Left me 3 days before Christmas and 6 months before our wedding. Dress bought, venue and honeymoon booked. 8 months after buying our house together, which was in another part of the country from my family and friends. He convinced me go leave my job and work for his company- then I had no job when he left me. He underestimated me. I focused on getting a new job and bought myself a house within 3 months. Ironically, he's now alone, with no job, in rented accommodation, and I'm married with kids, a homeowner and employed.
Being in a relationship with them ends up like being a competition with a bully when you were in grade school. But the difference is you are now an adult with adult consequences and things can happen that can really cause bad blood. Never again. You are wasting your time with an idiot.
Wonderful analogy! That was the hardest part to accept...that he did not care AT ALL! Once we can accept that painful truth it gets better. Let's all be better not bitter! That's our revenge.
Yes, my soon to be ex narc husband abandoned me and my children on Mothers day, after a narcissist rage. I discovered he was gambling and lost thousands of dollars, he wasn't even working. I cut him off my bank account. He was so full of rage. He had isolated me and my children in Alaska and we are still stuck here, no financial support, he moved to his parents house in San Diego, which is where we are both from.
It is a awful thing to experience ! Yes that is the time they choose to make you pay ? Pay for ? Caring ? Trusting? Then you learn the three times you finally put your foot down these past 30 years , they have secretly been holding a grudge . And it's only then it starts making sense . You also begin to recognize , this person was actually abusing your trust , exploiting , and purposely , creating difficulties , maligning you behind your back . Break your heart ? No they desire to do much worse , it was to break your spirit , destroy your soul ! They built their sand castle to close to the water , your decision to build on higher ground made them " feel " bad .
yes, he left me repeatedly when I needed him the most.. and at Christmas.. it was always about him and his depression. Never apologized - never made up for it. And keeps trying to return. He's a toxic fool. A taker - never a giver & looking for a mommy.
He left just as the pandemic started. Left me in lockdown, blind-sided and never having predicted a break-up. In the middle of lockdown, when I couldn’t get together with a soul or even get a hug from friends, he started posting pics of him and new supply, canoodling. And when he left, he claimed it was because he needed space. They were moved in and engaged within two months, in the midst of lockdown. Of course, it’s the best thing that could have happened to me, and I’m grateful every day to be rid of him, but that doesn’t mean your skin doesn’t crawl at the thought of how heartless and morally bankrupt they are. Ick. Just ick. How many scalding hot showers does it take to wash that kind of grub off your skin?
I knew intuitively that this person was acting strange but I thought if I love him enough I could turn things around. I didn’t know about Narcissists. Humans and Androids don’t mix
Does anyone relate to how extremely tiring it is living with a narcissist? They drain you of any peace. You are always expected to be doing something for them. I spent hours every day cleaning, cooking, washing, tidying, cleaning his hair brushes, whatever and realized i had taken no time for me. I came from a cold climate to beautiful B.C. and never took time to see it. The whole thing was such a waste of my best years. Never Appreciated, never thanked, never given gifts even at Xmas or birthdays. His best compliment was "well you aren't what you were." Of course not after 30 years of pure hell. Ladies don't waste any more of your precious time. Get out. They are what they are and Will not get any better.
@@christie991i can definitely relate. My narc ex caused me stress all the time. Picking fights over the weirdest things. Reacting disproportunately. Texting me that the relationship might not work just before bedtime. Asking me sadistically if i slept well the next day. A rollercoaster
I got discarded after giving birth to twins two weeks into lockdown. No healthcare providers came, (midwives, health visitors) and family weren’t allowed in the house either because of covid. He knew what he was doing. Thanks for the wonderful, helpful videos Paula. God bless you x
Yes the baby arrived and the narc was gone off to the new supply who had six kids of her own … then 16 years later he re appears Off you go mr Narc off you go there is no place for you here in my life
The first time he left me it had to do with illness. He also started to triangulate at that moment. I shook with shock. The second time I was the one who got angry, because I was getting destroyed bit by bit by the triangulation and games around what the status of our relationship was. I wanted to state my truth, no matter what, so it might change or end if it couldn't. He than mentally put me into a state of mind in which I no longer wanted to live. It's half a year on and I still try to make sense of things he said. I was the evil one for standing up for myself. I was supposedly jealous and nothing was going on, it was all in my head. But why would someone triangulate if he wants you to feel safe and why would someone play games with your status if he didn't want to break you down? It was insane.
He did it the day before our 20th anniversary and the night before a vital 5 days work trip. The pain was unbelievable. The shock triggered ptsd and severe anxiety.
As my therapist told me "he was lucky to have had you for five years" once that sunk in my entire attitude changed. I thought "hell yeah". We had two breakups during a pandemic, moved out once, and he dumped me after a successful hoover. I figure if I can survive this I can survive anything. I am now on a man/break. Back to back narcissists is too much at my age. Easter Weekend so you were right on with the occasion. Ironically it was April Fool's Day so the universe was really trying to tell me, enough already. I get it now. I know the signs. I am prepped. I wish him well because who would want to live a life like this, hell on earth.
I cried every day and night for a long time...months. But then I started looking into his behavior and found these communities. I never knew there was such a thing as a covert narcissist but it gave me peace to know that my heartache and confusion were validated...AL part of the trauma bond. It gets better Cassandra. It really does...I feel for you. Hugs to you. ❤
They just dont Care It took me so long and many many months and months in floods of tears Actually laughing at me as I was crying and saying he didnt Care so painfull now but I promise you the tears will subside and the healing will begin
YOU HAVE SUCH A LOVING SENSITIVE HEART. I FEEL FOR YOU. YOU DESERVE SO MUCH BETTER TREATMENT. A PERSON HAS TO PAINFULLY EXPERIENCE THE PAIN AND TEARS TO GET TO THE OTHER SIDE TO START TO HEAL. NARCISSISTS ARE LIARS, ACTORS AND ABUSERS. THEY WILL NEVER CHANGE. I AM 14 MONTHS NO CONTACT. I HAVE MY POWER, SELF-RESPECT, AND FREEDOM BACK.
I had another cancer scare while waiting for divorce papers to be done, and my ex said, "Well, if you're dying maybe I'll keep you." I look back on that moment and it's quite sickening. Later before results came back I said, "I don't care if I'm dying or not, we're getting a divorce." All I could think was, I'd rather die in Peace. He had never even acknowledged that the first surgery happened. Which started Serious abuse. We were still married when results came back, and he was mad that he had to pay about $800 or so to make sure I wasn't in need of any other surgery at that time. He had mocked me for wanting to be re-tested before we talked about divorce, then went out of state to see his dad's wife who was dying from cancer. You're right. Our death would just be 'Callateral damage' to them.
Very true they provoke you in to having to leave (discard) them as they as we all know have an image to maintain I've Always thought this is one of the most cowardly things to do as they're mentally playing cat n mouse with you leading up to the discard yet one conversation could avoid a hell of alot of pain but no as then all the agony they've inflicted on you so far would then be pointless they want the big fanally the big showdown they want you completely finished. how pitiful!
@@NarcCon can you send me the link to the video you mentioned making in another video about when the narc will NOT Hoover? I’d like to learn to see if I did enough at the end that he will not Hoover. Thank you!!
Yup. When I was discarded it was because I had become more depressed and felt worthless due to the way she invalidated all of my feelings and then when I was down and out and needed her most, she left with no warning, breaking our lease, and telling me how inadequate I was. When I tried to find answers I was “breaking boundaries” cuz she wanted no contact, and then through self-reflection I realized she was a covert narcissist and I texted her telling her I knew what was up and I hope she is able to love herself. She immediately blocked me, but not without warning me not to show up at her job or work unexpectedly…. Just one more blame-shift before she said bye… can’t wait for her to try to Hoover me back so I can show her strong I actually am by never going back.
This is exactly what happened Paula. He changed as soon as I stopped giving, etc. But when I needed he was not there. So he hurt me by discarding me cause I stopped! He even said I have changed. Thanks Paula
Mine told me I changed also after I realized that I wasn't going to entertain his behaviors and what I couldn't understand at the time he saying this while I had found out about new supply . It was mind boggling.
It’s like you knew him personally. He threw me out the day our daughter turned six months old. Had nowhere to stay. On mat leave. Had to go to a shelter with the baby and build our lives from the ground up but he did me a huge favour.
HOW HORRIBLE. I HOPE YOU AND YOUR BABY ARE DOING BETTER NOW. HAVE YOU BEEN ABLE TO GET A JOB AND HAVE YOUR OWN PLACE TO LIVE? YOU DESERVE SO MUCH BETTER THAN THAT CREEP.
@@treelover1050 Oh thank you so much 😊. He is such a creep! You’re right. I was able to get a new and better job right out of mat leave and I’m now renting a really nice house which is a nicer place than I ever imagined I would be in right now. God is good!
I keep saying “yes,” “YES” “exactly.” As soon as I began confronting and asking questions, he turned on me. I saw a MONSTER. He did everything he could to try to destroy me.
Love you Paula. So happy to hear from you. I was having a bad day. I just gotta get through this pain and stop rewinding everything in my mind like a projector. Hi Remy!
My blood pressure got so low that next was a pacemaker. I was afraid to tell my then narc husband i had to quit my part time job since i couldnt drag myself around. His rage was so frightening, i thought i had a heart attack.
Your analogies at the end of the video are fantastic and unfortunately true. In 2019 my dad was dying from stage 4 esophageal cancer. He couldn’t swallow anything unless in was literally in watery soup form. My ex husband left in early July 2019, knowing how sick my dad was. He ended up coming home the middle of August( he cheated multiple times but he lied and I trusted he would be honest) . He did buy a VitaMix blender so we could feed my dad since the tumors in his esophagus were impeding his ability to swallow. He threw it in my face so often it was disgusting and I was exhausted and crying all the time. I was working and my husband had his own business so he was the one who made my dad’s food. My dad insisted on staying in his home despite my offer for him to come live with us. The last couple weeks of my dad’s life my ex complained and yelled at me telling me that my dad wasn’t eating because he said my dad was ungrateful (just like he said of me and the rest of my family) I told him my dad was dying and that when people pass away they sleep a lot more and don’t have much of an appetite. My dad passed away in the early morning hours of September 17, 2019. My ex husband found him. The night before my dad was to be buried my ex wanted me to go to a bar with him. I told him no, I’m not sure where he went or who he was with but he showed back up at home about 10:30am the next morning on the day of my dad’s funeral. I have so many of these stories. It’s utterly heartbreaking. 💔 Thank you for this You Tube channel! 🙏🏼🌈❤️🕊😭
I had a experience today on my healing journey . Helped me to better understand that there are truly those without hope ! They rely on their inequitable works . Scripture not only warns us of these workers of inequities , but describes them as evildoers ! I encountered one of these individuals today ! This is a spiritual war, and it's a battle ground , not a playground . My Dad drove ambulance in world war ll and it was gruesome , they didn't check vital signs , but if their bowels evacuated , as it was described , you saved the living , the ones that still had hope . When you carry a injured soul , they assist. Carry a dead person , you fight not just weight but gravity . They would send two , with a stretcher to retrieve the dead . Narcissists are as the dead . The individual today presented themselves as a rational , reasonable human being . I had spent a considerable amount of time , effort, restraint , respect reasoning with them , only to learn they had no intention of or are capable of respect , restraint , reason , or logical . I almost reacted emotionally , but thank God , caught that . Learned this breathing exercise draw a deep breath , and count out 5 Mississippi's. Works like a charm ! My calm logical response was . Sorry , I don't carry dead weight , and I walked away . I am grateful this individual will no longer be part of my life . So in essence yes they evacuated their bowels , they are not among the living , spiritually dead , they,re conscience seared . It's a grim reality of this war we are in . We need to search out those that still have hope , those still among the living ! And perhaps we can pray that if they are left to lie in their own vomit , and fesces , they may repent . It was dysfunctional , codependent thinking , that falsely led me to believe , I was responsible for others poor behavior , and actions , and that I was somehow responsible to rescue them . We can only assist the living
I was discarded after +29yrs of marriage 6 weeks ago. I had just lost my dad to kidney cancer around the same time my narcissist husband was diagnosed with prostrate cancer. I was not allowed to go with to hospital nor to ask any health related questions or any questions in fact.This after 1yr of silent treatment. It felt like there was demonic spirit in our home. He spent most nights on social media but would complain that he doesn't sleep well and I had to get CBD oils that could help...yet he had bags of medicine for pain that he refused to take! I'm well on the way on my healing journey and have, since he left, gone absolutely no contact. Divorce proceedings are under way and I'm beginning to feel hopeful that this too shall pass. PAULA, your video's have helped me immensely THANK YOU.
The sand castle is a good metaphor. It blends in, and creates a visual image, with the infant smashing your castle, easier to remember, and thus begin to see the narc behavior as such an infant. I believe it may help with the cognitive dissonance. Good video.
Yes Paula. Left me no choice but to end the relationship. Started treating me like dirt when I couldn’t help at his restaurant (which he never thought he should pay me for) because of my needing carpal tunnel surgery and a tumor. He knew financially I was struggling to get my life together after a 20 year marriage to a covert who financially destroyed me- among the other ways destroyed. This one even sabotaged a job(post breakup) I was looking into - by telling them not to talk to me. I spent 3 years of working my arse off for him - only for tips and doing every job there was to do in the restaurant… plus working my salon. Completely used. And I ended up sooo far backwards from when I’d divorced. People - BOUNDARIES - RED FLAGS - DON’T BE A DOORMAT!
Yes. Started the discard a week before our anniversary and our oldest sons birthday, left a week before Thanksgiving. Then of course Christmas was when we started our relationship 27 years ago. Left me with 3 kids, 2 are handicapped, a car that wasn't running right. Its been a year, we are divorced. My kids and I are so much better without him. Though it hurts, it does get better. The sad part is he is abusing his new supply just like he abused me. Pathetic!
There is a "celebrity" in my county - this men had a women and about 3 or 4 years old son. He decided to spend Christmas with them and also with his mother. When on Christmas time to open the presents came - he said he needed to go quickly to his car on the parking lot. His mother, women and son waited and waited. So they started searching- thought maybe he fainted or someobody hurt him, they called hospitals and morgues. But there was not a trace of him on the Christmas Eve. The next day they found out he just went to his another apartment without saying one word. He destroyed Christmas for all ot them only to get his narc supply.
Hi Paula ,, yes I’m feeling abandoned,, at the worse possible time,, he would leave me whenever life got challenging,,couldn’t handle my woes ,, he called them Boo Boo’s ,,just like a child !,,, when the going got tough ,, the narc got going!,,,
I took care of him when he was sick accepted when the business we ran together did not take off as he expected and took paycut and broken promises looking back everything good was going to happen tmw or next week always in the near future and when i needed him emotionally he just moved on detached and forgot everything we went through together we were complete strangers with no history overnight when i was no longer of use. So very painful
He left me when I was down with Covid and ended up losing my job while I was out sick. He proceeded to burn my sand castle down! Litetally!Literally!! He set my house on fire!
This is so spot on! Exactly what ive just/am experiencing! Its like you're narrating my exact situation! makes me feel grounded and supported. Once again big thanks Paula!
Question? Did you experience a lot of focus on 'food' when it comes to the narc? I was always stressed they couldn't choose a restuarant / food type based on their specific requirements ... nothing was ever good enough and you always feel in that context you could not make them happy? Huge topic looking back to my life with this individual.
I caught him in a lie and break up with him just after i lost my job because of covid. He asked in a condescending manner, what about you losing your job!! The fact that he brought that up sounded like he only cared about the apperance of the event. And he managed to look down on me even when i was the one who is ending it
I have problems with good days... I was soo long so misrable, that now when good days come more and more often, come a bad day and crush me bc I got feeling one step foward, two back. My logic know that this is path, not smt that you can say now, after night, Im great. So thank you for smt I know but I needed heard it.
I was so tired and in pain, I have a disability, after years of slavery. I just didn't have the energy to go out partying at night. One of the things he said at the end was that I broke it! Also, that every time he gave me another chance, I d let it spiral down. Forty years of this insanity was enough. I wonder if after two years, the new supply is starting to get very tired.
It’ll get better. I know you hear that all the time but it does. You’ll never forget but you become so strong. I’ve got a third eye that I didn’t have before.
He said to me on one of our last arguments, "Try living without me!". First of all...who says something like that? I left not long after that. It was painful, I wanted it to work. I gave many a try. Yet the only way it would work was for me to continue to play second fiddle to his king of the hill game. I placed myself first for the first time in 32 years. It was him or the highway (his options for me), so I chose the highway. I still 'love' him through no contact going on for six years. I am strong, and so much better off not being around his control of Everything. I still feel pain when he hoovers every birthday and holiday. Thank God, I have God, and channels like this to bring me back to sanity. Rebuilding my sandcastle. How and why would I go back to a life of zero reciprocity of equality? I am still to hear the two words that with meaning would change it all...' I'm sorry.' I know now those words will never come, and that saddens me greatly.
He left me at my most vulnerable, with injuries I had sustained and during lockdown. He couldn't care less, after 4 years together he replaced me soon after, flaunting her everywhere. Cold and callous.
Discard by first narc - after my fathers funeral when I had to drop out of college Discard by second narc - in corona lockdown I am narc free right now by the grace of God..
@@NarcCon your this video just might have changed the course of my life....after the narcissistic abuse I was suffering from perfectionism and procrastination ...after preparing for my exams for a year I was prepared to throw in the towel as I was feeling defeated from few recent setbacks....But now I have set my mind ....for the next two weeks I am going to study as hard as I can and give my best......IF I BELIEVE IT I CAN ACHIEVE IT❤💯
I had to stop the video in the middle and put a comment .. YES.. this happened .. I changed because I said the relationshit was one -sided and it felt like it was teeter tottering .. he went ballistic gave me word salad , blame shifted and rage .. then he said I don’t love him or like him ? What absurdity that was ! Then , he ran off with his new supply … this I know now that he was grooming while with me .. because several months before he asked if we could be friends . Hypocrites .. liars .. con artist .. gaslighters .. cheaters .. manipulators .. users and abusers .. they are pure and utter trash
I am only 4 weeks into my final discard after a two year relationship and in a world of pain, and anxiety like I’ve never felt before. He discarded me 12 times over that two year period, out of these there was both Christmas’s because I spent them with my family, both my birthdays because of the same reason. He was always invited but said he “didn’t do family “, but the worst one was the day after my mother died, because I wasn’t able to answer his phone calls every single time he rang. He even had the audacity to question how many times I spoke to my family over him. He stole from me the opportunity to grieve my beautiful mum. He has now blocked me on all platforms so I cannot get closure on any level. The whole thing is soul destroying. Thankyou for your videos they help so much to make sense of a senseless time
I had a near death car accident… Narc stood far off in the distance watching as crowds came to help. At home and in shock he began a furious assault on me. days went by under his punishing torture He began calling in his gangs of flying monkeys to humiliate me and set my family against me in a smear campaign about my mental state I chose to live. I chose to climb out of the Black terror of my abuser one moment at a time I saved insurance money and planed my escape my solicitor helped me to avoid losing everything Then Grace called on me to find this beautiful place Narc Con and now it all makes sense ♥️
Spot on! That was my situation, lost 2 family members, I didn’t find a job straight out of uni and the finances were down. He left right in the middle of it telling me to deal with it and few weeks before my birthday , I’m shocked 😯
I got left pregnant Surely he did pick the most worst time I needed support there not reliable ... at all .. it’s all smoke an mirrors 🪞 great content 💯👌an your right they force you to leave them at the worst time Ever you are so right !! I just get upset cause looking back I didn’t see it till I had to discard him for cheating with the old supply he’s with now !! I don’t like these guys at all they hate boundaries !! There just Leech’s liars and lowlife! Great illustration about the sandcastle 💯👍🏾
Mine was the week a really good friend passed, my 13 year old cat (my child) was dying ...he became very cold and wasn't there for me, so I reacted and blocked him out of anxiety since I had done everything that week to celebrate his birthday and get him a cat and make him happy..when I blocked on social, he text my phone in the middle of the night without concern asking about me or my cat, he said I upset him by leaving and gaslighting me to apologize to him..and I was so vulnerable I did and believed it was all my fault and tried to fix things and went to his house when he blocked me and the mask was down and he was so cold and callous and said we could be friends..
In a word, YES! She did it twice. Won me back after an 8-year hiatus, future-faked that "this time, I am yours forever," then suddenly began distancing and devaluating. We made a come-back, seemed to be figuring it all out and then, boom. Gone without hearing her voice or seeing her. How did I ever trust this person a second time after knowing what she is capable of?
Yes. I was discarded once after I was hit by a car. Then again when I was in the hospital suffering from a mental breakdown due to his constant Psychological and sexual abuses. I believed it was all my fault after all I was the one in the nut- house. Also, I can't tell you how many times before this he threatened to have me locked up, for basically calling him out on his stuff. He also knew me being called crazy was one of my deepest fears. I never understood I was being abused and believed to my core I was bad. Its crazy how they know to play on all your deepest wounds. My heart and mind hurt so bad, but I am so grateful to know what happened to me.
He wanted to tear my sand castle down because I worked so hard to build it. And Narcs need to steal other peoples hard work, because they are too weak and cowardice to do it for themselves. At first they present as an angel of light but behind their cold dark stare is a devil of doom.
Then if you rebuild it again. They want to kick it down again because in thier delusional minds they think they are the ones who built you up and they'll be dammed before they will ever see you succeed without them. But my foundation is strong and I and all of you will rise up again.
I was struggling with (undiagnosed health issues) and my work wasn't going well. I could feel that he looked down on me. I could see the lack of respect in his eyes. I have thankfully now mostly recovered and have a new job. I also look great 😃
Yes. After I put $7000 of my money into renovating our home of 20 years. And freshly out of the hospital after dying from adrenal & organ failure. (Later found out PTSD causes organ failure) I went through a triangulation devaluation disengagement and malice campaign n smear campaign, all the while paralyzed on my left side of my body and thrown out of our marital home. It was demonic, sinister n cruel. I attempted suicide the following months later. Survived that too. Head spinning Paula.
@@NarcCon thank you so much. It was something I didn't think I could ever endure bc I had to fight in court another year and a half. I brought teams in around me. Between domestic violence shelters. Community resources like a case worker. A talk counselor, and I hired 2 world renowned narc coaches w the little money I had from selling the jewelry before I could get safe housing. Had I not had those amazing women team members, I may not have made It. I had an astrologer id been following since 2011 amd he heloed me through it too. He inspired me w such strength and care to keep going. Paula...i am lucky to be alive. Mind you the months prior to the organ failure I'd been found by a girlfriend barely breathing and was hospitalized in a coma for 5 days w suspicious activity of the narc. 3 near death experiences in one year. So yes...Gods got some kind of purpose for me as I try to figure that out now. Again... Thank you for all your help w ur transparency and educational videos. Youre an inspiration for all of us to keep healing.
My break up happen when our Grandchildren were being born! He was very very jealous of Caleb our first grandson! I saw the envy in his eyes when I was enjoying babysitting him ! That’s when I really realized something evil was lurking there.
My wife left me the day after our wedding anniversary. This was also five days after we submitted the papers for my UK visa as a partner so it was 4K in bills and I was having troubles maintaining my team at work and my own job as Covid restrictions were hammering the business. It was a trifecta. This is just one of several discards and I kept reverse hoovering before. My situation is much more complex but almost two years after the final discard, I’m now starting to feel a bit better. Work is good. My daughter is amazing. I’m still alone in this country but I can’t give up as I need to ensure my daughter has my stability.
my best friend was dying and died. he was sleeping with his ex wife (also a narcissist) in our house...and he set out to destroy me with lies and gossip. I left the day of her funeral with my things in garbage bags.
He did! Just when I started teaching online to second graders with an entirely new platform...most stress I’ve ever had in my career. The week he left I had my computer shut down and lose all my lessons, parents angry and upset, or district making changes daily to how we were expected to reach online...I was working 24 hours a day trying to learn how to troubleshoot technology, comfort parents, learn the new platform to teach online which was not at all user friendly to little 7 year olds...and he texted me that he was done and never coming home again. I was totally shocked. Now 8 months later he is being sued for fraud and I am feeling like I dodged a cannon ball, not a billet, when he left. I filed immediately for divorce and it was final Jan. 27, 2021. He had a new steady girlfriend two months before our divorce papers were filed. “I pity the fool.”
If you’re 9 months pregnant with your 4th child to run off with new “love”. So cruel, my brother had mental health issues and did suicide due to his nasty games. I’ve moved on as best I can but some things you never get over
I am 76years old and had to start over again. He waited until he thought I couldnt recover. BUT, he was wrong. I have made a lot of new friends, go dancing every week and have gotten back into painting. I am learning to love again. The discard was brutal and I suffered but it was a blessing in disguise
Yes...all true! 22 years married. Tolerated waaaaay more than I should have. I had everything that he didn't have when we met. He pushed for marriage and babies right away. Used to say he loved everything I loved and that he wanted children more than anything.... Once we started having children he couldn't be bothered to help or do anything and always acted highly annoyed by them. Years later he started saying that he hated everything that I liked, such as activities we used to do hobbies places I liked etc.... Years later I had to start slowing down on working as I was having some physical issues and I needed to have two surgeries one of which had to be repeated so I was in recovery for about a year and a half. So I had no money and was no fun anymore because I couldn't do anything. His behavior had gotten so outrageous towards me and our children by this time I was forced to leave him but I believe that he planned it to push me out so that I would leave him because he then ran around and told everybody that I left him and was having an affair and had stolen all his money. living with this man and now separating from this man has been absolutely horrific! I don't think I would have believed it if somebody had told me I would go through this with him. All I can say is...." Buyer Beware"
Thank you Paula! I had received a diagnosis and that started the removal of the mask..it was so ugly, scary.. I have survived and am now thriving..every day I work on me..
This is exactly how it happened to me 2 months ago. My wife of 15 years left me a week before Valentines Day. That was the day of our first date. She had gotten a new job that i wasn't comfortable about because it required her to travel. She played the suicide game to get her way and I relented and let her take the job. We already weren't seeing each other very much before this so was getting very depressed and lonely. I tried expressing this to her but she just didn't seem too really care. My health was increasingly get worse. I was on anti depressants and blood pressure medicine. She had changed her behavior and only seemed to care about her job and the new friends that she never introduced me to. The day she discarded me she said she hadn't been happy for a long time. She said she fell out of love with me. She didn't want to try counseling and left the house a few days later. She never reached out even though she knew how devastated I was. I thought of killing myself on Valentines Day but luckily I was able to talk myself out of it. It scares me to think that this person who said I was the love of their life would actually be hoping I would kill myself. I started getting educated on narcissistic behavior and immediately realized how terrible this person really is. I started pushing for a divorce and if it weren't for our 2 kids I would go full no contact. As soon as you as you start setting boundaries with these people they will turn on you. Nothing about them is real. I now know before I can trust someone with my heart again I have to know what my boundaries are never let them be crossed.
Wow, every single word hits home for me. I thought my partner was "going through stuff"... not for a second did I think it was all so calculated. Omg, this makes so much sense. Standings into my recovery and I know I will get through this. I've gone through that place of utter dispare after a previous discharge with him a few weeks after a great pal chose to leave this life. A n awful time in my life but he sowed it in by his cruel "flick". Now after been pulled right back in, all the very worst of him has shown up. I chose to call him out, unaware of 'what' I was really dealing with. About 2 months ago, I actually saw the backest of black face in him. I thought great, his entity is exposed, he wanted to work and get rid of it. But no no, it/he only vampt things up unbelievably and completely attacked every aspect of me. Now, with this knowledge I am piece by piece putting things together to understand firstly what actually happened, the whys, how could he, etc. We've had no contact. It's only a month. Thank you for these learnings. Xx❤
My ex disgard came when I was dealing with elderly parents and my mother had broken her hip while on holiday and I had to fly out there to support and stay with my Dad who was extremely upset and worried about my mother, my ex just ran and couldn't care less about my party who had been EXTREMELY good to him in the past and treated him like a Son.
She discarded me on our 7th year anniversary & sent me divorce papers 3 weeks later on my Birthday! Two weeks later, I was so full of hurt due to the fact that I did not know what the heck was going on, I took a gun down to the cafe which she owns & told her I was going to shoot myself cuz I couldn’t take the pain. She looked at me with her shark eyes & said..... Don’t do it in here, go out back & do it...No empathy, zero, no remorse, no guilt... the police came & hauled me to the hospital for six days & then to jail for not having a permit for my gun...
I had surgery and was really laid up for months. She took off and went with a new supply because she needed room and board and i couldn't provide it it at the time. That was ok by me because i really didn't want her around anyway because she was stressing me out but it's the way she did it. Within a couple weeks she went and paraded this new supply all over facebook and acted as if she and him were living a fairytale romance of love and finding your soul mate etc...It really hurt me. The other thing is i like playing guitar as a hobby and she picked this guy who played guitar in a cover band. He was nothing special really, playing cover music in local bars not really anything impressive at all, just a guy paying his rent and that's about it. He was kinda ugly and weird looking too. Like a rock star wannabe with long dirty hair, sunken eyes and someone who acted as if he was cool but to me he looked like a bum and a drunk. LOL. Just somebody going nowhere really. And he lived in the 1000 miles away in the middle of nowhere. She just took off and left her family. What a crazy person. Just a nut job, who does that? But from what i seen from facebook he liked and played the same kind of music that i liked. It really hurt and i didn't want to even touch my guitar and play as i was feeling hurt from the trauma bond. Well, my ex narcissist planned it that way. She knew it would hurt me as she rubbed it in my face and put it all on facebook. Which i only looked on there twice. After that i stopped, i didn't want to look at it anymore. So the narcissist can really be vengeful and hurt you real low down and dirty. And after what i seen on facebook i just said Screw it, I'm done with this and i went no contact. I look back on this now over a year later and i think to myself, "Did all that craziness really happen??"....I mean i really didn't deserve any of it. But I guess i should be happy because i really dodged a bullet and was able to break away. After all that she did try hoovering me and i did answer a few times but i just couldn't talk to her anymore. And then i sensed she was triangulating me. It's just all a toxic mess they create. Sometimes just surviving and being free with all the stress behind you is good enough. Never again.
When I think of a Narc I think of a computer with a body that looks like a person. These “ things” can fool us for a while but in the end we come out of this stronger than before. Now we have the knowledge that evil exists and what it looks like. Thank God it was a painful lesson and I don’t ever want to have to experience that again
Yup, they also premeditate it all. My soon ex husband discarded me the day before Mother's Day, I am a Bereaved Mother. He brutally through me out but im grateful for your channel because it has helped me make some sense to the choas these Evil 😈 people cause. He also filed for divorce on June 1st,our 12th year anniversary was the following month, July 1st. Coward
Wow,powerful and brilliant video! So carefully and slowly explained as well.your videos always touch a nerve for me and i can always relate to them.Thank u very much im so glad i found your channel.im about a year away from the narc and thriving but its always good to inforce this information as well as after all it was an addiction to something that was so toxic which narcs are.I will definitely be carrying on watching your videos.
He convinced me to come back after my initial escape. I gave up my house. COVID hit. I caught it off him as he refused to live by the rules. He coerced me out of my last savings. I then started with firm boundaries and he became increasingly violent to a point I nearly died. I escaped with the clothes on my back during lockdown and went to another country. It was an absolute horror. I didn't know about narcissistic personality disorder. Now I do. Get out as soon as you know. And block, delete, stay away. It is worse than going cold turkey but after a while, there is peace.
Narcs are quitters ! They couldn’t finish something if they tried ! My ex always wanted to file chapter 13 cause he lets his wants get above his needs ! He Never could or would keep his promises to personal and financial obligations ! Totally inept and didn’t care !
Its not about not being any value u them. Ex did it. After 3 months together. For 15 yrs an woujd still be going on. If I didn't say no more. Yes I'm lonely at times but I'm happy more than I ever was b4
This was a really interesting video, Paula. The Narc psychology illuminated - the cruelty and tragedy within them. This is why our attitude towards them is ambiguous. Btw, I love your metaphors and my head is spinning with castles- sandcastles, ice castles, castles in the air…Don McLean?? 😉
Left me 3 days before Christmas and 6 months before our wedding. Dress bought, venue and honeymoon booked. 8 months after buying our house together, which was in another part of the country from my family and friends. He convinced me go leave my job and work for his company- then I had no job when he left me. He underestimated me. I focused on getting a new job and bought myself a house within 3 months. Ironically, he's now alone, with no job, in rented accommodation, and I'm married with kids, a homeowner and employed.
This is a wonderful story of strength and hope..if you’d ever like to share more fully my email is narcscon@gmail.com 🌹🙏
Wow! Inspirational
💖
Brilliant just poetic
Being in a relationship with them ends up like being a competition with a bully when you were in grade school. But the difference is you are now an adult with adult consequences and things can happen that can really cause bad blood. Never again. You are wasting your time with an idiot.
Wonderful analogy! That was the hardest part to accept...that he did not care AT ALL! Once we can accept that painful truth it gets better. Let's all be better not bitter! That's our revenge.
TAKES TIME AND EDUCATION ABOUT WHAT WE WENT THROUGH BEFORE WE CAN MOVE FROM BITTERNESS TO MAKING OURSELVES BETTER AND HEAL.
I love that! Let's get better not bitter!
Empowering. Thank you!
Amen
When I no longer put up being disrespected I was told “ you’re stressing me out”
I was told "You're fake...I'm not playing your games anymore".
Well accountability would be stressful
Another typical ploy by the narc...accuse you of what they themselves are doing..."you're fake"...smh
@@elaineknox1023 Isn't that the truth Elaine & they truly believe that themselves.Take care.xx
Yep exactly what mine said they just want you to sit by them while they watch television all day and supply them attention not the other way around
Yes, my soon to be ex narc husband abandoned me and my children on Mothers day, after a narcissist rage. I discovered he was gambling and lost thousands of dollars, he wasn't even working. I cut him off my bank account. He was so full of rage. He had isolated me and my children in Alaska and we are still stuck here, no financial support, he moved to his parents house in San Diego, which is where we are both from.
Laura..I hope you can get back home or things improve there..small steps 🌹
It is a awful thing to experience ! Yes that is the time they choose to make you pay ? Pay for ? Caring ? Trusting? Then you learn the three times you finally put your foot down these past 30 years , they have secretly been holding a grudge . And it's only then it starts making sense . You also begin to recognize , this person was actually abusing your trust , exploiting , and purposely , creating difficulties , maligning you behind your back . Break your heart ? No they desire to do much worse , it was to break your spirit , destroy your soul ! They built their sand castle to close to the water , your decision to build on higher ground made them " feel " bad .
Yes it is an awful thing to experience
yes, he left me repeatedly when I needed him the most.. and at Christmas.. it was always about him and his depression. Never apologized - never made up for it. And keeps trying to return. He's a toxic fool. A taker - never a giver & looking for a mommy.
He left just as the pandemic started. Left me in lockdown, blind-sided and never having predicted a break-up. In the middle of lockdown, when I couldn’t get together with a soul or even get a hug from friends, he started posting pics of him and new supply, canoodling. And when he left, he claimed it was because he needed space. They were moved in and engaged within two months, in the midst of lockdown. Of course, it’s the best thing that could have happened to me, and I’m grateful every day to be rid of him, but that doesn’t mean your skin doesn’t crawl at the thought of how heartless and morally bankrupt they are. Ick. Just ick. How many scalding hot showers does it take to wash that kind of grub off your skin?
I knew intuitively that this person was acting strange but I thought if I love him enough I could turn things around. I didn’t know about Narcissists. Humans and Androids don’t mix
I thought the same thing for years in my marriage.
No one really knew and now i want to get an island for them. They can provoke each other.
Empty meat suits filled demons
Does anyone relate to how extremely tiring it is living with a narcissist? They drain you of any peace. You are always expected to be doing something for them. I spent hours every day cleaning, cooking, washing, tidying, cleaning his hair brushes, whatever and realized i had taken no time for me. I came from a cold climate to beautiful B.C. and never took time to see it. The whole thing was such a waste of my best years. Never
Appreciated, never thanked, never given gifts even at Xmas or birthdays. His best compliment was "well you aren't what you were." Of course not after 30 years of pure hell. Ladies don't waste any more of your precious time. Get out. They are what they are and
Will not get any better.
@@christie991i can definitely relate. My narc ex caused me stress all the time. Picking fights over the weirdest things. Reacting disproportunately. Texting me that the relationship might not work just before bedtime. Asking me sadistically if i slept well the next day. A rollercoaster
I got discarded after giving birth to twins two weeks into lockdown. No healthcare providers came, (midwives, health visitors) and family weren’t allowed in the house either because of covid. He knew what he was doing.
Thanks for the wonderful, helpful videos Paula. God bless you x
That’s very hard MsLizzib..strength to you 🌹
Yes the baby arrived and the narc was gone off to the new supply who had six kids of her own … then 16 years later he re appears
Off you go mr Narc off you go there is no place for you here in my life
The first time he left me it had to do with illness. He also started to triangulate at that moment. I shook with shock. The second time I was the one who got angry, because I was getting destroyed bit by bit by the triangulation and games around what the status of our relationship was. I wanted to state my truth, no matter what, so it might change or end if it couldn't. He than mentally put me into a state of mind in which I no longer wanted to live. It's half a year on and I still try to make sense of things he said. I was the evil one for standing up for myself. I was supposedly jealous and nothing was going on, it was all in my head. But why would someone triangulate if he wants you to feel safe and why would someone play games with your status if he didn't want to break you down? It was insane.
Quite literally the same exact experience for me
He did it the day before our 20th anniversary and the night before a vital 5 days work trip. The pain was unbelievable. The shock triggered ptsd and severe anxiety.
Hope your getting support look after you 🌸
As my therapist told me "he was lucky to have had you for five years" once that sunk in my entire attitude changed. I thought "hell yeah". We had two breakups during a pandemic, moved out once, and he dumped me after a successful hoover. I figure if I can survive this I can survive anything. I am now on a man/break. Back to back narcissists is too much at my age. Easter Weekend so you were right on with the occasion. Ironically it was April Fool's Day so the universe was really trying to tell me, enough already. I get it now. I know the signs. I am prepped. I wish him well because who would want to live a life like this, hell on earth.
I am crying now. He hurt me so bad. It's like when am I going to heal. I cry everyday and night. It's just awful. Thanks Paula
I cried every day and night for a long time...months. But then I started looking into his behavior and found these communities. I never knew there was such a thing as a covert narcissist but it gave me peace to know that my heartache and confusion were validated...AL part of the trauma bond. It gets better Cassandra. It really does...I feel for you. Hugs to you. ❤
They dont appreciate no matter what you think
They just dont Care It took me so long and many many months and months in floods of tears Actually laughing at me as I was crying and saying he didnt Care so painfull now but I promise you the tears will subside and the healing will begin
Thank you all. Much love for your comments!!!
YOU HAVE SUCH A LOVING SENSITIVE HEART. I FEEL FOR YOU. YOU DESERVE SO MUCH BETTER TREATMENT. A PERSON HAS TO PAINFULLY EXPERIENCE THE PAIN AND TEARS TO GET TO THE OTHER SIDE TO START TO HEAL. NARCISSISTS ARE LIARS, ACTORS AND ABUSERS. THEY WILL NEVER CHANGE. I AM 14 MONTHS NO CONTACT. I HAVE MY POWER, SELF-RESPECT, AND FREEDOM BACK.
When I asked the xNarc to come over to my house and fix a few things such as a broken drawer the answer was “ so now you want me to work for you “.
Yes, heaven forbid they have any resisprosity, but they treat you like their slave!
I had another cancer scare while waiting for divorce papers to be done, and my ex said, "Well, if you're dying maybe I'll keep you." I look back on that moment and it's quite sickening. Later before results came back I said, "I don't care if I'm dying or not, we're getting a divorce." All I could think was, I'd rather die in Peace. He had never even acknowledged that the first surgery happened. Which started Serious abuse. We were still married when results came back, and he was mad that he had to pay about $800 or so to make sure I wasn't in need of any other surgery at that time. He had mocked me for wanting to be re-tested before we talked about divorce, then went out of state to see his dad's wife who was dying from cancer. You're right. Our death would just be 'Callateral damage' to them.
Very true they provoke you in to having to leave (discard) them as they as we all know have an image to maintain I've Always thought this is one of the most cowardly things to do as they're mentally playing cat n mouse with you leading up to the discard yet one conversation could avoid a hell of alot of pain but no as then all the agony they've inflicted on you so far would then be pointless they want the big fanally the big showdown they want you completely finished. how pitiful!
I know Katie..they won’t discuss the situation no closure to leave the door open for the eventual hoover
@@NarcCon evil creatures
@@NarcCon can you send me the link to the video you mentioned making in another video about when the narc will NOT Hoover? I’d like to learn to see if I did enough at the end that he will not Hoover. Thank you!!
Yup. When I was discarded it was because I had become more depressed and felt worthless due to the way she invalidated all of my feelings and then when I was down and out and needed her most, she left with no warning, breaking our lease, and telling me how inadequate I was. When I tried to find answers I was “breaking boundaries” cuz she wanted no contact, and then through self-reflection I realized she was a covert narcissist and I texted her telling her I knew what was up and I hope she is able to love herself. She immediately blocked me, but not without warning me not to show up at her job or work unexpectedly…. Just one more blame-shift before she said bye… can’t wait for her to try to Hoover me back so I can show her strong I actually am by never going back.
This is exactly what happened Paula. He changed as soon as I stopped giving, etc. But when I needed he was not there. So he hurt me by discarding me cause I stopped! He even said I have changed. Thanks Paula
Mine told me I changed also after I realized that I wasn't going to entertain his behaviors and what I couldn't understand at the time he saying this while I had found out about new supply . It was mind boggling.
Exactly! 🙃🥰
That’s exactly what happened to me… I stopped buying and giving…. Then the final discard after he blatantly (instead of secretly) cheated on me
The Narc stood me up on my bday and days that were important to me. When I got sick he yelled at me for getting sick and left me.
Sorry Tanya..it’s awful stuff 🌹🌸
Crazy bastard! Lol
Crazy
It’s like you knew him personally. He threw me out the day our daughter turned six months old. Had nowhere to stay. On mat leave. Had to go to a shelter with the baby and build our lives from the ground up but he did me a huge favour.
HOW HORRIBLE. I HOPE YOU AND YOUR BABY ARE DOING BETTER NOW. HAVE YOU BEEN ABLE TO GET A JOB AND HAVE YOUR OWN PLACE TO LIVE? YOU DESERVE SO MUCH BETTER THAN THAT CREEP.
@@treelover1050 Oh thank you so much 😊. He is such a creep! You’re right. I was able to get a new and better job right out of mat leave and I’m now renting a really nice house which is a nicer place than I ever imagined I would be in right now. God is good!
That has to be as difficult as it can get..thank god you found such strength
Same was my case
@@latoyasaulter5355I’m so happy to read you and the baby did well.
They have such an opposite mindset! They live in a totally different universe it is so Mindboggling!!
I keep saying “yes,” “YES” “exactly.”
As soon as I began confronting and asking questions, he turned on me. I saw a MONSTER. He did everything he could to try to destroy me.
Yes they are inherently jealous of you 🌹
Love you Paula. So happy to hear from you. I was having a bad day. I just gotta get through this pain and stop rewinding everything in my mind like a projector. Hi Remy!
Look at it for what it actually was and grieve your love..remy would give you a big well deserved lick he knows who loves him?
Every time I listen to you, it's like you're telling me my life exactly to the point, I thank you so much for all your wisdom.
He did it just before Christmas and a month before our anniversary. Also, our daughter was due to give birth to her first child.
My blood pressure got so low that next was a pacemaker. I was afraid to tell my then narc husband i had to quit my part time job since i couldnt drag myself around. His rage was so frightening, i thought i had a heart attack.
Wow Kay your health is everything stay safe and well
you are so intuitive, they actually always cause arguments at cruicial times,upsets and coldness when you are most vunerable
Yes they do 🌹
Your analogies at the end of the video are fantastic and unfortunately true. In 2019 my dad was dying from stage 4 esophageal cancer. He couldn’t swallow anything unless in was literally in watery soup form. My ex husband left in early July 2019, knowing how sick my dad was. He ended up coming home the middle of August( he cheated multiple times but he lied and I trusted he would be honest) . He did buy a VitaMix blender so we could feed my dad since the tumors in his esophagus were impeding his ability to swallow. He threw it in my face so often it was disgusting and I was exhausted and crying all the time. I was working and my husband had his own business so he was the one who made my dad’s food. My dad insisted on staying in his home despite my offer for him to come live with us. The last couple weeks of my dad’s life my ex complained and yelled at me telling me that my dad wasn’t eating because he said my dad was ungrateful (just like he said of me and the rest of my family) I told him my dad was dying and that when people pass away they sleep a lot more and don’t have much of an appetite. My dad passed away in the early morning hours of September 17, 2019. My ex husband found him. The night before my dad was to be buried my ex wanted me to go to a bar with him. I told him no, I’m not sure where he went or who he was with but he showed back up at home about 10:30am the next morning on the day of my dad’s funeral. I have so many of these stories. It’s utterly heartbreaking. 💔 Thank you for this You Tube channel! 🙏🏼🌈❤️🕊😭
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I had a experience today on my healing journey . Helped me to better understand that there are truly those without hope ! They rely on their inequitable works . Scripture not only warns us of these workers of inequities , but describes them as evildoers ! I encountered one of these individuals today ! This is a spiritual war, and it's a battle ground , not a playground . My Dad drove ambulance in world war ll and it was gruesome , they didn't check vital signs , but if their bowels evacuated , as it was described , you saved the living , the ones that still had hope . When you carry a injured soul , they assist. Carry a dead person , you fight not just weight but gravity . They would send two , with a stretcher to retrieve the dead . Narcissists are as the dead . The individual today presented themselves as a rational , reasonable human being . I had spent a considerable amount of time , effort, restraint , respect reasoning with them , only to learn they had no intention of or are capable of respect , restraint , reason , or logical . I almost reacted emotionally , but thank God , caught that . Learned this breathing exercise draw a deep breath , and count out 5 Mississippi's. Works like a charm ! My calm logical response was . Sorry , I don't carry dead weight , and I walked away . I am grateful this individual will no longer be part of my life . So in essence yes they evacuated their bowels , they are not among the living , spiritually dead , they,re conscience seared . It's a grim reality of this war we are in . We need to search out those that still have hope , those still among the living ! And perhaps we can pray that if they are left to lie in their own vomit , and fesces , they may repent . It was dysfunctional , codependent thinking , that falsely led me to believe , I was responsible for others poor behavior , and actions , and that I was somehow responsible to rescue them . We can only assist the living
Amen
I was discarded after +29yrs of marriage 6 weeks ago. I had just lost my dad to kidney cancer around the same time my narcissist husband was diagnosed with prostrate cancer. I was not allowed to go with to hospital nor to ask any health related questions or any questions in fact.This after 1yr of silent treatment. It felt like there was demonic spirit in our home. He spent most nights on social media but would complain that he doesn't sleep well and I had to get CBD oils that could help...yet he had bags of medicine for pain that he refused to take! I'm well on the way on my healing journey and have, since he left, gone absolutely no contact. Divorce proceedings are under way and I'm beginning to feel hopeful that this too shall pass. PAULA, your video's have helped me immensely THANK YOU.
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The sand castle is a good metaphor. It blends in, and creates a visual image, with the infant smashing your castle, easier to remember, and thus begin to see the narc behavior as such an infant. I believe it may help with the cognitive dissonance. Good video.
Hey Jose.. thanks 🙏
Yes Paula. Left me no choice but to end the relationship. Started treating me like dirt when I couldn’t help at his restaurant (which he never thought he should pay me for) because of my needing carpal tunnel surgery and a tumor.
He knew financially I was struggling to get my life together after a 20 year marriage to a covert who financially destroyed me- among the other ways destroyed. This one even sabotaged a job(post breakup) I was looking into - by telling them not to talk to me.
I spent 3 years of working my arse off for him - only for tips and doing every job there was to do in the restaurant… plus working my salon. Completely used. And I ended up sooo far backwards from when I’d divorced. People - BOUNDARIES - RED FLAGS - DON’T BE A DOORMAT!
Yes, everything you said happened. She left two days after our anniversary.
Old age? It’s being very kind to you Lass. You still have it. Lovely.
Thanks Robert 🙏
I am praying every day.
Yes. Started the discard a week before our anniversary and our oldest sons birthday, left a week before Thanksgiving. Then of course Christmas was when we started our relationship 27 years ago. Left me with 3 kids, 2 are handicapped, a car that wasn't running right. Its been a year, we are divorced. My kids and I are so much better without him. Though it hurts, it does get better. The sad part is he is abusing his new supply just like he abused me. Pathetic!
Thanks for sharing this Christina I’m glad your free and in a better place..can’t have been easy 🌹
There is a "celebrity" in my county - this men had a women and about 3 or 4 years old son. He decided to spend Christmas with them and also with his mother. When on Christmas time to open the presents came - he said he needed to go quickly to his car on the parking lot. His mother, women and son waited and waited. So they started searching- thought maybe he fainted or someobody hurt him, they called hospitals and morgues. But there was not a trace of him on the Christmas Eve. The next day they found out he just went to his another apartment without saying one word. He destroyed Christmas for all ot them only to get his narc supply.
Awful behaviour
Hi Paula ,, yes I’m feeling abandoned,, at the worse possible time,, he would leave me whenever life got challenging,,couldn’t handle my woes ,, he called them Boo Boo’s ,,just like a child !,,, when the going got tough ,, the narc got going!,,,
Oh dear this resonated
It's either they enter your life when your most vulnerable or they discard you when you most vulnerable.
This is criminal minded......
I took care of him when he was sick accepted when the business we ran together did not take off as he expected and took paycut and broken promises looking back everything good was going to happen tmw or next week always in the near future and when i needed him emotionally he just moved on detached and forgot everything we went through together we were complete strangers with no history overnight when i was no longer of use. So very painful
Yes Shaze..the history is wiped out..🌹🙏
He left me when I was down with Covid and ended up losing my job while I was out sick. He proceeded to burn my sand castle down! Litetally!Literally!! He set my house on fire!
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This is so spot on! Exactly what ive just/am experiencing! Its like you're narrating my exact situation! makes me feel grounded and supported. Once again big thanks Paula!
Thanks Sam
My eldest daughters 21st birthday and a day before going to Italy. It could not have been a coincidence - it was so specific and emotionally charged
Question? Did you experience a lot of focus on 'food' when it comes to the narc? I was always stressed they couldn't choose a restuarant / food type based on their specific requirements ... nothing was ever good enough and you always feel in that context you could not make them happy? Huge topic looking back to my life with this individual.
They'll literally worsen the already negative situation.
My narc did this just befor our 30 years wedding that was so hurtful.
Sorry Gina..yes awful but more pathetic on their part 🌹
I caught him in a lie and break up with him just after i lost my job because of covid. He asked in a condescending manner, what about you losing your job!! The fact that he brought that up sounded like he only cared about the apperance of the event. And he managed to look down on me even when i was the one who is ending it
Yes that’s exactly what they do..it’s your fault you lost your job..nothing to do with lockdown..crazy reframing
I have problems with good days... I was soo long so misrable, that now when good days come more and more often, come a bad day and crush me bc I got feeling one step foward, two back. My logic know that this is path, not smt that you can say now, after night, Im great. So thank you for smt I know but I needed heard it.
Strength to you Barbara..keep moving forward we all need to 🌹🙏
I was so tired and in pain, I have a disability, after years of slavery. I just didn't have the energy to go out partying at night.
One of the things he said at the end was that I broke it! Also, that every time he gave me another chance, I d let it spiral down. Forty years of this insanity was enough. I wonder if after two years, the new supply is starting to get very tired.
They don’t change so I would guess for sure the torture has set in unfortunately for the new person too
It’ll get better. I know you hear that all the time but it does. You’ll never forget but you become so strong. I’ve got a third eye that I didn’t have before.
He said to me on one of our last arguments, "Try living without me!". First of all...who says something like that? I left not long after that. It was painful, I wanted it to work. I gave many a try. Yet the only way it would work was for me to continue to play second fiddle to his king of the hill game. I placed myself first for the first time in 32 years. It was him or the highway (his options for me), so I chose the highway. I still 'love' him through no contact going on for six years. I am strong, and so much better off not being around his control of Everything. I still feel pain when he hoovers every birthday and holiday. Thank God, I have God, and channels like this to bring me back to sanity. Rebuilding my sandcastle. How and why would I go back to a life of zero reciprocity of equality? I am still to hear the two words that with meaning would change it all...' I'm sorry.' I know now those words will never come, and that saddens me greatly.
Much admiration for breaking away, sadly they don’t change..🌹
Mine left me on my birthday. My dad was also ill at that time. Wow you hit the mail on the head
Sorry to hear 🌹
I don't put eny thought about what he is done to me enymore. All the times I feel happy, very, very positive. God Bless You 🙏❤️
He left me at my most vulnerable, with injuries I had sustained and during lockdown. He couldn't care less, after 4 years together he replaced me soon after, flaunting her everywhere. Cold and callous.
Sorry to hear April 🌹
Discard by first narc - after my fathers funeral when I had to drop out of college Discard by second narc - in corona lockdown I am narc free right now by the grace of God..
Narc free Daniel what a blessing ❤️
@@NarcCon your this video just might have changed the course of my life....after the narcissistic abuse I was suffering from perfectionism and procrastination ...after preparing for my exams for a year I was prepared to throw in the towel as I was feeling defeated from few recent setbacks....But now I have set my mind ....for the next two weeks I am going to study as hard as I can and give my best......IF I BELIEVE IT I CAN ACHIEVE IT❤💯
I had to stop the video in the middle and put a comment .. YES.. this happened .. I changed because I said the relationshit was one -sided and it felt like it was teeter tottering .. he went ballistic gave me word salad , blame shifted and rage .. then he said I don’t love him or like him ? What absurdity that was ! Then , he ran off with his new supply … this I know now that he was grooming while with me .. because several months before he asked if we could be friends . Hypocrites .. liars .. con artist .. gaslighters .. cheaters .. manipulators .. users and abusers .. they are pure and utter trash
This is so spot on for me...for so long I felt like I was losing my mind...its so crazy..thank you for this chanel
What a powerful testimony! Spoken in love and truth. So good to be validated with your words! Keep up the good work!
More quality content as usual, thank you, you deserve more subscribers, keep up the great work they will come
Thanks from my heart for your encouragement Hami 😊🙏
He left my messages on read when I was in the hospital. He literally ghosted me at that point. And I still went back to him 😳🤯
Great analogy!!! You be strong. You'r worthy!
I am only 4 weeks into my final discard after a two year relationship and in a world of pain, and anxiety like I’ve never felt before.
He discarded me 12 times over that two year period, out of these there was both Christmas’s because I spent them with my family, both my birthdays because of the same reason. He was always invited but said he “didn’t do family “, but the worst one was the day after my mother died, because I wasn’t able to answer his phone calls every single time he rang. He even had the audacity to question how many times I spoke to my family over him. He stole from me the opportunity to grieve my beautiful mum.
He has now blocked me on all platforms so I cannot get closure on any level. The whole thing is soul destroying.
Thankyou for your videos they help so much to make sense of a senseless time
Sending you strength and blessings Annie 🌹
I had a near death car accident… Narc stood far off in the distance watching as crowds came to help.
At home and in shock he began a furious assault on me. days went by under his punishing torture
He began calling in his gangs of flying monkeys to humiliate me and set my family against me in a smear campaign about my mental state
I chose to live. I chose to climb out of the Black terror of my abuser one moment at a time
I saved insurance money and planed my escape my solicitor helped me to avoid losing everything
Then Grace called on me to find this beautiful place Narc Con and now it all makes sense ♥️
Spot on! That was my situation, lost 2 family members, I didn’t find a job straight out of uni and the finances were down. He left right in the middle of it telling me to deal with it and few weeks before my birthday , I’m shocked 😯
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I got left pregnant Surely he did pick the most worst time I needed support there not reliable ... at all .. it’s all smoke an mirrors 🪞 great content 💯👌an your right they force you to leave them at the worst time Ever you are so right !! I just get upset cause looking back I didn’t see it till I had to discard him for cheating with the old supply he’s with now !! I don’t like these guys at all they hate boundaries !! There just Leech’s liars and lowlife! Great illustration about the sandcastle 💯👍🏾
What they go to is transition only
Throwing you out of an airplane wow that is spot on .
Mine was the week a really good friend passed, my 13 year old cat (my child) was dying ...he became very cold and wasn't there for me, so I reacted and blocked him out of anxiety since I had done everything that week to celebrate his birthday and get him a cat and make him happy..when I blocked on social, he text my phone in the middle of the night without concern asking about me or my cat, he said I upset him by leaving and gaslighting me to apologize to him..and I was so vulnerable I did and believed it was all my fault and tried to fix things and went to his house when he blocked me and the mask was down and he was so cold and callous and said we could be friends..
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In a word, YES! She did it twice. Won me back after an 8-year hiatus, future-faked that "this time, I am yours forever," then suddenly began distancing and devaluating. We made a come-back, seemed to be figuring it all out and then, boom. Gone without hearing her voice or seeing her. How did I ever trust this person a second time after knowing what she is capable of?
Yes. I was discarded once after I was hit by a car. Then again when I was in the hospital suffering from a mental breakdown due to his constant Psychological and sexual abuses. I believed it was all my fault after all I was the one in the nut- house. Also, I can't tell you how many times before this he threatened to have me locked up, for basically calling him out on his stuff. He also knew me being called crazy was one of my deepest fears. I never understood I was being abused and believed to my core I was bad. Its crazy how they know to play on all your deepest wounds. My heart and mind hurt so bad, but I am so grateful to know what happened to me.
He wanted to tear my sand castle down because I worked so hard to build it. And Narcs need to steal other peoples hard work, because they are too weak and cowardice to do it for themselves. At first they present as an angel of light but behind their cold dark stare is a devil of doom.
Then if you rebuild it again. They want to kick it down again because in thier delusional minds they think they are the ones who built you up and they'll be dammed before they will ever see you succeed without them. But my foundation is strong and I and all of you will rise up again.
I knew I can’t have narcs around during my important dates. They spoil everything on purpose and laugh behind your back 😅So evil
WOW. Spot on and refried my mind. Very well put.
Glad it resonated 🌹🙏
I was struggling with (undiagnosed health issues) and my work wasn't going well. I could feel that he looked down on me. I could see the lack of respect in his eyes.
I have thankfully now mostly recovered and have a new job. I also look great 😃
😎🥰
I love listening to you. Thanks so much for your work.
Thank you and welcome here ❤️🙏
Yes. After I put $7000 of my money into renovating our home of 20 years. And freshly out of the hospital after dying from adrenal & organ failure. (Later found out PTSD causes organ failure)
I went through a triangulation devaluation disengagement and malice campaign n smear campaign, all the while paralyzed on my left side of my body and thrown out of our marital home.
It was demonic, sinister n cruel.
I attempted suicide the following months later. Survived that too.
Head spinning Paula.
Thank god you survived 🌹🌹
@@NarcCon thank you so much. It was something I didn't think I could ever endure bc I had to fight in court another year and a half. I brought teams in around me. Between domestic violence shelters. Community resources like a case worker. A talk counselor, and I hired 2 world renowned narc coaches w the little money I had from selling the jewelry before I could get safe housing.
Had I not had those amazing women team members, I may not have made It. I had an astrologer id been following since 2011 amd he heloed me through it too. He inspired me w such strength and care to keep going.
Paula...i am lucky to be alive.
Mind you the months prior to the organ failure I'd been found by a girlfriend barely breathing and was hospitalized in a coma for 5 days w suspicious activity of the narc. 3 near death experiences in one year. So yes...Gods got some kind of purpose for me as I try to figure that out now.
Again... Thank you for all your help w ur transparency and educational videos. Youre an inspiration for all of us to keep healing.
They do not even notice your sand castle never did and never will.
We with our giving hearts, give our tools away to them never to be returned
😊 thank you.. always love your explanations
Thanks Eva
My break up happen when our Grandchildren were being born! He was very very jealous of Caleb our first grandson! I saw the envy in his eyes when I was enjoying babysitting him ! That’s when I really realized something evil was lurking there.
My wife left me the day after our wedding anniversary. This was also five days after we submitted the papers for my UK visa as a partner so it was 4K in bills and I was having troubles maintaining my team at work and my own job as Covid restrictions were hammering the business.
It was a trifecta. This is just one of several discards and I kept reverse hoovering before.
My situation is much more complex but almost two years after the final discard, I’m now starting to feel a bit better. Work is good. My daughter is amazing. I’m still alone in this country but I can’t give up as I need to ensure my daughter has my stability.
my best friend was dying and died. he was sleeping with his ex wife (also a narcissist) in our house...and he set out to destroy me with lies and gossip. I left the day of her funeral with my things in garbage bags.
Glad you left 🌹❤️
I had to do the same. God bless you!
That happen to me it was awful. The are just users.
He did! Just when I started teaching online to second graders with an entirely new platform...most stress I’ve ever had in my career. The week he left I had my computer shut down and lose all my lessons, parents angry and upset, or district making changes daily to how we were expected to reach online...I was working 24 hours a day trying to learn how to troubleshoot technology, comfort parents, learn the new platform to teach online which was not at all user friendly to little 7 year olds...and he texted me that he was done and never coming home again. I was totally shocked. Now 8 months later he is being sued for fraud and I am feeling like I dodged a cannon ball, not a billet, when he left. I filed immediately for divorce and it was final Jan. 27, 2021. He had a new steady girlfriend two months before our divorce papers were filed. “I pity the fool.”
Wow!!!!! This is THE explanation I’ve been seeking. Thank you so much! Just wow.
If you’re 9 months pregnant with your 4th child to run off with new “love”. So cruel, my brother had mental health issues and did suicide due to his nasty games. I’ve moved on as best I can but some things you never get over
So very sorry to hear of your loss and what you’ve experienced wishing you well for now and the future
You hit the nail right on the head. Thanks for your analogy, much appreciated.
I have been in 40 year relationship with a narcissist.i would be willing to answer any questions.
I am 76years old and had to start over again. He waited until he thought I couldnt recover. BUT, he was wrong. I have made a lot of new friends, go dancing every week and have gotten back into painting. I am learning to love again. The discard was brutal and I suffered but it was a blessing in disguise
Yes...all true! 22 years married. Tolerated waaaaay more than I should have. I had everything that he didn't have when we met. He pushed for marriage and babies right away. Used to say he loved everything I loved and that he wanted children more than anything.... Once we started having children he couldn't be bothered to help or do anything and always acted highly annoyed by them. Years later he started saying that he hated everything that I liked, such as activities we used to do hobbies places I liked etc.... Years later I had to start slowing down on working as I was having some physical issues and I needed to have two surgeries one of which had to be repeated so I was in recovery for about a year and a half. So I had no money and was no fun anymore because I couldn't do anything. His behavior had gotten so outrageous towards me and our children by this time I was forced to leave him but I believe that he planned it to push me out so that I would leave him because he then ran around and told everybody that I left him and was having an affair and had stolen all his money. living with this man and now separating from this man has been absolutely horrific! I don't think I would have believed it if somebody had told me I would go through this with him.
All I can say is...." Buyer Beware"
Thank you Paula! I had received a diagnosis and that started the removal of the mask..it was so ugly, scary.. I have survived and am now thriving..every day I work on me..
This is exactly how it happened to me 2 months ago. My wife of 15 years left me a week before Valentines Day. That was the day of our first date. She had gotten a new job that i wasn't comfortable about because it required her to travel. She played the suicide game to get her way and I relented and let her take the job. We already weren't seeing each other very much before this so was getting very depressed and lonely. I tried expressing this to her but she just didn't seem too really care. My health was increasingly get worse. I was on anti depressants and blood pressure medicine.
She had changed her behavior and only seemed to care about her job and the new friends that she never introduced me to.
The day she discarded me she said she hadn't been happy for a long time. She said she fell out of love with me. She didn't want to try counseling and left the house a few days later.
She never reached out even though she knew how devastated I was. I thought of killing myself on Valentines Day but luckily I was able to talk myself out of it. It scares me to think that this person who said I was the love of their life would actually be hoping I would kill myself. I started getting educated on narcissistic behavior and immediately realized how terrible this person really is. I started pushing for a divorce and if it weren't for our 2 kids I would go full no contact. As soon as you as you start setting boundaries with these people they will turn on you. Nothing about them is real. I now know before I can trust someone with my heart again I have to know what my boundaries are never let them be crossed.
Thank you! Very good explained.
Thank you 🙏
Wow what a beautiful word of encouragement
Thanks Sharon for your support 🙏🌹
Wow, every single word hits home for me. I thought my partner was "going through stuff"... not for a second did I think it was all so calculated. Omg, this makes so much sense. Standings into my recovery and I know I will get through this. I've gone through that place of utter dispare after a previous discharge with him a few weeks after a great pal chose to leave this life. A n awful time in my life but he sowed it in by his cruel "flick". Now after been pulled right back in, all the very worst of him has shown up. I chose to call him out, unaware of 'what' I was really dealing with. About 2 months ago, I actually saw the backest of black face in him. I thought great, his entity is exposed, he wanted to work and get rid of it. But no no, it/he only vampt things up unbelievably and completely attacked every aspect of me.
Now, with this knowledge I am piece by piece putting things together to understand firstly what actually happened, the whys, how could he, etc.
We've had no contact. It's only a month.
Thank you for these learnings. Xx❤
My ex disgard came when I was dealing with elderly parents and my mother had broken her hip while on holiday and I had to fly out there to support and stay with my Dad who was extremely upset and worried about my mother, my ex just ran and couldn't care less about my party who had been EXTREMELY good to him in the past and treated him like a Son.
Dreadful Susan 🌹
She discarded me on our 7th year anniversary & sent me divorce papers 3 weeks later on my Birthday! Two weeks later, I was so full of hurt due to the fact that I did not know what the heck was going on, I took a gun down to the cafe which she owns & told her I was going to shoot myself cuz I couldn’t take the pain. She looked at me with her shark eyes & said..... Don’t do it in here, go out back & do it...No empathy, zero, no remorse, no guilt... the police came & hauled me to the hospital for six days & then to jail for not having a permit for my gun...
Sorry Mike..yes the pain they cause can be unhinging I’m so glad you survived it..heal well 🌹
It filed a divorce on Valentine's Day,a week before the filing, it had me arrested on my way to church saying I hit him with a baseball bat
I had surgery and was really laid up for months. She took off and went with a new supply because she needed room and board and i couldn't provide it it at the time. That was ok by me because i really didn't want her around anyway because she was stressing me out but it's the way she did it. Within a couple weeks she went and paraded this new supply all over facebook and acted as if she and him were living a fairytale romance of love and finding your soul mate etc...It really hurt me. The other thing is i like playing guitar as a hobby and she picked this guy who played guitar in a cover band. He was nothing special really, playing cover music in local bars not really anything impressive at all, just a guy paying his rent and that's about it. He was kinda ugly and weird looking too. Like a rock star wannabe with long dirty hair, sunken eyes and someone who acted as if he was cool but to me he looked like a bum and a drunk. LOL. Just somebody going nowhere really. And he lived in the 1000 miles away in the middle of nowhere. She just took off and left her family. What a crazy person. Just a nut job, who does that? But from what i seen from facebook he liked and played the same kind of music that i liked. It really hurt and i didn't want to even touch my guitar and play as i was feeling hurt from the trauma bond. Well, my ex narcissist planned it that way. She knew it would hurt me as she rubbed it in my face and put it all on facebook. Which i only looked on there twice. After that i stopped, i didn't want to look at it anymore. So the narcissist can really be vengeful and hurt you real low down and dirty. And after what i seen on facebook i just said Screw it, I'm done with this and i went no contact. I look back on this now over a year later and i think to myself, "Did all that craziness really happen??"....I mean i really didn't deserve any of it. But I guess i should be happy because i really dodged a bullet and was able to break away. After all that she did try hoovering me and i did answer a few times but i just couldn't talk to her anymore. And then i sensed she was triangulating me. It's just all a toxic mess they create. Sometimes just surviving and being free with all the stress behind you is good enough. Never again.
So happy to hear you are where you are now..that’s a lot of strength on your part and very healthy blessings to you ❤️
When I think of a Narc I think of a computer with a body that looks like a person. These “ things” can fool us for a while but in the end we come out of this stronger than before. Now we have the knowledge that evil exists and what it looks like. Thank God it was a painful lesson and I don’t ever want to have to experience that again
My friend,.i would like to get in touch with u. My story its so similar.
@@NarcCon Thanks Narc Con, you're my guardian spirit sister. 🙏
@@hrendon7689 Sure. That maybe a good idea. Have you been no contact for awhile now?
Yup, they also premeditate it all. My soon ex husband discarded me the day before Mother's Day, I am a Bereaved Mother.
He brutally through me out but im grateful for your channel because it has helped me make some sense to the choas these Evil 😈 people cause.
He also filed for divorce on June 1st,our 12th year anniversary was the following month, July 1st.
Coward
Wow,powerful and brilliant video! So carefully and slowly explained as well.your videos always touch a nerve for me and i can always relate to them.Thank u very much im so glad i found your channel.im about a year away from the narc and thriving but its always good to inforce this information as well as after all it was an addiction to something that was so toxic which narcs are.I will definitely be carrying on watching your videos.
Thanks so much Sarah for your wonderful support..yes I watch some motivational and anti abuse vids myself still..it helps to keep moving forward 🌹🙏
He convinced me to come back after my initial escape. I gave up my house. COVID hit. I caught it off him as he refused to live by the rules. He coerced me out of my last savings. I then started with firm boundaries and he became increasingly violent to a point I nearly died. I escaped with the clothes on my back during lockdown and went to another country. It was an absolute horror. I didn't know about narcissistic personality disorder. Now I do. Get out as soon as you know. And block, delete, stay away. It is worse than going cold turkey but after a while, there is peace.
every thing you said rings a big bell thanks
Haha you gotta Pink hoodie on. Classic!
😊
Narcs are quitters ! They couldn’t finish something if they tried ! My ex always wanted to file chapter 13 cause he lets his wants get above his needs ! He Never could or would keep his promises to personal and financial obligations ! Totally inept and didn’t care !
Thank you so much for sharing all your wisdom, it helps so much.
Thanks Dennis for your support that helps me greatly to keep going 😊🙏
Its not about not being any value u them. Ex did it. After 3 months together. For 15 yrs an woujd still be going on. If I didn't say no more. Yes I'm lonely at times but I'm happy more than I ever was b4
This was a really interesting video, Paula. The Narc psychology illuminated - the cruelty and tragedy within them. This is why our attitude towards them is ambiguous. Btw, I love your metaphors and my head is spinning with castles- sandcastles, ice castles, castles in the air…Don McLean?? 😉
*ambivalent*
🙋♀️🙏