7 Questions A Narcissist Will Struggle To Answer - (How To Tell If They Are A Narcissist)
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- Опубликовано: 11 сен 2024
- #How to find out if they Are a narcissist? Questions to ask to see if the person you are having a relationship with is a toxic narcissist NPD. Narcissistic people struggle to answer these 7 questions easily, and, their answers reveal a lot, to the observant listener, as to how their potential partner is thinking and, does think about relationships in general. If you are dealing with a grandiose narcissist these questions will be very anti narcissism and they will not be particularly welcome to such a person.
Coaching Enquiries - narcscon@gmail.com
Even if you ask the questions, and they struggle to answer, they will manipulate the conversation and it will become circular - at the end even having you apologize for something. I'm so done with these nonsensical conversations. You will never get justice, fairness or anything but grief. YOU get to choose what you listen to. Not choosing to listen to the narcissist is their greatest fear.
indifference ... ignore them,... give them indifference !!
@@fena1931 I used to take the bait in these conversations - and I knew it was bait, not giving him the answer he set me up for, started with, 'Wouldn't you agree that....?' and the subject would be innocuous, but then segue into the trap he laid out for me, and I would verbally dance around that trap and not give him the answer he was looking for. He and I both knew we were dancing around what he wanted and he would get enraged and I would withdraw, defeated. I just got tired of it and stopped participating - using grey rock. We used to talk in the early morning before work, over a cup of coffee. I stopped doing that and went out for early morning walks by myself instead, as a form of self-care for me. He then found new supply and discarded me. His audience and entertainment from me had left the building. I can still laugh about the comment I made that really made him furious once, when he was looking to me to 'fix' one of his situations- 'not my circus, not my monkeys.' 😂
Of all the cluster B type personality disorders, the Narc must surely rate as the worst. You fall in love with a ghost and a very mean one at that.
What hurts me now….. being told I’m being mean when I’m just standing my ground now.
Standing up for yourself will always be redirected and projected back upon you. DARVO is the key word. Just be direct and forgive. Remember, it isn’t about you. It’s all about them. Do not expect validation. Listen to the presentation carefully. God Bless you.
Choose to realize it's a manipulative tactic and refuse to be triggered.
I know that, too!
I was told I was mean a lot as a devalue tactic .. she told me I could come back and have it all if I were nice . I had a long distance relationship so I just stopped all communication … after about a week I started getting text I did not answer ..
Yeh that is hurtful to hear .. she is probably saying it to some other supply right now
Criticism of others… of everyone
Paula, I wish I had met you before I met the narc. It would have saved me so much heartache. All the signs were there, I just did not understand them. I is difficult for me to think anyone could be so hurtful just playing their game.
@@MaryAnderson-xs5wd don’t blame yourself. Sometimes we have to go through something to heal ourselves from ever being there again
Release blame and shame…. That’s their tool not yours!!!!!
they hate discussing their finances. I am a very finance conscious person and while living with narc ex I wanted to look into finances prior to committing to marriage. They went into a full on assault, stated their identity had been stolen and caused damage to their credit. I was so transparent about my finances and I was in a fairly good place (owned my home, had savings, had investments etc) but getting them to disclose if they had savings, credit or anything pertaining to finances was an epic fail. Aside from all the other horrific things I experienced, the finance one prompted me NOT TO MARRY Them or else I would inherit their financial mess and potentially get gauged if I then had to divorce them. Hallelujah I am now 6 months zero contact. Have been hoovered 6 months straight and have no interest in ever revisiting that demonic spirit
The hardest part now is trying to explain to a new partner that you were
Imeshed in with a demonic fruit loop
Because bad mouthing them sets us up as victims and people may get the wrong end of the story ...it's a delicate path
My brother-in-law Narc was telling me repeatedly how crazy and horrible my sister was. So I asked him... "If she's so bad, why do you stay?" He was completely flummoxed and struggled to find anything to say. All he could utter was umm.. um. I walked away happy that I had just blown his mind. 😂
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They try to form an "immediate intimate bond" with perfect strangers. My x would invite ppl he just met to look him up and come stay at our home if they're ever in town. 😳
They collect as many " close" friends as possible along the way....
So nobody will believe the abuse when exposed!
Every outing with mine was her spending the entire time talking to everyone else around us. I would go to the bathroom somewhere for a minute and come out to her exchanging social media profiles with random people, other men etc. It was disturbing to watch. It happened everywhere we went. Even simple five minute errands. The five minute errands would turn into an hour outing of her taking to everyone.
@@chrisd5133 yuppppp the friendliest people until you want to have a discussion with them!
My x would snap into full blown rage if I said, I want to discuss something concerning me....
Ya never get further than " concern"
How dare YOU have a concern I have strangers to care about 🤣
They're insane!! And demonic!
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My stbx would form an immediate bond with anyone and invite them to babysit our children, sometimes leave the kids with them (!), and bring them to our home. Someone in our home every day. Never any peace. Never any safety.
They will always leave a bad taste in your mouth no matter where you are or what you’re doing , it’s just not worth continuing life is too short .
i insisted we go to marriage counseling. we were both asked to take profile questionnaire. Psychologist confided my spouse had high narcissist tendencies. I didn't for the life of me know what that meant. There was no internet, no dear Paula to help me sort through what I was up against. Hell on earth continued for a little longer and I finally divorced him. Everyone said I was crazy. Oil man. Owned malls, a little town, and so on. Handsome devil he was. I was widowed with three kids. I'm now retired. Recently he stopped by. He has lost everything. He now lives in a camper and makes wooden bowls and furniture. I survived and thrived. Through pray and meditation I self-discovered my father was a narcissist and at that moment there was like a physic link that broke. I am free. And oh ever so happy.
Congratulations! Good for you.
Laughing or making light of serious conversations - such a Narc indicator. Every time I tried to calmly point out how the Nex's behaviour was hurtful or disrespectful towards me, I would be invalidated. He'd try and completely change the subject, to the point it was jarring, stonewall, bamboozle me with a word salad, or just throw me a breadcrumb promise of future improvement - no apology, no accountability. I remember texting him during a long devaluation phase that I loved him and really wanted to make our relationship work. He replied "Aw thanks, that makes me feel all fluffy 🐑", so patronising, invalidating and insulting to my intelligence. I was a 47 year old woman not a child. Wish I'd blocked and gone no contact at that point!🤦🏻♀️
My x shot bullets round my head after I secretly left. He'd laugh whenever his attempted murder came up, saying, "oh my God stop! If I wanted to kill you you'd be dead. You're so dramatic!"
That's inhumane!
Our adult children now laugh and dismiss anything he does. Even coming close to killing them and his current supply multiple times!!
They play along in his delusion and even worship him like a god. He's pulled them into a trance state.
It's really insane!
That sounds awful. It's incredible how these people get away with their gaslighting and abuse. 😈
A true Narc (of any kind) will tell you a story of victimhood before you ask (in most cases). Always. This is the FIRST 🚩🚩🚩. Speaking of their ex they will say they were hurt/betrayed/destroyed.
Not always true. Some hide it
I believe this to be true for the covert/vulnerable narcissists, but not necessary for the overt as they think they’re gods.
I would say my ex narc hurt ,betraded,and destroyed me, and i was a victim of them and not making it up.
There is some truth to some of this, but there is a reason why they were attracted to you, and you to them. They know these things will work on a person before they say these things. There will be no 🚩 If there was the individual would likely not be in that situation with a narcissist to begin with.
Thanks Paula! Before getting out there and dating , we need to know our worth , raise our standards , know ourselves , our values , our desires , our boundaries . If you feel often confused , uneasy , afraid to truly express your opinion , inferior , who cares if they are a narc , get out , honore your feelings
Amen
Thank you for all your very helpful videos. My Narcissistic mother in law has made my own daughter her granddaughter into a flying monkey against me. It hurts. I have been hung drawn and quartered and thrown in the dungeon without a charge fair trial or defence.
My Narcissistic mother in law couldn't and wouldn't even look after her own dying husband of 55years. She sent his carers away saying he doesn't need them. 😮 I can write a book about what went on. I feel soul destroyed about having lost my daughter because of my evil m.i.l.
Thank you for your channel. You keep me sane 💕 I can't wait to say some of these questions you mentioned and then laugh in her face😂.
This video made me laugh out loud. Every point you made is absolute truth. Mr. Narc told me that no man would put up with my behaviour 😆 so I asked why he puts up with my behaviour & keeps coming back for more. It’s not at all funny when you are deep in the trenches of a narc experience, but it is truly liberating when you choose to put yourself first, extract yourself, heal, accept what they are & find yourself again. As always Paula, a great video. Thank you 🙏🏻
HaHaHahaaaa🤣🤣🤣I'm ded,
"so I asked why he puts up w my behaviour"
I'd love to know what his response was, yet of course it was more gaslighting or something stoopid.
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He prob didn't answer that Q lol because that counter part his comment .
He kept telling me i do not have depression. I do not have adhd. I do not have panic attacks. The proffessionals havent a clue and i should listen to him 😂
Good morning, Paula. I remember our first date, and we spoke about our jobs, and music. We had so much in common regarding music, and different songs that we both loved! He did ask me quite a few other questions. One thing gave me my FIRST Gut feeling, there is a $4.00 Bridge Fare to cross states. He would put his hand out for the money. T
At first, I thought he doesn't have it? That was a Red flag 🚩and not the first. He asked me so many questions on our first 3 dates, but not knowing what a narcissist is, who knew he was pumping me to make me a victim?? One thing for sure, I learned so much in the past 12.8 yrs, and wow, your knowledge is your Savior. Great topic, my friend, Paula.🌺
Many people forget that we get to choose our relationships with others. This means that if someone is no longer the person you met, you don’t have the obligation to be around them 💙🙏🏻💙
Up until one is hooked. A savy Narc eats their prey after they wound.
Absolutely! But when you're in the fog/hypnosis state the Narcissist puts you in it's hard to know this. I would liken it to the fly whose been bitten by the spider and paralysed before it gets eaten.
@@JH-td4mn Yes of course, they’re awful. My message is not flippant, it’s for survivors to not feel guilty about cutting ties with people based on just the fact that they’re not who they claimed to be when you decided to be friends, partners etc etc with them. I see so many struggling to figure out how pathological someone is before cutting ties. I’m not dismissing all of the other problems that come with Narcissists 💙🙏🏻💙
Completely shocked.
Actually crying. I never understood why he was so friendly and chatty in the shops, even if he saw his ex wife and ex mother in law. Really shocked, but the education is making this 3 year now journey better.
I’m so hurt. Paula you touch the little bits that are so bloody important to identifying these sods . I think you have been so hurt just like me.
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Say the Rosary and go for Mass , God will console you dear.
My narc came as a rescuer. Once I finally knew what he was I got out ! And it frightened the heck out of me after I saw the - Thing. I've seen the - Things more than once and it scares me now just talking about it.
Oh yes it's definitely a "thing" not a human being.
How does that happen to them ? How do they become "infiltrated"?
@@JH-td4mnI saw "it" in my ex and in my mother. The one in my mother said horrible things to me - to which I didn't respond. She had a cross on the wall that was upside down - when I saw it I said we needed to take it down. She said it had fallen down by itself at that time. At my wedding she told me when we were alone - a few things and one was that she liked the cross like that ! She chilled me to the bone..
You are a Godsend. My narcissistic wife discarded me a few weeks ago. She out of nowhere up charged my credit cards thousands of dollars and then when I tried to hold her accountable and figure out why she did this. She just gave me the silent treatment for weeks. Not only that she cheated on me with some guy from her workplace as soon as I asked for a divorce.
Should have seen the smirk on her face as she came back the following morning when I looked at her come in the door. There is some dark entities that reside in her and I’m praying everyday that God can make her see again.
I am so sorry you have to go through all of that.
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Say the Rosary and go for Mass and adoration in the Catholic church
1: What has caused you hurt in the past, and what causes you hurt now?
2: Why do you treat strangers better than your own family or those close to you?
3: Can you reflect on your last relationship and identify areas where you could have done better?
4: How do you see yourself on your personal journey of growth and development?
5: Why do you seem threatened or defensive when I offer my opinion in our relationship?
6: When we discuss accountability or improvement, why do you resort to silent treatment or leave the conversation?
7: If your opinion of me is negative, why do you attempt to re-enter the relationship?
I feel very strongly that I dated a narcissist. My main struggle now is knowing how deep the betrayal actually went
I’m laughing as I watch your video, are you talking about my ex? 😉. His tombstone will read ‘I did nothing wrong’, that was all I ever heard whether it was in our relationship or his previous ones. It’s everyone else’s fault.
He was for ever chatting to people in supermarkets whether customers or check out girls. He even stopped the car to tell a girl she looked absolutely stunning, I half expected her boyfriend to punch him. I know he did it to annoy me, but as we drove off I said I was glad he did it as it would make her day…..his plan didn’t work and he didn’t speak to me for hours.
When we took his 2 dogs to the beach, he would do some training, however only when other people were around to watch him. They always complimented him on how well behaved they were…I would laugh as the rest of the time the dogs paid no attention to him whatsoever. 🙄
100% on diminishing my opinion on a subject close to my heart, because he wasn’t interested, then I was just stupid.
He would say some awful things and try to run me into the ground and when I was ready to walk, he backed off saying he knew I had a brain and intelligent, had lots going for me and would say he wanted to put it all behind us and move on (just like a broken record). Finally I said I’d had enough and then it all started again, from having a brain and intelligent, suddenly I was an idiot with nothing going for me and just a liability and would amount to nothing. I reminded him of what he said 10 minutes earlier about how wonderful I was etc and his response was to slam every door in the house and go out in his car for hours. Then the verbal abuse would start again when he got back.
I could write a book about this clown, I recorded all his rants and rages and had 135 within a couple of months. He had no idea until I left and still doesn’t know what I have. All the hatred towards his 3rd ex wife and the same amount towards me, we were the only 2 that in the end gave back as good as we got.
At 66 years of age and all the women he’s tried to ruin, you would think he would just want a peaceful life, but that is one thing he’s never had and never will. You could almost feel sorry for him…….I said ALMOST. 🙄
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I'm so glad that you know your worth..... It's just unfathomable how people can act this way and not see that they're acting this way😂 I laugh only because you have to laugh because the alternative is the pain that it has caused us.
@@astrialindah2773 thank you.
At the time it was very upsetting as I didn’t know what was going on but over time I saw his game. By the time I moved out he was a headless chicken and didn’t know what day it was, he just never expected me to fight back but I knew his buttons to push as he had told me so much about his past.
Advice from me….once you are onto them, watch them like a hawk and listen to every word. In his rage his mouth would run and all his plans for me came spilling out, so I was way ahead of him. In the end, He just didn’t see me coming. 👍
Great video Paula! Here's some extra food for thought from my experiences. So, when considering what causes the narc perceived “hurt” (even if he hasn't been directly asked yet) is the CONSISTENT tendency to BLAME. This can be so easily dismissed. I think I took my own GENUINE LISTENING for granted. I didn’t WANT to believe what I was hearing. Then when he would keep blaming all the other people, exes/employees/family/etc. he would do it in this weird nonchalant kind of way. It felt like he was just throwing away a piece of trash - like, “Nothing important to see here. We don’t really need this. Let’s not pay attention to this. It’s just trash.” OR, he and his minions would, actually, JOKE about how badly he treated other people! Geeze. I feel, for me, I really must STOP and genuinely listen with my HEART. That’s what I do now. Go slow and listen to everything. I also want to comment on that EXORBITANT kindness to strangers. Wow. Isn’t it interesting that a narc, who is so evil and so deeply, deeply, CRUEL (and you will find out exactly how true these words are after you’ve been involved with a narc) can so incredibly demonstrate FAKE KINDNESS??? It is like, on some level, he KNEW what he was NOT capable of within his being. Yet, he had studied and parroted this concept of “what gets other people” that it became his weapon. He took something so beautiful about humanity and then he turned it upside down and inside out and weaponized it. (I also believe that later in the relationship, he used this odd skill to PURPOSLY further personally humiliate me - but like only the two of us would know. One second, we’re out in the parking lot and he’s tearing into me, and the VERY NEXT SECOND, he’s going absolutely OVER the top nice with just about every person in the store. It is diabolical because if you could measure the two extremes in degrees, the measurements are WORLDS APART. My mind wasn’t able to HOLD the 2 extremes at the same time. That’s cognitive dissonance. As time went on, he added outright public humiliation in the store, restaurant, etc. by being extremely cruel to me in front of other people and THEN be SUPER nice to them. For example, one time we were in line at Sam’s club and he was tearing into me. The lady behind us actually went to another register. When we got up to the cashier he was being EXTRA nice to her, but she didn’t take the bait! Then he looked so surprised and attacked her! He told her something about, “Oh so that’s how it is? You’re going to take her side!” Hu - what? I hadn’t even said anything other than I would go ahead and pay for my own toothpaste - at his request mind you. Her reply was simply, “Well, you know, us girls gotta’ stick together.” I just looked up at her and I’m sure she could feel the gratitude in my heart. He continued to mumble stuff. I think everyone was ignoring him at this point. Or maybe everyone was just too shocked. IDK. Folks, it really does only get worse. Please listen to your heart.) Anyway, there’s only one other red flag I’ve learned to pay attention to at the beginning. It is INCONSISTENCY. I’ve seen this happen for several reasons. For example, trying to MIRROR what will bait you or trying to MORPH into what will hook you. When he’s still studying you, he can’t commit to identifying his, interests, goals, values, etc. until AFTER he figures out what yours are. Then it’s like, “Voila! WOW! What a coincidence!!! I love that too! It’s like we’re soul mates! God wanted us together!” Hmmm… everything in common? Bringing God’s purpose for your life into the mix??? YIKES. You don’t say! LOL! Thanks again Paula for all you do and especially for shining the light!!!! Love and Light to you and all those finding Freedom… All those souls who are finding themselves again!!!! 😊
They use that intermittent reinforcement( extremely cruel/ extremely kind) to keep us in confusion and off balance AND to keep us in trying to figure IT out.
I remember thinking...which one is real, the cruel guy or the nice guy?
Like that old game show, will the real one please stand up? 🤣
I believe neither is real and they have demonic spirits running the whole show.
Regina, you SPOT-ON with what you wrote. They are chameleons
We were once at my house and after a conversation and his own evasions, when I asked him what I was to him, he suddenly (out of the blue) got up, collected all the things he had left on the table and left. I asked him what was wrong, but he just walked away.
I had a cookie launched at me out of the blue and when I asked "why", I was accused me of throwing him away. Don't forget, we're nothing but objects to them, and how dare we disrupt their carefully crafted, self-serving, God-like image of themselves and question their motive. They may be attractive academics in business, etc, but in relationships all they are are frail minded mental midgets living in a cowards echoe chamber. It's an insane existence. 😵💫
They do not have love towards anybody
I remember telling the narcissist before I got rid of him I said you will never be perfect and your a sinner oh that offended him I didn't care at all ,I never allowed him to control or speak to me any kind of way at all I'm glad I got away 🙌🙌🙌
I dated and friended one who pretended to be a pilot.. and he went to great lengths to create this image.. come to find out.. he hadn't been a pilot for like 20 years.. it was insane.. It was a surreal experience.. the way that he could lie.. a pathological liar.. spinning the facade to pretend to be something that he isn't..
I could recognise all of these responses in narcissists I’ve been with, except the first - I think it depends on the type of narcissist they are. Covert narcissists whose identity is based around being a victim of life’s circumstances and how they have been treated by others would give details about people and things that have caused them hurt. I’ve definitely been with people I’d say were ‘professional victims’, and had their tales of woes to control and manipulate your behaviour. Their mother…..their ex-wife…., etc Things they’d say would be….”you can’t do that (e.g. stay away overnight without me), because that triggers me due to the hurt my ex/parents caused by doing xyz”. It’s just control. They constantly try to appeal to your empathy and ‘helper’ instinct.
Yes, I caught that too. Covert vulnerable narcissists will always answer the first question by telling you they are the victim of people they have been in relationships with and/or the world is against them. Your statement is spot on; they are professional victims.
There are the four S roles the narcissist wants you to perform Sex Services Supply Safety
No offense, but someone sharing how others have victimized them isn’t always some ploy. I get your point, of course, but...
Funny enough, the “positive vibes only” crowd seem quite apathetic and false to me. Equally narcissistic in their way.
@@TARAdubbleyuu you nailed it. People that spread nonsense that everyone should be positive, everyone is different and everyone should be treated with compassion are self serving when they would love to lead us to believe evil behavior should be excused. Indeed narcissists always say the opposite of what is true. Evil should ALWAYS be exposed when it is a fact evil thrives in secrecy and the dark, hence why we are in this huge mess in the world.
Of course, people do share stories of how they have been victimised. That’s normal. I’m not a positive vibes only person. But what I’m talking about here is people where victimhood is part of their core identity, along with narc traits. It was their way of excusing every bit of bad behaviour they do, and to get you to ‘help’, and ‘excuse’ shitty behaviour. That’s when it becomes a pattern and manipulative.@@TARAdubbleyuu
she showed me some stair lights they were bulbs you could acciedently stand on because they stick out onto the stairs to me it seemed unsafe so i found some stair lights thats enclosed in the wall so you cant get injured i showed her those she wasnt happy, telling me its her house her idea she'll do what she wants, i thought i was trying to help but its only her ideas that mattered i just had to go along with everything i wasnt allowed to contribute without her permission to do so. if i tried to do anything even suprise her with gifts it would turn into an arguement she was super picky.
❤ you get a double super gold star for this informative potential life changing truth in advice
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I would like to hear more about this for sure! I asked some of these very questions and he would never answer. He would stare off into space, dismiss the questions, & change the subject…or blow up. Ugh! At the same time of devaluation, I tried to break up w him, but he wouldn’t accept the break up. I couldn’t get him out of my house!
Yes, Rebecca, they don't like asking them questions and they don't like if you are questioning them. It's because they have to be superior and also because they could not be able to answer these questions for they don't do any kind of self reflection at all. And changing the subject is one of their favourite techniques which leaves you confused when it happens over and over again as a pattern.
Glad that he finally left your house!!!
Best wishes to you 🙏💛🙏
#2. My last narc bf was a pro at this, especially attractive women at department stores.
I love your home. Looks so cozy and warm..
That's one thing I have notice re they treat strangers better than their own family members. My sister's family will come for a seafood dinner and we were lucky to get a potato and leek soup lunch, yet her friends get a 3 course meal 😐
I love the answers the narcs give -so spot on 👍
Thinking that you will never replace your great love. Your soul mate, your twin flame. This is a tragic mistake Try to look at everything in the light of you being an addict. And real drugs are involved. You absolutely will find another drug supply. Another dealer. So it's your addiction that is the big problem. The propensity for addiction started in your early childhood. And that is where your real challenges lie. I found several narcissists in my life. Every one of them drove me to extremely painful outcomes. Each one was more loving and beautiful than the last. And you know the predictable cycle .
" they don't make them like me anymore"
My x's motto 🤣
His( well trained)enmeshed mother quotes the same words of him 😮
If only he knew he has replicas everywhere 🤓
@@NarcCon exactly 💯
Like robots!
I asked my "n" mother why she treated our step brothers and sisters better than us, and she replied, "Because you know me."
Wow 🌹
Ive struggled understanding what being vulnerable means for ages until your video. I saw it as being bait for abuse. Before i was always too open and unboundried. When i asked why they (there has been a few) why they treat others better. I was accused of being jealous and insecure.
Looking back i can see that the red flags were obvious. I wanted to believe the dream more.
During the relationship he told people that he was so worried and couldnt stop himself from trying to help me. What a hero! It was not that way at all. Thank you for your video and explanation on the insideous ways they go unnoticed by others coned by them
Ah Paula.....you are such a crack up 😂Lovin' dat Irish humour!! And you are so so right about all of this!!! Yes, the 'taste' of a narcissist is indescribable...yet the toxic side effects are undeniable and lingering. PS Best phrase of 2023...?-
"Numby-pumby"😘 Cheers from Danielle in Australia xx
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Vulnerability and emotions disgust them. I remember trying to tell her how I felt and I witnessed a narcissistic injury 😂 I was like is this a robot I'm talking to!? Makes total sense now but at the time I couldn't work out why she changed up on me it was as soon as I tried to go there she attacked.
Thank you sister for another down to earth post😊. I giggled through most of it 😂. It was the combination of your personality, literary deliverance, and the slight pauses of deep thought as you address your audience. You are a diamond. Thank you for putting so much effort into knowing this demon called narcissist, and the genuine compassion to share your knowledge with us. This post is gold.
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Thank you so much Paula❤ I love all your videos but this one really hit home!! You are so correct about some really educated people (my lawyer) not being educated in what a narcissist looks like, I was in and out if court for amost 8 years ( a narcissist never loses). I wish I was educated in narcissists years ago. Your videos can be very life changing for the victims of Narc abuse. Thank you❤ Karen from Canada 🇨🇦
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They need someone in the courtroom who can identify these tactics. They extract so much power when bamboozling people in positions of "authority ".
My x would always attack me viciously outside the courtroom beforehand so that I would be emotionally unstable. And he showed up calm, confident and well adjusted. It's a very seducing spirit working through them!
They know exactly what to say and how to say it with each person they're speaking to specifically. They hook right into their psyche.
I listened to my x sound like a professional with a law degree ,when at home I was speaking to a 5 year old and trying to explain the basic fundamentals of appropriate and acceptable behavior.
It literally hurts your brain!
From JANESVILLE, WISCONSIN USA
Thanks again so much for all your videos you put out.
God bless you ALWAYS.
You are so welcome
Narc would often goad me into an argument, agitate me to the point of reaction.. if I raised my voice (because she was yelling at me for 10 minutes straight) she would then would call me "monster." She was projecting. Most times I'd just walk away irritated and she'd feel good having regulated herself. One day I asked, "If I'm such a monster, why are you here? If I'm so terrible, why are you still with me?" She was unable to answer. I didn't know at the time that I was grade-A narcissistic supply, but she certainly understood that! It wasn't long after this - perhaps a few months and a few more of her rage fits that I asked her to leave.
When I found out my narc husband of 38 years why he cheated on me he didn’t confess cheating but said, “if I cheated with Jane Doe it was your fault because she was your friend and you brought her into our home.” 😮Everything that went wrong in his life in his head is my fault. 😢
Good morning Paula thank you for your videos I am always learning when I met the narcissist from the beginning all that came out his mouth is lies from early only I knew he was a narcissist the behavior was similar to my father who was a narcissist.The narcissist would tell his aunt and his sister our problems and they are narcissist themselves I remember his aunt saying we should get divorce I heard it non stop he got what he wanted I’m out of the fakeness thank God.
Another good video.How I wish I'd known about Narcissism and could have asked all these questions. Hindsight is a wonderful thing. The only information I got from the ex Narc was about the crazy ex and how he made me believe he was the victim. It helps now to know about this dreadful disorder but still think it's difficult at times, to accept what we went through and will always be looking for the person we thought they were. Thanks Paula. x
Yes! I got exactly the same story. Most especially vulnerable narcissists will answer the first question Paula talked about by telling you, they are a victim. This is a pretty common tactic they use as they use our empathy against us. They draw us into their delusion by instantly gaining our sympathy. Then we feel bad for them and we don't want to be 'that person' that will hurt them too. Everything they do is for more than one reason and of course they do malign people they had relationships so you will think the 'other' person is the bad guy. This sets the stage so you won't believe other people that have had relationships with them if there is an opportunity that they might expose how evil they are. The person we thought they were doesn't exist. They have no identity of their own, and everything you see with a narcissist is always a fake fictional character. When we learn that, at least for me, it is much easier to accept that person we believed was so lovely was never there and never will be because the fact is they are all truly evil to the core.
Oh my God, yes ... strangers
My narc said to me after I asked him what he learnt from his past relationship was Nothing I didn’t learn anything! He was soooooo angry lol 😂
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Another great video Paula...
I once asked her why did she continually gave me silent treatments ?, especially when on holiday or the first few days of seeing each other!
"I was told that I'd made her do it"🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
To this day I never understood this...
I would get shouted at in front of her family constantly,and I did say to her on numerous occasions , why are you with me if I'm so bad and why do you only shout at me mainly in front of your kids
I would get that I was the first man since her long term partner had died that she'd loved, and ignored my questions,
These videos do help me and I'm at the stage when I look back and laugh at myself for putting up with her and the so called relationship!
Oh made me giggle so much thanks Paula 😅✨👼blessings
Me too 😂
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Love your videos and information! Have to tell you that for many minutes in the video the light on the table that was on, was flickering like crazy and then suddenly stopped! Don't know if anyone else saw it.
Theyll lie and when theyre confronted with the lies theyll say they are justified. Its all on their terms. Totally delusional.
When you have been raised by narcs and in the grips of many narcs throughout your life you can be left with almost no friends or family before finally getting the knowledge. Therefore, this can mean you are not a narc but a narc victim. By telling everyone to avoid people who have few friends incase they are a narc a victim is damned to more pain and loneliness. So, it would help if you could preface that not all people without friends can be assumed to be narc but they must fulfil a lot of the traits before deciding (because we know there will be masses of people taking the easy route by just saying oh this person’s got no friends so therefore…)
Also I know narcs who have so many people around them. They have so many ‘friends’ and seem extremely popular. Yes, they can control many people and work very hard to keep this image going.
I feel what you wrote. I’m in the same boat. It’s very difficult to navigate. People make assumptions...then you try to explain...then they see you as playing the victim...wash, rinse, repeat. Ugh 🙄
@@TARAdubbleyuu yes, it’s very frustrating and disheartening. Thanks for your comment. I wanted to start a local meet up for people like us but am afraid it’ll become a narc magnet. I’ve no idea how to meet the people who get it. Is that the same for you?
They struggle to answer every single question, even the simplest one - "How are you?" They see is it as an attack on themselves because this is the way they ask others... For gain, useful information, manipulation, deceit.
"I'm a Jack of all trades and master of all of them, too." That's one of my stbx's lines.
The trouble with this list is that it's very similar to the types of questions a narc would ask a potential victim when they are probing for vulnerability.
Paula, Keep up the awesome work coach.
You're the first content creator I feel compelled to respond to.
I began watching your videos and hundreds of other video's looking to help a friend understand and heal after being raised by a narcissist mother. I felt I could assist my friend in healing since I too was raised by a narcissist mother...and survived... but I'm now... thriving... beyond that experience.
After viewing your video's I saw you doing several things better than others:
1. I sensed your real, raw feelings of what a narcissist relationship did to you.
2. You are so honestly and truefully connecting (like no other) what is behind narcissism ...an energy...that is truly evil.
3. By your expressed thoughts and feelings I've realized... I am... a super-empath...
I thank God for your wonderful heart!
It is my prayer that you continue this good work and let your light continuously shine bright.
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Excellent video Paula the questions are spot on.👌 They have to be in control to abuse manipulate and deplete our resources 🙆
This is a serious subject but you make me laugh while learning! Thanks very much for the expert insight. Much appreciated!
Glad you enjoyed it!
Thank you Paula for again highlighting so many straits that these demonic narcissist have.
My narcissistic being married for 24 hell bearing years NEVER asked my opinion in anything whatsoever!!
If I gave my opinion he would start immediately talking louder over me. He constantly used the story of being a victim at the age of 6 being sent to boarding school and how it scared him for life. When I did ask him a question he had the ability to either use a nonsense word salad that wasn’t relevant or he completely blanked me as though I wasn’t in the room. 2 months after we married he stopped talking to me for 2 weeks. I asked what I had done wrong and of course no answer. He had the ability to make me feel like I was the worst person on the planet and when he did start talking nothing about his blanking me came out. I have always been a good communicator listening and with this treatment constantly I withdrew into a hollow shell of torment. This all started in 1981 in Africa. This is exactly what he wanted me to do now I have been listening to so many of your talks Paula. In this 2 week silence I walked up to where he worked and he was talking and joking with the other staff as it was an open front banking hall. As soon as he looked at me after someone pointed me out to him his whole face dropped - mask coming on - and looked like thunder. We went home for lunch and he was enraged that I had come into his work place and so got week 2 of silence. It was so very cruel humiliating wicked hurtful demeaning and demonic. As though I didn’t exist after 2 months of marriage - please I urge anyone in any sort of relationship like this even marriage get out!! It will never work and you will be destroyed so quickly and made to feel you are in the wrong always. One day soon after this I was very ill and lying on the bed when he came home end of day. He never even came up to see how I was feeling. He carried on as though he was a bachelor. I couldn’t believe how cold and far removed he was and of course this all started making me very ill physically. Paula you have spoken before about how their demonic treatment can cause all kinds of illnesses and that is exactly what happened to me. I was constantly ill and of course got no recognition or empathy at all which made things even worse for me. They can cause a healthy person to collapse over time and believe this is all the deceit cruel power from a demonic person who had allowed all the negative energies of satan to take full control of their lives. Please leave if you are in this state it never gets better but only worse as time goes by. I lived and C breathed it and am a witness to it all today. Thankfully I am a strong person now and feel like I could take on an army almost. Don’t let it break you to pieces nothing is worth that in life. Rather be on your own remember just how much the Lord loves you and He will get you back up on your feet believing again in yourself 🙏🙌
Questions number 2. Exactly he keeps going to grocery store to chatting with lady who was working there just because she started be nice to him, so he turned trolley away from me to rushed to her for his validation, he was so charming and talk to her even next to me like they been friends from past and when i asked about it, he tried educating me about how is normal to talk like this politely to strangers. I was so confused😪and i was also pregnant it was visible so i feel like trash for him, because he never talk to me that nice like he talk to her. 😢
Happy Thanksgiving to you too.
Thanks for the video. Very helpful and absolutely right.
Glad it was helpful!
Thank you so much, as always! I love your sense of humor, Paula!
Oh my God, I have asked my narcissistic husband that question about what he can do to better himself and I just get that blank stare. I cracked up laughing at that question. They have absolutely no ability to self-reflect and evaluate themselves and critique themselves. Never any personal growth.
I love all your videos. Love how you bring in the spiritual aspect in them as well.
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I love your channel. I’m a recovering victim 30 years. Oooo this one triggered me. no way I could ask any of those. Especially the last one. Broken noses. Abusive. Some poor Folks pls get out. Lord
Bless them all. If only ONE OF THESE is present, my advice is run. ❤
Spot on again Paula!
You know the narc so well!!!
I’m grateful for your wisdom and videos!
I will surely keep these vital questions in mind for future!
Appreciate the humor too- I totally get that!
Keep ‘em coming; I relay on your teachings& great wisdom!🌼🙏
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I will never start dating again!! I will NEVER let anybody get close to me again!! I won't risk going through this again!!
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Thank you Pola. ❤ your observations and advice are Spot on!
You are so welcome
If someone ask me what would hurt me. I would be thinking they want use it against me. Or how they can controle or how they can abuse me.
Thanks so much for sharing Paula....I couldn't help but smile a little when I saw your comment here, coming up on my screen, just after an article from the people of the lie...who today are telling they will be painting their municipality orange, in their "fight" against violence against women...."interesting"....
In their article they are telling about all the foreign women (not a word about Danish women) in Denmark, who are now being abused by their partners and, how difficult it is for the Danish authorities, to actually get some proof from all these women.....really..💤
"Thankfully" the article continue, - in Denmark they have no problrms like this...the country in which, more than 118000 Danish women are being abused by partners...
The article doesn't mention ALL the religious violence/abuse, family violence/abuse, authorities's violence/abuse, violence in schools etc etc....but, I'm sure that's not a problem over there either...💤
Their "Institute for Human Rights" just write some good articles....💤 - very same institute in which one of the people who have travelled Europe, giving the recipe how to grome women sexually is (or where...not sure she is still there) actually hired...💤
And, I'm sure, same institute never heard of the Danish Methodist woman who was resently exposed by an American woman, for selling children - especially from India, to European men and women, for sex.....and, the other Danish woman who by now, is selling/trafficking children from Congo very same way, they just don't talk about in Denmark...this is sadly a solid fact...I spoke to a local archive in Denmark a short while ago and, when I mentioned this woman, I was told exactly that "but, we are not allowed to talk about this" and, when I dared asking why they weren't I was just dismissed....
The Danish Baptist (part of the Danish army)and his wife who are part of the mafia (I've no other words for them) who for years, have exployded and sold Eastern European women/girls for sex are not mentioned in this article either...because, .now Denmark is "fighting" against violence against women and, "we" just don't talk about the real bad stuff...because when "we" don't talk about it, it probably never happened as they are all "simply so happy"....
I know you can 'hear' my very sad irony here Paula..and, I'm not at all, even starting to talk about the 100% extreme violence committed against children and women here in Dublin just the other day.....
I don't know for sure Paula but, a feeling very close to the feeling I experienced in Belfast many years ago...a feeling that someone is "stirring this up" on purpose...WAS/IS there/here the other evening and, it was in all Dublin...so, so sad...so incredible sad.....
I'll just leave this for now.....giving these "stir-uppers' a sad "amen" on their way....
Thanks again for sharing....this is SO important!!
Have a good weekend Paula and, take good care...🌹🌹🌹
🙋♀️🙏🌹..you too
Paula, It breaks my heart to think of any man ever treating you this way! 😥
I'm so sorry that this happened to you, and for what's happened to me.
I am beyond grateful for you! And your encouragement has and is saving my life continually. I hope to meet you one day. God Bless You, and Happy Resurrection Day!
Love, and Shalom, Rev.LB 🕊️😇🐩
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They can’t handle a loosing a card game ie “ono “or monopoly board game
Ty Paula good seeing an hearing from you ❤❤❤
Paula 🌹 The more of your talks im listening to . It's like a bell ringing in my head of all the past things , I've experienced by these toxic individuals behaviour patterns
Many Thanks ! 🙏 🌹 💖
Paula you have become a true blessing in my life and thank you for each word you carefully choose to share. Many wonderful blessings on your life with good health happiness and joy you deserve it so much 🙏
Another terrific video of TRUTH 🎉❤ It's amazing how every word you say resonates with my own experience , every word feels like you are describing my ex narcissist to the detail 😂 We've really got these emotional blood suckers licked now , haven't we !! 😜💪😎 ❤❤❤
My ex hoovered me for my birthday at the beginning of the month. And told me I always play the victim and how awful I am, so I asked her after all these months why are you texting me. Mind you she has a new boyfriend and she's super happy lol. But after I asked her that she blocked and ghosted me again
Arye your teaching Empaths the basic rules of Empathcraft Paula.
A benign form of mild machervelianism, putting out feelers and tester's.
All healthy, normal and natural in survival.
Thanks again Paula.
Thank you for this brilliant message Pola. Your choice of the questions we can ask to discern If we are dealing with a narcisist is very eye-opening.
The last question I have asked many of times, and his answer to the last question on this is because I still love you😂
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Need a clarification on point one..
If they always want to look superior, how do they paint themselves as a victim.. My MIL would hurt me so bad but she would reverse roles and tell everyone that she is being so badly treated by me.
I don't understand this point.
They are masters at manipulation. 😔
Victim - good person superior/hero used for manipulation..🌹
@@NarcCon
ya got it.
@@stupensardi2783
thank u.
Omg, Paula... you nailed this one ,😂😂😂😂lol. lol. The one before me was a so called Nut Job.
I caught on really quick once the grooming started . It was tough ,but once I got the strength and put my big girl's socks on.. So to speak, I can look back and remember how many times I shook my head in disbelief of the response? I would get back from a question like those you mentioned.. It's absolutely flabbergasting..
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@@NarcCon ❤️
I've never been able to look have a healthy two- way balanced conversation with a narcissist. WHY? Because they are constitutionally INCAPABLE of being honest with themselves. Honesty like the Word NO. are Kryptanite to a narc. I gave up. How do we deal with INSANITY? I DON'T PERIOD.I am at the N.C. NO CONTACT PRESENTLY ..😊🎉🎉
Love all your videos Atleast I've found out it's happened to other people to you teach alot good things like your sense humour stay blessed
Telling question… ‘what would you change about yourself, if you could’ ?
Yes!!
They will also struggle if you asked them WHO THEY ARE. Because they don't know who they are. Inside that false self, there is no one.
One question to ask them: when they had an experience or did a task."What did you learn from that?". A narcissist will not learn as they think they know everything.
It's like if someone had never experienced physical pain, how would you describe it? It's impossible to do. The only thing that would make them know what the sensation is, is to experience it.
I'm definitely writing this list down.
I would like to add something to the list. Letting people know that you don't take unwanted advice. If I don't ask you for advice-don't give me any. This is something not only narcs use, but many people who use others to regulate their emotions, often to put themselves above you. And if it's a narc, they will be gone very quickly, because they can't communicate without it, in the first stages of a relationship. Maybe it sounds harsh, but giving advice without fully understanding and coming from a place of love and care, is very very misused in our world today and can be used in an abusive way.
18:17 ❤iam left with owe about this marvellous video u have given me all my answers and iam very thankful. I was not sure of what i had gotten myself into and i was not concluding my beliefs in all the wrongs now i believe what i had been seeing happening to me and killing my own spirit in my relationship. A narc is difficulty to make friends with and difficult to leave but surely there r ways bcoz they r just impossible. Their sorrycome with a regret wen they say it to leave u guity. Thanks alot i cant say much. I hear u Paula.
imagine two cakes raised 4 muffins against each other
Lovely video presentation, as usual.
Really great questions !
Ha ha I love the Celtic Irish accent, it's very similar to the Welsh Celtic accent.
In fact if you go to the east of the Republic of Ireland on the Irish East coast, the villages in towns on that area, you'll see similarities to the Welsh accent, cos the Irish sea aside, it's the closest land to West Wales.
Yes spot on again in this video again.
Thanks Paula.
Yes true
Yes, I have Irish connections on the east coast whose family name Taaffe, (Taffy , meaning David, Saint David), comes from 13th century Pembrokeshire in West Wales.
@@kondition-kode-nine bingo.
I’ve found another question that the women on dating sites who “Claim “ they are among things a Christian and as what they are looking for in someone as needs from the next can not attempt to answer this question. What is your definition of a GOD FEARING PERSON? And you wait, and you will wait, and you can even say that their opinions really matter to see if you two were on the same page? And you will be waiting until? Because your opinion or definitions doesn’t matter to them period, and for you to say you want to know what theirs is, is not the right question they are not prepared to answer. And you wait and that mask is not there anymore. Putting a question on them and holding them accountable for giving you a answer is the thing that tops it off.