Honestly this type of stuff makes trying to love yourself so difficult. Its like there is no line between being confident and being full of yourself in the eyes of society.
Confidence is one thing, filming a video of yourself sashaying down a street to show off how you turn everyone’s heads… that’s actually neurotic and a very toxic message to give people about “pretty privilege”.
Real confidence and self esteem is acknowledging that you are no better or worse than someone regardless of being prettier, uglier, smarter, dumber, wealthier...we all have intrinsically the same value and the worth we attribute to others or ourselves will always depend on our priorities and life choices. For example between a middle class dad and a upper class single man, deciding which one is the most sucessful will depend on what your priorities and goals. If your goal is to build a family, the dad is more sucessful in your eyes. If your goal is to build wealth, the rich man is more sucessful in your eyes. If your goal is happiness, they are both equally sucessful if they are happy with what they achieved and with the sacrifices they chose to make in order to achieve it Real confidence is acknowledging that you wont always be the prettiest in the room in everyone's eyes and being totally okay with that because regardless of everything, you love yourself the most...not because you think you are better but because you acknowledge you are the only one who will ALWAYS be there for you and will always be able to help you and put the much effort into your happiness.
@@RUclipsuser10873 Im not on tiktok and the only social media I’m on is youtube where I don’t watch beuty related content. The preassure i feel is not directly social media caused its a real life thing
@@eriKa_16 lmao I had it when I was like 16 because all my friends kept wanting to send me stuff and it’s sad bc tiktok does have some good/funny stuff on there but it was absolutely wrecking my attention span and made it so much easier for me to get distracted by things I wasn’t even that interested in so yeah that’s probably good 💀😩
@@calvoekleiden8664 truee it distracts you from everything and you loose so much time that way...thats also why i didnt what to download it and later my friends also deleted it and said that it was a good decision..so its good for you now you can spend more time on other things and you have less contact with the toxic and unrealistic standards
I personally find that calling yourself pretty is a good way to start feeling more confident. I am very confident in my looks, i used to be ranked as one of the ugliest girls in my class in middle school (some stupid boys would make these ranks). It used to hurt me but then i realised that caring about what others think isn't gonna make the Earth stop spinning, it isn't gonna pay my bills. These boys were just bitter af cuz girls didn't wanna date them. I believe beauty is about personality. For me an ugly person is someone with a bad personality, not with "bad" looks. Cuz everyone is beautiful in their own ways. Idc how attractive someone might be, if they're mean for me they're ugly lol. Having confidence in myself has made life so much better. I used to have friend who made self-loathing their whole personality. I'm so glad i dropped them. I don't think i'm beautiful i know i am and i know you are too ! Don't let bitter people destroy your self esteem, it's better to be called delusional bcuw of how confident you are then to believe the lies that society feeds you !!!! Love ya'll
pls i agree sm. I've literally never seen someone have the same opinion as me in this, but i dont consider people to be ugly no matter how they look conventionally. If they're 'conventionally attractive' but have the worst personality, they're ugly in my eyes bcse their soul and inside (?) is ugly. But sometimes the kindest, most hilarious people are seen as 'ugly' when you can't just judge someone off their face?! People are like 'oh ur pretty' in comments of tiktoks when people's faces can't possibly be the only thing to judge people off? ya
I was considered ugly too. Guess what I am not, even nowadays I have people comment on my beauty. Never lose what differentiates u from the rest. You are pretty for sure, is just that social media tries to put everyone in the same box, in this case, beauty. And like u said insecure people comment on your looks because they project what they can't have or desire.
So true. Whenever I felt good about my looks, my classmates would be so hateful for no freaking reason. Like can’t someone exist outside the Eurocentric standards and feel good about themselves?
This happen to me...i never look like an agentinian (like the latina estereotipe of beauty, like Brazil, I'm flat ASF and my skin tone), i learn to love myself the way I look All my life I was outside of what was considered attractive where I lived but now I feel better than ever! I... just don't want to be like that, i love myself ❤️
Just remember there is difference between male and female gaze, men in my observation prefer 'Basic b*tches' to complement (nothing wrong with that style ofc). Women are more likely to complement unconvinient girls, they just see you as a person. Also 'ogre'... Ugh so immature
@@mittag983 straight men call every girl ugly so the girls lower their standard to date men like them, if girls call you pretty then you're absolutely gorgeous, end of discussion 🤝
I feel ugly many times too, but please don’t let other people control how do you feel about yourself, i’m sure you are pretty & beautiful & we are all different and have our own unique face❤
The end had me in tears almost immediately. I love how I look and I have been shut down time and time again because I must be "full of myself" and "big headed". Loving yourself doesn't make you a narcissist, being cruel to others and *only* loving yourself makes you a narcissist.
Omg Same. Every time I look myself in the mirror I look so ordinary and dull. Like I question why there’s nothing on me that’s mesmerizing to look at. And I hate it
I NEVER understood people hating on others for being confident. It's probably internalized hatred or society trying to say an attractive person doesn't know they're attractive to what? Humble someone? Gross. If you feel a type of way by seeing someone being confident or happy in their looks without even knowing them (social media is fake) then look inwards. Don't project these ideas on others. Like, go outside, eat a fruit, do what you love outside of anyone else. Then maybe you'll feel more beautiful too. This is coming from someone who struggles deeply about how I am perceived. I always admire confident people. I want to be like that too, not bring anyone down. I want others to feel good too in their looks. My friends are beautiful, strangers are beautiful. The only ugliness is the hatred we have.
It seems like everyone is angry about anyone who is happy. They ignore the work it might have taken to get there. They ignore that many people are too lazy to do the things that genuinely self improve. (Not just the aesthetic nonsense.)
Those people are just in pain… When you find yourself ugly for quite some time it becomes hard to perceive other people’s beauty. It turns into an ultimatum: if they look beautiful, and I don’t look alike, that means I’m not beautiful. This paradox causes anger and envy. But every time I had this thoughts, i repeated myself - admire someone’s beauty without questioning yours. And it helped! Now I find inspiration in other’s people beauty as well as mine
@@weiluonik Yes, and I think it helps to use analogies to change the way we think of it. Such as… are roses ugly for not being lilies? Of course not. So too for people.
I mean, that vid of the lady trying to see if people look at her is cringey. And if there was a camera person walking behind her that increases the chances people will look. If it’s too obvious someone is fishing for compliments and validation it attracts others to bring them back down to earth. Not to mention the obvious fact just because a stranger is looking at you, doesn’t mean it’s because they find you attractive 👀
all i know is theres a special place in hell for the person who started this whole thing of rating people 1-10 based on their looks. AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO THINKS IT'S RIDICULOUS TO RATE PEOPLE?
I had a guy friend tell me I was cute and I did a bit of a pose and said he was right. He quickly told me to stop and that made me unattractive. It was a weird moment that sticks with me
Your confidence made you unattractive.. make it make sense 😅 Like imagine if you said "oh no I'm not stop" you should test it out and see how people respond
Wtf! I thought confidence was attractive 🤦🏻♀️ why are people/society so freaking confusing and weird 😩 its like never-ending fr.. what you did sounds so cute it couldn't make you unattractive in any way! That's so dumb! I hope you can get rid of that moment in your brain, but I understand I have stuff that also sticks with me even from like middle school being called ugly and stuff so I get how dumb stuff can stick around and overstay it's welcome in your mind 😔 sending happy thoughts to you!! 💞💞💞💝
screw that guy 💀 its hateful that he made u feel that way T^T they be acting like theyre doing good deeds when telling us we're pretty, but when they learn that we already know it and that they don't have that power to make ourselves feel better (bc male gaze ew), they feel useless and starts hating... isnt it because they want control? or am i looking too deep into it? 💀
this is why i avoid social media other than for the sole purpose of looking at memes or other stupid stuff. its already hard enough not to compare yourself to the people around you but when youre exposed to MILLIONS of people it can be unhealthy bc youre naturally going to compare yourself. i think you can develop a mindset where you can admire people's looks and even use them for inspiration but its important to know that social media and real life are two different worlds. you dont have to worry about being breath-takingly beautiful... unless you live in asia, but thats a whole other problem on its own
One of my most troubling memories from my childhood was when one of my female peers screamed at me at the top of her lungs that I should be tan and she literally lunged at me like she was going to attack me! My crime? Wearing foundation that matched my pale skin?! Too much beauty culture that goes one way can cause real damage in the real world.
That's horrifying. I feel so bad for you.. I'm Filipino and I am fairly tan but pale enough to be in the "beauty standard.". In the Philippines, we have a colorism issue. It is a beauty trend to be pale skinned here, (if I could even call it that) and I have witnessed guys talking down to other guys who are apparently their friends and ridicule them for being a darker skinned asian and for being "ugly" because of it. It's repulsive. Why would someone think that putting others down for not passing on a stupid beauty trend is okay? Nobody is perfect and they don't need to fit into your standards. Everyone has their own uniqueness and beauty.. They should only change if it's something that makes themselves happy, not for others. I'm so sorry that you had to experience that. Some people are just so detached from reality.
@@VarkoIyn it seems to be a problem for a long time. It seems commonplace to ridicule people on so many aspects of beauty that pointing it out will get you ostracized.
@@ritaevergreen7234 Yes.. It’s very unfortunate. I wish that it wasn’t like this but that’s sadly how it is here. Hopefully it changes because it’s getting out of hand
The biggest problem with my confidence is that I can feel so happy and then I see someone who looks skinny and realize that I don't look like them at all 😭
Ok, so I’m a burn victim but still pass as the “ideal” most of the time - I made a TikTok because I was worried about an upcoming surgery and wanted to give advice to other burn victims about what to do or what not to do whilst healing. That one had hundreds of thousands of views, but the next one where I was in a neck brace to hold my newest skin grafts in place had 98 views 😂😂 it makes a lot more sense now. Also, they removed one of my videos talking about recovery from a different surgery and I don’t even know what I said that was wrong, I was just talking about wearing the neck brace after surgery being helpful and the reason I needed to have another surgery was because back in 2006 during my original surgery the brace was rubbing my facial skin off so my mom was nice enough to help me remove the brace and it caused massive contracture of the scars
I’m not on TikTok anymore and all this seems so overwhelming. I’m glad I’m not a teenager because I know my self esteem would be in the toilet (I mean it was because I was growing up in peak IG model era of 2014-2018). Even as a 20 something year old, I can’t even fathom seeing these trends. TikTok’s algorithm and content focuses too much on beauty. There is so much more someone can be than just pretty.
The 2014-18 ig model era was traumatising as a teen at the time. I was like 14 crying that i didn’t look like these 20 something women, a lot of them w fully done up bodies and faces. This was during the bbl era too and i also remember comparing my undeveloped body to these women and assuming they just went to the gym lol.
I was in high school from 2014-2018 and that era of instagram did so much harm to my self esteem. I truly didn’t understand that these girls had plastic surgery and edited their bodies and thought there was something wrong with me for not having a tiny waist and huge ass as a high school freshman. Not to mention how common it was to deny getting a bbl, lip fillers, whatever.
It's just like David Goggins said, "nobody likes seeing you better than them". If you're feeling confident and proud of how you look, people on the internet get jealous. If they feel superior to you and/or you have lower confidence, then they'll be nice.
I never felt bothered by my nose until recently. Been feeling ugly and considering plastic surgery, which I don't want to do at all. Thank you for this video Zoe ❤
@@kalewelch since I've posted this I've been working hard to deconstruct these standards and see beauty in myself as I am. Thank you so much for the kind comment ❤️
Same! So what if we have a bigger nose than others? Others have something big they don't like either. It's a good practice for self love to accept your natural beauty
@@iheartjbgccb exactly, and our traits carry our history. I've been clinging to the idea that my black and indigenous ancestors, who were already erased by colonozation, gave me this nose, and by doing plastic surgery I'd be further erasing them from my history and body.
I don't wanna hear "you are beautiful". We have soooo many amazing adjectives and this is what we wanna stick to. I'd love me some "you are insightful/ curious/ creative/ resilient/ kind".
I remember when I was in youth group and I was joking to my friend " I'm so hot " , and this kid walked up to me and said " no you're not " . Like thanks dude way to completely shatter my confidence
Currently studying beauty and styling and I just want to say the minute I stopped comparing myself to others and trends I was freed. I started to grow my own personal style that works for me because it’s based off of no one but me. Just because certain features are not “trending” does not make someone ugly. also never put others down to make ourselves feel better! I simply can’t get over a app doing this and it feels so dystopian…it means tictoc decides the trends and it’s already gone for some really rare genetic traits…
This ain’t how it works at all. You can have all the self-confidence in the world and see your own beauty, but that does not mean that you will be seen as beautiful by others. I will say though, that there are exceptions where having good energy can somewhat make-up for unattractive looks (I’ve seen this irl), but it really depends on the person and the people around them.
@@coralrue what piqued my interest here are popular notions of what constitutes ‘human rights’. OC got upvoted 100+ times. We live in a time when idiocy is championed.
advice for yall: DELETE SOCIAL MEDIA. this will stop you from comparing yourself with others (physically, in this case), and you'll be so much happier, i promise. I did that some time ago and i don't find myself ugly, i just realized that i compared myself with other pretty faces that has COMPLETELY diferent features and now i understand that im cute but in a different way that other people and that's fine. It makes you appreciate other type of beauty, not the big almond eyes, super small nose and massive lips one
Well said. The instagram face is not the only type of beautiful face that exist. Take it from an artist with 30 years of experience in drawing faces. Besides humans beings are not only their faces. The inteligence, the personality, the sense of humour, the quality as humans, the energy and many other features add or substracts points to your beauty.
I’m off instagram, and never had TikTok, and I can say it’s so much better for my self perception. I’m also so out of the loop with these trends and terms and it feels so free.
zoes videos are like free therapy, i came back home from school today and was exhausted even after i showered (ps im on my period which makes it worse). But then this showed up, and i immediately felt better. i love video essays like this lol
I'm an afab woman, and like many people, I have hated how I've looked for +- 2 thirds of my life. I've always wanted to change as much as I could and have always made plans on how long everything might take, but it wouldn't have been legal for me until quite recently, and saving money has never been something I'm good at. Halfway through being 18 now, and my mom has recently passed. One of the many ways I was always so lucky to have her is that she would always say my insecurities were actually beautiful, or that what I was focusing on wasn't anything to not like. When I was at her funeral, everyone kept saying how much I look like her, and I saw pictures of when she was younger and I never realised how similar we actually looked until that day. I've realised that I now cannot permanently change any of my features, because no matter how much I dislike them, they're always there to remind me of how much she loved me.
If that's your actual picture and not photoshopped to death, then I think you are fishing for compliments. But very literally, when I was younger, I got to know some wonderful people whom I initially thought were physically unattractive (in one case) or average (in others). As I discovered their personality and sense of humour, the "flaws" of the "unattractive" person seemed to fade, I just didn't see them somehow, and two of the "average" people in particular (who each have an amazing sense of humour) became highly attractive in my eyes, including when I see them in photographs, because I cherish them and I see their beauty, which was always there, I just didn't notice it as much originally. They have also both aged spectacularly well!
@@carolesmall-diop2333 Its the real me it has a snap chat filter. Ok the fact you think Im fishing is rather sad. Ive been called ugly, bullied even my own father called me ugly, and fat. I use Snap chat filters and such so it make some look passable. So maybe don't assume Im trying to get compliments because if that was my goal id fail at that don't you think? ? Ive hated how Ive looked all my life which was never helped by being bullied.
Even before the days of the internet people have believed that beautiful and confident women need to be “taken down a peg”. We used to call it “tall poppy syndrome” in Australia. Lots of behavioural studies have found that it’s socially detrimental for people (but women in particular) to outshine their counterparts in any way. They will experience ostracism, relational aggression (slandering), and other forms of bullying. I think the internet just makes it more visible than it used to be.
Well said. Unfortanly been confident and feeling yourself as a woman is seen by others as a competition. Intern only makes thinkings worse. I don't see why we should feel insecure, so others can feel comfortable in their own skin.
Yep. I grew up tomboyish and self-repressing due to the fear that if I tried to put makeup on and dress how I wanted, I would be made fun of, told that it didn't suit me, told that I was trying too hard, etc. I explicitly remember the first time I wore proper eyeliner to middle school, and god, that was hell; as soon as I entered the classroom a guy yelled "finally! she put some makeup on," and everybody kept telling me it didn't suit me. People should truly let other people express themselves through fashion & makeup however they feel comfortable doing so. I'm so relieved I'm at a place where I know how to do this now, but my heart burns for anybody who feels caged by the expectations around them and is unable to express themselves through fashion/makeup/mannerisms/etc.
honestly…tiktok and everything has ruined my mental health sm and its my fault but not one day goes by where i‘m not depressed af about being ugly or not pretty enough and its ruining me
I’m certain your lovely. Try taking a computer or iPhone vacation” there’s more to the exterior than what’s inside your heart. Focus on other things that you like distractions] find out what you like! It hasn’t ruined your life” or you couldn’t have posted this on Zoe’s site right? Do you enjoy walking?or any kind of maybe chill things like yoga or I do dance bit of ballet most modern . Animals? Maybe adopt a pet.I don’t know your age but pet therapy of course no 2 women are the same I respect this.( brought so much healing &joy to my heart …..I was more confident to go out without makeup! Donate to charity look I’m just throwing chimes to the wind “ as I call it . Don’t give in to a APP! IFF THEY REALLY BC A PROBLEM TO YOU I SAY DELETE THEM HONESTLY Better than a ED! 😊please listen to me I just mean well. That’s all. Best o Luck luv I’m not trying trying to change you. They are!.😊😊
i was literally just thinking about how much i look up to you while watching your "tiktok isn't the problem" video! thanks for being so honest and being you, zoe ☺️
i've been watching your videos for a week now and i wanna say that you're helping me a lot with my self confidence and the image of my body because i struggle with ed a lot, and seriously i love your content tysm
I totally agree with this (I'm not trying to brag)I have people complementing me on hair, clothes, etc. but I still feel ugly it's all about how you think you look and just know God made everyone differently your beauty is unique!
I enjoy your content so much. I personally don't have social media and only use RUclips but you keep me updated on what's going on in the internet and a general way of peoples thinking. Im a philosophy major so its kinda fun to learn on the outside without actually experiencing the weirdness of social media.
Thank you soooooo much for this! I needed to hear this so start to realize that no one thinks I am ugly but myself, and thanks for being real about it and not like the 'love urself' side of youtube that just constantly spews "omigosh girl you're so pretty". This felt more real and more in depth abotu society and issues about beauty these days
Just got done crying for hours, searching on the internet, and watching videos on how to not be ugly (I do this every night) and I came across your video, I really liked your message and the way you told it. Your video made me change my mindset, thank you!💝
I LOVE THE WAY YOU START YOUR VIDEOS IT ALWAYS FEELS LIKE A PERSONAL INSULT BUT THATS OKAY HAHSAHHSAHHSA I CAN ONLY WRITE IN BIG LETTERS AND I DONT KNOW HOW TO STOP IT IM SO SORRY HAHHSHAHHSHHAHHA
Why can't shit be neutral, we shouldn't hype ourselves too much till the point it's unhealthy while on the other hand we shouldn't hate ourselves to the point it causes mental illnesses. Like?? It's fine if you need to put effort into looking "pretty". But that's just your view of 'pretty',maybe you're more beautiful than you think you are or maybe not, it's just reality. Acceptance is key! Feeling pretty once in a while is healthy, but not feeling pretty is also okay. Were human
Something my mom said that really made me think was, "It's weird that women wear makeup when they're young and don't need it, but they usually stop wearing it when they're old and do need it." It made me remember how much older people see all young people as beautiful because we're young, but we're still all so insecure.
The part about people feeling themselves and getting judged for it. ITS SO TRUE. I've only been on tiktok since February. Never been insulted, Tiktok is filled with pretty nice people and i've had consistent but slow growth. I have this series called "Singing random songs from my spotify playlist until i reach 1000" I've noticed people are very supportive of those videos. I started posting them on youtube without the intro and immediately id get people critiquing me or insulting me mixed with the positive comments. Until i put descriptions in the comments sections saying they were quick little covers for this series. Then suddenly all the rude people disappeared and ive had nothing but support. It's like, if someone thinks I THINK i'm good at something, they feel the need to correct that behavior. "how dare you think youre talented". It's so crazy to me.
Thank you Zoe for bringing this to a broader audience! I think more people need to understand, that everyone has their own perception. There are so many factors that lead to how we perceive our environment and what we think is right or wrong or in this case what we think is beautiful or ugly. our upbringing, education and socialization has shaped or is shaping us and the media plays a big role in this. in addition there is an algorithm that blurs the view of things because they don't represent reality. I think it is important to know that and to be aware of the fact that everyone finds something else beautiful. 💕
I just wanted to say how helpful your videos are to me. I suffered from anorexia since i was 14 (i'm 21 now) and i recently started picking up my old habits but then i came across your metabolism video and it made me cry cause something in me just clicked. My mindset obviously won't change from one day of another but I'm still thankful you made a video like that. I also realized through others my body type is considered skinny fat so i'm currently working on my strength by doing resistance training and i never realized how my noodle arms can actually lift dumbbells up. I just wish i could go to the gym but i'm too broke for it. do you have any recommendations for resistance training at home ? (The question goes out to everyone that reads this btw)
There a number of types of exercise you can do using your own body weight as the resistance. Think push ups but tweaked for different areas of the body. Do some googling and it is not too hard to find. Also, resistance bands are an ok place to start.
I personally find Caroline Girvan to have the best at home strength training exercises. They're easy to follow, effective, and go from medium to flames of hell difficulties lol. Give her a try here on the tube!
@@LotusesGalaxyOcean yeah I have resistance bands and dumbbells from 1-4kg and those ball weights (?) For 8kg but i'n thinking about getting dumbbells from 5-10kgs soon cause they're easier to hold
This is exactly what I believe, I understand sometimes believing you are ugly. I do it too, everyone at some point believes they are ugly! It is the internet's fault, all of these trends are somehow harming people. Judging people is not going to get you anywhere. Makeup is okay! No-makeup is okay. The people who say, "You are wearing too much makeup." or "Go put on some makeup." are truly annoying and a result of what I like to call THE INTERNET. You are literally perfection, even if you don't believe so. Those who judge others to make themselves feel better about themselves aren't helping their situation. I know that because when I was a VERY young child, I judged others because I was insecure. YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL
Okay I just found this woman and I have to say... The way she talks, sits and does pretty much everything radiates confidence and reminds me of the platinum blonde character from the incredibles (I can’t remember her name lol)
i deleted tiktok because it was damaging my self worth, it has taken years but i have been feeling a little bit better about myself after deleting the app. sure sometimes im either late to trends (or have no idea what trends are trending) but if im feeling better about myself i think its better than staying up to date with every 7 trends in a week
If someone is conventionally attractive and they brag about it, most people won't like it. It's better to be humble and let your actions show how cool you are instead of talking about how good-looking you think you are.
In terms of outward appearance, it's normal to feel as if you don't look like your best self. We're all just human beings are we are by no means perfect in any way. Due to beauty standards, it affects our own self-confidence and self-esteem. Just remind yourself that you are beautiful, despite all your flaws.
Hating confident pretty people is all projection. They don't hate on confident conventionally unattractive people because they see themselves in them, but once the video doesn't relate to them anymore, they turn.
Not true. Confident, conventionally unattractive people get hated on because they “don’t know their place”. I’ve seen this in real life too where a person is secure with themselves, but because they aren’t seen as attractive, the attractive people and non-attractive people who are in denial that they themselves aren’t unattractive will bully the secure unattractive person. It’s mostly due to jealousy and the notion of “how dare an unattractive person be secure enough see their own value”. Pretty sad.
This is the biggest lie I’ve ever seen. Whenever an unattractive person is confident in themselves people immediately try to “humble” them and tell them they’re delusional for thinking they look good. People can’t stand it when unattractive people don’t hate themselves
as someone who was prohibited in middle school onwards to wear makeup i always felt so left out when my girlfriends would do makeup prepping for some event and i'd sit on the bed already dressed. however they always asked to do my makeup as well and took time to do it on me. now at uni i'm obsessed with certain makeup products and i can't go without. they remind me of those special memories.
Me, too. Wearing makeup feels so relieving now. Finally being at least a fragment of who I appreciate myself being is a relieving thing. I'm glad you can express yourself through makeup now. 💓
@@mygod2529 Some people use the word "Girlfriend(s)" as a slang for female friends that they often hang out with. ^^ Regardless, even if they were a Lesbian -- that wouldn't be relevant to the topic at hand. 🖤
All those mean comments make a lot of sense. It's almost as if the hot/confident videos are making people feel significantly worse about themselves, so much so they're realising it. It's one thing to look attractive, it's another to actively be attractive. So instead of being harmless, it seems like it becomes personal, 'as this person is so confident', it can feel as if they are actively hurting you; In a way, the mean comments are all just inverse affirmations. Justifications (permission) for people to feel better about themselves.
Thank you Zoe for this video because I have been feeling bad about myself. I been obsessing over my weight but your words made me feel better and I’m going to take your advice.
The more I disconnected from the internet the better I felt about myself and others. Yes tik tok is the worst but the internet in general just thrives off this kind of energy. People on the internet are just getting nastier and nastier and it’s like some of these ppl are so fucking insecure because they treat other people like shit and judge everyone all the time so they assume everyone else does the same to them. Turns out most people could give less of a shit. If yall are really struggling with your self worth and image you really need to step away from the internet, at least for a while. It’s just not healthy.
Something that’s been weirdly helpful for me is switching up how I’m self deprecating. Instead of “joking” by saying like “oh man I’m so ugly” I’ll joke and call myself a god and a 20/10. It starts to build a physical pathway in your brain and eventually it does affect how you see yourself. I do that with my shortcomings a lot because it helps with my anxiety. If I drop and break something I can now recover a lot quicker and say “oh man I’m soooo graceful” instead of freaking out and apologizing a billion times. It doesn’t fix things, and my self esteem still struggles immensely, but it’s a start. And it’s kind of fun to think up crazier and crazier things to say. I started out but just slowing down the amount of self deprecating jokes I was making in the first place and then I slowly began replacing them. And even though I’ve had a few people think I’m egotistical, I don’t really care. It doesn’t hurt anyone to like yourself some, I’d argue it makes you an overall healthy person to be able to laugh at yourself without putting yourself down all the time. And I’ve also used this to switch out constantly joking about self-deletion. And it has actually helped me come out of some of my depression over the years. That’s more difficult to tackle and I suggest working on it with a professional, but it’s smth you can do until you find a therapist that you vibe with.
I also deleted tt the other day because I realized how negatively it was affecting me. If you’re thinking about doing that, I recommend just going for it and getting rid of it completely.
Tbh, no one is really "ugly" because people are always going to want what they can't have or what they aren't. For example someone might say, "Gosh, I'm sooooo ugly my freckles are just so ugh." But somewhere in the world someone wishes, craves, they have what you have, it's really just a matter of loving yourself enough to be able see that.
After years of feeling ugly and undesirable I'm finally truly love how I look. I'm really surprised how is comfortable to feel great about my body. I hope more women and young girls can gain that confidence and comfort in themselves. Because being insecure is freaking hard
tiktok made me so much insecure and im always comparing myself to pretty girls which made my confidence went down. I deleted it bc its getting worst and worst. My life was getting better im glad i made my decision right, im still trying to fix my mental health & low self esteem :) i will never ever getting back again.
2:38 I'd honestly like to hear more about that. I don't spend any time looking at this kind of thing online :p but I find it very intrestign to hear about the trends, cause it is a conversation about culture u know :l
This video made me realize why i was so depressed during the 2 years of using tiktok and when i deleted it months ago, ive became more happy and less delusional bcuz i have stopped comparing myself to those girls and ppl who are genuinely better than me. Now im on my journey of self improvement ❤
This is encouraging, Zoe! These girls really do all look the same. And that guy who TikTok said was a 3?? Wtf!! He’s a cutie! Anyway, I’m glad I’m not on TikTok. I have a nose like Kim K’s old nose and I’ve wondered whether to get a nose job. I also have chubby cheeks even when I lose weight so maybe I need Buccal fat removal.
Standards for facial structures are always changing, there is no need to risk your life merely to change a feature due to the fear of it being subjectively disliked by some. Some will also dislike the new facial features you get -- that's simply how it always goes. Our body is merely a vessel for what we carry inside us. 💗
Don't get anything done. You'll grow into those features once you get a bit older. If you remove your buccal fat, you might look life a zombie in the future, since our faces simply slim overtime due to aging. Just wait for it, bestie. Don't risk your life.
Don't get anything done. You'll grow into those features once you get a bit older. If you remove your buccal fat, you might look life a zombie in the future, since our faces simply slim overtime due to aging. Just wait for it, bestie. Don't risk your life.
Omg i just stumbled upon one of your vids... and before i knew it i binge watched 5... your videos are highly educational and realistic as well as motivating... you really opened up my eyes to what type of society we live in and how to still be able to feel good about myself while being respectful and nice to others... whenever i'm confident the girls in my class start talking about how "full of myself" i am and how i "think im better then them" and when i'm not confident they ask me "Why are you not confident?" or "Why are you complaining?It's annoying and you're probably just searching for attention and fishing for compliments." ... you made me realise... society made me feel ugly... with all these stereo types on how to act, dress and look i think I lost my true self... so thanks for helping me find myself again... YOU ARE DEFINTELY MY NEW ROLE MODELLL... you are the exact women i want to be when i grow up. THANK YOU SOOOOO MUCH... Keep it up... I have subscriebd ofcourse ❤️
There's a fine line to this. I can understand those that are actually pretty but don't understand their worth. I do absolutely agree that people should be more confident to feel like they aren't ugly. However, the other side to this is mainly the fact that there are people who are conventionally unattractive that are content with who they are without feeling the need to tweak their physical attributes to appeal to the general public. Society's beauty standards is to blame for this consensus and it's absolutely detrimental to the mental health of both men and women to conform to these standards to feeling more accepted by the general mass. That's where the line is drawn between a person's accountability for perceiving themselves as ugly and the "ugly" people unable to feel contentment because society won't allow them to quite literally walk the earth if they don't look "adequate" in their eyes
Honestly Zoe I really appreciated seeing bestie in your video. I started following you and Rebal the same year, I've never thought that you would know his channel. I also watched the video of that lady it was like a sociology research of what people like. I really enjoyed this video thanks for always making me feel less guilty about my look. Have a great day 😊🥰
i am so glad somebody spoke up on this i thought i was being dramatic and trying to make excuses for my “insecurities” we need more coverage on this bc it’s so passive everyone disregards it
Nice work Zoe! This is some very important investigative journalism at it's core. Just found your channel yesterday. Enjoying your content and your fashion choices as well. 😃👏🏻
As long as I'm just comfortable and content being ad looking like me without being too concerned or obsessed with the way I look or comparing myself with those considered "conventionally attractive", I can't really be bothered by these superficial societal "beauty" standards.
I once read “Your face is who you fell in love with in a past life.” But I like the comment someone else left about us not being our own type. Also the audio for the second clip, the person that made that audio is my mutual on tiktok. Also I would love to sit down and talk with someone about what I’ve gone through, why I feel the way that I do, the bullying that I went through. Tiktok and IG just make me feel worthless at times.
I don't know, if you're short and not very handsome dude, people will put you down because you're annoying if you appear confident. People do put down ugly people more often in real life. In social media it's different, but there is a difference between social media and in real life, pretty people do have privilege in real life, people are nicer to them. So it's not your fault you're treated poorly because of your face, and confident is not something that comes from within. True confidence comes from outside. For external validation. Best way for under confident people to gain confidence is to make supportive friends.
Reminder: ugliness & beauty are dependent on YOUR perception. In case if you didn’t know- you are beautiful and I mean it❤️
💖💖
Thank you Zoe! ❤❤❤
i love u❤️❤️❤️❤️
You're awesome ❤
Thanks Zoe!❤ I appreciate that 😊
I once read "you're not ugly, you're just not your type" and that changed entirely how I felt about myself
Thank you
I'll remember that
help if i thought that i would feel worse
holy frick
as a halfie that looks more white than asian but has always wished to look full asian this is mindblowing
@@kande437 same
Honestly this type of stuff makes trying to love yourself so difficult. Its like there is no line between being confident and being full of yourself in the eyes of society.
Confidence is one thing, filming a video of yourself sashaying down a street to show off how you turn everyone’s heads… that’s actually neurotic and a very toxic message to give people about “pretty privilege”.
Everyone is society. We all are are responsible for how it is. Choose who you want to be.
Real confidence and self esteem is acknowledging that you are no better or worse than someone regardless of being prettier, uglier, smarter, dumber, wealthier...we all have intrinsically the same value and the worth we attribute to others or ourselves will always depend on our priorities and life choices.
For example between a middle class dad and a upper class single man, deciding which one is the most sucessful will depend on what your priorities and goals. If your goal is to build a family, the dad is more sucessful in your eyes.
If your goal is to build wealth, the rich man is more sucessful in your eyes.
If your goal is happiness, they are both equally sucessful if they are happy with what they achieved and with the sacrifices they chose to make in order to achieve it
Real confidence is acknowledging that you wont always be the prettiest in the room in everyone's eyes and being totally okay with that because regardless of everything, you love yourself the most...not because you think you are better but because you acknowledge you are the only one who will ALWAYS be there for you and will always be able to help you and put the much effort into your happiness.
@@RUclipsuser10873
Im not on tiktok and the only social media I’m on is youtube where I don’t watch beuty related content. The preassure i feel is not directly social media caused its a real life thing
@@brittanyleclerc9653 let them be. If they wanna do that then good for them
I’m so glad I deleted tiktok bc it’s already hard enough to love yourself without the extra nudge 💀
I deleted it a couple days ago and it's so great, finally letting go of it! We can make great change by just pressing delete :)
My biggest flex is i never had tiktok lmaoo
@@eriKa_16 lmao I had it when I was like 16 because all my friends kept wanting to send me stuff and it’s sad bc tiktok does have some good/funny stuff on there but it was absolutely wrecking my attention span and made it so much easier for me to get distracted by things I wasn’t even that interested in so yeah that’s probably good 💀😩
@@garfieldfan77 yay good for you! 👏 glad you made a beneficial decision for yourself :)
@@calvoekleiden8664 truee it distracts you from everything and you loose so much time that way...thats also why i didnt what to download it and later my friends also deleted it and said that it was a good decision..so its good for you now you can spend more time on other things and you have less contact with the toxic and unrealistic standards
I always try to tell myself that I am not THAT girl; I’m THIS girl.
Top comment
I like this, thank you
Was looking for this😢❤
Underrated comment
I personally find that calling yourself pretty is a good way to start feeling more confident. I am very confident in my looks, i used to be ranked as one of the ugliest girls in my class in middle school (some stupid boys would make these ranks). It used to hurt me but then i realised that caring about what others think isn't gonna make the Earth stop spinning, it isn't gonna pay my bills. These boys were just bitter af cuz girls didn't wanna date them. I believe beauty is about personality. For me an ugly person is someone with a bad personality, not with "bad" looks. Cuz everyone is beautiful in their own ways. Idc how attractive someone might be, if they're mean for me they're ugly lol. Having confidence in myself has made life so much better. I used to have friend who made self-loathing their whole personality. I'm so glad i dropped them. I don't think i'm beautiful i know i am and i know you are too ! Don't let bitter people destroy your self esteem, it's better to be called delusional bcuw of how confident you are then to believe the lies that society feeds you !!!! Love ya'll
pls i agree sm. I've literally never seen someone have the same opinion as me in this, but i dont consider people to be ugly no matter how they look conventionally. If they're 'conventionally attractive' but have the worst personality, they're ugly in my eyes bcse their soul and inside (?) is ugly. But sometimes the kindest, most hilarious people are seen as 'ugly' when you can't just judge someone off their face?! People are like 'oh ur pretty' in comments of tiktoks when people's faces can't possibly be the only thing to judge people off? ya
I was considered ugly too. Guess what I am not, even nowadays I have people comment on my beauty. Never lose what differentiates u from the rest. You are pretty for sure, is just that social media tries to put everyone in the same box, in this case, beauty. And like u said insecure people comment on your looks because they project what they can't have or desire.
This is the first comment about this subject that I wholeheartedly agree with
Thanks
SAMEEEE ON THE UGLY IS FOR UGLY PERSONALITYYYY
So true. Whenever I felt good about my looks, my classmates would be so hateful for no freaking reason. Like can’t someone exist outside the Eurocentric standards and feel good about themselves?
Jealousy and envy 😌🤷🏼♀️. Take it as a compliment 👌🏻
As a European, this is the first time I learn the notion Eurocentric standards, quite interesting
This but my close friend, on the contrary, he looks 6. But has started to diss my looks, js cause I got more confident.
This happen to me...i never look like an agentinian (like the latina estereotipe of beauty, like Brazil, I'm flat ASF and my skin tone), i learn to love myself the way I look All my life I was outside of what was considered attractive where I lived but now I feel better than ever! I... just don't want to be like that, i love myself ❤️
@@BrendaNoralyRodriguez cheers from Brazil! Happy for you, you're beautiful as you are ^^
I love how Zoe dives so deep into an issue and yet keep the discussion open ended for different perspectives. Keep up the great job 👏
I think afer being called ugly/fugly and then pretty gives me so many mixed feelings on how to be
Same all girls call me a goddess especially in the les community but men call me ugly/ogre so idk
Just remember there is difference between male and female gaze, men in my observation prefer 'Basic b*tches' to complement (nothing wrong with that style ofc). Women are more likely to complement unconvinient girls, they just see you as a person. Also 'ogre'... Ugh so immature
@@mittag983 trust me the girls know whats up
@@mittag983 never take shit from a man who washes his hair and his d*ck with the same 3 in 1 shampoo
@@mittag983 straight men call every girl ugly so the girls lower their standard to date men like them, if girls call you pretty then you're absolutely gorgeous, end of discussion 🤝
No matter how good i feel other people put me back in my place.. it's over if you are really ugly.
Same Here
They don't put you in ur place, they drag you down. If you can, cut ties with them. I'm sure that u will find friends who will uplift and love you ❤️
I feel ugly many times too, but please don’t let other people control how do you feel about yourself, i’m sure you are pretty & beautiful & we are all different and have our own unique face❤
@@bafrin.sanaan thanks for the kind words I appreciate it
@@danman23able you’re welcome dear💜
The end had me in tears almost immediately. I love how I look and I have been shut down time and time again because I must be "full of myself" and "big headed". Loving yourself doesn't make you a narcissist, being cruel to others and *only* loving yourself makes you a narcissist.
one thing i find odd is how i can always find beauty in others, but never in myself
Omg Same. Every time I look myself in the mirror I look so ordinary and dull. Like I question why there’s nothing on me that’s mesmerizing to look at. And I hate it
Same and it has always been like this for me
@nada.11111 I heard its cause we got so used to how we look we cant see the beauty
I like how Zoe shows all the good and bad points but let us give our own interpretation to it.
I NEVER understood people hating on others for being confident. It's probably internalized hatred or society trying to say an attractive person doesn't know they're attractive to what? Humble someone? Gross. If you feel a type of way by seeing someone being confident or happy in their looks without even knowing them (social media is fake) then look inwards. Don't project these ideas on others. Like, go outside, eat a fruit, do what you love outside of anyone else. Then maybe you'll feel more beautiful too.
This is coming from someone who struggles deeply about how I am perceived. I always admire confident people. I want to be like that too, not bring anyone down. I want others to feel good too in their looks. My friends are beautiful, strangers are beautiful. The only ugliness is the hatred we have.
It seems like everyone is angry about anyone who is happy. They ignore the work it might have taken to get there. They ignore that many people are too lazy to do the things that genuinely self improve. (Not just the aesthetic nonsense.)
Those people are just in pain… When you find yourself ugly for quite some time it becomes hard to perceive other people’s beauty. It turns into an ultimatum: if they look beautiful, and I don’t look alike, that means I’m not beautiful. This paradox causes anger and envy. But every time I had this thoughts, i repeated myself - admire someone’s beauty without questioning yours. And it helped! Now I find inspiration in other’s people beauty as well as mine
@@weiluonik Yes, and I think it helps to use analogies to change the way we think of it. Such as… are roses ugly for not being lilies? Of course not. So too for people.
You are right. Most are spread by insecure people, is just that internet opens the door for them to speak shit.
I mean, that vid of the lady trying to see if people look at her is cringey. And if there was a camera person walking behind her that increases the chances people will look. If it’s too obvious someone is fishing for compliments and validation it attracts others to bring them back down to earth.
Not to mention the obvious fact just because a stranger is looking at you, doesn’t mean it’s because they find you attractive 👀
all i know is theres a special place in hell for the person who started this whole thing of rating people 1-10 based on their looks. AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO THINKS IT'S RIDICULOUS TO RATE PEOPLE?
Ikr it’s so dehumanizing to number people on a scale-
Human attractiveness is not earthquake, what need to be rated 1-10.
We're not people anymore. Just objects in different ways depending on ugly or beautiful. Especially the way men treat women.
It's stupid cause everyone has their own charm
I had a guy friend tell me I was cute and I did a bit of a pose and said he was right. He quickly told me to stop and that made me unattractive. It was a weird moment that sticks with me
Your confidence made you unattractive.. make it make sense 😅
Like imagine if you said "oh no I'm not stop" you should test it out and see how people respond
Why?
Wtf! I thought confidence was attractive 🤦🏻♀️ why are people/society so freaking confusing and weird 😩 its like never-ending fr.. what you did sounds so cute it couldn't make you unattractive in any way! That's so dumb! I hope you can get rid of that moment in your brain, but I understand I have stuff that also sticks with me even from like middle school being called ugly and stuff so I get how dumb stuff can stick around and overstay it's welcome in your mind 😔 sending happy thoughts to you!! 💞💞💞💝
screw that guy 💀 its hateful that he made u feel that way T^T they be acting like theyre doing good deeds when telling us we're pretty, but when they learn that we already know it and that they don't have that power to make ourselves feel better (bc male gaze ew), they feel useless and starts hating... isnt it because they want control? or am i looking too deep into it? 💀
@@gtsprite it is unattractive, why would anyone want to date someone who's full of themselves
this is why i avoid social media other than for the sole purpose of looking at memes or other stupid stuff. its already hard enough not to compare yourself to the people around you but when youre exposed to MILLIONS of people it can be unhealthy bc youre naturally going to compare yourself. i think you can develop a mindset where you can admire people's looks and even use them for inspiration but its important to know that social media and real life are two different worlds. you dont have to worry about being breath-takingly beautiful... unless you live in asia, but thats a whole other problem on its own
One of my most troubling memories from my childhood was when one of my female peers screamed at me at the top of her lungs that I should be tan and she literally lunged at me like she was going to attack me! My crime? Wearing foundation that matched my pale skin?! Too much beauty culture that goes one way can cause real damage in the real world.
I’m a little confused. Was she projecting or accusing you of something?
@@ritaevergreen7234 both I think it was terrifying.
That's horrifying. I feel so bad for you.. I'm Filipino and I am fairly tan but pale enough to be in the "beauty standard.". In the Philippines, we have a colorism issue. It is a beauty trend to be pale skinned here, (if I could even call it that) and I have witnessed guys talking down to other guys who are apparently their friends and ridicule them for being a darker skinned asian and for being "ugly" because of it. It's repulsive. Why would someone think that putting others down for not passing on a stupid beauty trend is okay? Nobody is perfect and they don't need to fit into your standards. Everyone has their own uniqueness and beauty.. They should only change if it's something that makes themselves happy, not for others. I'm so sorry that you had to experience that. Some people are just so detached from reality.
@@VarkoIyn it seems to be a problem for a long time. It seems commonplace to ridicule people on so many aspects of beauty that pointing it out will get you ostracized.
@@ritaevergreen7234 Yes.. It’s very unfortunate. I wish that it wasn’t like this but that’s sadly how it is here. Hopefully it changes because it’s getting out of hand
The biggest problem with my confidence is that I can feel so happy and then I see someone who looks skinny and realize that I don't look like them at all 😭
real
People accept confident individuals but not those who "show off".
I’m 30 and idgaf anymore. Don’t worry you’ll all get here!!
Ok, so I’m a burn victim but still pass as the “ideal” most of the time - I made a TikTok because I was worried about an upcoming surgery and wanted to give advice to other burn victims about what to do or what not to do whilst healing. That one had hundreds of thousands of views, but the next one where I was in a neck brace to hold my newest skin grafts in place had 98 views 😂😂 it makes a lot more sense now. Also, they removed one of my videos talking about recovery from a different surgery and I don’t even know what I said that was wrong, I was just talking about wearing the neck brace after surgery being helpful and the reason I needed to have another surgery was because back in 2006 during my original surgery the brace was rubbing my facial skin off so my mom was nice enough to help me remove the brace and it caused massive contracture of the scars
So sorry for everything that happened hope your doing good
@@sketchedout4080 thank you, I’m doing well ❤️
@@anarchyneverdies3567 good!!
I’m not on TikTok anymore and all this seems so overwhelming. I’m glad I’m not a teenager because I know my self esteem would be in the toilet (I mean it was because I was growing up in peak IG model era of 2014-2018). Even as a 20 something year old, I can’t even fathom seeing these trends. TikTok’s algorithm and content focuses too much on beauty. There is so much more someone can be than just pretty.
The 2014-18 ig model era was traumatising as a teen at the time. I was like 14 crying that i didn’t look like these 20 something women, a lot of them w fully done up bodies and faces. This was during the bbl era too and i also remember comparing my undeveloped body to these women and assuming they just went to the gym lol.
I was in high school from 2014-2018 and that era of instagram did so much harm to my self esteem. I truly didn’t understand that these girls had plastic surgery and edited their bodies and thought there was something wrong with me for not having a tiny waist and huge ass as a high school freshman. Not to mention how common it was to deny getting a bbl, lip fillers, whatever.
I’m a teenager and I hate growing up in this time. I just cry sometimes because of how disgusting and ugly I am.
Bruh, tiktoks obsession with beauty is creepy...
I'm so glad tiktok didn't exist when I was a teenager. It would have DESTROYED my self esteem
It's just like David Goggins said, "nobody likes seeing you better than them". If you're feeling confident and proud of how you look, people on the internet get jealous. If they feel superior to you and/or you have lower confidence, then they'll be nice.
I never felt bothered by my nose until recently. Been feeling ugly and considering plastic surgery, which I don't want to do at all. Thank you for this video Zoe ❤
Don't do it! Your features make you unique 😊
@@kalewelch since I've posted this I've been working hard to deconstruct these standards and see beauty in myself as I am. Thank you so much for the kind comment ❤️
Same! So what if we have a bigger nose than others? Others have something big they don't like either. It's a good practice for self love to accept your natural beauty
@@iheartjbgccb exactly, and our traits carry our history. I've been clinging to the idea that my black and indigenous ancestors, who were already erased by colonozation, gave me this nose, and by doing plastic surgery I'd be further erasing them from my history and body.
All noses (and features) are beautiful! Really, if you just pay attention, you can see it
I don't wanna hear "you are beautiful". We have soooo many amazing adjectives and this is what we wanna stick to. I'd love me some "you are insightful/ curious/ creative/ resilient/ kind".
I remember when I was in youth group and I was joking to my friend " I'm so hot " , and this kid walked up to me and said " no you're not " . Like thanks dude way to completely shatter my confidence
If your profile pic is you you are so pretty
@@greyweather7768 aww thank you! that pic was taken a year ago and i still look pretty but now i have a haircut!!! i need to update my pfp lol
I bet that kid looks hideous. I don’t care if he’s just a kid or super young he had the full intention to say that.
Currently studying beauty and styling and I just want to say the minute I stopped comparing myself to others and trends I was freed. I started to grow my own personal style that works for me because it’s based off of no one but me. Just because certain features are not “trending” does not make someone ugly. also never put others down to make ourselves feel better! I simply can’t get over a app doing this and it feels so dystopian…it means tictoc decides the trends and it’s already gone for some really rare genetic traits…
Beauty for me is persuasion. You need to convince yourself that you are beautiful to convince others you are gorgeous. So yeah, be your own believer
This ain’t how it works at all. You can have all the self-confidence in the world and see your own beauty, but that does not mean that you will be seen as beautiful by others. I will say though, that there are exceptions where having good energy can somewhat make-up for unattractive looks (I’ve seen this irl), but it really depends on the person and the people around them.
Is this "Ugly Policy" even legal? It sounds like it's a breach of our most fundamental human rights
Is this a serious comment
@A Santos It’s confusing considering that Zoe has made multiple videos detailing how to “slim” thighs and arms to her viewers
@@coralrue what piqued my interest here are popular notions of what constitutes ‘human rights’. OC got upvoted 100+ times. We live in a time when idiocy is championed.
@@coralrue
What does that have to do with anything ? being healthy and taking care of your body is basic.
@ 蓝天 I don’t think that slimming thighs is necessarily considered “healthy”.
advice for yall: DELETE SOCIAL MEDIA. this will stop you from comparing yourself with others (physically, in this case), and you'll be so much happier, i promise. I did that some time ago and i don't find myself ugly, i just realized that i compared myself with other pretty faces that has COMPLETELY diferent features and now i understand that im cute but in a different way that other people and that's fine. It makes you appreciate other type of beauty, not the big almond eyes, super small nose and massive lips one
Well said. The instagram face is not the only type of beautiful face that exist. Take it from an artist with 30 years of experience in drawing faces. Besides humans beings are not only their faces. The inteligence, the personality, the sense of humour, the quality as humans, the energy and many other features add or substracts points to your beauty.
I’m off instagram, and never had TikTok, and I can say it’s so much better for my self perception. I’m also so out of the loop with these trends and terms and it feels so free.
Same
zoes videos are like free therapy, i came back home from school today and was exhausted even after i showered (ps im on my period which makes it worse). But then this showed up, and i immediately felt better. i love video essays like this lol
I'm also on my period 😢
Also on my period. Ate so much today and had such a bad day, but this really comforted me 💗
Mine is probably around the corner lmao
I'm on my 4th day of my period 😩
I'm an afab woman, and like many people, I have hated how I've looked for +- 2 thirds of my life. I've always wanted to change as much as I could and have always made plans on how long everything might take, but it wouldn't have been legal for me until quite recently, and saving money has never been something I'm good at.
Halfway through being 18 now, and my mom has recently passed. One of the many ways I was always so lucky to have her is that she would always say my insecurities were actually beautiful, or that what I was focusing on wasn't anything to not like. When I was at her funeral, everyone kept saying how much I look like her, and I saw pictures of when she was younger and I never realised how similar we actually looked until that day.
I've realised that I now cannot permanently change any of my features, because no matter how much I dislike them, they're always there to remind me of how much she loved me.
It’s actually all dependent on others perceptions. I’m constantly told I’m ugly
Been ugly all my life, Im used to it.
If that's your actual picture and not photoshopped to death, then I think you are fishing for compliments. But very literally, when I was younger, I got to know some wonderful people whom I initially thought were physically unattractive (in one case) or average (in others). As I discovered their personality and sense of humour, the "flaws" of the "unattractive" person seemed to fade, I just didn't see them somehow, and two of the "average" people in particular (who each have an amazing sense of humour) became highly attractive in my eyes, including when I see them in photographs, because I cherish them and I see their beauty, which was always there, I just didn't notice it as much originally. They have also both aged spectacularly well!
@@carolesmall-diop2333 Its the real me it has a snap chat filter. Ok the fact you think Im fishing is rather sad. Ive been called ugly, bullied even my own father called me ugly, and fat. I use Snap chat filters and such so it make some look passable. So maybe don't assume Im trying to get compliments because if that was my goal id fail at that don't you think? ? Ive hated how Ive looked all my life which was never helped by being bullied.
Same
I love how Zoe can talk about things as deep as this and still make us feel better ❤️🩹
Even before the days of the internet people have believed that beautiful and confident women need to be “taken down a peg”. We used to call it “tall poppy syndrome” in Australia.
Lots of behavioural studies have found that it’s socially detrimental for people (but women in particular) to outshine their counterparts in any way. They will experience ostracism, relational aggression (slandering), and other forms of bullying.
I think the internet just makes it more visible than it used to be.
Well said. Unfortanly been confident and feeling yourself as a woman is seen by others as a competition. Intern only makes thinkings worse. I don't see why we should feel insecure, so others can feel comfortable in their own skin.
This is why I take passive aggressive remarks from girls as a compliment!! It means I’m ~shining~
Yep. I grew up tomboyish and self-repressing due to the fear that if I tried to put makeup on and dress how I wanted, I would be made fun of, told that it didn't suit me, told that I was trying too hard, etc. I explicitly remember the first time I wore proper eyeliner to middle school, and god, that was hell; as soon as I entered the classroom a guy yelled "finally! she put some makeup on," and everybody kept telling me it didn't suit me. People should truly let other people express themselves through fashion & makeup however they feel comfortable doing so. I'm so relieved I'm at a place where I know how to do this now, but my heart burns for anybody who feels caged by the expectations around them and is unable to express themselves through fashion/makeup/mannerisms/etc.
@@plushygun saaaame. That’s why I still can’t dress the way I want
honestly…tiktok and everything has ruined my mental health sm and its my fault but not one day goes by where i‘m not depressed af about being ugly or not pretty enough and its ruining me
I’m certain your lovely. Try taking a computer or iPhone vacation” there’s more to the exterior than what’s inside your heart.
Focus on other things that you like distractions] find out what you like! It hasn’t ruined your life” or you couldn’t have posted this on Zoe’s site right?
Do you enjoy walking?or any kind of maybe chill things like yoga or I do dance bit of ballet most modern .
Animals? Maybe adopt a pet.I don’t know your age but pet therapy of course no 2 women are the same I respect this.( brought so much healing &joy to my heart …..I was more confident to go out without makeup!
Donate to charity look I’m just throwing chimes to the wind “ as I call it .
Don’t give in to a APP!
IFF THEY REALLY BC A PROBLEM TO YOU I SAY DELETE THEM HONESTLY
Better than a ED! 😊please listen to me I just mean well.
That’s all.
Best o Luck luv
I’m not trying trying to change you.
They are!.😊😊
“How dare you not feel ugly” I LOVE THAT. this will keep my spirit up. Thank you Zoe.
i was literally just thinking about how much i look up to you while watching your "tiktok isn't the problem" video! thanks for being so honest and being you, zoe ☺️
i've been watching your videos for a week now and i wanna say that you're helping me a lot with my self confidence and the image of my body because i struggle with ed a lot, and seriously i love your content tysm
I totally agree with this (I'm not trying to brag)I have people complementing me on hair, clothes, etc. but I still feel ugly it's all about how you think you look and just know God made everyone differently your beauty is unique!
Some days it's just really hard to love myself based on my looks and interests seeming "weird" to my peers, but this video made my day. Thank you❤
Like social media can mess your self esteem like 💀👀😭 YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL/HANDSOME THE WAY YOU ARE ❤
I enjoy your content so much. I personally don't have social media and only use RUclips but you keep me updated on what's going on in the internet and a general way of peoples thinking. Im a philosophy major so its kinda fun to learn on the outside without actually experiencing the weirdness of social media.
Thank you soooooo much for this! I needed to hear this so start to realize that no one thinks I am ugly but myself, and thanks for being real about it and not like the 'love urself' side of youtube that just constantly spews "omigosh girl you're so pretty". This felt more real and more in depth abotu society and issues about beauty these days
Just got done crying for hours, searching on the internet, and watching videos on how to not be ugly (I do this every night) and I came across your video, I really liked your message and the way you told it. Your video made me change my mindset, thank you!💝
I LOVE THE WAY YOU START YOUR VIDEOS IT ALWAYS FEELS LIKE A PERSONAL INSULT BUT THATS OKAY HAHSAHHSAHHSA I CAN ONLY WRITE IN BIG LETTERS AND I DONT KNOW HOW TO STOP IT IM SO SORRY HAHHSHAHHSHHAHHA
GUYS I JUST BROKE MY COMPUTER HELP SOS HAHSHAHHSA
Hahahaha don’t be. I take that as a compliment
@@zoeunlimited Honestly I agreed the moment you said it. I was like "girl you better tell em"☝️😅
Why can't shit be neutral, we shouldn't hype ourselves too much till the point it's unhealthy while on the other hand we shouldn't hate ourselves to the point it causes mental illnesses. Like?? It's fine if you need to put effort into looking "pretty". But that's just your view of 'pretty',maybe you're more beautiful than you think you are or maybe not, it's just reality. Acceptance is key! Feeling pretty once in a while is healthy, but not feeling pretty is also okay. Were human
Something my mom said that really made me think was, "It's weird that women wear makeup when they're young and don't need it, but they usually stop wearing it when they're old and do need it." It made me remember how much older people see all young people as beautiful because we're young, but we're still all so insecure.
The part about people feeling themselves and getting judged for it. ITS SO TRUE. I've only been on tiktok since February. Never been insulted, Tiktok is filled with pretty nice people and i've had consistent but slow growth. I have this series called "Singing random songs from my spotify playlist until i reach 1000" I've noticed people are very supportive of those videos. I started posting them on youtube without the intro and immediately id get people critiquing me or insulting me mixed with the positive comments. Until i put descriptions in the comments sections saying they were quick little covers for this series. Then suddenly all the rude people disappeared and ive had nothing but support. It's like, if someone thinks I THINK i'm good at something, they feel the need to correct that behavior. "how dare you think youre talented". It's so crazy to me.
Honestly, we should all collectively delete social media for a while and touch some grass
Thank you Zoe for bringing this to a broader audience! I think more people need to understand, that everyone has their own perception. There are so many factors that lead to how we perceive our environment and what we think is right or wrong or in this case what we think is beautiful or ugly. our upbringing, education and socialization has shaped or is shaping us and the media plays a big role in this. in addition there is an algorithm that blurs the view of things because they don't represent reality. I think it is important to know that and to be aware of the fact that everyone finds something else beautiful. 💕
I love how you said we are in control of the direction (not the outcome). Very smart and needed message. Thank you! ❤
12:04 Thank you for mention this. I’m so glad I don’t have tiktok to deal with all of these. For days I was thinking to install it nope
I just wanted to say how helpful your videos are to me. I suffered from anorexia since i was 14 (i'm 21 now) and i recently started picking up my old habits but then i came across your metabolism video and it made me cry cause something in me just clicked. My mindset obviously won't change from one day of another but I'm still thankful you made a video like that. I also realized through others my body type is considered skinny fat so i'm currently working on my strength by doing resistance training and i never realized how my noodle arms can actually lift dumbbells up. I just wish i could go to the gym but i'm too broke for it. do you have any recommendations for resistance training at home ? (The question goes out to everyone that reads this btw)
Hybrid Calistenics has a whole (adjustable) routine.
There a number of types of exercise you can do using your own body weight as the resistance. Think push ups but tweaked for different areas of the body. Do some googling and it is not too hard to find. Also, resistance bands are an ok place to start.
I personally find Caroline Girvan to have the best at home strength training exercises. They're easy to follow, effective, and go from medium to flames of hell difficulties lol. Give her a try here on the tube!
@@tymondabrowski12 thanks I check them out!
@@LotusesGalaxyOcean yeah I have resistance bands and dumbbells from 1-4kg and those ball weights (?) For 8kg but i'n thinking about getting dumbbells from 5-10kgs soon cause they're easier to hold
Zoe straight up spitting facts
This is exactly what I believe, I understand sometimes believing you are ugly. I do it too, everyone at some point believes they are ugly! It is the internet's fault, all of these trends are somehow harming people. Judging people is not going to get you anywhere. Makeup is okay! No-makeup is okay. The people who say, "You are wearing too much makeup." or "Go put on some makeup." are truly annoying and a result of what I like to call THE INTERNET.
You are literally perfection, even if you don't believe so. Those who judge others to make themselves feel better about themselves aren't helping their situation. I know that because when I was a VERY young child, I judged others because I was insecure.
YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL
Okay I just found this woman and I have to say... The way she talks, sits and does pretty much everything radiates confidence and reminds me of the platinum blonde character from the incredibles (I can’t remember her name lol)
mirage
i deleted tiktok because it was damaging my self worth, it has taken years but i have been feeling a little bit better about myself after deleting the app. sure sometimes im either late to trends (or have no idea what trends are trending) but if im feeling better about myself i think its better than staying up to date with every 7 trends in a week
I don't feel ugly, I am ugly.
I doubt it
Same
Real
*in your perception, beauty is always a subjective thing ;)
I call bullshit
If someone is conventionally attractive and they brag about it, most people won't like it. It's better to be humble and let your actions show how cool you are instead of talking about how good-looking you think you are.
In terms of outward appearance, it's normal to feel as if you don't look like your best self. We're all just human beings are we are by no means perfect in any way. Due to beauty standards, it affects our own self-confidence and self-esteem. Just remind yourself that you are beautiful, despite all your flaws.
Hating confident pretty people is all projection. They don't hate on confident conventionally unattractive people because they see themselves in them, but once the video doesn't relate to them anymore, they turn.
Not true. Confident, conventionally unattractive people get hated on because they “don’t know their place”. I’ve seen this in real life too where a person is secure with themselves, but because they aren’t seen as attractive, the attractive people and non-attractive people who are in denial that they themselves aren’t unattractive will bully the secure unattractive person. It’s mostly due to jealousy and the notion of “how dare an unattractive person be secure enough see their own value”. Pretty sad.
This is the biggest lie I’ve ever seen. Whenever an unattractive person is confident in themselves people immediately try to “humble” them and tell them they’re delusional for thinking they look good. People can’t stand it when unattractive people don’t hate themselves
Holy shit... I just realised I'm ugly.@@tiahnarodriguez3809
as someone who was prohibited in middle school onwards to wear makeup i always felt so left out when my girlfriends would do makeup prepping for some event and i'd sit on the bed already dressed. however they always asked to do my makeup as well and took time to do it on me. now at uni i'm obsessed with certain makeup products and i can't go without. they remind me of those special memories.
Girlfriends? So you're lesbian?
Me, too. Wearing makeup feels so relieving now. Finally being at least a fragment of who I appreciate myself being is a relieving thing. I'm glad you can express yourself through makeup now. 💓
@@mygod2529 as in friends who are girls, obviously...
@@R_S747 no. Girlfriend is litterally a partner. Like for example "me and my girlfriend broke up"
@@mygod2529 Some people use the word "Girlfriend(s)" as a slang for female friends that they often hang out with. ^^
Regardless, even if they were a Lesbian -- that wouldn't be relevant to the topic at hand. 🖤
People really like to drag each other down, don't they?
All those mean comments make a lot of sense. It's almost as if the hot/confident videos are making people feel significantly worse about themselves, so much so they're realising it. It's one thing to look attractive, it's another to actively be attractive.
So instead of being harmless, it seems like it becomes personal, 'as this person is so confident', it can feel as if they are actively hurting you;
In a way, the mean comments are all just inverse affirmations. Justifications (permission) for people to feel better about themselves.
Thank you Zoe for this video because I have been feeling bad about myself. I been obsessing over my weight but your words made me feel better and I’m going to take your advice.
The title was so emotional damage 👁👄👁
👀🫶🏻
@@zoeunlimited omg I love ur videos queen👑
The more I disconnected from the internet the better I felt about myself and others. Yes tik tok is the worst but the internet in general just thrives off this kind of energy. People on the internet are just getting nastier and nastier and it’s like some of these ppl are so fucking insecure because they treat other people like shit and judge everyone all the time so they assume everyone else does the same to them. Turns out most people could give less of a shit.
If yall are really struggling with your self worth and image you really need to step away from the internet, at least for a while. It’s just not healthy.
Something that’s been weirdly helpful for me is switching up how I’m self deprecating. Instead of “joking” by saying like “oh man I’m so ugly” I’ll joke and call myself a god and a 20/10. It starts to build a physical pathway in your brain and eventually it does affect how you see yourself. I do that with my shortcomings a lot because it helps with my anxiety. If I drop and break something I can now recover a lot quicker and say “oh man I’m soooo graceful” instead of freaking out and apologizing a billion times.
It doesn’t fix things, and my self esteem still struggles immensely, but it’s a start. And it’s kind of fun to think up crazier and crazier things to say. I started out but just slowing down the amount of self deprecating jokes I was making in the first place and then I slowly began replacing them. And even though I’ve had a few people think I’m egotistical, I don’t really care. It doesn’t hurt anyone to like yourself some, I’d argue it makes you an overall healthy person to be able to laugh at yourself without putting yourself down all the time.
And I’ve also used this to switch out constantly joking about self-deletion. And it has actually helped me come out of some of my depression over the years. That’s more difficult to tackle and I suggest working on it with a professional, but it’s smth you can do until you find a therapist that you vibe with.
I also deleted tt the other day because I realized how negatively it was affecting me. If you’re thinking about doing that, I recommend just going for it and getting rid of it completely.
its really hard to like how i look if other people keep telling me that i look ugly
Preach 💀😭✋
Tbh, no one is really "ugly" because people are always going to want what they can't have or what they aren't. For example someone might say, "Gosh, I'm sooooo ugly my freckles are just so ugh." But somewhere in the world someone wishes, craves, they have what you have, it's really just a matter of loving yourself enough to be able see that.
As much as we learn to love ourselves and every so called "ugly" or "modest" features in us, this society will never.
I was literally terrified just to know about this mild part of our harsh society 😢
After years of feeling ugly and undesirable I'm finally truly love how I look. I'm really surprised how is comfortable to feel great about my body. I hope more women and young girls can gain that confidence and comfort in themselves. Because being insecure is freaking hard
tiktok made me so much insecure and im always comparing myself to pretty girls which made my confidence went down. I deleted it bc its getting worst and worst. My life was getting better im glad i made my decision right, im still trying to fix my mental health & low self esteem :) i will never ever getting back again.
2:38 I'd honestly like to hear more about that.
I don't spend any time looking at this kind of thing online :p but I find it very intrestign to hear about the trends, cause it is a conversation about culture u know :l
Y’all. Get off social media if you’re comparing yourself. Even if it’s just a week. If you focus on yourself more you’ll appreciate yourself more.
Thank you, Zoe. Just. THANK. YOU.
yayy zoe here spitting facts.
you know what imma start telling myself i'm beautiful in the mirror every day until i believe it i hate feeling ugly
Thank you Zoe. You made me feel a little better about myself
This video made me realize why i was so depressed during the 2 years of using tiktok and when i deleted it months ago, ive became more happy and less delusional bcuz i have stopped comparing myself to those girls and ppl who are genuinely better than me. Now im on my journey of self improvement ❤
This is encouraging, Zoe! These girls really do all look the same. And that guy who TikTok said was a 3?? Wtf!! He’s a cutie! Anyway, I’m glad I’m not on TikTok. I have a nose like Kim K’s old nose and I’ve wondered whether to get a nose job. I also have chubby cheeks even when I lose weight so maybe I need Buccal fat removal.
Standards for facial structures are always changing, there is no need to risk your life merely to change a feature due to the fear of it being subjectively disliked by some. Some will also dislike the new facial features you get -- that's simply how it always goes. Our body is merely a vessel for what we carry inside us. 💗
Don't get anything done. You'll grow into those features once you get a bit older. If you remove your buccal fat, you might look life a zombie in the future, since our faces simply slim overtime due to aging. Just wait for it, bestie. Don't risk your life.
Don't get anything done. You'll grow into those features once you get a bit older. If you remove your buccal fat, you might look life a zombie in the future, since our faces simply slim overtime due to aging. Just wait for it, bestie. Don't risk your life.
Omg i just stumbled upon one of your vids... and before i knew it i binge watched 5... your videos are highly educational and realistic as well as motivating... you really opened up my eyes to what type of society we live in and how to still be able to feel good about myself while being respectful and nice to others... whenever i'm confident the girls in my class start talking about how "full of myself" i am and how i "think im better then them" and when i'm not confident they ask me "Why are you not confident?" or "Why are you complaining?It's annoying and you're probably just searching for attention and fishing for compliments." ... you made me realise... society made me feel ugly... with all these stereo types on how to act, dress and look i think I lost my true self... so thanks for helping me find myself again... YOU ARE DEFINTELY MY NEW ROLE MODELLL... you are the exact women i want to be when i grow up.
THANK YOU SOOOOO MUCH...
Keep it up... I have subscriebd ofcourse ❤️
7:56 exactly, I almost never see the random 10 year olds with bad camera quality vids anymore
There's a fine line to this. I can understand those that are actually pretty but don't understand their worth. I do absolutely agree that people should be more confident to feel like they aren't ugly. However, the other side to this is mainly the fact that there are people who are conventionally unattractive that are content with who they are without feeling the need to tweak their physical attributes to appeal to the general public.
Society's beauty standards is to blame for this consensus and it's absolutely detrimental to the mental health of both men and women to conform to these standards to feeling more accepted by the general mass. That's where the line is drawn between a person's accountability for perceiving themselves as ugly and the "ugly" people unable to feel contentment because society won't allow them to quite literally walk the earth if they don't look "adequate" in their eyes
Honestly Zoe I really appreciated seeing bestie in your video. I started following you and Rebal the same year, I've never thought that you would know his channel. I also watched the video of that lady it was like a sociology research of what people like. I really enjoyed this video thanks for always making me feel less guilty about my look.
Have a great day 😊🥰
i am so glad somebody spoke up on this i thought i was being dramatic and trying to make excuses for my “insecurities” we need more coverage on this bc it’s so passive everyone disregards it
Nice work Zoe! This is some very important investigative journalism at it's core. Just found your channel yesterday. Enjoying your content and your fashion choices as well. 😃👏🏻
whenever i feel ugly i think of spongebob yelling, "IM UGLY AND IM PROUD" and i suddenly feel 10x better
As long as I'm just comfortable and content being ad looking like me without being too concerned or obsessed with the way I look or comparing myself with those considered "conventionally attractive", I can't really be bothered by these superficial societal "beauty" standards.
I once read “Your face is who you fell in love with in a past life.”
But I like the comment someone else left about us not being our own type.
Also the audio for the second clip, the person that made that audio is my mutual on tiktok.
Also I would love to sit down and talk with someone about what I’ve gone through, why I feel the way that I do, the bullying that I went through.
Tiktok and IG just make me feel worthless at times.
I don't know, if you're short and not very handsome dude, people will put you down because you're annoying if you appear confident. People do put down ugly people more often in real life. In social media it's different, but there is a difference between social media and in real life, pretty people do have privilege in real life, people are nicer to them. So it's not your fault you're treated poorly because of your face, and confident is not something that comes from within. True confidence comes from outside. For external validation. Best way for under confident people to gain confidence is to make supportive friends.
You're ugly until you think you're not ugly. it's based on your perception. but EVERYONE is pretty
I'm sure that even Angelina Jolie wouldn't score the perfect 10 on Tik Tok even if she is absolutely stunning