Yes, I believe in the average. I match 6 out of 9 traits that make someone average in your country. The problem is I live in Russia where average woman's height is wooping 6 cm taller than America and 11 kilos slimer. Oh well at list I'm average in America.
The most ironic part about female beauty is how irrelevant it is. Men will sleep with anyone and falling in love is mostly a function of chemistry and personality. The only real advantage is the halo effect / "pretty privilege" bestowed by society.
Reality check: "average looking" is a slur on the internet but in real life there is nothing you can't do. Men who call women "mid" on the internet can't get a girlfriend in real life.
All this "mid"-shaming is not even abt beauty! Men use this to power play over women. Dudes saying Margot Robbie is mid would be proof enought that this has NOTHING to do with the real beauty of one person.
omg i heard that the other day. A bunch of men were like "Margot is at most a 6" and all the women in the comments were like "she is literally Barbie" LMAO @@pppf_S
Several years ago, in my own head,I redefined beauty to be synonymous with “unique.” That has led me to value my traits and features are different from the “normal” and I seek to enhance the parts of me that are different and stand out anyways. It’s really helped me not spiral in the wake of this homogenized beauty that Zoe talks about.
If you don't mind, I'll try taking this strategy and putting it into my own playbook :) always looking for ways to build that self compassion, and this is a fantastic take on it. Thanks for sharing!
my two rules that i follow when i start to feel overwhelmed and insecure: i go outside to a grocery store or somewhere with people and look at them (in passing, not in a creepy way) and stop engaging with content about beauty. genuinely getting off social media and reading a book or just turning off your phone has genuinely boosted me on some not-so great self-esteem days
Thank u ,i think once someone actually goes out Into the real world and stopped comparing themselves with people on their screen its so comforting seeing all the different shapes,colors,features people have
The surgery everyone is getting is actually making them look worse and a lot less unique. I actually am so used to looking at that typical Instagram face that it isn’t even that special anymore. To me, someone really sticks out when they embrace the beautiful features they already have. Especially the nose jobs…so toxic and totally riddled in Eurocentric beauty standards
And not even just "Eurocentric," but sort of fascist-ideal Nordic beauty. That's not the beauty of a Rossy de Palma or Camille Cottin or, from an earlier time, the sublime Irene Pappas or Sophia Loren. It just seems like whatever the culture machinery in its profit-optimized form smashes in your face as an ideal, a whole generation opens wide and swallows whole.
Just recently I started living by “No one’s ever lived with my EXACT face “ I’m my own “average” and that’s ok, now I enhance and embrace the bold features I have and I’m ok with that
yes. everyone has different standards of beauty. so why cant i create my own standard and tell myself im beautiful? if beauty is subjective, whos stopping me?
In all honesty, most people especially women don't merely want validation from themselves. They want it from others too. Because what's the point of considering yourself beautiful when others don't even approach you?
@@ifykyk679 I see where you’re coming from, but no matter what no one has the same beauty standard. One person might find you ugly the other might find you the most attractive person in the world, so why hold yourself at such a high standard when you can just love your own beauty and be free of the fear of validation from others?
I believe that the older you get, the more you start to accept yourself for who you are. I was really insecure at 13, but now at 25 I love myself and my looks. I have lived with this body and face for 25 years, and I would never want to wake up looking different. I am happy I am me because there is only one me, and I wouldn't want to change that
I used to hate my nose. That is, until I watched my grandmother as she lay dying and noticed she had the same nose, and now i look in the mirror and say hi grandma :) there you are.
@@MsBabyChipsomg!!! I hated the profile of my nose all my life, always thinking to myself that it’s the only thing keeping me from looking like a perfect Barbie doll..then my dad passed away and I had the same exact thought! My nose is the exact copy of his nose, so are my eyes and cheekbones and I miss him so much that now when I look in the mirror I smile and think he’s still here in the form of legacy of his children ❤
Tbf your body changes a lot between the ages of 13 and 25, by 25 you've finally finished puberty and grown to maturity, and basically "settled" into your adult body. Puberty is a very insecure time because the constant changes mean your own body can feel alien to you.
I'll be honest: it feels like a legitimate accomplishment when I have a day that I don't hate my own face, or when I think I'm pretty enough or thin enough or look good enough. It feels like a constant uphill battle to even ignore all of the crap on social media and in mainstream media, let alone find someway to counter it in my head. If I have a day that I think I look good, I'm f'n proud of myself at this point lol I feel like most of us don't want to achieve perfection, anyway. We just want to not hate ourselves and stop having literally random people feel comfortable telling you what they think is wrong with you.
Looking good is not an accomplishment. Beauty is overrated. Invest in having a skill, not looks. You will never suffer from a low self esteem if you learn to do something well instead of gazing in a mirror. Examining your reflection will only make you loose time and have you miss out on actual life experiences. Help others feel appreciated and noticed and you will receive back the love and attention you crave for.
It’s not an accomplishment to not hate yourself. It’s a path towards a goal. Self hatred is not different from self obsession. It’s just a negative self obsession. You either choose to live in this mindset or change it.
@PettyBlue1 @alexandraaikonaika I think both of you took this comment in a very different direction than what I meant it to be. It was literally meant as a teasing or joking comment on the fact that we as a society of people are bombarded with so many different versions of what is "good" or "bad" or "ugly" or "beautiful" or whatever words you'd like to use that finding a healthy outlook on oneself can be difficult at times. I'm sorry either of you felt like it was a comment about vanity or promoting self hatred. It took me a long time to be happy with myself, and it's something I put time into because you have to treat yourself with the same compassion you give to others if you expect to be happy living inside your own head. Admitting that is not somehow bad, though. Everyone goes through growth and mental development. Acknowledging that as a struggle isn't somehow a problem, and it doesn't mean that I don't have skills, don't invest most of my time into others and into my relationships, and don't enjoy life. Frankly, neither of you know me, and both of you drew massive assumptions from something that clearly was not meant to be taken so seriously. I don't love to comment on people's comments because I feel like it furthers ridiculous arguments/disagreements on the internet that, frankly, are pointless, so I won't respond any further than this, but I'm sorry if either of you were offended or upset by something that I meant as humor.
I completely understand this. It's not about vanity or self obsession, but the fact that people *do* treat you differently and worse based on your looks. For example, anyone with bad acne or extra weight can relate to the unsolicited comments trying to "help" you (really just pointing out that your unattractive feature bothers them). If you're not seen as attractive, people will not let you forget it, and that's the part that's not easy to just "love yourself" out of.
@@violett874 I’m glad it made sense to some people :) because you summed it up perfectly. And I consider it an accomplishment personally just because it was something I struggled with for years on a much higher degree like many people do, so it feels like progress to not hate what I see every day when I pass by a mirror purely because it’s me.
I remember thinking about beauty a few years ago, and how everyone looked better than me. I went outside - beautiful people, I got on the internet - beautiful people. The realization hit me: if I find strangers beautiful, don't they find me beautiful as well? It's not like I'm anyone special from their perspective. I am TELLING you, this thought changed my life. I'll be looking at someone on the subway and go "damn, they are pretty, I wish I was as well" but then lo and behold "I am pretty as well! I'm also a stranger from their perspective, and strangers are beautiful! So I am beautiful as well!" Really helped me accept myself at the time
Wow thank you so much for sharing this! Ive realized that i have a core belief system that says "because they are, i am not." Or "because they are, i can't be" So I shrink back a lot, especially when I'm with people I think are amazing. And Ill think of myself as less than and just shrink away. So thank you for the perspextive that they probably think im beautiful, too. Because strangers are so beautiful! You are beautiful!
People conflate beauty with goodness, for some reason. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to feel beautiful but I feel like somewhere along the lines, we started seeing “average” (and especially ugliness) as some sort of moral failing. I find this is especially true for women. I quite like looking average, actually. That’s just how my face comes in. I like getting to choose when I want to draw attention to myself.
I was having a good day, until I was walking alone and I was holding a water bottle called a Stanley cup, and these two boys were walking past me and one looked at me and whispered to his friend, “I thought only pretty girls are supposed to have those cups” 😭 it ruined my self esteem so bad, like I always feel unattractive and it just made it worse. I don’t know how other people perceive me but I hate it because no one ever compliments me, people are always mean to me (especially girls and I am one) and staring at me and I hate it because it’s hard to see other people being gorgeous and I’m not
Guys will literally do anything to make girls feel inferior. There were guys calling Margot Robbie mid looking lmao. Guys who do this aren’t worth your time and what they think of you is irrelevant because they’re irrelevant.
this just in: "only pretty girls have access to Certain Cups" LMAO but anyways - im so sorry you had to hear that and that they'd have the audacity to say something like that. it is such a stupid ass thing for them to think. it's a damn cup. their minds are so rotted smh. ily and i hope you'll know your worth soon - i believe in you and im rooting for you.
I actually really miss the “realness” part about early social media and internet in general. Early instagram was peak social media imo if you cut the celebrity and later rising influencer part out. But thinking back about how every “casual” used it, it was a fun way to share where you are , what you’re up to and just sharing pictures for people who were interested but it sadly spiraled down into having the most interesting, beautiful, above average and unique feed ever. I miss sharing stuff without it having to seem “perfect” and “flawless”, without fearing to fail my own style
I don't think that being average and being beautiful are opposites. I think (personally) that we've just gotten used to having to be at some extreme end of "different" to have acknowledgement, but just because there's acknowledgement doesn't actually mean it's any better than the "norm". With as many faces as we see every single day, I think it's hard to remember, but most of us don't look at the strangers in the crowd and think "what a normal looking person; they're ugly". We rarely give it any conscious thought at all, or if we do, we tend to think "wow that person has gorgeous hair" or something. What we forget to appreciate about ourselves we tend to acknowledge and praise in those around us, because most of us are just bad at turning compassion inward as often as we direct it outward. I know I can't see you physically, but you and all you are are exactly what you should be. And thankfully, if there's parts you don't like, you can change whatever you want about yourself, because the only person's opinion that ultimately matters about those things is your own. Hopefully you can find some space mentally to appreciate yourself more
I've been off of social media for quite a while (since april i think?) and honestly when I saw all the girls in your video I kinda started to get insecure again. The feelings of not looking like the "pretty girls" on ig and tiktok made me feel so little. But your commentary had really held me through it. I've always felt the need as well to be the best at everything because of my parents expectations, but it used to feel like I could never achieve beauty, and insecurity used to be a really big part of me growing up. Today I know that I am worth more than what societal pressure wants me to think. I'm blessed and happy with what God and my parents gave me and I wouldn't want take that away by meaningless procedures that fade out due to oncoming trends. Thank you soooo much for making this video. It made me tear up and means a lot to me
as someone who used to be obsessed with this whole average thing (not just talking about looks) and who used to hate herself for being average in everthing but eventually came to accept and love herself... well, this video was really refreshing and something i needed to hear, even tho i feel way more confident about myself than i used to. sometimes it's just good to be reminded of this :)
My mindset since I was a kid has always been that there's no pretty and no ugly, because it's so subjective that it's not real. It's honestly helped my perception of people and my confidence so much, because then I don't look at people and notice their so called prettiness or ugliness, I just notice them and their unique features. And in that way, no one is pretty and no one is ugly and no one is average, everyone is just uniquely themselves. And I think that difference is what actually makes humans beautiful.
@@palliscool4427 I’m so sorry you have to go through that, I can’t imagine how hard that must be… it can take a bit of effort to maintain my viewpoint but ultimately it’s worth it. I hope you’re able to develop a healthier self image and recover soon :) I believe in you
This is just an addition to the loads of proof that in lots of ways, children are more mature/wise than many fully-grown adults. You are mature to holding on to those views. I wish I did.
I think once everyone accepts they’re most likely going to be 4-6/10 and make peace with that, being average is not such a bad thing. I don’t depend on being pretty nor make money doing it. Majority of people don’t. So, don’t stress over being average, rather try to be your healthiest self mentally and physically. The only thing within our control
This video made me feel heard and loved. So far, I’ve never heard this matter of « average » mentality talked about and my thoughts articulated so clearly. To each doubts I had, you kindly debunked the silliness of those thoughts with kindness, sources and logic. Thank you so much Zoé, I will now live a bit more freely knowing that average is nothing more than a number and us, far from just that. ❤
This video was seriously so sweet! What a wonderful message. I look forward to the pendulum swinging around to finally favor natural, unfiltered, and unique appearances and features.
When I was a kid I loved to play with my toys and make them married and have kids. Years later when I was cleaning my room I saw a toy of Peter Pan and his girlfriend- a teddy bear😂.At first I was confused why I decided to make them together like they look so different and the realisation hits me. When I was kid I didn't see people or toys different. I didn't judge them because of their look but growing up the society brainwashed me until that day when I saw Peter and the Teddy.Then I realised how when I was younger, I've never judged people because of their look but growing up people were always judging me and I didn't even notice when I became the same.
I have another take on this, almost everyone is average, unless you are ugly or beautiful, which you will know for sure, then you are average. People thinking that average is bad are the ones in the wrong.
Well said! Can I just say- as a woman who doesn’t dye/highlight my hair currently and has my natural dark blonde color, I’ve realized how little I see that represented in society. Why do people with middle-shaded (yes I used mid here lol) feel the need to change that? I don’t and I wish others didn’t as much either.
oh my god this is so true! i've dyed my hair darker before and bleached it because i just feel like i look weird with the shade of hair i have (it's light brown, kind of caramel-ish) because while it must actually be quite common i rarely see people whom i think are conventionally attractive with it!
same here, I decided to go with my natural, dark blond hair and my mother asked me why do I dye my hair so dark, because it can't be my natural colour! xD ppl are delsional these days...
I wear summer colors that look good with it. Yeah, it gets called "dirty blonde" and the plain girl dyes medium brown hair in the movie as a makeover. I like it and it goes good with the colors I like and eff society.
Same hair color here and I've also often said how pretty much everyone with a similar color dyes it. I started using Sun In in middle school and then got balayage highlights done a few times in high school/college, so people associated my "natural" hair color as being 1-2 shades lighter than the dark blonde it naturally turned to as an adult. So when I started growing it out and dyed the highlights to match my roots, my grandma told me I ruined my beautiful "natural" blonde hair and this color didn't suit me as much... When I told her this was in fact my natural hair color, she just hadn't seen it in a decade bc I always lightened it, she still argued with me that I was wrong 🥲
I read the book "The Uglies" when I was a teenager and wow there are some interesting similarities with people getting surgery to look the same as other people and "perfect." It is so sad that people can't do the work and put in the time to accept themselves as they are instead of getting surgery to look like everyone else.
I still struggle to find myself "pretty" or "beautiful" or not "average". When I was in middle school guys bullied me saying I was ugly compared to my other female classmates. I always compared myself to other people, to my friends even, and I always find myself being the ugly one. When I went to university, I began to think that I was average looking. I never liked wearing makeup and this makes me feel more insicure about my face features and feel like less of a woman. Because I am a woman I feel like I HAVE to wear make up, even the "natural look". And of course, because I'm average looking I feel like everything else I do (study, work for example) it's average. I cried at the end of the video because I know I still have so much more work to do on myself and my mentality. Thank you for the video
zoe your video content is getting better with each video, the versatility & heaviness of each topic show your effort to spread awareness and people are receiving it. I am so glad that my mindset about various topics has developed from the past 1 year of following you. thank you so much for your efforts
I think this topic is interesting. Something I’ve noticed with my perception of people is as I’ve become more ‘insecure’ with how ugly/pretty I look, that’s also changed how I look at other people, ‘defining’ their prettier and less so features, but before, I never really used to see this in people, and really couldn’t differentiate how pretty one of my friends were compared to a supermodel. As I’ve become more secure with my self image, I’ve started to notice everyone’s individual features which make them beautiful, whether it be her hair, his eyes, anything really, and I’ve stopped noticing their ‘lesser’ features or just see the beauty in those as well.
Oh this reminds me of the kdrama my id is gangnam beauty. In it the female lead is constantly rating other people in her head. Its the first and most important thing in her head, to categorize everyone she meets
I've stopped weighing myself and focusing on my own facial features and less on others. My mindset has improved so much and I feel more confident in my looks now that I set up "blinders" for myself
My mom wouldn't understand why I suddenly do social media detox from out of nowhere and this is one of the reasons why. Social media has really messed up our brains to the point of people hating them ownselves just to fit it 😢 When I was younger I used to care (if I fit a certain beauty standard) but now ijdgaf thanks to my constant social media detox. I couldn't imagine those women younger than me who will grow hating their features bc of social media 😢
Big applause, I feel like everything you said in thsi video is very well worded. I personally find myself constantly under pressure to look a certain way, to stick to a certain style, stay under a certain weight. I only recently realized my quality of life was being affected by my obsession with not being "fat" or "ugly". Even my own mother compares me to my pretty friends in my pictures. It's hard, and I'm still not good at it but I'm trying my best to pull myself out of this hole I've dug for myself and let my skin breathe by taking 5 steps out of my 10 step skincare routine, making outfits that I want to try and not the ones that make me look the thinnest, I'm trying to get out of a mindset of trying to appeal to other people with my overall appearance and just live as me. I feel like a lot of people are struggling with this, and I know this video will definitely be eye-opening to many.
But why did you ask people to rate themselves? That 0/1-10 scale is awful and sexist. No one should be valued on their looks, not even on a "everyone is beautiful"-level because let's face it, not everyone is beautiful in your opinion and that's okay, just try to see past this and hang out with people regardless of how they look. And most of all, hang out with yourself. I don't look in the mirror too often but when I do, I like what I see. Not because I'm so beauty but because I'm more used to my face than to everyone else's, and that's how it should be. Otherwise, you'll get used to other people's faces and be alienated by your own, which is why most of the people having plastic surgery do it.
the "average latina" being Adriana Lima legit made me laugh out loud. i imagine they thought about using Gisele, but then were like "nah, too blonde, let's go with another supermodel that was one of the VS angels"
Beauty standards change constantly so why anyone wants to make permanent changes to their looks has always baffled me. These young women and girls will never know how they were meant to look.
Being aesthetically beautiful will always be the goal of everyone let's be honest about that. Nothing wrong if that's what you aspire as long as you're not sacrificing your health to achieve it. But also let's normalize not bullying people who have "average or normal looks" cause in reality what you look like doesn't really matter. Looking clean and healthy is what matters and of course being happy and content.
You missed what is actually confusing everyone. People have come to believe that average means having face with healthy, well taken care of features, that is proportional. This is what is driving the crazy. Most people in fact do not have balanced and proportional features. That is not the average or even the mode or mean. And anyone who thinks that is true should look up old Hollywood starlets. They had exquisitely fine tuned and balanced faces and bodies, which is why they were considered ideals. The typical person on the street would need tweakments to get their face balanced and if that is now standard then plastic surgery is now standard. Now if everyone has had tweakments to get balanced features can anyone not be mid? They have to have no imperfections, but what else? From that point it usually is just a taste issue because everyone is mid. Is your ideal of beauty upper crust english, bollywood, kpop and so on.
I get what you're saying, but I don't think that balanced, well proportioned features are that rare, at all. I think that's a baseline of physical attractiveness that most people can meet. The real issue here, is that in this day and age, it takes much more than that to be considered attractive or above average in looks. It comes down to whether or not you possess specific features that are considered synonymous with "beauty" as defined in 2023, with these standards being heavily influenced by a heavily filtered and augmented social media representation that doesn't actually exist in real life. And it makes your average person with balanced, well proportioned features feel like they can't possibly fit the standard of beauty pushed today as they probably don't possess the features synonymous with that standard. Hence why these people and others around them would consider themselves to be below average in comparison.
@@STARSAPPHIRE91 Except it really isn’t the baseline. If you look at groups photos of people that are unaltered from events, work, school, hobbies such maybe dance…. And then take the time to analyze features you realize the proportion of the population that has even features more clearly. And it isn’t shockingly rare but it definitively is not the average either. Also, aesthetics are an issue I agree because it truly comes down to personal taste. Greek statues of great beauty tend to have very different faces than our current celebrities for a reason.
@@LotusesGalaxyOcean I say baseline, in that it's the very base of what constitutes physical attractiveness. There are numerous other factors that go into how people today perceive beauty based upon certain beauty standards that are more cultural and societal than anything else, and I'd argue plays a far bigger role in how people perceive attractiveness outside of baseline facial harmony and proportion. I still maintain that most people have well balanced features, and that it's more average than it is rare. At the most, your average person might have one feature at the most which may slightly fall outside of the harmonious range, but nothing that puts people in the unattractive range objectively. Most people don't have noticeably asymmetrical faces, or strong bone structure deformities that would severely affect one's facial proportion. At the most, all your average person needs is clear skin and perhaps some dental work to be within the category of baseline attractiveness as far as facial proportion and balance is concerned. But as I said, these days that isn't enough to be considered attractive. Very specific features are needed and a very specific "look" is what's pushed as attractive, and quite often times at the detriment of one's facial harmony and balance. Not everyone looks good with a Barbie ski slope nose, huge injected Bratz doll lips, super defined cheekbones or a prominent jawline. Yet, these are the features most young women who are addicted to social media believe they need in order to be physically attractive. THIS is what's driving everyone crazy. And women who have these features are highly regarded as beautiful whether they actually have that balanced facial proportion you maintain isn't very common, which is why everyone wants them irrespective of whether or not they'll even work on their faces. To not have these facial features to some, is to be "basic", no matter how much natural facial harmony you may have.
@@STARSAPPHIRE91 I think I see our misunderstanding. I am not discussing the human bratz dolls of instagram. In reality that is a whole different social phenomena to me akin to peacocking excess like wearing purple in medieval times. That is not about “beauty” but consumption and our bodies/faces have become another tool to do that and showcase it. I do not consider looks that are only humanly possibly usually through surgical intervention [as in biologically genetically absurdly improbable] as realistic or very appealing in terms of beauty. I view that issue as a completely separate thing. I won’t even get into how instagram face is essentially botox, filler, nose job face. I am discussing those who are considered beautiful today that have not been sucked into the weird distortion field. And the point I am actually making is that beauty usually is the finely tuned of holistic flow of features that are balanced into exquisite precision. You don’t see it now as much but if you look at old hollywood and greek/roman statues it suddenly is very obvious. Everything is in the details and what separates pretty and beautiful is located there. As you said most people have some element of their features out of balance, [not asymmetry-bit different] which was precisely my point. That kicks people out of the category I was discussing. How many people do you know that meet this checklist truly and have balanced: upper/middle/lower thirds of their face, spacing of the eyes, with correctly sized eyes/nose/mouth, good bone structure and their features are suitably sized to their face? And even if they meet that checklist how precise is it?? That is what I am trying to touch on with the concept of balance. I suppose the bratz dolls really confuse the issue don’t they.
@@LotusesGalaxyOcean But again, those old Hollywood standards, and even ancient Greco-Roman standards of beauty are just that, standards and not an objective barometer for anything, really. No different than the Bratz doll standards of today. When you say "old Hollywood", what time period are you referring to? The silent movie era? Because those standards as far as what features were considered attractive (round face, small, rosebud lips, large round eyes), and therefore proportions were very different from the standards came a few decades later, and even more so during the golden age of Hollywood. As the decades passed on, the standards for what was considered attractive facially became more and more masculine. And as far as old Roman statues are concerned, they're definitely prized for their beauty related to artistic ingenuity, but as far as beauty standards go, those faces are far too masculine, and definitely outside of our current standards of feminine beauty. Especially those noses, which lets be honest here, are the kinds of noses women get rhinoplasty to alter, not in relation to the IG aesthetic but in general. I'm quite sure if you measured the faces of people within the old Hollywood era, you'd find a similar amount of baseline facial harmony and a few features that are slightly out of that harmony, no different than the average population. Makeup can certainly alter the general flow of your facial features, which was heavily relied upon. For instance, Marilyn Monroe had a bluntness to her face that was well hidden by makeup techniques and certain angles, and if you know about Marilyn you know she was downright maniacal about knowing her angles, even down to the facial expressions she would make (she would hold her mouth in a certain way, to hide her short philtrum area). Many old Hollywood stars were quite beautiful, but I'm sorry, I just don't believe that they were somehow more beautiful than the general, average public in terms of baseline facial harmony and bone structure. Especially when you consider just how many of them, past and present got those same "tweakments" you say the general public would need to be on their level, in accordance to whatever the standards were for individual facial features at the time. As far as equal facial thirds, features that are in proportion to one another, and "good" bone structure (meaning high cheekbones, forward maxillary growth and whatnot), I have all of these features, and I consider myself average looking. There are plenty of celebrities who have these features as well, that I also consider average looking. Attractive, but faces you can see around within the general public fairly easily. Because again, I do not believe that things like equal facial thirds and overall facial harmony are rare, but easily found within the general public. It's just that if often takes more than that to be considered beautiful these days. What creates a sense of confusion and therefore insecurity within people as far as looks are concerned are certain standards that fall outside of baseline facial harmony, that change according to the cultural times, that people feel the need to live up to. And I think people in general hold celebrities up on a pedestal and internalize ideas surrounding how superhuman they are with regards to everything people think sets them apart from the public, which stops people from seeing how ordinary they actually are. These people weren't selectively bred or birthed out of a pod, they came from often the same set of circumstances and were beholden to the same set of genetic averages everyone else was. And this makes it all the more easy for the general public to fall victim to whatever the current standards for individual features happen to be when they see celebrities with them (that they brought via plastic surgery) and internalize that.
thank you so much for this zoe❤. being a teen growing up with the internet that has an obvious preference for Eurocentric features and attractive individuals can be really damaging for my self-confidence. i really needed this!
I think people need to actually look at others in real rather, rather than heavily processed photos on Instagram or the media. When you feel absolutely flooded with them, just look at the people on the bus or the train. Bring yourself back to reality. Look at people in the office or in the uni lecture theatre. You aren’t going to see Instagram models everywhere. The problem is people have been manipulated since we were kids to only see what the media wants us to. Also, if you really want to know how attractive you are, think of all the feedback from people you have met IRL who aren’t your friends or related to you. Also how many attractive people have wanted to offer you commitment. Not sex, commitment. You could find an answer somewhere in there in you wanted to. If you don’t want to know, then carry on and live life to the fullest anyway.
The strangest part of this is how personality alters your appearance…to others. Beauty on a purely aesthetic level is a stupidly high bar but once there’s a personality attached to it, people change their opinions on whether that person is attractive or not. It’s like when there’s a cute guy but then he speaks and you’re like, nvm. Or when guys started calling Margot Robbie mid because she was no longer just a sex symbol, but a feminist. It’s why I think women are pressured to look so good all the time, because we’re not expected to have anything to say, opinions, a character, we’re not expected to have a personality (just serve a purpose).
There is a very common trick in statistics that is basically showing average as if it's a synonym to median. The median is the most common, while the average is a weighted mean of values. If you have extreme values, even when in a smaller quantity, they do drag the average quite a bit, while the median stays sufficiently the same. Humans for some reason have a lot of difficulty with these concepts and it's used for a lot more than beauty, but also finances and other metrics, anything that people use to compare themselves to others normally have very different average and median results.
I thought we Zillennials had it bad in 2012 with tumblr thinspo but this shit is on a new level. My heart goes out to all you kids growing up on TikTok. I'm glad TikTok came out when I was old and smart enough to know not to download it.
Thank you I started tearing up and eventually crying hard during your closing statement. I really needed to hear this more than you will ever know. You saved me. I really really needed to hear that. It will replay in my head whenever things get bad and i will be okay. Thank you.
Hello! I'm the woman who made that first TikTok. Just to clarify: I made that video because it seemed like the girl I was stitching was implying that she was a "pretty girl" and was excusing discriminating against "ugly" girls.
So you felt insecure because of your own self esteem problems and decided to tell a woman how average she is? I mean, that is not okay and maybe your should accept it instead of justifying it
As a teen and when I was in my early 20's I struggled with 'proving' I was pretty online. Now I'm 28 and, honestly, I couldn't care less. Nobody has my exact face or body. I AM my own perfect 10. I don't care if someone else finds me pretty or not. It's important that I like MYSELF first. My own opinion is most important to me, everyone else's is unnecessary. Plus, I'm married. I don't need outside eyes to find me attractive.
I'm solidly mid and I'm just gonna have to accept this. It's freeing in a way, I can focus on crafting my self image to accurately reflect me, rather than trying to fit a "hot girl" mold. And in the end, I think this makes me more beautiful.
I have such severe body dysmorphia that I not only hate my own looks, I also find most avarage people fysically unattractive. Makes dating hard. I wish I was mentally healthy and didnt care.
Im a straight woman, and it’s very rare I see a man I find attractive. I’ve been in relationships with men and didn’t find that attractive. Now I just stay single. I feel “average” so when anyone thinks I’m pretty I almost laugh.
Most people are average , which make us relatable and approachable. That should never feel like an insult. The obsession with beauty is becoming more and more crazy with time. Plus i was just wondering the other way what it feels to be extremely attractive and in a way , it's not as good as we think it is. People wouldn't take you seriously , and only want to " win " you because of your looks , they wouldn't care about what you have to say. You are more like a trophy , which is honestly frustrating and isolating if you are really trying to bond with others
This video made me feel more confident in myself. A girl recently called me pretty when I was in a bathroom, I am a colored girl and I never get said to that by strangers. It made me feel better about the way I feel and the way this video made me feel. Thank you Zoe
Reality is most people are "mid" most guys most women very few people are so attractive they stand out. Be honest you're probably mid, accept it embrace it theres nothing wrong with being a normal looking man/woman.
I loved the video but the 'you are better than average' at the end kinda killed it. I thought we will just discard the meaning of 'average' and conclude with that, which is something I can agree with - there's no 'average' we can simply compare ourselves to. So why bring up the concept of average again at the end, kind of reinforcing it?
@@zoeunlimited Thanks for the reply Zoe! After commenting I also thought about how if we let go of the concept of average we will always be better than it, since the reference point is non-existent (which is what you just replied but in different words haha). Nevertheless, that ending sentence didn't take away from any of the points you made earlier on in the video but it just left me a little puzzled right after watching and pushed me to leave this comment 😊 It's a great bonus message now too
@@BllackstaarrI interpreted it as "you are better than being defined by the average" not, "you are prettier than the average." We transcend average, sort of like what you described!
I helped myself by saying 3x in the morning along the words: „I am pretty.“, and after a few weeks, I did see my features likeable. I begin to saw myself as an unique appearance. I have to like myself and mist girls think well maybe my crush won’t like me because of my appearance. First, in the case he is a boy/man, don’t worry. You chose him and if he doesn’t seem to like you than be happy about it. He doesn’t have the personality and would always look behind you to another woman’s body. Not worth it. You are choosing, not him.
Dear Zoë, I would like to thank you for your video's in general. Videos like these, but also your marketing videos. You can see the effort you but in them. Very helpful and also just nice to watch. So thank you!
I say this as a huge homebody and someone who can go an entire week if not weeks not leaving the house, getting out and just seeing “normal” people in the grocery store, the mall, the movie theater, anywhere public and just people watching can be so helpful. I’m not saying this so you can compare yourself and maybe even feel better, but when all we’re used to is seeing people on tv heavily made up to look perfect, seeing your normal neighbors in normal settings wearing normal clothes is so helpful to reset or remind yourself what is actually “normal” and that you are among them
I have been told all my life that I am pretty, but I never believed it, because of years of racial motivated bullying in my hometown in Austria, where there is a very small Asian community, had shattered my self-confidence. Then I came into adulthood, slowly gained more confidence, and now I can actually believe that I am pretty. Especially, ever since I moved to Vienna and moved in with my partner. I can really be myself here in this city, because in Vienna, no one really cares. You can really have your peace. In Graz (where I grew up), as a Chinese, if you walk into specific districts, where majority of the people are either from Balkan or Arabic countries, you can be sure that you will get harassed. I have been called the worst things there, just because I am Asian, and I speak better German than them. In Vienna, where there are also these specific districts, you really don't get harassed, because they don't care. And this is really refreshing.
some arabic countries belong in asia too so i think what you mean isn't just being asian but east asian specifically. and the negative stereotypes that come with being one. especially after covid. europeans doing this honestly don't surprise me anymore but it's unfortunate & dissapointing that poc are doing this to fellow people of color.
@@sadakopilled You need to realize people of ALL races are racist. To act as if only Europeans are racist, is racist and ignorant in and of itself. The term "POC" is an English speaking term. Most people in other countries don't have this weird racist "all fellow poc together against white people" thing. They don't care about this "poc."
@@IzumiIkeda In countries where Europeans are the dominant group it’s not uncommon for non-Europeans to find solidarity of some sort with one another. It’s not “weird”, it’s a product of the society that feels them inferior to the dominant group.
thank you so much for expressing this! I have been struggling with feeling "below average" since I was in preschool, as a German girl with unique features that not many girls in my area have I always felt different, chasing the standard and being "pretty" were just the things everyone my age did so I thought I had to do certain things. Seriously though like the standard person makes no sense.
Speakin of kpop girl groups...Recent kpop female groups are defying the "nobody is perfect" theory...Wonyoung generation and up...they are going out of their way to find the most perfect girls and hire them to make teenagers of their age give up on bein a woman and think "suks for me I'm not a pretty girl"...and the problem is that it SELLS...it's one of the best marketing strategies...
Living around the LA area has affected me a lot to be honest. Back in Texas I used to get quite a bit of complements. And then I moved out here and I have only gotten about four complements in a whole year. And obviously that affected my self esteem. Especially because I was struggling with ED last year. I thought I was pretty but literally there seems to be so much competition here. It doesn’t matter if i dress up or down im treated the same. I might end up moving back to Texas in another year. A lot of people who think they are “average” are actually attractive in my opinion. There is just soo much pressure from media and society!
Idk why but the final "You are not average" made me tear up and almost cry. I don't even struggle that much with my image besides being worried about hitting 130 lbs at 5'1 (ridiculous, I know), but it hit hard when told that
Me encanta su voz, es tan suave y calmada. Y nadie es promedio, la belleza no es algo que se pueda medir, pesar ni promediar. Lo que importa es como uno se sienta hacia uno mismo, tener amor propio y cuidar nuestra salud mental, física y financiera.
Zoe, I love your videos. They are always very well structured and you add in so many visuals to drive your points that it is easy to get immersed in them. I can really see how hard you work and I admire that greatly! Keep it up
im arab and in our society EVERYONE hates their nose. i am 16 and already so many girls have gotten nose jobs in my grade, with some of their moms even telling them they need to get a nose job (which is absolutely insane?) but i think its so sad that arab girls (and girls of other ethnicities) hate their ethnic features because it doesnt look white enough. such a huge problem in society. we should stop obsessing over euro-centric features and washing away the features of our ancestors. i went through a phase where i didliked my nose but associating it with my culture has made me love it even more 💗 thanks zoe for always touching on so many aspects of why these problems exist!
For me it feels like hair can really change someone from average to unique, like if you have an interesting hairstyle or color then that’s what will catch my eye, otherwise I do think most people look average (regardless of their face), when I first see someone I mainly look at their hair
So, I am pretty old (37) and don't do filters, photoshop, just use whatever my phone has as the standard camera but I switch off all the beautifying/enhancing filters. I suspect my phone changes my skin tone to more olive from having natural redness to it tgat I actually like because it works well with my natural complexion and I hate that the phone software does this as I look more average despite actually liking my natural face (after many years of ot liking it). Anyways, I have realised over the years that nobody looks like what they are presented publicly, not even men... So if I want to see what the average looks like I just take a trip to the grocery store and the truth is, I haven't seen anybody who looks like they look online. If you really want to compare yourselves to someone, look at the people you see in real life doing everyday mundane tasks...
Some aspects of beauty are biological and denying it just makes people feel they need to lie to themselves when you can just accept that you can be a good person without being beautiful. I’m not beautiful and I still have a good view of myself.
Here is what I do...I don't give a shit anymore. I am serious. I don't care what anyone else says and i don't need their opinion on how I look. I wear what I like etc. I. Don't. Care. It is healthier that way...oh and I quit social media altogether. Best decision ever.
I feel like your videos get me back to reality every time I watch it and help me as a reminder to get off my phone a lil' more. 'Cause this is words that sometimes I really need to hear in order to know that I didn't go insane and someone noticed it too. In the end just big thanks for your work! I really enjoy watching your content!
That last little bit made me smile 🥰 thank you for a good start to my early morning Zoe. You're absolutely gorgeous and I hope you have a beautiful day
My biggest insecurity has been my nose one day a girl told me my nose was too big and that I should cut it off. It really affected my social skills that I was to scared to make eye contact with people because I thought they would look at my nose and say it was too big. I remember looking in the mirror and crying so much and saying if my nose was smaller would my life be different or just wishing to wake up in another face but after this video made realize I'm one in a million and unique just the way I am. I want to now begin a path of self love and admiration thank you so much Zoe
Today i felt really bad but now i feel like i am back to that confident that little me had she didn’t care about what is around me And I’ve always thought i am me and i am with the most beautiful things in the world
Im falling in love more and more woth the idea of living my life outside internet. How would I dress, feel, eat and see myself if I wasnt on line and connected with media amd capitalism so much?
what helps me to truly realise beauty is subjective is that when I find some person attractive and my best friends do not, with whom I share a very similar thinking and opinions it just makes the case stronger for beauty truly is subjective hence it cannot be measured/shouldn't be measure.
If you make a habit to stop and observe, you can feel in your body if you're just inspired by a fun trend or if you feel like you need to work harder to measure up. I recommend honing in on that difference!
I lived in Japan for 6 years and that, oddly enough, helped me love myself. I am 162cm and a petite pear shape with a naturally snatched 55cm waist and a feminine as heck voice/aura. I kept my weight around 48-53kg most of the time there. I have a face that is more "cute" than "hot" and usually only wore BB cream, no makeup in my day-to-day life. In Japan, I would say I was a solid 7 or 8, and I got lots of compliments from other women, and I could date easily. I was the perfect balance of "better looking than average" but also "not so hot to be intimidating to shyer men". So it was pretty cool. I could fit clothes that were fashionable (size F or M dresses and tops, size M or L pants), and the everyday women's fashion (女性っぽい) there suited me really well. In the US, I am not considered nearly as attractive. I have been rejected for having too small of breasts (they're not even that small tbh, but a cute and perky B), called ugly for my teeth and general face proportions, told I was too fat because of my butt and thighs (this was before the BBL craze tbh), and just I look like two different people sewn together-- scrawny to people here in an unattractive way up top, but petite-thick in the lower body. There are people that find me attractive, but they are probably more into the cute type... like my husband adores me (Idk if his being Asian American has to do with it or not), but here, I feel very "average", like somewhere in the 4-6 range, even though the obesity rates in the US tell me I am not. I tried gaining a bit of weight to get more chest and balance out my looks, but I gained proportionate to my shape, so now I am just a mildly chunky pear-shape. Since I am married and had a baby very recently, my body could use some toning, so now I am losing some of the excess fat and adding muscle. Aiming for somewhere in the 60-65kg range but stronger and fitter, so that I can look almost the same size (within a few inches) of what I did when I lived in Japan, but have more strength and energy for my child. Anyway, my husband finds me attractive, and I can sit contentedly in the US knowing some other cultures find me attractive, so I'm fine despite the mental beating I took back when I dated in the US, and I don't care too much anymore what the US and its social media thinks is hot. Standards are ridiculously narrow when in the reality, just being a healthy weight and taking general care of yourself/knowing how to dress for your shape will put you in the top quarter of women aged 25-45 here. Log off social media and shrug off haters.
@@Kat31017she mentioned her face isnt flattering and her body has a different shape . she got bigger from a baby too so she has felt some insecueity. your reading it wrong
@@NONAME-tl4bl I'm sure she is perfectly attractive tho, she even said herself she got lots of compliments. Everyone obviously has a different body that's not an issue.
I have always felt ugly growing up. Now at the age of 32 I look at my old photos and think to myself "well, this girl wasnt that ugly. She actually has a sweet smile and nice curly hair". I already lost my teenage features and now look more mature but damn if only i looked what i now see in my past self, I would have lived more happily❤
so recently i liked this guy from my school, i told one of my friends about it but some random person heard me telling her and went up to the guy i liked and told him that i liked him. (i got rejected lol) one of the things that he said was " she's kinda mid"....that one sentence was stuck in my head for ages and i was really really hurt cause before that moment i used to feel pretty. i still remember from after that i started doing a lot of extra shit i never did, i started working out more then i usually did, i got a new haircut, i used to blowdry my bangs almost EVERY SINGLE DAY. before school, got new makeup and started posting more photos on my instagram hoping that he finally like me. istg this video really really helped me feel better about myself, im so glad i found this video, if i didnt im sure i would still be stuck in the cycle of hating myself
Do you believe in the "average"?
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Yes, I believe in the average. I match 6 out of 9 traits that make someone average in your country. The problem is I live in Russia where average woman's height is wooping 6 cm taller than America and 11 kilos slimer. Oh well at list I'm average in America.
The most ironic part about female beauty is how irrelevant it is. Men will sleep with anyone and falling in love is mostly a function of chemistry and personality. The only real advantage is the halo effect / "pretty privilege" bestowed by society.
No. I believe in everyone is beautiful in their own way.
Please turn to Jesus he loves you so much and wants a relationship with you
I believe in fourth grade math lessons.
Reality check: "average looking" is a slur on the internet but in real life there is nothing you can't do. Men who call women "mid" on the internet can't get a girlfriend in real life.
All this "mid"-shaming is not even abt beauty! Men use this to power play over women. Dudes saying Margot Robbie is mid would be proof enought that this has NOTHING to do with the real beauty of one person.
most of those dudes are beyond mid themselves 😂😂
@@sarahnovella4971REAL like how they are delusional enough to call Margot Robbie MID looking like THEY DO💀 projection at its finest
Exactly. I don't know a man who can maintain a healthy relationship that actually has this in their vocab.
omg i heard that the other day. A bunch of men were like "Margot is at most a 6" and all the women in the comments were like "she is literally Barbie" LMAO @@pppf_S
Several years ago, in my own head,I redefined beauty to be synonymous with “unique.” That has led me to value my traits and features are different from the “normal” and I seek to enhance the parts of me that are different and stand out anyways. It’s really helped me not spiral in the wake of this homogenized beauty that Zoe talks about.
Love this!
I sincerely wish I could reset my brain to do this. That's amazing girl 👏 😍
@ville__um, I looked, and I didn't find any content at all on your page. Am I missing something?
If you don't mind, I'll try taking this strategy and putting it into my own playbook :) always looking for ways to build that self compassion, and this is a fantastic take on it. Thanks for sharing!
@@ballistachicken Please do! It's definitely changed my perspective and given me a healthier mindest
my two rules that i follow when i start to feel overwhelmed and insecure: i go outside to a grocery store or somewhere with people and look at them (in passing, not in a creepy way) and stop engaging with content about beauty. genuinely getting off social media and reading a book or just turning off your phone has genuinely boosted me on some not-so great self-esteem days
Exactly. I deleted most of my social media accounts and it has been incredible for my self esteeem.
social media is clearly poisoning us all
Thank u ,i think once someone actually goes out Into the real world and stopped comparing themselves with people on their screen its so comforting seeing all the different shapes,colors,features people have
Even in books characters are always extraordinarily beautiful
@@frenchgirl5878um read slice of life or non-fiction books not those trashy romance books with unrealistic beauty standards and toxicity💀
The surgery everyone is getting is actually making them look worse and a lot less unique. I actually am so used to looking at that typical Instagram face that it isn’t even that special anymore. To me, someone really sticks out when they embrace the beautiful features they already have. Especially the nose jobs…so toxic and totally riddled in Eurocentric beauty standards
thank you for talking me out of plastic surgery
And not even just "Eurocentric," but sort of fascist-ideal Nordic beauty. That's not the beauty of a Rossy de Palma or Camille Cottin or, from an earlier time, the sublime Irene Pappas or Sophia Loren. It just seems like whatever the culture machinery in its profit-optimized form smashes in your face as an ideal, a whole generation opens wide and swallows whole.
@@Janus10001stop it, asians have the smallest noses and most elfish faces.
Yea most of those faces look gross and unattractive to me
For me it's the lip fillers, these women out there looking like they pissed off several bees 😅
Just recently I started living by “No one’s ever lived with my EXACT face “ I’m my own “average” and that’s ok, now I enhance and embrace the bold features I have and I’m ok with that
Love this
well there are always doppelgangers 🤷♀
yes. everyone has different standards of beauty. so why cant i create my own standard and tell myself im beautiful? if beauty is subjective, whos stopping me?
In all honesty, most people especially women don't merely want validation from themselves. They want it from others too. Because what's the point of considering yourself beautiful when others don't even approach you?
@@ifykyk679 I see where you’re coming from, but no matter what no one has the same beauty standard. One person might find you ugly the other might find you the most attractive person in the world, so why hold yourself at such a high standard when you can just love your own beauty and be free of the fear of validation from others?
I believe that the older you get, the more you start to accept yourself for who you are. I was really insecure at 13, but now at 25 I love myself and my looks. I have lived with this body and face for 25 years, and I would never want to wake up looking different. I am happy I am me because there is only one me, and I wouldn't want to change that
I used to hate my nose. That is, until I watched my grandmother as she lay dying and noticed she had the same nose, and now i look in the mirror and say hi grandma :) there you are.
@@MsBabyChipsomg!!! I hated the profile of my nose all my life, always thinking to myself that it’s the only thing keeping me from looking like a perfect Barbie doll..then my dad passed away and I had the same exact thought! My nose is the exact copy of his nose, so are my eyes and cheekbones and I miss him so much that now when I look in the mirror I smile and think he’s still here in the form of legacy of his children ❤
I am 31 now and I am MORE insecure NOW than what I was at 13.
@@MsBabyChipsthat’s beautiful 🥲
Tbf your body changes a lot between the ages of 13 and 25, by 25 you've finally finished puberty and grown to maturity, and basically "settled" into your adult body. Puberty is a very insecure time because the constant changes mean your own body can feel alien to you.
I'll be honest: it feels like a legitimate accomplishment when I have a day that I don't hate my own face, or when I think I'm pretty enough or thin enough or look good enough. It feels like a constant uphill battle to even ignore all of the crap on social media and in mainstream media, let alone find someway to counter it in my head. If I have a day that I think I look good, I'm f'n proud of myself at this point lol I feel like most of us don't want to achieve perfection, anyway. We just want to not hate ourselves and stop having literally random people feel comfortable telling you what they think is wrong with you.
Looking good is not an accomplishment. Beauty is overrated. Invest in having a skill, not looks. You will never suffer from a low self esteem if you learn to do something well instead of gazing in a mirror. Examining your reflection will only make you loose time and have you miss out on actual life experiences. Help others feel appreciated and noticed and you will receive back the love and attention you crave for.
It’s not an accomplishment to not hate yourself. It’s a path towards a goal. Self hatred is not different from self obsession. It’s just a negative self obsession.
You either choose to live in this mindset or change it.
@PettyBlue1 @alexandraaikonaika I think both of you took this comment in a very different direction than what I meant it to be. It was literally meant as a teasing or joking comment on the fact that we as a society of people are bombarded with so many different versions of what is "good" or "bad" or "ugly" or "beautiful" or whatever words you'd like to use that finding a healthy outlook on oneself can be difficult at times. I'm sorry either of you felt like it was a comment about vanity or promoting self hatred. It took me a long time to be happy with myself, and it's something I put time into because you have to treat yourself with the same compassion you give to others if you expect to be happy living inside your own head. Admitting that is not somehow bad, though. Everyone goes through growth and mental development. Acknowledging that as a struggle isn't somehow a problem, and it doesn't mean that I don't have skills, don't invest most of my time into others and into my relationships, and don't enjoy life. Frankly, neither of you know me, and both of you drew massive assumptions from something that clearly was not meant to be taken so seriously. I don't love to comment on people's comments because I feel like it furthers ridiculous arguments/disagreements on the internet that, frankly, are pointless, so I won't respond any further than this, but I'm sorry if either of you were offended or upset by something that I meant as humor.
I completely understand this. It's not about vanity or self obsession, but the fact that people *do* treat you differently and worse based on your looks. For example, anyone with bad acne or extra weight can relate to the unsolicited comments trying to "help" you (really just pointing out that your unattractive feature bothers them). If you're not seen as attractive, people will not let you forget it, and that's the part that's not easy to just "love yourself" out of.
@@violett874 I’m glad it made sense to some people :) because you summed it up perfectly. And I consider it an accomplishment personally just because it was something I struggled with for years on a much higher degree like many people do, so it feels like progress to not hate what I see every day when I pass by a mirror purely because it’s me.
I remember thinking about beauty a few years ago, and how everyone looked better than me. I went outside - beautiful people, I got on the internet - beautiful people. The realization hit me: if I find strangers beautiful, don't they find me beautiful as well? It's not like I'm anyone special from their perspective.
I am TELLING you, this thought changed my life. I'll be looking at someone on the subway and go "damn, they are pretty, I wish I was as well" but then lo and behold "I am pretty as well! I'm also a stranger from their perspective, and strangers are beautiful! So I am beautiful as well!" Really helped me accept myself at the time
Wow thank you so much for sharing this!
Ive realized that i have a core belief system that says "because they are, i am not." Or "because they are, i can't be"
So I shrink back a lot, especially when I'm with people I think are amazing. And Ill think of myself as less than and just shrink away.
So thank you for the perspextive that they probably think im beautiful, too. Because strangers are so beautiful! You are beautiful!
💙💙💙
When discouraged: REDIRECT your thoughts to the needs of others
and practice that curve on social media posts
I've always considered myself "average" but never thought of that as an insult.
People conflate beauty with goodness, for some reason. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to feel beautiful but I feel like somewhere along the lines, we started seeing “average” (and especially ugliness) as some sort of moral failing. I find this is especially true for women.
I quite like looking average, actually. That’s just how my face comes in. I like getting to choose when I want to draw attention to myself.
I was having a good day, until I was walking alone and I was holding a water bottle called a Stanley cup, and these two boys were walking past me and one looked at me and whispered to his friend, “I thought only pretty girls are supposed to have those cups” 😭 it ruined my self esteem so bad, like I always feel unattractive and it just made it worse. I don’t know how other people perceive me but I hate it because no one ever compliments me, people are always mean to me (especially girls and I am one) and staring at me and I hate it because it’s hard to see other people being gorgeous and I’m not
Don't listen to the mean and unasked for comments. You're more beautiful than anyone who puts you down. ❤
Guys will literally do anything to make girls feel inferior. There were guys calling Margot Robbie mid looking lmao. Guys who do this aren’t worth your time and what they think of you is irrelevant because they’re irrelevant.
Gorgeous girls get a lot of hate esoecially from women too. As a woman you literally can never win no matter what you do.
this just in: "only pretty girls have access to Certain Cups" LMAO but anyways - im so sorry you had to hear that and that they'd have the audacity to say something like that. it is such a stupid ass thing for them to think. it's a damn cup. their minds are so rotted smh. ily and i hope you'll know your worth soon - i believe in you and im rooting for you.
You're gorgeous ❤.
I actually really miss the “realness” part about early social media and internet in general. Early instagram was peak social media imo if you cut the celebrity and later rising influencer part out. But thinking back about how every “casual” used it, it was a fun way to share where you are , what you’re up to and just sharing pictures for people who were interested but it sadly spiraled down into having the most interesting, beautiful, above average and unique feed ever.
I miss sharing stuff without it having to seem “perfect” and “flawless”, without fearing to fail my own style
I struggle with this a lot since moving to LA. The idea that I just am average. Not beautiful. Thank you for your video it was enlightening.
You should move to Belgium/Germany. Everyone wants the blend in/be average there. (not everyone, but most people)
@@irissupercoolsy Interesting. I don't think I will, but that's a cool insight.
I don't think that being average and being beautiful are opposites. I think (personally) that we've just gotten used to having to be at some extreme end of "different" to have acknowledgement, but just because there's acknowledgement doesn't actually mean it's any better than the "norm". With as many faces as we see every single day, I think it's hard to remember, but most of us don't look at the strangers in the crowd and think "what a normal looking person; they're ugly". We rarely give it any conscious thought at all, or if we do, we tend to think "wow that person has gorgeous hair" or something. What we forget to appreciate about ourselves we tend to acknowledge and praise in those around us, because most of us are just bad at turning compassion inward as often as we direct it outward. I know I can't see you physically, but you and all you are are exactly what you should be. And thankfully, if there's parts you don't like, you can change whatever you want about yourself, because the only person's opinion that ultimately matters about those things is your own. Hopefully you can find some space mentally to appreciate yourself more
how so?@@irissupercoolsy
@@bela_vee It's the culture here. Maybe less with really young people.
Can we take a minute to mention how a guy can sometimes call you pretty if he likes you, but if you reject him, he calls you ugly 🙄
1:05 that glitch made my heart jump
Same, i looked trough the comments to see if anyone else saw it 😭
I kinda buffered for a sec when I saw it
I looked at this comment then the glitch happened I am utterly confused
same bro 😭😓
I WAS SO SCARED MY PHONE WAS MESSING UP IM SOO GLAD I FOUND A COMMENT😭😭
I've been off of social media for quite a while (since april i think?) and honestly when I saw all the girls in your video I kinda started to get insecure again. The feelings of not looking like the "pretty girls" on ig and tiktok made me feel so little. But your commentary had really held me through it. I've always felt the need as well to be the best at everything because of my parents expectations, but it used to feel like I could never achieve beauty, and insecurity used to be a really big part of me growing up.
Today I know that I am worth more than what societal pressure wants me to think. I'm blessed and happy with what God and my parents gave me and I wouldn't want take that away by meaningless procedures that fade out due to oncoming trends. Thank you soooo much for making this video. It made me tear up and means a lot to me
You are beautiful ❤️❤️
You matter .
as someone who used to be obsessed with this whole average thing (not just talking about looks) and who used to hate herself for being average in everthing but eventually came to accept and love herself... well, this video was really refreshing and something i needed to hear, even tho i feel way more confident about myself than i used to. sometimes it's just good to be reminded of this :)
Average in EVERYTHING??? Though, now just certain things.. well unless you're an activist and humanitarian you're just a waste of space then
My mindset since I was a kid has always been that there's no pretty and no ugly, because it's so subjective that it's not real. It's honestly helped my perception of people and my confidence so much, because then I don't look at people and notice their so called prettiness or ugliness, I just notice them and their unique features. And in that way, no one is pretty and no one is ugly and no one is average, everyone is just uniquely themselves. And I think that difference is what actually makes humans beautiful.
It's so admirable that you have maintained that viewpoint for so long. I wish I could have too. It pushed me into an ED. It sucks.
@@palliscool4427 I’m so sorry you have to go through that, I can’t imagine how hard that must be… it can take a bit of effort to maintain my viewpoint but ultimately it’s worth it. I hope you’re able to develop a healthier self image and recover soon :) I believe in you
@@the.guitart.one257 thank you
This is just an addition to the loads of proof that in lots of ways, children are more mature/wise than many fully-grown adults. You are mature to holding on to those views. I wish I did.
Woman take
The internet can give out the feeling that I’m living in a small village for some reason
I think once everyone accepts they’re most likely going to be 4-6/10 and make peace with that, being average is not such a bad thing. I don’t depend on being pretty nor make money doing it. Majority of people don’t. So, don’t stress over being average, rather try to be your healthiest self mentally and physically. The only thing within our control
YES! PREACH AMEN SISTER
Love this!
I accepted being a 6. That's still slightly above the average 😂 Still average tho
Finally an average looking person just being real instead of delusional about their looks in order to cope
@@khplaylistyt9729you're probably a 5
This video made me feel heard and loved. So far, I’ve never heard this matter of « average » mentality talked about and my thoughts articulated so clearly. To each doubts I had, you kindly debunked the silliness of those thoughts with kindness, sources and logic. Thank you so much Zoé, I will now live a bit more freely knowing that average is nothing more than a number and us, far from just that. ❤
*Eat healthy, drink water, excercise, meditate,dress nealty boom you are better than the half of the population*
Ikr ❤
So wr have to BETTER Ahahaha sick
😂yess
This video was seriously so sweet! What a wonderful message. I look forward to the pendulum swinging around to finally favor natural, unfiltered, and unique appearances and features.
When I was a kid I loved to play with my toys and make them married and have kids. Years later when I was cleaning my room I saw a toy of Peter Pan and his girlfriend- a teddy bear😂.At first I was confused why I decided to make them together like they look so different and the realisation hits me. When I was kid I didn't see people or toys different. I didn't judge them because of their look but growing up the society brainwashed me until that day when I saw Peter and the Teddy.Then I realised how when I was younger, I've never judged people because of their look but growing up people were always judging me and I didn't even notice when I became the same.
well the whole thing with peter pan is different, he done became a furry when u shipped him with the bear
I have another take on this, almost everyone is average, unless you are ugly or beautiful, which you will know for sure, then you are average. People thinking that average is bad are the ones in the wrong.
define ugly define beautiful in your words
Well said! Can I just say- as a woman who doesn’t dye/highlight my hair currently and has my natural dark blonde color, I’ve realized how little I see that represented in society. Why do people with middle-shaded (yes I used mid here lol) feel the need to change that? I don’t and I wish others didn’t as much either.
oh my god this is so true! i've dyed my hair darker before and bleached it because i just feel like i look weird with the shade of hair i have (it's light brown, kind of caramel-ish) because while it must actually be quite common i rarely see people whom i think are conventionally attractive with it!
same here, I decided to go with my natural, dark blond hair and my mother asked me why do I dye my hair so dark, because it can't be my natural colour! xD ppl are delsional these days...
I wear summer colors that look good with it. Yeah, it gets called "dirty blonde" and the plain girl dyes medium brown hair in the movie as a makeover. I like it and it goes good with the colors I like and eff society.
Honestly anything that is real is beautiful
Same hair color here and I've also often said how pretty much everyone with a similar color dyes it. I started using Sun In in middle school and then got balayage highlights done a few times in high school/college, so people associated my "natural" hair color as being 1-2 shades lighter than the dark blonde it naturally turned to as an adult. So when I started growing it out and dyed the highlights to match my roots, my grandma told me I ruined my beautiful "natural" blonde hair and this color didn't suit me as much... When I told her this was in fact my natural hair color, she just hadn't seen it in a decade bc I always lightened it, she still argued with me that I was wrong 🥲
I read the book "The Uglies" when I was a teenager and wow there are some interesting similarities with people getting surgery to look the same as other people and "perfect." It is so sad that people can't do the work and put in the time to accept themselves as they are instead of getting surgery to look like everyone else.
I still struggle to find myself "pretty" or "beautiful" or not "average". When I was in middle school guys bullied me saying I was ugly compared to my other female classmates. I always compared myself to other people, to my friends even, and I always find myself being the ugly one. When I went to university, I began to think that I was average looking. I never liked wearing makeup and this makes me feel more insicure about my face features and feel like less of a woman. Because I am a woman I feel like I HAVE to wear make up, even the "natural look". And of course, because I'm average looking I feel like everything else I do (study, work for example) it's average.
I cried at the end of the video because I know I still have so much more work to do on myself and my mentality.
Thank you for the video
zoe your video content is getting better with each video, the versatility & heaviness of each topic show your effort to spread awareness and people are receiving it. I am so glad that my mindset about various topics has developed from the past 1 year of following you. thank you so much for your efforts
I think this topic is interesting. Something I’ve noticed with my perception of people is as I’ve become more ‘insecure’ with how ugly/pretty I look, that’s also changed how I look at other people, ‘defining’ their prettier and less so features, but before, I never really used to see this in people, and really couldn’t differentiate how pretty one of my friends were compared to a supermodel. As I’ve become more secure with my self image, I’ve started to notice everyone’s individual features which make them beautiful, whether it be her hair, his eyes, anything really, and I’ve stopped noticing their ‘lesser’ features or just see the beauty in those as well.
Oh this reminds me of the kdrama my id is gangnam beauty. In it the female lead is constantly rating other people in her head. Its the first and most important thing in her head, to categorize everyone she meets
I've stopped weighing myself and focusing on my own facial features and less on others. My mindset has improved so much and I feel more confident in my looks now that I set up "blinders" for myself
My mom wouldn't understand why I suddenly do social media detox from out of nowhere and this is one of the reasons why. Social media has really messed up our brains to the point of people hating them ownselves just to fit it 😢 When I was younger I used to care (if I fit a certain beauty standard) but now ijdgaf thanks to my constant social media detox. I couldn't imagine those women younger than me who will grow hating their features bc of social media 😢
Big applause, I feel like everything you said in thsi video is very well worded. I personally find myself constantly under pressure to look a certain way, to stick to a certain style, stay under a certain weight. I only recently realized my quality of life was being affected by my obsession with not being "fat" or "ugly". Even my own mother compares me to my pretty friends in my pictures. It's hard, and I'm still not good at it but I'm trying my best to pull myself out of this hole I've dug for myself and let my skin breathe by taking 5 steps out of my 10 step skincare routine, making outfits that I want to try and not the ones that make me look the thinnest, I'm trying to get out of a mindset of trying to appeal to other people with my overall appearance and just live as me. I feel like a lot of people are struggling with this, and I know this video will definitely be eye-opening to many.
But why did you ask people to rate themselves? That 0/1-10 scale is awful and sexist. No one should be valued on their looks, not even on a "everyone is beautiful"-level because let's face it, not everyone is beautiful in your opinion and that's okay, just try to see past this and hang out with people regardless of how they look.
And most of all, hang out with yourself. I don't look in the mirror too often but when I do, I like what I see. Not because I'm so beauty but because I'm more used to my face than to everyone else's, and that's how it should be. Otherwise, you'll get used to other people's faces and be alienated by your own, which is why most of the people having plastic surgery do it.
the "average latina" being Adriana Lima legit made me laugh out loud.
i imagine they thought about using Gisele, but then were like "nah, too blonde, let's go with another supermodel that was one of the VS angels"
Thank you so much for putting everything I've been thinking for YEARS into words in this video! Genuinely, thank you❤️
Thank YOU for joining the discussion
Beauty standards change constantly so why anyone wants to make permanent changes to their looks has always baffled me. These young women and girls will never know how they were meant to look.
Being aesthetically beautiful will always be the goal of everyone let's be honest about that. Nothing wrong if that's what you aspire as long as you're not sacrificing your health to achieve it. But also let's normalize not bullying people who have "average or normal looks" cause in reality what you look like doesn't really matter. Looking clean and healthy is what matters and of course being happy and content.
You missed what is actually confusing everyone. People have come to believe that average means having face with healthy, well taken care of features, that is proportional. This is what is driving the crazy. Most people in fact do not have balanced and proportional features. That is not the average or even the mode or mean. And anyone who thinks that is true should look up old Hollywood starlets. They had exquisitely fine tuned and balanced faces and bodies, which is why they were considered ideals. The typical person on the street would need tweakments to get their face balanced and if that is now standard then plastic surgery is now standard. Now if everyone has had tweakments to get balanced features can anyone not be mid? They have to have no imperfections, but what else? From that point it usually is just a taste issue because everyone is mid. Is your ideal of beauty upper crust english, bollywood, kpop and so on.
I get what you're saying, but I don't think that balanced, well proportioned features are that rare, at all. I think that's a baseline of physical attractiveness that most people can meet. The real issue here, is that in this day and age, it takes much more than that to be considered attractive or above average in looks. It comes down to whether or not you possess specific features that are considered synonymous with "beauty" as defined in 2023, with these standards being heavily influenced by a heavily filtered and augmented social media representation that doesn't actually exist in real life. And it makes your average person with balanced, well proportioned features feel like they can't possibly fit the standard of beauty pushed today as they probably don't possess the features synonymous with that standard. Hence why these people and others around them would consider themselves to be below average in comparison.
@@STARSAPPHIRE91 Except it really isn’t the baseline. If you look at groups photos of people that are unaltered from events, work, school, hobbies such maybe dance…. And then take the time to analyze features you realize the proportion of the population that has even features more clearly. And it isn’t shockingly rare but it definitively is not the average either.
Also, aesthetics are an issue I agree because it truly comes down to personal taste. Greek statues of great beauty tend to have very different faces than our current celebrities for a reason.
@@LotusesGalaxyOcean I say baseline, in that it's the very base of what constitutes physical attractiveness. There are numerous other factors that go into how people today perceive beauty based upon certain beauty standards that are more cultural and societal than anything else, and I'd argue plays a far bigger role in how people perceive attractiveness outside of baseline facial harmony and proportion.
I still maintain that most people have well balanced features, and that it's more average than it is rare. At the most, your average person might have one feature at the most which may slightly fall outside of the harmonious range, but nothing that puts people in the unattractive range objectively. Most people don't have noticeably asymmetrical faces, or strong bone structure deformities that would severely affect one's facial proportion. At the most, all your average person needs is clear skin and perhaps some dental work to be within the category of baseline attractiveness as far as facial proportion and balance is concerned.
But as I said, these days that isn't enough to be considered attractive. Very specific features are needed and a very specific "look" is what's pushed as attractive, and quite often times at the detriment of one's facial harmony and balance. Not everyone looks good with a Barbie ski slope nose, huge injected Bratz doll lips, super defined cheekbones or a prominent jawline. Yet, these are the features most young women who are addicted to social media believe they need in order to be physically attractive. THIS is what's driving everyone crazy.
And women who have these features are highly regarded as beautiful whether they actually have that balanced facial proportion you maintain isn't very common, which is why everyone wants them irrespective of whether or not they'll even work on their faces. To not have these facial features to some, is to be "basic", no matter how much natural facial harmony you may have.
@@STARSAPPHIRE91 I think I see our misunderstanding. I am not discussing the human bratz dolls of instagram. In reality that is a whole different social phenomena to me akin to peacocking excess like wearing purple in medieval times. That is not about “beauty” but consumption and our bodies/faces have become another tool to do that and showcase it. I do not consider looks that are only humanly possibly usually through surgical intervention [as in biologically genetically absurdly improbable] as realistic or very appealing in terms of beauty. I view that issue as a completely separate thing. I won’t even get into how instagram face is essentially botox, filler, nose job face.
I am discussing those who are considered beautiful today that have not been sucked into the weird distortion field. And the point I am actually making is that beauty usually is the finely tuned of holistic flow of features that are balanced into exquisite precision. You don’t see it now as much but if you look at old hollywood and greek/roman statues it suddenly is very obvious. Everything is in the details and what separates pretty and beautiful is located there. As you said most people have some element of their features out of balance, [not asymmetry-bit different] which was precisely my point. That kicks people out of the category I was discussing. How many people do you know that meet this checklist truly and have balanced: upper/middle/lower thirds of their face, spacing of the eyes, with correctly sized eyes/nose/mouth, good bone structure and their features are suitably sized to their face? And even if they meet that checklist how precise is it?? That is what I am trying to touch on with the concept of balance.
I suppose the bratz dolls really confuse the issue don’t they.
@@LotusesGalaxyOcean But again, those old Hollywood standards, and even ancient Greco-Roman standards of beauty are just that, standards and not an objective barometer for anything, really. No different than the Bratz doll standards of today. When you say "old Hollywood", what time period are you referring to? The silent movie era? Because those standards as far as what features were considered attractive (round face, small, rosebud lips, large round eyes), and therefore proportions were very different from the standards came a few decades later, and even more so during the golden age of Hollywood. As the decades passed on, the standards for what was considered attractive facially became more and more masculine.
And as far as old Roman statues are concerned, they're definitely prized for their beauty related to artistic ingenuity, but as far as beauty standards go, those faces are far too masculine, and definitely outside of our current standards of feminine beauty. Especially those noses, which lets be honest here, are the kinds of noses women get rhinoplasty to alter, not in relation to the IG aesthetic but in general. I'm quite sure if you measured the faces of people within the old Hollywood era, you'd find a similar amount of baseline facial harmony and a few features that are slightly out of that harmony, no different than the average population. Makeup can certainly alter the general flow of your facial features, which was heavily relied upon.
For instance, Marilyn Monroe had a bluntness to her face that was well hidden by makeup techniques and certain angles, and if you know about Marilyn you know she was downright maniacal about knowing her angles, even down to the facial expressions she would make (she would hold her mouth in a certain way, to hide her short philtrum area). Many old Hollywood stars were quite beautiful, but I'm sorry, I just don't believe that they were somehow more beautiful than the general, average public in terms of baseline facial harmony and bone structure. Especially when you consider just how many of them, past and present got those same "tweakments" you say the general public would need to be on their level, in accordance to whatever the standards were for individual facial features at the time.
As far as equal facial thirds, features that are in proportion to one another, and "good" bone structure (meaning high cheekbones, forward maxillary growth and whatnot), I have all of these features, and I consider myself average looking. There are plenty of celebrities who have these features as well, that I also consider average looking. Attractive, but faces you can see around within the general public fairly easily. Because again, I do not believe that things like equal facial thirds and overall facial harmony are rare, but easily found within the general public. It's just that if often takes more than that to be considered beautiful these days.
What creates a sense of confusion and therefore insecurity within people as far as looks are concerned are certain standards that fall outside of baseline facial harmony, that change according to the cultural times, that people feel the need to live up to. And I think people in general hold celebrities up on a pedestal and internalize ideas surrounding how superhuman they are with regards to everything people think sets them apart from the public, which stops people from seeing how ordinary they actually are. These people weren't selectively bred or birthed out of a pod, they came from often the same set of circumstances and were beholden to the same set of genetic averages everyone else was. And this makes it all the more easy for the general public to fall victim to whatever the current standards for individual features happen to be when they see celebrities with them (that they brought via plastic surgery) and internalize that.
Self confidence for the win! 👏
thank you so much for this zoe❤. being a teen growing up with the internet that has an obvious preference for Eurocentric features and attractive individuals can be really damaging for my self-confidence. i really needed this!
I think people need to actually look at others in real rather, rather than heavily processed photos on Instagram or the media. When you feel absolutely flooded with them, just look at the people on the bus or the train. Bring yourself back to reality. Look at people in the office or in the uni lecture theatre. You aren’t going to see Instagram models everywhere. The problem is people have been manipulated since we were kids to only see what the media wants us to. Also, if you really want to know how attractive you are, think of all the feedback from people you have met IRL who aren’t your friends or related to you. Also how many attractive people have wanted to offer you commitment. Not sex, commitment. You could find an answer somewhere in there in you wanted to. If you don’t want to know, then carry on and live life to the fullest anyway.
The strangest part of this is how personality alters your appearance…to others. Beauty on a purely aesthetic level is a stupidly high bar but once there’s a personality attached to it, people change their opinions on whether that person is attractive or not. It’s like when there’s a cute guy but then he speaks and you’re like, nvm. Or when guys started calling Margot Robbie mid because she was no longer just a sex symbol, but a feminist. It’s why I think women are pressured to look so good all the time, because we’re not expected to have anything to say, opinions, a character, we’re not expected to have a personality (just serve a purpose).
There is a very common trick in statistics that is basically showing average as if it's a synonym to median. The median is the most common, while the average is a weighted mean of values. If you have extreme values, even when in a smaller quantity, they do drag the average quite a bit, while the median stays sufficiently the same. Humans for some reason have a lot of difficulty with these concepts and it's used for a lot more than beauty, but also finances and other metrics, anything that people use to compare themselves to others normally have very different average and median results.
I thought we Zillennials had it bad in 2012 with tumblr thinspo but this shit is on a new level. My heart goes out to all you kids growing up on TikTok. I'm glad TikTok came out when I was old and smart enough to know not to download it.
Modeling industry is highly criticized but they are the ones who appreciate unique features.
Thank you I started tearing up and eventually crying hard during your closing statement. I really needed to hear this more than you will ever know. You saved me. I really really needed to hear that. It will replay in my head whenever things get bad and i will be okay. Thank you.
Hello! I'm the woman who made that first TikTok. Just to clarify: I made that video because it seemed like the girl I was stitching was implying that she was a "pretty girl" and was excusing discriminating against "ugly" girls.
So you felt insecure because of your own self esteem problems and decided to tell a woman how average she is? I mean, that is not okay and maybe your should accept it instead of justifying it
As a teen and when I was in my early 20's I struggled with 'proving' I was pretty online. Now I'm 28 and, honestly, I couldn't care less. Nobody has my exact face or body. I AM my own perfect 10.
I don't care if someone else finds me pretty or not. It's important that I like MYSELF first. My own opinion is most important to me, everyone else's is unnecessary. Plus, I'm married. I don't need outside eyes to find me attractive.
🫡
I'm solidly mid and I'm just gonna have to accept this. It's freeing in a way, I can focus on crafting my self image to accurately reflect me, rather than trying to fit a "hot girl" mold. And in the end, I think this makes me more beautiful.
this is so beautiful. thank you Zoe 🩷
I have such severe body dysmorphia that I not only hate my own looks, I also find most avarage people fysically unattractive. Makes dating hard. I wish I was mentally healthy and didnt care.
You are average, you poorly aged white ♀️
Im a straight woman, and it’s very rare I see a man I find attractive. I’ve been in relationships with men and didn’t find that attractive. Now I just stay single. I feel “average” so when anyone thinks I’m pretty I almost laugh.
Most people are average , which make us relatable and approachable. That should never feel like an insult. The obsession with beauty is becoming more and more crazy with time. Plus i was just wondering the other way what it feels to be extremely attractive and in a way , it's not as good as we think it is. People wouldn't take you seriously , and only want to " win " you because of your looks , they wouldn't care about what you have to say. You are more like a trophy , which is honestly frustrating and isolating if you are really trying to bond with others
This video made me feel more confident in myself. A girl recently called me pretty when I was in a bathroom, I am a colored girl and I never get said to that by strangers. It made me feel better about the way I feel and the way this video made me feel. Thank you Zoe
Reality is most people are "mid" most guys most women very few people are so attractive they stand out.
Be honest you're probably mid, accept it embrace it theres nothing wrong with being a normal looking man/woman.
touch grass
Touch grass chain
I loved the video but the 'you are better than average' at the end kinda killed it. I thought we will just discard the meaning of 'average' and conclude with that, which is something I can agree with - there's no 'average' we can simply compare ourselves to. So why bring up the concept of average again at the end, kind of reinforcing it?
Good feedback! Better in terms of no longer being defined and pinned down to the concept of average & growing with our own uniqueness
@@zoeunlimited Thanks for the reply Zoe! After commenting I also thought about how if we let go of the concept of average we will always be better than it, since the reference point is non-existent (which is what you just replied but in different words haha). Nevertheless, that ending sentence didn't take away from any of the points you made earlier on in the video but it just left me a little puzzled right after watching and pushed me to leave this comment 😊 It's a great bonus message now too
@@BllackstaarrI interpreted it as "you are better than being defined by the average" not, "you are prettier than the average." We transcend average, sort of like what you described!
I helped myself by saying 3x in the morning along the words: „I am pretty.“, and after a few weeks, I did see my features likeable. I begin to saw myself as an unique appearance. I have to like myself and mist girls think well maybe my crush won’t like me because of my appearance. First, in the case he is a boy/man, don’t worry. You chose him and if he doesn’t seem to like you than be happy about it. He doesn’t have the personality and would always look behind you to another woman’s body. Not worth it. You are choosing, not him.
Such a good mentalityyy you are so beautiful I'm glad u can see that now ❤❤
Dear Zoë, I would like to thank you for your video's in general. Videos like these, but also your marketing videos. You can see the effort you but in them. Very helpful and also just nice to watch. So thank you!
I say this as a huge homebody and someone who can go an entire week if not weeks not leaving the house, getting out and just seeing “normal” people in the grocery store, the mall, the movie theater, anywhere public and just people watching can be so helpful. I’m not saying this so you can compare yourself and maybe even feel better, but when all we’re used to is seeing people on tv heavily made up to look perfect, seeing your normal neighbors in normal settings wearing normal clothes is so helpful to reset or remind yourself what is actually “normal” and that you are among them
I don't know why but this girl is helping me getting out of my depression 😭😭
This concept is a cesspool
I have been told all my life that I am pretty, but I never believed it, because of years of racial motivated bullying in my hometown in Austria, where there is a very small Asian community, had shattered my self-confidence. Then I came into adulthood, slowly gained more confidence, and now I can actually believe that I am pretty. Especially, ever since I moved to Vienna and moved in with my partner. I can really be myself here in this city, because in Vienna, no one really cares. You can really have your peace. In Graz (where I grew up), as a Chinese, if you walk into specific districts, where majority of the people are either from Balkan or Arabic countries, you can be sure that you will get harassed. I have been called the worst things there, just because I am Asian, and I speak better German than them. In Vienna, where there are also these specific districts, you really don't get harassed, because they don't care. And this is really refreshing.
some arabic countries belong in asia too so i think what you mean isn't just being asian but east asian specifically. and the negative stereotypes that come with being one. especially after covid. europeans doing this honestly don't surprise me anymore but it's unfortunate & dissapointing that poc are doing this to fellow people of color.
@@sadakopilled You need to realize people of ALL races are racist. To act as if only Europeans are racist, is racist and ignorant in and of itself. The term "POC" is an English speaking term.
Most people in other countries don't have this weird racist "all fellow poc together against white people" thing. They don't care about this "poc."
@@IzumiIkeda In countries where Europeans are the dominant group it’s not uncommon for non-Europeans to find solidarity of some sort with one another. It’s not “weird”, it’s a product of the society that feels them inferior to the dominant group.
@@pisceanbeauty2503 This exists everywhere with all races. That's my point.
thank you so much for expressing this! I have been struggling with feeling "below average" since I was in preschool, as a German girl with unique features that not many girls in my area have I always felt different, chasing the standard and being "pretty" were just the things everyone my age did so I thought I had to do certain things. Seriously though like the standard person makes no sense.
Speakin of kpop girl groups...Recent kpop female groups are defying the "nobody is perfect" theory...Wonyoung generation and up...they are going out of their way to find the most perfect girls and hire them to make teenagers of their age give up on bein a woman and think "suks for me I'm not a pretty girl"...and the problem is that it SELLS...it's one of the best marketing strategies...
Living around the LA area has affected me a lot to be honest. Back in Texas I used to get quite a bit of complements. And then I moved out here and I have only gotten about four complements in a whole year. And obviously that affected my self esteem. Especially because I was struggling with ED last year. I thought I was pretty but literally there seems to be so much competition here. It doesn’t matter if i dress up or down im treated the same. I might end up moving back to Texas in another year. A lot of people who think they are “average” are actually attractive in my opinion. There is just soo much pressure from media and society!
For real. I hope you feel better. 🩷🙏♾
Idk why but the final "You are not average" made me tear up and almost cry. I don't even struggle that much with my image besides being worried about hitting 130 lbs at 5'1 (ridiculous, I know), but it hit hard when told that
I've been below average for as long as I can remember, so being average for me is already a victory.
Me encanta su voz, es tan suave y calmada. Y nadie es promedio, la belleza no es algo que se pueda medir, pesar ni promediar. Lo que importa es como uno se sienta hacia uno mismo, tener amor propio y cuidar nuestra salud mental, física y financiera.
Zoe, I love your videos. They are always very well structured and you add in so many visuals to drive your points that it is easy to get immersed in them. I can really see how hard you work and I admire that greatly! Keep it up
im arab and in our society EVERYONE hates their nose. i am 16 and already so many girls have gotten nose jobs in my grade, with some of their moms even telling them they need to get a nose job (which is absolutely insane?) but i think its so sad that arab girls (and girls of other ethnicities) hate their ethnic features because it doesnt look white enough. such a huge problem in society. we should stop obsessing over euro-centric features and washing away the features of our ancestors.
i went through a phase where i didliked my nose but associating it with my culture has made me love it even more 💗
thanks zoe for always touching on so many aspects of why these problems exist!
For me it feels like hair can really change someone from average to unique, like if you have an interesting hairstyle or color then that’s what will catch my eye, otherwise I do think most people look average (regardless of their face), when I first see someone I mainly look at their hair
So, I am pretty old (37) and don't do filters, photoshop, just use whatever my phone has as the standard camera but I switch off all the beautifying/enhancing filters. I suspect my phone changes my skin tone to more olive from having natural redness to it tgat I actually like because it works well with my natural complexion and I hate that the phone software does this as I look more average despite actually liking my natural face (after many years of ot liking it). Anyways, I have realised over the years that nobody looks like what they are presented publicly, not even men... So if I want to see what the average looks like I just take a trip to the grocery store and the truth is, I haven't seen anybody who looks like they look online. If you really want to compare yourselves to someone, look at the people you see in real life doing everyday mundane tasks...
Some aspects of beauty are biological and denying it just makes people feel they need to lie to themselves when you can just accept that you can be a good person without being beautiful.
I’m not beautiful and I still have a good view of myself.
As someone with this curse, the curse is real. painfully average in a world loving the extremes
Your content is such a guilty pleasure for me.
Why
Here is what I do...I don't give a shit anymore. I am serious. I don't care what anyone else says and i don't need their opinion on how I look. I wear what I like etc. I. Don't. Care. It is healthier that way...oh and I quit social media altogether. Best decision ever.
W🫡
I feel like your videos get me back to reality every time I watch it and help me as a reminder to get off my phone a lil' more. 'Cause this is words that sometimes I really need to hear in order to know that I didn't go insane and someone noticed it too. In the end just big thanks for your work! I really enjoy watching your content!
That last little bit made me smile 🥰 thank you for a good start to my early morning Zoe. You're absolutely gorgeous and I hope you have a beautiful day
0:42 Anna Hathaway IS STILL DAM PRETTY IN HERE
It’s not just social media influence. It’s a grab for power.
My biggest insecurity has been my nose one day a girl told me my nose was too big and that I should cut it off. It really affected my social skills that I was to scared to make eye contact with people because I thought they would look at my nose and say it was too big. I remember looking in the mirror and crying so much and saying if my nose was smaller would my life be different or just wishing to wake up in another face but after this video made realize I'm one in a million and unique just the way I am. I want to now begin a path of self love and admiration thank you so much Zoe
Your outfit is sooooooooo pretty
Love this woman
Being average is "normal" and most common. The problem is when average people think they are to good 4 other average ppl.
I know this has very little to do with the video but I love Zoë's dress. It's so Gothic ballet it's stunning
Today i felt really bad but now i feel like i am back to that confident that little me had she didn’t care about what is around me
And I’ve always thought i am me and i am with the most beautiful things in the world
If everyone is extraordinary, no one will be
Im falling in love more and more woth the idea of living my life outside internet. How would I dress, feel, eat and see myself if I wasnt on line and connected with media amd capitalism so much?
wow i never thought i’d be in a youtube video talking abt beauty means a lot lowkey
You are gorgeous!!
@@anonmous4468 thanks😭 i’ve definitely had a glow up tho
what helps me to truly realise beauty is subjective is that when I find some person attractive and my best friends do not, with whom I share a very similar thinking and opinions it just makes the case stronger for beauty truly is subjective hence it cannot be measured/shouldn't be measure.
If you make a habit to stop and observe, you can feel in your body if you're just inspired by a fun trend or if you feel like you need to work harder to measure up. I recommend honing in on that difference!
What?!? 170 lbs at 5’4”?!? Isn’t that borderline obese??? I’m shook rn
Some people who are 300lbs+ are skewing the data probably.
I lived in Japan for 6 years and that, oddly enough, helped me love myself. I am 162cm and a petite pear shape with a naturally snatched 55cm waist and a feminine as heck voice/aura. I kept my weight around 48-53kg most of the time there. I have a face that is more "cute" than "hot" and usually only wore BB cream, no makeup in my day-to-day life. In Japan, I would say I was a solid 7 or 8, and I got lots of compliments from other women, and I could date easily. I was the perfect balance of "better looking than average" but also "not so hot to be intimidating to shyer men". So it was pretty cool. I could fit clothes that were fashionable (size F or M dresses and tops, size M or L pants), and the everyday women's fashion (女性っぽい) there suited me really well.
In the US, I am not considered nearly as attractive. I have been rejected for having too small of breasts (they're not even that small tbh, but a cute and perky B), called ugly for my teeth and general face proportions, told I was too fat because of my butt and thighs (this was before the BBL craze tbh), and just I look like two different people sewn together-- scrawny to people here in an unattractive way up top, but petite-thick in the lower body. There are people that find me attractive, but they are probably more into the cute type... like my husband adores me (Idk if his being Asian American has to do with it or not), but here, I feel very "average", like somewhere in the 4-6 range, even though the obesity rates in the US tell me I am not. I tried gaining a bit of weight to get more chest and balance out my looks, but I gained proportionate to my shape, so now I am just a mildly chunky pear-shape. Since I am married and had a baby very recently, my body could use some toning, so now I am losing some of the excess fat and adding muscle. Aiming for somewhere in the 60-65kg range but stronger and fitter, so that I can look almost the same size (within a few inches) of what I did when I lived in Japan, but have more strength and energy for my child.
Anyway, my husband finds me attractive, and I can sit contentedly in the US knowing some other cultures find me attractive, so I'm fine despite the mental beating I took back when I dated in the US, and I don't care too much anymore what the US and its social media thinks is hot. Standards are ridiculously narrow when in the reality, just being a healthy weight and taking general care of yourself/knowing how to dress for your shape will put you in the top quarter of women aged 25-45 here. Log off social media and shrug off haters.
Okay..? This comment was just showing off
@@Kat31017she mentioned her face isnt flattering and her body has a different shape . she got bigger from a baby too so she has felt some insecueity. your reading it wrong
@@NONAME-tl4bl I'm sure she is perfectly attractive tho, she even said herself she got lots of compliments. Everyone obviously has a different body that's not an issue.
for real@@Kat31017
this is probably one of the most out of touch craziest comments
1:02 oh no! Our Zoe did glitch. Is she an alien?😄👽
Damn I thought that was just my yt glitching lol
I have always felt ugly growing up. Now at the age of 32 I look at my old photos and think to myself "well, this girl wasnt that ugly. She actually has a sweet smile and nice curly hair". I already lost my teenage features and now look more mature but damn if only i looked what i now see in my past self, I would have lived more happily❤
so recently i liked this guy from my school, i told one of my friends about it but some random person heard me telling her and went up to the guy i liked and told him that i liked him. (i got rejected lol) one of the things that he said was " she's kinda mid"....that one sentence was stuck in my head for ages and i was really really hurt cause before that moment i used to feel pretty. i still remember from after that i started doing a lot of extra shit i never did, i started working out more then i usually did, i got a new haircut, i used to blowdry my bangs almost EVERY SINGLE DAY. before school, got new makeup and started posting more photos on my instagram hoping that he finally like me.
istg this video really really helped me feel better about myself, im so glad i found this video, if i didnt im sure i would still be stuck in the cycle of hating myself
Even if you're average, it's okay to be average too
It’s a swear word at this point. ngl.
You have no idea how badly I need to hear the things you say online! I wish I could befriend you in real life! I need your kind of energy in my life
Zoe out here carrying the confidence of thousands of women 🥰 thank you for always having our backs 🫡
as a 17 year old I am so glad i found your channel❤