that sounds exhausting”. I found that very accurate - can you imagine how exhausting it is to have all these supplies going on at different stages? It’s not even funny.
My ex was actually always exhausted and complaining of it, not recognising that she did a lot of very unnecessary manipulations and movements. I mean even the DIY man that came to fix some shelves was a potential source of supply that she was trying to manipulate - so much unnecessary energy expenditure.
Excellent video. You have shared some amazing insight into the narc lifestyle. As you said the first few months of a relationship with normal people is very exciting and full of passion and bonding. But the romance becomes more a sense of companionship and devotion in time. The narc cycle of love bombing devaluation discard hoover is strange and disturbing. The narc is always scheming and plotting and focusing on their own needs and desires. These creatures are like children who have to have their cake and eat it too. OTHER PEOPLE don't matter. The narc is always miserable and they are constantly sneaking around to get their thrills. These creatures have no conscience or regrets about the things they do. Stay away. God bless
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Thank you for explaining this so clearly, Paula. It's exactly how these creatures function. So unpredictable when you're not educated on their disorder, so predictable when you are.
So true - if only we had the information 30!years ago - I thought I was nuts all that time and it was them
Oh my God that was a perfect explanation. You don't understand it when you're going through it. But when you're out and clear-minded with education, you can't help but see it everywhere.
During the discard phases i struggled to detatch and get out of the fog...took a lot of effort...a long time...but had to save my life and what was left of it...i made it...althogh i still have neurons firing around i realize it was all an addiction and a soul tie...i see now what was in the fog...I'll never go back no matter what...to much at stake. ...my future happiness and peace and new adventures
Boom! Absolutely Spot ON Paula👌... every single word. All the more reason NOT to take 'any' of their bs personally 🎯💜💌
🙏 amen
This happened exactly to me with my female narc
I think I've been lucky as I'm so far away from her I cant be triangulated with her in future relationships,
It's taken over 9 months to totally understand what has happened to me
Once you realise you aren't crazy, that you aren't a narcassist yourself, once you realise all those feelings you had were actually right, you then don't beat yourself up anymore
She nws I have figured her out and she can't lie and deceive me anymore,and has disappeared from site
So won't be hoovering me,
I don't nw a 100% what happened but I realise that she is a toxic person,
I got lucky that she discarded me after 1yr of a so called relationship
I don't blame myself anymore,
I treated her with love and couldn't do anymore for her
I still don't understand what she wanted me for, perhaps just a fill in between others , or to make an x jealous
She has all her family back living at home
I was lucky I got discarded early, I can't imagine what along term relationship would feel like,
Great video Paula
Thanks Kirk 😊
try 15 years
Cant imagine 15 yrs, I was lucky, you wasn't...
You will get over it, but it takes along time!
Don’t be too sure about the no hoovering though Kirk. They can still hoover you even when you think they wouldn’t dare….if they need to they will make an excuse to or pretend nothing happened and pick up where you left off. They have an uncanny way of ‘picking up where they left off’.
Yeah tbh it's always been in the back of my mind , if she was ever to hoover
For along time I did want a hoover just to validate I was a 100% correct that she was a narcassist.
I nw dont care with Paula and others education I sort of get it,and accept what I was subjected too!
It's been along time ago nw,
Thank you for your message and concern
I often still think of the hoover and how I will react.
I haven't had one ,and won't worry about that until it ever happens,
I'm stronger than I was and she nws I'd never go back, but I understand what you are saying!👍👍👍👍
I am not being disrespectful, but I have grown out of your videos. And that's a good thing because you have educated me so much to the point where I think I can move on. I have grown in confidence and understanding and I still look back on your videos because you are such a soothing, loving, reassuring uplifting and encouraging voice that I just like to hear your voice. Thank you so much for everything you've done. God bless you Paula. You are doing what God meant you to do. Pray for me that I will do the same.
Aw wonderful 🤗
Hi. I'm glad it's going well for you. I think that's the whole point of this, that a person JUST wants to heal and move on. Although it can seem awfully hard to get out of it.
When I was still married, for 25 years, I always thought.....if I drop dead he walks over me like I didn't exist. It felt like I was invisible. I felt often so angry, sad and confused and alone. I live alone after my divorce, 9 years ago, but I feel much lesser lonely than when I was with my ex husband. My ex is married again and I hope he treats his new wife much better than he treated me but, I have my thoughts about it.
Don't think I want another relationship after 2 narc's,my luck it's always going to be another narc, true love is a mith in my book,2 relationships 2 narc's don't want another,great video Paula 🌹❤️
But now you're probably an expert on red flags and boundary setting.
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Same here. This experience can put you off ever trusting another person. Thought I had learned my lesson after the first one but went into another relationship with another narc. Presented very, very differently so I didn't know until it was way too late. Some of us seem to be a magnet for these types. Only people I trust now are my kids, my cat and myself. And even the cat is a bit iffy sometimes😆
@@xenajade6264even the cat a bit iffy
Hahahhahaha
Love such good humor
Know a victim of abuse going through a recent break up. And although in pain, she is always cracking light jokes.
Thank you Paula. A great explanation of the narcissistic mindset within an intimate relationship.
Glad it was helpful!
Exactly - the 4 to 6 months cycle.. it's a pattern..
Every time I watch a new video of yours I feel like I’m listening to reruns of my past life with the narc. Your explanations are so poignant. Always so helpful. I have a deeper understanding of the vicious cycle that I was blind to at the time. Many thanks, Paula.
You are so welcome
She seemed infatuated at the beginning which i enjoyed, but there was always jealous Paranoia. When she started to show her true self, aggressive controlling etc i put it down to all the abuse she said she'd suffered from her ex's, and I wanted to help her get thru it.
I now realise even if she had been abused (which I doubt she was) doesn't give her the right to abuse me.
Well, perhaps she was, but she has NO right to treat you badly!!!!
They are like a basketball coach. Always recruiting new talent. 😆
😉 yup ALWAYS!!!!
100%
Thanks Paula. You provide continuing validation. I know now why my ex narc boyfriend was secretly talking to an old old ex girlfriend (someone he told me he blocked and would never have anything to do with). I think he was starting to monkey branch or he wanted to see both us without the other knowing. I left after a big argument because I knew he was lying. He had already given me silent treatments, mood swings, and had lied about other women. We had a lot of fun but I saw he was deceiving me and we weren’t really in a relationship.
I was married to a malignant narc for almost 4 years he went outside the marriage and cheated before that it was the abuse no communication silent treatment ,I got rid of him and kicked him out of my place I went no contact I plan on staying that way I haven’t heard from that demon and don’t plan too blocked for good .
Thank you so much, Paula. ❤
Warm greetings from Germany
You are so welcome!
28 years. Of my life 2 grown sons 5 grandkids everything has fallen apart. I managed to work 24 yrs. Raise a family I went above and beyond to fulfill his needs, keep him happy. All changed so violently starting in spring of 2020 he became physically abusive id learned to cope somehow with the verbal, emotional & financial he with held so much always saying it was my insecurities my jealousy so on and so forth. Ive had to involve law enforcement and legal ramifications. This is horrifying. I could never understand I was always saying I'm sorry what can I do. As he became more aggressive intimately I became very uncomfortable and concerned he has threatened me he has been cruel I never stopped loving him I stopped loving myself. There are wait times as I seek help 6 month - year wait times on lists. I've turned to your videos to help cope among others. I have no support. I just seek truth and understanding and the strength. This has been such a traumatic experience. I long for some sort. Of relief or closure not to mention mending my family as we try to repair even our trauma as a whole. My son's are my world yet the whole experience has opened up wounds unknown to me and I just pray for guidance of some sort. Thank you for the educational information I need to awaken from this what feels like I'm dying from with. 😭💔
You are not alone, JoAnn. I broke down when you said you never stopped loving him, you stopped loving yourself. I've never loved myself but im begining to....feels good x I'm counting 34 yrs, 3 x married to him, 3 sons, countless times uprooted, abuse of every sort, i fled 2 yrs ago and nearly 1 year absolutely no contact...phew! Take it day be day...Paula is the Real deal x
The narc has been counting on your love for your family. Hope you can put yourself first now, even if it means taking the very brave step of moving alone. Your children will know how to help you and your grandchildren will respect you more. Good that you have legal records because he would put you in the mental ward otherwise. Been there done that. You can't give it away if you have nothing left to give. Work on you, and be proud of your accomplishments.
Please seek a protective court order to have him removed from your home, physical violence can escalate to become life threatening 🌹🌹
So sorry for your situation. Narcissists get worse and potentially more dangerous with age. Please consider calling your local domestic violence centre for advice. They should be able to help you navigate a solution.
Thanks Paula. Thanks to your wisdom and knowledge about these Narcopaths, I can almost feel a bit of compassion for her (almost)…..
I feel the same way about having compassion for them... Unfortunately this is what kept me enmeshed longer than I should have been. I do still have compassion for him but from afar...😉
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I’ve left this “ thing” behind in the summer of 2019. Now I am grateful bc I have deepened my knowledge about who I am. Essence. True Self.
yup. You're the one and only. You can afford having bad relationships with many people, but you can't afford having bad relationship with yourself. (Jerry Wise)
Exactly.. they really don't want to know you for understanding about how to love you.. - they look at it as how to control you to get their needs met..
Yes Paula....the way you explain it makes it more understood for me with every video you make. Its mind boggling at times but way more clear all in the same. Thank you.
I just started listening to give me confirmation that I'am in a narcissist relationship. Been in it gor almost 5 months. It has opened my eyes to exactly what I need to do. Before I invest more of my time with him. It's extremely hard because I fell un love with him. But I see now why, due to his manipulation. Wow how he messed me up mentally. Exhausted me emotionally & physically. Thank you, thank you for these podcasts! It definitely has opened my eyes 😢❤
Hiya Paula and everyone!:) ....I've recently been suicidal, having suffered a WAVE of shock, when I thought I was 200% moved-on. But I feel like things are better than ever now, this past few days. I rely on my journals. Good luck to all! xxxxxxxxxxx
Thank You Paula... You always break it down so wonderfully, and make it all make sense.. By the way, I absolutely LOVE your glasses! They look so nice on you with your hair, and the pink you are wearing!
Oh thank you!
I agree. After 12 years with my husband and it ending brutally, I'm done. I will eventually heal but im staying alone. Me and God
Thank you Paula. Your words are balsam on my heart. These days and also today I keep having angry throughts about how narcissist fooled me. How he thinks he is super smart for fooling someone older, someone who has experiences, who suspected he might be lying. Ofc he would never admit he lied, idk why I expected real honest answer. But I thought, even tho he might not be the best with feelings, not so empathetic, I thought he really liked me and cared about me. All lie. It eats me inside that such a much younger prick fooled me again this badly. (Before the other 2 cases were also younger men - who damged my brain. It feels so awful and it is so angering me.) I wish I could expose him, without giving him supply by that way. For sure I need to listen to this video again. Going to play it for second time. Thank you for this. 🙏🏻
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Thank you SO much Paula. This one was SO interesting. You have said it all so many times before but I don't know why but this time it all made even more sense. Spot on....everything
..just so much spot on. Unfortunately....it's so sad and so gard to understand....so thank you for keeping doing these videos...they all help us on our healing journey....
A good few points I'm this video I needed too hear Paula thanks for that because it's very easy too get caught up in my own mind at times. Glad I'm not on my own because some times the abuse I went into seems I was on my own but there is a community out here and it's also good too hear it from a female when you are a male it seems so far you can't talk about the narcissistic abuse with the lads
Month 1-4 during the love bomb i got from my ex gf "mark your so handsome,Mark your the perfect boyfriend,Mark you look amazing swimming in the sea today..i love you after only 3 weeks!"..mirroring..I drink tea she starts to love drinking tea..i wear a cap she buys a cap..I do keto diet..she wants to go get keto food so we go keto food shopping...I drive a car she wants to get a licence..i go to a gym then she wants to join"..months 4 I go to collect her as I got tickets for us to go the cinema and boom! I'm told "all my friends say your a bad bf"..completely out if the blue she doesn't like me..I get love bombed again a week later then i ask to spend time to myself and I'm told "oh f@#k your time"..we break up on a Monday and she in another relationship by friday and floods fb with pics..then married within 5 months! Never even asked me once to be in a pic with her :( sometimes I think maybe I have all this wrong and she wasn't a covert narc and I made a big mistake..i go on you tube and wow!..blowin away by all this stuff i never knew about.. Paula's videos are just so accurate with the time lines and behaviour that I'm convinced its what she is..I reached out twice to her since to see if she's doing ok and was spoken to like dog crap..if I was dead she couldn't care less..amazing the two different sides to the same person..wonderful accurate and articulate work from Paula again.. your channel deserves so much more attention for your work!
Thanks Mark for your great support here to us all 🙏🥰
Your awesome. Thank you for your content. May I ask what your lenses are because I've been looking everywhere for those. I would greatly appreciate it very much. I am currently dealing with estranged family due to a severe narcissistic mother. Very painful. Praying, at a crossroad. ❤🙏 thank you so very much.
Thank you..it will get less painful put the focus on you!! Lenses are by Celine Paris stocked in a local Irish Opticians in Dublin 🤓
I’m getting to know the game plan. When they see I know it, I’m preparing myself for the upper hand. Thank you for the help entirely ❤
A good explanation of how we get into the 'habit' of upping what we do as time goes one.
Thank you Paula for this video you are spot on. I went through it all. But have come out being wiser,and becoming educated on covert Narcissistic personality disorder. All blessings to you. You are looking very well. 🌟🌟👍
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One day we will look at the narcissists with a strange sense of compassion. Yes Pola. You are right. And we will be sure we want nothing to do with the narcissists. Thank you 🙏 God bless you❤
I love this video, thanks teacher.
You speak truth, Paula! Healing from a disordered person takes a very long time, but it can happen and does if we do the hard work of educating ourselves about pathology, work on our own character growth and healing the trauma. I’m so grateful for the journey that is leading me to healthier relationships in all areas of my life. Thank you for your videos, they are spot on so helpful! 💗
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Absolutely amazing video as usual, you could be describing my ex narc, your insight is unreal!
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When I got upset and started crying and/or arguing, that was the ultimate fuel. Seemed to enjoy that more than the lovey dovey stuff. To see me so upset and so confused just fed him like manna from heaven. Afterwards he felt justified in punishing me which pumped him up even more. Ugh. Total waste of time and actually waste of my life because my parents were like this and so were my romantic partners. Took me decades to begin to realise it's not normal.
❤ I was having a genuine experience. I suppose in love with me,as I was love bombed & mirrored. There was a bag of props used also, like religion and other interests that weren't real. Multiple persons? I can't imagine keeping that many balls in the air. A dark art .
Many thanks Paula for your amazing insight..... Happy to be a buddy! Surrey, UK.
True...well explained, thank you.
Glad it was helpful!
@@NarcCon ❤️
You never disappoint: I always get such insight and clarity from your teaching ❤️
I'm so glad!
Since a Narcissist is void of essence they mimic the other person and during the “ love bomb” phase we fall in love with ourself but we don’t know that. Instead we think we found our soul mate.
Absolutely spot on . Thank you
Thank you Paula. ❤️
I so needed to hear this today Paula I let the ex narc back in after getting some bad family news took me out for tea bought me my favourite flowers, asked me to go on holiday as a friend after 4 months no contact said he wasn’t with anyone I messaged him at night as I knew he didn’t have his children no answer silent treatment hadn’t stopped messaging before that I know he’s with new supply blocked him again luckily I’m strong enough to walk away I know his mo been there for 3 and a half years they really are sick you described him exactly again thank you 🙏 I won’t be his option or anyone’s else’s option
🙋♀️🌹good things ahead
They are so damaged, And we dont have to take that on. They are projcting thir pain
This last of 4 discards I was told he needed space to figure himself out for whatever time he has left. I'm 60, he's 68 and figured himself out with a 50yr old widow
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Thanks paula ❤
I was in mine for 20 plus years. I could never understand what was happening, And he had affairs with women from his job. but tell others he was not because when I finally put a name to what was happening. I'm like wow never new this. But I divorced him and he still made it look like I was the problem I had to save me and my children. It was really bad. The healing process was hard but i have made it through.
I feel like you are talking about my narcissist.. he told me just prior to the discard that he needed to go on a retreat to figure out his life.. it makes so much sense now! I ended up discarding him in the end.
Thankyou Paula ,your videos are so helpful 💕
You are so welcome!
I was told "I misjudged you."
Someday you will look back on the narcissist with a strange sense of compassion . 😶
I kind of do that now.
OMG!!! Thank you. For insight, help, and support.
You are a Much Needed Message
Bringer💝
Love, Light, ND Blessings from across the Pond 🌎💝💕❤️🩹🥰
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@Narc Con you know, 2 years ago, I did not even know the definition of narcissist! Today I know more. My daughter married one. He is devaluing her at present. I have shared your channel with her. Yesterday she texted, "I want out". Again, you are a Blessing and a teacher. I love you for that!💜
Blessings from across the Pond 🌎💝💕
Thank you .. ❤🏆
You're welcome 😊
Thee only way out is thru.
Wishing the W.H.O. would recognize this as lethal hazard! But for now Paula and others may be the only pill to healing.
Stay strong, Bryan
As I relaxed and focused on myself Paula after 10 years with the narcissist ex wife she started telling me to buck my ideas up as other guys were interested in her now.
I (in her eyes of supporting her job failures,and job gains,mood swings,rages,friendships falling away,facebook jealousy of others including friends on fantastic holidays etc such envy by my ex of others especially females
She had a work affair and left me after sex
She felt nothing for me after 10 1/2 years
I couldn’t understand what was happening
It’s taken me 12-18 months to overcome the false person
I just come out of a year relationship but she dumped me nearly every month, she was a walking red flag. The girl broke me, today is the first day that I feel like I don’t want/need her. She even got her daughter calling me last night. I thought this woman was gay but she’s chatting to men and women on a dating site, wasted and it truly was a waste, of a full year with my hoping she’d change or I could help her. Very complex, was never goner be enough, she finally I get that now
They drop like flies around 90 days for me, Happy Halloween is ovah!
Control is All they Love if you want to say they can love.
Narcissist’s logic be like I will make my partner’s life a living Hell because that way I will get what I want. They can’t just be good to their partner and build trust have mutual respect and appreciation opening the door for the partner to give the narc what they want and more. The partner wants to give love and wants both to be happy and make the future better and better but the narc throws in their own windows due to their destructive behaviors. It is such a shame and loss that when you have this shared fantasy with the narc and you are technically able to make it happen in time that the same narc eventually discards it for a new adventure, a new supply and then start all over. In the end the narc will have reached nothing but a trail of broken hearts left behind without having gained anything. Their lies and deceit will eventually catch up on them at their dying bed being left alone by everyone deserted, ill and poor. The narcissists is on a killing road including killing themselves.
I feel like sending his wife some flowers for her trouble. I’m tired of this shit. Time for HIM to have consequences. He lives abroad, we have no mutual friends, he can’t come after the career I don’t have. I’m not married. No kids. He doesn’t do social media because of his position (CEO). There’s nobody he can send my way. I am SO tempted. He lit me up too many times and after 14 months I lost my cool. I clobbered him. I’m in DEEEEEP discard/punishment/silent phase. But of course,…..my texts still get delivered. No reply. Effing child!
So what do you say girls? Do I send flowers to his wife? Somebody please say, “Hell yes!”💐💐💐Send Her a copy of Ramani’s book too.
Makes me wonder when my ex boyfriend would had discarded me if I had not discarded him first. We had been together 2 years. Not living together.
May God always bless you amin
Thanks U could have not said it better They very sick people
Thank you
Hello, have you ever done a video about if they come back and they have changed or understand whatever was going on. Are there any circumstances or advice you have about reconciliation. He has been reaching out and I have not said a word. Part of me wants to. He told me he loved me and was just sharing thoughts. So there was no call to any action, so I didn’t respond. He asked me if I was okay, I didn’t respond. I keep praying…maybe he can feel that I want to have the courage to have a coffee date again out there in the works. Nothing crazy but I am open to a conversation with a human out there lol 😂meaning I feel like I am in a better place…
I meant out in the world, if someone asks me for coffee after a year and 1/2 of no contact, I would go.
In the Hoovering playlist 🌹
What is the marriage of a make narcisst and a female covert narcisst like? I’d love to hear from people with first hand experience. Thank you from Australia
Just an FYI: HUSBAND served papers as we were sitting at home waiting for the roast to be done for dinner!!!! No real reaction. A few snarky comments in regards to something else and he was really venting because his comments had nothing to do with topic of conversation. Very strange.
excellent
Thanks Emmaline 🌹
Paula what is your name on Spotify I need too listen too the cast out on the walk
Search (Narc con) use the brackets should get there
I think the term for these people , is gold digger . They youse yu for what yu have , then the start shopping , then when final figure them out they have another they never miss a beat , yu on the the other hand , yu are left to clean up the mess , they are evil people , and their is never one in that family .. they feed off each other, to attack yu … she is 100% correct ,, yu have no future with them , just pain … and when I say gold digger it’s not gender specific ..
Parental control over you is true and its immediately unattractive
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Paula, get yourself a dry white shirt.
Youre from eire.
It comes from Hell ..
Paula your right on the money when they always have another supply, they always. My ex always has 2 guys, always. It makes me sick to my stomach that I was with someone for almost 10 years and had child with her and in reality, I NEVER knew her. I can’t lie, I have no idea of what her PAST was or how many people she was with. Her son Paula, told me 30 days after burying his father’s ashes after he committed suicide, she already had a guy in her car. So many RED flags. Telling men she LOVES them is her weapon, and SEX. I haven’t talked to her going on almost 4 years and I never will!!