If somebody gives you silent treatment once, no excuse, no second chance-go no contact once and for all ! You are dealing with a sick individual. Respect yourself enough not to mess around with psychos! 💪
Discerning comes from experience. I'm praying I'll be better equipped to see it coming or have empathy for a stupid one off/mistake. Lord knows I'm capable. The question is, are we open to self reflection or is it just a control tactic?
Sam Vaknin is a pioneer REGARDING Narcissism as is Dr Ramani, but this lady (Narc Con) really does discuss this on a practical level and she also gives a better understanding of why the Narcissist does what they do. More people need to subscribe here.
I love Sam Vaknin’s video’s. But he easily blocks people 😂. Just one message, my first one, with a tiny bit critisism is enough reason for him to put you in silent mode forever. 😂 He is still a narcissist and they never tolerate criticisms.
As much as it is painful to remain no contact, it is much more painful to break no contact and re-engage with the narcissist. You wanna go back to being disrespected and lied to?
I'm so sorry for that pain. I understand too. Almost 22 yrs of marriage home etc. And the longest silent treatment was 3 months. I left and broke up w him. My 7th time. We separated for 2 years, began divorce,....and stupidly I took him back believing his words and begging forgiveness and change. I didn't know narc abuse even w all the domestic violence centers n counselors. Less than a year later. I lay fighting for my life surviving 3 near death experiences all the while he had the new girl in place amd it was punishment tactics the whole time "getting back" WITH me was actually"getting back" AT ME. The silent action is sign of psychopathy covert. The most dangerous type according to The world's experts. Hugs of healing to you
Yep, much the same here....used to say to people "I'm married 20 years, but when you subtract the months of silent treatments....probably about 10 years" It was soul destroying. Trips to visit my daughter at Gaeltacht which he insisted being included in, 5.5 hours in car, in silence. Then collect her from the Beann an Tí's house....go to Penneys (he stood at the doorway, on his phone). I would up the ante, smiling and laughing to her, over-animated, trying to hide the pain, we'd go have a meal where he'd only give one-syllable answers to us both. We'd drop her back. The anguish of leaving her, for me, was unbearable, and then I'd have to remind him to say goodbye properly to her (age 13). And then the hell of a drive home. On our return home, he would dive out of the car, slam the halldoor, and retreat upstairs, where he'd lock himself into a room. Mad , bad bastard. God, what I'd do now!!! You have to get away to get your mind sorted. How I'm alive is beyond me!
8 months silent treatment then he sends a flying monkey ( a relative) to do a heat check hoover! I never responded, he got served divorce papers! I had enough i know my worth! Good riddens!
Even when you know they are narcissistic and giving you silent treatment but you still love them. The trauma bond was so strong. Logically I knew better but I had no control over my emotions
I believe the silent treatment is the most advantageous trait in the narcissists to wake us up without which we could not have a break and think about the relationship in a wise manner .. review and discover the red flags that we ignored due to the dopamine rush and hyptonization status they put us in. Thank you for the great contents you are providing.
Mohamed, I totally get this. I had to decline talking on the phone as he was literally hypnotising me. Once I got a few days silence I felt a little more like me and clear headed.
The Narcissists' silent treatments actually play in their targets' favour. The fact that their behaviour is unacceptable, weird, and childish helps clear the fog and can be used as a catalyst for escaping their gaslighting and manipulation. Certainly found this myself.
Hello good people. I've faced all my narcs and only have the mother of my child left. She has repeatedly and consistently been a snake. The rules have changed. Her venom doesnt work on me anymore. Her fangs cant even break the skin. I've taken her foot of my kneck just by standing up. The narcs have all lost their own game where I didnt know the rules. They try to change the rules at will to suit them and they still always lose. Imagine if they were to try again now that you know the game. Stop playing. Stand up and throw the game out the window. It's your duty as a caring empathic human to not let anyone play these games with you or your children. My boy is 9 now. I've told the snake that I will teach my son the words equal and fare and how not to be bullied or to become a bully. That's the solution in one sentence. SHE HAS LOST. I'm still alive and there is nothing she can do to stop me teaching my son those words. If she is a narc and cant learn those words as well then so be it. My son will have my love and extra care because I have learned so much. She will be the same old snake and I'm guessing my son will either turn on her or turn into her. My mission is to make sure that doesnt happen. He shouldn't have to face that future so this narc is gonna have to learn the words equal and fare. If she doexnt I will call her out and remove her mask on a daily basis without remorse and with precision. I'm not playing games with my sons life. He will learn on a daily basis that no woman or man has the right to treat people so badly. Good luck good people. UK.
How did I cope with the last silent treatment, after putting up with it repeatedly for over 5 years??.....I changed all my phone numbers, changed my email and haven't looked back. I'm NC for coming up to 3 yrs now and I live 2 hours away. I know for a fact that my action blew the ex-narcs mind. He never, ever thought I would leave him but instead continue to take the abuse. I'm now in a relationship with the most empathetic man I have ever met. The love is real. After being with a narc.... you know what you don't want and the signs to look for. Believe me, I watched my new partner very, very closely before lowering my guard. He is most definitely an empath.
That's so wonderful! Thank you for sharing and giving us all hope there's real love and good people out there who can be mature and kind in a loving relationship. Gives me hope.
My wife did that to me 90 days ago ,, she received her court papers 90 days later ,,,, I know what I bring to the table ,, and I’m not afraid to eat alone …
As always Paula...you nailed it...the wife or girlfriend gets the cold shoulder for long spells of time...but when in social settings very glib and giddy...overly friendly...actually working the room for supply...it is so childish and ridiculous. I have seen many do this.
Brilliant vid , i was given this silent treatment and my response was complete and utter silence back to her that means no calls ,no text s no emails no communication whatsoever,she broke first after three months 🤣🤣🤣 reached out to my family asking were I was !! They replied that they didn’t know as they were not my keeper. She’s been trying to connect with me but I’ve blocked her so is now sending emails and pictures of our holidays together 💪💪so don’t react in any way is my advice you know what they are so grovelling and begging on the phone only feeds their immature and egotistical nature.get out that back door and run 🏃♀️ as fast as you can ! You must remain calm and don’t panic that way you beat them at their own game And remember the good lord has your back and he will carry you if has too .Love to all you marvellous survivors 😁
You really hit the nail on the head when you said that the silent treatment is a method of manipulation to treat you as if dead and make you capitulate to their evil wishes. Then, before the discard is final, they can even say shamelessly, "I hope that I don't have to block you (for harassing me)!" Ya right, block them in return!
That's exactly what I did to my idiotic narc ex. He discarded me and when I tried to ask him why he was behaving so strangely and throwing our life away, he had the audacity to say I was harrassing him and to stop. Oh I stopped. I also moved out of the psych ward/prison (aka our house), blocked his ass from all modes of contact, and will be filing for divorce soon. He may not want to talk to me, but he will have to talk to my lawyer at some point. Lmao. 😂😅 Dumbass.
I observed his mother using this technique to control. He became very skillful at it. It made me feel like I was unworthy of answers or explanations when I desperately needed answers. In the end I felt I wasn't dealing with an adult.
This video is VERY timely Paula! I work with someone that uses the silent treatment all the time. I've beaten him at his own game and he's caved first. If you understand this is a form of manipulation and abuse, ....hell, it even causes it's victims physical pain and has been used as a form of torture for pows!! F this noise. Stay mentally strong and beat these brats at their own game. It's like a child holding it's breath to get it's way. Ignore them and they collapse from the invalidation.
Childish tactics designed to hurt and confused. It's more of a shock because you do not expect an adult to behave this way. But now we know why. Thank you for the information💐
A big breakthrough in my healing was understanding how that push/pull or intermittent reinforcement causes trauma bonding. It had its roots in growing up in an alcoholic home. Until this light bulb moment, I had been low contact. After, I went no contact and at last Christmas , I deleted a phone message without even listening to it. Everyday of no contact brings more clarity and peace.
Grade A anxiety induced by the constant narcissistic mind games. They are so childish. It's all about invalidation and boundary testing. A phone conversation can go "Oh, I have to go, can I call you back"? The problem is they never say when. It could be 10 minutes, it could be 10 days. If we wouldn't accept it from anyone else, why do we accept it from them? There's that old trauma bond again, and they know it even if we don't. I say to myself that someone else is going through that now. God help them.
In the beginning you will be frantic over the silent treatment...begging them to talk to you and to try and figure out what on Earth you did wrong. Then as they apply this punishment tactic on you more and more you will enjoy their silence.🤐
Many years it took for the light bulb to go on with me. I have come to the conclusion, yes they were abused as a child and didn't develop 'normally' for want of a better word. My father is dying, so I had added stress, the behaviour is, nothing short of evil and I don't say that word lightly, it's truly evil 😢
Omg. This video is the best I've heard. 100% what happened to me. Everything you said he did to me. Thank you for letting me feel a little superior in this relationship. Even though I know he is still a child of God may this be the video that finishes my healing journey 1 1/2 years later 🙏❤️ I pray everyday to be able to move forward🦋
My husband has just left me for a woman the same age as my daughter. He has given me the silent treatment for years. Would have animated conversations with other people but when he came home from work Id get nothing. Hed whistle, walk away if I was talking to him, say Im watching tv, go into another room until he went to bed, go out to the groups he belonged to while I stayed at home. Been with him 44 years while all that time I lost confidence in myself and was confused and upset about why I was in a relationship on my own. Having major light bulb moments every day and striking out on my own. Your videos are so helpful on my road to healing. Thank you
I totally understand what you say and it helps to understand. I’m actually now feeling sorry for my ex, but they will never know that they have a problem until maybe the supply has finally run out.
Hi Paula,again you are soo correct.Im now giving him the silent treatment having endured it for years &he's bending over backwards to get me to speak.I only speak when it's really necessary ,no chit chat coming from me this time.If I give in then his abuse will start again shortly after words. He's never wrong I'm the problem always,how sick are these people I ask myself.He invents things about me saying I said this ,when I actually said that.This man is on another planet & not on this earth plane.Soo glad I discovered you Paula because you have helped me put a name to whom & what I'm trying to get away from.Bless you .
Spot on. Amazing insight, experienced all this especially with the new supply I knew nothing about. I was worried about him and reaching out to discuss our home, child and finances. Meanwhile he’s living with a coworker portraying me as crazy obsessed ex. No contact, bye bye
My EX Narc has never spoken to me since we split over 2 years ago, i tried to communicate many times in the early stages of the split , but she just walked away, Now SILENCE IS GOLDEN!
I’m going thru the silent treatment he don’t even contact to see if the baby born !!! It’s another way of abuse I believe .. he’s been doing it for 6 months he won’t block me so I deleted social media it’s very weird behaviour ... I’m glad u did this video !!! It was needed !!! Thank you so much 😊 your right throw the silent treatment back at them it works great advice I really enjoy your content !! I hope u and your dog 🐕 are ok great advice I enjoyed your logic !!! It works💯🙏
I ignored the narc at work who dishes the silent treatment regularly, she almost lost her mind..she was acting nervous & seemed at the brink of begging me to speak to her. She pull up a chair to me and said "Let's talk." I gave her the floor to speak after asking that she move back alot because she was too close to my face she had nothing interesting to say as usual and I went back to work.
Oh this is so spot on! I'm being punished right now and getting silent treatment. I ignore it and pretend like I don't notice. I call him roomie, how's it going roomie when he walks by me ignoring me. So juvenile! It's a 7 year old. I made the mistake of making a puzzled face when he was telling me what to do with my patio at my condo - that was a big narc injury! Set him off, now it's the silent treatment. LOL! I know I'm normal that's why it doesn't bother me.
That is exactly what happened to me. I tilted my head over something that hit me wrong, turned and walked out of house. He followed me screaming top of lungs to get the f out. Nice, eh? After 7 years of living his dream.
You're insight is wonderful and the way you explain this narcissistic technique is done in such a way that anyone can understand. When they first do it you're really baffled and fall right into their game but once you know what's going on it really backfires on them. Now you have the power now they can just stay silent for the rest of their lives. Still many will not be able to break the silent treatment they will come to realize the longer it goes on that they've painted themselves into a corner. Now if they reach out they will feel they're losing face.
The man who is a narcissist will actually "work" the room socializing with everyone but you even though they came with you... the silent treatment will even be done in the car ... it is very deliberate...usually the ones who do this also use passive aggressive actions as well...it is a cluster...they will also spend all day on their phone and computer...but throw a fit if you text anyone...it is all about control...manipulation tactics.
Being with a Narc is a one way street. I used to say “ the best thing IT ever did for me is nothing “ because during the entire year of 2016 I never got my camp built and in the spring of 2017 I was able to refinance my house. The bank would not have approved this had there been another structure on the property. God was looking out for me and now the x gets what it deserves from me ... nothing.
Excellent as always, Paula. Many thanks ♡ I have been reflecting on my narc's use of stonewalling as a tool to control my emotions these past 40 years. It breeds contempt and I'm disgusted that even contempt is edible to them. At the feast of contempt we both participated in, the soul is consumed. This is the sin and hopefully the waking to the lost connection to the heavenly Father. God bless!
Thanks so much for your content. Glad to be on the other side of the pain and torture of the silent treatment,however hindsight being 20/20 I made a lot of mistakes by giving him supply and wasting my breathe I pledge from now on to go stealth mode and give him back the silent treatment. He left me to pick up the pieces with our three beautiful children and my oldest boy is worst affected and his dad doesn't want to know all he cares about is using our babies as pawns to get one over on me. ,They truly are just so inhumane and are a waste of a life. Keep on shining your lights.. 🌟🌅🌄🌞🌞🌠 Much love from Ireland. 🇮🇪
He confessed that when he was a child and felt he was treated or accused unfairly (always, that is😂😂), he would escape from school and really enjoyed how his teachers were begging him to talk to them and come back. He did give a hint. Truth is, you never know what triggered them. But, who cares, really? Totally unhealthy beings only causing trouble. Kids do grow up. They do mature. They usually learn from their experiences.Narcs are condemned to always be "thirsty". We feel sorry for them and maybe we do love some of them...but from a distance. I love your content. Very helpful and enlightening. If only we were taught all this at school!❤
Great job! This channel came right on time. I was given the silent treatment 6 weeks ago. Because I was already learning about Narcissism, I did not respond. Over a week ago I saw the person leaving the store and I ignored them. A week later I got a hello text. So far, I have not responded- I’ve been ignoring them. 6 weeks and counting!!! Thank God for this channel!
I had a boyfriend who used to walk out of the house every time we had a disagreement, for at least 30 mins. Sometimes he would disappear for a few days even and not even contact me. I found it very distressing and we argued over it a lot. Then, one day, after I'd started to wise up to his shitty behaviour, when he was about to walk out I said, "Good, do 't come back for a while please, I don't care." He left, but came back in 5 minutes. He never walked out again. But I ended the relationship not long after that.
Tonight as I was listening to this, I realized how accustomed I had grown to the silent treatments. It made me so sick in my mind, body, and soul, but it was familiar to me...if that makes sense. Yet, tonight instead of feeling hurt in hearing about all of this... I actually feel repulsed just thinking about him contacting me. (Which he can't!) I can honestly say for the first time in 4 years, that just the thought of being with him again, makes me want to wretch. He's disgusting. I don't even think he's human. I've been working on a soul fast, and I am confident that the Lord is breaking those chains that I've asked Him to break! It's been so hard to get to this point. I'm so blessed. 🙏🏼✝️💜 Thank you Paula. You've helped me so much. 💪🏼 P.S. I didn't realize how beautiful your eyes are until I saw you without your glasses!
Extremely helpful. I realize how many of the relationships I had were narcissistic. The one I'm in now is the most overt so its impossible to deny it. The discarding was extremely painful but the silence and stonewalling is equally painful. My father used silence on us kids for years. It was soul-crushing.
I lived this for seven years. He would also disappear for days on end. Incredibly cruel. Fifteen years post separation and nearly a decade on from the divorce - he is still at it. I only communicate about our children for whom we have joint custody. They are now in their teens so it's getting easier BUT both children have medical issues and not communicating can be dangerous. He actually puts hating on me over the children's wellbeing. It's bizarre to my mind. He takes on average a fortnight to reply, but if he gets in touch he expects immediate answers otherwise there's some threat to involve authority. My children kind of know what he's like but they don't realise quite how manipulative and insidious he is - I hope they never realise what a demonic creature he is under the facade he presents to them and most others. If they realised they would hate him and hate us a waste of energy. He uses them like pawns but for the great part his money and contacts benefits them so I resign myself to this. One day his mask may slip and they'll see the real deceptive yet pitiful him. I inwardly laugh at him most of the time now, despite the fact he brought me to my knees at one stage. He has to wake up every day and be the man child he knows he is deep down - just how disempowering must that be?! She who laughs last ... ;) It took many years but I am on my game and on to his now in a big way, thanks to channels like this and realising my value and his deep seated emptiness he may never genuinely fill. THAT is his eternal punishment.
As human beings we have so many ways to choose how to communicate. Healthy people always try too reach for open honest discussion. When that other person refuses to meet you in that place it can be so frustrating. Cluster-B's will always sit outside that circle while inviting you into their domain where thy are so comfortable and you are not. Don't ever expect this to change for the Cluster-B. You will waste a lifetime hoping for a change that will never come. Its oh so hard to do sometimes but you have to walk away for your own sanity
It took me over 25years to learn how to be non responsive to the silent treatment but the skills and subtle manipulations when I did not respond created even more doubts in me and my ex would often 'up the game'. I'll attempt to explain how it frequently operated in my situation. Before the silent treatment started my ex would deliver a tirade of her disappointments in me and what I was not doing correctly. She would then not give me an opportunity to respond to her criticisms and literally walk away from the situation and enter the silent phase. When I eventually learned to stop chasing and wanting to talk as it was always futile she would accuse me of being cold and tell me I had a habit of 'kicking her while she was down'. This now seems to me just another tool that adds to the self doubt and confusion and how it must be me that is the problem, even if I knew somewhere deep down this was not the case. Still attempting to deal with this shit 5years or more since leaving my situation. It can go extremely deep into the conscious and unconscious mind and not to be underestimated how much damage it can cause. Staying alive and hopeful!
Thank you very much for taking my previous comment regarding the light reflection positively. You are really a great super empath person. It is not a compliment, you look 10 years younger. Thank you for your sincere efforts to educate us to avoid toxic people whose venom is more dangerous than COVID pandemic.
Wonderful job with the delivery of this very important message. Your knowledge + beauty and grace (and tact). I appreciate listening to you podcasts. Congruency.
Another great video Paula. So true. I've been no contact for months & feel so much stronger. Keep up the good work everyone stay no contact. Sending love & hugs to you all
If the idiot is silent because they want you to react. Don't. Go do something else don't sit there. As if they're killing you, you don't exist. Get up and go do something else ; do somthing for yourself. As the psychologist Jay Haley would say "make the symptom to expensive". If their not dangerous go do something else.they will ignore your texts to make you feel less than but remember you are dealing w an emotional 2 yr old. Would you be worried if your two year old didn't answer you or said they would hold their breath. Don't chase them.
Hi Paula. Ive learned that the silent treatment is also part of the gas lighting, crazy making, amd triangulation smear so they'd keep the control. Its also a part of the devaluation process. It alters our chemistry in the body and increases levels of creatinine. PTSD often sets in. And sadly after years of the idealisation devaluation discard triangle, your body can fail you. Insomnia is the onset of it w nightmares and restlessness. Depression at levels youre shocked. Even suicidal ideology Organ failure due to adrenaline overload happens. Sometimes heart attacks seizures and worse.... Its so demonic. We are literally fighting demons and it's the fight of your life to understand while ur fighting to get out. Then the silent treatment during any divorce proceedings is just crazy. If I was a new girlfriend of someone I just met, and their exe is saying theyre wife is crazy ... As a normal woman, that itself would be red flagged bc that's just not how normal people think. I may be codependant but I know that theres also a reason someone gotta be acting so strange or crazy, and theres always 2 sides to every story and every person. If that ex wife was begging me to help her to have their exe husban to get him to call about court or needing a signature, or help packing a house...i would not be your typical new supply I guess. Sometimes the new supply wants the exe wife ruined just as much as the narcissist does.
I know this was a year ago but my goodness that was the best explanation of the silent treatment I have ever heard and I have heard so many. I put up with that immature crap for over 40 plus years. Now I simply don't care if he does it forever Since I left two years ago. You can guess it he now does it from a distance. Sad to say we have 6 children and most do the same as he. Needless to say I blocked them because who needs that BS at the age of 68. Thank you for the video.
Love your channel .. needed to get this out .. if they think they are so magnificent and grandiose then why do they wear a mask ? Why can’t they introduce themselves as they are “ narcissist “ wonder how many of us would give them a “ transaction filled with fuel “ Instead of sucking our energy dry perhaps they need to go fill up at a local gas station .. they are defective beings ., with a whole lot of issues .. I lived through a horrific marriage of 15 years and could not figure this crap out .. then meet a second narcissist and was with him for 3 years .. FINALLY I AM EDUCATED ON THIS MATTER .. my life was on repeat for so long .. I turned inward and am healing they self love … they took the childhood wounds that were small and magnified them 100x .. I have faith that my future will be a a lot brighter .. yes the discard was the biggest gift .. lots of love
This is such an informative and love filled message. My only crime was to love wholeheartedly. I will not be broken. I understand that my ex narc is an extremely sick individual. Paula you and a few others are here in this world are doing God's work. You are saving souls and healing real human beings. Love always beats hate. ❤
I have left the narcissist and I have done this because I had to for my own healing. I blocked him in every way. Yes I did it because it gives me an element of control. So it sounds like I'm a narcissist, but if I didn't do it, I would not have found the answers I have found and I would not have been able to heal from a close call with the grave due to narcissistic abuse. I don't want to unblock because now I can live a normal life. No matter how much I feel into it I get very clearly not to unblock him. I need this space. I will have to face him soon enough when I go back. I also left the country to heal.
Paula, you are lovely! The preparation and knowledge that goes into these videos you create are admirable and well appreciated. This is definitely your calling. Your delivery is gentle, firm, and effective. You are the friendly, warm blanket that we survivors need to hear right now. Plus, your insights are spot on. Thank you!
I have had 3 connections with ex in 1 year. He gives me total silent treatment. Each short conversation gives me crazy reactive anger for days, and then I need to work my feelings through again. He had me served with divorce pspers a week again....same happened. But now am seeing that is time to reset and face an amazingly wonderful future❤
20:18 absolutely brilliant, I only wish I had been educated sooner but at least I know now and he is going into collapse, so still difficult times for me but I'm holding on in there because.... I'm worth it 😊
I had a "friend" of 20 years who was a narcissist. (I didn't realize this until towards the end of the friendship.) There was twice in the friendship where he stopped talking to me for a period of 6 months, once because I couldn't watch his new puppy (he had just bought a puppy then decided to travel), the other time because I couldn't go to a party because I had to work the next day. He was in his 30s the first time he stopped speaking to me and his 40s the second time. The final time he stopped speaking to me was in 2015, which was the breakup of our "friendship" after 20 years. I directly confronted him over a variety of issues. In 2020, he sent me a FB message saying that even though we're estranged, he still thinks of me. By that point, I had moved forward with my life and had no interest in any contact with this person. The point of this story is that I think the silent treatment can be extremely effective. I should have ended the friendship the first time he did this to me. Looking back on the situation with my "friend", I tolerated way too much. It's only recently that I realized how much I surrounded myself with narcissistic people and how detrimental that was. When they're young, narcissists can come be charming and charismatic. They tend to be very social and know a lot of people. But as they age, things change. I now know better and am rebuilding my friendship circle with this knowledge.
Beautifully described of this terrible manipulation but your totally right you can turn the tables back on the narc by just ignoring them and see them chase you as they dont know what to do.once you know the game it gets easier and easier and you can quietly laugh to yourself to what a pathetic individual of a narcissant u used to be dealing with.Thank you for all your videos you make with such brilliant information
Your Videos are So Incredibly Helpful I Like How You Break Down Narcissistic Patterns Thank You.I Wish That You Can Created A Group For Victims Of Narcissistic Abuse.Ur Videos Are Very Helpful.
When he gave me the silent treatment,I would normally run after him but after I seen he was attracted to it ,I switched it around on him went total no contact,the moment I began to feel better and the foggy mind was lifted,he Hoovered me with I'm sorry,I wish I could hear your voice,been thinking about u,know u are special to me he said,LOL yeah right! All I heard and understood was,Kill,steal,rob,manipulate, Run !!!
I went through that for 36 years & I didn’t know what was going on🥲 I wish i had this knowledge from the beginning. You are amazing. I keep listening to you. You absolutely made a difference in me. Thank you.
@@NarcCon you deserve & earning it hundred percent. Keep shining. It’s all about educating ourselves & understanding what was really going on, then we start healing. Thanks again 💝
@@janettepointon2540 I’m still suffering not because of loosing an lousy husband who’s never appreciated me & always looking for happiness outside of the home. The family for this kinds of personalities r only a fessed & cover up, that’s why they are never present at home & all the silent treatments, ignorance is happening no matter how hard you are trying to create a loving, warm environment. It’s their disease not our fault. Believe me. They are not happy either way. The part that I’ve lost my family, my whole entire investment of 36 years & going through the process is devastating but do we have any other choice?
3rd part exactly what is happening to me right now, discarded and ignored for months, no closure. I'm so depleted and am only slowly beginning to start taking care of myself.Thank you for helping me make sense.
I didn't know much about Narcissist abuse when I went through this silent treatment. It was excruciating. Unfortunately when I did get on RUclips I found the twin flame readers which which only prolonged my healing. I was up-and-down and stuck for over 2 years. Finally feeling ok. Thankful for this channel 🙏
Yes Paula everything you said I have experienced it. Silent treatment. I could never understand why he treated me like I was invisible. I gave him five beautiful daughters and now 12 grandchildren yet he hates me and it's like I was a devil not him..I love your videos. My ex knew what he was doing. He said I was lady if leisure after bringing up 5 children had a handicapped brother and father to take care of.
I went silent, unless I have to text him regarding my daughter, its been 3 times in 5 weeks, and seen IT 2x and he snapped at me at my mediators and I just laughed at him, that annoyed him especially as I continued on as he was ignored. Aww shame. He still can't contact me unless its through my mediator and he's not allowed to my home so I get peace and quiet 😌 the police scare him lol. He's been asking about me since he's seen my weight gain, looking better than when i met him, taking care of myself, making the effort with myself and i can wear perfume again! im not interested, I like this new version and I aim to carry it on. Thanks Paula, awesome advice again ❤
They also encourage YOU to deliver the silent treatment to your family members. That is one way they cause you to isolate from your own support network.
I heard someone say that when we are upset and not wanting to talk to the Narc we aren't using " silent treatment". Some of us including me worried about this. He explained that we are simply being quiet! We aren't doing it to get something and that is the difference. We are protecting ourselves. Paula, thank you for your comments and likes to my posts. I only became aware really understood that all this happened to me on 3rd Jan 2021. I officially broke up with him Tuesday day and saw him Tues eve. I know I have been a bit prolific. I am doing really well but I am a bit raw. 💕💖
Over my very long marriage these episodes became more frequent. They re so torturous. It s done to control, hurt and confuse. Sometimes it s to spoil a holiday and somtimes they are locked in their room trawling for a new supply source or looking at porn. Towards the end, I became so tired,ill and withdrawn that when he did this my way of surviving was to think of the movie Popeye. Olive s dad was always telling one person or another "you owe me an apology ". It would make me laugh and I d say it loud as the dog and I walked passed his room/crypt.
No Contact! - How difficult it may be.., but the alternativ will end up even worth... I been given my power away for to many years, to a person who dit not understand the gift I handed to her.
This is how I ended my relationship with a best friend and a boyfriend by playing their own game....silent treatment. 😱 Did it make their head spin....totally 🤔👌 Their game was up.👏👏✊ Blocked and no contact for over a year. 🙏
.. great subject... he used this on me all the time, cuz i stand up for myself, i would laugh and ignore it... cuz i didnt understand what is was about, my dad wound do that also.. hmmmm,,,,,he had me so loved bombed with his flattery ... until one day he did it again.... for the last time... I i said to self... no more !!!! i packed my bicycle and road away.... he has been 7mths NC.. that day i left i stayed in a motel for 2 days ( it was raining ) i looked up toxic people, which lead me to narcs, pyschopaths, etc... BINGO... i found the puzzle pieces.... that MFer played me for 2 yrs 2 mth.. i try not to get mad at myself for not LISTENING to the red flags... all i have to say,,, THANKS FOR THE LESSON, for it was a blessing >>> healing my inner core woulds is all i do at this time.. and it feels good.. thanks for letting me share
I am an empath and even a super empath I am sure, but the narcissist inside of me can also deal a huge narc blow to these demon possessed people.... so no contact is the way to go. Before we got married and early in our relationship we went for supper one night and she couldn't stop arguing at the table. I kept quiet, paid the bill and walked outside. We arrived in separate vehicles. I kissed her good bye and told her that I don't think it will work out between the two of us, I turned around and drove to my house. On my way home she phoned me and apologized. Eventually she forced me into marrying her and i told her that, then one night she said that se forced me into the marriage as she was afraid of being found out, unfortunately I didn't ask her what she meant by it, but deep down inside I am confident that these creatures know they are being controlled by a dark force. If they would only admit and repent to Father God things will be so much different.
I have also noticed the effect it has had on body. I do feel like ptsd, or adrenal fatigue. The final healing is to take care of my body. Gentle healing gentle exercise. Unfortunately insomnia is chronic as that is when my mind thinks too much. I try everything. Now I just get up and walk around house. If anyone has suggestion for this last piece of healing, please let me know
After awhile I found myself doing this ! I have purposely not spoken to him in 2 years ! Co parenting only text , emails ! Funny enough he won’t reply to text messages or emails sometimes but I know it eats him inside out ! As long as the point was made in the text messages or emails I don’t care if he respond ! He doesn’t deserve my voice or conversion ! Paula our voice can relief their depression and useless feeling they feel about themselves ! Let him go sit with a counselor !
If somebody gives you silent treatment once, no excuse, no second chance-go no contact once and for all ! You are dealing with a sick individual. Respect yourself enough not to mess around with psychos! 💪
Discerning comes from experience. I'm praying I'll be better equipped to see it coming or have empathy for a stupid one off/mistake. Lord knows I'm capable. The question is, are we open to self reflection or is it just a control tactic?
Yes. Never again will someone do that to me multiple times. Once and done.
I agree. It tells you would do it time and time again. End of story!
Yes. The silent treatment is cruel and demeaning.
This is true. It is very very serious. It's mental abuse and 100 intended to be as such. Do you really wanna be with someone who can act like this?
Sam Vaknin is a pioneer REGARDING Narcissism as is Dr Ramani, but this lady (Narc Con) really does discuss this on a practical level and she also gives a better understanding of why the Narcissist does what they do. More people need to subscribe here.
I love Sam Vaknin’s video’s. But he easily blocks people 😂. Just one message, my first one, with a tiny bit critisism is enough reason for him to put you in silent mode forever. 😂 He is still a narcissist and they never tolerate criticisms.
I like Paula the best of all - she resonates with me.
As much as it is painful to remain no contact, it is much more painful to break no contact and re-engage with the narcissist. You wanna go back to being disrespected and lied to?
Hell no they are disgusting asswipe
A narcissist who gives you the silent treatment is doing you a favor. It wants to control you , these zombies are no good
Yeap doing you a favour 😊
Side note...Paula...glasses or no glasses ...we just plain like you either way!
😎
The silent treatment is used on prisoners of war; it gives the victim the same feelings of physical pain, that's how powerful a tool it is.
Yeap you got it in one ☝️
Their silent treatment is my fuel to continue the silent treatment.... dead ass 🙃
I have severe widespread chronic pain and I think it's linked to my adult child narcissists abuse of me. I'm discarded now. It's a horrible feeling
@@uyoebyik fibromyalgia
@@HVogue17 yep
Longest silent treatment almost 5 months, 32 years married, living in the same house. I had his ass served a divorce petition.
Wow..glad your getting free of that
I'm so sorry for that pain. I understand too. Almost 22 yrs of marriage home etc. And the longest silent treatment was 3 months. I left and broke up w him. My 7th time.
We separated for 2 years, began divorce,....and stupidly I took him back believing his words and begging forgiveness and change.
I didn't know narc abuse even w all the domestic violence centers n counselors.
Less than a year later. I lay fighting for my life surviving 3 near death experiences all the while he had the new girl in place amd it was punishment tactics the whole time "getting back" WITH me was actually"getting back" AT ME.
The silent action is sign of psychopathy covert. The most dangerous type according to The world's experts.
Hugs of healing to you
Yep, much the same here....used to say to people "I'm married 20 years, but when you subtract the months of silent treatments....probably about 10 years" It was soul destroying. Trips to visit my daughter at Gaeltacht which he insisted being included in, 5.5 hours in car, in silence. Then collect her from the Beann an Tí's house....go to Penneys (he stood at the doorway, on his phone). I would up the ante, smiling and laughing to her, over-animated, trying to hide the pain, we'd go have a meal where he'd only give one-syllable answers to us both. We'd drop her back. The anguish of leaving her, for me, was unbearable, and then I'd have to remind him to say goodbye properly to her (age 13). And then the hell of a drive home. On our return home, he would dive out of the car, slam the halldoor, and retreat upstairs, where he'd lock himself into a room. Mad , bad bastard. God, what I'd do now!!! You have to get away to get your mind sorted. How I'm alive is beyond me!
8 months silent treatment then he sends a flying monkey ( a relative) to do a heat check hoover! I never responded, he got served divorce papers! I had enough i know my worth! Good riddens!
Even when you know they are narcissistic and giving you silent treatment but you still love them. The trauma bond was so strong. Logically I knew better but I had no control over my emotions
The narcissist had total control over us during the relationship.
I believe the silent treatment is the most advantageous trait in the narcissists to wake us up without which we could not have a break and think about the relationship in a wise manner .. review and discover the red flags that we ignored due to the dopamine rush and hyptonization status they put us in. Thank you for the great contents you are providing.
Mohamed, I totally get this. I had to decline talking on the phone as he was literally hypnotising me.
Once I got a few days silence I felt a little more like me and clear headed.
The Narcissists' silent treatments actually play in their targets' favour. The fact that their behaviour is unacceptable, weird, and childish helps clear the fog and can be used as a catalyst for escaping their gaslighting and manipulation. Certainly found this myself.
Hello good people. I've faced all my narcs and only have the mother of my child left. She has repeatedly and consistently been a snake. The rules have changed. Her venom doesnt work on me anymore. Her fangs cant even break the skin. I've taken her foot of my kneck just by standing up. The narcs have all lost their own game where I didnt know the rules. They try to change the rules at will to suit them and they still always lose. Imagine if they were to try again now that you know the game. Stop playing. Stand up and throw the game out the window. It's your duty as a caring empathic human to not let anyone play these games with you or your children. My boy is 9 now. I've told the snake that I will teach my son the words equal and fare and how not to be bullied or to become a bully. That's the solution in one sentence. SHE HAS LOST. I'm still alive and there is nothing she can do to stop me teaching my son those words. If she is a narc and cant learn those words as well then so be it. My son will have my love and extra care because I have learned so much. She will be the same old snake and I'm guessing my son will either turn on her or turn into her. My mission is to make sure that doesnt happen. He shouldn't have to face that future so this narc is gonna have to learn the words equal and fare. If she doexnt I will call her out and remove her mask on a daily basis without remorse and with precision. I'm not playing games with my sons life. He will learn on a daily basis that no woman or man has the right to treat people so badly. Good luck good people. UK.
How did I cope with the last silent treatment, after putting up with it repeatedly for over 5 years??.....I changed all my phone numbers, changed my email and haven't looked back. I'm NC for coming up to 3 yrs now and I live 2 hours away. I know for a fact that my action blew the ex-narcs mind. He never, ever thought I would leave him but instead continue to take the abuse.
I'm now in a relationship with the most empathetic man I have ever met. The love is real. After being with a narc.... you know what you don't want and the signs to look for. Believe me, I watched my new partner very, very closely before lowering my guard. He is most definitely an empath.
What an amazing credit to you and hope for us all here..thank you for helping us 🌹
That's so wonderful! Thank you for sharing and giving us all hope there's real love and good people out there who can be mature and kind in a loving relationship.
Gives me hope.
Yes. We get a PhD in boundaries with a narcissist. So glad to hear you found a wonderful partner.
@@darlenemontgomery9337
I agree, I've been setting boundaries all over the place 💯✔
So happy for you.
My wife did that to me 90 days ago ,, she received her court papers 90 days later ,,,,
I know what I bring to the table ,, and I’m not afraid to eat alone …
Never the truth, always blocks
As always Paula...you nailed it...the wife or girlfriend gets the cold shoulder for long spells of time...but when in social settings very glib and giddy...overly friendly...actually working the room for supply...it is so childish and ridiculous. I have seen many do this.
Brilliant vid , i was given this silent treatment and my response was complete and utter silence back to her that means no calls ,no text s no emails no communication whatsoever,she broke first after three months 🤣🤣🤣 reached out to my family asking were I was !! They replied that they didn’t know as they were not my keeper.
She’s been trying to connect with me but I’ve blocked her so is now sending emails and pictures of our holidays together 💪💪so don’t react in any way is my advice you know what they are so grovelling and begging on the phone only feeds their immature and egotistical nature.get out that back door and run 🏃♀️ as fast as you can !
You must remain calm and don’t panic that way you beat them at their own game And remember the good lord has your back and he will carry you if has too .Love to all you marvellous survivors 😁
If it was 3 months long she probably screwed it up with the next guy she was sleeping with
I now know that if someone gives me silence - I will give them my permanent absence.
Amen
I finally learned after a 13 month silent treatment, that it was more beneficial for me that he LEFT me alone and shut his mouth up
I would classify that as more of a discard/disengagement rather than a silent treatment.
You really hit the nail on the head when you said that the silent treatment is a method of manipulation to treat you as if dead and make you capitulate to their evil wishes. Then, before the discard is final, they can even say shamelessly, "I hope that I don't have to block you (for harassing me)!" Ya right, block them in return!
Yes Kevin totally 🌹
That's exactly what I did to my idiotic narc ex. He discarded me and when I tried to ask him why he was behaving so strangely and throwing our life away, he had the audacity to say I was harrassing him and to stop. Oh I stopped. I also moved out of the psych ward/prison (aka our house), blocked his ass from all modes of contact, and will be filing for divorce soon. He may not want to talk to me, but he will have to talk to my lawyer at some point. Lmao. 😂😅 Dumbass.
I observed his mother using this technique to control. He became very skillful at it. It made me feel like I was unworthy of answers or explanations when I desperately needed answers. In the end I felt I wasn't dealing with an adult.
This video is VERY timely Paula! I work with someone that uses the silent treatment all the time. I've beaten him at his own game and he's caved first. If you understand this is a form of manipulation and abuse, ....hell, it even causes it's victims physical pain and has been used as a form of torture for pows!! F this noise. Stay mentally strong and beat these brats at their own game. It's like a child holding it's breath to get it's way. Ignore them and they collapse from the invalidation.
Yes form of recognised torture💯
Lol
Childish tactics designed to hurt and confused. It's more of a shock because you do not expect an adult to behave this way. But now we know why. Thank you for the information💐
Yes I agree we don’t expect an adult to behave this way..that’s so true
What hit home for me is that isolation is used as a punishment and has been since time began. A punishment my friends, keep healing lovely tribe xx
how easy it is to hurt them - to hurt a preditor who wanted to hurt us:)
Yes. Once one is able to give up hope that they will change. So easy, yet the hardest choice.
@@mariasmith2297 Hope is what keeps any addiction alive..yeah give it up
A big breakthrough in my healing was understanding how that push/pull or intermittent reinforcement causes trauma bonding. It had its roots in growing up in an alcoholic home. Until this light bulb moment, I had been low contact. After, I went no contact and at last Christmas , I deleted a phone message without even listening to it. Everyday of no contact brings more clarity and peace.
Love yourself. And realize we CAN validate ourself. It’s a great thing to have a soul and to be able to connect to others on a spiritual level
I used to absolutely hate this and I never understood why somebody would want to abuse somebody in that way it's very cold hearted and evil
Says more about how the person doing it
No one explains and helps the healing process better than you. You are the angel sent ...🦋🎉
🌹❤️
Grade A anxiety induced by the constant narcissistic mind games. They are so childish. It's all about invalidation and boundary testing. A phone conversation can go "Oh, I have to go, can I call you back"? The problem is they never say when. It could be 10 minutes, it could be 10 days. If we wouldn't accept it from anyone else, why do we accept it from them? There's that old trauma bond again, and they know it even if we don't. I say to myself that someone else is going through that now. God help them.
Yeap same ol narc games with the next one
In the beginning you will be frantic over the silent treatment...begging them to talk to you and to try and figure out what on Earth you did wrong. Then as they apply this punishment tactic on you more and more you will enjoy their silence.🤐
A perfect explanation of the silent treatment 💓🙏
Many years it took for the light bulb to go on with me. I have come to the conclusion, yes they were abused as a child and didn't develop 'normally' for want of a better word. My father is dying, so I had added stress, the behaviour is, nothing short of evil and I don't say that word lightly, it's truly evil 😢
Omg. This video is the best I've heard. 100% what happened to me. Everything you said he did to me. Thank you for letting me feel a little superior in this relationship. Even though I know he is still a child of God may this be the video that finishes my healing journey 1 1/2 years later 🙏❤️ I pray everyday to be able to move forward🦋
My husband has just left me for a woman the same age as my daughter. He has given me the silent treatment for years. Would have animated conversations with other people but when he came home from work Id get nothing. Hed whistle, walk away if I was talking to him, say Im watching tv, go into another room until he went to bed, go out to the groups he belonged to while I stayed at home. Been with him 44 years while all that time I lost confidence in myself and was confused and upset about why I was in a relationship on my own. Having major light bulb moments every day and striking out on my own. Your videos are so helpful on my road to healing. Thank you
Another good one, Paula. You're onto something important. This helps me stay away. It was awful.
Thanks Anna..yes very awful 🌸
I totally understand what you say and it helps to understand. I’m actually now feeling sorry for my ex, but they will never know that they have a problem until maybe the supply has finally run out.
Hi Paula,again you are soo correct.Im now giving him the silent treatment having endured it for years &he's bending over backwards to get me to speak.I only speak when it's really necessary ,no chit chat coming from me this time.If I give in then his abuse will start again shortly after words. He's never wrong I'm the problem always,how sick are these people I ask myself.He invents things about me saying I said this ,when I actually said that.This man is on another planet & not on this earth plane.Soo glad I discovered you Paula because you have helped me put a name to whom & what I'm trying to get away from.Bless you .
Thank you dear Zita..yes very awful rebound response to manipulation
Spot on. Amazing insight, experienced all this especially with the new supply I knew nothing about. I was worried about him and reaching out to discuss our home, child and finances. Meanwhile he’s living with a coworker portraying me as crazy obsessed ex. No contact, bye bye
My EX Narc has never spoken to me since we split over 2 years ago, i tried to communicate many times in the early stages of the split , but she just walked away, Now SILENCE IS GOLDEN!
Yes 💓
I’m going thru the silent treatment he don’t even contact to see if the baby born !!! It’s another way of abuse I believe .. he’s been doing it for 6 months he won’t block me so I deleted social media it’s very weird behaviour ... I’m glad u did this video !!! It was needed !!! Thank you so much 😊 your right throw the silent treatment back at them it works great advice I really enjoy your content !! I hope u and your dog 🐕 are ok great advice I enjoyed your logic !!! It works💯🙏
Have a feeling he will do this…I’m currently pregnant 😮
What has happened since you last commented this has he tried to contact you?
I ignored the narc at work who dishes the silent treatment regularly, she almost lost her mind..she was acting nervous & seemed at the brink of begging me to speak to her. She pull up a chair to me and said "Let's talk." I gave her the floor to speak after asking that she move back alot because she was too close to my face she had nothing interesting to say as usual and I went back to work.
Sweet
Oh this is so spot on! I'm being punished right now and getting silent treatment. I ignore it and pretend like I don't notice. I call him roomie, how's it going roomie when he walks by me ignoring me. So juvenile! It's a 7 year old. I made the mistake of making a puzzled face when he was telling me what to do with my patio at my condo - that was a big narc injury! Set him off, now it's the silent treatment. LOL! I know I'm normal that's why it doesn't bother me.
That is exactly what happened to me. I tilted my head over something that hit me wrong, turned and walked out of house. He followed me screaming top of lungs to get the f out. Nice, eh? After 7 years of living his dream.
You're insight is wonderful and the way you explain this narcissistic technique is done in such a way that anyone can understand. When they first do it you're really baffled and fall right into their game but once you know what's going on it really backfires on them. Now you have the power now they can just stay silent for the rest of their lives. Still many will not be able to break the silent treatment they will come to realize the longer it goes on that they've painted themselves into a corner. Now if they reach out they will feel they're losing face.
This was painfully and disturbingly accurate, unfortunately. Thank you for sharing this. It's really helpful.
🙏🌹
The man who is a narcissist will actually "work" the room socializing with everyone but you even though they came with you... the silent treatment will even be done in the car ... it is very deliberate...usually the ones who do this also use passive aggressive actions as well...it is a cluster...they will also spend all day on their phone and computer...but throw a fit if you text anyone...it is all about control...manipulation tactics.
Being with a Narc is a one way street. I used to say “ the best thing IT ever did for me is nothing “ because during the entire year of 2016 I never got my camp built and in the spring of 2017 I was able to refinance my house. The bank would not have approved this had there been another structure on the property. God was looking out for me and now the x gets what it deserves from me ... nothing.
Excellent as always, Paula. Many thanks ♡ I have been reflecting on my narc's use of stonewalling as a tool to control my emotions these past 40 years. It breeds contempt and I'm disgusted that even contempt is edible to them. At the feast of contempt we both participated in, the soul is consumed. This is the sin and hopefully the waking to the lost connection to the heavenly Father. God bless!
Thanks so much for your content. Glad to be on the other side of the pain and torture of the silent treatment,however hindsight being 20/20 I made a lot of mistakes by giving him supply and wasting my breathe I pledge from now on to go stealth mode and give him back the silent treatment. He left me to pick up the pieces with our three beautiful children and my oldest boy is worst affected and his dad doesn't want to know all he cares about is using our babies as pawns to get one over on me. ,They truly are just so inhumane and are a waste of a life.
Keep on shining your lights.. 🌟🌅🌄🌞🌞🌠
Much love from Ireland. 🇮🇪
🙋♀️🇮🇪
He confessed that when he was a child and felt he was treated or accused unfairly (always, that is😂😂), he would escape from school and really enjoyed how his teachers were begging him to talk to them and come back. He did give a hint. Truth is, you never know what triggered them. But, who cares, really? Totally unhealthy beings only causing trouble. Kids do grow up. They do mature. They usually learn from their experiences.Narcs are condemned to always be "thirsty". We feel sorry for them and maybe we do love some of them...but from a distance.
I love your content. Very helpful and enlightening. If only we were taught all this at school!❤
Great job! This channel came right on time. I was given the silent treatment 6 weeks ago. Because I was already learning about Narcissism, I did not respond. Over a week ago I saw the person leaving the store and I ignored them. A week later I got a hello text. So far, I have not responded- I’ve been ignoring them. 6 weeks and counting!!! Thank God for this channel!
Thanks Sonia..I appreciate you saying that..keep going..🌸
hope everything worked out and you’re now healed 😊
I had a boyfriend who used to walk out of the house every time we had a disagreement, for at least 30 mins. Sometimes he would disappear for a few days even and not even contact me. I found it very distressing and we argued over it a lot. Then, one day, after I'd started to wise up to his shitty behaviour, when he was about to walk out I said, "Good, do 't come back for a while please, I don't care." He left, but came back in 5 minutes. He never walked out again. But I ended the relationship not long after that.
Interesting glad your out.🌹
Tonight as I was listening to this, I realized how accustomed I had grown to the silent treatments. It made me so sick in my mind, body, and soul, but it was familiar to me...if that makes sense. Yet, tonight instead of feeling hurt in hearing about all of this...
I actually feel repulsed just thinking about him contacting me. (Which he can't!) I can honestly say for the first time in 4 years, that just the thought of being with him again, makes me want to wretch. He's disgusting. I don't even think he's human.
I've been working on a soul fast, and I am confident that the Lord is breaking those chains that I've asked Him to break! It's been so hard to get to this point. I'm so blessed. 🙏🏼✝️💜
Thank you Paula. You've helped me so much. 💪🏼
P.S. I didn't realize how beautiful your eyes are until I saw you without your glasses!
🙋♀️🙏🥰
hopefully you are healed 😊
Extremely helpful. I realize how many of the relationships I had were narcissistic. The one I'm in now is the most overt so its impossible to deny it. The discarding was extremely painful but the silence and stonewalling is equally painful. My father used silence on us kids for years. It was soul-crushing.
I lived this for seven years. He would also disappear for days on end. Incredibly cruel. Fifteen years post separation and nearly a decade on from the divorce - he is still at it. I only communicate about our children for whom we have joint custody. They are now in their teens so it's getting easier BUT both children have medical issues and not communicating can be dangerous. He actually puts hating on me over the children's wellbeing. It's bizarre to my mind. He takes on average a fortnight to reply, but if he gets in touch he expects immediate answers otherwise there's some threat to involve authority. My children kind of know what he's like but they don't realise quite how manipulative and insidious he is - I hope they never realise what a demonic creature he is under the facade he presents to them and most others. If they realised they would hate him and hate us a waste of energy. He uses them like pawns but for the great part his money and contacts benefits them so I resign myself to this. One day his mask may slip and they'll see the real deceptive yet pitiful him.
I inwardly laugh at him most of the time now, despite the fact he brought me to my knees at one stage. He has to wake up every day and be the man child he knows he is deep down - just how disempowering must that be?! She who laughs last ... ;) It took many years but I am on my game and on to his now in a big way, thanks to channels like this and realising my value and his deep seated emptiness he may never genuinely fill. THAT is his eternal punishment.
🌹🌹
As human beings we have so many ways to choose how to communicate.
Healthy people always try too reach for open honest discussion. When that other person refuses to meet you in that place it can be so frustrating. Cluster-B's will always sit outside that circle while inviting you into their domain where thy are so comfortable and you are not. Don't ever expect this to change for the Cluster-B. You will waste a lifetime hoping for a change that will never come. Its oh so hard to do sometimes but you have to walk away for your own sanity
Totally agree Peter thanks for this input 💓
It took me over 25years to learn how to be non responsive to the silent treatment but the skills and subtle manipulations when I did not respond created even more doubts in me and my ex would often 'up the game'. I'll attempt to explain how it frequently operated in my situation.
Before the silent treatment started my ex would deliver a tirade of her disappointments in me and what I was not doing correctly. She would then not give me an opportunity to respond to her criticisms and literally walk away from the situation and enter the silent phase. When I eventually learned to stop chasing and wanting to talk as it was always futile she would accuse me of being cold and tell me I had a habit of 'kicking her while she was down'. This now seems to me just another tool that adds to the self doubt and confusion and how it must be me that is the problem, even if I knew somewhere deep down this was not the case. Still attempting to deal with this shit 5years or more since leaving my situation. It can go extremely deep into the conscious and unconscious mind and not to be underestimated how much damage it can cause.
Staying alive and hopeful!
🙋♀️🌹🙏
I had the silent treatment done on me, I thought I had done something wrong, pathetic!
Thank you very much for taking my previous comment regarding the light reflection positively. You are really a great super empath person. It is not a compliment, you look 10 years younger. Thank you for your sincere efforts to educate us to avoid toxic people whose venom is more dangerous than COVID pandemic.
Thanks ..I just needed them for today’s vid 🙏
Wonderful job with the delivery of this very important message.
Your knowledge + beauty and grace (and tact).
I appreciate listening to you podcasts.
Congruency.
Thank you very much Rachel 🙏🌸
They dump all responsibility of children on you because they too busy with the homewreaker ...
Another great video Paula. So true. I've been no contact for months & feel so much stronger. Keep up the good work everyone stay no contact. Sending love & hugs to you all
Oh Alison great keep going 🌹
If the idiot is silent because they want you to react. Don't. Go do something else don't sit there. As if they're killing you, you don't exist. Get up and go do something else ; do somthing for yourself. As the psychologist Jay Haley would say "make the symptom to expensive". If their not dangerous go do something else.they will ignore your texts to make you feel less than but remember you are dealing w an emotional 2 yr old. Would you be worried if your two year old didn't answer you or said they would hold their breath. Don't chase them.
Yes yes
Hi Paula.
Ive learned that the silent treatment is also part of the gas lighting, crazy making, amd triangulation smear so they'd keep the control.
Its also a part of the devaluation process.
It alters our chemistry in the body and increases levels of creatinine. PTSD often sets in. And sadly after years of the idealisation devaluation discard triangle, your body can fail you.
Insomnia is the onset of it w nightmares and restlessness.
Depression at levels youre shocked. Even suicidal ideology
Organ failure due to adrenaline overload happens. Sometimes heart attacks seizures and worse....
Its so demonic. We are literally fighting demons and it's the fight of your life to understand while ur fighting to get out.
Then the silent treatment during any divorce proceedings is just crazy.
If I was a new girlfriend of someone I just met, and their exe is saying theyre wife is crazy ... As a normal woman, that itself would be red flagged bc that's just not how normal people think. I may be codependant but I know that theres also a reason someone gotta be acting so strange or crazy, and theres always 2 sides to every story and every person.
If that ex wife was begging me to help her to have their exe husban to get him to call about court or needing a signature, or help packing a house...i would not be your typical new supply I guess.
Sometimes the new supply wants the exe wife ruined just as much as the narcissist does.
I know this was a year ago but my goodness that was the best explanation of the silent treatment I have ever heard and I have heard so many. I put up with that immature crap for over 40 plus years. Now I simply don't care if he does it forever Since I left two years ago. You can guess it he now does it from a distance. Sad to say we have 6 children and most do the same as he. Needless to say I blocked them because who needs that BS at the age of 68. Thank you for the video.
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Love your channel .. needed to get this out .. if they think they are so magnificent and grandiose then why do they wear a mask ? Why can’t they introduce themselves as they are “ narcissist “ wonder how many of us would give them a “ transaction filled with fuel “ Instead of sucking our energy dry perhaps they need to go fill up at a local gas station .. they are defective beings ., with a whole lot of issues .. I lived through a horrific marriage of 15 years and could not figure this crap out .. then meet a second narcissist and was with him for 3 years .. FINALLY I AM EDUCATED ON THIS MATTER .. my life was on repeat for so long .. I turned inward and am healing they self love … they took the childhood wounds that were small and magnified them 100x .. I have faith that my future will be a a lot brighter .. yes the discard was the biggest gift .. lots of love
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Every word you spoke was spot on. But now I have too much knowledge about his kind,a covert NARCISSIST, he has no more power and he HATES IT.
This is such an informative and love filled message. My only crime was to love wholeheartedly. I will not be broken. I understand that my ex narc is an extremely sick individual. Paula you and a few others are here in this world are doing God's work. You are saving souls and healing real human beings. Love always beats hate. ❤
⭐️ Oh, you don’t feel like talking today? That’s ok, you are allowed to be quiet. I’m having a great day👍 hope you have a good one too. Bye bye 💨 😁
I have left the narcissist and I have done this because I had to for my own healing. I blocked him in every way. Yes I did it because it gives me an element of control. So it sounds like I'm a narcissist, but if I didn't do it, I would not have found the answers I have found and I would not have been able to heal from a close call with the grave due to narcissistic abuse. I don't want to unblock because now I can live a normal life. No matter how much I feel into it I get very clearly not to unblock him. I need this space. I will have to face him soon enough when I go back. I also left the country to heal.
This was my life with him for 15 years
Paula, you are lovely! The preparation and knowledge that goes into these videos you create are admirable and well appreciated. This is definitely your calling. Your delivery is gentle, firm, and effective. You are the friendly, warm blanket that we survivors need to hear right now. Plus, your insights are spot on. Thank you!
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I have had 3 connections with ex in 1 year. He gives me total silent treatment.
Each short conversation gives me crazy reactive anger for days, and then I need to work my feelings through again.
He had me served with divorce pspers a week again....same happened.
But now am seeing that is time to reset and face an amazingly wonderful future❤
I used that time to not deal with the drama of it all, so he learned that it was peace time for me, which also caused a tantrum!
20:18 absolutely brilliant, I only wish I had been educated sooner but at least I know now and he is going into collapse, so still difficult times for me but I'm holding on in there because.... I'm worth it 😊
You are truly fantastic. Love you. And I appreciate that you take the time to write back to everyone who leaves a comment. You get it. Sat nam!
Hey thanks a lot I also appreciate all the support we all get in this great community 😊🙏🌹
"1. Don't see him. Don't phone or write a letter.
2. The easy way: get to know him better"
"Two Cures For Love" by Wendy Cope
I had a "friend" of 20 years who was a narcissist. (I didn't realize this until towards the end of the friendship.) There was twice in the friendship where he stopped talking to me for a period of 6 months, once because I couldn't watch his new puppy (he had just bought a puppy then decided to travel), the other time because I couldn't go to a party because I had to work the next day. He was in his 30s the first time he stopped speaking to me and his 40s the second time. The final time he stopped speaking to me was in 2015, which was the breakup of our "friendship" after 20 years. I directly confronted him over a variety of issues. In 2020, he sent me a FB message saying that even though we're estranged, he still thinks of me. By that point, I had moved forward with my life and had no interest in any contact with this person. The point of this story is that I think the silent treatment can be extremely effective. I should have ended the friendship the first time he did this to me. Looking back on the situation with my "friend", I tolerated way too much. It's only recently that I realized how much I surrounded myself with narcissistic people and how detrimental that was. When they're young, narcissists can come be charming and charismatic. They tend to be very social and know a lot of people. But as they age, things change. I now know better and am rebuilding my friendship circle with this knowledge.
Beautifully described of this terrible manipulation but your totally right you can turn the tables back on the narc by just ignoring them and see them chase you as they dont know what to do.once you know the game it gets easier and easier and you can quietly laugh to yourself to what a pathetic individual of a narcissant u used to be dealing with.Thank you for all your videos you make with such brilliant information
Thank you Sarah 🌹
When my narc gave me the silent treatment I gabe it to her right on back and she is going nuts. Glad to be away from that toxicity.
Omg my life exactly.... for 22 years. But I’m out now and loving life. Your videos are amazing btw 👍👍.
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Thank you so much, you are such a beautiful spirit and I love and enjoy the way that you communicate, it hits home every time.
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Your Videos are So Incredibly
Helpful I Like How You Break Down Narcissistic
Patterns Thank You.I Wish That You Can Created
A Group For Victims Of Narcissistic Abuse.Ur Videos Are
Very Helpful.
Thank you very much Demi..do you mean a Facebook group/page?
@@NarcCon Yes Absolutely
When he gave me the silent treatment,I would normally run after him but after I seen he was attracted to it ,I switched it around on him went total no contact,the moment I began to feel better and the foggy mind was lifted,he Hoovered me with I'm sorry,I wish I could hear your voice,been thinking about u,know u are special to me he said,LOL yeah right! All I heard and understood was,Kill,steal,rob,manipulate, Run !!!
I went through that for 36 years & I didn’t know what was going on🥲
I wish i had this knowledge from the beginning. You are amazing. I keep listening to you. You absolutely made a difference in me. Thank you.
Thanks for your encouragement and support Yolanda 🌹
@@NarcCon you deserve & earning it hundred percent. Keep shining. It’s all about educating ourselves & understanding what was really going on, then we start healing. Thanks again 💝
It was 20yrs for me , he has discarded me , and doesnt even want to talk, please how did you get over it after 36yrs ,? Kind regards
@@janettepointon2540 I’m still suffering not because of loosing an lousy husband who’s never appreciated me & always looking for happiness outside of the home. The family for this kinds of personalities r only a fessed & cover up, that’s why they are never present at home & all the silent treatments, ignorance is happening no matter how hard you are trying to create a loving, warm environment. It’s their disease not our fault. Believe me. They are not happy either way. The part that I’ve lost my family, my whole entire investment of 36 years & going through the process is devastating but do we have any other choice?
3rd part exactly what is happening to me right now, discarded and ignored for months, no closure. I'm so depleted and am only slowly beginning to start taking care of myself.Thank you for helping me make sense.
If you are still together call a friend or family talk and laugh , watch movies on your phone , go on Facebook , use ear phones ! Block them Out !
I didn't know much about Narcissist abuse when I went through this silent treatment. It was excruciating. Unfortunately when I did get on RUclips I found the twin flame readers which which only prolonged my healing. I was up-and-down and stuck for over 2 years. Finally feeling ok. Thankful for this channel 🙏
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Yes Paula everything you said I have experienced it. Silent treatment. I could never understand why he treated me like I was invisible. I gave him five beautiful daughters and now 12 grandchildren yet he hates me and it's like I was a devil not him..I love your videos. My ex knew what he was doing. He said I was lady if leisure after bringing up 5 children had a handicapped brother and father to take care of.
Thanks Anne...terrible idiotic thing to say to you..they do need to provoke don’t they..💓
I went silent, unless I have to text him regarding my daughter, its been 3 times in 5 weeks, and seen IT 2x and he snapped at me at my mediators and I just laughed at him, that annoyed him especially as I continued on as he was ignored. Aww shame. He still can't contact me unless its through my mediator and he's not allowed to my home so I get peace and quiet 😌 the police scare him lol. He's been asking about me since he's seen my weight gain, looking better than when i met him, taking care of myself, making the effort with myself and i can wear perfume again! im not interested, I like this new version and I aim to carry it on. Thanks Paula, awesome advice again ❤
Any advice I’m currently pregnant for a narc?
CONTROL issss the issue.
Not ever a Win Win with a narcissist Abuse.
A GOOD APPLE DOESNT MAKE A BAAAD APPLE GOOD. YOU DESERVE BETTER, BETTER❣️
I wonder how you can tell how things are going in there life by the ways they comunicate and or respond to you and your texts . Love the show !!
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They also encourage YOU to deliver the silent treatment to your family members. That is one way they cause you to isolate from your own support network.
I heard someone say that when we are upset and not wanting to talk to the Narc we aren't using " silent treatment". Some of us including me worried about this. He explained that we are simply being quiet! We aren't doing it to get something and that is the difference. We are protecting ourselves.
Paula, thank you for your comments and likes to my posts. I only became aware really understood that all this happened to me on 3rd Jan 2021. I officially broke up with him Tuesday day and saw him Tues eve. I know I have been a bit prolific. I am doing really well but I am a bit raw. 💕💖
You get it out safely it would be very raw..it’s healthy what your doing here..Godspeed to you in your healing sending you peace and joy to come
Over my very long marriage these episodes became more frequent. They re so torturous.
It s done to control, hurt and confuse. Sometimes it s to spoil a holiday and somtimes they are locked in their room trawling for a new supply source or looking at porn.
Towards the end, I became so tired,ill and withdrawn that when he did this my way of surviving was to think of the movie Popeye. Olive s dad was always telling one person or another "you owe me an apology ".
It would make me laugh and I d say it loud as the dog and I walked passed his room/crypt.
No Contact! - How difficult it may be.., but the alternativ will end up even worth... I been given my power away for to many years, to a person who dit not understand the gift I handed to her.
Thanks beautiful soul this really helped me xx
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This is how I ended my relationship with a best friend and a boyfriend by playing their own game....silent treatment. 😱
Did it make their head spin....totally 🤔👌
Their game was up.👏👏✊
Blocked and no contact for over a year. 🙏
.. great subject... he used this on me all the time, cuz i stand up for myself, i would laugh and ignore it... cuz i didnt understand what is was about, my dad wound do that also.. hmmmm,,,,,he had me so loved bombed with his flattery ... until one day he did it again.... for the last time... I i said to self... no more !!!! i packed my bicycle and road away.... he has been 7mths NC.. that day i left i stayed in a motel for 2 days ( it was raining ) i looked up toxic people, which lead me to narcs, pyschopaths, etc... BINGO... i found the puzzle pieces.... that MFer played me for 2 yrs 2 mth.. i try not to get mad at myself for not LISTENING to the red flags... all i have to say,,, THANKS FOR THE LESSON, for it was a blessing >>> healing my inner core woulds is all i do at this time.. and it feels good.. thanks for letting me share
Laughing, ignoring and leaving powerful
I am an empath and even a super empath I am sure, but the narcissist inside of me can also deal a huge narc blow to these demon possessed people.... so no contact is the way to go. Before we got married and early in our relationship we went for supper one night and she couldn't stop arguing at the table. I kept quiet, paid the bill and walked outside. We arrived in separate vehicles. I kissed her good bye and told her that I don't think it will work out between the two of us, I turned around and drove to my house. On my way home she phoned me and apologized. Eventually she forced me into marrying her and i told her that, then one night she said that se forced me into the marriage as she was afraid of being found out, unfortunately I didn't ask her what she meant by it, but deep down inside I am confident that these creatures know they are being controlled by a dark force. If they would only admit and repent to Father God things will be so much different.
I have also noticed the effect it has had on body. I do feel like ptsd, or adrenal fatigue. The final healing is to take care of my body. Gentle healing gentle exercise. Unfortunately insomnia is chronic as that is when my mind thinks too much. I try everything. Now I just get up and walk around house. If anyone has suggestion for this last piece of healing, please let me know
After awhile I found myself doing this ! I have purposely not spoken to him in 2 years ! Co parenting only text , emails ! Funny enough he won’t reply to text messages or emails sometimes but I know it eats him inside out ! As long as the point was made in the text messages or emails I don’t care if he respond ! He doesn’t deserve my voice or conversion ! Paula our voice can relief their depression and useless feeling they feel about themselves ! Let him go sit with a counselor !