Here’s the key to understanding narcs: every insult they say about you is an EXACT description of them. Everything they claim they DID NOT do, is exactly what they did do. It’s actually pretty simple.
mine used to drive me insane when I'd try and express myself he'd say are you talking to yourself or it sounds like your arguing with yourself..or he'd say your messages don't make any sense. I'd be so confused as I never ranted in messages and nobody else has ever struggled to grasp me.
An empty person is exactly the way to describe them. Looking back now, I recognize that he never seemed to be present. He always seemed to be blank, empty, not even searching for something to talk about.
Yup. I have many photos after our 30 years together that display this empty look. (I have many showing sheer contempt as well; I just didn't know it at the time). I thought it was depression.
I wanted to add that putting ourselves into their mindset, trying to think like an evil person thinks, leaves me feeling a deep darkness inside my own soul. It is a terrifying experience trying to think like they think. "Please deliver me from evil." Please keep these diabolical souls away from me.
The Discard is a 🎁GIFT 💝 💛🌹🧡🙌whether you left or they did! The pain is great! The grieving process is painful! Mainly because you cant fathom how anyone can be so heartless,cruel and evil. Its almost incomprehensible. But the wisdom, knowledge,healing and power you eventually gain is matchless! Never ever give up!Kick their fake A..s to the curb, Never fall for the hoover!!!! Keep going as tough as it is on this road of recovery or else they win and you miss out on the biggest gifts, self love acceptance peace, new beginnings and profound armour for the next narc that comes along.
They do pop up one after another,it is uncanny how their ugliness is so similar to the previous narc or narcs and there main thing is steal,lie,destroy anything and everything and none of them feel a thing,they have no conviction of doing wrong,no respect for you nor anything you say
❤❤You have just nailed it on the head very succinctly and artfully! Never ever give up! The journey we take in healing and recovery is worth it! You are a beautiful, precious soul! God bless you!!❤
I knew I wasn’t his girlfriend,, I was just his supply ,,, looking back at the 8 years with him was so painful,, so dysfunctional,, my health suffered ,, the adrenal fatigue,, heart problems, I had to have surgery,, my anxiety was through the roof ,, this evil entity could of ended me !,,,,
Wow, I don't think I could have explained this better myself. This video incapsulated everything I went through with my ex narc! The only solace we can take away in all of this is knowing we aren't alone and it was never our fault. You are so right, they are personality disordered and everyone they come into relationship with will end up just like us or worse. The hardest thing is to except the fact that it wasn't you and they will never change but when you do, it is very freeing. Thanks for another excellent video.
I'm going through the exact same thing.... heart palpation, severe anxiety, absolutely no motivation to even throw the trash, opiate addiction, I'm a reculse.. I keep finding this same type of evil in others so, I am completely shut down
I could have written this and only 8 or 9 weeks intimate with him. We were friends and it was a love story. Having been alone for 12 yrs I was innocent as a child. I am widowed. How cold and cruel is this 47yr old man? I am a super empath. I am a good decent woman. I was confrontational and openly hostile when discarding him. I saw his controlling as hostility and responded accordingly! I call a spade a spade and I am accustomed to being alone. There is strength in being alone and a calm in your soul. Embrace it 💕
@@sarahbeth6945 Sarah, I spent 12 yrs sexless . Those were good years when I was younger and more beautiful. I feel regret for not allowing love into my life for that time although I grew. In hindsight the trick may be to educate yourself and sift them out. Don't sleep with them unless you just want a physical thing. Put yourself first and have strong boundaries. Life is good. Love is good. I am 55 and a little overweight but I threw myself into love. I will do it again. Love is good for us xx
@@BridiesMammaG thank you for your kind words:) I am growing and learning about myself and have the knowledge and wisdom to discern who is good and who is down right rotten. I learned the hard way ofc, but I did learn thankfully. We deserve it
She went for my work and job today sent my boss who’s ceo of a large company I work as a chief commercial advisor for all my messages regarding my work where I shared confidential information with her in confidence. She did this in retaliation for me reporting her for romance fraud and she had her bank account frozen yesterday but she already threatened she would destroy my career before- my boss supports me my job safe but I’m dealing a full on dark triad calculating malicious narc - she thinks her behaviour normal. She will not win it’s the last act she could do in the smear campaign but she over played her hand - thanks for these videos Paula it’s Nathan again and your keeping me sane and strong
My discard in October almost killed me. It took every ounce of courage and sanity I could dig up to make the hour drive home after finding the new supply at his house and being told they had been together for two weeks.
I'm so sorry you went through this. We gave so much & it just wasn't enough. What hurts the most is he said I can walk away and never look back. Pretty cruel after 40 years together. God Bless You & Find your happiness
I fought a long, hard battle to maintain my sanity and my assets when, after 16 years to the day, my Ex covert narc asked for a divorce (because among other things I “had changed!” Just prior to this discard, my dog died. My grief was so profound I enlisted the help of a therapist and quickly learned my situation was more complicated than the dog’s death. So I now had two losses to grieve over. The discard and aftermath was horrific. What saved me: therapy, friends, family, meditating, swimming laps, journaling, hiring an attorney, and quickly educating myself on everything from narcissism to home-buying. Still struggle with radical acceptance, but it is good to be out of the fog. Thank you for this channel. This video really hit home!
In my case it was a discard after 16 years too, with two kids, a big dog and being a housewife 🙈. Sometimes I'm fine, but sometimes I'm desperate 🫤. He is hiding his next...😒 Keeps everthing secret. It's the hell to be in the divorce process with him.😵💫
@rosalavendelchen7846 you will be better off. I am waiting to divorce. So happy I will file soon. The narc husband I have reverse discarded me because he doesn't wanna file and lose $$$ plus I don't think he has anyone else lined up
They usually end up with another Narcisist and brutally fight with each other whenever they are together It ends up fatal and they never get any peace out of it and that is their Karme🍁
Happen to my husband he can't even visit his child. I'm not sorry for him and will never be friends with him 25 yr of marriage left me for trash garbage
I was discarded at age 24 by an older narcissist. It took me years to figure it out. It was the classic case because my parents were narcissists and I was so vulnerable and he was so worldly and predatory.
I want to thank you so much for these videos...so many people in the "real world" tell you to just move on...breakups happen..without understanding someone you loved threw you away like a piece of trash and left with no closure and your heart and soul destroyed.. my therapist told me today she remembers when I came in the first time to see her and the excruciating pain all over my face right after I left the relationship...these videos save lives. ❤❤❤ also, it felt more like the discard was like stepping on a landmine and decimating yourself and from the ashes you rise..🙏
Exactly, its a shame they dont want to or ever will realize this. You have to build yourself back up and just go no contact, lead your life happily and take them as a lesson for the future and avoid any more of these toxic people.
😭😭😭😭😭😭😭I'm so sorry you went through that hun keep believe in yourself and lean on Jesus his name is most powerful name in the universe ask him for help he will heal you
The discard in silence is the worst. Your brain goes into a frenzy & you are left thinking wtf did I do? Does he/she really love me or care? Damn, they just left me hanging like trash? Am I trash? What happened? Then you are like a addict.. Trying to get your next hit/ hoover from them. Constantly in your head about how much love you gave them and how you stayed on your best behavior. Smh. Then once you process that pain and grow-> not go through but GROW THROUGH the pain, realize you are a super awesome empath that got sucked into a dark hole. You realize it was never you! It was that evil, emotional vampire sucker. It will take time to heal but you can do it!!
Nice to know that "none of us are alone in our tragedy.Trying to destroy someone's life,is totally unacceptable!God Bless and Protect you all.Thank you for sharing your experiences.🙏💜🙏❤️
I discarded mine, after 3 years of terrible abuse, I put up with all kinds of bad behaviour, and she will have been shocked when i turned up at her house a dumped all her stuff in her garden, sadly 2 days later i fell for the hoover and got back with her for 1 hour, she then discarded me, lol. Power had to be on her side. We have never spoken since this was 2 years ago. Never fall for the Hoover NEVER!!!!
Yip if you fall for the hoover Wich they will when you go no contact you will end up with more damage Pain not to speak of the way they make you think your crazy hurt you to drive you to suicide then text to check up how much pain you are in
I went through the exact same thing! The things that happened to her afterwards were nothing that someone's worst enemy would wish upon somebody from her from her then other man
I got the second type of discard. Seeing and experiencing this I ultimately realized that this person was capable of anything. But i will say that when i was with her, I always felt that way. Something about her. I just always carried around this sense that she could leave me at any moment, at any phone call or text. It's crazy. And you also always feel that even when you are physically with them that she's not there. I don't know how to explain it. Like I had this feeling that all of this is just temporary. There's something missing with them. It's part of the stress of the trauma bond because you are stressed that you don't want to lose this person. They use that trauma bond as a weapon to hurt (destroy) you whenever they feel like it.
@@NarcCon I still feel I have to check my replies as a partner of a covert narc for 18 years .. that I’m showing or not showing signs of narcissistic ‘nits’ if that makes sense? Not paranoid but aware that I can also be grandiose / attention seeking a little still due to being with that individual. Our inner critic can sometimes be too critical in over analysing but it does get better and thank you 🙏🏻 🏴
I didn't know it. From a family where I'm barely predominantly Irish and it's like 50/50 English almost all my dad's side, 100% my Mom's...the Irish accent is tricky for me...because I can't tell if they're American sometimes or if they're British... Until I know they're Irish (Please don't bomb my car...IRA... Oh yeah, that's right, I don't have a car, oh well...)
This video is exactly what I went thru with my ex narcissist girlfriend and is the best therapy I could ever received. Thank you!…I’ve never had anyone treat me in such a mean, cruel, vindictive manor, much less someone I loved , adored and gave my heart to. I want to tell everyone who is in a hopeless state, depressed, confused, barely able to function, etc.following an unjustified discard by a narcissist to watch as many videos of this type to understand what just happened and to give you closer….after watching countless hours of videos on these evil creatures, I now have closure and my light is shining brighter than ever. I’m in a new relationship with a fellow empath and it’s been amazing. Zero arguments in 5 months of dating. So different from the toxic weekly fights with the narcissist ex. Good luck and may God bless all the fellow empaths. You can make it thru this and come out stronger than ever.😊
EMPTY person is a very good description. I call them a dark bottomless pit. I had to discard the narc when he was out of town with supply, I was in pain, blocked everywhere, and was told by others that I was cruel and heartless. You will have ignorance from others to deal with too. My heart goes out to all of you that go through weeks, months and sometimes years to get well and remove people including flying monkeys that cause you more pain.
I think the first type of discard, when they try to keep you in the dark about the new supply is the type of discard when they plan to hoover you back at some point. When they rub it in your face is when they want you to get sick of them, to hate them obviously making the return impossible. Either way they are sick people on a temporary power trip.
The new supply is someone he had a relationship with before me. I don't think he was ready, but I saw it in his eyes the morning after he slept with her. He wanted to stay another four months, probably to triangulate us, but I said he had to go. It was the next day that he tried to pull off another "accident " for me. God stepped in and I was saved. The recovery has been huge, two years so far, but I m a stronger person than ever before.
I’m such a text book victim. I hate that. I made every mistake, I played into every cruel game, I told the flying monkeys everything, I was fooled, discarded, slander campaign, I acted how the puppeteer wanted. My knowledge came too late in my story Then the old supply was rubbed in my face. I literally died that day. I was 6 months pregnant. Homeless with my angel daughter let down by mummy What a disgrace I am This man was and still is dangerous . I sold my soul to the devil I nearly lost my life Thank god I didn’t but what is left is a very angry devalued version of me I used to be wonderful Please pray she comes back
She is still there behind all the hurt and devastation what I could see when I read your comment was a very strong person you have survived this you are a warrior look into your beautiful child's eye and see how much you are loved because you are loved never forget that
Both are horrible.....from personal experience. I really appreciate you explaining the more covert discard and not knowing for sure what’s going on and the craziness you feel when your gut is screaming that there’s another person but the narc is fiercely protecting their image. This is a tough road to recovery and understanding what normal and decent is again.
Listen carefully to every insult and every accusation they throw at you, because they are diligently describing themselves. Exactly the case Pola 😊❤ thank you. 🙏 God bless you❤
"Dealing with an insane person", you made me laugh when you said that, I am still laughing. Just the way you said it. Thank goodness this is all long gone for me, but I feel for anyone that is going through it, hell on earth is what it feels like. People, don't get hard because of bad circumstances, everything changes. Wisdom, Grow !!!!
Yes. It’s exactly like someone has died. You have to grieve the end of the relationship ( because you loved them.) like a death. I’ve lost people I loved through death and this somehow felt the same. I could not have done anymore for her when we were together! And she discarded me by text after lining her new source up before she left me. It’s incredible the coldness it was done in.
Wow wow wow.... Paula you used words that i didn't have words for but only a gut feeling. This makes healing so much easier. I took my power back without knowing about narcissism and everything is making sense now. Even previous relationships i am reminded that i was involved with beings with no empathy and huge narcissistic traits. Absolutely demonic. And these monsters even pretend to be Christians. God Bless all narc survivors.
A REAL GIFT, a real gift! Yes mam,only when you are healing and heal can you then understand who and what a narcissist is. REAL CRAZY SH%&. IF IT WASN'T FOR THE DISCARD, YOU WOULD NOT KNOW WHAT REAL LOVE FEELS LIKE! Move on,get healthy, heal,KEEP loving yourself and OTHERS and thank jehovah God for it,live your life.😀💯❤
One thing I dont like is how these narcs pretend to be godly and insult our lord and saviour jesus christ that really hurts my heart they use god to real u in coming across that they are honest and godly people is disgusting in my eyes thank u for the video Paula love your cross u are such a good person just want to tell u that god has given you alot of wisdom and is using you powerfully god bless u from the uk x
Joe that is exactly how i became involved with him, he told me he was a God fearing man and a while down the road i told him that is how i became involved with him and told him he has acted like nothing but a heathen since, he asked me what did i say, so i repeated! And since then has realized that he is of the Jezebel Spirit, python spirit, and the leviathon spirit,
@@yvonnehall3312 wow I've been preying against them spirits every day my ex narc knew her scripture but the lord told me just because someone knows the Bible don't make them a follower in Jesus the lord also said to me she is hiding and said don't try and change someone who doesn't want to change hope your ok god bless you
@@joeglynn2758 Yes, i have learned to never go by peoples words, but by their actions and that was how i operated before this person came into my life but i let down my guards for him, i never liked men that bragged, acholics, and gamblers and ended up with a person that did it all and was a hoarder, all horrible, never again!
It took 8 months for the Narcissist to fully leave It took that length of time for him to secure his next plan The new supply was there from the very beginning but he kept playing a very clever game with me and our 2 teenage children at the time The Lies The Lies The Lies that's what I remember most of all As you say Paula you are with the love of your life( my case married to him for 28 yrs) I honestly never heard the word Narcissist I hadnt a clue what was happening The physical pain was real and emotionally I dont know how I came through that but the only explanation I have is that a higher power looked after me and gave me the strength to go on It gets better bit by bit and there really is a much better life ahead other than the one you just came out of We didnt know that while they had the power I forgot to say all that time he denied that there was a new Supply to this day he has never admitted to our now adult children that he left me for the new Supply Still justifying himself
I am just here to pay homage to videos such as these I couldnt understand what i was going through all I knew was I was going to die if I didnt get out and it wasnt an abusive relationship physically it was solely mental and that abuse felt demonic i was literally a zombie alive but dead , I'm happy I'm out and filled with the knowledge and knowing of these beings also I realise my part in coming into contact with such beings , these videos save lives and I'm forever grateful.
Wow....this perspective is spot on. He once said to me.."You think you are so great, the queen of all women" and,"I spent a lot of energy on you in the beginning"...and. I never betrayed you when we were together " and... "We weren't back together, you were just coming over for dinner"....and lie upon lies... etc...and the smear campaign is seriously damaging. Very dangerous. I spent so much money on him which he will never pay back...He won't hoover ever again now .
Mine was the first type and I was blind sided. We had plans of things to do and places to go. Sent text with lips and hearts up to the day before discard and ghosting. After 27 years you would think you know someone and deserve something better at the end. Still don't know why it happened until I started watching these videos and recalling her childhood. And the fact of calling her out on lies I had heard. I think this triggered her. You are right it does leave you in a very very dark place for a long time. Thanks for the video.
I haven't seen all of your shows, but when someone who has rarely gotten sick, doesn't partake in alcohol, and just so happens to get "seriously ill" as if poisoned, following week long visits from what I now know as a covert narcissist. I could write a book on this subject now. I'm still tempted to contact them to make them aware I know which items they have unlawfully removed from my house, but I'm taking the advice of the Sages on this subject and sticking to no contact. A great Stoic once said, "never argue with a fool, because you'd have to stoop down to their level, and that's where they have the most experience."
Wish I knew before about their personality disorder. It was for me so painful to be discarded with the second type of discard - he threw me away like a trash, no empathy, was totally cold towards me as if I had committed a crime, and him saying how suddenly totally different girl is a "cool person" while I was less than nothing. I felt the pain fully too, I wanted to die, because it was so unbearable. Being just discarded after all the lies, abuse and manipulation is one thing, but being even replaced at the same day of discard by someone new - I think thats much worse than the First case. And even if you learned a lot about narcissists, watched many videos, did read many articles and understand their behavior, the damage which this made to your self esteem ("being replaced" in this cruel way) is very hard to fix or heal. I mean, even if you know about them it will not get together your shattered self esteem because it already caused very deep scar of being not good enough. Plus is hard to not hate the new supply.
I believe mine was getting ready to leave me but I'll never know he passed away last year. Knowing these things have complicated my grief , I cant stop stop thinking he may never of really cared* God that hurts. I was a great supply because I give all I have and he didnt have to go without much* Bless you hope your happy with someone by now*
I watched a film by Woody Allen the other day called “Match Point” with Scarlet Johansson, my goodness! so similar to my story, with the difference that I survived. I resonate so much with your videos, you describe my ex narc behavior to a T. Can you make a video of the difference between narcissists and psychopaths? I believe my ex was a psychopath more than a narcissist. I also experienced that I got more toxic myself while being in a relationship with him. Can narcissism be contagious? I got in much better place once I left and blocked him everywhere and went completely no contact. I went from hating myself for allowing so much disrespect and humiliation to a more loving place focused specially on self-love and recovery🥰 and learning to enjoy my own company. I recommend to people who have gone through this hardship to learn to be by themselves and enjoy being alone. Once you feel comfortable in your own skin and feel at peace being by yourself you become invincible 💪🏻 because it’ll be easier to put boundaries and keep them. You got nothing to lose, you got you!
thank you for your comment, sending love all the way from kona, Hawaii...i too am going through the healing process, and alone, after 29yrs married to a narcissist... Didn't know what the heck it was until I was out of the fog and did lots of research and watching a lot of videos to understand that it wasn't me and that he has a dysfunctional personality... in other words nobody home, nobody there, an empty ship/vessel with no one at the helm.. my three adult kids 29,26, and 21... holds steady the truth I didn't do anything wrong even though their dad keeps telling them I'm the bad one but that's a narcissist for you just thank God I have family and friends who truly know my self-worth... I went through deep depression almost didn't wanna live anymore but I had to find the strength and courage to MoveOn it's interesting that he is a police officer and was able to pass the police test and he's actually going to retire in about four years that he has the mentality of a child not older than nine years old I'm still learning a lot... he was served divorce papers two months ago actually a restraining order saying that he cannot take me off of his medical or take out and move his money out of the bank accounts some thing he also opened up without putting my name on it but here in Hawaii the law is everything is 50-50, he has decided to represent himself without a lawyer my lawyer I had to pay $10,000 even though I wasn't the one who wanted to divorce in the first place but he wanted to continue to be married to me and still have his new supply on the side... it is just crazy... I lost so much weight in just two months I had no desire to eat or to even take care of myself I got to the point where I went down to 105 pounds from 125 and it got really scary so I had no choice but to really get strong for myself and for my kids and my granddaughter..he was having an affair behind my back for about a whole year even though he said they were just friends now I know he was planning it all this time and now we're not even divorced yet but he is not parading her all over I just don't understand how she can think it's OK it's hard to explain to my friends and family of exactly what happened because nobody really understands what narcissism is... He has three personalities a false self a true self and a demonic entity
I love my own space time to come go. Eat, sleep shop. My dog owns me, my flowers garden keeps me happy. The world is too complicated to waste precious time. I ve experienced narcissist abuse all my life.Mother thru 3 husband's. Plus alienated from great grand children l raised. Gotta leave all that behind.
My discard six years ago was sudden, barely one week after the narc's 'best friend ' (probably a f**k buddy) told me stuff about the narc's former guys before me. It was marked by one week of silence and ghosting, followed by a demand by the narc for a talk which turned into verbal abuse of me and threats to hurt me and my family. "Let's just be friends." Ya right, we were barely even friends to begin with. It was so laughable in retrospect although I was left gobsmacked. I pity the guys after me, ...... actually no, because I believe that the narc ex downgraded for f**kboy guys instead of empathic me. Barely a few months after the discard, that narc was already with a new guy which did not last for long. I really believe discards can be a mix of the two you mentioned.
It is cruel when you feel like left in the middle of the desert like a "Hot Potato" 😃 but to reach the promise land you need to leave all that is not Holy on that desert in order to reach that promised land and God bless you. It took 40 yrs for the hebrews to get there the sooner you get rid of all that trauma youll be on your way its up to you...be patient.
Sadly we know, because we have felt the need to immerse ourselves in learning about the Cluster B's and why they behave in such a way, absorbing as much knowledge as we can, in order to understand these people. It is a path to healing, I feel sorry for all those people in relationships with Narcs, who have no idea what they are dealing with, and all those that spent many years with a Narc, and got discarded, but never learned about Narcissism.
Totally agree. The sheer pain of not knowing can be deadly. I learned and observed for four years. I laid a trap for him....non reactivity. Then he ended up exposing himself. No smear campaign would suffice. Ah boy, he hated it! This, I was able to do because I learned the narcs every move and was strategic. Immerse yourselves in learning guys! It’ll save you The unnecessary PAIN. Although, Narc abuse hurts regardless. We’re only human!
By the time my ex Narc discarded me ( he had hoovered 3 times) I found out his new supply was my long time friend😮this inflicted so much pain and rage I cannot begin to describe how I felt. Finding out about her and him and rubbing it in my face brought out a strength in me that I had never experienced. I told him to get his sorry ass out and that it was great that she and him got together, so as to keep all the shit 😅in one pile and that they deserved each other!! He moved in with her the next day😊
I discarded the narc. She spent 11 years abusing me in subtle ways.. triangulation was her favorite weapon. When we went to buy groceries, she would dress up as if she was going to a night club... and for some odd reason men would OFTEN follow her around the store. What did she do to invite their attention? Always behind my back, when I was looking at tomatoes or whatever. She loved triangulation. Also mirroring, silent treatment, blame-shifting, gas-lighting, future-faking, goading me into arguments. I didn't know what any of this meant at the time, but I did know she is incapable of apologizing, she was never accountable, it was always my fault.. everything was always my fault. She did not have new supply lined up when I discarded her, but it was very clear she was working towards that, so she could discard me. I stole that from her. I stole her grand finale. And when she tried to hoover, I knew she wanted me back only so she could draw me in only to discard me- she wanted revenge. I rejected her hoover. And darnit, that felt good! She blocked me before the hoover, so I wasn't able to block her. But now I've blocked her. I took back the control so she cannot communicate with me. She has new supply. God help him! Probably a really nice guy.
The discard was like being sucker 👊 punched. Shock, disillusionment, and grief. I truly can understand why people commit suicide. The pain is excruciating! Surviving and eventually thriving and knowing what I know now is a blessing. Paula and all who have had this experience, God bless you.
I had a mixture of both. 18 year shit show- 4 year friendship and 14 year “relationship”. He left after a trivial disagreement. I was unaware at the time but he Immediately went into another relationship with someone we worked with. Took her on my ticket to Hawaii with his parents two months later. For 4 months I tried to call and message him. He did not respond to any of my calls or messages but read them until I stopped all communication. I refused to humiliate myself anymore. I then found out there was someone else and had been when he left me. I can only imagine the smear campaign he laid out about me to justify his actions to those watching. To this day I have no idea what was said about me but I can only imagine. I am 3 years no contact. I still feel the effects of the entanglement which is why I keep watching videos but have progressed leaps and bounds from where I was when he left. I have no idea who he’s with or what he’s doing. I don’t care. His departure gave me peace, contentment and self love. Thank you for your wonderful videos!❤️🙏🏽
You have no idea how this has helped me… my ex husband of 15 years gave me the second disguard you mentioned… then a few years after he left while I was still going thru a horrible expensive court battle with him I met my next narc.. who love bombed me so much I had never experienced anything like that before trauma bond and all… I kept trying to lay boundaries with him… the chaos continued… I think he knew he couldn’t sustain it anymore so he begged me back I am quite sure so he could give me the cruelest discard ever.. the first discard you mentioned is the one he gave me.. I really didn’t think he was a narc … I cried multiple times a day for 3-4 months… watching videos on how to get him back… did think about suicide… none of my friends or family could relate to what it felt like… if I would have killed myself my 3 kids would have been completely raised by Narc #1… then I reached out to his 2 nd wife and she said he was a narcissist!!! I was shocked.. couldn’t believe it… he said verbatim to her some of the exact same things he said to me… he had a totally different style than my ex husband… she saved me!!! Along with all of these videos… we are close friends now.. we have really helped each other heal… but you have helped so much. I feel like I have literally lived in a false reality for 20 years ( with the 1st and 2 nd)… I am healing and learning the red flags to look out for… but I still can’t trust and be vulnerable to anyone… I hope that there is hope for me
Yeah. He told everyone I was crazy during the discard. He forgot to tell them he is the one who drove me nuts. Then he hoovered me and told me he left me because he just couldn't handle crazy. For someone who doesn't do crazy he uses it to discard and hoover all at the same time. Ugh. If you follow what I am saying you know my torture and pain.
I have been in this for 2 years, I have given everything, everything in me I can ever give, and when I needed her the most I only asked her to listen, I woke up to a message am not on her team and am going to ruin her life, me who push d h r to go back to uni and graduate, to have a good job and be financially sufficient, to have boundaries and pay attention to her own hobbies and interests, I only asked for one time, one time only and I got blocked and crucified for it, I can't look in the mirror, in my the eyes of my family and friends and tell them she woke up one day and blocked me, no justification nothing, just got discarded after 2 years of me being depleted of any sort of energy in me, thank you for making this, thank you for clearing up why and for what, I nearly killed myself one day feeling such a failure, blaming it all on myself that I didn't do the right thing. After two cycles of this I feel so weak, with no answers, nothing, until I found you, god bless you.
Spot-on. The abject cruelty of the narcissist, exemplified by the discard, is hard to fathom. I am finished with this person, my own mother, after more than half a century. She is completely without empathy. So glad to be free... at last.
I once read they discard you in the most surprising moment, or most difficult period of your life or best time of the relationship. He had learnt I was not the same, I had started to answer back, to not obey, to not satisfy all of his tantrums. But, but, but, at the same time, we had two beautiful trips ahead (booked, paid) one to the south of Argentina, another to Italy. He showed to be enjoying the words he used for the discard: "let's go on with our lives separately. I'm not going to go on any of the trips" 😢😢 . Devastating. He knew what to do or say to cause me pain. Bye, bye, baby, were my three final words before my CERO CONTACT.
I got my discard after we went on an awkward vacation where he did anything possible to withdraw affection and he flipped on me one night because of a comment I made about another woman he gave a massage to “just to be nice”. I went to my room and cried to a friend on the phone and he was cool and calm, of course I came out and apologized because I didn’t want more tension for the rest of the trip. When we came back from the trip is when I never heard from him again.
there are no coincidences. you are God sent your easy way of explaining enters in the mind of people like myself and helps to recall all the situations that now ,at least I did,one can identify and point to have been an encounter with narcissistic individuals it is unbelievable how clearly you described narcissistic friendships ,I was able to recognized some of them. Recently (6 months ago) I was discarded ,even though it brought pain ,I was amazed at the spiritual lift I felt, it was as if God was pleased with me for having enforced my boundaries(he drop me because when he wanted to have sex I replayed that my godly fear was greater than having a carnal pleasure. After that I was asked to give sermons at my church and it felt like the Holy Spirit guided me and inspired me to prepare several sermons after that. when we assert ourselves In our beliefs and integrity we are empower . Thank you for all you do to help people understand the dynamics of the toxic relationships . Best wishes on your endeavors. Blessings from above.
Thanks so very much and I love that you got out and proceed to do great work..I value your blessing highly and send you good energy and blessings in return 🙏
Hearing the first type of discard just gave me so much relief. I keep hearing about these explosive discards with rage ect and just thinking but that’s not what happened it was brutal but it was quick and dismissive. I wish you did in person retreats or group gatherings, I would 100% travel to hear you speak and to be around others that understand
Paula Can I just add...you are a beautiful soul. And your empathy and 🚗 drive move me to tears of happiness. We need more people like you to come forward and change the perception of this world. Thank you sweetheart, this is a ongoing spiritual 🙏 warfare...which requires everything ❤️ you have. YOU are blessed and loved by us all. Peace&Love&Light
This is so accurate. It took me back to the time of my discard, which now feels like an important turning point from another life. Thank you so much. 🙏
Thank you, exceptional explanation.... Identifying what you were dealing with erases the doubt, cognitive dissonance and propels you forward to healing your broken heart. Realising it was all a sick game made me defiant and determined to succeed. They often underestimate their partner due to their arrogance in thinking they have "trained" you.Yes it hurts like hell, but keep researching and clearing the fog, you will get to the sunlight 🌞
Hi again, Paula. I'm just watching this even though I'm healed, but it helps me fall asleep! Haha. Anyway, i just want to say what another helpful video this is to anyone who has landed in RUclips by trying to Google what the hell happened to them, as many of us here did. It is odd how so many of us only discover this after the discard and realised all the things we excused were actually red flags or them showing their true selves. The cruelty on the lead up is something that can send you spinning and seeing this person actually hates you then when they tell you (on the one thing they leave open for communication) they deleted every photo, every message, every memory of you, it actually destroys you. But in doing this, they really show you their immaturity. This isn't something a normal, grown adult does ..this is a modern day 14 year old strop! My advice to anyone thinking they are still with a narcissist is, get as much of your money owed back ASAP or hide something you can sell as no way are you gonna see that. They feel entitled to it and justify why you should have given them it. Plan fir somewhere to go if you live together. Try and get away first if you feel safe enough to leave. It'll save you a little less heartbreak I think if you can use that strength that you did it to them .. not them to you. For those of us that found our selves thrown away like an old refrigerator, keep watching videos like Paula's. Find Dating a Sociopath com online. (Kind of shocking) and know that eventually, slowly you will get through this and for many, we fly out with even bigger wings.
Everything you said about the 2 types discard are 100% accurate. I endured both. 1st discard was the 2nd type. It was early in our relationship and she was married to the new supply within a few months. Within 6 months she was back with me. She was a horrible alcoholic. I took care of her for 5 yrs and she got sober. Once I couldn't take care of her every need she did the 1st type of discard in reverse fashion. Problem for her is that I kicked her out b4 she had time to complete the full love bomb stage which set her plan back a few months. Because her family is tired of her past crazy behavior, she is hiding the new relationship from everyone. Once she feels an acceptable time has past from our breakup she will reveal the relationship as brand new and the best of her life...until it isnt.
The ones I've dealt with. Almost NEVER try to make the discard an ugly thing. I have, because I never want them coming back. But, thats never worked either. They just ignore any belittling you say. And ignore anything they've done with it. "You're living in the past" , "we all make mistakes" , they say stuff like this, to justify what they do. It's robotic responses. They know what they need to say. To get by.
Imagine how confusing it would be to the different compartments in the narcs kids, friends and family. Because some would see how well the narc was treated with a little smear here and there( they smear everyone). Some would say,I'm glad he's dumped because of all the horrible things you've told me( projecting). It's over time they expose themselves. I've had the dumped when things are going well and the dropped hints that someone else is of interest. Dropped via text,letters and just ghosted. The last time I left or just stopped communication when she lied and I twigged that she was having an affair. They will twist stories and play victim till the cows come home. But what a learning curve!!! Thanks narc and thanks Paula. 😀
I'm going threw this right now. My 8 year old son doesn't understand how his dad can be so rude to me. I went through 12 years of hell with him. I was discarded around Christmas when I found out he had a girlfriend of 5 years.
When my x left a year ago..it was the first one you described. He hide the new girl, up to this day. He use to block me then unblocked me. I was not allow to asked him any questions. I was blamed for everything. I suffered so much for 4 mths, then one day I said no more. I live to see him and her in big problems. Now he wants to hover me. No way. I blocked him and changed my number. I still feel the hurt, even after one year. He only miss my money, the expensive clothes, and my nice car..not me...never me. The family and friends are just has evil. One come asking for money to help him. I stop talking to all of them. Just evil...pure evil..I was told I was too emotional.
I wish I would have found you 8 years ago. I lacked the knowledge of what I was going through . I thought he was mean. I have learned that he is the worst narc to have to deal with. I did everything wrong. Tried to defend myself. Wrong. Spoke to others about the abuse trying to get help, even doctors. They were unfazed by my emotional pain. Some knew but did not want to get involved. I went through all the stages you spoke about and never had a clue to the horror that was revealed to me by the narc with his mask totally off. I knew it was not normal. But he had isolated me from all family & friends. He slowly took control over me psychologically, mentally, emotionally by verbal and soon physical abuse. It got worse. I realized I had lost myself. I felt flat lined like without any emotions. I was in a constant flight or fight reaction daily trying to survive. My one doctor called the police and he was arrested. If she had not done that I would be dead right now. I thought of suicide to get some peace. But my faith in God helped me survive. It has taken me a year of seeing a Psychologist every week along with forcing myself to stop self isolating , get to church, be around good people and started exercising. Called self care. I am surviving and doing well. Only occasional flashbacks. Too anyone who is really hurting now, you can survive. Keep listening to Paula and find your beautiful self again. It will get better. I am praying for you all.
My discard really was a shock because I thought things were going great for a change. He never did anything for me and he just built a garden bed for me. I had wanted this for a long time. Of course, WHILE he was building it for ME,he had that "attitude" of being sentanced to death. He had also built a workbench in his tool shed. 4 days later,a text about how he was done. All I can say is the videos have helped me to see what a blessing it was. Being "discarded"...I say, being "set free" from the constant chaos they bring to a relationship.
Thanks Narc Con for Everything You do this channel really helps Me Heal everytime i get sad or hurting i watch your videos and makes me feeel alot BETTER!!!!
Absolutely! I was abused for 8 years from a narcissist. I never even heard of a narcissist until a friend explained to me what I was going through. I was discarded and ghosted little over a year now. Now I am being hoovered everyday. He left me for a new supply and I was devastated. I am just now in 2021 feeling like myself again and I am steal healing. I do not even date because I do not trust men at all. Someday soon I will trust again.
The narc that I know did the blame shift, replaced me and ghosted me like I'm the one that ruined the relationship. Another narc blocked me like it's all my fault on all social media.but all I'm doing is trying to find out what happened 😅 they left me in confusion. Thanks to the work of raising the awareness about narcissism and I finally realized that it's a blessing in disguise. It was devastating and confused in the beginning, but as we learnt the lesson and take responsibility, we will realized we have ignored so many red flags and we will live better lives with boundaries, self love,protect our peace and appreciate the good people around us.☺️
Thank you for the detailed explanations. However, the best discard is when it comes from the empath after: *Seeing lots of red flags *Realizing it is hopeless case, *Discovering inability to fix the unfixable
Holy cow this hit me like a ton of bricks. I went through discard recently. I found out in December that I may have cancer in uterus. He started saying I could quit my job and get better. Within a week of being off work he started calling me every name in the book and a burden. So I went back to work at the same job since I left on good terms by finishing my 2 week notice. He got more angry. He kept saying get the fk out of my house and then text saying you can stay as long as you need. I found a house and left. He started trying to be nice before I left. This discard was terrible. He was sick for a short time in the beginning of our relationship and I took care of him. For a year he did not work and I did everything and paid for everything. I never complained. His father was sick with cancer in that time he was out of work. I paid for the trip to where his dad was. We stayed a month and paid for our needs and food so it wouldn't stress out the family. I helped clean and cook. He did not do this when I got sick. This is terrible. I haven't cried yet it's been a week I wonder if something is wrong with me. I feel peace right now. I just feel shocked he would do this to me. He got a good job now and going to be a boss of company in a few years. So I guess he thinks he wants someone better for his new life when I was there when he had nothing. It really hurts. I think he is evil and he did suck out my light. God will give me strength. It is just evil behind this narcissism. Glad I left him there was no going back. He was shocked that I moved out and ended our relationship. He said I wasn't on his side for this new job he had and I made him drink and become depressed. He always had depression. He didn't comfort me at all when I got bad news. Yet I wasn't on his side. I'm sure he is smearing my name. It is awful.
@@NarcCon thank you. You're videos are helping me. I have watched several. I'm 45 and have never experienced anything like this narcissism abuse. I was literally lost on what happened. I'm finding out that alot of characteristics that you mention matches his. It's so awful. I'm trying to go no contact. I haven't talked to him in days. I was financially abused and didn't realize it. I believe I'm an empath. He had me pay way more than he did on bills. He never showed me his checks. I was open with my finances. I honestly never thought he would be hiding money. I have proof thank goodness I paid everything with my bank card. He degraded me for 4 months straight. After 4 years of our relationship. He never showed any type of abuse until January. I couldn't take it no more. So I left. I bet that's what he wanted so he wouldn't look bad. I have about 59 recording of him mentally, emotionally, and verbally abusing me. He was gaslighting me so bad that I thought I was going crazy. He would say he didn't do something or didn't say something. When I would listen to recordings he in fact did or said what I thought. It's a cruel game. I don't understand why he waited so long to show me this side of him.
You and I have almost the same story* Mine was about to leave me (I believe but he passed away it breaks my heart that after 40 years he was cruel & distant * I had no idea why* Bless You & I hope you have found happiness* Me? Well I'll probably love & miss him until the day I die*
@@Gellybeanb1974 it's not easy and I still miss him alot. I just have to keep moving forward and focus on other things and myself. I do hope you find some healing. You deserve peace.
Thank you so much for showing us the truth of how the narcissist thinks and to impress upon us that we aren’t “losing it” and that there are evil, demented minds in the world.
I started les contact and it took about 2 months before i got only text of love and where ? please please .. and I have not had a phone call in over a year of the two . i was the one who called for facetime I was the one who drove 6 hours before I stopped most contact . and boom .. photos of the narc with another got on media . i went nearly 6 months and a pet i loced there is dieing I went to see bc i had got the text from the narc and got triangulated in a way it is completely destroyed deliberate cruelty .. all bc I simply stopped much contact . the new supply was stupidly there standing at my car door while the narc paced in the background saying to leave now .. the narc was watching me and the other woman . the new supply might kinda know maybe to beware .. bc she looked at me flthe whole time I asked for the narc nicely .. it was to see the dog .. and all that happened . very vvery awful . now I have to start healing over .
that dame 5 yr old narc boost about playing court case on the phone with her lawyer daddy .. to me that means oe trrs ro scarr rhe supplies , in the same breath many times she says her fsrher is a psychopath eho nevee protected her ...
Discarded 13 days ago holding strong having blocked her yesterday after hoover #1 which took her 12 days to send, but it's not easy. These videos help alot. Didn't even know I was put thru the stages of lovebombing, devaluation, etc until I watched videos here. She ran a number on me w triangulation, gaslight, breadcrumbs, the whole thing. If only every love could stay like the lovebomb, wow, that would be great if it was real. Feel kind of like a sucker now but getting better.
Thank you for your video. Human to human I would want to say you look gorgeous :) and there is a light on your face I’m glad you healed. Before knowing that narcissist people exist to this cruelty or have any knowledge I was disregarded both ways First time as you described and it was after I moved to another country to work so to improve a future life with her thinking she was the right person and set plans and went executing Second time is after (of course I was still naive and ignorant to narcissism) giving her a second chance to be discarded for someone who was better than me who she regretted divorcing because it was a a mistake as she said. and now again for the third time she is hovering and love bombing except I know about narcissism. As much as I’m hurt - still- I feel so sorry for how this person is empty inside yet thinking she is a great person and…. I sometimes still can’t grasp how such thing and people exist and it blows my mind that I feel blocked in my head not understanding, I haven’t healed yet I’m struggling for years because I thought my experience was unique now that I know and learning I feel some relief but I’m still stuck with how to heal and the stages and steps to that… Thank you for your videos you are helpful
This now makes sense - when I first began talking to him (and for the rest our OUR "Situationship" If I asked where you happy with your "ex "Mary and/or Beth? (not real names) and he would say " I was NEVER happy with Mary or Beth! ( And i thought "Wow those women gave him YEARS of their lives!) NOW I get it... thanks
From my experience when they Ghost you it's because they hope you haven't found out who they are, The other discarded when they Triangulate is when you found them out and in that moment they believe they won't need you... but they always come back... It's a mental illness I just ignore them lol they go crazy
You put a scorpion in your hand, surely what they will do is sting you.They have their likely behaviors. No matter what you do or not do, their cycle is the same playbook. Halfling Narcissists are predictable. Watch. Take them back, it will be so MUCH worse in due course.
HI MIKE. I HOPE TIME AND EDUCATION IS HELPING YOU HEAL FROM THAT DISCARD. YOU ARE WORTHY OF STAYING ALIVE, HEALING,LOVING YOURSELF AND BEING AROUND PEOPLE WHO TREAT YOU WITH RESPECT. DON'T SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS.
Me to Mike. If it hadnt been for the kids.It will and does get better. All falls into place bit by bit. The emotions feel the pain, but the mind reveals it.
Me too Mike. Even though I was the one to end it the bottom line was the same for me. My attempt was made to fully escape the person who I had rejected but who was still hurting me and ending it all felt like the only way to make it stop for good. They have the ability to toy with you, combined with a total lack of responsibility or accountability for the damage they cause. Did I make that choice? yes. Was I driven to it? Yes. Would she ever see or admit her part in this? Never! To come to terms with the fact that the whole relationship was a con is not easy my friend. This reply to your comment is as much for me as it is for you. It gives me the heart that I'm not alone in this terrible experience and hopefully does the same for you. I'm still standing 8 months later, a survivor as we all are.
Mine was a combination of both. I knew nothing about this disorder and he said I was to blame for everything. The worst cook, the worst lover, and that I had a dark heart. Weirdest thing he said was, when I asked him if he loved her he said God yes. Then in the next breath, that he wanted to have sex again. He had withheld it from me for six years! They are truly evil and we are so lucky to be saved from any more time with them. Mine also tried to cripple me before he left.
Thank you. No pity party here, now that I ve connected the dots. I am strong and have firm boundaries. I ll never see him again, he s too much of a coward.
I received the second discard. I spent almost $500 on tickets to see Elton John for his birthday. The day after the concert he came to my house, we had sex, I told him I loved him, he asked me why and then started devaluing me. He told me his friends don’t like me, he had feelings for someone else and I don’t remember what else. I was in shock so he didn’t get much of a reaction from me. He threw in at the end that he wanted to be friends. Within 3 weeks he was rubbing someone else in my face on social media. That was painful!!!! OMG it hurt so bad. He did everything with her that he didn’t do with me. After months of this I decided to remove him from my social media. The following week he showed up with her at my church. I’m sure she’s a nice person but he downgraded big time. This has been one of the worst experiences ever. I’m finally after a year being broken up starting to get over it. The break up was so unexpected. Everything was so great I wasn’t prepared for what happened.
Just want to say I just ran into your channel wonderful videos I love your Irish accent and your charisma your a Attractive Spiritual Lady.. well here's my story.. Around 2014 I was on social media and Facebook a woman girl who latched on to me as a really close friend that was into the same arts and Music as myself. Just prior I had broken up with a previous girlfriend she came on pretty strong throughout 2014 till 2016 I started getting really close and I felt I found a wonderful person well I'll start off by saying she was a covert narcissist NPD vulnerable type but this is way before I figured it out we were long distance Maryland and Oregon I thought wow I finally met a perfect match. Time went on we started flying out to see each other back and forth for the next 4 years it was very amazing and she seemed very angelic and a stand-up person and she had a one son she was very generous and always kept offering to book our vacations and pay for everything I didn't like that feeling and paid for most stuff for us also that we did also I was sort of entranced that she was just doing it out of the kindness of her heart and care and was what I learned a codependent such as myself and she was really having problems with depression and other things and was looking for a connection. When we weren't seeing each other physically being long distance we talked on the phone every night when I get home from work and do Skype until we could see each other again on our vacations from work I started not realizing red flags like of course she love bombed really intensely in the beginning around that 2016 mark when everything ramped up well to make a long story short just this past year in 2020 she started asking for space all of a sudden .and after all the time we invested I couldn't understand that and then it went from the space to her being crude rude and changing her status on her profile hiding things from me from a profile and I called her out on it she got really nasty and started blocking me on Facebook and got stonewalled she wouldn't give me no closure why she wanted to break up. So I was left stunned she changed her number and kept me blocked on Facebook like I was her enemy now. Just happened right after Valentine's Day of 2020 .I started reading up on why would somebody do this and it first it led to borderline personality disorder I thought and then I started learning a lot about NPD and narcissistic personality disorder. I was ignored from the discard then all of a sudden I started seeing charges being taken out of my bank account about 5 months after she discarded me .I called my bank and asked them what's going on and they asked me do you know (Michelle P) ? And then I was shocked I said yeah that's my ex long distance girlfriend. At a fury of her crap that she did to me I went on Facebook and took an old picture of her and exposed her to all our mutual friends on Facebook that she's a sociopathic narcissist Criminal. Then all of a sudden I get a Hoover email with her trying to gaslight me and tell me she was innocent blah blah blah all this crap she worried more about her reputation what I was saying than the hurt that she did to me.I flat out told her I learned all about it and I know what she is and she's got a personality disorder narcissism. And she was telling me she was in therapy and her therapist advised her to get a restraining order against me. It's like this was all set up and planned the flipped of the script victim role scenario.These types of learned when they discard you they instantly become the victim and want to get sympathy from all their followers and friends so it makes us the empathic people look like the villains. In the most sickest thing about it is she wear a mask of being so generous and kind like clone yourself who I was towards her.I sent her all kinds of links about getting help for NPD and narcissistic personality disorder I called her a sociopathic narcissist with no empathy I guess that helped cuz I haven't heard from her since thank God. But beware if you ever see anyone you get close to have those rage fits when they glare at you very angrily and shout at you it's not PTSD as I thought it's narcissistic rages run while you can run run run.once you see those red flag first signs of the love bombing and then some kind of out of blue tantrums and then they flip back to normal real quick the mask was massively cracking at the time it's such a big bad sign that you're with a narcissistic covert NPD 😔😔😔😔👺👺👺👺 PS whenever the narcissist NPD covert tells you they're in therapy and they got problems they're trying to figure out that's a manipulation too they probably use that all their lives and they never fix themselves then they never will get fixed 🤦♂️🤦♂️🤦♂️
I just want to say I'm sorry this has happened to you. A Narc lacks their own identity, so when they are pretending to be so lovely, what they are really doing is mirrioring you. by mirrioring you they can love bomb you. It seems like you have met your soul mate, it they mirror you for you to fall in love with them.
it is coming from a spirit as explained in the Bible! satan is the 'ultimate narcissist'! as you said in your other videos and as it says in the Bible satan comes to 'kill, steal and destroy' and so do covert narcissists! in the Bible satan disguises himself as 'as an angel of light' (which means a good angel, a helper or comforter) and so do covert narcissists! they disguise themselves as your soul mate, your best friend or even a caring parent! covert narcissists are ruthless and they never get tired of destruction just like evil spirits who are satan's minions!
@@treelover1050yes there is no way they can all have the same basic traits, cause the same problems, destroy people's health, destroy people's lives and never get tired of it! i can take so many parts of Bible that show similarities of satan's behavior and covert narcissists but it would take all day! yes they are evil!
The last thing the narc said to me is to me before blocking me everywhere was that she wasn’t evil!,,, oh yes you are!,, the narcs days are numbered.. that brings me great peace ...they are living on borrowed time .. .. I honestly believe after watching hundred of hours of utube clips @nd researching .. that the narc is possessed and is cooperating with Satan to kill steal and destroy.. maybe that person doesn’t exist anymore? ... one thing is for sure they are evil and they enjoy it .. if you have survived narcissistic abuse it’s because God has delivered you You are here for a purpose
@@darcybarwick6404 - yes I believe there 'must' be a spirituality to narcissistic abuse! Why would they put so much time and effort into their destructive behavior unless 'something' is using them for evil, negative purposes throughout their lives! And why can't they change or stop their destructive behavior! It is a waste of time and life!
My ex narcissist discarded me nearly 3 mths ago when I caught him with the new supply then the next day he was living with her cant talk to him as he has the new supply answering his phone I am really struggling Paula with the trauma bond thank you very much Paula for all your good videos
My discard included both aspects of which you are discussing. The months following the discard I was having awful suicidal ideation. Not a plan, but I wanted the pain to end and it was so all encompassing and I still feel it at times but not as deeply as before. It's like you become the walking dead, you think you are going to literally die from a broken heart. They broke up with me with a vague 3 sentence Email right after telling me they loved me, couldn't wait to seeing me again and.thenssme shit of future faking. The sadness permeated my whole world and painted a new landscape of deep sadness that was worse than when my mother and sister passed away. Fucked up sick shit. Sorry for cursing, but it is some pretty sick crap. I had to see the posts of them on Facebook with their ex within a month or more of leaving me. The last time we were together I had no idea what was coming because we both seemed so happy and enjoying it time together. Awful awful awful.
I snap 4 months ago I discarded my narc husband of 33years I’m finally finding peace and freedom and working on my healing my god is getting me through it
I gave Mrs Narc a Claddagh ring when we visited Galway. $400.00 US, 14k gold.2 hands holding a heart, with a crown on top,symbolizing, Friendship, Loyalty and Love. I'm amazed her finger didn't bleed when she tried it on. A Narc Claddagh ring would be a hand grasping a dagger ,plunging into a heart .
I had a Narcissist try to Hoover me 30 Yrs.later!!! He had his WIFE contact my Mother to find out where I was. Can you imagine the Cruelty to his poor wife.!!! The kind of devalued his wife must have been to manipulate her to do such a thing. Needless to say, I disassociated with all of them.Refused to have any further associations ever again. My mother was a Narcissist, my ex.boyfriend and I think Narc's are from Hell.
If nothing else the second one leaves you fuming and hating them so so much .. it's not a good energy to exist in and it lasts a long time, but it does give you the determination to move on with intent. The first one is absolutely so painful and leaves you grasping onto something that's not there and you're falling, its horrific, and there is absolutely nothing you can do, nothing. And you're not even able to pick yourself up with anger and determination, because you still have hope and compassion, you become completely broken, and yes, suicidal. They heat check .. starts with the first one, just a few hours, then it gets a bit worse and you start scrambling, then a week and you think it's over, then they show up again, then it's a month, then a few months .. and you're a complete wreck by this time.. and perhaps after a few months of more therapy and you trying desperately to keep well behaved something really outrageous happens again and you find it within yourself to end the relationship. And you then see how twilight zone it gets. This gets sooooo messed up, you realise you're actually still in the relationship with them .. on an intangible psychological level .. where it's real to you but nobody else can see it. And you see them with someone else, but they're in touch with you through all sorts of strange ways. Crazy isnt the word for it .. insanity is more appropriate .. a spiritual psychological mindf**k that eats your sanity and melts your reality. I'm not exaggerating. And its understandable why nobody believes you
10:13 'They truly believe at this point of the transactionship that YOU are the one to blame!" (Accountability is KRYPTONITE to narcissists, ha ha...). They must get the so-called "win." But like she says just before the timestamp I make here, it's a "good slap in the face" for us to indeed to "WAKE UP" to who they really are (OR REALLY WERE ALL ALONG IN SOME CASES.). And like she says, whatever they say YOU allegedly are or are not--is just a reflection of themselves instead of "YOU" at the end of the day
There is one more discord - this is when they push you to discord them ! This way it’s you that ended the relationship ! Which they will run and tell everyone ! Then they can play with the new supply without feeling guilty ! They will then have people calling asking how you could end the relationship ? And do you want to both go for counseling ? This is when they have fail within the relationship with the new supply ! This was the discord mine planned because he wanted our children, family , and friends to think I put him ! I did discorded him which made him happy until he found out he had to take everything he owned that night ! He thought he was going to pretend he was staying with a friend and get pity from everyone that he was put out ! It backfired because I stood strong on my discord ! In actuality he wanted time to play with his new toy without being bother ! Here I am happy as can be ! So hang in there better days are coming
![Diggy Graves - Red Vineyard [Official Lyric Video]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/8Ro085T0mnQ/mqdefault.jpg)
Here’s the key to understanding narcs: every insult they say about you is an EXACT description of them. Everything they claim they DID NOT do, is exactly what they did do. It’s actually pretty simple.
Ⓐ 👊👍
Sure ya rite🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥
Spot on 💯🎯
Yes exactly they are not very clever.They have the same little pattens
mine used to drive me insane when I'd try and express myself he'd say are you talking to yourself or it sounds like your arguing with yourself..or he'd say your messages don't make any sense. I'd be so confused as I never ranted in messages and nobody else has ever struggled to grasp me.
An empty person is exactly the way to describe them. Looking back now, I recognize that he never seemed to be present. He always seemed to be blank, empty, not even searching for something to talk about.
Yup. I have many photos after our 30 years together that display this empty look. (I have many showing sheer contempt as well; I just didn't know it at the time). I thought it was depression.
I wanted to add that putting ourselves into their mindset, trying to think like an evil person thinks, leaves me feeling a deep darkness inside my own soul. It is a terrifying experience trying to think like they think. "Please deliver me from evil." Please keep these diabolical souls away from me.
The Discard is a 🎁GIFT 💝 💛🌹🧡🙌whether you left or they did! The pain is great! The grieving process is painful! Mainly because you cant fathom how anyone can be so heartless,cruel and evil. Its almost incomprehensible. But the wisdom, knowledge,healing and power you eventually gain is matchless! Never ever give up!Kick their fake A..s to the curb, Never fall for the hoover!!!! Keep going as tough as it is on this road of recovery or else they win and you miss out on the biggest gifts, self love acceptance peace, new beginnings and profound armour for the next narc that comes along.
They do pop up one after another,it is uncanny how their ugliness is so similar to the previous narc or narcs and there main thing is steal,lie,destroy anything and everything and none of them feel a thing,they have no conviction of doing wrong,no respect for you nor anything you say
❤❤You have just nailed it on the head very succinctly and artfully! Never ever give up! The journey we take in healing and recovery is worth it! You are a beautiful, precious soul! God bless you!!❤
I knew I wasn’t his girlfriend,, I was just his supply ,,, looking back at the 8 years with him was so painful,, so dysfunctional,, my health suffered ,, the adrenal fatigue,, heart problems, I had to have surgery,, my anxiety was through the roof ,, this evil entity could of ended me !,,,,
Wow, I don't think I could have explained this better myself. This video incapsulated everything I went through with my ex narc! The only solace we can take away in all of this is knowing we aren't alone and it was never our fault. You are so right, they are personality disordered and everyone they come into relationship with will end up just like us or worse. The hardest thing is to except the fact that it wasn't you and they will never change but when you do, it is very freeing. Thanks for another excellent video.
I'm going through the exact same thing.... heart palpation, severe anxiety, absolutely no motivation to even throw the trash, opiate addiction, I'm a reculse.. I keep finding this same type of evil in others so, I am completely shut down
I could have written this and only 8 or 9 weeks intimate with him. We were friends and it was a love story. Having been alone for 12 yrs I was innocent as a child. I am widowed. How cold and cruel is this 47yr old man? I am a super empath. I am a good decent woman. I was confrontational and openly hostile when discarding him. I saw his controlling as hostility and responded accordingly! I call a spade a spade and I am accustomed to being alone.
There is strength in being alone and a calm in your soul. Embrace it 💕
@@sarahbeth6945
Sarah, I spent 12 yrs sexless . Those were good years when I was younger and more beautiful.
I feel regret for not allowing love into my life for that time although I grew.
In hindsight the trick may be to educate yourself and sift them out. Don't sleep with them unless you just want a physical thing.
Put yourself first and have strong boundaries. Life is good. Love is good.
I am 55 and a little overweight but I threw myself into love. I will do it again. Love is good for us xx
@@BridiesMammaG thank you for your kind words:) I am growing and learning about myself and have the knowledge and wisdom to discern who is good and who is down right rotten. I learned the hard way ofc, but I did learn thankfully. We deserve it
She went for my work and job today sent my boss who’s ceo of a large company I work as a chief commercial advisor for all my messages regarding my work where I shared confidential information with her in confidence. She did this in retaliation for me reporting her for romance fraud and she had her bank account frozen yesterday but she already threatened she would destroy my career before- my boss supports me my job safe but I’m dealing a full on dark triad calculating malicious narc - she thinks her behaviour normal. She will not win it’s the last act she could do in the smear campaign but she over played her hand - thanks for these videos Paula it’s Nathan again and your keeping me sane and strong
You’re winning Nathan 🌹🌸
My discard in October almost killed me. It took every ounce of courage and sanity I could dig up to make the hour drive home after finding the new supply at his house and being told they had been together for two weeks.
You are stronger than you know ❤️
@@NarcCon sometimes I would just like not to have to be strong and be happy instead.
I'm so sorry you went through this. We gave so much & it just wasn't enough. What hurts the most is he said I can walk away and never look back. Pretty cruel after 40 years together. God Bless You & Find your happiness
I’m sorry you went through that
I fought a long, hard battle to maintain my sanity and my assets when, after 16 years to the day, my Ex covert narc asked for a divorce (because among other things I “had changed!” Just prior to this discard, my dog died. My grief was so profound I enlisted the help of a therapist and quickly learned my situation was more complicated than the dog’s death. So I now had two losses to grieve over. The discard and aftermath was horrific. What saved me: therapy, friends, family, meditating, swimming laps, journaling, hiring an attorney, and quickly educating myself on everything from narcissism to home-buying. Still struggle with radical acceptance, but it is good to be out of the fog. Thank you for this channel. This video really hit home!
In my case it was a discard after 16 years too, with two kids, a big dog and being a housewife 🙈.
Sometimes I'm fine, but sometimes I'm desperate 🫤.
He is hiding his next...😒 Keeps everthing secret.
It's the hell to be in the divorce process with him.😵💫
Condolences for the loss of your dog. I know they are a wonderful emotional support esp when dealing with a neglectful partner such as a narc
@rosalavendelchen7846 you will be better off. I am waiting to divorce. So happy I will file soon. The narc husband I have reverse discarded me because he doesn't wanna file and lose $$$ plus I don't think he has anyone else lined up
They usually end up with another Narcisist and brutally fight with each other whenever they are together It ends up fatal and they never get any peace out of it and that is their Karme🍁
Happen to my husband he can't even visit his child. I'm not sorry for him and will never be friends with him 25 yr of marriage left me for trash garbage
@@RosasResources I was marrie for 30
I hope they both get their respective dues
KARMA 💯🎯👏🏻
@@RosasResources Unbelievable...God bless you angel. Stay strong. You are now free. Onwards and upwards ✨
I was discarded at age 24 by an older narcissist. It took me years to figure it out. It was the classic case because my parents were narcissists and I was so vulnerable and he was so worldly and predatory.
I want to thank you so much for these videos...so many people in the "real world" tell you to just move on...breakups happen..without understanding someone you loved threw you away like a piece of trash and left with no closure and your heart and soul destroyed.. my therapist told me today she remembers when I came in the first time to see her and the excruciating pain all over my face right after I left the relationship...these videos save lives. ❤❤❤ also, it felt more like the discard was like stepping on a landmine and decimating yourself and from the ashes you rise..🙏
Very powerful thoughts here. Thank you.
@@anyways661 thank you Angela 🙏
Way to go!
Exactly, its a shame they dont want to or ever will realize this. You have to build yourself back up and just go no contact, lead your life happily and take them as a lesson for the future and avoid any more of these toxic people.
😭😭😭😭😭😭😭I'm so sorry you went through that hun keep believe in yourself and lean on Jesus his name is most powerful name in the universe ask him for help he will heal you
The discard in silence is the worst. Your brain goes into a frenzy & you are left thinking wtf did I do? Does he/she really love me or care? Damn, they just left me hanging like trash? Am I trash? What happened? Then you are like a addict.. Trying to get your next hit/ hoover from them. Constantly in your head about how much love you gave them and how you stayed on your best behavior. Smh.
Then once you process that pain and grow-> not go through but GROW THROUGH the pain, realize you are a super awesome empath that got sucked into a dark hole. You realize it was never you! It was that evil, emotional vampire sucker. It will take time to heal but you can do it!!
Nice to know that "none of us are alone in our tragedy.Trying to destroy someone's life,is totally unacceptable!God Bless and Protect you all.Thank you for sharing your experiences.🙏💜🙏❤️
I discarded mine, after 3 years of terrible abuse, I put up with all kinds of bad behaviour, and she will have been shocked when i turned up at her house a dumped all her stuff in her garden, sadly 2 days later i fell for the hoover and got back with her for 1 hour, she then discarded me, lol. Power had to be on her side. We have never spoken since this was 2 years ago. Never fall for the Hoover NEVER!!!!
Yip if you fall for the hoover Wich they will when you go no contact you will end up with more damage Pain not to speak of the way they make you think your crazy hurt you to drive you to suicide then text to check up how much pain you are in
I went through the exact same thing! The things that happened to her afterwards were nothing that someone's worst enemy would wish upon somebody from her from her then other man
I got the second type of discard. Seeing and experiencing this I ultimately realized that this person was capable of anything. But i will say that when i was with her, I always felt that way. Something about her. I just always carried around this sense that she could leave me at any moment, at any phone call or text. It's crazy. And you also always feel that even when you are physically with them that she's not there. I don't know how to explain it. Like I had this feeling that all of this is just temporary. There's something missing with them. It's part of the stress of the trauma bond because you are stressed that you don't want to lose this person. They use that trauma bond as a weapon to hurt (destroy) you whenever they feel like it.
Yes this resonates with me 💓
Your RUclips ranking is rising and well deserved! I love your no bullshit and personal approach - very Irish! Very valuable.
Thank you Jon for being part of us 💓🌹
@@NarcCon I still feel I have to check my replies as a partner of a covert narc for 18 years .. that I’m showing or not showing signs of narcissistic ‘nits’ if that makes sense? Not paranoid but aware that I can also be grandiose / attention seeking a little still due to being with that individual. Our inner critic can sometimes be too critical in over analysing but it does get better and thank you 🙏🏻 🏴
I didn't know it. From a family where I'm barely predominantly Irish and it's like 50/50 English almost all my dad's side, 100% my Mom's...the Irish accent is tricky for me...because I can't tell if they're American sometimes or if they're British... Until I know they're Irish (Please don't bomb my car...IRA... Oh yeah, that's right, I don't have a car, oh well...)
What an absolute disgraceful comment towards Irish people 🤡@@AZDC99
This video is exactly what I went thru with my ex narcissist girlfriend and is the best therapy I could ever received. Thank you!…I’ve never had anyone treat me in such a mean, cruel, vindictive manor, much less someone I loved , adored and gave my heart to. I want to tell everyone who is in a hopeless state, depressed, confused, barely able to function, etc.following an unjustified discard by a narcissist to watch as many videos of this type to understand what just happened and to give you closer….after watching countless hours of videos on these evil creatures, I now have closure and my light is shining brighter than ever. I’m in a new relationship with a fellow empath and it’s been amazing. Zero arguments in 5 months of dating. So different from the toxic weekly fights with the narcissist ex. Good luck and may God bless all the fellow empaths. You can make it thru this and come out stronger than ever.😊
Great to hear your new 😊
EMPTY person is a very good description. I call them a dark bottomless pit. I had to discard the narc when he was out of town with supply, I was in pain, blocked everywhere, and was told by others that I was cruel and heartless. You will have ignorance from others to deal with too. My heart goes out to all of you that go through weeks, months and sometimes years to get well and remove people including flying monkeys that cause you more pain.
Aliens
I WAS in a very deep suicidal depression.
But i have found out that my creator has other plans for me.
Thank God Jody
Glad you are here
I think the first type of discard, when they try to keep you in the dark about the new supply is the type of discard when they plan to hoover you back at some point. When they rub it in your face is when they want you to get sick of them, to hate them obviously making the return impossible. Either way they are sick people on a temporary power trip.
The new supply is someone he had a relationship with before me. I don't think he was ready, but I saw it in his eyes the morning after he slept with her.
He wanted to stay another four months, probably to triangulate us, but I said he had to go.
It was the next day that he tried to pull off another "accident " for me. God stepped in and I was saved.
The recovery has been huge, two years so far, but I m a stronger person than ever before.
This narcs are full of shit keep on healing sister strength to you!!!
I’m such a text book victim. I hate that. I made every mistake, I played into every cruel game, I told the flying monkeys everything, I was fooled, discarded, slander campaign, I acted how the puppeteer wanted. My knowledge came too late in my story
Then the old supply was rubbed in my face. I literally died that day. I was 6 months pregnant. Homeless with my angel daughter let down by mummy
What a disgrace I am
This man was and still is dangerous . I sold my soul to the devil
I nearly lost my life
Thank god I didn’t but what is left is a very angry devalued version of me
I used to be wonderful
Please pray she comes back
She is still there behind all the hurt and devastation what I could see when I read your comment was a very strong person you have survived this you are a warrior look into your beautiful child's eye and see how much you are loved because you are loved never forget that
I hope you are doing well.
Both are horrible.....from personal experience. I really appreciate you explaining the more covert discard and not knowing for sure what’s going on and the craziness you feel when your gut is screaming that there’s another person but the narc is fiercely protecting their image. This is a tough road to recovery and understanding what normal and decent is again.
Yes Gretchen both awful..but knowledge is the key 🙏🌹
Listen carefully to every insult and every accusation they throw at you, because they are diligently describing themselves. Exactly the case Pola 😊❤ thank you. 🙏 God bless you❤
"Dealing with an insane person", you made me laugh when you said that, I am still laughing. Just the way you said it. Thank goodness this is all long gone for me, but I feel for anyone that is going through it, hell on earth is what it feels like. People, don't get hard because of bad circumstances, everything changes. Wisdom, Grow !!!!
Yes. It’s exactly like someone has died. You have to grieve the end of the relationship ( because you loved them.) like a death. I’ve lost people I loved through death and this somehow felt the same. I could not have done anymore for her when we were together! And she discarded me by text after lining her new source up before she left me. It’s incredible the coldness it was done in.
Wow wow wow.... Paula you used words that i didn't have words for but only a gut feeling. This makes healing so much easier. I took my power back without knowing about narcissism and everything is making sense now. Even previous relationships i am reminded that i was involved with beings with no empathy and huge narcissistic traits. Absolutely demonic. And these monsters even pretend to be Christians. God Bless all narc survivors.
A REAL GIFT, a real gift! Yes mam,only when you are healing and heal can you then understand who and what a narcissist is. REAL CRAZY SH%&. IF IT WASN'T FOR THE DISCARD, YOU WOULD NOT KNOW WHAT REAL LOVE FEELS LIKE! Move on,get healthy, heal,KEEP loving yourself and OTHERS and thank jehovah God for it,live your life.😀💯❤
One thing I dont like is how these narcs pretend to be godly and insult our lord and saviour jesus christ that really hurts my heart they use god to real u in coming across that they are honest and godly people is disgusting in my eyes thank u for the video Paula love your cross u are such a good person just want to tell u that god has given you alot of wisdom and is using you powerfully god bless u from the uk x
Bless you back joe wholeheartedly
Joe that is exactly how i became involved with him, he told me he was a God fearing man and a while down the road i told him that is how i became involved with him and told him he has acted like nothing but a heathen since, he asked me what did i say, so i repeated! And since then has realized that he is of the Jezebel Spirit, python spirit, and the leviathon spirit,
@@yvonnehall3312 wow I've been preying against them spirits every day my ex narc knew her scripture but the lord told me just because someone knows the Bible don't make them a follower in Jesus the lord also said to me she is hiding and said don't try and change someone who doesn't want to change hope your ok god bless you
@@joeglynn2758 Yes, i have learned to never go by peoples words, but by their actions and that was how i operated before this person came into my life but i let down my guards for him, i never liked men that bragged, acholics, and gamblers and ended up with a person that did it all and was a hoarder, all horrible, never again!
Exactly! They will meet their maker one day and be punished for their actions.
It took 8 months for the Narcissist to fully leave It took that length of time for him to secure his next plan The new supply was there from the very beginning but he kept playing a very clever game with me and our 2 teenage children at the time The Lies The Lies The Lies that's what I remember most of all As you say Paula you are with the love of your life( my case married to him for 28 yrs) I honestly never heard the word Narcissist I hadnt a clue what was happening The physical pain was real and emotionally I dont know how I came through that but the only explanation I have is that a higher power looked after me and gave me the strength to go on It gets better bit by bit and there really is a much better life ahead other than the one you just came out of We didnt know that while they had the power I forgot to say all that time he denied that there was a new Supply to this day he has never admitted to our now adult children that he left me for the new Supply Still justifying himself
My narc of 30 years I’ve just lifted the veil and I clearly see what he is . I will never go back 🙏
Don't ever Wonder honey! Just move on and LIVE.......TRUST ME IT GETS BETTER.
Standard 💯🎯
Thank you and God bless you Paula!
I am just here to pay homage to videos such as these I couldnt understand what i was going through all I knew was I was going to die if I didnt get out and it wasnt an abusive relationship physically it was solely mental and that abuse felt demonic i was literally a zombie alive but dead , I'm happy I'm out and filled with the knowledge and knowing of these beings also I realise my part in coming into contact with such beings , these videos save lives and I'm forever grateful.
Thanks for your support much appreciated 🌹
Yes same here.Had to get out before I shrivelled up and died.
Wow....this perspective is spot on. He once said to me.."You think you are so great, the queen of all women" and,"I spent a lot of energy on you in the beginning"...and. I never betrayed you when we were together " and... "We weren't back together, you were just coming over for dinner"....and lie upon lies... etc...and the smear campaign is seriously damaging. Very dangerous. I spent so much money on him which he will never pay back...He won't hoover ever again now .
Very cruel sudden discards
Unfortunately he will hoover so be prepared 💓
@@NarcCon we were through the cycles for 5 years. I seriously doubt he will
Its the same spirit dont matter if they are women or men they behave the same way regardless of gender...tou are spot on sister stay strong 💪😎
Mine was the first type and I was blind sided. We had plans of things to do and places to go. Sent text with lips and hearts up to the day before discard and ghosting. After 27 years you would think you know someone and deserve something better at the end. Still don't know why it happened until I started watching these videos and recalling her childhood. And the fact of calling
her out on lies I had heard. I think this triggered her. You are right it does leave you in a very very dark place for a long time. Thanks for the video.
But not forever Daniel much love to you
@@NarcCon it's been 2 years now but it's like that toilet paper that sticks to your shoe. Lol
They are so selfish and cruel
I haven't seen all of your shows, but when someone who has rarely gotten sick, doesn't partake in alcohol, and just so happens to get "seriously ill" as if poisoned, following week long visits from what I now know as a covert narcissist. I could write a book on this subject now. I'm still tempted to contact them to make them aware I know which items they have unlawfully removed from my house, but I'm taking the advice of the Sages on this subject and sticking to no contact. A great Stoic once said, "never argue with a fool, because you'd have to stoop down to their level, and that's where they have the most experience."
Wish I knew before about their personality disorder. It was for me so painful to be discarded with the second type of discard - he threw me away like a trash, no empathy, was totally cold towards me as if I had committed a crime, and him saying how suddenly totally different girl is a "cool person" while I was less than nothing. I felt the pain fully too, I wanted to die, because it was so unbearable. Being just discarded after all the lies, abuse and manipulation is one thing, but being even replaced at the same day of discard by someone new - I think thats much worse than the First case. And even if you learned a lot about narcissists, watched many videos, did read many articles and understand their behavior, the damage which this made to your self esteem ("being replaced" in this cruel way) is very hard to fix or heal. I mean, even if you know about them it will not get together your shattered self esteem because it already caused very deep scar of being not good enough. Plus is hard to not hate the new supply.
I believe mine was getting ready to leave me but I'll never know he passed away last year. Knowing these things have complicated my grief , I cant stop stop thinking he may never of really cared* God that hurts. I was a great supply because I give all I have and he didnt have to go without much* Bless you hope your happy with someone by now*
You certainly have captured the essence of the pain of the discard..pain is an understatement
I watched a film by Woody Allen the other day called “Match Point” with Scarlet Johansson, my goodness! so similar to my story, with the difference that I survived. I resonate so much with your videos, you describe my ex narc behavior to a T. Can you make a video of the difference between narcissists and psychopaths? I believe my ex was a psychopath more than a narcissist. I also experienced that I got more toxic myself while being in a relationship with him. Can narcissism be contagious? I got in much better place once I left and blocked him everywhere and went completely no contact. I went from hating myself for allowing so much disrespect and humiliation to a more loving place focused specially on self-love and recovery🥰 and learning to enjoy my own company. I recommend to people who have gone through this hardship to learn to be by themselves and enjoy being alone. Once you feel comfortable in your own skin and feel at peace being by yourself you become invincible 💪🏻 because it’ll be easier to put boundaries and keep them. You got nothing to lose, you got you!
thank you for your comment, sending love all the way from kona, Hawaii...i too am going through the healing process, and alone, after 29yrs married to a narcissist... Didn't know what the heck it was until I was out of the fog and did lots of research and watching a lot of videos to understand that it wasn't me and that he has a dysfunctional personality... in other words nobody home, nobody there, an empty ship/vessel with no one at the helm.. my three adult kids 29,26, and 21... holds steady the truth I didn't do anything wrong even though their dad keeps telling them I'm the bad one but that's a narcissist for you just thank God I have family and friends who truly know my self-worth... I went through deep depression almost didn't wanna live anymore but I had to find the strength and courage to MoveOn it's interesting that he is a police officer and was able to pass the police test and he's actually going to retire in about four years that he has the mentality of a child not older than nine years old I'm still learning a lot... he was served divorce papers two months ago actually a restraining order saying that he cannot take me off of his medical or take out and move his money out of the bank accounts some thing he also opened up without putting my name on it but here in Hawaii the law is everything is 50-50, he has decided to represent himself without a lawyer my lawyer I had to pay $10,000 even though I wasn't the one who wanted to divorce in the first place but he wanted to continue to be married to me and still have his new supply on the side... it is just crazy... I lost so much weight in just two months I had no desire to eat or to even take care of myself I got to the point where I went down to 105 pounds from 125 and it got really scary so I had no choice but to really get strong for myself and for my kids and my granddaughter..he was having an affair behind my back for about a whole year even though he said they were just friends now I know he was planning it all this time and now we're not even divorced yet but he is not parading her all over I just don't understand how she can think it's OK it's hard to explain to my friends and family of exactly what happened because nobody really understands what narcissism is... He has three personalities a false self a true self and a demonic entity
I love my own space time to come go. Eat, sleep shop. My dog owns me, my flowers garden keeps me happy. The world is too complicated to waste precious time. I ve experienced narcissist abuse all my life.Mother thru 3 husband's. Plus alienated from great grand children l raised. Gotta leave all that behind.
My discard six years ago was sudden, barely one week after the narc's 'best friend ' (probably a f**k buddy) told me stuff about the narc's former guys before me. It was marked by one week of silence and ghosting, followed by a demand by the narc for a talk which turned into verbal abuse of me and threats to hurt me and my family. "Let's just be friends." Ya right, we were barely even friends to begin with. It was so laughable in retrospect although I was left gobsmacked. I pity the guys after me, ...... actually no, because I believe that the narc ex downgraded for f**kboy guys instead of empathic me. Barely a few months after the discard, that narc was already with a new guy which did not last for long. I really believe discards can be a mix of the two you mentioned.
Yes Kevin..they change things up to suit the target awful
Knowing why they behave in a certain way. With good knowledge will reduce the anxiety and stressed clearing up eventually cognitive dissonance
It is cruel when you feel like left in the middle of the desert like a "Hot Potato" 😃 but to reach the promise land you need to leave all that is not Holy on that desert in order to reach that promised land and God bless you. It took 40 yrs for the hebrews to get there the sooner you get rid of all that trauma youll be on your way its up to you...be patient.
Sadly we know, because we have felt the need to immerse ourselves in learning about the Cluster B's and why they behave in such a way, absorbing as much knowledge as we can, in order to understand these people. It is a path to healing, I feel sorry for all those people in relationships with Narcs, who have no idea what they are dealing with, and all those that spent many years with a Narc, and got discarded, but never learned about Narcissism.
Totally agree. The sheer pain of not knowing can be deadly. I learned and observed for four years. I laid a trap for him....non reactivity. Then he ended up exposing himself. No smear campaign would suffice. Ah boy, he hated it! This, I was able to do because I learned the narcs every move and was strategic. Immerse yourselves in learning guys! It’ll save you The unnecessary PAIN. Although, Narc abuse hurts regardless. We’re only human!
When you don't know you know it is very very damaging to your soul
By the time my ex Narc discarded me ( he had hoovered 3 times) I found out his new supply was my long time friend😮this inflicted so much pain and rage I cannot begin to describe how I felt. Finding out about her and him and rubbing it in my face brought out a strength in me that I had never experienced. I told him to get his sorry ass out and that it was great that she and him got together, so as to keep all the shit 😅in one pile and that they deserved each other!! He moved in with her the next day😊
I discarded the narc. She spent 11 years abusing me in subtle ways.. triangulation was her favorite weapon. When we went to buy groceries, she would dress up as if she was going to a night club... and for some odd reason men would OFTEN follow her around the store. What did she do to invite their attention? Always behind my back, when I was looking at tomatoes or whatever. She loved triangulation. Also mirroring, silent treatment, blame-shifting, gas-lighting, future-faking, goading me into arguments. I didn't know what any of this meant at the time, but I did know she is incapable of apologizing, she was never accountable, it was always my fault.. everything was always my fault. She did not have new supply lined up when I discarded her, but it was very clear she was working towards that, so she could discard me. I stole that from her. I stole her grand finale. And when she tried to hoover, I knew she wanted me back only so she could draw me in only to discard me- she wanted revenge. I rejected her hoover. And darnit, that felt good! She blocked me before the hoover, so I wasn't able to block her. But now I've blocked her. I took back the control so she cannot communicate with me. She has new supply. God help him! Probably a really nice guy.
🌹🌸
The discard was like being sucker 👊 punched. Shock, disillusionment, and grief. I truly can understand why people commit suicide. The pain is excruciating! Surviving and eventually thriving and knowing what I know now is a blessing. Paula and all who have had this experience, God bless you.
🙏🌹
I had a mixture of both. 18 year shit show- 4 year friendship and 14 year “relationship”. He left after a trivial disagreement. I was unaware at the time but he Immediately went into another relationship with someone we worked with. Took her on my ticket to Hawaii with his parents two months later. For 4 months I tried to call and message him. He did not respond to any of my calls or messages but read them until I stopped all communication. I refused to humiliate myself anymore. I then found out there was someone else and had been when he left me. I can only imagine the smear campaign he laid out about me to justify his actions to those watching. To this day I have no idea what was said about me but I can only imagine. I am 3 years no contact. I still feel the effects of the entanglement which is why I keep watching videos but have progressed leaps and bounds from where I was when he left. I have no idea who he’s with or what he’s doing. I don’t care. His departure gave me peace, contentment and self love. Thank you for your wonderful videos!❤️🙏🏽
Thanks for sharing and I’m soo glad your free 🌹💓
Stay strong 💪🏼 I am 5yrs no contact and also still watch videos, it keeps me vigilant.
You have no idea how this has helped me… my ex husband of 15 years gave me the second disguard you mentioned… then a few years after he left while I was still going thru a horrible expensive court battle with him I met my next narc.. who love bombed me so much I had never experienced anything like that before trauma bond and all… I kept trying to lay boundaries with him… the chaos continued… I think he knew he couldn’t sustain it anymore so he begged me back I am quite sure so he could give me the cruelest discard ever.. the first discard you mentioned is the one he gave me.. I really didn’t think he was a narc … I cried multiple times a day for 3-4 months… watching videos on how to get him back… did think about suicide… none of my friends or family could relate to what it felt like… if I would have killed myself my 3 kids would have been completely raised by Narc #1… then I reached out to his 2 nd wife and she said he was a narcissist!!! I was shocked.. couldn’t believe it… he said verbatim to her some of the exact same things he said to me… he had a totally different style than my ex husband… she saved me!!! Along with all of these videos… we are close friends now.. we have really helped each other heal… but you have helped so much. I feel like I have literally lived in a false reality for 20 years ( with the 1st and 2 nd)… I am healing and learning the red flags to look out for… but I still can’t trust and be vulnerable to anyone… I hope that there is hope for me
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Yeah. He told everyone I was crazy during the discard. He forgot to tell them he is the one who drove me nuts. Then he hoovered me and told me he left me because he just couldn't handle crazy. For someone who doesn't do crazy he uses it to discard and hoover all at the same time. Ugh. If you follow what I am saying you know my torture and pain.
I have been in this for 2 years, I have given everything, everything in me I can ever give, and when I needed her the most I only asked her to listen, I woke up to a message am not on her team and am going to ruin her life, me who push d h r to go back to uni and graduate, to have a good job and be financially sufficient, to have boundaries and pay attention to her own hobbies and interests, I only asked for one time, one time only and I got blocked and crucified for it, I can't look in the mirror, in my the eyes of my family and friends and tell them she woke up one day and blocked me, no justification nothing, just got discarded after 2 years of me being depleted of any sort of energy in me, thank you for making this, thank you for clearing up why and for what, I nearly killed myself one day feeling such a failure, blaming it all on myself that I didn't do the right thing. After two cycles of this I feel so weak, with no answers, nothing, until I found you, god bless you.
Stay strong my friend and give to yourself what you were giving to her
Spot-on. The abject cruelty of the narcissist, exemplified by the discard, is hard to fathom. I am finished with this person, my own mother, after more than half a century. She is completely without empathy. So glad to be free... at last.
I once read they discard you in the most surprising moment, or most difficult period of your life or best time of the relationship. He had learnt I was not the same, I had started to answer back, to not obey, to not satisfy all of his tantrums. But, but, but, at the same time, we had two beautiful trips ahead (booked, paid) one to the south of Argentina, another to Italy. He showed to be enjoying the words he used for the discard: "let's go on with our lives separately. I'm not going to go on any of the trips" 😢😢 . Devastating. He knew what to do or say to cause me pain. Bye, bye, baby, were my three final words before my CERO CONTACT.
I know your pain
I got my discard after we went on an awkward vacation where he did anything possible to withdraw affection and he flipped on me one night because of a comment I made about another woman he gave a massage to “just to be nice”. I went to my room and cried to a friend on the phone and he was cool and calm, of course I came out and apologized because I didn’t want more tension for the rest of the trip. When we came back from the trip is when I never heard from him again.
there are no coincidences.
you are God sent
your easy way of explaining enters in the mind of people like myself and helps to recall all the situations that now ,at least I did,one can identify and point to have been an encounter with narcissistic individuals it is unbelievable how clearly you described narcissistic friendships ,I was able to recognized some of them.
Recently (6 months ago) I was discarded ,even though it brought pain ,I was amazed at the spiritual lift I felt, it was as if God was pleased with me for having enforced my boundaries(he drop me because when he wanted to have sex I replayed that my godly fear was greater than having a carnal pleasure.
After that I was asked to give sermons at my church and it felt like the Holy Spirit guided me and inspired me to prepare several sermons after that.
when we assert ourselves In our beliefs and integrity we are empower .
Thank you for all you do to help people understand the dynamics of the toxic relationships .
Best wishes on your endeavors.
Blessings from above.
Thanks so very much and I love that you got out and proceed to do great work..I value your blessing highly and send you good energy and blessings in return 🙏
Hearing the first type of discard just gave me so much relief. I keep hearing about these explosive discards with rage ect and just thinking but that’s not what happened it was brutal but it was quick and dismissive.
I wish you did in person retreats or group gatherings, I would 100% travel to hear you speak and to be around others that understand
Paula
Can I just add...you are a beautiful soul.
And your empathy and 🚗 drive move me to tears of happiness.
We need more people like you to come forward and change the perception of this world.
Thank you sweetheart, this is a ongoing spiritual 🙏 warfare...which requires everything ❤️ you have.
YOU are blessed and loved by us all.
Peace&Love&Light
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This is so accurate. It took me back to the time of my discard, which now feels like an important turning point from another life. Thank you so much. 🙏
Thank you, exceptional explanation.... Identifying what you were dealing with erases the doubt, cognitive dissonance and propels you forward to healing your broken heart. Realising it was all a sick game made me defiant and determined to succeed. They often underestimate their partner due to their arrogance in thinking they have "trained" you.Yes it hurts like hell, but keep researching and clearing the fog, you will get to the sunlight 🌞
Beautiful comment Tina thanks 🌹
You have surpassed yourself again Paula. Listen to this girl people she is the light that will lead you to “The Light” please listen.
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Thankyou. I had no one to turn to and youtubers like you saved me from a very dark place.
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Thank you Paula
As I have lived through.
It is only during projection that you’ll get truth and honesty.
“I need space too” superb.
Yes Simon that set the cat among the pigeons 😊
Hi again, Paula. I'm just watching this even though I'm healed, but it helps me fall asleep! Haha. Anyway, i just want to say what another helpful video this is to anyone who has landed in RUclips by trying to Google what the hell happened to them, as many of us here did. It is odd how so many of us only discover this after the discard and realised all the things we excused were actually red flags or them showing their true selves. The cruelty on the lead up is something that can send you spinning and seeing this person actually hates you then when they tell you (on the one thing they leave open for communication) they deleted every photo, every message, every memory of you, it actually destroys you. But in doing this, they really show you their immaturity. This isn't something a normal, grown adult does ..this is a modern day 14 year old strop!
My advice to anyone thinking they are still with a narcissist is, get as much of your money owed back ASAP or hide something you can sell as no way are you gonna see that. They feel entitled to it and justify why you should have given them it. Plan fir somewhere to go if you live together. Try and get away first if you feel safe enough to leave. It'll save you a little less heartbreak I think if you can use that strength that you did it to them .. not them to you. For those of us that found our selves thrown away like an old refrigerator, keep watching videos like Paula's. Find Dating a Sociopath com online. (Kind of shocking) and know that eventually, slowly you will get through this and for many, we fly out with even bigger wings.
Loving your sharing Sharon thanks 🙏
Everything you said about the 2
types discard are 100% accurate. I endured both. 1st discard was the 2nd type. It was early in our relationship and she was married to the new supply within a few months. Within 6 months she was back with me. She was a horrible alcoholic. I took care of her for 5 yrs and she got sober. Once I couldn't take care of her every need she did the 1st type of discard in reverse fashion. Problem for her is that I kicked her out b4 she had time to complete the full love bomb stage which set her plan back a few months. Because her family is tired of her past crazy behavior, she is hiding the new relationship from everyone. Once she feels an acceptable time has past from our breakup she will reveal the relationship as brand new and the best of her life...until it isnt.
The ones I've dealt with. Almost NEVER try to make the discard an ugly thing. I have, because I never want them coming back. But, thats never worked either. They just ignore any belittling you say. And ignore anything they've done with it. "You're living in the past" , "we all make mistakes" , they say stuff like this, to justify what they do. It's robotic responses. They know what they need to say. To get by.
Elijah the profit of Fire 82/144,000
The Carter Family - 'God sent Noah the Rainbow Sign' 🌈🙏🔥
16 8 9 12 12 9 16
I got both!! Took me a year to come out of it to begin feeling normal again
Brilliant you totally understand these evil beings.
Thank you for this insightful information. I’m glad to know I I didn’t imagine the subtle but pronounced discard and devaluation.
You have such a kind face thankyou for the therapy you have given me it is a gift you have to humanity what you are doing for wounded people
Imagine how confusing it would be to the different compartments in the narcs kids, friends and family. Because some would see how well the narc was treated with a little smear here and there( they smear everyone). Some would say,I'm glad he's dumped because of all the horrible things you've told me( projecting). It's over time they expose themselves. I've had the dumped when things are going well and the dropped hints that someone else is of interest. Dropped via text,letters and just ghosted. The last time I left or just stopped communication when she lied and I twigged that she was having an affair. They will twist stories and play victim till the cows come home. But what a learning curve!!! Thanks narc and thanks Paula. 😀
I'm going threw this right now. My 8 year old son doesn't understand how his dad can be so rude to me. I went through 12 years of hell with him. I was discarded around Christmas when I found out he had a girlfriend of 5 years.
When my x left a year ago..it was the first one you described. He hide the new girl, up to this day. He use to block me then unblocked me. I was not allow to asked him any questions. I was blamed for everything. I suffered so much for 4 mths, then one day I said no more. I live to see him and her in big problems. Now he wants to hover me. No way. I blocked him and changed my number. I still feel the hurt, even after one year. He only miss my money, the expensive clothes, and my nice car..not me...never me. The family and friends are just has evil. One come asking for money to help him. I stop talking to all of them. Just evil...pure evil..I was told I was too emotional.
Wow..awful..glad your healing and free 💓
Block them all . dont go back it will be WORST
This is my 3rd disguard..and each time it gets worse..the last one is so bad. Really bad
I wish I would have found you 8 years ago. I lacked the knowledge of what I was going through . I thought he was mean. I have learned that he is the worst narc to have to deal with. I did everything wrong. Tried to defend myself. Wrong. Spoke to others about the abuse trying to get help, even doctors. They were unfazed by my emotional pain. Some knew but did not want to get involved. I went through all the stages you spoke about and never had a clue to the horror that was revealed to me by the narc with his mask totally off. I knew it was not normal. But he had isolated me from all family & friends. He slowly took control over me psychologically, mentally, emotionally by verbal and soon physical abuse. It got worse. I realized I had lost myself. I felt flat lined like without any emotions. I was in a constant flight or fight reaction daily trying to survive. My one doctor called the police and he was arrested. If she had not done that I would be dead right now. I thought of suicide to get some peace. But my faith in God helped me survive. It has taken me a year of seeing a Psychologist every week along with forcing myself to stop self isolating , get to church, be around good people and started exercising. Called self care. I am surviving and doing well. Only occasional flashbacks. Too anyone who is really hurting now, you can survive. Keep listening to Paula and find your beautiful self again. It will get better. I am praying for you all.
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My discard really was a shock because I thought things were going great for a change. He never did anything for me and he just built a garden bed for me. I had wanted this for a long time. Of course, WHILE he was building it for ME,he had that "attitude" of being sentanced to death. He had also built a workbench in his tool shed. 4 days later,a text about how he was done. All I can say is the videos have helped me to see what a blessing it was. Being "discarded"...I say, being "set free" from the constant chaos they bring to a relationship.
Thanks Narc Con for Everything You do this channel really helps Me Heal everytime i get sad or hurting i watch your videos and makes me feeel alot BETTER!!!!
Brandon that means the world to me thanks 🙏
I must say out of all the videos I have watched about narcs you have described my situation to a t..Thank you.
Thanks Terri for your support 🌹
Absolutely! I was abused for 8 years from a narcissist. I never even heard of a narcissist until a friend explained to me what I was going through. I was discarded and ghosted little over a year now. Now I am being hoovered everyday. He left me for a new supply and I was devastated. I am just now in 2021 feeling like myself again and I am steal healing. I do not even date because I do not trust men at all. Someday soon I will trust again.
The narc that I know did the blame shift, replaced me and ghosted me like I'm the one that ruined the relationship. Another narc blocked me like it's all my fault on all social media.but all I'm doing is trying to find out what happened 😅 they left me in confusion.
Thanks to the work of raising the awareness about narcissism and I finally realized that it's a blessing in disguise. It was devastating and confused in the beginning, but as we learnt the lesson and take responsibility, we will realized we have ignored so many red flags and we will live better lives with boundaries, self love,protect our peace and appreciate the good people around us.☺️
Amen 🙏 🌹
Thank you for the detailed explanations. However, the best discard is when it comes from the empath after:
*Seeing lots of red flags
*Realizing it is hopeless case,
*Discovering inability to fix the unfixable
Holy cow this hit me like a ton of bricks. I went through discard recently. I found out in December that I may have cancer in uterus. He started saying I could quit my job and get better. Within a week of being off work he started calling me every name in the book and a burden. So I went back to work at the same job since I left on good terms by finishing my 2 week notice. He got more angry. He kept saying get the fk out of my house and then text saying you can stay as long as you need. I found a house and left. He started trying to be nice before I left. This discard was terrible. He was sick for a short time in the beginning of our relationship and I took care of him. For a year he did not work and I did everything and paid for everything. I never complained. His father was sick with cancer in that time he was out of work. I paid for the trip to where his dad was. We stayed a month and paid for our needs and food so it wouldn't stress out the family. I helped clean and cook. He did not do this when I got sick. This is terrible. I haven't cried yet it's been a week I wonder if something is wrong with me. I feel peace right now. I just feel shocked he would do this to me. He got a good job now and going to be a boss of company in a few years. So I guess he thinks he wants someone better for his new life when I was there when he had nothing. It really hurts. I think he is evil and he did suck out my light. God will give me strength. It is just evil behind this narcissism. Glad I left him there was no going back. He was shocked that I moved out and ended our relationship. He said I wasn't on his side for this new job he had and I made him drink and become depressed. He always had depression. He didn't comfort me at all when I got bad news. Yet I wasn't on his side. I'm sure he is smearing my name. It is awful.
Strength to you Jenn really take care of yourself now 🌹🌹
@@NarcCon thank you. You're videos are helping me. I have watched several. I'm 45 and have never experienced anything like this narcissism abuse. I was literally lost on what happened. I'm finding out that alot of characteristics that you mention matches his. It's so awful. I'm trying to go no contact. I haven't talked to him in days. I was financially abused and didn't realize it. I believe I'm an empath. He had me pay way more than he did on bills. He never showed me his checks. I was open with my finances. I honestly never thought he would be hiding money. I have proof thank goodness I paid everything with my bank card. He degraded me for 4 months straight. After 4 years of our relationship. He never showed any type of abuse until January. I couldn't take it no more. So I left. I bet that's what he wanted so he wouldn't look bad. I have about 59 recording of him mentally, emotionally, and verbally abusing me. He was gaslighting me so bad that I thought I was going crazy. He would say he didn't do something or didn't say something. When I would listen to recordings he in fact did or said what I thought. It's a cruel game. I don't understand why he waited so long to show me this side of him.
You and I have almost the same story* Mine was about to leave me (I believe but he passed away it breaks my heart that after 40 years he was cruel & distant * I had no idea why* Bless You & I hope you have found happiness* Me? Well I'll probably love & miss him until the day I die*
@@Gellybeanb1974 it's not easy and I still miss him alot. I just have to keep moving forward and focus on other things and myself. I do hope you find some healing. You deserve peace.
@@cyanidecupcake231 Thank You* I pray for you to find it also & healing. Yes when he was good he was really good*
Thank you so much for showing us the truth of how the narcissist thinks and to impress upon us that we aren’t “losing it” and that there are evil, demented minds in the world.
I started les contact and it took about 2 months before i got only text of love and where ? please please .. and I have not had a phone call in over a year of the two . i was the one who called for facetime I was the one who drove 6 hours before I stopped most contact . and boom .. photos of the narc with another got on media . i went nearly 6 months and a pet i loced there is dieing I went to see bc i had got the text from the narc and got triangulated in a way it is completely destroyed deliberate cruelty .. all bc I simply stopped much contact . the new supply was stupidly there standing at my car door while the narc paced in the background saying to leave now .. the narc was watching me and the other woman . the new supply might kinda know maybe to beware .. bc she looked at me flthe whole time I asked for the narc nicely .. it was to see the dog .. and all that happened . very vvery awful . now I have to start healing over .
yes the narc secretly had relations all absolutely mind damaging .
that dame 5 yr old narc boost about playing court case on the phone with her lawyer daddy .. to me that means oe trrs ro scarr rhe supplies , in the same breath many times she says her fsrher is a psychopath eho nevee protected her ...
Discarded 13 days ago holding strong having blocked her yesterday after hoover #1 which took her 12 days to send, but it's not easy. These videos help alot. Didn't even know I was put thru the stages of lovebombing, devaluation, etc until I watched videos here. She ran a number on me w triangulation, gaslight, breadcrumbs, the whole thing. If only every love could stay like the lovebomb, wow, that would be great if it was real. Feel kind of like a sucker now but getting better.
Thank you for your video. Human to human I would want to say you look gorgeous :) and there is a light on your face I’m glad you healed.
Before knowing that narcissist people exist to this cruelty or have any knowledge I was disregarded both ways
First time as you described and it was after I moved to another country to work so to improve a future life with her thinking she was the right person and set plans and went executing
Second time is after (of course I was still naive and ignorant to narcissism) giving her a second chance to be discarded for someone who was better than me who she regretted divorcing because it was a a mistake as she said.
and now again for the third time she is hovering and love bombing except I know about narcissism. As much as I’m hurt - still- I feel so sorry for how this person is empty inside yet thinking she is a great person and….
I sometimes still can’t grasp how such thing and people exist and it blows my mind that I feel blocked in my head not understanding, I haven’t healed yet I’m struggling for years because I thought my experience was unique now that I know and learning I feel some relief but I’m still stuck with how to heal and the stages and steps to that…
Thank you for your videos you are helpful
This now makes sense - when I first began talking to him (and for the rest our OUR "Situationship" If I asked where you happy with your "ex "Mary and/or Beth? (not real names) and he would say " I was NEVER happy with Mary or Beth! ( And i thought "Wow those women gave him YEARS of their lives!) NOW I get it... thanks
From my experience when they Ghost you it's because they hope you haven't found out who they are, The other discarded when they Triangulate is when you found them out and in that moment they believe they won't need you... but they always come back... It's a mental illness I just ignore them lol they go crazy
Indeed ❤️
Discard A was exactly what happened to me ....every single thing you said , they must all do the same thing
You put a scorpion in your hand, surely what they will do is sting you.They have their likely behaviors.
No matter what you do or not do, their cycle is the same playbook.
Halfling Narcissists are predictable. Watch.
Take them back, it will be so MUCH worse in due course.
I did not have the information at the discard and almost took my own life!!! I have never been hurt that bad in my life!!!’
Mike your here for a reason keep going to find out why 🌹
HI MIKE. I HOPE TIME AND EDUCATION IS HELPING YOU HEAL FROM THAT DISCARD. YOU ARE WORTHY OF STAYING ALIVE, HEALING,LOVING YOURSELF AND BEING AROUND PEOPLE WHO TREAT YOU WITH RESPECT. DON'T SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS.
I'm really sorry Mike I was made really ill myself hope your feeling better now just remember they will reap what they sow
Me to Mike. If it hadnt been for the kids.It will and does get better. All falls into place bit by bit. The emotions
feel the pain, but the mind reveals it.
Me too Mike. Even though I was the one to end it the bottom line was the same for me. My attempt was made to fully escape the person who I had rejected but who was still hurting me and ending it all felt like the only way to make it stop for good. They have the ability to toy with you, combined with a total lack of responsibility or accountability for the damage they cause. Did I make that choice? yes.
Was I driven to it? Yes. Would she ever see or admit her part in this? Never! To come to terms with the fact that the whole relationship was a con is not easy my friend. This reply to your comment is as much for me as it is for you. It gives me the heart that I'm not alone in this terrible experience and hopefully does the same for you. I'm still standing 8 months later, a survivor as we all are.
Never really thought of it as a payback, but it makes great sense for the sudden heartless change in them
Mine was a combination of both.
I knew nothing about this disorder and he said I was to blame for everything. The worst cook, the worst lover, and that I had a dark heart.
Weirdest thing he said was, when I asked him if he loved her he said God yes. Then in the next breath, that he wanted to have sex again. He had withheld it from me for six years!
They are truly evil and we are so lucky to be saved from any more time with them. Mine also tried to cripple me before he left.
Stay strong Kerryann..what a criminal thing to do..and a lot of projection..strength and love 💕
Thank you. No pity party here, now that I ve connected the dots.
I am strong and have firm boundaries. I ll never see him again, he s too much of a coward.
I received the second discard. I spent almost $500 on tickets to see Elton John for his birthday. The day after the concert he came to my house, we had sex, I told him I loved him, he asked me why and then started devaluing me. He told me his friends don’t like me, he had feelings for someone else and I don’t remember what else. I was in shock so he didn’t get much of a reaction from me. He threw in at the end that he wanted to be friends. Within 3 weeks he was rubbing someone else in my face on social media. That was painful!!!! OMG it hurt so bad. He did everything with her that he didn’t do with me. After months of this I decided to remove him from my social media. The following week he showed up with her at my church. I’m sure she’s a nice person but he downgraded big time. This has been one of the worst experiences ever. I’m finally after a year being broken up starting to get over it. The break up was so unexpected. Everything was so great I wasn’t prepared for what happened.
Just want to say I just ran into your channel wonderful videos I love your Irish accent and your charisma your a Attractive Spiritual Lady.. well here's my story..
Around 2014 I was on social media and Facebook a woman girl who latched on to me as a really close friend that was into the same arts and Music as myself. Just prior I had broken up with a previous girlfriend she came on pretty strong throughout 2014 till 2016 I started getting really close and I felt I found a wonderful person well I'll start off by saying she was a covert narcissist NPD vulnerable type but this is way before I figured it out we were long distance Maryland and Oregon I thought wow I finally met a perfect match. Time went on we started flying out to see each other back and forth for the next 4 years it was very amazing and she seemed very angelic and a stand-up person and she had a one son she was very generous and always kept offering to book our vacations and pay for everything I didn't like that feeling and paid for most stuff for us also that we did also I was sort of entranced that she was just doing it out of the kindness of her heart and care and was what I learned a codependent such as myself and she was really having problems with depression and other things and was looking for a connection. When we weren't seeing each other physically being long distance we talked on the phone every night when I get home from work and do Skype until we could see each other again on our vacations from work I started not realizing red flags like of course she love bombed really intensely in the beginning around that 2016 mark when everything ramped up well to make a long story short just this past year in 2020 she started asking for space all of a sudden .and after all the time we invested I couldn't understand that and then it went from the space to her being crude rude and changing her status on her profile hiding things from me from a profile and I called her out on it she got really nasty and started blocking me on Facebook and got stonewalled she wouldn't give me no closure why she wanted to break up. So I was left stunned she changed her number and kept me blocked on Facebook like I was her enemy now. Just happened right after Valentine's Day of 2020 .I started reading up on why would somebody do this and it first it led to borderline personality disorder I thought and then I started learning a lot about NPD and narcissistic personality disorder. I was ignored from the discard then all of a sudden I started seeing charges being taken out of my bank account about 5 months after she discarded me .I called my bank and asked them what's going on and they asked me do you know (Michelle P) ? And then I was shocked I said yeah that's my ex long distance girlfriend. At a fury of her crap that she did to me I went on Facebook and took an old picture of her and exposed her to all our mutual friends on Facebook that she's a sociopathic narcissist Criminal. Then all of a sudden I get a Hoover email with her trying to gaslight me and tell me she was innocent blah blah blah all this crap she worried more about her reputation what I was saying than the hurt that she did to me.I flat out told her I learned all about it and I know what she is and she's got a personality disorder narcissism. And she was telling me she was in therapy and her therapist advised her to get a restraining order against me. It's like this was all set up and planned the flipped of the script victim role scenario.These types of learned when they discard you they instantly become the victim and want to get sympathy from all their followers and friends so it makes us the empathic people look like the villains. In the most sickest thing about it is she wear a mask of being so generous and kind like clone yourself who I was towards her.I sent her all kinds of links about getting help for NPD and narcissistic personality disorder I called her a sociopathic narcissist with no empathy I guess that helped cuz I haven't heard from her since thank God. But beware if you ever see anyone you get close to have those rage fits when they glare at you very angrily and shout at you it's not PTSD as I thought it's narcissistic rages run while you can run run run.once you see those red flag first signs of the love bombing and then some kind of out of blue tantrums and then they flip back to normal real quick the mask was massively cracking at the time it's such a big bad sign that you're with a narcissistic covert NPD 😔😔😔😔👺👺👺👺 PS whenever the narcissist NPD covert tells you they're in therapy and they got problems they're trying to figure out that's a manipulation too they probably use that all their lives and they never fix themselves then they never will get fixed 🤦♂️🤦♂️🤦♂️
Dennis thank you so much for sharing your story with us..I hope you heal well and stay no contact going forward..blessings to you 💓💓🌹🌹
I just want to say I'm sorry this has happened to you. A Narc lacks their own identity, so when they are pretending to be so lovely, what they are really doing is mirrioring you. by mirrioring you they can love bomb you. It seems like you have met your soul mate, it they mirror you for you to fall in love with them.
it is coming from a spirit as explained in the Bible! satan is the 'ultimate narcissist'! as you said in your other videos and as it says in the Bible satan comes to 'kill, steal and destroy' and so do covert narcissists! in the Bible satan disguises himself as 'as an angel of light' (which means a good angel, a helper or comforter) and so do covert narcissists! they disguise themselves as your soul mate, your best friend or even a caring parent! covert narcissists are ruthless and they never get tired of destruction just like evil spirits who are satan's minions!
YES THEY ARE VERY RUTHLESS. THEY LIE AND LIE AND LIE. WAS SICK OF THAT & THEIR STEALING.
@@treelover1050yes there is no way they can all have the same basic traits, cause the same problems, destroy people's health, destroy people's lives and never get tired of it! i can take so many parts of Bible that show similarities of satan's behavior and covert narcissists but it would take all day! yes they are evil!
The last thing the narc said to me is to me before blocking me everywhere was that she wasn’t evil!,,, oh yes you are!,, the narcs days are numbered.. that brings me great peace ...they are living on borrowed time .. .. I honestly believe after watching hundred of hours of utube clips @nd researching .. that the narc is possessed and is cooperating with Satan to kill steal and destroy.. maybe that person doesn’t exist anymore? ... one thing is for sure they are evil and they enjoy
it .. if you have survived narcissistic abuse it’s because God has delivered you
You are here for a purpose
@@darcybarwick6404 - yes I believe there 'must' be a spirituality to narcissistic abuse! Why would they put so much time and effort into their destructive behavior unless 'something' is using them for evil, negative purposes throughout their lives! And why can't they change or stop their destructive behavior! It is a waste of time and life!
My ex narcissist discarded me nearly 3 mths ago when I caught him with the new supply then the next day he was living with her cant talk to him as he has the new supply answering his phone I am really struggling Paula with the trauma bond thank you very much Paula for all your good videos
My discard included both aspects of which you are discussing. The months following the discard I was having awful suicidal ideation. Not a plan, but I wanted the pain to end and it was so all encompassing and I still feel it at times but not as deeply as before. It's like you become the walking dead, you think you are going to literally die from a broken heart. They broke up with me with a vague 3 sentence Email right after telling me they loved me, couldn't wait to seeing me again and.thenssme shit of future faking. The sadness permeated my whole world and painted a new landscape of deep sadness that was worse than when my mother and sister passed away. Fucked up sick shit. Sorry for cursing, but it is some pretty sick crap. I had to see the posts of them on Facebook with their ex within a month or more of leaving me. The last time we were together I had no idea what was coming because we both seemed so happy and enjoying it time together. Awful awful awful.
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I snap 4 months ago I discarded my narc husband of 33years I’m finally finding peace and freedom and working on my healing my god is getting me through it
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I gave Mrs Narc a Claddagh ring when we visited Galway. $400.00 US, 14k gold.2 hands holding a heart, with a crown on top,symbolizing, Friendship, Loyalty and Love. I'm amazed her finger didn't bleed when she tried it on. A Narc Claddagh ring would be a hand grasping a dagger ,plunging into a heart .
Oh Bill sorry you have me giggling..familiar with the Claddagh ring 😊🌹
I had a Narcissist try to Hoover me 30 Yrs.later!!!
He had his WIFE contact my Mother to find out where I was.
Can you imagine the Cruelty to his poor wife.!!! The kind of devalued his wife must have been to manipulate her to do such a thing.
Needless to say, I disassociated with all of them.Refused to have any further associations ever again. My mother was a Narcissist, my ex.boyfriend and I think Narc's are from Hell.
If nothing else the second one leaves you fuming and hating them so so much .. it's not a good energy to exist in and it lasts a long time, but it does give you the determination to move on with intent. The first one is absolutely so painful and leaves you grasping onto something that's not there and you're falling, its horrific, and there is absolutely nothing you can do, nothing. And you're not even able to pick yourself up with anger and determination, because you still have hope and compassion, you become completely broken, and yes, suicidal. They heat check .. starts with the first one, just a few hours, then it gets a bit worse and you start scrambling, then a week and you think it's over, then they show up again, then it's a month, then a few months .. and you're a complete wreck by this time.. and perhaps after a few months of more therapy and you trying desperately to keep well behaved something really outrageous happens again and you find it within yourself to end the relationship. And you then see how twilight zone it gets. This gets sooooo messed up, you realise you're actually still in the relationship with them .. on an intangible psychological level .. where it's real to you but nobody else can see it. And you see them with someone else, but they're in touch with you through all sorts of strange ways. Crazy isnt the word for it .. insanity is more appropriate .. a spiritual psychological mindf**k that eats your sanity and melts your reality. I'm not exaggerating. And its understandable why nobody believes you
You’ve explained the result and aftermath of narcissistic abuse very well Jack thank you for sharing
10:13 'They truly believe at this point of the transactionship that YOU are the one to blame!" (Accountability is KRYPTONITE to narcissists, ha ha...). They must get the so-called "win." But like she says just before the timestamp I make here, it's a "good slap in the face" for us to indeed to "WAKE UP" to who they really are (OR REALLY WERE ALL ALONG IN SOME CASES.). And like she says, whatever they say YOU allegedly are or are not--is just a reflection of themselves instead of "YOU" at the end of the day
My stomach is sick
Absolutely sick !! the lies and denial are outrageous
Really enjoying your knowledge and more importantly
Presentation
Very Down to Earth
making it easy to grasp...
Thanks
There is one more discord - this is when they push you to discord them ! This way it’s you that ended the relationship ! Which they will run and tell everyone ! Then they can play with the new supply without feeling guilty ! They will then have people calling asking how you could end the relationship ? And do you want to both go for counseling ? This is when they have fail within the relationship with the new supply ! This was the discord mine planned because he wanted our children, family , and friends to think I put him ! I did discorded him which made him happy until he found out he had to take everything he owned that night ! He thought he was going to pretend he was staying with a friend and get pity from everyone that he was put out ! It backfired because I stood strong on my discord ! In actuality he wanted time to play with his new toy without being bother ! Here I am happy as can be ! So hang in there better days are coming